Worth the Burn
by My-Bella
Summary: A night of Halloween trickery & secrets leads to some unexpected treats for Bella. Will this night of debauchery be a one time occurrence? Or will Bella & Edward risk the burn and attempt a relationship? Rated "M" for mature language & situations.
1. Halloween HookUp

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story will not be fluff like my others. There will be drama, blush-worthy cursing, and (some) mature situations. **Everyone's human, but Bella and Edward are OOC. Bella's not shy and is very mouthy, and Edward is intimidated by her. Edward and Emmett are twin brothers and Alice is the little sister. Rosalie and Jasper are cousins.

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**Chapter Title: Halloween Hook-Up  
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**Chapter Song: "Just Say Yes" by Snow Patrol**

**Bella's POV:**

"Bells, you are so lucky I haven't bitten you yet," Jacob grumbled as we climbed the stairs to the porch of the infamous Cullen mansion.

"Shut it, Fido," I replied, tugging his leash and getting a garbled yelp out of him.

"Damn, Woman! Are you trying to kill me?" he asked, attempting to pull the leash out of my hand. Wasn't going to happen, though; I had that sucker wrapped around my hand _and_ wrist. He wasn't getting away unless he yanked my arm right off.

"Maybe the next time you trick a woman into wearing a costume, you'll choose a better outfit," I told him.

"It's not _that_ bad," he argued.

I made a gagging sound in the back of my throat to show how very wrong he was. Jacob, in all of his teenage hormonal stupidity-infused glory, convinced me to let him not only pick my costume this year, but to let him come with me to the Cullen Halloween Spooktacular. I couldn't outright kill him since he was a family friend and all, so I'd settled for an extensive list of ways to torture him, starting with the black and white full-body dog costume he was wearing, complete with shiny red collar around his neck and FIDO spelled out in gold across it. And the leash—the black leather leash I had no intention of releasing and every plan to yank as much as possible.

"I don't understand why you're so mad," Jake said as I lifted a hand to knock on the door.

"You don't understand?" I practically screamed at him. "Jake, a toga has more material than this thing." I was basically wearing a sleeveless white robe with a plunging neckline and slits up the sides that stopped just above mid-thigh.

"That's because a toga is Greek and this is Aztec. You're a sacrificial virgin, Bells."

"One problem there, _Jakey_," I said, using the childish nickname just to piss him off. "I'm not a virgin and you're going to be the one getting sacrificed."

"Just knock on the door so Alice can bounce out here, flit around like Tinkerbell, and then invite us in."

"She'll probably be the second to attempt to kill you tonight," I replied.

"Yeah, I didn't think you were going to put the kitchen knife down. That was a great scare, Bells."

"I wasn't trying to scare you," I told him, keeping a perfectly straight face.

Jacob gulped and started banging on the front door. The Cullens were very rich and very beautiful, every last one of them—including hot doctor dad, Carlise, and sweet and charming best mother in the universe, Esme.

Alice was the youngest child; she was smart, funny, and so cute with her little five-foot self and spiky black hair. Though, there hadn't been anything cute about her reaction to hearing I'd let Jake pick my costume instead of her. I'd had to promise I'd stay after the party tonight to help clean up and sleep over for us to get an early start on a day of after-holiday shopping.

Alice and I had always been in classes together growing up, but we'd only become good friends when high school had started. We'd stayed friends all four years of high school and were now roommates in college at PSU—Sophomores, baby! We were both home for the short Halloween break, but I hadn't planned on doing anything except studying. Jacob had begged, pleaded, and tricked me into other plans.

Alice's older brother Emmett was also pretty cool as long as he was sober and not screaming "Stella" under my bedroom window loud enough to wake Charlie. My dad. The Chief of friggen' police. And to make it all that much worse, Emmett wasn't even yelling for me. He was yelling for my neighbor, Rosalie Hale. Or at least that had been the way it went through most of high school. Once he'd started PSU, the episodes had become very infrequent and far between—at least in Forks. Now that Rosalie shared an apartment with Alice and me, we had to hear it at least once a week from within our very own hallway. I still didn't know the story behind "Stella", but I had every intention of getting it out of him one day.

Instead of Alice opening the door, Jake and I were greeted by Emmett's very fraternal twin, Edward. Even though he hung out with us at least once a week, he and I had spoken only a handful of words to each other in the past six years—all the rest were yelled during the arguments we couldn't seem to avoid. Alice swore she had no clue what his deal was and promised he was a very likable guy otherwise. From the number of girls chasing him around PSU, I knew that was true—I just didn't know why I was the exception to his usual niceness.

"Bella," Edward greeted with a nod of his head.

"Edward," I said, attempting to be nice for Alice's sake. Once the door was shut and the cold left behind, I unwrapped Jacob's leash so I could get my jacket off. "Don't even think about moving," I warned him, getting an audible gulp in response.

"Interesting costume, Jacob," Edward said with a barely repressed laugh.

"Just take the damn jacket," Jacob ground out, thrusting his coat toward Edward.

I chuckled while wrapping the leash around my arm once more.

"Before you guys move, I have to give the welcoming speech Alice instructed me to give or she'll have yet another fit," Edward said as he hung our coats up in the nearly overflowing closet. _How many friggen' people had Alice invited this year?_

"Bells, I don't know how you stay friends with such an odd little freak," Jacob muttered under his breath.

I elbowed him in the side, doing more damage to my elbow than his chest. "Shut it, Fido."

"Welcome to—" Edward had finally turned back toward us, but now he was too busy eyeing my costume up and down to finish whatever greeting Alice had charged him with giving. The man was too good to speak to me but not to ogle me! _Bastard!_

I rolled my eyes and promised a painful death to Jake again, tugging him forward by his leash and strolling past Edward. Had he been at least halfway decent to me, I would have given him props on his authentic-looking fifties baseball uniform. He'd forgone the hat, choosing instead to let his wild coppery hair roam free—or maybe it was more untamable than I realized and hat wearing was impossible for him.

"Bella!" Alice squealed, rushing over to me and giving me a huge hug as if we hadn't seen each other just last night. She had on a wig of red curly hair, a string of pearls around her neck, and a cream colored old lady bra and underwear set on with black heels.

"Alice, are you Janet?" I asked, hating Jacob even more for picking this damn costume for me.

"Damn it, Janet," she sang, striking a pose with one hand behind her head and one on her hip.

My best friend got to dress up as a cult classic iconic figure while I was stuck being plain girl in the sacrificial garb. I so would have made an awesome Columbia from _Rocky Horror Picture Show_. I could even do the Time Warp without falling on my face! But no! I was stuck as the damn sacrificial lamb tonight. Jacob was so staying on my shit list for this one.

"Please tell me Jasper is Dr. Frank-N-Furter," I begged.

"Not with my blonde hair," Jasper grumbled from behind me. I whirled around to find the love of Alice's life dressed only in gold shorts with his usually curly hair straightened.

"Rocky!" I squealed, throwing my arms around him and hugging him tightly.

"At least I'm not the only one being tortured," Jasper said, giving me a smirk as his blue eyes took in my outfit. He knew I would never pick something like this for myself.

I yanked on the leash, dragging Jacob away from whatever girl he'd been talking to and over to my friends. "Blame it on Fido here."

"Holy hell!" Jasper yelled. "Jake, is that you?"

Jake nodded sullenly. "She glued the whiskers on."

"Costume glue is easy to get off," Alice replied, completely missing my purely evil grin of pride.

"She didn't use costume glue," Jake said, glaring daggers at me while I twirled the end of the leash in my hand, taunting him with it. "She used Gorilla glue."

"Oh, Bella." Alice giggled and hid her mouth behind her dainty little hand.

"So much for not wanting to dress up," Rosalie said as she sauntered over in her Mystique costume, making the _X-men_ character look even sexier than Rebecca Romijn had been able to pull off. I wasn't the least bit surprised to find Emmett dressed as Wolverine with his big muscular body.

"An awesome cult classic and a pretty decent comic book turned movie. I am so jealous," I told my friends.

"What exactly are you besides a really hot chic?" Emmett asked.

"An Aztec sacrificial virgin," I explained. "_Fido_ thought it was funny," I added, tugging at Jake's leash the second his goofy smile appeared.

"Jakey!" Emmett yelled, reaching out and scratching him behind his fake floppy ear. "Wanna play fetch, boy? Wanna chase a stick? Because I don't see Bells letting you chase any ass after dressing her up this way."

We all laughed while Jacob scowled and tried to get the leash out of my hands.

"She looks beautiful." We all turned at the sound of the deep voice, shocked to find Edward standing near us. Well, not so much that he was standing near us as that he'd given _me_ a compliment. Of sorts. I think. On second thought, he'd probably just been teasing—he seemed to have a dry sense of humor from what I could tell.

"That's not in question," Jasper said. "We just know Bells doesn't pick this sort of thing on her own. And it's fun to bust Jake's balls for it."

"We haven't met before," Edward said, extending his hand to Jacob. "I'm Edward."

"He's the scrawny twin," Emmett added, his chest puffed out in pride.

"Clearly," Jacob said, eyeing Edward with a cocky grin on his face. Anytime Jake thought he had a chance of taking another guy down, he got that look. The funny part was the only fights he'd ever been in were with me and I'd kicked his ass each and every time. What I lacked in brute force, I made up for by knowing exactly where to hit a guy.

Jake's smile completely disappeared once his hand was locked with Edward's and I watched in awe as the tendons in Edward's forearm tightened. The two idiots were shaking hands as hard as they could—and Jake was breaking out in a sweat. That was pretty damn amazing considering the kid was nearly as wide as Emmett and only an inch shorter. Edward was taller than Jake, but with a much leaner build. Muscle mass was not accurately portraying physical strength tonight.

I let it go on for a few seconds more before deciding to step in and keep Jake from making an idiot of himself—or at least a bigger one than the dog costume managed. "Before you two cavemen end up with stumps instead of hands, let go," I ordered, putting my hand on theirs to break the contest. The part of my hand touching Edward's skin tingled like crazy while the side touching Jacob felt warmer than the rest of me. It was such an odd sensation that I jerked my hand away from them.

"You heard, Bells," Emmett said, pulling their hands apart with little effort. "Play nice and behave or I'll put you both in the doghouse."

"We don't own a doghouse," Edward pointed out.

Emmett chuckled and wrapped an arm around Edward's shoulders, using his thumb to inconspicuously point to a sofa in the corner of the room. "Over there with Mallory is the doghouse."

Edward and Jacob both visually shuddered before locking eyes with each other. They stared for a few seconds before nodding at the same time, seeming to come to some sort of agreement. Guys were fucking insane and I doubted I would ever understand them.

"Now that we've had the testosterone moment, let's have the alcoholic one," Rosalie announced, moving toward the drink area.

"Fido, you will fetch me a rum and coke and come right back," I ordered, untangling the leash from my wrist and hand.

"You could throw a 'please' in there, you know," Jacob muttered.

I ignored his whining; he had gotten into this with his stupid costume choice and had no one to blame but himself. "Failure to come back will result in you being neutered," I threatened.

"While he's busy with that, I have something to show you," Alice said, linking her arm with mine and leading me into the next room. She closed the sliding wood doors, leaving us in silence in Edward's empty piano room. He was a total ass, but the man could play a piano insanely good. And the one time I'd heard him strumming on the electric blue bass in the corner—I very nearly promised the man marriage and a baby to keep him playing and I didn't want either of those with anyone. _Ever._ I knew exactly how much of a shit I'd been to my dad after my mom had left him for a younger man and I didn't have the patience to deal with that kind of crap.

I shook my head to clear out those thoughts and realized my best friend wasn't monopolizing the conversation for the first time in ever. She hadn't even started it yet! So very unlike Alice Cullen. "What do you want to show me, Ali girl?" I asked her.

"You have to promise not to scream," she said, biting at her lip and twisting her fingers.

"When have I ever screamed?"

"That time Edward walked in on you changing in his room."

"Well, duh! And remind me tomorrow that I'm still mad at you for not remembering to tell him I was staying in his room for spring break."

Alice shrugged. "He wasn't supposed to come home. Besides, that was months ago. The statute of limitations on revenges has run out."

"Whatever," I said, waving my hand around. Surprises made me friggen' antsy and I wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. "Just tell me what you have to tell me, Rainbow Bright Sprite."

Alice poked her tongue at me and then smiled so wide and so happily that I felt my stomach drop. I'd been expecting that smile for awhile now, but wasn't prepared for the reality of it.

A platinum ring with a square stone appeared out of Alice's bra and took its rightful place on her all important finger. Besides teaching me fashion, Alice had taught me to speak jewelry and I knew I was looking at the real deal right there.

"So he finally manned up and popped the question, huh?" I asked as I tilted her hand, catching the light on her ring.

"He asked during lunch with my parents today. I couldn't believe it, Bella. Dad and Mom are so thrilled for us and they love that we've decided on a long engagement. Besides needing the next two years to plan my wedding, it's just smart to wait until college is out of the way."

"And when do we help you pack?" I asked, doing all I could not to show how sad the thought of an apartment with no Alice made me.

"You aren't. Jasper wants to stay in the athletic dorm as long as he's playing football, so he's going to keep rooming with Emmett."

"Are you okay with that?"

Alice smiled and nodded. "At first, I was disappointed, but the more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. I get another two years with you before we start getting separated by careers and husbands." She must have seen me scrunch my nose because she quickly amended her statement. "Careers and _my_ husband."

"I'm happy for you, Ali," I said honestly, giving her a huge hug. "Do the twins know?"

Alice chuckled and shook her head. "You're the only one who even calls them that."

"I call them many other things as well, but most of those aren't socially acceptable. But getting back to the original topic … When are you telling them?"

"Tomorrow. I know they'll be the ones to give me the 'you're too young' speech and if I didn't hear it from Mom and Dad, I sure don't want to hear it from them."

"Then you better put that ring away and tuck away that megawatt smile, Ali girl," I said, giving her a big grin.

Once the ring was safely hidden away, we rejoined our friends and the party.

"Time to partner up for the spooky ghost hunt," Alice called out. For a small girl, she had one hell of a voice on her.

"Alice, I haven't had my drink and I seem to have lost my dog," I said, looking all over for Jake. _You'd think a six foot tall guy in a dog costume would be easy to spot._

"Here's your drink," Edward said, passing me an orange plastic cup. "As for Fido, he must not know Jessica's reputation because he left with her."

"Edward, you'll be Bella's partner then," Alice ordered, handing him the pad and pencil we were supposed to use to mark down our ghostly sightings. I didn't understand why Alice still found this fun, but I'd pretty much play any game to make that girl happy.

"Is that alright with you, Bella?" Edward asked, actually looking me in the face. I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen his green eyes straight on this way. They were a really nice emerald color and framed by long, dark lashes. Standing this close to him, I could see features from both Esme and Carlisle so clearly; her eyes, lashes, brows, and lips with his chin, cheek structure, and nose.

"It's fine," I said with a shrug.

"Great!" Alice chirped. She turned and addressed the party. "Teams will go off in as many different directions as possible and we'll all meet back here in an hour. The team with the most sightings written on their pad will win a special prize."

"So where should we start?" I asked Edward as the room cleared out around us.

"I saw her messing around in the weight room this morning. We could start there."

"Yeah, that'd be the only reason to catch her in that room. Alice Cullen doesn't do sweat."

"Or rain."

"Or snow."

Edward grinned as he held the door open for me. "Actually, what does she do?"

"She orders people around, namely me. But I need the bossing most days, so it works out well."

"Why would _you_ need to be told what to do? You always seem so independent and in charge when I see you."

"Give me a project and I am all over it. Ask me to get out of bed without holding a cup of coffee in your hand and watch me come up with some pretty interesting and convincing reasons why leaving my bed would be a danger to the health of everyone around me. Emmett once hid the plug for the coffee machine just to see what I would do. It didn't end well for him or his favorite football jersey."

Edward's laughter filled the mirrored weight room and I couldn't help but crack a smile at the sound. It was the first time in six years he'd laughed for something I'd said. It was totally my Indiana Jones grabbing the golden skull moment, without the giant rolling ball of rock chasing after me.

"Not to sound rude or anything, but what are you doing home?" I asked. "Alice was in such a tizzy that you were staying at PSU and not doing the Halloween party this year."

He shrugged. "I had originally planned to stay and get ahead in a few classes, but things sort of changed."

"I know how that goes," I said as I took a seat on the weight bench. "I got as far as having my books laid out in front of me before Jake showed up and conned me into this getup."

"So what is Jake to you? I sort of thought boyfriend, but then he left with Stanley."

I couldn't help the crazy laughter pouring out of my lungs. "Jake? My boyfriend? Oh, Edward! That's the best joke I've heard in weeks," I said, getting the words out while continuing to laugh.

"So what is he then?"

I shrugged, never really having figured out a single word that encompassed Jake and all his Jake-ness. "He's part family friend, part giant pain in my ass, part little brother, part bodyguard, and major mechanical brain. He can fix anything on wheels, and I do mean anything."

"What about a 2005 Volvo?" Edward asked, looking perfectly serious. "Rosalie couldn't even figure out what's up with it."

"I give Rose mad props for her skills, but Jake is one with the auto. It's scary how quickly he can get a completely dead car to roar back to life. We took Alice's Porsche to three different dealerships and no one could figure out why it was having intermittent periods of sluggish response. Jake spent one afternoon with the car and fiddled with some sensor or another and that baby has been purring like a spoiled kitten ever since."

"Alice told me about that, but I can't believe your Jake is _the_ Jake."

"With a truck as old as mine, it pays to have a good mechanic on speed-dial. I just wish I could get the lazy bum to promise to go to technical college next year."

"Wait! He's only a high school senior?"

"Don't let the age fool you, Cullen. The boy is brilliant. He lacks greatly in the maturity department at times, but he's a friggen' genius all the same."

Edward nodded and seemed to just be noticing the pad in his hands. "We should find at least one ghost to keep Alice from screaming at us."

"Screw that," I said as I stood up. "I'm in it to win it. What about you, Cullen?"

"I don't know, Swan," he replied with a lopsided smile. "I've never teamed up with you before."

I sighed and shook my head, pretending to be saddened by that knowledge. "Oh, the joys you have missed. Being Alice's best friend gives me the unique ability to get inside of her crazy little head."

I looked around the room carefully, checking for anything obvious that might be a clue. All I could see was my reflection displayed over and over in the many mirrors.

And that's when genius struck!

"If I was Alice and I had set up something in a room of mirrors, it would glow in the dark. Cullen, hit the lights," I demanded.

Edward's pinched face made it clear he didn't have much confidence in my deductive skills, but he turned the light out anyway.

"Shameful," I said with a laugh, pointing at the badly drawn glow-in-the-dark ghost being reflected by three of the mirrors. "I wonder if the others are going to be this easy to figure out."

"I wish you were this easy to decipher," Edward said. Or at least I think he did.

"What was that?" I asked, wanting to be sure before saying anything.

"Nothing. Just wondering where we should go from here." With the lights still out, I only had his voice to go on and it didn't seem like he was lying. I really must have misheard him. But why on Earth I would mishear those words in that order was beyond me—I'd left my drink untouched in the front room.

I shook those thoughts away, focusing on my best friend and thinking like her. "I would say the library at the end of the hall. Ghosts like to haunt things with an old feeling so that room would be perfect."

Edward agreed and we set off down the hall, nearly getting run over by a boisterous couple coming out of the library and laughing like loons. The only thing that kept me on my feet was Edward pulling me out of the way and against the wall.

"Nice save," I said once it was safe to move again. "Wonder if that means this ghost is a dearly departed fashion designer of some sort," I mused, entering the dimly lit room and taking a quick glance around.

"That certainly sounds like something my sister would do."

I left Edward near the door to go to my favorite section of the library. Carlisle kept a small shelf just for the books Alice and I had adored during high school. Our worn and tattered copies of the Vampire Diaries greeted me, bringing an instant smile to my face. Our hardback copies of the Harry Potter series were there in all their glory and I pulled out Deathly Hallows, flipping through until I found the page where Harry died and our tears had smeared the ink at the bottom of the page. Many good times had been had curled up on the sofa in here with library books in our laps.

"Why is the page smudged?" Edward asked, suddenly standing right behind me.

I felt my nose crinkle as I quickly closed the book. "Long story."

"People usually say that when they don't want to answer a question."

I put the book away before turning to face him. "It's a girl thing anyway."

"So?"

"Yeah, you and Emmett are _nothing_ alike. When I bring out the 'girl thing' he covers his ears and practically runs away from me like my words will stunt his growth or something. It's really fun to do in the middle of the grocery store."

"Emmett and I are often complete opposites, but we have a few things we agree on."

"Like?"

"Like changing our plans to spend time with a beautiful woman is a worthwhile endeavor."

"Rosalie has had Emmett on a short leash since eighth grade when she grew boobs. By the way, do you have _any_ idea what that whole Stella thing is about?"

"He still does that?" Edward asked with a chuckle.

"God, yes. The Chief is a little too amused that it's now relegated to my hallway and far away from his house."

"How is your dad?"

"He's doing good. Dating Sue Clearwater. Or trying to. Last I heard, Leah wasn't too approving. But Seth and Jacob are over the moon about it. Then again, those two are always excited about something."

"What about you? How do you feel about it?"

"I feel I was the teenage daughter from hell and my dad deserves to get to be happy for putting up with my crap."

"You weren't nearly as rebellious as you thought. It used to drive me insane the way Alice and you would talk like you'd done these amazingly horrid things and all that had really happened was a flunked test or a late paper."

I snorted; I couldn't help it. "Obviously you weren't listening in close enough, mister failure as a spy guy. If you had been, you'd have known about the sneaking out, the underage drinking, the pot smoking, and the tattoo parlor hopping."

His eyebrows drew upward as his green eyes widened. "You have a tattoo?"

I nodded and grinned. "Several."

"Can I see one?"

I stared at him for a moment, shocked by the eager look on his face. Since when the hell had I become interesting to Edward friggen' Cullen? "Make you a deal," I said. "For every ghost you find, I'll reveal a tattoo."

"How many are there?" he asked, his expression calculating as his green eyes roamed over me. Without x-ray vision, he couldn't see any of the tats, even with this being a ridiculously open costume.

"You'll have to wait and see," I replied, giving him a smirk I usually reserved strictly for guys I flirted with. Not that I was really flirting with Edward, but we were definitely playing some sort of game here.

Edward licked his full red lips and then turned away from me, busying himself with searching out Alice's ghost. I'd spotted it earlier, but I wasn't going to give any hints. Instead, I grabbed my old copy of _The Red Tent_ and settled onto the sofa with it.

It was at least a good fifteen minutes later before Edward's voice announced the ghost was found. He looked like an eager trick-or-treater as he dropped himself to the end of the sofa and fixed his green eyes on me.

I chuckled as I lifted up the bottom of the skirt and pulled my purple converse sneaker off my right foot.

"By the way, I think it's insane that you wore sneakers with that outfit," Edward said, his eyes watching my fingers closely as I rolled my sock down.

I shrugged. "It pissed Jake off." I pulled the sock away and set my foot on Edward's lap, ankle facing upwards.

"Wow." Edward actually sounded awed as he lowered his face to inspect the design, his warm breath hitting my skin and making it tingle like my hand had earlier. "What is it?"

I glanced down at the circular tattoo. It was a black disk with three silver swirls joined in the middle. "Celtic symbol for the triple Goddess. It represents the power of body, mind, and spirit. It also represents the whole cycle of life thing, but I specifically wanted it for the connected power symbolism."

"Why?" he asked, his fingers lightly touching the raised skin.

I pulled my foot away and put my sock and shoe back on as I explained. "As a reminder that to be a whole person, you have to take care of each part of yourself. Sound mind, fit body, and positive spirit will get you where you want to go in life. I spent a few too many years doing the whole self-destructive thing. I was just lucky I had Alice to keep me from getting too insane with my plots against myself, but I still have plenty of things I would refrain from doing if I had a second chance."

Edward nodded and then lifted his head, showing off sparkling emerald eyes and a lopsided grin. "Where to next?"

"Eager, huh?" I asked with a laugh as I got up from the sofa.

"I have a feeling that none of your tattoos will be mindless designs picked off a wall."

"I can guarantee you that," I said as we left the library and entered the hallway.

"So where to now?" he asked.

"Garage. And it'll probably have something to do with Emmett's Jeep since she owes him some revenge. He flicked mud on the Porsche the other day."

"Blasphemy," Edward said, giving a fake gasp.

"That's what she said," I replied with a chuckle.

"Okay, that was the scariest thing I've witnessed tonight," Edward said, giving me a wary look. "You just sounded exactly like Emmett."

I sighed and shook my head. "I am officially spending too much time near him."

Edward reached up and started rubbing the back of his neck, looking more like a nervous fifteen-year-old boy than a twenty-two-year-old man. "Well, if you ever wanted someone different to have coffee with at the shop, I wouldn't mind showing up."

"Thanks, Edward," I replied, more than a little shocked by his generous offer. This was the absolute most we'd ever talked in the six years we'd known each other and the first time we were really getting along.

"My pleasure, Bella." There was something about the way he said my name that was different from all the other times he'd said it, but I had no idea why I felt that way. So instead of focusing on that oddity, I put my mind toward picking rooms for Edward to find ghosts.

In the garage, Edward got to see the tiny angel wings on the nape of my neck. A little boy I'd babysat for had died at the tender age of three and I'd had the tattoo done in his honor. He'd been born with multiple heart problems and had never been given many years to live by the doctors. That had never stopped him from being the sweetest little boy you could ever want to meet. I never knew what had made his mom decide on me as a babysitter—it was well known that I was a pain in the ass, self-absorbed teenager. But around little Aaron, I couldn't help but want to be a better person. All of my crap with my mom and the stuff I couldn't deal with from her leaving never mattered around him. It was always about living in the moment and finding ways to make him smile and laugh. Even now, nearly six years later, I still shed a tear for that sweet little angel who was here for so short a time.

Edward had traced the wings with his thumb and whispered a heartfelt apology for my loss. I hadn't been sure how to feel about such a kind gesture from him to me so I'd just moved us on to the next location.

In the greenhouse, I brushed away the makeup from my chest to show Edward the Japanese symbol for peace etched above my heart. I'd covered it up for my dad, knowing his eyes would have zoned right in on it with me wearing this getup tonight. One night during junior year in high school, I'd gotten the idea in my head that having a visual reminder that I wanted peace in my heart would somehow show me the way to gaining said peace. It did help, but it was still nearly a year later before I finally let go of all the crap and found real inner peace.

Edward only nodded and mumbled something about needing to try that for himself. I had no clue what he meant, though. As far as I knew, he had a charmed life as a Cullen, a popular PSU playboy, and a future rehab specialist. He was currently interning as a sports medicine trainer with the football team, and according to Jasper, Edward was pretty good at it.

On the back patio deck, Edward discovered the flaming Phoenix rising from the small ash pile that adorned the back of my left shoulder. I explained it was a reminder that no matter how much life burns you, you can rise above it if you keep fighting. There will always be the chance that you can get burned again, but you can never fly if you never spread your wings.

He traced the tattoo with his fingers so softly and I wished I could see the expression on his face that went with such a tender touch. I parted my lips to ask him what he was thinking but was silenced by the kiss he pressed into my shoulder.

I spun toward him, wanting to know what the hell that was all about. He mumbled out some things I didn't catch and others that made no sense before asking if I thought we'd found all the ghosts. I wanted to stand there and demand a real answer, but I could see from the set of his jaw and his downcast eyes that he wasn't about to budge and open up to me.

"Knowing Alice, she put one in your room just because you've never really liked for anyone to go in there," I told him.

"Of course she would," he grumbled. He opened the back door and waved me forward.

We climbed the stairs in silence, passing a few couples on the second floor before heading up to the third and final floor. Edward's room was the last on the right and I wondered if he'd changed anything since I'd been in there months earlier during spring break.

The light flickered on as I stepped inside, finding the room as immaculate and unchanged as I'd expected. "You are entirely too neat for a guy," I told him.

Edward smiled just a little. "Emmett swears it means I'm un-masculine."

"Maybe the room on its own might seem that way, but not once you're in it." _Woah! Where the hell did that horribly amazing pile of word vomit come from?_ It was no secret that he was a sexy male specimen, but that had always been shaded by his cold personality.

"I'm sure it has nothing on how it looks with you standing there."

I couldn't reconcile his intense tone with his neutral expression so I did my best to ignore it as I responded to his comment. "Yeah, I probably take the place from modern majestic to boringly plain in this getup. I miss my own clothes. At least they have personality."

He shook his head without his green eyes leaving my face and I blushed under the intensity and intimacy of his gaze. I also had about a bazillion questions flitting through my mind, all of them asking in one or another why the hell Edward friggen' Cullen was looking at _me_ that way.

He seemed like he was going to move away from the door but then hesitated. We remained unmoving and staring until his eyes darkened and he crossed the room in confident strides. He stood so close to me I had to lean my head back to see his face.

"Bella." There he was again, saying my name in that weird way.

"Yeah?"

"You know what you said about your Phoenix? About trying again after getting burned?"

"What about it?"

"What do you do if you get burned again?"

"Try again and work really hard not to judge the next person I was interested in based on what the last person had done. And I would have faith. Faith in myself, faith that I deserved to be with someone, and faith in the person I wanted to be with. You can deal with a lot and do without a lot as long as you have faith."

As impossible as I would have sworn it was, he moved closer to me. A very tiny strip of air separated our chests now. "What if the person you want to be with doesn't know it? How can you have faith then?"

"You can't until you tell them and find out if they feel the same."

"And if you can't find the words?"

I shrugged, not really sure where this conversation was going. The whole night with him had been so different from what I was used to. "If you can't say it, then you have to show it."

Edward nodded.

And put his hand on the back of my neck.

And put his lips on mine.

And put his other hand on my hip, getting rid of that little strip of air that had been between us.

Did I mention he put his lips on mine?

I groaned, really not wanting to break up what was undeniably one of the best chaste kisses I'd ever received but not feeling like I had a choice. "Edward, what are you doing?"

His emerald eyes were impossibly dark as they moved down to my lips and then back up to my own eyes. His words were just a soft breeze against my face as he leaned into me. "Showing you."

* * *

For the rest of this chapter, head on over to The Writer's Coffee Shop Library and search for my penname, My-Bella. I removed the content as it might have been questionable to certain readers and ended with the story getting reported as abusive. Sorry you have to visit 2 sites, but unless and until Fanfiction gives an "MA" rating, this is the way it has to be. So if you want to be able to read on one site, then email Fanfiction today and ask that the "MA" rating be instituted.

Be sure to check out and sign up for Worth the Burn chapter teasers on my website! http:/ ebarules (dot) webs (dot) com (slash) worththeburn (dot) htm -You can also click the link on my Fanfiction Profile Page.

Thanks for reading!


	2. Morning Aftermath

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and (some) mature situations.**

That warning is no joke! Hello, readers! I'm back! And this time, I've brought a friend along for the ride. Say "hello" to Eternally Addicted, an up and coming writer on our beloved Fanfiction. Her story ideas and song choices have quickly become invaluable to the flow and quality of this story.

Worth the Burn is a completely different experience for me. I've never written a Bella so mouthy and so confident before. She's had a time or two where she's made me go "Really? You really want to do that?" She mainly just smiles evilly and flips me off. But that's just how she rolls. LOL I hope all of you like what we have in store for Bella and Edward in this story. It's mostly going to be her point of view since she is "the voice" this time around, but there will be a few other voices we hear from in pivotal chapters. And when the story is all said and done, I might just take a few requests for Edward's POV on a couple of chapters. We shall see! Also, you'll see a solid line breaking up the text in some areas (like the line right below this note). That just means a change in time - either later in the day or the next day.

Without further ado, though, I present to you the next installment of Worth the Burn. Eternally Addicted and I hope you enjoy the ride!

* * *

**Chapter Title: Morning Aftermath**

**Chapter Song: "Twisted" by Carrie Underwood**

**Bella's POV:**

"Four in the friggen' morning," I muttered as I stared at the glowing blue numbers on Edward's alarm clock. _They're mocking me! I'm sure of it!_

I turned my head just enough to see Edward's face and verify he was still out cold. A little bit of jealousy burned in my heart for how peaceful he seemed to be while I was wide awake and doing what I could not to freak the hell out. It wasn't like I regretted the time I'd spent with him tonight—or the incredible sex. I just didn't know what to do now. How would we act around each other when he woke up? How serious had he been about getting to know me? Did I even _want_ him to know me? Was I prepared for the aftermath if he didn't like what he found out? Would a falling out between the two of us somehow lead to a split between Alice and me?

I couldn't take the questions anymore; each one felt like the tightening of an invisible hand on my throat, slowly suffocating me. I needed space and fresh air! Moving as quietly as possible, I got out of the bed, borrowed some clothes, and snuck out of his room.

The second I was in the hallway alone, I could breathe easier. I took in three big full breaths of cool air while I came up with possible things to do with myself at this ungodly hour. I really wanted to get to the extra clothes I kept in Alice's room and get the hell out of here, but I knew the second I touched her doorknob, she'd be wide awake and full of damn questions. How the hell could I explain it to her when I didn't even understand myself why I'd gone from being all about trying this to being scared shitless?

I ended up in the kitchen sitting on a stool at the small island with what was sure to be the first of very many cups of steaming coffee. The wispy threads of visible heat felt good on my tired face as I leaned over the cup, watching the liquid swirl around with each twist of my spoon.

"Whatever answer you need, it probably won't be in the bottom of that."

I jumped off the stool with a squeal and wrapped my arms tightly around Esme. "I missed you so much," I said without hesitation. She was an amazing woman and had done so much for me over the years, sticking by my side when I least deserved it and always showering me with love and affection.

"I've missed you, too, Sweetheart." Esme pulled away from the hug and took my face into her hands. "You haven't slept at all tonight."

"How do you _do_ that?" I asked, returning to my stool as she fixed her own cup of coffee.

"I'm the mother of three very different children and that means I've practically seen and heard it all." She sat beside me and turned her warm green eyes my way. "What's bothering you, Bella?"

"Life."

Esme snorted and squeezed my hand on the black granite countertop. "It's okay if you aren't ready to discuss it yet. Just know that I'm here for you."

There was no doubting her sincerity or her love for me and it gave me the boost I needed to open up as much as I felt I could. "I don't want to be Dysfunction Central again, Esme."

"Bella, you were never—"

"Yes, I was," I interrupted. "And I accept responsibility for it and have done tons to make up for it. The idea that I could be that person again scares the ever lovin' shite out of me."

"Has something drastic happened at school?" she asked, worry creasing her forehead and for just a second showing her true age. She had this beauty about her that made her seem impossibly young, like she was still a young woman just on the verge of true adulthood instead of a mother to three grown children. She had long caramel colored hair that naturally curled at the ends and such perfect skin that I was positive she'd never gone through the awkward teenage stage when legs are too long and faces are full of red splotches and unsightly blemishes. I knew that stage well and had lived in the hell of it for over a year before coming out the other end with a smokin' hot bod that provided as much pleasure as it did annoyance depending on the circumstances.

With a sigh that didn't come nearly close to conveying the heavy pressure on my heart, I answered her question. "I did something that I completely don't regret. But now I don't know what comes next and it's making me feel like I should regret it."

"Can you elaborate?"

And have her hate my guts for sleeping with her son? I wasn't sure I was up for that. Esme was cool and probably the most understanding mother I'd ever met, but she was still a mother. More than that, she was _Edward's_ mother.

"Bella, does this have anything to do with Edward suddenly coming home?"

A verbal response from me was sorely unnecessary with the wide-eyed freakish stare I gave her. Or maybe it was the fact that I was sitting next to her in her son's clothing at four in the damn morning. _Just friggen' brilliant, Bella!_ I silently scolded myself.

Esme laughed as she looked at me. "Has he finally told you he's crazy about you?" she questioned.

I would swear on a huge stack of bibles her green eyes were twinkling, like this was some wild dream of hers come true. But that had to be insanity due to lack of sleep on my part. She knew all about my history so there was just no way she wanted someone like me for her clean-cut All-American boy Edward.

"He sort of mentioned something like that," I told her. "Did he tell you he felt that way?"

Esme chuckled, shaking her head just a little. "Edward hasn't spoken to me about girls since he was fourteen. I'm quite certain Emmett's teasing put a stop to our heart-to-hearts. Luckily for me, I have never needed to ask to know what was on Edward's mind. He is my open-book. It's always in his eyes and his movements. Have you ever noticed the way he runs his fingers through his hair?"

"Only about a bazillion times. The damn man has a tick."

She chuckled as she nodded her head. "It's a stress reliever for him."

"Good thing he went with rubbing _that_ head," I blurted out. The level of redness I reached once my mouth and brain caught up to each other must have been insane because my internal body temperature went up a good five degrees. "So many apologies for my horrendous word vomit," I said quickly.

"It's alright," Esme said, smiling and patting my hand. "I've heard that exact thing from Emmett's mouth many times without the sincere apology after."

I dropped my elbows to the counter and set my head in my hands. "Esme, I don't know what to do."

"What would you like to do?"

I thought over her question for a few minutes. I'd already thought up every scenario that could happen, but I hadn't stopped freaking out long enough to think about what I would _like_ to happen. After lying in his bed and talking with Edward tonight, I knew there was this whole other side to him that I liked and wanted to know better. In a perfect world, I'd like to date him and have a relationship that lasted more than a couple of months for once. I just wasn't sure it was the smartest idea, especially when I didn't know how the rest of the family would react if things didn't work out.

I lifted my head to face Esme, really putting myself and my fears out there with her. "I want to keep my place in the family, especially with you and Alice," I told her.

Sure I came off as the type of insanely obstinate person that could get along just fine all alone, but it wasn't the truth. The truth was that I needed Alice and Esme more than words could ever say. They were my reasons for cleaning up my act when I couldn't find a good enough reason within myself. And also, I loved them. I couldn't let anything mess up my relationships with them, not even a guy that might be the most amazing person I'd ever dated. They were the only two people to know me inside and out and still accept me and love me. How could I possibly risk that?

"Bella," Esme said, making my name sound like a scolding. She wrapped her arm around me and pressed my head to her shoulder like I was all of five with a skinned knee and in need of consoling. "Sweetheart, you will always have a place with us. Relationships are tricky and not all of them work. If you decide to give Edward a chance and things don't work out, we wouldn't ostracize you. We would understand that sometimes things aren't meant to be."

"He doesn't know about all the stuff I did."

"That was before he expressed his interest in you. As far as I'm concerned, it's none of his business. But if you do decide to share those things with him, you should know that he won't judge you for them. He understands that not everyone makes the best choices all of the time. Plus, he's made quite a few of his own mistakes."

I sighed, still feeling unsure and confused. It had been so long since I'd lost my way like this and to be feeling this way when we weren't even anything to each other yet … I just didn't know up from down at that moment.

So I asked for an outside opinion. "Esme, if you were me, what would you do?"

"I would take the chance. Nothing can be gained if an attempt isn't made."

"I suppose you'll tell me I should talk to him too."

"Yes, but only after you've gotten some sleep, Sweetheart. Otherwise, you're bound to start speaking in quotes and confuse the poor boy."

I chuckled and slipped my arms around her, squeezing tightly. "I love you."

"My favorite words," she said as she let me go. "Let's both go back to bed and get in a few hours before Alice drags us shopping."

I agreed and after dumping out the leftover coffee—and repressing the urge to cry over the wasted caffeine—we headed up the stairs, parting ways at the second floor. By the time I reached the third floor, it felt like I had cement blocks on my feet weighing me down. And for one moment, I swore the hallway lengthened and made Edward's bedroom door impossibly far away.

I finally made it to the door, took a deep breath, and reached for the knob. It turned before I was able to touch it and opened wide, revealing a yawning Edward with his hair sticking up and out in multiple directions.

"There you are," he said, reaching out and taking my hand. "Everything okay?"

"Later," I replied, moving into the room and closing the door. "Let's just go to sleep for now."

He nodded but his green eyes—the same shade and depth as Esme's—kept questioning me until I looked away from them. I crawled up into his massive bed and over to the same side from earlier. He settled in directly behind me, leaving no space between us and resting his hand on my hip. I'd never really been the cuddling type, always feeling claustrophobic and trapped when the guy had his arm slung over me, but this was nice with Edward.

I felt his lips on my angel wings and then his warm breath on my ear. "If I'm the reason you're upset, I apologize. But at the same time, I wouldn't take back a second of last night with you. Thank you for at least giving me that."

I really didn't know what to say to him and I didn't want to be sarcastic or say something that might not be true in the morning light, so I settled on squeezing the fingers on my hip.

* * *

Four hours is hardly ever four hours; most times, it's only two. It's especially only two when you need sleep the most. It's also the number one reason alarm clocks get broken.

"Glad that wasn't my iHome dock," Edward said, leaning over me to look at the broken pieces littering his floor.

I managed to shrug while yawning. "I'll pick you up a new clock at the mall today."

"That's okay. It's not like I'll need another right away."

"Doesn't matter. I broke it so I have to replace it."

"We could just have morning sex and call it even," he offered, making his eyebrows move up and down.

"Yes, an Emmett impersonation is just what you should do when the woman lying very close to your junk has only had two hours of sleep."

Edward scooted away from me and dropped a hand under the blanket, probably to cover himself. "You had four hours."

"Incorrect," I told him. I slid out of the bed and proceeded to do my usual morning stretches while explaining my theory. "You have been fooled by clockmakers to believe there are four hours between four in the morning and eight, but there are really only two. I caught on to their trickery during freshman year of high school. If a person sleeps from eight to midnight, they wake up rested and ready to go because they did indeed get four hours. But from four to eight, you never wake rested. You always feel like you _just_ fell asleep. And it's because of the lie."

Edward swallowed back his laughter, nearly choking on it. "Um … what benefit do clock manufacturer's get from lying?"

"Symmetry. A ten hour clock face would not be visually appealing to consumers."

"The original makers didn't live in Corporate America. I'm sure they weren't worried about that."

"The original makers were trying to sell to nobility, the folks with the dinero and a love for flashy, beautiful items."

"We should test this theory of yours. We should stay up for a full twenty-four hours with a stopwatch and verify how much time passes."

I stopped stretching and looked directly at him, searching for some sign of teasing.

"What?" he asked, backing into the headboard.

I chuckled at my ability to intimidate him before answering. "I've only begged Alice a bazillion times to stay up with me and help me prove it, but she's always refused. I thought maybe she'd told you about it."

He shook his head and smiled a little. "I was careful not to ask her too much about you. I didn't want her getting suspicious."

"Well _that_ worked real well," I replied sarcastically.

"I think it did." His tone was both sincere and serious and I knew it meant the end to my stalling.

I sat down on the edge of his bed and faced him. "Edward, I don't want you to think I regret last night because I really don't. I'm just curious about where you see this going. We've been around each other for six years, but we don't _know_ each other."

"I don't know exactly where it will go. I think the best place to start is by taking the time to really get to know each other. From what I found out about you last night, I think you're even more amazing."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "The last thing I am is amazing. I'm just doing what I can to get from one day to the next without repeating mistakes."

"Some people would consider the drive to be a better person amazing."

"Edward, I'm not some perfect woman who's going to fit right into your neat and tidy little life. Are you prepared to find out just how deep and dark the rabbit hole can be?"

"Are you?"

I smiled at the deflection, having used it plenty of times my own self. "I asked first."

"I don't think that's really something I can be prepared for. I can't think of anything you could say that would make me not want to date you, unless you want an open relationship. I _don't_ share."

"Good because neither do I. And I have no problem asserting my ownership so if we do start seriously dating, you'd better warn all your little followers to stay out of my way."

Edward's eyes grew wide for a second before turning calculating. "Does that work both ways?"

"Only when it's warranted. If a guy is blatantly flirting and making a pass, you are free to handle it however you like without hitting. But if we're just talking and you pull some of that macho bullshit I've seen Emmett do, I'll kick your ass."

He nodded before lifting his green eyes up to mine. "You should know I'm not perfect either. Everyone seems to think I am because I dress nice and keep my room neat."

"I don't think you're perfect. A bit of a goody-two-shoes, but not perfect."

"So what now?"

I shrugged, having no clue and finding it much too early to force my brain into working. "Coffee sounds like a good place to start."

"Coffee it is," he said as he got out of the bed. For some damn reason, the man headed straight for his bedroom door.

I was so damn tempted to let him open that door and walk on out, but starting off whatever this might be by giving Emmett material enough to tease Edward for the _rest_ of his life didn't seem like the best idea—damn funny, but not the smartest idea.

"While I personally am enjoying the view, you might want to consider some clothing. Esme is a relaxed mom and all, but something tells me she isn't _that_ relaxed."

Edward looked from me to his naked body and smirked. "Been a while since I fell asleep without clothing."

"Really? All those chicks chasing you around campus and you still manage to go to bed and wake up clothed? What kind of sick world are we living in?"

He laughed so hard he nearly fell over while trying to get his shorts on. "Shouldn't you be pleased I haven't bedded half of PSU?" he asked.

"I'll be pleased when I fully wrap my mind around the concept."

He snorted as he pulled me up from the bed. "Like there aren't always two or three guys hanging on your every word."

"It's not my _words_ they're interested in," I corrected.

Edward stopped me on the stairs and turned me to face him, bending down low enough that his lips were nearly touching mine. "It's what _I'm_ interested in."

"We'll see, Cullen," I replied, stepping backwards onto the next stair to get out of his hold.

"We certainly will, Swan," he said as he quickly moved to my side and slipped an arm around my back.

I just smiled and rolled my eyes at his goofy behavior, deciding it was entirely too early to tease him just yet. I needed coffee first. And lots of it!

* * *

"So how did things go last night?" Alice asked. She was doing that thing where she looked at me while zipping between two moving vehicles—I swear she did it just to send my heart into my damn throat.

"Pay attention to the road, Short Stuff," I demanded, pointing toward the windshield. "While you're tiny enough to keep your head when this matchbox goes under another car, I'm not." I'd have thrown Esme in there too, but she'd bailed on our trip at the last minute, preferring to take Carlisle up on his offer of a lunch date. Who could blame her?

Alice did turn her eyes toward the road, but her mind was clearly still on last night's events. "How did things go with Edward?"

"How was your summer vacation?" I replied.

"What?" she asked, glancing quickly at me.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I said, making sure she caught the sarcasm in my tone. "I thought we were throwing out questions people ask to be polite but don't really want the answers to."

"Still not following."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Don't you remember how our new teachers would always ask us that the first day of school? Yours probably loved your bubbly stories of happy family vacations but mine weren't thrilled to hear about three months worth of angry teenage bullshit brought on by one selfish woman's pick of young male ass over her husband and daughter. Just like they didn't really want to know about my summer, you don't want to know what happened with your brother."

"You could have made up a vacation."

I shrugged. "Wasn't worth the effort of lying."

"They still thought it was a lie anyway. No one believed you did half the things you said you did. Heck, I was with you for most of them and there's some I still don't believe."

"Luckily for us all, DC Bella is dead and gone and shall not be resurrected."

"Great to know. Now tell me what happened with my brother."

"I rocked his world, he rocked mine, we chatted, we slept, and we had coffee at the kitchen table together this morning. Does that answer your question?"

"No. Details. Now."

For some reason, her need for more information annoyed me to no end so I decided to annoy her right back. "What kind of details are we talking, Oompa-loompa? Birthmark shapes and locations? A run down of his dirty talk? A list of sexual positions used and how often? Or would you prefer a fairly accurate estimate of his dick size?"

"Isabella," Alice barked, reaching out and pinching me in the arm. "Take it all back right this second!"

"Fine," I yelled, prying her lobster-like pincers off of my tender flesh. "I'm sorry I was an ass to you. I apologize."

"What the hell has your thong so far up your ass this morning? You had like three cups of coffee and that was just while I was near you. No telling how many you had before then. You're usually only this acidic without caffeine in your system."

"He's freaking me the hell out, alright!" I hadn't meant to admit that and I definitely hadn't meant to scream it out in the small car, but it was true all the same.

"What did he do? Is he acting clingy? Or being quiet again?" she asked, looking concerned.

"No, he's not being clingy at all and he's talking up a storm. He keeps saying just the right things. He gets both _The Office_ and _The Soup_, Ali! He was supposed to be a complete anti-me but we have all of these things in common and we had no idea because we hadn't really talked for six damn years. I'm pissed off about that, but I also get why he didn't say anything and I feel bad that he thought the only way to deal with it was to shut me out." I sighed and leaned forward, pressing my face against my knees and ignoring the bite of the seatbelt. "I just don't know, Ali … I was prepared to go on having a barely speaking relationship with him and suddenly, I find myself wanting to date him. I'm out of my element and you _know_ how I hate that shit."

"It'll be alright," she promised as she stroked my hair. "You'll spend the day with me, we'll talk it out, and by the time you're ready to ride home with him, you'll have it all figured out."

I sat up and gave her a grin. "We better, Skipper, or I'll be holding you personally responsible. You were the hook-up artist behind this whole damn thing."

"Skipper?" she questioned, her forehead wrinkling just the way Esme's had when we'd talked last night.

I snorted. "Yeah! You're too damn short and flat to be Barbie."

Alice jutted out her bottom lip in a pout.

"Come on, Ali. You know it was funny and that you want to laugh," I said, poking her in the side with my finger.

She huffed and tilted her chin up haughtily. "Just for being so mean to me, you are getting a mani and pedi with me at the mall."

"Perfect! There's a new Vendetta purple nail polish that I've been ogling in your beauty mag."

"Probably more for the name than the color," she muttered.

"Cheer up, Ali girl. I'm buying lunch which means a trip to your favorite restaurant for you to eye-fuck your beloved Latino waiter while sipping on the best damn margaritas in town. I'm sticking to a Corona to keep my mouth out of trouble when I ride home with Edward later."

"Yeah, the liquid has always given you word vomit instead of courage," she agreed with a laugh.

I sighed and smiled. "Ah, Cabo. The joy and shame you brought into my life. Never will I forget your sandy beaches, your tequila and lime body shots, or the mega hot tattoo artist who would have done the 'this long to enter' tat on my inner thigh if Alice hadn't jerked me out of the place."

Alice let out a giggle. "You would have regretted that one."

"I regret the _idea_ of that one. And I thank you again for being my voice of reason, Jiminy Cricket. I don't know what I would do without you."

"Yeah, I'm sure you'd be lost without anyone to torture with your short jokes," she said with an eye-roll.

"No," I argued, squeezing her hand over the stick shift. "I can go without making jokes, but I'd be lost without my best friend."

Alice gave me a smile so big and so beautiful that I couldn't do anything but smile back and be thankful for having her in my life.

"Sappy moment over," I told her. "Let's get down to business and get my brain functioning correctly again."

"Let's start with the dating checklist. Is he cute?"

"Hella-cute. No, wait! Lick your lips and have the dirtiest thoughts ever cute."

"Ew and _wow_!" Alice said, emphasizing her last word.

"I know. I haven't given that rating since Captain Jack Sparrow entered my life." I gave a fake shiver that made Alice giggle. "Damn dirty pirate."

"Does Edward know he has such famous competition?"

"We haven't gotten into the 'who's your dream fuck' stage of things yet, Ali."

She snorted out a laugh. "I think he'd say _you_ right now."

"God I hope not. Who the hell wants to deal with performance pressure? He'll expect porn star Jenna Jameson, I'll come off as lame as Miley Cyrus's career, and then we'll both be scarred for life. "

"I don't even want to attempt to look at that statement too closely," Alice said, shaking her head. "Onto the next question. Does he dress fashionably?"

"That's not on my checklist. That's from yours," I replied.

"Oh, sorry. Does he wear _clean_ clothes?"

"Yes."

"Does he use and know the meaning of large words?"

"Yes."

"Does he understand the importance of coffee?"

"Damn straight! And he already knows exactly how I take mine."

"Double points! Yeah! Okay, so here comes a big one. Does he read anything besides playboy?"

"He's into historical fiction, but he also has a few classics he likes."

Alice slid the car into a spot and threw it into park, her green eyes wide with shock as she stared at me. "How late did you two stay up talking?"

I shrugged. "Some of it was last night and some was this morning over coffee."

"We're nearly done with the checklist and there hasn't been a 'no' yet."

"So how completely insane is this shit? Me and your clean-cut brother?"

"It's not insane at all. You have enough opposites to attract and enough in common to sustain."

"Ali, _please_ don't get your hopes all up that this is going to be some kind of magical permanent pairing. Yes, I like him. Yes, the sex is in-fucking-credible. But this is _me_ we're talking about. Permanence is not something that has _ever_ been in my life. If I get two months out of this thing, I'll count myself lucky."

"I think you're going to be pleasantly surprised by how well this all goes."

Her excitement was a little too much for me in my unsure state and I ended up barking at her. "Look here, Jambi! You keep that future speculating shit to yourself."

"Oh, great! Now I'm reduced to being a floating head in a box in a giant playhouse."

"Oh, no, there ain't no rest for the wicked! Until we close our eyes for good," I sang, lifting my arms up while dancing in my seat and giving her a big shit-eating grin. _Damn I love me some Cage the Elephant. They're right up there with Crazy Town for bands able to mix catchy beats with memorable lyrics._

Alice ignored my singing and got out of the car. "Haircut!" she squealed as we met up at the back of her car.

"That's so not the secret word," I said, linking my arm with hers.

"I'm not discussing Pee Wee Herman with you. I'm talking about what we should do to get you refocused and back in normal Bella mode."

"And a haircut is the way to go?"

"You've only talked forever about going shorter. We could totally do that and get some burgundy highlights thrown in. It'll be funky but totally job acceptable."

"Ali, great ideas like this will always ensure your place in my heart," I told her, giving her a squeeze.

"Aw, Bells. I love it when you're so sweet and sentimental."

"Sure, sure. Besides, it's not like you need that much room with your Lilliputian self."

Alice glared and pushed me away. "I hate you."

I just smiled and pulled her close again. "With the fiercest kind of love."

She sighed and nodded. "I'm sorry this threw you off so much."

"I'm not. It's good to shake things up every so often. It's just been a while since I bothered and I have to adjust. But when I do, Edward Cullen better look the hell out."

"That's my girl," Alice said with a laugh. "Just do me one favor."

"What's that?"

"Try not to corrupt him too much. He tends to get really amped in the moment and wants to try everything and then regrets it horribly later on."

"So don't get him drunk, screw him senseless, and then drag him to the tattoo parlor? Damn, Alice. That was totally going to be our first date."

"Not funny," she replied with narrowed eyes and a fierce frown.

"I'm laughing," I said through my chuckles.

"Hey, Bells?" Alice called, looking up at me.

"What?"

Her green eyes were now twinkling like little emeralds and her lips were pulled up in a smile. "I really have a good feeling about this."

I didn't say anything because I had nothing to say. It would have been nice to have a good feeling about it, but right now, I was still busy trying to merge the Edward who barely spoke with the man I'd spent last night and this morning with. This definitely had the makings of one hell of an adventure.

* * *

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	3. Gonna Make Fools

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and (some) mature situations.**

* * *

**Chapter Title: We're Gonna Make Such Fools of Ourselves**

**Chapter Song: "Decode" by Paramore**

**Bella's POV:**

"Hot chick coming through!" Alice proclaimed as she strolled through the front door with me dragging ass behind her.

I hated shopping the day after a holiday because of all the damn crowds pushing and bumping into me, but at least the day after Halloween was chocked full of great candy and black t-shirts. Plus, the shopping trip had been just the break I'd needed from Edward to start wrapping my mind around the sudden change in our dynamic. It was still hard for me to believe it had been less than twenty-four hours since the dramatic change in our relationship.

"God, now she's announcing her arrival," Emmett grumbled while rolling his eyes. "Jasper, tell your woman to know her role and stop acting like she's royalty."

Alice poked her tongue at her brother, blew a kiss to her lover, and then waved her hands at me, all while I continued to gnaw at the last piece of pretzel in my hand and get used to the air hitting the back of my neck. I'd gone more than short with my haircut; it was Keira Knightley in _Domino_ super-short and angled to the left with a few spiky bang fringes—total rocker chick sheik. But it was the burgundy highlights that had me loving my new "do" the most.

"I was talking about Bella," Alice informed the room, her hands still waving toward me like I was a prize on the damn _Price is Right_. Any second now, Bob Barker would come out and give me a hug and an ass grab. As long as I got to spin the wheel and a new car with it, I wouldn't have any complaints.

"Holy—" Emmett started.

"Fuck," Jasper finished.

"Nah, you're not my type," I said as I plopped down next to Jasper on the sofa.

"Edward's going to fall over of a heart attack," Emmett said through his chuckles. I didn't even bother to ask how they knew; there were hardly ever any secrets in our little group—and most of the secrets were a few finer points about my past escapades. Alice and I would be taking those to the grave with us.

"I am _so_ pissed at you!" Rosalie said, smacking me in the back of the head.

"Hey, I'm not the Grape Ape over there," I yelled, slapping her arm. "I actually have brain cells up here so no slapping them out."

"Bells, seriously! Why didn't you tell me about Edward?"

"Because before last night, there was nothing to tell. And this morning, you decided to stay in bed."

"If I had known the convo was going to be so damn interesting, I would have gotten up."

"That'll teach you to assume all that comes out of my mouth is obscure references and unsuitable public language."

"So true," Rose agreed. "B-T-W, I _love_ the do. It suits your hostile side while leaving you looking sexy and sultry. Not that we already didn't, but we are so going to heat up BOG when we pop in this Thursday night."

"Bar of the Gods, Baby," Emmett said with a chuckle.

"You only think you're a God," Alice shot back.

For the first time in a long time, Emmett ignored Alice's teasing. He leaned forward in his chair, leveling his brown eyes on me. "So, Bells, what exactly _is_ going on with Edward and you?"

I shrugged, not wanting anyone to make a big deal out of things since there was literally nothing to make a big deal out of yet. "Fra-twin-ward and I have decided to speak instead of argue and get to know each other better."

"You might want to lose the nickname if you're going to date him. He's never been a good sport about being teased," Rose pointed out.

I opened my mouth to try out a new nickname, but Alice somehow managed to get her little fingers over my lips. "Bells, no nicknames right now," she demanded.

I pushed her hand away and forced her into Jasper's lap. "Sure, Care Bear. I'll just give his dose to you until you give me permission to resume my normal name calling activities."

"This should be interesting," Jasper said with a smirk.

"I think it's going to be fabulous," Alice told him with a bright smile.

"I give it three days before Bella gets enough of his pansy ass ways and kicks him to the curb," Emmett piped up, running a hand through the mass of thick brown curls on top of his head. He rarely ever did that and probably didn't even realize he had the same nervous habit as Edward since it was a blue moon sort of thing for Em to be nervous, but it was there and I'd seen it. I just wish I knew who he was nervous for—his brother or me.

"Way to support your brother," Rose said, landing a quick slap to the side of Emmett's arm.

While Em was distracted with glaring up at Rose, I tossed a pillow and smacked him in the side of the head. "Edward's not a pansy. He just hasn't found anything worth fighting for yet."

Emmett snorted and grinned. "And what? You're going to be it?"

"Of course not. I'm just saying he's not a pansy," I replied. "And where the hell is he? These pansy versus non-pansy arguments are always more fun when the target is in the room."

"He's in the garage," Jasper answered. "Jake's looking over the Volvo with him."

"No talking about me when I'm not here to enjoy it," I said as I headed for the garage door.

"That must have been some crazy sex last night for her to be mostly mellow and have gotten her hair cut," Rose said, making sure I heard her.

I stopped with my hand on the doorknob and turned toward her, giving her a big shit-eating grin. "Your—" I stopped and smiled wider, shaking my head just a little. "Nope, too easy. I'll save that guy for later."

"Oh, come on!" Emmett yelled out. "Bells, the suspense will _kill_ me. You know this, woah-man."

I just laughed and headed into the garage, closing the door on any and all protests. I didn't even really have anything to say, but as long as Emmett and Rose thought I did, they would be tortured with the need to know.

Jacob and Edward were leaning under the hood of the Volvo with huge ass smiles on their faces as they listened to the engine running. Edward had on jeans and a black polo, looking like he'd stepped right off a casual men's magazine. I'd always been more partial to tight jeans and fitted t-shirts, preferring to see the goods, but this look suited those broad shoulders of his.

I watched them for a few seconds more before letting them know I was there. "Do I need to go back out and give you two pervs some privacy? Jacob jerking off to a car is on my list of extremely possible events to _never_ witness in any lifetime."

Jacob's head shot up at the sound of my voice. He gave me a big grin and then a wolf whistle. "Hot chick in the room," he said, grinning at me again.

Edward didn't say a word. He just strode across the garage, yanked me off the last step, and laid a kiss on me that had my head spinning and my heart sputtering. _I could so get used to this kind of adrenaline rush_.

"What the hell, Edward?" Jacob screeched, breaking up our kiss just as I got my legs around Edward's waist.

I growled as I put my feet on the ground, glaring daggers at Jacob. "Problem?"

"Other than the fact that he just shoved his tongue down your throat?" Jacob yelled, pointing a finger in Edward's direction.

I crossed the garage in four long strides and the anger I felt inside must have been pretty damn evident because Jacob backed up and smacked his head on the concrete wall behind him. "Are you my boss?" I asked through clenched teeth.

"No," he squeaked.

"My father?"

"No. But, Bells, I—"

I interrupted whatever lame ass thing he was about to sputter out. "Did I say anything to you about running off with Jessica last night?"

He sighed and hung his head. "No."

"Then what the fuck gives _you_ the right to say a word about who I kiss?"

"Sorry," he said, lifting his eyes up. At least the little pain-in-the-ass was being sincere. "I just … I wasn't expecting it, you know. The two of you either don't speak or argue. I'm just watching out for you, Bells."

"Yeah, well, a lot can happen in less than twenty-four hours, Jakey," I replied, ruffling his cropped black hair to show him he would live.

A set of hands on my hips pulled me away from Jacob and into a solid chest before wrapping tightly around my mid-section. I smirked at Edward's first showing of possessiveness; I also found it incredibly hot.

"I take full responsibility for our not speaking," Edward said, the words vibrating through my back. "And I can guarantee you that no matter where we go from here, I'll always speak to her in the future."

"Unless I ban him from speaking and then he can only give eye-rolls to communicate," I threw in. I didn't like this sudden feeling of being given _permission_ to date Edward, especially not from Jake of all people.

"I hate that punishment," Jacob replied.

"Then get out of this garage before I decide to enforce it on you," I threatened.

Jacob nodded and then pushed off from the wall, walking over to the car and closing the hood. "Tell Alice to keep her hands off your car and you shouldn't have any more issues with the Volvo," he said before disappearing into the house.

Edward let me go to duck inside the car and turn off the engine. The second his head was clear of the doorjamb, I had him pressed between the car and my body, and groaning at the contact.

"Is this happiness because your car is running again or might it have a little something to do with me?" I asked, giving the innocent look even as I rubbed against him again.

His hands gripped my hips and pulled my body flush with his. "All you," he promised before crashing his lips against mine.

I could clearly picture myself opening the back door of the Volvo, pulling him in with me, and defiling his car in the best possible ways. I could also see how easily we could get so distracted by the sex that we didn't take the time to create a real relationship with each other. While a purely physical relationship with Edward would be phenomenal in so many glorious ways, I wanted more than a good time with him. And also, I wasn't about to risk friendships and my own sanity for sexual gratification alone.

"Edward," I said, trying to make my voice sound strong even though I didn't really feel that way.

"I love your hair," he mumbled against my lips before kissing them again. "I loved your old hairstyle too, but this seems to suit you more. Tough and sexy at the same time."

"A little fairy thought it might be a good idea," I managed to reply between my mental chants to behave.

He leaned in to kiss me again and I pushed on his chest to stop him, getting a look of hurt and confusion from him.

"Don't give me that look," I told him. "There's honestly nothing I want more than to crawl into the backseat with you right this second, but we need to wait. And yes, I know how insane it is for me to say that after attacking you against your car, but I wasn't thinking straight then."

"And you are now by saying we need to stop?" he groaned more than asked.

"Look, we already know the sex is great. Now we need to find out if there's more to us than that. Take some time to get to know each other and decode first. Agreed?"

"Of course I want that. But I also want _you_," he said as he pulled my chest to his again. "I've wanted you for so long, Bella. The way you feel in my arms … I can't help wanting more of it."

"I get that and I appreciate it, but …" Instead of more words coming out, my teeth sank into my lower lip and I just stared up at him, willing him to know without me saying even if it was impossible. I could think up shit all day long but sometimes saying those thoughts was a real battle.

"But what? You don't feel the same?"

"No, Edward …" I leaned my head back and looked up at the garage ceiling. Maybe some part of me actually expected to find an answer written there, I wasn't sure. I just knew that letting someone in, even a little, had never been anything I was good at.

His hand settled against the back of my neck and gently pushed until our eyes met. "Bella, whatever it is, you can tell me."

"You said this morning on the stairs that you wanted to know _me_. You said you were interested in more than just my body."

"And I meant it."

"And I want to believe it. But I need to see it, Edward. I need to know that you'll talk to me if all we're doing is sitting together on a sofa surrounded by our friends. I need proof that your sudden interest in me really isn't just about sleeping with me."

The hand he had on my neck moved to my cheek and his thumb brushed against the corner of my mouth. "I will prove it to you. If you want to wait, we'll wait. However long you need."

A breathed a sigh of relief and mumbled a "thank you" into his chest while hugging him tightly. I hadn't realized until now that part of me had expected he wouldn't agree.

He'd put his chin on the top of my head so when he spoke, his words vibrated through me. "I've been thinking about what we should do for our first date."

"And?" I asked when he didn't give more information. "Wait! Before you respond, you should know fancy dinners with smelly French cuisine and centuries old violin music make me want to kick something tender with my hard boot."

"Noted," he said, nearly choking on the word.

"So let's hear it then. Soundtrack, food, activity. What do you have?"

"Um … Soundtrack I leave up to you until I learn your musical tastes. Food would be pizza. And activity would be shooting pool." He actually shifted me further away and slightly turned his body so that his junk wasn't in the line of fire. But he had no reason to worry.

"That's the best idea for a date I've heard in a long time," I told him.

"So maybe we could go on it soon then?"

"We'll compare schedules and see. Definitely not tonight, though. I have a quiz to study for in my econ class."

"I've got a few things to look over for my classes as well."

"I guess we could study together then. My place or yours?"

"I don't have a roommate in my dorm room so my place would be quieter."

I shook my head in disagreement. "I don't do quiet studying. There has to be music."

"Another item we have in common." He smiled as his fingers slid beneath my top to caress my lower back. I had to bite down on my lip to keep from moaning—and from changing my mind about the waiting thing.

"We should get out of here and go join the others," I said. Apparently my body didn't exactly agree with that because even as the words were leaving my mouth, the rest of me was busy inching closer to Edward.

"We should," he agreed. He didn't move or let go of me, though.

"Maybe this is alright for a few more minutes."

His response was a smile and a soft kiss. I'd had plenty of kisses in my time, but none like this one. It was sweet and caring … and scary as all fuck! _What the hell was he doing caring about me so soon? He didn't even know me yet._ Give me hot and heavy and I knew exactly how to handle and reciprocate. But this … Just like that, I was back to debating if this was a wise choice.

He must have sensed my reluctance because he ended the kiss quickly, though he didn't question it or say a word about it. He just took my hand, squeezed my fingers, and brought me into the house with him.

"Her hair seems in place and his always looks that way. I think the Volvo is pure and innocent for another day," Rose said with a smirk.

"Jeep's got more room to maneuver," I replied the second her lips stopped moving.

"Oh, hell no!" Emmett roared as he vaulted over the back of the sofa and flew toward the garage door.

"Bells?" Alice questioned.

"Of course not," I said, sitting on the arm of the chair Edward had just plopped himself into. "If I was going to fuck your brother's brains out in the garage, I would take my time and do it right. I only said that shit to mess with Emmett."

"If you ever lose gainful employment with the coffeehouse, it's nice to know you have torturing your friends to fall back on," Jacob said around a mouthful of sandwich. At least I think it was a sandwich. I couldn't find any bread—just meat and cheese.

"Don't worry, Fido. I'm not nearly done with you yet," I replied. "You're just lucky I have to get back to PSU today. But Thanksgiving is _just_ around the corner."

"That's my cue to get out of here. See you guys next time you're in Forks," Jake called as he strolled out of the front door, still munching on that monstrosity that may or may not have been a sandwich.

"Jasper and I are going to head out. We have a few errands to run before we get back to campus," Alice announced.

I reached out and caught her wrist as she passed, locking eyes with her. "Ali, that thing you were supposed to mention today. Is it still on?"

She nodded and turned her nervous green eyes toward Edward. "Dinner's at seven at the apartment. It's non-negotiable before you even ask. In fact, Bella just make him stay at the apartment when he drops you off."

"Oh, I _guess_ I could force myself to spend a little more time around him," I said, throwing a wink at Edward so he would know I was teasing.

"Bells, why do you lie and hurt my feelings?" Emmett asked as he appeared beside me.

I rubbed his arm and smiled up at him. "Because you make it so easy and fun, Sweetheart."

He huffed and went over to Rose, laying his head on her chest and pouting like a damn five year old. She whispered something into his ear, turning his pout into a leer as whatever dirty thing she'd said became a fantasy in his head.

"We're outtie. Don't forget about dinner, Em and Rose," Alice said as she grabbed her tiny purse and Jasper picked up her two giant luggage bags. We'd only been home three days but she'd packed like we were headed on safari for a week.

"We'll be there," Rose assured her. "We should get going too. We still have to stop in and say 'bye' to my parents."

"Yeah, I have to get the rest of my crap out of Charlie's," I said as I stood. "You guys drop me off and then Edward can pick me up when he's ready to head back."

"Ed? Sound good?" Emmett asked.

"Yeah, sure," he replied. "It shouldn't take me more than a half hour to finish up and leave here."

"Take your time," I told him. "Charlie will probably be at Sue's anyway."

He shook his head as he pulled me closer, his voice low and soft. "My time will be much better spent around you."

I snorted at his sappy line. "Yeah, okay. See you, Cullen."

I turned to leave but found myself facing Edward again with his lips on mine. This time his kiss was hard, hot, and sexy as all hell. _Why did I need to go get school books when there was a perfectly good bedroom upstairs? Because you want to do this thing the right way!_

I realized my ears were ringing right about the same time I figured out I'd stopped breathing. My lips left his, expelling carbon dioxide and pulling in a big whiff of clean oxygen.

"Come on, Bells," Rose said with a laugh as she pulled me away from Edward. "You can play with Edward later. We have parents to see and bags to grab."

"You okay there?" Emmett asked, snapping his fingers in front of my face.

"Perfect," I lied. I would have gotten away with it too if I hadn't been so dizzy from Edward's kiss that I missed a step and nearly face-planted on the garage floor.

"Yeah, you're real perfect," Emmett laughed as he held me up.

"Little hint, Bells," Rose said as we got into the Jeep. "Wiping the dazed look of your face will help you sell that 'perfect' lie."

I groaned, knowing full well that the short ride to Charlie's would be full of teasing and taunts from my friends—and knowing I damn well deserved it. And then I smiled a little, glad that someone was actually making me feel so good.

* * *

"Oh, come on!" I screamed at the television while jumping to my feet and pointing at the sideline on the screen. "What the hell kind of call is that? His foot was so out of bounds! Get some fucking glasses, you damn blind ass bastard!"

"Um … Bella?"

I spun around to find Edward standing in the doorway with his hand on the back of his neck and a sheepish look on his face.

"I knocked, but—"

I waved my hand to cut off his apology. "I never would have heard you. One of the many bad habits I picked up from Charlie is having the volume turned up too loud."

"Um … Are you ready?" Edward asked, still looking unsure of if he wanted to be here.

I nodded while trying not to laugh at his expression. I turned off the television and tossed the remote into Charlie's armchair as I passed it. When I reached the edge of the sofa, I reached down for my bag, but apparently so had Edward because our heads collided.

"Holy mother of fuck me sideways," I cried, pressing my hand to my head as if that would really stop the pain.

Edward was too busy turning three shades of red over my colorful expletive to investigate his own injuries.

"Cullen, what the hell, man? Is your damn head made out of granite?" I asked. "I've got a damn bump forming already."

"Sorry," he mumbled, pulling my hand away from my head. He moved my hair aside and studied the injured area in silence.

I didn't do silence well so I interrupted it. "What's the verdict? Concussion? Bleeding in the brain? If it's bleeding in the brain I'm gonna be pissed. I just got this damn haircut and I don't relish a hole in the head. But if that's the way this is going down, then you better make damn sure your dad is the one operating on me. I'm not trusting anyone else near the wonderment that is my brain."

Edward chuckled. "With as much as you're talking, I think you're fine. It'll just be sore."

"How the hell did this even happen?"

He shrugged. "I was trying to get your bag for you."

I could feel my face scrunching up with my confusion—not the most attractive look in the world, but the damn man was baffling the shit out of me. _Again_! "Why?"

He gave me a look that said I should already know. "It's what a guy is supposed to do."

"Don't tell me you fall for those old gender stereotype roles where the chick is barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen and the man is sitting on his fat ass watching television and talking about how hard his day at work was?"

"No. I believe in manners, respect, and being a gentleman by carrying bags, opening doors, and pulling out chairs."

"Then what in the hell are you doing around me? I'm like the anti everything of what you just said."

"You have manners around my parents, you respect my sister endlessly, and I'm sure you could be a lady if the occasion called for it."

I wasn't really sure about how to take that answer so I skipped right past it. "I'll get my school bag if you don't mind carrying the duffel bag."

"Not at all," he said, giving me a smile.

We dumped my stuff into his trunk next to his bags and as soon as we were settled in the car and driving down the road, I checked out his presets.

"What are you doing?" he questioned, watching me from the corner of his eye.

"Verifying there's no soft rock favorites on this thing," I replied. I pressed down on the last button and classical music filled the car. "Part of decoding who you are is checking out your musical inclinations."

"Guess I lose points for the classical then," he said, stiffening up beside me.

"It's only French violin music that I abhor. Classical can be pretty beautiful depending on the composer. I like a lot of Beethoven's stuff."

Edward threw a few glances my way without saying anything.

"What? I don't look the type to enjoy classical music?" I asked, grinning up at him.

"No, not really," he admitted.

"That's what you get for assuming. I'm not all angry chick rock music. I like a little from every type of music."

"Beatles or Clapton?" he questioned.

"It's illegal to make a person choose."

"How do you figure?"

"It's a form of cruel and unusual punishment and therefore illegal."

He laughed at my reasoning, shaking his copper locks around a little and making one fall across his forehead. It actually looked pretty good lying there between his emerald eyes—it gave him kind of a James Dean-ish look minus the brooding expression.

I grabbed Edward's iPod from the cup holder and started scrolling through his playlists.

"You know, I think the battery's dead," he said, nearly succeeding in getting it out of my hand.

"The battery's fine," I told him, pushing his hand away as he made a second attempt.

And then I saw the reason for his sudden battery concern …

A playlist.

Named Bella.

"How very futuristic Lloyd Dobler of you," I said, wondering if Edward had ever watched any eighties movies and would know my reference to that gem known as _Say Anything_.

Instead of turning red from embarrassment, he turned a shade of green I'd never seen anyone pull off who wasn't on television wearing makeup.

"Trust me when I say that puking in your car is going to be a hell of a lot more embarrassing for you than me finding a playlist with my name on it," I warned him. "The iPod thing I would be inclined to keep to myself. Puking will immediately be reported to Emmett for help in torturing the shit out of you."

He nodded and after a few seconds, his face turned from green to pasty white.

"Don't worry. I don't find it stalkerish. Slightly insane, but then again, so am I so I guess that works," I said, trying to relax him.

"It's not really about you exactly. More like how I felt about seeing you so much and not being able to say anything," he said. His voice was so soft that I had to strain hard to hear him.

I wasn't sure what to say in response, so I focused on scrolling through the playlist instead.

Maroon5 – "Shiver"

Rolling Stones – "Heart of Stone"

Keith Urban – "She's Gotta Be"

Air Supply – "Here I Am (Just When I Thought I Was Over You)"

Kings of Leon – "Sex on Fire"

Rick Springfield – "Jesse's Girl"

Iron & Wine – "Flightless Bird, American Mouth"

Cake – "Friend Is A Four Letter Word"

U2 – "Miracle Drug"

U2 – "All Because of You"

All American Rejects – "Breakin'"

No Doubt – "Comforting Lie"

Paramore – "Decode"

"Pretty varied." That was it. That was the absolute best I could come up with. I knew all of the songs except for the ones by U2, and they were all about longing for someone, having your heart broken, and lying to yourself. It was private, personal, and had to be painful. I put the iPod down as quickly as I could, wishing I'd let him take it from me.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

"No, I'm sorry. I was snooping and that was rude."

"It had your name on it."

"Still doesn't make it right." _Great! Now I feel friggen' guilty!_

I _always_ did something stupid to make up when I felt guilty, like letting Alice tweeze my damn eyebrows until I was a crying, sobbing mess with perfectly arched brows. Already I was thinking of the one and only thing that would make me even with Edward—it was my turn to look green as I imagined his face on seeing my stress reliever playlist on my own iPod.

"Can we forget you saw that and just talk about something else?" Edward asked.

I was all over that in a red hot second. "So is football your favorite sport or just the one you got stuck being trainer for?"

"I don't feel stuck, not with having Jasper and Emmett around. But baseball is my personal favorite."

"They don't actually do anything in baseball, though."

"Sure they do. It's just a game of finesse instead of action."

"Well I can't sit still and quiet that damn long. I have to be moving around. That's probably why I like football so much. Although, I gotta say I like those baseball pants."

Edward ignored the last part of my comment and replied to the first part. "The faster pace can be more exciting, but slow has its benefits too."

I smirked, pretty damn sure he wasn't just talking about baseball versus football. I leaned over and slid my fingernail down the side of his neck. "What are these _benefits_?"

His adam's apple bobbed up and down a few times before a squeaky sound came out of his mouth. "How are your computer classes coming? Alice said something about you swearing Microsoft built Excel just to torture you."

I shrugged. "It comes and it goes, just like my 'C' average in the class."

"I could help you with that, if you wanted. I'm pretty good with spreadsheets from following sports stats all these years."

"I may just take you up on that offer, Cullen," I said, smiling up at him.

"Anytime, Swan," he replied, mirroring my smile.

We spent the rest of the car ride talking about school and our classes, finding out that we knew a lot of the same people and teachers. Edward had a minor in business administration in hopes that he would one day have his own sports trainer business. As for me, I was on track for a basic business degree because I _still_ couldn't decide what I wanted to do for a career. I had too many options to decide from at this point; the only thing I knew I wanted was to avoid spreadsheets. I was leaning a little more toward graphic design in the marketing field lately though.

"Wow," Edward said as he set my bag down on my bedroom floor.

"What?" I asked, looking all around. I knew I'd picked up all my dirty clothing before leaving for the weekend so that couldn't have been it.

"It's just … It's not what I pictured for you," he said. "The room," he clarified, waving a hand toward my bed.

I chuckled. "Expecting black walls with HIM posters?"

"Kind of. Yeah."

"I don't fit into any one category and hope to hell I never will," I said, looking around my room. My walls were a pale blue decorated with framed photos of bright spring flowers. My queen size bed was covered by a bright white down comforter with a ton of blue and white pillows on top. I had a matching white desk in the corner with my kick ass purple laptop sitting on top and waiting for me to get busy with my school work.

Edward's voice brought my attention back to him. "These pictures are amazing. Especially the one over your bed."

"That meadow's in Forks, you know."

"Really? We have something colored other than green and brown?"

I snorted. "Yeah, I was pretty damn shocked when I found it."

"Did you take all of these pictures?"

"Yep," I said as I tossed myself onto my bed. I patted the spot next to me and Edward smiled as he came over and sat down.

"Did you take the pictures just to decorate your room or is photography a hobby?"

"Kind of both and neither at the same time," I said, stretching my arms up above my head and then relaxing completely into the mattress. I looked around at the pictures and chuckled as I remembered Alice's shocked face when I'd brought her the pictures. "Alice decreed my room had to have personality, unlike the one at Charlie's place. We were still arguing over exactly what colors I would use when I stumbled across the meadow. From there, everything just sort of fell into place."

"It's neater than I expected," he mentioned, his green eyes scanning all around. "Not that I thought you would be a slob. More like unorganized with the way you often seem to jump from one thing to another."

I nodded in agreement with his observation. "I cleaned before we left for the weekend."

His eyes came to rest on my face and he moved so that he was leaning across me without actually putting any weight on me. "Bella, about that playlist."

"Shut it, Cullen. It's your business, not mine."

"I want you to know my business, though. At least a little of it. I just want you to understand that however I've felt about you, I've never blamed you for it or felt like you should know it. I know I made my own pile of misery by never saying anything."

"I know you said last night that circumstances seemed to be against you, but why didn't you just take the chance anyway?"

"Because I'm not a relationship wrecker. Not my own or yours. That one time with Jake was the only time before last night that I knew for sure we were both single."

I grabbed a handful of his black shirt and pulled his lips close to mine. "You're honorable to a fault, Cullen."

"Probably," he agreed, his eyes flitting between mine and my lips.

"You're crazy to want me." I was trying to be open and honest with him. And also, I was a little afraid of how much _I_ wanted _him_.

"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go. T.S. Eliot."

I was impressed with his quote and responded with one of my own. "Life contains but two tragedies. One is not to get your heart's desire; the other is to get it. Socrates." I was living proof of that shit—Renee had wanted to have a child with Charlie, and here I was while she was wherever the fuck her boy-toy and her had gone off to live.

Edward's voice pulled me back into the here and now. "She press'd his hand in slumber; so once more he could not help but kiss her and adore. John Keats."

His quote immediately brought to mind the way I'd squeezed his hand in the early morning hours while falling asleep in his loose hold, leaving me without a thought in my head and too much warmth in my heart. I didn't know what to do with a feeling that strong coming from me and I was starting to feel claustrophobic.

Edward seemed oblivious to my plight; his focus was on my lips as they met his in a kiss of such epic proportions that I stayed mute for a long time after it ended.

There was something here with him, something that hadn't been there for any other relationship in my life. I was as excited to decode it as I was frightened by all the ways it could go horribly wrong. I didn't want either of us to end up dysfunctional or disfigured by whatever this heated, powerful thing was between us, but there was no way to find out if we could fly together without risking the burn. As long as Edward was up for the challenge, I damn sure would go for it. We were probably gonna make such fools of ourselves, but I wanted this too much to not try for it.

* * *

**A/N:** Hope everyone is having a great Saturday and enjoyed the latest chapter. I'll have a teaser up on the website in the next half hour so if you haven't already signed up for updates, be sure to do so!


	4. Reaction & Adaption

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and (some) mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Reaction and Adaption**

**Chapter Song: "It's Going Down" by Linkin Park with X-Ecutioners**

**Bella's POV:**

"Well, fuck a duck," I whispered, staring at the little clock in the bottom right of my computer screen. I may or may not have also been resisting the urge to do an Alice-worthy squeal.

This time yesterday, I had been trying to ignore the fact that it was Halloween, avoid Alice's party, and get my homework done. Today, I was inches away from Edward and spending time with him on purpose. Three hours worth! Edward and I had been doing homework together in the same room for all three of those hours and every bit of it was calm and comfortable. We were both content to listen to the music pouring out of my iPod speakers while focusing on our school work. It was fucking unreal! A homework session had never been more relaxing, not even with Alice.

Okay, especially not with Alice. The woman could hardly stand to be silent for longer than a half hour at a time. And Edward and I had been at this for _three_ hours.

And I was smiling and not freaking. I was damn glad to be back to normal and feeling comfortable in my own skin again. Which was just perfect timing because after Alice sprang her news on the twins, I was positive she would need some consoling and cheering up. One of the few things they agreed on was that Alice was too young to do pretty much anything in their eyes, even though they trusted Jasper to no end and had been friends with him for years. Men were hella-confusing though they denied the shit out of it.

The song changed to "Savior" by 30 Seconds to Mars and my smile widened. I fucking loved this song.

"_Until you crash._

_Until you burn._

_Until you lie._

_Until you learn._"

I hadn't even realized I was singing out loud until Edward's voice joined mine. It was one of those songs that I could _not_ resist singing whenever I heard it and just hoped he wouldn't start laughing at my wavering voice.

"_Until you see._

_Until you believe._

_Until you fight._

_Until you fall._"

I stopped singing at that point, deciding I was in the company of vocal brilliance and should stop embarrassing myself immediately. Besides, I was having a better time looking over the edge of my laptop and between my feet at his face as he continued to sing. His green eyes never left his book and he didn't seem to notice I'd adjusted my feet on his legs.

"_Until the end of everything at all._

_Until you die._

_Until you're alive._

_Don't save me, don't save me, 'cuz I don't care._

_Don't save me, don't save me, 'cuz I don't care._"

Edward must have finally felt me staring because he abruptly stopped singing along with my iPod and looked right up at me. "What?"

"Nothing. I was enjoying your voice. I'm surprised with a voice like that and your mad bass playing skills you aren't in a band."

"Mad skills?" he asked with a grin.

I set my laptop aside and crawled up the bed until I was sitting in his lap with his book discarded beside him. "Are you only pretending to not know how sexy you can be when you let yourself?"

"I'm not pretending at all. Not anymore."

I smiled and inched my lips closer to his. "Good answer." I had my hands on his chest and I could feel the hammering of his heart beneath my fingers; it was good to know I wasn't the only one feeling the anticipation. His breath hit my lower lip as he whispered my name and leaned up to meet me.

Our kiss never happened though. Not with the way my bedroom door banged open and bounced off the doorstop.

I turned toward the door and attempted to choke Emmett out with nothing but my eyes. Unfortunately, I was not the child of Darth Vader and had no link to the force, dark or otherwise. "Hey, Gaylord! Stop being a Focker and learn to knock before coming into my damn room," I yelled at him.

Emmett ignored me and my homage to _Meet the Parents_, choosing to tease Edward instead. "Ed, is that a hopa in your pocket or are you happy to have Bella sitting on your junk?"

I got off of Edward and stood at the end of my bed, making myself slightly taller than Emmett. "No way can you completely disregard my reference and come back with the lame ass hopa bit."

"You're just jealous you didn't think of it first."

"In the words of Baby Jack from the second film … Ass-'ole!"

Emmett lunged forward at the exact second that Edward pulled me down, making me scream out as I fell on top of him and sending Alice and Rose running into the room.

"What in the world is going on in here?" Rose asked.

"Bells doesn't scream," Alice added.

"I'm being tag teamed and not in a good way," I told them while trying to wiggle out of Edward's grip.

"Hey, I was serious about not sharing," Edward said, squeezing me tighter against him.

"So was I," I said through my laughter. "It's just a phrase. Besides, Em is so not my type."

Emmett huffed and tried to put a big meaty paw on my head—thankfully Edward kept it away. "You only say that shit because you know I'm too much man for you to handle."

I opened my mouth to refute Emmett's claim by pointing out my distaste for beastiality, but Alice's tinkling voice stopped me. "If you three are finished being clowns, dinner's on the table," she said.

I was off the bed and at her side in a second, linking our arms together. "Are you nervous?" I whispered.

"Petrified," she admitted, her green eyes backing up her answer.

"I'm here for you, Ali. I won't let them get out of hand with their bossy twin routine."

"Thanks, Bells. I'm so glad to have you with me."

"Ditto, Dot."

"Dot?"

"Small, cheerful, and fashionable like a well-done polka dot dress for a doll."

"I almost love you for that one."

I chuckled and squeezed her against me. "It'll be fine. Hakuna matata, Ali girl."

"Totally. This is my life and they have zero say-so."

I smiled, though we both knew she didn't really believe that. If she had, she would have told them right away and she wouldn't be wringing her little hands and leaning heavily into me.

Knowing how hot-headed the twins could get when they didn't agree with Alice's choices, I strategically placed her next to me at the table, leaving Edward and Jasper to flank the ends of the table with Rose and Emmett across from us. The last time I'd had to do a preemptive strike like this was right after Alice and I had graduated high school. We'd saved up, gotten parental permission, and had tickets for just the two of us to spend a week in St. Barts. I still wasn't completely sure what had stopped the twins from following us to the island to ensure our fragile female forms stayed protected. I liked to think it had something to do with my threat to neuter them both, but it was probably Carlisle speaking sense and letting them know he had been the one to make our arrangements for us, thereby ensuring our safety.

"Chicken!" Emmett shrieked.

"Nice to see your inner girl is still alive and well," I joked.

"If I wasn't starving, I'd beat your ass for that," he replied.

"Dibs on legs," I called out, lunging for one of the biggest pieces and just barely beating Emmett to it.

"There's plenty of chicken, you two," Alice scolded.

"Yeah, but only four legs," Emmett replied.

"I've got my two so I'm happy," I said, waving them at Emmett. He'd only managed to get one before Jasper had grabbed the other.

"Fuck, Bells! First you impugn my manliness and then you steal my chicken," Emmett bellowed.

"_Impugn?_ Where the hell did you learn that word?" I asked.

"Death," he said with a shrug. "You left your _Discworld_ CD in the player again."

I laughed and rolled my eyes at him. "And of course you were too lazy to change it out."

"Whatever," Emmett grumbled. "You're just pissy because I interrupted before you could get the meat you really wanted."

"Trust me, Em, if I'd really wanted it, your presence wouldn't have stopped me," I assured him.

"Ew," Alice groaned.

"Behave at the dinner table, children," Rose ordered.

"Honey butter biscuits," Emmett sang out, bobbing his head to music only he could hear. _Some days, he really worries me._

"How long has it been since your last meal, Emmett?" Edward asked. His lips were pulled up into that lopsided grin I'd seen so much of last night and today. It was friggen' ridiculous how much I liked that look on him already.

"I'd rather talk about how long you've been crushing on Bells in secret," Emmett countered, doing that thing where his eyebrows moved up and down.

I sighed and shook my head. "I swear, Em, you're a bigger gossip than Ali."

"Come on, Bells. You gotta admit it's a little weird," Jasper said.

"I'm not saying its not. I'm just saying it's not anyone's business but Edward's and mine."

Edward cleared his throat and we all turned to look at him. "There's really not much to it. Bella was in relationships when I wasn't and vice versa. I'm not the kind to say anything that could cause discord for others, so I was silent. Last night presented me the opportunity to tell her and I did. That's all there is to it. Now you know."

Emmett and I looked right at each other before we both blurted out the cheesy saying, complete with fist pump into the air. "And knowing is half the battle. G. I. Joe!"

"Lame," Jasper said even as he laughed.

Rose chuckled and folded her arms in front of her. "Amazing how they each accuse the other of being the most immature."

"Cartoons are not a sign of immaturity. Not watching them is a sign that you're an old fart and should just jump straight into wearing leisure suits and orthopedic shoes," I replied.

"Say it again, Sistah," Emmett said, holding out a fist to me.

I smiled as I leaned over the table and bumped his fist with mine. "Cartoons for life, brother from another mother."

"While this is certainly an interesting dinner, to what do we owe the pleasure?" Edward asked. "I can't recall the last time my presence was demanded."

"Can't we just get together like brothers and a sister and have dinner?" Alice asked, sounding as nervous as she looked.

"No," the twins replied immediately.

"Bella, call her some short nickname and force the news out of her," Emmett demanded.

"Busy," I replied, making a big deal out of unfolding my napkin and setting it on my lap. Alice chuckled softly and squeezed my knee under the table.

"You're never too busy to tease," Rose said, investigating me with her blue eyes. Suddenly, her eyes widened and she gasped. "Shit, you know what it is."

I smiled and replied with a quote. "We can know only that we know nothing. And that is the highest degree of human wisdom. Tolstoy."

"Why can't you ever quote movies I know? Why is it always crap that doesn't make any sense?" Emmett asked, looking like I'd stolen the one chicken leg he'd managed to get.

I looked right at him and cleared my throat, readying myself for quite possibly the worst impersonation of a southern accent ever done. "We went skinny dippin' and we did things that frightened the fish."

Alice and Rose laughed, knowing my quote was from the movie _Steel Magnolias_. Jasper gave a good hearted chuckle, probably more at my horrid excuse for an accent than the quote. Edward looked like he was trying to figure out what was done in front of those fish and if I had been an actual party to it.

As for Emmett, he just looked confused. And then he started smiling, which was somehow scarier. "Fried fish would be awesome. We need to have that for dinner one night this week."

"Have it without me. Charlie burnt me out on fried fish years ago," I told him.

"Do you remember that time he tried to fry the fish himself and nearly burnt the kitchen down?" Alice asked.

Her simple question set of a storm of "remember when" stories that had all of us laughing and feeling embarrassed in turn. I was able to hear quite a few Edward stories I'd never heard before, but he was also able to hear a few of mine and I had to wonder what he was thinking about me right then. Unfortunately, there was no way to find out with everyone in the room with us.

Just before we readied ourselves to clear the dinner dishes and get busy with dessert, Alice pulled her ring out of her pocket. I grinned and watched her slip the beautiful ring onto her proper finger. The big moment was here and I was ready to defend her tooth and nail—literally. But I was positive the twins would throw out a few curses and then realize this was the future Alice wanted for herself. They would be happy for her and congratulate her and we'd all have a good time celebrating the news. It was exactly the kind of reception she deserved.

"Hey, guys," Alice squeaked out. "I have a little something to say."

"We're listening," Edward encouraged.

She smiled at him and then launched into her little speech. "Jasper and I have been together for a few years now and we love each other completely and unconditionally. I know for me it was love at first sight that day at the beach."

"For me too, Darlin'," Jasper assured her, giving her a comforting smile.

Alice Cullen—_the_ Alice Cullen—actually blushed a little and I felt my own smile grow impossibly wide. These two were the real damn deal and to have been around to watch them meet and see their love grow … it was a gift and I would do all I could to support them. They were quite possibly the only couple I would ever know, besides Carlisle and Esme, capable of being married until death did them part. That shit had to be revered and protected.

"Jasper and I are in love and we see our future as being tied to each other for the rest of our lives," Alice continued. She lifted her hand out from under the table and showed her ring to her brothers. "So when he proposed, I accepted."

"The hell you did," Emmett roared.

"What the hell, Jasper!" Edward cried.

"She's too young," Emmett declared.

"You're still in college," Edward added.

"You two haven't even been together that long," Emmett said.

"Hey! Twin Spazoids!" I yelled, jumping to my feet and pointing a finger at each of them. "They're in love and they're going to get married. She's not saying it's going to happen right here at the damn dining room table. She's just letting you know it's going to happen in her future. And the two of you should be damn glad she chose a guy as honest and straight-up as Jasper. Even more than that, you should be thrilled he sees how special your little sister is and feel lucky that she has someone who treats her like a queen."

The twin idiots wilted under my fierce gaze while Rose gave me a thumbs-up and Alice squeezed my hand.

"I couldn't have said it better myself, Bells," Jasper said as he came around the table and hugged me. "You're a great friend, and Ali and I love you to pieces," he whispered, letting his Texas accent peak out just a little. He'd grown up in the south with his mother and after she'd died of cancer, he'd moved up to Forks to live with family—Rosalie's mom was his mother's sister. As sad as it was that he'd lost his mother, it put him in Alice's line of sight and that was a blessing of epic proportions for the both of them. Finding the bright side … that was something I'd learned from the two of them and tried to practice often.

I gave Jasper a tight hug and then gave a hard pat to his back before letting him go. "_This_ is how you show support and congratulations to your sister and your friend," I said, shifting my eyes from Emmett to Edward.

"As scary as this is to say," Rose said as she came around the table. "Bells is completely right." She gave hugs and words of congratulations to both Jasper and Alice, sending our girl into a fit of happy tears.

While Rose and Jasper calmed Alice, Emmett and Edward were leaned in close, having a mostly quiet argument with each other. I had high hopes for Edward to be the first to acknowledge his friend and his sister, but was really hoping for the both of them to do it together.

The arguing went on for a few more minutes with Edward running his hand through his hair while Emmett scowled and shook his big head. The slamming of Emmett's fist against the tabletop got all of our attention and we stood there, waiting to see what he would do next.

"Emmett, calm down please," Edward said, putting a hand on his brother's shoulder. "Bella's right about—"

Emmett huffed and interrupted his brother, roughly pushing his hand away. "Of course you're saying that. You want to sleep with her again."

I had expected Emmett to say something coarse to Alice and to definitely argue with Jasper, but not once had I imagined him attacking _me_. It felt exactly like that time Jake had accidentally punched me in the stomach; my chest was on fire and breathing seemed like a really bad idea.

While I was busy not breathing, Edward and Emmett had gotten to their feet and were nose to nose. "What the hell is wrong with _you_?" Edward yelled.

"_Me_? What about you?" Emmett roared. "That's your baby sister! You really expect me to believe you think it's okay for her to be getting married at her age? Admit it, Edward. You're just as pissed as I am, but your pansy ass is trying to impress Bella."

A laugh that probably sounded more like a wounded cry came out of me. "Wow, Em. One night with Edward and suddenly I'm demoted from your friend to the chick your brother wants to fuck enough to disagree with you. Thanks. Really." I shoved my chair into the table and headed for the front door. "My heart runneth the fuck over," I added as my hand gripped the knob.

"Bella, wait!" Alice pleaded. "Emmett, take it back right now!"

I didn't stick around to hear his reply. I was too damn mad for my own good, much less his, and the last thing I wanted Alice to remember about tonight was me beating the shit out of her big brother. I'd take a walk, calm the fuck down, and then head inside to have a slice of the cake I knew my best friend had waiting in the refrigerator; Alice always celebrated with cake.

The cold November air was such a stark contrast to my overheated cheeks that it stung enough to hurt, but I refused to turn around and go back inside. I couldn't go back until I was calmer—not without upsetting Alice.

"Bella!"

I turned to find Edward running after me and managed to not roll my eyes at him. "Whatever you have to say, I'm sure you mean well, but I don't want to take my anger out on you and I don't have a damn filter. Hence my removing myself from the scene."

"I don't want to talk. I just want some fresh air myself," he said as he fell in step beside me. "And to apologize. Emmett was way out of line."

"Excuse me if I don't fucking melt and calm at your apology, but you aren't the bastard who pissed me off."

"Still sorry," he said softly, holding out a jacket to me.

I took it and slipped it on without a word, continuing to walk down the sidewalk. The minute I'd stopped fidgeting with the jacket, Edward took my hand into his. With the barest of luck, I managed to keep my left hand from swinging out and connecting with his jaw while I pulled my right out of his grip. I didn't want to be touched right now, not when the urge to hit was so strong.

The look of hurt on Edward's face might have bothered me if I hadn't been so angry, but I was pissed so it only annoyed me. "Did you miss the part where I told you I wasn't in the fucking mood for company?"

He shook his head and turned his eyes away from me. "I was only trying to help."

"The best way to help, Cullen, is to keep me away from your idiot twin until I calm the fuck down. He had no damn right. None at all," I raged, jerking my jacket tighter around me. "If it wasn't for Alice—" I stopped talking and tried to growl out some of my anger and frustration.

Edward remained silent. There were no accusations I was being dramatic. No attempts to force me back inside. Just acceptance of my mood and walking silently beside me. I was so used to Rose and Alice badgering the shit out of me and wanting to "get to the root of the problem" that his silence was a little unnerving.

"You don't have to be silent," I told him. "Just don't touch me right now. And don't try to take up for your brother."

"There's no excuse for what he said. He's like you in that he has no filter when he's angry. I'm sure he'll tell you he didn't mean it."

I'd always hated that fucking phrase so I wasn't surprised when my feet skidded to a halt and my hands rolled up into fists inside my jacket pockets—where I hoped they would stay. "Didn't mean it," I scoffed. "Do you think not meaning hurtful words makes the pain any less? Do you think it makes his behavior any less shitty?"

"No, but—"

"Then why fucking say it?" I yelled. "If you don't mean it, don't fucking say it. Why is that so damn hard for people? I don't have a filter and I rant and rave, but I also mean what I'm saying. It just might not be directed at the right person."

"I don't know why it's hard," Edward admitted, shoving his hands into his own jacket and only looking at me through his lashes. "Why is it just as hard to say the things you _do_ mean?"

"Because revealing the private parts of yourself isn't meant to be easy. It's meant to be hard so you think it out and make sure the person you're opening up to actually deserves it."

He only nodded so I started walking again, not really wanting to talk, think, or feel at the moment. If I let myself feel, I would have to cop to the hurt I was hiding behind my anger and I'd probably end up crying. I fucking hated crying. It was so goddamn weak! Not to mention that it made your face red and your eyes burn. Who the fuck needed that shit?

I waited to get annoyed with the silence between Edward and me, but for once it seemed like the quiet was just what I needed. I also didn't feel crowded by his presence like I should have. Maybe it was just gratitude for him actually shutting up and leaving me alone, something no one else would have done. Even Jasper bought into that whole "talk it out and feel better" line of crap. All talking when I didn't want to ever got me was angrier.

We walked around the large block my apartment building sat on a good twelve times before my feet became a bigger annoyance than Emmett's douchebag remarks. "I'm home and calm, so let's keep it that way," I said as we entered the front door.

Alice and Jasper were cuddled up on the sofa while Rose was in the armchair with the creator of my foul mood sitting on the floor between her legs.

I barely had a chance to move further into the living room before Emmett was squeezing me and lifting my feet from the floor. "Bells, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean my words that way at all and I owe you one huge ass favor to make up for it."

"Damn right you do, Grape Ape," I replied. "But for now, just set me down."

He gave me one more tight squeeze before setting me down and kissing the top of my head. "You know you're my favorite potty mouthed girl in the world," he said, gently chucking me in the chin and winking one brown eye at me.

"Rose threatened you with no sex for a year, didn't she?" I asked, looking past him and over at her.

She blew on her red nails and rubbed them against her black top while curling her red lips into a smirk.

"She did, but that's not why I'm apologizing," Emmett told me. "I really didn't mean it, Bells. I'm truly sorry and I _will_ make it up to you."

"He's making it up to me, too," Alice announced. "I'm getting a new Prada bag for Christmas of my very own choosing."

"Sweet," I said, plopping down next to her.

"Like it was totally sweet of my brother to go after you and walk with you," she whispered.

"Not quite, but close," I admitted.

Speaking of _that_ brother, Edward settled on the floor between Alice and me, resting his head against my leg. I waited to feel the way I usually did with guys—like he was crowding me—but it still felt okay. Actually, it felt pretty damn nice, though I was in no mood to admit it.

"Fill me in on what happened after I left, Future Mrs. Whitlock," I said, smiling and squeezing Alice's hand.

"Emmett brooded for a few more minutes, Rose threatened him, his eyes grew wide with realization of his supreme show of idiocy, and then the apologies started. There was also a congrats in there and, of course, the promise of my Prada bag," she explained.

"The angry big brother thing was a knee-jerk reaction and I regret my comments completely," Emmett said with pure sincerity shining in his large brown eyes.

"Rose totally gave you those words," I said with a laugh.

"No, smart ass," Emmett replied as he flipped me off. "I can talk on my own when the occasion warrants."

"Unfortunately, shoving his head up his ass is the only thing that's called for it so far," Rose added.

"I'm sorry, Bells," Emmett said once again.

"You're forgiven. Just give me a couple of days to forget," I told him.

"Sweet," he replied, giving me a big cheesy grin that had me smiling back. It was a damn good thing for him he was usually such a lovable lug. And that he'd decided to apologize and accept his sister's engagement. If I'd have come home to him still bitching, I wouldn't have been the least bit responsible for my actions.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"So, we're all alone," Edward mentioned. Those piano slash bass playing fingers were still in my hair and until he'd spoken, I'd been well on my way to falling asleep. After more apologies from Em and slices of devil's food cake for everyone, Alice had popped in a movie and I'd scooted down to the floor to let her stretch out with Jasper on the sofa. Edward had been playing in my hair pretty much ever since; I'd never had that done before and I couldn't believe how relaxed it made me feel.

"Everyone else bailed?" I asked in the middle of yawning and stretching.

"I think you asked if the others bailed and if so, the answer is yes. Emmett and Jasper headed back to the dorms together, and Rose and Alice disappeared to look through bridal magazines."

"They are so sweet not to drag me along. I figure I have at least one of the two years of her engagement before Alice will force me into full-on participation mode with dress opinions and all the other crazy shit that goes with a wedding. I'll probably hate every second of it, but I'll do it anyway."

"Your loyalty and love for my sister are astounding."

I shrugged. "Works both ways."

"Will I know that kind of loyalty from you some day?"

"If you treat me half as well as Alice does, I'm sure you will."

"What if I treat you twice as good?" It was easy to see he was joking around from the way his emerald eyes were bright and slightly crinkled at the corners, like they were laughing separate from his lips.

"Then you have some _major_ appreciation sex to look forward to in your future."

He chuckled into my hair, pulling me tighter against him. "I'm sure I'm giving you teasing information for a lifetime, but I really don't want to go."

"So stay. My bed is big enough for two and I promise not to take advantage of you in your sleep."

"What if I want you to take advantage?"

"Then you are shit out of luck, Cullen. Your boy parts aren't getting anywhere near my girl parts until sometime after our first date. We're doing this thing right."

"Boy parts?" he asked with a laugh.

I gave him the double flip-off. "It's late, I'm tired, and I didn't get much sleep last night."

His hands closed over mine, gently pushing my fingers down. "We should get you to bed before you get any surlier."

I nodded in agreement and let him help me up from the floor. "My first class is at eight-thirty, clock goes off at seven."

"I've got a class at the same time. Could I convince you to set your clock a little earlier so I can take you to breakfast?"

"A morning without cooking or eating cold cereal? Hell yes! I am all over that."

"Should I lock this?" Edward asked with his hand on my bedroom doorknob.

"I have no modesty left since Rose and Alice constantly barge into my room, but if you have any at all, you should lock that door," I said while setting the alarm clock.

With the clock set, I stripped down to my t-shirt and underwear and crawled under my covers. I breathed out slowly, sinking into my mattress and pillow as far as I could, prepared for a night of blissful sleep.

The sound of rustling clothing caught my attention and I very nearly turned over to watch the show. But I was too damn tired and I had found the perfect comfortable spot on the first try, so I wasn't moving.

It wasn't long before the covers moved and Edward slid in behind me. He got right up against my back with his hand resting on my hip just like last night. He even kissed my angel wings like before.

"We should get you a tat in that spot for me to kiss," I told him. "Maybe a sexy Celtic knot."

"Shouldn't I have something tougher? Like Disturbed's logo?"

"Do you see the band as meaningful, eternal, and poignant?"

"No."

"Then why the fuck would you tattoo their sign on your body?"

"Good point."

"I have many."

Edward chuckled and pressed another kiss to my neck. "What if I get—"

I had a total Alice moment and knew exactly what he was going to say, so I stopped that shit before it could happen. "No tattoo having anything to do with me directly or indirectly. Not until and unless you really know who I am first."

"Rules?"

"There are always rules, Edward. Some are meant to be followed, some are for bending, and some require breaking. Tattoo rules are for following. The body is a shrine and anything added to it should be representative of what you stand for and what you believe. If it's not, then it doesn't belong on you."

"I thought you saw tattoos as a way to rebel?" he questioned.

"That was before I stepped into my first parlor and got schooled on how tattooing is a beautiful form of art and not meant for rebellious teenage girls full of bullshit and angst."

"What were you so angry about?"

Thinking back to that time of my life was a quick way to get surly and pissy and I didn't want to do that right at the end of the night. "We'll talk about it later. Right now, I want to sleep."

"Can I ask one more thing first?"

"Sure, but I'm not guaranteeing you an answer."

"Emmett really hurt your feelings tonight." It wasn't a question, but a full-on confident statement.

I knew I could brush it off as no big deal and convince Edward I was totally over it, but I also knew it wasn't smart to start off any relationship with half-truths. As much of a pain-in-the-ass as it was to me, I told the full truth.

"Of course he hurt my feelings. He completely invalidated my friendship with him, and with Alice, making my comments totally worthless. Not to mention that it's insanely disrespectful of him to assume you would agree with me only because you slept with me. You have your own mind and opinions."

"But you left the room."

I turned over to face Edward, finding an expression somewhere between awed and confused on his handsome face. "I was completely righteous in my anger, but hitting Emmett with something hard and heavy wasn't a memory I wanted to give Alice."

"You're selfless."

"Me?" I asked with a snort. "I delight in being obnoxious to my friends. How the hell is that selfless?"

"Because you put it aside the second they need you. You enjoy your teasing, but you love them and everything that comes with being their friend. Even when it means letting my brother off the hook for hurtful, asinine comments."

Edward's extremely accurate observations and interpretations left me feeling defensive. "Fuck, Cullen. I didn't know you were researching me for your damn dissertation. Let me know if I'm 'A' worthy material when you're done."

His face took on an appropriately apologetic look—_if_ he'd have actually done something wrong. "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable. I'm just trying to figure you out," he said. _Fuck a duck! Even his unwarranted apologies were worded the exact right way._

"Put the pout away," I said, smoothing out his face with my hands. "You didn't do anything. It's me. I get defensive for seemingly no reason sometimes so you'll have to watch for that."

"But there is a reason and I created it. I've barely spoken to you all these years and suddenly, I'm telling you I have feelings for you, I'm showing you how deep they run, and I've talked to you more in the last two days than in six years combined."

"When put that way, you're right. It is your fault. You should totally make up for it."

He smiled and pulled me closer, sliding his soft lips against mine. "What would you like me to do?" Poor little man thought he was teasing me with his little kiss. He had no idea what real teasing was but I was more than happy to show him.

"Oh, Edward," I said in a breathy tone. I felt his body stiffen against mine and I gave him three small kisses before telling him exactly what I wanted from him. "Shut up and let me go to sleep."

He groaned at the realization that I was dead serious about there being no party in my bed tonight and his head dropped to my shoulder, making me laugh. I ruffled his coppery hair and then scooted away from him a little. Allowing him to be that close for any longer would have led to kissing and I _knew_ it wouldn't end there. Of the many things I'd had to learn to become this better version of myself, my limits and triggers were at the top of the list. Stress made me antsy and in need of a release and if the right warm male body was near, sex would be my poison of choice. If I was near alcohol, that would be it. Put me near a gym, and a workout would be the way to go. Unfortunately, none of those were options tonight due to how damn tired I was and the fact that I had classes tomorrow.

The space I'd put between us quickly disappeared as Edward filled it with his body, slipping his arm over me and using his hand on my back to keep me from moving. I opened my mouth to tell him to back up a little, but talking is impossible when there's a tongue in your mouth that isn't yours. That little voice in the back of my head that sounded an awful lot like Alice was giving me the full damn rundown of all the reasons this was a horrible idea, but the part of me able to rationally respond was nowhere to be found. There was just Edward's taste and his warm fingers sliding under my shirt and up my back, urging me to lean into him more.

His elbow digging into my hip broke me out of my kiss-induced haze and I immediately pulled away, rolling onto my back even as I let out a sigh of disappointment for what might have been. While I was sure it would have been as incredible as last night, I'd have been angry with myself for it in the morning. Responsibility might have been the right path to follow, but it was also highly annoying and sexually frustrating.

"Why'd you stop?" he asked, nuzzling the side of my neck with his lips and nose.

"We agreed to wait," I reminded him.

"Yeah, wait for the full deal, but can't we make out a little?"

I shook my head in response.

"I would stop the second you told me to," he promised.

"Yeah, but I would never say the word. I'd want it too much and then regret it in the morning. I'm a masochist that way."

"I'm a bit of one myself."

"That is most definitely a topic of conversation I want to explore fully, but not tonight. I really need sleep, Cullen. My econ quiz grade is riding on it."

"Then close your eyes, Swan," he whispered, brushing his palm over my eyes. "I look forward to breakfast and interesting conversation with you tomorrow."

"Ditto," I mumbled, already nodding off.

It was weird to be sharing my bed with him this way considering I'd never let any guy stay over at my place before. In fact, the few I'd even let into the apartment had never seen the inside of my room. But here he was and here I was feeling completely comfortable with it. For the moment, I seemed to be on the right path with him, adapting to the sudden changes between us fairly well, though I knew they were only just beginning.

* * *

**A/N:** So there you have it! Bella is going to give this thing with Edward a real try. You guys didn't really think Eternally Addicted and I would end things with Chapter 3, did you?? Well, we might have, but it would have only been a small, short-lived practical joke. Good thing it's not April 1st!! LOL Next chapter will be their official first date and there's a little teaser about it up on the website.

Chapter 5 will be posted as a title and song only on this site. I've opened an account over at The Writer's Coffee Shop Library under My-Bella and the full chapter will be there. If you're wondering why, I've got the explanation up on my profile page. Thanks for reading.


	5. First Date Insanity

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: First Date Insanity**

**Chapter Song: "Sink Into Me" by Taking Back Sunday**

**Bella's POV:**

"Alice, I need your help dressing like I need a fucking hole in the head," I told her, pushing her away from my closet. Dressing for a date in a casual setting was well within my range of abilities and the little shit damn well knew it—she just wanted an excuse for bossing me around.

* * *

To read the rest of this chapter, you'll need to hop on over to The Writer's Coffee Shop Library at http:/ www (dot) thewriterscoffeeshop (dot) com/library/search (dot) php

You can do a search by Penname (My-Bella) or story title.

The chapter has some dark revelations and some sexual situations so with the current climate of FF, I felt it best to post the entire chapter at The Writer's Coffee Shop Library. The details of the why are up on my blog.

See you over at TWCSL!


	6. Safe

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Safe Sex on Gilligan's Island**

**Chapter Song: "Island in the Sun" by Weezer**

**Bella's POV:**

"I hate her," Edward mumbled as Alice's ringtone sounded off for the third time in as many minutes.

"With the fiercest kind of love," I replied automatically. And then I moved my lazy ass out of his bed and fetched my phone from my jeans. I waited until I was back in the bed and under the warm covers with him before calling Alice.

She answered immediately and loudly. "Bella, where are you? Why haven't you called to check in?" she demanded.

"Alice, you know exactly where I am," I replied. "What do you want?"

"I was worried. It's almost nine and you hadn't called or come home."

"Sorry, Mom. Didn't realize I needed special permission to be lazy with my boyfriend on a Saturday morning," I told her. Edward chuckled against the wings on the back of my neck, either at my new term for him or my overall response.

"Boyfriend!" Alice squealed. "The first date was a success?"

"Duh! Why else would I still be in his bed with him?"

She groaned into the phone. "You aren't talking to me while naked with him are you? That would be so gross."

"I'm wearing my new shirt actually." I decided to be nice and not inform her it was the only thing I was wearing. The boxer briefs I'd had on from last night's bathroom trip had disappeared hours ago.

"When was that decided?" Edward asked, tugging on the side of the shirt.

I slapped his hand away and smiled at him. "Don't even pretend, E. You knew this shirt was mine the moment I laid eyes on it last night."

"So you got me naked just for my shirt?"

"That and the hot crazy sex."

"Hello!" Alice trilled into the phone. "I'm still here and you're getting close to my TMI limit."

"Aw, come on, Ali girl. Don't you want to know exactly what I was doing the three times you rang my phone and I didn't answer. Actually, it's what was being done to me. I have _such_ a new appreciation for long fingers."

"Oh, jeez. I'm hanging up now," Alice cried.

"Don't go, Little Bitty," I said, pretending to be sad. "We were just getting to the good part."

She ignored my comments completely. "Have fun and stay out of trouble."

"Definitely on the first but only a maybe on the second," I replied before hanging up and setting my phone on the floor.

I turned in Edward's arms and found his lips with mine, getting right back into the kiss we'd been sharing before Alice's interruption. We'd been making out on and off all morning, leaving his bed only to get food or drink. Edward had a mini-fridge and coffeemaker so we'd only had to leave the room for bathroom trips. Of course, I had been the only one to have coffee this morning after what had happened last night. Edward promised he would stay away from caffeine the next few days and then drink it in moderation after that—I didn't even have to argue with him about it, another sign that he was not an identical twin to Emmett. Em always acted like a bitch when someone told him he couldn't do something.

"So boyfriend, huh?" Edward asked with a cheesy ass looking grin.

"I thought 'fuck buddy with benefits' would be socially inappropriate and a bit long winded."

He chuckled and shook his head, sending a few copper locks onto his forehead.

"Are you still tired?" I asked, brushing the hairs away.

He sighed and dropped himself onto his back, draping his arm over his eyes. "Bella, for the last time, I'm fine. I overdid things a little, but I'm rested now."

I pulled his arm away and moved my head so our eyes were level. "I can either give a shit or not. Pick."

"Will you always be so annoying about it?"

"Yes."

He snorted and grabbed the back of my neck to bring my lips down to his for a kiss that completely proved he was feeling just fine and totally awake.

Reluctantly, I pulled away and sat up, pulling my knees up under my shirt. "As great as this is, we need to get out of bed."

He leaned up on his elbows and the blanket fell down to his hips, revealing that chest of his and making me reconsider my idea of leaving the bed. "Why? Do you have a paper due or something?" he asked.

"No, but I have work and so do you. Did you forget it's Saturday?"

"I remember. But I don't have to be at the field house until two since it's a night game. I wish you were coming."

"I only have so many shifts to trade, E. It was either go out on a date with you last night or attend a football game tonight."

"Then I'm glad you picked the date," he said with a big grin.

"You're glad we had sex," I shot back. "One of the many reasons why I need to head home and get a shower."

"Alright. I'll grab some clothes and we'll head over to your apartment and see if we can't use up all the hot water." He did that thing where his eyebrows went up and down and I snorted as I pushed his head into his pillow.

"I never said _you_ were invited."

He growled and sat up quickly, pulling me sideways onto his lap. "You never said I wasn't."

I rolled my eyes even as I set my arms on his shoulders and tangled my fingers into his hair. "I thought we were going to focus on getting to know each other and not have it be all about the physical."

He smiled and touched the tip of his nose to the tip of mine. "Your favorite color is deep purple. You hate your nose and you think your feet are too small and blame them for your clumsy episodes, though I think it has more to do with how you're always in a hurry to move on to the next thing. Even today, just lying here in bed, you've moved around and changed positions more times than I can count. On the plus side, you stayed in bed and that has to mean you like more about me than my _junk_ as you call it."

"I do," I said, taking his face into my hands. "I like your cheesy lines, your attempts at humor, and your taste in music. And the fact that you make my coffee for me gives you huge points."

"You really can't stand to be serious for longer than a sentence, can you?"

"If the occasion warrants, I can. I didn't realize we were having that type of conversation."

"We don't have to, but I would like to know if you really consider us a couple or if you were just messing with Alice."

I looked right into his green eyes, trying to figure out his mood and if he was really as excited about all of this as he seemed. "Why do you like me so much?"

He smiled and kissed me before answering. "Because you're funny and smart. You're beautiful and confident. I can't even begin to describe what the physical side of this is like. Plus, you haven't run screaming from me yet."

"You keep talking like you think there's something wrong with being different."

"Isn't there?"

"Only if you buy into the shit that comes out of Emmett's mouth. I don't do cookie cutter and I don't want it. You dress like it sometimes, but you aren't. Which brings me to ask why you dress up all the time and hide the rocker boy within?"

Edward snorted and placed a loud kiss against the side of my neck. "I'm not hiding anything. I just happen to like dressing well."

"Clearly Alice has rubbed off on you."

"Sometimes she has good ideas."

"Yeah, she does," I agreed, referring to her hookup scheme.

Edward must have known because he smiled wide and nodded.

"Do you want to be a couple?" I questioned.

"Absolutely."

"Ditto."

"Nope," he said, slipping his hands under my shirt and pressing them against my back. "You have to say it."

"Why?"

"Because I would really like to hear it."

* * *

**A/N: ** To find out if Bella says it and what else she might do, head on over to The Writer's Coffee Shop Library for the rest of the chapter. Thanks and have a great weekend!


	7. He's So Yummy

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: He's So Yummy**

**Chapter Song: "Crash and Burn" by Savage Garden**

_**It seemed safe enough to post the entire chapter here, so I did. It's also over at TWCSL.**_

**Bella's POV:**

The bell above the coffeehouse door rang out and I turned to greet our newest customer. Familiar green eyes met mine and my lips immediately pulled up into a smile. I felt pretty stupid for thinking it, but that didn't stop it from being true—just the sight of him was a huge improvement to my day.

"Hey there, Sexy. What brings you around?" I asked, smiling up at Edward.

He laughed softly and lowered his head to brush a kiss against my cheek. "I was gripped with a sudden urge to see my beautiful girlfriend."

"Unfortunately for you, there's still twenty minutes to closing and we're busy. The only part of me you'll be seeing is my backside."

His lopsided grin made an appearance. "I don't mind."

"Perv," I joked, rolling my eyes. And then I noticed the way he had one arm behind his back. "E, what are you hiding?" I asked, trying and failing to peek around his side.

"What makes you think I'm hiding anything?"

I tried again to see what he had behind his back, but he easily side-stepped me, laughing the whole time. "Fine, I'll just go back to work," I said as I turned away from him.

He caught my arm and turned me to see the bouquet of deep purple flowers in his hand. "I saw these and thought of you."

"You just _happened_ to see flowers and they just _happened_ to be purple?" I asked, taking the beautiful bouquet from him.

He shrugged and grinned. "I might have purposefully detoured by a place I know."

I looked down at the flowers and slid my fingers over the wide petals of the soft and fragrant blooms. "I've never seen ones like this before. What are they?"

"Lisianthus. You give them to a person you adore."

I ducked my head down further, trying to hide the blush staining my cheeks. "Thanks, E. They're beautiful." I thought about admitting this was the first time I'd ever been given flowers, but I wasn't sure I could speak at the moment. They were just flowers and I shouldn't have been feeling choked up over something so small. Ten days with him and already so much was different between us and with my own self.

"Do you want me to keep them with me until you get off work?" he asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I nodded and handed the flowers back. "I'll just grab something to put them in."

"No need. They put those little water bottles on the ends so they should be fine for the next half hour."

I nodded again, ready to turn away from him, get back to my customers, and stop feeling so damn emotional. Instead, I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him as tightly as I could. "Thank you."

He squeezed me with one arm and pressed his lips against my hair. "You're welcome."

"I'll be back with some tea for you," I said, squeezing his fingers and smiling up at him before walking away.

"Well, well, well," Kate drawled as I walked up to the counter. "Bella found herself a pile of tall, pale, and handsome who brings flowers. Can I have him?"

I snorted and shook my head. "Not in this fucking lifetime."

"But he's so yummy, yummy and he tickles my tummy."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Kate, I'm only giving you one chance to stop. It is not now, nor will it ever be, acceptable behavior to quote Aqua to me."

"You know you're a closet fan. How else could you recognize the lyrics?"

I resisted the urge to pinch her arm and wipe the smirk of her face. "Gee, I don't know, Kate. Wonder if it has any fucking thing at all do with you following me around the shop and singing the shit to me for a damn week? That shit gets in your brain and doesn't come back out."

"Oh, fine," she huffed. "At least tell me Yummy over there has a brother."

"Yeah, but he's taken too." I turned just a little to sneak a peek at my man. "That's Edward, Emmett's twin brother."

Kate's eyes widened and her mouth fell open. "Twins?"

"Yeah," I said with a laugh. "No one believes it."

"Well, yeah!" she cried. "Emmett is fucking Goliath and as pretty as that man over there is, he is so David."

"Yes and if you'll remember, David whipped Goliath's ass."

"And what a nice ass it is," Kate said with a laugh. "Is Edward's as nice?"

"Kate, that's inappropriate," Angela cried. Leave it to her to pop in at the exact moment Kate was saying something untoward. It happened at least twice a day and yet Angela always seemed as shocked as the very first time; she was innocent that way.

"She's right, Kate. You shouldn't objectify men that way," I said, barely keeping myself from laughing.

Kate made some kind of noise between a laugh and a cough. "Says the woman who got us all playing 'what's in his pants'."

"Not all of us," Angela corrected.

Kate rolled her eyes. "Yes, we know you disapprove, Saint Webber."

"Leave her alone," I said, tossing a stirrer at Kate's head. "She hasn't embraced her inner freak yet, but I have faith it'll happen."

Angela ignored my comment and Kate's laughter. "With as often as your friends are in here, why haven't we seen Edward before?"

I shrugged and attempted to stealthy slide in front of my co-workers to block their view of _my_ man and get that lusty look of Kate's face. From the smirks on the girls' faces, they knew _exactly_ what I was doing.

"He's not a big coffee person," I answered, not feeling the need to explain my history with Edward. "Which is why I need a cup of warm green tea. And if either of you has any ideas about _helping_ and taking him his drink, you should forget them now."

"But he's so yummy," Kate whined.

"And you are so dating Garrett," I shot back. "And, Angela, I thought you were going to take charge and ask Ben out."

"Well … the holidays are coming and we'll be so busy so it seemed like a good idea to wait," Angela rambled while Kate and I just smiled and nodded. She'd been coming up with excuses for the past four months and frankly, I was tired of seeing the poor girl pine over the damn boy.

I leaned to the side and looked through the small square opening that gave access to the kitchen in the back. "Ben!" I yelled.

"Bella, no!" Angela hissed.

"Do it, Bella," Kate encouraged with a giggle.

"Yeah?" Ben called, sticking his head through the opening.

"What are you doing Friday night?" I asked.

"Um … well, I …" he stuttered while his face reddened.

"Yes or no, Cheney! Do you have plans for Friday night?"

"No."

"Now you do. You're taking Angela out," I told him.

"I am?" he asked. His eyes moved from me to Angela and his look of bewilderment changed to one of excitement. "I am," he said, sounding pleased this time.

"You can thank me later," I said to Angela as I took the cup of warm tea from Kate.

Angela was too busy holding a staring contest with Ben to bother with listening to me. That was alright, though. I'd remind her later when I needed a shift swap or something.

"Tea for the flower bringer," I said, setting the cup on Edward's table.

"What was all that?" he asked, pointing toward the counter.

"Angela and Ben are both shy people and on top of that, Ben doesn't realize girls notice him. They needed a little help and I was in a helpful mood, so there you go."

Edward's half smile made an appearance. "Community service then?"

"Something like that."

"Would you have gone out with me if Alice had done something like that?"

"I don't really know. On the one hand, I like my men to have a set and use them. On the other hand, I am enjoying dating you so far."

"Was it the flowers?" Edward teased with a grin.

I chuckled and lightly pulled on his hair. "It was totally the flowers." I looked up and noticed one of my customers waving at me. "Only fifteen more minutes of schlepping coffee and then we close up shop for the night."

"You sound tired."

"I am tired. And I have homework when I get off. Stupid spreadsheet too so I'll probably be up half the night."

"What if I come over and help?"

I really wanted to say "yes", but it was late and he had his own classes to worry about. "Thanks, E, but you have your own stuff."

His fingers wrapped around mine and squeezed lightly. "I don't mind, Bella."

If Edward helped, I could probably get the assignment finished in a fairly decent amount of time and get a good grade on it. If he didn't, I would struggle most of the night with it, probably bomb on it, and then be in a shiteous mood tomorrow. A foul mood during lunch with Bree was never good and it was an especially bad idea for tomorrow since Bree and Edward would be meeting for the first time.

"Okay," I agreed. "Thank you again."

"What do I owe you for the tea?" Edward asked, leaning forward and reaching toward his back pocket.

"Nothing," I said quickly. "The flowers and the help are more than enough."

"Bella—"

I put my fingers over his lips to shut him up. "Edward, don't bother arguing because you will not win."

He kissed my fingers and smiled underneath them.

I chuckled at his silly behavior and then headed off to deal with the last few customers of the night.

All too soon, I found myself in the closed shop with everything put away and cleaned, and my very eager co-workers pulling me over to Edward to make introductions.

Kate practically shoved her hand into Edward's. "I'm Kate."

"Edward," he said, chuckling a little. When he was finally able to get his hand back from Kate, he offered it to Angela, but she just blushed and gave a little wave.

"This is Angela," I introduced for her. "We have yet to break her out of her shy shell."

"I keep telling Bella it's hopeless, but she doesn't listen," Kate said.

"She's not hopeless at all," I said, slipping an arm around Angela's shoulders. "She's going to go out with Ben on Friday and come in on Saturday telling us all about her whirlwind night of romance."

Kate snorted. "No offense to your taste in men, Ang, but I'm not convinced Ben knows the meaning of the word romance. I don't believe they've written a comic book about it yet."

"He likes other things," Angela defended, though her voice could hardly be heard.

"Just by asking you out he's already proved he has great taste." Edward's words had Angela blushing, Kate in awe with her mouth hanging open, and me slipping an arm around him to mark him as all mine.

"Kate, wipe your mouth. You don't want Garrett catching you drooling over another man," I told her.

"Garrett who?" she replied, grinning at me. And then she set her blue eyes on Edward. "So how long have you two been dating?"

"Long enough for me to know I'm lucky to have her," he answered, tightening the arm he had around my shoulders.

"Wow," Angela breathed. "Really perfect answers."

"Oh, that's just his alter ego, Cheesy-E," I told her.

Kate huffed. "I wouldn't mind a little of that kind of cheese in my life."

"What are you talking about?" I asked her. "Didn't Garrett get you one of those plushy squares to sit on so your ass won't get sore during football games?"

"Oh, yeah!" she cried, rolling her eyes. "That's _so_ much more romantic than beautiful flowers and sweet words. Listen here, Bella, if you don't want him, I'll be more than happy to—"

"Okay, okay," I said, stepping between Edward and my co-workers. "That's enough ogling of my man for one night. I'll see you ladies tomorrow."

"See ya, Bells," Kate said with a wave. "Come back anytime, Edward."

"Night, Bella. Night, Edward," Angela called.

"It was nice to meet you both," he said while I pushed him toward the door.

"Don't encourage them," I told him.

Edward chuckled and pulled me against his side. "They were sweet."

"They were behaving. You just wait and see."

"Is that an invitation to visit you at work whenever I want?"

"So long as you know that when I'm at work, cash is king."

"Of course," he agreed as he opened my truck door for me. "Are you hungry? We could stop somewhere on the way to your place."

I climbed up into the cab before answering him. "I grabbed something earlier so I'm good. But if you're hungry we can stop."

"I ate already too."

"Then let's get to my place and work on a spreadsheet," I said, trying to fake enthusiasm for my work.

Edward chuckled and placed a quick kiss on my lips. "It won't be that bad. And be careful driving. The roads are still slick from the earlier showers."

"Don't worry about me, E. My truck is the Rolex of vehicles. He can totally take a lickin' and keep on tickin'."

Edward snorted and shook his head at me before closing my door. I chuckled and started up my truck, revving the engine a little just for his benefit. I waited until he was in his Volvo before pulling away from the curb and heading for my apartment. I wasn't really looking forward to my homework tonight but knowing Edward would be there with me during the torture session ensured it wouldn't be a total loss.

* * *

_He's friggen' unreal._ Lying on his back in my bed with his eyes closed and fingers laced together on his chest, Edward looked the picture of relaxation. _I could totally snap a photo right now and upload it as the Wiki definition of relaxation._

The only parts of him moving were his chest with each breath and his right foot as he followed the beat of The Raconteurs song coming from my iPod.

Was he thinking about anything right now? Was he listening closely to decipher the lyrics of the song? Was he in that Zen place where the mind is blank and peaceful? To be able to look right into his mind and see what he was thinking without the benefit of filter … _Stupid idea, Bells_, I told myself. Never expect to receive what you aren't willing to give and there was no way in hell I would want Edward having unfiltered access to the insanity that filled my head. Poor boy would probably be scarred for life after rooting around up there.

I rolled my eyes at my own self; thoughts like those were the reason I didn't like the silence. But I did have to admit that I didn't mind so much with Edward. He made the silence feel comfortable instead of oppressive. The only thing that would have improved things would be if he had his eyes open; I seemed to have developed a fetish for looking into the green and trying to decipher what was there. For a split second I considered pinching him to make him open his eyes, but decided to leave him alone and let him stay relaxed. It wasn't as if he hadn't earned it. He'd spent two full hours trying to help me with that damn Excel program and had only been marginally successful. On the plus side, he had proved I was teachable and not a lost cause.

_Okay, I have to have a picture._ I rolled out of the bed at that thought, deciding to follow through with it.

"Where are you going?" Edward asked.

"Nowhere. Just getting something from my dresser." I grabbed my camera and quickly turned it on, wanting to get a few pictures before he moved. I lined his body up in the viewfinder and was so distracted with the sight of him that I very nearly forgot to press the shutter button. I chuckled at my own silliness and took the picture. I took another from the foot of the bed and then moved to the right side to get another shot of him.

"What are you doing?" he asked, obviously hearing me moving around.

"Nothing." I was pretty sure the music playing masked the sound of the shutter clicks since he still hadn't opened his eyes yet.

"I don't like the sound of that 'nothing'. It sounds too full of mischief."

"Why would you ever think _I_ would be mischievous? I am the epitome of saintly behavior," I said, barely getting the words out through my laughter.

He turned his head toward me and opened his eyes, looking right into the camera so I quickly zoomed in on them and snapped a picture. "What are you doing with the camera?" he asked.

I just shrugged.

"Why do you want to take pictures of me right now? My clothes are rumpled and I really need to shave."

I turned the camera off and set it on my desk before crawling in beside Edward. "I like the scruff," I told him, sliding my fingers back and forth across his stubble. The only light in the room came from the small lamp on my bedside table and its yellowish glow made the short hairs look like a mix of reds and browns.

He took hold of my fingers and kissed them before laying my hand on his chest with his on top of it. "Your skin is so soft, though. Doesn't it scratch?"

"A little, but it feels good."

He snorted as he slipped his free arm under his head. "Is that a 'pleasure in the pain' thing?"

Before answering him, I took a moment to revel in the feel of his deep voice vibrating through me and wrapping around me. I wasn't used to noticing that sort of thing, much less liking it so much—not that I was surprised. So much of being with Edward so far was about adjusting to the stark contrasts between dating him and dating anyone else. Had anyone told me ten days ago that Edward was one of the good ones, I'd have laughed in their damn face. Strange things were happening, but in really good ways.

I lowered my head and pressed my lips against his stubble covered chin before remembering to answer his question. "It's a 'what Bella likes about Edward' thing."

He pressed his hand against mine on his chest, letting me know he'd liked my answer.

I shifted around so I could put my head on his shoulder. "E, if you could be anywhere doing anything right now, where you would be and what would you do?"

He moved his head so he could see my face. "Right here with you just like this."

I snorted at his answer. "Thank you, Cheesy-E."

"Alright," he said with a chuckle. "I admit that we would be a little less clothed with our bodies a lot closer. What about you?" he asked with his signature half-smile.

"I would be on a beach in Europe wearing a very sexy bikini and soaking up as much warmth from the sun as possible." I waited a few seconds before continuing just because I knew it would make Edward twitchy. "With you beside me, of course."

His eyebrows did that thing where they tried to touch his hairline, showing that he was indeed twitchy and not sure that I hadn't been just teasing.

I moved up and over, covering his body with mine and setting my elbows on either side of his head, effectively trapping him beneath me. "I would really want you there, E."

"You sure about that?"

I smiled and slipped my fingers into his hair. "Someone has to put the lotion on my skin."

He huffed and put his hands on my hips like he was going to move me off of him, but I stopped him with a kiss, sliding my tongue against his. Moving me away was forgotten in place of pulling me closer. One of his hands pressed into my back, holding me against him, while the other cupped the back of my head.

Once I was sure he accepted my apology kiss whole-heartedly, I pulled my lips from his and gave him my real answer. "I would want you there because I enjoy being with you. You have no idea how refreshing it is to be able to lay next to a guy and not have to fight off his hands. Plus, you're really good at making me laugh and I love that thing you do with your fingers in my hair that makes my body feel like a pile of warm goo."

"Your answer makes me think you haven't had many considerate men in your life."

"If I don't count Jake, Jazz, and my dad, it's pretty much just you since Emmett is physically incapable. And you're the first to ever help me with a school assignment. Last semester, I dated a guy in my business writing class for a couple of weeks. I would take the time to read over his paper and mark where he needed to work on things, but the most he ever did for me was give it a once-over and proclaim it the work of a genius."

"Bastard."

I chuckled and nodded. "That's what I said."

Edward gave out a little growl and rolled us so that he was above me. "Give me his name."

"For what?" I asked with a laugh. "You gonna hunt him down and kick his ass, E?"

"Maybe."

I traced his smirk with my fingertip before leaning up and kissing him. Even though I knew he was only joking, the thought of him _wanting_ to take up for me gave him major boyfriend points.

Edward pulled his lips from mine and stroked my cheek with his thumb. "I hate to say it, but it's late and I should go. We have class in the morning and lunch with your friend."

I groaned and tried to pull him closer. "Don't remind me."

He chuckled and kissed my cheek before rolling off of me. "It'll be fine, Bella. I'm sure Bree and I will get along."

I laid there for a few seconds, staring up at the ceiling and trying not to think about tomorrow. And then decided I didn't want Edward to go. I crawled to the end of the bed and put my arms around his neck, interrupting his quest to put his shoes on. "I've decided to hold you hostage instead of letting you go."

"As tempting as that sounds, I need a shower and to shave. I want to look respectable tomorrow," he said.

I bit at my lip, trying to think up a way to get him to stay over. I wasn't even sure why it seemed so important suddenly, but it was. "Listen to that rain. You shouldn't be driving around in that."

"Bella—"

"Stay," I pleaded, kissing the side of his neck. "And if you're really intent on getting wet, then take a shower with me."

He groaned and tilted his head back, putting his ear right at my lips.

I slid one hand under the collar of his shirt and rubbed his chest while whispering into his ear. "I'll make sure you leave the shower sparkling clean."

"With an offer like that, I would be a fool to refuse."

I hummed my agreement against his neck.

"But what about proving to you I'm not just in this for the sex?"

I chuckled and pressed my cheek against his scratchy one, hugging his neck. "If you were in this just for the sex, you would have run out of here screaming after the first hour of working on that spreadsheet with me."

Edward tapped his fingers against my arms so I released him and sat back on my legs. He moved further into the bed and then pulled me over so we were lying on our sides and facing each other. "Bella, I'm glad I'm making progress with proving it to you, but I want to make sure there's no doubt in your mind about why I'm here. So as much as I would love a shower with you, I think we should just stay here and talk until we fall asleep."

I smiled and slid my fingers into his hair, pulling his forehead to mine. "If I find out this is all some act and you aren't really this nice of a guy, I'm going to kick your ass."

He let out a chuckle while kicking off the one shoe he'd managed to get on.

"I'm serious, E. I _will_ kick your ass."

He pulled me tighter against him, his expression serious as he rubbed his thumb over my cheek. "I believe you. I'm just not worried. I know I'm being myself and not pretending, just like I know I'll get you to believe it soon enough."

I answered in the way I thought best—with a kiss that showed my thanks. By the time we broke for air, his hands were under my shirt and against my back while my own were wrapped up in his hair. Our faces were tilted just the right way for our eyes to be lined right up, brown meeting green.

"So tell me, Cullen. What should we talk about?"

He thought about it for a while before smiling and asking a question. "What's your earliest memory?"

I knew right away what I wanted to tell him. "Sitting in the front yard with Jake and attempting to convince him the mud pie I'd made would taste just like chocolate pie."

"Did you convince him?"

I chuckled and nodded. "He had a big chunk in his mouth when Charlie and Billy found us sitting in the mud. I thought I would be in trouble but Billy just said to watch for worms while Charlie shook his head and smiled."

"Who's Billy?"

My smile turned sad as I thought of the man who had been an uncle to me. "Billy was Jake's dad. He died almost four years ago from complications from his diabetes."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Does that mean Jake lives with Charlie?"

"Jake kind of lives with everyone and no one. He'll spend a week at Sue's and then head over to Sam and Emily's for awhile before heading over to Paul's and then starting the tour all over again. And when he gets enough of house hopping on the res, he stays at Charlie's."

"No one worries about him?"

"It's because we worry that we let him. He has rules, like he has to call Charlie and tell him where he's settled at for the night. I know it might sound weird, but letting him go from house to house gives Jake a sense of family. And you can pretty much tell his mood by where he's staying. When he's with Sue, he wants to be mothered. When he's with Sam and Emily, he wants to pretend he's an adult. When he's with Paul, he's antsy and wants someone to rough-house with."

"What about when he's with Charlie?"

"He wants to be with the person most like his dad. Jake is a lot like me in that he's not any good at talking about how he feels. He barely spoke to anyone but me for months after Billy died. And then we started working on my bike. Having a purpose every day really helped Jake come around and get back to his normal self."

"I know you see him as a brother, but does he see you as only a sister?"

"I think he had a brief period where he crushed on me, but it didn't last." I smiled while thinking of nights spent huddled together on Charlie's couch with a pizza and a stack of action movies. "We fight a lot, but we always love each other. We would both kill for the other without hesitation. That's why he got so bent out of shape in the garage when you kissed me. As far as he knew, you were some idiot who barely spoke to me. When he saw you kissing me, he figured you were using me and he wanted to protect me. He's misguided sometimes, but his heart is always in the right place."

"Even though they might annoy you, I don't think you should ever consider his attempts to protect you as misguided. Even if you don't believe you need the help."

I decided that was not a conversational path I wanted to take tonight. "Your turn, E. What's your earliest memory?"

He closed his eyes and his lips spread out in a wide smile, already telling me he loved the memory. "It was Christmas morning and Santa had left matching red bikes with orange flames up the sides for Emmett and me. We had begged and pleaded for those bikes and we were so excited to finally have them. Carlisle had backed the cars out of the garage just so we could ride on them a little since the yard was covered in ice and snow. I barely made two rounds in the garage before I rolled over a nail and popped my tire."

"How could you smile for that? That's a horrible early memory," I said.

Edward opened his eyes and chuckled at me. "I wasn't finished. So there I was, standing next to my dad while he told me he would get it fixed the next day. Emmett pulled up beside us, got off his bike, and told me we could take turns, but only if he got two turns to my one."

"Now _that_ is a great memory. And probably the nicest story I've ever heard about Emmett."

"He doesn't mean to be a bad brother. At least, I hope he doesn't. I don't know … We were close and then we weren't and we just never got back to understanding each other."

"He's missing out."

Edward smiled and brushed his hand through my hair, pulling it away from my face. "Did you mean to say that or was it more of your word vomit?"

"That one I meant. It's kind of weird how quickly things between us have changed. And it's not because we slept together. It's all coming from talking to each other and actually getting to know each other. You've gone from being this cold, impersonal jerk to being this guy I'm glad to have as a friend. I can only imagine it's kind of the same for you."

He shook his head. "No. It's completely different for me. I _knew_ you were great. I could see it whenever I hung out with everyone and I was constantly hearing about it from Alice and the others. I just … I didn't know how to be near you and hide how much I wanted you."

"I wish you would have asked Alice so you could have known I wasn't seeing Jake."

"Me too. One of my many mistakes in life."

"I am very familiar with making mistakes."

"You've mentioned that a few times. Why don't you tell me something you're proud of?"

"Having Alice as my friend."

Edward shook his head. "Telling me something I don't know."

There was only one thing that came to mind and as usual, it brought tears with it. "I helped make Aaron's last days good ones."

I wasn't sure what came over me but instead of just having a tear or two fall out, I ended up really crying. Edward held me close and stroked my hair, sometimes kissing my wet cheek but mostly just holding me. I expected to stop crying and feel foolish or embarrassed any second, but it didn't happen. And when I did finally stop crying, all I felt was grateful to have a friend by my side.

"I don't know what brought that on," I said as I came out of my bathroom after washing my face.

Edward opened his arms to me and I crawled right into them, setting my head on his chest. "Sometimes it just happens, Bella. It's not anything to apologize for."

"Maybe not, but you can't always help how you feel about stuff either. I don't like crying. _Ever._ It's …annoying."

"Do you talk about him often?"

I closed my eyes and pressed my face into Edward's shirt. "No."

"Then that could be what upset you. You've been telling me about him on and off for the last week."

"It never stops hurting. When you lose someone, I mean. People say it gets easier with time, but it really doesn't. It just gets easier to ignore the pain."

"The world is a stage and we are all great pretenders."

"That's the part of humanity that really sets us apart from other species. We're constantly pretending about something, whether it's big or small. We can't handle full frontal honesty. Not to give it or receive it."

"Probably because the truth often hurts."

"Completely because of that. Any way I tell Alice that I hate her black and red checkered jumper she loves so damn much will hurt her feelings. It doesn't matter if I use nice adjectives or if I tell her the damn thing makes me want to vomit out my guts, she'll be hurt because she loves that damn thing."

"Maybe it's not so much about truth then as perception. Alice perceives the outfit is flattering and to be told otherwise hurts her feelings."

I leaned up to see the clock on my bedside table and fell back to the bed chuckling softly.

"What?" Edward asked.

"It's almost one in the morning and I am lying in bed with a totally hot guy having an existential debate on pretending, truth, and perception. This is like a total wet dream come true for me."

Edward snorted. "Sounds to me like you have some really odd wet dreams, Bella."

"I prefer the term 'intelligent' but whatever."

"See? Perception."

I laughed, careful to keep my voice down since it was late, and shook my head at him.

He pulled me closer to him and pressed a kissed to my cheek. "As fun as this is, I _perceive_ it is time for us to get some sleep so we don't have to _pretend_ not to be zombies in class tomorrow."

"I agree completely."

After exchanging a few really great kisses, we untangled ourselves and stripped down to comfortable sleeping attire before getting under the covers. We ended up spooning again and my angel wings got what was quickly becoming their usual goodnight kiss.

"Night, E," I whispered into the dark.

"Sweet dreams, Bella."

I smiled and closed my eyes, thinking that I might just have them after such a great night with Edward. He'd brought me flowers, he'd helped with my homework, he'd turned down naked shower fun time to get to know me a little more, and he hadn't been freaked out by my sudden bout of girly crying shit. Kate's earlier adjective came to mind and I had to agree whole-heartedly—the man was yummy. In all seriousness, though, if I got nothing else out of this whole attempt at being a couple, I would at least have one more friend in my life and that made me pretty damn lucky.

* * *

**A/N: **Thanks to the kindness of Eternally Addicted, next weekend will be a two-fer! Chapter 8 will post on Saturday and Chapter 9 will post on Sunday. The chapters will only be partials here so you'll have to hop on over to TWCSL to read the full deals. Thanks for putting up with two sites, lovely readers! You are all appreciated!!


	8. Why Can't You Stay

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Why Can't You Stay**

**Chapter Song: "When It Rains" by Paramore**

**Bella's POV: (just a little warning - lots of cursing in this chapter)  
**

"I know I say 'holy mother of fuck me sideways' way more than I should, but I never mean it literally," I said to the strained face in the mirror looking back at me. I was so used to making a decision and sticking with it—okay, so it was actually more that I was used to making the decision and not worrying about the consequences—either way, I was still struggling with the decision to let Edward and Bree meet so soon.

Having an extra day to re-think my decision hadn't helped either. Wednesday's lunch had been canceled due to a horrendous rainstorm and rescheduled to be a part of our Thursday night outing. Edward and Bree would be meeting for the first time at BOG and my stomach clenched painfully each time I thought about it. Bree at lunch was one thing; Bree under the lights and the influence of the music and alcohol was a totally different monster.

I couldn't take the worry and stress on my own without doing something I'd regret so I headed down the hall and knocked on Alice's door. If anyone could keep me out of the land of freak-the-hell-out where hair-pulling and screaming reigned, it would be my best friend.

"Come in, Bells," she called from the other side.

I'd gotten used to her way of knowing when it was me long ago so it barely even registered as I went inside and curled up on her bed, putting my head in her lap.

She smiled and brushed my hair off my ear. "Sweetie, you need to relax. Your fear about Edward and Bree meeting is completely irrational and somewhere in this head of yours, you know it. Edward and Emmett are twins by birth date, not by personality. And you know that Em's idiotic need to try to outcast Bree is his and his alone. You don't see Jazz acting that way."

"But just what if, Ali? What if Edward hates Bree?"

"He won't." Alice sounded so confident and I wanted some of that certainty for myself.

"How do you know?" I asked.

"I know my brother. He doesn't judge a person on the way they look or speak."

"How can you be so sure?"

Alice chuckled and squeezed my shoulder. "He fell for you, didn't he? He was able to see your harsh words were just meant to tease and he could see the caring woman behind them."

"I don't know about that. He seems intimidated by me so often."

"He is, but not because of the way you speak. It's the way you always seem to know exactly what you want and you go after it. He's never been that type of person, though I think he's often wished he could be. He's afraid you'll decide he isn't what you want and there will be nothing he can say to get a second chance from you."

"Why's he worried about a second chance when we're just starting the first?"

"Because he's Edward. He's the guy who over-thinks everything. He's also been subjected to Emmett's teasing for so long that I think he's actually started to believe some of the harsher things Em has told him."

I was no stranger to the taunting jabs Emmett dished out to Edward, but before we'd started talking and getting to know each other, I'd assumed Edward had deserved most of it. Now I could see that he never purposefully provoked Emmett and often let things slide just to avoid more taunting. "Why the hell is Em so fucking awful to him?" I asked.

"It started when they were just kids. The first girl Emmett ever liked was a cheerleader for his middle school football team. Emmett joined the team mainly to impress the girl and would do goofy things like give her the snacks out of his lunch. Unfortunately, the girl preferred quiet boys to loud ones."

I understood immediately and so many of the things I'd considered odd about the twins' relationship became perfectly clear. "Edward."

"Exactly. The worst part was that Edward didn't even know this stuff was going on. He knew Em had his eye on a girl, but he himself wasn't into girls during that time. He was all about playing video games with his friends. I'm not sure if it's wounded pride or if Em really believes Edward would betray him, but there's always been strain since then."

"I love Em, but he's a fucking moron."

Alice giggled. "I know and feel the same."

"So what kind of shit storm will Edward be in for if he does like Bree?"

"None. Emmett is the only one who has issue with your friend and he's already been warned what will happen to him if he acts like an ass tonight. Trust me, Bells, he's more worried about what Rose will _not_ do to him than he is about convincing Edward to dislike Bree."

I sighed and nodded, hoping that was right.

"Bella, this really isn't like you. You could care less if people like Bree, so why are you so nervous about tonight?"

I turned and looked up—more than that, I completely opened up to my best friend. "Ali, I'm all Bree's got. I remember what it was like when you were all I had and I can't see myself turning my back on a friend. But if Edward never wants to be around Bree, how can I have a relationship with him?"

"First of all, Bree is not alone. I'm here. And if Jacob would get off his lazy ass and make peace already, he'd be around too."

I snorted over the Jacob thing. "Ali, I've done everything short of begging the boy to get him to talk to Bree just once. He won't give in."

"So let's make him. Let's have him meet us at a public place where he has to behave and sit down and hear Bree out."

"You think that would really work?"

Alice shrugged. "It's worth the attempt."

I nodded in agreement, smiling a little at the thought of Jacob and Bree reconciled and beings friends again.

"As for Edward, I honestly believe he'll like Bree."

Before I could respond, my phone vibrated in my pocket and I reached down and yanked it out. I flipped it open and found a text message from Edward.

_Sorry! Running late with practice. Please tell girls & just meet us at BOG. Can't wait 2 see u & meet ur friend._

I smiled from ear to ear as I read the message a second time. "God, he's like Esme. He knows exactly what I need to hear without me saying a word," I said, passing the phone to Alice to let her see the message.

"I told you so. And you know Emmett has been doing his best to warn Edward about your _awful_ little friend. Just remember that Edward has a mind of his own and will make his own decision about Bree, despite Emmett's comments."

I reached out and wrapped my arms around my best friend. "Thank you, Ali. I honestly don't know what I would do without you."

"Good thing for you that you'll never have to find out.

"Yep," I agreed, kissing her cheek before letting her go.

"Well, we better let Rose know about the change in plans."

"I'll tell her," I said as I got up. "Rose!" I trilled out, skipping into the hallway to the sound of Alice's giggles. My best friend had helped turn my dread for the night ahead into excitement and I was ready for the fun to start.

* * *

"What did you do to my hair?" Bree cried.

"It was _my_ hair and I cut it," I said, turning my head to show off the burgundy streaks better. I was so damn excited and ramped up that I could barely keep myself still—even the shot of Jack Daniels Rose and I had taken before leaving hadn't helped.

"Totally my idea," Alice chirped while squeezing Bree with those little arms of hers.

"My turn," I said, pulling Bree over for a hug.

"Me next!" Rose called out.

"Where are the men?" Bree asked, looking past Rose's shoulder while they hugged. "I'm all ready to officially meet the other Cullen."

"Fra-twin-ward and the boys got held up when football practice ran over," I explained. Alice might have banned me from nicknames directly _to_ Edward, but I could still use them _about_ him.

"I thought the season was over," Bree replied.

"Not yet," Rose said with a sigh. She was ready for football to be officially over and for her to have Em's attention all to herself. "About three more weeks of the guys playing and then another month of watching it on the television."

"With a woman like you, I can't understand why Emmett would ever watch anything but your body."

"Sucking up to Rose will never help with Emmett," I said, grinning at my friend.

"A girl can only hope," Bree replied with a wicked smile.

"You look all you want as long as you don't touch," Rose warned.

Bree chuckled and winked at Rose. "I make no promises." And then those brown eyes settled on me. "_You_ come dance with me and tell me about this man in your life," Bree demanded, taking my hand and pulling me over to the small dance floor.

"Do you even know how to dance with a woman?" I teased, getting the evil eye in response.

"Don't even think of stalling."

I could tell Bree was trying so hard to look stern, but smiles always ruined that particular image. "You look happy," I said.

"Bells, for once, a guy likes me as much as I like him."

"Lance?"

Bree nodded and that smile grew wider. "Two lunch dates and a sleepover that had nothing to do with exploring my wares."

I chuckled and wrapped my friend up in a hug. "I'm so happy for you, Embry. You deserve a good one in your life."

He chuckled and kissed my cheek loudly. "I've had you these past few years, but you have the wrong equipment for it to be anything but platonic."

"Just dance," I replied, poking him in the chest.

As luck would have it, Beyonce's "If I Were a Boy" started up.

"Aw, they're playing your song," I teased, resting my arms on his shoulders as we started to sway together.

"It's Jacob that wants me to be a boy. I'm happy with being Bree."

A moment of silence passed between us after that and I had a pretty good idea what was coming. I also knew it best to let Bree bring it up on his own.

His eyes darted down to my face before looking off toward the table where Alice and Rose were sitting. It had only been for a second, but that was all I needed to see he still missed his friend.

"So I heard you went home to Forks for Halloween weekend," Bree finally mentioned.

"Do you want to know how he is?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

Bree sighed and nodded.

"He's doing really great. He's keeping up his grades and I swear he grew another inch since the school year started."

"What's that make him? Like seven foot?"

"Not quite. Edward's six-two and he's a bit taller so I think Jake's right at six foot now."

"Does he ever—No, I don't want to know."

"Liar." I smiled up at Bree and managed to get a tiny one in response. "Jake asked if I'd seen you and I let him know you were doing fine, but could always use another friend."

Bree groaned and his shoulders slumped. "Bells, don't do that. You'll just end up fighting with him."

"Like I don't already fight with him nearly every time I see him. I nearly stabbed him Halloween night when he pulled out a damn robe and called it a costume."

Bree's dark brown eyes grew two sizes larger. "You wore it?"

I nodded while biting my lower lip. "Right up until Edward tore it off of me."

"Holy shit," Bree cried, fanning himself with his hand. "Tell me more."

I huffed and rolled my eyes. "And take the chance of you having wet dreams about my man? Hell no."

"Bells, I'm going to have those anyway so you might as well give me some good imagery to work with."

"You have Lance, remember?"

"Oh, do I ever. In the kitchen. In the shower. And finally in the bed. And that was just last Thursday night."

I snorted at his bragging. "Good to hear you have a man with stamina."

"What about yours?"

"Not saying," I replied with a shake of my head.

"Why the hell not? You always tell me."

I shook my head again. "Because this time is different."

Bree stopped our dance and held me by the shoulders, completely ignoring the many insults I flung his way for staring at me like this. "Shut up and let me get a good look at you," he commanded.

"What the fuck for?" I asked, pushing his hands off my shoulders.

"The shirt's low cut, but it's only saying 'I have them' instead of 'wanna see them'. Jeans are fitted, but they're not skin tight and begging to be taken off, and those shoes say you're here for a good time but not too good of one. You really are off the market."

"Yeah, the term _boyfriend_ implies that," I said, starting to get agitated for reasons I couldn't explain.

He made some kind of noise that could have been a laugh—the only thing I knew for sure about it was dogs had heard it for blocks around. "Says the mistress of bed 'em and run. 'Boyfriend' to you means that you're going home with one particular guy for a few weeks. This time, it clearly means 'I belong to someone'."

I laughed off Bree's comments, not wanting to think too much about them. I kind of had that suspicion myself, but I wasn't quite ready to admit just how different things were with this relationship. I didn't mind change at all—I just needed to understand it. Right now, there was very little I understood about how crazy Edward and I were about each other.

If Bree had any inclination that I wasn't being myself, he didn't show it. Then again, he was a little preoccupied with looking down my shirt. "Love the new pushup you're wearing. I assume it's more of Alice's handiwork."

I couldn't do anything but laugh and hug him tightly, resting my head on his shoulder as we continued to dance. "I love you, you know."

A sudden intake of breath from behind me caused me to turn my head. At first I didn't see anything and almost turned my head back when the dance lights landed on a head full of copper hair, making the reddish streaks glow.

"Edward!" I called, smiling wide and waving a hand in his direction. He would meet Bree, they would get along, and everything would be okay, just like Alice had predicted. "Edward!" I called again when he kept walking.

"Bells, I think he heard you and seriously misunderstood," Bree said as he let me go. "I think you better go after him."

"No, he wouldn't be that silly," I argued. "He must not have seen us."

"He looked right at me."

"Well, fuck!" I cried, stomping my foot for good measure. I tried to see where Edward had gone, but there were too many people taller than me. "Screw it. If he wants to be an idiot, that's him," I said, turning back toward Bree. "Let him go and sulk."

"Stop being a bitch and go after him. I can see in your face that you want to."

"I don't," I lied. "I want to dance with my friend. If he wants to have his fucking panties up his ass and PMS, let him. Who the fuck cares?"

"You do, so go after him."

"I don't need him."

"Bells, I love you, but you need more than me and Alice in your life." Bree took me by the shoulders and turned me toward the direction Edward had gone in.

"Fine, but you're coming with me," I said, grabbing his hand and pulling him through the crowd. Not only did I want to make sure Edward saw there was nothing going on between Bree and me, I wanted someone sane there to keep me from beating the hell out of Edward for making me feel this way. I wasn't even completely sure what I was feeling. I just knew it was something close to panic and that was just at the _idea_ of things with Edward already coming to an end, especially over something like a damn misunderstanding. If I screwed up, fine go ahead and dump my ass. But if I hadn't done anything, I at least deserved the right to be heard out. _And who the hell was he to make me feel panic in the first place? Bella Swan didn't do panic_.

Until now.

We reached the parking lot and Edward's car just as the engine roared to life. Letting go of Bree, I ran up to the passenger side and yanked the door open. "Where the hell are you going?"

"Bella, not now," Edward replied, looking down at his steering wheel.

"Too bad," I said as I slipped into the passenger seat. "I've waited all day to see your ass and I'm not getting out of the car."

He ground out something that resembled "fine" and then he was out of the car, leaving it running while he walked away from it.

"_Fuck_! Stupid ass man with his bullshit and making me give a damn." Even though I was mad at him for being such a dick, I took the time to turn his car off and take his keys with me as I gave chase.

Paramore's "When It Rains" came to mind, the lyrics fitting pretty well with my night.

_So why can't you stay_

_Just long enough to explain?_

_Explain your side. Take my side._

_Take these chances to turn it around._

_Take these chances, we'll make it somehow._

But Edward didn't stop or turn around; he kept walking forward with me stupidly chasing after him. My pride wanted me to stop this stupid shit and go back into the bar, but some other part kept my feet prodding forward.

Once I caught up to Edward's stupid ass, I launched his car keys at him and hit him dead center in his back. "Shit," he cried as he stopped walking and tried to get a hand up to where his back was hurting.

"Your own fault," I said, picking up the keys in case I needed to throw them again. "What the fuck do you think you're doing, taking off without asking any questions or even attempting to find out what's going on? Since when the fuck do you take after Emmett?"

Those emerald eyes that were there even when mine were closed narrowed and turned a darker shade. The stubble-covered jaw my fingers had already traced a thousand times was tight and hard, looking sharp enough to cut through glass. And the deep voice that had said so many perfect things to me in such a short time was full of anger. "You were in the arms of another man and telling him you loved him. It was pretty damn clear what was going on."

"Oh, so you know my love for Bree is the kind a big sister has for a little brother? I'm so glad one look can tell you that," I said sarcastically. And then I lifted my hand and flipped Edward off. "What's this look tell you?"

The wide green eyes and slack jaw would have been comical if I wasn't so damn pissed at him.

But I was, so it only annoyed me further and I ended up slamming a fist into his shoulder. "I know it hasn't been two full weeks just yet, but I really thought we'd been around each other enough for you to know I'm not really a bitch. I would never tell one guy I loved him while dating another. I could never hurt someone like that, Edward." And because my mouth and brain had those special times when they didn't check with each other, I admitted more than I had wanted. "Especially not you."

Before my mouth could say anything else it shouldn't, I turned and headed back toward the bar, dropping Edward's keys into Embry's hand and ignoring my friend's yells for me to come back; I needed space and a chance to calm myself.

I didn't get the space, though. As soon as Alice saw my face, she grabbed Rose and pulled me into the staff room in the back—we were friendly with everybody who worked here so it wasn't the first time we'd used their office. "What happened?" she demanded, crossing her little arms in front of her and giving me that stare that promised she'd stand there all night if that's what it took.

"Drink first," I said, meeting her stare and letting her know I wouldn't budge either.

"No drink. You need to talk this out, not bury it with alcohol."

"You're going to be a bitch about this, aren't you?"

"I learned from the best." _She fucking had me there_.

I crossed my own arms and sank back into the leather couch. "Edward took one look at me with Bree, decided I was cheating on them both, and then stormed out of the bar. I followed after to try and talk to him, but he didn't want to listen so whatever. It's over. Rose, where's this one rank on failed relationships? Second shortest or third?"

"Bella, slow down and tell us exactly what happened," Alice demanded.

I struggled with my temper and kept down most of it by digging my nails into my palms, but I couldn't stop myself from screaming at my best friend. "I don't fucking know, Alice!"

"What started the argument?" Rose asked, speaking calmly and rubbing my back.

I took a few deep breaths and muttered an apology to Alice before explaining. "I was dancing with Bree and we were joking around. He was making comments about my bra and we were laughing. I told him that I loved him and Edward overheard me. Instead of asking what was going on, Edward assumed that I meant I was in love with Bree and that I was cheating on the both of them."

"What a fucking moron!" Rose barked, her expression one of disgust. "Bells, I'm so sorry he acted like such a jerk. Do you want me to kick his ass for you?"

I smiled a little as I linked my fingers with hers. "No, just let him go. We'll go back to pretending the other doesn't exist."

"Absolutely not!" Alice cried. "He clearly fucked up. I mean, _major_ fucked the hell up. Like Emmett's kind of asinine behavior. But, Bella, I'm sure it's a misunderstanding from how nervous Edward is about making things work with you. If you'll just talk to him—"

"I fucking tried that shit!" I yelled. "I—_me_, Bella fucking Swan—_I_ fucking followed after someone. But he didn't care to hear what I had to say. He was so fucking intent on leaving that he left his damn car running. You know how he is about that car, Alice. So you tell me where the fuck you see _any_ sign that he hasn't made his mind up about me and is moving on?"

No one broke the silence when I stopped ranting. That was something that never happened with the three of us and I knew right then that this thing with Edward really was over.

The longer the silence went on, the more my anger tried to turn into something else—something I didn't want to deal with. So I broke it up. "Whatever. I don't need anyone around me that thinks me capable of that kind of cruel shit. It's better to find it out now before we waste any more time around each other."

Rose pulled me against her shoulder and rested her head on mine, whispering an "I'm sorry". I parted my lips to tell her not to waste her breath on it, but the sound of the door banging against the wall interrupted me.

Rose and I shot up, looking toward the door, and then turned toward each other. She let out a chuckle. "There's a miniature bull charging through BOG in search of a copper colored flag. She's totally going to kick her brother's ass."

I sighed, not wanting Alice to fight with anyone for me, especially not her own family. "I wish she wouldn't. I tried to tell her it was too soon for Bree and Edward to meet."

"Maybe that's where we all made a mistake," Rose suggested. "If we had explained fully about Bree, Edward wouldn't have been expecting to meet a girl."

I groaned and got up from the sofa, trying to walk out some of my frustration. "It has nothing to do with whether Bree is a girl or a boy or gay or straight. Edward saw me with someone else and immediately distrusted me so much that he assumed I was cheating on _two_ people. He actually believes I could cause that much damage to others and not even bat an eyelash over it." By the time I stopped moving and talking, my face felt too hot and my eyes were stinging—I made a promise to beat the piss out of Edward Cullen if I cried tonight.

"What?" Rose asked, obviously sensing I had more to say.

I pushed out a breath and then my question. "Rose, I know I come off rough, but do I really seem like that kind of evil bitch?"

"Not at all. But then again, I'm a woman and not an idiot male. It's well known they're prone to overreaction when it seems a guy is encroaching on their territory."

"Fuck, why didn't he just piss on my leg or put a collar around my fucking neck? Property of Edward fuckin' Cullen," I ranted as I crossed the room and threw myself back down on the sofa.

Rose snorted. "Probably because he had just enough brains to know that shit would get him neutered."

I dropped my head between my legs, trying to slow my breathing and ignore the shitty feelings that were coursing through me. I wanted to be angry and nothing else, but I wasn't; I was disappointed and _really_ fucking hurt. For once, I'd actually been enjoying dating someone and it hurt to think about it already being over. What made it even worse was knowing it had come about because Edward thought so little of me.

I forced myself to breathe in and out slowly a few times before trying to speak again. "I want to not care and be glad it's over … Be happy there's no more worry of how my relationship with him will affect Alice and me. Why don't I feel that way, Rosie? I _always_ feel that way. Good riddance and all that shit."

Her arms wrapped around me and her head settled against my back. "Because you really like him and want to be with him."

I tried again to focus only on the anger I felt. "I can't believe I fell for his bullshit. All that crap about wanting to get to know me and be around me. The first excuse he found to walk away, he took it." _So good fucking riddance to the jerk. Just another in a long list of them._

"Big fucking mistake on his part. Not only is he passing on a great girl, Emmett's going to kick his ass for pissing you off."

"Emmett will do no such thing because you will command it. I want to move on and forget all about Edward Cullen. I can't do that shit if I'm bailing Em's ass out of jail for beating the shit out of Fra-twin-ward."

Rose snorted, knowing I was right.

I blew out a breath and attempted to shrug off my crappy feelings while getting to my feet. "Come on, Rosie," I said as I grabbed her hand and pulled her up. "Time to salvage this cluster-fuck of a night. We're at BOG and we are sure as shit Goddesses. It's time to do a little dance, shake a little ass, and stretch some pants. I'll get us some shots of JD and you find me some junk to grind on."

Her hands gripped my shoulders and she lined her blue eyes up with my brown ones. "Bells, are you sure? We could just head home instead. There's no shame in feeling hurt."

"What kind of Beelzebub would I be if I let a fucking man ruin my Thursday night fun?"

"You're not a demon."

"Yeah, I know. It's just the rest of the world that doesn't seem to realize it."

"So add him to the Dumb-Fuck List?" Rose asked, grinning a little.

"Top of the DFL," I said with a nod. "He wasn't really all that great anyway," I added, not sure who I was trying to convince. "And he had that fucking cheesy ass way of talking."

"You're better off without him, Bells."

"Totally," I agreed with a big smile. I linked my arm with Rose's and we headed for the door—and the night of fun that was waiting for us on the other side of it. I'd always been great at locking away the unpleasant side of life and tonight would be no different.

_Plenty of time to hurt in private later on, Bells. It'll all be here waiting for you when you stop moving and speaking._

"That's what alcohol is for," I mumbled to myself as Rose opened the door.

* * *

**A/N: **This is the full chapter. It's also up at TWCSL. Hope you guys enjoyed!


	9. Walk Away

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

* * *

**Chapter Title: Walk Away**

**Chapter Song: "Walk Away" by Kelly Clarkson**

**Bella's POV:**

**Last Time …**

"So add him to the Dumb-Fuck List?" Rose asked, grinning a little.

"Top of the DFL," I said with a nod. "He wasn't really all that great anyway," I added, not sure who I was trying to convince. "And he had that fucking cheesy ass way of talking."

"You're better off without him, Bells."

"Totally," I agreed with a big smile. I linked my arm with Rose's and we headed for the door—and the night of fun that was waiting for us on the other side of it. I'd always been great at locking away the unpleasant side of life and tonight would be no different.

_Plenty of time to hurt in private later on, Bells. It'll all be here waiting for you when you stop moving and speaking._

"That's what alcohol is for," I mumbled to myself as Rose opened the door.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Now …**

Edward's tall, lanky frame blocked our exit. "Can we talk?"

I stood up straighter and did my best not to seem affected by him standing there; he was only there because of Alice anyway. As if to prove the point, Kelly Clarkson's "Walk Away" started to play …

_You've got your mother and your brother,_

_Every other undercover,_

_Tellin' you what to say._

_You think I'm stupid._

As sweet as it was of Alice to try and help, I didn't want to talk to Edward if he didn't truly want to talk to me. And if he thought for a second I was stupid enough to believe he was here on his own … _Whatever. He's already proven he thinks worse things of me._

"The time to talk was outside earlier. Right now, it's my time to have fun with my friends," I told him. "Besides, aren't you in a rush to leave?"

"You think I _wanted_ to leave?" Edward asked, having the nerve to look and sound angry.

"Hey, you can lose the fucking attitude right now," Rose said, shoving one of her red nails into his chest. "You pissed all over her, not the other way around."

Kelly seemed to agree with Rose's estimation …

_Lovin' you has made me this way._

_So before you point your finger_

_Get your hands off of my trigger._

Except for the love part. I didn't love him. And right now, I could barely fucking stand the sight of him.

"Rosalie, I appreciate that you're friends with Bella, but like I said to my sister, this has nothing to do with you," Edward told her.

_Oh yeah!_

_You need to know this situation's getting old_

_And now the more you talk_

_The less I can take. Oh!_

I was really starting to believe Ms. Clarkson could see the future and had written this song specifically to be a soundtrack for this night—Edward and I were over and his voice was only grating my nerves and keeping me from my shots.

While I was busy comparing song lyrics to my life, Rose was growling and parting her lips to let loose what would probably have been something appropriately cutting and shitty. But she was stopped by a little hand clamping onto her arm and yanking her past Edward.

"Go talk," Alice ordered, pushing her brother into the room with me.

"Alice, there's nothing to talk about," I said, looking only at her and trying to convey with my eyes how unsafe it was for her brother to be around me right now. _Alright, so that isn't true, especially since I already feel bad for the keys thing. But he'd just made me so damn angry thinking I would purposefully hurt him. Or anyone for that matter!_

Alice fucking ignored me in favor of doing a total fucking kamikaze to me. "Bella, if you love me at all, you will hear him out."

"That's fucking low, Alice Cullen," I roared. "I would never fucking pull that shit on you."

"You would if you thought you were doing what was best for me." She didn't even give me a chance to respond. She just grabbed hold of the doorknob and left Edward and me alone in the room.

I waited for Edward to speak up, but he just stood there with his hands in his pockets and his eyes guarded. His silence left room for Ms. Clarkson to fill the void with some more insanely appropriate lyrics.

_I gave you everything_

_And never asked for anything_

_And look at me…_

_I'm all alone._

_So, before you start defendin',_

_Baby, stop all your pretendin'._

I really had given a lot to this relationship with him, even going so far as to follow him outside when the shit had hit the fan. But he hadn't wanted to stay and listen, and he was only in here now because of Alice. There was no point in wasting any more fucking time standing here in silence so I told him as much.

"You wanted to talk so fucking open your mouth. If not, I have shit to do that doesn't involve standing near you," I said, glaring up at him.

"Do you really think I was leaving because I wanted to?"

_Just walk away._

_Just walk away._

_Just walk away._

Once again, Ms. Clarkson was so fucking right on. Edward had walked away. He'd made his choice and we would both have to live with it now. Before I could tell him as much, my focus shifted to the song's lyrics again.

_I wanna love,_

_I want a fire,_

_To feel the burn_

_Of my desires._

_I wanna man by my side,_

_Not a boy who runs and hides._

_Are you gonna fight for me?_

_Die for me?_

_Live and breathe for me?_

_Do you care for me?_

'_Cause if you don't then just leave!_

He had run and hid like a boy and he certainly hadn't seemed interested in fighting for me at all. Alice swore he cared for me, but … The fire between us had been real and had felt so great and now …

Now he was asking stupid questions that were pissing me off and making me wish I had just let him leave earlier. I never followed after guys and I clearly shouldn't have changed that tonight. All it had gotten me was angry and standing next to an apparently mute asshole.

_Why are you still standin' here?_

_Hey, hey, hey, hey!_

_Just walk away!_

"Bella, answer me," Edward demanded, sounding more like Alice than Emmett. "Do you really think I was leaving because I wanted to?"

_If you don't have the answer,_

_Walk away!_

I remained silent, figuring he would follow Ms. Clarkson's lyrics and walk away again, putting an end to this pointless ass conversation—and making way for me to get the hell out of here and get some shots with Rosalie.

Only he wasn't leaving. He was waiting for me to answer his stupid fucking question.

So I did. "You left the bar without a word and were in your car with it running by the time I got to you. Not to fucking mention that you left your car running to try and avoid talking to me. I should have just left it like that and enjoyed the show when someone fucking stole the damn thing."

"I admit I was leaving, but I never said I _wanted_ to leave."

I took a step forward, getting right up into his face and somehow resisting the overwhelming urge to have his chin meet my fucking fist. "Don't fucking play semantics with me, Cullen. If it looks like a fucking duck and quacks like one, then it's a fucking duck."

His fingers settled against my upper arms and pulled me against him, his eyes staring right into mine. "Unless it's a swan that doesn't know it's not really a duck."

"A fucking fairytale, Cullen? You're rationalizing your behavior with a children's story?"

"No, I'm just pointing out that things aren't always how they seem, something we both are guilty of forgetting tonight. I didn't want to leave, Bella. But I would never stay and make you choose between me and someone or something you loved."

"That makes absolutely no fucking sense, Cullen. And it still means you think me capable of cheating on two people."

"Indiscretions happen, often without any premeditation or forethought."

"I realize having a whore for a mother predisposes me to acting like one, but until I actually do that, I'd prefer to be innocent until proven guilty."

He let out a breath while one of his hands slid back and forth through his hair, making it a massive mess—I'd never wanted to shave someone bald so badly in all of my life. He was damn lucky we were in a bar and not my apartment or those copper locks would be adorning the damn floor. _Liar! If you had really felt the need to create physical pain for him to match the emotional you're feeling right now, you would have already done it._

"Either say something or go the hell away," I demanded, fed up with watching him play with his damn hair and with the stupid thoughts rolling around in my head.

He sighed and rubbed my arms with both of his hands as if he thought that would somehow make this shit better or me any calmer. "I didn't really think you would cheat. It's just …"

"Just what, Cullen?" I barked. I was done with this conversation and just wanted a huge stiff drink.

"Stop calling me that," he ordered, his face so close to mine his breath tickled my cheeks. "I have a first name."

"Well using it would be too damn personal right now so you're shit out of luck." And just to get him as pissed as I was, I said it again, emphasizing the word. "_Cullen_."

His fingers dug into my arms but I hardly felt it, too busy dealing with and responding to the lips attached to mine. It was fueled as much by desire as desperation and as much as I would have liked to say both of those feelings had belonged exclusively to Edward, I knew in my heart it wasn't true.

Our lips finally parted to let air in, but he continued to kiss me, covering my chin, cheeks, and forehead while mumbling "sorry" between each one.

I wanted to push him away and slug him in the jaw.

I wanted to wrap my arms around him and beg him to keep kissing me.

His voice was strained when he spoke, but I couldn't pinpoint the emotion he might be feeling. "I don't think you would cheat, but in that moment, it somehow made more sense than you being with me. I've wanted you for so long and it's making it hard for me to believe this is real."

I sighed and shook my head at such lame reasoning. "If this seems like an impossible dream to you, then your imagination is sorely lacking."

"It was great until I messed it up tonight."

"You did mess it up, you jerk."

"Any chance we can start over? We could head outside to join the others and you could introduce me to your friend the right way."

"No."

He sighed and I could feel his body slumping and the hope draining right out of him. He was going through what I'd felt when he'd walked away from me earlier. Normally at this point, I would consider things over and go on my merry way—only I didn't want things to be over this time. I wanted to stick around and fix them.

"At least not yet," I corrected.

His arms tightened around me just enough for me to notice the change. "What can I do to fix this?"

"Start with explaining your reaction."

His hand was back in his hair as he spoke. "Today was so long and I'd been looking forward to seeing you for hours, knowing just being with you would make the day seem better. I spotted you right away and I was so focused on you that I never saw the guy until I was standing next to you and hearing you say you loved him. It just … Honestly, it hurt, Bella. I wanted to be the one you were holding so close and saying those words to."

It took me three tries to get my mouth to work. "_That's_ why you flipped out?"

He nodded. "I thought you were already tired of me."

"Why didn't you stay and ask me to explain?"

"I was afraid of what you might say."

"You never thought you might _like_ what I had to say?"

He shook his head and lowered his eyes. "I'm sorry, Bella. I truly am."

I moved my head enough so that he was looking at me again. "Whether you're afraid of an answer or not, you can't ever walk away like that again. Either we're both going to take risks and be into building this relationship together or we call it quits here and now. Why the hell do you think I went after you?"

"I won't repeat my mistake. I promise." Edward lifted my hand up and kissed the back of it. "Will you please forgive me and introduce me to your friend?"

I shrugged, still feeling like a mess over this crap and not sure I was up for another confrontation. And if Bree decided to be a bitch to Edward for his behavior, there was nothing I could do to stop it. "If Bree still wants to meet you."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why didn't you tell me Bree was a guy?"

"Explaining Bree and meeting Bree are two separate things and I honestly didn't think there was a way to prepare you properly, so I just didn't. And I was sort of hoping you would be open-minded enough that it wouldn't matter."

"It doesn't. It just surprised me. But why does everyone else refer to him as a her?"

I snorted, thinking back to what had started it. "Emmett's fault. Bree crushes on him big time and Em can't deal with the idea of a guy being infatuated with him so he purposefully uses 'she' and 'her' to make it less creepy for himself. He says he doesn't mind if Bree is gay, he just doesn't want to know about it."

Edward gave out a snort of his own. "My brother the caveman." And then his face grew serious again. "Bella, could you not close up on me when you get angry? I can handle the anger just fine, but that coldness and the way you say my last name like it's some sort of expletive … Just please don't do that."

"I can only say I'll try. It's something I haven't learned to control yet."

"Thank you," he whispered, pressing a kiss to my temple. "I'm sorry for just walking away."

"I'm sorry for hitting you with your keys."

"That really hurt. Where'd you get such a great pitching arm?"

I shrugged and grinned. "I'm kind of a pro at throwing when angry." And then I grew serious. "I'm sorry. I did at least make the attempt not to hit you full force."

"We both made some major mistakes tonight. Do you think we could agree to forgive and forget?"

"I'd really like that."

"And in the future, we'll both try to stay calmer and not walk away."

Something about his words had me struggling with the urge to cry again and I covered it up by pressing my face into his shirt and just letting him hold me. I wasn't sure how long we stood there just breathing together, but it was long enough to calm me down, though I still felt some of the hurt. I probably should have just been grateful Edward didn't really think I would cheat and hurt others, but his walking away without a word … It was too much and too close to past painful experiences for me to forget it easily. I needed a distraction and Bree certainly qualified as that.

"Come on, E," I said as I pulled my arms away from Edward. "I'll introduce you to Bree and let Alice know she doesn't need to scratch your eyes out."

"How do you know she threatened that?" he asked. His arm slipped around my waist and tucked me against his side as we headed for the door.

"I know Alice," I said, grinning at the idea of my best friend maiming her big brother just for me.

Bree was waiting on the other side of the door and he immediately pulled me away from Edward and into a hug. "You okay, Bells?"

I slipped my arms around him and whispered into his ear. "It was a misunderstanding, like you said. He's apologized and would like to meet you."

"Are you sure you don't want me to kick his ass instead?"

A loud burst of laughter came out of me at the idea of Bree attempting to kick anyone's ass. "No, Sweetie. But I'd really like it if I could introduce you two properly."

"Fine. But only because it's you asking."

I chuckled and kissed his cheek before pulling him closer to Edward. "Bree, I would like you to meet Edward Cullen. Edward, this is my very good friend, Bree, also known as Embry Call."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Edward said, holding his hand out to Bree. He seemed to honestly mean it too.

Bree must have thought the same because he smiled and took the offered hand. And then he had a total Bree moment, turning it over and petting it. "You have the softest skin. How do you manage that? I have a lotion collection going and mine never feel like this."

"You must have missed the calluses on his fingertips," I said, pulling Edward's hand out of Bree's and setting it on my hip. Edward immediately took advantage and pulled me into his side.

"A musician too?" Bree asked, practically undressing Edward with his eyes. To his credit, Edward stood still and took it without getting that panicked look that Emmett always wore.

"Bass and piano," I confirmed. "And they're mine."

Bree chuckled and winked at me. "The hands are nice, honey, but he doesn't have nearly enough meat on his bones for me. I like them big and brawny."

"Explains Emmett," Edward whispered into my ear, making me snort.

"It also explains his new man, Lance," I said. "And just where the hell is he? It's extremely unfair that my new guy gets the friend scrutiny and yours escapes it."

"Oh, well, he can't compete with the beauty of Emmett so I thought I'd spare him the heartbreak and leave him at home tonight," Bree replied.

"Um … are you serious?" Edward asked, looking somewhere between shocked and worried.

Bree giggled and shook his head, making the dance floor lights reflect off of his product-infused cropped black hair. "He couldn't get out of work tonight."

"Poor bastard," I said.

Bree shot me an evil grin and a wink. "Until he gets off and then he'll be a very lucky bastard." Bree's eyes darted up to Edward and I could just tell from the way Bree's lips were twitching that he was about to misbehave. "Edward, honey, how about a dance?"

Edward's cheeks reddened, along with his ears, while his free hand shot up and into his hair. With as much as he'd been messing with his hair tonight, he might never get it back down to its normal unruly ways. "Well, I … I um …" he stammered.

"Oh, my!" Bree cried with fake outrage, putting his hand over his heart. "Oh, you didn't think I meant with me, did you?"

"Well, I … Kind of," Edward stuttered.

"I don't chase the straight ones, except for Emmett. That man can be an exception to my rule any day of the week, twenty-four hours a day."

Between Bree staring off at Emmett's ass on the dance floor and licking his lips, and Edward sliding me in front of him like a damn shield, I was having to bite down on my finger to keep from shrieking out laughter. _I_ knew Bree was just teasing, but there was no way for Edward to know that yet.

"Why are you still standing here?" Bree asked, looking up at Edward. "You've got a hot ass woman in your hands and a slow song playing. Get her out on the dance floor and dazzle her," he said, shooing us toward the dance area with his hand.

"So what do you think of Bree?" I asked as soon as we were on the floor and out of hearing range.

Edward chuckled and leaned down, brushing his lips over mine. "You're nervous. I've never seen you nervous before. I think I kind of like it. It's definitely better than you being pissed at me."

I tugged at the collar of his shirt, frowning at him for his teasing. Obviously I was still upset about shit because normally that sort of teasing would have been met with a litany of words to turn his ears red. "E, be serious."

"Bree seems like he's a good guy. I can tell he cares for you. And I can also see where he terrifies my brother. Still, I wish you would have said something."

"Would telling you he's gay have made a difference?"

"Not that it would have made a difference, but it would have kept me from misunderstanding."

"Maybe so. I just … I haven't introduced many guys to Bree and I was really nervous about it."

"Why? And why didn't you tell me you were nervous?"

"To be honest, I didn't really know how. I mean … It's easy with Alice because most times it's like she already knows. But with other people …"

"But why, Bella? Did you really think I would have a problem with Bree being gay? I told you about Karen."

"Yeah, but Karen's still hiding it and Bree is extravagant in letting people know. He feels like since he lost his family by being honest, he has to make a big production of it. He took it so hard when his family disowned him and Jacob shunned him. I'm all he's got now and I was worried what would happen with us if you didn't like him."

"First of all, if I had for some reason found a problem with Bree, we would have figured out someway to work it out. We're not required to like each others friends, but I'm sure we can both manage to tolerate them. Secondly, tell me what I can do to help with Bree and Jacob. Do you think if I talk to Jacob with you it would help?"

"Thanks for the offer, but no. Jake is just … He's a stubborn ass is what he is. He and Bree were best friends all through school until a couple of years ago when Bree announced to his family he was gay. Jake saw it as some kind of personal betrayal and hasn't spoken to him since. Honestly, I think it was just too much for Jake since he'd lost Billy so soon before, but it's hard to know with him. Without his friend and family, Bree had nowhere to go so I found him a place to stay and a job. I'm also making his ass take GED courses to get his high school diploma."

"He's lucky to have you, Bella."

I smiled at the sweetness of Edward's comment and the sincerity in his tone. "Thank you for trying to understand."

Edward pressed our foreheads together, his green eyes lining up with mine. "I'm sorry."

"You said that earlier."

His hand came up and settled against my cheek. "I can still see the hurt in your eyes, though. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you."

"Then don't walk away because you're afraid I'm going to disappear. I get that you've waited for me, but that part is over and done with. You have me now, and for as long as we can make this work. But it'll never work if you're constantly expecting me to change my mind. I don't do that shit, E. And even if I did change my mind, I would tell you right away. I don't play games."

"I'll work on it, Bella. I promise you."

Just as Edward stopped speaking, the music changed to "Butterfly" from Crazy Town. I groaned, knowing exactly what was coming my way—not that I didn't want to, but just that I wasn't sure it was the best idea after all that had happened earlier.

"Sorry, Sexy, but she's all mine for this one," Bree said, pulling me away from Edward and into his arms. The little bitch had probably requested the song from the DJ just to make my night that much crazier.

But Bree looked so excited to dance with me that all I could do was laugh while situating myself into his arms, with his knee between my legs and his hands on my hips while my own hands held his shoulders. It looked so much dirtier than it was, but that was part of the reason we did it—_everyone_ looked when we danced to this song together. Rose and Alice usually even stopped dancing to watch the show.

"You got me sprung with your tongue ring," Bree sang along before opening his mouth and showing me his piercing.

"Save that shit for Lance," I said with a laugh.

"I plan to. And I'm going to bend you," Bree warned.

"The fuck you are. I'm not falling on my damn ass in front of Edward," I argued. For the first time ever, I was nervous about dancing in front of people. _Okay, so I'm actually only nervous about one person watching_.

"You won't fall. Just hold my wrists with your hands and when you catch sight of Edward, wink at him."

"This is a fucking stupid ass idea and I shouldn't even be considering it."

"But you are because you like him. I watched the way the two of you danced together. You barely took your eyes off each other and that was _right after_ a fight. Now shut up and trust me, Bells. This will have him salivating at your feet."

"Fuck, I'm going to kill you if I fall."

Bree was too busy chuckling over my threats to take them seriously. The second my hands moved to his wrists, he bent me down over his knee and I stupidly looked for Edward and winked at him when I saw him.

"Holy mother of fuck me sideways," I said as soon as I was upright and hiding my face against Bree's shoulder. "Why the hell did I ever listen to you?"

Bree was laughing hard enough to shake both of our bodies. "Yeah, well, your man over there is testing the stretch in his jeans, clearly indicating he enjoyed the show."

"I seem to be able to do that pretty often to him."

Bree's grin was pure evil as he looked at me. "Don't be modest about it, Bells."

"Bitch."

"Completely," he agreed with a chuckle. And then he spun me around so that my back was against his chest.

I didn't even have to look up to know Edward was watching my every move; I could feel the intensity shooting out of his green eyes and sparking against my skin. Since I had such a captive audience, it would be a true shame to not to give him the full show.

I couldn't help the little evil grin on my lips as I shimmied my way down Bree's body. As soon as I was standing, his hands went to my hips and we went low together. I could hear the crowd cheering us on but I ignored them all, only caring that one person was watching.

Bree and I came up together and turned our heads to each other, looking for all the world like we were about to kiss, but just before our lips touched, he spun me around to face him again. He took a step back, giving me room to work, and my own hands slid up my sides as my hips swayed to the music. When we'd danced to this song in the past, I'd had long hair and would run my hands through it and fluff the strands out. With my short hair I had to improvise so I just let my hands join above my head and turned in a slow circle, doing a pretty damn good impersonation of a belly dancer if I do say so—and I did.

Once I was facing Bree again, my hands went to his chest, sliding up and down while my hips continued to sway. Bree matched me move for move, his hips probably swaying more and better than mine. I started laughing when he blew a kiss my way and he used my distraction to grab me and spin me right into Edward's arms.

I had no idea why, but my cheeks heated up and I found myself unable to meet Edward's eyes. So I just grabbed his hands and put them on my hips, showing him how to hold me while I moved against his body. After a few seconds, I chanced a glance at him but instead of getting an eyeful, I got a mouthful. _Jeebus he tastes good!_

I'm not sure how long that kiss would have gone on if Bree hadn't interrupted with a sound that was part cough and part giggle. "Song's over, lovers. And unless you want to follow in that fine tradition of copulating on the dance floor started by my beloved Emmett, you need to come up for air."

"He's kind of got a point." I had to mumble the words out since I hadn't bothered to really take my lips off of Edward's. I might agree that Bree was right, but that didn't mean I liked it much. Everything I was feeling with Edward was so much more intense than in any of my other relationships; the man was constantly testing my self-control. It was odd how easily Edward could get me to feel emotions and I was sure I should probably be scared by it, but it had been so long since I'd felt at all that it was too intoxicating to pass up. All I wanted to do was stay right there in his arms and keep kissing him.

For once in his life, Emmett helped me out. He came up behind Edward and slipped an arm around his brother's shoulders, pulling him away from me. "Holy shit, Ed. I had to look twice to make sure it was really you getting all hot and heavy on the dance floor. I'm proud of you. Now let's talk about you letting your woman dance all up on _her_."

Bree grabbed my arm and we followed after the guys. "I should be offended by that, but I'm too happy to hear he was watching me," he whispered into my ear.

My laugh burst out of me and Bree had to practically hold me up while we walked over to join everyone.

"What's with her?" Alice asked, jerking a thumb at me.

"She's laughing at my optimism," Bree replied with a chuckle.

"I'd ask if you worked things out with Edward but from the way you were grinding on him, I think the answer's pretty clear," Rose said, pulling me to her side.

"I've added 'complete idiot' to his resume, but I haven't given up on him yet," I told her.

"Good to hear," Alice said as she handed me a drink. "I really thought I was going to have to drag him back in here by his ear, but he was already inside and looking all over for you."

"Really?" I asked, watching her face closely to make sure she was being honest.

Alice came to my other side and slipped her little arm around my waist, dropping her head to my shoulder. "He might be my brother, but you're my best friend and I'd never lie to you."

"I believe you, Ali girl," I replied as I gave her a one-armed hug. The thought of Edward coming back on his own to find me had me feeling all warm and tingly in a way that had nothing to do with arousal—another first for me.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Tonight was a lot of fun." Edward's voice was a little muffled since his face was pressed into my hair, but I heard him just fine.

I nodded just a little to show I agreed. I didn't really want to talk right now. I wanted to enjoy being in his arms a few more minutes before heading upstairs. I would have invited him up for a little while, but I knew I would have wanted him to stay if I had—just like I knew I needed some time to myself to really deal with and get past what had happened tonight. I'd forgiven him, but I still had some hurt to deal with.

As if he could read my mind, Edward spoke up about our fight. "I'm sorry I made the night start off badly."

I thought over his words for a minute and decided for once that talking about it a little more couldn't hurt anything. "I know. Can I ask you something about your reaction though?"

"You can ask me anything, Bella."

"You said it hurt you to hear me tell another guy I loved him. Why? And does it hurt you when you hear me say it to Jazz, Em, or Jake?"

"With Jazz and Em, it never bothered me. Jake used to, but that was only because I wasn't sure what you guys were to each other."

"So it only bothers you when you think I have romantic love for a guy?"

"Yeah," he admitted, his hand back in his hair for about the hundredth time tonight.

"E, that doesn't make any sense. The only reason for you to be hurt or jealous or whatever over that is if you loved me yourself, which is just not possible. You don't know me yet." _You proved that earlier,_ I thought but didn't speak.

Instead of saying anything in response, he held me closer. But that was an answer in itself and a really fucking scary one at that. He couldn't really be in love with me as a person, which meant he was just in love with the idea of me. One of these days, he'd figure out that I wasn't the woman in his dreams and what then?

He'd be crushed, that's what then. He wasn't built like Emmett to just make a joke and brush stuff off. He wasn't able to find the bright side like Alice. And I seriously doubted he could lock it all away and move past it the way I could. I didn't want to have anything to do with crushing someone's heart, not even on accident. I knew what that pain was like and I wouldn't cause that in another person.

"E, I gotta tell you, this whole … Look, I just don't know that … Fuck, why the hell does this happen with you?" I asked, glaring at up at him. "I get confused and tongue-tied and I just want to pull hair and scream."

"What did I do?"

"You love me, that's what you did."

His mouth opened and closed without sound while his cheeks and ears turned red. "I never said—"

I sighed and stepped back, pulling myself up onto the hood of his car. "You don't have to say it, E. It's all over your face and in your eyes."

"So what if I do?" he asked, standing up straight and doing his best to look like he didn't care. He failed—miserably.

"E, you seem so sure of your feelings and I don't want you getting hurt just because I don't feel the same."

"Yet."

"Yet is a nice idea. But what will you do if I never get to 'yet'?"

His hands cradled my face, tilting it up until our eyes were level. "I'll deal with it when I come to it."

"That's not good enough."

"I appreciate you being worried for me, but I'm not afraid. I know there's something here between us and I'm sticking around to find out exactly what it is."

I sighed and pulled his hands away, remembering having told myself pretty much the same thing. "It's your funeral."

"Are you mad at me?"

"No. Just feeling tired and ready for some sleep."

"Call me if you decide you want to talk some more. I don't care how late."

"Thanks," I said, leaning up and kissing him quickly.

He smiled and pulled me into a hug. "Don't worry about me and just enjoy this _with_ me. And trust that I know what I'm doing."

Those were some famous last words right there, but I didn't have the heart to tell him that. Instead, I squeezed him as hard as I could and then headed upstairs. I had a head full of shit that needed to be dealt with so I could get some sleep tonight.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Bella? Is everything okay?" Edward asked, his voice thick from having been woken out of his sleep.

"Can I come in?"

"Of course," he said, pulling the door completely open. "How'd you even get up here?"

"I flirted."

He chuckled as the lock clicked on his door. "The poor front desk guy."

I wanted to laugh with him, but I could only continue twisting my fingers and shifting my feet in an effort to dispel the nervous energy that had been ripping through me since he'd left me at my apartment earlier.

Edward's arms slipped around me and within seconds, my feet had stopped moving, though my hands were now busy clenching and unclenching the sides of his shirt.

"What's wrong?" He tightened his hold with one arm and used the other to rub my back. "What has you here at almost three in the morning?"

"When you first asked me to date you, I thought about whether or not I should tone myself down and I realized that would be a lie. I'd be hiding who I was and it wouldn't be fair to either of us. I can't choose to be who I am and ask you to hide yourself. And for some crazy reason I can't figure out, I don't want you to hide it. So if you feel that way for me and you can remember you're not hearing it back because I don't want to lie to you, then you can say it."

Edward kissed my temple and then pulled me to over to his bed; it was all the invitation I needed to kick off my shoes and crawl under his covers with him. My head found a perfect spot on his shoulder and his fingers went into my hair—I nearly purred with how relaxed I felt right then. After hours and hours of being fidgety, every muscle in me was tired and ready for rest. His warmth, his scent, and the peaceful silence wrapped around us had my eyes drooping within minutes.

I was nearly asleep when his voice broke the silence. "When I feel the time's right, I'll say it," he whispered against the top of my head. "Until then, let's just focus on building this relationship together, just like you said earlier tonight."

"You're a good man, Edward Cullen."

"And you're a good woman, Bella Swan. If you weren't, you wouldn't have been so concerned with my feelings."

"Yeah, well. Don't get used to it," I grumbled. "It was probably just PMS or some other bullshit girly thing."

He chuckled and hugged me against his body. "Right."

"Shut up and go to sleep."

He chuckled again while tucking my head under his chin. "Sweet dreams, Bella."

"Night, E."

Lying there in the dark with his heart beating steadily under my ear, I found myself thinking about the lyrics from "There Goes the Fear" by the Doves.

_Close your brown eyes_

_And lay down next to me_

_Close your eyes, lay down_

_'Cos there goes the fear_

_Let it go_

And I did. I walked away from it, deciding not to be afraid of Edward's feelings for me or the ones he created in me. Life was going to take us wherever it would and I would sit back and enjoy it instead of making a mess of it by worrying over the unknown. I would just focus on the warmth of being held close by someone who truly cared for me.

And I cared for him and wanted to be with him—it wasn't love, but maybe it could someday turn into that. Like Esme was always saying, I'd never know if I didn't try.

**

* * *

A/N: **This chapter seemed ok enough to be fully posted here on Fanfiction. It's also over at TWCSL. Major kudos to Eternally Addicted for all of her help, both musically and with the chapter overall. Her song pick improved the chapter by leaps & bounds! We'll see you all again next Saturday.


	10. Moment of Perfection

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Moment of Perfection**

**Chapter Song: "Hella Good" by No Doubt**

**Bella's POV:**

"Bella."

_Really? Morning already?_ Some kind of groaning sound of discontent rumbled through my chest and out of my mouth. It was followed by a deep chuckle that was certainly not mine—there was nothing funny about being woken up long before your body was ready to move.

My name was repeated and I groaned again while my hand searched for a pillow. It found it and promptly secured it over my head. "E, seriously, dude. Give me ten more minutes."

"You've had ten minutes twice already. And this time, I'm ready for you. I have fresh, hot coffee."

_Man already knows my weakness. I am so screwed._ I sighed and tossed the pillow away, opening my eyes just enough to figure out where that cup of warm liquid goodness was located. It was in Edward's large hand, which was attached to his clothed arm that connected to his wide shoulder and led to a smiling face with bright green eyes. It was a hell of a view, but I wasn't awake enough to properly enjoy it just yet.

Once I was sitting up in his bed, Edward relinquished my cup of coffee to me. He'd obviously been up for awhile since he was fully dressed and had managed to get his hair from bed-mess to normal-mess. And then I realized he'd said he had tried to wake me twice before.

"I wasn't too bitchy to you, was I?" I asked.

He smiled and lifted my free hand to his lips, kissing the back of it. "Not even a little."

"Are you lying?" I asked.

He chuckled against my skin, his green eyes the brightest shade of green I'd seen yet. "Slightly misappropriating the truth."

"A boyfriend who not only fixes me coffee, but sweetly lies about my just-waking-up attitude. I have hit the dating lotto," I joked.

He rolled his eyes at me and set my hand back on the bed. "Finish your coffee and get your lazy self out of bed so I can take you to the coffeehouse for breakfast."

I snorted at his attempt to be demanding. "Who the fuck died and made you king?"

He shrugged and gave me that half-smile of his. "Considering your choices are go to class hungry or come to breakfast with me, I figured you'd choose the latter."

"Except you forgot about the third option, which is to head to my place and have breakfast there. How do you like them apples, Cullen?"

"They're obviously rotten and affecting your judgment, Swan. Your option is null and void because you took your extra ten minutes twice. You don't have enough time to go to your place."

"Bastard," I said, smiling as I pushed on his arm.

I'd expected Edward to call me some kind of name in response, just like everyone else always did. What I got instead was a murmur of "beautiful" and then a long, sensuous kiss that made me want to spend the day in bed with him instead of being a responsible adult who went to class and work.

He eventually moved his lips to my cheek and pressed a tender kiss there. "You've got fifteen minutes if you want breakfast."

I found a safe spot for the coffee cup and then moved so that I was straddling Edward and hugging him tightly. "Thanks for letting me in last night. And for coming back into BOG to talk to me. We both messed up last night and I'm sorry for my part in that. This stuff with you … I don't introduce dates to Bree because they're never around long enough, and I'm sorry if it seemed like I was hiding anything about him. I didn't mean for that to happen. I was so focused on the two of you liking each other that it kind of blinded me to everything else, like you finding it important to know he's a guy."

"What's this? Bella Swan admitting she doesn't know it all?"

I smiled at his teasing and hugged him tighter. "Alright, I deserved that one."

"As nice as this is, we really need to get going."

"Okay," I said before kissing his cheek and getting up from the bed.

Luckily for me, I'd figured on staying last night and had showered and put on class-appropriate clothing before coming over. All I had to do was freshen up and slip my shoes on and I was ready for some breakfast—and more coffee.

* * *

"Happy Friday, B-F-F," Alice trilled as she slid onto the bench-seat across from me.

I chuckled at the level of exuberance she could display so early in the morning and then I questioned my own sanity for texting her and inviting her over. "Morning, Ali girl. What devious plans do you have for tonight? Oh, and don't forget that I don't get off until midnight since it's open mic night."

"We're actually all coming here to watch the bands. Jasper has some friends who are going to play."

I nodded to show I was listening before taking another long sip of my coffee. I wondered how long it would be before she brought up the note I'd slipped under her door last night. I hadn't wanted her to wake to me being gone and flip out, so I'd left a note saying I was going to talk to Edward and probably wouldn't be back by morning.

"I can't believe you are going to go to class in wrinkled clothing," she said, her little nose scrunching up as she took in my rumpled dark purple hoodie.

I gave out a little chuckle. "Considering the alternative was to borrow Edward's clothing, what I'm wearing is friggen perfect."

Alice shook her head and rolled her eyes at me. And then that smile of hers pulled down and I knew what was coming. "So I saw your note," she mentioned, almost fooling me into believing she wasn't seething with the need to know what had happened. But we were best friends and I could see the stress lines at the corners of her green eyes.

"We didn't break up, if that's what you're worried about," I told her.

Apparently it was because her shoulders instantly relaxed and her lips pulled up into a smile. "What happened then? Couldn't sleep without him?"

"I can sleep just fine on my own. I'm not a damn three year old in need of a wubby. We just …" I took a breath in to calm myself and then finished my explanation. "I just felt there were still some things we needed to say. We came so close to things ending last night with him misunderstanding about Bree. And the way he just walked off without a word hit me so damn hard … Plus there was some other shit that came up … I guess I just felt like there was more to be said."

"And the phone wasn't good enough?"

"You of all people know that some things need to be said in person to make sure they're understood correctly. Besides, after the way Edward misunderstood about Bree, I wasn't taking any chances."

"That in itself is unlike you."

I smiled as I leaned against the back of the booth, twisting my spoon around in my cup and thinking of how nice it had been to wake to Edward and coffee this morning. "Yeah, I know. It's one of the many things I was thinking about last night before I went to see him. I can't explain it and I know it's going to be whatever it is so I'm going to do what I can to enjoy it while it lasts. And this time, I'm not going to let anything change my mind about it."

"Just out of curiosity, what was it this time?"

I leaned forward, setting my elbows on the table and my chin into my hand. "He's in love with me."

Alice didn't seem surprised by the news at all, not that I had expected any less from the woman who was always in the know whether you wanted her to be or not. "Did he say that?" she asked, once again trying for nonchalant and failing.

"He didn't really have to, Ali. It was written all over his face. But he says to leave that for him to worry about and to trust him, so I'm going to give it a try."

Alice let out a giggle and pointed her spoon at me. "A certain lake of fire is down to embers this morning."

I snorted at that, having thought up the same analogy earlier this morning. Hell freezing over definitely seemed more plausible than Bella Swan being so damn committed to making a relationship work.

"So where is he?" Alice asked while reaching out and stealing part of my blueberry muffin.

"Where's who?" Edward questioned, appearing as if he'd known the exact moment his sister would ask for him.

"Morning, big brother," she chirped with a huge smile.

"Morning," he said, leaning down and pecking her cheek. "Going solo this morning, Alice?" he asked as he slid in beside me.

"Emmett slept over so I was not about to go into Rose's room, and Jazz is sleeping in since his morning class is canceled." While Alice had been explaining herself, I'd been busy leaning over and sniffing at Edward's hot tea. I'd never known anyone to drink hot tea before and found myself oddly fascinated with the concept.

Edward chuckled and nudged the cup closer to me. "Take a sip. You'll like it."

I lifted my eyes and scrunched my nose. "You sure about that? I don't want to risk spitting this stuff everywhere."

"You could just swallow it," he replied.

"Not if it tastes like ass," I countered.

Alice and Edward both started laughing at me. And once I had the cup in my hands and was sniffing at it again, they laughed harder.

Finally I just shrugged and went for it, taking a small sip of the warm green tea into my mouth. The flavor was unlike anything I'd tasted before and I was surprised to actually like it. I couldn't see giving up my coffee for it, though. Edward said it was healthier than coffee, but I liked the taste of my beverage just as much as I enjoyed the caffeinated state it left me in.

"Not bad, E," I said as I set the cup down in front of him.

"Would you like more?" he asked.

I shook my head and then set it against his arm. "Nope. I'm sticking with my coffee."

"Edward, we're all coming to the coffeehouse at eight to watch the bands," Alice announced.

"That's nice," he said, paying more attention to his tea than his sister.

"You're part of that 'we', you know."

"I have a paper to write."

"Write it tomorrow."

"It takes more than one night to write the paper, Alice. I want to write it while Bella's working so I can spend time with her when she's off."

"Then bring your stuff and write it here. You're always listening to music when you do your homework anyway."

I thought about pointing out to Alice that Edward listened to real music and not the karaoke top ten, but I decided to stay quiet and see where this sibling conversation went.

"Alice, there's a difference between music and bands, and when you one day learn what it is, we can stop having arguments that end in you pouting and me having a headache," Edward told her.

"Fine," she said, giving out a little sigh. That damn sigh was the mother-friggen kiss of death, though. It heralded the arrival of the wide puppy dog eyes and giant crocodile tears that accessorized the turned down lips and slumped shoulders.

Three.

Two.

One.

"If you're too busy for your little sister …" Alice's voice trailed off as her eyelashes grew wet.

_Houston, we have a guilt trip and a sniffle along for the ride._ I really wanted to laugh, but the part of me dying to see how Edward handled this kept my big mouth shut.

"Alice," Edward whined. "Please don't do this to me."

"Compromise?" she asked before giving off another sniffle. There was even a tremor in her shoulders from a supposed suppressed sob. The woman was a friggen master of manipulation!

Edward gave out a long sigh, his hands sliding through his hair. "What do you have in mind?"

"What if you come at ten? That'll just be two little hours with me and everyone else until Bella gets off work."

_Don't do it, E,_ I chanted in my head. _Resist the devil in the cream cashmere sweater and black beret. Save yourself, Man!_

"Alright. Ten," he agreed.

That mind reading ability wasn't looking as solid on his list of possible superhero talents and I hadn't found another that suited him yet. Em had the super strength for obvious reasons and Jazz had the power of persuasion for the way he could talk a person into being calm no matter how angry they'd been—that shit even worked on _me_! Alice of course had her future speculating shit and Rose totally had the power to bitch-slap anything that came across her path. And Jake had his mechanical expertise. My own power was to find trouble, though it didn't always work in my favor.

Alice's too-happy voice brought me back to the conversation. "Thanks, big brother. Love you guys. See you later." Her words came out in a rush while she slid herself out of the booth, tossed us a wave, and disappeared out the door and into the cold November air.

"Steals a chunk of my breakfast, blackmails you, and then skips away happily. For such a little thing, she can cause some major friggen commotion." I turned my head back to the man sitting beside me, finding him pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers with his eyes clenched shut.

I used one of Charlie's old tricks for stress headaches and grabbed the back of Edward's neck, carefully but forcefully massaging the muscles there. He gave off a little moan that managed to sound grateful.

"You weren't kidding about the headache part, huh?" I asked, keeping my voice low.

"No." If I hadn't been listening for a response, I never would have heard that word slip past his lips.

"Maybe you should skip today and go lay down or something."

"I've got a quiz in my first class, so that's not happening. Besides, it'll have passed by then. This is just the initial fallout of Alice's attack."

"Why does it give you a headache?"

"She just … I know she doesn't mean to, but my sister stresses me out. She always has. She's just too much energy all at once. Not to mention that most of what she ropes me into I end up hating."

"Open mic night isn't that awful."

Edward opened his eyes and turned his face toward me, waiting to see if I would stick by that. His lips were pulled down in a scowl and I found myself wanting to kiss him until he was smiling again.

Instead, I just amended my earlier statement. "Alright, it is awful. But every so often there's actually a good one in the pile. And one of the bands has some friends of Jasper's in it so that one might be promising."

Edward's expression changed from one of resigned defeat to calculating purpose and his arm slipped around my back, pulling me closer to him. "Know what would make all of this bearable?"

"What?"

"If you allowed me to take you to dinner next Saturday night, just the two of us. I know Alice probably wants everyone to do something since it's the first Saturday after football season ends, but I'd much rather spend some time alone with you."

"What kind of dinner? 'Cause I'm not getting the feeling you're talking about cheeseburgers."

"Portland City Grill."

Had I not been there once before and devoured the scallops in black plum sauce, I would have been able to come up with a reason to refuse. But I had, so I couldn't. "What time were you thinking?"

Edward seemed surprised, but very pleased. "Whatever time works best for you. I know you usually work on Saturdays."

"I'll make sure my shifts are early in the day. Pick me up at seven?"

"I'll be there," he said, making it sound like a promise.

I chuckled at the smile on his face, tracing his lower lip with my finger. "Guess that headache's gone, huh?"

Edward took my hand into his, lightly squeezing my fingers while pressing his lips to mine in a kiss of thanks and gratitude.

"You are such a friggen cheater, E," I said, putting my chin in my hand and curling my fingers around to hide my smile.

"What?" he asked. His tone was innocent enough, but those green eyes showed he knew exactly what I was talking about.

"Look here, Fra-twin-ward. I've been a master at deception for most of my life, so don't think you can fool me."

"Fra-twin-ward?" He looked both confused and amused. "Does that make Emmett Fra-twin-mett?"

"Nope. He has his own pile of names."

Edward smiled and then pulled me closer, his nose sliding along my neck and tickling the skin there. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you didn't like me."

"You earned that one by being the nearly complete opposite of your twin. I've come up with a few others for you since then."

"Like?"

"Like I'll tell you when Alice lifts the ban on calling you names. That one slipped out." And then I realized I'd been so focused on what he was doing to my neck with his lips that I'd admitted all kinds of shit to him. I pulled away and put a little space between us. "That freaky ninja mind-fuck shit is so unfair and I _will_ find a way to resist it."

He just laughed and busied himself with drinking his tea. That was alright, though. I'd get him back somehow before the night ended and it would be all the better because he wouldn't see it coming.

* * *

"Waitress, we'll have the escargot as our appetizer and your finest bottle of Pinot Grigio," Alice said with a giggle.

Before Alice had even finished laughing, Emmett's voice was booming over the sound. "Don't listen to the midget. We need tequila, a couple of shot glasses, some lemon wedges, and salt."

"We're in a coffeehouse, you buffoon," Rose said, rolling her blue eyes before turning them toward me and smiling. "We'll have four Irish coffees, no whip on mine."

"Mine neither," Alice chirped. "I'm cutting back on my sugar intake."

I snorted at my best friend. "Like that's going to friggen help."

"Mind over matter, Bells," Jasper said from beside me.

"The matter is that her mind doesn't ever calm down, just like the rest of her," I countered, getting laughs from everyone.

"So you heard from my brother today?" Emmett asked.

I nodded while glancing around to make sure I had a few minutes for my friends. We hadn't hit full capacity just yet so I figured I could risk it. "Alice and I had breakfast with him this morning. He's currently attempting to write a paper for his anatomy class, or so his texts say. But he promises to be here by ten, as per Alice's wishes. She gave him the full-on Alice Cullen guilt trip ride this morning. She had the wet lashes and fake sniffles with those big puppy dog eyes. Poor man didn't stand a chance."

"Shit, Ali," Emmett said with a laugh. "You know it doesn't take that much to guilt his ass into doing what we want."

She just shrugged and continued to smile wide.

"Next time, why don't you guys try asking him?" Jasper suggested.

"Because he always says 'no'," Alice and Emmett replied together.

"Maybe it's the company," I said, barely keeping a straight face.

Emmett snorted and pointed a meaty finger my way. "Yeah, it was you. He wanted in your pants so damn bad he couldn't be around you."

"Em, that's not true and you know it," Alice said, poking him in the temple with one of her well-manicured fingers. "He cares for Bella, not the sex."

"But that is a plus," I added before turning and leaving my friends laughing. Had I let the conversation continue, Alice's big mouth would have tossed out that Edward felt a lot more than care for me and I wasn't ready to hear the group opinion on that matter.

After grabbing and delivering their Irish coffees, I checked on all of my customers and welcomed a few new ones. Over the volume of voices, I could hear the amps and instruments being setup in the front. We had a little stage built up in front of the bay windows that they set up on once a month when we had open mic night. The owner of the shop, Mr. Morris, was all about music and he loved to talk about the garage band he was in during high school and college. His hope was to one day have a band play in his coffeehouse and go on to become famous so he could have an "I knew them when" story.

Just as I set down a steaming cup of coffee in front of a customer, my pocket did a little vibrating dance. Two seconds earlier and there probably would have been some chestnuts roasting from a spilled cup of coffee. I quickly grabbed the guy's cash and disappeared into the back to laugh at the mental image that had come to me—and to get a look at the text message that had come in.

_Been at this for hours and still only have two paragraphs written. Will never finish at this rate. Would you mind if I bailed to focus on my paper?_

As expected, it was from Edward. What I wasn't expecting was the completely dejected tone to it. I could just imagine him sitting at his desk and digging his hands into his hair.

I tried to type out a few replies, but each one sounded crappier than the last and I finally gave up, deciding a phone call was the only way.

"I didn't mean to interrupt your work," he said the second he answered.

"E, shut up and listen. The reason you can't write your paper is because you've already stressed yourself out over it. Put down your pen, or your laptop, or whatever you use to write and get your arse over here."

"But—"

"That butt belongs in a seat over here so get a move on, Cullen."

He chuckled and then let out a long sigh; I pictured him leaning back in his chair with his eyes closed and his fingers at the bridge of his nose. "Maybe you're right."

It was my turn to laugh. "There's no maybe about it. Now are you going to come quietly? Or do I have to send Emmett to collect you?"

"I'll be there in twenty minutes."

"The gang is sitting to the left of the stage. I'll pop over as soon as I can, but we're getting a little crowded, so it might be a while."

"Thank you." The way he put so much feeling into those two words left me speechless for a second.

Not that I really recovered since the only thing I got out was a lame "see you soon", but it must have been enough since he said goodbye and ended the call.

I headed back out front and jumped right into taking orders and getting refills. The first performer of the night was up on the stage and most people seemed to be smiling politely while attempting to keep their hands off their ears. The chick might enjoy the sound of her voice in the shower, but none of us were enjoying it in here. She didn't have the range to hit the damn notes properly, at least not for human ears. It was probably the worst rendition of "Nothing Compares To You" I'd ever heard, and I'd been around for quite a few mic nights. Many of the first time gals picked that song to sing, and I had to wonder if there wasn't a _Performing for Dummies_ book out there that told them to go with that song.

Four or five performers later—it was hard to distinguish bad from worse with as long as I'd been working at the coffeehouse—I finally made it back to my friends' table. They were all laughing at something, including Edward.

"What has my rowdy little bunch so tickled?" I asked.

Edward slipped an arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him, smiling up at me. "How's work?"

"Busy," I answered, my fingers finding their way into his silky hair.

"Thanks for making me come out. This is much better than staring at my paper."

I grinned and lightly tugged on his hair. "Welcome."

"Kiss him, Bells. Slip him the tongue like you did last week," Emmett urged. "You know you want to."

"Shut up, Perv," I said, reaching out to smack him in the back of the head. He caught my wrist though and shoved me into Edward's lap.

"Leave her alone, Em," Edward warned, shifting me to his other leg and further away from his brother.

"Uh, oh! Bells got herself a bodyguard," Emmett teased.

"So what was the earlier laughter for?" I asked, ignoring the big lug and his stupid ass grin.

"That last ass-clown up there reminded us of Mike Newton," Emmett replied, pointing toward the stage. "Weren't you friends with him back in the day, Bells?"

I did what I could to not let my body lock up my muscles or for my face to give anything way. "Sorry, Em. No time to reminisce right now. Anyone want a refill?" I asked as I got to my feet.

Emmett and Jasper both wanted another Irish coffee, Rose and Alice wanted bottled water, and Edward wanted some of that green tea he liked. I headed behind the counter to get their drinks, but someone grabbed a hold of me before I reached it and yanked me through the side door that led to the supply room.

I'd expected it to be Alice, but it was Jasper and that was worse in a way. While Ali would stop pestering at the sign of a tear from me, Jasper had no such line. His hands were fisted at his sides and the look in his blue eyes told me he planned on staying until he got whatever he was after.

"Don't even," I warned him, not in the mood to fight.

He ignored my warning, plunging right into it. "Tell me what the deal is with Newton. _You_ don't get flustered over a name, not without a damn good reason. But every damn time his name comes up, your eyes get wide and your face twitches."

I shrugged, trying to play it off like no big deal despite my hands being sweaty and my heart doing a drum solo in my chest. "It was a long time ago and not worth mentioning."

Jasper sighed and wrapped his long arms around me, holding me against his chest. His grip was so tight that I couldn't push out of his grasp. "Bella, stop fighting me and let me help."

"Jazz, it's really not—"

"You can't lie to me, Bells."

"Jazz, I love you, but I will knee you in the fucking balls if you don't let go."

"You think cursing and threatening me will make me care any less?"

I sighed and slumped against him, the fabric of his wool sweater feeling a little scratchy against my forehead. "It's worked with others."

"Only because they didn't truly care. That's not me, Bells."

"I know."

"So tell me what's going on."

I sighed again and lifted my head to meet his blue eyes. "I swear on everything holy and unholy that if you breathe word of this to anyone—_any one_—I will make you regret ever being born, Jasper Whitlock."

"Your secret is my secret," he promised.

* * *

"That doesn't even make sense," I said through my laughter as Jasper and I came out of the supply room. The man was trying to convince me of the benefit of sharing when he knew damn well I didn't agree with that psycho babble bullshit. There had been a time in my life when I had needed it, but that was over and done with now. Still, he was a good friend to keep trying.

My laughter was immediately cut off by the sight of Alice standing nearby and tapping her little heeled foot on the floor. We'd prepared for just such an incident and I quickly ducked to the right, slipping behind the counter and leaving Jasper to deal with Alice.

While I was out of the direct line of Alice's fire, I could still hear that high-pitched voice of hers just fine. "What's going on, Jasper Whitlock?"

"Nothin', darlin'."

"Don't you dare use that Texas accent on me at a time like this! What's going on?"

"Ali, you trust me, don't you darlin'?"

"Of course I do. But I still want to know what had you in a locked room with my best friend."

I couldn't help but shake my head at her—of course she would have tried the doorknob. It wasn't that she didn't trust Jasper and me. It was just that she couldn't stand curiosity for more than two seconds. She was so used to having everyone and everything figured out that whenever something surprised her, she flipped her friggen lid over it.

"Bells and I were just discussing a private matter. It's nothing to worry over or be upset about," he explained.

"Bells doesn't have private matters from me," she countered, sounding a little smug to my ears. _Let her believe she knows all my secrets if it makes her feel better._

"It was my matter and nothing for you to worry over."

"Jasper," Alice said in that scary tone she only mustered up when she was really pissed.

"Hush, Ali," he crooned. I peaked over, finding Alice wrapped up in his arms. "I'm working on a little something to make your Christmas special and I needed Bells to tell me if I was on the right track. You get no other hints, so don't you dare waste a pout on me."

Jasper turned his eyes my way and I mouthed a "thank you" to him. He smiled and winked before leading Alice over to rejoin the others. That was one damn fine man right there. He was willing to put up with a pissed off fiancée just to keep a promise to me; I was going to have to find something really kick ass for his Christmas gift this year.

It had been so friggen weird to let Jasper in on that part of my past, and his assurances that everyone would understand didn't even put a dent in my belief that this was something I wanted to take to the grave with me. Some things just didn't need to see the light of day. Besides, he had only heard a very small part of what had happened and I doubted he would be sure about them understanding if he knew the whole story.

I shook those thoughts away, put on a smile, and checked on all of my customers. Thankfully, I hadn't been missed at all. After checking once again to make sure the customers had their drinks and were happy, I headed over to my friends. When I got to their table, Emmett was pushing on Edward's shoulder and the girls seemed to be pleading with him about something.

"Em, get your grubby ass paw off my man," I said, sliding in between them to make sure the big lug listened.

Edward chuckled and slipped his arm around my waist, squeezing me against him.

"Bella, convince Edward to play with Jazz and his friends," Alice demanded.

"No, Alice," Edward barked.

"Yes, Edward."

"No!"

"Someone fill me in on the details," I said, putting a hand over Edward's lips to keep him and Alice from fighting further.

"My friends Peter and Charlotte are short their singer and bass player due to unforeseeable traffic forces so Peter asked me to help out on vocals. I agreed and the girls are trying to get Edward to play bass," Jasper explained.

"E, why don't you want to play?" I asked, looking down at him.

"I'm tired from stressing out over my paper and I just want to sit here and relax," he explained.

Those were very valid excuses … But Edward playing bass was one of those "do not pass up" moments for me. I pleaded—shamelessly. I sat in his lap and pressed my forehead to his, getting him to look only at me. "I know you've had a rough night, but maybe playing is just what you need to de-stress. Strum a little tune, shake a little ass, and toss a wink my way so I get that groupie feeling that makes my clothes easier to take off later in the night."

Edward barked out a laugh, shaking his head at me.

"Is that a yes?" I asked, running my thumb over his bottom lip.

He pulled my finger away and sighed out my name.

_Time for a different tactic._ I leaned in and ran my tongue over his bottom lip, making sure to keep eye contact with him—guys loved that shit. "I'll make it worth your while. And you _know_ I can."

He groaned and his hands found their way to my hips. "I really just want to sit here."

"One song, E. Please?"

"Bella, I—"

At that point, I was stupidly desperate to get him to agree so I blurted out the first thing that came to mind as something he wouldn't see otherwise and would be hard pressed to refuse. "I'll wear a dress to City Grill next Saturday night."

A collective gasp filled the air around me proving that I had not been as quiet as I'd hoped with my blurting.

Edward narrowed his green eyes at me. "You're serious?"

"Completely."

"Alice, you heard her," Edward said, pointing at his sister while looking at me.

I didn't even need to turn around to know there was an evil smile on my best friend's lips; I could hear it oozing off her words. "Oh, I heard her, big brother. And I will make sure she wears a dress."

I turned my head to inform the evil little demon that I was picking out my own dress, but Jasper's yell cut me off. "Peter, Edward's going to play." I followed the direction of his waving hand and spotted a tall, dark haired young man standing next to an equally tall woman with curly brown hair pulled back into a loose ponytail.

The two came over and Jasper introduced them to all of us. The three of them had met during a psychology class a few semesters ago and had become fast friends. Turned out Peter and Charlotte had been an item since middle school and had gotten married just after graduating high school; pure insanity in my opinion, but they seemed happy with each other so good for them. They were both really into music and had decided last semester to try and put a band together. They'd been trying to sway Jasper to join them, but he wasn't interested in band life. I had the suspicion he wasn't interested in having Alice become his costume director. No telling what the crazy elf would dream up for the poor man to wear.

Once the intros were over, I stood and pulled Edward up out of his chair and let him steal a kiss before forcing him to follow after Jasper. I didn't even know what song they were going to do, but I didn't care. _My man is going to play for me!_ I very nearly gave an Alice-worthy squeal.

"What is with you?" Rose asked while laughing at me. "You're smiling like the damn Cheshire cat and vibrating like freakin' Alice."

"She has a _thing_ for Edward playing," Alice blurted out.

"Bells," Rose trilled, slipping her arm around my shoulder and pulling me into her side. "Is there a little something you want to share with me?"

"No," I replied, giving the most stoic face I could.

I totally would have had Rose believing me and moving on to a new topic if Alice hadn't stabbed me in the damn back by sharing too much information. "She had to run upstairs and change her underwear the last time she watched him play."

"Oh, really?" Emmett's loud voice questioned. _Shit! Forgot about the Sasquatch being there._

"No, not really," I barked. "Alice is exaggerating as she is so prone to do," I added, glaring at my best friend and daring her to open her mouth.

"She's blushing," Rose got out through her cackling laughter. "It's so damn true."

"Well, well, well," Emmett drawled while smiling and drumming his fingers on the table. "And here I thought the secret crush was only on Edward's side."

"I did not and do not have a crush," I argued as I pulled away from Rose and her damn laughing. I opened my mouth to curse all three of them, but the first chords of Green Day's "American Idiot" rang out through the coffeehouse. My friends were forgotten and my eyes were focused on a copper haired man with a bass in his hands and his green eyes focused on the strings, waiting for his turn to join in.

Peter started up on the drums, joining Charlotte's electric guitar. They were actually pretty damn good. And from the way they were moving around, they'd already figured out how to have stage presence.

A small movement from the right caught my attention and I watched as Edward readjusted his fingers on the neck, still waiting for his turn to join in. I was practically salivating at the sight of him standing under the little colored spotlights with his unruly copper hair looking like flames and his pale skin practically sparkling.

"I am so fucked," I whispered to myself. If I was this worked up over seeing him standing there, there was no way I wasn't going to lose my shit when he started playing—and my friends would never _ever_ let me forget it. Then again, if I were in their position, I'd never let it go either.

"_Don't wanna be an American idiot_," Jasper sang, looking right at us.

"_Don't want a nation under the new media._

_And can you hear the sound of hysteria?_

_The subliminal mind fuck America._"

Jasper had looked right at Alice as he'd said those last three words and the damn girl swooned, falling against me and grabbing on my arm. I laughed at her craziness while standing her up straight, but at the sound of that bass joining in, she was forgotten and my attention belonged to one Edward Cullen.

Jasper had a damn fine voice, Charlotte was rocking her electric guitar, and Peter was playing the hell out of those drums, but those were just in my periphery. The only thing directly in my line of sight was a man intensely focused on playing the instrument in his hands. Edward had rolled the sleeves of his button down shirt up to his elbows and I was utterly fascinated with the way his forearms bunched and flexed as he played. His fingers were so long and pale against the dark wood of the neck and the black of the body. They were moving with purpose and reminding me of a few other purposes they'd had in mind lately. I ducked my head down a little, unable to control the need to bite my lip or the blush that was heating my cheeks. _Damn that man and his effect on me._

I won't lie—I was eyeing my man like a starving person who'd just been presented a friggen filet mignon. The only thing keeping me from being a laughing stock amongst my friends was their distraction. Rose and Alice were completely enthralled with Jasper's singing and Emmett was watching Peter like a hawk—he was probably going to ask for a drum set for Christmas.

My eyes busied themselves with drinking in every part Edward, the thirst to capture and remember every nuance never abating. My mind pulled up real memories of Naked Edward and used them to create fantasies about Naked Bass Playing Edward, where the only thing keeping his junk covered was the body of the instrument. _Woah! Bella, when the fuck did you become such a damn perv?_ I chuckled and shook my head a little, wondering if this was more of Edward's effect on me or if Em's perversion was transferable through proximity.

By the time the song ended, nearly everyone in the coffeehouse was on their feet, clapping and whistling in front of the stage. I had my eye on a couple of blond bimbos that might require a beat down if they took another step toward my man. _Look all you want, Bitches, but don't touch if you want to keep your fingers_.

Edward finally looked up and he seemed shocked by the attention and number of people standing so close to him. I had just enough time to notice his ears had turned red before he slunk off to the side and disappeared.

I had every intention of going after him, but Alice grabbed my hands and held tightly to them while jumping up and down and squealing loudly. "Bella! That was so intense and amazing!"

"You're plotting ways to make Jasper sing again already, aren't you?" I questioned, noting the little gleam in her green eyes.

Alice nodded her head enthusiastically while biting her lip to control her smile.

"Bells, you okay?" Rose asked, slipping an arm around my shoulders.

I was completely confused by her question and even more so once I noticed the look of concern on her face. "I'm fine, Rose. Why?"

"Sweetie, your legs are shaking."

Alice and I both looked down at my legs and sure as shit, they were shaking. The only time I'd had that happen before was when Alice, Rose, and I had snuck off to Seattle to see Aerosmith in concert. The excitement and thrill had been so much of a rush that my legs had started to shake the minute we'd arrived and hadn't stopped until sometime the next day.

"It's Alice's fault for hanging on to me while jumping all over the damn place," I said, not really believing that.

Neither did Alice and Rose from the way they laughed at me.

"Whatever," I grumbled. And then my ears picked up on what the newest amateur band was playing. "That shit isn't even funny."

"It's not so bad," a deep voice whispered into my ear.

I turned and wrapped my arms around Edward's neck, pulling myself as close to him as possible. "Thank you."

"Welcome."

"What are you doing?" I asked with a laugh as he pulled at my hips, trying to get me to move with him.

"Getting you to dance with me."

I smiled while shaking my head and brushing a few copper strands from his forehead. "E, if I ever decide to dance to Journey's 'Faithfully', it won't be from an amateur cover of it. Besides, I'm supposed to be working."

"Please?"

There really was no way to resist those green eyes and slightly pouty lips so I didn't bother trying. I put my head to his chest, hearing right away the crazy rhythm of his heart. "E, you're pounding away. What's up?"

"Stage fright," he murmured against the top of my head.

I instantly felt bad for forcing him up there. This was the second time his heart was acting crazy because of me. "I'm so sorry, E. Why didn't you say anything?"

"It's not that big of a deal. I'll calm down shortly."

"Still …" I bit my lip, trying to decide exactly how best to phrase what I wanted to say. "Look I know you want to make sure things work with us, but you have the right to say 'no' so please use it."

"The only way to get over it is to get up there, right?"

"That's what I've heard."

"See? No big deal."

I wasn't so sure about that, but if Edward could get up there and play for me when he had stage fright, I could shut up for a bit and let the man have his slow dance. My thoughts turned toward his stage fright and how he'd put it aside for me, and a huge smile filled my face. _I_ had somebody who really wanted to make me happy. That shit was just friggen insane!

But it was also real and I couldn't wait to do something for Edward in return. A little seed of an idea involving Thanksgiving and my bike started to grow in my mind and my smile widened just a little at the image of Edward's pleased and surprised face. I'd have to call Jake and get him to help with a few details, but the rest should be easy enough to pull off. For the first time in a long time, I was looking forward to heading home for a holiday.

* * *

"Bella." My name was hardly more than a whisper as Edward drew my body closer to his. We'd ditched our friends the second I'd gotten off of work, choosing to spend our time alone in my room instead of going out with everyone. Edward wasn't in the mood for crowds and I just wanted to be near him so here we were with Finger Eleven's "One Thing" playing softly in the background and our feet moving slowly to the soothing beat.

Our lips brushed together twice before Edward gave me a real kiss, slipping his hand into my hair and cradling my head with it. My own fingers started freeing the buttons on his shirt.

The last button finally came free and my hands slipped beneath the fabric, pushing it up and over his shoulders while sliding my palms against his warm skin. He pulled his lips away from mine, half gasping for breath and half moaning at my touch. My lips found their way to his neck, softly kissing the skin there while breathing him in. He must have liked what I was doing because his head moved to the right, giving me more room to work.

**FOR MORE VISIT THE WRITER'S COFFEE SHOP LIBRARY**

* * *

**A/N:** Happy Saturday. Hope you guys are having a great weekend and that you enjoyed the image of Edward on stage as much as Bella did! I know Eternally Addicted and I sure did! My partner and crime and I are already hard at work on a chapter you're all sure to enjoy! Edward will be taking Bella on his idea of a perfect date. As Bella would say ... Nuff said. LOL The teaser for Chapter 11 is up on my website and I hope to see you all again next weekend!


	11. Angry Men and Farfegnugen

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Angry Men and Farfegnugen**

**Chapter Song: "Beat the Boys" by Lab**

**Bella's POV:**

"Hey, Nora! Where's Nick?" Kate greeted as soon as she saw me.

I smiled at her reference to _Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist_, a movie about a girl falling for a bass playing guy. "He was writing a paper the last time I got a text from him."

"Angela told me all about him playing and the customers swooning last night."

I couldn't help the smirk my lips pulled into. "Did she mention the wave of jealously that ran through the place when he wrapped _me_ up in his arms right after?"

Kate snorted and pushed on my shoulder. "You know you don't deserve that man. You should really let someone more appreciative take him off your hands. Like me."

"Isn't it a little early in the morning for the jealous bitch side of you to make an appearance?"

"You were the one who flaunted your total package boyfriend in my face."

"I _introduced_ my boyfriend. At your insistence, I might add. Flaunting him would be if I told you how fucking phenomenal the sex is and how those long fingers of his reach spots I didn't even know I had." I made my eyes widen and gave a fake gasp, covering my parted lips with my fingers. "Oops."

Kate huffed and rolled her eyes. "And you have the nerve to call me a bitch."

"Actually, I call you 'bit' because you're still in training and haven't earned the 'c' and 'h' just yet."

She snorted and slung an arm around my shoulders. "It is hard work to keep up with one as wonderfully and cruelly evil as you, Bella."

"Mind and hands off my man, Kate."

"Sure thing, Bella." Her words might have been believable if she hadn't had a big fucking shit-eating grin on her face.

"I'm serious, Kate. Don't fucking make me call Garrett on your ass."

"Garrett knows I look. As long as I'm not touching anyone but him, he has no problems with my fantasy sex life."

I snorted and shook my head at her. "Why don't you stop trying to piss me off and go do some work?"

"Believe me, getting a real rise out of you _is_ work."

I ignored her teasing. "So is Angela here yet?"

"Here and walking around with a dazed look on her face."

"That sounds promising," I said as I looked around the coffeehouse. "But it'll have to wait for break time. Looks like most of the town decided to have breakfast here today."

For the next couple of hours, we were busy with refills and breakfast orders for the staying customers, and to-go cups for the passing-through crowd. All we offered for food was muffins and bagels, but our regulars liked them well enough. Mr. Morris had a partnership with a bakery down the street for them to supply us with our morning menu items, and we served cold sandwiches for the rest of the day. The food wasn't spectacular, leaving our coffees to be the main attraction—just how it was supposed to be in a coffeehouse in my opinion.

When we finally got our first fifteen minute break of the day, Kate and I grabbed Angela by the arms and towed her out of the back door and into the alley behind the shop.

"How was the date?" Kate asked, holding Angela by the shoulders.

"How was the man?" I questioned, grinning at the shocked look on Angela's face.

"It was … and he was … and we were …" Angela stuttered before clamping her teeth onto her thumbnail.

Kate put an arm around Angela's shoulders to comfort her. "Was it bad? Did he not get you off?"

"No!" Angela cried. "No, no, no. No sex."

"Oh," Kate said, looking as shocked as Angela had earlier.

"What _did_ happen, Angela?" I asked, trying to steer the conversation back onto the right track.

"He brought a movie and a pizza over to my place. He even had all of my favorite toppings on it. We watched that romantic comedy '27 Dresses'. It was funny, sad, and sweet all at the same time."

Kate chuckled. "Did you break out into song and sing some Bennie and the Jets?"

Angela tucked her head down, but we could still see the grin on her face. "No. We just laughed. And ate pizza."

Kate sighed and shook her head. "The most innocent date ever."

"At least tell us the man kissed you," I said. If Cheney hadn't even kissed this girl goodnight, he and I would be having a long conversation later.

Angela giggled and nodded.

"And?" Kate cried.

"It was very nice," Angela said. If it had been anyone else saying that with a straight face, I would have been yelling "bullshit" at the top of my lungs. But it was Angela and I knew she was as sweet as the day was long.

And that sweet woman had her arms around me, hugging me tightly. "You're welcome," I said through my laughter.

The backdoor opened and Ben's head popped out. "I know you guys are on break, but we got a sudden influx and Mr. Morris is having trouble with the register."

"I'll help," Angela offered right away.

Kate and I laughed under our breath while watching Angela practically run toward the door and disappear inside with Ben.

Kate sighed. "She probably didn't even get any tongue action."

I couldn't help but snort at that. "Kate, she probably doesn't care. She's not like us."

"With Garrett out of town, I need to be reminded what it is to have a man around. Tell me a story, Bella."

I shook my head. "He'll be back tomorrow night."

"Do you _know_ how far away that is?" She grabbed my arm and shook it a little. "Come on, Nora. Tell me about Nick."

"Nick is … He's amazing."

"Can you feel your face right now? 'Cause the smile on it is un-fucking-believable."

I chuckled and nodded. "Total side effect of Edward." My phone vibrated in my pocket and I reached under my apron to get it out. "And that's probably my man now."

"I'm leaving," Kate said, her lips turned down in a pout. "You've made me jealous and homesick for my guy at the same and I have to call him before I end up crying in the alley."

I rolled my eyes at her dramatic behavior and flipped open my cell phone. The screen informed me I had a new text message and I quickly opened it.

_Can't wait for tonight! Going to be bigger than last year._

I laughed at Alice's text as I replied to it.

_Ain't no party like a Cullen party._

I decided it was too damn cold to wait in the alley for her reply and headed back inside, nearly running into Ben.

"Bella, do you have just a second?" he asked.

"Sure, Cheney. What's up?"

"I wanted to thank you so much for arranging that date last night. I never thought a girl like Angela would be interested in me or I would have asked her out a long time ago. So thanks."

"No problem, Ben. Just know that I did it for Angela, and if you break her heart, I'll break your dick."

He gulped and nodded before tossing himself through the small door to my right and disappearing into the kitchen area.

"Break his dick?" Emmett questioned.

I looked up to find the big lug leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and a big grin on his face. I flipped him off and then gave him a big hug. "Are you excited for tonight?" I asked as he put his arm around me and pulled me toward the front of the coffeehouse.

"Yeah, but I can't decide if I'm more excited for the game or the party."

"I just got a text from Alice letting me know how excited she is for tonight. She invited our floor, the floor above us, and the floor below us to ensure no one complained about the noise."

"Yeah, she's in that damn party planning psycho mode of hers. The damn fairy princess kicked me out of the apartment. It's friggen nine in the morning, Bells. I should be sleeping right now, resting up for my last football game."

I rolled my eyes at his whining. "Your brother and I have been up since five."

"Damn fools," Emmett said with a shake of his head.

"So what can I get for you?" I asked once Emmett had sat himself down in one of the booths.

"Some of that flavored coffee shit you gave me last time I was here and two banana nut muffins. But first, you can sit your ass down so we can talk."

Emmett rarely ever wanted to talk so I didn't even think about it; I just slid into the cushy seat across from him. "What's up? Did you get in trouble with the girls?"

"No, it's not me I want to talk about. It's you."

My curiosity went up about three damn notches. "What about me?"

"You've been dating my brother for two weeks now. I wanted to know if he's doing right by you."

"Why aren't you asking Edward?"

"To be perfectly honest, I don't really give a shit about his feelings. And I'm asking you because I know you won't feed me a line of bullshit."

"You should care, Em. You should put whatever issue you _think_ you have with him aside and really get to know him."

"Just because you've decided he's worth the effort doesn't mean anyone else has to think that way."

"Fine. Continue to be an asshole. But one day you're going to wake up and realize all the time you wasted being pissy to him. I just hope it won't be too late for you to make it up to him."

Emmett narrowed his eyes at me. "Don't you worry about my relationship with Edward. You just focus on your own."

I kept the litany of curse words flowing through my mind inside of my mouth as I slid out the booth. "Right fucking back at you," I said before walking away from him.

My phone started vibrating as I headed for the backdoor and I pulled it out, not even looking at the ID before answering. "What?"

"Is that how you answer your phone all the time?"

"Jake, I'm really not in the fucking mood. What do you want?"

"Who did it? Who do I need to beat the shit out of? I'll grab Jared and Paul and we'll be there in a few hours."

I snorted at his offer. "Don't curse, Jake. You're too young for that shit."

He chuckled into the phone. "You're one to talk."

"Exactly. I speak from experience, kid."

"Don't call me 'kid', jerk face."

"Wow! 'Jerk face'! I didn't even know that one was still making the rounds," I teased, wishing he was here with me so I could get a hug from him.

"So who did it?"

"Don't worry about it. It was just Emmett being Emmett. I think he meant well, but his mouth fucked it all up."

"What about Edward? How's that going?"

"Other than our misunderstanding about Bree, he's been really great."

"So he agrees with Emmett and me?"

"No," I barked into the phone. "He found Bree to be a nice person and we already have plans to have lunch next week with Bree and his boyfriend."

"Why do you encourage that crap, Bella?"

"I encourage my friend, Jacob. Something you should really try. You know what, I'm at work and I really don't have time to fight with you about this. Why did you call?"

"I was wondering if I could come down and go to the game with you guys tonight."

"You want to know if you can be at the party we're throwing after and the answer is no."

"But you went to parties like that at my age."

"And I shouldn't have."

"Isn't it better for me to be under your watchful eye than to be on my own?"

_God damn boy making sense._ "You get Charlie's permission, drive the speed limit on the way here, and hand me your keys the second you step foot into my apartment," I told him.

"Already have the Chief's permission." He sounded pretty damn smug about it too.

"Don't make me regret this, Jake."

"I won't, Bells. And I promise I'm more interested in seeing you guys than drinking. But I won't turn one down either."

"Yeah, yeah. Just know that I'll be keeping a close eye on your intake and when I cut you off, you are done without any argument."

He chuckled. "Yes, Ma'am."

"Bye, Jake."

"Bye, Bells. See you around three."

"Drive safely," I yelled into the phone. I heard the click of the call ending a little too quickly and doubted he'd heard me.

"Bella."

I turned around and attempted not to glare. "What, Emmett?"

"Look, we're probably never going to agree about the way Edward and I get along, but I don't want that affecting how _you_ and I get along. You're my friend and you mean a lot to me."

"I won't comment on your lack of brotherly love in general, but I won't keep quiet if you pull shit on him in front of me. No more than I would keep quiet if he tried to do that to you."

"Alright. I'll keep my comments to myself around you. Now will you tell me how things are going with him?"

"They're going good, Em. I like him. I like his personality, I like how he treats me, and I like how I feel when I'm with him."

"Good. That's what I was hoping to hear." Emmett smiled and stepped forward, wrapping me up in his massive arms. "I have to take care of my sister from another mother."

"Yeah, yeah. I love you too, you big goof," I said, hugging him back. He might be a giant ass at times, but he was always my friend. The fact that he had come all the way down here just to ask me how things were going showed just how much he cared about me. _But I'll still kick his ass whenever he deserves it._ I smiled at my thought and hugged my friend just a little tighter.

* * *

A felt a warm body behind me seconds before strong arms hugged me tightly and a smooth cheek pressed against mine. _Damn, he shaved_.

"Oh, Damon," I said in a breathy tone.

"Who's Damon?" Edward asked, his arms tightening around me

I chuckled and smiled as I leaned back into his chest. I'd been pretty sure he wouldn't recognize the name from those vampire diary books Alice and I used to read back in high school, and from his reaction, I knew he hadn't. "Sorry, E. I thought you were my vampire boyfriend come to nibble my neck."

"If you want your neck nibbled, I'd be more than happy to help with that."

Instead of replying, I just took a moment to enjoy being in his arms. I hadn't seen him all day and I'd actually missed having him around. And also, he'd missed the first couple of hours of the party so I'd had to put up with being called "baby" and being recited lame ass pickup lines by at least half the party guests in here. Being in his arms this way was quickly making up for his earlier absence.

But the peace and quiet was short-lived, broken up by Emmett's booming voice filling the air around us. "Ed, we were just getting ready to call and harass your ass to come over."

"I said I was coming after I showered and changed," Edward replied.

"Ed has issues with communal showering," Emmett said while leaning in toward me and jerking a thumb at his brother. "I think he's worried about getting a stiffy and proving he's as fruity as Bree."

I smiled and wiggled a finger at Emmett, drawing his face closer to mine—and within striking distance if necessary. "Em, sweetie, what did I tell you about making comments like that in front of me?"

Emmett jerked his head away and took two big steps backward. "So a Jack and Coke, Bells?"

"Edward, what would you like to drink?" I asked, tilting my head to see his face.

He knew exactly what I was doing and smiled down at me before looking at his brother. "I'll just have a beer, Em."

Emmett grumbled under his breath the entire time, but he got the drinks for us and handed them over nicely before disappearing. He was probably off to tell Rosalie I was being mean to him. Luckily for me, she would know he'd done something to deserve it.

"Thanks for helping with him," Edward said as he put a hand on my knee. I'd decided to get off my feet and sit on the kitchen island and he was standing next to me.

I grinned and toyed with the collar of his shirt. "You should totally reward me for my efforts."

"What do you have in mind?" he asked, his eyes moving between my own and my lips.

I twisted his shirt in my fingers and used it to pull him between my legs. "You haven't given me a kiss yet."

He put both of our drinks to the side and then wrapped his arms around me, sliding me to the edge of the island and right up against his chest. His breath tickled my cheeks as he brought his lips down to mine.

"Woah!" Jake called out.

_Why?_ I screamed in my head. _He completely wrecked my fucking moment!_

Only he didn't because Edward ignored Jake's presence and pushed his lips against mine with just enough force to let me know it was up to me if he continued the kiss. _Like I would turn this man down!_ I grinned against his lips before parting mine and inviting his tongue in. There was no hesitation on his part and within seconds, I was completely wrapped up in his taste and smell, forgetting all about there being anyone else in the world but the two of us.

By the time Edward dropped his forehead to my shoulder, my fingers were firmly planted in his hair and my legs were wrapped around his waist with ankles crossed.

"Charlie would kill the both of you if he saw that," Jake announced. The idiot was close enough to touch so I reached out with one hand and pressed my palm against his forehead, pushing him away from me.

"What?" he asked while laughing. "I'm just trying to look out for you, Bells."

I looked away from Jacob to see Edward's face. "I'm in good hands. Right, E?"

Edward grinned and nodded before pecking my lips.

"So I finished my second beer," Jake said, showing me the empty bottle. "Can I have another?"

"Yeah, and then you take a break and eat something," I replied.

"You're letting him drink?" Edward asked, looking and sounding shocked.

"It's safer for him to be here under my _very_ watchful eye than off doing it alone," I explained. I'd emphasized "very" for Jake's benefit and he understood too because he gave me a sheepish smile before disappearing with his beer.

"Are you sure about this, Bella?" Edward questioned.

I set my arms on Edward's shoulders and pressed my forehead to his. "I appreciate your concern, but I know what I'm doing. Jake rarely drinks and it's even rarer that he calls to come visit me. When he does, it means he's missing his dad a lot and needs to let it go. Here with me, he's perfectly safe. He's surrounded by people who are watching out for him and I have his keys. He's not going home until tomorrow afternoon when I'm sure he's completely sober and capable of driving. If he were back at home, he'd probably be down at the beach by himself."

"In that case, I'm glad you had him come and I'll help keep an eye on him."

"Thanks, E," I said as I leaned in for another kiss.

A kiss I didn't get because of friggen Rosalie. "Get your asses out of the kitchen and come party with us," she demanded.

"Busted," I sang as I untangled myself from Edward.

He chuckled and helped me down off the counter.

The sight as we entered the living room was completely friggen priceless! Emmett and Jacob were kneeling on opposite sides of the coffee table and arm wrestling.

"Get him, Jake!" I called out.

"Bells!" Emmett barked. "You're supposed to be on my side."

"Jacob is technically more my brother than you are so I have to root for him according to sibling law," I replied.

"Come on, Jake!" Alice encouraged, standing right behind him.

"What the hell?" Emmett yelled. "What about sibling law, Ali?"

Alice giggled and blew her brother a kiss. "She follows Swan sibling law. Cullen sibling law holds no such loyalties."

"No friggen love tonight," Emmett grumbled, bringing his brown eyes back to Jake.

Jacob had a big ass smirk on his face, clearly enjoying himself. It was good to see him genuinely smiling and I was glad Charlie had given him permission to visit. My dad hadn't been the most observant parent with me, but he always seemed to know when Jake needed a break and would give him permission to come spend time with me.

"You look like a proud parent right now," Rose said as she sidled up next to me.

I nodded while keeping my eyes on Jake. "Somebody has to make sure he follows the straight and narrow as much as possible."

"Is he really okay, though? I can't remember the last time he felt the need to drive five and a half hours just to see us."

"His dad's birthday is tomorrow. I'd hoped he'd be okay with it this year, but apparently not. I figure we'll let him enjoy himself tonight and then we'll get him to talk tomorrow."

Rose nodded and then she looked over my head at Edward. "You were looking pretty good out there on the field tonight, Edward. Any regrets that you didn't play instead of just wrap up the players?"

I looked up at him, curious to hear his answer.

He shook his head and gave a smile I hadn't seen before. "I'm much more beneficial to the team making sure the guys are able to keep playing."

"Hey, what's that look for?" I asked, reaching up and tracing his lower lip with my finger.

"Nothing," he said, kissing the tip of my finger before pulling it away.

"Are you just being polite?" I asked him. "Is it that you would've preferred to play baseball instead of football?"

He smiled down at me and slipped an arm around my waist, drawing me against his side. "I'm happy just being a trainer."

Alice's squeal interrupted our conversation. "Go, Jake!"

We all turned our heads to see Jake had the upper hand in the arm wrestling. Emmett looked around to see who was watching and then allowed a devilish smirk to appear on his face. I knew exactly what was coming and I started thinking up ways to get back at Emmett for the shit he was pulling on poor Jake.

"You're not half bad," Emmett said, looking at Jake once again. "But you're not better than me yet, either." With that, Emmett slammed Jake's hand to the table.

Jacob winced and rubbed at his hand while Alice patted him on the back and rambled on about how great he'd been doing right up until the end.

Emmett was leaning against the sofa and looking completely friggen pleased with himself; it was definitely time to knock his ass down a peg. I turned and rushed back into the kitchen, grabbed the bottle of Jack Daniels and four shot glasses, shoved a water bottle into the back pocket of my jeans, and headed back into the living room. Two things I'd learned about Emmett during our many years of friendship … One, the man could not pass up a challenge. Two, he couldn't hold his JD for shit after the first ten shots. But _I_ could.

"I've got a new competition for you, Em," I said, shaking the bottle a little and getting his eyes to zero right in on it.

"Oh, hell yes!" he cried, pumping a fist in the air. "You are going down this time, Swan."

"If it makes you feel better to believe that," I said as I folded myself onto the floor across from him. "Who else wants in?"

Jasper immediately left Alice's side and knelt at the end of the table. Jacob positioned himself at the other end, but a glare and head shake from me had him getting up and moving to stand next to Edward.

"Anyone else?" I asked while filling three of the glasses.

"What the hell?" Rose said as she hiked her skirt up a little and joined us on the floor.

"What's the game?" Jasper questioned as I slid his shot toward him.

"I'll give you guys two choices to vote on. We can play Viking or we can play Bouncing Ball," I answered.

"Viking," Emmett yelled out.

"You're only saying that because you like the name of the game," Rose said with an eye-roll. "You never win at it."

"I vote Bouncing Ball," Jasper announced.

"Bouncing Ball," Rose agreed.

"Which makes me the tie-breaker and I also vote Bouncing Ball," I happily informed a pouting Emmett. "The words for tonight are Farfegnugen, Bounce, and Bang. Farfegnugen will pass the ball to the next player, Bounce will skip over one player, and Bang will hit the wall and go one player in the opposite direction. Whoever has the ball takes a shot before sending it on to the next person. You can only say each word two times before having to switch to another and all three words must be used. If you forget to change your word or mispronounce it, you have to take another shot before you can pass the ball."

"Bells, come on," Emmett whined. "You know I'm going to fuck up that damn Farfeg-whatever word long before I'm even buzzed."

I smiled wide at him. "Why do you think I picked it?"

Once our audience stopped laughing at Emmett's look of shock, we were ready to start the game.

"Rose, you lead off," I told her.

She smiled and rubbed her hands together, looking around the table at us to pick her first victim. I kept waiting for Emmett to toss a hand in the air and start yelling "pick me" like Donkey from _Shrek_.

Rose parted her lips as she looked right at me. But at the last second, she cut her blue eyes over to Emmett. "Farfegnugen, Baby."

Emmett chuckled as he lifted his glass up. "To the end of our football careers," he called out. "We're hanging up our jockstraps and getting off the green to slap on ties and sit in boardrooms. We are trading hard hitting football in stadiums for weekend games in backyards. And we're doing it all in the name of adulthood. May God have mercy on our souls and provide us with cash-filled wallets to soften the blow."

A round of cheers and claps accompanied Emmett's glass up to his lips. He smiled and tilted his glass in thanks before downing the liquid.

"Hot damn!" he exclaimed as he set the empty glass down on the coffee table. "That's some good shit right there."

I chuckled and nodded in agreement as I refilled his glass.

Emmett looked right at me with his lips pulled up in a smirk. "Bounce, Bells."

I smirked right back and lifted my shot up, keeping my eyes on Emmett over the rim. His smile widened, like he thought I was going to chicken out of the shot or some shit. I let my own smile widen, secured my lips on the rim of the shot glass, and tilted my head and the glass back together, sending the liquid racing down my throat.

I was still smiling when I set the glass on the table. "I'm ready for another. How about you, Em?"

He only snorted and pointed at the bottle, signaling for me to refill my glass.

Rose bowed out after her fifth shot.

Jasper lasted a good twenty minutes into the game before he moved away from the table. You could see in his face he was feeling damn good, but he'd stopped himself before getting really drunk. He knew his limits as well as I knew my own.

Emmett had no fucking clue what his limits were. The big galoot was on shot fifteen and starting to get a little too belligerent for my tastes. He'd gotten it into his head that having one more person in the competition would somehow keep me from winning. He'd also decided Edward had to be that person.

"Em, shut the fuck up and take your damn shot," I told him.

"No. Not until Ed joins us. Sit right here," he said, patting the floor next to him.

"No late starters," I argued. "We'll both lose that way."

"Rather lose to Ed than you again," Emmett slurred. "Come on, you big chicken shit," he said, looking up at Edward. "Sit and drink like a fucking man."

"Emmett," I warned.

"It's fine," Edward said as he sat down next to me. "I'll play a few rounds."

"E, you don't have to give in to Emmett's bullying," I whispered.

"I'm not. I'm shutting him up so you can finish him off."

"Stop the plotting over there," Emmett demanded. "Let's play this game, bitches."

I shook my head as I filled a shot glass for Edward and passed it over to him. I could only hope he knew what he was doing. He'd already told me he didn't drink often and going from hardly drinking to shooting JD was a quick way to get fucked up and earn a massive hangover; I would just have to trust him to know what he was doing.

And if he did end up shitfaced, I'd have to make sure he stayed over and stayed safe. The thought of another night of Edward in my bed significantly helped to ease my discomfort about his playing.

"Bounce, you fuck," Emmett said, staring hard at Edward.

"No bounce until you take your shot," I reminded him. "And no cursing at Edward or I end the game here and now victorious since I'm not slurring words."

Emmett made a face but didn't say anything more before taking his shot. "Bounce," he said as he slammed his shot glass to the table.

Edward took in a breath while lifting his glass to his lips.

"Just tilt the glass and your head back and get it all done in one gulp," I told him.

He nodded and did as I'd instructed, wincing once he was done and wiping the excess from his lips with the back of his hand.

Emmett burst out in loud laughter. "Fuck yeah!"

Edward grinned a little and looked at his brother. "Farfegnugen, Em."

Emmett never took his eyes from Edward while grabbing his shot and bringing it up to his lips. He quickly downed the liquid and set his glass back onto the table. "Farfernuren," he slurred out, swinging his head my way.

"You said it wrong," I informed him while refilling his glass. "Take another big boy."

From that point on, Edward and I did all we could to stack things against Emmett. He was so far gone that it hardly took any work at all and within ten minutes, the game was over and I had been declared winner. Unfortunately, ten minutes was a lot for Edward when he wasn't used to drinking.

"No, no," he said, shaking his head and grabbing my shoulders to steady himself. "Driving is like … is like what I do. I can make to my dorm like that." He'd attempted to snap his fingers while saying "that", but was drunk enough that he screwed it up.

I chuckled and leaned up on my tip-toes to pat his delusion-filled head. "Sure you can, E. As soon as you walk a straight line down the hall and into my bedroom." He was so focused on the hand touching his head that he completely missed the one in his pocket stealing his keys.

"Straight line. Did you know that's the shortest point between two distances?" he asked.

I managed not to laugh again and stepped to the side, giving him a clear path into the hallway. "Straight to my room, E."

He nodded for a second before getting a confused look on his face. "Then what?"

"Wait in there for me," I told him, giving his ass a little slap to get him moving.

Alice and Rose were suddenly flanking me and giggling as we watched Edward stumble down the hall and into my room. "He's fucking hilarious drunk," Rose said through her giggles. "Did you hear him explaining to Emmett why Bella is a superhero?"

"Yeah," I said with a snort. "I also caught the part about how my tat over my heart isn't a peace symbol at all, but the mark of my super secret hero organization."

"The mind of a drunk man can often be a scary place," Rose replied.

"I'm glad he had fun, but he's going to be hurting so bad in the morning," Alice said with a sad smile.

"I'll make sure he drinks a couple glasses of water and takes some aspirin before he goes to sleep," I promised her.

She nodded and then we turned toward the living room, taking in a view of the mess left behind. With mutual sighs, we headed into the kitchen to get garbage bags and start cleaning up.

A half hour later, I set the last full garbage down on the kitchen floor. "We are officially cleaned up," I announced.

"How is there always so much trash when the party's over?" Alice asked.

Rose snorted. "Because you invite so many people."

"True," Alice agreed. "Well, I'm going to head to bed and make sure Jazz took his usual hangover avoidance measures."

"Yeah, I guess I'll turn in too," Rose said. "Emmett might not be feeling any pain right now, but he damn sure will in the morning. Kudos on another ass kicking, Bells."

I smiled and blew on my nails. "All in a night's work."

"I still can't believe you drank both Emmett and Edward under the table," Alice said with a giggle. "I wonder which will be bruised worse in the morning … their heads or their pride."

"Aren't you going to bed?" Rose asked when I made no move toward the hallway with them.

"I'm going to make sure everything's locked up and put away first." When they continued to stand at the edge of the kitchen and look at me, I amended my statement. "And check on Jake."

My girls nodded in understanding and smiled for me. "Let us know if he needs anything," Alice said.

Once they had disappeared into their rooms, I did check the locks on the door and made a quick sweep of the living room and kitchen to be sure we'd gotten all of the mess up. I turned out all of the lights except for one small lamp in the living room and then perched myself on the coffee table.

Jake was stretched out across the sofa with one arm under his head and one dangling to the floor. I picked up the dangling arm and tucked it under the throw blanket covering his chest. The boy was so damn long that we'd had to use a second throw to cover him from his waist to his feet.

Jake must have felt me moving his arm because he shifted his body and opened his eyes. "Hey, Bells," he croaked out.

"Hey, yourself. Did you enjoy the party?"

He grinned and looked so much closer to thirteen than eighteen. "I can't believe you won a drinking game against Emmett."

I chuckled and reached out to ruffle his dark hair. "I have many special powers you don't know about."

He pushed my hand away from his head but was still grinning. "I like hanging out with you and your friends. You give each other grief, but you can still see how much you care for each other."

"We care for you too, you know. So why don't you tell me why you really came to visit?"

Jake moved around until he was sitting up against the arm of the sofa with his head lying against the back. I moved off the table and sat beside his legs, taking his big hand into my smaller ones.

"Come on, Jake. Talk to me."

He lifted his eyes to meet mine and the pain etched in his face nearly brought me to tears. "When does it end, Bells? When I do stop missing him and being angry at him for not being here? And why do I miss him one second and get mad at him the next?"

"You miss your dad because of how much you loved him. But you're not really angry at him and you know that. You're angry that he was taken away from you without your consent and without any warning."

"I want it to stop."

I nodded in understanding and let his hand go so I could wrap my arms around him in a hug. "I'm sorry, Jake. I'm sorry you lost your dad long before you were ready. And I'm sorry to have to tell you that it never stops. The pain just becomes manageable as the years pass. The best thing you can do is to talk about him and talk about how you feel without him with someone you trust. There's no pill or drink out there that will help, and any that do only do so short term before causing you bigger problems."

He pulled away from my hug and looked at me for a long time before speaking. "You know from experience, don't you?"

I nodded.

"How did you really get that scar on the back of your calf, Bells?"

I shrugged, not feeling he was old enough or in the right frame of mind for that particular back story to my life. "I thought I'd found the answer to my problems, but all I'd really done was create an even bigger problem. I didn't have anyone to stop me from being a ginormous friggen idiot. But you do, Jake. I'm here for you, no matter what, so be damn sure you take advantage."

He nodded his head and squeezed my hand.

Seeing that his defenses were down and he was open to suggestions, I made one more. "There's another person who understands loss and pain, and would be very happy to speak with you and help you out."

Jake sighed. "Embry."

"I could invite him over for lunch tomorrow. A nice neutral, private place for the two of you to talk."

"I'll sleep on it, Bells." Jake scooted down on the sofa, pulled the blanket to his chin, and closed his eyes.

I leaned over and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "If you're really ready to move past things, then you've got to let go of the anger, Jake. It's doing more damage to you than anyone you might be mad at. You have people who love you and want to help, so don't be a stubborn ass and pass that up. If I can get my shit straight, so can you."

He didn't say anything in response and I didn't see any point in pushing him so I headed off to my own room. I opened the door, expecting to see Edward in my bed, but it was still made up and empty like when I'd left for work this morning.

I closed the door and headed for my bathroom, knowing that was the only logical place he could be. There was no way he would have been able to sneak past us while we cleaned up with as much as he'd been stumbling after our little game.

I found him in the bathroom as expected. What I hadn't expected was to end up on the floor laughing my ass off at him. I wasn't sure what his intention had been in coming into the bathroom, but for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why he would be lying on the floor with his shirt halfway unbuttoned and his hand in the waistband of his jeans.

"What the hell are you doing, E?" I asked once I stopped laughing.

"I can't remember," he admitted.

I grabbed his arm and helped him to his feet. "Were you maybe coming in here to piss out some of the JD you drank?"

He scratched his head, looking so drunk, confused, and cute all at the same time. "I don't know."

"Come on, my very drunk boyfriend," I said as I pulled him out of the bathroom and over to my bed. I helped him out of his shirt, got his pants down to his knees, and then made him sit on the bed so I could get his shoes off. With very little help from him, I finally got him down to just his boxer briefs and under the covers.

I went back into the bathroom for a few aspirin and a glass of water. Edward was almost asleep when I got back to the bed, but I managed to convince him it was in his best interest to stay awake long enough to take the pills and water. He'd probably still have a throbbing head in the morning, but at least it wouldn't be at full power.

After taking care of my own necessities and changing into something comfortable to sleep in, I crawled into bed and snuggled up to Edward, putting his arm over my waist since he was too deep into his drunken slumber to do it himself. It wasn't long before his steady breathing lulled me to sleep.

* * *

A very deep and painful sounding groan pulled me out of my sleep. My eyes popped open and looked right into Edward's scrunched up face. The sun wasn't up yet but I could make out his features from the sliver of light spilling out of my bathroom. I'd figured it was best to leave the light on in case he needed to piss or puke in the night.

My fingers reached out and tried to smooth the lines in his forehead. "Relax, E. You'll make it worse by tensing up."

"Why aren't you in severe pain like me?" he mumbled.

"_I'm_ not a lightweight drinker."

"You're a superhuman drinker is what you are. You drank _Emmett_ under the table."

"Emmett has no tolerance for Jack Daniels. And apparently, neither do you." I really did try not to laugh, but a few chuckles escaped anyway.

"Tell me, oh Alcohol Guru, how do you stop the drum solo in your head when you're hung-over?"

"Slow movements and dark glasses. And also, lots of water and rest."

"Would you please, please get me something for the pain? I'll pay you."

I chuckled and softly kissed his temple. "I got my payment last night when you stripped for me. Or at least you attempted to until you fell face first into my bed and started snoring."

"Please tell me that's a torturous made-up story."

"Sorry, E," I said as I pressed a kiss to his cheek. "It's so going to be part of your True Hollywood Story when you get rich and famous for something."

"What makes you think I'll be rich and famous?"

"There is just no way a man as talented and intelligent as you are won't end up rich and famous for something."

"While we wait for that to happen, can you please fix my head?"

I chuckled softly and kissed his cheek. "Stay still and try to keep your body relaxed while I'm gone."

"I don't think I could move if I wanted," he mumbled.

I was careful not to jostle the bed too much while I got out of it and figured I must have done a good job when no groans came from Edward. I snuck into the kitchen and filled a glass with Gatorade for Edward. I also fixed a glass of regular water and took both into my room. I set the glasses on the nightstand next to Edward and went into the bathroom to grab his some aspirin.

When I came out, Edward was sitting up in the bed and sipping at the glass of Gatorade. "Here," I said, holding my palm out with the two aspirin sitting on it.

He gave a small smile and took them one at a time, swallowing them down with his drink. "I'm pretty sure last night was the first and last time I'll do shots of Jack Daniels."

"I think that's probably a really good idea," I said, keeping my voice low. Poor boy had to have both light and sound sensitivity this morning.

We didn't really say anything while Edward drank both glasses, but he held my hand the entire time, rubbing his thumb back and forth across the top of it. Just that small gesture was letting me know how grateful he was to have me around right now and how much he appreciated my attempt to make him feel better.

Once he finished with his beverages, I helped him scoot down and get comfortable in the bed again. I even stayed awake and rubbed his temples until he fell asleep. I'd watched Alice and Rose care for Jasper and Emmett a few times over the years, but I'd never taken care of anyone my own self. It was kind of nice to be needed, though I doubted I would have been this okay with it if there had been puke. _Bella Swan is anti-puke!_

It was almost noon before I woke again. Edward was still out cold so I made sure I was quiet while I moved around my room and bathroom. Once I was freshly showered and dressed, I headed out to see who else was awake.

Rose and Alice were already in the kitchen; the two of them were standing in front of the coffee pot and seemed to be willing it to move faster. I chuckled at them so they flipped me off.

"Oh, come on," I said, grinning at them. "How often is it that I wake up to find you two jonesing for caffeine?"

"She has a small point," Alice grumbled.

"How is it that you drank more than both of us combined and you look more refreshed?" Rose asked.

"Experience," I said with a shrug. "Plus, I drank water between the shots to stay hydrated. So how are your other halves fairing?"

"Jasper's actually doing really well. No light sensitivity and only a little to sound," Alice answered.

"Emmett is in full on whiny mode and actually asked me to breathe quieter," Rose replied.

"Edward woke up hours ago begging for help and relief, so I gave him some aspirin and had him rehydrate himself. Oh, and if he asks either of you, he attempted to strip for me last night before passing out."

Rose and Alice both giggled. "What did he really do?" Rose questioned.

"He can't remember why he went into my bathroom, but when I found him, he was on the floor with his shirt halfway unbuttoned and his hand in his pants," I told them.

"Please tell me you took a blackmail picture of that shit," Rose said.

"If you did, I don't want to see it," Alice quickly threw in.

"No picture," I assured them. "I just decided to tease him a little and make him think he did something far more interesting."

"Morning, Ladies," Jake greeted with a smile as he swaggered into the room. "Bells, you don't even look like you drank last night."

"That's because my shots were really tea," I said with a perfectly straight face.

Jake's jaw dropped and his eyes bugged out, sending us into a fit of laughter.

"She's just yanking your chain," Rose said through her laughter while pinching Jake's cheek.

He rolled his eyes at us and mumbled something we didn't catch.

"So did you think about lunch?" I asked him.

He nodded and looked down at his feet, shuffling them on the floor. "Yeah, set it up, I guess."

"Set what up?" Alice asked with an eager look in her green eyes. The woman had a total Pavlovian response to the words "set it up", "party", and "shopping".

"Bree's going to join us for lunch," I answered.

"Jakey!" Alice squealed as she launched herself at him and wrapped her tiny arms around his neck. "I'm so proud of you."

"Get off," he barked while trying to disengage her body from his. "It's not a big deal."

I stepped in and pried her off. "He's right, Ali. It's just a bunch of friends sitting down to lunch and it's not a big deal."

"We have to get the boys up and dressed so they can join us," Alice said in that excited tone of hers.

"Actually, I think it would be best if we left the boys out," I told her.

"I agree," Rose said. "Subjecting Bree to a whiny Emmett isn't in anyone's best interest."

"Then we should probably have lunch at Bree's place," Alice suggested.

"So I'll call Bree and let him know to expect the four of us," I said, keeping an eye on Jake's face. His neutral expression didn't change, but he did nod his head in agreement. Maybe—just maybe—he could leave Portland with Embry as his friend again.

* * *

**A/N:** Thanks to Hellopants for this chapter's music! And as always, a great big thanks to Eternally Addicted for coming along for the ride and being a superb partner in crime. She also supplied the pic of Drunken Edward that's up on the Worth the Burn page of my website.


	12. I'm Not Afraid of You

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, sex, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: I'm Not Afraid of You**

**Chapter Song: "Happy" by Leona Lewis**

**Bella's POV:**

"Hurry up," I said to the coffeemaker while waiting for the timer to ding. I'd been up for awhile now and making great progress with the list of chores I'd given myself for the morning, but the damn coffeemaker was now holding me up. It was my own fault for forgetting to set the automatic timer before heading out for my run.

Still, it gave me time to reflect on the last week. Sunday had found the guys too drunk to get out of our beds so Rose, Alice, and I had headed over to Bree's with Jacob to try and reconcile the two. I wouldn't say we left with them being best friends again, but they were at least talking and had exchanged phone numbers and email addresses. Any kind of a start was a good one in my opinion.

By Sunday night, the guys were feeling better and even feeling the need to show they appreciated being left alone to rest. They ordered Chinese for dinner and let us pick any movie we wanted to watch while we ate.

That had been the last time the six of us had all been together. Midterms had happened this week and we'd hardly seen each other with all of the studying going on. Mr. Morris had been as accommodating as ever and had allowed his workers to study between customers during our shifts. I honestly doubted I would feel so confident about my exams if he wasn't such an understanding boss.

But today was Saturday, exams were over, and the week ahead was going to be short because of Thanksgiving. We were all looking forward to the downtime and being able to hang out together back home in Forks.

"What are you doing up so early?" Alice asked through a yawn while stumbling into the kitchen in her fluffy pink robe and matching slippers. The only time in our long friendship I had ever seen her uncoordinated was when she'd been sick with the flu and wearing the face mask I'd bought her.

"Morning, Rainbow Bright Sprite," I greeted, offering her a cup full of the finally ready coffee.

"No way," she cried, holding her palms out toward me. "I want to wake up slowly, not get jolted into awareness by uber amounts of caffeine."

I rolled my eyes at her and shoved the cup into her little hands. "It's decaf. I made this pot for Edward." We'd planned to watch a movie on my laptop last night just to finally be able to spend some time together, but we'd both fallen asleep long before the movie ended.

Alice let out a little sigh as she took the cup from me and pulled it to her face, letting the steam coat her skin. "You're my hero."

I chuckled and ruffled her bed-rumpled hair. "Love you too."

She took a sip of her coffee and then gasped, her green eyes widening. "You made Edward coffee. I can't remember the last time you made it so far in a relationship."

I shrugged, not considering a cup of coffee to be a big deal. "Owsies. He made me some when I stayed over at his dorm room."

"So you never answered my first question. What are you doing up so early?"

"I wanted to get in a quick yoga session and a run before work, which I did. I've been slacking in the exercise department to make time in the boyfriend one and needed to catch up."

She giggled into her cup. "Robbing Peter to pay Paul."

I gave her my best wicked smile and a reply sure to make her groan. "I prefer the term robbing Paul to play with Peter."

"Jeebus, Bells," Alice groaned. "It's way too early for dirty talk."

"Hey, not my fault you're just rolling out of the bed. Just count yourself lucky that I'm off to wake your brother and get myself ready for work instead of standing here and attempting to make you run for cover."

"You can leave him sleeping and I'll wake him later," she offered.

"Thanks, but he asked me to wake him. He said he had some work to do before tonight's dinner date."

Alice went from sleepy to wide awake and barely containing her excitement in less than a second. "The dress!"

"Don't even think about it," I warned, pointing a finger at her. "I'm picking my own dress."

"Can we vote? Please, Bells?" she begged with her hands in prayer formation and resting just below her pouty lips. _Nice try, Ali girl, but not going to work today._

"I'll think about it," I said since a straight up refusal would have led to more pleading.

"That's not a 'no'," she sang as I headed down the hallway.

I shook my head at her positive outlook and headed into my room, deciding to let her believe whatever she wanted. I might let her and Rose help with hair and makeup, but I was picking my own damn dress.

Leaning against the back of the closed door, I took one long last look at the sleeping man in my bed before having to wake him. And then I decided to trade the warm cup of coffee in my hands for my camera.

Putting as little weight as possible on the bed, I leaned across the mattress and lined my camera up with Edward's face. He was sleeping on his stomach with the sheet bunched around his waist and the blanket barely covering his feet. His cheek was pressed hard into the mattress and his lips were slightly parted while his wild copper hair covered the edge of the pillow resting above his head.

After getting a few up-close shots of his face, I squeezed in between my bed and nightstand to get some pictures of his entire body. My mind was already going over ways to touch-up the pictures, selecting a few for black and white, and imagining a halo effect on one of the close-ups.

A glance at the clock on the nightstand reminded me I didn't have all the time in the world to ogle my man this morning. Reluctantly, I put away the camera and grabbed the cup of coffee, bringing it over to the bed and setting it onto the nightstand. I sat next to Edward and my fingers dug right into his hair, sliding through the silky copper strands. "E, time to get up."

He made a grunting sound and shifted a little, but made no real attempt to wake.

I leaned down and put my lips by his ear. "I have coffee. And if you get up soon enough, you can shower with me. But just a shower. I have work this morning."

He groaned and mumbled out something close enough to good morning.

"Morning," I said, pecking his cheek.

His arms wrapped tightly around me and pulled me into the bed with him, getting a laugh out of me. He gave a chuckle of his own and then pressed his lips to my neck. "Morning, Angel."

I snorted and playfully slapped his thigh. "Time to stop dreaming and wake the hell up, E." He'd been calling me "angel" on and off since I'd taken care of him during his hangover.

"I'm awake," he said, breathing the words into my neck. "But do I really have to get up and let go of you?"

"Yep. I've got work." I crawled over his body and got out of the bed, not wanting to tempt either one of us.

With me out of the way, Edward let out a loud yawn while stretching his long body. His palms rested against my headboard and his feet hung off the end of the bed; my blanket was now on the floor and the sheet was dangerously close to slipping past his waist and revealing a morning moon. I chuckled at the way my mind had phrased those words, drawing Edward's attention and his green eyes to me.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

I shrugged. "My mind."

"What about it?"

"Forget about my mind and take your coffee," I said, picking the cup up and setting it into his hand.

He smiled and patted the spot of bed next to him with his free hand. I smiled back and plopped down, facing him with one leg folded under me. If things started to get out of hand, I'd be able to make a quick escape. Not that I really thought Edward would try anything knowing I had work this morning—he wasn't that selfish.

"I see you're dressed. How long have you been up?" he asked.

"About an hour and a half. I wanted to get some exercise in before work."

"You gave up sleep in exchange for exercise?"

"I like the way I feel when I exercise. That tingle in my muscles and the slight burn in my lungs … Makes me feel alive in a good way."

"Makes sense."

"Actually, it makes sweat," I corrected, chuckling at my own lame joke. "And the need for a good shower."

"Speaking of showers, I was wondering if you would mind if I traded time in the shower for time with you now. It just makes more sense for me to wait and take one back at my room where I have fresh clothes."

"That's fine. You know! Since we keep making a habit of this, you should keep a bag here. Jazz and Em do that. The only rule is that if you toss your clothes in our laundry without asking, we throw them away."

Edward chuckled, looking at me over the rim of his cup. "Cruel women."

"If you mean that as fierce and not taking crap from lazy ass men, then yes we are. If you mean it as an implication that we have some sort of _duty_ to wash your damn clothes simply because we're female, you can shove that idea right up your ass."

"Retract the claws, Swan. I was only joking."

"Whatever," I huffed, looking away from him.

"Okay, this is the second time you've said something like this. Who was it?"

"Who was who?"

His fingers brushed my hair off my shoulder and turned my face toward his. "Who was the man that stepped all over your non-traditional viewpoint and left you pissed about it?"

I shrugged and dropped my eyes so I could watch my fingers pick at the corner of my shirt. "Emmett does it at least once a week. And it was kind of the cause of the end of one of my few long relationships. Well, long for me anyway."

"Hey," Edward called, squeezing my fingers lightly. He waited until I had lifted my face to his before continuing. "I'm not Emmett. We share a last name and birth date, but our brains are wired completely differently."

"I'm sorry to compare you to him. I guess I'm just so used to him that I kind of expect it. I know that's unfair to you and I _will_ find a way to stop it."

"And I'll keep doing what I can to prove to you that I am nothing like my brother."

I smiled and leaned in close, putting our lips within reach of each other. "Sounds like a really great plan."

Edward chuckled and set his hand on my neck, using it to join our lips together in a kiss.

* * *

Work at the coffeehouse was still in crazy busy mode and by the time I finally got my first break of the day, my feet were already annoyed with me. I sat down at a table near the kitchen and checked my phone for messages. I didn't have any calls, but I did have one new text.

_Hello, Angel. Didn't want 2 take up 2 much of ur break, but wanted u 2 know I'm thinking of u. My mind can't seem to focus on anything but 2night. It will be a date u won't forget. Hope ur day is going well. TTYL._

My first reaction was to roll my eyes at Edward's "angel" comment. That was the second time he'd called me that just today and I couldn't for the life of me understand why he would think of me as something pure and innocent.

The second thing I did was to mutter 'Cheesy-E' under my breath for him talking about thinking of me since we'd only parted a couple of hours ago.

And then I just stared at my phone, feeling utterly confused. What did he mean by it being a date I wouldn't forget? Portland City Grill was a great restaurant and all, but I failed to see how a diner there could qualify as unforgettable. What was he planning? More importantly, was Alice helping him?

"Well, fuck a duck," I growled at my phone. "What the hell are you up to, E?"

Part of me really wanted to call him, but the worker in me knew I didn't have time for a long phone conversation. I could text Alice and put her on the case, but she'd probably annoy the piss out of Edward and he hadn't done anything to deserve that. I ended up shoving my phone into my pocket, getting Ben to make me a sandwich, and quickly eating my snack before getting back to work.

When lunch time finally came around, I was more than ready to sit on my ass and do nothing. I headed behind the counter and grabbed my laptop bag, planning to check email messages and listen to music. And also, there were pictures of a certain man from this morning to ogle over—I meant review! _Like hell you did, you damn perv!_

"Bella, do you want to come to lunch with Angela and me?" Kate asked as she hung her apron on the wall.

"Thanks, but I'm just going to stay here and work on my computer."

"Can we at least bring you something warm back for you to eat?"

"Where are you going?"

"Dane's."

I perked up immediately at the name of the place. "You have to bring me back a hot corned beef on rye smothered in mustard."

Kate chuckled at my excitement. "Sure thing."

After handing over ten bucks for food, I found an empty table in the shop and turned on my laptop. Once it was up and running, I did my normal routine of accessing the shop's wi-fi and checking my email. I had one from my dad—technically from Jacob—asking if I was having lunch with them on Thanksgiving. Apparently, Sue wanted to cook and make a big deal out of it, but was taking into consideration that I always had dinner with the Cullen family. That woman was really growing on me! Not that I'd ever had a problem with her—I'd just found it weird to go from being used to seeing her with Harry to seeing her with my dad.

I shot back a reply to let Sue and my dad know I would be there. Right after hitting the send button, I wondered if I should have told them it would be me plus one. Would Edward want to have lunch at my house? Would he consider Thanksgiving too soon to officially meet my dad? Was meeting my dad something he wanted to do at all?

While I was busy filling my head with questions, my inbox updated itself and alerted me to a new message. For some reason, I wasn't surprised to see it was from Edward. He was kind of like Alice with the ability to appear or send messages when being thought about. I'd always thought it was unique to her, but after spending the past couple of weeks with Edward, I now thought of it as a Cullen trait.

The email had no subject so I clicked to open it and find out why he'd sent it to me.

_Hello, Angel._

_I'm taking a short break and thought I'd send you an email. It's funny how when I'm standing right next to you, I can barely think of anything to say and when I'm away, my mind fills up with things._

_One of the things that I keep forgetting and remembering is to thank you. Thank you for giving me a chance at all, and especially for forgiving me after our misunderstanding the night I met Bree. I also wanted to thank you for helping me during my hangover. I know you like to move past things and not bring them up again, and I respect that completely, but I needed to thank you first._

_Alice called earlier. She tried to get information out of me about tonight, but I didn't budge. I have a master plan for our date and it does not include my sister's help. It does include spoiling you, though. I wasn't sure if you liked surprises or not, so I figured I should give you a little hint of what lies ahead of you. The rest you'll discover tonight when I'm standing next to you and can watch the expressions that color your beautiful face._

_I'm going to stop here before I accidentally give something away. I'll be thinking of you._

_- Edward_

From the words "master plan" until the end of the email, I didn't breathe. When I finally did take in fresh air, it burned going down and I rubbed at my chest with my fisted hand to try and still the sensation.

I wanted to vomit.

I wanted to wrap my arms around him and hold him as tightly as I could.

What I actually did was sit and stare at the computer screen through blurry eyes. Usually when a guy was open with me about his feelings, it was at the end of things while he rattled off a list of reasons why he felt I was a psycho bitch. With Edward …

He _cared_. That was really the only way I could phrase it to where I actually understood it a little.

I decided the way to handle the email was to reply to it in a teasing way. It would make me feel something other than confused and it would hopefully make Edward laugh.

_E,_

_That was the single cheesiest email I've ever read. And I swear to all that is holy and unholy, if you thank me one more time, I'm going to jot the words down on paper and shove them down your throat._

_Nice try with the master plan thing. I'm not afraid of you._

_Grinning and flipping off your email,_

_Bella_

I chuckled as I hit the send button and then opened up a new tab. After plugging in my earbuds and fixing them just right in my ears, I clicked on over to YouTube. I debated on what I wanted to hear for awhile before deciding to go old school and listen to one of Charlie's favorites. I typed in my keywords and had a video of John Fogerty singing "Have You Ever Seen the Rain" within seconds.

In the middle of my foot-tapping and web searching, my computer made a loud beeping noise. I stared at it, wondering what the hell its problem was. My eyes zeroed in on my email tab blinking in the top left corner of the screen. I clicked on it and found a chat screen up with Edward's name displayed on top and the words "You shouldn't have said that" in the chat window.

_Shit! I wasn't expecting him to get my email and read it so soon. Should I reply? Or should I just say I needed to do homework?_

My fingers ended my dilemma all on their own. "Why's that?"

A little _Edward is typing_ message blinked a few times before a new message appeared in the chat window. "Because now you've thrown down the gauntlet. The master plan will have to be beefed up and expanded."

I gasped at his words and quickly pounded out a response. "Don't even! I'm warning you, Cullen."

There was a moment of stillness and then he was typing and I was replying and we were pretty much having an argument that wasn't really an argument through a little chat window.

"What can you do about it, Swan? You're at work until an hour before the date. And you would never stand me up."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I'm starting to know you. And because you like being around me. You said so yourself."

"That doesn't guarantee you anything."

"Then how about because it would hurt my feelings and you wouldn't do that without reason?"

"Fine." I took my hands off the keyboard and used them to cup my chin while I stared at the screen. He was right and we both knew it, so I might as well just let it go. I really had to wonder what the hell I'd gotten myself into with this man.

* * *

**Alice's POV:**

I was dressed and more than ready to get going, but lacked a destination. My fingers drummed against the countertop while I kept a close eye on the green numbers of the microwave clock. I'd promised myself I'd give Edward an hour to get to his room and clean himself up before pouncing on him about the date tonight. I wouldn't have given him any time at all if I hadn't been convinced he would be angry over it and not give me any information at all.

"What are you doing?" Rose asked. Her voice startled me and I had to grab the countertop to keep from tumbling off my stool.

"I'm waiting for it to be time to call Edward," I told her while she chuckled at my near miss. "He left with Bella not quite an hour ago, saying he was going to shower, so I thought I'd give him time to do that before calling."

Rose leaned across the counter, blocking the clock from my view. "Why? What's going on? I want in on whatever it is."

"Tonight's the dinner date where Bella has to wear a dress. I got her to agree to a vote on the dress and I know she's going to make the stipulation that we can only vote on what's in her closet. So my thought was to find out what Edward has planned, purchase a new dress appropriate for it, and then slip it into Bella's closet before she gets home from work."

Rose chuckled while rubbing her hands. "She's going to be pissed! It's a damn good thing we aren't afraid of her."

I chuckled and nodded, used to Bella's behavior after all these years of being her friend. "She'll thank us when we're done, just like she always does." Bells rarely liked my methods at the outset, but she could never deny my results in the end.

"What can I do to help with your evil plot?" Rose asked, a wicked grin sitting on her red lips.

I smiled at her readiness to help. "Nothing until I talk to Edward."

"Then let's call the boy," she urged, sliding my phone across the countertop and closer to me. "Come on, Ali. You know you want to call him," she practically sang. She was right, too.

I picked up my phone, hit his speed dial, turned on the speakerphone, and waited for the call to connect.

Edward answered on the third ring. "Yes?"

"What a way to greet callers, big brother," I replied.

"I knew it was you and I don't have time to chat. Say whatever you're calling to say so I can get back to what I'm doing."

"You're awfully surly. Did something happen with Bella after you guys left here?"

"No, Alice. I'm busy. What do you want?"

"I just had a few questions about your dinner date tonight."

"Alice, I don't need your help. Thank you for wanting to, though."

"But, Edward, you don't understand. If you don't tell me what you have planned, I can't make sure Bella has the perfect outfit for it. If she doesn't, she'll end up feeling either over or under dressed, putting her in a bad mood, and quite possibly ruining your plans for the evening."

"I have absolute faith that whatever Bella chooses to wear will be fine."

"You don't know her the way I do, Edward. Not yet anyway."

"Alice, I appreciate your desire to help, but it's not necessary."

"At least tell me where you plan to take her after dinner so that I can have a dress length in mind."

"I'm not telling you anything."

"Come on, Edward," Rose urged. "Drop the pain-in-the-ass routine and tell us what we want to know before we drive over there and beat it out of you."

"The two of you should forget about _my_ dinner date and go make some plans of your own," Edward replied, sounding angry.

Rose gave out a little growl and took my phone out of my hand, bringing it up to her lips. "Look, don't think for a second that just because Bells uttered the words 'I forgive you' last Thursday night that she's forgotten about you walking away from her. You are nowhere close to being in the clear with her. Leaving her unprepared for your date tonight isn't going to help matters."

I took my phone back from Rose. "Edward, what Rose is trying to say is that we want things to work with Bella and you, and we're trying to help."

"Alice, you know me. You know everything I do is well-thought out and planned, and tonight's date is no different. I have taken into account my enormous error last week and the fact that despite her assurances, I can see in her eyes that there's still some hurt inside of her. What Bella needs more than your help with a dress, is to know that I care enough to plan a night out for us all on my own. And honestly, Sis, if I let you help you would just take over and it would cease to be my idea pretty damn quickly."

"But, Edward—"

He interrupted me. "Alice, I love you and I sincerely appreciate your desire to help, but the absolute best way for you to help is to butt out. I'm not telling you anything about tonight's plans no matter how much you beg. And I'm not afraid of you, Rosalie, so don't waste threats on me. Now, if you ladies will excuse me, I have things to do. Enjoy your Saturday and I'll see you tonight when I come to pick up Bella."

The very next sound was the click of the call ending. I drew my eyes away from my phone and turned them toward Rose. "Did he really just hang up on me?"

"Sweetie, he really just told you to fuck off," Rose said with a little laugh. "When the hell did he get a set?"

I huffed and set my phone down on the counter. "If he thinks for a single second that I'm just going to sit here and do nothing, he is very sorely mistaken."

"So what do we do without knowing his plan?"

I hopped off the stool and opened one of the kitchen drawers, pulling out a pad and pen. "We compile a list of what we know about Edward and make some very educated guesses. Then we shop."

"Well we know he's taking her to Portland City Grill for dinner from her blurting it out last week."

"But is he starting with dinner?" I asked, unconsciously tapping the top of the pen to my chin.

"How the hell should we know? It's been like a year since he dated anyone. What was her name? Meg? Marsha?"

"Mary." I frowned a little at the thought of her and how sad my brother had seemed after their breakup. "Let's just start with the basics," I said, setting the pen to my paper and starting to write. "He's romantic. He likes to spoil the person he's with. He knows his food and wine selections, thanks to Daddy. He's already done what Bella considers a great date, so he'll be out to show her his version of one."

"While those are filling up your paper, they're not exactly creating any ideas in my head," Rose announced. "How is this getting us any closer to picking a dress?"

I looked at the list and read over everything I had written down twice before an answer came to me. I smiled up at Rose, feeling extremely excited and confident. "We don't dress her for tonight's activities. We dress her for the mood of the night."

"Meaning?"

"Edward plans on treating a lady to dinner so that's exactly what we're going to give him. We need a dress that's feminine and sexy. Something to accentuate Bella's curves but not put them on display."

"Alice, are you sure you're right about this? Because of all the adjectives that have ever come to mind in all the years I've known Bella, feminine has never been one of them. She's a cute woman and has a great body, but when I think feminine, I think soft. The few times I've ever seen her look soft weren't good ones."

"Exactly! Our girl is long overdue for a change," I said, smiling wider as I slipped my purse onto my shoulder. "Let's get on the road, Rose. We have a lot of stores to hit and only seven hours to find the perfect dress and get it into Bella's closet."

* * *

**Bella's POV:**

"Not funny," I groaned, looking at the newest text message on my phone. Edward was so _kindly_ reminding me he would see me in an hour for our date. I was beginning to suspect he'd figured out I was nervous for tonight and was trying to keep me that way. I had no clue what the reason for it would be, but that didn't stop me from thinking it.

My phone beeped again and I let loose a few choice words about what I would do to Edward if he was sending another text. Once I got it open, I saw that it was from Alice.

_Get home pronto! Only fifty-eight minutes to get ready! :)_

I sighed and slipped the phone into my pocket, resisting the urge to rub at my temples. If the text was any indication of her level of excitement, my night was going to be long before it even got started.

In an effort to forget about the night lying ahead of me, I flicked the volume dial to the right and cranked up my radio. After hearing a rather loud and obnoxious request to visit a local car dealership, the guy in charge of the music came on to inform us lucky listeners that Death Cab for Cutie would be serenading us with "I Will Possess Your Heart". I didn't normally go for the softer stuff, but I was in the middle of navigating a turn and needed both hands on the truck's wide steering wheel to make it happen.

_How I wish you could see the potential,_

_The potential of you and me._

_It's like a book elegantly bound, but_

_In a language that you can't read_

_Just yet._

_You gotta spend some time, love._

_You gotta spend some time with me._

_And I know that you'll find, Love,_

_I will possess your heart._

I snapped the radio off with a flick of my wrist. I'd had enough of song lyrics fitting to my life the other night and was in no mood for it now, especially one that sounded so much like the words could have come right out of Edward's mouth.

I made it home, with hardly any recall of the drive there, and flew up the stairs, only having forty-five minutes left until Edward arrived.

Emmett and Jasper were on the sofa watching television and I tossed a wave their way while rushing down the hall and into my room. My _non_-empty room.

"I don't have time for you two. I have to shower, dry my hair, dress, and slap on some goop," I told them.

"We know," Alice replied. "That's why we're here to help." She grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me into the bathroom. "Get in there and wash away the coffeehouse smells as quickly as you can. When you get out, we'll vote on your dress."

"I only said maybe to that," I yelled through the closed door while stripping. I didn't have time to argue with Alice. Actually, I didn't have time for much of anything. _Why the hell had I told him to pick me up at seven?_

I sighed in defeat as I stepped under the warm shower spray; I would have to let the girls vote. It was the only way to make up some time so I would be ready by seven. And my little fairy of a best friend had probably known it all along, which was why she hadn't argued when I'd only given her a maybe on the voting thing. She was a hell of a lot smarter than most people realized, and she used it to bend us all to her will. I chuckled and gave a silent thank you for having her _with_ me and not _against_ me.

Twenty minutes later, I had shaved what needed to go, shampooed and conditioned what had stayed, and had lathered the rest up in the silky body wash stuff Alice had given me for my birthday. I didn't normally use the stuff because guys had a tendency to keep touching me when I did, but I figured I could risk it with Edward tonight.

I rinsed away all of the suds and turned the shower off, reaching up for the towel I had hanging from the curtain rod. While I padded the water from my face, I could hear sounds coming from my bedroom. Alice and Rose were laughing over Gwen Stefani singing about what she would do with money. She might not have had much when she'd made the song, but she sure as hell did now. Plus, she had hot ass Gavin Rossdale as her husband and baby daddy. I didn't see that kind of thing as being in my future, but I was looking forward to Alice and Jasper popping out some kids for Auntie Bella to spoil rotten.

I was forcefully pulled out of my thoughts by a fist pounding on the bathroom door. "For fuck's sake, Hale, give me time to dry the fuck off!" I yelled at the door.

"Just making sure you're moving your ass," she called out. "You have twenty-two minutes before the clock rolls over from on-time to fashionably late."

After making sure the towels on my head and body were secured tightly, I threw the door open and rushed into my room. "I'm about to make up major time because I'm agreeing to a dress vote."

Alice squealed as expected while Rose just smiled.

"We are only voting on what's currently inside of my closet. No pulling shit out of your rooms, you sneaky bitches," I warned them.

"I am hurt," Rose said, putting a hand over her heart. She could fucking have a tear rolling down her cheek and she still wouldn't be able to sell me on that shit.

"No, no," Alice said as she put her little hand on Rose's arm. "We have to respect Bella's choice in the matter and be grateful that we're even getting a vote." Alice never said shit like that unless she'd already figured out a way around it.

"What the fuck did you _do_?" I cried, nearly tripping on the corner of the bed while running for my closet. I pulled the sliding doors open and found my clothes pushed off to the left and right with a black dress bag hanging all alone in the gap between.

"We wanted to make sure you had the perfect dress for tonight," Alice said with a smile, leaning against the left door.

"We also wanted to buy you a little something to celebrate your return to the dating world," Rose added, appearing at my right with her arms crossed in front of her chest.

I forced myself to take a few deep breaths before replying. "While I appreciate the thought and sentiment behind this evil act, I'm highly fucking pissed that I had zero say in whatever is inside this bag. How do you even know whatever the hell this is will be right? Edward told me he didn't tell you anything and he certainly didn't tell me."

Alice smiled. "I know my brother and I'm sure the dress will be perfect."

"Whatever," I grumbled, turning and glancing at the clock. _Friggen six forty. Time to suck it up and stop fighting the inevitability of Alice Cullen getting her damn way._ "Let's see the damn dress," I told them.

Alice gave another of her patented squeals while Rose reached into the closet and pulled the bag out. "Bella, close your eyes," Alice demanded.

I took a step back from them. "The fuck I will."

"We want you to see the full package before you make a decision about the dress," Rose explained.

"No, you want to fucking make sure I can't do shit about it if I hate it," I argued. "I have less than twenty minutes to get into this getup, fix my hair, and put on makeup."

"We promise to take full responsibility for you being late if you hate the dress and need to change," Alice assured me, knowing exactly how much I fucking hated to be late for shit.

"Trust us, Bells," Rose said, dangling Alice's eye mask from her long fingers.

I groaned and held a hand out for the damn mask. "If I hate the dress, you two will pay for it for weeks to come," I promised them.

Rose gave me a shitty grin before pulling the mask the rest of the way down and covering my eyes in darkness. "Bells, shut the fuck up and submit to our torture."

I laughed at her excuse for a threat, but I did submit to the will of my girls. I just hoped I was making the right choice.

* * *

**A/N:** Thanks to Eternally Addicted for the idea of sneaking in an Alice POV! So excited for next weekend and the BIG DATE!!!


	13. You Got My Head Spinnin

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: You Got My Head Spinnin'**

**Chapter Song: "You and Me" by Lifehouse**

**Bella's POV:**

"Emmett! Jasper! Get your asses in here," Rose yelled out of my doorway.

"This is stupid." I'd probably said those three words twenty times already, but I couldn't seem to form anything more coherent.

"It's not," Alice replied, also for the twentieth time. "You look beautiful, Bella."

"This isn't me." _Okay, that was slightly different._

"It is you, Sweetie. Just a softer looking version," she assured me.

Alice had put me in a white dress. _White_! It wasn't like a wedding dress or anything—it was just really feminine. And white. It was the kind of dress I would picture Angela in, not me. The dress had a square neckline in the front that became a half circle in the back, dipping down past my shoulder blades. There was beading and lace all over it and there was even a layered section near the bottom. For a second, I could totally picture Esme wearing this when she had been my age. But as beautiful as it was, I didn't feel …

Honestly, I didn't feel I _belonged_ in the dress. Somebody looking at me might think I was a sweet, sophisticated young woman, but as soon as I opened my mouth, the illusion would fall away and then what? Not that I gave a shit for my own self—I was thinking of Edward. He'd made it very clear in his email and texts that he had a vision for tonight and if me being some kind of feminine, sophisticated woman was it, he was going to be sorely mistaken pretty damn quickly. And also, he should know better since he'd seen firsthand how my mouth took off without permission.

Emmett's loud voice filled my small room and drew my eyes to his reflection in the standing mirror Alice had brought in from her room. "Make it quick, Rosie baby. The game's at a pivotal part," he said. Their own football season was over, but Em and Jazz had managed to find a game on television to watch tonight.

"I'll take however the hell long I want and if you have a problem with it, you can go to your own damn place," Rose declared, giving Em a look that dared him to argue.

"What did you need us for, Rosalie?" Jasper asked. His voice was set at that pitch he reached when tried to make everyone settle down and be mellow.

"We need the two of you to settle a little debate for us," Rose explained. "Bella thinks the dress she's wearing for her date tonight is stupid. We think it's gorgeous. In order to settle the dispute, we would like to get your opinions."

"Yeah, sure," Emmett said.

"Of course," Jasper replied.

"Turn around, Bella," Alice ordered.

I pulled in a breath and found myself holding it while I turned for my friends to see me.

"Fuck the ballgame. The real show is right the hell here," Emmett said. And then he shoved his fingers into his mouth and gave me a wolf-whistle.

Jasper rolled his eyes at Emmett and then walked over to me, lifting my hand up and kissing the back of it. "What our very crass and idiotic friend is trying to say is that you look beautiful, Bella. A southern belle if I ever saw one."

"Bells in a dress," Emmett said with a shake of his head. "I really never thought I'd see the day. Even at graduation when it was mandatory, you found a way out of it. But here you are standing in one for my brother." He opened his mouth like he was going to say more but he must have changed his mind because he just smiled instead.

I tried to laugh off the fact that Jasper and Emmett were looking at me as if they'd never seen me before, but if it sounded nervous to my ears, I was pretty damn sure it sounded worse to theirs. "Yeah, well … That's what I get for finding musicians sexy. In my next life, I'll be sure not to make idiotic deals that involve wearing dresses."

"So hot or not?" Rose asked as Alice and she took up spots beside me.

"Hot," Jasper replied immediately.

"So fucking hot," Emmett seconded. "No lie, Bells. This is the hottest you've ever looked.

"But not just hot. You look truly beautiful. Any man would be honored to have you on his arm tonight." The way Jasper had spoken, it was like he knew I felt weird in the dress and was trying to make it better for me. And also, he sounded like he really believed his words. I'd never had a problem considering myself sexy or hot, but I'd never really thought about whether or not I was beautiful before.

And I didn't really have the time for it now. "So I obviously pass the friend test. Anyone have any ideas on how the boyfriend will react?" I asked.

Emmett was the first to reply, and as often happened with him, we all regretted it. "Bet you twenty bucks he shoots his load on sight."

"Gross!" Alice cried, hiding her face against Jasper's shoulder.

"What? You know you were thinking it, Ali," Em said.

"Em, stop being a crass ass to your sister," I ordered. "And don't—"

My attempt to warn him to behave around Edward was cut off by the doorbell ringing. _Shit, he's here! Am I ready for this? Is he ready for this? I feel a fever and bed rest coming on._

"I'll get it!" Alice trilled, already halfway out my door. With as excited as she was, she would never let me pull the sick card tonight.

"You two go on out and greet Edward while I help Bella make sure she has everything she needs in her clutch," Rose said, practically pushing the boys out of the room.

"Rose, I don't own a clutch," I told her once we were alone.

"You do now," she said, handing me a bag I'd totally missed sitting on my desk.

I parted the purple tissue paper and gasped at the object inside. The clutch was rectangular with black and white circles and black outlines of birds swooping down toward the bottom with only a few heading back up. It was something I absolutely would have picked for myself.

"I know the dress isn't your usual style, so I thought the clutch should be more reflective of you. Plus, the black and white designs make it perfect to go with just about anything you wear."

I set the bag on my bed and threw my arms around Rosalie, hugging her tightly to say the things I couldn't get past my lips. There was a short knock on my door and I let go of Rose as we both turned toward it.

Alice popped in, smiling wide. "He's here and very excited to see you. Em and Jazz are raving about you in your dress to him and threatening to keep you in here just so they can say they saw you and he didn't."

I laughed as I pictured the two of them doing that and Edward trying to figure out if they were serious or not. And then I crossed the room and wrapped my best friend up in my arms. "I love you, Ali. Sometimes especially because you do evil shit you shouldn't."

She chuckled and squeezed me with her little arms. "That's one of the many things that make us such great friends."

"Time to greet your man," Rose said, holding the clutch out to me. "We rummaged through your backpack and put anything we thought you might need in here already."

"Thank you, ladies. You both rock hard," I said, smiling at them.

And then it was time to walk down the hallway and let Edward see me. Emmett and Jasper were blocking his view of me, which was good. But that meant they also were blocking my view of him, which wasn't as good. Thankfully, Rose solved the problem by clearing her throat. The sound made Em and Jazz jump as if they'd been caught doing something they shouldn't—they must have been telling Edward something they figured they would be in trouble for from Alice and Rose. Men always thought they were so damn slick and while we might not know what was said, we damn sure knew it wasn't anything good. _But who cares what the hell those two ass clowns were saying when you have a man this sexy standing in front of you?_

Edward was in a suit—a real friggen suit. He wore a charcoal colored jacket with matching pants and shiny black dress shoes. His shirt was dark blue and though I never would have thought of the color for his pale face, it worked really well for him, setting off his green eyes.

"This would be the part where you use your mouth for something other than drooling," Emmett said to Edward, nudging him in the ribs with a meaty elbow.

"I can't," Edward replied. "She's left me speechless."

For some damn reason, his answer made that damn blush of mine show up and I lowered my head, trying to keep the whole room from noticing it.

I barely got my eyes all the way to the floor before Edward had his arms around me, his breath tickling my ear while he whispered into it. "You look beautiful, Angel. I'm sorry it took me a moment to figure out how to say it. When you said you would wear a dress, I just assumed … It honestly doesn't matter what I thought because you are simply stunning. I think I might be a little under-dressed for standing next to you."

I tried to hide my snort my pressing my face into his shoulder.

Edward put some space between us, but didn't completely let go, resting his hands just above my elbows. "I'm serious, Bella. You look so beautiful. I'm in for a long night of glaring at men to force their eyes away from you."

I wasn't really sure how to deal with him talking to me that way, so I made a joke out of it. "Before your shit gets any thicker and flies start to appear, let's go to dinner."

Edward chuckled as he helped me put on the sweater Rose was loaning me for the night. "You may as well get used to being complimented now because I plan to do it at every opportunity," he told me.

"Twenty bucks says he comes home with a black eye," Emmett called out.

I looked up from fixing the sleeve on the sweater to find Jasper and Rosalie putting twenty dollar bills into Emmett's hand while Alice stood to the side shaking her head. "Let's get out of here before one of _them_ ends up with a black eye," I said to Edward.

He nodded his agreement and took my hand, leading me out of the apartment and down to the parking lot. He did that gentleman thing where he opened my car door, helped me inside, and then closed the door for me. I was so busy smiling over his behavior that I almost missed the small black box with the white bow on top sitting on the dashboard right in front of me.

As soon as Edward was in the car, I was pointing at the box. "What is that?"

"Open it and see," he replied, giving me that lopsided grin of his.

"If there's jewelry in here, I'm kicking your ass," I said, getting a laugh out of him in response.

I pulled the ends of the ribbon and it fell away from the box, falling into my lap. The box lid was on tight and it took me two tries before I could get it to move. When I finally got it off, I found a square purple packet on top of an index card. I pulled the packet out first and turned it over, finding that it was seeds for purple lisianthus flowers. The note card was filled with neat block printing that explained how to care for the seeds, including when to plant them.

"I know it's traditional to bring actual flowers for the date, but I thought you would enjoy this more," Edward explained. "You mentioned how it makes you sad to see cut flowers wilting and dying so I thought you could plant these seeds in your meadow back in Forks. That way, you can have the flowers without them being cut. If you plant them over Thanksgiving break, you should see the first flowers in May."

I shook my head in disbelief. "I wasn't even really talking when I said that, though. I was just making a comment. I can't believe you actually paid enough attention to my ranting to remember it."

He tucked my hair behind my ear and pressed a kiss to my cheek. "I pay attention to everything you say, Bella. How else can I learn more about you?"

I set the items back in the box and put the box in my lap so I could use both arms to hug Edward. "Thank you. Like _tons_ of thank you."

"You're very welcome. I hope you enjoy the rest of what I have planned just as much."

I let go of him and smiled. "Why don't you tell me about these plans and I'll tell you right here and now if I like them?"

He chuckled and shook his head without ever taking his green eyes from my face. "Not a chance, Swan."

"Not even one little hint?" I asked while cheating my ass off and dragging a fingernail down his neck.

He shivered and licked his lips before pulling my hand away and setting it on my knee. _Damn man had willpower!_ "I'll only say that since we already did your idea of a great date, I thought we should do mine tonight," he said as he started the car.

_Edward's idea of a great date?_ I had no idea what that could entail, but I knew all the things it wouldn't be—like anything I was used to doing. I'd never considered change a bad thing, but that didn't mean it couldn't scare the shit out of me at times. I just hoped I would enjoy whatever it was because disappointing Edward was not on my list of things to get out of this night.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

A little groan escaped me as I set my fork down. _Again_. "I seriously can _not_ eat another bite and yet I can't bring myself to push the plate away."

Edward lifted his eyes to mine while laughing under his breath. "You've said that four times already."

"E, take my fork," I whined. "Don't let me have it back no matter how much I beg."

"So no dessert then?" he asked with his lopsided grin and dancing green eyes.

"Evil, evil man," I said while trying to conjure up the energy for a glare.

He laughed again and set his hand over mine on the table, giving it a light squeeze. "Do you want a to-go box?"

"Hell yes! You do _not_ leave behind scallops in black plum sauce, Cullen."

He snorted at my answer. "Duly noted, Swan."

A fresh idea of how to weasel information out of him popped into my head and I ran with it. "I mean, if we _can_ take it with us. I don't know what you have planned next or how long it takes so seafood in the Volvo may be a bad idea."

"The food will be fine," was all he would say. Every single attempt I'd made at getting information out of him had failed. I wasn't used to that shit! I was damn good at flirting and trickery when there was something I wanted and he was the first to ever resist all of my attempts.

Since he wasn't budging and neither of us was ready to move just yet, I figured I might as well bring up a topic that needed discussing. "So I was wondering about Thanksgiving."

I could tell from the way his eyes immediately shot to mine that I not only had his attention, I had his curiosity. "What about it?" he asked.

"Well … We're both going to be at the annual Cullen Thanksgiving dinner that night. No man, woman, or child alive would be insane enough to skip out on the spread Esme Cullen puts out. But I was sort of wondering what you were doing for lunch."

"I'm invited to go to Rosalie's house. My dad will be working so everyone else is going to her house to have lunch with her parents. Aren't you going?"

"I was invited, but, uh … You see, this is the first Thanksgiving that my dad and Sue are celebrating together and she kind of wants to make a big deal out if it and cook and everything. And she really wants me there so she planned on having a big lunch knowing I would be at your parents' place that night. You don't have to or anything, but I was wondering if you maybe wanted to join us."

"And if I agree, then technically, I'm not having lunch so much as officially meeting your father."

I really wanted to look at anything but him right then, but I couldn't. It was like his eyes had dazzled me into a state of semi-paralysis where my eyes had lost the ability to move. "Yeah, that about sums it up."

After a long moment of silence, Edward sighed and ran his free hand through his hair. "You're lucky you get to skip this part. My parents know you and love you as one of their own already."

"Trust me, E, having your parents know me makes it worse in many ways. They know shit you don't know yet and while Esme seemed all cool about it at first, she's had time to think about it since then. Plus, Carlisle knows now and he'll have his own opinion about it."

"Yes, but neither of _my_ parents are registered gun owners."

I tried not to smile and give anything way. "Charlie only has three. The police issue handgun, the shotgun, and the long range rifle with scope."

Edward started to turn a little green. "So pretty much once he finds out I'm your boyfriend, no place is safe?"

I turned my hand under his and pushed my fingers up, squeezing his fingers. "Relax, E. I'm just teasing. Besides, it not like you have to or anything."

He put his free hand on top of our joined ones and looked me right in the eyes. "I want to, Bella. I want to meet every person you consider important in your life. I'm not saying I won't be terrified of the man and his weaponry, but I won't let that stop me."

I put my own free hand on top of the pile and smiled at him. "Don't worry, E. I won't let him shoot anything vital."

"Vital to me or to you?" he questioned with a smirk.

I chuckled. "You really are learning about me."

"And now it's time for you to learn something about me," he said as he stood and then helped me to my feet. I had to admit I was pretty damn intrigued by that statement. And also, I had about a bazillion questions for him, but didn't bother asking since he'd already proved he wouldn't answer.

While he drove us to whatever secret destination we were headed for, I sent Alice and Rose a text message to let them know how the date was going.

_Date is nothing like anything, but in good way. He had total fear face at mention of Charlie. Hard not 2 laugh. Off 2 secret destination. Not enjoying lack of info at all! What if he's closet axe murderer driving me 2 unmarked grave? Will you speak at my funeral? Bury me with my iPod, Bitches! Lurve and hugs. Bells._

I couldn't help but giggle as I hit the send button.

"Texting my sister and Rose?" Edward questioned.

I shrugged and smiled up at him. "Maybe."

"Did you know you have a variety of laughs? And that you only giggle when doing something with Alice and Rose?"

"I am only aware of the evil laugh that causes women to break out in goose bumps and men to step away from me."

"That is a scary sound," he agreed with a nod.

"So tell me about my other laughs, E."

"You have one that's more snort than laugh that happens when Emmett and you are discussing some television show. There's the squealing laughter when someone tickles you. There's that loud and slightly obnoxious laugh that's heard over the cries of pain coming from an injured person."

I _had_ to interrupt him on that one. "Don't even try to deny that was some damn funny shit last Sunday night. I've never seen Jasper even stumble so seeing him completely wipe the hell out and land on his ass in the kitchen was priceless. And the fact that it happened because Alice decided the floor wasn't shiny enough and waxed the damn thing _twice_ just made it all that much more entertaining."

"It might have been a little funny," he conceded, casting a quick glance and a smile my way.

"So are those all of my laughs?"

"No," he replied as he slipped the Volvo between two parked cars. He turned off the engine and palmed his keys before turning his head my way and leaning in close to me. "There's my personal favorite … your soft under-the-breath laugh when you're trying to be quiet while lying in the dark next to me."

_Holy mother of fuck me sideways! How in the hell had he learned to talk like that?_

"Ready for your surprise?" he asked.

I somehow managed to make my head move in affirmation.

Edward chuckled at my lack of vocal ability and quickly kissed my cheek before getting out of the car.

I'd known all along this date wouldn't be like any other I'd had, but this was … Shit, I didn't even have words for what this was. He was being sweet and charming, but it was more than that—he _meant_ it! And if he was doing all of this to get me in bed again, he certainly wasn't showing it. The kisses and touches we'd shared tonight had all been sweet and innocent. There was nothing to make me think this was all a setup for a big payoff at the end of the night. Of course, if it did turn out he had ulterior motives, the chances of him getting his ass kicked were rock solid at this point.

Edward opened my door and extended his hand; his lopsided grin was still in place and his eyes were so damn bright that there was no mistaking how happy he was right then. I wondered if it was because I was playing along with all this secrecy stuff or if he was really having _that_ good of a time with me. If it was the latter, that would be another first in my dating life.

"Come on, Angel. Don't tell me you're afraid to find out what I have in store for you," Edward said, still holding his hand out to me.

I put my hand in his and let him help me out of the car. "First of all, you should really find a more suitable nickname for me. Second of all, I told you this morning I wasn't afraid of you."

Edward moved forward until my body was pinned between his and the car; his closeness caused me to stop breathing. His eyes roamed over my face while his hands cupped my cheeks and his thumbs rubbed over the apples. "You're _my_ angel, Bella. You're the bright light in my life and when I'm with you, I feel alive in so many ways."

His lips were so soft against mine that it reminded me of the morning after in his parents' garage. Only this time, I wasn't worried about what his tenderness meant because I already knew.

Our kiss ended sooner than I would have liked and I let out a little groan. Edward chuckled and kissed each of my closed eyes. His gesture was followed by the sound of rustling fabric and then something soft touched my eyes and the tops of my cheeks.

"E, what are you doing?" I questioned.

"Making sure you can't peek and spoil your surprise," he said as he tied the blindfold.

Edward held both of my hands tightly while leading me to wherever we were going; I had no choice but to trust him to safely get me there. Worst case scenario, I twisted my ankle during his cloak and dagger date and he had to pamper me. Something told me Edward would be pretty damn good at pampering an injured person.

I tried to figure out where we were headed from the sounds around us, but all I heard clearly were my own breaths and my heels clicking on the concrete sidewalk.

The walk wasn't long and ended with Edward knocking on a door. It opened pretty quickly and he talked quietly with some guy for a minute before starting to lead me again.

The next time we stopped, Edward took the blindfold off. We were in the middle of a room lit by soft yellowish light that bounced off mirrored walls and a glossy wood floor.

"Where are we, E?" I asked, trying to look at him and the room at the same time.

His only answer was a smile as he pulled me closer. He set my left hand on his right arm, put his right hand on my waist, and then twined his left and my right hand together, bringing them up in the air. This whole night had my head spinning so badly that it took me way too long to figure out he was positioning us to dance.

The sound of a guitar strumming filled the room and seemed to be coming from all sides. I had barely gotten used to it when a voice joined it.

_What day is it? And in what month?_

_This clock never seemed so alive._

_I can't keep up and I can't back down._

_I've been losing so much time._

My breath caught in my throat at the words; just this morning I had been shocked to see it had only been three weeks with Edward. My time with him alternated between feeling longer and shorter depending on what we were doing. Just tonight alone felt like it had been going on for more than just a few hours. It didn't seem real that Edward could pack so much feeling into a single night.

His fingers squeezed mine just a little and my eyes immediately lifted up to meet his green ones. It was so hard to think when staring into the emerald color so I decided to not even try.

'_Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do,_

_Nothing to lose._

_And it's you and me and all other people,_

_And I don't why I can't keep my eyes off of you._

The intensity of Edward's stare combined with the soulful words twirling around the room with us sent my heart racing and heated up my cheeks.

_All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right._

_I'm tripping on words._

Edward has said something similar in his email this morning and I could already count a handful of times I'd gotten tongue-tied around him.

_You've got my head spinning._

_I don't know where to go from here._

Definite check on the head spinning thing, at least for me. And I damn sure didn't have a clue where we were going, but I knew I liked the ride so far.

'_Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do,_

_Nothing to prove._

_And it's you and me and all other people,_

_And I don't why I can't keep my eyes off of you._

_There's something about you now_

_I can't quite figure out._

I'd thought once that I had Edward all figured out, but now I knew I hadn't even known a fraction of the man staring down at me with tenderness in his eyes and love in his heart.

Edward's lips parted and he sang along with the song …

_Everything she does is beautiful._

_Everything she does is right._

I lowered my head, trying to hide the moisture in my eyes. My heart was pounding so hard and my fingers twitched with the need to grab onto his jacket. The closest I'd ever come to feeling this way before hadn't really been a tenth of what I felt now. And to be perfectly honest, I couldn't remember ever feeling this much around anyone but Alice.

Edward let go of my hand and used his fingers to tilt my chin upward. I was so afraid he was going to ask me what was wrong because I knew there was no way I could explain what I didn't understand myself. But instead of speaking, he pressed his lips to mine. Through the rest of the song, we kissed and swayed together.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I only managed to get out about three sentences from when the dance stopped until Edward was standing outside of my apartment door with me. I'd asked about the song and he'd told me it was the acoustic version of "You and Me" by Lifehouse. I was fairly confident there had been a heartfelt "thank you" from me. But beyond that, I really couldn't remember doing anything but looking at him and wondering why he would wait six years for me when he could easily have any woman in the world drooling at his feet and craving his sweetness.

"You're so quiet," Edward said, brushing the back of his hand along my cheek. "I'm starting to worry you didn't enjoy the date."

I grabbed his hand and held it between us, trying to remember how words made it from my head out through my mouth. "It was everything I never knew I wanted a date to be, Edward."

He smiled and leaned in, giving me another of those soft, tender kisses that should have scared me but didn't. "I had a wonderful time with you, Bella. I hope to do it again soon."

"I would really like that, E."

His smile widened seconds before he pressed his lips to my forehead. "Sweet dreams, Angel."

"What?" I asked, moving from total shock to shocked _and_ confused. "What do you mean 'sweet dreams'? Aren't you coming in?"

He chuckled as he shook his head. "A gentleman leaves his lady at the door. But I will call you tomorrow and hopefully make lunch plans."

"A gentleman? What? I'm still confused."

Edward took my hands into his and looked right into my eyes, a sign I'd come to know as his attempt to be completely open and honest. "This night was about you and about showing you the way I think you should be treated. You deserve a special night for no other reason than that you exist. You don't owe me anything for it and I didn't do it so I could end up in your bed tonight. I want to make sure you know that and believe it and that's why I'll be sleeping in my dorm room tonight."

All I could do was give a nod and hope like hell the wetness in my eyes stayed right the hell where it was.

After a long hug and a chaste kiss, Edward wished me sweet dreams again and then opened the door for me to go inside. I think I walked in, but I might have floated. I wasn't really sure what was going on or where up and down had gone. I just knew that Edward had changed my entire view of what a date was and could be.

"Shit! Ali, she's crying!" Rosalie yelled as she grabbed a hold of me. "What did that bastard do?" she asked as she lowered her head and looked at my face.

"What happened?" Alice cried, rushing up and practically knocking Rose out of the way.

I sniffled and wiped at my stupid tears with the back of my hand, planning to tell them everything was fine. Instead, I grabbed hold of both of them and sobbed like a big friggen baby.

Once the crazy drama portion of my night subsided, the girls helped me out of my dress and makeup and into pajamas. The three of us curled up in my bed and as best I could without bringing on more tears, I told them all about my night.

"And if either of you ever rat me out for crying like a damn sissy, I'll never forgive you," I threatened.

Alice giggled and hugged me while Rose pinched my thigh. "We've finally got good blackmail material on you, Bells," Rose said. "We're going to hang onto it for awhile."

"I knew he would do something romantic for you, but this definitely surpassed anything I was thinking," Alice admitted. "I'm so happy for you, Bells."

"You were long overdue for a great date," Rose added. "And don't you think for a second that you owe him anything. Like he said, you deserved it."

"Even if I agree with that, where do we go from here? How do I measure up to someone so easily capable of showing his feelings?" I asked.

"You don't," Alice said simply. "You be yourself, the Bella that we all know and love. And in time, you'll find your own way to show him how you feel."

"For now, you can just take care of him when he has hangovers and buy him those teas he likes," Rose suggested.

"For being the fucking sage wisdoms of my life, you two suck," I told them.

The three of us exchanged glances for a few seconds before bursting out into loud laughter. We probably would have kept at it for awhile, but my phone gave out a beep and interrupted us.

"I bet I know who that message is from," Alice sang as she got up from my bed. "Come on, Rose. Let's let her get her lovey dovey text message in private. We'll get details from her in the morning."

Before getting up, Rose squeezed me tightly in her arms. "I'm glad he gave you a great night. Now I won't have to kick his ass."

"Love you too, Hale," I said as I kissed her cheek.

Once they were gone, I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and flipped it open to get a look at my text.

_Just wanted 2 wish you sweet dreams one final time, Angel. And 2 thank you for the best night of my life. Call me when you wake in the morning so we can plan lunch._

Fresh tears pooled in my eyes as I read the message a second time and tried to think of something to text back to him. My spinning head could only come up with two words …

_Thank You_

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**A/N:** There you go! Edward's idea of a perfect date. Bella wasn't ready for anything like it, but she certainly appreciated it.

Big Huge Mega Thanks to Eternally Addicted for the music!! It set the tone perfectly for the date!


	14. Bad Day

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Bad Day**

**Chapter Song: "Bad Day" by Fuel**

**Bella's POV:**

"Ali," I called out for the third time, praying for a response. As much as I would have loved to get out of bed all on my own, I knew it wasn't possible at the moment.

Seconds that felt like hours passed before my door opened and my best friend came into my room. "What has you paging me?" she asked. My face must have looked worse than it felt because she gasped and ran over to me.

"How bad is it?" she asked, trying to dry my face with her fingers.

"I need a pain pill in the worst way," I told her. "And help getting into the bathroom."

Alice had seen me like this before on a few occasions so she didn't waste time with more questions. She tossed my covers off of me and helped me out of the bed. Once we were in the bathroom and I was safely seated on my _throne_, she started to talk. "I think you should go ahead and take two to start with. You look like you're in a lot of a pain."

"Yeah, I doubt one would do me any good today."

"I thought these new meds you're on were supposed to help keep the pain manageable so you wouldn't need the pain pills."

"Yeah, that's what my doctor said, but I guess these meds aren't working on me the way they have for others."

"I think the last meds you had worked better."

"I don't even know anymore. They've tried so many in the last couple of years. I wish they'd just leave me on one and accept that I'll always need the pain pills."

"Here," Alice said as she handed me a warm washcloth. "Wipe your face down and I'll go get you something cold to drink to take your pills with. Do you want any food?"

"I can't eat right now, Ali. I won't keep it down."

"I'll be right back," she promised. "And I'll bring you some fresh clothes," she added, rolling my soiled ones up and taking them with her.

I pressed the washcloth against my face and closed my eyes, trying to think of ways to pay Alice back for her help. I usually just let her go to town with dressing me up once I was done with my cycle and back to being a normal human and not a rolled up ball of pain lying in the bed.

My period only came once every three months or so, but when it did, it was a pure fucking bitch. My doctor often seemed more concerned with worrying about me getting addicted to pain pills than keeping me a functioning human during my cycle, but I tried my best to trust her judgment. And I had to admit that some of the tips she'd given me over the years had helped, like eating oatmeal and protein-rich foods during my cycle to help combat my symptoms naturally. But honestly, I'd rather drag ass all damn day than feel this pain. It felt like two big hands had grabbed a hold of my insides and were twisting them the way you would wring out a wet towel.

After Alice helped me clean myself up and put on fresh clothes, she walked me back to my bed and gave me my pain pills with a glass of Gatorade.

"Do you want anything else at all?" Alice asked as she took the empty glass from me.

"No, thanks," I mumbled while slowly scooting down in the bed. I'd learned long ago to move as little as possible until the pain medicine kicked in. On the bright side, the mess had been completely contained by my clothing. The last thing I needed was to have to change the damn sheets right now.

Alice helped me pull the blankets over me and then she crawled into bed with me, holding my hand in hers. "I hate that you woke up feeling this way after your amazing date last night."

"At least this explains why I was such a damn sissy last night."

"That's not true," Alice argued.

"Look at the facts, Ali. I'm never weepy unless I'm on my cycle. I was weepy last night and I have my cycle today."

"No the real fact is that you keep trying to rationalize every detail about your relationship with Edward. You keep forgetting that emotions aren't rational and feelings can't always be explained."

I wanted to roll my eyes at her, but I hurt too much for it. "You and I both know I'm much better off when I understand exactly why I do, say, and feel stuff."

"Just like you and I know that this is the first relationship in a long time where you're really putting yourself into it and getting rewarded for trusting. Last night wouldn't have felt half as wonderful to you if you hadn't trusted Edward to lead."

Thinking of how great last night had been and how awful I felt right now had tears pooling in my eyes. "I can't talk about this right now, Ali."

"It's okay, Bells," she cooed while stroking my hair. She was like mother and sister all rolled into one when I had bad days like this. "But once you start feeling better, we are going to talk about this again."

I closed my eyes, but the tears still got free. "It hurts so bad right now, Ali."

"Try to relax and go back to sleep. It'll give your pills time to kick in and do their magic."

I really wanted to believe that, but I'd had pain this bad before and I was pretty sure the pills were only going to dull it down a little instead of make it go away. I was also positive once I called the doctor and told her these new meds hadn't done shit to help, she would tell me to try them for one more cycle. She'd probably also tell me to come in for tests to find out if I had any new or bigger cysts from the last time she had checked.

"I'll come back and check on you in a couple of hours," Alice said as she let go of my hand.

I let out a breath and pulled the covers closer to my chin. And then I remembered about Edward. "Ali!" I called, catching her just before the door closed completely.

"What is it, Sweetie?"

"Do me a favor and take my phone with you."

"Why?" she asked.

"Because Edward is supposed to call and I can't talk to him like this. Just tell him I woke up sick and that I'll call him tomorrow or whenever I start to feel better."

"Bella, he's not going to accept that. He's going to want to come over and help make you feel better."

"I don't want him seeing me like this."

"You're being silly, and instead of thinking of ways to keep him away, you should let him come over and comfort you."

"You are the only person I can stand to watch me cry and you know it."

"I've said this to you many times over the years and I really hope today is the day you decide to listen to me … Passing up comfort to hide a few tears is insanely ridiculous."

"Yes, it's a much better idea to let someone be around to take the brunt of my anger when I get pissed about the crying."

"From the pain you're in, I doubt you'll have the energy to be angry." She had an actual fucking point, but I still couldn't stand the idea of Edward seeing me cry. It would change how he looked at me and I didn't want that.

But since I couldn't say all of that to Alice without her trying to convince me otherwise, I said something equally true. "If he came over, I'd have to explain and I am in too much pain for that, Ali."

She sighed from beside me and put her small hand on my back. "I'm only agreeing because I can see you're honestly not feeling well. But if he decides to come over here, I'm not turning him away."

"Just let him know you're taking care of me and I'm sure he'll stay away," I told her.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

My stomach's decision to do flips and growl pulled me out of my sleep and alerted me to the fingers combing through my hair. I blinked my eyes open and found my head on Edward's leg. His other leg was supporting the spine of the book he was reading.

"What are you doing here?" I'd wanted the question to come out strong, but my throat was too dry for it to come out as anything but a croak.

Edward immediately closed his book and set it aside, giving me his complete attention. "I called to talk about lunch and Alice told me you weren't feeling well."

"Didn't she tell you she was taking care of me?"

"She did," he answered with a nod. "But I wanted to help so I had her give me a list of food and drink you like when you're sick. I had planned to just drop off the items and go, but when we came in to check on you and you heard my voice, you asked me to lay with you."

"Alice should have known I was talking in my sleep," I grumbled, looking away from him and toward my door. She probably had known and had used it as an excuse to ignore my wishes and follow her own agenda. _Damn meddling pixie._

"She did mention that could be a possibility, but I figured whether it was conscious or unconscious, there was no reason not to give you what you wanted. So I stayed," Edward explained.

"Thanks, but you can go now. Alice and Rose will be here with me so I'll be fine."

"Bella, is there some reason you're not looking at me and trying to send me away? Did I do something wrong?"

"I don't feel well and I would like to be left alone to sleep until I'm feeling better."

"You've been resting just fine while I've been reading. If not for your stomach making so much noise, you'd probably still be out."

_Shit! He'd heard it. Now what the hell do I do?_

"Alice had me get you some Lipton stroganoff noodles. She says you really like those when you're sick. I could make them for you," he offered.

Trying to move as little as possible, I shifted my head from his leg to my pillow. "No. But you can ask Alice to make them for me on your way out."

"Bella, why are you being this way?"

"Because I don't feel well and I don't want you here," I said, not quite yelling the words at him.

He clenched his teeth together and closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath. "You say you're not mad at me, but that's not how you sound."

"It has nothing to do with you! I'm sick and I want to be alone."

He didn't say anything. He just did exactly what I'd asked for—he got up from the bed and left the room.

Not long after my door closed, I stopped being worried about him asking what was wrong with me long enough to realize I actually did want him here. Our conversation played back through my head and seeing how mean I'd been to him made me feel even worse. Now on top of feeling crappy and being in pain, I felt silly, regretful, and lonely. _Great friggen job, Swan._ I closed my eyes and pulled the covers over my head, trying to hide from everything and feel nothing.

It wasn't bad enough the pain kept me in the damn bed, now it was making me pathetic. All I needed was some overly dark make-up on my face and my life would be the perfect video to accompany Fuel's "Bad Day".

I heard my door open and cringed, waiting for Alice to start telling me what I already knew—I'd acted silly and pushed Edward away for no good reason. Maybe she'd feel charitable enough to call him and ask him to come back for me. If I'd thought I could actually make it, I would have gotten out of bed and tried to catch him my own self. _Yep, really friggen pathetic._

My blanket was pulled from my head and my eyes flew open, landing right on a set of green eyes that most definitely did not belong to my best friend. "You're back," I blurted out.

"I never left. I just put your noodles on the stove and sent everyone else out to dinner. Unless you want to try getting out of bed to fix your own food and drink, you're stuck with me. So what's it going to be, Bella? Will you tell me what you'd like to drink? Or do you want to tell me to go away again?"

I reached across the bed for the hand he had resting on my mattress and pulled on it until he got into the bed with me. I wanted to apologize but I wasn't exactly sure where to start.

Edward put an arm around me and rested his head against mine. "Why is Alice good enough to take care of you and I'm not?"

"It's not like that, Edward."

"Then explain it to me, Bella. Because right now, I'm really confused and hurt by your behavior."

"If you were sick, would you really want me seeing you that way?"

"You already have. Last weekend you helped me through my hangover and I was grateful to have you with me."

"That's different, Edward."

"Why?"

My words came out in a mumbling whisper that I sort of hoped he wouldn't hear. "I don't want to cry in front of you."

"A few tears aren't going to change how I see you, Bella."

"How can you be sure about that?"

"Because tears are a natural reaction to happiness, pain, and sorrow. It's just something people do. It doesn't take away or add to who you are. Besides, I already saw you cry that night we talked about Aaron." He kissed the top of my head and then rolled out of bed. "Think about that while I go check on your noodles."

Why did he have to be like Alice and make so damn much sense? And why was he not only putting up with my surly behavior, but making everyone else go out so he could be the one to take care of me?

_Because he loves you, Stupid!_ That could certainly be one interpretation of it. I'd watched over him last weekend because I cared about him. And Alice had helped me this morning because she cared for me. Looking at it from this view, I could see where being worried about crying made me pretty damn silly.

"Bella, what would you like to drink?" Edward called from the doorway.

"Did Alice have you get 7-Up for me?"

"She did," he said, giving me a grin. "Ice with it?"

"Yeah, but uh …" _Okay, Swan. It's now or never. Either let the man be here and really help or keep being silly and make things worse for yourself._ I blew out a breath and lifted my eyes back to Edward's. "Can you help me out of the bed first?"

He came right over and helped me move back the covers and get up from the bed. He also held onto my waist and walked me to the bathroom door. "I'll help you back to bed when you're done," he said, pressing a kiss to my temple before letting me go.

I gave him the best smile I could muster in my pained state and then closed the door. I might have convinced myself to let him help, but there was no way in hell I wanted him to see exactly how much pain I was in. I didn't even let Alice know half the time. It would just scare her needlessly since there was nothing either of us could do about it.

When I opened the door minutes later, Edward was standing outside of it waiting for me. He walked me back to my bed and I immediately saw that he'd moved my pillows and stacked them against the headboard for me to lean against. I could also smell the stroganoff noodles even though I couldn't see them yet and my stomach gave out another loud growl.

Edward chuckled at the sound while pulling the blanket over my legs and tucking it in around my waist. "Do you need anything else?" he asked after handing me a bowl of noodles and setting my drink on the nightstand beside me.

"I forgot to grab another pill while I was in the bathroom. It's the brown bottle on the top shelf in my medicine cabinet."

"Just one?" he questioned as he stood.

"Yeah. It's not as bad as it was early this morning."

Edward disappeared into my bathroom and I dug into the noodles, more than ready to get my stomach to shut the hell up and leave me alone. He'd cooked them just right and they were so tender they practically slid down my throat.

"You did great with the noodles," I called out to him.

"Demerol?" The one word came out as more of a question than a statement and I looked up, finding Edward standing in the bathroom doorway with the familiar brown bottle in his hand. _Shit! He's a trainer! He knows that's a serious painkiller._

"Um … Ibuprofen doesn't really work on me," I lamely replied.

Edward walked over and sat beside me, holding the bottle between us. "This isn't what a person normally takes when they're sick, Bella. They take NyQuil for the cold symptoms and Tylenol for any fever and pain."

I needed time to decide how much to say and exactly how to say it. "I promise I'll explain later, but for now, I really just need to take a pill and eat."

He nodded his agreement and worked on getting the bottle open and a pill out of it while I ate more noodles.

I milked about twenty minutes worth of preparation time out of our silent dinner. I knew I had to explain at least some part of what was wrong with me, but there was no reason to tell him everything. I hated talking about it to anyone, even my doctor, so unless there was a damn good reason for it, it wasn't going to be talked about.

When Edward disappeared to put away our dishes, I looked around for my phone, hoping I'd have enough time to ask Ali what she thought I should say. "Shit," I grumbled after a few seconds of searching. My phone was wherever she'd put it when she'd taken it this morning.

"Everything okay?" Edward asked, walking back into the room.

"Yeah, I was just looking around for my phone to find out the time."

"Did you forget you have a clock over there?" he asked, pointing at my alarm clock.

"Easier to look at the phone than twist my body."

He didn't really look like he believed that. He sat down so that he was facing me and set his hand on my knee. "Are you ready to tell me what's going on?"

Looking at his face and seeing genuine concern in his green eyes, I knew I couldn't lie to him. But I still didn't see any reason to divulge the full extent of my condition at this point in our relationship. So I settled for what I considered the middle ground and talked about one of the side effects of my condition. "I have what's called dysmenorrhea. Have you ever heard of it?"

"Yeah, I studied female anatomy two semesters ago. Painful cramps in the pelvic region that can be accompanied with lower back pain and leg pains."

"That's the one," I said, giving into my needy feelings and taking hold of his hand. "Some women can take birth control and have their symptoms diminished enough for Midol to get them through the worst of it. So far, my doctor hasn't found one that does that for me, so I have the Demerol."

"That's a serious and addictive drug, Bella."

"Yeah, I know. It's why my doctor keeps trying to find the magic birth control solution for me and I keep putting up with it. In the meantime, I'm careful about how much I take and if I can get away with taking something over the counter, then I do. Unfortunately, today is not one of those days."

"How long have you been going through this?"

I groaned and leaned into my pillows. "E, this is really not a discussion I want to have tonight. Things are still so new between us and I really don't feel comfortable yet explaining the ins and outs of my menstrual cycle to you."

"You're right and I'm sorry. I'm just worried for you."

"Don't be. I know it's a serious drug, I monitor how much I take of it, and I have faith that my doctor will find an alternative solution soon enough." Okay, so that last part was more like really wishful thinking than the truth, but I figured I should get to slide on it after the way I'd had to wake up this morning.

"What would you like to do?" Edward asked, his thumb rubbing along the back of my hand.

"Turn out the lights and cuddle up with …" I paused on purpose and grinned at him. "My laptop and episodes of _Doctor Who_."

"I've heard of the show but never watched it," he admitted.

"Blasphemy of the worst kind, Cullen," I said as I carefully scooted my body down. "Laptop's on the desk and the box set is on my bookshelf." _Thank you once again Rosalie Hale for such a kick-ass birthday gift._

A few minutes later, the lights were out, my laptop and lapdesk were perched on Edward's legs, my head was on his chest, and David Tennant was filling the screen up in all his _Doctor Who_ glory.

I dropped my voice and repeated the questions that had just been asked in the show. "Name? Rank? Intention?" Then I answered them in my normal tone while a few giggles slipped out. "The Doctor. The Doctor. Fun."

Edward's fingers stopped moving through my hair. "Please don't tell me you're one of those annoying people who quote an entire show just because you can."

"Only the really funny parts," I said, tilting my head so he could see my smile.

"Fine. We'll just watch an episode of _The Office_ when this is over and I'll let you see how it feels."

"If you actually think for a single second that you can quote the likes of Michael Scott and Jim Halpert better than me, you are one insane little Dwight."

Edward only snorted and then he resumed his amazingly relaxing fingers-combing-through-my-hair thing.

I made it through the entire "Water on Mars" episode and two episodes of _The Office_ before I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.

My dreams were more like weird short stories that had nothing to do with anything or each other—a common side effect of the pain medication for me. They were also extremely vivid and that was why it took me awhile to figure out I wasn't just whimpering and crying in my dream. The move from half-dreaming to fully awake was too damn slow in my opinion and it didn't exactly leave me in the best frame of mind when I finally emerged into lucidity and found Alice and Edward whispering about me.

"I'm awake and I can hear you," I mumbled into Edward's chest. "And Ali, you need to move because I need to stretch and get out of this damn ball that doesn't make a damn thing better."

"Do you want to try a warm bath?" she asked as her weight left the bed.

"No." I knew I sounded petulant and part of me wanted to apologize. But it was too tiny of a part to overcome the raging bitch who was pissed off that I was the only one in severe pain.

"When did she take her last pill, Edward?" Alice asked. Her little hands were wrapped around my ankles, slowly pulling my legs and helping me to stretch them. I felt bad that this was old hat for us, just like I always did. I shouldn't have to deal with any of this shit and Ali certainly shouldn't be along for the ride. But there was no way in hell I would ever dream of turning her help down.

"Four hours ago," Edward answered.

"Shit. Too early for another," she said, taking the words right out of my head. "Bells, do you want to try some Midol just to see if it helps?"

I groaned, remembering exactly what had happened when we'd tried that. "This hurts enough without adding vomiting to the equation, but thanks."

Alice sighed. "Right. Forgot we tried that last time."

The room grew quiet of voices after that, filling up with the sound of running water instead.

"What's she doing?" I asked Edward. Or more like I asked his shirt.

"I think she's warming a towel to wipe your face down again."

I groaned and brought a hand up to my cheeks to see how damp they were. "This sucks royal ass."

"Just so you know, I don't feel any different about you," Edward whispered into my ear before kissing my temple. "I just wish there was something I could do to ease your pain."

"Edward, wipe her face," Alice said as she handed a washcloth to him. He turned my head toward the ceiling with one hand and gently wiped my eyes, nose, cheeks, and chin with the towel in the other.

"Ali, I need a dry shirt," I told her.

"Did I get it wet with the towel?" Edward asked, looking apologetic.

"Stupid tears," I replied.

He nodded and frowned and I was suddenly positive that if he could take the pain for me, he would. I'd felt that way for my friends lots of times and I'd seen Ali feel that way for me, but never a guy I was dating. Not even the first guy who damn well should have.

I closed my eyes and forced my mind to focus on the great parts of last night's date as a way to combat the bad memories trying to get through. The only kryptonite to my vault of "dark shit not to be touched" was this damn physical pain.

"Bella, I have a shirt for you," Alice said, putting her hand on my arm. I opened my eyes and with her help, I got out of my wet t-shirt and slipped on a dry tank top.

Feeling slightly better, I snuggled up to Edward again, pressing my forehead against his chest. "I would like to say for the record that this shit is a bitch and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, not even that skank that hit on Emmett over the summer right in front of Rosalie's face."

"How about a lower back massage?" Edward offered. "Releasing the tension in your back will at least ease your discomfort if it does nothing for the pelvic pain."

"I can't exactly lay on my stomach, E," I informed him.

"You don't have to," he said as he moved away from me. "I know how to do it while you're on your side."

"It can't hurt at this point. Go for it."

"Alice, I've got this. You can go," Edward told her when he sat down behind me.

I bit my lip to stifle a laugh. No way in hell would Alice leave my side right now unless _I_ asked her to do it—and even then she might have a bitch-fit. We always took care of each other when one of us was sick.

"Unless you can give me one very good reason why I should, I'm not going anywhere," Alice replied.

"I have to get her pants out of the way so unless you care to get mooned."

"Oh, please," she said with a snort. "I've seen Bella's ass more times than you have."

"Alice," I groaned. "Why do you make these statements when I don't feel up to running with them?"

She crawled up next to me in the bed and giggled as she kissed my cheek. "Your very unfortunate luck, my dear."

I smiled as I found her hand and squeezed it. "Thank you."

"You know how much I love getting to entertain you when you're stuck in bed. So tell me, Bells. Has Edward been a good caregiver?"

"He's been adequate. He didn't make too much of a fuss when I wanted to watch _Doctor Who_."

"You mean when you wanted to quote it to me instead of letting me watch it with you?" Edward questioned. I wasn't sure how, but I just knew he had that lopsided grin on his face.

"Don't worry about him, Ali," I said, shocked that I was actually smiling despite the pain. "He's still sore my Jim Halpert beat his Michael Scott."

"I don't recognize the names so I'll assume it has something to do with one of your TV show obsessions," Alice replied.

"_The Office_," Edward and I said at the same time.

"That's all fine and well, but did he feed you?" Alice asked.

I smiled and nodded. "He made me my stroganoff noodles and a glass of 7-Up."

Edward was suddenly leaning over me and brushing a kiss to my cheek. "I'd do anything to make you feel better." His comment somehow made my insides melt while my cheeks heated up.

"See how nice it is to be taken care of?" Alice questioned. Her smirk clearly shouted "I told you so" at me.

I nodded in agreement and then mouthed a "thank you" to her that turned her smirk into a full blown smile.

"Well, since you seem to be in such capable hands, I'm going to head back to the living room and my spot in Jasper's lap," she announced as she got up from the bed. "If I don't see you two again tonight, feel better, Bella, and take damn good care of her, Edward."

"I wouldn't dream of doing anything less," he promised her.

"Night, Ali," I called out.

"Night, Bells," she said before closing my door.

After a few seconds of silence, I made an attempt at getting information out of Edward. I hadn't heard any distinct words other than my name, but I knew the two of them had been talking about me while I was struggling to wake up. "So I heard Alice and you talking," I said, hoping he would supply the rest without further prompting.

"She was telling me about her night."

"Then why did I hear my name?"

"Because you started crying and I asked her if we should wake you. She said she thought it was best if we left you sleeping."

"Was that all you talked about?"

His hands stopped moving against my back and after fixing my pants, one of his arms loosely wrapped around me for a gentle hug. "I asked her if she thought you would prefer me not be in your room if you did wake."

My fingers slipped through his and I spent some time staring at our joined hands, noting the difference in length, shape, and color. I wasn't sure if I was stalling for some reason or just really interested in our hands all of a sudden.

Edward lifted his face from where it had been buried in my hair. "In case you're curious, she told me you would probably say you preferred me gone, but that would just be the stubborn side of you talking."

I let go of his fingers and turned my head to look up at his face. "Thanks for staying."

He grinned and kissed my forehead. "Thanks for not arguing about it too much."

"Come back on the other side so I can see you without contorting my neck."

A lot of guys probably would have attempted to crawl over me—and end up jostling me and pissing me off in the process—but Edward got up and walked around the bed. Major friggen boyfriend points!

As soon as he was lying down, I scooted myself over and put my head on his chest, hearing the steady beat of his heart. "Distract me, E. Tell me about the place you took me dancing last night."

"A friend of Karen's owns it. One of my past girlfriends had invited me to a wedding. Karen and Alice both insisted that slow dancing was a requirement, but Karen was too far away to help me learn and dancing close with Alice just seemed creepy. Not to mention our height differences. So Karen called her friend who owns the studio and sent me there for lessons."

"You must have taken a lot because you're really good at it."

He chuckled and slipped his fingers into my hair, almost making me purr like some damn contented cat. "Brian—her friend and my teacher—said I was a natural born dancer with impeccable leading instincts."

I snorted. "His words or yours?"

"His. I was just glad not to step on any toes."

"Will you take me there again sometime?"

"As often as you like, though I can't promise a private lesson every time."

"Just so long as you're my only dance partner."

His hand moved down to my back and he gently squeezed me against him. "That I can guarantee."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"My stubble's coming back," I said as I lightly scratched Edward's chin.

He replied as soon as he was done letting out a record breaking yawn. "Don't get attached. It's coming off as soon as I get back to my room and jump in the shower."

"Technically, that's as soon as you get to your room, grab your things, and go down the hall to shower. Why do you even bother with that communal shit when you could so easily afford an apartment?"

"I don't know. I guess I just never thought about. When I started at PSU with Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper, we all moved into campus housing. I guess I've never seen a reason to live anywhere else."

"If you had your own place, you would have your own bathroom. Plus, you'd get to have your bass with you and play it."

Edward snorted into my hair. "You have the strangest ulterior motives, Swan." And then he moved his head and tilted mine up. "How are you this morning?"

"Pain's about half of what it was yesterday, so I consider myself to be doing excellent. I'm going to try to get by on Alice's Midol today. I'm just glad tonight's my off night and I only have to get through my classes."

"Are you sure you're feeling up to going?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. The first day is always the worst for me. Besides, I can't let it rule my life anymore than it already does."

"Can I drive you?"

I smiled and cupped his cheek with my hand. "E, as sweet of an offer as that is, you'll waste tons of time going back to campus just to come back here and go back again. I'll ride in with Alice. But I wouldn't mind riding home with you."

"Alright. Think we can meet up for lunch?"

"Try and stop me, Cullen."

He gave me that grin I loved. "I wouldn't dream of it, Swan."

After spending a few minutes kissing and saying our goodbyes, Edward left for his dorm and I hopped into the shower. The warm water pounded away the stiffness from spending yesterday in bed and by the time I got out of the shower, I was feeling even better than when I'd woken up.

I dressed in the loosest clothing I owned and then headed into the kitchen to fix myself some breakfast. I gave a longing glance to the coffee machine as I walked right past it and opened the pantry, surveying my oatmeal options. Coffee was a big no-no for me during my cycle and if the difference wasn't so notable, I would never give it up.

"Oh, good! You're feeling better," Alice greeted from behind me.

"Yeah, I think I'll be able to get by on Midol today," I told her. "Want some oatmeal?"

"Why don't you sit and I'll fix breakfast?" she offered.

"Ali, you really are the best friend in the world," I said as I handed her the oatmeal packet I'd picked out for myself.

"Wow! Compliments without short jokes. You really are feeling appreciative," she said, giving me a grin. "How do you plan to show your appreciation to Edward?"

"I haven't decided. And speaking of him, I have to know something."

Alice set the kettle on the stove and then turned to face me. "What's that?"

"Did you tell Edward what's wrong with me?"

"What?" she cried, her eyes growing wide. "Why would you think for a second I would do such a thing?"

"I heard you two talking about me, but not the words."

"He was telling me how relieved he felt that you let him stay instead of kicking him out. Really, Bella, you should know better."

"If he were any other guy, I would. But he's your brother and the two of you are really close. You went through all that plotting to hook us up on Halloween."

"You goof," Alice said with a giggle. "I do love my brother and we are close, but I hooked you two up for _you_, Bella. I want you to be happy and it just so happens that I think my brother could be the guy to do that. Scratch that! I've _seen_ that my brother can be that person for you."

"Do you think I should tell him?"

"Eventually. But not until you _want_ to tell him."

"Yeah, I don't really see there _ever_ being a day like that."

"We'll see," Alice said as she turned toward the whistling kettle.

Some days, her cryptic ass sayings were really damn annoying. Luckily for both of us, I was too happy to be feeling better to be irritated.

* * *

**A/N:** Edward is definitely getting closer to Bella and changing the way she sees the world around her. Next chapter takes them home for Thanksgiving break and gives Bella a chance to show Edward some appreciation for his care-giving skills! The Saturday after that will have Charlie meeting Edward for the very first time.

Thanks so much to Eternally Addicted for being an amazing partner in crime! We'll be back to visit with you all again next week. OH! And just a heads up!! Next weeks chapter will be posting exclusively on The Writer's Coffee Shop Library. I'll only have the title and song here so that the chapter alert will go out for all of you.


	15. All I Needed

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: All I Needed**

**Chapter Song: "Only You" by Joshua Radin**

**Bella's POV:**

"Sure I can't tempt you into coming to Forks with us?" I asked Bree. It was the day before Thanksgiving and the whole group had come together for lunch before we headed home.

"Peaches, not even the promise of sex with Emmie could get me to go along," Bree replied, throwing a grin Emmett's way.

Emmett didn't hear or see anything, too engrossed in his conversation with Jasper and Edward. If that Grape Ape mother-trucker was filling Edward's head full of more untrue shit about Charlie, I was seriously going to stab his ass with his own damn fork.

"Hey," Bree called, squeezing my arm. "Where the hell are you?"

"Emmett's been on a quest to an early grave, making Edward bug-shit nervous about meeting Charlie tomorrow," I explained.

"I can solve this," Bree said, tossing me a wink. He turned his head toward Emmett and leaned across the table, sliding his fingers up the big guy's forearm. "Em, Sweetheart."

**To continue reading, please visit The Writer's Coffee Shop Library. The link is on my profile page and website. Thanks for Reading!!**


	16. I Won't Back Down

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: I Won't Back Down**

**Chapter Song: "Won't Back Down" – Johnny Cash version**

**Bella's POV:**

"Sue, have you seen the batteries?" Charlie asked as he randomly opened and closed kitchen drawers. I'd been chasing after him for the last ten minutes but couldn't seem to grab his attention. If he were anyone else, I'd have already yelled and screamed and demanded his attention. But he was my dad and I was trying my damndest to be respectful to the man.

I forced down a breath to calm my nerves and tried again to get his attention. "Dad, I need—"

He lifted a hand and I immediately stopped speaking. I hated that damn hand thing but couldn't seem to break myself of the habit of obeying it. "Hang on, Bells. The remote's dead," he said.

"Dad, I only need a few minutes."

"Check the small cupboard next to the refrigerator," Sue called her out from her spot in front of the stove.

"Thank you, Sue," he said as he reached for the door.

I darted forward and hit the cabinet door so hard with my palm that the sound of flesh on wood echoed in the small kitchen.

"Isabella," my dad barked.

"Listen!" I yelled at him. "It's important."

He opened his mouth, probably to yell right back at me, but Sue's hands on his shoulders stopped him. "Charlie, don't be rude. Bella obviously has something she wants very much to say and I'm sure you can spare a few minutes to pay attention to her."

My dad looked at Sue and the two of them did that silent communication shit Alice and Jasper were so good at. I had no clue my dad could do something like that! He could barely communicate with actual words so seeing him do it with just a look was un-fucking-real! It also meant he really cared about Sue and that made me happy for him.

With a nod and a sigh, my dad turned his brown eyes back to me. "Alright, Bells. What's so important?"

There was so much I wanted to say to him and it was so unlike me it left me unsure of where to start. So I just opened my mouth and waited to hear what would come out, hoping it wouldn't be horrendous word vomit.

"I invited someone for lunch." As soon as the words left my mouth, I started smiling like a damn fool, once again ridiculously excited to have Edward over. I knew it wasn't going to be pretty with Charlie and Jacob around to give Edward and me a hard time, but I still wanted him here. _Damn man and his effect on me._

I shoved those thoughts away and focused my attention on my dad. His eyebrows were practically in his hairline and Sue was standing right behind his shoulder with a huge ass smile on her face. I'd had to tell her about my guest to make sure she had enough food for us all, and she'd been cool enough to keep it a secret so I could be the one to tell Charlie.

"Do you actually have something to say or were you planning to keep giving me that 'my daughter is insane' look all day?" I asked him.

"Must be a pretty important someone for you to be so riled up," he said, standing up straighter and getting that cop look on his face. The cop look was pretty intimidating with the narrowed eyes, pursed lips, eyebrows pointing at his nose, and distrust rolling off of him in waves. It didn't work on me at all, but I'd seen it work on others and I knew it would work on poor Edward.

I countered the cop look with a sweet smile. "Yeah, I'm dating someone. I think you're really going to like him, too."

"And you're just _now_ telling me about him?"

"The phone is so impersonal," I lied, staring down at my twitching feet.

"That's not why you didn't say anything, Bells."

I sighed and lifted my head to meet my dad's eyes. "I didn't want to say anything earlier just in case things ended before today."

Charlie smiled and put a hand on my shoulder, leading me over to the kitchen table. "Alright. Tell me about him. Do I need to be prepared for tattoos and piercings?"

"Why would you ask about tattoos?" I questioned, nervously fingering the edge of my black turtleneck.

Charlie leaned back in his chair and smirked at me. Normally, a father smiling at his daughter was a good thing, but with my dad it meant he knew things he shouldn't. After a brief staring contest that neither of us won, he chuckled and spoke. "You know, you really should put on a shirt you like instead of suffocating yourself to hide that tattoo on the back of your neck."

"How? Why? How?" I sputtered out, my eyes feeling twice as big as normal as I stared at him.

Charlie's laugh echoed through the small kitchen. "Little girl, do you think I really go to bed at night without checking on you first? Doesn't matter how late you get in, I _always_ check."

My face easily went through three different shades of red and I bit my lip, remembering the t-shirt I'd worn to bed last night. He'd had a perfect view of the back of my neck with my haircut and the way I slept facing my wall.

My dad's laughter rang through the kitchen again; another person in my life finding it funny when I was flustered and blushing.

"You're not mad?" I asked. I was so damn shocked that he knew and even more in awe that he seemed okay with it.

He stopped laughing, but his smile never fell. "Oh, I was mad. I was ready to wake you up, get the name of the tattoo artist, and run his ass into jail. But Sue here reminded me that you aren't a little girl anymore."

"Thanks, Sue," I said, smiling at her and hoping she knew how much I genuinely meant it.

"You're welcome, Bella," she replied, smiling right back at me.

"Now about this boy," Charlie said, drawing my attention back to him.

"He's smart, Dad. Like crazy smart. He's into sports and is a physical trainer with the football team at PSU, but he actually prefers baseball for some insane reason. And he's good to me. _Really_ good to me." I hadn't actually meant to say that much, but now that I had, I was glad. The more info I gave now, the less likely my dad was to grill Edward later. _Who the fuck are you kidding, Swan? The Chief will be out in full effect the second he corners poor Edward without you. But I won't back down. I want Edward here today and I haven't wanted something like that in a long time._

"What's his name?" Charlie asked, pulling me away from my thoughts.

"Dad, you gotta swear not to do a background check," I told him. I wasn't joking, either—he'd done it before. Not that I was worried he'd actually find anything since Edward was such a quiet guy; I just didn't want Edward having another reason to fear my father.

"Sure, sure," Charlie said twirling in fingers in a hurry up gesture.

I looked between my dad and Sue and then breathed out the name. "Edward Cullen."

"Edward?" my dad questioned, seeming a little shocked. "Carlisle and Esme's boy? But isn't he the shy, quiet one?"

"Yeah," I answered with a little laugh. "Complete opposite of Emmett. No one ever believes they're twins."

"I thought the two of you—" The sound of the front door opening to let in raised voices interrupted my dad.

"…such a liar!" Seth cried.

"Am not," Jacob argued. "I won that fight."

"Paul pinned you twice," Seth pointed out.

"Yeah, and I got out of it twice," Jacob said with a smug smile on his face as the two of them came into the kitchen. "What?" Jacob questioned when we didn't say anything.

"Bells was telling us about the young man who'll be joining us for Thanksgiving lunch when you two knuckleheads interrupted," Charlie explained. "What's all this about fighting?"

Jake shrugged and stole a biscuit from the tray on the counter before plopping down into the seat next to me. "It wasn't real fighting. We were just goofing."

"Where's Paul now?" Sue asked, slipping her arm around Seth's waist and hugging her son.

"He went off with Jared to visit Sam and Emily. I told him to say 'hi' to Leah for us," Seth answered. His sister had decided she didn't want to join in any family bonding moments today. Not that I minded at all. It was one thing to ask Edward to meet Charlie. It was another to put him near the sour-puss that was Leah Clearwater.

"So who are you bringing to dinner, Bells?" Seth asked.

"Edward," Jake said, drawing out the name and fluttering his lashes at me.

"Shut the hell up," I yelled, punching him in his damn shoulder.

"Hold on a minute here," Charlie said, holding his hand out toward me. "You told Jacob before you told me?"

"Not exactly," I answered, failing not to blush.

"Yeah, she couldn't tell me since she had—"

I was out of that chair with my hands around Jacob's big mouth in a white hot second. "Shut it, Fido," I growled into his ear. No way in hell would I let my dad hear about Edward's tongue being anywhere near my mouth. I wanted him to _like_ Edward, not try to shoot him on sight.

"Bella, let him go," Charlie ordered.

"He's being a jerk," I replied.

"That's probably true, but let him go anyway."

"You are so lucky Charlie protects you," I said as I shoved a finger against the back of Jacob's stupid head.

He chuckled and winked at me. "Love you too, Bells."

"You are so—" The ringing of the doorbell interrupted my response. There was a second of silence in which Seth and Jake looked at each other and grinned, and then the kitchen became a flurry of scraping chairs and running feet.

I managed to get to the doorway and spread my arms across it. "FREEZE!"

Charlie, Seth, and Jacob skidded to a halt right in front of me, each with a hand on the other from the pushing and shoving they'd been doing seconds before. They were insane if they thought for a single second I would let any one of them open that door.

"Sit," I commanded, pointing at the chairs around the table. "I will let him in and you three will sit here and prepare to be nice, polite, and not follow your natural instincts to give Edward a hard time. Especially you, Dad."

"Bells—"

"Be nice. That's all I'm asking. Please, Daddy?"

He rolled his eyes and twirled his finger above his head as if he were tracing an invisible halo. I wasn't sure how serious he was about behaving so I figured I'd better hurry up and get Edward before my dad could change his mind.

Jacob's voice followed me out of the room. "She thinks using the 'daddy' on you instead of calling you Charlie is going to help her case."

"She's only half-right," my dad grumbled.

"I'm always nice so you don't have to worry about me, Bells," Seth called after me.

"Kiss ass," Jacob shot back.

"Jake, language," Sue chastised. At least I would have one person on my side during this whole crazy lunch mess.

I opened the front door and found Edward facing the street, mumbling something under his breath that I couldn't make out. I leaned against the doorframe, smiling and watching him for a few seconds before speaking. "Turning tail and running before the door opens? What the hell did Em say to you this morning?"

Edward spun around, his eyes wide and his mouth open in surprise.

I laughed and stepped out onto the porch, wrapping my arms around his neck and fitting my body to his. "Hey."

He relaxed under my touch and pressed his forehead to mine, slinking his arms around my waist. "Hi, Angel."

I chuckled at the nervous tremor in his voice. "You don't sound all that happy to see me."

"I am ecstatic to see you. More so to have you in my arms again. I'm just not as thrilled about actually going into your house."

I sighed and hugged him tighter. "I am really going to kick Emmett's ass."

"He was only trying to help."

"Ramping you up and having you thinking you're not going to make it out of here alive is _not_ helping."

"I'm just nervous. I'm sure I'll be fine once I actually meet your dad."

"Well, just so you know, I've warned my dad and the boys to be nice. I can't promise it'll do much good, but Sue will help us out if it gets too rough."

"Are your dad's guns locked up?" Edward asked as I closed the front door. _More like his escape route!_

"It's going to be fine," I promised, tugging his hand and trying to get him to move.

"Will you answer one question for me first?"

"Sure," I said with a nod.

"Do you need Charlie's approval to keep seeing me?"

I bit my lip to keep my snort locked away. "No, Edward. It's nice to have, but not a requirement."

My answer seemed to relax him a little since he eased up on the grip he had around my fingers.

"Come on, E. Let's not keep them waiting," I said.

He smiled in response and took the first step toward the kitchen this time.

I'd left my dad sitting next to Sue at the table. When we entered the kitchen, he was standing near the counter—and wearing his friggen gun!

He must have seen my eyes fly straight toward the black metal object because he started grinning. "Who do you have there, Bells?" he asked.

"That would be her kissing partner," Jacob blurted out.

_You don't really want to kill him_, I chanted in my head while trying to set fire to the mangy mutt with my eyes alone. Killing might be out, but singing his little ass would be okay.

My dad walked over and stood in front of Edward and me, rising up to his full height and eyeing Edward up and down. Jacob and Seth scrambled out of their chairs to flank his sides with their arms crossed and their lips set in neutral lines. I sighed and rolled my eyes at their idiocy.

"Edward, this is my dad, Charlie. Dad, this is Edward," I introduced.

My dad took a step closer, his thumbs hooked into the sides of his gun belt. "So, you're Esme and Carlisle's other boy, huh?"

"Yes, Sir," Edward answered.

"Are you wild like your brother?"

"No, Sir."

"You sure about that?"

"Very, Sir."

Charlie made some kind of grunting sound in his throat and I slid my foot forward, nudging the toe of his boot. He ignored me and went on with his interrogation. "You're dating my daughter?"

"Yes, Sir."

"You care about her?"

"Very much, Sir." Edward's voice sounded so strong and confident that it made me smile.

"Are you dating my daughter for her mind or for what you assume to be under her clothes?"

"Charlie!" I screamed at him, my entire face flaming red with embarrassment. Giving Edward a hard time was one thing. Completely overdoing the overprotective father routine to the point of basically asking if we were having sex was going way the fuck overboard.

Edward's hands rubbed at my arms while he whispered into my ear. "Calm down, please."

I ground my teeth together and clenched my hands into fists desperately trying to control my temper. "I'll be calm when he cuts the crap."

"He's only worried for you. Let me try to answer and see if I can't pass whatever test this is for him."

I clenched my teeth together again and blew out a breath, ruffling my bangs. "Fine. But if he asks anything else like that, I won't be responsible for my actions."

Edward stopped rubbing my arms to pull me completely against his side and give me a hug. I chanced a glance at Charlie, honestly expecting him to have his hand on his gun by this point, but the way he was looking at Edward, it was like he was impressed with him for something. But I must have been mistaken because in the second it took me to look at Edward and back at my dad, Charlie was scowling and glaring just the way he'd been when he'd asked his stupid question.

"I'm dating Bella for her heart," Edward announced, managing to sound both proud and excited.

Charlie was silent for a long time, keeping his eyes on Edward throughout. To his credit, _I_ started to twitch before Edward did.

"Charles," Sue called out. Her tone was somehow both sweet and demanding and in that moment, I wanted to give that woman a hug and any prize she wanted.

My dad's scowl turned into a small smirk and he moved aside, waving a hand toward the table. "Have a seat, Edward. We're glad you could join us today."

"It's my pleasure, Sir," Edward replied, just as polite and composed as could be. I tried to imagine how I would be behaving if things were reversed, but I had such a short ass temper I figured I'd have probably yelled and been kicked out by now. Good thing for both of us Edward had such a calm personality.

"He looks a little red in the face to me, Charlie. Like maybe he's feeling guilty about something," Jacob suggested while grinning at me.

"So help me, Jacob Black," I warned him.

"Guys, no fighting," Charlie said, taking his seat next to Sue again.

"Edward, this is Sue and her son, Seth," I told him, leading him around the table. He shook hands with them both before we sat down—with a perfect view of Jacob's smirking face.

"Whatever you're thinking, I'd stop now," I said, pointing a finger his way. "You know you'll regret it when I'm done with you."

"I didn't say a thing." _Oh but to be able to slap that smug look of his little face._

"How's your family, Edward?" Charlie asked, actually being helpful. Maybe this wouldn't be as bad as I'd thought.

"Fine, Sir," Edward replied. "My dad's working at the hospital right now and my mom is next door with the others at Rose's parents' house. We'll all be together tonight for dinner."

Charlie gave a nod and then leaned back in his seat, putting his hand on the butt of his gun. "The last time I saw you, Edward, I was pulling you over for speeding in that car of yours. I hope you've slowed down since then."

Edward's eyes nervously flickered between Charlie's hand on his gun and my father's face. "Um…" was all poor Edward managed to get out.

For once, Jacob's voice joining the conversation actually helped a little. "Charlie, with the upgrades he's got on his engine, it would be wrong not to drive that car fast."

"What kind of car?" Seth asked.

"Volvo."

"Color?"

"Silver. He must wax it like three times a day 'cause it's all shiny."

"You can tell a lot about a guy by the way he cares for his car."

"That's bull. That's like that shoe size myth."

"You only say that because my feet are bigger than yours."

"In your dreams."

Sue cleared her throat and both boys' heads shot up, their eyes locking with hers and their cheeks taking on just a little pink.

"Alright, guys. Get in the living room and out of Sue and Bella's way or there won't be any lunch for you," Charlie ordered as he stood.

I gave my dad a not so discreet head jerk motion to indicate he should go without Edward, but the grin he gave me in response told me I was shit out of luck.

Charlie's grin disappeared and he put on his stern father face as he set his eyes on Edward. "That means you too, Edward."

Edward was up and out of his chair quickly, almost taking me with him since he'd forgotten to let go of my hand.

"Dad!" I called as Charlie started to turn toward the living room. Once his head was turned my way, I did his patented finger thing for "I'm watching you". He only grinned and put his arm around Edward's shoulder, making sure my poor man had no choice but to go with him.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

"So, Edward, tell me a little about yourself," Charlie said once we were seated in the living room. Jacob and Seth flanked the ends of the sofa while Charlie sat in the middle and I sat in the recliner just across from them. I'd never felt like I was on trial before and I didn't care for the feeling now—or the possibility that my trial could end in fire from the gun Charlie was wearing. But this was for Bella so I had to stick it out.

I also needed to respond and hopefully say something this man would like. "I'm a senior at PSU. I'll be graduating in May and after taking the summer off, my plan is to open my own business. Two of my loves in life are teaching and healing so I want to provide hands-on training and experience to middle, high school, and college students interested in becoming professional physical trainers."

"Sounds like you have your future all worked out."

"No, Sir. Only a small section of it."

"Well I think I might decide to be a cop like Charlie here," Jacob piped up. "I think it would be cool to carry a gun, have a license to kick ass, and have a cool cop nickname. Edward, did you know Charlie's called 'The Intimidator'?"

"Uh … no. No, I didn't know that," I managed to get past my dry throat and lips. Each time I felt like I had a handle on my fear, it went up another notch. Bella had assured me there was no reason to worry, but Emmett had seemed just as sure she was only guessing since she didn't normally bring guys around her father.

"This one time—" Jake was interrupted by Charlie calling his name and it was clear to see how much the boy respected Bella's father. It was also perfectly clear how the Chief had earned his nickname, and where Bella got her ability to intimidate others.

Charlie leaned forward a little, his eyes narrowing. They were the same shade of brown as Bella's, but didn't have the same depth. When I looked into her eyes, I could see the many endless possibilities of where we could go together. Looking into Charlie's, I only saw distrust.

"How did you end up dating my daughter?" he asked. "Last I heard, the two of you had just gotten into an argument and she was threatening to beat you with your own limbs."

Jacob and Seth both started chuckling but a quick glance from Charlie silenced them.

It was hard, but I held Charlie's gaze while I gave him the most honest answer I could without putting my life in further jeopardy. "We decided to try and have an actual conversation with each other instead of our usual arguments and from there, things just sort of developed."

"Developed? You wouldn't be referring to sleeping with my daughter, now would you, Edward?"

_Oh, shit! I am so dead. Emmett was right and it's all going to happen just the way he described it. Charlie is torturing me with words now, but soon enough, he'll introduce that gun on his hip or a knife to the equation. And once he's shot or stabbed all of his answers from me, he'll kill me, make it look like an accident, and help my parents bury me._

Charlie calling my name jerked me from my frantic thoughts. "Edward, I asked you if that meant Bella is still trying to argue with you."

I could only blink and stare stupidly at him, trying to reconcile the words he'd just said with what I'd thought I'd heard earlier.

"Well is she?" he pressed.

"Um … No, Sir. Not unless we disagree, but we haven't had much of that yet." I was surprised my words were so coherent with as quickly as they'd poured out of my mouth.

Charlie smiled, seeming to like my answer. "I trust you're not speeding with my daughter in the car."

"Yeah, right," Jake sneered. "She's probably got her hand on his knee, forcing him to go faster. Your daughter's a total speed demon and you know it, Charlie."

Charlie's eyes flicked over to Jacob. "Let's not talk about where my daughter's hands might or might not be."

"I've got an even better idea," Bella called from the doorway. "Don't talk about me at all and go wash up. Lunch is ready." I'd never been happier to see her—my angel of mercy. She had a smile on her face, her hands on her hips, and fire in those brown eyes of hers. If not for her father sitting so close with a gun, I would have gone to her and kissed her until we both ran out of air.

Jacob was the first one up and over to Bella. "You have a knack for showing up just when the conversation gets good. You might want to get rid of that."

"Not on your life, Pup," she said with a grin and smack to the back of Jake's head. "Go wash up."

Seth was the next in line and though he'd dropped his voice, I still caught his words. "He seems nice, Bells. I'm happy for you."

She gave him a sweet smile and a pat to the shoulder in response.

And then Charlie was standing before her with the two of them locking eyes and looking more alike than they had just a few minutes ago. "What?" he asked, his lips pulling up into a grin.

She mirrored his smile and crossed her arms in front of her. "That's not what I would define as behaving, Chief Swan."

"Funny you should mention that, Bells. See as the Chief, I have the right to redefine as necessary."

Her grin took on that evil edge I was very familiar with from our years of arguing. "We can do this one of two ways, _Chief_. You can truly behave and be nice to my boyfriend. Or you can keep up with the hard ass routine and I'll give Sue a taste of whatever dish you're busy serving to Edward."

Charlie mumbled something and disappeared from the room, leaving a victorious Bella in his wake. She shook her head at his retreating figure and then turned her brown eyes on me, walking right over and slipping her arms around my neck.

"How ready are you to bolt?" she asked with a real smile.

It felt so good to have her in my arms again that I just stood there and held her instead of answering her question.

"That bad, huh? What'd he do? Trick a confession out of you about your speeding? Ask you if you'd mind him running a background check on you? Or did he pull out all the stops and ask you a question that freaked you out and then pretended he asked a slightly different one?"

"I thought I was losing my mind," I blurted out, too shocked to stop myself.

Bella chuckled and then leaned up on her toes, pressing her lips to mine. Just that small amount of pressure and contact was all it took to calm me. She wanted me here, regardless of how her father felt about me, and that was all that mattered. Chief Swan could torture away, but I wouldn't back down. Bella meant far too much to me.

"Go wash up, E. I'll save you a seat right next to me at the table," Bella promised as she released me.

I did just as she said and when I entered the kitchen, I found everyone around the table, laughing and passing dishes while Bella and Jacob poked their tongues out at each other. As soon as she saw me, Bella smiled wide and patted the seat right next to her. While I was more than prepared to be here for her and with her, I couldn't help but wish she'd saved me the seat between her and Seth instead of the one between her and her father.

"Leg or thigh?" Charlie asked as soon as I was sitting down.

"He's not talking about Bella, just so you know," Jacob _helpfully_ pointed out.

"Shut it, you mangy mutt," Bella hissed at him.

"Instead of hurling insults around the table, why don't we just be thankful we're together with all of this great smelling food in front of us?" Charlie suggested. "And let's give Sue and Bells our thanks for cooking."

"Thanks," Jake called out right away.

"Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Bella," Seth said.

"Thank you, both," I added, giving Bella's hand a light squeeze under the table.

For all the worry I'd had about lunch with her father, it ended up being very enjoyable. It was full of laughter, friendly taunting between Bella, Seth, and Jacob, and quickly emptied dishes. I wasn't sure where Seth and Jake were putting it all, but they packed away the majority of the food; they reminded me of Emmett with the way they ate. And best of all, Charlie seemed to be warming up to me. All of his questions during lunch were sports related and not once did he make me feel intimidated like he had in the living room.

"Alright, boys," Charlie called as he stood. "Scrape your plates if you left anything on them and put them in the sink. It's time to head out."

"Finally," Jacob said excitedly. "You'll enjoy this part, Edward."

"Uh, no," Bella objected, jumping out of her chair and putting her hand on my shoulder. "He is so not going with you three."

"But, Bella, it's tradition," Seth argued.

"Yeah, Bells. Besides, how you can say just 'no' like that? What if Edward _wants_ to come?" Jake questioned.

Bella looked down at me with something very close to pity in her brown eyes. "I guess it really is up to you, but um … The guys kind of have a tradition of heading off into the woods after lunch with Charlie's rifle."

"Loaded?" I asked, already knowing the answer from the look on her face.

"There's nothing to worry about, Edward," Charlie said, putting his hand on my other shoulder. "I'm a trained marksman and Jake and Seth both know not to play around when we're in the woods."

"Yeah, it's probably that trained part he's worried about," Jacob said with a snort.

"Well, if _you_ wouldn't have pulled the whole Chief routine on him, he probably wouldn't be worried," Bella accused, glaring at her father.

"Now, Bells, you know I was only having a bit of fun," Charlie told her.

"Before you two wear the young man out with your bickering, why not let him have a chance to speak up?" Sue suggested.

"If Charlie doesn't mind me tagging along, I'd like to join them," I said. If nothing else, I knew Bella would appreciate my attempt to get to know the men in her life.

"No, you're more than welcome, Edward. It'll give us a chance to get to know each other a little better," Charlie replied.

"Are you sure, E?" Bella asked.

I turned my head back toward her and gave her a smile, not quite sure if I was trying to convince her or myself. "It'll be fine. I might even enjoy myself." _Man, I hope that's true._

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"So have you shot a gun before, Edward?" Charlie asked.

"No, Sir. My father doesn't believe in owning one and I guess his preference stuck with me," I explained.

"Carlisle's a good man. I'm sure being a surgeon and having to patch people up from gunshot wounds colored his view on guns. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Some people just aren't natural born hunters."

"Yeah, they don't feel it in their blood," Jake added, with a grin.

"Few have the history and traditions we do," Seth said.

"All the more reason for the two of you to remember them and pass them on," Charlie told them, his eyes lingering on Jacob's face.

"We're here," Seth announced from his spot on top of a fallen tree.

"Finally," Jake said, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

"Edward, I respect a man who holds to his believes a lot more than one trying to impress me, so whether or not you shoot is completely up to you," Charlie said as he started to load the rifle he'd been carrying.

I couldn't help but wonder if this was some sort of test. On the one hand, I could agree and attempt something new. On the other, I'd had more than enough adrenaline today and wasn't all that interested in holding a gun.

I lifted my head to meet Charlie's eyes and give him my answer. "I think I'll just watch this time."

"Fair enough," Charlie replied after cocking the gun. "Jake, you want first shot this year?"

The boy's grin was wide and genuine. "Thanks, Charlie." He took the gun into his hands and then waived me over to him. "I want you to look through the scope and see what we're aiming for," he explained. He lined the gun up with whatever his target was and then beckoned for me to look through the scope.

I wasn't sure of the distance, but I knew I hadn't noticed it with just my own eyes. It looked a little like a billboard in the middle of the forest—one long, rectangular piece of wood seemingly anchored to the crop of trees growing right behind it. The wood was covered with colored drawings of deer, elk, bear, and even a few cougars. The aged look of the wood coupled with the many bullet marks spoke of how long this had stood here in the woods. _How many countless groupings of father and son had made this trek to have target practice together?_

"Impressive, huh?" Jake asked as he moved the gun away.

"Very."

"When a boy reaches the age his father considers appropriate, he's brought here and his training begins. Shooting, hunting, tracking, and lots of other stuff. But it all starts here. Every family has their own time of year they come here to start, but Billy and Harry being best friends shared Thanksgiving," Jacob explained. "I was seven the first time my dad brought me here, back when he could still walk pretty good. Once he couldn't do it anymore, Charlie and Harry took to bringing me, along with Seth. Now it's just the three of us."

"For now," Seth corrected. "One day, we'll have our own kids to bring up here."

"And Bella's boy if she has one," Jacob added.

"Grandpa Charlie," Seth said with a laugh.

Charlie didn't say anything in response, probably not wanting to picture his daughter married with a family. In his eyes, she was probably still his little girl.

"The first year I was brought up here, I thought for sure Bells was never going to speak to any of us again," Jacob said. "She didn't understand why she wasn't allowed to come along, especially with her being older than me. She's a real firm believer that girls can do anything guys can, and usually better."

I smiled and nodded, having seen that side of her first hand. "Very firm beliefs."

"My daughter's got a real strong sense of self," Charlie said. "Sometimes, it translates into her mouth getting her into trouble. Mostly though, it keeps her going after whatever it is she wants. I'm just lucky college is what she wants right now."

"And Edward," Jacob added, nudging me in the side.

I couldn't help it this time and my hand went straight into my hair. "She wants to be treated well. I'm just lucky it's me getting to do it."

"Just keep in mind what can happen if you don't treat her well," Jacob said as he leveled and aimed the gun in his hands. The crack of the shot was followed shortly after by the sound of splintering wood—from the smile on his face, I was positive he'd hit the exact spot he'd aimed for.

"So what does 'treating her well' entail these days?" Charlie asked. From the grin on his face, I knew he'd seen me jump at the gunshot.

"Well, I've taken her on a couple of dates so far. I've also helped with her homework and done whatever else she's asked or needed," I replied.

"Yeah, I heard she roped you into meeting Embry," Jake said once the echo of his latest shot faded.

I nodded. "He's a really nice guy. A little on the eccentric side, but he adores Bella."

"Sounds to me like he's not the only one," Charlie said as he took his rifle from Jacob. He was turning out to be as observant and perceptive as his daughter, and thankfully, less scary. Though, I still wasn't completely comfortable being so close to him while he was armed.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

"Bella, why don't you come and sit down?" Sue suggested.

I shifted my weight from my left foot to my right but didn't give up my post at the window. "No, thanks. I wouldn't be able to sit still."

"You know your father won't really harm Edward."

"Not physically, but mentally is another matter."

"I'm sure he won't do either. His only concern is your happiness and from what we saw today, Edward is a definite source for you."

I let the curtains fall back in front of the window and joined Sue on the sofa, folding one of my legs under me. "He's just such a genuinely nice guy, Sue. Most college guys, they say the right things during a date in hopes it ends the way they want. Edward doesn't seem to ever say anything he doesn't mean."

"I'm sure that's a nice change for you."

"It is," I agreed. "Alice is mighty pleased with herself for setting it up, too."

"I heard my name," Alice announced as she walked through the front door.

"Hey, Ali girl. Got bored with Rose and the family?" I asked.

She leaned over the back of the sofa and kissed my cheek. "Nope. Just missed my best friend and decided to see how things were going over here. So where's my brother?"

"He's with the guys," I told her.

Alice stared for a few seconds before my words fully registered in her little head. "He did not!"

I chuckled and nodded. "They should be home soon, though."

"Do you think he actually participated in whatever ritual it is that they do out there?"

"Like I have a damn clue," I answered. I'd never gotten over my annoyance at being left out and doubted I ever would. "All I know is they take the rifle and disappear for a couple of hours."

"You know," Alice said, getting a calculating look in her green eyes. "Maybe this is the year we find out. Edward could totally be our 'inside man' and spill all the secrets."

"I wouldn't count on that," Sue said with a knowing smile. "The boys will be sure to swear him into secrecy."

I sighed and dropped my head to the back of the sofa. "And of course I'm dating a man honorable enough to follow through with it."

The squealing sound of the cruiser's brakes engaging in the front yard had me off the sofa and heading for the door. I was in such a hurry that I stumbled on the porch and was on my way to friggen face-planting off the edge of it before a set of arms stopped my fall.

"Excited to see me?" Edward asked with a knowing smirk as he stood me on my feet.

"Nice job there, Bells. Real graceful," Jake said as he passed us.

"We brought him back in one piece," Seth assured me, giving me a grin before heading inside.

"You didn't really doubt his safety, did you, Bells?" Charlie asked as he walked up to us.

I shrugged. "Not completely."

My dad shook his head and then pulled my forehead to his lips, pressing a kiss there. "Yeah, love you too, kid." He climbed the porch and was nearly bowled over by my pixie friend with all the energy.

"Charlie! It feels like it's been forever," she cheerily greeted.

"Hey, Alice," he said with a laugh as he hugged her. "It's good to see you."

"You too. But I won't keep you. There's a certain someone inside waiting to welcome you back."

"Thanks, Alice." He gave her a kiss on the cheek before heading inside to see Sue.

Alice hopped off the porch and stood beside Edward and me. "Hey, big brother. How was the outing?"

"Educational," he answered with a smile. "Not that I'm not happy to see you, but—"

"Hint taken," she said, raising her hands up. "I'd just popped over to see how things were going, but you can tell me later."

"Thanks," he replied as we both watched her walk back toward Rosalie's house. "I think," he added.

I chuckled and tugged on his shirt collar to get him to look at me. "So did you really have a nice time with them?"

"Yeah, actually. I even learned a few things."

"Like?"

"That I can't tell you," he said, tightening his arms around me and lowering his head until our eyes were on the same level. "But I can tell you I missed you and I'm glad to be back with you."

Before I could protest his silence or call him "cheesy", his lips were on mine and I was feeling just how much he'd missed me. Once he let go, I pressed my face into his neck to hide the ridiculous smile I could feel on my face. I may have also mumbled out a "missed you too".

"So what did you guys do out in the woods?" I asked.

"Talked about a few things," he said, shrugging the shoulder I had my head against.

"What _things_?"

"Um … I'm kind of sworn to secrecy on that."

"Figures," I grumbled.

He chuckled and hugged me tighter. "Sorry, Angel. But look on the bright side. My being sworn in means I'm accepted by them."

"Yeah, that is true. Can you at least tell me how long they teased and tortured you before letting you into their stupid boys-only club?"

I didn't hear his laugh, but I could feel it rumbling in his chest. "Not too long. I think they saw pretty quickly that I truly care for you."

"Yeah, I've kind of seen that pretty fast my own self."

Edward's fingers settled under my chin and tilted my face up to his. "Are we moving too fast for you? Are we spending too much time together?

"No, God no!" I blurted out louder than I'd meant to. "I like that I already have such a great idea of who you are. I like that I can trust you aren't feeding me a line of bullshit. And I really like that no matter what we're doing together, we're always comfortable around each other."

Edward gave me that lopsided grin of his, tracing my jawline with his fingertip. "Well, not in those early days. I was pretty lost that first week until I got used to your sense of humor."

"I don't know, E. You seemed pretty flustered a few times during our game last night," I said, grinning up at him.

He rolled his eyes at my teasing and then pecked my lips. "For as nervous as I was about today, I really think it went well. Although, now I see what you meant about Emmett's brand of helping."

"Do I hear the call of a revenge scheme?"

"Quite possibly. Let's see how he behaves during dinner first."

_Dinner. Right. Carlisle and Esme and me being there as the girlfriend of their straight-laced son instead of just their daughter's best friend._ I had a feeling it was going to be a very long night.

**

* * *

****A/N: **There we go!! Edward and Charlie have met. Huge thanks to Eternally Addicted for her ideas on Charlie and Edward's first meeting! Next Saturday we'll learn how things went for Bella with Edward's parents and what the surprise is she has planned for Edward. And a very Happy Mother's Day to all moms!!


	17. Morning in the Meadow

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, sex, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Morning in the Meadow**

**Chapter Song: "Brand New Day" by Joshua Radin**

**Bella's POV:**

"Shit, shit, shit," I whispered, my eyes glued to the staircase a few feet in front of me. I didn't dare move or even breathe too loudly while hoping to hell my heart wasn't beating nearly as noisily as it seemed. Apparently, there was a hell of a lot more to being unseen and unheard than my favorite action movies let on. _Stupid floor creaking under my damn boots._

After a good thirty seconds without any sounds from upstairs, I started creeping toward the staircase again. When I reached the second floor landing, I started breathing in little spurts, hardly doing anything more than letting out a small puff of air and taking in a tiny breath—Alice always had a way of knowing when I was near and now was not the time for her to wake up to my presence.

Once I was clear of the second floor and on the third floor landing, I rushed down the hallway and over to Edward's door. And then I just stood there, staring at the dark wood and the silver knob set into it, thinking of the giant chink in my well-orchestrated plan … What if he had locked the door?

I closed my eyes and gripped the knob, nearly choking on a forced breath. And then with one eye barely squinted open, I watched as my fingers attempted to turn the knob.

He hadn't locked it.

I snuck inside and over to his bed. He looked so peaceful lying on his stomach with one arm thrown over his pillow. His blankets were pooled at his waist and his unruly copper hair stuck nearly straight up except for the few strands plastered to his forehead. It looked as if he'd fallen asleep while running his hand through it, but I knew from the times I'd fallen asleep and woken next to him that it always looked that way in the mornings.

I slid my fingers through his silky hair, smoothing some of it down and away from his forehead. He smiled in his sleep and I had to bite down on my lip to keep from laughing—he was just too damn cute sometimes. I ignored the stuttered beat and intense warmth in my heart simply because I didn't know what they were and had never felt them before. Besides, I was a woman on a mission with limited time.

I leaned over and whispered into his ear. "E, wake up."

He mumbled something out, but if there was an actual word in there, I didn't catch it.

"E, wake up," I repeated, shaking his shoulder lightly.

One green eye popped open and rolled up toward my face. "Bella?"

"Duh," I said with a chuckle.

"Is it late? What time is it?" he asked with a yawn as he rolled onto his back.

"It's very early. The sun's not even technically up yet."

"Then why—"

My hand flew out and covered his lips while my head turned toward his open door. I waited a few seconds and when the house remained silent, I turned back toward Edward and took my hand away.

"E, the rules are simple. Be quiet. Dress quickly and in layers. Keep your voice down until we get out of the house."

Edward nodded and tossed his blankets back, scrambling out of the bed like a little kid on Christmas morning. I just stood back and took in the show, chuckling under my breath as I watched him toss things around in his closet. He finally emerged with a stack of clothes and disappeared into his adjoining bathroom.

Minutes later, he came out dressed in his gray PSU fleece hoodie and a pair of faded jeans.

"You have more than a hoodie on, right?" I questioned.

He nodded. "Thermal and a t-shirt."

"How many pairs of socks?"

Edward's eyebrows lifted up toward his hairline and his expression clearly screamed "nutty girl in the room".

"Trust me, E, you'll thank me later. Now go put on a second pair and if you have boots, put those on."

He disappeared into his closet again and came out with another pair of socks and a pair of boots that had clearly seen better days. I'd have to ask him about those later because I certainly hadn't gotten the impression that my man was the outdoorsy type.

_My man._ Damn it felt nice to say that. Why the hell did that even matter to me? I was "Queen You Do Your Thing and I'll Do Mine", and still I was constantly sharing shit with him. So much with Edward was different and weird, but I wasn't the least bit afraid of any of it, not anymore. I just kept jotting down the new stuff I found out for later discussions.

Edward slid his pant's leg over his boot and stood up. "Anything else?"

"Hat and gloves if you got 'em," I said, slightly distracted by the view in front of me. Edward in tight jeans and a band shirt had been a fantasy come true. Edward dressed down in a sweater and loose jeans with his boots on was a whole new level of yummy. What the hell was it with this man that no matter what the hell he wore, I wanted him like I'd never had him before?

I shook those thoughts away and grabbed Edward's hand, leading him out of his room and down his stairs like he didn't friggen live here. I almost laughed at my silliness, but I didn't want to chance waking Alice.

Apparently, Edward didn't know we were supposed to be quiet since he was busy humming the theme song from _Mission Impossible_. My man was a total secret agent reject.

I stopped and turned to look at him, keeping my voice low. "Did you forget my 'be quiet' rule?"

"No. But you made it seem like we're on a secret mission in my own home so I felt theme music was required."

I ignored how his grin made me want to smile and kept a stern look on my face. "Get your stuff so we can go and be quiet about it."

Edward nodded and then went off to the hall closet to get his things while I picked mine up from the sofa. I'd taken off the black leather jacket Jake had gotten me awhile back so the material wouldn't creak and give me away. My old black knit gloves and hat went back on, clothing that Edward apparently found funny since he was chuckling and shaking his head while his green eyes took in my full outfit.

"How many layers do you have on?" he asked, still laughing a little.

"I'd be careful about laughing at me while you're wearing that," I said, pointing at the dark gray knit hat on his own head. It was a little weird to see his hair all covered up under the hat, but he needed the warmth and to protect his ears with where we were going.

"Did you hear that?" he asked, his green eyes cutting toward the stairs.

I didn't wait to find out what the noise might have been. I grabbed his hand and forced him to run out of the house with me.

The temperature change just from the inside of the house to the porch was enough to have my cheeks burning and my eyes watering, but it didn't stop my feet from pounding down the driveway in my boots.

"How far away are we going?" Edward asked as we slowed down and he slipped on the brown leather gloves that matched his jacket.

"On foot, it's just a little further. I wanted to make sure the engine wouldn't wake anyone. And by anyone, I mean Alice."

Edward's face lit up with a blinding smile and his green eyes sparkled in the low light coming from my flashlight. "The bike? Really?"

"I promised I would take you if it wasn't snowing. The ground is clear and dry so there you go."

I suddenly found myself being spun around and lifted off my feet with a set of lips welding themselves to mine—Edward _really_ liked his surprise. But as much as I liked his kiss, we needed to get going before anyone woke up.

"E, we need to go or we won't be able to leave," I warned him.

"Thank you." His voice was soft, almost reverent.

I shrugged because it really wasn't a big deal—if you ignored my cloak and dagger routine and the fact that I'd been up since three in the morning waiting for it to be time to come and get him. "I promised," I simply said.

"It's rare to find people in this day and age who remember promises made weeks ago, much less people who keep them."

"I don't make promises if I don't intend to follow through with them."

"Neither do I."

I smiled and leaned up on my toes, kissing his lips quickly. I pulled away before he could turn it into anything else and used my grip on his hand to pull him along and hurry him down the driveway.

Once we cleared the second turn in the winding drive, I left Edward standing in the driveway while I slipped into the trees where I'd stashed my bike. My bike's red paint was dulled and scratched, and her black leather seat was patched with duct tape in a few spots, but her engine more than made up for any defects in appearance. She looked a lot better now than she had when I'd first found her dumped in a ditch on the side of the road. I'd immediately grabbed Jake and went back to the bike, making him help me put it into the back of my truck. He'd argued with me the whole way back to his little shop out behind his house, but I'd ignored nearly all of what he'd said until he'd started spouting ideas on how to fix her up.

I smiled at that memory as I grabbed the handlebars and slowly rolled my bike out of the trees and into the driveway. "E, this is Gaoth," I said with a proud smile as I patted the seat of my bike.

"What's it mean?" he asked, walking around my bike like some kind of inspector.

"It means 'wind'. It's Gaelic, which is—"

Edward grinned and finished my sentence for me. "Part of the Celtic languages."

It tickled me to no end that he knew that. "Very good, Cullen."

His eyes flickered to my face for just a second and his lips curled up on one side at whatever expression he'd seen. "Is that spelled how it sounds?" he asked.

"Nope. It's sounds like G-W-A-Y, but it's spelled G-A-O-T-H."

"Are you sure it can hold us both?" he questioned, narrowing his eyes at my bike.

"You, me, and all the crap I tied onto the back of it," I told him as I settled onto Gaoth and lifted her kickstand. I patted the piece of seat directly behind me, but Edward didn't move. "E, the sun's starting to come up and your family won't be far behind. Either get on or go back up to the house."

I busied myself with putting on my helmet while I waited for him to either get on or go back up to his house. I'd be disappointed if he went inside, but I'd try my best to understand. Some people just weren't bike people.

He decided to get on and I handed him a helmet. Actually, it was Jake's helmet. If Edward enjoyed himself this morning, then I planned on getting him his own helmet for Christmas.

Once Edward's arms were wrapped tightly around my waist, I started up my bike. I waited a minute to let Edward get used to the rumble of the engine and the slight shake to the bike.

"Hang on tight until we get going. She likes to jerk on take-off," I warned him. His grip tightened a little more and I smiled as I flipped my visor down. I had a feeling this morning was going to turn out even better than how I'd pictured it.

My bike jerked just as she always did and then settled into her normal smooth rhythm. Edward's grip tightened once and then relaxed, so I took that to mean he was enjoying himself so far.

As I navigated down the dark streets and toward my meadow, my conversation with Esme last night came to mind …

"_Bella, can you come with me for a moment?" Esme asked._

_I looked at Alice for a clue about what might be going on but she seemed as lost as me since she only gave me a shrug. I handed Rosalie the towel I'd been using to dry the dishes and then followed Esme out of the backdoor. The fire pit was still burning from earlier and we cuddled up next to each other in front of it._

"_What's up, Esme?" I asked, nudging her shoulder with mine and giving her a smile._

_She returned my smile and took both of my hands into hers. "I know how you like to keep our conversations private, my lovely. And I also know there are things you have yet to tell Edward."_

_My stomach clenched and I had to focus to keep from squeezing her hands. "I understand, so don't worry about softening the blow."_

"_What blow?" she questioned, honestly looking confused. And then her green eyes widened. "Oh, Bella. You are such a sweet child to have such dark thoughts."_

_Now I was the one fucking confused. Was she going to tell me dating her son was the worst idea in the history of ideas? Or was this about something totally different?_

_She patted my hand and brought my attention back to her. "I am in the unique position of knowing both Edward and you very well. I can see the ways in which you compliment each other and enrich each other. I can also see in what ways you'll drive each other up the proverbial wall."_

"_Okay, that's great and all, but … Well, what does that really mean?"_

_Esme moved so that she had her arm around me with my head on her shoulder. "It means you need to be treated like the beautiful, loving, loyal soul you are, and Edward needs to show you that when he looks at you that is exactly what he sees. It's all either of you have wanted for sometime now, though I'm sure asking you both outright will not get admissions from you."_

_I thought about opening my mouth and arguing, but I wasn't completely sure she was wrong, so I stayed quiet._

"_From the start, you have looked at my daughter and believed she deserves every good thing there is in the world. And while I love that and appreciate that about you, I want to see you look at yourself in the same manner."_

_I was out of the chair and on the other side of the fire pit in a flash. "Look, Esme, I know you love me and I can't tell you how much that means to me, but you gotta take the blinders off. I know I'm a lot better than I was when we first met. And I do believe I deserve a slice of happiness in my life, but I'm picturing my brand of happiness when I say that. Good friends, good food, bills paid, and everybody I love happy and healthy. The fairytale shit … That's just not for me. And even if I ever thought about wanting it, we both know that's not going to happen for me."_

"_There are many ways to have a fairytale life, Bella. It doesn't have to be Alice's version. Rosalie certainly doesn't see it the same way."_

"_Rosalie is … Rosalie is me if I was three inches taller and stacked like a friggen model. But she's not broken, Esme. She's going to have kids when and if she chooses to do that shit. And you and I both know that while it's too soon right now, if I stay with your son, kids will become an issue between us."_

"_That is a possibility, but so is adoption, Bella. And surrogacy and a host of other options. But as you said, it's too soon to worry about that. Especially when the possibility of a child has no bearing on how you as a person deserve to be treated. Men and women do not stay together and marry for the sole purpose of procreation, Bella. They do it because they feel an undeniable pull to each other and the desire to be near each other every day. After seeing Edward and you together tonight, I know you both feel that pull." She stood up and walked around the pit, coming to stand before me and cupping my cheeks in her hands. "All I really wanted to say to you is that I wish you the best of luck. Trust yourself, trust Edward, and be as honest as possible. If you do those things, your relationship will bloom and grow as beautiful as the souls you each possess."_

The road turning from smooth asphalt to dirt brought my full attention back to my driving. I followed the makeshift road for about a mile before pulling in close to the trees and parking the bike.

I tapped Edward's leg and once he got off, I followed suit and removed my helmet. "So what did you think of the ride?" I asked.

Edward had such a wide smile on his face as he held onto his helmet with one hand and used the other to adjust his knit hat. "That was amazing, Bella. I can't begin to tell you how much I enjoyed it."

"Glad to hear it. I hope you enjoy the rest of the morning as much," I said as I started to unpack my bike.

"Can I help?"

"Once I have it all down, you can carry part of it," I told him.

I ended up taking my backpack while letting Edward carry the sleeping bags and small duffel bag. We walked single file since I hadn't thought to bring a second flashlight for Edward. While the walk wasn't long, it was full of tree roots that could be tripped over in the darkness.

Just as we reached the edge of the trees, the sun finally made it high enough to be spotted over the treetops. "It's officially morning now," I said, smiling up at Edward.

"And already turning out to be a beautiful day," he replied before kissing me.

Since there wasn't enough light yet for the rest of what I had planned, we put one sleeping bag on the ground to lie on and then covered up with the other. It was such a peaceful experience to lie there watching the sun move into the sky and welcome a brand new day. It even had its own soundtrack—Edward's excited heartbeat and the twittering of a few early morning birds.

Once the sun was up and showering us with warm rays, I decided it was time for the next part of my plan to show Edward he was appreciated. I sent him off to collect some branches while I dug a pit to cook over. Soon enough, I had a good fire going in the pit and bacon and eggs cooking in the skillet I'd brought along.

"Bella, you really shouldn't have gone to so much trouble," Edward said when I sat down next to him.

"It's no trouble to show someone you appreciate them," I replied, snuggling into his side. "You took care of me when I wasn't feeling well, so I'm treating you to breakfast. And also, I do have a small ulterior motive. If we're here, we aren't Black Friday shopping with Alice."

Edward wrapped his arms around me and laid his head against mine. "Very good point. This is much better than getting dragged around a mall."

"I'm so glad the sun is out today so you can really see how beautiful the meadow looks."

"I already have the best possible view."

"Oh, Cheesy-E. I was wondering where you'd gone off to."

Edward snorted and tickled my side. "Funny."

"I thought so. And now I think you need to let me go so I can flip the bacon," I said as I wiggled my way out of his arms. I moved closer to the fire to check on the food while he stretched out on the sleeping bag, slipping an arm beneath his head.

"I never got to ask you before you left last night, but what was up with my parents stealing you away at different parts of the night?" he questioned.

"Um … my dad sort of enjoys an audience when he interrogates, but your parents are more subtle than that."

Edward moved so that he was leaning up on his elbows. "Really? You got interrogated?"

I gave him a shrug. "Not so much interrogated as given friendly advice."

"Can I know what this advice was?"

"Well, your mom just kind of told me to trust myself and to trust you. Your dad asked that I not corrupt you too much."

Edward's laughter rang out, sending a few birds flying up in the early morning light. "You're making that up."

"No, I'm not," I said, looking over at him so he could see I was being honest. "He really did say that. He says you don't always act like the leader you are, and sometimes end up following the wrong people."

"Like who?"

"Emmett for one."

Edward didn't say anything in response so I took that to mean he agreed with his father whether he liked it or not.

Seeing the food was ready, I dumped it into the camping trays I'd brought along and moved to sit beside Edward again. I pulled out two thermos bottles of hot coffee from my backpack and set them between us.

"Where did you learn to do this?" Edward asked, waving a hand between his plate and the fire.

"Charlie's always been the outdoors type and Billy was his kindred soul so naturally the two of them worked on imparting that love to Jake and me. I can't say that it's my favorite thing in the world, but I know my way around the woods."

"How long do you think you could stand living in the woods before returning to civilization?"

I grinned, knowing my exact limit. "One week. After that, the call of indoor plumbing is too damn strong to resist."

"A bathroom? That's the one thing you can't do without?"

"No, that wasn't your question. You questioned how long I could stand living in the woods."

Edward chuckled and lightly bumped his shoulder into mine. "Fine, smarty pants. What could you not do without, besides a bathroom?"

"Music. I can have my books with me and protect them from the elements to keep me from missing movies too much, but I can't deal with not having my music."

"They do have windup radios."

"Which would be great if there were good radio stations to pick up in the area, but there aren't. When Apple comes up with a windup iPod, I will be all over that shit."

Edward had to put a hand up over his mouth to keep in the eggs he'd just put in there, but he didn't really need to laugh out loud. It was clear in his eyes that he was tickled by my comments.

As soon as he finished laughing, I nudged his booted foot with mine. "Tell me about these. Did you buy them this way?"

"No," he said, looking down at his boots and smiling a little. "It's actual wear and tear from me."

"I don't see you as the outdoor type, E."

"For one week every summer, I am. My dad, Emmett, and I head into the woods and leave everything behind. No phones, no television, and no job for my dad. We've camped all over the country and I've seen some of the most beautiful sights."

"What about actual wild animals?"

"A few of them," he said with a nod. "We once had a bear come along and decide to fish in the same river we were fishing in. It was toward the end of one of our trips, so Em was pretty hairy by then and Dad made a joke about seeing some family resemblance between them."

"I've always suspected Em was adopted," I joked, grinning at Edward. "But seriously, do you enjoy the woods?"

"I do. I like the quiet and the way it settles my mind, clearing it out so there aren't a million thoughts running through it. Even Emmett calms down some when we're camping. Though, he can still be pretty annoying with his need to compete, wanting to race up one trail or another, or speed swim across a river. I just want to take my time and see it all."

"If you wanted, we could go camping sometime next summer. I know how to catch, skin, and cook fish, and you've already seen my fire building skills. Between the two of us, we could easily survive a few days in the wilderness together."

Edward's smile was wide and genuine. "I'd like that, Bella. Maybe as a graduation gift to myself. I could go through our camping books and pick a spot you're sure to enjoy as much as me. Of course, once Alice finds out, she'll want to join in and take over."

"You leave the little fairy to me," I told him. "You plan the trip the way you want and I'll make sure she leaves you alone."

Edward chuckled. "My own personal Alice protection charm. I like that."

"I'll only protect you if you truly deserve it."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," he said, leaning in for a kiss that I happily granted.

After breakfast, we put out the fire and filled in the pit. With that done, we packed up the rest of the supplies and left them near one of the large trees that marked the path out of the woods. I grabbed my backpack and Edward's hand, and took him on a tour of the meadow and the parts of the surrounding area that I loved best, like the small stream that flowed down hill and disappeared into a large rock.

"So I've never brought any here before," I said, not sure why I suddenly felt nervous. I let my mouth ramble on, figuring it would make the nervous feeling go away, or at least replace it with annoyance for my rambling. "I've shown Alice pictures and there are the ones in my room, but you're the first person to come here with me. Not that it's like prize-worthy or anything, but I had the urge to share, so there you go."

Edward's half smile made an appearance. "When I try to fluster you, I get nothing. When I'm just walking along and enjoying being with you, you ramble and show you're capable of feeling nervousness. Why is that?"

"If I knew, I'd have already plugged the leak in my carefully honed 'I don't fluster' persona."

He stopped walking and narrowed his green eyes at me, scanning me from head to toe. "Or maybe you're not flustered at all. Maybe this is some kind of test to see how many little white lies I'll believe."

"Trust me, E, if I was going to tell any kind of lie, it would be in my favor and not yours."

His eyes widened at my response. "You think admitting I'm the first person you invited here is a knock against you?"

"No, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that with as much of life as I've experienced, you'd think more of those would have been meaningful. I didn't find the meadow until after high school and none of the guys I dated in college ever seemed worthy of an invite. The numbers are skewed and not in my favor."

Edward's hands went to my hips and tugged me forward until our chests and foreheads were pressed together. "I've got a much better way for you to think about this whole thing."

"What's that?" I asked. I set my arms on his shoulders and slipped my fingers under his hat and into his hair.

"I'm the first person you've brought here because you have discerning taste. You know this place is special and that not everyone will be able to understand and appreciate it. You made sure the person you brought here was someone who would value the experience. The number of worthy visitors is low, but the quality of the visit is definitely in your favor."

"You're the only person to make me love and hate what you say all at once. I love it because it's exactly the right phrasing and I hate it because I didn't come up with it on my own. I enjoy being the know-it-all."

Edward laughed while hugging me tightly, filling my nose with the scent of his leather jacket and his own spicy aroma. I tightened my arms around his neck, making absolute sure there was nothing between us, not even air. Not that I would ever admit it to him because it just wasn't my style, but I had been nervous he wouldn't like the meadow. Well, not so much that he wouldn't like it but that he wouldn't understand how special it was to me. Most guys, you had to spell things out with small words and even then they often missed the point. Edward knew exactly what this place meant to me after only a couple of hours here without me saying a word.

"We should get moving and get back into the sun," Edward suggested.

"Yeah, it is kind of cold in the shadows," I said as I let go of him.

He smiled and took my gloved hand into his. "I'd offer to warm you up, but I don't think body heat would last long this early in the day."

"You are such a comedian, E," I replied, making sure my sarcasm was loud and clear.

"I try," he said with a shrug and that lopsided grin of his.

"Alright, funny man. Let's see how funny you think this is … How many ex-girlfriends do you have?"

"Seriously?" he questioned, giving me that wide-eyed look that begged me to stop teasing him.

"Seriously," I replied. And I meant it. "I'm talking girls you had a relationship with, even if it only lasted a week. One night stands are a completely different conversation."

"Is this more of your efforts to decode me?" he asked.

"Yep."

"Bella, isn't this a conversation people tend to have later on in the relationship?"

"No, it's an argument they have later on when they're out and bump into the ex of one and the other gets all crazy jealous for no damn discernable reason. By getting it out in the beginning, you give each other a chance to talk about it calmly."

Edward was quiet for a few seconds before turning his green eyes my way. "Interesting theory. Have you ever applied it before?"

"No," I admitted. "You're the first that actually seemed worth the annoyance of having the conversation at all."

"Well in that case … seven," he said.

"Did you sleep with them all?"

"All but two."

"Longest and shortest?"

"Longest would be fifteen months and shortest was three days."

"I've got that beat," I said with a wave of my hand. "Shortest for me was two days and four hours exactly. Rose timed it for me." My brain couldn't even comprehend his longest relationship.

"What about your longest?" he asked. It did not escape my attention that he was subtly moving closer to me with each question. I wondered which of our potential answers he was getting nervous over.

"Counted is nine weeks. Actual is more like seven weeks," I admitted. "Relationships are always hard work, and when you throw in someone with my mouth and temper, you're pretty much sitting on a powder keg and waiting for it to blow."

"Is that really the reason?"

"I don't know," I said with a shrug. "I know I have a temper and I know I don't have a very clean mouth. It could be they give off the impression its okay for guys to only want one thing from me. Then again, they could have nothing at all to do with it. It's not like you get to do an exit interview when a relationship ends. If you're lucky, you get a phone call. If not, they just disappear."

Edward nudged my shoulder with his, getting me to look at him. "As incredibly sad and frustrating as it is to know that some guy had the chance to be with you and didn't see how amazing you are, I'm also glad for it. If any of them had, then I wouldn't have you now."

I thought about calling him "Cheesy-E", but I knew he actually meant his words and that it would be wrong of me to trivialize them with a joke. But later on, when we were having a less serious conversation, I would be all about the teasing.

"What about you?" I asked. "What's your tragic flaw that sent the girls running? Or did you do the leaving?"

He gave me that half smile of his. "Most left because I'm not the bad boy."

"Ah, yes. I remember that phase. It lasted about two point three seconds and ended with an ass-kicking of epic proportions."

"Did he require hospitalization?"

"Almost," I joked. And then I gave him the real answer. "Actually, it lasted a few months and ended in anger and tears, but the ass-kicking story is much more entertaining. But let's get back to you. What about the ones that didn't leave because of the bad boy thing?"

"Well, one was Karen. And then there was Shelly, the girl I was dating when I met you. I did pretty much everything wrong with her. I tried to include her with everyone so I could still spend time around you, but she annoyed the hell out of you and was always looking for me to defend her. And when I wouldn't, mostly because I agreed to some degree, she accused me of wanting to be with you instead. So because I had been the one to ask her out and because I didn't want to hurt her, I started to avoid my house whenever I knew you were there."

"Shelly … Fuck, that name is familiar but I can't put the face to it."

"Black hair with blue eyes and tan skin. She always wore her hair pushed back with a headband."

"The fucking fake laugher!" I cried, finally able to remember the damn girl. "No matter how funny or lame something was, she gave the same fake ass laugh every damn time." And then I demonstrated, putting my hand over my mouth and batting my eyelashes as if there was something in my eyes. "Tee-hee."

Edward barked out a laugh and nodded his head. "Yeah, that was Shelly."

"She must have been a great piece of ass because you sure as hell weren't with her for her brain."

"No comment," he said, his grin still firmly in place.

"So that's it? Five that wanted a bad boy, one that wanted a woman, and one that was a total fucking idiot?"

His smile faltered and he shook his head just enough for me to see the movement. "Only four wanted a bad boy. Number seven … Mary. She wanted a good guy, but it just turned out not to be me. At the start of my sophomore year of college, we got paired up as lab partners and things progressed from there. Before I knew it, I was spending pretty much all of my free time with her, even holiday breaks. Emmett and Rosalie were busy doing their thing and Jasper was visiting Forks as much as possible to see Alice, so it seemed like this relationship had come at the perfect time for me. Plus, Mary was in school to become a nurse so we had similar class schedules and workloads. We both knew and understood how demanding our professions would be and it seemed like we fit together almost perfectly. It lasted right about fifteen months, ending mid-way through the first semester of my junior year."

"So that must be why we never met her. You broke up with her just as Alice and I started at PSU."

"Actually, Alice did meet her. I brought Mary home to meet my family just before the summer ended. I wanted her to meet everyone because … because I wanted to propose to her."

I stopped walking and it took Edward a few steps to realize it. "You were going to propose?" I asked, wanting to make sure I'd heard him correctly.

He nodded as one hand yanked off his hat and the other slid through his hair. "I had the ring. I was just waiting for the right time. And I wanted her to meet my family first."

The whole idea of Edward being serious enough about another girl to marry her had me so damn keyed up my feet wouldn't keep still and my hands wouldn't leave the edge of my sweatshirt alone. "How did that go? Did everyone like her? What did Alice think of her? Did your parents know you wanted to propose? Didn't you think you were kind of young for that? And how the hell could you give Alice shit about her engagement?" I asked, firing the questions off faster than he could possibly answer.

"One at a time please," he said, holding his hand up to still my mouth.

"What did your family think of her?"

Edward sighed and sat down on a piece of fallen tree. "Emmett and Alice barely took notice, too distracted with their own stuff. But with my mom … It went about as bad as something like that can go. Not in front of Mary, of course, but after. Have you ever seen my mother truly mad?"

"Uh, yeah! That time I told you about, when I tried to run away, she was seething. I swore I could see little rivets of steam coming off the top of her head she was so mad at me."

Edward smiled just a little, but it didn't touch his green eyes at all. "That's how I felt. She cornered me as soon as I walked into the house after taking Mary home. She asked me what I was thinking and if I'd lost my mind, but she wasn't really asking. She was ranting."

"What was it about Mary that had her so upset?"

"Um … that's kind of … well, what I mean is … she was …" Edward looked so lost sitting in a patch of sunlight with his hands flicking back and forth through his copper hair and stuttered words falling from his lips.

I forced myself to close the little distance between us and grabbed one of his hands to help him calm down. "Whatever it is, it can't be worse than anything I've shared with you so far."

He nodded, though he didn't look like he completely believed me. "Trust me when I say that it was completely subconscious and until my mother pointed it out—yelled it at me is more accurate—I never noticed."

"Noticed what?"

"That Mary looked a lot like you, only with blue eyes and without your unique personality."

As usual, my mouth decided to show off its impeccable sense of timing, completely leaving my brain behind and foregoing a word check. "Holy shit! You not only dated my doppelganger, but you were going to fucking ask her to marry you? Holy shit, E!"

"No, not at all!" he argued, shaking his head hard enough to send a lock of hair over his eye. "My wanting to marry her had nothing to do with what she looked like. I honestly cared for her, Bella. I loved her and I could see myself having a nice, normal life with her. We would help each other through the rest of college and work in the medical field together when we were done. We would attend all those lectures and continuing education things that medical professionals do. I could see myself being content with her."

"So then what happened?" I asked when he didn't continue.

"My mother told me that I was preparing to settle and that she wouldn't allow it. She couldn't just stand back and watch me choose a half-life over really living. She said it wasn't fair to Mary or to my own self. She told me my choices were to either truly move on and move past my feelings for you or to ask you out. She said that until I did one or the other, I would never truly be happy. At the time, I told her she was wrong and accused her of making up excuses because she didn't like my choice."

"Ouch, E. That's fucking harsh."

"I know," he said. "But at the time, I thought I was right. I spent the next three months scrutinizing every move I made with Mary to make sure I was right about my mother being wrong. Every day, I became more convinced that Mary was my future. And then I decided it was time and I invited Mary to dinner, planning to propose at this French restaurant she really liked. I had the ring in my jacket and was just waiting for what felt like the right moment during our meal when she announced she had something to tell me. Turned out that while I had been busy trying to convince my mom Mary was the right woman for me and that we would be very happy together, she had been cozying up to her new lab partner. She said it was 'just one of those things' as if that somehow made sense or made it better. I didn't stick around to hear the rest. But I did take my mother's advice. I tried to move past my feelings for you and when that didn't work, I went after you."

"Well, technically, you got roped into being around me."

Edward smiled and tugged on my hand until I was standing between his legs with his arms wrapped around my waist and his chin resting against my stomach. "I did have a plan, though. I promised myself that if I hadn't found a time beforehand, I would ask you out during Thanksgiving break. I thought having four days without school as a distraction would work in my favor."

I narrowed my eyes at him while sliding my fingers into his hair. If he was lying, he was about to get those coppery locks of his yanked. "Is that the truth, Cullen?"

"Of course it's the truth, Angel. I won't lie to you."

I wanted to believe that, but wasn't sure if I could. And he must have seen it in my expression because he broke the silence between us.

"Alright, I confess," he said. His grin told me he wasn't being serious at the moment. "There will be the occasional little white lie concerning clothing and whether it does or does not make your butt look big. And I'll have to lie about how I'm not afraid of you at all, just to prevent Emmett from teasing me."

"Oh, of course," I agreed, grinning right back. "Egos must be protected at all costs."

His smile faltered and his eyes took on that intense look that commanded all of my attention. "Honestly, Bella, I won't lie to you. I want this to work and I won't do anything that jeopardizes our relationship."

I'd had about all the seriousness so my response was only half-serious. "If you do, I'll kick your ass." I used my grip on his hair to tilt his head back so I could reach those smiling lips of his and kiss them properly.

Eventually we headed back into the meadow and I pulled out my gift from our big dinner date. We read the instructions for planting and caring for the flower seeds together and then surveyed the meadow for the best place to plant them. We worked together to dig the holes and plant the seeds and by the time we were done, we were dirty and in need of hot showers. Despite the dirt—and our earlier serious conversation—I could tell Edward was really enjoying himself. I couldn't even put into words how much it meant to me that he was enjoying my meadow so much.

But I gave it a try as we grabbed up the rest of the gear so we could return to the world waiting for us outside of this small slip of paradise. "This place is my sanctuary when I'm home. And now, it's yours too."

Edward opened his mouth, looking like he was going to say something serious, but ended up laughing instead. His finger brushed at my cheek and then he lifted it to my eyes, showing me the dirt he'd wiped away on his fingertip.

I sighed and shook my head, knowing I'd probably gotten it into my hair too. "How can planting such tiny seeds leave us looking like such messes?"

Edward's soft laugh filled the air again. "Maybe we were subconsciously giving ourselves an excuse for sneaking in a shared shower."

"Then we have some very sneaky and brilliant subconscious brainwaves."

His hand came back to my cheek, cupping it this time, and his head lowered toward mine, quickly filling my vision with a vibrant emerald green. "I was already very happy to be here with you, but now I'm truly honored."

His lips met mine in a firm kiss that showed me just how much Edward meant his words—and gave me another first … my first kiss in my meadow.

* * *

**A/N:** Next Saturday, we'll have the rest of the morning and Carlisle's talk with Bella. We'll also start to find out what's in Bella's past that has shaped her into the strong, saucy young woman that she has become. Hope you all enjoyed today's chapter and have a wonderful weekend. See you back here next Saturday!

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	18. Scars & Ninja MindFcks

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Scars & Ninja Mind Fucks**

**Chapter Song: "Smooth" by Rob Thomas & Carlos Santana**

**Bella's POV:**

"Bella, what are you doing?" Edward asked.

I had the front door cracked open with only my head poking through as I listened for sounds in the house.

After dropping my bike off at Jake's, we'd taken my truck back to Edward's house. Jake didn't stay at his play often, but we all helped him to keep the place clean and in good shape. We knew someday, when the memories didn't hurt as much, he'd want to live there again and maybe even start his own family there. I'd shown Edward all around the house and garage before we'd climbed into my truck and drive to his parents' place.

"Bella?" Edward called.

"I'm checking to see if the coast is clear," I told him.

"Um … why does it matter if anyone is here?"

I stood up straight and turned to face him. "Good question. Guess I'm still in cloak and dagger mode from this morning?"

"What?" he asked, laughing the word instead of speaking it.

"This morning I wanted to make sure Alice didn't catch us so I snuck through the house to get you."

Edward pressed his lips together tightly for a moment before getting control of himself and speaking. "Would you have caved if Alice had woken and pleaded for us to go shopping with her?"

"No."

"Were you worried my parents would be upset about you coming over at such an early hour?"

"No," I said, drawing the word out and looking at him like the fool he was.

"You must have been really worried about everyone finding out about your bike then."

"No, not really. I had a plan for that. We would have left in your Volvo so we wouldn't miss the sunrise and once we were sure they were all shopping, we would have come back for my bike to take a quick ride."

The grin he'd had on his face while questioning me took on a cocky edge. "So what you're saying is that you were so excited to go on your excursion with me that all rational thought fled your brain and you became convinced you needed to sneak around?"

A quick recap of my actions flew threw my mind and I could feel my face turning red with embarrassment. I had been acting like some crazy teenager with a bad case of puppy love and hadn't even realized it. _What in the hell is this man doing to me?_ I asked myself. Out loud I yelled a "shut up" and used both of my hands to push against Edward's chest and move him away from me.

"Bella Swan was excited to spend the morning with me," he taunted as he rushed up behind me. His arms wrapped around my torso and he lifted my feet from the ground, making me yell out in surprise.

"E, I swear I will beat your ass if you don't put me down."

"Seems as though you two are enjoying yourselves," Esme said. My head shot toward her voice and found her curled up on the loveseat with a book in her hands. _How the hell had I missed her when I was peeking through the door?_

"Nah, not really," I said, knowing only she could see my grin. "This one here gets boring after a few hours," I added, jerking a thumb toward Edward.

He lifted me higher and growled against my neck before playfully biting it.

"Jeebus, E," I cried, slapping his thigh as hard as I could.

Edward laughed, but at least he set me on my feet again. "Are you here alone?" he asked his mother.

"No, your father is here somewhere. Last I saw him, he was searching for an article in those magazines of his," she said. "So what have you two been up to? And why are you both filthy?"

Edward looked down at me and grinned before answering his mother. "We took a little nature walk."

"And some of the nature decided to come back with us," I added.

She chuckled and shook her head. "At least you were kind enough to leave your shoes on the porch and not track dirt in all over my floor."

"We prefer to leave that sort of thing for Emmett since he's so good at it," I joked, grinning at Esme.

"Well, go on up," she said, pointing at the stairs. "Don't let me keep you from your showers."

With Esme and Carlisle being home, we decided separate showers were best. And with Edward being the gentleman he was, he insisted I take his room since he had a larger bathroom and better shower than the guest bathroom. I would have used Alice's room, but the possibility of her coming home with clothing for me to try on was too real to risk it. So I took Edward up on his offer and enjoyed a very long and leisurely shower.

I threw on some clean clothes before heading into his room and turning on his stereo. The music poured out of the speakers and my feet moved to the beat while I worked on towel-drying my hair.

My little dance moves took me over to the large windows that looked out into the backyard and gave me a view of Edward and Carlisle standing in the yard together. They were talking and the subject was obviously a good one since they had matching smiles on their handsome faces. Seeing Carlisle standing down there, I couldn't help but think about my own conversation with him last night …

"_Dad's home," Alice yelled out as Carlisle walked through the front door._

"_Hello, everyone," he greeted. And then his eyes landed on me. "Bella, would you be available to come up to my study for a moment?"_

"_Uh, sure," I said, feeling nothing good could be coming my way if he wanted to talk as soon as he walked through the door._

"_Edward, we'll only be a few moments," Carlisle said when Edward started to stand with me._

"_He's right, E," I said, giving him a smile I hoped was reassuring. "Stay and finish your card game with Jasper."_

_He nodded in agreement—probably because he was finally starting to win a few poker hands—and I walked away, following his father up the stairs and into the study on the second floor._

"_You'll excuse me if I get rid of this tie, won't you?" Carlisle asked once we were in the room._

"_No, go ahead. In fact, if you want to postpone this until after you shower and change, I'd be all for that."_

_He chuckled as he sank into his chair, placing his tie on the desk. "I thought about it, but knowing how you hate suspense so much, I thought it would be better for you if we got this out of the way first."_

"_I do hate suspense," I agreed, really not knowing what else to say._

"_Esme and Alice have both informed me of your relationship with Edward."_

"_I figured they would. Not many secrets around here."_

"_A few secrets aren't harmful, but too many of them can tear a family apart. That's actually one of the things I want to talk to you about. I'm not sure how much of Edward you've deciphered yet, but you should know that he's very big on honesty. So much so, that when he hears things in passing that he feels he should have heard first hand, he feels a sense of betrayal and it can sometimes take him a long time to get past his hurt. I want to protect both of you because I love you both, and I would hate to see something said in passing put a damper on your relationship."_

"_I've been telling him things here and there," I said in defense of myself. "I just don't want to hit him with everything at once. And I do have some things that I don't feel the need to share unless we're still together in a far off future."_

"_I am by no means suggesting you tell him everything. Only those things that the others know and that could come up in conversation. And you should also keep in mind that you aren't the only one with a past, Bella. Exercise your right to ask him questions about his life."_

"_We have been, Carlisle. We've just been taking it slow."_

_He sat up straighter in his chair and leaned across his desk a little. "Please don't misunderstand me, Sweetheart. I don't want you to think for a second that I'm making any sort of judgment here. I am truly happy that you and Edward are taking this chance together."_

"_I'm sorry, but this is really not how I pictured this going. I thought for sure you would tell me I'm too wild for Edward."_

_Carlisle chuckled and rubbed a hand against his cheek, calling attention to the bit of stubble forming there. "You can be a handful and Edward is often quiet, but I've never thought of your exuberance for life as a bad thing and he could certainly use a little variety. Only focusing on school and his future will make him old before his time. I only ask that you pay attention to his body language and make sure he's really up for whatever the two of you are doing. My son sometimes forgets there is a strong leader inside of him and ends up being a follower, often to his detriment. I cannot tell you the number of times I've had Emmett sitting in that very chair for roping Edward into things that got one or both of them into trouble."_

"_I really like that Edward is so calm and laid back. I wouldn't want to change that about him and if it ever seemed like he was trying to change because he thought I wanted it, I would set him straight right away."_

"_I thought as much," Carlisle said with a real smile. He got out of his chair and came around the desk so I stood up too and quickly found myself wrapped up in a hug. "All that's left to say is congratulations and good luck, my dear. Please come to me if you need any advice at all about Edward or anything else in your life."_

"_You and Esme are always my go-to parental units when talking to Charlie is not an option," I assured him as he released me from our hug._

_Carlisle chuckled with a knowing look in his eyes. "Did Edward enjoy meeting your father today?"_

"_I think Charlie enjoyed having Edward meet Chief Swan. I don't know that Edward saw much of my actual father."_

_Carlisle chuckled again and patted my shoulder. "As a father of a daughter, I assure you Charlie had the best of intentions."_

"_He better have because I don't think either Edward or I could take his worst."_

_Carlisle's laughter followed me all the way out of the study door._

And Edward's deep voice and warm arms called me back to the present as he wrapped me in a hug and spoke into my ear. "I love walking into my room and seeing you here, waiting for me."

I could have just let his cheesy line go, but that wasn't really my style so I teased him instead. "So sorry to crush that massive ego of yours, but Bella Swan waits for no man. It's my wet hair that has me still in your room."

He took my towel from my hands and had me sit in his desk chair.

"What are you doing?"

"Guess," he said as he started to rub the towel against my hair.

"You're doing an impersonation of Jorge from _Beauty Shop_ minus the horrible fake accent."

"Who from what?" Edward asked with a laugh.

"Kevin Bacon playing a stuck-up beauty salon owner and turning the 'j' and 'g' in his name to an 'h' sound. I'm a sucker for movies with Kevin Bacon and John Cusack. No matter how low they get rated on the good movie totem pole, I must watch them."

"I'll keep that in mind."

I shifted in the chair so that my legs were folded beneath me. "So what were Carlisle and you discussing out back?"

"He was letting me know that he was taking my mother to lunch at the diner."

"That's nice of him to take her out, though I would think he wouldn't mind traveling outside the realm of Forks."

"He doesn't, but since they're meeting up with your father and Sue, they kept it in town."

"Oh, joy. That doesn't reek of conversation centered around you and me at all."

"Was there an eye roll to go along with all that sarcasm?"

"I was too tired," I joked, turning my head to grin at him.

He chuckled and moved the towel so that it was covering my face. "I think that's the best it's going to get without using a blow-dryer."

I pulled the towel off, twirled it in my hands, and then snapped it against Edward's leg, catching him just behind his knee.

"Shit, Bella," he yelled as he jumped away from me.

I chuckled over having made him curse and poked my tongue at him on my way into his bathroom.

"So I was thinking I would make you lunch," Edward called out.

I stopped in the middle of putting the towel in the hamper and just stood there, trying to figure out if I'd really heard those words. I forced my fingers to drop the towel and went back into the room so I could see his face and be sure. "What did you just say?"

His forehead was lined and he seemed confused about my confusion. "I would like to make lunch for you."

"Um … Yeah! Go right ahead."

Edward smiled and closed the short distance between us, putting his hands on my hips. "I take it you haven't had anyone cook for you."

"Well, you did make me those noodles when I was sick."

"That was pouring everything into one pot and stirring. That's not cooking."

"So show me what is, Cullen," I challenged.

He pulled me forward so that our chests were touching and I had to look up to see his face. His thumb and eyes slid across my bottom lip while he spoke. "We should probably start with an appetizer first."

By appetizer, he meant kiss.

By kiss, I mean when his lips finally let go of mine, he had my head spinning, my chest burning, and my legs wobbling. _Le Sigh!_

I sat on a stool at the kitchen island and silently watched Edward move around the room. He was super focused on his tasks, going into the pantry a couple of times, opening a few cabinets, and then pulling containers from the refrigerator.

One of the lower cabinets was opened and he pulled out a large pot, filling it with water before setting it on the stove. He turned the temperature knob and a small poof sound was followed by flames appearing and licking at the bottom of the pot. I watched as he opened a box of noodles and dumped them in, wondering if any of those reality cooking shows had a cook this gorgeous to look at.

He turned to join me at the island and caught me staring, but I didn't care so I made a show of licking my lips, which made him laugh.

While he grated a block of cheese into a glass bowl, Edward started to explain how he'd learn to cook. "My grandmother, Elizabeth, was always in the kitchen cooking something. She taught Esme and the two of them taught Emmett, Alice, and me, though Alice and I are the only ones who ever use what we learned."

"I'm surprised your skills aren't rusty with you living in a dorm. You can't cook anything in there."

Edward chuckled and looked over at me for just a second before going back to his grating. "I usually try to cook a little something when I'm home during the breaks."

"You should add cooking to the list of reasons why you should get an apartment."

"I'm quickly approaching the point in my life when I have to find a place to live. One more semester and then I graduate. My plan right now is to take the summer off after graduation and find a place I really love during that time."

"Are you going to stay in the Portland area or move to somewhere bigger, like Seattle?"

"I don't know yet. I'm looking at a few cities where I could start and build up a business, but I don't have anything that draws me to any one over the others." He wiped his hands on the towel he had hanging from his pocket and then put the cheese back into the container he'd pulled it from. After putting it away in the refrigerator, he pulled out a saucepan and set it on the stove, dumping some butter into it.

I looked around at the ingredients still on the counter, trying to guess what he was making. There was a tub of cream, a garlic glove, and what looked to be parsley. "Are you making some garlic flavored version of mac and cheese?" I asked.

Edward slid a knife out from the holder on the counter and came back over to the island. "Not mac and cheese. Elizabeth always encouraged us to try new things and a few years ago, I did just that with our Thanksgiving leftovers. And today, I'm making you what has become a favorite of mine—turkey alfredo."

"First of all, very interesting use of turkey. Secondly, you _make_ your own alfredo sauce?"

"You sound so shocked, Swan. I would think you of all people wouldn't assume a guy incapable of making sauce from scratch."

"It's only unfounded assumptions that piss me off. I have yet to see a man in my life cook a meal from a box so seeing one making something from scratch is akin to watching the birth of a comet."

Edward chuckled and shook his head at me.

"Maybe not a comet," I relented. "Maybe more like a meteorite blazing across the sky."

Edward laughed again while turning around and dumping a big spoonful of the cream into the pot with the butter. After stirring the mixture a few times, he dumped in the shredded cheese along with the parsley and garlic he'd chopped up. He turned down the fire under the pot and then opened up the container with the leftover turkey. I watched in awe as he quickly and professionally chopped up a big slice, the knife moving smoothly through the thick meat. He had my full attention as he worked, looking so self-assured and totally in his element. And also, damn sexy!

"How do you do that?" I asked, honestly impressed with his cutting skills. "If I tried that, I'd end up with a missing finger and not realize it until after I dumped it all into the pot."

His laughter rang out again, this time shaking his entire body.

"I'm serious," I yelled at him. I shoved my left hand at him, showing him the side of my pinky. "I did that while slicing an egg."

He put the knife down and grabbed my hand, tilting it toward the light. "Holy—Bella, this looks like it was deep."

"Hell yes it was deep. Your dad put two damn stitches in that fucker."

"On an egg?" Edward questioned, looking like he was waiting for me to say I was joking.

I took my hand back and sat down on the stool again. "What can I say, Cullen? When I have a clumsy moment, I'm in it to win it."

"Does that mean there's a really interesting story behind that scar on your calf?"

"If we're going to share scar stories, I want to know about that one below your right knee," I said, hoping he had no interest at all in swapping scar stories.

"We better wait until lunch is on the table for that story."

Edward set down his knife and wiped his hands on the towel before turning to the stove. He stirred the sauce in the pan a few times before lifting it from the burner and bringing it over to me. He put just a little sauce on the end of the wooden spoon and even blew on it to cool it before offering me a taste.

When my eyes stopped rolling back into my head, I let him know how much I'd enjoyed it with words. "We are so bottling that shit up and selling it. We could make a fortune, E. I can find some picture of a little old woman in a rocking chair and shawl to slap on the label and we'll sell it as authentic homemade Italian. We'll be rolling in the money and driving Aston Martins and Maseratis in no time."

Edward was busy draining the noodles in the sink, but I could tell from the way his shoulders were moving under his tight shirt that he was laughing.

"We'll pick one of the smaller Italian cities to name it after, like Volterra," I said, continuing on with my plan.

"Volterra? Doesn't that sound a little too close to the sound Emmett makes when he's had too much to drink and his dinner revisits?"

"Gross, E. Now you've ruined it for me." I pulled an Alice and stuck out my bottom lip.

Edward chuckled as he leaned across the island and kissed me. "Such a sexy little pout."

_Smooth move, Cullen_, I thought. "I accept your compliment and will now forget how you ruined my brilliant plan," I told him.

He pointed to my right. "Just go set the table."

"The man makes a little homemade sauce and suddenly thinks he's the boss," I grumbled as I headed over to the drawers that held the silverware and placemats. I brought everything over to the small table near the backdoor, figuring there was no sense in eating at the huge dining room table when it was just the two of us.

"Think your parents would mind if we had a little wine with our lunch?" I asked after setting the table. "Italian always seems to taste better with wine."

"As long as we go with the bottle already in the fridge and not one of Carlisle's prized ones, they shouldn't mind."

"Emmett's not even insane enough to touch your dad's prized stuff."

Once we had steaming bowls of turkey alfredo and half-full glasses of red wine, we sat down at the table together and I took my first bite of Edward's creation. To say it was amazing would be doing a gross injustice to the wonderment that he had created. The sauce was just the right thickness, the noodles were soft and easy to twirl on my fork, and the turkey had soaked up the garlic and parsley flavor from the sauce.

After complimenting his food to the point where his ears turned red from embarrassment, I attempted to rope him into a deal the way he seemed to do to me so easily. "Now that you've proven your cooking skills, I decree that you must come over and help me cook on the nights when it's my turn. Not every night or anything, but at least twice a month."

"_Help_ cook or cook for you?" he questioned.

"Help. If I'd wanted you to do it all on your own, I'd have said that. Besides, I figure if we can cook together without getting on each other's nerves, we'll be fine in other areas of our relationship. And also, you're much better with a knife than I am."

Edward chuckled, his head shaking just a little. "You are so … so Bella. There really just isn't another word in the English language for all that you are."

"Is that good or bad?"

His smile widened and he leaned over to place a kiss on my cheek. "It's truly amazing, Angel."

After calling him "Cheesy-E", I reminded him of his promise to tell his scar story. Apparently, my curiosity was overruling my good sense today. After all we'd shared in the meadow I should be done talking about the past for at least a couple of weeks.

Edward took a sip of his wine and wiped his mouth on his napkin before telling me his story. "I think I was eight when it happened," he said. "Emmett and I were helping our mom in her garden as punishment for something we'd done. And before you ask, no, I don't remember what we got in trouble for, just that it was his fault. Anyway … My mom had gone into the garage to get another bag of potting soil. As you know, Emmett is easily bored and after all of three seconds, he started griping about what he wasn't getting to do. I reminded him he was the reason we were stuck there in the first place and he pushed me away from him. Only I lost my balance and fell, landing on my mother's trowel. It caught right on the edge of my leg, just below my knee and dug in a little."

"Jeebus, E! That must have hurt like hell."

"So much so that I am not ashamed to admit I cried."

"I hope you got Emmett back for that shit."

Edward smiled and shook his head just a little. "If he hadn't been truly sorry, maybe so. But when he saw the blood, he pulled his own shirt off and pressed it against my leg to stop the bleeding. And for the week I was hobbling around the house, he would help me on the stairs and grab things out of the cabinets for me."

"Did you always live on the third floor by yourself?"

Edward's grin completely faded and his eyes dropped to his bowl. "No. I didn't move up there until I was thirteen. It was all I asked for as my birthday gift that year."

I grabbed the hand he had lying on the table. "Hey." I waited for him to lift his eyes before continuing.

"You and Emmett, you'll work it out. It'll be some small, stupid guy thing that fixes the bond between you guys, but it'll happen."

Edward squeezed my fingers and tried to smile. "That's a nice thought, but I think we're too far gone for that."

"Unless one of you is standing outside the pearly gates or waiting for your turn on a fiery spicket, there's always a chance."

"You know what would be much more interesting than talking about my brother? If you told me about your scar."

"Ah! My scar," I said, taking my fingers back and leaning into my chair. "Before I can tell you about my scar, I have to tell you about the person that I was when I got it. I was a few months shy of my fifteenth birthday. I was also a master lock-picker, a first-rate tree climber who incidentally was a superb sneaker-outer, and a pretty bad ass driver."

"Before you were _fifteen_?" Edward questioned with wide eyes.

I nodded. "I fondly refer to that brash, idiotic girl as Dysfunction Central Bella. DC has been dead and buried for a long time now and there's no way she can crawl her self-destructive ass out of her grave, so no worries."

"If this is the prologue, I'm almost afraid to hear the actual story."

I laughed darkly, wondering what he was going to think when his joke became a reality for him. And then I decided maybe I wasn't so ready after all to talk about my scar. "Hey, E. Would you mind if we ate first? The food just smells so good and I'm sure it's much better hot like this than cold like it will be if I tell my story first."

"Sure. You waited for me to finish cooking before I told mine."

I forced a smile and nodded before dropping my eyes to the plate in front of me. I twirled the noodles around my fork and brought the bite up to my lips, but couldn't actually get it to go into my mouth.

Carlisle's words flitted through my mind again as I lowered my fork back to the plate … _I am by no means suggesting you tell him everything. Only those things that the others know and that could come up in conversation._

Alice knew how I'd gotten my scar. Rose knew. Jasper knew. Esme and Carlisle both knew, of course, since he'd been the one to stitch me up. That was actually how Alice and I had officially met. She'd been visiting her dad at the hospital when I'd been brought in.

Charlie knew about my scar—there was hardly anything my dad hadn't found out about me over the years. More importantly, Emmett knew and liked to tease me about my "brush with death". So basically, I had no choice but to tell Edward.

Normally, this particular memory stayed chained at the bottom of my vault. Not because the actual moment when I got the scar was that bad, but because all of the things that led up to the moment when I walked out onto that cliff were so damn black and bleak. I'd just wanted to get away from it all for a few seconds and feel like I was in control of my life instead of my fucked-up life being in control of me.

"Guess you were just being polite about how good the food tasted," Edward said, running his finger along my arm.

"What?" I asked, trying to focus on him and not the images in my head.

"You've hardly touched your food," he said, nodding toward my plate.

"No, the food is great, E. Really. It's just … You ever think about stuff and get a bad taste in your mouth?"

"Once or twice."

I just nodded my head. At least this time it wasn't that coppery taste in my mouth. It was salt water.

"You really don't want to tell me, do you?" Edward asked.

"Not that exactly. More like I just don't want to remember. It was a long time ago and I'm not that person. Sometimes it bugs the shit out of me to think about her."

"You could just start with telling me a little more about who you used to be," he offered.

"I guess," I said, shrugging my shoulders. "So I was almost fifteen and the people I ran with at that time were not the best of the bunch. A few stoners, a few hard drinkers, most of them determined to create anarchy and chaos, and all of us thinking we were untouchable. After all, they were running with the police chief's daughter so chances were if we got busted, I'd get us all out of it. Or so they thought. I didn't even realize that was why they hung out with me until your sister pointed it out after she and I started hanging out together. DC Bella was naïve in the ways that counted and too damn experienced in the ones she had no business knowing about. But anyway …

"We used to do stupid stuff like break into the school or toilet paper houses. Nothing too serious, but more than enough to annoy the adults in our lives. It's not like there was much else to do when we didn't have cars of our own. And Charlie was working so much at the time that it just seemed better to hang with them than be home by myself."

"You were lonely," Edward suggested.

"No, I don't think so," I replied. "I've never had a problem with solitude, though it's not my favorite thing in the world. I think I was just lost. I wanted something, but I had no clue what. And since I couldn't just tell Charlie what I wanted, he was no help. I think part of me just wanted him to notice me outside of showing up to ground me, but at that age, that's the last thing you're willing to believe you want." I paused for a second to get a hold on my thoughts and what I wanted to say next. But I ended up suggesting a new stall tactic. "We should clear the table and clean up after ourselves. I don't want Esme coming home to a dirty kitchen."

"There's plenty of time to clean up later," Edward said. From the way his eyes were locked on me, I had the feeling he knew I was stalling.

"Um … okay … So my scar."

"Yes. Your scar. How did you get it?"

"Like I said, that girl I was when the scar came along isn't who I am now. We're like polar opposites and if I met her today, I'd smack her upside the head and tell her to get her ass in line."

"Noted. Now tell me how that person you aren't anymore got the scar."

I dropped my eyes from Edward's face and focused on my twitching fingers. "It was the end of the summer and almost time for my tenure in high school to begin. This was before Alice and I really got to know each other and became friends. It had been a really fucked up summer for a lot of reasons and I was just looking for a way to salvage it. I wanted one great adventure to look back on. Plus, I figured it would be twice as good if what I did was totally bad ass and not something my friends would ever do.

"So in all of my DC Bella glory, I went down to the res and over to the cliffs at La Push beach. I did an amazingly perfect swan dive from about fifteen feet up and landed very ungracefully but safely in the water below. Only, I'd forgotten to notice it was late afternoon and I'd forgotten the warning Sam had given to me about never cliff diving at that time of day."

That salt water taste overpowered my mouth and I swallowed thickly, trying to get rid of it. But it was still there, along with the memory of how it had felt to bob in the water and feel like I had accomplished something great and profound.

And then the first wave had reared up looking so tall and lethal.

"Bella," Edward called, tugging at my hand and drawing my attention back to him.

I took my hand away from him and used it to demonstrate while I talked. "You see, the tide comes in around that time and the waves get high and rough near the base of the cliffs. It cups over your head and when it hits, it rolls and pushes you backward toward the rocks. If you're a strong swimmer, you can swim laterally and keep from getting your head bashed in. But if you're too shocked at your own stupidity, then you can get slammed into the wall and dragged along it so that a sharp rock catches your calf and leaves a permanent reminder. You never really get the taste of salt water out of your lungs either.

"It would have been a lot worse if Sam hadn't seen me dive and went in after me. As it was, I walked away with my crescent shaped scar and the loss of a good bit of blood. I also lost the ability to see daylight if I wasn't with Charlie or it wasn't during school hours. My dad was so pissed at me that it took him days before he could say more than a couple of words at a time to me. But that grounding is what made time and room for Alice in my life so technically that was the beginning of the end for DC Bella."

The room was silent for a moment before Edward's deep voice interrupted it. "Can I ask you an honest question without you getting offended?"

I lifted my eyes to meet his, knowing what his question would be because it was the one everyone asked. "You want to know if I was trying to kill myself."

He nodded.

"No. And that's the absolute truth. Death never entered my mind. Only life. I wanted to fly and feel the wind in my face. I wanted the adrenaline to rush through me and make my heart race. And I wanted to swim back to shore feeling triumphant and completely alive. It took me a while to figure it out, but really living and really feeling alive happens when you're making memories with the people you care about, not when you're off doing something stupid and dangerous."

Edward didn't say anything so I figured he was busy thinking of something to say about my story. I wanted something to do other than watch my fingers twitch together so I picked up my fork and made a show of twirling the noodles around it, though I didn't take a bite.

The silence spun out between us to the point where it started to feel like it had weight to it and was making my ears ring, but I wasn't about to break it. I'd gotten to the scar story in only a couple of relationships and each time had ended the same—I was asked what the fuck was wrong with me and if there was medication for it. No matter how much I prefaced it with "I'm not that person", they seemed to totally miss that part. And also, they didn't believe that I hadn't been trying to kill myself. But I honestly hadn't. I'd just been young and stupid and oblivious to the time of day.

"Bella."

Something about the way he'd said my name had me jumping up from my chair and yelling at him. "I'm not her!"

"Did I say you were?" he asked, grabbing my hand and pulling me toward him. "Am I looking at you any differently than before you told me about your scar?"

"I'm kind of not the best judge of that right now," I admitted, letting him pull me down to sit on his leg.

"We all do things we regret, Bella. I've done my fair share, though mine aren't as colorful as yours. And I know you aren't the girl who jumped off that cliff. You're a woman focused on college and on making the best choices possible for herself. It's why it took you a little over a week to really start putting yourself into being in a relationship with me."

"Who told you?" I practically shouted. I'd only admitted that to Alice and Rosalie and if either of them had told him, they'd be on my shit list for a _long_ time.

Edward smiled and tightened his arms around me in a hug. "No one told me. You don't think I felt the difference in your touch? Or saw it in your face when you finally stopped being tense around me?"

"You are way too damn observant," I muttered.

"Getting back to our original topic, though … You aren't the same person you were then, and you shouldn't be penalized for what you did as a teenager. I only wish I'd known you were struggling so I could have helped you."

I shrugged. "Wouldn't have mattered. I wasn't ready to accept help when I first started hanging out with Alice. We were about six months into our friendship before it started to sink into my head that I did need help. And it wasn't until that stupid party that I really admitted how much help I needed and asked for it. Your mom was such a huge help at that time. She came to the counseling sessions with Charlie and me every single Wednesday without fail."

"Book club!" Edward cried.

"What?" I asked, completely confused by his outburst.

"My mother claimed she was going to a book club meeting every Wednesday. We used to tease her about it and try to come up with ways to make her skip, like offering to make dinner for her or watch a movie that was her favorite. She would never budge, though. We couldn't understand her sudden intense love of books. But it's because it wasn't the books she loved. It was you."

That stupid ass blush of mine made an appearance while my heart burned with love and pride for Esme Cullen. She was someone worth admiring and I hoped to one day be half the lady she was. And also, I was pretty much her personal slave for the rest of her life for all the ways she'd helped me—not that she'd take me up on my offer. I knew because I was still offering and she was still refusing.

"What are you thinking?" Edward asked, pressing his chin against the top of my head.

"I'm thinking your mom is the one of the coolest people I know."

"Not cooler than me, though, right?" he asked, moving his head to show me that grin I liked so much.

"E, you don't even rate on the cool scale," I said, keeping a straight face.

His hands were suddenly attacking my sides and tickling me. He probably would have kept going until I was gasping for air, but Emmett showed up.

"What the fuck are you two doing?" he asked. "And what smells so good? More importantly, did you leave any for me?"

"Once again, oh tall friend with the small memory, the world does not revolve around you," I told him. "Edward made _me_ lunch and me alone."

"Well aren't you just fucking special with your lunch and your special seat over there?" Emmett asked.

"I am," I agreed, grinning at him. "Jealous?"

"Like you wouldn't believe," he retorted, rolling his eyes at me. "So where the hell were you two this morning?"

My grin widened and I shook my head at him. "None of your business, Sasquatch."

"Whatever," he said. He turned to leave the kitchen and nearly got himself run over by a very excited Alice.

"Bella! There you are!" she cried, crossing the room in quick little steps until she was standing before me with her hands on her hips. "You bailed."

"Wrong. I never agreed to shopping in the first place," I pointed out. "And I did tell you I had plans. I just didn't divulge what they were."

"Don't worry. We're having a girls' night tonight and you'll have plenty of time to tell Rose and me all about it. In the meantime, I found a great deal on a pair of black slacks for you. I figured you wouldn't be in the mood to wear a dress again so soon."

"Where am I going that requires slacks?" I asked, eyeing her warily.

"The hospital's Christmas party, of course," she said, looking at me as if I should already know the answer.

"Oh, no! No fucking way," I cried. "Every year you ask and every year I turn your ass down for the greater good of mankind and your father. No fucking way can I make it through a classy party like that without getting my ass kicked out or locked up because of my mouth."

Alice bent down so that we were practically nose to nose—I didn't like her shitty ass grin one little bit. "_I'm_ not the one asking this year," she said. And then those green eyes of hers flicked to the side to look at Edward.

"Don't you dare," I warned, careful not to turn my head. If I couldn't see his face, then I wouldn't have trouble remembering why it was a bad idea to go to that party. If I looked, he'd do that ninja mind-fuck shit to me and I'd agree to the party and who knew what else.

"Bella."

At the sound of my name in his voice, I shoved my fingers in my ears and glared at Alice. "Not listening."

"Oh, my fucking God," Emmett barked out, laughing and pointing at me. I could have had industrial strength earplugs and probably still heard his loud ass clearly.

Edward tugged at my hands and managed to free one of my ears. "Bella, I would be honored if you would be my date to the Christmas party this year."

"Are you brain dead, man! Did you not fucking hear the reasons why it's the worst idea in fucking history?" I yelled.

"You controlled your mouth all day yesterday around our parents. I'm sure you can do the same at the party," he reasoned.

"He's got a point," Alice _helpfully_ chimed in.

"What the two of you are failing to realize is that I'm in my element around our parents. At a classy thing like that, I'll be trying to watch my damn mouth so much, it'll take off without me ever noticing," I explained.

"I thought you didn't care what others thought of you?" Edward questioned.

"I don't care for me, you idiot! I care for your father who has to work with those people nearly every day. And for your mother," I replied. And then I remembered the fact that I wouldn't be available even if I had wanted to go to something like that. _Thank you gainful employment!_ "Besides, I'm working for the Christmas break. That was the deal I made to have this Thanksgiving break off with you guys."

Alice's smile widened. "You aren't working Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and what a coincidence! The party is Christmas Eve night this year."

"Fuck a friggen duck!" I yelled, throwing my hands into the air.

"Is that a yes?" Alice asked.

_She's your best friend and you don't really want to slap her,_ I reminded myself. "No, it's thanks, but no thanks."

Edward's fingers gripped my chin and despite my struggle, he managed to get me to look at him. "Bella, will you please be my date for the party?" Between his pleading green eyes and slight pout, I was fucked. _Damn ninja mind-fuck artist bastard piece of—_

"I seriously fucking do not like you guys right now," I grumbled, taking my face out of his hand and pressing it into his shoulder.

"You'll have so much fun you'll wonder why you were worried," Alice assured me before patting my shoulder and prancing away from me.

"So fucking lucky she's my best friend," I muttered against Edward's shoulder.

"Bells? Are you okay?" Jasper asked from somewhere in the room.

"Tricked. Bastards. Not happy," I mumbled.

"What she means is that I asked her to the Christmas party and she has so graciously agreed to accompany me," Edward translated.

"Oh, Bells," Jasper said, not completely hiding the laughter in his voice. "Sweetie, did you really think you would get out of the party this year with you dating Edward?"

I nodded my head enough for Jasper to see it.

"Any other odd delusions we should know about?" he asked. This time, he didn't even attempt not laughing at me. I really didn't see where any of this shit was funny—me at a party like that was just begging for trouble.

"What's so funny?" Rosalie called out over Jasper and Emmett's laughter.

"See, this right here is exactly why I need a helmet-cam," Emmett proclaimed. "You could be watching the awesomeness of Bells freaking out and turning four different shades of red while Edward and Alice tag-teamed her ass into agreeing to the Christmas party."

"No freakin' way!" Rose yelled. "We've been trying to get her to go … Well, hell, ever since Alice first brought her home."

I lost my fragile hold on my temper and jumped up from Edward's lap, eyeing everyone in the room angrily. They didn't understand how frustrating it was for me to try hard to behave and not be able to manage it. And the idea of embarrassing Carlisle and Esme even on accident made me feel sick to my stomach.

But I didn't phrase my concerns that way. Instead, I just lashed out at everyone. "I'm not a fucking lost ass dog so don't fucking make me sound like one. And yeah, it's all real fucking funny right now, but just wait until we're in the middle of the damn party and one of the fucking hospital owners is standing near me and my mouth fucking takes off and turns his fucking hair white! We'll see who's laughing then."

The room would have been silent if not for my erratic breathing as I stood there with clenched fists, trying to reign myself in.

But it was a lost cause thanks to Emmett. He pointed one meaty finger at me while looking at Rosalie. "Camcorder, Rosie. I need to be able to tape that shit and replay it for the rest of our lives."

I didn't say a word. I lifted my head high, forced in a deep breath, and walked right out of the room and onto the back porch, even managing to close the door softly.

And then I kept on walking, crossing the backyard in long, quick strides and heading straight into the trees. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I knew it was best for everyone if I kept walking until I calmed down. Between talking about my scar and getting roped into that party, my nerves were shot and my temper was ready for blood. Even though it was kind of Alice and Edward's fault, I still didn't want to be angry with them. I just wanted to get back to that calm, content place my mind had been in this morning with Edward. I wanted the past locked up and forgotten again and to pretend there wasn't disaster in my future from that party.

There was just one little problem with walking in the woods when I was pissed … I tended to stumble over every single tree root I came across—or possibly it was just my own feet. After stumbling for the tenth fucking time, I growled at the ground and the sky and my own damn self. I crossed my feet and lowered myself to the ground, sitting cross-legged.

I had just begun to contemplate my lack of a jacket when my phone made its beeping sound in recognition of a text message.

_Come back. Please. :( U don't have 2 go 2 party._

"Damn it, Edward," I growled as I pounded out a response.

_It's not like I don't want 2 B with U. It's just a BAD idea 4 me to B there with U. 2 classy 4 my mouth._

I kind of hoped he would understand and leave me alone to calm down. And I also hoped he would do that thing he seemed so good at and say something to calm me. When the phone beeped a little later and I read the message, I wasn't sure what I felt.

_I believe in U. But if you don't want 2 go, we won't._

I didn't like him saying "we" like that. He always went to the party with his family. He was _supposed_ to go with his family. I didn't want him changing his traditions because of me. So I told him that.

_Whether I go or not, U still go! Ur family. Ur tradition. I would feel worse if U skipped._

I bit at my thumbnail and tapped my phone against my knee while I waited for his reply.

_So come with me, Angel. Please? Don't know how 2 make pleading smiley face so just imagine 1._

I laughed at the goofy message, shaking my head at my silly ass boyfriend and his ability to get to me to smile when I was so damn twisted up inside.

_U imagine a non-smiley face with angry eyes giving U the finger. And then U imagine it telling U yes. But don't expect me back yet. Just need a few min 2 myself._

How the hell had this happened? How could he be so nervous and unsure around me one second and so damn smooth the next? And why the hell wasn't I impervious to that ninja mind-fuck shit yet? I should have been a lot more pissed off than I was. And I damn sure shouldn't have been wondering if there was dancing at that fucking party.

Frustrated with myself all over again, I got up and dusted off my ass, planning to walk some more. I'd only taken a few steps when my phone sounded off again.

_Be safe. Call if U decide U want company._

If by some crazy ass miracle, I did decide I wanted company, I would definitely call him. Until then, I would just wander around the woods and calm myself down. I knew once I got back to the house I would have to submit to trying on those damn pants Alice had bought in case I needed them hemmed. And I was sure the pants weren't the only thing she'd bought. Plus, she's said that shit about girls' night so I couldn't stay out here too long if I wanted to see Edward again before the day ended. I figured I owed him a small apology for my outburst even though he'd caused it. And it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to help him clean up the lunch he'd made for me. And also, I kind of wanted more of his alfredo. But first walking and calming myself!

So a fancy Christmas party with the Cullen family and the hospital elite? Yeah, that shit didn't have disaster written _anywhere_ on it!

* * *

**A/N: ** So there you go! A nice long chapter and one big part of Bella's past revealed. She's putting more faith and effort into her relationship with Edward each day and definitely more than any one before this one. She'll reveal even more about her past in a few chapters, but first, she has to get through Christmas with the Cullens and that party she's so worried about.


	19. Drive

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, sex, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Drive**

**Chapter Song: "Drive" by The Cars**

**Bella's POV:**

"Bella, I'm going to miss you," Alice whined while clutching me tightly with those little arms of hers.

"I'll miss you too, Ali girl, but I'll see you in a couple of days for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day," I told her.

"It's not fair. You should quit working," she grumbled.

"And I would get money for gas, food, and the other shit life requires how? And before you answer, I want to you seriously think about what happened the last time you said you would give me the money."

"Oh, fine," she said as she let me go. Her damn bottom lip was sticking out so far it was a wonder it didn't throw off her balance.

"Ali, I gave you the choice of having me in Forks for Thanksgiving or Christmas and you picked Thanksgiving," I reminded her.

"Yes, but that was back in September when you weren't dating my brother and there was no hope of you going to the Christmas party."

"And yet here I stand still roped into that damn party. What more do you want from me, Small Fry?"

She grinned and grabbed my hands in hers. "Bail on work and come home with me."

"I love you, but no," I said. I gave her a hug and then gently pushed her away from me. "Go home to Forks. And take your brothers with you. I'm tired of Emmett serenading me with Christmas carols and Edward moping as bad as you that I won't be there every second of the break."

I'd explained to Edward the day after Thanksgiving that I would be working all of Christmas break except for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. He'd totally given me the "just lost my puppy dog" face. He'd also tried to convince me his break should be spent waiting around my empty apartment for me to get home from work. I'd told him that unless he wanted an ass kicking of epic proportions, he was going his ass home with everyone else. Fortunately for him, he'd taken me seriously and given up on his little plan.

"Don't worry about Edward," Alice said, pulling my attention back to her. "He'll be fine, and Jazz and I will be sure to keep him occupied. We're actually going to take him up to Seattle as part of his Christmas gift. We got tickets to see 'The Nutcracker'."

"Um … Does Edward _want_ to see a ballet?"

Alice poked her tongue at me. "Unlike Emmett and you, Edward is able to appreciate a little culture."

"I can appreciate culture just fine, Ali. It's watching people flit around on a stage that's a bit hard."

She snorted. "Yeah, right. And it has nothing at all to do with the fact that talking isn't allowed."

"None at all," I joked, grinning at her.

"Anyway! I'm going to let them all sleep in for two more hours before waking them to go."

"How generous of you, Napoleon."

Alice huffed and set her hands on her little hips. "You know what I want for Christmas, Bells?"

I couldn't help but smile at her easy setup. "To grow a few inches and stop resembling a pre-teen?"

"For you to stop all nicknames for the rest of the year."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Just you? Or everyone?"

"Just me. Let the rest of 'em fend for themselves."

I laughed and nodded my head in agreement. "You got a deal, Ali girl."

She chuckled and shook her head at me. And then her smile turned sad. "Are you sure you'll be okay here all by yourself?"

"I will be perfectly fine. And if for some reason, I get tired of the peace and quiet, I'll force Bree to come over and entertain me."

"Alright then. I'm taking your outfit with me to make sure you don't accidentally forget it or purposefully torch it."

I smiled my evil grin for Alice. "Who me? I would never do something like that!"

"Go to work," she said, pushing me toward the door.

"Tell everyone 'bye' for me when you order them awake."

"You know, I'm surprised Edward isn't up with you."

An actual smirk curled my lips. "We said our goodbyes last night. I doubt he'll wake up on his own before noon."

"Ew and I'm happy for you," Alice said with a little laugh.

"Alright, well, I really gotta go or I'll be late for work. You guys be careful on the road." I gave her one more tight hug and then headed down the stairs and to my truck.

I opened both doors and pulled off the sheet I used to keep from having to scrape ice off the windshield—not that my arms could have reached even if I'd felt the need. After tossing it into the back, I climbed into the cab and started up the engine. It ran for a few seconds before killing and I stared down at the steering wheel as if the truck was going to tell me what was wrong with it. It didn't tell me shit, but when I started it the second time, it turned right over and sounded strong. It must have just been colder this morning than it had been yesterday.

Once I was out of the parking lot and on my way to work, I scanned the stations on my radio, trying to find something non-Christmas themed. I usually loved carols, but Emmett had literally been following me from room to room to belt out the classics in my fucking ear. Even threatening to punch him in the junk hadn't stopped him!

But there was no regular music to be found. I did, however, find a station playing some Christmas classics Emmett wouldn't know. I ended up singing along to "Baby, It's Cold Outside" all the way to work, singing both parts and even deepening my voice for the guy's parts. By the time I parked at the coffeehouse, I was cracking up at my own silliness. That or I was in more desperate need for caffeine than I realized.

"What's up?" Kate asked as soon as I hit the door. "You don't usually smile this early in the morning."

"Laughing at my own self. No biggie," I replied. "Unless you tell me there's no coffee ready and then we are going to have a big friggen problem."

Kate rolled her eyes at me and pointed at the counter before turning her attention back to the gossip magazine in her hands. For some reason, she considered those tabloid stories as real news.

"Morning, Bella," Angela greeted.

"Morning," I said as I worked on filling a mug for myself. "Excited about getting out of here and starting your Christmas vacation?" Kate and Angela were both only working through the lunch shift and then I'd be with Dawn and Tara until New Year's Eve—I'd made sure to have New Years Day off this year like usual. Having to work with a hangover was not fun for anyone, and I had more to celebrate this New Years than I'd had last year.

Angela's excited voice brought my attention back to her. "Very. Ben's taking me out tonight. And he's going to come over for Christmas to meet my family."

"Oh, joy. I forgot he's taking vacation too."

Angela's brow furrowed. "Why did you say it like that?"

"Because I hate working with Tyler. He's too damn slow and we always end up having to go back there and help him wash dishes or make food. Like we aren't busy enough out here."

"Maybe he'll have gotten better since the last time he was on our shift," she suggested.

"Maybe so," I agreed. I didn't really expect him to be different, but there was no sense in crushing Angela's optimism.

Her next words made me think she must have seen I wasn't convinced. "And maybe it won't hurt to have Ben talk to him just a little."

The bell on the door rang out behind me and I cursed under my breath for having forgotten to relock the thing. "Sorry, we're closed. Please come back in fifteen minutes and we'll be happy to serve you then," I called out without turning around. I was at a very delicate stage in fixing my coffee—adding the sugar.

"Good thing I'm not here for the coffee then."

Part of me wanted to scream at him for being up at the ungodly hour of six-fifteen in the morning when he didn't have to be, but mostly, I was just happy to hear his voice. I finished with my coffee and then turned to greet him.

Edward was completely disheveled and rumpled, even wearing last night's clothes, but he still looked damn sexy to me. Maybe he'd done that ninja mind-fuck shit to me a few too many times in the past few weeks and had scrambled my poor brains beyond recognition.

"Well if it isn't my boyfriend who's _supposed_ to be sleeping and resting up for his five hour drive home today," I said, setting my cup down between us.

"Yeah, well," he replied, running his hand through his hair and giving me that half smile of his. _Like that shit was going to work!_

"We didn't go to bed until three in the morning, E."

"So? You're at work."

"Yeah, work. The place I come to because I need my paycheck. And besides, I'm not driving for five damn hours straight. I get breaks and coffee here." I moved my cup to the side and took his face into my hands. "E, it's sweet that you're going to miss me, but go back to bed. Alice wants you guys to leave around eight-thirty so if you go to your dorm room, you can get in a good two hours of sleep before she shows up there and forces you to get in the Volvo and drive."

"I just wanted to see you before I left. And to offer once more to stay, just in case you changed your mind."

I laughed and let go of him, picking up my coffee cup while I was at it and taking a long sip. "I get it now. Last night was a ploy. You cooking for me and letting me pick the movie, and the good time we had after that—it was all a ruse to get me to change my mind about you staying in town."

"No. Not completely anyway," he admitted.

"Go home," I ordered, pointing at the door behind him. "Sleep. Rest. And then go home to Forks and be fucking merry."

I'd meant my words as encouragement for him to have fun without me, but that couldn't have been how he took them with the pout on his lips. "Sorry. I know I'm annoying you and I honestly don't mean to. I was just looking forward to our first Christmas together," he said.

I could see in his face and hear in his voice that he was telling the truth. I walked around the counter and over to him, putting my arms on his shoulders and sliding my fingers into his hair. "So take whatever you had planned for us and condense it into a two hour activity on Christmas Eve and two hours on Christmas Day. Everything else can wait until later. Unless you have plans to start next year somewhere far away from me."

He grinned and brought his forehead to rest against mine. "You're right. I should have thought of that myself."

"Of course I'm right, Cullen. Now will you please go get some sleep before your trek home?"

"Anything for you, Angel." He brought his lips to mine and gave me a long, slow, sweet kiss. "I love you and I'll miss you."

"If you never leave, I can't miss you," I retorted, grinning at him while pushing him away. "Bye, E. See you in a couple of days."

He caught my hands in his and pulled me close again. "Call me tonight?"

"Duh!"

"Alright. I'm heading to my dorm then, just in case Alice calls you."

"I'll let her know. Be careful driving and don't let my dad catch you speeding."

Edward laughed and kissed my cheek. "Bye, Angel."

"Bye," I said, giving him a wave as I watched him walk out of the coffeehouse.

"So what was that all about?" Kate asked, sidling up next to me. "You aren't getting rid of Yummy, are you?"

"Hell no, I'm not getting rid of him. At least not permanently. He was trying to weasel his way into staying in town with me while everyone else went home."

"So why not let him? Think of the uninterrupted sexy time you could have without your roommates home."

"And he does what with himself while I'm here at work all day?"

"Good point."

"I have many."

"Drink your coffee and shut up."

"You only say that because you know I'm right!" I yelled at her retreating figure. And then I busied myself with drinking my coffee and getting ready for work to start.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"You would not _believe_ the shitty night I had," I yelled out as I closed the apartment door and locked it behind me. "Tyler dumped a fucking cup of coffee on me not thirty minutes into my first shift with him and then when he got behind in the back and I went to help, he dropped a jar of pickles right at my feet and got pickle juice all the fuck over me," I said while pulling my shoes off and throwing them to the floor. "I stink and I hate it!" I whined.

And then I realized why there hadn't been a single comment made about my rant. They were all gone. They were home in Forks and I was here, smelling like vinegar and coffee.

With a sigh, I headed over to the laundry closet and stripped, tossing everything into the washer with a fair amount of soap and set it on heavy soil. I wanted to make damn sure the smells came out of my clothes. As for my poor shoes, I'd have to spray them with Febreeze and hope for the best.

Since I didn't have to worry about anyone else needing hot water, I took a long, hot shower, spending most of it just letting the spray strike my back and shoulders, releasing the tension in them. It wasn't often that I came home annoyed with my job, but when I did, it was all the way—complete with knotted shoulders and tension headache.

_Fucking Tyler!_ I could only hope that one day soon, Tyler's slowness and ineptness would overpower his blood relation to Mr. Morris. If not, Mr. Morris might have to explain to his sister why her son had been stabbed and shoved into a coffee grinder.

Eventually, I pulled myself out of the shower and slipped into a pair of sweats and comfy socks. I padded into the kitchen and opened both doors on the refrigerator, trying to decide what I wanted for dinner. My eyes landed on the bowl of leftover scallops and angel hair pasta Edward had made for me last night and my stomach immediately roared its approval of my choice.

While my food warmed in the microwave, I went over to my jacket hanging on the wall and pulled my phone out of it, finding a text message from Edward.

_Hope ur night is going well. Nothing new to report. Miss you, Angel._

I smiled at his message, and at the thought of all the others he'd sent today. Whenever something entertaining or interesting happened there, he would send me a message about it to keep me in the loop.

I had just clicked to reply to Edward when my phone let me know I had another text. I quickly typed out a reply to Edward, letting him know I would call after I ate, and then went to see what my new message said.

I had to look twice at the screen to make sure I was seeing the name correctly—Emmett. Whatever had happened must have rattled him pretty bad for him to text me since he normally refused to text at all. He was always complaining the buttons on his phone were too small for his big fingers.

_No fucking Christmas brownies! Can you believe that shit? Mom's on a healthy kick. She made a fucking fruit tray with low fat cream cheese dip. What the fuck, Bells? Bring me Christmas brownies when you come. Please!_

I rolled my eyes at my phone just as the microwave beeped to let me know my dinner was ready. Leave it to Emmett to be so upset about food that he not only texts me, but uses complete sentences to do it. He had some _odd_ priorities.

After popping in _Underworld_, I curled up on the sofa with my bowl of warm goodness and proceeded to fill my demanding stomach. Only instead of watching the movie while I ate, I was thinking about last night and how I'd sat on the counter and watched Edward cook. It had been a very different experience since my kitchen was tiny compared to Esme's. Then again, our close proximity made it very easy for him to kiss me between checking on the scallops and noodles.

The other major difference was that our friends had been sitting a few feet away in the living room so we'd had running commentary the entire time—most of it Emmett grumbling that Edward wasn't making enough to feed him too. Jasper kept count of how many times Edward put his hands or lips on me while Alice and Rose yelled out ideas of what Edward could cook the next time so that they could have some of his cooking too. He would have brought over more to cook, but they were all supposed to be going out. They'd changed their minds at the last minute, though, deciding they didn't want to be driving in the cold and the rain so they'd put in a movie and ordered a pizza for themselves.

It was hard to believe that seven weeks had already passed since that first night with Edward. Two more weeks and I'd be at my longest relationship as an adult. I was excited for that, but I was also worried about it. In the past week alone, I'd woken up four different times expecting everything with Edward to have been some crazy ass dream. Honestly, with as much as I'd told him about me so far, I couldn't understand how he was still around. True that all of that shit had been my past, but I was used to people not being able to separate stories about who I was with the person standing before them at that moment. And each time Edward did something unexpected or just nice, I had to pinch myself to make sure it was really happening. As cheesy as it sounded, it really did seem too good to be true. Any moment now, we could crash and burn.

Or we could just keep going. At least until he decided he was ready to settle down and then we'd be on the edge of the fire all over again. But he was only twenty-two. Surely he couldn't want to settle down anytime sooner than twenty-six.

_Who the fuck are you kidding?_ I asked myself. I was talking about a guy who was ready to propose to a girl after fifteen months. But just like I wasn't the same person, neither was Edward so that wasn't really a fair assumption on my part.

So then I was maybe looking at four years. That was such a long fucking time to have in front of me with so many possible outcomes. One thing was for damn sure—Edward had raised my expectations of men and dating. He'd proven to me that a guy could be interested in more than just getting me into bed, and that intimacy was possible without sex. More importantly, he'd proved it wasn't insane of me to be completely honest and expect understanding without judgment.

He knew about my scar, that bad night with Alice, the number of times I'd broken into the high school with my "friends", and quite a few stories of late night drinking and sneaking out. He knew all of that and still when he looked at me, he saw _me_—how I was right then and there in my life. When he held me in his arms, he still did it with the same desire and tenderness he'd shown me before we'd started to share our stories. And when he kissed me—

The ringing of my phone startled me and my fork clanged against the side of my bowl before doing a summersault to the carpeted floor. "Shit," I grumbled as I leaned over and snatched it up. Thankfully, the fork had been clean and the carpet was safe for another day. I quickly set the bowl and fork down and flipped open my phone. "Hello?"

"Bella, are you okay?" Edward asked, sounding worried to my ears.

"Yeah, fine. Why?"

"You said you would call after you ate, but that was two hours ago."

I looked up at the television and found the credits for my movie rolling across the screen. "Sorry, E. Guess I fell asleep."

"You did have a long day with having to work. Why don't you go to bed and we'll talk tomorrow?"

"Nah, it's alright. I promised I'd talk to you."

"Bella, it's fine. Go to bed and get some rest."

"Thanks. Is nine okay? Or is that too early?"

"Nine's perfect. Sweet dreams, Angel."

I smiled and pictured his face in my mind. "Night, E."

After putting away my dishes, I turned off the television and lights and headed to my room. I plugged my phone into its charger to make sure I had a full battery to talk to Edward with and then I crawled into bed. The nice thing about having Edward sleep over last night was that my bed still smelled of him. All I had to do was close my eyes and breathe and I could picture him right next to me. I turned my head further into the pillow to get more of his scent but I was so tired that I slipped into sleep without even realizing, with my face still shoved into the pillow.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"I'm up!" I called out as my alarm clock blared its wake up call. And then I chuckled at myself—Alice had me trained so damn well that I yelled out my state of alertness without her even being home.

I groaned as I pulled my face off the pillow; I'd slept so damn hard I could _feel_ the lines on my cheek. After turning off my alarm, I stumbled and yawned my way into the kitchen where the coffeepot was already beeping to let me know my coffee was ready. Besides the iPod, there was no greater invention than the automated coffee machine in my humble opinion.

I took my steaming cup of coffee back to my room and curled up against my headboard with my coffee and phone. I made sure to drink at least half the cup before calling Edward, just to avoid any morning crankiness on my part.

He picked up on the second ring. "Morning, Angel," he greeted.

I gave a little laugh, still not understanding his choice in a nickname for me. "Morning, E. You don't sound groggy. What's up with that?"

"I've been up for awhile. I've already shaved, had my shower, and dressed."

"Dude, do you not understand that you're on break and can sleep in?"

His deep laugh flowed through the phone. "You're not the only woman in my life, though you are the most important. My mother asked me to spend the day with her so when our phone call is through, I'll be driving her to Port Angeles."

"Big plans then?" I asked.

"Just some Christmas shopping and lunch together."

"Yeah? How far into that trip do you think you'll be before she asks about me?"

He laughed again. "Probably not out of the driveway."

"Yeah, that's about what I figured."

He sighed and I could just picture the pout on his lips and my finger tracing it. "I can't wait to see you tomorrow, Bella."

"Have you thought about what you want to do with your two hour window of time?" I asked, hoping to distract him from himself. I wanted him to enjoy his time there and not focus on how I wasn't with him.

"I did think of a couple of things, but I haven't made a final decision yet."

"Whatever you pick, I'm sure it'll be great."

"Um, I do have one idea, but I need to know how you feel about small children first."

"How small and why?" I questioned.

"A girl around four and a boy just over a year. Karen's family bought her a ticket home for Christmas as her gift and I was hoping you would feel up to meeting her."

"I don't recall you saying she had kids."

Edward chuckled. "She doesn't. It's her older sister's children."

"When would this be?"

"Tomorrow. I was thinking we could visit Karen for about an hour, and then head to Port Angeles to meet up with my family for the party."

I loosened my teeth from my bottom lip to ask a question. "Did you ask Karen if she wants us to barge in on her holiday? I wouldn't want us to be intruding or anything."

"Actually, it was her idea. She really wants to meet you."

"Um … I guess I'm meeting Karen then."

"Thanks, Bella." Just from the way he said the words, I knew he was smiling on the other end of the phone.

And since I wanted him to keep doing that, I ended the call before he had a chance to think about how many hours there were between now and one o'clock tomorrow when I would get in. Or before I did something stupid, like confess my sudden irrational worry over meeting his friend.

"E, as fun as this is, I need to shower and get some breakfast before work. Give Esme a huge hug and kiss for me. And I'll call you tonight when I get off work. I promise to actually stay awake for it this time."

"My mother just walked in looking for me so you have perfect timing."

"Of course I do. When will you learn that I know it all?" I asked, trying hard not to laugh.

"Guess you'll have to try harder to teach me when you get here."

It took me a second to realize he'd really said those words in that tone he used just for me and that my pervy little mind hadn't just conjured them up. "Why, Edward, I am shocked! A good innuendo from you at barely nine-twenty in the morning. I'm impressed. And also, I want to know what kind of naughty dream you had in the night to spur your imagination like that."

"Goodbye, Bella. I'll talk to you later."

"Come on, E. You know you want to share," I teased.

"Yeah, maybe sometime, but not when my mother is standing two feet away and watching me," he whispered into the phone.

"Are you smiling?"

"Trying to," he replied, his voice strained.

"Better hold onto that smile tightly because once I start explaining in detail how I'm going to wrap my mouth around—"

Edward's rushed words cut me off. "Bye, Bella. Call you later. Have a good day." And then there was the click of an ended call.

I chuckled at how easily I'd been able to fluster him while typing out a little text message for him.

_What the hell was that, E? I was only going to say roasted marshmallow. Are we not doing those over the fire pit this year? Anyway, have fun with ur mom. TTYL_

Oh, but it was going to be a great day! Beelzebub was awake and in rare form this morning! I couldn't wait to get into work and see what horrors I could cook up to get Tyler back for the cluster fuck he'd turned yesterday into.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"My tables are clean and everything on them is refilled," I called out while pulling my bag out from under the counter. Only Tyler and Mr. Morris were left besides me and I would quickly be on my way to my apartment.

"Have a Merry Christmas," I said as I turned around to get out from behind the counter—and ran into Mr. Morris.

"Slow down," he said with a laugh. "What's the hurry, Bella?"

I couldn't help the grin I had on my face. "I'm heading out to catch a few hours of sleep and then I'm leaving for home. They're all expecting me to get in at one in the afternoon, but I plan to be there by nine tomorrow morning at the latest."

"You should really let at least one person know of the change in your plans just in case something were to happen," he cautioned.

"I just did, Mr. Morris. You know," I said as I hugged him. "Have a Merry Christmas and I'll see you in a couple of days."

He chuckled and handed me an envelope. "Enjoy your time with your family. Don't open this until you're alone and don't say a word about it unless it's to say 'thank you'."

"But Mr. Morris, Sir—"

He lowered his head and looked at me over the bridge of his nose. "What did I just say?"

I blushed under his gaze and nodded my head before slipping past him and heading for the door. I pulled my coat tightly around me and rushed through the cold air to my truck waiting for me around the corner.

With my truck door closed and locked, I found myself staring at the envelope in my hands. Mr. Morris had told us last month that there wouldn't be bonuses this year because of the economy so I was at a loss for what might be in the envelope. After staring at it for a few minutes, I finally flipped it over and lifted the flap.

There was a sheet of yellow notepad paper and when I unfolded it, three one hundred dollar bills fell into my lap. I quickly picked them up and shoved them back in the envelope, looking around to make sure no one was watching me. As the daughter of a police chief, I had been trained to never sit in my truck with an unlocked door or visible money.

Satisfied that it was safe to do so, I looked down at the letter and the large, scrawling handwriting on it.

_Bella,_

_As you know, there wasn't money to give everyone a bonus this year. However, I was able to put away some money for the employee who I felt worked the hardest all year long. You are the first to volunteer when Kate or Angela needs a shift change, and you're always willing to help out if someone calls in sick. And even though he clearly annoys you, you always try to help Tyler when you work with him. Enjoy your bonus, Bella. You have truly earned it._

_Merry Christmas_

I smiled as I refolded the letter and put it back inside of the envelope with my bonus. "Greatest boss ever," I said as I slipped my key into the ignition. I turned it forward, fully expecting the engine to roar to life and shake the whole truck like usual.

All I got was a clicking sound.

_Odd, but no reason to panic,_ I thought as I switched the key to the off position. I waited about ten seconds and then turned it forward again.

Still nothing.

"What the fuck?" I asked out loud.

I tried six more times and each time, there was only a faint clicking sound followed by silence.

"No, you can _not_ do this to me," I told my truck. "I want to go home. I want to be with my family for Christmas. And you know you want to see Jake again so just turn over and start for me," I pleaded.

I clenched my eyes shut as I gripped the key, only to crack one eye partially open to watch as the key moved forward.

Nothing.

"Seriously?" I cried. "It's eleven-thirty on the night before Christmas Eve and you're just going to give up on me and strand me? What the fuck did I ever do to you? I kept you out of the junkyard and poured money into your engine to keep you on the road! You fucking traitor bastard," I yelled as I slammed the side of my fist against the dashboard.

"Ow," I whined, holding my hand against my chest. It was late, I was tired, I was quickly getting cold, and my damn truck was completely dead. I wasn't even sure how I was going to get back to my apartment so getting to Forks was damn sure out of the question.

I thought of Alice and Rosalie standing around in the kitchen with Esme while making cocoa and gingerbread men. I pictured Emmett and Jasper guessing what the wrapped gifts under the tree could be, their answers getting sillier and more perverted with each guess. I thought of Carlisle and Edward playing Christmas carols on the piano, like they had last year. And I pictured Charlie wearing that stupid Santa hat with its partially singed fuzzball, a casualty of a New Years Eve fireworks fight between Jacob and me.

And then I dropped my forehead to my steering wheel and cried. Yeah, it was stupid and it was sissified, but it was what my body felt like doing at that moment.

And for several moments after that. I'd never expected the idea of a Christmas without Charlie, Alice, Jake, and everyone else to hurt so much. Every single Christmas of my life had included my dad, Jake had been around pretty much from the first day Charlie and Billy had become friends, and Alice and her family had been around for the last six holidays straight. All that love and warmth and those smiles—I would miss it all.

Eventually, I forced myself to sit up and cleaned up all evidence of my little breakdown. Yeah, this turn of events sucked ass, but that was no excuse for bringing down everyone else. I'd call and reassure them that I'd be fine and that they should have fun and enjoy themselves. There was no way I could ask any of them to spend ten hours in a car so I could be in Forks with them. It just wasn't worth all that hassle.

I had my finger on the button to call Alice, but I couldn't press it. Those damn tears felt like they were lurking still and I wouldn't be able to convince her I'd be fine if I started sniffling like a damn baby.

So I decided to focus on getting back to my apartment first and calling home second. I scrolled down to Bree's number and called him, hoping he was somewhere he could hear and answer his phone.

He apparently wasn't since I went straight to voicemail both times I called him.

I thought about calling Angela, but figured she was most likely in bed by now. So I called Kate's phone and prayed she hadn't gone out of town with Garrett.

"Get to the point quickly or get off," Kate said in greeting.

"Kate, are you in town?"

"Bella? Is that you? Are you … are you _crying_?" she asked.

"Uh, no. I'm cold. I'm stuck in my dead truck around the corner from the coffeehouse."

"Oh, my God, Bella! We'll be right there! Don't move!"

"Yeah, kind of can't. Dead truck and all," I replied.

"Right. We're on the way," she said to me. "Garrett, get your ass—" she yelled before I heard the click of the call ending.

I sighed and leaned back into the truck seat. "Fuck my life."

I was shivering with chattering teeth and visible breath by the time Garrett's truck came screaming down the street and parked in front of mine, nearly blinding me with the headlights.

I hopped my frozen ass out of my truck and ran over to his, climbing into the driver's seat he'd just exited. "Keys," he said, holding his hand out to me.

I dumped the truck keys into his hand and then pushed him aside so I could close his door and fully enjoy the warmth of his vehicle.

"Oh, you are frozen!" Katie cried as she pressed her warm hand to my cold cheek. And then she said the most magical words. "We picked you up a fresh, hot coffee on the way over."

I took the Styrofoam cup from her and greedily drank down half of it in one long sip, enjoying the way I could feel the warm liquid travel down my throat and into my stomach.

"Why didn't you call sooner?" Kate asked once I came up for air.

"I thought it just needed a second or something," I said, not willing to admit I'd been too busy crying to call her.

The driver side door opened and Garrett shooed me over with his hand. "Sorry, girlie, but that truck is too dead for my limited automotive knowledge."

"Thanks for checking," I replied. "I'll just get someone to take a look at it tomorrow. Maybe I can salvage my plans and get to Forks late tomorrow night or something."

"Um, one small issue with that plan, Sweetie. Tomorrow's Christmas Eve," Katie said.

"And?" I questioned when she didn't say more.

"There won't be any shops open and even if there is, I doubt they'll have parts for a truck that old," Garrett explained.

"Fuck my life," I muttered.

"I'd offer you my car, but I already loaned it to Garrett's brother," Kate said.

"It's fine," I replied, not feeling that way at all.

"Have you told your family yet?" she asked. "More importantly, does Yummy know?"

"I haven't had a chance to call them. I was kind of hoping my truck would magically roar to life and be fine," I said.

Kate tapped my hand that was wrapped around my phone. "Make the call."

I looked down at my phone and debated on which of them to call. Charlie was probably asleep already. Alice would be highly upset to hear I wasn't coming and probably even think I was lying about the dead truck to get out of that party. Honestly, though, the party was worth the hassle to be home with my family, every last crazy one of them.

I could call Edward and tell him. He'd believe me right away about my truck. But he'd probably say he would come get me and that just wasn't worth the hassle. It would be a ten hour drive and so damn much gas. Not to mention the time he'd miss out on with his family. Oh, and the small issue of me having to leave extremely early the morning after Christmas to get back in time for work. I couldn't disrupt everyone's holiday like that—it would be too damn selfish of me and I wasn't selfish anymore.

Still, Edward was the lesser of two evils in my opinion so I dialed his number, putting the call on speakerphone so he would be able to hear my witnesses if he questioned the death of my truck. He answered on the third ring. "Hi, E," I said, trying to sound upbeat.

He managed to get my name out in the middle of his laughter. "You have just missed the most incredible display of idiocy from Emmett. Jasper dared him to stick his tongue in the empty socket on a string of lights they were fixing and he took the dare! His tongue is currently hanging out of his mouth and Rosalie is holding an ice cube to it."

I wanted to laugh, or at least smile, but I couldn't muster up the energy for it. "That's great, E. Listen, there's been a small change in plans."

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" he asked, instantly going from laughing to worried.

"I'm fine. Kate and Garrett are with me so say 'hi'."

He did just as I asked, and Garrett and Kate both wished him Merry Christmas in return.

"So, E, my truck is dead," I told him. "Garrett and Kate are taking me back to my apartment, but um … there's no way for me to get to Forks so I want you to let everyone know I'll see them when they get back. I'll tell my dad tomorrow morning since he's probably already asleep."

"What do you mean?"

"Well obviously I can't go to Forks with a broken truck, Edward."

"Right, but you can in my car."

"Your car is in Forks."

"My car is about to be leaving the garage and heading your way."

"Hell no, Cullen. You listen to me and stop moving right the hell now. You are not getting on the road at ten minutes to midnight to drive for five hours. It's not happening."

"Bella, I'm not letting you spend Christmas alone."

"I won't. I'll call Bree up."

"Let me rephrase. You aren't spending Christmas without me."

"It's a waste of time and money for you to come get me, Edward," I argued, trying to keep control of my temper. I knew he was trying to help, but he was making it all worse. And also, he was very close to making me admit how upset I was that I couldn't go. I was trying not to let my feelings mess up Christmas for him and everyone else and he wasn't letting that happen!

"Bella—"

"Edward!"

He huffed into the phone and I caught Kate smirking next to me. I glared at her, but she just smiled wider. She leaned over and whispered into my ear. "It's Christmas, Bella. Give in and let the man come get you. You know you want to be in Forks with your family instead of stuck here."

I looked back at the phone in my hand and addressed Edward. "I have a condition. Two of them, actually."

"What are they?" he asked, sounding way too eager to me.

"First of all, you can't leave to come get me right now. You need to sleep first. And for at least three hours."

"Done. What's your second condition?"

"You aren't bringing me home. I'll take Alice's car."

"No way," he argued.

"I said it was a condition, not a negotiation. If you take me home, you'll end up staying and wasting your break in my empty apartment while I work. I'm driving myself home."

"Bella—"

"Not a negotiation," I reminded him.

He pretty much growled the word "fine" at me. "But you're taking my car. It's safer than Alice's and you won't have to worry about dealing with a stick shift early in the morning."

"Fine," I said, using the same annoyed tone he'd just used with me.

His sigh came through loud and clear. "I'm sorry. I just want you with me for Christmas."

"I want that too, E, but not at the expense of anyone. It's a ten hour drive for you to come get me. Not to mention all the gas it's going to cost."

"You're worth every second and every penny," he said, making the words sound like a promise. _Cue blush and grin on one Bella Swan._

"Shit! Kate wasn't lying about his smooth talking. No wonder she runs around calling his ass 'yummy'," Garrett blurted out.

"Right. Speakerphone," Edward said after a few seconds of silence. "Okay, so I'm going to go so that I can get some sleep per your instructions, Bella. I plan to be up and on the road by three, so I should get to you around eight-thirty or so."

"Be careful on the road, E. And thank you."

"It's not a problem at all. Goodnight, Kate. Goodnight, Garrett."

They both yelled a goodnight to him and then I ended the call.

"Good choice in letting him come," Kate said, grinning at me while patting my knee.

"Thanks for the coffee," I told her. "And the ride and the advice," I added.

"What the hell else are friends for?" she asked, bumping my shoulder with hers.

"Hell if I know," I replied, returning her smile.

As soon as I got back to the apartment, I jumped into the shower to finish warming myself up. I didn't spend half the time I had last night in the shower, but by the time I'd gotten out, I had a text message from Edward, three missed calls from Alice and one voicemail that demanded I call her immediately.

I read Edward's text first, not surprised at all by the message … _Sweet dreams, Angel._

Next, I called Alice to find out what was so important. I hoped my sudden case of bad luck hadn't decided to branch out and affect her. "What's wrong?" I asked the second she answered.

"What's wrong?" she yelled. "What's wrong? Oh, nothing! Nothing at all! Just my best friend trying to bail on Christmas with me."

"Alice, calm down."

"I will not calm down!" she screeched.

"You will if you want me to talk to you," I yelled back.

A few seconds of silence passed before a calmer version of Alice spoke to me. "Why did you refuse Edward's offer to come and get you?"

"Last I heard, he would be leaving around three in the morning to come get me."

"Yes, but that was after he argued with you."

"Like you wouldn't have done the same in my shoes. He's looking at a ten hour drive plus gas for me to be in Forks for a day and a half. Can you honestly tell me that's not a severe waste of time and money?"

"Yes. Because without you, we're not all together and that means it wouldn't really be Christmas."

I smiled and looked over at the picture of us together with Rosalie at La Push beach from last summer. "I love you too, Ali girl. I'm sorry if you felt like I was trying to bail. I was honestly just trying to make sure I didn't ruin Christmas for any of you."

"I accept your apology and look forward to seeing you tomorrow."

I snorted at the formal tone she was using. "Just tell me more about Emmett sticking his tongue in the light string socket."

"Oh, my God, Bella. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen. He had his tongue poking out and was screaming and waving a hand at it to cool it and Rosalie was chasing after him with an ice cube."

"Please tell me there's video of that shit."

"I think Jasper got a minute's worth on his phone. Oh! Speaking of phones, we totally saw Kyle last night."

I smiled, feeling lucky that Alice was so easy to cheer up and move on, and settled myself into bed for the marathon phone call that was just beginning. With any luck, she'd take pity on me after an hour and let me get some sleep.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Wake me with your lips like this every morning and I might just be able to cut back on my coffee intake," I mumbled.

Edward smiled against my lips and then kissed me again. "Hello, Angel."

"My clock hasn't gone off. How are you here before seven-thirty?" I asked, moving to sit up in my bed.

"I have a fast car," he said, grinning just a little too much.

"How damn fast were you going, E?"

He shrugged. "Fast enough."

I rolled my eyes at his cocky attitude. "Yeah, fast enough to drive yourself right out of breakfast. I was going to cook and have it ready for your arrival, but now that you're here so early, you can grab a granola bar from the pantry."

He chuckled as he pulled his shoes off and tossed them to the floor. "How about I spend the next hour and a half in bed with you and then I take you to breakfast on our way out of town?"

"That might possibly be a better idea than mine."

"Fix your clock," he said, nodding his head toward it.

I decided it was too early to argue even for the sake of teasing and did as he asked. By the time I turned back to him, he was under my covers and holding his arms open to me. I took him up on his offer, setting my head on his chest and putting one arm around his waist.

"Thanks for coming to get me," I told him.

"Just so you know, I'd be here right now even if you hadn't agreed. Having you with me for Christmas is important enough to risk your wrath."

"Jeebus, E. Do you have like some mega-exciting Christmas gift to give me or something? No one's ever been so damn insistent that I be rocking around the tree with them on the big day."

"Well, there is the new car I got you to replace your truck."

I sat up so fast it made my head spin. "You did _what_?" I screamed at him.

"Relax," he said, grabbing my arms and pulling me back down to lay on him. "It was just a joke. I had no idea you'd take it so badly."

"Well now you know," I grumbled.

"Would it really be that bad if I bought you a car?"

"Yes!"

"What if it was certified used?"

"Edward, my hand is really not that far from your junk and since I won't have time to use it over the next two days, I _will_ reach down and tweak the shit out of it if you don't stop."

"Fine. But will you at least explain your aversion to a working vehicle when you have none?"

"I'm not a charity case."

"I never said you were. I was offering you a Christmas gift you need and could very much use. Or if you don't like that idea, you would pay me for the car. I'd be happy to take meals and other things in trade," he said, his fingers sliding under my shirt to imply what _other things_ he was talking about.

"It is way too early for your attempt at cocky humor, Edward Cullen."

He chuckled and pressed a kiss into my hair. "Sweet dreams, Angel."

I just huffed and closed my eyes, hoping to forget all about his insane idea of a damn joke.

I was almost asleep when Edward's whisper reached my ears, "I love you." I knew right then those three words were his reason for insisting he come and get me. His feelings for me made a ten hour drive and multiple gas fill-ups seem like no big deal. My lips curled in a small smile as I snuggled closer to his warm body, hoping I'd have better sense if I someday grew to feel that strongly for him.

When my clock went off, I cursed at it and flapped a hand around until I finally found the snooze button.

"Not excited for our road trip?" Edward asked. From the deepness of his voice, I knew he wasn't completely awake yet.

"It's warm right here," I replied, scooting even closer to him.

He tightened his hold on me and pressed his face into my hair, giving me even less incentive to move away from him and get out of bed. It also lulled me right back to sleep.

The next time I woke up, it was to Edward hissing into his phone. "I'll wake her shortly and we'll get on the road. No, I'm not trying to keep her all to myself. I just don't see a reason why she can't sleep a little longer. She's been working while we've been on break. Alice, it's not even nine yet. Just calm down and relax."

"Gimme," I said, lifting my hand up for the phone. Once he turned it over, I put it to my ear and addressed my best friend. "I was stuck in a dead truck late at night and freezing my ass off. When you have that happen to you, then you can decide how much warm bed I get to enjoy. Until then, hush it."

"Merry Christmas Eve, Bells," she greeted as if I hadn't just reamed her little ass. I could hear in her voice how excited she was and there was no way I was going to dampen that.

"Alright. We're up. We'll be on the road soon," I promised her.

"Thank you, Bells. Can't wait to see you!"

I just closed the phone shut and groaned into Edward's shirt.

He chuckled and pressed a kiss to my head. "Morning, Angel."

"Thanks for the attempt to let me get a little extra sleep."

"No problem. Besides, I like watching you sleep."

I leaned up to see if he was being serious—He was! "You have some odd hobbies, Cullen."

"And you need to get out of bed, Swan. We both know my sister will call back in about fifteen minutes for a status update and if we don't report that you're dressed and nearly ready to go, we won't hear the end of it."

"I'll give her one status update and then she'll have to wait patiently. You need to be able to sleep on the ride back."

"Last I checked, sleeping while driving was frowned upon."

"You are so not driving," I said as I forced myself to get out of bed. "You hardly slept and what rest you did get was broken up."

"I'm fine, Bella."

"Yeah, those purple marks under your eyes don't indicate you being tired at all."

"Saw that, huh?" Edward asked, running a hand through his wild hair.

"You aren't the only observant one around here," I said before heading over to my closet. I grabbed a pair of loose jeans and a PSU sweatshirt, the perfect comfy outfit for driving.

Edward's arms encircled me from behind and his lips pressed against my angel wings. "I'd give up my sleep for you all over again."

"That's just it, though, E. I don't want anyone giving up anything for me."

"You'll just have to get over that aversion then. I plan to give up time, sleep, food, gas—whatever I need to give up to have you in my arms."

"Alright, Cheesy-E," I said as I wiggled out of his hold. "Why don't you make yourself useful and figure out where we're going to stop for breakfast and coffee?"

His hands cupped my cheeks and lifted my eyes to his. "I wasn't being cheesy or smooth or any of those other terms that mean something less than completely honest. Now that I have you, I'm not letting go."

"I didn't say I wanted you to. I just don't want you thinking you have to give up anything to be with me. I like you just the way you are, Edward."

"Anything I might give up will be so overshadowed by what I gain from our relationship that I'll be amazed if I even notice."

_Seriously, though? How's a girl supposed to respond to shit like that? Especially when no one has ever spoken to her like that before?_ I really hoped the kiss I was currently busy laying on him was answer enough.

* * *

**A/N:** Next chapter will have Bella meeting Edward's long time friend Karen and attending the Christmas Party. I'd wish her luck but I already know it won't do her any good. LOL


	20. The Longest Day

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: The Longest Day**

**Chapter Song: "Pressure" by Paramore**

**Bella's POV:**

A small groan and a glimpse of green had me smiling. "Hello, sleepyhead," I said, reaching over and slipping my fingers through Edward's unruly hair. In the dim light of the day, his hair looked more red than bronze.

"Where are we?" he asked once he was done yawning.

"Just outside of town. How do you feel?"

"Rested," he said, moving his seat so he was sitting up. "What about you? Are you tired of driving yet?"

"Hell no! This car is so damn smooth I could keep on driving. But then Alice would chase us down and rant for hours on end."

Edward chuckled as he leaned over, resting his head against my arm. "She does seem to have an endless supply of energy."

"There's our welcome sign," I said, pointing out of the windshield at the familiar dark green sign with its white lettering.

"Am I seeing things or is that snow?"

"The first tiny flurries," I confirmed. "My dad called earlier to warn us. He said to expect an inch or two and to be careful of black ice on our way to Port Angeles tonight."

"I must have slept harder than I thought because I don't recall hearing your phone ring."

"Yeah, that would be because I put mine on vibrate and turned yours completely off."

"I appreciate the consideration."

"Just remember my kindness later on tonight after my mouth runs away with itself at that party."

"You'll be fine, Bella."

"It's not me I'm worried about."

The rest of the ride to the Cullen house was silent, probably from both of us preparing ourselves for what we would face as soon as we entered the house. From the texts they'd been sending me, Alice and Emmett were equally excited for my arrival and that was not only scary, but potentially dangerous to my well-being. Or maybe Edward was just so confident he was right about tonight that he didn't feel the need to discuss it further.

We entered the house through the door in the garage and were met by a blur of yellow that hit me so damn hard, I stumbled backward and into Edward, nearly pitching us both down the garage steps.

"For fuck's sake, Ali. It was only two days away from me," I yelled while making sure my footing was steady again.

"She's been having withdrawals," Emmett teased as he lifted her off of me, ignoring her very loud protests. He set her off to the side and then slung an arm around my shoulders, pulling me away from both Edward and Alice. "Heard Old Red died. My sympathies."

"Thanks, Em. But don't count him completely out just yet. I'm hoping Rose or Jake will be able to tell me why my truck left me stranded."

"Carlisle, Bella's here," Esme called as she pulled me away from Emmett and gave me a tight hug. "So glad to see you, Sweetheart."

"Compliments of your son's kindness and willingness to collect me," I replied.

"He's a good man."

"Yeah, so I'm learning."

"My turn," Carlisle said, tapping me on the shoulder. I laughed as I turned and allowed him to wrap me up in his arms. "Just so you know, I would have come and got you myself had you not agreed to Edward doing it," he whispered into my ear.

"You guys are way too much," I said as I let him go and looked around at all of the smiling faces surrounding me. Feeling wanted and loved—that was all I'd wanted and the only Christmas gift I needed. I was pretty sure I had a goofy ass smile on my face and I couldn't have cared less.

"Hope there's a hug for me."

I'm not ashamed to admit it—I squealed at the sound of my father's voice and practically threw myself at him. Charlie laughed and hugged me just as tightly.

"I'm happy to see you too, Bells," he said.

"I thought you were working until later tonight," I said, keeping an arm around his waist as we walked over to the sofa to sit with everyone.

"I'm still on duty. I just took a small detour to make sure my daughter got in safely."

"I tried to tell him you'd be fine since he was the one to teach you to drive, but he wasn't having it," Jacob explained from his spot near the fireplace.

I hopped off the sofa and got my hug from Jacob, along with a snort and smile.

"You act like you missed me," he teased, gently pushing me off of him.

I ignored him and hugged him again. "You're clearly the one who missed me if you're here instead of with Emily and Sam like you said you'd be."

"I'm headed there next. Somebody had to make sure Charlie didn't pass up the Cullen's driveway." He grinned at my dad and got a scowl in response.

"Something tells me Jake's stocking is going to be full of coal tomorrow," I joked, not even caring that it was lame and not smile-worthy at all. I was just happy to be home—so happy that I went back over to sofa to sit between my dad and Esme.

"So, Bells … Carlisle, Esme, and I were talking about your truck and we think we have a solution," Charlie said.

"Well, hang on now. I haven't had Rose or Jake look at it yet. It might be something really simple," I replied.

Jake snorted. "Bells, anything that makes your truck go click and do nothing else is not going to be simple. Or cheap."

"But you've got it running before," I argued. Just because I'd been pissed at being left stranded didn't mean I was ready to give up on my truck. Besides, what choice did I have but to get it running again? I didn't make enough at the coffeehouse to afford a new car and I couldn't change jobs because of my school demands.

"When you were in high school and riding around our town, that truck was fine," Charlie said. "But you're living in a much bigger city and five hours away from us. You need a vehicle you can depend on, Bells. And one that doesn't take all of your money in gas and repairs."

"So what are you suggesting?" I asked, more than a little nervous to find out. My dad seemed a little too happy about the end of my truck.

Esme put her hand on my knee, drawing my attention to her. "Since all of you have moved away to college I have no one to drive around anymore. We feel you should have my car."

After a few coughs and sputters, I managed to get out a response. "That's really generous, Esme, but I can't just _take_ your car."

"Oh, of course not, Sweetheart. We were thinking fifty dollars a month was more than fair with the job you currently have."

"Are you insane? I mean, the car's nearly five years old, but it's still worth probably at least fifteen thousand dollars. And you want to take fifty dollars a month for it? What have you guys been drinking today?"

Apparently my rant was funny because everyone around me was smiling or laughing or doing both.

"Why have the car sitting in the garage and collecting dust when it could be providing you with safe and reliable transportation?" Esme questioned.

"And the monthly payment is based on your current employment," Carlisle said, making my head whip around in his direction. "Once you're out of college and putting your degree to use, you'll have the option to either increase your payment to us or return the car to get yourself something else."

"I appreciate the offer. In fact, appreciate isn't even a strong enough word for it, but I just can't. I don't feel right about it." I turned my head back to Esme, positive that she would understand and support me. "It's _too_ generous. And Mr. Morris gave me a little bit of a Christmas bonus so I shouldn't have trouble getting my truck running again. I'm sure I can get another two years out—"

"Isabella." That was it. That was all my dad said. But it was enough to shut me up and get me to look at him. "You are not dumping your bonus into that truck," he ordered. His eyebrows were dipping in toward his flared nostrils and his chin had a stony look to it—his "putting my foot down" face. And one of his few expressions I couldn't just laugh off.

"If you want to feel like the offer from Carlisle and Esme is less generous, give them your bonus," he continued. "Otherwise, figure out what day of the month you'll send them the check for the money. Because if you don't agree to letting them do this with you, I'm going to drive up to Seattle to one of those big dealerships and get something in my name for you to drive."

"Dad, you don't have the money—"

"Don't tell me what I do and don't have, Isabella. But if you want to test my ability to do that, then go on and refuse Carlisle and Esme's offer."

"I'm not outright refusing. I'm just saying I should be able to exhaust all options to repairing my truck first," I told him.

He looked away from me and locked eyes with Jacob. "You are not to touch that truck, Jacob. You'll be grounded until you graduate if you do."

I could tell from the expression on Jacob's face that he believed my dad would go through with the threat. His two word answer confirmed it. "Yes, Sir."

_Fuck. No help from Jake. At least I still have Rosalie to help me out_, I thought.

"And Rosalie," my dad said, bringing his brown eyes toward her.

_Fuck my life!_ I screamed inside my head.

"Yes, Sir?" she replied, standing up straighter under his gaze.

"If you help my daughter sink money into that decrepit vehicle, I'll bring fraud charges against you. And slap you with a fine for operating an automotive repair business without a license."

Emmett gave out a little whistle. "Holy shit."

"Emmett, dear, please be quiet," Esme told him.

"We wouldn't want to miss Bella's answer because you were talking," Carlisle added.

"What's it gonna be, Bells?" Charlie asked.

_Shit! Shit! Shit! I'm friggen trapped and they know it. Look at the way the three of them are smiling at me. I didn't come home for Christmas! I came home to a trap!_

I looked between what was effectively my three parents and then focused on Esme, not wanting to see the triumphant look I knew Charlie would have at my words. "Tell me what day works best for you and that's when your check will show up," I told her.

She smiled wide and wrapped her arms around me in a hug. "You've made a wise choice, even if it doesn't feel like it just yet."

"I wanted to warn you, but they wouldn't let me," Alice said. I looked up to find her sitting on the arm of the chair Jasper was in with a pout on her lips. I could just imagine the threats to her closet, car, and credit card used to keep her from telling me.

My brain was already spinning with possible ways to get out of the car thing and I figured my best bet at pulling any of them off was to seem as accepting as possible right now. So that was just what I did. "Now that a gift of epic proportions has been shoved down my throat, can I have some lunch?" I asked as I pulled myself up from the sofa. "I didn't stop anywhere with Edward sleeping and me trying to get here on time so Alice and Emmett would stop texting me with 'are you here yet'."

Emmett gave out a deep laugh. "Ali taught me how to forward a sent message over and over and over and—"

"Enough," Rose hissed while putting her hand over Emmett's mouth.

"Thank you, Rose," I said, glaring at Emmett as he tried to free his mouth.

"Just know that he's been like this pretty much all day," she warned. "He's still pouting about his brownies so he's making life miserable for everyone."

After forcing a promise to behave out of Emmett, we headed into the dining room to have some lunch—It was amazing! Esme had made chicken enchiladas with low fat cheese and sour cream, and low-sodium Spanish rice. I knew this because Emmett made a big production out of pointing out all of the changes his "health crazed" mother had made. His words got him slapped by Esme herself, giving the rest of us a good laugh.

Sitting in my usual chair and looking around the long table, I couldn't have been happier to be home and surrounded by my family. Not even the forced car thing could bring my mood down. Besides, I'd find a way out of that soon enough.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

But standing outside of Karen's house and getting ready to meet Edward's closest friend for the first time could certainly dampen my mood. From everything he'd said about her and the few conversations I'd overheard between them, I knew he valued her opinion a lot. What the hell was she going to make of me? Had Edward shared any of my past with her? Had he warned her at all about my mouth? What would happen between Edward and me if I didn't get Karen's stamp of approval?

"Bella, did you see where I put Karen's gift?" Edward asked. "I'd thought the trunk, but I don't see it."

"You gave it to me to hold," I replied, holding up the box for him to see it. _Maybe you're not the only one who's nervous, Bells._

Edward's hand slid through his hair and confirmed my thought. If he was nervous, then that meant there was something to be nervous about. He must have shared my stories with Karen, and her opinion of me must have changed. _Fuck my life._

"Ready," Edward asked as his arm slipped around my back.

I just nodded, figuring a gesture wasn't technically the same as a spoken lie. No fucking way was I ready for this shit. Fucking twenty years old and this was the first time I was doing the close friend meet and greet. I was woefully unprepared for this shit. _Should have let Alice and Rose coach me on this like they offered. You can be a real fucking moron, Bells._

We reached the porch and Edward raised his free hand to knock. But the door swung open before he got anywhere near it.

"Eds!" a tall, thin woman with long blond hair yelled out while pulling him away from me and into the house.

I stood there listening to the squeals coming from inside while waiting for Edward to reappear.

_Any second now. He'll realize something is missing, that something being me, and he'll come back out. It's just the initial "hey, I'm here" excitement. This is probably what he went through when Alice and Emmett attacked me at his house earlier._

_Any second now._

_Just a little more patience, Bells._

I took a step forward and craned my neck, hoping to see Edward in the doorway. I couldn't see anything but the wall beyond the door.

_Any second now …_

_Yeah, no! He's not coming back out. Your options are to stand here continuing this internal dialogue shit, or you can go inside._

The frigid December air helped me choose to go inside. I closed the door behind me, the click of the latch sounding pretty damn final to me for some reason. It had also sounded extremely loud, but that must have just been my imagination because no one seemed to notice I was standing there.

Edward's head was flicking right to left as he looked between the blond and a red haired woman. They were both talking at the same time and though he couldn't possibly understand them both, he was smiling at whatever was being said.

I was just standing in the corner and hoping I wouldn't be mistaken for a coat rack. _He's just excited. He'll introduce you any second now._

I rolled my eyes at my own self and pretty much told my inner voice to go fuck itself since it didn't know what the hell it was talking about. Edward was clearly engrossed in whatever conversation they had going and I was not in his current flow of thoughts.

"Hi."

For a second, I worried I was hearing things, but then I tilted my head down and found a little girl standing in front of me. She was smiling with her hands behind her back and her torso moving left to right. Each time she changed direction, her ponytail swished, sending her flaming red hair in the opposite direction of her body.

She narrowed her blue eyes at me. "I said 'hi'. You're supposed to say it back."

"Um … Hi," I stuttered out. It had been a long time since I'd been anywhere near a kid and I wasn't comfortable talking to this one. Or maybe I was just uncomfortable in a strange house with strange people and the one person I knew being completely oblivious to my existence. _When the hell did you become such a fucking sissy, Bells? _One look at Edward answered that mental question for me … _Since Boyfriend over there bailed on me and left me in stranger land all alone._

"Who are you?" the girl asked.

I looked down at her again while answering. "Bella."

She stopped her swinging-swishing thing and pointed at the gift in my hand. "Is that for me?"

"No. Edward brought it for Karen."

"Aunt Karen," the girl yelled at full volume. "Edward has a present for you and this lady is holding it."

"They'll look at it in a minute," a raven haired man said as he walked over. "You must be Edward's girlfriend."

"Yeah, I'm—" I had been planning to introduce myself, but he obviously didn't care since he interrupted.

"They're going to be awhile with 'you're so tall now', 'where are your braces', and all that other long-time-no-see stuff and I really need a moment so if you'll just hold him for me, I'll be back in a few," he said in a rush as he dumped a little boy into my arms.

I opened my mouth to tell him I couldn't, but he was already gone.

"What's wrong? Do you not like babies?" the little girl asked.

"Um, they're fine. I just … I haven't held one in a long time," I said as I looked at Edward for help. He was still oblivious to me, though, so I was stuck with a baby and a small person.

"You can sit if you want to," the girl said, pointing at a chair beside me.

I took her up on the sitting thing and after adjusting the boy to sit on my leg, I put Karen's gift down on the coffee table.

The little girl moved the gift aside and sat on the end of the table, facing me. "My name's Melody."

"That's a nice name."

"Did you know a melody is a pretty tune?"

"Yeah, I sure did," I answered. I narrowed my eyes at Edward, hoping he would feel the glare and remember that I existed so I could get rescued from the kids. I didn't have anything against kids as a general rule, but I did prefer to actually know the parents before becoming an impromptu babysitter.

"Aunt Karen and Edward picked my name. I liked music when I was in my mommy's tummy so they told her to name me Melody."

_Oh, shit! They were close enough that she had him help name her niece! Fuck!_ That wasn't just close. That was practically fucking family. That was like … like Alice and me. I was so screwed if this Karen chick didn't like me. The only thing scarier to me at that moment was realizing that I actually gave a shit about this whole mess. When the hell had I become so friggen attached to Edward?

"Does Bella mean something?" the girl asked, tapping on my leg to get my attention.

"Uh, yeah … It means beautiful."

"That's good 'cause you are."

I wasn't sure why, but I found myself chuckling at how sure of herself she seemed. "Thank you."

"That's my brother," she said, pointing at the baby in my arms.

"What's his name?" I asked, looking down at the raven haired boy. He had his fist shoved into his mouth and seemed to really be enjoying the taste.

"His name is Scottie." She looked around to see where everyone was and then leaned in toward me, dropping her voice to a loud whisper. "But I call him Slobbery 'cause he slobbers on _every_ thing."

I really wanted to laugh, but her face was so serious that I was afraid she'd misunderstand and cry or something. "Thank you for the warning."

The baby started to make some kind of noise around the fist still shoved in his mouth and I shifted him on my lap until he stopped wriggling around. When I lifted my eyes back to Melody, I caught Edward staring at me with this odd ass looking smile on his face.

"He's getting drool on your pants," Melody said, tugging on my shirt.

I bit back the "fuck" trying to jump out of my mouth while moving the boy further down my leg so I wouldn't end up looking like I'd pissed myself.

"See? I told you she would be fine," the blond said, suddenly standing right next to me. "Edward was worried you might still be on the porch."

"I'm so sorry," the red haired woman said as she took the little boy from me. "Jeff doesn't always think before he does things." I assumed Jeff was the man who'd dumped the baby off on me.

I stood since everyone else was standing and Edward offered his hand to me. I grabbed that thing like a drowning person would latch onto a life preserver. He apparently thought it was funny because he laughed softly until I elbowed him in the side. Once he stopped coughing, he actually bothered with introductions. "Ladies, this is Bella. Bella, this is Karen," he said, waving his hand toward the blond. "And her older sister, Amber."

I gave a wave in their general direction, not really sure if that was right or if I should say something. I'd always been the one checking out the newcomer so being on the receiving end was completely friggen foreign and out of my element.

Karen's hazel eyes flickered back and forth between Edward and me a few times before finally resting on me. She put her hand out and smiled when I took it. "It's nice to finally meet you, Bella."

"I've heard a lot of nice things about you," I replied, hoping that was right. This whole never meeting close friends and family before thing was really biting me in the ass right now. I felt like an outsider, something I hadn't been in a very long time.

Karen's smile widened as she looked up at Edward. "Edward's often overly kind with his words."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Edward replied, smiling away.

"You never do," she said with a laugh.

"Karen was just telling me how much she's enjoying her trip home so far," Edward said as he looked down at me.

"It's louder than I remember," she said, looking at the boy in her sister's arms. He seemed to have pulled his fist out of his mouth just to make sure everyone could hear his cry loud and clear.

"But I'm getting to see my family," Karen continued. "Not to mention that one of my very best friends showed up to say 'hello'."

Edward stopped making faces at the now laughing baby to reply. "As if I would let you come to town without seeing you."

Karen chuckled, either at the smile on her nephew's face or the goofy expression on Edward's. "I thought you might be a little too busy with your new girlfriend for old friends."

"Girlfriends come and go, but friends you let cut your hair stick around forever," Amber declared. And then she looked over at me and blushed. "I didn't mean anything by that."

I just smiled and nodded, not believing that shit for a second. Obviously Karen had already made her decision about me and had shared it with her sister. I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt so uncomfortable, and I hoped to hell it was almost over. If I hadn't been so sure it was rude, I would have pulled out my phone to check the time.

"Edward, he's going to spit up on your shirt," Karen warned.

I looked up to find Edward holding the little boy above his head, the two of them grinning at each other. I hadn't even felt him take his arm away from me. Watching him with that baby, looking so at ease and natural with the kid … Fuck, I wasn't even sure of what the word was for it was. I just knew I suddenly felt like shit standing there next to him.

"Doesn't matter," Edward replied, lifting the baby higher and making him squeal. "We'll be changing as soon as we get to the hotel."

"That's right! The big Christmas party tonight," Karen said. "We had so much fun that year I went with you."

Amber snorted. "You two looked so goofy. Edward's suit was a size too small and your dress was that awful purple color."

"Compliments of Emmett shrinking it in the dryer," Karen replied. "Your mom was so mad at him."

"She grounded—" The three of them had moved so that they were basically back in a circle again. They were so engrossed in their conversation that I decided my presence wasn't really needed and headed outside for a little fresh air.

But air wasn't really what I wanted.

"Having fun?" Alice asked as a greeting to my phone call.

"No," I grumbled. I yanked my jacket tighter around me as I walked down the driveway and toward the Volvo.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I guess. It's not like anyone's required to like me."

"She doesn't like you? Are you sure? Did she say that?"

"She didn't really say much of anything, at least not to me. She was busy talking to Edward while I had a kid sitting on my lap and another asking me questions."

Alice had the fucking nerve to giggle at me. "Bells, you're nervous."

"No," I argued.

"Yes. You're nervous she won't like you so you've gone ahead and decided she doesn't without even giving her a chance to know you."

"Alice, trust me on this. She doesn't like me."

"_You_ trust _me_. Karen and I haven't always gotten along, but she is a nice person. And she does care for my brother, which means she's going to give you a chance for his sake. So! Get your arse back in there and give it a chance."

"This is a waste of time."

"No, it's not. Karen's important to Edward and he's important to you. That makes it completely worth your time."

"Ali, I think this might have been a mistake."

"Based on?"

"The way Edward was with that kid in there." I didn't mention the part about the way he'd been looking at me when I'd been holding that damn kid. Just thinking about it made me feel all wrong in my own skin.

"He likes kids. So what?"

"You _know_ 'so what'."

"Just because he likes them doesn't mean he's ready for one of his own. And Esme and I keep reminding you, there are options when you're ready."

I growled into the phone and resisted the urge to drop it to the ground and stomp on it with my booted foot. _Options! Yeah, right!_ If I was some rich chick with tons of money and the fucking Mayo Clinic at my disposal, then maybe. But I wasn't, so there weren't options.

After forcing myself to calm down a little, I brought the phone back up to my ear. "How the hell did the conversation get so fucking off topic? I was calling you for a ride."

"I'm not coming to get you," Alice replied, sounding offended I'd even suggested it. "You're going inside to give yourself and Karen a chance."

"Alice."

"Once again, and with more feeling … Karen's important to _Edward_ and Edward is important to _you_. Go inside and give both of you a chance. _Now_!"

"_Fine_," I grumbled into the phone.

"You'll thank me later," Alice said and was then gone.

I stood there glaring at my phone for a few seconds before sighing in defeat of Alice's logic—Edward was important to me. I turned around and headed back up the drive.

I even made it onto the porch.

But actually putting my hand on the doorknob seemed to be beyond my skill level for some damn reason.

The door opened without me touching it and Edward nearly ran me over. "Hey," he called out as he stopped himself by gripping the door frame. "What are you doing out here?"

"Alice was calling and I didn't want to take the call inside and seem rude." _One small white lie for the betterment of mankind._

"Everything okay?" Karen asked as Edward ushered me inside.

"Fine. Alice called," I replied, showing Karen my phone.

Edward's voice vibrated through my back with the way he was holding me against his chest. "I'm sure my sister was reminding us of when we need to leave so we have enough time to change before the party."

"Must be nice to have your own personal fashion consultant," Karen said, not sounding as if she felt that way at all.

_Perfect opportunity to speak up, Bells,_ my inner Alice announced. I pushed away the uncomfortable feelings and opened my mouth. "You'd think so, but after the first couple of times you have clothing ripped out of your hands to be replaced with things you're not even sure how to put on, it gets a bit frustrating."

Edward chuckled behind me. "Bella is the only one of us able to withstand Alice."

"That takes a pretty strong person," Karen said, her eyes on me again.

I shrugged. "More like someone just as stubborn as she is. And being her best friend affords me inside knowledge of how that brain of hers works."

"Then can you please explain to me how it is that someone so small can be so hugely annoying?" Karen asked.

"She flamed your wardrobe, didn't she?" I asked, trying not to grin. Karen didn't seem like she'd found Alice to be funny so laughing out right would probably not get me any points with her.

As if to prove me correct, Karen folded her arms in front of her. "And hairstyle."

I winced. "Ouch."

"In Alice's defense, you did call her a munchkin," Edward said. Karen couldn't hear him laughing, but I could feel his chest moving against my back. It really wasn't helping me to keep a straight face.

"She wouldn't get out of your room," Karen replied, looking so annoyed I would've sworn Alice had _just_ flamed her instead of it happening however many years ago.

My mouth decided to take off on its own, either out of nervousness or defense of Alice. "You're clearly not an Alice fan."

"I wouldn't say that," Karen replied. "More like I'm just never prepared for her personality."

"Oh, well, there you go. That was your mistake right there. Never try to prep for her excitement. Just focus on riding it out and waiting for that golden moment when you can direct her attention away from you and onto someone else."

Karen and Edward both laughed and when her eyes went above my head, I knew she was telling him something with her look. I just didn't know what the hell it was.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"You're awfully quiet," Edward said.

I actually bothered to look out of the window instead of just staring at it and saw we were just getting into Port Angeles. And then I remembered I needed to say something to Edward. "I'm just relaxing before Alice descends to get me ready for the party."

"Are you sure that's all it is?"

When I didn't say anything in response, he pressed the back of his hand to my cheek and called my name. My stupid ass head decided to move and bring my eyes up to meet his.

"You're upset." He wasn't asking; he could see it.

I waited for him to have to look at the road again before answering. "Not upset exactly. More like unsure."

"What about?"

"Whether or not I have Karen's approval?"

He pulled up to the red light and turned his green eyes my way. "Do you care?"

I fidgeted in my seat, still not used to the honesty and vulnerability I had with him. "Yes."

"Is that only because you believe I care about her opinion?"

I looked down at my fingers playing with the edge of my sweater. "Yes and no. It's always nice to be accepted."

"If that's the case, why did you leave to take a call from Alice?"

My idiotic mouth took off without my brain's approval. "I'm surprised you noticed."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, sounding defensive.

I shrugged and turned my eyes back to the window. "Nothing. You were just busy talking."

"You could have tried that yourself, you know."

"No, I didn't," I mumbled too low for him to hear. Besides not knowing when it was appropriate to speak, I'd also been so damn focused on filtering myself that by the time I'd cleaned up my response, the conversation had moved on.

"So what was it about Karen that you didn't like?" he asked.

That shit got my full attention and a cry of "what" from my lungs while my head whipped around to look at him. "Edward, how could you think that?"

"You hardly said a word. What am I supposed to think?"

"How about that I've never done that shit before? Or maybe that I didn't feel like I could trust my mouth?"

"You were meeting my friend, Bella. Not going up in front of Congress or God."

"Great to know. Wish I'd known while I was there."

Edward sighed and ran a hand through the thick mix of reds and browns that made up his hair. "It was so different when I brought Mary to meet Karen."

"_Really_? You're really going to fucking sit there and compare me to _Mary_?" I asked, practically spitting the words at him.

Edward stopped the car in front of the hotel at that moment and I took it as a sign to get away from him before the conversation could get worse. I hurried through the lobby and jumped onto the elevator, my phone pressed to my ear the entire time.

"Are you here yet?" Alice asked when she answered the call.

I ignored her question and asked one of my own. "What room are you in?"

"1-0-1-2 on the tenth floor. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm just trying to hurry before your Napoleon side rears its ugly head and starts yelling at me for moving too slowly. I'll be there in a minute."

I spent my ride up to Alice's floor calming myself and preparing to be cheery while getting ready for the party. There were more people involved in this night than Edward and me so I couldn't let my feelings get in the way. If for no one else, I had to get dressed and go downstairs for Carlisle and Esme—I owed them way too much to bail.

Alice, Rosalie, and I spent the next hour primping, applying make-up, and dressing. We actually looked like we'd spent much longer on ourselves, though I doubted a certain someone would notice me at all. He was probably regretting asking me to the damn party in the first place—he definitely seemed to regret inviting me to meet his friend.

I pushed those thoughts aside and focused on my reflection in the mirror, making sure everything was in place and as it should be. I had on the black slacks Alice had picked out for me along with a black top I'd found. It had a straight neckline in the front with lace shoulders and arms. The back was lace to just above where my strapless bra started. It was feminine enough for Alice's approval and sexy enough to be my style. I paired the shirt and pants with the black peep toe pumps Alice had given me a couple of birthdays ago.

Alice wore a full-length red dress that curved at the neckline and had one silver beaded strap that went over her right shoulder and trailed down her bare back before hitting cloth about two inches above her waist. A matching line of beading went around her midsection, showing off that tiny little figure of hers. And on her feet were silver three inch heels that you could just barely glimpse when she moved. She never ceased to amaze me when she dressed up for stuff like this and I knew Jasper would be appreciating his view.

Rosalie had decided to go with black tonight. Her dress was strapless and would have been knee length except for the fake wrap part that brought it up to mid-thigh in the very front. With her strappy three-inch heels on, she looked like an Amazon warrior goddess come down to Earth to party. I could already hear Emmett wolf whistling at her.

I was halfway out of the bathroom—on my way to check my phone for any missed texts I knew I wouldn't have—when someone knocked on the door. Part of me was really hoping it was Edward, even though I had no idea what I would say to him.

It wasn't him, but that didn't dampen my joy to see Esme. Or my awe at how beautiful she looked. She was also wearing black tonight—a one shoulder full length dress. Beading and onyx stones decorated the shoulder and matched the bracelet she wore. She was as regal as any lady of royalty ever had been.

"I think I might hear Carlisle wolf whistle tonight," I said as I moved for her to enter the room.

Esme laughed and patted my cheek. "We can only hope."

I laughed and turned to close the door, but a shiny shoe stopped me. I opened the door again, finding Emmett standing in the hallway. He was dressed in a black suit, black shirt, and black tie with his dark brown hair gelled and smoothed back.

"You clean up nice, Em-zilla," I told him.

"So do you, Bells. Getting a little risqué with your outfit there, though, aren't you? I can't remember the last time you let your tats see daylight."

I looked down at the lace material covering my shoulders and arms. "You have to actually know they're there to really see them."

"So you gonna let me twirl you around the dance floor?" he asked, making his eyebrows move up and down.

I grinned up at him. "I don't know. Think you can handle it without stepping on me?"

"Let's test it," he said with a wide smile. Before I could do anything to stop him, he had one of my hands locked in his big paw and the other on my waist as he spun me around the hotel room, making me laugh.

"You're insane!" I cried out through my laughter.

"It's why you love me," he retorted.

"My turn," Jasper said, cutting in and twirling me away from Emmett.

"If you fill my dance card now, does that mean I can skip the party?"

A chorus of "no" sounded off in the room.

Jasper chuckled as he stopped our impromptu dance. "Sorry, Bells."

I shrugged. "It was worth the shot."

"Are we all ready?" Esme asked, looking around the room.

"Don't see Dad or Edward," Emmett replied.

"We'll collect them along the way," she said, stepping back and waving a hand toward the door.

We filed out of the room and met with Carlisle and Edward in the hallway. After a round of "you look great" and "so do you", we all squeezed into the same elevator. Somehow, Edward and I ended up pushed together in the back corner.

We exchanged a few uneasy glances before he spoke softly. "I wasn't comparing you to … to her. I was just trying to think of something helpful to say. I could see you were uncomfortable."

"You could have tried 'I'm not mad'. Or maybe 'sorry you were so nervous'. Or even 'Karen doesn't completely hate your guts'. And hell yes, I was uncomfortable. I've never been introduced to a guy's close friends or family before."

"And maybe _you_ could keep in mind that I'm still discovering what you have and haven't done. This is as much a learning experience for me as it is for you, Bella. You've never had this kind of relationship before and I've never been with anyone capable of so much confidence and self-awareness one second, and nervous to the point of silence the next."

"The silence was because I didn't want to screw up and curse."

"Do you really think Karen would judge you for cursing?"

"It was more out of respect for the kids being in the room than Karen. If it had just been the three of us, I wouldn't have been so focused on keeping my language clean."

The elevator doors opened, ending our conversation for now. I wasn't sure if I felt relieved or sad about it.

Carlisle and Esme led us all down a hallway and into a huge banquet room. We spent at least a half hour following them around the room and being introduced to too many people for me to ever remember. I mostly stayed quiet while smiling and nodding. Alice and Edward might have trusted my control over my mouth, but I damn sure didn't. I knew better. Plus, I wasn't really in much a talking mood with this stuff between Edward and me.

We eventually sat down at a table with a little placard that declared it to belong to Dr. Cullen and family. I smiled at the thought that I was "and family". Despite whatever happened with Edward and me after we had a chance to talk, I'd still be Ali's sister, Esme and Carlisle's other daughter, and Emmett's arch nemesis. After all, Esme had promised me my place in the family was solid and that woman did _not_ go back on her word.

Not long after we sat down, the meal for the night was served. I mostly picked at mine, not really in the mood for the grilled chicken and vegetables on my plate. I would have preferred to be upstairs with crappy room service and having Edward talk this Karen stuff out with me. That in itself was such a huge red flag to how much being with him was affecting me and changing my view on relationships. I used to be a firm believer in "ignore it and it'll go away on its own", but with Edward, I wanted to make sure it was really fixed.

"I want to fix this." It took me several seconds to realize Edward has spoken those words and I hadn't just imagined them in my head.

I leaned in closer to him so that our conversation could be somewhat private at a table filled with our family. "I want that too. So how do we get there?"

His lips pulled up to the left. "I'm not mad. Sorry you were nervous. Karen doesn't completely hate your guts."

His teasing seemed to lighten the tension between us and I found myself grinning back at him. "Smooth, Cullen."

"If I were really smooth, I would have said the right thing in the car and this conversation wouldn't even be happening right now."

"And if I didn't have such a quick temper, maybe I could have reacted better to the comment about _her_." I didn't actually think that was a possibility, but it sounded good. I'd been fine talking about what's-her-name in the meadow and a few times after that. But that had kind of gone south after Edward had told me what it was like for him right after their breakup.

Every breakup is sad and hurts in its own way. But the ones that hurt the most are the ones you don't see coming. Edward hadn't had a clue. One minute, he'd had the next few years of his life planned out and wrapped around this woman. The next, he was alone in his room wondering what about him had been so awful that she'd not just left him, but had cheated on him before doing it. I was capable of a hell of a lot, but I could never bring myself to hurt anyone the way she had hurt Edward.

I shook off those thoughts and focused on Edward again, finding his green eyes boring into me. "What?"

"Bella, I want you to be honest. Are you jealous of Ma—of her?"

"Jealous? Me?" I nearly laughed. I would have laughed. Only, I didn't want to laugh. I wanted to ban her name from the English language. But I wasn't so sure that was jealousy.

"Yes, you. You're capable of feeling jealousy just like the rest of us," he said.

"But being jealous wouldn't make any sense," I argued. "She was before me. Hell, she was before you even _spoke_ to me. It would be stupid to be jealous."

"I'm not saying I would understand without an explanation from you, but I know what jealousy feels like. It's why I overreacted the night I met Bree."

"Yeah, well. I don't."

"Okay. Then tell me what you do feel when you hear her name."

He set his elbow on the table and rested his face against his palm. Just a small change in his body position, but it meant so much—he was making absolute sure I had his full attention despite the location and the people around us. It just confirmed for me that I was right in my feelings for her because I knew he'd given her the same kind of attention. However subconscious or misguided his initial attraction had been to her, when he'd taken her to meet his family, he had been completely committed to her.

"I'm mad at her," I admitted to Edward. "She hurt you. She knew you felt strongly about her and she cheated on you. Worse than that, she put a wedge between Esme and you. That shit's just _wrong_."

"It's not like I told her what my mother had said to me."

I set my hand on his leg, giving in to my want to have some kind of contact with him. "Doesn't matter, E. We haven't been together long, but I know when you're off. There's no way arguing with Esme didn't mess you up. If she doesn't know what your mother said, it's because she never asked what was bothering you. And to know how she ended things with you on top of that … I'm mad at her."

"Being angry is a waste, you know."

I smiled as his hand settled over mine and linked our fingers together. "Yeah, I know. I told Jake the same thing. I'm just slow at following my own advice," I replied. "So getting back to Karen."

Edward's grin widened into a full smile. "She thought it was cute that you were nervous."

"_Cute_? No offense, but is she deranged?"

Edward chuckled, moving his head from his hand and bringing it closer to mine. "She said it was all the proof she needed to know you were okay. She said if you didn't care about me, you wouldn't have been nervous."

"She might have a small point."

"So then maybe we forgive each other for what we didn't know and handled wrong?" he asked. He was so close that all I had to do was lean forward just a little and our noses would touch. It was really hard not to get distracted by his eyes or his lips.

But I somehow managed. "That's probably a good idea."

"Only probably?" he asked, his smile showing he was teasing.

"You better kiss me before I change my mind."

"Don't want that happening." His lips seemed to be taking forever to get to mine and the anticipation had me squeezing his fingers which made him give out a little laugh. I decided not to wait on him any more and leaned forward, pressing our lips together. _What was it about that first kiss after an argument that made it taste so good?_

It couldn't have been more than a few seconds before we were interrupted. "This ain't a make-out party," Emmett said, pushing on some part of Edward and causing his face to slam into my nose.

With all of the gasps I heard, I was sure everyone at the table had been watching that kiss between Edward and me. But I was much more concerned with the pain I felt at the moment.

"Oh, my God, Bella!" Alice cried, sounding panicked from her spot beside me.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked, his worry clear in his green eyes.

I managed a muffled "no" from behind the hands covering my nose but not quite touching it. Tears stung my eyes and I fought to keep them from falling; I had a pretty damn high threshold for pain, but getting your nose bumped was unlike any other kind of pain. What the hell was it with my friggen luck the past couple of days? My truck might possibly be dead for good, the 'rents were trying to sucker me into that car thing, I'd screwed up my first meeting with Karen, and I'd had an argument with Edward. And just when I'd gotten things squared away with Edward, Emmett goes off and fucks up my nose.

"Let me see," Carlisle said as Edward helped him pull my hands away from my nose. He'd come all the way around the table just to check on me and if I hadn't been in so much pain, I would have hugged him for being so sweet.

"Oh, come on!" Emmett called out. "There's no way I bumped him hard enough to hurt her."

"Emmett." Esme's annoyance was wrapped all around his name. She didn't have to worry about him, though. As soon as I got through this pain, I would be paying him back in spades.

Carlisle let go of my chin and smiled. "No blood. You'll be sore, but fine."

I grabbed Edward's tie and used it to pull him forward so I could whisper into his ear. "Your brother is waking up day after tomorrow with Binky on his face. I have yet to decide if we'll reintroduce Binky to your junk first."

Edward chuckled as he sat up and scooted his chair closer to mine. He slipped one arm around my back and gently pulled my head to rest on his shoulder. "I'll help you with your evil plot, Angel," he said, keeping his voice low.

A smile crept across my lips right up until it made my nose throb all over again. I sighed and did my best to relax against Edward. _Best boyfriend ever_, I thought to myself as he softly kissed the top of my head.

My head stayed put on Edward's shoulder for the next hour or so, except for one small break when we all stood to congratulate Carlisle on his award. The hospital had given him a plaque for being the most charitable doctor. He'd donated more time and money than anyone else that year. That was something I'd always respected about the Cullen family—they didn't just talk the talk when it came to being charitable. They walked the walk all year long.

"The dancing starts soon," Alice said, while holding my arm and shaking it. She was smiling so wide all I could do was laugh.

"Jazz, I thought you were watching her sugar intake," I said, looking over at him.

He grinned and wrapped his arms around Alice, setting his chin on her shoulder. "I'm afraid her current exuberance level is au naturel."

"You don't seem upset about that, Jazz. Planning a long night?" I questioned.

"Very," Alice confirmed with a wicked smile.

"Dr. Cullen."

Our heads immediately turned toward Carlisle at the sound of the male voice. It was the nurse guy that had been on stage earlier getting some kind of award. He was thicker than Edward, but not as much as Emmett. And he had wavy hair like Jasper, only this guy's was a dark brown. He looked more like a male model than a nurse.

Carlisle stood up and took hold of the guy's hand. "Congratulations, Jason. I had a feeling you would be the pick for up and coming first year."

"Couldn't have done it without the tips you've been giving me all year long."

"Come now, Jason. We both know your grandmother was prepping you for the medical field long before you met me."

"That is true," the guy said, smiling and nodding. He looked off to the side for a second before turning his head back to Carlisle. "Dr. Cullen, I'd like you to meet my wife."

Carlisle looked confused, Esme looked upset, Rose and Alice were staring at each other with wide eyes, and Edward had stiffened against me. I couldn't see the woman from where I was sitting so I was completely friggen lost as to why she seemed to be upsetting my family.

"We've actually met before. It's a pleasure to see you again, Sir," the woman said as she stepped forward and into my line of sight. Even with only a side profile to judge by, I knew who I was looking at. _Mary. The ex. FUCK my life! This damn day has already been the longest ever and I'm not sure how much more I can handle._

Esme and Carlisle immediately looked toward Edward, but everyone else at the table was busy shifting their eyes between Mary and me. They probably hadn't noticed any similarities when they'd met the woman that one time last year, but having both of us here at the same time made it impossible not to see it. We had different colored eyes and her hair was longer than mine right now, but we were both brunette. It looked like we were the same height and same size, and we definitely had the same affinity for blushing since we were both currently red—I could see it on her and feel it on me.

"Mary, how do you know Dr. Cullen?" the guy asked.

_Her husband. What's Edward thinking and feeling right now? I don't know if I could be sitting there calmly if I was looking at the woman who had cheated on me and the man she'd cheated with and married._

Mary took her eyes off of Edward and me—I hoped to hell that meant she was leaving.

But of course that wasn't how awkward things like this ever went. Instead of leaving, she brought her husband around the table until they were standing beside Edward and me. He rose first and I followed his lead, waiting to see what he would do.

"Jason, I'm sure you remember Edward. Dr. Cullen is his father," Mary explained.

Jason smiled and stuck his hand out. "What a small world," he said as Edward shook his hand. In that second, my respect for Edward shot up about ten notches. Here he was face to face with the guy he'd been left for and he was politely shaking his hand.

Edward took his hand back and shoved it into his pocket. His other hand was still clutching my hip tightly. "This is my Bella. I mean, my girlfriend, Bella."

Jason turned his smile and hand my way. I really wanted to jack the guy's jaw for being a dick and cheating with Mary and then standing here smiling at Edward like he hadn't wronged him in one of the worst possible ways. But I decided following Edward's lead was best and shook the bastard's hand.

"Nice to meet you, Bella. Seems Edward still has great tastes in beautiful brunettes," Jason said.

_Oh, but this fucker wants a beat down!_

_Calm yourself, Bella. Deep breaths._

_Fuck deep breaths! I've got a knee that's the perfect size for his friggen groin!_

_Think of Edward._

Mary's voice put an end to my internal war with myself. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Bella."

_No, the pleasure would be in beating your cheating ass, you bitch._ That was what I really wanted to say. Instead, I kept my mouth shut and smiled politely.

"I'm so proud of Jason," she said, putting her hand on his arm and smiling up at him. "I hope to get such a prestigious honor myself during my first year. I still have another semester of college left, but I've already got an internship lined up at one of the top Seattle hospitals."

_And we give a fuck why?_ I couldn't decide if this bitch was gloating or just that into her own self. It was hard to see what Edward had ever found attractive and appealing about this woman.

"Are you studying for a profession in the medical field as well?" she asked me.

I shook my head. "Graphic design." It wasn't really a lie since it was still my top pick.

"Oh, maybe you can make all the promotional material for Edward if he ever opens his personal training business."

_If? Is she fucking serious? _She couldn't have possibly known Edward at all if she thought he wasn't serious about his career. Had she ever cared for him? Or had she just been waiting for her idea of something better to come along?

I swallowed down every dirty thing I wanted to call her and smiled politely. "_When_ he opens it, I'll be all too happy to promote him and his business."

She looked for a second like she'd sucked on a lemon. "Good to hear."

"Mary, my parents are waving us over," Jason announced. "Looks like my grandmother is ready to go. Dr. Cullen, I'll see you on Monday," he added as he walked away with Mary in tow.

Edward and I sat down at the table and everyone just kind of looked around without saying anything. I wasn't sure what to make of what had just happened myself so how could any of them?

It was Emmett who broke the silence. "Bells, you're supposed to be my twin, not hers."

"Now we know what Bella would look like in pink and wearing pearls," Rosalie added.

"How did we miss the similarities the first time?" Jasper asked.

"I didn't see any at all," Alice said. The slight twitch to her nose was a dead giveaway that she was lying her ass off. And I appreciated it more than I could have ever said.

I decided to end this whole awkward, fucked up portion of the night on my own terms. "She looked nothing like me. She was a total but-her-face while I am all the wonderment that you see before you. And you damn well know a debutante like that couldn't rock a tat for shit."

When the laughter died down to snorts and giggles, Esme locked her eyes on me. "What's a butter face?"

_Jeebus this fucking day needed to end!_

Edward saved me from answering his mother's question by excusing himself from the table. No one had to ask why.

I knew I hadn't really been invited to follow him, but I did it anyway. I wasn't always one to ask for what I needed and Alice often did this kind of thing for me.

When I stepped into the elevator with him, he seemed surprised to see me. It made me even more nervous to slip my hand into his, but the squeeze he gave my fingers when I finally did reassured me I'd made the right choice. We rode the elevator up in silence; he seemed lost in his thoughts and I didn't want to pry. I was sure he'd talk when he was ready.

Once we were in his room, his pulled his tie off and set it down beside him on the bed. I couldn't read his expression, but I knew I didn't like it. There was no trace of his easy smile or any sight of his green eyes. He looked … He looked defeated in some way.

I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around him, bringing his head to rest against my chest. "I'm sorry."

"Why? Because you saw tonight that Emmett's right about me? That I'm nothing more than a well-dressed idiot? I could see in their faces they all saw the resemblance and I know they're not going to shut up about it."

"Forget about them for right now and focus on you. Focus on what you need right now, even if it's asking me to go away and let you have time to think."

"No," he said quickly, locking his arms around my waist. "Stay."

I bent forward and brought my lips to his hair. "I will."

"Sorry. You never wanted to come to this party in the first place."

"True. But I wanted to be with you and here I am. Unless you'd prefer me to head downstairs and introduce Mary to my fist which I am totally willing to do. I bet if I grab a fistful of her hair, I'll find out it's a damn weave. That shit's a right of passage for whores."

Edward snorted against me, but didn't say anything. I took that as permission to keep going.

"How much you wanna bet if I knock the bitch's tooth out, she'll pay some crazy ass price to have it sewn back in so she doesn't lose her perfect fake smile. And she clearly has no taste in men with that husband of hers."

Edward lifted his face up and there was an actual grin on his lips. "You didn't find him appealing?"

"About as appealing as a case of rocket diarrhea after eating a gas station burrito."

A loud laugh burst of Edward and I stood there smiling, feeling like I had done something really worthwhile. Leave it to me to find a way to make talking about beat downs and gross bodily functions something positive.

Edward pulled me forward until I was sitting on his leg. "Thank you for coming up with me."

I shrugged. "I think it's in some kind of girlfriend code or something."

"Are you mad at me at all?"

"Why would I be mad at _you_? You didn't cheat on her. You never lied to her. You damn sure didn't flaunt your new life in her face."

"What about the part where she looks like you?"

"Like I said at the table, she looks nothing like me. Besides, even if your attraction to her started out as a physical thing, I know that's not why you stayed. It's not why you bought her a ring and wanted to propose to her. You loved her for her."

"I did, Bella. I thought she was an honest, sweet, caring woman. I believed her when she said she loved me. I believed all of her talk about our future together and I believed her every time she canceled a date to _study_."

"And now?"

"And now I know that even though you aren't at the same place I am, you care more for me right now than she ever did. And that makes me feel like the idiot Emmett always accuses me of being."

"You do realize you're taking the word of a man who put his tongue in a string of Christmas lights on a _dare_? You really think he knows what constitutes being an idiot?"

Edward grinned and shook his head.

We didn't talk that night. He wasn't ready and that was something I understood all too well, so we just watched mindless hotel television.

We didn't talk the next day either, too busy with swapping time on Christmas day between his parents home and Charlie's. And we were both so tired that night that we fell asleep curled up on the Cullen's sofa together.

I wasn't worried, though. Edward would talk when he was ready, and probably as soon as he got back to Portland. I was just glad he didn't seem overly upset about running into Mary—his brow was perfectly smooth when I pressed a goodbye kiss to it.

Before leaving the house, I snuck into Emmett's room and over to his bed. He was sleeping on his back with one hand resting on Rosalie's hip and the other curled under his head. I carefully placed Binky so that his bunny bottom touched Emmett's forehead and his face rested against Em's hair. It sucked that I wouldn't be here when Em woke, but I was sure I would hear _all_ about it from my friends.

After taking a few pictures to always remember the morning Binky and Emmett bonded, I headed down to the garage and over to the Volvo. My plan to thwart the 'rents in their car plot was brilliant in its simplicity. I would just drive Edward's car back to Portland and leave Esme's right here in the garage where it belonged.

I backed out of the garage carefully and then took a second to look up at the dark house and think of all the sleeping people inside of it. There was just no way it would have ever felt like Christmas to me if I hadn't been able to spend my time with them. Hell, these people were even worth the hassle of running into what's-her-face. And now that I had enjoyed the holiday with my family, I had some great memories to keep me smiling while I drove back to Portland and my job.

* * *

**A/N: **Bella, I should apologize for dumping so much crap on you at once ... But I won't! Mwuhahahaha! I don't think my esteemed Partner in Crime, the talented Eternally Addicted, will apologize either.

Hello, Lovely Readers! I hope it's a gorgeous Saturday wherever you are! I'm busy at work over here prepping a new chapter for our fave couple. Next up is New Years Eve and it's going to be one Bella won't soon forget. Don't worry, though! I'm much nicer to her in the next chapter than I was in this one. But if she's going to be with Edward, then she's got to deal with his past as much as she does her own! Hope you guys enjoyed and I'll see you next Saturday!

**UPDATE!**

I was going to wait and post this at the top of next week's chapter, but I think I need to do it now before I get a request to hang Edward by his short and curlies. LOL

Thanks so much for the reviews so far - they are really, really helpful. In not having Edward completely explain himself – in saving certain things for future Edward POVs at the end of the story – I left out something that was very important in this chapter. Edward didn't mean in any way to be an ass and "forget" Bella. He had two things going on: 1) He was very nervous for Karen to meet Bella; 2) He's not used to anyone being excited to see him like that. He was experiencing for himself what Bella goes through anytime Alice and she are separated for any length of time. Now as for his nervousness over Karen and Bella meeting, that actually has to do with Mary. Karen **_never_** liked Mary from the start. She was always suspicious of the girl. So to know that Karen called Mary correctly has Edward nervous to hear what his friend has to say about Bella. It's not the most rational fear in the world, but a large amount of time in a new relationship is spent being irrational in some way. That's it! Thanks for the reviews and giving me a great pointer to remember – sometimes, you need to see Edward's motivation as much as Bella's. You guys rock!


	21. The Next Contestant

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: The Next Contestant**

**Chapter Song: "The Next Contestant" by Nickelback**

Note about POV switches in this chapter: when the chapter switches to Edward, it will back up just a bit before whatever is going on with Bella and then quickly catch up.

**Bella's POV:**

_I'm giddy_. I chuckled under my breath at my internal admission. Tomorrow morning the gang would be home from Forks and I was excited to see them all. I wasn't used to going so long without them and I had been surprised by how quickly I'd grown to miss them all.

I smiled again, thinking of how easily I'd been able to thwart the 'rents on the car thing. All I'd had to do was drive Edward's Volvo home to Portland and my problem had been solved. There was no way Rose would take Charlie's threat seriously so when she got in tomorrow I'd have her take a look at the truck and tell me what the deal was, and then we'd get it fixed. Meanwhile, Esme's car would stay in Forks where it belonged.

"You're doing it again," Kate said, poking me in the side with her finger. She had the late shift with me tonight, covering for a sick Tara.

"I've been working non-stop the last five days. By the time I get home at night, I send a text or an email to let people know I'm still alive, and then I crash in bed. So when I think of having only one shift tomorrow and the day after completely off, I smile. Deal with it."

"You're just excited Yummy is coming back to spend New Years Eve with your lucky ass."

"Who me?" I replied, batting my lashes at her.

"Just get out of here," she said, pushing me away.

"Sure. Right after I finish cleaning up."

"Consider it a belated Christmas gift. Go your ass home and rest up for Yummy's arrival."

"Are you sure?" I asked, already reaching for my bag under the counter.

"Go now before I change my mind."

"Don't forget that Garrett and you are invited to come with tomorrow night. And so are Angela and Ben if you talk to either of them."

"I'll let them know. Have a good night. And don't speed in that car! The roads are icy."

"Night, Mother Kate," I called as I headed out of the door and into the frigid December air. I hurried across the street to Edward's car and climbed inside. I'd been getting to work a half hour early in the mornings just so I could be sure to park his car right across the street to keep an eye on it throughout the day. Another great reason to have my truck up and running again—no more early mornings!

The ride home was slow going, but I made it there safely and with a warm meal in tow. It was rare that I gave in and did the whole fast food drive-thru thing, but I was out of leftovers and not in the mood to cook.

The first thing I found odd about the apartment was the kitchen light being on. The second was the music and light coming from my bedroom. I set my things down at the door and pulled the baseball bat out from behind the entertainment center. We used to keep it right by the door, but Emmett would always pick it up and swing it when he came over and we were afraid he'd take out a lamp or worse with the thing.

As quietly as I could, I headed down the hall with a firm grip on the bat, ready to beat the shit out of whoever was intruding in my home. I followed along the wall until I got near the door and carefully poked my head around the jamb to see inside.

I honestly couldn't decide if I'd ever seen anything more welcoming. Edward was sitting up against a stack of pillows and fast asleep with a book laid open on his lap.

I smiled as I set the bat down near my closet and then I walked over to the bed, moving his book to my desk. I kicked off my shoes and crawled in beside him, putting my head against his chest and taking a moment to enjoy a sound I'd really missed in the past week—his heartbeat.

That moment turned into hours and it was close to three in the morning when I moved my head off of Edward. I was so damn sore and he had to be worse off since he'd fallen asleep first.

"Bella?" he croaked, rolling onto his side and reaching for me.

I smiled and slipped my own arm over his waist. "Hey, E."

He spent awhile just holding me and planting soft kisses all over my face. It was both the sweetest and sappiest thing I'd ever experienced and I wasn't sure how I kept from laughing out loud at his silliness. To continue keeping my laughter bottled up, I asked a question. "What are you doing back tonight?"

"I'd planned to surprise you and make you a late dinner, but it seems I fell asleep instead."

"That's okay. I'd picked up dinner on the way home but I fell asleep too. Guess sleep with you was way more important to my body than food."

Edward chuckled and then winced. "How are jeans so comfortable to walk and sit in, but sleeping in them feels like some odd kind of torture?"

"So let's get rid of them, get under the covers, and go back to sleep." What Edward actually heard was anyone's guess since I'd been yawning the entire time I was speaking.

But he must have gotten the gist of it because he let go of me and climbed off the bed. Shoes, socks, and jeans were discarded on the floor. I slid right under the covers and got myself comfortable, but Edward disappeared into the bathroom. When he finally came out, he crawled in behind me and laid a kiss on my angel wings.

"Your hair is starting to get long enough to cover your wings," he said as he slipped an arm over my waist and a leg over both of mine.

I chuckled at his behavior. "E, are you afraid I'm going to leave or something?"

"No. Just missed you."

"That's nice. But get your damn heavy ass leg off of me," I said as I pushed on his knee.

He laughed as he took his leg down and pressed it into the back of mine. "Happy?"

"Yeah, actually."

"Good. Sweet dreams, Angel."

"Night, E."

With his warm body wrapped around mine, it was only seconds before I was once again sound asleep.

The next time I woke, it was to the sound of chewing. Most people can do that particular activity silently, but I knew of a certain someone who enjoyed making as much noise as possible while doing it.

"Em, what the fuck are you doing in my room?" I asked, popping one eye open. He was standing at the foot of my bed and smacking his lips together while eating a banana. I had the sudden urge to call him Kerchak and ask him how Tarzan was doing.

"Emmett, get out of here," Edward ordered, his voice thick with sleep. "You have no business in my girlfriend's bedroom, and even less when we're still in bed together."

Emmett snorted. "If I see anything I haven't seen before, I'll toss a dollar at it."

Edward sat up and pointed toward my bedroom door. "Out. Now!"

"Hey," I called, rubbing his arm. "Relax. It's not like we were doing anything other than sleeping. Besides, we're still mostly clothed." I didn't mind that he was ordering Emmett out. In fact, I was happy to see him standing up to his twin. My problem was with his level of anger. It didn't match Em's crime at all and that could only mean one of two things: something had happened in the past week no one had told me about or the anger had nothing at all to do with his brother.

Edward shook his head, his eyes still narrowed in a glare at his twin. "That's not the point."

"I didn't come in here to see you anyway," Emmett said, turning away from Edward and toward me. "Rose looked at your truck."

That had me sitting up in a hurry. "And?"

"She said it looked like a fireball ripped through the engine compartment. Old Red is d-e-a-d dead."

"Fuck," I groaned, turning my face to the side and pressing it against Edward's arm. I'd meant that to be all I said, but I couldn't help the little sob that escaped me. "My truck."

Edward slipped his arm from under my head and encircled my back with it while I moved my head to his leg. He pressed a kiss to my cheek and spoke softly near my ear. "I'm sorry about your truck. I guess it's a good thing Esme insisted I drive her car down. Well, your car now."

A loud groan flew out of me. "No!"

Emmett laughed much too loudly for so early in my day. "She thought she'd outfoxed the queen fox. That's just friggen great."

"Em, unless you want to wake up to Binky again, I suggest you get the hell out of my room and let me mourn in peace," I threatened. He had not found it funny to wake up to Binky's bunny bottom resting against his forehead. He was even less pleased with my refusal to tell him whether or not Binky had been reintroduced to a certain part of his brother's anatomy. He hadn't—that time.

Emmett left without another word and even closed the door behind him.

"What time is it?" I asked Edward, not feeling up to moving to look.

"Almost eight."

"Explains my clock not going off. I technically have another half hour before I have to get out of bed and start my day."

"Want to go back to sleep?"

"Nah. I hear them all moving around out there so I should go spend some time with them before I have to leave for work. And I need to thank Rose for looking at my truck under penalty of Charlie's displeasure. Besides, them being home so early means they really missed me."

Edward's fingers slid under my shirt and up my back. "I missed you too. Maybe we could stay right here and celebrate my homecoming."

I chuckled and turned my head to look up at his face. "One day, I will give you morning sex, but it won't be this day."

He gave me that half smile of his and pressed his hand to my cheek. "I'll hold you to that."

I snorted. "I'm sure you will." I pulled his hand from my face and tangled our fingers together. "Can you believe a new year starts at midnight tonight?"

"I'm looking forward to it. I have a feeling it's going to be an amazing year. For both of us."

"And we get to party together beforehand. And we totally have to do a shot in honor of my poor dead truck."

"Where should we go?"

I looked at him closely, trying to figure out if he was joking or had simply forgotten. "E, I thought Ali and I had explained our tradition. We go to BOG to welcome the New Year in with drinks and dancing."

"I know you did that last year, but I was kind of hoping we could do something together, just the two of us."

I sat up and turned to face him. "And I was hoping you would be excited to spend the night with all of us, as a family. 'Cause that's what we are, E. I know things still aren't great with Em, but I thought you'd gotten closer to Rose and Jazz since we started dating."

"I have, Bella. But I've just spent a week and a half with them and I'm ready for a break."

"Well, I haven't. And I missed them."

He let out a sigh as he nodded. "You're right. I'm sorry I didn't think of it from your point of view."

I moved so that I was sitting in his lap with my legs and arms wrapped around his back. "How about a compromise? You come out with all of us tonight to welcome in the New Year, and in return, I'll spend the majority of tomorrow with only you, doing whatever you want."

His green eyes held mine captive while his warm hands slipped under my shirt again, traveling up my sides. His thumbs brushed the sides of my breasts before his hands moved to my back and pulled my chest into his. "You won't give in to Alice's pleading and change your mind?" he questioned.

I held his face in my hands and smiled. "Alice and everyone else will be too hungover to notice our absence. Normally, I'd be right there with them sleeping the previous night off, but since I've promised to spend the day with you, I'll party light."

"Then it's a deal."

"Good," I mumbled against his lips before kissing them.

"Bella! Edward! Breakfast!" Alice screamed out from somewhere in the apartment.

He let out a groan and tightened his arms around me.

I chuckled and pecked his lips softly. "Tomorrow, E. Tomorrow I am all yours." _And you will be all mine,_ I thought while looking into those green eyes of his.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"We ready?" Emmett called out.

"No," I grumbled.

"You knew this day would happen eventually," Rosalie said, slipping her arm around my shoulders.

"But not today," I whined as I leaned against her. "Are you sure it's beyond repair?"

"Sweetheart, your sparkplugs were melted into the engine block. I don't know what happened under that hood, but it's permanent."

The front door opened and Edward stood in the doorway. "I found a box for you. It's in the trunk of the Volvo if you're ready to go," he said.

"I doubt I'll ever be ready, but if I want to get this done before work starts, we have to go now," I told him.

We all filed out of the apartment together and headed downstairs. Alice and Jasper climbed into the Volvo with Edward and me while Emmett and Rose followed behind us in his Jeep.

All too soon, I was standing in front of my truck. It was stupid to feel upset over an inanimate object, but knowing that didn't lessen the sense of loss I felt.

Emmett vaulted over the side and landed in the back of the truck, making the whole thing shake. His head appeared above the roof and he tapped out some kind of rhythm on the rooftop with his hands, only stopping when he was sure we were all looking at him. "Red, we're here to say goodbye, old buddy. You've finally reached junkyard retirement and though we're sad to see you go, we'll remember you for the fun times we had in you."

Jasper used the back tire to climb up and over the side, joining Emmett in the back of the truck. "Like the time we went camping and Alice wouldn't sleep on the ground because she was afraid of a bug crawling on her, so we slept in the back of the truck."

Rose laid her hand on the hood and smiled over at me. "I always enjoyed when we took your truck to the beach. We never had to hear any shit about sand getting on stuff, not even if we climbed into the cab of the truck with you."

I chuckled. "Sand and mud didn't bother Red."

"He had his own style," Alice said as she wrapped her arms around me. "I never once felt the need to cover his old worn seat."

"Do you guys remember Bella's reaction on her eighteenth birthday when Jazz and I put a brand new radio in here?" Emmett asked, tapping the rooftop once.

"One of the few times she was ever speechless," Rose said with a laugh.

"And when she did get her voice back, she rambled longer and louder than Alice," Jasper teased, throwing me a wink.

"Alright. Enough with the sentimental bullshit," I said, lowering my head so they wouldn't see me wipe away a tear for a damn truck. I headed over to the passenger side and climbed in, popping open the glovebox door. "Em, why the fuck is there a pair of panties in my glovebox?"

"Why the fuck do you automatically assume it's me?" he asked, leaning his head inside from the back of the truck.

"Who the hell else would be interested in a chick wearing underwear with fucking monkeys on them?" I replied, shaking said underwear at him.

Rose jerked the underwear out of my hand and they disappeared into her purse without a word.

"You two are sick fuckers," I said, grinning at them. "I suppose that's from the week the Jeep was out of commission and waiting on a new tranny?"

"What else you got in there?" Emmett asked, trying to change the subject.

I turned my head back to the box and lifted out a colorful envelope from the photo shop we used back in Port Angeles. I lifted the flap and pulled out the first picture—and started laughing so hard I could barely breathe. I did, however, manage to pass the picture to Rose.

"Oh, Jazzy. My poor cousin," she said through her giggles.

"What?" Jasper asked. "What do you have?"

Emmett barked out a laugh. "Holy shit. I'd forgotten all about that night. Leave it to Bells to have friggen visual proof of the shit."

Jasper groaned. "It's Patron Night, isn't it?"

"Oh, yeah," Rose said, handing the picture to Edward. By that point, I'd gotten my laughter under control and was watching Edward closely to see what his reaction would be.

"This is …" He couldn't seem to finish his sentence and his green eyes were wide and shocked as he looked over at Jasper. "There's a … on your … and a picture."

Jasper lunged across the rooftop and managed to snatch the picture away from Edward. "I'm capable of being drunk and doing stupid things too," he said, folding the picture up and shoving it into his pocket. He looked up and found Edward still staring at him in shock. "Yes, Edward, there's a mini sombrero on my señor. No, I don't know if I was the one to put it there or not, but everyone assures me I was and that I was very proud of it. I have no recollection and it is why it's the only time I've ever gotten drunk off Patron."

I was still chuckling under my breath as I tossed the envelope into the box Edward was holding for me. I reached into the glovebox again and came out with a much older picture. "Jeebus," I groaned, trying to slide the picture under my leg and out of view.

But Rosalie wasn't having that. She snatched it away from me and jumped out of my reach. She brought the picture up to see it and gasped. "Oh, Bells."

"Rosalie Hale, you will wake up a bald bitch if you let anyone else see that," I threatened.

"They're doing wonderful things with wigs these days," she said, staring right at me with a big shit eating grin while passing the picture to Alice.

A few seconds later, Alice's cry sounded out loud and clear. "Bella!"

"I was fucking seven! Get over it," I yelled before turning my attention back to the glovebox. _Let them all see me with my pigtails and muddy overalls. I don't give a shit._

While my friends laughed and made fun of my picture, I pulled out all the paperwork for my truck and dumped it into the box now sitting at my feet. Edward had set it down so he could find out what all the fuss was about with the picture.

The seat moved considerably and I looked up to find Emmett beside me. He spun the tools in his hands just to show off and then got busy taking my radio out of the truck. I knew it was silly since Esme's car already had a great sound system, but I didn't want to leave the radio Emmett and Jasper had gotten me in here. I'd rather it be in a box in my closet than getting crushed in some landfill.

I turned my attention back to my own task. Little pieces of my past slid out of the glovebox and into the cardboard box … cassette tapes in slightly broken plastic containers from the old radio I'd had in the truck; a collection of mix CDs of new artists Jazz had made for me over the years; an old can of mace the Chief had forced me to carry with me; a picture Jake had drawn of how he envisioned his Rabbit would look when he finished it. I even discovered a crumpled five dollar bill with lipstick marks I was sure belonged to Alice. By most people's standards, it was all junk. By mine, it was little reminders of a life full of friends and small adventures. This truck had never been much to look at it, but it had helped us to create some great memories and for that, it would always hold a special place in my heart.

I dug through my bag and pulled my camera out of it. "Everybody get in the back and look over the roof," I ordered as I backed up until I had the truck framed just right in the camera's viewfinder. "Ali, I can barely see you. Sit on the roof."

She did one better, turning sideways and lying across the top of it with everyone else holding their hands out like claws, ready to descend and tickle the hell out of her. I got a few great pictures in before the tickling started and a few more during.

"One last picture with Red," Rosalie said as she took the camera from me.

I walked over to the truck and Emmett offered me his hand, letting me step onto it and giving me a boost onto the hood. I situated myself and tried to smile for the camera, but something felt off. This was going to be my last picture with my truck and I wanted it to be a good one, something I would enjoy seeing framed on my desk or my dresser.

"Ready, Bells?" Rose asked.

"No, just a sec." I looked around once more, trying to figure out what was missing. And then I saw it still sitting in the truck and nearly smacked myself in the forehead. "E, can you come here for a sec?"

He of course came right over and after I explained what I needed he opened the driver side door and climbed in. It took him a few tries, but he finally slipped it from the rearview mirror and brought it out to me.

I smiled as I slipped the loop onto my finger and dangled the dream catcher Jacob had made me for one of my birthdays. "Now I'm ready, Rose," I said, smiling for the camera.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"How long before I can take you out of here?" Edward asked for the third time in as many minutes.

He was so enthralled with me tonight that he wasn't even letting me sit beside him. He had one arm making sure I stayed put on his lap while his other hand toyed with the hem of my dress. New Years was one of the only occasions were I felt a dress was necessary, and the one I had on tonight was my favorite. It was black, strapless, tight in every right place, and only hit mid-thigh standing. It had gauzy layers to it that made it look like one good tug would unravel the fabric and reveal the skin beneath. With the dark makeup and heels I wore, I was sex appeal personified.

And I planned to enjoy the feeling until well after midnight. I turned my head and pressed my lips to his cheek. "Hours, E. It's only a little after ten."

"I don't know if I can wait that long."

I purposefully fidgeted against him. "Tough."

He let out a groan and dropped his forehead to my shoulder making me laugh.

"I want to get a drink," I said, prying his arm from my waist.

"I can get it for you," he offered.

I stood and scooted my hem down before replying. "Thanks, but I don't know what I want yet. Want me to bring you anything back?"

He set his hands on my hips while grinning up at me. "Permission to take you home."

I smiled as I leaned down and pecked his lips. "Behave. Or you'll find your horny ass sleeping alone tonight."

His hands were instantly gone and resting on the table. "I'm behaving," he promised.

"So fucking whipped," Emmett said, smiling as he set his hand on Edward's shoulder and gave him a friendly shake.

"You all are," Alice said, looking right at Em and daring him to argue.

"Behave while we're gone," Rose called out as we walked away and left the guys at the table.

"Anyone else notice the way Edward is not really being very Edward tonight?" I asked once we were out of earshot.

"You are dressed to kill, Bells," Rose replied.

"I think he just missed you a lot," Alice said. "We all did."

"Plus, they always get cranky when they go a long time without sex," Rose added.

"Yeah, that's probably what it is," I said. It had been over a week since the last time we'd been alone so it was possible.

"What can I get you ladies?" the bartender asked.

"Amaretto Sour," Rose ordered.

"Sex on the Beach," Alice cheerily requested.

"I'll just have a captain and coke," I said, remembering my promise to party light.

"You should let me get you a kiss on the lips instead." I turned toward the male voice, finding some douche in a pink polo with the collar turned up.

"You should stop taking fashion tips from _Miami Vice_," I told him before turning away.

He put his hand on my hip and his lips near my ear. "You're welcome to undress me and redress me as often as you want, Baby."

I turned my head to show him my sugary sweet smile and while he was distracted by my lips, I grabbed three of his fingers from my hip and twisted until I heard a pop from his wrist. "You can either walk the fuck away, or I can twist a little more and you can welcome in the New Year with a fucking cast. Pick one."

"Alright," he squeaked. "I'll walk away."

I let go of his wrist and pushed him away from me—and right into Edward.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV**

Emmett waved his hand in front of my face to get my attention. "Ed, could you stop with the fucking morose ass look on your face? We're back in Portland and Bella is right over there."

"I'm not morose." I had no interest in explaining my feelings to my brother. In fact, I would be content to not see him again for a few months, but that wasn't going to happen. For one, Bella cared for him. For another, he was always in and out of her apartment.

"Just leave him alone," Jasper said. "It's not like he's bothering you."

"Yeah, he is," Emmett replied. "We're here to have a good time and he's sitting there looking like he wants to jump off a fucking cliff."

I said his name once, hoping he would take it as the warning it was. I could only take so much of my brother's idea of friendly teasing. All I'd heard out of his mouth in the past week were comments about how Mary and Bella looked alike. I wasn't morose about it—just fed up with it.

At first, I'd tried to explain to him I had never thought of Bella when I was with Mary, and I had honestly missed the similarities in their appearance. And their hair and height really were the only similarities. Bella's face was more of a heart shape while Mary's had been rounder. Bella's body was toned with perfect curves while Mary had merely been thin. Bella was loud where Mary was quiet. Bella asked outright for what she wanted while Mary tended to say things like "what would you think about" or "wouldn't it be great if". Bella was much more relaxed than Mary, only getting wound up when she was upset or extremely nervous. And Bella enjoyed being outdoors and exercising while Mary had always focused on looking her best just in case she ran into this person or that one. They were completely different people and I had loved Mary for who she was, flaws and all. I just hadn't known about her biggest flaw—an idyllic future meant more to her than me. For whatever reason, Mary had decided Jason was a better match for her long term goals. Only, she hadn't decided that right away. She'd kept me around until she was sure about him, lying to me constantly—saying she loved me when she didn't care about my feelings at all.

But Emmett hadn't wanted to hear about any of that. Instead, he'd preferred to order me to "fess up" and tell him how often I'd slipped and called Mary by Bella's name. He hadn't come right out and said it, but I could see in his face he felt I deserved Mary cheating on me.

"Seriously, Edward," Emmett said, his loud voice interrupting my thoughts. "At least tell us what the fuck is your problem."

I kept my eyes focused on Bella, hoping the sight of her smiling with Alice and Rosalie would keep me from losing my temper with my brother. "If I had a problem, you would be the last person I told."

"I know what this is about. This is because I was trying to talk to your ass about Bella's twin."

"She is _not_ Bella's twin. The only thing she had in common with Bella was hair color and height."

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, Ed."

I let go of the beer bottle I'd been holding, afraid I might decide to use it on my brother. I turned my head and looked at him in hopes that he would see how not in the mood I was for his shit tonight. I would give him one last chance to shut the hell up and then I'd do something I hadn't done in a very long time—I would punch my brother.

"Not another word about it, Emmett. It's not your business in any way, shape, or form. And if you utter another word about it to me or within earshot of me, I will tell Rosalie where you really were that week you told her you were camping with me during sophomore year at Forks High."

"Fuck it then," he snarled. "I won't try to help your ass."

"Your brand of help only causes more damage," I said before turning my eyes back to Bella.

Emmett finally and thankfully shut up. But it only lasted about a minute. "Jazz, look at that fucker in the pink shirt slipping in next to Bells."

Jasper chuckled. "Ten bucks says she physically hurts him in some way."

"Oh! There went the complete dismissal," Emmett said, pointing toward Bella. "For those who don't know, Bella turning her back to you is a very loud 'fuck off'."

"Guess he'll—"

I didn't catch the rest of what Jasper was saying because I was heading for the bar and the asshole with his hand on Bella's hip. I planned on breaking every one of his fingers for touching her—for touching what was _mine_. There was no way in hell I was going to just sit back and watch someone take her from me. I'd wasted too much time waiting for the right moment with her and now that I had her, I wasn't letting go. Not unless she sent me away her own self, something I couldn't picture her doing. She might not be sure of her feelings or even ready to acknowledge them, but I was sure she loved me. She'd followed me up to my hotel room Christmas Eve night and even offered to beat up my ex. And for my Christmas gift, she'd secretly given me a helmet so I could ride her bike with her. Those might seem inconsequential to anyone who didn't know Bella, but I knew she didn't take up for just anyone, or include them in her pastimes.

I finally made it over to Bella and the asshole who had been touching her backed right into me. I grabbed him by the nape of his neck and squeezed the pressure points there. It probably didn't look painful to anyone watching, but from the stiffness of his body I knew his nerves were shooting out pain signals.

Bella seemed surprised to see me standing there, but not unhappy. I knew she liked to take care of herself and I certainly didn't want her to think I saw her as weak, but I couldn't sit back and watch another man put his hands on her. I'd struggled terribly with it before I'd confessed my feelings to her and now that I had, it was absolutely impossible.

I only called out her name, but she knew what I was asking. She crossed her arms and glared at the asshole I was holding. "The trash was taking its own self out so just let it continue on its way."

After checking to make sure the way was clear, I shoved the asshole away from us and watched him as he rubbed his neck and walked off. I felt Bella tugging on my arms so I stepped toward her, but I didn't take my eyes off of him. I wanted to make sure he didn't have any bright ideas about coming back over here.

Bella's fingers gripped my chin hard enough to hurt and forced my face to her. "Calm down." Her voice was full of authority and her brown eyes were daring me to argue with her.

So I did. "He had his hand on you."

"Yeah, and he's probably icing the shit out of it with the way I twisted his wrist."

I pulled my chin from her hand and stepped back, looking over her bare arms for any marks. I'd only seen him grab her hip, but that didn't mean he hadn't touched her somewhere else. "Are you okay?"

She didn't answer right away and when she did, I could tell she was struggling not to yell. "I'm fine. That was nothing. I've turned away guys much rowdier and drunker."

_Rowdier and drunker?_ I really didn't want to imagine that, to imagine anyone going against her wishes and putting their hands on her. "What if he would have—"

She did that thing where she put her fingers over my lips and narrowed her eyes at me. It wasn't nearly as intimidating as she thought it was and I only complied out of respect for her. "Did you see Rose or Alice move an inch?" she asked.

I left her fingers were they were and shook my head in answer.

"When you see them take a step toward me, then you know I need backup. Until then, I've got it." Her fingers disappeared and were replaced by her lips. I knew what she was doing, that she was trying to make me forget about what had just happened. It wasn't going to work, but there was no reason not to let her think it did. She'd been looking forward to tonight too much for me to do anything to ruin it for her.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

It had taken a little pleading, a little threatening, and one hell of a kiss to get that wild look out of Edward's green eyes. I knew his reaction was one of inexperience, never having been out dancing with us to see guys hitting on me. It was the only thing that had allowed me to keep my temper and not yell at him when he'd started talking "what if".

"I told him you were fine and didn't need backup," Emmett said as soon as we sat down.

I ignored the comment, not feeling there was anything wrong with Edward wanting to make sure for himself. But now that he had and _I_ had been the one to explain I was fine, I expected him to stay seated when something like that happened again. Dressing up came up with idiots—that's the way it was and always had been.

"So have you come up with any ideas for tomorrow yet?" I asked Edward, wanting to give him something else to think about.

He smiled and his arms tightened around me. "I have one I'm pretty sure you're going to love."

"What is it?"

"If I tell you, it won't be a surprise."

"Nowhere in our agreement did it mention surprises were allowed."

"It didn't say they weren't allowed either."

"Don't get technical with me, Cullen."

"Don't fight surprises, Swan."

"You're being a very bad boyfriend right now."

He chuckled and lowered his head to kiss my shoulder. "Considering how well I'm behaving right now, I think I'm being a very good boyfriend."

My fingernails ran over the short stubby hairs covering his chin. "I think our versions of good and bad are different."

"I'll only give you a hint. We'll need to dress warmly because we'll be outside."

"So you do plan on doing something besides ravaging my body for hours on end?" I joked, running my nails along the back of his neck.

He chuckled against the arm encircling his neck and placed a soft kiss against my skin. "You play so dirty. You tell me to behave and then you put pictures in my head."

"All part of my master plan," I joked as I dropped my arm.

"Who are plotting against now?" Emmett asked.

"Who am I not plotting against is the better question," I replied, leaning forward and playfully punching Em's arm.

"Bells, did you come up with a resolution yet?" Alice asked.

"Wasn't last year's to curse less?" Rose questioned, grinning at me.

"Yeah and that's what'll be again this year," I told them. "Someday, I'll figure out how to force my mouth to check with my brain before speaking."

"What will we do for entertainment?" Jasper asked, giving me a wink.

"Oh, I'll still have plenty of ways to entertain your asses. It's not like I plan to stop cursing all together. There are times in life when no other words in the English language will work as well or better than fuck, shit, cock, and bitch."

"Jeebus, Bells," Rose said, shaking her head at me.

"What? He asked," I defended, pointing a finger at Jasper.

"Where did you learn to curse?" Edward asked. "I know it wasn't from Charlie."

"Oh, hell no! Charlie is convinced cursing is beneath an educated person. I mean, he'll utter the occasional 'shit' when something goes wrong, but that's it. I learned to curse from James and Victoria, two of the people I hung out with before becoming good friends with Alice."

"I hated those two," Rose said, looking like she'd caught a whiff of something disgusting. "They were always trying to find a girl to be in a threesome with them. And they were not threesome material. He was all greasy and she was a total bitch."

Edward looked confused by Rose knowing who I was talking about so I explained. "Since Rose has lived next door to me for practically ever, and even though we didn't exactly get along, she tried to watch out for me. Sometimes I listened and sometimes I didn't. I found it hard to believe at the time that she could know more than I did just because she was two years older."

"I refused to let Bella have those two in her house without Charlie around. I didn't trust them at all," Rose added. "Thankfully, they weren't around long. Charlie caught them robbing Newton's Outfitters and they got sent to juvy up in Seattle. They never came back."

"Yeah, I kind of have a small confession there," I said, looking around the table at everyone. "I was the one who called it in. I mean, I gave them a warning first. I told them not to do it, but they ignored me."

"I always wondered about that," Rose said, smiling at me. "Good for you, Bells. I'm proud of you. Those two were not your real friends."

"Yeah. Just took me a couple of months to see that," I replied.

Rose stood up and held her hand out to me. "This, of course, means we must celebrate with a dance."

I laughed as I took her hand and held onto it while walking around the circular table to where she was standing.

Alice popped up out of her chair and the three of us headed over to the dance floor. We'd purposefully picked a table right near it so the guys would have us in sight if they decided to join us, which we doubted they would do right now. Em and Jazz rarely got out onto the dance floor before they had a good buzz going and I wasn't sure Edward danced to the kind of music playing tonight—it was mostly hip hop and remixes.

The music changed just as we reached the floor, the beat becoming slow and heavy so each thump of the bass traveled up through my feet. Rose, Alice, and I fell in step with the rhythm easily, all of our movements perfectly in synch from years of dancing together. I loved the way it felt when I danced; like the music was a thin film that settled over me and moved with me.

I closed my eyes and tried to picture what it would be like if I was dancing with Edward. Would he be nervous? Would he catch on right away? Would it end with him trying again to convince me to leave with him? I chuckled, figuring that last one was the most probable outcome.

My eyes were still closed, but I knew the hands gripping my hips weren't Edward's. I sighed out of frustration and pulled away from the hands, opening my eyes to face the idiot bothering me.

"Shoo fly," I told him.

"You need a dance partner," he replied, actually having the nerve to reach out for me.

I slapped his hands away. "I don't need anything you're offering."

"How do you know until you try?" he asked as his hand went for my arm again.

"You heard her," Rose said, pulling me between Alice and her. "Fuck off, jackass."

"I get you not liking my buddy's pink shirt, but you can't honestly say you don't like what you're seeing now," he said, waving a hand at himself.

"It wasn't the pink shirt that turned me off. It was the douchebag inside of it," I replied. "Much like the one standing in front of me now. Go crawl back into whatever hole you came out of."

He laughed at me. The fucker actually laughed at me. "Don't be so cold, Baby," he said, reaching for me a record _third_ time.

I was still debating the best place to kick him when Edward stepped in front of me and slapped the guy's hand away. "She told you to leave her alone."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

"You know, you're damn lucky she wasn't pissed at you," Emmett said, tipping his beer bottle in my direction.

"Who?" I asked, honestly not knowing.

"Bells."

"Why would Bella be upset with me?"

"For being the cavalry when she didn't need any. She had that asshat in the pink shirt handled."

"Emmett, shut up," Jasper told him. "Edward, Bella knows this is your first time seeing that sort of thing so she's going to cut you some slack. Just don't expect there to be miles of it."

"So this is what you guys do? Come out to the bar and sit on your asses while guys grab on Alice, Rose, and Bella?" I asked, my anger starting to rise up again.

"Of course not," Jasper said. His words came out in that overly calm tone I'd heard him use on Bella a couple of times. "We're just saying guys are going to hit on her and sometimes touch her, and she can handle herself. That's a good thing, Edward. She's not some naïve, fragile flower. She's smart and cunning."

"She also knows where to hit and kick," Emmett added. "Charlie makes her take a self defense course every year just to make sure she can handle herself."

I shook my head, not really caring how many classes she took. That wasn't the point. The point was she shouldn't have to handle anything. She should be able to have a good time and be left in peace.

"If this is how she's treated when she wears a dress, no wonder she prefers pants," I said.

Emmett snorted and Jasper chuckled while shaking his head.

"No, man," Jasper said, still laughing a little. "That's not why she hates dresses. She thinks she has wobbly knees."

"Nah, she just said that shit because she knew you would buy it," Emmett argued. "The dress thing goes back to her first year in high school. Alice made her wear a dress to school for some damn thing. I don't remember what it was now. What I do remember is Bells coming out of the bathroom during lunch with the back of her dress stuck in the waistband of her underwear. Damn near half the school knew she had on red lacey panties that day."

Jasper narrowed his eyes at Emmett. "I have never heard this story. Are you being honest?"

My brother nodded. "Alice was so damn sure Bella was never going to speak to her again that I had to take matters into my own hands."

"That does not sound good," I said, thinking of a few times where his _help_ had landed me in trouble with our parents.

Emmett shrugged his shoulders as if it wasn't a big deal, but the wide smile on his face told us otherwise. "I just gave them a show ten times bigger than Bells. I borrowed a leopard print thong from a friend of mine, slipped it on over my jeans, and paraded up and down the halls of the school until Vice Principal Vernon caught me."

"Did that actually work?" Jasper asked.

"Yeah. And the fact that Bells had brought jeans and a t-shirt in her schoolbag and had changed her clothes helped too."

"I'm not so sure you're telling the truth. I don't remember that," I said.

"You were out sick that week," he told me. "You missed all kinds of good shit. Like Lauren getting busted in the janitor's closet going down on that Kingston bastard who used to always hit on Rosalie."

"And here I thought the fun didn't start until I moved to Forks," Jasper joked with a grin.

I smiled at his comment, but it was in that sidetracked way I found myself experiencing more and more whenever my eyes caught sight of Bella. She was dancing just to the side of Alice and Rosalie. Her feet that she complained were too small seemed to be just the right size for keeping up with the beat tonight—then again, I didn't think there was anything wrong with her feet. They were perfect, just like the rest of her. She had freckles and she even had a little mole just above her right hip, but those imperfections were exactly what made her perfect in my eyes. She wasn't artificial in any way and she didn't try to cover up who she was. She could have very easily told me about the normal teenage rebellion things she'd done and left out the others. She could have bent the truth to make them seem less dangerous than they actually had been. What she'd done instead was to tell it all and trust that I would understand.

I shifted in my seat and turned my focus back to watching Bella dance in front of me. She had her eyes closed and a smile curled her lips upward. I hoped she was thinking of when we'd danced together at the studio. The only reason I wasn't dancing with her now was because I hadn't wanted her to feel I was being overprotective or crowding her. But if she invited, I would certainly take her up on the offer.

All of a sudden, Bella's smile disappeared. I watched her turn and back away from her spot near Alice and Rose. A guy dressed in dark clothing had moved in behind her and he was currently reaching for her. It took everything in me to sit there and watch her slap his hands away, but she'd told me not to move unless I saw Rose or Alice move.

So as soon as I saw Rose reach for Bella, I was out of my chair. I would give this asshole one chance to walk away from her. After that, my fists would do my talking.

Emmett caught up with me and put his hand on my arm. "Don't hit. If we just scare the fucker off, Bells will be fine with it. If we hit over a small grab, she'll be pissed at us instead of him. Trust me on this."

While I appreciated that my brother actually seemed to be attempting to help for once, I'd rather a pissed-off Bella than a hurt one. The guy obviously couldn't take no for an answer since he was reaching for my girlfriend _again_.

I swung my hand out and batted his hand away. "She told you to leave her alone."

The asshole didn't seem to notice how close he was to getting hit since he had the nerve to get in my face. "You gonna make me?"

Before I could say anything, Emmett was nudging me to the side and cracking his knuckles in the asshole's face. Now there were two men I was itching to hit! I could take care of my own girlfriend!

"That's my job," Emmett growled at the guy.

The guy took a step back, but wasn't bright enough to turn and leave. "Who the fuck are you? Her bodyguard?"

Emmett leaned down into the guy's face close enough to kiss him. "Her _brother_, dick-face. Now leave before I fucking _make_ you."

"She looks old enough to make up her own mind," the guy said, cutting his eyes toward Bella.

I stepped in front of her to block his view. "She already told you to leave her alone. If you need an ass-kicking to make it crystal clear to you that she's not interested, I'll be happy to provide you with one."

The asshole snorted at me. "Right. I'm _real_ intimidated. What are you going to do? Throw your loafer at me?"

I went to move forward, but Emmett pressed his hand against my chest while Bella grabbed me around the waist from behind.

"E, let's go back to our table," she said, trying to pull me away from the asshole.

"Yeah, this douche isn't going to do anything but run his mouth," Emmett said, pushing against my chest again. When I didn't move, he narrowed his eyes at me and dropped his voice. "Bells wants you to move on so do it for her."

I gave in and let her pull me away and back toward the table. She pushed me down into my chair and stood next to me with her hands on her hips and her brown eyes switching from my face to Emmett's. "What in the hell did you two think you were doing?" she asked.

Emmett shrugged his shoulders. "Running off an asshole. Why? What did you think we were doing?"

"Trying to start a fight and get us kicked out of here."

My brother snorted. "You know damn well the bouncers in here aren't going to kick me out."

She narrowed her eyes at my brother. "You two finally decide to act like twins and it's to play the part of macho cavemen idiots ready to hit for the smallest damn thing. What the hell am I going to do with you two?"

Emmett pressed his hands over his heart and made his eyelashes flutter. "Love us."

Bella sighed and dropped her hands from her hips, letting her lips curl up just a little in a smile. "Look, I appreciate you two defending the honor of little ol' me. But now that you've broadcasted to the entire fucking bar that I have bodyguards, you two are done. You're going to stay in your seats and calm the fuck down. Capishe?"

"Love you, Bells," Emmett called out in a particularly wobbly and horrible sing-song voice.

"Right back at ya, Em-zilla," she said, grinning while flipping him off. And then she sat down sideways on me, slipping her arm around my neck and starting a conversation with Alice about resolutions and why people don't stick to them. She was acting as if nothing at all had happened, as if that guy hadn't been trying to force himself on her. I didn't understand how she—how _any_ of them—could just ignore it like that. I only knew that I couldn't.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

A good ten minutes after the dance floor incident with Grabby Guy, Edward was still brooding and glaring off at whatever table Grabby and Pinky were occupying. I was sitting sideways on his lap this time so I grabbed his face and pulled until he was looking at me. "Relax, please."

He didn't say anything in response.

"Come on, E. I want to have a fun night out with everyone."

"This is fun for you? Getting grabbed twice in the last hour?"

"No. Being here in your arms with your lips so close to mine is fun. Seeing you smile and seeing our friends smiling and having a good time is fun."

He let out a heavy sigh. "Bella, I'm not any good at this. I don't know how to just ignore the fact that _two_ guys have grabbed you against your wishes in the same night."

"Smile for me, E," I said, curling my lips to show him how it was done properly.

"Bella, I'm serious," he replied, narrowing his green eyes at me.

"So am I."

He sighed and relaxed his shoulders a little. "What would you have me do?"

"Smile for me."

"Why do you want me to smile?"

I gave him my answers, pausing for a few seconds between each one so I could see his smile grow little by little. "Because I asked. Because I missed you more than the others, just don't tell Alice. Because despite those two insignificant incidents, I'm having a good time tonight. Because when the night ends I'll be in bed with _you_." I traced the curve of his lower lip with my fingertip, enjoying the sight of his smile and the knowledge that I had put it there.

"Happy now?" he asked.

"Not yet. I need one more thing."

"What's that?"

"Kiss me."

His smile widened a little more and then it was lost in our heated kiss. My hands were tugging at his hair to pull him closer and his hands were on my hip and back, keeping as much of my body in contact with his as he could. With just his kiss, he was declaring to everyone in the bar that I was his and only his. He hadn't yet figured out the only one who needed convincing of that was me and I was already a believer.

He pulled his lips away just enough to speak. "Rose moved, by the way."

I laughed and wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him as tightly as I could. "You are a mess, E."

He just smiled and gave me a soft kiss. "I know you weren't ready to stop dancing, so will you dance with me?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "I don't need a bodyguard."

"That's not why I'm asking."

After checking his eyes to make sure he was being totally honest, I let him take me out onto the dance floor. I slipped my arms around his neck so I could play with his hair while we danced; I knew he liked it and that it calmed him. His own arms were around my waist, holding me close but not protectively like earlier. I was glad he was starting to have a little fun and I promised myself that if anyone else tried to pick me up tonight, I'd let Edward take me home; I didn't want to be here having fun at his expense.

I caught part of the lyrics from the current song playing and smiled, finding it funny that they applied to us. It was all about a guy finding he "had it bad" for the girl in his life.

_I'm your man._

_You're my girl._

_I'm gonna tell it_

_To the whole wide worl'._

Edward had certainly been staking his claim tonight, though it was very unnecessary. I knew exactly who I'd come here with and who I wanted to go home with. Some guys just needed to hear it more than others, that was all.

When the song ended, I told Edward I was going to get a water. He seemed reluctant to leave my side, but I just reminded him I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I also reminded him he had a clear view of the bar from the table.

That must not have been enough for him, though, because Rosalie was suddenly standing next to me. She shrugged in response to my staring. "He asked nicely and even said 'please'."

"Do you think he's completely hating being here right now?" I asked her.

"He seemed to be enjoying himself dancing with you. I saw his hand slip down to your ass a few times."

I smiled, but my heart wasn't completely in it. "I don't want to have a good time at his expense. I don't want to be selfish like that. So if I can see it's really bothering him to watch guys try to pick me up, shouldn't we go?"

"He's got to know that a couple of guys trying to pick you up isn't the same as that bitch screwing around behind his back," Rose replied. When Edward and I had gone upstairs after the run in at the party, Esme had accidentally let slip the reason for the breakup. Now everyone knew what's-her-name was a cheating whore.

"Sure, if he's thinking rationally," I said. "But if he's still upset about running into her, then I could see where he wouldn't."

"What's to be upset about? He's better off without her."

"And he probably believes that. But you can't tell me if you were in his place it wouldn't sting to know the one you wanted to spend your life with is married to someone else a little over a year after cheating on you and breaking up with you."

"Did he really want her, though? Or did he want something close to you?"

"He wanted her. He wanted who he thought she was, the sweet charming woman she pretended to be. The one who loved dressing up for dinner and plotting out her career."

"Do you think she loves that guy she married?"

"I think she loves what she imagines being paired with him will do for her."

Rose nodded for a second before her eyes focused on something behind me and her lips curled in disgust. "They have to be insane."

"What is it?" I asked, pretty sure I already knew.

"Pinky and Grabby are heading this way for a united round two."

"Screw the water. Let's just get to our table. I don't want Edward getting upset again."

We had the table in sight and were maybe ten steps away from it when my arm was grabbed and I was pulled away from Rosalie so hard that she was turned with me. I wasn't sure if she'd just lost her footing or if I'd accidentally done it by trying to grab for her, but she fell and landed hard on the floor.

"Rose!" I cried, trying to pull my arm free and get to her. If I hadn't had heels on, I probably would have been fine. But I did have them on and when my arm was jerked again, my shoes slid on the floor and I stumbled backwards, right into the two flaming idiots who were seconds away from being in a great amount of pain. As soon as I caught my footing, these two ass-clowns were going down. No fucking body hurt my friends!

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV**

"Edward, are you feeling okay?" Alice asked, having slid herself into the chair next to me.

"I'm fine. Why?"

She wrapped her arms around one of mine and laid her head against it. "Because you seem upset. Look, I know it has to be hard for you since you've always had a short temper when it comes to guys mistreating girls, but I promise you Bella's fine."

"I don't like her being used to that kind of treatment, Ali."

"I don't like being used to it myself, Edward, but it's part of being a woman. If we dress down, we're called frumpy. If we dress up, we're leered at and chased after."

"I don't like it."

She sat up and smiled at me. "I know. But just try not to let it get to you. _You_ are here with Bella, not any of them."

I nodded and she smiled again before kissing my cheek and heading back over to Jasper.

Between being able to dance with Bella and have her attention all to myself for a bit and Alice's reassuring words, I was actually feeling better. Not that I would have asked Bella to leave even if I hadn't; I wasn't going to ruin the night for her.

I smiled a little, thinking of how Bella had greeted me when she'd gotten in from work. Alice had picked her up since she'd been downtown shopping and when Bella had come into the apartment, she'd tackled me onto the sofa and kissed me "hello". She'd also flipped off any and all who had made fun of her for it, grinning wide the entire time. All I wanted was for that same smile to stay on her face tonight.

Only that wasn't how things were turning out. I wished again I could read minds—or at least lips. Bella seemed too serious as she spoke with Rosalie at the bar and I was afraid I was messing up her night with my worrying. I would just have to push away what had happened earlier and focus on the rest of my night with her. When she came back to the table, I'd make sure she saw I was fine and looking forward to welcoming in the new year with her.

Bella suddenly stiffened and turned away from the bar with Rosalie, heading for our table. She didn't even have her water bottle with her. I caught a flash of pink out of the corner of my eye and was pretty sure I was looking at the reason for her walking so quickly. I stayed where I was, trying to respect her wishes—honestly, though, I was only still in my seat because she was so close to us.

The guy who'd grabbed her on the dance floor suddenly appeared next to the pink shirt guy and grabbed Bella's arm above the wrist, pulling her away from Rosalie so hard that Rose fell.

"Emmett," I yelled, pointing toward Rose as I got to my feet. I didn't stick around to make sure he'd heard or seen—Bella was my priority.

I watched Bella reach out for her friend and though I had never seen it on her before, I knew her expression was one of fear. No one had the right to make her feel that way and I would make damn sure these two assholes never did it again. They wanted to test how serious I was about fighting for her, I would oblige them.

I decided since the asshole in the pink shirt was closest, he would be the first contestant. I stalked right up to him and slammed my fist into the corner of his mouth. I wasn't sure if it was the momentum I'd had behind the punch or if I'd just managed to hit him in the exact right spot, but he dropped hard to the floor and stayed there.

I turned toward the next contestant and found the asshole was still holding Bella's arm. He looked from his friend to me and smirked as he let Bella go. She didn't even have enough time to realize she was free so she never saw his hand coming at her. His palm hit just above her breasts and shoved her hard. I wasn't anywhere near to being in the right place to catch her and it pained me to have to let her fall and see her head hit the floor. All I could do was try to put this asshole in even more pain than she might be in.

I slammed my fist into his side, hoping to crack a rib, but he was tougher than his friend and stayed on his feet. He aimed for my eye, but I blocked his punch and managed to land my own hit. He stumbled backward, falling over the table behind him and causing the people sitting there to jump up and scream. He and the table started to lean to the right together and they both came crashing down, along with all of the glasses that had been on the tabletop. I tried my best to make sure I was blocking Bella from flying glass shards.

When the sound of breaking glass finally stopped, the table, the asshole, and a ton of shiny shards were sprawled out on the floor—I was also happy to note the asshole had hit his head on the floor much harder than Bella had. I waited just a few seconds to make sure he wasn't going to get up and then went to check on Bella.

I pulled her up from the floor but she was so panicked she tried to punch me. I caught her hand and let her know it was me and that she was safe. She stopped fighting, but she was still shaking against me. I could feel her heart beating out the same fast, adrenaline-fueled rhythm as mine. I wasn't sure what to do to calm her so I just promised her again that she was safe.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV**

I stood pressed against Edward, trying to figure out exactly what had just happened. The only things I knew for sure were I was hurting in a few places and my heart was trying to beat its way out of my chest. And that I was safe—he'd promised me.

The image of Rose on the floor came to me and I jerked my head up, looking around for her. "Where's Rose, Edward? She fell. She could be hurt."

Edward started to help me around the glass, but five bouncers showed up and detained us, along with the two assholes that had started this whole mess.

Each time we told one of the bouncers our story, another showed up to ask all the same damn questions. The shit was not helping my mood. Neither was the throbbing coming from the back of my head or my right elbow.

"How are you?" Edward asked as the latest bouncer stepped away from us to talk with Grabby and Pinky.

"I'm annoyed and my friggen head and arm hurt in that exact order of painfulness."

"We need to get you checked out."

I blew off his comment with a wave of my hand. I'd hurt myself plenty of times over the years so I knew my current level of pain meant there wasn't anything seriously wrong with me. Besides, I was seeing Edward in a whole new light and wanted to follow that path. "We need to talk about where the hell you learned to throw a punch like that," I told him.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I grew up with Emmett. It was hit or be hit."

I smiled as I stepped closer to Edward and linked my arms around his neck. "You hit pretty damn well from what I saw. In fact, that was pretty hot seeing you all tough and bad-ass like that, E."

One of his eyebrows lifted up. "Are you being serious?"

"Dude, I never joke about hotness. And damn, if you weren't looking all sexy with your shoulders out and your arm muscles all taught."

He shook his head, but I could see his lower lip twitching so whatever he was about to say was already lost on me. Besides, paying attention is so blasé when all you want to be doing is kissing the hell out of your man. He'd stuck up for me and punched two assholes out without even breaking a sweat. I could deal with him sharing in that trait with his twin.

"Why do you have a predatory look on your face?" he asked.

I smiled wider and pressed a small kiss to his lips. "Because if we're ever allowed to get the hell out of here, I'm going—"

I didn't get to finish telling him my pervy thoughts because Alice's high-pitched and demanding yell drowned out everything. "That's my best friend and brother so move." Two of the bouncers parted and Alice came darting through the gap their bodies created.

I moved one of my arms from Edward's shoulders and pointed at the bouncers. "Why didn't it work for me like that when I tried to get us out of here?"

Any answer he might have given was lost in Alice's screech of my name. "Are you okay?" she asked, pulling me into a hug and away from Edward.

I pulled her arms off so I could see her face. "Forget about me. How's Rose?"

"She's getting her knee and ankle checked by the EMTs outside," Alice answered.

"We need to get Bella checked," Edward told her. "She hit her head when that asshole over there pushed her."

Alice stormed away and came back a few minutes later with a police officer and an EMT. The officer took our statement—_again_—while the EMT checked my head and arm.

"I smell blood," I told Alice, trying not to panic. The only really girly quirk I had was that the sight and smell of real blood made me sick to my stomach and could sometimes make me faint if there was a lot of it. I was perfectly fine with the fake movie crap.

"You did get banged up, Sweetie," she said, smoothing my bangs from my face.

"There's only a little on your elbow," the EMT said as he put a bandage over it. "There. All covered up."

I waited a few seconds and then sniffed the air. "No, I still smell it." Alice and I started to check my body for cuts when a sudden realization hit me—Edward wasn't touching me. Not even a hand on my shoulder. And when he'd held me earlier, it was only with one arm.

I turned and found him talking to the police officer, with his right hand hanging down at his side and dripping blood onto the floor.

Alice's eyes must have seen the same thing because she shrieked his name and grabbed his arm, jerking him over to the EMT. "Why didn't you say something?" she yelled at him.

"Bella needed to get checked out first," he replied way too fucking calmly.

"You're bleeding and you think I needed to be tended first?" I asked, the words coming out as an accusation.

He turned his head toward me and I could see in his face he believed he'd done the right thing—at least I hoped it was right and not just honorable or obligated. _Please don't let it be obligated._

"You hit your head, Bella. Head trauma trumps bloody hand." He said it so casually that I felt safe in believing it was the right thing in his mind. I just wished it wasn't also slightly insane!

The EMT set to work on cleaning up Edward's hand while Alice and I fumed in silence together. _Of all the damn traits to share with Emmett, he gets that damn macho male bullshit one that leaves him with a bloody hand while I get a little scrape bandaged._

Most of the blood had come from a gash on his knuckle; he'd probably busted it open on Pinky's mouth. Along with the gash, the EMT found a shard of glass embedded in the back of Edward's hand. He pulled it out but told us it required stitches. He also said Edward needed to get his hand x-rayed because a few of his fingers weren't bending correctly. So after the EMT put some temporary bandages and splints on Edward, Jasper and Alice drove us to the hospital in the Volvo. Emmett and Rose followed behind us in the Jeep—he didn't trust the EMT to be the only one to look at Rose.

No one was allowed with Edward while he went up for his x-rays so we all stayed with Rosalie. The ER doctor checked over her knee and ankle thoroughly before wrapping them both and releasing her. He told her to take it easy for the next few days and if she didn't start to feel better, to make an appointment with her regular doctor. It would have been funny to watch Emmett fuss over her and pledge to carry her places if I hadn't been so worried about Edward's hand.

Alice tried to get me to have the doctor recheck my head, but I refused. There hadn't been any blood and the pain wasn't any worse than a regular headache would have been. My friends needed the medical attention, not me.

While we continued to wait for Edward to come back down, we sent Emmett and Jasper off to get us some coffees. We knew they'd probably taste like sludge, but we wanted them anyway so the guys went to get them for us.

"At least he's not right handed," I said, just to break up the silence.

"Are you okay?" Rose asked, rubbing my shoulder.

"No," I admitted. "I feel so damn shitty. He wasn't up for going out tonight, but he let me come up with a stupid compromise to get him to go. And now his hand's all fucked up."

"We don't know that," Alice said, placing her head against my arm. "He might be fine. They just want the x-rays to be sure he didn't break anything."

"And it's not like you had any way to know two jerks who couldn't take 'no' would be there and target you," Rose added. "This isn't your fault, Bella. It could have just as easily been Alice or me."

I didn't believe that, but I also didn't see a point in arguing about it.

Edward came back the same time Emmett and Jasper did. He sat on the bed grinning while his brother and his friend clapped him on the back and shoulders raving about how bad ass he was for punching out two guys all by himself. When they finally shut up at Alice's demanding request, we were able to hear about Edward's hand. He had two dislocated fingers that they were going to splint after he got his stitches.

Four stitches, two splints, and three hours later, we finally got back to the apartment. Edward had already fallen asleep in the car once so when we got inside, we just headed off to my room. I helped him strip down to his t-shirt and boxer briefs and get into bed. I also made sure he had a pillow under his hand to keep it propped up—and hopefully safe. With him tucked into bed and already half-asleep, I headed into my bathroom to wash away my makeup and change.

But I didn't leave when I was done. I pulled myself up onto the counter and sat there, replaying the night in my head. I couldn't figure out how everything had gone so wrong. Two people I cared for had been hurt because of me and I felt sick to my stomach over it. My damn head was so full of questions it throbbed in time with my heartbeat. Should I have left after the dance floor incident? Should I have had Emmett get one of his bouncer buddies to toss those guys out? Should I have explained in small words that I wasn't interested instead of using insults? Would it ever be acceptable to ask Edward to go out to BOG again, or was it now banned by some kind of relationship code? Did he blame me for his hand? Should he?

I wasn't getting anywhere and I doubted I would so I turned out the light and quietly crossed the room to my bed. Edward seemed peaceful enough in his sleep and I was extra careful not to move around much as I climbed under the covers.

There was just enough light coming in through the curtains to make out Edward's face so instead of wasting time waiting for sleep I knew wasn't coming, I propped my head up with my arm and watched him. I wondered if he was dreaming about anything and hoped if he was it was something good. He'd had one hell of a week, with running into what's-her-name Christmas Eve night and getting into a bar fight tonight. Was it his own bad luck or had I somehow shared mine with him?

Edward's leg rubbing against mine jostled me out of the light doze I'd managed to fall into while thinking. "Bella. Wake up."

I sat up and rubbed at my eyes, trying to focus on him. "What is it? Is your hand hurting? Do you need me to get something for you?"

"No," he said, looking amused for some reason. "I just wanted you to lie down all the way. You're going to hurt your neck like that."

"Oh," was all I got out. I couldn't understand why he would give a shit if my neck was sore after the damage I'd caused to his hand. He should be planning out his exit strategy because I'd clearly proved tonight I wasn't good for him; I'd decided the bad luck was definitely mine.

His leg rubbed against mine again. "What's on your mind, Angel?"

I swallowed down the tears trying to get out because of that stupid nickname. _Couldn't he see it was all wrong for me?_ "Don't call me that. Not tonight," I told him.

There was a short pause before he said anything. "Bella, it wasn't your fault." Maybe he was right. Maybe he wasn't. Either way, it wasn't helping to make me feel any less crappy.

"Night. Let me know if you need something for your hand."

"Bella."

I didn't answer him.

"Bella, answer me. _Please_."

"What?" I grumbled, annoyed that he wasn't just letting me go to sleep.

He chuckled next to me and I was so shocked by the sound that I looked up at him. He just smiled wider.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"You really are a masochist. I just thought you were teasing, but this has to be the biggest case of misplaced guilt I've ever witnessed."

I sat up to face him. "How am I supposed to feel? You got hurt because of me, because those two guys wouldn't leave me alone and you felt like you had to protect me."

I expected him to look upset. Hell, I expected him to _agree_. So when he smiled, I felt a mixture of shock and awe.

He waved his good hand at me. "Up."

"What do you mean 'up'?"

"I want to hold you and I can't do that unless we switch spots."

Begrudgingly, I got out of bed and slid the pillow for his hand over for him. Once he was settled with his hand propped up again, I crawled in beside him. His left arm slid around my back and I put my head on his chest—and then I thanked him. It was just a small thing, to be able to feel him against me instead of having a pillow between us, but it made me feel less crappy and anything that could do that was friggen fantastic in my book.

His arm tightened a little more and he pressed his face into my hair. "I'm sorry you somehow got the wrong idea tonight. I didn't argue and fight with those guys because I felt I _had_ to do anything. I did it because I love you and I won't sit back and watch anyone upset you or hurt you."

His answer didn't make any sense to me, so I attempted to argue with him. "Remember our discussion about honorable to a fault? You do way too many things just because you think you're supposed to do them."

"I repeat, I did it because I love you and I _won't_ sit back and watch anyone upset you or hurt you. And just so you know 'won't' is not synonymous with 'supposed to'. They have completely different meanings."

I leaned up on my elbow to see his face. "You really didn't do it out of obligation?"

"Nothing I do for you is out of a sense of obligation. It's out of love and respect, and because there's nothing I want more than to be with you and to see you happy."

I was pretty sure from his expression he was being honest, but I needed to hear it out loud. "Do you mean that?"

He smiled and brought his good hand up to my cheek. "Any day now, I know you're going to figure out I don't say anything to you I don't mean. You're too intelligent to keep doubting me with all the proof I've been giving you."

I put my head back on his chest and hugged his waist with my arm. "We're not done talking about this, but I think I can sleep now. And you definitely need to sleep with your bad ass bar fighting self."

He laughed softly while pressing his lips against my head. "Sweet dreams, Angel."

I still felt guilty about him getting hurt, and Rose too, but knowing he hadn't hit those guys out of some sense of obligation made it easier. I had no friggen clue why the idea of him wanting to protect me was so much more acceptable than him feeling obligated; I just knew it was. And after we'd had a chance to really talk about tonight's events, we would go off on whatever outing he had planned and I would be the most agreeable and grateful version of myself. I would make sure he knew how much I appreciated what he'd done for me tonight.

But first … Sleep.

**

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**A/N:** Oh, you lucky readers! Not only did you get an extra long chapter, you got a great one! The song and the idea for the chapter came from Eternally Addicted and I just ran with it. Bar Fighting Edward - I never saw him coming, but oh how I love him! Thank you EA!


	22. New Start

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: New Start**

**Chapter Song: "I'm Glad You're Mine" by Al Green**

**Bella's POV:**

I was up with the sun on the very first day of a brand new year. I didn't really want to be up, but I'd had a particularly nasty dream and wasn't in the mood to find out how it might end. So I laid in bed and thought of all the possible ways I could start my day and my year.

I turned my head toward Edward, taking in the way the gray light of pre-dawn hit his face and made it seem paler than normal. The light also played tricks with his white t-shirt, dulling the color and making it look light gray. I couldn't see his injured hand to know what the splints looked like, but that was for the best—I already felt crappy enough. At least he seemed to be enjoying his sleep so there was that.

I slowly moved across the bed, getting up without him waking. After a few minutes of staring around my room and debating my options once more, I decided a run was the best way to get rid of the questions in my head. I dressed in layers and sweats, grabbed my iPod, and made my way down the shadowy hall into the kitchen. Once the coffeepot was set to be ready for my return, I stepped out into the cold, gray morning. It wasn't snowing yet, but it didn't look like it would stay that way for long.

The low, compact clouds caused the smallest of sounds to echo and made my sneakers hitting against the pavement resemble a door being slammed over and over. I turned up the volume on my iPod to replace the sound with Breaking Benjamin singing "Blow Me Away".

I ran around the block twice. And then I ran twice more. But no matter how fast and hard I pushed myself, I couldn't leave the questions behind. Finally, I slowed down my pace and gave sorting them out a try.

What exactly was my guilt about? That seemed to be the loudest in my head and I knew part of it was just that Edward had gotten hurt. I had a suspicion that the other part was how much I'd liked seeing him take charge, never even stopping to think he might have hurt himself. I'd been standing right up against him, thinking and talking pervy, and completely missing the fact that he was only holding me with one arm. In my defense, though, it wasn't as if he'd given any kind of indication he was in pain. He never once winced last night, not even when he was getting his fingers set.

With my guilt deciphered, I moved on to the questions I'd asked myself last night in the bathroom. Should I have left after the dance floor incident? I really didn't have an answer for that one. I just kept coming back to the thought that no one was going to run me off from a place I wanted to be at. Maybe that was a stubborn way to feel about it, but it was my feeling.

Should I have had Emmett get one of his bouncer buddies to toss those guys out? If I'd actually considered them anything more than a slight annoyance, I would have had him do that in a flash. My mistake was probably looking at it only from my side and not taking account of Edward's feelings in the matter. It had been his first time seeing guys try to pick me up and I should have considered that more closely. Again, I felt the need to defend myself a little—I'd never dated anyone who cared so much about other guys bothering me.

Should I have explained in small words I wasn't interested instead of using insults? No. Those two idiots obviously had brains too small to decipher even the most basic of words. Seriously, though! Who the hell gets threatened by Em-zilla in all of his arm muscle flexing glory, complete with angry eyes, and comes back for more?

Would it ever be acceptable to ask Edward to go out to BOG again, or was it now banned by some kind of relationship code? Fuck if I knew. I'd have to pose that one to Alice and Rose and get their official sage advice on it.

Did Edward blame me for his hand and should he? It was clear from his words last night he didn't blame me and didn't want me taking any kind of blame at all for last night. But I wasn't so sure he was right about that.

And there I was back at the beginning with the same conclusion—my fault. I was also back at the apartment. The coffeemaker beeped out its greeting while I pulled the key out of the door. After closing and locking the door, I rushed over to shut the coffeemaker up. No sense in waking the others up, especially since they hadn't gotten to party as planned last night.

I had just sat down with my coffee and a bagel slathered in cream cheese when Edward came stumbling down the hall with his left hand blocking his yawning mouth from view. I started to smile at the sight of him but then my eyes landed on the splints covering his right hand fingers.

"Would you fix me a cup?" he asked, nodding toward my cup while pointing at his injured hand.

"Sure," I said, slipping off my stool and heading for the coffeemaker. "Do you want anything to eat?"

"Your bagel smells great, if you don't mind."

The room was quiet while I fixed his breakfast, but it wasn't that easy quiet we normally had between us. This one was charged and made the hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stand up. My need to know what he was thinking mixed with my worry that it wasn't anything good left me feeling sad and kind of … kind of lonely in some way I didn't understand.

I brought his coffee and bagel over to him and sat back down on my stool. "Let me know if there's anything else you want."

"You could tell me why you look like you've been up for awhile."

I'd just taken a bite of my bagel, so I shrugged in reply. Actually, I probably would have done that anyway so I'd have a few seconds to decide on the whole truth or most of the truth.

He set his coffee cup down and then set his green eyes on me. "Are you still upset about last night?"

"Is your hand still busted?"

His sigh was all I needed to know my flippant reply had irritated him. It was friggen weird how quickly I'd come to know what his sounds and movements meant—and that I actually managed to read the majority of them correctly.

"I just had some stuff to work out," I told him.

"Did you work it out?"

"No," I admitted, shaking my head while tearing off part of my bagel. "But I enjoyed my run so it wasn't a total loss."

"What exactly is bothering you so much about last night?"

I turned my head completely toward him, staring wide-eyed at him. "Were you in the same place as me last night? 'Cause as far as I know, I caused you and Rose to get injured."

"So you arbitrarily pushed Rose to the ground and what … slammed a serving tray into my hand?"

"No and you know that," I replied, getting a little irritated my own self.

"Then I fail to see how you caused any injuries."

"Grabby and Pinky were going after me. I should have done something. I should have gotten Em to get his buddies to kick the guys out. Instead, I ignored them and my friends got hurt."

"Did you ever consider those guys to be a danger at any point? And be honest."

I thought about it for a second, even though I already knew the answer. "No. They just seemed like a couple of hard-headed idiots. And after the way Em and you talked to them on the dance floor, I was sure they'd gotten the message. I don't get what I did last night to make them keep coming like that."

"Bella, why does it have to be something you did?"

"What do you mean?"

"You've been to BOG lots of times and from what I heard last night, guys are always trying to pick up Rose, Alice, and you. Correct?"

I nodded in agreement while chewing on another piece of bagel.

"You've dressed up to go there before as well. So the only thing different about last night was my presence. If I hadn't gotten so angry and jumped to your defense, if I'd just let you handle it the way you normally do, then those guys wouldn't have felt they had something to prove."

"Look, Edward, you're so nice and sweet, and I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, but I—"

"Don't do that," he said, his words laced with anger. That wild light was back in his eyes and his good hand was clenched in a fist near his coffee cup.

"Edward, I—"

"No," he barked. "It's my turn to talk and yours to listen. Don't decide you know how I mean my words. And don't use 'nice' and 'sweet' in that tone Emmett does, making it mean '_doormat_'. I'm not a damn doormat, not for anyone. I wasn't one for any of the girls I dated, Mary included. I might have been a little blind to Mary's true intentions, but that's not the same damn thing. Despite whatever shape my heart has been in, my self-respect has always been in tact and I'll keep it that way.

"I'm excited and glad to have this shot with you, Bella, but that doesn't mean I'm going to let you walk all over me or decide everything for me. I didn't agree to your compromise to go out last night just to do what you wanted to do. I did it for the same reason you went with me to the Christmas Party—I wanted to be with you.

"And don't think for a second that I'm stupid enough to not see this for what it really is. It's an easy out for you, Bella. There's nine weeks between us and that scares you. It scares you enough that you'll take blame for last night and use it as an excuse to say we shouldn't be together. You'll tell me I'm too nice of a guy and how I should have someone more like me, someone who won't take me out to a bar where I get into a fight.

"You sit there and you tell me how you hate labels, but then you slap them all over me. 'I'm nice so I would never fight unless I felt obligated.' That's such bullshit! Yeah, I'm nice to people who are nice to me, but if someone's being an asshole, then I'll put an end to it by any means necessary. I gave those guys a chance to walk away and leave you alone so when they didn't, I _made_ them leave you alone.

"If you want to break up with me, then at least do it honestly, Bella. Tell me whatever flaws I have that you can't accept in a partner and we'll work out how to keep our friendship going. Because there's no way in hell I'm going to let us go back to barely acknowledging the existence of the other."

I counted to ten in my head, both to make sure he was done speaking and to lock down the flaming temper jumping at a chance to ream his ass. I'd just barely managed to keep my mouth shut during his rant and pay attention to the whole damn thing so I knew I needed to be careful before I ended up screaming at him and getting nowhere. And also, I knew where my anger was coming from but I wasn't so sure he knew about his own.

So with that in mind, I took in another deep breath and then spoke. "Before I comment on your lovely little rant, I have one question for you. Where's all the anger coming from? You bit Em's head off yesterday morning, you punched out those guys last night, and you just ripped me a new one."

"I'm sick and tired of people deciding who I am, or can be, or should be for me. Emmett has never seen me as his equal. I've always been the little brother. I've always been the nerd or the quiet one compared to his 'fun' self. And at the same time, no matter what happens, it's my fault. Just ask him if you don't believe me. Ask him what he thinks about Mary, and I guarantee you he'll say I got what I deserved.

"Mary decided I wasn't right for her future without ever once saying a word to me or discussing it with me. I'm not saying I would have changed my career choices for her, but I would have least discussed the option with her. But she decided for me.

"And you keep deciding that because I'm usually nice and I'm usually calm, I have to be that way all of the time. But I'm not Bella. I get angry and I can get mad enough to hit. I like to have fun and try new things like everyone else, just not all at once or constantly. My favorite Christmas gift was my helmet and knowing I would get to use it when the weather changes. But you don't look at me and see a guy who wants to have a motorcycle. You probably see me on an electric scooter at best. I'm just … I'm tired of getting judged wrongly."

He was right. I didn't like it at all and I damn sure didn't want to admit it, but he was right. I had been labeling him, though I certainly hadn't meant to. And I did tend to see him as a quiet guy and the nearly complete opposite of Emmett. Had anyone told me before last night that Edward was capable of hitting someone, I wouldn't have believed it.

I opened and closed my mouth twice before I was able to get the words out. "You're right." I quickly put my hand up to keep him from saying anything. "But only about some things. I was labeling you and I'm sorry for that. It wasn't intentional, but I know from experience that doesn't mean a whole hell of a lot when you're upset about it. As for last night, I can see your point about how your behavior might have caused those guys to feel provoked to come back again."

"I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I'm shocked you're being so agreeable," he said.

I smirked at him and then shoved my finger into his chest. "But to accuse me of trying to find an easy way out of this relationship … You are damn lucky I left your jaw alone and let you finish talking. I told you once before and I'm going to be very gracious right now and say it again, so make damn sure you're listening closely. I. Don't. Play. Games. If I was tired of your ass, I would tell you to your damn face. I don't need excuses or flimsy reasons—only to believe it's the best choice for us both. Right now, I don't think I know enough about you or about how I am with you to say there's nothing more for me here. So unless this Angry Edward I'm sitting with this morning has any objections, I'll just keep on dating you. And if he does have a problem with it, tell him I said to go fuck himself."

He didn't even crack the smallest of smiles. "What about you being scared?"

"Yeah, I'm scared, but so the fuck what? I'd be a damn moron not to be scared. And let's be honest here, Edward. You weren't accusing me of being scared. You were calling me a coward and that is one thing I have _never_ been. And just so we're clear, if you ever call me one again, you'll be picking your teeth up off the floor."

He finally, _finally_ cracked a smile. "So can we consider this a new start of sorts? One without labels and assumptions?" he asked.

I pretended to think about it for a few seconds before shrugging. "Why not? It is a new year."

He chuckled and leaned over, placing a soft kiss to my cheek. "That was our second fight and I personally think we handled it much better than the first."

"Yeah, you weren't walking away this time."

"And you didn't throw anything at me."

I smiled even as I rolled my eyes at him. "Eat up, Cullen," I said as I pointed at his plate. "I'm ready to start the day and find out what these plans are you have for us."

He snorted and looked at me over the rim of his coffee cup. "Is the suspense driving you crazy?"

"Not any crazier than my boyfriend is driving me," I said.

"Your lip moved so I know you're teasing."

I shrugged, hoping to unsettle him. Now that we'd set the record straight between us so to speak, teasing his ass was _so_ allowed. "Believe what you want."

He quickly leaned over and growled against my neck, making me laugh. "You're so mean to tease an injured man."

"Hey, you asked for it so you received it," I said while pushing against his chest to keep him away from my neck.

"Well maybe I just won't take you anywhere today then."

"Fine. Be that way. I'll go do something with Alice instead."

He pulled my hand from his chest and brought his face close to mine, our noses nearly touching. "No you won't. You're all mine today whether I take you out of the apartment or not."

"What will you do with me if you don't take me out?"

"I'll give you a kiss and finish my breakfast," he said before doing exactly that.

"And you had the nerve to call me mean," I said, smiling at him while poking him in the side with my finger.

He ignored me and continued with his breakfast. I was happy to see the wild look he'd had during our argument had turned to playfulness. Not only had we managed a fairly adult conversation, we'd come away from it happy with each other. I knew enough to know that was a damn good sign for us and our ability to make it to a tenth week, something I wanted very much despite any worry I felt about it.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Be still." It was my third time saying it and I did my best to glare at Edward, but that damn gleeful smile of his was making it impossible to pull off a full-fledged genuine look of annoyance.

"I am. And you should be ashamed of yourself for yelling at an injured man."

My mouth dropped open in surprise, something that rarely happened to me. And then I was laughing. "You didn't seem all that injured when you were grabbing my tits earlier."

"A momentary lapse in balance," he replied, that lopsided grin of his full of smugness.

I turned his head forward, facing away from me. "I should have left you stinky."

His head turned back toward me, showing off that damn smile again. "You should kiss me."

"You should stand still so I can finish washing you and we can get out of the shower. The others are going to want some hot water of their own. And don't you have places you want us to go?"

"Oh, that's right. Our outing. I guess I'm not too injured for that."

I flicked water from my fingertips at him, making him turn his face away and laugh. "Keep it up and you're going to wear out your injury status privileges long before you've healed," I warned.

"It's not my fault you look so good naked and wet in the shower with me. Besides, you would be offended if I wasn't aroused by the sight of you and the feel of your hands on me."

I chuckled as I leaned up and pressed a kiss to the back of his neck. "I like this."

"What? Our teasing?"

"No. We've spent nine weeks getting to know each other and we're still discovering new things every day. I never knew you could tease this way."

"I wanted to make sure you knew I was in this for more than sex first."

"And of course you pick this morning to start."

He looked back at me with his grin in place. "I figured it was my best bet since you couldn't kick my poor injured self out of the shower."

"You're a devious shit, Cullen," I cried, playfully thumping the back of his shoulder with my palm. "Another new item about you."

"You sound excited."

"I am," I admitted, giving up on washing him to just hug him from behind and lay my cheek against his warm, wet back. "I've always liked the discovery phase of things. I like finding out everything there is to know about something, especially when it starts to become things no one else knows."

"You know, you could be a historian or a professional researcher."

"I've actually thought of both of those careers, but they're not for me. Real historians travel the world and I'm too much of a homebody to enjoy that much travel. And a professional researcher sits around with a computer and books. I need people around me. I need to be able to talk and interact with others or I go stir-crazy."

"What about a tour guide? You could work at some sort of museum. Or even a teacher? Teachers are always learning new things to stay up-to-date. And a lot of times, they learn stuff just from talking to their students."

"I don't know about a tour guide. That would be pretty repetitive. Teacher is on my list of possibilities, though."

We stood there in silence, with me pressed against his back and the fingers of his good hand trailing back and forth across the arms I had around his waist. It was one of those nice silences when I was able to just be there with him and not have a ton of questions flitting through my mind and distracting me. My only real thought was that we needed to get out of the shower or I'd have some pissed off roommates stuck with cold showers.

I was helping Edward to dry off when he suddenly stopped moving and looked sharply at me, like he was turning over something in his mind but wasn't sure he should speak it out loud.

I waited a few seconds for him to speak up before prodding him. "What popped into your head?"

"A professional tester."

"A what?"

"Companies that make products we use every day hire people to test the products for ease of use, safety, comfort … stuff like that. If you were a tester, the products would change each month and you would get to give your opinion on them."

I turned his words over, really liking the sound of them. "I like that idea, E."

"Really?"

"Yeah," I said, hoping my tone and smile were reassuring to him. "I'm going to talk to my counselor about it when the new semester starts to see what I would need to do for something like that. It would be hard to be bored with a job like that and I'd get to make use of my writing skills when I report on the products." I smiled even wider as a sudden thought popped into my head. "And once I'm established and I can pick what I want to test and have contacts, I could get the companies that make sports braces and stuff like that to do their live tests on your clients."

"That would be amazing, Bella," Edward replied. I could hear and see how much he meant his words and it made me even happier about the whole idea.

And then I realized what I'd just done and spent a good fifteen seconds not breathing or moving in the slightest.

"What is it?" he asked, pressed the back of his hand to my cheek. "What's wrong?"

I grabbed his hand and moved his arm so he was holding me to his chest while I smiled up at him. "Nothing's wrong. It's really great, just surprising. I thought of my future way beyond a few months time. And not just that, but you were there in it. That's a first for me."

"Of course I'm in it. You're quickly becoming one of my best friends and you'll always have a special place in my life, no matter what else we are to each other. I love you, Bella. I've loved you for a very long time now and I'll always love you in some way."

This time, I didn't ignore his words. "I care about you, Edward."

He smiled as he brought his lips down to mine and kissed me softly. "Thank you for the acknowledgement. It was nice."

"You're not disappointed?"

He shrugged. "It's still early for you. When you feel that way, you'll let me know."

I nodded in agreement and then playfully scolded him for once again interrupting my quest to get us dressed and out of the apartment. I wanted to know what he had planned and I didn't want to wait any longer to find out.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"I told you I could do it," Edward said with a smug tone as we exited the Volvo.

"Your friggen gold medal's in the mail," I mumbled under my breath.

Our leaving the apartment had included a lengthy argument in the parking lot about the possible safety issues of allowing a one-handed man to drive. He had argued it was more like a hand and a half since there was nothing wrong with his palm. He had gone on to inform me he was perfectly capable of driving since his car was an automatic. I'd argued he would be more comfortable as a passenger and that he only wanted to drive to keep our destination a secret for longer. He had not disputed either, but had also stubbornly refused to give in. Charlie had taught me at an early age to pick my battles with the men in my life and I'd decided the driving thing wasn't worth fighting over—that didn't mean I was completely happy about it, though.

"Where the hell are we?" I asked. I'd moved on from being curious about the surprise to being annoyed about not knowing. His smug tone hadn't helped matters.

Edward joined me at the back of the car and slipped his arm around my back, pulling me to his chest. "You really were zoned out listening to that CD, weren't you?"

"Linkin Park leaves me rapt and spellbound, wondering how they consistently create meaningful songs. I'm never sure if I'm hearing music wrapped around soulful words, or words born of soulful music."

"Bella loves Linkin Park. I'll just file that information away for later." He leaned in and kissed me softly and when he pulled back, there was a huge smile on his face. "I thought walking around the Japanese Garden would be relaxing. You have your camera, right?"

"In my pocket," I assured him. And then I noticed the way his dark blue ball cap was askew and started chuckling. I reached up and twisted the bill to the left to get it centered. It was a very different look from the knit cap he'd worn at Thanksgiving and the bright blue of this cap against the coppery color of his hair made it seem brighter and bolder. The only part I didn't like was how the bill shaded his green eyes from me.

"So how the hell did you become a Dodgers fan?" I asked.

"They were the first team I saw play live. It was just my dad and me. Emmett had gone away to a football camp for the summer and my mom and Ali were off doing their own thing."

"Why didn't you go to camp with Emmett?"

Edward shrugged and looked past me. "We better get moving. There's an actual line."

I spun around to look, and sure as shit there really was a line. I expected lines here in the spring and summer, but not the dead of winter. I hoped it wouldn't be too crowded inside because I was very much looking forward to walking through all five gardens and getting tons of pictures.

"So am I back to being a good boyfriend?" Edward asked as we joined the admission line.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him tightly. "Most definitely."

He chuckled and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. "You're going to spoil me with being so easy to please."

I snorted into his chest, getting a whiff of him and his leather jacket. "You're one to talk with your fancy dinners and private dances."

"That's not spoiling. That's just romancing."

"Oh, whatever!" I laughed while he nudged me forward with the line. "So which garden do you want to see first?"

"I actually get a choice?"

"Unless you pick wrong," I joked, grinning up at him.

"I figured there was a catch," he said as he pulled his wallet out. "Take out admission plus ten dollars as a donation."

"E, are you sure? I don't mind paying for my own ticket," I told him. Thirty bucks was a heck of a lot of money to toss down at once, even if he could afford it.

"And I don't mind treating my girlfriend," he replied.

I shrugged and counted out the money before handing his wallet back. I figured I'd let him pay for admission and then I'd cover lunch for us to make it somewhat even. And I absolutely loved how he donated to the garden! I slipped a five out of my own pocket and added it to the donation money.

We started off in the Flat Garden, which consisted of trees on "islands" surrounded by "water". The water was really just raked-over gravel surrounding sections of greenery to make them look like islands. In the spring, the cherry trees here drooped toward the ground, laden with pinkish-purple blooms. In January, though, the only greenery to be seen was the bristle-like leaves of the black pine trees. Not that it was any less of an impressive sight to me no matter how many times I came here.

We decided to skip the Sand and Stone Garden since it would be akin to looking at the snow covered ground right now and made our way over to the Natural Garden. Edward took one look at the deep, snow covered steps leading downward and shook his head.

"Not today," he said.

"What are you talking about? Why not?"

"If there's even the slightest bit of ice on those steps, you'll find it and there's no way I can catch you today," he said, nodding his chin toward the injured hand hiding in his jacket pocket.

"Why are you assuming I'm going to find ice and fall? I've been here tons of times."

He had this look in his eyes and this tilt to his lips that said he wasn't assuming anything—he had proof. "How many of those times ended with you sitting on your butt after finding the slightest bit of slime on the steps in the spring and summer, or rain water in the fall?"

"Alice really needs to keep her damn mouth shut," I grumbled as I moved past him and away from the steps.

"It was actually Jasper who regaled me with your adventures in falling," Edward said once he caught up to me.

I stopped and turned, poking him in the chest—or at least in the vicinity of his chest beneath his layers of clothing. "You know, I would have been just fine if you hadn't opened your mouth and jinxed me before I even took the first step."

His eyes widened and his mouth opened and closed a few times.

"You heard me," I said in response to his indignant expression. "You jinxed me, Cullen. Had you not said a word, I would have made it down those steps perfectly fine."

"Do you really believe that?" he asked, having found his voice again.

"Yes. My feet cooperate so long as they're not being spoken of in a derogatory manner. Or if I'm not pissed off. Or moving too quickly."

The self-righteous smile on Edward's face was annoying, even if it was slightly deserved.

I gave up and gave in. "Alright, fine. I probably would have fallen. But so what? I fall, I get a wet, briefly snow-covered ass, and then I move on."

"I don't want you risking hitting your head again so soon. You might not think it was a big deal, but you really hit your head hard on that floor last night."

_Well fuck a duck!_ I just stood there looking at him, trying to remember if any guy I'd ever been with would have been concerned about me like this the day after. In the moment, they would have all cared to one degree or another, but the day after was "history".

I closed the distance between us, setting my arms on his shoulders and pressing our jacket covered chests together. "You're worried about me?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

He nodded. "You sound surprised."

"I am. I hit my head last night. As in _ago_."

"How is that any different than you being concerned about my hand?"

"Your fingers are going to take awhile to heal, E. And until they do, I'll be concerned because I want to make sure they heal right. I bumped my head, but there's no damage, other than a bruise."

He smiled and dipped his head down, brushing his lips over mine just once. "Then I'll be concerned until your bruise heals."

Long before my brain had any idea the thought was in my head, my mouth was blurting it out. "Part of me wishes you would have said something years ago so I could already be used to how great you are, but then I worry I wouldn't have known how to appreciate you then. I was still sorting myself out and I might have taken you for granted."

He shook his head while his fingers tucked my hair behind my right ear. "I don't think so. I don't think you're capable of taking anything for granted."

"Not now. I know you have to earn what you want and respect it once you get it. But once upon a time, I was a selfish, idiotic teen who thought she was owed something just for being in the world."

"What is it that you currently want?"

I smiled up at him. "Nothing. I already have everything worth having. I've got my family, a great guy, a great job, and I'm doing well in school."

I meant those words. I meant every single syllable and all the emotion behind them, never having felt so content with my life before. There was really only one thing that could make that exact moment in my life any better.

"Although …" I said, purposefully trailing off.

"What?" he asked immediately and just as expected.

"If you were to do something, and I am by no means saying it's required or anything of the sort, but if you were to do this one little thing, it would make my day so far complete."

"What is it? Anything you want, Angel. Just name it." His expression was so sincere and I could hear how much he meant his words. I could have asked for the moon right then and he probably would have started spouting out ways he might be able to make it happen.

But I wanted something much smaller and more obtainable than the moon. "Kiss me."

Edward gave me that lopsided grin of his as he brought his lips down to mine. They were a little dry and chapped from the cold weather, but they still felt wonderful moving in synch with mine. They also sent a shot of warmth rushing through me to heat me up from the inside out. I hadn't just been trying to calm him last night when I'd told him I'd missed him more than Alice, but I also hadn't realized until right then exactly how true it was. And it wasn't just missing his smell, or his kiss, or his arms—it was the way he made me feel when I was with him. He made it feel like the time between us was merely the start of a long collection of memories instead of a countdown to an end.

When the kiss ended, we smiled at each other and then continued on our tour of the gardens, this time with our arms around each other.

"We're almost to the Stroll Garden," Edward mentioned. "I heard the water's frozen. That should make for some nice pictures."

"I hope so. I came again and again last winter hoping to get a picture of the waterfall frozen, but I never managed to come on the right day."

"I like the zig zag bridge there and how when you come in the spring, it seems like the iris flowers are reaching out to you."

"That is pretty cool," I agreed. "And do you know what's cooler than cool?"

"Ice cold?" he answered with a grin.

I chuckled even as I rolled my eyes at him. "It's cool that we both love the gardens. We can come here together whenever we want a break from the group."

"The only stipulation I have is that it has to be slightly warmer next time."

"Are you cold? Should we go?" I asked, looking up at his face to make sure he answered honestly.

"The cold's making my fingers throb, that's all."

"Okay. We'll cross the bridge and see if the fall is frozen and then we'll head back to the apartment and warm up. Sound good?"

"Sounds very good. Sorry I'm putting a damper on the visit."

"You're not," I assured him. "I'm having a great time. And honestly, it is a bit cold for this sort of thing, but I really want a picture of a frozen waterfall."

Edward smiled and squeezed me against his side. "Then let's go see if we can get you one."

We rounded the corner and reached the edge of the bridge we'd just been talking about. It was covered in a few inches of snow and spotted with the footprints of those who'd taken a stroll through here before us. The stream running alongside and underneath was frozen except for a small slithery strip down the middle, making it look like some kind of monstrously long snake was sitting on top of the ice.

"It's gorgeous." I lifted my camera up and set my eye to the viewfinder, centering the lens to capture the corner of the bridge and the stream.

"I almost hate to walk on the bridge and disturb the snow, but at the same time, I want to put my prints there with all of the others," Edward said from behind me.

"I know exactly what you mean." I took his good hand into mine and together, we stepped onto the bridge and added our footprints. And then I made him move so I could get a picture of our prints, all while he was busy laughing at me and pretending he wasn't.

"Do you think this is a sign that the waterfall is frozen too?" I asked, leaning out over the rail just a bit to get a good shot of the frozen stream.

"I don't know. But I do know you need to get away from the edge before you fall in, freeze, and get yourself sick."

"Don't be such a pessimist, E. The chances of me falling in are slim to none. Tripping I am familiar with. Falling from just standing around only happens when I'm drunk off my ass, something that rarely happens any more."

"Still, I'd feel a lot better if you backed up from the edge a little."

"Why not join me at the edge instead? Then if you see me moving forward, you can yank me back or something."

Edward sighed and the sound was followed by his feet crunching on the snow.

I took the camera away from my face to look up at him. "You wanted to be my bodyguard last night so bad, I figured you'd jump at the chance today."

He snorted. "I thought you didn't need a bodyguard."

I shrugged and brought the camera back up to my face, snapping a quick picture of Edward looking down at me with that silly grin of his. "I don't. But it's nice to have one anyway," I told him.

We took our time crossing the zig zag bridge, with me stopping every few feet to get a picture from a different angle or to catch some of the nearby snow laden trees. When we finally made it to the end of the bridge, I totally squealed. The waterfall was frozen!

It was basically just an outcropping of staggered rocks and small trees with water flowing between them, but that just seemed to add to the beauty of it instead of detract. The fall looked as if it had been flowing fast and free before suddenly being hit with a blast of arctic air that had frozen it in mid-motion. My camera clicked away but I already knew the first few shots would be crap.

I stopped taking photos and handed the camera to Edward.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," I said as I shook out my hands and shuffled my feet. "I need to dispel some of my excited energy so I can take pictures."

"I could help with that," he offered. From the lopsided grin on his face, I knew what kind of _help_ he had in mind.

"Nice try, but that will just get me excited in a whole new way."

"I wouldn't mind."

"I'm sure you wouldn't," I said as I took my camera back. I started to turn toward the waterfall, but Edward touched my arm with his gloved hand.

"You know I'm only teasing, right?" he asked.

I smiled and slipped my arms onto his shoulders, getting as close to him as possible. "I know because you showed me."

We spent a few wonderful minutes just holding and kissing each other and when we broke apart, Edward had a huge smile on his face and seemed to be enjoying himself a lot more. _Guess I'm not the only one not feeling the cold so acutely right now._

I turned back to the waterfall with my camera and got in some solid, non-blurry shots. I took a few pictures of the overall fall and then a few of each section until I got to the base. Since the water wasn't flowing, the pool at the base of the fall was completely smooth and as reflective as dark glass. It seemed odd to me that the stream was frozen, but the waterfall pond was only frozen on the edges. Odd or not, it was going to make for some beautiful pictures.

With my waterfall shots finally in my camera, we made our way to the parking lot where Edward handed me his keys. I was more than a little surprised at that, but then I remembered he'd said his fingers were throbbing and I knew I wouldn't want to drive like that.

I got us on the road and flipped the heater on to full blast, angling all but one vent toward Edward. I was pretty sure I'd only gotten away with doing that because he currently had his eyes closed. At first I'd thought he was just trying to relax and warm up, but it quickly became apparent he was asleep when his head hung down and his chin nearly touched his chest. With a newfound understanding of why there were power controls for the passenger seat on the driver door, I used them to lean his seat back and put him in a more comfortable position.

Poor guy hadn't gotten much sleep in the past couple of days, what with driving back from Forks the night before and spending most of last night in a hospital. I'd let him get in a couple of hours of sleep and then make him whatever he wanted for lunch.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"What in the hell are you doing?" I asked Emmett as I peered over his arm. He was stirring a pot full of … Well, I didn't really know what it was other than chunky and gross as all fuck.

"I'm making Rose lunch," he replied, using a tone that implied it should have been self-evident.

"What is that supposed to be?"

"It's cheeseburger soup. I saw one of those famous chef guys making it on TV and thought it would be a good lunch for Rose. You start off pretty much making a cheeseburger with tomatoes and onions and then you cut it up and put in the soup mix. It's supposed to be really good."

I bit my lip while quickly trying to find the proper way to phrase what I had to say. Em was trying to do something sweet and if I came at him in my usual sarcastic way, he'd get his feelings hurt.

"Hun, Rose is going to be so happy you're making her lunch," I said as I put my hand on his arm. "But, Em, you're forgetting two things."

"What's that?" he asked, finally taking his eyes off the pot and looking at me.

"First of all, Rose doesn't eat burgers. The closest she comes is that salmon patty on bread thing she likes. Secondly, she doesn't like soup."

Emmett's face looked similar to what I imagined it would look like if I ever kicked him and managed to physically hurt him. I had an overwhelming urge to utter an "aw" and give him a consoling hug.

He tossed the spoon into the soup, knocking a few drops of the weird liquid onto the white stove. He would have to clean that shit up because I wasn't getting my hands anywhere near the stuff.

"Why do I always fuck up when I try to be the good boyfriend?" he asked, his face all droopy and dejected.

"Em, it's alright," I assured him. "We can fix this."

"How?" he huffed. "By letting you cook and then I look like I don't even care enough to fix her lunch myself?"

"No. You can still fix her lunch. Just a different kind. She loves salads and we have everything we need to make her a spinach chicken salad. Why don't you turn off that chunky mess so it can cool and get tossed out? Then I'll grate some cheese while you cut up some chicken. That way, you've done the biggest part of making the salad and can take all the credit and glory for yourself, big guy."

Emmett cocked his head to the side and narrowed his eyes. "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"I was just pissy to you, but you completely ignored it in favor of telling me how I could fix a good lunch for Rose. You should have told me to fuck off and walked away."

I grabbed his chin with my fingers and tilted his head down so we could kind of be eye to eye. "When have you ever seen me walk away from a friend in need?"

Emmett smiled and brushed my hand away so he could wrap me up in his massive arms. "Never, Bells. You are the best sister from another mother any guy could have."

"Oh, don't get all mushy on me, Sasquatch. I've got a rep to uphold and shit."

He chuckled and playfully pushed me away from him. "Right. This ain't Edward you're trying to sell that shit to. And where is he?"

"He had to take some medicine for his throbbing fingers when we got back from the garden and that on top of his recently low intake of solid restfulness left him in need of immediate sleep."

Emmett frowned at me as he shoved the container of cheese into my hands. "So many fucking words just to tell me he's taking a nap."

"You'd never hear half of the words you know if I didn't answer in my lovely wordy way." I pulled the grater out of the drawer and then shut it with my hip. "So where is the small one with the huge personality that I love so dearly?"

"Don't know," Em said with a shrug of his wide shoulders. "She and Jazz were gone when I got up to make breakfast this morning. I didn't see a note from her, but that doesn't mean there isn't one around here somewhere."

"I'll check her room after we finish the salad."

We worked in silence for a couple of minutes before Emmett's voice broke it. "So that was some crazy shit last night with Edward throwing punches like he did."

I nodded in agreement. "I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it for myself."

Emmett stopped cutting up the chicken breast in front of him and looked over at me. "The last person he punched was me. It was a couple of years ago."

"Did you deserve it?"

"Probably."

"Are you ever going to stop being pissed at him for whatever way he wronged you?"

"Probably." His non-committal answers and stony expression weren't unexpected, but they still annoyed the shit out of me.

Still, having this "thing" with Edward wasn't the same as him not caring for his brother and I had to make sure Em really did care somewhere in that heart of his. "Emmett, I had a long talk with Edward this morning and something came up that really bothered me. I'm sure he's just reading into things wrong, but I would like to hear it from you."

"What did he say?"

"Basically, he feels you think he deserved Mary cheating on him."

"What a fucking douche," Emmett grumbled, shaking his head a little. "He just doesn't fucking get it."

"What's he not getting? If you explain it to me, then I can explain it to him. Of course, the two of you could really set the world on fire and tell each other."

"I tried that shit and he told me he doesn't need my _brand_ of help. So if you want to tell him, go ahead. Otherwise, fuck it."

I held my hands up in a gesture of surrender. "Dial back the hostility there, Terminator. You're only supposed to wound, not kill."

"And he's supposed to know better than to use people as substitutes."

"See that right there is where you're wrong. He wasn't doing that to her, Em. He loved her."

Emmett shook his head in argument. "He loved who she looked like."

"That's not true, and you know it. Somewhere in you, you know you're brother doesn't treat people like that. Yes, her looks attracted him to her, but it's not why he dated her for fifteen months and it damn sure isn't why he wanted to propose to her."

"He what?" Emmett asked, honestly looking like it was new information to him.

"That's right. He loved her so much he could picture the rest of his life with her. And it had nothing at all to do with her hair color and height. For him, it was all about her love of medicine and the picture she painted of their future careers. He hated her taste in music, but loved her voice when she read anything aloud. He said she could make the most boring medical jargon sound like a good story. He didn't know she was all about climbing the career ladder. And he damn sure didn't know she was a cheating whore."

Emmett just stood there looking at me for awhile. And then he picked up the knife and started cutting the chicken again. "You believe him."

"Yeah. And you know I can smell bullshit from a mile away."

"Alright. So maybe I kind of judged him harshly on the thing and maybe I shouldn't have teased him so much about it. It's not like it matters anyway. He's with you now and as long as he's taking care of you, then I'm cool with him."

"So maybe you could casually mention that to him?"

Emmett grinned and pointed his knife my way. "You think you're much slicker than you really are, Bells. You can tell him if you want and I won't deny it, but I'm not taking time away from Rose to worry about my brother's idiotic thoughts."

"Aw!" I cried. "Underneath all that muscle and hair, you're a softy for your Rosie."

"Shut the fuck up. You're supposed to be grating the cheese and not my fucking nerves."

"Love you too, Pooh Bear," I said, practically singing the words. It was good to know I was right about Em loving his twin, even if the big idiot didn't care to show it yet.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Seriously, Bella. You need to stop. Your face is all red."

I could only wave a hand at Edward and continue my silent giggles while tears leaked from the corners of my eyes. It had been a long time since I'd laughed so hard and it was killing me that I was having to do it quietly since it was a little after one in the morning and everyone else was sleeping.

"It wasn't that funny," Edward grumbled, sounding annoyed. He proved my guess about his tone correct when he flipped the covers back, got out of bed, and walked out of my room.

**REMOVED - FULL VERSION AT THE WRITER'S COFFEE SHOP LIBRARY**

... I crawled in next to a drowsy Edward and kissed his cheek. "Night, E."

He mumbled out a "Sweet dreams, Angel" with the last word nearly getting run down by the light snore that followed it.

I smiled in the dark, feeling pretty pleased with myself for being able to help him. My eyes closed involuntarily as a long, drawn out yawn made its escape into the otherwise silent night. Before my lips could even close, I was asleep and dreaming of the man lying next to me—and thinking this brand new year was off to a pretty great start.

* * *

**A/N:** Hello Readers! Bella and Edward got a little frisky in the last section of this chapter so it's only up at TWCSL. Also, there will not be a chapter next weekend. I'll be taking some time off and spending it with my family. I'll be back Saturday, July 3rd, with an all new chapter. Hope everyone is having a great weekend! See you in July!


	23. Somewhere I Belong

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Somewhere I Belong**

**Chapter Song: "Somewhere I Belong" by Linkin Park**

**Bella's POV:**

"Enough." It was more sigh than word, but I was too tired for anything more. I shifted my books off my lap and onto Edward's pillow, and then I curled up next to him and slipped my head onto his thigh.

Edward's hair resembled a crop of reddish brown snakes striking strange and opposite poses for some unseen camera. A pencil covered in bite marks was lodged between his teeth and his green eyes only saw the textbook and notes in front of him. He looked how I should have looked, but I'd decided a break was the only chance I had to keep some semblance of sanity.

I'd kept my word to Edward and as soon as the new semester had started, I'd sat down with my counselor to discuss a career in professional testing. The good news was I was already on the right track and all of the classes I'd already taken were either in line for that career or would be a great help with it. My counselor had also recommended I continue taking my graphic design courses just in case I changed my mind. Again. _She knows me well_, I thought with a small smile.

Although I was on the right track, I'd still had to add an extra class to each semester to be able to graduate on time. I hadn't adjusted to the increase in workload yet, but I had high hopes for myself. At least this semester didn't include any spreadsheets so that was a major plus.

I had been being still and silent while lying there thinking, wanting to make absolute sure I wouldn't interrupt Edward's studying, but he still noticed me. Not only that, but he moved his books around to free up his hand so he could do that crazy, amazing, relaxing thing with his fingers in my hair. It had been almost three weeks since the night of Bad Ass Edward, as I'd come to call it, and his fingers were nearly completely healed with only a little soreness. The splints had come off last week and we'd celebrated with a night of dancing—this time without any assholes bothering us.

In the past few weeks, I'd also seen a sharp decline in Edward's anger and hostility. He still got bent out of shape a little too easily with Emmett, but he was quicker to calm and I hadn't seen that wild look in his green eyes in weeks. I liked to think part of it was his happiness over my so-far-successful quest to stop labeling him. But I had to give credit where it was due and the biggest help was Emmett mentioning how he felt Mary was a dog in the dirtiest, non-repeatable sense of the word. _That shit had made _my_ ears burn!_

Then again, his mood change might have more to do with focusing on school and spending most of his time lately here in his dorm room studying—it wasn't the most ideal break from everyone, but it was still a break. As busy as he was—as we both were—he still found time every day to text and email me. Some were just simple "thinking of you" notes while others were these heart stuttering works of poetic art; I didn't have the heart to even teasingly call them cheesy.

Edward's deep voice grabbed my attention. "Are you hungry?"

"Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm friggen starved. What's wrong with you, Cullen? Don't you know you're supposed to feed your girlfriend?" I teased, turning my head so he could see my smile.

He grinned and tapped my nose with his finger. "Said girlfriend could have reminded me, Swan. She knows we both get lost in our studies and forget to break for food."

"Her low caloric intake created a fog in her brain that left her unable to do any reminding."

"If there was a fog in your brain, there's no way you could be so wordy."

I snorted as I sat up. "Shows what you know. The loopier I get, the wordier I get. You should see my ass on NyQuil. That is some bad ass shit right there."

"Then loopy would equal sick and I prefer you healthy and happy so I'll skip the demonstration."

I pressed my hands against his cheeks and pulled his lips down to mine. "So damn cute," I said before kissing him.

While Edward put his shoes on, I picked all of my stuff up and shoved it into my backpack. I really friggen hated the curfew shit, but living in the dorms was Edward's choice, not mine. And he was right to wait since he had no idea if he was going to be staying in the Portland area after graduating. _Graduation. Four months away._

I pushed those thoughts aside and focused on zipping up my jacket. "Ready?" I asked as I grabbed my backpack from the bed.

"That depends. Do you want me to stay over with you tonight?"

"Oh, God no! That would be _so_ unbearable," I said, forcing my lip to curl in mock disgust.

He snorted and then turned toward his closet. "I've caught on to how to read your sarcasm."

"Great. Now can you catch on to hurrying your ass up so your girlfriend can eat some friggen food?"

He laughed, and he also moved a little quicker and finished packing up his stuff. He locked up his room and we headed down the stairs and out to my car. I wasn't completely used to having Esme's car instead of my truck, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying the smooth drive and amazing sound system.

A sound system Edward was currently killing by allowing something screechy and screamy to play at volumes suitable only for the hard of hearing. I reached over, rolled the volume down and then hit the CD button to put on some better music. Blue October's "Into the Ocean" began to fill the car and I smiled with satisfaction.

"I really don't think this is fair," Edward announced.

"What?"

"I don't have musical control in my car because you claim it's the passenger's right. I don't have it in your car because you complain about what I pick. But if you'd give it a chance, you might change your mind."

"Possibly," I agreed. "But there is no fucking way I'm listening to some ass scream into my ear about how depressed he is about his life. I hate songs that are just about the perils and bad side of life. Every friggen day we're faced with that shit, so I prefer my music to be uplifting. At the very least, I prefer it to not grate the shit out of my ears."

"We should have taken a break much earlier. You're already wedged pretty far into cranky mode."

"Dude!" I cried, reaching out and pinching his arm. "You seriously need to keep some thoughts in your head. Even if you feel I'm being cranky, you don't friggen say it out loud. That just gives me reason to deny the cranky while becoming more so."

Edward gave a small, scoffing laugh at my warning. "If it's the truth, you can't be mad at me for it."

"I can be mad at you for anything I damn well please, Cullen. My mood, my choice."

He snorted and I could see from the corner of my eye he had his lips pulled up in a cocky smirk. It looked awful similar to the grin Emmett displayed before giving me a reason to try and pummel his big ass.

"The complicated and twisting mind of one Bella Swan. Be prepared for complete confusion and decimation," Edward announced as if he were the caller inviting fair goers in to see the freak show. I wasn't expecting a comment like that from him and it made me laugh.

"You're damn lucky I found that shit funny, E. Otherwise, you might be walking to dinner."

"First you'd have to pick where we're going."

All teasing was forgotten in favor of debating what should be our sustenance and where we might want to partake of it. We eventually ended up sitting opposite each other in a comfy booth with a warm chicken sandwich in front of me and some kind of mini healthy pizza creation in front of Edward.

"You know what really gripes my ass?" I asked. I'd meant it as a segue into further conversation, but Edward answered before I could continue.

"Men who can't take a hint," he offered up with a grin.

"That too. But Alice and Emmett hardly ever friggen crack a book and they get grades as good as, if not better, than us poor studying saps. Jazz has practically moved into the library and I haven't seen Rose unless she wanders into the kitchen for food or across the hall to the bathroom. Not to mention that I haven't seen you even when sitting beside you."

"My siblings have their photographic memories to thank for that. All they've ever had to do is read or write something down and it sticks with them. I can only remember a couple of times when Alice needed help and it only took a few tutoring sessions before she caught on. If Emmett's ever had trouble, he's never mentioned it to anyone."

"I'm just glad there are no spreadsheets this semester."

"You were doing much better by the end of last semester."

I nodded in agreement while swallowing down my food. "Only because of your superb teaching skills."

Edward had been closing his mouth around the tip of his pizza slice, but stopped and pulled it away, narrowing his green eyes at me. "What do you want?"

"What?" I cried, faking indignation. "Why would you assume I wanted something?"

"Because your idea of a real compliment would have been to say you were glad I was good at teaching you because I sucked in some other area, followed by you snorting and laughing at your own joke."

I sighed and made my shoulders droop. "Damn. You've learned too many of my tricks to continue being my boyfriend." I sat up straighter and waved a hand at Edward. "Be gone, Cullen. I banish your learn-ed ass."

He covered his mouth while he laughed, his eyes seeming to sparkle and shine with his amusement. When he was done with his bite and had washed it down, he repeated his earlier question. "What do you want?"

"Tomorrow's my night to cook and I want to make Esme's enchiladas. You don't have to help prepare or cook or anything, just instruct."

"No need to bribe. Besides, I like to cook with you."

"E, you totally rock."

He ignored me in favor of another bite of his pizza.

I pulled the entertainment paper I'd grabbed for us to look through closer and flipped it open. It wasn't anything fancy, but it did give a listing of art, shows, music, and other types of entertainment you could see in the city. Of course, one of the first things my eyes landed on was the one thing I'd wanted badly to attend, but hadn't had any luck in getting tickets to see. _Maybe next year_, I thought without any real conviction. Life right now was just too busy for such things and tickets were costly.

I swallowed down my food and tapped the page with my fingertip. "Look who's going to be in town this weekend."

Edward slightly shifted the paper toward himself. "Linkin Park. Cool."

"Uh, no. Cool would be if we were going to be seeing them. This is the dangling of the proverbial carrot and its inevitable yanking away."

"If you wanted to go, why didn't you get tickets?" he asked, pushing the paper back toward me.

"Tried and failed. Logged in as soon as they went on sale, but was already too late to get anything other than in the nosebleed section. My attempts to win them off the radio did not go any better."

"You actually tried that?" Edward asked. He didn't laugh out right, but I could hear it in his tone.

I looked at him like the insane man he clearly was deserved. "Dude! Linkin Park. Nuff said."

He smiled and leaned back in his booth, either completely missing the look I was giving him or ignoring it—probably the later. "I don't know much about live shows. Is third row floor good?"

I sputtered and stuttered and looked like a complete arse, I'm sure. "Are you serious?" I cried when I found my voice.

His lips pulled up to the left and he slowly shook his head while keeping his eyes locked on me. "I know they're good seats. It's why I picked them."

"See, that shit's just not funny. My shenanigan's are cheeky and fun. Yours are just friggen cruel and tragic, which makes them not shenanigan's at all really. Evil shenanigan's."

"Nice," Edward said, nodding his head and smiling wide. "_Super Troopers_, right?"

"Very good, Grasshopper. You show great promise as a movie aficionado."

"Thank you. And I'm not joking."

I sat there, just staring and waiting for him to crack a smile and give up on his odd attempt at humor.

He didn't.

I set my arms on the table and narrowed my eyes at him. "E, don't fuck with me when it comes to LP. Do you really have tickets?"

He leaned up and pulled his wallet from his back pocket. The black leather flap opened and he reached into the billfold compartment. Two white cards that looked an awful lot like tickets appeared and dangled in front of my face.

Slowly, reverently, careful not to make them disappear just from the sheer volume of my want for them, I reached up and took the tickets, flipping them over to read the printed information. Linkin Park. Floor. Third row. _Nuff. Fucking. Said._

And then the reality of how expensive these must have been washed over me and muted my excitement like cold water tossed on warm embers.

"No. No. No. Don't you dare," Edward ordered. "Don't even think about being stubborn and citing costs."

"Or what?" I challenged, half amused and half pissed at his attempt to be bossy.

Edward got up and slid in next to me, wrapping an arm around my back. "Don't make there be an 'or', Angel. Please just be excited again."

"Don't use 'Angel' and that pleading tone against me," I countered. "You know I can't afford to go halves on these," I said, waving the tickets at him. "Just like you know I hate for you to pay for everything."

"I do know those things. But I also know you paid for all of the gas to and from Forks for Christmas, which was nearly the same as the cost of a ticket. So technically, you already paid for your ticket."

He must have seen that I wasn't even close to being convinced by his little argument because he suddenly switched tactics. All I could see was green and my heart was doing the tango from just the slightest brush of his lips against mine. What he said next was broken up by small kisses to my lips that sent tingling currents racing throughout me while his hands caressed my arms and back in a way that set every nerve in my body on edge. "And if that doesn't work, then I'll gladly set up a non-monetary payment plan for you. I'm sure that devilish side of yours would enjoy the chance to come out and play with me."

_Damn ninja mind-fuck shit. What were we talking about? I can't friggen remember! I just want to go home and find out more about this payment plan of his. Shit! Think Bella!_

"Come with me, Angel. Don't make me go without you."

_Shit! He doesn't mean it that way, Bella._ My brain understood the interpretation was all wrong, but the knowledge wasn't helping to clear my head. _If he'd just get his lips and arms off me for a second—You'd have to mean it, you perv, and you don't._

"Will you accept the ticket, Angel?"

"What time are you picking me up?" my stupid-ass mouth asked all on its own.

Edward chuckled and then gave me a real kiss, one that lasted until my air was all gone, my lungs burned, and my head spun. While I caught my breath, my forehead rubbed against the smooth cotton of his sweater from shaking my head in both defeat and wonderment. _Why the hell haven't I become immune to him yet?_

I had lost and there was no point in sulking about it. But I was curious about something. "You know, I was about to say you waited late to tell me and that I might not be able to get my schedule changed around, but I think you must have already had that done since I'm working Saturday morning and Sunday night instead of the opposite like usual."

"Kate and I might have had a conversation about it," Edward replied.

"Alright, E. I'm going to give in and accept. But just this once."

"Of course," he replied, not sounding for a second like he accepted that.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Bella!" Alice trilled as she sauntered into my room.

"Oh, ye of short stature and loud voice, have you forgotten your banishment from this room?" I asked, not even bothering to take my eyes off my laptop screen. I had a huge test first thing in the morning and as much as I loved my best friend, I just didn't have time for her right now.

"You need a break." She said the words in this tone that implied no amount of arguing on my part would make them untrue. She must have forgotten who she was dealing with.

I lifted my eyes just enough to see her tiny frame standing at the edge of my bed. "I love you, but go away."

"Bells, save your breath and just agree," Rose called from the doorway. She looked as defeated as she'd sounded. Her hair was pulled up into a sloppy ponytail with a few curls having sprung free to frame her face and tired blue eyes. For the first time in a long time, she was dressed in a simple grey t-shirt and shorts and both were rumpled.

"It's only a couple of hours," Alice said as she grabbed for my laptop.

I moved my laptop out of her reach. "What part of important test are you failing to understand, Pipsqueak?"

"Rosalie and you have been studying non-stop all week long. You both need a small break and to pamper your tired bodies a little. I've made dinner and the three of us are going to sit down without any books or computers and eat together. And after that, we're going to do face masks while listening to relaxing music."

I groaned at the description of a night of torturous chick shit she'd just given. She knew I hated that crap and that it very rarely had a calming effect on me. Usually it just made me twice as antsy and I ended up having to go for a run or head to the gym if it was dark out.

"Come on, Bella. I swear if you don't find it relaxing, I'll go to the gym with you and read whatever study materials you have out loud while you work out." _Damn best friend knowing just how to friggen twist me into agreement._

"Alright. But two hours is it, Alice. Once the time is up, I'm coming back in here to study and any further interruption from you will end with your little ass hogtied and duct-taped on your bed," I threatened.

"Deal!" she cried, sounding and looking way too friggen excited.

"What are we eating?" Rose asked as the three of us left my room.

"I made honey glazed salmon with steamed cauliflower. It's brain food for my two beloved roomies," Alice replied. From the smile on her face, I figured she was feeling pretty damn proud of herself.

And after the first bite of fish had wrestled my taste buds into complete and utter submission, I was feeling pretty damn proud of her too. I leaned toward her and nudged her with my elbow. "Thanks, Ali. This is great."

"Welcome," she chirped, smiling wide. "So I hear you have a big Saturday night planned."

I shook my head while swallowing my food. "No, that insane brother of yours that I'm dating for reasons I still haven't friggen figured out has big plans for us."

"Oh, don't even bother pretending to be annoyed," Rose said, pointing her fork at me. "You damn well know you've been eating up every second of the way he is with you."

"Okay, maybe so. But could he just stop with the spending a little bit? Flowers, dinners, expensive tickets … and he always finds a way to make things work out where he pays the bill and I don't even get a chance to offer," I explained.

"No," Rose said simply.

"What do you mean 'no'? There has to be a way to stop it," I argued.

Rose shook her head. "I've been with Emmett for nearly eight years and it's just the way it is. In fact, the more you argue and fight with him about it, the worse it's going to get. He'll get into this mode where he feels like he has to prove just how much he's not denting his wallet and then when you're all pissed and ready to scratch his eyes out, you'll realize you have no one to blame but yourself and then that cocky ass grin will be on his face because he'll know he won. Take it from someone who has been there and done that."

"It's not even a big deal," Alice added. "It's only a concert. And it's not like he had to pay extra for the tickets. A few of the football players moonlight as event staffers and they hooked Edward up with the tickets."

"But see, I can't look at it and see just tickets or just a concert. He got the tickets because he knows I love Linkin Park. What's in it for him?"

"You mean besides a night out with his girlfriend with her being in a very happy and appreciative mood?" Rose's grin said all the things her words hadn't and I felt a similar grin creep out onto my face.

"Now you get it," Alice said with a laugh. "The students are finally getting to teach the master a few things."

I snorted. "Yeah, I haven't felt like the master of much of anything lately. Life consists of school, work, school work, a passing greeting to the people in my life, and a few hours of sleep here and there. Bree's all pissed at me because we haven't done anything together since just before Christmas."

"Bree needs to pull his thong out of his ass and behave," Rose declared. "And if he'd get around to enrolling in college, he'd be too busy to get cranky."

"I think it's got more to do with Lance not being around as much right now. Bree's just got to understand college demands first place and we must obey," Alice said.

"Oh, like you would know," I scoffed. "Your ass hasn't cracked a book all week."

"Not true. You haven't seen it because I've been in the library with a study group every day this week," Alice replied.

"What about Emmett?" I asked.

"Em has been talking to his counselor about summer internships," Rose said, not looking all that happy about it.

I waited for her to say more, but she didn't. "Isn't that a good thing, Rose?"

"Yeah, sure it is," she said, faking a smile. I knew it was fake because her blue eyes didn't match it, having more of a lonely look to them. "It's just … He's not looking at places in Portland," she continued. "He's not even looking at places in this area. And where he interns, he'll probably stay for law school."

"Where is he looking?" Alice asked before I could.

Rose's shoulder came up in a shrug, but I could tell from the tense lines around her mouth that she was worried. "Chicago. Boston. New York."

"That's a good thing, though, isn't it? Wouldn't you have more opportunities in Public Relations in big cities like those?" I asked.

Her blue eyes took on the particular shine that only comes from barely contained tears. "It could be if he'd said anything about me going with him."

"Oh, Rose," I said softly. I set my plate down and crawled over to her, giving her a tight hug. "You know he wants you with him. He probably hasn't said much about it yet because he doesn't know where he wants to go. You know how Em is. He always waits until the last minute."

"I really want to believe that, Bells," she sobbed into my shoulder.

Alice's arms joined mine around our friend. "Bells is right. My brother doesn't think the same way as the rest of us and I'm sure it hasn't occurred to him at all that you might be worried he's going to leave you. To him, it's a given you'll be with him."

"I don't know," Rose sniffled, using her napkin to dab at her eyes.

"Come on, Rose. Don't get all weepy and insecure about Em," I encouraged. "Remember how sweet he was while your ankle and knee were banged up? How he kept making your meals and making sure you had anything and everything you wanted? The man even tried to make you cheeseburger soup just because he'd seen it on television and thought you would like it. Em wouldn't do that for just anyone. Hell, he wouldn't even do that shit for Ali and she's his sister!"

"Again, she's right," Alice said, nodding toward me. "He may not come right out and say it often, but he does love you, Rosalie. He wants you and only you."

Rose gave out a nervous laugh. "You guys are right. I think I'm just missing him so much that it's making me slightly insane. Graduation just seems like it's speeding toward me and there's so much work this semester."

"I don't know what I would have done if Jasper had decided to go somewhere else for his psychology masters," Alice said as we returned to our original spots on the floor. "I wouldn't want to just up and transfer in the middle of my studies, but I also couldn't see being hours away from him again. It was so hard when I was still in Forks and he was out here."

"What about Edward?" Rose asked. "Does he know what he's going to do yet?"

I shook my head while poking at my fish. I'd known the question was coming, but it hadn't really helped me to ignore the sadness I felt every time I thought about May and his graduation. And really, what the hell was the sadness for anyway? It wasn't like I hadn't known from the start he was going to be graduating and possibly leaving.

I just hadn't really cared if he left or not before.

He was older than me and that meant he would be starting his career before me. It was just that simple. If he did leave, I'd just … well, I wasn't exactly sure about that because I'd never had to face it before.

I stopped my thoughts before I could start to over-think them and forced a smile for my friends. "All he knows is that he wants to spend a week in the woods alone with me as his graduation gift."

"Camping? On the ground?" Alice questioned. Her expression made it clear she ranked his idea right up there with standing around in a bug infested room.

"Bells likes camping, though," Rose said in my defense.

"Thank you, Rose," I told her.

"No problem, Bells. Ali tends to forget you like it rough and wild."

"Oh, shut the fuck up," I said, leaning over and pinching Rose on the thigh.

"Bitch!" she squealed as she jerked away from me.

"I hope Edward knows what's he's getting himself into by going out into the woods alone with you," Alice said. "We're likely to get a call that you've left him tied to a tree, butt naked, and covered in honey as retribution for some asinine thing he's said or done."

I shook my head while quickly swallowing my food so I could respond—no friggen way was I passing up a gem like this. "I'd lick the honey off of him myself before I left him."

"Ooh, la, la," Rose and Alice sang together before dissolving into giggles and snorts.

"Alright, Ali," I said when she finally stopped laughing. "I have to give credit where it's due and this break was not only needed, it's perfect."

"Of course it is," she replied with a grin.

I could only smile and shake my head at her. I was damn lucky to have a best friend like her and I not only knew it, I appreciated it.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Are you excited?" Edward asked.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Dude, how are you missing the fact that I'm bouncing in line next to you?"

"I thought you were warming yourself up," he said with a little laugh.

I stepped closer to him and slid my arms under his jacket and around his back, placing a small kiss to his chin. "If I needed warming, I'd let you do the honors."

He smiled down at me. "Good to know."

I gave him a short hug and then let go of him so I wouldn't annoy him with my inability to keep calm. I'd woken up too excited to be still and it had only increased as the start of the concert grew closer. Kate and Angela had had a field day at work making fun of me, taking full advantage of the rare opportunity to tease me.

But I must not have been as annoying as I thought because Edward pulled me right back into his arms. "I love seeing you so excited and smiling so wide."

"All compliments of you. I cannot believe we are going to be seeing Linkin Park on stage in just under an hour."

"Actually," Edward said, pausing to show off that half smile of his. "We'll be meeting them not long after we get inside and we'll be a lot closer than third row."

My bouncing immediately stopped and I stood there staring up at him. There were two possibilities here, each as likely as the other. Either I'd heard him wrong, or he'd spent more money than he'd let on previously.

"You said 'meeting'," I told him when I was able to speak.

"VIP privileges," he replied, his smile turning into a cocky smirk. "Unless backstage passes don't appeal to you at all."

My reaction earned a round of cheers and whistles from those closest to us—I grabbed Edward's face and kissed the hell of him. "I can't even be annoyed about the cost," I said, smiling as I watched him pant and try to catch his breath.

He just grinned at me.

Not even twenty minutes later, we were in a room with friggen Linkin Park. Not only that, but _Chester Bennington_ actually shook my hand! His skin on my skin! I touched genius!

I was very proud to say I resisted all urges to squeal like Alice and acted cool and calm in front of the band. We didn't get to stay long because the guys needed to do final checks before the start of the show, but we would be allowed back again once the show ended and I was very much looking forward to it.

Edward and I found our spots down on the floor in the third row and that was when I unleashed a girly squeal and jumped into his arms, wrapping my arms and legs around him and kissing every inch of his face while he laughed and tried not to drop me.

I finally got control of myself and let go of him, mostly so we wouldn't end up on the floor. "This is so going down as one of the best nights of my life ever," I told him.

Edward chuckled and used my hips to pull me flush against him. "I'm glad you're enjoying this and not worrying about something as silly as cost. You should never worry about putting a price on happiness, Bella. You have to take it wherever you can and enjoy it fully."

I slid my fingers into his hair and brushed my thumbs over his temples, searching his green eyes for some sign that he felt as happy as I did. And then I decided to just ask him. "Are you happy, E?"

"More than I can say." He brought his lips down to mine and kissed me so softly and with such tenderness that I wanted nothing more right then than to be able to explain all the ways I cared about him and how important he was to me. Instead, I just stood there and hugged him, not letting go until the lights dimmed and a drum was experimentally hit.

I turned, stuck my fingers into my mouth, and whistled long and loud. _Friggen Linkin Park just a few feet away from me and Edward by my side. Best damn night for sure._

The drum and guitar beat started for "New Divide" and I let out a scream along with the rest of the crowd surrounding us. Edward laughed and pulled me in front of him, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder. I managed to deal with it and not bop him in the chin while bouncing around and signing along with the band.

"_So give me reason_

_To prove me wrong_

_To wash this memory clean …_"

Edward pressed a kiss to my cheek and I calmed down a little, leaning back into him and just swaying along with him to the music. And then he surprised me by singing me a few of the lyrics. It was actually kind of hard to decide whose voice I liked better right then, Chester or Edward.

"_There was nothing inside_

_But memories left abandoned._

_There was nowhere to hide,_

_The ashes fell like snow_

_And the ground gave in_

_Between where we were standing_

_And your voice was all I heard._"

Edward stopped singing as the tempo picked up and then we both joined in with the people around us, moving our heads and excitedly cheering for the band.

As the song came to a close, Edward clapped while I stuck my fingers in my mouth and gave out another loud whistle.

The next song up was "Bleed it Out" and I screamed even louder than before since this was one of my absolute favorite songs—there was a small but fine distinction between merely favorite LP song and absolute favorite. _I'm an LP junkie, deal with it!_

It was apparently Edward's favorite too because I suddenly found myself in a contest with him to recite the lyrics as fast as the band _and_ get them right.

Edward screwed up on the second set of verses, saying "candy pane" instead of "candy paint". I had to hang onto his arm to stay on my feet from all of the laughing I was doing.

"What the fuck is a 'candy pane'?" I asked once I was kind of in control of myself.

Edward just shrugged and smiled. With him looking so sweet and innocent, what could I do besides hug him tightly and thank him again for the experience?

I'd tried really hard not to have any expectations of how Edward might behave at a rock concert, but I would be lying if I said I hadn't been a tiny bit afraid he wouldn't enjoy the noise, packed crowd, and constant body bumping. Not only was he enjoying it, but he was being almost as loud as me and his hair was a complete mess from the head-banging and sweating he had going on. He looked perfect in a totally disheveled and rumpled way.

As was often the case, time flew simply because we'd been having so much fun. The last song of the night ended up being another of my absolute favorites, "Somewhere I Belong". The words were so meaningful to me, striking chords in my heart the way nothing else ever had. All of my excited energy faded into the background and I just stood there in Edward's arms, swaying to the beat with him while silently mouthing the words. I never really knew if I was just singing along with the song or actually praying; I could no longer count how many times these lyrics had filled my ears and heart.

"_I wanna heal._

_I wanna feel_

_What I thought was never real._

_I wanna let go of the pain I felt so long._

_I wanna heal._

_I wanna feel_

_Like I'm close to something real._

_I wanna find something I've wanted all along,_

_Somewhere I belong._

_I will never know myself_

_Until I do this on my own._

_And I will never feel_

_Anything else until my wounds are healed._

_I will never be anything until I break away from me._

_I will break away._

_I will find myself today._"

It had taken me a long time to break away from Dysfunction Central Bella, but I had done it. I'd had amazing help from Charlie and Esme and Carlisle—even the therapist lady had helped some. The biggest bulk of it, though, had come from just opening up and letting in Alice. And through my friendship with her, I was able to really let in Rosalie. And once I had my girls backing me up, Jasper and Emmett were easy to accept.

And now here I stood in the middle of a friggen LP concert, working on letting in the man who had made this night possible. I turned in Edward's arms and gripped his face, pulling his lips down to mine. He was surprised at first, but that quickly changed to him being just as eager as me to give and take of this heated kiss between us. Right then, there was no concert going on, no hundreds of sweaty bodies all around us, and nothing more important than using our lips to show him how much I appreciated tonight and every night with him so far.

When we finally came up for air, Edward gave me a goofy grin while shoving his sweaty hair away from his forehead. "So you liked the concert then?" he asked, his voice scratchy from all the screaming and singing we'd been doing for the past couple of hours.

My own voice didn't sound much better. "Nah. Chester just got me all hot and bothered and you were closest."

Edward rolled his eyes at me and pulled me against his chest, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. "My angel is more devil tonight."

"That's every night," I scoffed.

"Sure," he replied, not sounding like he believed me.

We had to wait at least fifteen minutes for the crowd around us to thin and allow us to move forward and toward the back stage entrance. We showed our passes to the large men blocking the way, one of whom knew Edward and clamped him on the shoulder as we passed through.

"Holy shit! I'm dating a man with connections," I said, looking back over my shoulder at the guard guys.

"There's plenty still to learn about me, Bella," Edward replied, grinning down at me.

"Let's start with how you interact with rock stars," I said as we approached the band's door and another set of people checking badges. "And don't worry, E. I promise not to leave you for any of the band members."

"Good because I really don't want to end up in jail for attacking my favorite band to hold onto my girl."

I chuckled and leaned up, brushing a kiss to his cheek. "You are too cute, E."

"Shut up," he teased, ruffling my hair and then pulling me in front of him so I could enter first. _Best damn boyfriend!_

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Look it, E!" I said as I showed off the picture in my hands for easily the tenth time. "Autographs from every member of LP."

"I know. I was there." His smile reminded me of that indulgent parent one Esme was so good at giving me when I was overly excited about something.

"You are the best boyfriend ever, and I'm not just saying that shit, E. I really mean it. And I hope to hell I'm at least half as good to you as you are to me because you seriously deserve it."

He just laughed softly and reached out for my hand.

I gave it to him and let him pull me into his side. And then I had a brilliant idea. "Edward, let's go downtown and celebrate."

"What's downtown?"

"All kinds of shit. Some really cool bars. Oh, and we can stop in at Drake's place and you can meet him."

"Drake?"

"Yeah, he's my Portland guy. He did my fleur-de-lis."

Edward's hand dropped down to my lower back, resting against my tattoo.

"Don't worry, E," I said with a laugh. "He's a total professional."

"That's good to know."

"Yeah, he just asked for one squeeze since I have what he considers to be the most perfect ass in all of Portland. But after that, it was total business only."

The look on Edward's face was absolutely priceless and I enjoyed a good laugh over it as we finished our walk to the Volvo. And since Edward had no clue where we were going, I got to drive. And of course, the music we blasted and sang with all the way there was Linkin Park.

I bounded into Drake's shop and ran up behind him, jumping onto his back and giving his cheek a peck. One of his arms shot out and welded me to his back while his head jerked to see the face of his attacker.

He laughed and gripped my arms, pulling them away from his neck so I had to get off and stand up on my own. "Bells, you stupid ass."

"You made the opportunity so perfect just standing here and talking with Shawna. How could I possibly resist?"

Shawna laughed while Drake just shook his head at me.

I turned to find Edward and grabbed his hand, pulling him right up next to me and then slinking my arms around his torso. "Drake. Shawna. This is Edward. My man."

"Poor dude," Shawna said, holding her fake ass serious expression for all of two seconds before laughing. "Nice to meet you," she said as she offered her hand to Edward.

"Shawna runs the place and keeps Drake in line," I explained while they shook hands.

"That's just Bella's imagination," Drake said as he took a turn shaking Edward's hand. "I'm the damn boss around here and these women know it."

"Right," Shawna and I said together while rolling our eyes at Drake.

"So what has you gracing us with your presence?" Drake asked. "Are you finally ready to put something on your right shoulder?"

"Nah. No work tonight. I'm just showing E some of my haunts," I said as I plopped down in an empty chair. "He's a fan of my tats."

"What about you, Edward?" Drake questioned. The grin on his face said pretty clearly he expected Edward to refuse. I did too, but just because I didn't think Edward was ready for a tat just yet.

"I don't know when I might get one, but I do have something very specific in mind for it," Edward replied.

Drake got this calculating look on his face and before I could say anything, he'd slung an arm around Edward's shoulders and led him off toward the back.

"Where the fuck is he taking my man?" I asked Shawna.

"To put down on paper whatever idea your man has in his head. It's been a while since anyone came in asking for something truly original," she replied, handing me a shot glass full of dark brown liquid.

I sniffed at it and then smiled. "Whiskey."

She nodded as she sat down next to me. "Drake was given this bottle of Irish whiskey from a very satisfied customer. I figured out of all of our regulars, you would be the one to appreciate the taste."

I took a small sip to test the burn and just barely managed not to cough. I chuckled and wiped at my watery eyes. "Gotta love the Irish." And then I downed the rest of my shot and held out the small glass for another.

"So your man, huh?" she questioned, giving me a shitty smirk.

"Yeah, I remember what I said the last time I was here," I replied. "But in my defense, I had no idea at the time there were any good, decent men who were still single."

The last time I'd come in here had been after a spectacular fail of a blind date that had happened in front of no less than twenty people and had included screaming, cursing, and a glass being tossed at a certain asshole's head. Since Alice had been the one to set me up, she had been the last person I'd wanted consoling me so I'd popped in to see Drake and Shawna.

"Tell me about this magic man who's changed your stubborn mind," she said as she offered me another shot.

I waved away the offered drink; I wanted a light buzz to enhance my great night, not to get smashed. "Edward is … Honestly, he's everything I never thought I could enjoy about a guy. I'd always thought the romantic, quiet ones were boring. But he's not. If anything, he's more surprising than any guy I've ever been with. I never know what he's going to do next. Sometimes, it's something really small, like showing up at my job to share my break with me. Other times, he sends me these emails where he describes what our day together was like for him and thanks me for the amazing time he had. Mostly, I just marvel at how he sees me and wonder how the hell I stumbled onto him."

"You've got it bad," Shawna said with a small laugh. "I remember when I first felt that way for Drake. Not that I don't now, but it's just different. We've been together for a few years so all the new has worn off and we're not so much complacent as just really comfortable with our routine."

"Routine," I groaned. "I hate that damn word. I don't think I could deal with not getting to have some kind of spontaneity in every one of my days."

"You're going to be pleasantly surprised when you find out all you're willing to put up with just to be with your soul mate."

I opened my mouth to argue, but the sound of a tattoo gun kicking on stopped me. I scrambled out of the chair and headed for the back to check on Edward—and found the door locked.

I used the side of my fist to bang hard on the door. "Drake, what the fuck are you doing?"

"Go sit down and shut up," he replied. "You'll find out soon enough."

"Dude, seriously open this damn door and let me talk to Edward before you touch that gun to his skin."

"Too late." He didn't even try to hide his amusement.

"Shit!" I barked. And I may also have kicked the door for good measure.

"Bella, I know what I'm doing," Edward called out from the other side of the door.

"You damn well better 'cause I'm not taking the blame for this shit," I warned him.

"Trust me, Angel," he replied.

"I really fucking hate those words," I grumbled to the locked door.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"You have a tattoo." The words came out as more laugh than speech as I traced the skin to the left of Edward's brand new tat.

"A work of art," Drake corrected. "Bells, you make damn sure you help him take care of it. If that shit gets infected and ruined, I'll kick your ass."

"Like I'd let him get sick that way, you fucking douche," I growled, pushing Drake away from me.

He ignored me and addressed my newly inked man. "Edward, listen to what she tells you to do to keep it clean and you'll be fine. She may not know much else, but she knows how to care for tats."

"Drake, stop being such a dick," Shawna said, slapping Drake in the chest. "How do you plan to keep Bella as a customer if you keep insulting her?"

"It's because I insult her that she brings her ass back here. She knows I'm going to give it to her straight."

"No one is giving anything to my girlfriend but me," Edward said, his words slightly slurred. After Shawna had unlocked the door for me, we'd given him a shot of the Irish whiskey to dull the initial pain that came with the start of the tattoo process. He'd also asked for a shot each time he'd taken a break and he was very nicely buzzed at the moment.

"Alright, he's patched up. Bells, get his shirt on him and then we'll head over to Zeke's and grab some beers to celebrate the masterpiece created here tonight," Drake demanded. He helped me get Edward into a sitting position and then he left to start locking up the place with Shawna.

I grabbed Edward's shirt from the end of the table and he grabbed me, pulling me to stand between his parted legs. "How do you feel?" I asked, resting my hands on his thighs so we could be eye to eye.

"Really good. I'm a little concerned about how I'm going to feel when the whiskey wears off, but I'm glad I did it."

"I would hope to hell so, E. That's a pretty damn permanent tattoo you got yourself."

He lifted one of my hands up and held it between both of his while looking up at me through his lashes. "Do _you_ like it?"

I couldn't believe how nervous he sounded and it took everything in me to behave and not tease him. I pulled away and hopped up beside him on the table so I could have a clear view of the tattoo again.

"It's beautiful," I said after a good minute of staring at it.

Edward had described his vision to Drake, Drake had drawn it out on paper and made a stencil from it, and now I was looking at the full color version of it sitting between Edward's shoulder blades. A pale winged angel in a flowing brown dress with gold highlights was spread across his skin. There was a fire near her feet trying to consume her, but it wasn't even singeing her dress or turning the color of her pale skin. Her hair was blowing in an unseen breeze and she looked ready for anything. She also looked like me, with her brown hair, brown eyes, and heart-shaped face, and I knew better than to believe that was just coincidence.

"It's you," Edward said simply.

I pressed my forehead and lips to his back, careful to avoid his new tattoo. "I know."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Alice's POV:**

"It's not working."

"Try again."

The doorknob was forcefully jiggled again, just like it had been moments ago when it had awoken me from my restful sleep. _Of all the nights for Jasper and Emmett to decide to sleep in their dorm room!_

I inched closer to the door and grabbed the baseball bat from behind the entertainment center, cursing Emmett for making us have to hide it back there.

"No, no. That's your car key. Use the other key," a raspy female voice instructed.

"What other key?" a husky male voice questioned.

"Let me get down and see."

"No, stay put, Spider Monkey."

The female cackled loudly.

"It doesn't fit," the male said.

"That's what she said," the female replied. That kind of response was very familiar and I suddenly had a very bad feeling.

"I don't think this is the right door," the male pretty much yelled.

"Ssh! We're gonna wake the short one and the blond one and they will attack us with claws and … and shit."

_Short one and blond one? Please no! Please let it really be a wrong door! Of all the damn times to not be able to reach the peephole!_

I took in a deep breath before slowly and quietly flipping the lock on the door. I took one more steadying breath, threw the door open, and hurriedly joined my hand to the one already around the baseball bat.

"I've got a bat and I know how to use it," I threatened.

Bella blinked from her spot on Edward's back while my brother stared opened-mouth at the spot the door used to be, holding a key out between his fingers.

"It's the short one I was telling you about," Bella whisper-yelled to Edward.

"Should we run?" he asked.

"You run. I'll hold on," she replied.

"Get your asses in here now," I ordered, pointing toward the couch with the bat.

Bella slid off of Edward and the two of them entered the apartment, both of them giggling like a couple of elementary school girls.

"Where have you two been?" I asked as I closed and re-locked the door. "The concert ended hours ago."

"Celebrating," Bella trilled, throwing her arms out into the air. "I have autographs!"

"She has autographs," Edward agreed, smiling down at Bella.

"And!" Bella yelled out as she shoved her hand into my face. "Chester touched me."

Edward growled and pulled Bella against his chest, wrapping her up in his arms and even crossing his leg over hers. "My Bella."

She giggled. She actually _giggled_ at his possessive behavior. I knew right then and there my best friend was completely smashed, something she hadn't been in almost a year. Sober Bella would have pushed my brother away and yelled some crass curse word at him for acting that way.

The knowledge that she was not even a little sober mixed with having seen right away that Edward was completely shitfaced made my heart lurch in fear for what could have happened to them all alone and drunk in the city. Granted this wasn't as dangerous of a city as New York, but it was enough to make me fearful for them.

Just as quickly as the fear hit, it turned to anger. "Did you drive home like this?" I yelled at them.

"Woah! With a voice like that, you could shatter crystal," Bella told me, sounding truly awed.

"She cracked a window pane once," Edward announced. "The pain cracked the pane," he added, chuckling not so quietly.

"Tell me which of you drove so I know who to hit," I demanded.

"Not me!" Edward yelled out, throwing his hand into the air.

"Not it!" Bella called, lifting both of her hands into the air.

I growled at them and then yelled for backup. "Rosalie, get your ass in here!" I ordered. And then I turned back to the two drunken idiots in front of me, finding them laughing somewhat quietly with their heads pressed together.

Rustling sounds could be heard from Rose's room and within seconds, she was stomping her way into the living room, her blond hair flowing out behind her and her red eye-mask pushed up onto her head. "What the hell is wrong with you, Alice Cullen? I was sleeping and having a damn fine dream at that!"

"Ooh!" Bella sang, pointing at me and sending Edward into another fit of laughter.

"They're completely wasted AND they drove home!" I explained.

"We didn't drive," Bella argued.

"No Volvo here," Edward added. He turned his head toward Bella, the two of them stared at each for a long moment, and then they both started laughing all over again and leaning on each other to stay standing.

"Yellow, yellow," Bella sang.

"Mellow yellow," Edward added while continuing to laugh.

"Holy shit! They are totally smashed," Rose said, laughing a little her own self. "To have been a fly on the wall wherever they were partying tonight. In fact, I'm offended not to have been called up and invited over."

"We're drunken just a little," Edward said, attempting to stand up straight with Bella still hanging on him. He shushed Bella and then _he_ started laughing again.

"We had the bestest night, Ali. We met Linkin Park and hung with them twice," Bella said, holding up three fingers. "We celebrated and E got a tat."

"He what!" I screamed. "Bella, tell me you didn't!"

She looked upset I was angry with her and stuck her lip out in a pout. "He got it for himself, Ali. I didn't say nothing 'bout it." She cut her eyes toward my brother and her face suddenly lit up in a way I'd never seen before. "He loves me."

"I love her," Edward agreed, trying to kiss the top of her head and nearly missing.

"Alright, I think it's time for everyone to go to bed," Rose said. She took Bella's arm in one hand and Edward's in the other. "Alice, we'll sort this all out tomorrow, but for now, let's just sleep. They're too drunk for rational conversation, you're too angry, and I'm too damn tired."

I huffed and crossed my arms while I watched her take them into Bella's room and close the door on them. "A tattoo, Rosalie!" I said as soon as she looked my way.

"I heard you the first time, Alice," Rose replied, giving me a glare. "He said months ago he was interested in getting one. And even though she's drunk, I believe Bella. She cares about him and she wouldn't push him to do anything. And I bet you anything the drinking came _after_ the tattoo."

"This is bad."

"Why the hell are you freaking? She obviously had a good time with him, and from the 'yellow' talk, it sounds like they took a cab home. What's the problem?"

"Edward gets really into the moment and enjoys himself, but then when it's gone, he over-thinks and regrets. I don't want that happening with Bella."

Rose snorted at me and I narrowed my eyes at her, which she ignored. "You're insane if you don't think that already happened with the Mary shit. If they could get past that, they're going to be fine with the every day trials and tribulations of meshing Bella's quirks and very out-going personality with his introverted self."

I sighed and looked toward Bella's closed door, hoping Rose was right. I just wanted Bella to have some real happiness and I could see Edward was giving that to her. If I could stop either of them from screwing it up, then I would do it.

"Come on, Ali," Rose said as she pushed me down the hall and toward my room. "Get some rest and we'll tackle the drunken duo together in the morning."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

"What now?" Edward whispered, his head right next to mine as we sat on the edge of my bed and watched the door.

"The yelling stopped. I think we're not in trouble."

A deep sound rumbled through Edward's chest as he slung his arm over me and knocked me back into the bed, crawling above me. "You're in plenty of trouble, Angel-Devil."

"For what?" I asked through my laughter.

"All the teasing when I brought you up the stairs."

"I was just trying to hold on like you told me," I lied.

"Mmm," he hummed against my neck. "With your toes like a monkey. My spider monkey." His lips found mine and our tongues tangled together while our fingers tried to pull each other even closer.

"Clothes off," I managed to get out between kisses.

"I thought they were."

It took me a second to fully register his words and then I started to laugh against his lips, making him laugh with me.

We managed to untangle ourselves and then Edward kicked off his shoes, seeing how far across the room he could make them fly. He hit the wall near my desk and we listened for sounds of more yelling. My own shoes were in the living room, having been dropped in there while Alice was yelling at us. I didn't remember taking them off, but I did remember carrying them up with us and then tossing them near the sofa when the yelling had started.

When we were sure we weren't going to get yelled at for Edward making noise, we focused on getting undressed again. Edward tried to help me get my shirt off, but my elbow got stuck and then the shirt wrapped over my head, and I ended up pushing him away to force him to let go of the damn shirt. I heard him hit the floor while I struggled my way out of the fabric.

When I could finally see and breathe again, he was still sitting on the floor. His eyes were locked on his jeans as he fumbled with the buttons, failing again and again to pop them open.

I pulled him to his feet and gave the buttons a try myself, but I didn't have any better luck.

We tried to shimmy them down his hips, but all we ended up doing was making the skin around his hips red and irritated from the rough denim rubbing against him.

"E, the clothes don't wanna come off," I said, looking up at him.

He pouted and when he spoke, he sounded whiny and annoyed. "But I wanna be inside of you."

"Tomorrow, E. Let's just go to bed for now," I said, patting the thick white comforter.

He grinned and then crawled into the bed, tossing himself down on his side.

I lay down beside him, putting my head next to his on the pillow. "Thank you again for tonight."

His smile widened and his fingers caressed my cheek. "I love you."

"I wanna love you."

"You will."

I closed my eyes and smiled, thinking how nice that sounded.

"I'm tired," Edward announced.

I opened my eyes and looked right into his, noticing just how very tired he really was. "You're not used to such a big night, E. We'll have to fix that," I said as I stroked the skin above his eyebrows.

He made some kind of contented sound and his eyelids slipped down, hiding the green from me.

I rolled toward him a little and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Sleep, E. I'll make you breakfast in the morning."

His light snore was my only answer.

I smiled and kissed his lips softly before snuggling into his chest and laying his arm over me. Right here pressed up against his body, feeling his warmth and the comfort of his weight, this was the somewhere I belonged.

* * *

**A/N:** There you go lucky readers! Edward has his first ever tattoo! And the picture of it is up on the Worth the Burn page on my website. Next Saturday, you'll get to find out why Alice is so upset. You'll also get to see Bella grow up a little relationship-wise with Edward. As always, huge thanks to my partner in crime, Eternally Addicted, for her great ideas, song knowledge, and general ability to root around in my head and put these ideas into coherent order.

I've seen Eclipse once so far and am going again this weekend. I would have gone more if I didn't have that pesky day job of mine. But since I took vacation last week for some family time, I had to be good this week.

All of you have a wonderful Fourth of July weekend and Be Safe! And if you can spare a few minutes, go on over to the Xerox Thank You board and send our troops some cards for this holiday weekend. Links are both on my FF profile and my website. Thanks for reading!


	24. Learning As I Go

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, sex, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Learning As I Go**

**Chapter Song: "Hello" by Evanescence**

**Bella's POV:**

The surety that something was wrong startled me from a deep sleep and I jerked up onto my elbow, turning toward Edward. He was asleep on his stomach with one arm curled around his face and seemed to be sleeping peacefully enough. I set my head just below his shoulder, needing to feel the rise and fall of his chest with each breath and to hear the beat of his heart.

I sat up once I felt calmer and since I'd already forgotten why I'd woken up in the first place I started to chuckle at my silly behavior but quickly cut it off. The nervous sound of it upset me nearly as much as waking up in such an odd way. I needed a major distraction and I decided checking and cleaning Edward's tattoo was the perfect way to go.

He was sleeping so hard he didn't feel me remove his shirt or the bandage. I tossed the shirt on the floor and brought the bandage into the bathroom, tossing it into the small mesh basket I kept near the toilet. I picked out the softest washcloth I owned, put a drop of liquid soap into my hand, and headed back to the bed.

Straddling his back and being careful not to put any real weight on him, I very lightly rubbed the soap over the tattoo, creating a thin white film over the art. The next step was to pat dry the area and remove the soap. After that, I spread the ointment Drake had recommended months ago for my fleur over Edward's tattoo.

I left him shirtless so the air could get to his skin, letting it breathe and heal so it would accept the new ink, while I went back into my bathroom. Rather than wash just my hand, I put my entire body in the shower and then spent a few glorious minutes soaking up the hot water and enjoying the slight sting of it pounding away against my shoulders and back.

Last night had been … I was really going to have to get some new damn adjectives. Amazing and wonderful and perfect were getting used a little too often lately. Not that I hadn't also been using annoying, grumpy, and pain-in-the-ass for him, because I had. It was just that I'd _barely_ used them. And when he did something to deserve one of those words, there was a real reason behind it and not just some macho male bullshit or emo crap.

I smiled as I wrapped a towel around my hair and flipped it up onto my head, feeling pretty lucky to have things going so well with Edward. I slipped into the new robe Rose had given me for Christmas and made my way to the kitchen in search of caffeine and food.

"She has risen," Rose teased with a genuine smile on her face.

"Morning," Alice greeted, looking as though it taken every ounce of self control she had to be polite.

"One smiles and one really wants to stab. Were we _that_ loud getting in?" I asked, taking the coffee cup Rose had pushed toward me.

"She's just pissed because … Actually, I don't think she's even sure why she's so pissed," Rose said as she looked at Alice.

"What the hell is there to be pissed about, Half-pint? We had a great time together, we partied, and then we took a cab home," I replied.

"You left off the part about letting my brother get a tattoo," Alice said, practically spitting the words out.

I forced myself to breath deeply, though what I really wanted to do was yell at my best friend. She'd never acted this way with me before and I damn sure didn't deserve it right the hell now. "I had absolutely nothing to do with that shit, Alice. Of all people in this world, _you_ should know that already. I was sitting and talking with Shawna and the next thing I knew, Drake had the tat gun going and your brother was telling me not to worry. Oh, and that shit was coming from behind a locked fucking door."

"I can just imagine," Rose said with a laugh. "You must have been pissed."

I nodded in agreement. "I made Shawna find the key so we could get inside. By then, Drake had nearly the entire outline done so there was nothing to do but cheer Edward on and give him a shot to help dull the sting."

"What were you guys drinking?"

I smiled at the memory of the taste and how smooth it went down after the first shot. "True Irish whiskey. It was _the_ best I've ever had."

"You lucky bitch."

"Hello!" Alice trilled. "Can we focus here?"

"What the hell has your itty bitty teenie weenie self so fucking annoyed?" I asked, glaring at Alice.

"You let him get drunk when you know he's not used to alcohol," she replied, give her own, though less impressive, glare.

"See, there's that fucking word again. _Let_. So _let_ me tell you something, Alice Cullen … You're brother is his own fucking man. He liked the taste of the whiskey and he had Shawna give him a shot each time he had Drake give him a break during the tattooing. He did listen to my suggestion he eat when we got to Zeke's bar, and then he had a few beers and plain whiskey chasers with Drake, and half of my Captain and Coke. And you know what, Alice? He had _fun_. He was relaxed. He was joking with Drake and some of the other guys in the bar as if he'd known them forever. He wasn't worried about anything or thinking a second past what we were doing right then and there, and it had nothing to do with the alcohol.

"I wasn't going to say anything because he asked me not to, but he'll just have to understand your fucking attitude pissed me off to the point where I didn't feel like I had a choice. You know why he had so much fun last night, Alice? It was because you weren't there. You weren't there, Emmett wasn't there, Jasper wasn't there, and no offense, Rose, but neither were you. Edward has had his ass full of the fucking Mary comments that have been flying around since Christmas. All he wants to do is put it behind him and move past it, but you guys keep bringing it up. I don't even think you realize you're doing it half the time, except for Emmett. I know that fucker is doing it on purpose because he grins every single time he finds a way to edge her name into the conversation. And I know somewhere inside of you, you all think you're helping, but you're not. You're just pissing Edward off and frustrating him, and it needs to stop _now_."

Rose was staring at me with her lips parted and a look of pure shock on her face while Alice had tears streaming down her face. I felt bad she was upset enough to cry, but she had pushed me into it with her fucking "let" bullshit.

Rose recovered first; she cleared her throat, glanced at Alice, and then looked up at me. "I'm sorry for my part in upsetting Edward. I honestly didn't mean any harm and I guess my curiosity over what exactly he was thinking when he was with her won out over common sense and courtesy."

Alice's loud sniffle had my eyes cutting her way. "Why didn't he tell me?" she asked.

I rolled my eyes at her simply because she already knew the answer. "You tell me, Alice."

She wiped at her eyes while answering. "He didn't want to upset me."

"Ding, ding, you win a prize. Do you want the forehead stamp that says 'complete fucking ditz'? Or would you prefer the one that says 'shitty to my best friend for no fucking reason'?"

"There _was_ a reason," Alice argued, immediately changing from upset to angry. "You promised not to get that drunk without me around."

"First of all, I was more silly than drunk last night. How the hell do you think I had the forethought to steal Edward's keys to make sure he didn't argue about the cab? I only gave them back so he could open the front door last night. Secondly, I was with Edward. His hands barely left me last night and his eyes damn sure didn't. Not to mention Drake was there in all of his bad ass glory watching out for both me and your brother. You know I'm not some fucking moron out on her first bender, Alice. You know I'm going to be careful and stay safe. Or at least you should."

"Suggestion?" Rose asked, holding a long finger up in the air.

Alice and I both gave her our full attention, waiting to see what she would say next.

She grabbed Alice's hand in her left and mine in her right. "Ladies, I think this has more to do with the newness of the situation than anything else. Alice isn't used to worrying about you _and_ the guy you're dating and it seems to have shorted—pun intended—some wire out in her little head. Bella, last night was the first night in the history of you dating around us where you felt secure enough with your date to get buzzed, much less drunk off your cute ass. My suggestion is you both admit this is new, accept you both overreacted a teensy bit, and then move the fuck on so we can go get breakfast together."

Alice and I looked at each other for at least a full minute before cracking smiles and meeting halfway, hugging each other tightly. "I love you, you little pain-in-the-ass," I told her.

"Love you so much, Bells. I just want you safe and happy. You're my best friend and I don't ever want to lose you."

"Right back at you, Ali girl."

"Now that we've removed the grenade with the half-pulled out pin, can we hear about the tattoo?" Rose asked with an eager smile on her face.

"I think you guys are just going to have to see it to believe it," I said as I tugged Alice down the hall with me. "Just don't wake him. It's an ungodly hour for drunken newbies."

Rose and Alice both grinned and nodded as I reached behind me and opened the door to my room.

We stood near Edward's side of the bed, looking down at his back and the tattoo resting between his shoulder blades. It was maybe three and a half inches tall—I'd always been horrible at guessing shit like that.

Just as expected, the girls looked from the tattoo to me a few times before getting wicked grins on their faces. Their lips parted at the same time and together they ordered me to get dressed and be ready to go in fifteen minutes.

A half-hour after their decree, I was not only dressed, but sitting across from them in a booth at the small café we liked to have breakfast at on the weekends without the guys. I was taking my time to finish gnawing at a piece of bacon while Alice fidgeted in her seat and just barely kept herself from screaming at me to hurry up. She was waiting on what she considered an important answer to a vital question.

I stalled a little longer, making a show of wiping the grease from my fingers and then chugging down my orange juice. "So what was your question?" I asked just to screw with her.

She growled at me and tossed a home fry at my head. "Did you know he wanted to tattoo you on himself?"

"Fuck no. I would have vetoed that shit if he'd mentioned it. But once I actually saw the finished product, I couldn't do anything but love it. Besides, it doesn't really look _that_ much like me. She's in a dress for one, and filling it out nicely for another."

Rose snorted. "Yeah, just like Mary looked nothing like you."

"She was two inches shorter, her eyes were wider and a very different color, and she was even more flat-chested than I am," I argued.

"You're not flat at all," Alice replied. "If anyone around here is flat, it's me, and I think I'm perfectly proportioned, which means you are well-endowed."

It was my turn to snort. "Whatever, Ali girl. I'm glad you have those rose-colored blinders on."

"Oh, shut up," Rose demanded, reaching over and flicking me in the forehead. "You are gorgeous and you know it. You only work yourself up into being self-conscious when you're nervous or stressed. So why don't you just tell us what you're going to do about next weekend and relieve some of the stress?"

Alice sighed. "Rose, I thought we agreed to leave that for tomorrow since we'd already had a pretty heavy morning?"

"No, it's okay," I told them. "I knew it was only a matter of time until you guys asked. And my answer is I don't know. I mean, of course I'm going to Forks for the weekend. I just … I don't know if it should just be us girls like it has been the past few years or if I should ask Edward to come. I don't even know if I want him there. I keep trying to picture what it might be like in my head, but …" I finished my explanation with a shrug since I couldn't figure out any other way.

"I think you should go with him," Alice said predictably enough.

"I normally take the more cautious road with stuff like this because I know how your temper gets when you're all worked up—this morning being the perfect example. But I think Alice is right this time," Rose said. "He gets you and he has this way of being there in the way you need without having it explained to him in great detail."

I shrugged again, still struggling with how to explain myself so they could understand what was going through my head. "I just … We're working really hard to get past any preconceptions or labels we might have for each other, but I'm still kind of worried I'm going to come off as full of baggage when I'm really not."

"Aaron is not baggage," Alice said quickly and fiercely.

"Do you really think _I_ need to be told that?" I asked, trying really friggen hard not to be angry. I knew she meant well and had only phrased her words wrong.

"What do you mean then?"

"I'm talking about your brother's view of me, not mine of someone I loved and lost." My hand went up to my neck and my fingers cupped the heart with angel wings residing there.

Rose spoke up before Alice could. "Bella, you have to put some trust in Edward. He put his in you by being completely open and honest about Mary and by letting you help him through the fallout of running into her. And you've been helping him to deal with us in the way _he_ wanted 'cause I'm sure you've had plenty of times where you wanted to rip into us but bit your tongue just for him."

I nodded my head in emphatic agreement.

Rose chuckled. "Figured. Your little rant this morning was pretty polished and light on the cursing which could only mean you practiced. So with that in mind, I think you should trust Edward to know how much Aaron means to you and to not view it in any kind of negative light."

"Yeah, Bella. Trust him," Alice urged.

Trust him; two little words that should have been easy enough to follow through on. If it were anything else, it probably would have been easy. But this was Aaron and there was so much more about me wrapped up in his life and death. No matter how hard I tried to just focus on him and keep my own shit out of it, I always failed.

I closed my eyes and recalled Esme's explanation of why I always failed. "_Your life has been forever altered by your relationship with Aaron. He calmed you, he allowed you to know what it was to put another before yourself, and he was the first unrelated person to love you without reservation or judgment. He showed you the joy of a child in your life, and created so many wonderful memories with you. The things that happened to you after his death were initiated by your love for him and your experiences with him. And that is why, my dear girl, you will never be able to think of one without the other. The moment you stop trying, the easier it will be to deal with all of your losses._"

I was still waiting for that moment when I stopped trying; I wasn't even sure it _could_ happen. It was like my brain was hard-wired to try, and no amount of internal monologue and assurance could get it to stop. I still found myself hoping, though; mostly during the first week of February when I planned my trip out to Forks to see my friend and let him know he was loved and missed.

How different would it be to have Edward come along instead of the girls? Would he be able to understand? Would I be able to handle it if he didn't understand? We were in a good place right now and I didn't want to screw it up by being angry at him for something he couldn't help. The problem was I knew myself enough to know I _would_ be pissed if he needed it explained, mostly because I wouldn't be able to do it—being with Aaron always seemed to leave me mute. I could spend hours talking to him, but when I was done, I never seemed to have anything to say for anyone around me at the time.

_But if I could do it—if I could invite Edward along and he could understand, it would be one of those relationship things … those … um … Milestones! That was the word!_

Bella Swan with a relationship milestone? It was a challenge and I had always been unable to resist one. It wasn't going to be easy and I might not even be able to pull it off completely, but I was going to follow the advice of my friends and trust Edward. After all, the girls were the sage voices of wisdom in my life. Or some shit like that.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Wake your ass up, sleeping beauty," I said as I tossed myself down on the bed next to Edward.

He only gave a grunt in response.

I laughed as I turned over onto my side and slid my fingers into his hair. "It's one in the afternoon. Don't you think you should catch sight of some daylight before it's all gone?"

"I saw daylight earlier when I visited the bathroom and shower."

I lifted up the sheet and looked beneath, finding him to be butt ass naked in my bed. "E, what the hell did you do while I was gone?"

"None of your business." He hooked his arm around me and pulled me right up against him, burying his face in my hair. "Where were you?"

"The girls took me to breakfast where I was hounded for details about last night."

"Are they mad at us for waking them last night?"

"No. Rose thought it was funny as all hell. Alice started off being pissed about my drinking and your tattoo, but I set her straight."

"What does that mean?"

"Um … You know how you asked me not to say anything and how I've been holding my tongue so well just for you? Yeah, well, the tongue took off and lashed the shit out of them."

Edward sighed and tightened his grip on my body. "Did Ali cry?"

"Of course she cried. But she's already over and past it, E. By the time we finished breakfast, she was busy coming up with ways for you to present your art to your parents."

He chuckled and pressed a kiss to the side of my neck. "My sister is the eternal planner."

"Yeah. But enough about her. Have I told you how much I like watching you sleep?"

Edward pulled back to see my face, probably hoping to tell if I was joking or not. I was pretty confident the sweet, innocent smile on my face gave nothing away. He lasted a good fifteen seconds before giving up. "Are you being serious?"

I widened my smile and ran my fingertip from his temple to his chin before lifting my eyes to his. "I like watching you sleep, E … especially before I wake you and nail your ass."

There was that moment of intense silence that comes when one person is completely shocked and not really sure they heard what they heard while the other is fighting hard to hold a straight face and not laugh. And then it ended and Edward was laughing so hard the bed was shaking from it.

I was laughing too, but I was also watching to make sure he didn't roll over on his back and accidentally rub his tattoo against the sheets—he probably would have been just fine, but tattoo healing was the one area in life where I believed in "better safe than sorry".

When Edward finally calmed down and stopped laughing, I snuggled up against him and pressed a kiss to the underside of his chin, finding the faintest hint of stubble there. "So how are you feeling, E?"

"I'm a little tired still, but otherwise really good. Thank you for that laugh."

"See there's your mistake right there. Who said I was joking?"

He smiled and leaned in, kissing my lips softly. "I really enjoyed myself last night, Bella. I've never been around such colorful people before and I was really surprised by, and grateful for, how welcoming they were to me. And I'm really glad I went ahead with the tattoo. It looks even better today than it did last night. But what was the shiny stuff on there before I took my shower?"

"That was the ointment I put on it. I'll have to put some more since you washed it away with your shower. And by the way, I'm still waiting to hear what necessitated said shower."

"When did you put ointment on me?" he asked. If not for the shifty way his green eyes were moving around, I might have believed his avoidance was all innocent curiosity, but I knew better.

"This morning before the girls and I went out for breakfast. I washed it and then put the ointment on it. Your question is answered and now you can answer mine. Why did you need a shower?"

"Hang on. Tattoo care is vital. I do remember that much of my conversation with Drake. So what else will I need to do for it?"

"Not much. I'll put the ointment on for you for a couple of days and then we'll use a plain skin lotion. You'll need to go shirtless as often as possible and wear really loose shirts when you do dress."

"That doesn't sound hard at all." He smiled as he leaned in and kissed me softly. "Thank you for taking care of it this morning. I have to admit I was a little worried you would have changed your mind since last night and decided you hated it."

"I can't hate something so beautiful. And also, I know it wasn't a spur of the moment decision for you."

"No, it wasn't. I've thought about it for a long time and once I saw it on paper, I had to have it."

"It looks good on you."

Edward grinned. "At the risk of getting slapped, I have to say you always look good on me."

I smiled and caressed his cheek with my palm. "If you don't tell me about that shower, that tattoo is the only part of me you'll have on you for weeks to come."

"Oh, that's dirty, Swan," he said with narrowed eyes. And then he smiled. Before I had a chance to ask what he was up to, his lips were at that damn spot behind my ear—the one I couldn't ignore and shivered for every damn time.

When he spoke again, he used his low, deep tone—the one that made my stomach drop with anticipation and want. "Especially since you'd be breaking the promise you made to me last night."

I did my absolute best to appear unaffected—I was pretty sure I was a miserable fucking failure at it too. "I don't know anything about a promise, Cullen."

He hummed against that spot behind my neck and slid his bare leg over my jean covered one, pulling us closer together so the only thing between us was the thin sheet that had somehow become strategically placed to only cover one area of him. "Let me remind you then. You promised I could be inside of you today."

"How the hell can you remember that? You were so damn out of it you were giggling. Not laughing. _Giggling_."

Edward ignored my comments in favor of getting my shirt up and over my head. His lips pressed against the skin between my breasts and all thoughts of continuing to tease him were forgotten in favor of helping him get the rest of my clothes off.

His skin smelled of my soap and his tongue had a hint of my toothpaste and mouthwash to it. They weren't bad smells for him, but they weren't his smell either. He was officially spending enough time in my room to start keeping more than just a toothbrush and hairbrush around.

"I've been thinking and dreaming about this all morning," Edward murmured while kissing from my hip up to my lips.

My hands cupped his cheeks and I smiled for him. "You were dreaming of talking to me? That's kind of boring, E."

He smiled and shook his head before pressing his body against mine and making my thigh very aware of how awake he was now. "Of you. Of kissing you and touching you."

I leaned forward so he had no choice but to sit back on his knees and give me access to his chest. My lips kissed and my teeth nibbled his chest until he was begging and pleading for more.

With my arms on his shoulders, my legs wrapped around his waist, and my tongue in his mouth, I slowly took him inside of me, giving my body time to stretch and enjoy the connection. The position allowed him in deeper than usual, letting him hit all the right spots in me without even trying.

"This is new." It came out more grunt than anything, but I was able to make out his words.

I smiled and licked his bottom lip. "I wasn't sure how adventurous you've been in the past, so I'm slowly working you up."

"Up to what?"

"You'll find out." My discussion ender was to angle my body just enough to pull him in a little deeper and short out his male brain.

It worked as expected and there were no more words or questions. There was just the push and pull of our bodies mixed with open-mouthed kisses, low moans, and even a few grunts until we brought each other to the point of absolute bliss and pleasure. Those moments of complete satisfaction and peace never lasted long enough, and always left me wanting more.

Unfortunately, I had work.

And roommates.

"Stop screwing each other's brains out and get out here so I can see the tattoo. More importantly, I can find out if you soiled Drake's back room," Emmett bellowed while pounding on my door.

Edward and I looked at each other and started laughing quietly, wanting to see if Emmett would say something else.

"You've got ten minutes and then I'm taking the damn door down," Emmett threatened.

"She's probably getting ready for work, you big idiot," Rose said, following by a thumping sound that was most likely the big guy getting smacked in the back of the head.

"Shit, Rose!" _Yep, he was smacked._

I leaned forward and kissed Edward softly. "This has been fun, but I really do have to get ready for work now."

He gave me that lopsided grin of his. "You need a shower first."

"Yeah. And you've already had one so you can't have another. You have to limit the water you get on your tat right now."

He groaned and pressed his lips to my shoulder. "But I was really looking forward to shower sex."

I laughed and slid my fingers into his hair, making more of a mess of the coppery locks. "What happened to you still being tired?"

"I forget all about being tired when I'm with you."

I lifted his face up and planted a kiss on his forehead. "You're sweet and goofy. And I would spend the day right here if I didn't have to go. But I do. If the night's not too long, I'll give you a call late tonight and see about a second round."

"I hope you call."

I smiled at him. "Go deal with your brother so I can get ready for work. And don't let me leave without putting more ointment on your back."

"Enjoy your shower without me."

I kissed his pout and then pulled away from him. "I will enjoy it, but only half as much as I enjoy showers with you. That work on that ego of yours?"

Edward laughed while nodding. "Thank you, Angel."

"Remember my kindness later," I said before closing the bathroom door. "'Cause we're both going to need it," I whispered to the closed door, thinking of the question I would have to ask him soon.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Greetings, Pipsqueak and Busty McGhee," I said as I kicked the door closed. My arms were loaded with my gym bag and a grocery bag. "What's for dinner?"

Rose purposefully kept her eyes on the bowl in front of her. "Did you hear something, Alice? Kind of like an annoying mosquito buzzing around begging to be slapped?"

"I certainly didn't hear a proper greeting," Alice replied.

"Oh, fine," I groaned. I managed to drop my gym bag to the floor without dropping anything else and walked around the counter, setting the grocery bag down in front of my roommates. "Hey, Alice. Hey, Rose. How was your night, girls?"

Alice gave a ridiculously huge smile. "Well, hello there, Bells. What's in the bag?"

"You actually went to the grocery store looking like that?" Rose questioned, eyeing me up and down.

"Wait, wasn't that supposed to be reversed?" I asked. "You ask about the bag, Ali questions my clothing? Or did I somehow walk into an alternate version of my universe?"

Rose chuckled. "You're just in more gym disarray than usual."

I shrugged as I reached into the bag for the surprises I'd gotten them. "I worked out a little harder than usual tonight." And then I smiled and pulled out their goodies. I'd grabbed a _Maxim_ for Rose and a _Modern Bride_ for Alice.

"Hells yes," Rose said gleefully as she took her gift.

Alice sniffled and reached out two shaky hands. As soon as she had a grip on the magazine, she hugged it to her chest and smiled brightly. "Thank you."

"What the hell, Half-pint? I bring you a magazine and you act like it's the friggen Holy Grail. What's wrong with you?" I asked, hoping I hadn't missed anything while at the gym.

Ever since waking up Monday morning, I'd been feeling the upcoming weekend was bearing down on me, and the only thing that made it even a little better was working out. For those hours I was running or weight training, the heavy, emotional weight lifted and I could think clearly about things. Mostly, I was busy thinking about Edward and whether or not it was right to burden him with my behavior. I'd done all of those "exercises" the therapist had put me through years ago, but none of them had ever helped in this one area of my life. Then again, it wasn't really just one event. It was one that started a domino effect that kept going until the cliff diving episode. Of course, the therapist had always enjoyed arguing that it had gone further than that, right up until Esme stopping my attempt to run away, but I had been doing the drinking and partying long before so I didn't count it.

Alice's trembling voice grabbed my attention. "It's the first thing you've done to participate in the wedding planning," she said, wiping at her wet eyes. "You did it all on your own, too."

I came around the counter and gave her a tight hug. "See what happens when you give me space and don't force me?"

"Oh, don't even," Rose cried. "We've given you plenty of space with this weekend and you haven't done shit. It's Thursday night and you haven't mentioned anything to Edward yet."

"He called," Alice said before I could open my mouth. "He's worried about your sudden interest in the gym."

"It's not a sudden interest," I argued. "I've just been making more time for it this week. Besides, it's not like I'm ignoring him or anything. I've called him everyday this week and I had lunch with him on Tuesday."

"Yeah, but you haven't had him stay over once. Plus, we know you haven't told him what's going on with you. Saying you're working something out, but not giving details isn't the right way, Bells," Rose told me. "You have to tell him something more than that so he doesn't think it has to do with him. There's no reason to let him be anxious too."

I shook my head in disagreement. "Why should he be anxious? I've told him enough times I'll tell him if I think there's a problem with us, so therefore if I haven't said anything, the problem is clearly not with us."

"Bella, that's all fine and well in friendships, but romantic relationships have a different set of rules," Alice replied.

"Seriously?" I asked as I sat down beside Rose.

"Welcome to the other real world," Rose said with a laugh.

I flipped her off and then turned my attention back to Alice. "So what do I do?"

"You start off by letting him know things between the two of you are fine. From there, you move into this weekend," she answered.

"Not exactly my best conversational topic," I muttered.

"It does tend to push you into hellish bitch mode," Rose said as she put an arm around my shoulders. "But it needs to be done."

I almost made a crack about how I should have gone for the sex-only version of the relationship, but I didn't mean it in any way so I didn't say it. Instead, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and sent a text.

_E, think we can talk 2night at my place?_

I busied myself with putting away the few groceries I'd purchased while waiting for a reply. I had time to put everything away and sit down with a plate of the rice and chicken Rose had made for dinner before my phone chirped.

_Sure, Angel. What time?_

I was sorely tempted to type back "never", but I knew I couldn't and shouldn't do that. So I just told him ten o'clock would be fine, giving me a little over an hour to eat and shower before he showed up.

There was a knock on the door two minutes before ten and when I opened it, I found Edward standing outside with a nervous look on his face. This whole being in new territory shit was like some kind of crazy minefield where instead of getting blown to pieces on a misstep, you got drenched in guilt.

I figured the easiest and best way to let him know I was fine with him was to show him. I stepped out into the hall and wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly. "Thanks for coming over."

Not all of it, but a good bit of the tension in him melted as he hugged me back. "No problem at all, Bella."

"Have you been taking care of your tattoo like you're supposed to?" I asked as I pulled him into the apartment.

"Jasper and Alice have been helping, so yeah. I didn't bother asking Emmett since he's still pestering me to answer him on whether or not we had sex in the parlor. Ask him what he did in class yesterday and he has no clue. Ask him what answers we gave during that stupid Thanksgiving game and he knows them all."

"Yeah, your twin has extremely selective memory." I let go of Edward and turned to close and lock my bedroom door. I doubted the girls would interrupt, but if Em popped over for any reason, he certainly might. "I'm sorry I haven't been helping you with taking care of it," I said as I turned to face Edward.

"What _has_ been up with you this week? I feel like we had an amazing weekend together and then you disappeared."

I sat down next to him on the bed and took his hand into mine, liking the way my hand fit right inside of his. "I didn't mean to disappear. Like I told you before, I had some things to work out in my head and the only way I know to do it is to work them out at the gym. But I want to be clear and I want you to listen and believe me because it's the truth. This has nothing to do with you and me. It's not about our relationship or our friendship. This is something I've been dealing with long before you. The only part of it that has anything to do with you is if I invite you to come along, and that's the part I was stuck on. I know how I am, I know how my temper gets, and I don't want to put strain on our relationship if I can avoid it."

"Okay, I'm even more confused now. You say it's not about us, but then you say you want to avoid strain on our relationship."

"Yes, because it's not really about us. The strain would be because of how upset I get … Look, I'm learning as I go and I realize I'm doing a piss-poor job of explaining here. Let me start over?"

He nodded his agreement.

"Take your shoes off and lets just take a moment to relax and be together and then I'll try again," I suggested.

Edward seemed to like that idea because he didn't even bother with untying his shoes. He just kicked them off and then moved up to the head of my bed, resting his back against the pillows. I smiled as I crawled over and settled against his side.

"Much better," he said, pressing a kiss to my hair. "I've missed you."

My smile widened as I slipped an arm over his torso and hugged him. "I missed you, too. And no, I'm not kidding."

"I could hear it in your voice."

"Guess this is why conversations always go better in person than through a phone or text, huh?"

"Letters are good sometimes, too. Especially when face-to-face might be too emotional."

"A letter? Wow! I haven't written a bona-fide letter since fifth grade when we did pen pals at schools."

"You could try it now if you think it might help you explain," Edward offered.

I turned onto my side so I could see his face while keeping my head against his chest. "I'll give actual talking a try first."

He nodded and smiled as he brought his hand to my face, pressing it against my cheek. The look in his eyes was so caring and loving; it made it hard to remember exactly why I'd been worried I wouldn't be able to handle a look like that right now.

I pulled his hand from my face and held it against my chest. "Have you ever felt like there's something you really have to say, but you can't for the life of you figure out how to say it?"

"Once or twice," he answered.

"That's how I feel right now. This weekend, I'm going to Forks to see Aaron. He was born February 5th and died February 2nd, so it's kind of a dual thing. Sometimes I wonder if having the dates right next to each other was some kind of show of mercy. Other times, I consider it a sign of the odd randomness of the world.

"When I go to see him, and usually for the days before and after, I'm not exactly me. I get quiet and I disappear to the gym, and I'm just generally not me. I don't have patience for anyone or anything and I just … I guess what I'm saying is it's still too raw for me to function like it's just a normal week in my life, and I didn't want to pull you into that accidentally. I remember all too well the shit storm that happened the first time Alice came along. Rose was there with me for the funeral and the months after, so she'd already seen me in that mode. But Ali didn't understand and she took it personally. I don't want that to happen with you."

"I'm sorry you're so upset about this, Angel. I don't want you to feel like you have to invite me. If it's easier for you to go with the girls, then do that. I don't want to cause you any stress or harm in any way."

"I don't honestly know what I want and I'm worried I won't until I'm ready to walk out the door and drive to Forks."

"Then I'll be ready to do whatever you need, Bella. I'll stay if you need that or I'll go if you want."

"You don't have to be so accommodating, E."

His lips pulled up to the left and he squeezed my hand. "Yes I do."

I couldn't help but smile right back. "Thank you."

"Welcome." He leaned down and kissed my lips lightly. "And while we're talking, I'd like to discuss Valentine's Day. I was thinking since it actually falls on a Saturday this year, we could make a whole day of it. I know it might be hard for you to get two Saturdays off in a row since you've taken this weekend off for Aaron, but maybe you could get half a day off."

I tried to choose my words carefully so I wouldn't sound like a total bitch, though I was pretty sure I would anyway after he heard my view. "Edward, I appreciate the idea, but I don't celebrate Valentine's. I work that day so the lovey-dovey gals I work with can go off and cheese it up with their significant others. To me, it's a corporate bullshit holiday and I don't see any reason to pay twice as much for shit as you normally would, or to try and cram a years worth of affection into one fucking day. Either show you appreciate your man or your girl every day, or not at all. And let's not even get into my thoughts on the idiots who celebrate it after having met just a couple weeks before."

"I can see a little of your point with that," he said with a nod. "But to me, Valentine's is about celebrating the relationship as much as the people in it. It's been a long time since I've enjoyed a relationship so much and I know from what you've said that you've never had one like this. So can't we celebrate how lucky we are to have each other?"

I shook my head out of frustration while sitting up. This was one time I really needed him to not argue and make a big deal out of shit. I didn't celebrate Valentine's. Period. Nuff fucking said.

"Bella, can we at least talk about it?"

"That's what we're doing, E."

"No, we're taking opposing views. I want to compromise."

I sighed and did that thing he was sometimes did when stressed—grabbing the bridge of my nose. "Look, can we just get through this weekend and then talk about other crap?"

"Sure. But it's not crap."

"Fine. Bad word choice on my part. Happy?"

He reached out and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. "Now I'm happy."

I found myself laughing at his behavior and relaxing into his arms. "I missed this."

"Me too. Maybe next time you won't disappear on me?"

"You know that's not what I was doing. But maybe if you can promise to leave me to my workout, you can come along to the gym with me."

"I think that can be arranged."

I shifted around until I was able to get free and sit up. "Take your shirt off."

"Why?"

"I want to see how your tattoo is doing."

"I don't know," he said, shaking his head slowly. "It's been so long since I've seen you I've grown shy all over again. I don't think I can just whip my shirt off for you."

I smiled at his teasing. "What would it take to get that shirt off of you?"

He thought about my question for a moment before grinning. "A back massage."

"Then lose the shirt and the jeans."

"Why my jeans?" he asked, looking a little worried.

I leaned down so my nose was nearly touching his and dropped my voice to that timber that always seemed to drive him wild. "You'll need the extra room with the way I give a back massage."

He pulled me down and into a kiss, even rolling us so that he was on top. It was one of those heated kisses where lips and tongues and hands were in constant motion yet it never felt like enough.

I gave a breathless laugh and pecked his cheek before rolling out from underneath him. "Not that I would ever do it on purpose, but I like the way you kiss when you've missed me."

Edward chuckled while pulling his shirt over his head. He then balled it up and tossed it at me. "You better not do it on purpose."

"I just said I wouldn't. Are you doubting my sincerity?"

"Not at all, Angel."

I smiled and pecked his lips before getting out of his way. "Good answer, E."

He only laughed and stood to get his jeans off.

Once he was lying on his stomach on the bed, I sat below his back with a bottle of my warming massage oil. Before I put anything on his back, I leaned in close and surveyed his tattoo. It was healing nicely and somehow looking like it had always belonged right there between his shoulder blades. I placed a kiss just above it before sitting up and pouring some oil into my hands. It was the kind that warmed up the more you rubbed in into the skin and I started rubbing it into his shoulders, careful not to get any on the tattoo.

"That feels really good," Edward said, practically moaning the words out.

"How long has it been since you've had a proper back massage?"

"However long ago August was. Emmett and Jasper have a tradition of going in for massages during the very first week of practice and I've always went along with them. But I have to say I'm enjoying this one a lot better and you're only on my shoulders."

"It's the oil. The way it warms up the more you rub it in soothes the muscles and helps them to relax. I use it on my legs after really hard workouts. It's a trick a personal trainer taught me a couple of years ago."

"What else did he teach you?"

I smiled, having caught the slight edge to Edward's question. He was probably imagining someone like Emmett rubbing me up and down with oil. I could have very easily teased my boyfriend about his misplaced jealousy, but instead I decided to put an end to whatever mental show he had going on in his head.

"_She_ taught me which exercises were best for my body type and how to mix cardio with free weights to give tone and definition to my few curves."

As soon as the word "she" had left my lips, Edward's scowl had turned into a smile. I chuckled at his behavior and leaned down, kissing his cheek softly. "Thanks for coming over tonight. And for thanks for understanding I'm still learning how this whole long term relationship thing works."

"Thank you for calling, Angel. I can see you're trying and it means so much to me."

I smiled and this time I kissed his lips. I also found myself hoping really fucking hard Alice and Rose knew what the hell they were talking about and having Edward come along this weekend would turn out to be the good step they promised it would be. We were in such a good place right now with each other and I didn't want to do anything at all that might ruin it.


	25. The Past Laid Bare

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

* * *

**NOTE:** This is **NOT** a happy chapter. Yes, there are some things about it that are great and a few spots that might make you smile, but overall, this chapter is about loss and how the pain of it sticks with you no matter how tough you normally are. This chapter also reveals the last of Bella's past to us and to Edward. She's completely wide open and waiting to see how Edward takes it.

**Chapter Title: The Past Laid Bare**

**Chapter Song: "Open Up Your Eyes" by Daughtry**

**Bella's POV:**

Edward had ended up staying over on Thursday night. At first, I was kind of hesitant to agree. Even with all of the exercising at the gym, I wasn't sleeping at night. No matter how exhausted my body got, my mind kept going over and over the possible outcomes of this weekend. I'd lie in bed and toss and turn for a few hours before getting bored and getting up again.

On Monday night, I'd tried rearranging the kitchen cabinets, but I'd made too much noise and Rose had threatened to bind and gag my ass if I didn't go to bed. So for the rest of this week, I'd been playing Emmett's video games, keeping the sound too low to disturb the girls. Em was going to be shocked the next time we played—apparently playing at two o'clock in the morning made me a better zombie shooter and I was close to beating his high score. So knowing that I wouldn't sleep and figuring Edward would try to stay up with me, I'd started feeling guilty before we'd even gone to bed.

I'd be lying if I said I drifted right off to sleep in his arms without a care or worry, but I did sleep. Feeling his arms around me and his breath touching the back of my neck … something about it calmed my mind down enough to let me sleep. The same happened again on Friday night, and as I dressed for the trip very early on Saturday morning, I wondered why having him around was calming to me. I was used to taking space for myself; I _liked_ taking the space. And the few times I'd tried not doing that had ended badly for all involved. So why was it different with Edward? Was it because even though they were completely different types, we both knew the pain of loss? Was it because he was calm and that was just rubbing off on me?

Maybe it was just that Edward didn't press. He accepted my silence and just let me be; he let me sit beside him without filling the air with words and questions. As much as Ali loved me, she just couldn't physically resist trying to get me to talk and participate. I knew it bothered her to see me so quiet, but it was what I wanted most. And also, it was what I needed. Pretending I wasn't hurting wouldn't have helped me or anyone around me.

I turned my head toward Edward, watching him drive in the glow of the dashboard lights. It was sort of unreal to me that he had been so accepting of my extremely last minute decision and was coming along. He didn't even seem to mind getting up at four in the morning. Then again, I had slightly bribed him with a cup of that warm green tea he liked so much.

My eyes moved to the left, catching sight of the square object wrapped with dark blue paper; I only knew the color because I'd been the one to wrap it. It sucked ass that the gift inside wouldn't actually get played with, but I couldn't stop myself from getting Aaron something every year. I wasn't sure of my exact beliefs on Heaven and Hell; I just assumed there was a better place for people like him simply because it was what he deserved.

Edward's fingers wrapped around my hand and brought it up to his lips. He kissed the back first and then my palm. "How are you on coffee?"

"Still have half a cup. Thanks."

"Let me know if you need any stops at all."

I nodded to show I would.

He kissed my palm once more and then gave my hand back. "Why don't you try to sleep? I'll wake you when I make a stop for gas."

I nodded again and then shifted around in the seat until I was as comfortable as I could be with my eyes closed. I knew I wouldn't really sleep, but it would be nice to just lie here silently. Once we reached our destination, there wouldn't be anything quiet about my mind. It really seemed like Edward understood what I needed most right now; I just hoped that continued.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

The children's area of the cemetery was slightly higher than the rest of the place, creating a trick of the eyes so the markers seemed the same size as the adult ones. This was a solemn place, a place that made you feel lucky you were alive to breathe the air and see the gray sky above. It made you appreciate your age instead of grumble about how many candles were on your cake that year, and I always left feeling like I had to live my life to the fullest for those who couldn't.

Aaron's marker was black granite with white lettering, and a white stone teddy bear perched on top. In the early spring, when it rained almost non-stop and everything turned a darker green and grew wild, the bear would take on a yellowish-green tint until summer came and the caretakers cleaned everything up. I knew because when I'd lived here in Forks, I'd come to visit Aaron practically every day. For a long time, he was the only person I could open up to and really be honest with. The closer I'd grown to Alice, and eventually Rosalie, the less I'd felt the need to spend hours here staring at his picture and whispering what lay in my heart. But I always came to celebrate his birthday and to remember my life with him in it.

I dropped the folded up beach towel to the ground, crossed my legs, and lowered myself down so I was sitting right up in front of the headstone. Leaning forward, I pressed my hand flat against the stone, just below the picture of him that was set into it. "Hey, Moochie."

A wave of nostalgia and loss swept through me as soon as the words left my mouth. The image of Aaron holding his arms open and inviting me in for a hug filled my mind and I pulled up the memory of what his voice had sounded like. He had loved kisses, but he had called them smoochies, only he always forgot the "s" at the front, so I'd nicknamed him "Moochie" because of it. He'd never had the chance to grow out of the nickname or to go to school and learn how to say his words properly. He'd never learned to spell more than a few words or to write anything other than his first name. He'd never learned to ride a bike or toss a football. And he never would.

I set the gift down in my lap and reached into my jacket pocket, pulling out the tissue I'd stored in there before leaving the apartment this morning. It was only here in front of Aaron that I never bothered with trying to stop the tears; I knew it was pointless. Besides, it was hard enough work just to keep myself from feeling crushed by the loss and emptiness I felt so tears here were extremely inconsequential.

I looked up from wiping at my face to find Edward sitting next to me. He smiled and took my hand into his, squeezing tightly before turning his green eyes toward Aaron's picture.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Aaron," he said. It should have sounded cheesy. I even expected to consider it fake in some way and get angry with him. Instead, it sounded _right_.

I leaned to the side, putting my head on Edward's shoulder. "Aaron, this is Edward. I've been telling him about you, about how great you are and how much you're missed." _And I've told you how great he is_, I thought.

For a moment, I imagined what it would have been like to see the two of them together and I'd never wanted anything more in all of my life. I knew in my heart they would have bonded instantly and effortlessly. I closed my eyes and for a long while just let the tears trickle down my face freely while trying hard to stand tall against the wave of loss crashing over me.

When I felt I could speak, I opened my eyes and smiled at Aaron's picture. "Brought your birthday gift. It was harder this year, what with you about to be the ripe old age of nine. I know I'm on the cusp of being uncool, but I figured I could pull one more year off."

I opened Aaron's gift while talking to him. The blue paper came away easily since I hadn't really put that much tape on it, revealing the packaging beneath. I wasn't sure why I felt he was growing and aging wherever he was. It wasn't like I thought he was living a new life where he could do all the things he couldn't do here. I just … I didn't know how to explain it. Maybe it was just the idea of him being eternally three years old that bothered me since I'd never understood how he could die so young. It seemed just as unfair to me now as it had six years ago.

"I asked around at the store and I was assured all nine year old little boys are in love with this, which is just awesome because I used to play with this kind of toy when I was your age. Jake and Embry had a whole bunch of them for us to play with. Usually there was some arm or leg missing though because the two of them would always want the exact one the other had and would fight over them."

Edward helped me to get all of the twist-ties off and then I stood the little figure up against the headstone. "This is Bumblebee," I explained to Aaron. "He flips his radio to different songs as his way of speaking, so I thought that was kind of fitting in a way with how much we both love music. Plus, when you transform him into a car, he's a kick butt Camaro kind of like that one your dad used to own."

I turned my eyes up to Edward and tried hard to smile for him. "Aaron's favorite song was 'Old McDonald' and he loved when we would get to the cows. He also did a pretty interesting interpretation of a cow chewing grass that always managed to crack me up. I know it's not as musically genius of a song as Tom Petty's 'Free Falling', but it did the trick for a three year old."

Edward smiled and pressed a kiss to my forehead. "I was always partial to 'Wheels on the Bus'."

I gave a real smile this time. "Figures with your love of driving." I set my head against his shoulder again and looked at Aaron's picture once more. "I don't know if your mom's had a chance to come by and tell you yet, but she emailed me that your big brother made the swim team. She sent pictures too and Corey is almost as tall as her now. Your dad got promoted at work, but that's all I'll say. I'll let your mom tell you the rest when she comes to visit.

"Alice and Rose send their love. They're both doing great. Well, Rose is a little upset because Emmett's being the clueless wonder once again. He's going to be leaving soon and he hasn't asked her to come along yet. I keep waiting to feel upset at the idea of them leaving, but I think it's just not solid enough yet. When I see her packing her room, then it'll be real.

"And Alice is engaged. Jasper asked her to marry him the summer after she graduates college. You'll be able to have a good laugh at whatever monstrous girly creation she straps me into.

"Charlie, Esme, and Carlisle are all doing great. Charlie's still dating Sue and the two of them are pretty serious now.

"Jake's talking to Embry again. I think he's got a girlfriend too because he's been really distracted whenever we talk on the phone and that's like sign number one for teenage guys.

"As for me, I can't complain. I've got great friends, my bills are getting paid, and I'm doing great in school. Drake's still bugging me about getting something on my shoulder, but I just haven't had anything that felt significant enough to mark forever. You know how I am about that kind of thing," I said, finally noticing that my fingers were toying with the tattoo on my neck—Aaron's tattoo.

"I miss you, kid. I think about you all the time even if I don't talk about you often. It still hurts, you know. I still remember what it feels like to have you cuddled in my arms. I can hear your laughter, that small wheezy sound that always made me laugh with it. And I remember your room with all of your little books and your dinosaur blanket on your bed."

I wiped at my tears with the already soaked tissues and stared at his picture. It had been taken just a couple months before he'd died. His mom had decided a sunny day shouldn't go to waste and had invited me to come along with the whole family to spend the day at La Push. Aaron and I had searched for shells along the beach together. He'd pick up a shell, ooh and ah over it, and then stick his hand out for me to wipe the sand from it. He did that every single time, no matter how often I reminded him it would just get sandy again. _It's funny what you remember about someone when they're no longer here to make new memories_.

"What has you smiling, Angel?" Edward asked in my ear while hugging me.

"He didn't like his hand to be dirty. He could have food or dirt all over his face and he didn't mind a bit, but get something on his hands and he wanted them cleaned right away. We always had to carry baby wipes everywhere just in case. It was his little quirk. Sometimes, I wonder if he would have grown out of that or if he would have gotten new ones and become a neat freak."

Edward chuckled softly beside me.

"What?" I asked, turning my head toward him.

"I think I might be able to answer your question," he said with a smile. He reached into his pocket and when he showed me his hand there were a couple of those wet-wipe packets restaurants give out for sticky foods laying in his palm.

For the first time ever, I was laughing at Aaron's grave. It was just too perfect that Edward would have something like that on him with the way he was always looking so nice. I had to wonder if that kind of neatness was a genetic trait and if so, had it come from Esme or Carlisle.

But that just made me think of Edward passing that on to his own children and my laughter turned into the kind of crying with huge sobs that made my whole body shake despite how tightly Edward was holding on to me. This was why I got so quiet every year, because I couldn't just think of Aaron without thinking of what happened in the months after he died. No one in the world should ever have so much pain and loss heaped on them all at once like I'd had done to me. Life wasn't fair and didn't have to be, but it also didn't have to beat the shit out of people either.

This was usually the part where I stopped thinking of Aaron so I could force away all the unwanted thoughts. I would go back to being quiet until I felt like myself again and no one would be harmed in the wake of my emotional siege. Instead, I found myself listening to Esme. I stopped trying to restrict my thoughts, letting the whole sordid past in to be recognized.

I sat with Edward and Aaron and I cried until I was done.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

She had warned me she would be quiet and reserved, but I hadn't expected it to be like this. It was like her body was here, but the parts that made her Bella were somewhere else.

We had gone to the local diner to eat after leaving the cemetery, but Bella hadn't done anything more than pick at the food on her plate. I'd wanted to say something to her, anything at all, but I'd kept coming up empty.

I didn't understand. That was the whole problem right there. Of course I knew that Aaron meant a great deal to her and that she missed him, but the way she'd cried at the cemetery … It just seemed to be about something much bigger than him.

After paying the bill—something she didn't say a single word about for the first time ever—I'd driven us to Charlie's house since he'd gotten Bella to promise we would spend the night there. I really would have preferred to stay with my parents so I could have Bella in my room with me; I hated the idea of her being alone right now, even to sleep.

Charlie was still at work and Bella was acting like she was watching the movie playing. She had her legs thrown across my lap and her head against my arm, but she might as well have been sitting clear across the room for the void I felt between us.

She let out another long yawn and this time her eyes closed.

It didn't last, though. She jerked herself awake and lifted her head off of my arm. I watched her from the corner of my eye, seeing her head nodding back and forth a few times before she let it fall against the back of the couch.

"Bella, if you're so tired, why don't you go up and take a nap? I can entertain myself until your dad gets home."

"I'm fine." She said it so simply but without any real meaning. They were just words she knew to say.

I wanted her to know I was here for her, so I pulled her into my lap and hugged her.

"Edward, not now," she said, pushing at my arms.

"I just want to hold you. Let me be here for you, Bella. Let me comfort you."

She pushed again and I let her go, deciding not to risk her temper. If she got angry, I would never get anywhere with her.

She moved off of me and without a word, headed up the stairs. I waited to hear the sound of her bedroom door closing, but it never came. I decided that was a sign—a great sign—and went up after her.

Bella was sitting up against her pillows in bed with her knees drawn toward her chest. She had her head resting against the wall and was staring at the brown teddy bear sitting on her knees.

I cautiously sat near her feet and took an even bigger risk by putting my hand on her leg. She tended to shrink away from physical contact when she was upset and I'd honestly been surprised at the way she'd let me hold her in the cemetery.

"I'm sorry if I upset you at all," I told her.

"This was Aaron's," she said as she stroked the bear's fur. "He carried it everywhere with him and would even make us set the bear on the counter where they could see each other during bath time and meal time. Just before he died, he told his mom to make sure I took care of his bear for him. He said I would do the best job.

"I don't know what made his mom take a chance on me as a babysitter for him and his brother. I just know I can't ever be thankful enough for it. I knew him for a little over a year before I had to start living life without him. I was so scared I would immediately forget him and only remember the empty space in my life where he used to be, but it's not like that. I remember the way his hair was so blond it was almost white and how thin and soft it was when I stroked a hand across it. I remember his laugh and his smile. Even on his bad weeks when he was hooked to feeding tubes and IV fluids, he was smiling."

I waited a bit, but Bella didn't say anything more so I gently pressed her. "Sounds like he was a very happy little boy because of the people surrounding him."

She didn't acknowledge my words and I had a feeling she was so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't heard me at all.

"He couldn't run," she said after a long silence. "He couldn't feel the wind blowing his hair back or feel the excitement of rushing across the yard. He could only watch other children do it, like his big brother. So I talked to his mom and one afternoon, one of those rare sunny days in Forks, she helped me strap him into his stroller and I ran for him. You should have seen and heard him, E. He was giggling so hard he could barely get out the word 'faster'. And when I would stop to check on him and make sure he wasn't getting too excited, he would have such a big smile on his face. He couldn't do it often because too much excitement taxed his weak heart, but at least once a month, I was able to show him a little of what it felt like to run."

I was as enraptured with her words as I was with her expressions. She'd started off looking angry at the idea that Aaron had not been able to run. Then she'd seemed surprised, possibly at his mother allowing her to go through with her idea. And then she'd been positively joyful, even smiling, as she talked about the little boy laughing. I'd thought I had understood his importance in her life before this trip, but I had greatly misjudged things. This little boy hadn't just been a child she had cared for and babysat for—he was someone she had loved deeply and whose loss she felt every day.

"Bella, he sounds like a wonderful little boy. And it also sounds like you were a very good friend to him." I'd wanted to say something to make it better for her, to ease her pain, but I didn't think words like that really existed for situations like this one.

"I wasn't," she argued, shaking her head and once again looking angry. "I tried to be, but when he needed me most, I wasn't there. I'd stupidly let Charlie take me to school that day. I should have stayed. I should have been right there in his room with him when he asked for me."

All thoughts of consequences and tempers and insecurities left me at seeing her in such pain and I wrapped her up in my arms, determined not to let go for any reason this time. "You were and you are, Angel. By asking for you in the end, he was letting you know you were special to him and loved by him. I know how hard it is to lose someone you love. When my grandmother, Elizabeth, was sick in the hospital, I didn't want to go visit her. I was even mad at her for being there. When I finally did go, she was at the very end of her time. I remember apologizing to her over and over for not coming sooner. She smiled and held my hand, and then she told me something I've never forgotten. She said I had been there for the moments that counted, the ones she cherished and would take with her into her next life, wherever it might be. She talked about family dinners, mother's day cards I'd drawn her, and trips to the ballet and opera I'd taken with her just so we could spend time together.

"So, Bella, you _were_ there for him when he needed you. You were there to watch over him and care for him. You cleaned his hand even when you thought it was a silly thing to do. You were his legs so he could run. You told me yourself how often you stayed late just to read him stories or to watch a movie with him. Those were the times he needed you. He was feeling good enough to have a friend and there you were. At the end, he only wanted you to know you were loved."

Bella sobbed into my shirt, hugging me with one arm and the bear with the other. "I miss him."

"I know you do, Angel. And I'm sure he misses you."

"I try so hard to be strong when I go to see him. I try to focus only on him. But it never works out that way. I start off doing okay, but then I start thinking of everything he never got to do. And that makes me think of everything I promised myself I would do for him. But that just ends with me thinking of what I'll never get to do and I can't handle all of that. I'd rather be numb than to struggle with all of that loss and feel suffocated by it, like Emmett or Jacob is sitting on my chest and keeping me from breathing right. So here I am with broken promises and what feels like a broken heart and I don't know how to deal with it. So I just don't. And after a couple of days of silence, I push it all back into the vault where it belongs and go on for another year."

"I'm sorry that's the only way you know," I murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"What else can I do?" she asked, her voice laced with anger as she roughly wiped at her face. "Bore every fucking body around me by bitching about how hard my life is? There are people out there a lot worse off than I am and I don't have any right to complain."

"But that's just it, Bella. It's not complaining. It's talking out what's bothering you and letting those who love you help you."

"But none of you can help. None of you can make this hurt any less or change any part of it. The therapist couldn't even make it better."

"Maybe we can't. But maybe knowing you have so many shoulders to lean against will at least keep you from feeling suffocated. Isn't that worth an attempt?"

She sighed and put her head back on my shoulder. "I honestly don't know anymore."

I was so used to Bella being strong and independent that I felt completely lost in dealing with a broken version of her. How do you help someone who has never seemed like they needed help before? And if this was how she was over Aaron when she was so much better from all the other parts of her past, what had she really been like during high school when she'd been seeing that counselor with our parents?

In the next second, I realized it didn't matter. Her past was her past and what mattered now was this moment. There was a door cracked open between us and if I could help her, then I could get through that door. If I messed this up, she might never let me in completely and I might never hear the words I wanted her to say most to me.

I decided that approaching this in pieces was the best way to go and I picked out one thing in particular she had said. "Bella, you mentioned you have broken promises. What does that mean?"

My name left her lips in a sigh as she shook her head. "If I tell you that now, there's no going back. Right now, we're still learning about each other and I personally think it would just be an unnecessary complication at this point."

"Is it really that? Or is it that you think I won't understand?"

She let her breath out in a deep sigh and then moved her head so it was wedged under my chin. I had a feeling it was as much for her comfort as it was to avoid looking directly at me.

"I'm only asking for you to try, Bella. Just try to talk to me and let me help one time."

"So you know about how bad my cycle is and how you don't have to worry about birth control. What you don't know is the reason for it. When I started to feel better after Aaron's death, I told Charlie I wanted to name my first baby after Aaron. I came home from school one day and just announced it to him, which made him turn purple and then ask if I was pregnant. So once I had him calmed down and assured I was still his virginal daughter, he told me it was a sweet idea and he wasn't offended at all that I would name my far away future child after Aaron and not him. Then he mumbled something about me being thirty or some shit."

Bella shifted around again, this time putting her head on my shoulder. "It's all wound up together because Aaron died the week before Valentine's," she said.

I wanted to ask what Valentine's had to do with her wanting to name a baby after Aaron, and what any of this had to do with birth control. The questions were right on the tip of my tongue, but I stopped myself from asking for fear she would stop talking altogether.

Another sigh escaped her and she finally started talking again. "So the high school did this stupid thing where you purchased pre-made Valentine's cards from the Student Council and then they delivered them for you during lunch. I had ditched my middle school classes that day to have lunch with Rose at the high school. I was laughing my ass off at her because she had a stack of those Valentine's cards next to her tray and was sorting them in order of junk size versus popularity. She was in the middle of telling me how I would one day understand the complicated world of sex and boys when ten people showed up with ten new cards, setting off a fresh wave of laughter for me. Right up until they attempted to give _me_ the cards. Rose was now the one laughing and the cards were stacked up next to me on the table. I was completely red in the face and so damn mad that someone would bother me with that shit. I just wanted to laugh at Rose and not feel sad about Aaron for a few minutes and some asshole was messing that up. I mean, really! The very first time I find something to laugh about. Who has that kind of fucked up luck besides me?

"It would have been different if it was someone who'd expressed the tiniest bit of interest in me before that day, but I wasn't a blip on boy radar yet. Hell, I wasn't even going to that school yet! To make things worse, more cards started to show up. Every single one of them was from the same guy, _Mike Newton_."

I very nearly laughed at the way she'd made his name sound like some kind of disgusting bacteria, but I had the feeling laughter wasn't what she wanted to hear right now.

"I grabbed all of the cards up, charged across the cafeteria, and dumped the whole pile into his lap, telling him to wipe his ass with them because I didn't want them," she continued. "And do you know what that bastard did? He smiled and asked me to go to the movies with him. If Rosalie hadn't been there, I probably would have slugged the bastard. I didn't have hardly any control over my temper at that time. Then again, he was the only one setting it off by not leaving me the hell alone."

Bella's reaction to my mention of Valentine's Day made perfect sense now, though I still found her reasoning faulty. So I told her so. "Bella, I know he picked the wrong time and he did it in a way you were sure to hate, but that's no reason to avoid the holiday with me."

Her fingers came up and pressed against my lips. "Don't, E. If you want me to tell you this shit, then you have to let me get it all out. It's honestly one of those all or nothing situations."

I nodded to show her I would listen and then kissed her fingers.

She moved them away and hugged her arm around my neck, which I took as a really great sign. She was pulling me closer instead of pushing me away; she was _trusting_ me.

"I managed to avoid him for a while after that because I'd stopped visiting my usual haunts and going out to any parties. I was so consumed with how much I missed Aaron and how guilty I felt for not being there on his last morning. And also, I was starting to figure out that partying and causing trouble just because I could wasn't the best use of my time or talents.

"But I was also just a kid and after a lot of begging and pleading from the people I called my friends back then, I starting hanging out with them again. By then, Newton had wormed his way into the group even though he was a high school freshman and we were just in eighth grade. So I was constantly running into him and dealing with him asking me out. At first, I didn't want anything to do with him. But one day, he followed me and found out where I went after I left the group every day. The next day, he was waiting in the cemetery with flowers for Aaron. I'd thought he'd done it because he cared about me.

"So to make a long story short, we dated and I thought we loved each other. We even ended up sleeping together right before school let out for the summer. Rose was absolutely furious with me. We weren't really friends, but we had this weird estranged sister thing going and she was pissed that I hadn't used any kind of protection. She made me go to her doctor and get tested for diseases and pregnancy. I was clean on both counts. I was also told that my cycles weren't normal. I wasn't the kind to talk about shit like that so I had no idea not every girl bled like crazy and had stomach pains so bad she could barely walk. But that friggen doctor let me know how wrong I was and diagnosed me with endometriosis. I spent my entire summer looking up doctors and going to appointments so that someone could tell me that first doctor had been a complete fucking nutter and I was fine.

"I begged for Newton to come with me to my appointments. I told him he didn't even have to go into the room. I just wanted him there for the ride there and back, to just have someone with me that cared about me. He told me I was too much drama and broke up with me.

"And to make my summer even better, all of the doctors agreed with each other. I will never have a child of my own. Maybe if I win the lotto and have a ton of money for this crazy expensive surgery and then that invetro stuff, but even then it's not guaranteed I can carry to term. Right now, my doctor is just focused on pain and cyst management so she can get me off the painkillers. So no baby named after Aaron, and to me, that's a broken promise. All the rest are kind of in that same area because I'd promised to read all the same stories and sing all the same songs with my kid that I'd done with him.

"So when I told you there was a ton of bad stuff going on before I went cliff diving, this was the stuff I was talking about. My life felt so out of my control, like all of these strangers were calling the shots for me without even knowing me. I just wanted to take control back and prove to every one, especially myself, that I was in charge. That _I_ was the decider of my future. And also, I felt like if I could pull off a perfect cliff dive, then I could do anything. I could even accept not having kids and having picked such a royal fucking shit as a first boyfriend. Like I said before, it's all tied together no matter how much I don't want it to be. And that's the last major part of my past you didn't know about."

I didn't know where to start. This woman lying against me was unlike any other person I'd ever known. She had experienced so much pain and loss in such a short time, and at a time in her life when she was already confused enough just being a teenager. And here she was now, in college and really making something of her life. I had so much respect for her for being able to come away from all of that as a stronger and better person. I doubted I would have been able to do the same in her position; I wasn't the fighter she was.

But knowing Bella, she didn't want to hear that. She didn't want to be told how strong she was or how proud I felt of her. She didn't want bullshit and she would consider those words as such right now.

So I tried something else. "Newton is certainly living up to his ranking as first rate asshole. I'd thought Emmett was just being harsh with his judgment, but he's completely right."

Bella snorted. "Em just hates Newton 'cause he tried to hit on Rose back in high school. But he's not worth hating. Hell, he's not even really worth thinking about. I would never think about him if he wasn't tied in to Aaron and everything else. Do you have any idea how annoying it is to think of him and that tiny ass thing he called a dick? Although, I do have to wonder if he ever figured out how to use it anywhere other than in his hand."

I couldn't help but laugh at her comment. "Bella."

She shrugged her shoulder, nearly hitting my chin with it. "He deserves it."

"He deserves much worse." And that was the absolute truth. He had preyed on a girl younger than him, one who was clearly lost and hurting. And once he had gotten what he wanted, he'd left her at a time when she was already feeling devastated.

"I want you to know that I was going to tell you eventually about my problem," she said. I was surprised she was still willing to talk after already sharing so much with me.

"Were you afraid to tell me about your condition?" I asked.

Her head moved in a small nod. "Not at first, though. When we first started dating, it just didn't seem like any of your business. I didn't see a point in talking about something so personal to someone I hardly knew. But after Christmas, after I saw you with Karen's nephew, then it kind of became this thing that was an empty space between us. I reasoned I could hold off on telling you for now because we're both so young still, but I knew some day I would tell you and it would be a deal breaker."

"A deal breaker?" I asked louder than I had meant to. The idea that anyone would end a relationship over something like that was infuriating to me. A relationship was supposed to be built on trust, love, and respect—not the ability to make a baby.

"Are you agreeing or not? I can't tell."

"Bella, any man who loves you, who truly wants to share his life with you, even if it's only for a few months or years, will not care about whether or not he can get you pregnant. He will love you for your personality and your heart."

"But how can you say that? How can you write it off like that? I saw you with Karen's nephew. I know you want to be a dad someday."

"Yeah, someday. And when I'm ready for that, the mother of my child will be chosen for her heart, not her ability to get pregnant. With so many ways to become parents these days, that part is the absolute least important. And what good does it do anyone for two people to be together just because they can make a baby the old-fashioned way when they have no chemistry and no reason to be together other than a child? How is that fair to anyone, especially the child?"

"Do you really mean that or are you just trying to shut your emotional girlfriend up?"

I cupped her face and tilted it up until I could see those beautiful brown eyes of hers, though I hated to see the red rimming them right now. "I mean it. I mean it as much as I do when I say I love you. And everything you've told me this afternoon, it just confirms for me that you are an amazing woman. You have been undervalued and underappreciated in the past, but I see it, Angel. I see _you_. And I love you." I gave her a smile while softly wiping away her tears with my thumbs. And then I kissed her lips and told her once more that I loved her.

"I didn't know what you would think of how silent I get after visiting Aaron. Actually, I didn't know I could do anything but be silent after. I just … Thank you." It was clear on her face and in her eyes that she was still hurting deeply, and yet she was trying so hard to let me in—it meant the world to me.

"No, thank you. The only reason we're having this moment right now is because you let me in, Bella. You trusted me with your past and your pain," I said as I kissed her lips once more. "I'm here for you, Bella. I'll always be here for you. All you have to do is trust me and talk to me like you did today."

"Oh, Lord," she groaned, rubbing her forehead against my shoulder. "You share Jasper's belief that talking makes it better."

"No, it doesn't always make it better. But it's a start."

Bella sat up and lifted her eyes to mine. "Okay, but don't think this is going to become like some daily sharing shit or something. If I have something to say, I'll share it. But if I'm not saying anything, that means I don't have anything so don't bug the shit out of me about it."

"Agreed."

"You said that a little too quickly," she accused, narrowing her eyes at me.

I chuckled and leaned forward, stealing a small kiss. "I'm a quick study and I know this is one of those times when arguing with you won't do either of us any good."

"You got that right," she managed to get out while yawning. And then she dropped her head back to my shoulder and held tightly to me. She was really letting me be here for her and I'd never felt more sure we could make this relationship a lasting one.

Her grip on me didn't slacken until she had fallen into a deep sleep. For awhile, I just held her close, enjoying the weight and warmth of her body in my arms.

I knew she had been afraid my love for her wouldn't last once I knew her, but if anything, I fell more in love with her every single day. I loved her heart, I loved her outgoing personality, and I adored the way her brown eyes crinkled at the corners when she gave a smile of true happiness. Of course, I also enjoyed the way her lips pulled to the right when she smirked just before teasing someone, especially me. And I knew now that she teased so much because she cared so much. She did all she could to take care of her family and friends, even me. Now it was her turn to be cared for and she had no idea how to let that happen, but I would help her learn. I wanted to do that for her as much as she needed it.

I had just finished shifting Bella onto her bed and covering her up when the front door opened. I quickly went down to let Charlie know she was sleeping so he wouldn't accidentally wake her by calling out for her.

But Charlie must have taken my hurried movement the wrong way because his smile turned into a look of worry. "What's going on?"

"She's fine. She's just sleeping," I told him.

"She's asleep?" Now he had the most bewildered look on his face.

"Yes. It hasn't been quite an hour yet though, so I wanted to make sure you didn't call out for her. I know she didn't sleep on the ride up."

Charlie made some kind of grunting sound and hung up his gunbelt next to his jacket. "Let's you and me have a talk."

I followed him into the kitchen and sat across from him at the small table. I wasn't sure what he wanted to talk about and just really hoped he wouldn't do like last time and confuse me with different questions. At least he'd left the gun behind this time.

"You two saw Aaron this morning, right?" Charlie asked.

"Yes, Sir. We spent about an hour there. I tried to get to her eat a little something after, but she didn't. She spent most of the afternoon just staring at the television."

"She never eats after. And she never sleeps either."

"She fought it, but I think the talk we had helped."

"She talked?" Once again, Charlie looked completely shocked and that worried me. Until this afternoon, I would have sworn Chief Charlie Swan was absolutely unflappable. He was The Intimidator after all.

"It wasn't easy," I admitted. "And I know she has more to say when she's ready, but she did share enough that I understand better. She told me about her guilt for not being with Aaron the morning he died. And she told me about not being able to have children and how those two things wrapped up with a summer full of doctor visits led her to her cliff diving episode."

"She swears she wasn't trying to kill herself."

I nodded. "I believe her. Do you?"

"I'll be honest, Edward, I didn't at first. But after we started going to those counseling appointments your mother set up for us, I changed my mind about that. I think she really was just trying to feel something other than sad and guilty."

"She told me she doesn't normally talk for days after, and I think that's her way of making sure she doesn't get trapped in her sadness again. But today, just for a little while, she let me in and talked."

"You know, I never would have considered suicide as a reason for her cliff diving if it hadn't been for what happened with Aaron."

"What do you mean?"

"Did she tell you anything about his last days?"

I shook my head. "Not really. Just that she spent time in the hospital with him."

"One afternoon, this was just a couple days before he died, she cornered his doctor. Told the man she had a good strong heart and that she wanted him to take it and give it to Aaron. He told her he couldn't just take a healthy person's heart out and give it to someone else. Bella argued with him, told him she had done too many awful things to deserve a long life and that Aaron was the innocent one who should get to live. And then she told the doctor he could either agree up front to take her heart or she could go outside, find a moving vehicle to step in front of, and then he could take it.

"Poor man was close to hysterics when he called me. He'd convinced her they could discuss it if she came up as a match for Aaron and as soon as she'd left with a nurse to get tested, he'd called me. Thank God she wasn't a match because I believe she really would have given her life up for Aaron. Maybe that sounds crazy to you, I don't know. But that's Bella. When she loves, it's all out and all the way, and nothing is too much or too good for the ones she loves. That's why I always try to know as much as I can about the people in her life. I didn't do a good job of that before and some of what I found out during those counseling sessions turned my stomach. So ever since then, I've made it a point to check out anyone she's considering a friend. Thankfully, though, your sister and Rosalie have been such good influences that I haven't had to worry."

"I just want you to know that I would never do anything to take advantage of Bella, Chief Swan."

"I've seen you calm my daughter and now I've witnessed you getting her to talk and sleep. You can call me 'Charlie', son. You've earned the right," he said, holding his hand out to me.

I took it and shook it gratefully. "Thank you, Charlie." I tried to let go of his hand, but he tightened his grip and pulled so we were both leaning over the table and practically nose to nose.

"I like you so far, Edward. But if you hurt my little girl, I'll have no problem hurting you. Is that clear?"

"Very much, Sir."

"Good." Charlie let go of my arm and sat back in his chair, acting as though the last few seconds hadn't occurred. "So how's pizza sound for dinner, Edward? I'm not much of a cook and Sue is out of town on a trip with her daughter. Some attempt at bonding or something."

"Pizza would be great," I replied.

And then we both spoke at the same time. "Mushrooms for Bella."

Charlie grinned. "You know what she likes. That's good to hear, Edward. You keep that up, and you'll probably make it out of here alive."

I laughed at what certainly had to be a joke, but I would have been lying if I'd said I hadn't been completely terrified it wasn't a joke at all. I knew Bella was tired and needed to rest, and yet I'd never wanted so badly for her to wake up. It certainly seemed like it was going to be a very long night in Forks.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

"Do we have enough time for a small detour?" I asked Edward as we buckled ourselves into the Volvo.

He turned his head toward me and smiled. "The meadow?"

"Yeah," I said with a smile of my own.

The ride over was quiet and I used the time to think about everything that had happened yesterday and last night. It felt weird to be talking so soon after visiting Aaron, but it was a good kind of weird. And my dad had been over the friggen moon about having me eating and talking. It made me realize that even though he expected the behavior, it still worried him a lot. I just didn't process things the way other people did. For me, it was either small doses or not at all and I'd never been able to handle Aaron in small doses because of how everything wrapped itself around him.

When Edward had woken me up last night to go down for dinner, I'd been worried I would regret telling him so much. Even more than that, I'd been worried he would look at me differently. But I was still okay with him knowing and he was still looking at me in that same goofy way of his—I loved that goofy look.

I also loved the terrified look he'd had when I'd asked him to stay in my room with me last night. He had pretty much convinced himself my father would shoot him just for being in my room, much less in my bed. But I managed to persuade him that being fully-clothed with the bedroom door wide open would keep him safe and free of gunshot wounds.

"What's that smile for?" Edward asked, tracing my lower lip with his thumb.

I smiled wider and leaned in to him, just barely pressing my lips to his. "You and your absurd notions about my father shooting you."

"You can call them absurd all you want, but that doesn't make them any less real or probable."

I snorted and then kissed him again. "Sure, E. Whatever you need to tell your self to justify that cowardly lion side of you. Honestly, though, you need to make a trip to Oz to ask for some backbone because my dad is really not that scary."

"Bella, that's only to you and only because you're his daughter."

"Let's just take a walk," I said as I opened my door.

Edward came around the car and took my hand into his, lifting it up to press a kiss against the back of it. "I know you're not completely back to yourself yet, but I really appreciate your attempt to talk and not shut me out."

"Well, I appreciate your patience with me. Though, the girls are going to be a handful when they see I'm not in Zombie Land."

"They'll be happy about it, though."

"Oh, no doubt. But they're going to want an explanation for it, too. Not that I mind telling them or anything. I just … I don't know that I'm ready to talk about it yet."

"Well when we get there, if you feel like you aren't, just tell them that. They'll understand, Bella. At the very least, they'll support your choice."

I smiled up at him while pulling his arm around my waist. "How about you tell them while I run and hide in my room?"

"We can do that too," he said before leaning down and kissing me. As sweet of a gesture as it was, it nearly ended in us falling over a large tree root.

"Note to Edward, kissing and walking do not mix in the woods," I said as he helped me over another large root.

He just smiled and shrugged.

It didn't take us long to reach the meadow since there was plenty of daylight to see with. I'd known in my head it was too soon for my flowers to bloom, but I still felt a little disappointment at not being greeted by the deep purple petals.

"May's not that far off," Edward said, pressing his lips against my temple. It felt really good to have someone who understood me enough to know what I was thinking without me having to explain it and explain all the reasons why I thought or felt a particular way. And to have him understanding everything about Aaron and what had happened after … I couldn't even describe how great of a feeling it was to have Edward at my side. And almost as great as that, was having him understand I wasn't automatically perfectly okay just because we'd talked. He'd accepted my periods of silence last night and this morning, and I was sure he'd keep on doing it until I was past all of this for another year.

"Let's walk," I said, pulling lightly on his hand. Without the sun, it was a little too chilly to keep standing around in one place.

We were quiet while we walked along the edge—actually it was only my mouth that was silent. My head kept on going, filling with different thoughts about Edward and life in general. I knew from far too many experiences that life changed quickly and without warning, but even I wasn't able to imagine my life could become so different in just three short months. Then again, look who was talking! Three months to me was like a year to everyone else.

In three months time, I'd learned what it was like to have a guy really be interested in all of me. I'd discovered how good it could be to fall asleep and wake up next to someone I cared about. I'd found out what it was to be let into someone's heart and I'd been told more times than I could count that I was loved. And now, I'd learned how good it could feel to let someone be here for me and with me.

I stopped walking and lifted my eyes to Edward's deep green ones. "You win."

His lips pulled up to the left and his arms wrapped around my back, drawing me against his chest. "What did I win besides a chance to be with you, Angel?"

My arms slid around his neck and I leaned up on my toes, brushing a soft kiss against his lips before pulling back to look into his eyes once more. "You can celebrate Valentine's. But you have to keep it small, E."

The smile he had on his face right then … I couldn't have put it into words even under penalty of having Emmett do something gross, like showing me his big ass.

"I can do that," Edward assured me.

As he held me close and kissed me softly, I knew I believed him without a single doubt. He would keep it small, I would try to put away all of my past hatred for the holiday, and we would celebrate what we had together. We'd had some struggles and disagreements—I was sure we'd have more just from having such different personalities—but we had also managed to get through them and to get my entire past out on the table between us. For once, I could really believe three months was just the start.

* * *

**Final A/N:** Major kudos to Eternally Addicted. She has been such an amazing partner in crime. She has kept me on the right road with this story and her ideas, song choices, and overall help have been invaluable to making this a story worth reading. As a little thank you and tribute to her, WTB Bella picked Bumblebee, the yellow Camaro, since EA's Bella drives the Camaro in _The Game That Changed It All_. If you haven't checked out the story yet, please do. It's worth the read!

In WTB news, I'm only teasing with the chapter title this week because I'm pretty darn sure most of you will guess what's coming from it ... That's How You Know.

That's it for this week, lovely readers. See you next Saturday!


	26. That's How You Know

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: That's How You Know**

**Chapter Song: "Naked" by Avril Lavigne**

**Bella's POV:**

"Bells, are you sure?" Alice asked, giving me a tiny glimpse of her infamous pout.

I smiled and squeezed her hand. "I'm sure, Ali. Go have fun with everyone else and give hugs to Bree and Lance for me."

"Are you really, really sure though?"

"She'll be fine, Alice. I'll be right here with her," Edward answered as he tightened his arms around me.

He was stretched out on the sofa and I was resting between his legs and against his chest. It had been five whole days since our visit to Forks and although I was feeling a lot better than I normally did at this stage of things, I was not completely myself. The last thing I needed to do was deal with getting hit on by idiotic strangers. Edward had agreed and had been very helpful in getting Alice to accept I was staying in tonight.

"Does this dress do my ass justice?" Rose asked, shaking the aforementioned body part and making us laugh.

"For barely covering said ass, it looks damn good," I told her.

"I admit to being worried when you first picked this dress out, but now there is no doubt in my mind you were meant to wear it," Alice said as she circled our friend.

Rosalie had found this strapless black leather dress with a sweetheart bust at her favorite consignment shop this past weekend and had been talking non-stop about wearing it tonight. I was glad it had ended up fitting and looking as great as she'd thought it would—few things in the daily drudgery sucked more than getting excited about an outfit and then having it not work out.

"So are we ready?" Emmett asked as he opened the door and strolled in with Jasper right behind him. His eyes landed on Rosalie in her dress and the man's jaw literally dropped.

"Quick! Someone take a picture of a speechless Emmett," Edward called out from behind me.

Jasper jumped in front of Emmett and I heard the click of the camera on his phone. "Got it," he said proudly.

The girls were surrounding Jasper and laughing at the picture on his phone when Emmett's booming voice silenced everyone. "You are _not_ wearing that out tonight, Rosalie Cullen. Go change."

Edward stiffened against me and I could only imagine the look of shock that had to be on his face. I doubted he'd ever heard his brother talk to Rose that way. For my part, I was biting my lip and saying a small prayer for Em's safety. I'd seen exactly what happened when he attempted to exert his imaginary authority over her and it wasn't a pretty sight by any means. People thought I was scary only because they'd never seen a pissed-off Rosalie before.

Jasper grabbed Alice by the shoulders and backed her away from Emmett and Rose. The two were staring at each other in the oddest damn way—Emmett looked ready to explode with his face actually taking on a purple tint while Rosalie just looked ready to cry. Normally at this point, they would be face to face and yelling at the top of their lungs and I wondered if her behavior was a sign she was still worried about graduation.

Rose gave out a sniffle and hiccup before actual words left her lips. "You called me 'Cullen'."

Emmett's brows and the tendons in his neck relaxed, taking him from looking angry to confused. "Did I?"

"Yeah, you did," she said with a smile and nod.

He gave her that grin none of us could refuse and pulled her into his arms. "You will be one day. If you'll keep putting up with me that long."

"I'm not changing."

He smiled wider and leaned down, touching his forehead to hers. "Yeah, you are. You don't want me breaking body parts on anyone so you're going to change and save this for a night when it's just the two of us."

"Then you're taking me out Friday night."

"I'm already taking you out Saturday."

"But that's Valentine's so it doesn't count."

Emmett's lips pulled up into a smirk. "Alright, you win. Two dates in one weekend."

"Fifteen minutes," was her only reply. She grabbed his shirt and pulled his lips to hers for a quick kiss and then she disappeared down the hall.

When Rose's bedroom door closed, Alice pounced on her big brother. "Did you just propose?"

"Fuck no," Emmett said, looking at her oddly. "Did you see a ring?"

"Well, no, but it is you we're talking about. You've been known to do things backwards before," she replied.

"Give me some credit, Sis. If I was going to propose, I damn sure wouldn't do it here in the apartment. I might not be the most romantic guy, but even I know you take her to a nice dinner first. Besides, you know I'd consult your little psychic fairy ass before doing something that damn major."

"Okay," Alice chirped while shrugging her shoulder.

"Hey, Em, you know that doesn't let you off the hook for after graduation," I said, surprising my own self. I normally kept my mouth shut and stayed way the hell out of their relationships. Then again, things didn't normally bother Rosalie so much.

"What are you talking about, Bells?" Emmett asked, settling ass on the arm of the sofa and his brown eyes on me.

"You haven't told her what you've decided about the internship and you haven't asked her to go with you," I explained.

"That would be because I'm still waiting to hear from my number one choice."

"So what? No matter where it is, you want her with you, right? So if you do, then you need to let her know so she can start planning for it."

"To be honest with you, Bells, I don't know that Rose would even want to pack up and go with me. I don't see her leaving her parents and you guys," he said, truthfully looking like he had no idea why she wouldn't want to stay.

Edward snorted out a version of his twin's name. "Rosalie might like all of us, but she loves _you_. Of course she wants to be with you."

Emmett didn't look anymore convinced than he had before. "Don't get me wrong. It's not like I don't want her there or like I don't think about how nice it would be to have her with me. It's just that I'm going to be slammed and have so little time for her. It seems better to have her here just missing me than wherever I am, dealing with me not being around much plus missing all of you guys and her parents. I mean, isn't that the way I'm supposed to look at it? What's best for her while I'm interning?"

Jasper's hand settled on Emmett's shoulder and the big guy turned his eyes toward his friend. "It's nice of you to be thinking of her, but this isn't a decision you should make _for_ her. The two of you should talk it out and decide together. Doing anything else is just going to lead to resentment and that's the last thing you need between you if you do decide on the long distance thing."

"So why the hell are you guys just telling me this shit?" Emmett questioned, his eyes moving from Jasper to Alice and then to Edward and me.

"Because we honestly thought you would have figured it out by now. Or that Rose would have brought it up," Alice answered.

"Yeah, how we were to know you would be more clueless than usual?" Edward added.

"You're one to talk about being clueless, Ed. You might want to be more careful about that finger pointing shit."

"Come on, Em. You know he didn't mean it that way," I said. "And if I had said that exact same thing to you, you would have laughed and teased me right back."

"Okay, I'm ready," Rose called out. We heard her door shut and a few seconds later, she walked into the living room. "Why does everyone look so serious?"

"No reason, Baby," Emmett said, putting his arm around her waist and pulling her close.

"So does this dress meet your standards?" she asked, giving him a smirk. She'd changed into her slinky maroon dress that was knee-length with a halter top.

He smiled as he leaned up and pecked her lips. "Thank you for changing."

"Welcome."

"You know, I always wondered how I would react if I ever saw the two of you being mushy," I said as I nudged Emmett's knee with my foot.

"Yeah? What do you think of it?" he asked.

"It's fucking disgusting. Get the hell out of here," I joked, giving them both a big smile.

"Later, Beelzebub," Emmett said, pinching my calf before getting up from the sofa arm.

"Edward, you're a brave soul to put up with her all alone," Rose said as she kissed my cheek and then his.

Alice pranced over and did the same, only kissing Edward first. She smiled at me and said, "Call if you need anything."

"Jasper, get her out of here and focused on something other than me," I said as I gripped his hand.

He laughed and leaned down to kiss my cheek. "I'll take care of it, darlin'."

"Thank you," I said as he shook hands with Edward.

There was a round of "bye" and "see ya" and then the front door was closed, finally leaving Edward and me alone in the apartment.

I pulled Edward's arms back around me and then spent a few minutes just enjoying the silence with him.

"Have you come up with any ideas for dinner?" he asked, nudging my head with his.

I thought about it for a minute before giving him an answer. "I would like to watch a loud, explosion-filled action movie while eating wings and drinking beer."

"Okay," he said with a little laugh. "I thought you wanted a quiet night."

"Quiet as in not full of people pressed in all around me and being boisterous, not devoid of sound. And I'm not in the mood to laugh so I figure an action movie would be good."

"What movie?"

"Let's get that new _Die Hard_ with Justin Long in it."

"Alright then. You order the wings and I'll go grab them and the movie while you take a shower and get into your sleep clothes."

"I can go with you," I offered.

"Wouldn't you rather relax in the hot water and get out of your school clothes?"

"I would, but I'd still go with you."

He chuckled and pressed a kiss to my temple. "I appreciate it, but I'd rather see you relaxed and comfy."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, Angel."

"So what kind of wings for you?" I asked as I made myself get up from the sofa.

"Honey barbeque. I'm not big on spicy foods."

"Ranch or blue cheese?"

"Ranch."

I found the menu I wanted in the little basket Alice kept on the counter and then phoned in an order of wings for Edward and an order of atomic fire wings for myself. I absolutely loved spicy foods and fully believed in the motto "the hotter, the better". One of the places I wanted to visit when I was settled in my career and could take vacations was New Orleans. I wanted to try raw oysters with hot sauce, the spiciest crawfish boil I could find, and get my hands on a huge bowl of jambalaya. From what I'd heard and read, as good and spicy as it was the first day, it was even better the second day.

After forcing Edward to take some cash for my share of the wings and movie rental, I filled my tub up with steaming water and bubbles. I normally preferred showers, but tonight, I wanted to soak in the warmth. I even lit a couple of candles and turned out the overhead light, hoping I could actually create a calming atmosphere for myself.

It had been a long week by all accounts. School was busy, work was busy, my head was full of conflicting thoughts, and my heart had so many damn emotions ripping through it that it was a wonder I was managing to be somewhat functional. And I knew I owed Edward big time for the little I could manage. It was why I was trying so damn hard to get through this and get back to myself before Saturday. He was really looking forward to whatever he had planned for us for Valentine's and I didn't want to mess it up by still being in this funk.

But even if I wasn't still … I didn't even have a good word for what I was and never had found one that really felt right for how hard this shit was each year. But even if I was completely myself, I wouldn't be excited for Valentine's—at least not like Alice. She had come running into my room this morning, jumping onto my bed and talking a mile a minute about the plans Jasper had for their day. They were having breakfast at sunrise, then spending most of the day at the his-and-her spa he'd given her certificates for at Christmas, followed by a late lunch, and then an afternoon boat ride to watch the sunset. After all of that, they were going to dinner and ending the night in a grand suite at the Hotel Monaco. Alice was so damn excited that she'd made me take a virtual tour of the place. To me, her day sounded daunting, draining, and damn big. _What can I say? Ran out of good "d" words. Sue me._

So Jazz and Ali were basically going to be hopping from one activity to the next and if they wanted to stay late at any one place, it would throw the rest of their day off. I couldn't stand for things to be so structured. And I damn sure didn't want a day crammed full of expensive things. I was so glad Edward had promised to keep it small because it was going to be hard enough to embrace Valentine's Day without letting old memories taint it before it even got started. If he'd have planned something crazy like Jazz or was going on and on about some gift like Emmett was doing, I would have called the whole damn thing off by now. In my opinion, it was far better to treat it like a regular Saturday and enjoy the day with Edward than to have it crammed full of expensive activities and hate it.

And what was it about Valentine's that made people so excited any way? With as many times as Jazz and Ali had celebrated it together, you'd think it would be old by now, but no! They both looked forward to it for days beforehand. Even Rosalie who was normally as laid back as me was excited for Valentine's. Emmett had actually planned ahead and gotten reservations at her favorite restaurant, a sushi place downtown, and she had her outfit all picked out and hanging to the side of her closet. And then there was the gift he swore she would love—he was king of the last minute shoppers so he was obviously just as excited as Rose.

"Why's your forehead so wrinkled? What's confusing you?" Edward asked.

I opened my eyes and turned my head, finding him sitting next to the tub and smiling at me. "I didn't hear you come in."

"Or sit down," he said, leaning forward so his arms were on the side of the tub with his chin on top.

I lifted a hand out of the water and left a streak of bubbles across the bridge of his nose. "Hi," I said before laughing.

He chuckled and wiped his nose on his arm. "Hi back."

"Sorry. Felt in the mood to be silly for a second."

"I don't mind. I'm glad you felt that way, even if it was just for a little bit."

I shifted in the tub and mimicked the way Edward was leaning on the edge, nearly touching his nose with mine. "Are you staying again tonight?"

"If you want."

"I do, but I don't want you to feel like you have to. If you have things you need to do at your dorm—"

"Bella, all of my books are here and I have enough clothes for a couple more days. What reason could I possibly have for going to my empty dorm instead of staying here with you?"

"A break? Time to yourself?"

"I'll have plenty of that on Sunday while you're working."

I sighed, thinking of Kate and Angela. The second they'd heard about Edward getting me to agree to celebrating Valentine's, they'd started plotting on how to get me the day off. I still felt guilty over them having gone from having to the day off to each working one of my shifts.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked, brushing my damp hair from my cheek.

"Nothing's wrong exactly. I just can't believe Kate and Angela went to all that trouble to give me Saturday off."

"I'm sure you'll find some way to repay them soon enough. For now, why don't you finish up and get dressed before the food gets cold?"

"How about instead, you put the food in the oven and then join me in the tub?"

He chuckled and leaned forward, kissing my cheek. "You have no depth perception, Angel. There's no way the two of us can fit into your tiny apartment tub. But I promise the next time we're in Forks, we'll make use of mine."

"Deal," I said with a smile.

Edward headed off to the kitchen to put the food on plates while I dried off and searched for comfy clothes. I ended up in my Taking Back Sunday shirt and a pair of loose cotton shorts. I was all set for a night of sofa surfing.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Morning, Angel," Edward whispered before kissing my angel wings.

I shifted backward and further into his chest, murmuring a sleep-slurred version of "morning" to him. We'd gone to bed fairly early last night—the gang hadn't even been home yet—and still I felt tired and drained. I damn sure preferred a physical workout to an emotional one.

Edward laughed softly at my mumbling and kissed the back of my neck again. "It's time to get up."

"I heard the clock. I'm just choosing to ignore it for another hundred and twenty seconds."

"How are you feeling this morning?"

I ignored his question for a moment, needing to yawn and stretch instead. He was probably expecting me to tell him my stomach hurt from last night's dinner. He couldn't believe how spicy my wings had been or that I'd eaten them all, plus celery sticks, and a couple of his sweet wings. I had a stomach of steel, nurtured by Charlie's non-existent cooking skills and failed attempts at putting dinner on the table.

"Are you done?" Edward asked, giving me that lopsided grin of his.

"One more," I joked, holding a single finger up to him.

He jerked my pillow out from under my head and lightly smacked me on the forehead with it. "Liar."

After hitting him back with the pillow, I rolled over so I was facing him completely. "I don't know how I feel yet, E. Haven't been awake long enough to register any thoughts or feelings. But I do know I could stay right here all day if we didn't both have tests."

"Darn responsibility," he murmured against my neck before playfully biting me.

I squealed and tried to roll away from him, but he was holding onto my too tightly. I tried pushing against his chest to get out of the hold, but that didn't do me any good either and actually made it easier for him to get to the ticklish spots just above my hips.

All of a sudden, he stopped trying to tickle me and just held me. "It's good to hear you laugh again."

I snorted into his shirt and relaxed against him. "It feels good to laugh again. Thanks for that."

"You're welcome."

We laid there quietly for a few minutes before I tilted my head back to see his face. I'd been thinking about something on and off for the past couple of days—and in a few weird dreams from last night—and I wanted to see what he would say. "Hey, I want to ask you something and I want you to know that I'm being serious."

"Okay. What is it?"

"I've never loved anyone before in the romantic way. I'd thought what I felt for Newton was love, but it wasn't. I liked the attention he gave me and I liked feeling that someone was really looking at me, but that's not the same as loving someone. I never wondered what he was doing when we weren't together like Alice is always doing with Jasper. And I never had to hear from him every day the way Rose does with Emmett. And I most definitely didn't feel like he was my friend the way I do with you. When you're fourteen, there are so many things you're feeling and doing for the first time so people write you a pass when you mistake one emotion for another. But after you hit your twenties, it's like you're supposed to already know even if you still haven't ever felt some things before. So having said all of that, how do you know you love me, E? What does it feel like to you to love me?"

Edward's brows came together as he thought about my question. I was so glad he hadn't just blurted out something about warmth in his heart and wanting to be near me. That stuff could be felt just from being attracted to me and even _I_ knew attraction and love weren't the same thing.

His fingers stopped trailing up and down my spine and his green eyes turned down to my face. "It's not really something I know how to put into words. I know it's something that changes a little every day the more I get to know you, something that feels stronger and more right. I think of you often. Whether I'm in class or doing laundry, and especially when I'm watching television, I think of what you might think about or how you might react to something. Your happiness, your smile … those are so important to me, Bella. I feel like if I'm making you happy, then I can be happy. And when you're sad or upset, all I want to do is make it better for you. I don't care where we are or what we're doing because as long as you're there with me, I know I'll enjoy it. And the best parts of my day have become when I fall asleep and wake up next to you."

I felt some of things toward him, but not all of them. I definitely preferred him to be happy over sad any day, but I didn't know that I actively thought about it or tried to make it happen the way that Edward was doing. And I really did like having him around to talk to and spend time with, and he was right about it being nice to have him there when I fell asleep and woke up. But what did that really mean? Was I on the way to falling in love with him? Or did I just care a hell of a lot about him, the way I cared for anyone I considered family? Or even worse … was I only feeling the way I felt because of how great of a friend he'd been all week to me, giving me exactly what I'd needed, even when it was silence? I didn't want to mistake or misplace my feelings—I wanted them to be real because after everything he'd been through, it would hurt him so much if I was wrong about what my feelings meant.

"Does that help you at all?" Edward asked.

I smiled for him. "A little. I wish this stuff wasn't so complicated, but then I guess it wouldn't be this big thing everybody's looking for if it was easy."

"Once you're sure about how you feel, it does get easier. You stop trying to figure it out and you enjoy it."

"Just the fact that you can enjoy it after all I've told you about me … That's pretty damn awesome, E. And also, something I never expected. But I don't want to mistake my appreciation for that as something else because I really want to be as honest with you as I can. You deserve that sort of honesty after what you went through."

Edward nodded, but he also looked troubled. "Bella, I want to tell you something and I need you to—"

The opening of my bedroom door cut off whatever else he'd been about to say. "I know I locked that damn thing last night," I said to Alice as she waltzed on in.

"And I just unlocked it," she replied, plopping down on the end of my bed. "I need your help."

"With what?" I asked.

"I'll just be in the bathroom," Edward said as he slid out from under the covers.

"Hang on, E," I said as I leaned over and grabbed his wrist. "Alice, we were in the middle of a conversation. Get out of here and as soon as we're done, I'll come find you," I promised.

"No, it's alright," Edward said, leaning down and kissing my forehead. "It can wait."

"Are you sure?" I didn't like the way he'd seemed so troubled just a bit ago, but I did have to admit he didn't look that way now.

"It can wait," he assured me. He gave me a small kiss on the lips and then headed for the bathroom.

"Thanks for not being naked," Alice called after him.

"All for you, Ali," he replied sarcastically as he shut the bathroom door.

Alice turned her green eyes back toward me. "So I heard you laughing."

"I was trying it out, seeing how it felt."

"How did it feel?"

"Better than yesterday, but still a little weird. It's like I feel it's so unfair that I can do anything when Aaron can do nothing that I just don't want to do anything. But on the other side of that, I want to do everything."

"So how horrible of friends are we if we ask about last weekend?" Rose questioned as she came into my room and crawled into my bed.

"You aren't bad friends at all. You're great friends," I said, taking a hand from each of them. "You always understand that I need space right now and you're both really great about not pushing."

"So what did happen?" Alice questioned.

"Wait a minute. I thought _you_ needed help," I replied, pointing at my best friend.

"Well … Bells …" She sighed and her shoulders slumped. "The help I need is to know that you're okay."

"What the hell am I going to do with you, Short Stuff?" I asked, shaking my head and pulling Alice into a hug.

"Be in my life forever and listen to all of the advice I give you," she said with a laugh.

"So how are you? How was having Edward with you?" Rose questioned.

I shook my head for a moment, still mystified by it all. "It was really horrible at first. I didn't talk the entire car ride, and then when we got there, I …"

"You fell apart," Alice finished for me.

I nodded in agreement. "Edward sat down beside me and told Aaron it was nice to meet him. I still don't get why just that tiny little thing made a difference, but it did. I could breathe enough to get through it, but after … Edward tried to talk to me and at first, I just couldn't do it. I wanted to tune out and turn off and just not feel. But he wouldn't let me. And it was different from the way you guys have always tried. He didn't come at me with a ton of questions or badger me to talk. He just kind of picked one thing at a time and that made it where I could give him some answers. Each time I told him something, I worried that it would be the thing where he said 'enough is enough', but that didn't happen. He gets it. Maybe not all of it, but enough that it helped and is helping."

Alice squeezed my hand and smiled. "I knew he would."

"You think you know everything, Half-pint," I replied, giving her a teasing eye-roll.

"Hey, you weren't the only one who recommended it," Rose said, squeezing my other hand.

"Now, ladies. I know you love my lovely lady humps, but you really shouldn't fight over me. And also, I don't swing that way."

"Oh, shut up!" Rose cried, smacking me in the side of the head with my own damn pillow. As for my best friend, Alice was too busy giggling to retaliate against me.

"So much for wanting to hear about the trip," I said as I pried the pillow away from Rose and shoved it under my ass.

"You know that's not true," Alice replied. "What exactly did you tell him?"

I looked up at her and I could see the sad smile on my face reflected in her green eyes. "He knows I can't have kids."

"Oh, shit," Rose murmured. She's probably meant for it to be too low to hear, but I'd caught it anyway.

"Actually, it's okay," I said, turning my head toward her. "He says that it doesn't matter. He says my personality and my heart are what matters. And if somewhere down the line, we're still together and decide a kid matters, we'll talk about it then."

"So have you said it yet?" Alice asked, looking as eager as any kid in a candy store.

I honestly had no clue what the hell she was talking about. "Said what?"

"That you love him, Silly."

"Why would I say that when I don't know if that's what I feel? You of all people should know what that would do to him if I was wrong."

"Let's look at the facts," Rose said as she lifted her hand up. Each time she finished listing what she considered a fact, she dropped a finger. "One, he hasn't left your side since you guys got back. You don't even like us being around you that much right after because you get claustrophobic. Two, you have not been to the gym this week whereas last week, that was the only way you could deal with things. You've been talking to Edward instead of pouring out your problems to the treadmill and punching bag. Three, you let him call you a nickname other than Bells and Beelzebub. And every time I've seen him call you 'Angel', you get this smile on your face that we've never seen before. Bells, you practically light the hell up like a Christmas tree. And the big one, number four, is that you take up for him. And not just with Emmett. You held your tongue for him for weeks and that is not something you have ever done for anyone before." With her fourth finger now dropped, she smiled while waving her middle finger in my face.

"And what point is that making?" I asked, reaching out and just barely missing grabbing the finger.

"Fuck lying to yourself and just tell the man," she answered.

"I am not lying to myself, Hale," I said, hitting her with my pillow. "I'm making sure so that I'm not lying by omission or mistake. And I'll have you both know that before Alice so rudely interrupted, we were talking about what it feels like to love someone."

Alice's face took on an appropriately apologetic look. "Oops."

"Good. She's thinking about it," Rose said as she looked at Alice. "Our work here is done."

"How the hell is it your work?" I asked, watching them get off the bed. "I was talking about it before you came in here."

They both shrugged and grinned. "It just is," they said together heading for the doorway.

I threw the covers back and chased after them. "You two have nothing to do with me thinking about it. You're advice givers, not life planners."

Rose stopped and turned sideways with a big shit-eating grin on her face. "I prefer the term life coach, but I'll also accept life savior."

I flipped her off and then slammed my door closed, grumbling to the wood in front of me. "They just think they know everything. Can I not finish processing my shit with Aaron before getting into more with Edward?"

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Peaches, have you been sucking on a lemon?" Bree asked.

I looked up from my magazine at him. "No. Why?"

"Then what is this scrunched-up face all about?" he asked, waving his hand in a circular motion in front of my face.

I shrugged. "Nothing. Just a little annoyed with Alice and Rose."

"What have the dynamic duo done to make life hellish for you this time?"

"They're trying to push me into saying I feel something that I don't know I feel yet."

"I will die happy never having seen what lies beneath the jeans of one Emmett Cullen."

I snorted and stared at Bree, waiting for an explanation of his comment.

"Oh, I thought we were playing that game where we lie to ourselves and pretend life will be just fine without our true heart's desire."

"What the hell makes you think telling any guy I love him is my true heart's desire?"

Bree's lips pulled up into a smile as he leveled his dark eyes with mine. "Isn't it?"

"I'll have you know that my true heart's desire has been the same since I was twelve and found Charlie's vinyl collection. I wanna be the fifth member of Kiss."

"Aren't you already? I mean, I just assumed what with the white skin and black clothing. I know you wouldn't dare tarnish your rocker girl image by considering yourself emo."

I gave Bree the double flip off with a smile. "Stop being jealous. It's going to totally ruin our friendship. And you know damn well purple is my signature color, not black."

"All I'm saying is that the times I've seen the two of you together, I've seen a different young woman. When you are with Edward, you're calmer, you're more relaxed, and you are super focused on him and whatever he's saying."

"You're exaggerating."

Bree shifted in his seat and leaned closer to me. "It's just you and me, babe, and you haven't stopped moving yet. If it's not your feet tapping out some tune in your head, it's your fingers. You have been neither calm nor relaxed, and you can blame that on your roomies annoying you all you want. As far as focused, we have jumped topics six times in a half hour period. You're always in motion, always searching—except when Edward's right next to you."

It took quite a few tries and almost a full minute before I had my tongue under control and could talk without screaming obscenities. "Look, when I know for sure how I feel, I'll tell him. Until then, I really wish every friggen body would just back the hell off."

"Retract the claws, pussycat. I'm only trying to help. That's all any of us are trying to do."

"It's appreciated, but not needed."

"How about it's appreciated, but not accepted?"

I smiled triumphantly, able to honestly blow that shit right out of the water. "I accepted Edward's help just fine last weekend and for this whole week. He even kept me company last night while you partied with Ali and Rose."

Bree leaned forward, smiling as he cupped my chin in his hand. "And yet you still aren't sure how you feel about him."

"Bree, should I be concerned?" Edward asked as he set his books down on our table.

"Sexward!" Bree cried, jumping up from his chair and pulling Edward into a hug. "I've just been having a talk with the Mrs. here."

"Bree, I will use this spork on your ass," I threatened him.

"Edward, how long has it been since you serviced this woman?" Bree asked, purposefully avoiding looking my way. "I do believe a lack of peen is causing her grumpy little attitude."

Edward stammered and turned an interesting shade of red before giving in and looking to me for help.

"Just sit down and be quiet, Bree. It's your damn fault I'm annoyed anyway," I told him. I grabbed the edge of his shirt and yanked until he sat—he laughed the whole damn time.

Edward took the seat next to me and kissed my cheek sweetly. "How was your test?"

"Good," I said as I shifted to face him and grabbed his hand under the table. "I'm pretty sure I aced it. Yours?"

"I don't know that I aced it, but I'm sure I at least have a 'B'. So I think we should celebrate our good grades and take the rest of the afternoon off."

"You want to ditch classes?" I asked, trying and failing not to be stunned by his bold declaration. _It wasn't really stereotyping if something was really true was it? 'Cause from everything I knew and had seen with Edward, attending school was way high up on his list of things that must be done._

Edward shrugged. "Unless you have something important going on in one of your classes? I don't want you missing anything."

"Now that sounds more like the Edward I know," I told him.

He leaned in closer, almost close enough to kiss. "There's plenty of ways I can still surprise you, Swan."

"Well I'm not really all that crazy about surprises, Cullen, so how about you kiss me instead?"

"Just a second, Edward," Bree interrupted. "Bells and I need to switch seats first."

Edward started laughing hard enough to turn his face red all over again and I laughed too, rubbing his back while looking over at Bree.

"Must you always be such a bitch?" I asked.

He blew me a kiss and smiled wide. "You know you love seeing how well you've raised me."

"Don't blame me for that shit. You were this way when I inherited your ass from Jacob."

"Speaking of him!" Bree cried, slapping his hands against the table. "He's invited me to visit for Spring Break and meet his girlfriend."

"Oh, so it's confirmed now? There is a girl?"

"Her name is Mariska and he met her at a bonfire on the beach. How pathetically perfect is that crap?" Bree's look of disgust lasted about three seconds before being replaced with a sly grin. "She lives in Port Angeles and has shown our boy the joys of having a computer."

I didn't like the sound of that shit at all. Jake was growing up, but he wasn't grown yet and there were some things he shouldn't know about just yet. "That better be the joy of IMing and not of webcams."

"I have a strict don't ask, don't tell policy on that, Peaches. You'll have to ask him yourself. And on that note, I am out of here," Bree said as he stood up. "I'm off to work," he added as he leaned down and kissed me on the cheek.

"Bye, Sweetie. Call me tomorrow," I told him.

Bree shifted his weight and jutted out his hip before setting his hand on it. "Um, no. Tomorrow is Valentine's and I plan to be very busy with Lance all day and _all_ night long. So you and I will talk sometime Sunday if Lance is lucky."

"Drink plenty of liquids and don't forget to break for snacks," I said.

Bree tried for a confused look, but he couldn't stop smiling enough to pull it off. "I forget … Do body oils count as liquids?"

"Oh, jeebus," Edward whispered, dropping his forehead to my shoulder.

"No, but edible panties do count as a snack," I said to Bree. And then we both laughed at Edward mumbling under his breath and shaking his head against my shoulder.

"Bye, Sexward. Bye, Bells," Bree called as he walked away from the table.

Edward lifted his head off my shoulder and pressed his lips to the side of my neck while snaking his arms around my waist. "I have you all to myself now."

I found myself smiling at those words, thinking that was probably the best thing I'd heard all day long.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

My afternoon of playing hooky with Edward didn't turn out to be some exciting adventure with a story worth retelling a thousand times. It wasn't a torrid afternoon of naked fun time. It wasn't even semi-spectacular. It was just the two of us taking a walk along the riverfront.

Sometimes, we talked about whatever came to mind, like my desire to see New Orleans some day and try all of the spicy foods there. Edward wanted to go to Scotland, to see all of the places he'd read about over the years—turned out he was a bit of a history buff.

Other times, we just leaned into each other and enjoyed the sun on our faces and the breeze in our hair. It was just a lazy afternoon of being, of taking our time and really just enjoying each other's company.

All too soon, Edward was dropping me at my car in the school parking lot so I could get over to the coffeehouse and start my shift. Normally, he would have just come along, but he'd been working all week long on this big project for one of his classes and he hoped to finish it tonight. I wished him luck, shared a long kiss goodbye with him, and then headed off to work.

I was physically present at the coffeehouse and did all of the normal parts of my job without fail, but my heart and head weren't in it. They were lost in a fog of uncertainty and doubt, weighed down by the enormous amount of responsibility that certain words carried with them. I tried again and again to focus on filling coffee cups and smiling at customers while handing back change, but it only ever lasted for a few minutes before my mind started in with the questions again.

Things weren't much better when I finally made it home. I sat at my desk with my books laid out in front of me, promising myself I would concentrate on school and nothing else.

The very first thing I became absolutely certain of that night was homework was impossible with a racing mind and heavy heart. The second thing I was certain about was that in my entire life, I'd never had a more perfect or right afternoon than the one I'd had with Edward today.

Homework was forgotten in place of figuring out what else I was sure about … I was physically attracted to Edward. Those green eyes of his and the way they could hold so much intensity was enough to make any girl need a dry pair of panties. And the way he kissed! Jeebus, the man had talent. I'd been kissed a hell of a lot more than I'd slept around, but no one had ever kissed me with so much feeling. And it wasn't that he kissed hard or was demanding with his lips—it was that he always left me feeling invited to participate, like every kiss was as much my choice as it was his. Hell, that didn't even make much sense in my own head so how the hell could anyone else understand what I was trying to say? This putting feelings into words shit was for the friggen birds. The only thing keeping me trying was knowing this was important. Whatever decision I came to would affect my life _and_ his life. I'd never had that kind of responsibility before and it was daunting to say the least.

So I knew there was the physical stuff. I also knew I enjoyed his friendship. I liked that he didn't agree with everything I said, but at least made the attempt to see it from my point of view. I liked his sense of humor and I enjoyed having similar taste in music, movies, and books with him. It gave us lots to talk about when we felt up to talking. And when we didn't feel like talking, we just didn't. We could be silent together without it being awkward. That was definitely something I'd never had before.

Bree's words from lunch came to me. _You're always in motion, always searching—except when Edward's right next to you._ Had I been searching for something like this without knowing it? I found that hard to swallow since most of what I had with Edward were things I never knew existed before he showed them to me.

_Hard to swallow. That's what she said!_ Okay, so allowing the Emmett portion of my brain to break in and derail my quest to figure this shit out probably wasn't the brightest idea, but it was damn funny. It was a good thing for me that Rose and Alice were busy giving each other manicures to go with their outfits for tomorrow. If they'd heard me laughing, they would want to know why and this was one time I couldn't divulge my secrets to them. Mainly because nothing would stay a secret for long. And also, I didn't want to feel like my decision was influenced by how sure they were in their opinions.

I looked down at the list I'd written. I was attracted to him, we were good friends, and I was happier and calmer with him around. But was that only because we were friends? Or because of how much I appreciated his ability to hear all about my past and still be my friend? Or was it something more? Something deeper? I honestly had no friggen clue.

And that left me with only one thing to do.

I had started off sitting on the bed when I'd dialed her number, but as the phone started to ring, I found myself pacing around my room.

"Hello, Sweetheart," Esme greeted, sounding truly happy to hear from me.

"I miss you," I blurted out. I'd actually meant to just tell her "hello" back.

Esme chuckled into the phone. "I miss you, too. I'm sorry we missed seeing you last weekend, but I know you weren't up to visiting. So how are you tonight?"

"I'm good."

"Good as in you're back to your usual self or good as in you have no idea how you're doing?"

I smiled at how well she knew me and even calmed down some, allowing myself to sit on the bed again. "I'm not all of the way back to myself yet, but I'm nearly there. And this time, I didn't have to stop thinking about Aaron to do it. I'm still thinking about the other things, too, but they're not as wrapped around his memory as they were. If that makes sense."

"It makes perfect sense, Sweetheart."

I paused for a moment and then jumped right into why I'd really called her. "Esme, I've been thinking a lot about feelings and being sure of what they mean. And pretty much all I've realized is that I have no damn clue."

Her sweet laughter came through the phone again. "Sounds to me like you've moved on from thinking about things to _over_-thinking them."

"Probably," I admitted. "Esme, how do you know for sure you feel _that_ way, and that it isn't just friendship and attraction mixed together?"

She was silent for a while, just like Edward had been this morning. I really appreciated how they both took the time to really think about my question and didn't just spout off some Hallmark card sentiment to me.

"This is a very difficult thing to put into words, Bella. And while I can by no means tell you exactly what it will feel like inside of you, I can give you an idea of the tone it will carry with it," she explained. "Does that make any sense?"

"I think so."

And I think she knew I wasn't really sure of my answer because she laughed softly into the phone. When she spoke again, the laughter was gone from her voice, replaced with something between serious and awed. "There will come a moment when you're either with him or thinking about him, and in that moment, all of your self doubt will disappear and be replaced with a surety that you've never before felt. There will be this overwhelming warmth and you'll feel like the connection between the two of you is so tangible that you could just reach right out and grab a hold of it."

That sounded nice. It even sounded familiar. But it wasn't enough information for me. "Tell me about when you knew with Carlisle."

"Mmmn, that was a good day," Esme mused. "We were scheduled to have a lunch date. Actually, it was more of an early dinner. He was an intern at the time and his schedule was so busy that we were hardly seeing each other. Weeks would go by where our only contact was a phone call at odd hours of the night. My girlfriends at the time thought I was silly to even call what we were doing 'dating'. I admit it was hard, but I had this feeling that he was worth it.

"That day, he was running late. He met me outside of the restaurant and I remember shaking my head and wondering how on Earth he'd thought for one second he could come dressed as he was. His blond hair was matted in some spots and sticking out in others, looking unkempt and dirty. His scrubs were clean, but so wrinkled—they reminded me of that sort of dog where you can't see his eyes for the wrinkles. I had known he was working a four day shift. He'd told me that. But I hadn't understood what that meant for him until I saw him standing in front of me right then. Four days straight of being in a hospital, of being quizzed on medical knowledge, of running from one patient to the next to help and to learn. Showers and sleep were luxury items, as was taking time away for a lunch date with me.

"Bella, in that moment, all I wanted was to take him to his place, let him have a real shower, and then watch him sleep. I wanted to make him feel as important and valuable as he had made me feel by showing up for our date. Carlisle wouldn't hear of us skipping out on our plans, though. We sat at one of the patio tables, side by side and holding hands the entire time. Before then, I'd never felt a moment that was so right, so perfect. Not seeing each other regularly, having to go alone to gatherings because he was tied up at the hospital, and having to wake up at two in the morning just to hear from him—none of those things mattered right then. They were just small inconveniences. And that was when I knew my heart belonged to Carlisle and that I was willing to do whatever it took to be with him and to share a life with him. Now, does hearing my story help you at all?"

A snort escaped me. "No. But that wasn't exactly unexpected."

"Does this have anything to do with tomorrow being Valentine's?"

"No," I answered immediately and firmly. "And I apologize in advance, but I feel this must be said … _Hell_ no!"

"Why do you feel so strongly about this, Bella?"

I sighed and leaned back until I was lying across the bed. "I'm having enough trouble making sure this isn't just appreciation for his friendship or … or just a _want_ of the way I'm different when he's around. And I don't want anyone thinking I'm just saying it to say it or because I know he wants to hear it. And honestly, how damn cheesy is it to say it the first time on such a commercial day? I just feel like it'll be cheap and not mean as much and I don't want that for the first time I say it."

"I am so proud of you right now," Esme said, sounding like she might have been sniffling.

Those were the last words I'd ever expected her to say and the shock of her reply had me sitting me up and nervously tapping my feet on the floor. "What do you mean? Why are you proud of me?"

"You have had so much heartbreak in your life, so many reasons to stop trying, to stop feeling … Bella, here you are not only trying to make sure of what you feel, but you care enough to make sure it's real before you say it. That's rare enough in a person who has been lucky in matters of the heart. For you, that's a kind of bravery that few of us will ever know."

Her kind words and the way I could _hear_ how proud of me she was, had me turning red in the face. "I don't really think I'm all that brave."

"That's because it's always hardest to see ourselves without prejudice. You tell me so often that I'm the most caring person you've ever met, but to me, that person is you."

I nodded my head, forgetting that she couldn't see because I was too busy wiping at my eyes. "I love you."

"And I love you, Sweetheart. I'm always here for you."

"I just … I want to do it right. Like all of it right. No regrets or bad choices or things left unsaid. But at the same time, I kind of feel like that's not possible because of the many things I'm good at, screwing up has always been one of them."

"We all make mistakes, Bella. Sometimes they're small and no one is hurt, and sometimes they're big and everyone seems to be affected. What you have to remember is the mistake itself isn't nearly as important as what you do to correct it."

"So if I want to wait until Sunday just to make sure for myself that there's no question of why I'm saying it at that particular time, that wouldn't be a mistake?"

"As long as you mean it with all of your heart, it doesn't matter when you say it. Even if you say it on a commercial holiday that you see as cheesy."

"Yeah, I'll just wait. Thanks."

Esme laughed happily into the phone and the sound made me smile. "I figured you might, Sweetheart. I hope I've helped to ease your worries some."

"You've helped more than you can know. I do have one question for you, though."

"Ask me anything, Bella."

"How exactly do you do it? I mean, obviously, I know you open your mouth and say it. But are you supposed to like explain how you feel and lead up to it? Or do you just say it and see what happens?"

"I can't answer that for you, Bella. It's different for every single one of us. For me, I whispered it into Carlisle's ear while we were sitting at that patio table. And as you and I both know, Alice announced her love for Jasper in front of the entire high school during a pep rally. When the time comes, you'll know what to do. Now, why don't you tell me what you got Aaron for his birthday this year?"

I really loved this woman. And not just because she knew when to change a topic, but because everything about her exuded love and kindness. She was also the only person I knew I could confide in who wouldn't let anything slip before I was ready. Even someone as unskilled in this shit as I was knew the guy had to be told first, and since I hadn't actually come right out and said anything to Esme, then he would be first. I'd tell him, he'd accept it, and we'd go on from there. I wasn't sure where we would go or what we would do once we got there, but even I couldn't know it all.

* * *

**A/N:** There you have it readers! It took awhile for EA and me to get her to come around, but Bella has figured it out! Now all she has to do is tell Edward! See you next Saturday!


	27. No Turning Back

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: No Turning Back**

**Bella's Song: "What do you want from me" by Adam Lambert**

**Edward's Song: "Tip of My Tongue" by Kelly Clarkson**

**Bella's POV:**

"This had better be good," I mumbled into the phone while trying to force my eyes to open. It wasn't even eight-thirty in the morning yet—I knew because my clock was set for that time and it hadn't gone off.

"Bella?"

That voice had me instantly sitting up in bed with wide open eyes. "Mr. Morris, Sir. What can I do for you?"

"Well, that's the big question, Bella. I know you have the day off, but Angela, Kate, and Ben have all called in sick with that nasty flu bug going around. Tyler is going to cover Ben's shift, and Dawn will be taking Angela's spot. Tara can't cover for Kate, but she can come in a little early for her own shift. The problem is that won't be until sometime between one and two this afternoon. Is there any way at all you can come in and help us out with the morning shift? I wouldn't ask if it weren't a Saturday and Valentine's Day. Business is always busy on a morning like this."

_Oh, what a slippery ass slope this shit is going to be_, I thought to myself. I knew Edward would be upset about me agreeing, but I couldn't just blow off my responsibilities. I had to hope he'd understand it was for a good cause and not any attempt by me to avoid today—I honestly was looking forward to being with him even if I wasn't sold on the supposed meaning of the day. And also, there was the Christmas bonus Mr. Morris had given me, so I really did owe him. Not to mention I was _supposed_ to be working today anyway. If it weren't for Kate and Angela changing their own plans at practically the last minute, I'd be working the entire day and not just part of it so I owed them too in a way.

Still clutching the bridge of my nose, I gave my answer. "Sure thing, Mr. Morris. I'll be there in twenty minutes."

"Thank you so much, Bella. You are truly being a life saver this morning."

"No problem. See you in a bit."

I ended the call with him and stared at my phone, wishing there was a way to send a voicemail to Edward's phone without having to actually dial the number and give him the chance to answer. He was not going to be happy about this and the last thing I wanted was to upset him. He was already stressed with his studies, plus he was all excited about today. But I knew I couldn't avoid telling him or leave it up to anyone else so I pressed his speed dial and bit at my lip while waiting to deliver a little early morning doom and gloom. No way in hell was Alice going to understand my need to agree, but maybe Edward would at least make an attempt at understanding.

A very sleep-slurred version of "hello" came through the phone.

"Hey, E. Sorry for waking you."

He let out a groan and then an f-bomb, shocking the hell out of me. "Sorry, Bella. I wasn't saying that to you. I just looked at the clock and noticed I overslept."

"What do you mean? If we weren't scheduled to meet up until ten, and it's only six-thirty, how are you oversleeping?"

"I didn't get all of my project finished last night like I thought I would. And what do you mean 'weren't' scheduled, as in past tense?"

"Um … Yeah, that's kind of why I'm calling."

He sighed my name into the phone. "I thought we'd settled this and that you were going to give today a chance."

"I am. I mean, I will. I just have to be indisposed for the first part of the day."

"What are you talking about?"

"Mr. Morris called. Kate, Angela, and Ben are all down with the flu."

"Yeah? So?"

"So he's got coverage for Angela and Ben this morning, but not for Kate. Mr. Morris just needs me until the afternoon, like around one or two."

"And of course you agreed," Edward replied, sounding pretty pissed off to my ears.

"I'm sorry."

"No you're not. You were probably overjoyed to offer to cover."

"That's not fair, Edward. My very first thought was that you would be upset. But I owe Mr. Morris. Not only has he put up with every schedule swap I've needed in the past few months, he gave me that Christmas bonus."

"You _earned_ that bonus, Bella. You don't owe him anything for it."

"Look, I understand you're upset about our plans being changed and I'm really trying my hardest to not get pissy with you over your attitude. So in return, could you please attempt to understand that I need to help my boss and co-workers out?"

There was a long silence and then Edward sighed into the phone. "They really can't get by without you?"

"Not on a Saturday morning, E. You've been there. You've seen how non-stop it gets."

"Alright. But I'm not happy about this."

"I'm honestly not happy about it either. This wasn't how I pictured the day going. But I promise I'll be out of there as soon as Tara shows up. And I'll call you the second I'm out the door to find out where to meet you. I can drive straight to you, or I can run home to change and you can meet me at the apartment. Whatever you want."

He grumbled something I didn't catch and knew better than to ask him to repeat. "Fine. Call me when you're done."

"I will," I promised. And then I quickly threw in something I hoped would make him a little less angry with me. "I'm looking forward to seeing you this afternoon."

"Call me later if you get a break."

"Of course. Bye, E."

"Bye."

And then it was just me and the silent phone still pressed against my ear. No "Bye, Angel" or even "Bye, Bella". Just a grumpy "bye" and then a click. He was really mad at me. And as much as I knew I didn't deserve it because I was honestly doing what was right for my job, I understood why Edward was angry and that kept me from getting upset in return. Hopefully he'd think about things from my side during the day and not be angry anymore by the time I got off work. And if he was still angry, then I'd just have to get him un-angry. I smiled as I headed into the bathroom to get ready for work, thinking of the many ways I knew of already for putting a smile on his face.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I was out of the coffeehouse door at exactly ten after two in the afternoon. We had literally been non-stop busy and I'd been lucky enough to grab a pee break during that time—any and all attempts to make calls or send texts had been epic fails.

I smiled as Edward's phone started to ring in my ear, honestly excited to see him and spend some time with him. Things had been so crazy lately with my extra workload at school, all of Edward's extra work getting ready to graduate, plus my job, plus Aaron, plus our rowdy group of friends, and also the general day-to-day bullshit of life. It was going to be really nice to just have a quiet, calm afternoon with him.

Of course, having a "what" and then a "fuck" yelled into my ear really didn't bode well for that idea I'd had about quiet and calm.

"E? Are you okay?"

"_I'm_ fine. The Volvo is another damn story."

"What's wrong?" I asked as I slipped behind the wheel of my own car.

"Fucking squirrels," he screamed into the phone. It was followed by an ominous thunking noise that sounded an awful lot like a door being kicked—or maybe a car roof being punched.

I tried using one of Jasper's tricks, keeping my voice really soft and calm. "Babe, can you calm down just a little to explain what's going on?"

"It was too cold for the squirrels to enjoy their tree so they crawled up into my engine block and ate through my damn hoses. It's going to cost me five hundred dollars just to fix all of the damage. And since I went straight from school work to dealing with this shit, I forgot to reschedule our lunch reservation."

"Okay, well … Let me handle the reservation for you," I offered.

"Yeah, that it'll keep it a surprise," he replied, being both snarky and sarcastic.

"I get that you're upset, E, but I didn't do it and I'd appreciate it if you didn't take it out on me." I was trying really fucking hard not to lose my temper with him, but I was right on that edge where no matter how much I understood his behavior, I wasn't going to fucking put up with it.

Edward didn't say anything. In fact, I wasn't even sure he was still on the phone.

"Look, why don't I swing by and pick you up?" I suggested. "We'll use my car tonight and while I'm showering off the coffeehouse smells, you can call and change the reservation to keep it a surprise. How does that sound?"

There was another of those long pauses, followed by words I was sure I was better off not knowing, and then a very reluctant sounding sigh. "Yeah, alright."

"I'm really sorry you're having a crap day, E. I'll be there soon and we'll see about fixing it. Alright?"

"Okay. Be safe."

"I will. See you soon."

Once again, it was just me and the silent phone. I didn't even get any sort of "bye" that time. I let out my own frustrated sigh as I dumped my phone onto the passenger seat and started up the car. This was not in any way, shape, or form the afternoon I had been longing for—it was a completely hellish opposite.

I'd only made it as far as the red light on the corner from the shop when my phone went off, playing Alice's ringtone. Her tone wasn't even a song—it was a clip of the actress speaking in that movie about the shopaholic girl Alice loved so damn much. "_You know that thing when you see someone cute and he smiles and your heart kind of goes like warm butter sliding down hot toast? Well that's what it's like when I see a store. Only it's better._"

I managed to get my phone open and against my ear while keeping my car directly in the center of my lane. "What's up, Rainbow Bright Sprite?"

"Are you _still_ working?" Alice's tone was that damn demanding one I hated so much. We didn't argue often, but every time we ever had, it had started with that tone of hers.

Doing my best to remain calm, I answered her. "No. I just got off and I'm on my way to pick up Edward."

"Oh, so then you know."

"Yeah, I heard about his car. How did you hear about it? Aren't you supposed to be lost in lovey-dovey land with Jasper at that spa thing right now?"

"Oh, I'm at the spa. And I'm trying to have my lovey-dovey day as you put it. But you see, while you were off working, I had to deal with Emmett yelling in my ear about Edward being a complete idiot for calling and asking Rosalie for car help and nearly messing up Emmett's plans with Rose. Then I had to listen to how it was all your fault for going into work and not keeping Edward occupied."

"I can't believe Em would be so stupid as to blame me for this! Three people were out sick. I _had_ to help."

"Oh, he wasn't blaming you. That was me listening to myself while _I_ blamed you."

"Well fuck you very much, Ali. So glad you at least made the attempt to understand that some people have to work in this world."

"Don't even, Bella Swan. You know you jumped all over the chance to go to work and stall on celebrating Valentine's."

"Wow. Thanks, Alice. Appreciate you knowing exactly how I felt about it and that I can now forget all about the guilt I felt all day while working because according to you, it couldn't have possibly been a real feeling. Now that you've put me in my place, why don't you go back to enjoying your day with Jasper?"

I hung up before she had the chance to respond. I really wasn't in the mood to argue with her. I had enough to deal with, with Edward in a foul mood. And how the hell had all of this shit become _my_ fault? It wasn't like I'd sprinkled flu bug powder over Kate, Angela, and Ben to make them sick. And I damn sure hadn't lured any squirrels into the Volvo's engine compartment. I fucking hated squirrels—they looked way too much like rats and they were always staring with those beady eyes of theirs.

This would be a superb time to have one of those easy buttons they have in those office supply commercials. I could hit the button and the two people I considered my closest friends would understand I'd gone into work to do the right thing. _If only life were that fucking easy!_

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Edward was standing near the Volvo and scowling at it when I pulled into the parking lot of his dorm building. His shoulders were bowed out and I could see how tense they were through the fabric of the long sleeve shirt he was wearing. I honestly did feel bad he was so upset today, but I wasn't going to put up with him taking it out on me. I just hoped like hell he'd calmed down some while I was driving over here.

I wrapped my arms around him from behind and pressed my cheek against his back. "Missed you."

He let out a sigh and relaxed a little. "This is not how I pictured today going."

"It's not what I pictured either. So how about we forget what we pictured and just start from right now, this very moment? We're together and we have the rest of the afternoon and all of tonight to be together. For helping out today, Mr. Morris told me I don't have to be in tomorrow until noon which means we can sleep in a little. Doesn't that sound nice?"

Edward didn't say anything.

I let the silence spin out for a little longer before trying to get him to talk again. "Did you pack a bag for staying over tonight? I can help you if you didn't."

He let out another sigh and then turned in my arms, cupping my chin and lifting my face up to his. "I'm sorry. I'm just _really_ not happy right now."

"I know. Just don't be mad at me, okay? If you could have seen the coffeehouse, you would know why I had to agree."

His lips pulled up just a bit to the left, but at that point I'd have accepted any kind of a smile. "You agreed because you have a huge heart and you can't stand the thought of letting down the people you care about."

I smiled as I slid my arms around his neck and stood on my toes so I could get my lips even with his. "So you forgive me?"

Edward finally gave me a real smile and put his own arms around me, holding me tightly around the waist. "Start over?"

"That would be awesome."

His smile widened a little and he took one arm away to cup my cheek with his hand. "Hi, Angel."

I laughed a little, feeling almost giddy to see my goofy Edward again. "Hey, E."

And then we were saying "hello" and "sorry" and "forgiven" with our lips and tongues. I couldn't stay on my toes any longer and used my arms around his neck to pull his lips down with mine so we wouldn't have to break the kiss. Edward seemed just as eager to continue as me because he let go of my cheek and braced his arm across my back, pulling me closer to his body.

We didn't come up for air, so much as let our huge, heated kiss dissolve into small, affectionate touches of lips to lips, and lips to skin, pretty much covering each other's faces in the tiny kisses. It was the goofiest, flat-out cheesiest thing I'd ever done and I truly loved every second of it. But that didn't mean I didn't laugh at our goofy behavior.

"What?" Edward asked, turning our embrace into a tight hug. "What are you laughing for?"

"I'm laughing at us. And I'm laughing because I'm happy. This is where I want to be right now."

"This is nice, but eating would also be nice."

As if my stomach had merely been waiting for his words, it rolled and growled between us. "Yeah, that whole sustenance thing is sounding better by the second."

Edward and I went up to his room and quickly packed a bag for his overnight stay. I didn't miss the wrapped boxes he stuffed in with his clothes, but I also didn't say anything about them. I was too happy we weren't doing anything major, like some fancy restaurant, or something equally crowded, to fuss over a couple small boxes. Though, seeing those boxes did leave me feeling a little guilty that I hadn't gotten him anything. I should have guessed he'd skirt the no gift agreement. Maybe I'd get lucky and find something great for him during our wanderings this afternoon.

An hour later, I was clean, dressed in comfy jeans and sneakers with this classy looking sweater thing Sue had made me for Christmas. It was made from a mix of light brown and white yarn, with arms that went down to mid-palm and the back was slightly longer than the front. I guess it was more sweater jacket than actual sweater and I wore a light brown cami underneath it.

I found Edward sitting on a stool at the kitchen counter, deeply focused on whatever he was looking at on my laptop screen. I smiled as I snuck up behind him and slipped my arms around his torso, linking my fingers together and giving him a sudden squeeze. "Gotcha."

He laughed a little and rubbed his hand over both of mine. "Promise not to let go?"

I leaned up and pressed my lips to the side of his neck. "Not even if you beg," I joked.

Edward tapped my hands and I let go of him so he could get up. I also noticed he'd done a little cleaning up himself, changing out of his jeans and sweater into black slacks and a black and gray striped dress shirt.

"I thought we were keeping things small, E," I mentioned as I took in the shiny dress shoes on his feet.

"We are, Angel. We're just going to a few small places."

"Then why do you look ready for a business meeting while I look ready for a fun afternoon of doing nothing much?"

He closed the lid on my laptop and then turned toward me, taking my hands and pulling me close. "You look beautiful, Bella, and what you're wearing is perfectly fine. I can change my shirt if you want."

"Are you sure? I just … I feel a little underdressed when you're standing here looking so nice and put together."

"Believe me, Angel, you look twice as good as me."

"Yeah, you're biased though."

"Doesn't matter since I'm the only one looking at you who counts, right?"

I smiled and leaned up to brush a kiss against his soft lips. "Right."

Our day might not have started off the way we'd wanted, but it was quickly improving in my opinion. Edward seemed much more relaxed and he was definitely being affectionate toward me instead of angry. With any luck, the rest of our day would be so great, he'd forget all about the morning.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

It's funny how quickly things change. Not "ha, ha" funny. Just "fuck my life" funny.

Turned out that Edward's idea of small and my idea of small were nothing alike. Starting with lunch. I was expecting a café, maybe one of those places with the tables outside and the big goofy umbrellas to shield your face from the sun.

The place we actually went to was this swanky four-star place with tinted windows so people passing on the sidewalk couldn't stare in and gape at all the people overpaying for their meals. The men were all as put together as Edward and the women reminded me of a picture I'd seen of Esme all dolled up at some charity banquet auction thing. I was so woefully underdressed it was a wonder they had even let my ass into the place. I didn't say a word, though. I smiled politely, thanked Edward for the experience, and ate my meal in silence like a good, dutiful girlfriend.

And I hated every fucking minute of it. Besides the food being too damn weird with its crazy ass presentation on the plate, whatever spices they had used on the meat were as unappetizing as a two day old half-eaten burrito found at the back of the fridge. People kept staring at me, and then looking over at Edward, trying to figure out why he was with someone dressed the way I was. They were probably all fucking thinking we were doing some kind of prank Julia Robert's in _Pretty Woman_ moment.

After leaving the hellish restaurant experience behind, I was dumped right into the flames of a high end art exhibit full of people drinking out of champagne flutes with their noses in the air and snotty remarks coming out of their mouths. Things like "I wouldn't be caught dead with that hanging in my foyer, much less my greeting room" were tossed about freely and loudly. _And what the fuck is a greeting room?_

The remarks could actually have had some merit—but they lost it the moment someone said they wanted the piece and then all of them wanted it, despite whatever shitty thing they'd said about it twenty seconds beforehand. It was like being in the middle of a "he said-she said" argument and constantly swapping which side you supported.

Still, I could have dealt with all of that. I could have tuned it out the way Edward seemed to be doing. I _would_ have tuned it out except for one small problem … _Edward_. Every damn time I stopped to look at a sculpture or a photo or a fucking painting, there he was in my ear: Do you like it? Do you think it would look good on your desk or your dresser? I can have it delivered and put up for you. If you see anything at all that you want, just tell me. How about this one? Look, it's a black and white of the section of riverfront we were at last night, and I bet it would look great over your bed. Are you sure? Are you really sure? It's no trouble, so are you sure?

So I stopped trying to look at anything. I was too damn afraid if I lingered he would take it as a sign I loved some piece in particular and I'd get home to find the damn thing in my room. And it wasn't like these were forty or even eighty dollar pieces. The cheapest thing I'd seen in the whole place was some kind of tree made out of fucking spoons and it was eleven hundred dollars. _Have I said "fuck my life" yet today? Well, then … Fuck. My. Life!_

"Why are you being so quiet?" Edward asked as we walked toward my car in the gallery parking lot.

"Just don't have much to say."

"You _always_ have something to say."

"Not today."

"We have some time to kill before dinner. Is there somewhere you'd like to go?"

I shrugged as I waited for him to unlock and open my door; I'd given up on opening my own doors long ago with him. "Doesn't matter. We can hang out at my place if you want. Alice is staying at that hotel with Jasper, and Rose isn't supposed to be home before nightfall so we'd have the apartment to ourselves."

Edward let me into the car and then got behind the wheel before saying anything. "Sitting around the apartment isn't a very Valentine's thing to do. We could see what movies are playing if you want. Or we could go back to the riverfront. There were a few shops we skipped yesterday."

"Whatever you want, E. It's fine."

He picked the riverfront.

And then he picked a fight. "It would be nice if you participated even a little today."

"I'm pretty sure I was there for lunch and I was there at the exhibit with you. How else should I participate?" I asked.

"Speaking would be nice."

"Again, I didn't have anything to say."

He looked angry and I was honestly lost as to what the hell he could be angry about. "All of those exhibits and not one of them left you with some thought or comment?"

I closed my eyes for a second to wrestle my temper and mouth into submission. _Relax, Bella. He's not calling you a liar. He's just … Fuck, I don't know what the hell he is!_

I opened my eyes to look at him and as calmly as I could, I asked him a question. "Edward, what do you want from me?"

"I want to know you're enjoying yourself."

I thought about telling one of those little white lies just so I wouldn't hurt his feelings or end up making him angrier than he already seemed to be, but he'd told me again and again he wanted honesty from me. So I gave it to him in the politest, most neutral way I could think up. "I'm sorry, Edward. I really am. But I'm not enjoying myself so far. Your version of small and mine are just entirely different things and—"

His palm slamming against the steering wheel interrupted the rest of what I was going to say. "I can't believe you aren't even going to give this a chance."

Between his interrupting and his tone, I lost it. "What the fuck are you talking about, Cullen? I have done nothing but give chances today. I put up with you taking your anger out on me earlier and I even kept my mouth shut while you basically accused me of going to work to avoid your ass. I was polite as can be during that damn lunch and even ate what you ordered just so I wouldn't hurt your damn feelings. And I just spent the last hour and a half of my life with you buzzing in my fucking ear and trying to buy me expensive shit I don't need, much less want, without one snarky comment out of my fucking mouth. If that shit isn't participating, I don't know what the fuck is!"

"No, you did all of that just so you could have a solid reason to refuse to celebrate the day next year."

"Don't fucking tell me what I mean and why I do things, Edward. I fucking know my own damn mind, thank you very much. I did the shit so I wouldn't hurt your feelings. I was trying to be _nice_."

"If you hated it so damn much, why didn't you say something?"

"Once again, I didn't want to hurt your feelings. Contrary to what thoughts might be running through your little head, I actually do give a fuck about you and what you consider to be important. I just …" I forced myself to stop for a second and breath, calming my temper and voice. "Edward, I didn't want you angry again. I didn't want you doing exactly what you're doing now, which is thinking I have some ulterior motive for not liking what we've done so far. It's honestly just not my thing, but it's not like I'm asking to go home. I'm just hoping we can compromise on what 'small' means."

"Everything we've talked about … everything you've confided in me and I'm still standing right here in front of you. When are you going to realize that nothing you can say will change my heart? If you hate what we're doing, tell me and we'll change it."

"See, you can't just say that shit. You have to mean it, E. And you don't. Look at you. You look so damn wounded right now and that shit makes me feel guilty. We're not supposed to feel hurt and guilty today."

"I do mean it. I mean what I say when it leaves my lips, Bella. I thought I'd proved that to you already."

"What do you want from me?" I screamed at him. "I'm doing the absolute best I can, but it doesn't seem to be enough for you! It's like you're expecting perfection from me when you know there's nothing about me that even comes close to being perfect."

"What I want from you is to be let in. I can't pretend anymore that it doesn't kill me every time you push me away. I'm tired of it, Bella."

"How the hell did a conversation about crappy choices for Valentine's Day activities end up being a conversation about our relationship as a whole?"

"Because it all matters."

"Fine. It all matters. But I'm not pushing you away. If anything, I'm trying to keep you right here with me. And I'm only doing what you asked of me, which is to be honest. I could have lied and said I loved the restaurant and exhibit, but I didn't think you would want that."

He shook his head like he didn't believe me—I never would have dreamed it was possible for a head shake to hurt so damn much. I didn't even understand how we'd gotten so off topic and suddenly here I was, finding myself feeling lost and alone with him sitting right there next to me. He'd wanted honesty and I'd given it to him, so why did it feel like I'd screwed up?

"I really hate to say this, Bella, but I'm tired of working so hard to tear down your walls and … And as much as I fought it, 'goodbye' is right on the tip of my tongue. Just tell me … Is there a reason for me to stay? Is there _any_ room for me in your heart?"

"You have _GOT_ to be fucking kidding me, Cullen!" I screamed, tossing my hands into the air out of sheer frustration.

He yelled right back. "I'm sorry, okay! I'm sorry I'm not tough as fucking nails like you! I'm sorry the idea of getting burned by you and being without you scares the fuck out of me."

"What the hell are you talking about? Have I not been giving this relationship a hundred percent? How many times have I swapped shifts at work to make it easier to spend time with you? How often have we studied together to make sure we both keep our grades up? All damn day long today, I've been busting my ass to make this day nice for you. And you have the balls to question if I care for you?" I knew I was screeching and being way too loud for the enclosed confines of the car, but I couldn't do anything about that—not when the fear felt like a hand wrapped around my neck ready to suffocate me at any moment.

"I know you care, Bella. But it's not enough. I want all or nothing."

I shook my head out of disbelief. There was just no way this could really be happening. I had to be having one of my crazy ass vivid dreams. I'd wake up in a second in bed next to him, finding us both perfectly fine and unscathed.

"Are you going to say anything?" Edward asked.

_No dream, Bells. So what the fuck do I do now?_ I licked my overly dry lips and struggled to find the right words. "With anyone else, I wouldn't even give a damn right now … But here I am, sitting right here and trying to get through to you … To make you see I'm doing all I can. What more do you want from me?"

"I told you. No more walls. No more pushing me away. Just be completely honest about how you feel for me."

"I care for you, Edward. So damn much."

"But do you love me?"

_So here it was. The real reason for his sudden melt down._ He wanted an answer to the big question. And I had an answer for him, but I couldn't give it to him right now. Not like this. Not with so much anger between us. This was something I wanted to always be able to look back on be like "Bella, you did good. You did it right. You said it the way it was supposed to be said." If I had to say it now under these circumstances, it wouldn't be the same and I probably wouldn't mean it as much with all this anger. We both deserved it to be done the right way.

I reached out for his hand and he let me take it. "Edward, I know you're upset right now, but please try to hear me out. I just need a little more time. I promise I'm working it out."

"What does that even mean?"

"It means there was a time when I would have let you slip away, when I wouldn't have even tried to talk to you like this, but not now. I promise I'm working it out and if you could just please not give up on me and give me just a little more time. Just please trust me."

"I'm sorry but that's not enough. I don't know what else to say." He shook his head and gave me what was the saddest look I'd ever seen on his face.

And then he took his hand away and got out of the car.

There was a moment where I couldn't move, where all I could do was hear my heart fluttering and feel it beating wildly, and I could only see the back of his shirt moving further away from the car—from _me_. He was _leaving_ me. All this time, all this struggling to let him get close and to share with him and it was like it suddenly meant nothing to him. Had it all been a game to him? Just a challenge to see how close he could get before he left?

No. I didn't believe that. I _refused_ to believe he could be that cruel. I scrambled out of my seatbelt and my car door, turning to stand on the ledge. My palms were sweaty and I slipped and fell, banging my knee against the ledge. I barely felt it, though—it was hard to feel anything other than the fear and anxiety coursing through me.

This time, I managed to get my hands and feet to stay put so I could see him over the roof of the car. "Edward, come back!" I called after him.

"Go home, Bella."

"Would you stop and come back here!" I yelled at him.

He kept walking.

"We're not done, Edward."

"Yeah, we are, Bella."

"Edward Cullen, I swear on all that is holy and unholy …"

He stopped and turned sideways, not completely looking at me. "What do you swear, Bella? To kick my ass? To send Emmett after me? Or Alice for that matter?"

"No! I just want you to come back over here and talk to me. You owe me that."

"How do you figure?"

"Because as hard as it's been for me, I've done everything you've asked of me. I've been open, I've been honest, and I've shared so many parts of myself with you."

"Except the one part I really need."

His face blurred and I had to blink a few times to get it back into focus. "Do not make me do it this way, Edward. You don't understand how long it'll take me to forgive you for it."

He took a few steps toward me, looking angry now instead of sad. "Forgive _me_? Fuck, Bella, I'm in line for sainthood for holding off on this conversation as long as I have."

_What did that mean? He'd promised he'd wait! He never gave me a time limit!_ My eyes stung from the effort of holding back my tears to stay strong enough to keep trying, but the sob in my voice was unmistakable. "What happened to not pushing me? What happened to being able to wait?"

"There comes a point when the waiting changes from expecting something good, to knowing it's never going to happen."

"You can't know that, though, Edward. I've never once given you any sign that's where things were headed."

"You never gave any indication it wasn't either."

"That's not true! I told you I care for you. I asked you to come with me to Forks last weekend. And I worked so hard all week long to keep talking to you. Why doesn't any of that count with you?"

He waved a hand in my direction and then turned his back to me, walking away once more.

I jumped down from the ledge and walked around to the front of the car. "If you walk away right now, that's it, Edward. No friendship. No nothing." I wasn't threatening him; I was being honest. There was no way I could be near him with the way he was hurting me. And over what? I still didn't understand what I'd done wrong.

He was quick to turn around and even came back most of the way toward the car. "Why should I stay here, Bella? You aren't going to tell me anything you haven't already said." He lifted his hand up and used his fingers to tick off what he said next. "You hated today. You need more time. You don't know when you'll be ready."

"At least I'm being honest with you. I'm not giving you false hope."

His shoulders slumped and for just a second, he looked like he might be the one to cry. "You aren't giving me any hope. Look, I'm trying not to hurt you and I don't want to hurt myself, so I'm just going to go. We'll take some time to cool off and then maybe we can talk about salvaging our friendship from this mess."

"But, Edward—"

"It'll be fine, Bella. Goodbye."

Once again, I was staring at his back and watching him walk away with his head shaking and his hands shoved into his pants pockets. This wasn't the way I wanted to do this and I really wouldn't be able to forgive him quickly for forcing me, but I knew it was the only thing that would make him really stop and listen to me.

Still, I gave him one more chance to come back on his own. "You have to come back here and talk to me, Edward. This isn't fair."

He stopped, but didn't turn around. "Bella, I can't do this. I'm too tired."

"Please just listen. Please just trust me and come back over here."

"Why? Why should I?"

"Because …" _Fuck, I do not want to do this right now. _"Because I just need you to trust me and give me a little more time."

"I'm sorry. I can't fight anymore."

"I don't want to fight, Edward. That's what I'm trying to tell you."

"I'm tired. I'm going to go."

It was seeing his foot move that forced it out of me. "Because I love you."

Right as those words left my mouth, I should have felt excited and ecstatic. I should have felt accomplished. I should have felt nothing but the love I felt for him. Instead, my head hurt from the rapid pounding of my heart, my fingers and legs were twitchy from all of the adrenaline, and my stomach was threatening to make me revisit the lunch I hadn't liked the first time around.

And for making me feel the complete opposite of what I should have felt, I shared a few _heartwarming_ words with Edward. "Hope you're fucking happy now, you jackass."

Angry was better. Angry was safer. Angry didn't make me want to cry.

I climbed into the driver's seat, slamming the door as hard as I could. I had to lean across the seat to close the other door, the whole time struggling to curse instead of cry. None of this made any damn sense to me. I'd done everything he'd asked and the one time I'd asked him to trust me, he'd just blown me off. _How fucking pathetic is this shit? I finally figure out I love him, like actually romantically love him and can see a future with him, and he dumps my ass._

I wiped at the tears streaming down my face just so I could see enough to turn the key in the ignition. The car started right up and I grabbed the seatbelt to buckle myself in. My fingers were wet from the tears and slipped, sending the seatbelt rattling back up into the side of the car. After wiping my fingers on my jeans, I tried again to buckle myself in. I wanted to get the hell out of here and away from the person I'd trusted most and who had hurt me the worst.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV (short rewind):**

"Please just listen. Please just trust me and come back over here." Her words were demanding, but I couldn't tell what was in her tone. She was probably feeling as angry as I was, but I had to wonder if she felt sick to her stomach the way I did.

I'd been so stupid to think we could really make this work. We were just in such different places and I'd thought I could wait for her to catch up, but …

I just couldn't keep waiting when it seemed so likely she would never feel about me the way I felt about her. She cared for me. I knew that. But that wasn't the same as loving me. As long as I felt like there was a small flame of hope for more, I could handle it. But lately, I just felt like I was getting shoved into that friend zone where I was someone to rely on and to trust, but not to love.

I didn't say any of that, though. I just replied to her demand. "Why? Why should I?"

"Because …" She looked scared and something else, something I couldn't put a name on. For just a split second, I could almost fool myself into believing she was going to say those words I wanted so badly to hear.

"Because I just need you to trust me and give me a little more time," she finished. Of course she wasn't going to say it. She didn't feel it.

As honestly as I could, I replied to her. "I'm sorry. I can't fight anymore."

"I don't want to fight, Edward. That's what I'm trying to tell you."

"I'm tired. I'm going to go."

Before I could turn away, she spoke up again and her words left me reeling while feeling like I couldn't move if I had wanted. "Because I love you."

She'd said it. More than that, I had heard in her voice that she'd meant it. There was anger in her expression, but more than that, there was pain. What the hell had I done?

How she must have struggled with herself to actually believe it and say it. And here I was, being a royal asshole and giving up on her right when she needed me to believe just a little. Why couldn't I do that for her? Why did I have to let the tiredness get to me and screw everything up?

I watched her get into the car. I just stood there on the asphalt feeling helpless and completely wretched. She'd been trying to tell me I was going to hurt her. She had warned me but I had refused to listen. And now she was hurt and crying, and most likely set to never forgive me or even speak to me again. I'd gotten exactly what I wanted and it had only taken hurting the person I loved. _I'm a complete fucking moron!_

I could stay right here and let her go. Let her go home to my sister and Rosalie and heal from the damage I'd done to her. She didn't deserve the way I'd treated her today. In the middle of it all, I'd been so sure I was right to give in and give up. Now, I just felt like a fucking creep. My brother would probably want to beat my ass once he found out about this—and he would be right. _What the hell have I done?_

I could go to her and try to fix this. I could promise this would be a one time incident and remind her of all the good I'd done for her and with her. She might listen and remember. Even if she did, she wouldn't make it easy for me to fix this. She wouldn't be _able_ to make it easy; I'd destroyed that shallow bridge of trust with her it had taken me months to build all because I couldn't wait any longer. Once again, I'd put what I needed in front of the one I cared about, causing the woman I loved harm and pain she didn't deserve.

If she would accept my apology and give my sorry ass another chance, I'd make sure not to let her down again. I wouldn't promise not to make mistakes because I knew that wasn't possible, but I would promise not to ever give up again. I would listen and trust her, no matter how hopeless I assumed it might be. Obviously I had no damn clue what the hell I was talking about. I'd been positive just moments ago she would never feel the same for me and now here I was, hearing her voice repeating in my head and telling me she loved me.

_Somewhere out there, please let there be a saint for hopeless causes who will help me out_, I prayed. _I swear if you let me fix this and keep her, I'll spend the rest of my life making up for today_.

**

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**A/N:** Very little in life goes the way we plan. It's how we deal with the unexpected that counts. Find out next Saturday if and how these two deal with their mistakes.


	28. Keep Holding On

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, sex, and lots of mature situations.**

**A/N: **Everyone screws up and up to this point, Edward has been just shy of perfect. Now, he's lost his shine and standing before her as the flawed man he truly is. More so than at any other time with him, Bella has been stripped of every defense and is at her most vulnerable with him. This is really the chance for them to hold on or let go. Life is messy and when you build up a day or an experience in your head to be this perfect thing that goes off without a single hitch, the smallest derailment can send you spiraling. They each had a vision of perfection that real life didn't meet and they each reacted badly to it. Now we see if they can understand that about themselves and each other.

Also, thank you all for the reviews. My goal in the last chapter, and this one as well, was to present both sides of the story and show both of their mistakes in equal light. I know from your comments and observations that I did not pull that off. I got close, but I still need to work on it and learn from it. Thanks for helping me to be a better writer!

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**Chapter Title: Keep Holding On**

**Chapter Song: "Keep Holding On" by Avril Lavigne**

**Bella's POV:**

_Last Chapter:_

_I wiped at the tears streaming down my face just so I could see enough to turn the key in the ignition. The car started right up and I grabbed the seatbelt to buckle myself in. My fingers were wet from the tears and slipped, sending the seatbelt rattling back up into the side of the car. After wiping my fingers on my jeans, I tried again to buckle myself in. I wanted to get the hell out of here and away from the person I'd trusted most and who had hurt me the worst._

**Now:**

The sound of knuckles rapping on the glass made me jump away from the window and let go of the damn seatbelt for a second time. I looked up, seeing Edward squatting next to the door.

"Open the door please." _Now_ he wanted to be all calm. Now that I was completely miserable and drained and feeling the need to cry harder than I had in a very long time. All those times he'd asked me to trust him and I'd done it, and the one time I'd asked him … It hurt too much to even think about it.

"Go away, Cullen."

"I thought you wanted me to come back and talk."

I shook my head and wiped at my nose with the back of my sleeve. "That was before."

"Open the door."

"No. You don't deserve it."

"I know that. But could you do it anyway?"

I lifted my eyes to his, for once letting my tears fall freely just so he could see exactly how badly he'd hurt me. "Why couldn't you have just trusted me and given me until tomorrow? Why couldn't you have tried to hear what I was saying?"

"The door," he said, pointing at the lock.

Against the wishes of the angry side of me that wanted to physically hurt him the way my heart was hurting, I pressed the button and the lock popped up with a loud clicking sound.

Edward opened the door and offered me his hand. There was a really pissed off part of me that wanted nothing more than to bite that hand, but the bigger part of me was too hurt to bother and just limply put my hand into his.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as soon as he was holding me against him.

"Not accepted."

"Then I'll keep saying it until you do."

"Why couldn't you wait?"

"I'm sorry."

"You ruined it for me."

"I'm sorry."

"You _hurt_ me."

He let out a sigh and then pressed a kiss to the top of my head. "I know. I'm so sorry, Angel. I wish I could take it back and fix it."

"No. You don't get to do that. You don't get to use nicknames or act all sweet. You didn't trust me the one time I asked you to so you lose all privileges."

"Alright. Whatever you want me to do to make it right."

"You can't make it right, Edward."

"Maybe not, but I can make it better."

I pushed my way out of his arms and leaned against the car. "Why does hearing those three words suddenly make everything different for you? Why can you be all calm now and ready to talk?"

"Because you love me. That's so different from you just caring about me."

"But it's not. I feel the same about you today that I felt yesterday and the day before. I just didn't have a fucking label for it."

He shifted closer to me but was smart enough not to touch me. "Just for a second try to imagine having all of these feelings inside for so long and waiting for the person you care about most in the world to feel the same for you. You want to be patient and you want to not push, but the waiting wears you down. It takes all the fight out of you and you just want to stop being tired. You want an end, whether it's finally hearing the words or ending the wait for them."

"So no matter how you feel about me, you just got to the point where you couldn't wait anymore?"

"Yeah," he agreed with a nod.

"That's a bullshit excuse for ruining this for me. You don't understand how hard it was to make sure, to make absolute certain it was the real thing and not just appreciation and attraction. I went over every minute I've spent with you, I talked to your mom, I spent hours writing it all down so I could explain it to you just the right way … And you force me to yell it out in the middle of a stupid argument _you_ started."

He took another step, closing the distance between us and taking my hands into his while lowering his head so we were eye to eye. "I'm sorry. I didn't expect this thing with you to be so intense and with school added on top of it, I guess I was more stressed out than I realized. I do love you, Bella. I've loved you for almost as long as I've known you. These past months with you have been so great, but so terrifying at the same time. I just … I wake up next to you and you're so close but at the same time, you're so far away. Until I knew for sure you felt the same as me, you were always going to be just out of my reach and the thought of feeling that way for an endless amount of time was just too much."

I pulled my hands out of his, trying to dry my cheeks and nose. "You ruined it."

He lifted my face up by my chin and then used his thumbs to rub my cheeks dry. "So let me fix it."

"I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to be able to hurt this badly."

"I'm sorry I got so impatient with you and I promise it won't happen again."

"How can I trust you when you wouldn't trust me?"

"I know I messed up, but just give me a chance to fix it, Bella."

"How can I be sure you won't decide it's too _intense_?" I asked, using his word from earlier.

He was quiet for a moment, just staring at me and seeming like he was actually thinking my question over. "You love me, Bella. You aren't going anywhere. Can you not understand how much of a difference that makes for me?"

No, I couldn't. I couldn't understand how three words seemed to make my assurances that I was in this as much as he was more believable in his mind. But I could understand the fear of being walked out on. It wasn't enough to quell the pain inside for how he hadn't trusted me and how he'd ruined my first time telling him I loved him. It wasn't even enough to stop the stupid tears from slipping out of my now itchy eyes. But it was enough to agree to a last chance—it had to be a last chance because as strong as he thought I was, he didn't understand I couldn't take this kind of pain.

"Please, Bella. You're the only one for me, the only one to ever make me feel completely alive. Please say you'll give me a chance to fix things. Please don't judge me by today alone and give up on me."

He was being honest. I could see it and I could hear it. But was it enough? Could I really trust him enough to honestly give him another chance? As much as he'd hurt me today, I could never bring myself to string him along and purposefully hurt him. The problem was I honestly didn't know. I didn't know if I could trust myself right now, much less him.

"What if I can't answer that right now? Are you going to walk away?" I asked.

"You meant what you said, right? My display of complete and utter idiocy hasn't changed that, right? You love me?"

"Yeah."

"Then I'm not going anywhere. You finally feel the same way I do and we can't let this get away. Not when it feels this right."

"How can you even say that? How can you say it feels right when I'm standing here hurt and crying and you're being a sorry sack of shit?"

"Love isn't easy, Bella. It's gets messy and it's full of trial and error because the people involved aren't perfect. You screw up, I screw up. But if we forgive and we allow each other to make up for our mistakes, then we make it right."

I shook my head, not sure if I could believe that. Right now, it just sounded like useless fucking excuses for the completely epic fucking fail today had turned out to be.

His hands moved to my back and pulled me into a loose hug. "You don't have to decide right now. I know you need time to calm down. Would you like me to drive you back to the apartment? I don't have to stay if you don't want."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

I drove her to her apartment. The ride only took fifteen minutes but it was the longest, most oppressive fifteen minutes I'd ever experienced. The silence between us was thick and heavy, and I could have sworn I could feel it literally sitting on my shoulders.

Bella didn't look my way or speak a word to me. Not that I'd really expected anything less. After all, I had majorly fucked up everything between us. I should have just let her alone. I should have waited until next year to try and do something for Valentine's. It was too close to Aaron's visit and I'd pushed her so hard to trust me and share with me this past week. She hadn't even had time to really deal with all of that between school and her job, and here I was, pushing again. I'd shoved so hard, I'd ruined an important experience for her. She should have been able to tell me in her own time and her own way, but I'd been too selfish to wait any longer. _If I were her, I wouldn't forgive my stupid ass either_.

"Here are your keys," I said as I put them into her hand. "I'll catch the bus back to the campus."

She took them and started toward the stairwell. "You can wait for one of the others to show up and drive you back. I'm not staying."

"What do you mean you aren't staying? Where are you going?" I asked as I followed after her.

"If I wanted you to know, I would have told you."

"Bella, I know I've hurt you today, but please don't do anything stupid."

She whirled around so fast I worried she would stumble and fall down the steps. She managed to keep her balance, mostly by pushing her finger into my chest. "You don't get to judge what constitutes stupid, Edward. Not after how you handled things today."

"Fine. That was the wrong word. Don't do anything reckless."

"I'm hurt. Not self-destructive." She turned away and continued on up the stairs.

I just stood there, wondering again how I could have screwed up so badly. All I'd wanted to do was give her a great day but somehow everything had gone wrong. I hadn't finished my project like I was supposed to last night, I'd overslept this morning which had ensured my entire morning was spent on that damn project, and then there was the shit with my car. None of that had been Bella's fault, but I'd let it all push me into giving up on her, rationalizing that if I wasn't wasting time on a dead-end relationship, then the rest of the things in my life wouldn't cause me stress. And if I was completely honest … I had acted like a coward, too afraid of once again being kept around until someone better came along.

I must have stood there longer than I'd thought because Bella was suddenly standing in front of me with her gym bag on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry." It wasn't much, but it was at least completely honest.

Her jaw clenched and her eyes narrowed. "Do you really think that helps?"

"No. But it's important you hear it and know that I mean it."

"Then you hear this and know how much I mean it … You can't expect me to trust you and not give up on you if you aren't going to do the same for me."

"I promise you I won't make the same mistake again."

She opened her mouth to say something more, but then just pushed past me. "Don't be here when I get back."

"When can I see you again?" I called after her.

"When I can look at you without wanting to cry or puke."

When I could no longer see the faintest hint of her on the stairs, I headed up and into the apartment she'd left unlocked for me. I headed down the hall and into her room to grab my bag and go. I'd leave the gifts I'd gotten her on the bed and maybe she'd feel up to opening them sometime soon. _Probably a hell of a lot sooner than she'll want to see me._

As if it was meant to confirm that specific thought in my head, my eyes landed on her dresser. She'd taken all of the pictures of us that sat there and turned them face down. I grabbed the frame in the middle, knowing it was the picture of us laughing together at my parents' house during Christmas break. She was always beautiful to me, but when she smiled from her happiness, she really did look like a perfect angel, complete with a glow to her skin.

_Last shot, Edward. Either man up or let her go, but make up your mind and stick with it_, I thought as I ran my finger over her face.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

_Don't do anything stupid_. He obviously didn't feel like he'd said enough stupid shit to me already today. No, he had to go and throw _that_ stick in the fire. If anyone was being stupid around here, it was his damn ass.

I jerked open my dresser drawer, grabbing clothes for the gym and trying to focus only on that one simple task. Of course, that was never how things went when you were hurt and trying to ignore it. I stopped with a shirt fisted in my hand and just stared at the pictures lining my dresser top. One of Edward lying on my bed, one of us at Christmas, and one of me helping him to eat lasagna when his fingers had been screwed up. Somehow, I stopped myself from throwing the fucking things clear across the room and settled for just turning them face down on the dresser top.

I grabbed a pair of shorts, tossed them into my gym bag with my sneakers and the shirt I'd pulled out, and then left the apartment. I got as far as the railing outside. My feet wanted to pound out my frustrations on the treadmill but the rest of me just wanted to curl up and cry. That wasn't even the worst of it, though. The worst part was I wanted to do that curling and crying in Edward's arms. How the hell could that even be possible?

Edward was still on the stairs a floor below my apartment, just leaning against the wall and looking dazed. He had no fucking right to look so damn clueless since all of this was his damn fault. If he'd only trusted me, even for just twelve little hours, it would have turned to Sunday, I would have told him the way I'd planned, and everything would be fine. Instead, I wanted to be as far away from him as I could get for now. And also, I wanted to be right beside him.

"I'm sorry." If he really thought that was going to do him any good, he was so sorely mistaken. His ass was going to have to do a hell of a lot better than "sorry".

And my stupid ass was going to let him—but I wouldn't make it easy for him. "Do you really think that helps?"

"No. But it's important you hear it and know that I mean it."

"Then you hear this and know how much I mean it … You can't expect me to trust you and not give up on you if you aren't going to do the same for me."

"I promise you I won't make the same mistake again."

I'd let him attempt to repair the damage he'd done, but I couldn't right now. It was all too raw and I didn't have it in me right now to be understanding. And he damn sure needed to explain to me exactly what the hell had happened today.

"Don't be here when I get back," I said as I moved past him.

"When can I see you again?"

I kept walking, afraid that if I stopped, I'd end up standing on the stairs and giving into the urge to cry in his arms. "When I can look at you without wanting to cry or puke."

I kept right on walking until I reached my car and then I tore out of the lot, heading for the gym and praying for a way to make sense of all this mess.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I couldn't go inside the gym. I couldn't stop crying or feeling like there was something sharp poking me in the chest every time I tried to take a breath. So for an hour and a half, I just sat in my car and thought about how I'd gotten to that moment in my life.

The past few years, I'd been working hard every single day to see the good in life, despite how hard it was to find sometimes. I'd really thought I'd finally found that something good with Edward. Hell, I couldn't even honestly say I didn't still feel that a little. It was dulled because of the pain I was feeling at the moment, but it wasn't completely gone. As much as loving him was currently killing me, he was still the only one to ever make me feel so much. Was that some kind of cosmic trade off? The good was really good and the bad just about killed you?

Could we really start over though? Could we do it right this time around and make this something good for both of us? I had no fucking clue. I only knew it didn't feel like it was over. At the same time, I felt like I'd taken all I could take and given all I could give. I'd given him trust when he'd asked. I'd shared parts of myself no man had ever seen. I'd let him affect everything about me and my days. I didn't know if I could do that again, if I could trust either of us that way ever again.

Was it really not over? Or was I only kidding myself?

With the gym a complete fucking bust, I headed back to the apartment with a new plan. I'd grab a couple days worth of outfits, all my school shit, and then spend a few days at Bree's place. Not only did I not feel like talking about today, I was in no mood to handle Alice if she decided this too was my fault. She'd said she'd helped get Edward and me together for me, but it seemed like whenever something went wrong, she immediately blamed me and took up for him. Knowing in my currently crushed heart that I'd done everything I could to do things right, I couldn't handle that kind of blame from her. The only way I knew to protect our friendship was to not be around right now. And also, I didn't want to ruin the good time I knew she was having with Jasper, and Rose with Emmett. No sense in everyone being miserable. Plus, Bree would be really happy to have me around and all to himself.

There was a note taped to my bedroom door. It had been a long time since a piece of paper had made me so nauseous and fearful. I was honestly surprised that my hand wasn't shaking as I took it down and brought it closer to read.

_Bella,_

_I had my bag in one hand and the other hand on the doorknob, but I couldn't do it. Not again. I don't want to walk away from you. I don't want to give up on what we have. I know we've both made mistakes but I really do believe we have something here, something that could last and be great._

_I know I didn't show that to you today. Not only did I give up on you, I gave up on myself. There's no excuse for it and I know that. I only hope you can someday believe me when I say I'm sorry and that I would erase it and do it all right if I could._

_I wasn't fair to you today. I expected you to understand how difficult this has been for me without giving you that same courtesy. We've both been hurt by people we cared about in the past and it's affected us, made us jaded toward relationships. That's no excuse for my behavior either, but maybe it can help you to understand even a little why I reacted the way that I did. It just felt like you were with me today because it was expected of you, not because you wanted to be. The idea of you staying out of obligation hurt so much more than having Mary cheat on me and leave me, and that scared me, Bella._

_I don't want to be afraid anymore. I don't want to walk away either. So I'm begging you, Bella. If you think there's even the smallest hope that you could forgive me and give what we have together one more chance, please open your door. I won't say that I'll understand if you don't, but I promise to respect your choice and not blame you for it. I know it was my mistake that put this rift between us._

_With sincerity, apologies, and more love for you than I know how to handle,_

_Edward_

Was it really that simple? Was everything he'd said and done just because he was afraid? It wasn't an excuse by any means, but I did understand fear. Especially the fear of loss. That didn't mean for a second I forgave him or knew whether or not things were fixable. It just gave me a slightly different view of everything that had happened today. Could I open the door, though? Could I literally and figuratively open the door and let him in again?

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

She was right on the other side of this door. Despite the frantic, nervous beat of my heart, I could hear her. I could hear every breath, every sniffle, and every wrinkle of the paper when her fingers moved against it. Was she able to see how much I meant the words in my letter? Did she even care anymore?

Maybe this was all a bad idea. Maybe I should have listened to her and just gone back to my dorm. But as I'd stood there with my hand on the doorknob, it had just felt so wrong. It was my attempt to walk away from her that had forced her into saying she loved me. It didn't matter that she was the strongest and most stubborn person I'd ever met in my life—my attempt at leaving had broken her in some way. I'd seen it in her eyes and heard it in her words, and I just couldn't do that to her again.

But I also hadn't wanted to make the mistake of putting my "assumptions" ahead of what she might really need. So I'd given her a choice. She could open the door or she could be the one to walk away this time. While I knew in my heart that I deserved the latter, I was praying with everything in me she would open the door. If she could trust me just enough to do that, then I would spend every second of every day ensuring I never hurt her again. No hurt, no worries, no fear. Just love. To love her and be loved by her was all I wanted and I had to believe for the both of us that it wasn't asking for too much.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

The smell of flowers was nearly as overpowering as the glow coming from what seemed like hundreds of small candles sitting on every available surface in my room. Blooms of purple lisianthus were in large vases on my dresser and desk, with another large bouquet in Edward's hands. He was groveling with candlelight and flowers—and by waiting here on his knees for me to either open the door or leave the apartment. I had no clue how he'd managed it and if I had actually had it in me to care, I might have asked. But I didn't so I just stood there, waiting for him to say something.

"I'm sorrier than you'll ever know, Bella," he said, offering the flowers to me. "I promise you I will make up for today and never let it happen again. I want to stay and I want to make sure every time I leave your side, you have a smile on your face and nothing but love and happiness in your heart. You deserve someone who can make you feel that way and I want to be that man more than anything."

I closed my bedroom door and then sat down—fell down really—leaning up against it. "What I deserve, how sorry you are … Those things don't make me hurt any less, Edward."

He moved so he was sitting right next to me, our shoulders touching as he handed me the flowers he'd been holding. I could feel through the thin paper that the stems were overly warm and even crushed in a few places from how tightly he'd been holding on to them. That knowledge more than his words let me know he'd been unsure of whether or not I would open the door. He had to have been terrified of getting rejected and he'd still done it. He'd risked further heartache for me. What was I willing to risk for him?

I couldn't look at him yet, but I did slip my fingers around the hand he had resting between us. "We're never ever celebrating this damn day again. I don't care how much you beg and plead," I told him.

"Agreed."

"And I'm not saying it again until it's the only thing I feel for you."

"Take however much time you need."

I felt tired—more so than after any heavy workout I'd ever had. I let my head rest against his arm while wondering if this was what Edward had meant earlier when he'd talked about being tired. "How can I feel that way for you and really not like you right now at the same time?" I asked.

He let go of my hand and slipped his arm around my back while pressing his head against mine. "I'm sorry. I never wanted you to know that kind of pain, much less be the one to cause it."

"Everything's going to be different now, isn't it?"

"Yeah. But just know that not all of it will be bad. You love me and I love you and that's going to help us both to get past this."

I really wanted to believe that, but I just wasn't capable of trusting in his words right now. So I tried to focus on something else. "The flowers I get. But what the hell is up with the candles? Are you trying to burn my room down or something?"

Edward snorted and wrapped his other arm around me, hugging me tightly. "I don't really know. It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"You suck at good ideas. You need to check with a third party before going through with anymore."

"I'll get Alice to be my idea checker from now on."

"Fuck, I need a drink."

"Now _that_ is a really good idea."

I smiled a little at the unexpectedness of his comment. "Sounds like maybe you need one too."

He let go of me and gave a grunt as he got to his feet and turned, holding his hands out to me. "Come on, Swan. Let me buy you a real lunch and a stiff drink."

I put my hands into his and let him pull me up. I wanted nothing to do with him and not to leave him at the same damn time, and I found myself hugging him. "You really suck. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know. Thank you for not holding it against me."

"Whatever this ninja mind-fuck shit is you've done to me, just know it's not going to save your ass if you hurt me like this again."

"I promise you, Bella, no matter what I have to do, I'll never let myself hurt you like this again."

We weren't over. But we weren't exactly together either. Honestly, I didn't know what the hell we were besides two fucked-up people trying to turn a fucked-up relationship into something worthwhile. What I did know was if this attempt failed, it would be the last time I tried to have a romantic relationship with any man. Even a phoenix only had so many times it could be eaten by the flames and rise up from the ashes.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxx**

"Are you going to want another?" Edward asked, pointing at my nearly empty black cherry rum and coke. He'd gotten himself a Long Island iced tea that he was almost finished with. We'd also ordered a steak and cheese sub to split, but we'd hardly done more than pick at it.

"At least one more," I answered. And then I drained the rest of the liquid from my glass.

I didn't like this. I didn't like being twitchy around him when I was used to being relaxed. I didn't like having the urge to cry every time my eyes met his. And I damn sure didn't like not understanding how I could be so hurt and not want to be anywhere else at the same damn time. How the hell could a single day go so fucking wrong?

"I'll get us some refills," Edward said as he stood. "Can I get you anything else?"

I shook my head and then set my chin into the palm of my hand. Beyond that, I didn't move a single muscle. I just watched him cross the restaurant and walk up to the bar. Part of me wanted to be right there next to him to make sure he didn't slip out of the backdoor or some shit. There was this other part completely fucking pissed at me for letting him make me feel this way. And then there was the incredibly sad and hurt piece of me that knew there was no such thing as "let" right now, only "was".

"I told you it was her." Bree's lips brushed against my cheek and he gave my shoulders a squeeze.

"Yes, you were right," Lance replied, rolling his eyes. Bree's need to be highly annoying in his surety had obviously been visited upon the man.

"Whee for me," Bree said with a grin.

"Hey, Bella. How are you today?" Lance asked me, ignoring his boyfriend for the moment.

"Good, Lance," I lied, even giving a fake smile.

"I can't believe Sexward convinced you to be so sappy as to repeat the first date during your spectacular Valentine's festivities," Bree said as he plopped himself into the chair on my right. Edward's stuff was at my left so that left Lance sitting across from me.

"We aren't repeating that date," I corrected. "We just happen to be grabbing some drinks and food from the same place."

"Peaches, why the pout?" Bree asked, putting his face in front of mine and blocking my view of Edward.

I pushed Bree out of the way so I could see again before answering him. "There is no pout. Stop imagining things."

Bree grabbed hold of my hand, keeping it pressed against his chest. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Your eyes are red and you're looking at Edward like he's going to turn into a puff of smoke and blow away."

I managed to wriggle my hand out of Bree's grip and then turned toward Lance. "So how is your first Valentine's with the obnoxious one going?"

"Bella."

I held up my hand toward Bree but otherwise ignored him. "Lance?"

"You know, I think I hear my phone ringing," Lance said, casting a wary glance toward Bree. "Nice to see you again, Bella," he said before rushing away.

A growl escaped me as I turned my head toward Bree. "Why the hell did you do that?" I hissed at him.

Bree pressed his hand against my cheek and gave me that little smile Alice always did when she knew I was upset and wanted badly to fix it. "Because I love you and I know something's very, very wrong."

"This is the second time I find you looking like you're going to kiss my girl." Edward's voice startled me nearly as much as him referring to me as his girl. He'd said he didn't believe things were over and even that he didn't want them to be, and as much as I wanted to believe that, it was hard right now. So it was nice to hear him refer to me in that way even if it might only be for Bree's sake.

Bree let go of me and sat up straight in his chair. "Edward, why aren't you two looking like your usual 'elated to be together' selves?"

Edward looked to me for either direction or permission; I only shrugged a shoulder. After setting our glasses onto the table and resuming his spot next to me, Edward gave Bree an answer. "We're just a little tired. Our Valentine's plans fell through."

Bree narrowed his eyes in annoyance, but the look was quickly replaced with one of determination. "Okay, here's how this is going to go. I'm in charge and when I say, one of you will speak while the other listens. While that person is speaking, the other is to hold tongue and lips still. Not a single peep of sound or twitch of the mouth. And I don't want to hear anything about how it's not my business or you don't want to talk about it. Now, Bella, what's going on?"

I completely ignored Bree, focusing instead on swirling my straw in my glass—right up until Bree yanked the glass away and forcefully placed it beside him on the tabletop.

"Speak," he demanded.

"Fine," I grumbled. And then I grabbed a napkin to pick apart while I explained. "So Mr. Morris called me first thing this morning to help out at the shop because Kate, Angela, and Ben all have the flu. So I told him I would help out until Tara could get in. Edward was upset with me for it, even accusing me of accepting just to get out of spending today with him. I was mad at him for accusing me like that, but I understood he was upset so I held my temper.

"As soon as I got off work, I called to find out about meeting him. By that point, he was pissed off about his car being messed up and yelling into the phone and shit. Again, I held my temper and tried to understand things from his view. So we finally meet up and we go to a late lunch, where I'm expecting small. Apparently, I should have been really specific about my definition of small because Edward's is a four star restaurant with everyone decked out like he is now," I said, waving a hand in his direction.

And then my fingers got busy with the napkin again. "I didn't say a word. I just tried really hard to enjoy it and tune out all the people staring at me for not being dressed like them. I was trying hard to be nice and enjoy what Edward had picked out for us. So then we went to this art thing and it was annoying in every way, but again, I kept my mouth shut to be nice. And then Edward decided my silence meant I didn't want to be with him and he started a whole big argument where he told me I had to say right then and there whether I loved him or not. I asked him for a little more time and instead of being understanding, he got out of the car and walked away.

"So after forcing the words out that he wanted to hear, we kind of talked but it didn't fix anything. I'm pissed off and angry … and … and more hurt than I think I've ever been before and that shit is saying a lot."

Bree grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze; I expected him to say something reassuring to me. Instead, he addressed Edward. "Edward, you need to listen and pay very close attention to what I'm about to tell you. I love her and I have known her for a long time. She's remarkable in every single way I can think of. She's also damaged. You can _not_ walk away from this woman. I don't care how mad she makes you or what she says to you, you can't turn your back on her and walk away. The minute she sees the back of your shirt, in her head, she's already convinced you've given up on her and don't care for her. No matter what words you say after, she's not hearing them because in her head she's still seeing you walking away. Sure, it's not fair to you and it sucks ass because you didn't cause the damage, but that's something you have to deal with in order to be in her life. If those of us who know her and love her as family can understand that and remember it, then _you_ should damn sure be capable of it."

I had a whole slew of things I could have said and even wanted to say, but when it came time to open my mouth, I knew Bree would immediately see it for what it was—bullshit. He was right and we both knew it. Get in my face and I could kick your ass. Turn your back on me and I was just a kid standing on the porch and watching my mother put her suitcase into the trunk of her car. She never looked back. Not even to wave goodbye to me one last time. She just walked away and stayed gone. And no matter how much I screamed in my head that seeing the back of someone I cared about wasn't the same, I never seemed to be able to listen to myself. Therapy hadn't solved my abandonment issues—it had only made me accept that I had them. Just another area of my life where things that worked for normal folks didn't do jack shit for me.

"I didn't think of that," Edward said, suddenly holding my other hand. "Bella, I'm sorry."

In my state of hurt, I couldn't get myself to do anything more than give a nondescript shrug.

He slipped his arm around my back and pulled until I allowed him to move me so I was leaning against him with his head on mine. "I know I'm saying it a lot today, but I'm truly sorry."

"Can we just move the conversation along?" I asked, really not wanting to get into this shit in a public friggen setting.

"Edward, it's your turn," Bree announced. "What do you think happened between the two of you today?"

"The biggest thing that happened was we didn't communicate well. I've been stressed out lately and I haven't expressed that to Bella. I've been so worried about her and I didn't want to add to her stress by telling her about mine. But by not dealing with my own, I ended up blowing up over something small. I should have told her what it felt like to wait for her to say how she felt instead of just telling her that I _would_ wait. And today, it honestly felt like she was only with me because she'd agreed to do it. It didn't feel like I had her attention and it definitely didn't feel like she was enjoying herself. I needed a sign from her but she only wanted more time. As much as I wanted to give it to her, I honestly didn't have it in me to go through with it. Now, I feel so horribly guilty for pushing her and hurting her. But mostly, I feel guilty for being so relieved to know she loves me in the way that I love her."

I still didn't understand why those words made things so different for him and I knew I wasn't in the right frame of mind to listen to whatever excuse he might try to give right now. I just felt so damn drained. I had a damn headache, my chest was still hurting each time I took a breath, and as hungry as I was, I couldn't bring myself to eat the food on the table.

And I was apparently so consumed by all of this shit that I'd missed the first time Bree had called my name. "What?" I asked, forcing myself to look up at him.

"Your turn to listen." He pointed toward Edward with his free hand. "That man is not Emmett. He has feelings and he needs to know that you'll be receptive to hearing them without teasing or judgment. Also, he's not Jasper. He has no way to know what you're feeling if you don't open this pretty little mouth of yours and tell him. I can count a handful of times I personally saw him tell you he loved you and all you did was smile. I know in your head, you think you're telling him something, but he can't read your mind. You have to actually say it."

"I did say it," I told Bree while shaking out of Edward's lose hold and sitting up. "I had no choice in saying it. And I'm not going to say it again until I'm ready. If he doesn't like that, I've got three new words for him … Go fuck yourself."

"Bella," Bree called, making my name sound like a warning. "Striking out at him is not going to help either of you. If you want to wait to say it until you feel like you've fixed the trust you both broke today, and he can handle that, then by all means wait. But first you have to talk to him about it and see if he can accept that." Bree's dark eyes lifted and refocused on Edward. "And you, Edward, have to be honest about whether or not you can accept it or any other behavior from her. You both sucked majorly in the communication department today and it's a hell of a thing for _me_ to be telling someone that."

I grabbed Bree's shirt collar and pulled his ear down to my lips. "You don't understand," I told him. "It wasn't just a communication thing."

"Then what was it?"

"I don't know. It was … It was so damn intense, Bree. One second, we're talking about me not talking and the next, he's walking away and I feel like …" I couldn't put it into words. As much as I wanted to tell him and have him understand, the right words just wouldn't form and come out of my mouth.

Bree rubbed his hand along my back, but unlike when Edward did it, I didn't feel any calmer. "What, Bella? What did it feel like?"

The words still didn't come close to explaining in my opinion, but I figured they would at least give him an idea of how badly my heart was hurting. "It felt like every bad thing that has ever happened to me was happening all at once, but hurting more at the same time."

"What's wrong?" Edward asked as his hand joined Bree's on my back. "Bella, why do you look ready to cry?"

"She's alright, Edward," Bree assured him. "She's just telling me how intense the argument was for her."

"It was for me, too," Edward admitted. "It seemed like it all got away from me before I'd even realized it had started."

"Romantic feelings are more intense than normal ones. Bella, you love the people in your life so fiercely to begin with. For you to feel a romantic love for a guy, that's going to be off the charts, Peaches." Bree looked over my head at Edward. "I've heard about your last relationship and how you almost married the girl. And I've seen you with my friend here. I'm sure your feelings for that girl were real, but I'm also sure they never even began to measure up to what you feel for Bella. You two really compliment each other and a love like that is going to burn brighter and hotter than anything you've known before. You two need to think about that so I'm going to leave you to it."

Bree pressed a kiss to my cheek and then got up from his chair. Edward stood up too and I watched them shake hands. "I appreciate you attempting to help, Bree," Edward said. "You've definitely given me some things to think about and consider."

"I'm sure I've done the same for Bella, though I doubt she'll admit it right now." Bree leaned down and hugged me tightly before kissing my cheek. "But that's okay, Peaches. I know you still love me. And I know you still love him. It's why you're at this table with him right now. So please, please do the both of you a favor and go home and talk. You've both got a lot to air out and some hard choices and compromises to make."

Bree and Edward shook hands once more and as suddenly as my friend had appeared, he was gone. For a long while after he'd left, Edward and I just drank our drinks in the silence surrounding us.

"So the stuff Bree said …"

I looked over at Edward, waiting for him to continue.

"I think he had some good points. Especially the one about us getting out of here and giving communicating another try."

"I don't know how effective any kind of communication on my part is going to be when I feel like this. And the last thing I need is to have Rose and Emmett walking in on us talking about the clusterfuck this day has been. The way they're protective of me, they'll both want to rip your balls off and hang them on the wall."

"Then let's take them out of the equation. Let me rent a suite for us. There won't be any interruptions and we'll have separate rooms in case we need to take a few moments to cool off. But my hope is we can talk without getting angry with each other because, honestly, the last thing I want right now is to be away from you."

"You could just sneak me into your dorm room, you know."

Edward shook his head and smiled a little. "I'm not sneaking around with you ever. I'm proud to be with you and I have no problem with everyone knowing you are the woman I want to be with, that I love more than anything."

"I find that really hard to believe right now."

"Okay. Time for Plan B. You agree to the suite and we curl up on the couch in those fluffy robes and you enjoy the chance to tease me about my very pale legs."

"Teasing you is the _last_ thing I feel up to doing."

He curled a finger under my chin and tilted my face up so I was looking at him. "So maybe talking could fall somewhere near the top?"

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I'd been in a suite twice before, both times with Alice. Once during our trip after high school graduation and again when we'd traveled to Cabo for our first college spring break. Both of those times, I'd felt happy and ready for anything. Tonight, I really just wanted to curl up at the foot of the massive bed and go to sleep.

I didn't understand why I was going through with this. I was never great at talking, and doing it when I was upset or pissed off had never gone well.

Actually, I did know why. It was because not talking, not _trying_, seemed a hell of a lot scarier right now. As much as he'd hurt me and as angry as I was over not being trusted, I could see the ledge we were standing on. One wrong move from either of us and we were both going down. I had no desire to be the one to cause our fall.

"You can sit closer to me. I'm not going to bite," Edward said, breaking up the silence.

"Right here is fine," I told him as I fixed my robe over my crossed legs. I'd been unable to resist the fluffy thing once I'd run a hand over the fabric; I also had a t-shirt and shorts on underneath it. No way in hell did I want to give the impression any kind of make-up sex would be going on. Honestly, though, I doubted he would think that. I was pretty sure we both felt this was just preliminary shit; the real fixes would have to come over time.

"Why don't you start? Ask me anything," Edward suggested.

I knew just the one to throw at him. "Why did you tell me you could wait if you couldn't?"

"I didn't mean to do that to you. It was easy at first. Everything with us was new and great. We'd had occasional things come up, but they'd been small and we'd dealt with them together. And then the holidays had come. Mary had come. You were so focused on me right then and I was so sure you were going to say any day that you felt the same for me. When you didn't, I started to worry we were falling into the friend trap, where I seemed better as someone to talk to and sleep with than to have a lasting relationship with. Our trip to Forks made me feel even more like that was where we were headed. Sure you were talking to me, but physically, the most contact you initiated was hand holding."

He must have seen I was getting ready to tear into him because his hands flew up in an "I mean no harm" way and his words came faster than before. "I'm not saying I expected you to want to sleep with me, so please don't misunderstand me and take it that way. I'm simply saying I felt more like I was a shoulder to lean on than a real partner. It felt like we'd lost the connection we'd made on that first night at the end of October."

I sat there silently and tried to think about this past week. I tried to remember if he was right about the hand-holding thing. I tried to come up with a time when I'd been the one to kiss him or hug him. I only came up with hand-holding and lots of times I'd told him "thanks" or "I appreciate you".

"Do you remember our talk on Friday morning?" Edward asked.

"Of course. I asked you what it felt like for you to love me."

"When I told you, I thought I would see some hint of recognition in your brown eyes. That you would smile and say 'I feel that too'. But you didn't. So today when you were silent, I became convinced you'd realized the opposite—that you had none of those feelings for me and you were just waiting for what you considered an appropriate time to tell me."

Comparing what he'd just said to things he'd admitted earlier today gave me a new perspective on where his head had been. But because today had happened, I was more than a little apprehensive about trusting what I thought he meant or felt. "Is that why you said I wasn't giving you any signs even though I was telling you I cared for you?"

"Yes. And because you didn't always say that. A lot of the time, you didn't say anything at all. I never knew if you liked being told you were loved or if it made you uncomfortable."

"I liked it. I _do_ like it. It's because I like it that I wanted to be sure for you before saying it back. I didn't want to hurt you. Not even accidentally."

"Here," Edward said, offering me a pillow. He'd noticed I was switching between leaning on my palm and lying on my arm. Even in the middle of this shit-storm, he was noticing what I needed and that it made it a little easier to believe he was serious about not letting things end.

I folded the pillow and slipped it under my head. And then I asked him a question. "Why couldn't you trust me and give me more time?"

"I wanted to, Bella. But when I pictured another week and then another spinning out in front of us with nothing changing …" He ended his sentence with a shrug and that sad expression I'd seen on his face in the car today.

For some reason, my mouth felt the need to take off without checking with my brain, revealing something I wasn't sure should have come out. "I hate when you make that face."

Edward moved around on the bed until he was stretched across it the same way I was while leaving the space between us that I'd originally set. "I hate seeing you so hurt. Even more, I hate knowing it was my fault. I've been telling you for months that I love you, but how can I expect you to truly believe it when I turn around and hurt you? You've already been put through so much and I don't want to add to that. I want to make it better."

"I don't need you to fix me, Edward. If you love me, and if this relationship is good for us, then the fixing will come on its own in its own time. But if all you're focused on is fixing what you perceive to be wrong, then I'm not the one you love. I'm just a project for you."

"I didn't mean it that way." His fingers were shaking as they moved toward my hand and settled around it. "When I'm with you, I'm not thinking about your past. I'm not even thinking about mine. I'm just thinking of how right it feels to be with you. And I want to share that feeling with you. I want you to know what it is to be so content."

"I'm sorry, Edward. I thought you could see it. Everyone else kept telling me they could so I just thought you could too. When I'm with you, it's like the rest of the world melts away for those minutes or hours. I've never felt like that before. And it's because I've never had that before that I didn't know what it was. But I was working on it, Edward. I even had it figured out, but I wanted you to know without a doubt how much I meant it, so I was going to tell you tomorrow."

I reached into the pocket of my robe and pulled out the wrinkled and newly tear-stained paper. "I even wrote it all down so I could get it just right and not let my mouth screw it up," I finished.

Edward stared at the paper clutched in my hand for a long time before lifting his eyes to mine. "I really want to know what's in there, but I think you should hold on to it for now. When you can trust me again and let me fully into your heart, then you'll _want_ to give it to me and that's what I want most."

At first, I was beyond shocked he would say something like that. But the more I thought about it, the more I liked his idea. He'd taken away my chance to vocally say the words the way I'd wanted and needed to say them. Now, he was giving me the opportunity to say them with this paper on my own terms. For just a moment, the pain wasn't the strongest thing I was feeling. And if I could feel something else right now, right when everything was raw and open and bleeding, then there really was a chance we could fix this.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I'd fallen asleep last night with a pillow and tons of space between Edward and me. I woke up wrapped around his back with one arm stuffed under his and hugging his chest, and one of my legs between his. It was crazy, but I felt tired and used-up at the same time I felt glad to have him so close. Being so at war in my own heart made me sullen and sad, though. It had taken me a long time to get to a point where I really liked myself and was happy with my life. So to have Edward go from making that life even better to suddenly making me feel on the edge of becoming DC Bella all over again … Let's just say "scared out of my mind" didn't really convey my fear. The only nice thing I could think of right then was that it was no longer Valentine's Day.

I was in the middle of drying off from a quick, hot shower when Edward knocked on the door. "I know you've got work today. Do you think you have time for breakfast here with me first?" he asked.

My first thought was to say "no" and go to work early. My second was to try really hard to ignore the hurt and do the right thing. "What time is it now?"

"Ten-thirty."

"Alright. Can you find out if they have pancakes?"

"I've got the menu right here. They have plain, blueberry, and pecan."

"Pecan sounds good. And coffee."

"I'll go order it now."

By the time I'd finished drying and dressing, the food was being delivered and Edward was tipping the guy at the door.

"Holy shit, Edward. How much did you order?" I asked, looking at all of the covered dishes on the cart.

He only laughed and pushed the tray over to the sofa.

I wasn't letting this go, though. I made myself comfortable on the couch and then continued with my questioning. "Seriously. Did you develop a tapeworm in the past twenty-four hours or something? Planning to eat your weight in food this morning to get into Guinness? Or were you feeling extremely indecisive and just ordered one of everything you could think of?"

"Say when," he instructed, starting to pour syrup over the pancakes in the plate he was holding.

I waited until I could see the syrup pooling around the edges of the plate before saying the word.

"This is asking for cavities," he said as he passed me the food and a fork.

"Cavities are the least of my worries. And you still haven't answered me about all of the food."

"They didn't have a fruit salad available, but they did have some individual fruits," Edward explained as he pulled the tops off the dishes. "So I ordered the ones I wanted and some toast."

"Resourceful, yet strange."

He let out a small laugh as he sat beside me with half an orange, a few strawberries, and a slice of what looked like wheat toast with butter.

After eating a few wonderful syrup-drenched pancake pieces, I attempted to start a conversation. "We talked about a lot of stuff last night."

"Yeah, we did. And I really think our agreement to talk every night will be helpful."

"Only if you actually want to spend that much time around me."

"And you around me."

We looked at each other for a few minutes before looking away again. I knew what I wanted, but I was clueless about what he wanted. Knowing it wouldn't be fair to ask him without saying how I was feeling, I went first. "I feel a mix of things around you, and that's really confusing, but I know for sure I don't want you gone."

"I want to be with you, too, Bella."

Silence settled over us while we finished eating our food and although it wasn't nearly as awkward as it had been yesterday, it was also nowhere close to being comfortable.

"Do you need to use my car today?" I asked, setting my empty plate on the cart.

"That would be really nice. Thank you."

"Welcome."

"Could I bring you dinner at the coffeehouse when you take your break tonight?"

"I don't know right now. Let's just play that by ear."

Edward put his own dishes on the cart and then turned toward me, offering me his hand. I took it and he pulled me up into a tight embrace, his face pressing against my neck in the same way it had since that first night with him. It was the first thing we'd done since yesterday that felt familiar without feeling alien at the same time. And I think it felt that way for Edward too because we just stood there in that hotel room holding each other until the alarm went off on my phone, reminding me of work and the world outside.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_Two weeks after Valentine's:_

"You've got Friday off. Any idea what you want to do?" Edward asked.

I shrugged, not having any really great ideas in my head. "Want to see if everyone wants to do dinner and a movie?"

Edward made a face, probably thinking of Emmett, but then nodded his head in agreement.

We'd been taking things really slow in the couple of weeks that had passed since the Valentine's debacle. The easy silences and playful teasing were all gone and I missed them terribly even though I didn't exactly feel ready for them again.

We were talking a lot, and I was being more honest than I'd thought I'd be able to manage. So far, it seemed to be working and I knew we would keep doing it for as long as it took to fix things. But once all this shit was done, I was going to need a vacation from talking. I was not a "spill my guts daily" type of person and I was more than ready to go back to just being around him without all of the words and noise. Unfortunately, the only way to fix the bad shit between us was to air it all out and let the other know what was needed to correct it. _So one Bella Swan now found herself not quite believing in the value of talking, but unable to deny the changes it was making in her life. Fucking trippy!_

Edward and I were also dealing with the reactions of our family over what had happened. Emmett was angry with Edward, which meant he was only slightly more disgruntled with him than normal. Talking to Jake was impossible at the moment because all he wanted to do was rattle off varying ways to castrate and torture Edward despite my assurance that I hadn't been totally blameless in all of this. Alice, Rose, and Bree were on pins and needles, worried I would get fed up and give up any second now. Jasper was busy being my sounding board and helping me to navigate this minefield I had been thrust into with Edward and this very opinionated family of mine. And all three parents had varying pearls of wisdom to offer, from "forgive and forget" to "mistakes happen" and even "the good stuff is never free or easy". That last one was from Charlie. I'd been prepared for something more along the lines of "send me his itinerary and watch for little red dots", so to have him encouraging me to keep going and keep trying really helped me to feel like I was doing the right thing and not wasting my time.

"I've got something for you."

I looked up to find Edward holding a folded piece of paper out to me. We'd kind of stumbled on to the fact that we sometimes did better when we wrote down our feelings and let the other read it. Things didn't get lost in translation or profanity so much that way.

With the paper unfolded and the wrinkles smoothed out, I traced the lines of the words he'd written. There were only three but they meant a hell of a lot to me.

_I love you._

"I'm still not saying it back," I informed him as I refolded the paper. "But I do feel it."

He didn't say anything. He just watched me crawl across the bed and deposit the note with the others in the drawer of my nightstand.

There was a clunk and then a thunk on my bedroom door, followed by Jasper's voice. "Dinner's ready."

I practically jumped off the bed and ran for the door, wanting to find out what had made those sounds. "Jazz, what the hell are you doing out here?"

He chuckled and lifted his hands up, showing me the oven mitts he was wearing. "Forgot to take them off."

"I thought Alice was cooking tonight," I mentioned as I followed him into the kitchen.

"She was going to, but she's not feeling so hot so I told her I would take over."

"Where is she?"

"Resting on the sofa."

I headed for the living room and found my best friend curled up under the pink sparkly blanket I'd gotten her for her birthday last year. I crawled up beside her, blocking her view of the television and getting a pout for my efforts. "I hear your little self is feeling lower than usual."

"Ha, ha," she replied, sounding like she had a whole bag of cotton balls shoved up her nose.

"You went sniffing flowers again, didn't you?" I asked, noticing the purple marks under her eyes.

"How else can I choose the flowers for my wedding? I've got to pick table arrangements, bridesmaid bouquets, a boutonniere for my mother and Jazz's aunt, and my own bouquet."

"Here's a novel idea! You bring your two friends who don't have allergies with you and let them describe what the flowers smell like."

"You'll just say everything smells like ass to mess with me and Rose will be too busy laughing at you to help."

"I would have only done it once or twice, but since you've already ruined the surprise of the moment, it holds no humor for me now."

"Mean it?"

I held my pinky finger up and waited for her to wrap her own around it. "Totally mean it."

"What the hell is this? Bells, you giving up on my dipshit brother and going after my sister now?" Emmett asked, using his loudest, most obnoxious tone. He was on a quest to make sure Edward heard every single dig against him.

"Play nice, Em," Rose warned as she sauntered in and plopped herself down in a chair.

"Jasper made you some tea, Ali," Edward said, bringing the steaming cup over to her.

I rolled myself off the sofa so Alice could sit up and then took the spot at the end of the sofa before Emmett could get it. He snorted and pushed on my shoulder, nearly knocking me over onto Alice. "Watch it, Sasquatch. Ali's not feeling well and I'll have to beat your ass if you cause her discomfort."

"If anyone deserves an ass kicking around here is that's one over there," he said, pointing at Edward.

Edward was busy talking to Alice and pressing the back of his hand to her forehead and either hadn't heard his twin or had decided to ignore him.

"Bells, I know three words you can say to my brother. Banned from sex." Emmett immediately laughed at his own joke while I just rolled my eyes and searched the sofa cushions for the remote.

"Actually, Em, I preferred the way she phrased it," Edward said, looking directly at his twin. "She said 'go fuck yourself'. Harsh, but funny."

I snorted as I looked up at Edward; for reasons unknown to any sane fucking person in the world, the only time Emmett and Edward were getting along right now was when they started trading jabs about what my three words were for Edward.

"That's why your punk ass changed your laptop screensaver to say 'hand jobs rule'," Emmett replied.

"Actually it says 'my twin drools'," Edward corrected. "And right under that, it says 'For Bree Call'."

"Oh, you fucker," Emmett cried as he put Edward into a headlock.

"I know you want to fuck her, Em. It's why you doth protest too much," Edward said while laughing and struggling to get free.

"You are so going to die," Emmett replied.

Edward got his head free and had a big smile on his face while he smoothed his now rumpled hair down. "What if I promise to keep your secret safe?"

"Bells is right. Those three words are definitely 'complete fucking idiot," Emmett said as he got to his feet.

Jazz, Rose, and Alice laughed while Emmett stomped off to the kitchen. Edward was busy looking in my direction and I was busy pretending not to notice. And also, I was engaged in plotting revenge against my friend with the big fucking mouth.

"Hey," Edward called as he lifted my chin up to get me to look at him.

"Hey." I felt guilty and nauseous, like I'd just been busted by Charlie for doing something stupid. There was a reason I hadn't been teasing Edward and it was because I didn't want to scare him off when things still felt so tenuous between us.

"A CFI, huh? I think it's kind of catchy. Maybe I can get a little nametag that says that? What do you think?"

I tried really hard to keep a straight face, but he caught me smiling and gave me a smile of his own as he leaned in to kiss me. He'd been aiming for my cheek but I was feeling generous—and also happy he didn't seem upset—so I moved my head just enough to get his lips to land on mine. I could feel in the way he was being tentative that he was surprised by my move, but I could also feel he was excited and happy about it. I was sure this kiss would be number one on our list of things to talk about later tonight, but it seemed worth it right then.

"It's nice to see some affection around here instead of all the hostility," Alice said in her little muffled voice.

"What was that, Half-pint?" I asked, grinning at her. "You have a deep affection for hostels? Jasper, did you know about her desire to stay in dormitory style quarters while traveling?"

"Gross!" Alice had probably meant to squeal the word, but ended up doing more coughing than anything.

"Bells, while I find you funny, I'm going to have to ask you to stop for Ali's sake," Jasper said, taking up the small spot between Alice and me. He waited for her to set her cup of tea onto the table and then passed her a bowl of food.

"Smells great, Jazz. What is it?" Rose asked.

"Chicken stew with rice," Jasper replied. "It's a southern dish my mother used to make for me when I didn't feel well. I made plenty for everyone so go help yourselves."

"Look it, Ali. Your Jazzy cooked you special get well food," I told her.

"He is kind of great, isn't he?" she said, managing a little smile.

"I hear Emmett banging around in the kitchen. You guys better go make your plates before there isn't any left," Jazz instructed.

"I'll get yours," Edward offered when I moved to get up. "What do you want to drink?"

I scooted back into the spot I'd been in and then told him what I wanted. "There's a strawberry flavored water in the fridge door that's mine. And thanks."

"Welcome," he said, giving me a smile before leaving.

"Welcome," Emmett repeated in literally the most horrible imitation ever done of his brother's voice. He had a nearly overflowing bowl in one hand and a beer in the other.

"Em, stop pouting," Rose ordered. "You know you're only aggravated because he's fighting back instead of just taking your crap."

Emmett didn't bother trying to deny it. Instead, he shoved a big spoonful of rice and chicken into his mouth.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Do you have anything you want to talk about tonight?" I asked Edward as he crawled into bed next to me.

My question had him smiling and me feeling pretty sure of what he would say. "That kiss earlier."

I snorted and playfully pushed his head away from mine. "So damn predictable."

He grabbed my hand and pressed a kiss to my palm before holding it against his chest, right over his heart. "I liked it. How about you?"

"I liked it, too," I admitted.

"Your turn. What do you have as a topic?"

"Lunch today. Did you really have to skip our lunch for one of your classes?"

"Yes, I did. I forgot an assignment that was due today on my desk in my room and my teacher told me he would only accept it if I could get it to him within an hour. He wanted to make sure I wasn't lying and trying to get an extra day to work on the assignment."

There was no sign of annoyance from Edward at having to explain himself. One of the really nice things about all of this talking was that we had both learned to accept questioning what happened didn't mean we didn't trust the other. It just meant we were feeling vulnerable and needed reassurance.

"So about you and Emmett … why didn't you tell me you were playing the three word game with him?" Edward questioned. "For that matter, why haven't you joined in when I was around?"

"Um … I guess …" I sighed and sat up, crossing my legs in front of me. "I guess I've felt like teasing is off limits."

Edward reached out and set his hand on my knee, rubbing his thumb over my skin. "Teasing is never off limits, Bella. It's your way of showing you care. Honestly, I've really missed it. I've even purposefully given you some things to tease me about in the past couple of days _because_ I miss it."

"I just … I didn't know if it was one of the things that had caused us trouble before."

"Your teasing has always been playful and funny. It's your temper that gets a little out of hand at times."

I smiled, feeling incredibly relieved. "In that case … I've got three words for you. Switch hands often."

Edward blinked a couple of times and then let out a loud guffaw. "I get it. Don't want one hand stronger than the other."

"Exactly," I agreed with a little laugh.

"Bella, why didn't you just ask me if teasing was okay?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. In the grand scheme of things, teasing just didn't seem important."

"It was to me, though. If you tease those you care for and you're no longer teasing me, what's that say about me?"

"Then why didn't _you_ bring it up?"

He took a long moment to think over my question. "I guess it's like you said … grand scheme of things. Even though I know it's for a great cause and it's what's right for us, it's hard to wait to hear you say you love me again. And my curiosity over whatever you wrote is a pretty much constant hum at the back of my mind. Everything else pales in comparison."

"Does it help at all that I let you know I still feel that way without saying those exact words?"

"Oh, it helps a lot. If I didn't have that, I don't think I could go without asking you every two seconds when you'll let me hear it again."

I gave him a nod to show I was at least attempting to understand. And then I said something that would probably be random to him, but had been on my mind a lot in the past few days. "I miss sex."

Edward chuckled and teasingly ran his fingers along the outside of my thigh. "I was wondering when and if you would feel that way."

"You might suck at communication, but you've got damn good peen skills."

Edward immediately fell into snorts and guffawing laughter while I just sat there wondering why my mouth was always so damn crass when it ran away without my brain engaged.

He was still laughing some when he replied to my little nugget. "No woman has ever been able to make me feel both like a failure and a king at the same time. Thank you for that."

"No problem. I'm here all week. Try the veal."

"You are looking a little green but I don't think it's in homage to _Shrek_. I think you're a little annoyed with yourself for letting it slip that you miss me in that way."

I grabbed my pillow and covered his face with it. "Shut up."

Edward pulled the pillow far enough down to free his nose and mouth. "You miss me."

"No," I said as I tried to pull the pillow back up.

"Yes," he argued. He not only managed to get the pillow away from me and toss it away, he pulled me down on top of him. His fingers grazed my cheek while he brushed my hair away from my eye, sending little sparks all throughout me. "I miss you, too, Bella. But I know you're worried you won't stop at kissing and that we'll move too fast too soon. I just want you to know I respect that and I'm not going to pressure you. It's just also nice to hear you miss it."

I forced out a question I wasn't completely sure I wanted answered. "Do you think we're making progress?"

"Yes, I do," he said without any hesitation. "One week ago, you were just starting to make eye contact with me. This week, you've not only initiated some hand-holding, but you've stopped looking so worried in the morning when you find yourself holding me or me holding you."

I decided to trust myself and let my forehead rest against his—I'd been too worried about temptation to do it before. And I also jumped another hurdle in the fearful quest to maintain a working relationship. "I feel that way for you, Edward, and I want to say it, but I'm not completely there yet. I need to feel like I can trust myself as much as you first."

"I love you, Bella. And I promise that right now, I'm okay with waiting to hear you say it back."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_Three weeks after Valentine's:_

"Do not even _think_ about burning," I warned the chicken pieces in the skillet. I was trying a new recipe tonight, which meant I was in my rarely seen and completely insane perfectionist mode. I'd woken up this morning convinced that a new month called for a new dish. _March Madness the Bella Swan way!_

"Between making sure your fire isn't too high and talking to the food, I'm sure the talking will keep your food from burning."

I flipped Edward off and then picked out a knife for slicing the bell pepper I'd picked up at the store. It was another Sunday night in my little world and Edward was staying over for dinner tonight since we hadn't really seen each during the week. He'd had homework and I'd had coffeehouse work plus homework.

I had just put everything exactly where I wanted it on the cutting board when Edward reached out and took the knife away.

"Dude! What the fuck?" I cried.

"Wrong knife," he said as he slid it back into the holder. He pulled out one that was smaller than the previous and brought it over to me. "You don't need a blade that long for what you want to cut up."

"I know you think you're Bravo's Top Chef, but you're more like Sesame Street's Swedish Chef. Any second now, you're going to start dancing with the utensils and singing 'bork, bork, bork' to me. Actually, that sounds awesome. Get busy with it."

Edward snorted and shook his head at me. And then he came up behind me, pressing his chest into my back. He had me take the knife from him and then his hand settled over mine.

"Um … what the hell are you doing?" I asked, trying not to show how jittery I was feeling. This was a little too close for my comfort, but only because of how much I was enjoying it. _Limits are called limits for a fucking reason!_

"I'm going to teach you how to chop vegetables without getting any fingers," he explained as he moved our hands. He had us tilt the knife so only the tip touched the bell pepper's skin.

_Skin. His skin with its spicy smell. His nearly smooth chest with those almost reddish-blond hairs so soft and leading to—Behave, Swan. Just focus on the stupid ass pepper and keep your mind off the man standing behind you._

"You want to insert the tip and find purchase first, and then you push down and press the rest of the blade into the pepper," Edward instructed, moving our hands together.

_Tip and push and press, oh my! Jeebus, you can be such a freakin perv, Bells. Get a grip. Ha! Stop it! Turn of the perv part of your brain and pay attention to the chopping._

"Bella?"

"Huh? What?" I asked, turning my head to look at Edward.

"I asked if you saw how easily the knife slices through the pepper when you do it this way."

I think I managed a nod but couldn't swear to it. I was a little busy doing some instructing of my own, ordering my body to stop acting like it had never been touched before. I didn't bother trying to rein my brain in—that shit was _such_ a fucking wasted effort. The fact that I was pretty damn sure his lips were getting closer to mine wasn't helping to clear out the brain fog.

"Seems the chicken isn't the only thing heating up the kitchen." My head snapped toward the voice; Rosalie had a smirk on her face and that damn look in her blue eyes that promised teasing was in my future.

"I think you've got this now," Edward said as he let go of my hand and moved away from me. "I'll be in your room finishing up my homework."

"Just be careful where you aim while finishing that _homework_. I hear it severely damages the resale value of textbooks," Rose called after him.

I popped her arm with a dishtowel, but she didn't even flinch much less stop her cackling laughter. "Behave," I warned.

"Tell him that," she said, pointing toward the hallway. "He was the one all up against you and looking ready to eat you alive."

I attempted to ignore her teasing and finish cutting up the vegetable. "He was only showing me how to slice peppers."

"Oh, he had something to show you, alright. If I hadn't come in here, he'd have had you bent over the counter, showing you how to pound some meat."

I pointed the knife at her, careful to keep it at a very safe distance. "Keep it up, Hale. You're going to get those blond locks you love so much chopped the fuck off."

"Now, now, Beelzebub. You can't fault me for doing my duty and teasing you and the boy-toy. It's always been a fond dream of mine to revisit upon you all of the sinful teasing you've given to Ali and me over the years."

"Your resentment of my abilities is delicious," I said, giving her a big grin.

"Such a humble slinger of words," Rose replied, rolling her eyes at me.

"That smells heavenly," Alice announced as she sauntered into the kitchen. "What is it?"

"Chicken and peppers in balsamic vinegar. The recipe calls for rice as the side, but I figured steamed red potatoes with garlic and herbs would be tastier," I explained.

"Is my brother still here?" she asked.

I nodded. "He's in my room doing his homework."

"Homework being code for waxing the glory," Rose _helpfully_ added.

"Ah. The sex embargo remains," Alice replied.

"By the thinnest of strings in my humble opinion. Though, I've gotta say I'm proud of her for not cracking," Rose said, tossing a wink my way.

Alice came around the counter and hugged me. "I'm proud of her just for giving the relationship another try."

Rose shrugged and tried to take another pepper slice, but I slapped her hand away. "It's hard to get it right the first time with a Cullen man," she said as she flipped me off. "Or even the second, fifth, or fifteenth. I know of which I speak."

"I'm not the only one giving it another try," I told them. "I think that's one of the big things I've learned with all of the talking we've been doing. Not that I thought for a single damn second that I was a perfect girlfriend, but I did figure it was easy for him to give someone another try because he hadn't experienced what I had. Now I know that even though we have different experiences, our trust in people was affected in the same ways."

"Bella Swan touting the benefits of meaningful conversation," Rose said with a little laugh. "I never thought I'd see the day, but I'm damn glad it's here."

"Me, too," Alice chirped, giving off that mega-watt smile of hers.

I found myself smiling right along with them. "Me, three."

Alice headed off to shower before dinner while Rose stuck around to help me finish cooking.

"Hey, you know what you said about not getting it right the first time?" I asked her.

Rose gave a nod and then pulled herself up onto the counter. "It's not just relegated to men with the last name of Cullen. All men are that way but the Cullen men are worse because of their stubborn streak. They believe so much that they're completely right they can't even consider there being another option until after there's been a huge argument. The one thing you have going for you that I didn't have is Edward wants to be exclusive. There's no other option for him. With Emmett … Well, there was a time when I didn't think I would ever be more than a booty call to him. It took ignoring him for a few weeks for him to understand I was serious about wanting a commitment. And then it took a few months after that before he figured out exactly what committed meant. There were plenty of fights and hurt feelings, and even a few times when I was sure we were done with each other. And then one day, he showed up in a suit with flowers in his hand. He took me on a real date to a real restaurant where it was just us and not us plus all of his football friends. That's not to say we don't still have disagreements from time to time, but I can honestly say I haven't thought about ending things since then. He stepped up and became the man I needed him to be. And I'm sure that if you give Edward time, he'll do the same for you."

I thought about her words over and over again. It wasn't until I had turned off the fire and moved the food into plates that I came up with a new question for her. "What about us as the girls? What do we have to change?"

"We have to be willing to tell them exactly what we want and need. We are emotionally needy where guys are physically needy. It doesn't take rocket science to figure out when a guy's horny. But even a scientist can't accurately guess what the frown on your face means. So you either have to tell your man or not bitch about him not knowing."

"You make it sound so simple."

"None of it is simple, Bells. It just is. You have to look into your heart and decide what you are willing to do for him, for the relationship you have with him. Be honest about what you can and can't accept and draw your line in the sand. And then be prepared to see that line shift back and forth the more time you spend with each other. Of all the black and white areas of life, love is the grayest. The only absolute I've found is that every day is different. As long as you both are open and honest with each other, you're going to be fine."

"What if we're not, though? What if being open and honest makes things worse?"

Rose reached out to slip a lock of my hair behind my ear. "Sweetie, you already got the big, bad scary stuff out of the way. He knows your long past, you know his experiences, and you both know you love each other. Everything from here on out is just an ember too small to burn anything."

I nodded, but I wasn't really sure what I was agreeing with or to. Some of what she'd said made perfect sense and some of it just seemed kind of wishful in a way. But I trusted her. So I told her that in my own way. "Hale, you're not so bad at the sage wisdom shit. In fact, next time we go out, I'm going to buy your ass a drink."

"Fuck a drink! I want a lap dance for my efforts."

I snorted at her teasing and rolled my eyes at the big ass grin on her face. "If I ever give a lap dance, it's going to Edward."

"Shit, girl. That man's wound way too tight for a lap dance. He'll burst right on through those Dockers of his. Then again, that would be one hell of a story for when we're old and gray and telling the fresh young hotties taking care of us all about the days when we could wipe our own asses."

"You see, it's shit like that, that makes me fear gray hairs."

"Oh, then you should definitely get around to lifting that sex embargo, Bells. Sexual frustration is a major contributor to early graying and male pattern baldness."

We looked at each other for a moment before laughing out the name of the person who would believe such a thing: Emmett.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Bella, come to bed." I could hear Edward groaning and shifting around behind me since I wasn't blasting music into my ears from my iPod for once.

"I'm almost done," I told him.

"The weekend's over and we have school tomorrow. Come to bed."

"I promise I'm almost done."

He sighed. "What are you working on?"

"I had some thoughts after our talk tonight and I wanted to get them all down."

He let out another groan. "The talking is supposed to help you relax and sleep, not keep you up with new thoughts."

"It's doing both, so shut up and let me finish this."

He stayed silent after that and I kept scratching the pen across the paper as fast as possible, trying to get it all down before I could forget any of it—or chicken out of saying it. I'd never been one to back down from saying things, but as always seemed to be the case with Edward, there was a first time for everything. It wasn't that any of my thoughts were bad, they were just … _Personal_ seemed to be the best word to describe them.

Dinner tonight had been great and the girls had loved my chicken and pepper dish as much as Edward. After we'd all eaten together, Edward and I had come to my room to spend some time alone and relax a little. We'd started off lying quietly together and watching my _Doctor Who_ episodes, but then Edward had asked about Rose's earlier comments and what she really thought of him and his part in the Valentine's mess a few weeks ago. From there, we'd just kind of talked about a little of everything until he'd fallen asleep. I'd tried to go to sleep myself, but there had just been too many thoughts in my head.

I put the last period to the page and nearly knocked my desk chair over in my haste to get up. I went over to Edward and patted his arm until he opened his green eyes and looked up at me.

"Read it." It came out as more of a plead than a demand, but I didn't really give a shit right then. I just needed him to read what I'd written.

He groaned. "Bella, it's one in the morning. Technically a Monday morning. Can't this wait?"

"I know. I'm sorry. I'll let you sleep until the last possible second and I'll make you breakfast."

He sighed and then started to pull himself up in the bed. "The sleeping sounds great, but forget the breakfast. I'll just take one of your granola bars and eat on the way to school. You need your sleep as much as I need mine," he said as he rubbed his hands over his face. And then he looked at me, holding a hand out for the tablet.

I handed it over and then knelt on the bed, moving behind him so I could look at it over his shoulder.

_Edward,_

_We talked tonight about feeling pressure to get it right without mistakes and how even though we both know it's unrealistic to expect perfection from ourselves and each other, we still have the urge to try. I was thinking about what causes that. If it was just you and me in this, I think we would be able to relax and just let go. But it isn't just you and me. It's you, me, Alice, Rose, Emmett, Jasper, Jacob, Bree, Karen, Esme, Carlisle, Charlie, and everyone else who loves us. And as much as we might wish they weren't making things harder, we would never wish we didn't have them around us, supporting us. And it's because we have them in our lives that we feel this need to not only get it right for each other, but to not let them down either._

_From there, I started thinking about all of their reactions. Bree just wanted things fixed. He still wants that, but he's gotten afraid I can't deliver. I don't blame him for thinking that. Especially not when I know Rose and Alice think the same. They've seen my many burnings and they know I only have so many times I can take it before I'm done and over the idea of finding somebody to share my life with. They thought at first I was holding some sort of grudge, but I think they finally believe me, the way I know you do, that it's nothing like that. I just want to be able to trust myself. Trust that I really have let all the hurt go and I'm ready for more with you._

_Emmett and Jacob – I hope you know that I've never once made it sound like I didn't have a part in our argument. I know I didn't that first day and the day after, but I was so hurt, I couldn't see straight, much less clearly. But every day since then, I've owned up to my part in it. And I've told them both on more than one occasion that I don't think it's fair to be upset with you and not with me. But they ignore me._

_Karen and I have exchanged a few really great emails and I know from what you've said that she's been the sounding board for you that Jasper is being for me. She's doing her best to be neutral, but every so often she slips in a little Team Edward comment. I don't blame her at all. I'm pretty sure I would do the same if our positions were reversed._

_Jasper is really great at being neutral, but it took him years to figure that out. I watched him struggle through family allegiance to Rose, boyfriend alliance with Alice, and best friend code with Emmett before he figured out how to satisfy all three without agreeing with any of them. It's a shame he can't market that talent and make a shitload of money off of it. Then again, the damn man would own all of my paychecks for the next few years just off the help he's already given me._

_Our parents have decided to unite, and luckily for us, it's for us and not against us. Their encouragement to talk openly and honestly, and to ignore any influences that seem counter-productive is helpful. It would be twice as helpful if they gave my ass a friggen list of what constituted "counter-productive" 'cause at this point, I only know for sure it's anything and everything coming out of Emmett and Jacob's mouths._

_And do you know what the oddest thing of all is to me? As much as Emmett and Jacob are bitching about how you treated me, they've never once said anything about me leaving you. Well, not in a serious way, anyway. They give great suggestions on how to make you pay, but they never tell me to give up on you._

_So if in all of their varying forms of advice and support, everyone around us believes they see something positive and good about our relationship, they have to be right, right? I mean, that many collective eyes and ears and hearts can't be wrong. And please don't think I'm looking to them to decide anything. I just want you to know that I hear what they're saying and that I look at it as confirmation that I'm doing the right thing. Especially on the days when the last thing I want to do is talk and think about the things that are bothering me. It's so much easier to just push them aside and leave them for later, but then I tend to never let there be a later. I know I can't do that with you. I know that will just lead to you thinking wrong things and feeling wrong things. I want us both to be sure and secure._

_I'm still not ready to say it yet, but I do feel it. It's growing stronger than the pain and the fear every single day and I'm looking forward to when I can trust myself and you again. I'm looking forward to when I can say those words and mean them, and see in your face how much they mean to you._

_So I guess, I just wanted to make sure you know I'm working it out. I hope you can stick with me and not give up on me this time. I promise it'll be worth the wait._

_- Bella_

Edward's hand came up and grabbed my neck, using it to pull my head down and cover my lips with his. The next truly conscious moment of my life found me underneath him with my hands under his shirt and gripping his back. His arms were wrapped tightly around me in a hug and our cheeks were touching while we both worked to catch our breath.

"I guess you forgive me for waking you up then," I said as I moved my hands out from under his shirt and into his hair.

His arms tightened around me almost to the point of being uncomfortable. "I love you. So much, Bella."

"Well, I hope it's enough to sleep with me because it's one in the morning and we have no business being up."

Edward chuckled and moved his head to press a kiss to my cheek. "Whatever was I thinking keeping you up so late?"

I tried hard not to laugh as I replied. "Yes, you are a horrible influence on me, E. I should call your mother tomorrow and tell on you."

"E, huh? Does that mean nicknames are allowed again?"

I quirked an eyebrow at him, pretending to consider it. "Maybe. It depends."

"On what?"

"On if it comes with your lips on my wings."

Edward immediately lifted my torso up and turned my head, securing his lips to my angel wings tattoo. He left them there for a long moment before lowering me to the bed. There was so much light and love in his green eyes and for just one brief second, all that I felt within my own self was love for him.

With my arms around his neck, I pulled his lips down to mine. We shared a kiss so slow and sweet it was hard to believe it was really happening. There was no fear things would go to far, no constant rambling in my head about "what if this" and "what if that". There was only _us_.

We still had things to work on and hurt feelings to heal, but I could finally see all on my own that we were making real progress together. Hopefully, we would be back to normal by Spring Break so we could really enjoy the downtime together.


	29. Need You

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Need You**

**Chapter Song: "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum**

**Bella's POV:**

"Bella, a load of tall, pale, and handsome just strolled in with your name written all over him," Kate trilled, leaning out of the door and into the alley.

I chuckled at her silliness. "Would you mind showing him the way out here? I'm not going back inside until my break is completely over."

"Yeah, it has been kind of shitty tonight, hasn't it?"

I nodded in agreement. "Mid-terms are next week. That always makes business pick up."

"Don't remind me. I have a stack of books giving me the stink eye every time I walk through the apartment door," she said.

"You could just pick them up and study," I suggested.

"Thank you, Garrett Number Two," she replied, her words laced with sarcasm.

"Just show Edward the way out here, please."

"One Yummy coming up," she called out before the door closed behind her.

I closed my eyes again, listening to the sounds of the city the way I had been before Kate's interruption. It wasn't long before I heard the door squeak open and his shoes touch down on the asphalt. I stayed where and how I was, knowing he would come to me soon enough.

"You okay?" Edward asked while wrapping his arms around me.

I smiled as he pressed his lips to the back of my head. "Yeah. It's just been crazy tonight so I came out here to unwind a little."

"I called earlier but you didn't answer."

"Shit," I groaned, leaning back and letting my head fall against his shoulder. "I knew I was forgetting something. I had this feeling all afternoon that something wasn't right."

"Did you lose it?"

"No. I had to turn it off while I was meeting with my marketing teacher and I forgot to turn it back on."

"Why didn't you just put it on vibrate?"

"Because she swears she can hear phones vibrating and she finds any kind of disruption like that rude and a waste of her precious time."

Edward snorted and then kissed the side of my neck. "Sorry you still have two more years of putting up with that kind of thing."

_Graduation_. That was the one thing we really hadn't talked about yet. Then again, it was pointless to discuss it before knowing if there would still be an us by then. And it wasn't like Emmett and Rosalie had anything decided other than they were going to give living together a try wherever he accepted his internship.

I figured I had about eight minutes left to my break and the last thing I wanted to do with my time was think about depressing shit. I turned around and gave Edward a real hug and then a "hello" kiss.

"What about you? What's your day been like?" I asked, linking my fingers together behind his neck.

"I think we better leave that for talking about later tonight when you're off of work."

"Why? What happened?"

"It's nothing really bad, it's just something I know you'll want to talk about a lot and you can't right now."

"Then you should have just said 'fine' and left it at that. Now that I know you have something to tell me, I'm not going to be able to stop wondering what it might be."

He let out a sigh as he tucked some of my hair behind my ear. "I have good news and I have bad news. Which do you want first?"

"The bad. Knowing my life, I'm going to need to the slight pick me up of the good just so I don't go all fucking mental on the people around me."

"You won't get mental. It'll probably be hard and what you consider a real pain in the ass, but we'll get through it. If for no other reason than we want it to work."

"Alright," I said with a sigh. "Let's have it."

"I met with my counselor today. The only way I can really get a feel for where my business would fit in and have a chance at succeeding and growing is to visit each of the cities I'm considering, spending a few weeks in each and checking out possible competition. Basically, it means I'm going to spend the summer traveling. Hopefully not all of it, but at least eight to nine weeks of it."

"Holy shit, Edward!" my mouth shouted before I could stop it. _Eight or nine weeks without him? We were having enough trouble having a relationship where we saw each other almost every day. How the hell were we going to keep one going long distance?_

"Look, I know that sounds scary, Bella, especially right now when we're still fixing what we broke last month. But it's not going to be that bad. We'll have the phone and I'll get you a webcam. It's not as though we'll be completely out of contact."

"Not that bad! Edward, please don't take this the wrong way because you know I'm supportive of you and your dream. You _know_ I believe in you. But it's like you said, we're right in the middle of fixing things." I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, struggling to find the right thing to say. And then an idea dawned on me. I looked up at him and shared it with him. "What if I asked Mr. Morris if I could take the summer off? I could explain what's going on and—"

Edward cut me off with a shake of his copper locks. "And you might not have a job to come back to, Bella. It's a tough economy and you have such a great job here. You're able to work around your studies and the money is good. I can't let you risk losing that just to sit around in strange cities while I do research. Think of how disappointed you'll be if you lose the job and I end up choosing Portland as the city."

I was trying really hard to understand, but understanding or not, I couldn't help crossing my arms in front of me. "So you're just leaving then? Graduation comes and you go?"

"_No_," he said, stressing the word. He cupped my face and made sure I was looking right at him. "Bella, I am _not_ leaving you. I'm just going to do a little traveling for my future. For _our_ future, because when I think of what I want out of life, I always see you there with me."

I slipped my arms around his neck again and hugged him as tightly as I could. "This sucks."

"Yeah, it does. Just remember it's for a good cause. I'll be able to pick the best city with the most opportunity and get my business off the ground. I'll be able to get us our first place to live together, just you and me. No roommates or shared showering facilities. And we'll have a kitchen, Bella. A huge kitchen with every pot, pan, and appliance you can think of for cooking great meals together."

I couldn't help but smile at how excited he seemed while talking. "So you would really do that? Live with me all the time?"

He tightened his arms around me and pressed his lips to the top of my head. "I can't wait."

"You're assuming an awful lot, you know. First that we'll have everything worked out between us by then. And second that I would want to move wherever you are and live with you."

"I'm not assuming anything. I know we're going to work things out because we both want it too much to give up on it. As for moving, you were the one ready to leave your job to travel with me while I'm looking around. It seemed a safe enough bet you would want to be with me when I do find a place for us to start life after college."

"You really want that? You want _me_?" I asked.

"For as long as you'll have me."

We stared at each other for a long moment and then I was laughing. "You are such a damn cheese-ball, E."

He must have known I wasn't completely sold on this thing because he started making promises. "It won't be that bad, Bella. I'll call you every day and we can video chat too. And just think of how glad you'll be to have me around after getting a break from me."

I shook my head and pressed my face into his shirt. "I don't want a break."

"No, not right now. But graduation's a few months away."

"Two months, two days," I replied automatically.

"I promise it'll be okay," he said softly, resting his head against mine. "You'll see. Now would you like the good news?"

"Yeah, sure."

He lifted his head and then my chin, getting me to look at him. "I know where we're going for our camping trip after graduation."

I waited but when he didn't say anything else, I shook his shoulder to get him to spill. I wasn't in the right mind frame for anticipation. "Well?"

"Well what?" He would have sold me on his little confused look if his lips hadn't pulled up toward the left.

I used one of the things he'd taught me about pressure points and gripped him between his neck and shoulder with my thumb and forefinger. "Where, E?" I asked while he squirmed and yelled out.

"Alright," he said with a laugh, pulling my fingers away. "We're going to the Grand Canyon."

I just stood there staring at him, not knowing how to deal with feeling so low one second and having that turned around to a major friggen high the next. He knew the Canyon was on my list of places to see. _But was that his only reason for picking it? Was it some kind of apology for leaving for the summer?_

There was only one way to find out. "Edward, why the canyon?"

"I went through all of our camping books and the best trip Emmett and I ever took with our dad was our trip to the canyon. There's just so much to do and see there. And the nights … Bella, when you see how clear the sky is and how bright the stars seem." He paused and shook his head for a moment. "I don't have the words to explain it properly, but I know you're going to love it."

"And that's really why you picked it?"

"Of course," he said, honestly looking confused this time. "What other reason would I have?"

"It _is_ on my list."

"Ah," he said with a nod. "I get it. You want to know if I only picked it as a way to make up for this summer trip."

"Yeah. Kind of."

"I get why you would think that. And I can't say I wouldn't if I were in your place. What I can do is promise you that I'm being honest. I picked our destination just the way I told you I would—by looking through family photos and choosing the place we had the most fun. We rode mules through the area. We camped out some nights and stayed in an amazing hotel on others. We even took a helicopter tour. With all of that and more, there's no doubt in my mind you'll have a great time."

I smiled up at him. "You really are amazing. We're dealing with all this mess and here you are planning our future out with this trip and your summer thing, like you don't have the least bit of fear that we might fail."

Edward returned my smile before hugging me tightly and pressing his face into my hair. "I'm just as scared as you are, Bella. I'm just refusing to let it get in the way."

"I wanna be like that. Teach me how to be like that."

"It's not anything you learn. You just _do_."

"That's so unfair," I groaned.

Edward chuckled and then kissed my cheek. "Come on, Angel. You need to get back to work and I would love a tea."

"Can we talk more about this stuff tonight?" I asked as we moved toward the door.

"We can talk about it as much as you want."

"Remember you said that," I warned.

He grabbed my arm and turned me toward him. "Hey."

"Hey, what?"

"I need to know you believe me, that you understand I'm not going anywhere."

"I believe you, but I'm not happy about it."

"It'll be okay, Bella. We'll make sure of it."

I wanted to believe him. And I did in a way. It was just that in another way, I was worried he might change his mind the way he had about waiting for me to say those words. Hopefully, talking would help this the way it had been helping with our trust thing. But for right now, I had to focus on my job and schlep some coffee.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Oh, yes, it's ladies night," Bree sang while shuffling his feet.

"Spare me. _Please_," I begged. We were waiting near the Volvo for Edward to show up. He was taking me to some secret location for an early dinner before my night out with just the girls—and Bree, of course.

"Hey, at least you get to look at me singing it and not that John Lego-whatever from _Wedding Singer_ with all of that chest hair showing." Bree shivered and stuck his tongue out as if he were going to retch all over the ground.

"I thought you liked them hairy. You do have that massive man-crush on the Sasquatch."

"My darling Emmett is no sasquatch. And a light dusting of hair is sexy and masculine. Having it take on a life of its own and remind people of Medusa's snake hair cries out for immediate waxing removal."

"Hang on," I said, grabbing Bree's shoulder with one hand and shielding my eyes with the other. "I'm having a _40 Year Old Virgin_ flashback of a screaming, cursing man with his bloody smiley face half-waxed chest."

"Don't even pretend," he cried, pushing me away. "You were not traumatized by that movie. You're just annoyed you don't get to wax a man that way."

"Actually, I'm happy to report I'm not. A waxing like that would be pure torture and revenge so the fact that I'm not looking to do it means no man is currently pissing me off. Even Jacob's finally settled his ass down."

"What about Emmett?"

"I ignore most of what he says on general principle. Plus, the dysfunctional twin duo has been working their own shit out lately."

"It's about damn time."

I laughed at Bree's comment, but then it turned into a yelp.

"Hello, Angel," Edward whispered into my ear while holding me from behind.

"Jeebus, E," I yelled, smacking at his hands. "You're going to get yourself neutered pulling shit like that."

"Oh, Sexward. Please don't bring about the demise of one of the wonders of the world," Bree chirped.

I could actually _feel_ Edward's face reddening against my neck and it took everything in me not to laugh as I patted the back of his head. "Bree, behave yourself," I warned my smiling friend.

"He knows I'm only joking," Bree defended. "Besides, he was the one to insert himself in our conversation. Though, I'm sure there's a certain place he'd much rather insert himself."

"Bella, please shut him up," Edward whispered, ruining my attempts to not laugh.

"Alright, Bree," I said, using my motherly tone with him. "Your time is up for now. Say 'goodbye' _nicely_ to Edward and we'll see you tonight."

"Au revoir, Edouard," Bree sang. He lifted his fingers to his mouth and blew my man a kiss before blowing one to me. "Peaches, do everything I would do so you can tell me about it later tonight."

"Goodbye, Embry," I said, shooing him away with my hand.

He gave me a wicked smile before sauntering away to torture someone else.

"The coast is clear, E. You can come out from behind my skirt."

"You're not wearing a skirt," Edward said as he stood up straight.

"It's a figure of speech, Cullen. I found it appropriate since you were hiding behind me like some little kid clutching his mother's leg in fear of the crazy looking aunt with too much makeup saying she just wants to love him to bits."

"I like Bree. You _know_ I like Bree. But sometimes … Sometimes he sounds a lot more serious than he does joking."

"Just remember this … Bree knows I will break every finger he has if he ever touches you, and the man will not risk losing his hands. He needs them too much for his job and other activities."

"So are you ready for our dinner?" Edward asked, clearly attempting to change the subject.

But I was in the mood to tease, so I ignored it. "What? You aren't going to ask what those _other_ activities are? You might be surprised and even learn a few things."

"Bella, if I don't have a sex life of my own, I don't want to hear about anyone else's."

I chuckled and grabbed the sides of his shirt, using it to pull him to me. "So once we have a sex life again, you'll want all the lurid details?"

He seriously looked scared, like that time when his hand was banged up and I'd told him I was going to make him ask Alice to button and zip his pants.

"No. Never. I like being in the dark. You girls go on and share all you want, but leave me out of it," he said in a rush.

I lifted up onto my toes and gave him a small kiss. "Relax, E. I'm just teasing."

"Can we _please_ go to dinner now?"

I chuckled and kissed him again. "Yes. Let's go to dinner."

Dinner ended up being grilled chicken wraps with onion rings eaten on a blanket in the park. It was this great mix of cheesy, odd, and perfect. So much so in fact that I refused to let myself think about the upcoming summer or to bring up any topics that might possibly dampen the mood. Edward was trying to do something special for the two of us so I figured the least I could do was help keep things upbeat.

We spent most of our time talking about music and concerts we might one day want to see. Some we wanted to see together and some we teased each other for until we were laughing too hard to keep it up. It was nice to have some normalcy between us and I hoped it was a sign that we'd start to have more and more days like this very soon.

When we got to the apartment, Emmett was spread out on the sofa with a bowl of popcorn resting on his stomach.

"What up, Em-zilla?" I asked him.

"Waiting for everyone to get home. Rose called about ten minutes ago and said she was on her way. Haven't heard from the little sis or Jazz-meister yet," he answered. He tilted his head and looked up at me. "Where have you two been? You're usually home way before now when you have the night off."

"Edward took me on a picnic for an early dinner."

Emmett snorted and sat up, putting his bowl on the table. "A picnic, huh? Where, oh where, did you come up with an idea like that, Ed?"

"Emmett, shut up," Edward warned.

Emmett had a big shit-eating grin on his face and when I looked over at Edward, he looked somewhere between pissed and afraid.

"What's going on, you two?" I asked them.

"Nothing," Edward replied immediately and firmly.

"I just want to know one thing, Bells. When he was whining and dining you in the park, did the following happen?" Emmett stood up, held one hand out toward me, yelled out the word "Gisselle", and then put his knuckle between his teeth.

"I do _not_ like you," Edward told his brother.

Emmett just smiled wide looking oh so pleased with himself.

"One of you had better start explaining right the fuck now," I demanded, waving my finger between the two of them.

Emmett lumbered forward and stood face to face with his twin. "Ed here needed some inspiration and went to the land of movies for it. His pansy ass even found one where the hero guy was named Edward. Some frilly, fru-fru thing full of singing. What was it called, Ed? Indecent?"

"It was _Enchanted_, you jackass," Edward answered, pushing his brother away.

"Is that …" I paused, trying hard to swallow down the laughter trying to get out.

"Damn straight," Emmett said, grinning like the fool he was. "It's a _Disney_ movie."

"So the hell what? She liked the picnic and that's all that matters," Edward defended.

"You know, Em," I said, tapping his shoulder. I waited for him to look down at me before finishing my thought. "If you know enough about the movie to know there was a picnic, and a name getting yelled, and to do that thing with your finger, then that clearly implies _you_ watched the Disney movie right along with your twin here. And if memory serves me right on our teasing code, participation in an event renders you unable to tease in regards to said event."

"Oh, come on, Bells! You aren't really going to hold me to that, are you?"

I smiled and patted his cheek. "You bet your big hairy ass I will."

Edward snorted and grabbed me by the waist, pulling me away from his brother and toward my room with Emmett's cries as a soundtrack.

"Come on, Bells! You know I only watched that shit so I could make fun of him."

I chuckled under my breath and Edward snorted.

"It's not fair to hold it against me and cock-block my teasing," Emmett continued.

I put a finger to my lips to keep Edward from saying anything and then purposefully closed my door loudly.

"Bells! Don't leave me hanging!"

Edward and I fell against each other laughing at Emmett's reaction. "You better hope he's over this when we leave for BOG," I warned Edward. "Otherwise, your twin is going to come after you and you won't have anyone to help buffer."

"What about Jazz?"

I snorted. "Jazz will sit back and watch the fireworks as long as he's sure no physical harm will come to anyone."

"So basically he'll be like you?" Edward asked with that lopsided grin of his.

"You bet your cute ass, Cullen," I replied, giving said ass a pinch.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"We really need to stop," I mumbled against Edward's lips.

He hummed his agreement, but then flicked his tongue against my upper lip. He was not going to be of any help in stopping tonight. Then again, how much help was I going to be with how quickly I'd parted my lips and let him in? Fisting my hands in his hair and pulling him closer wasn't exactly a sign of wanting to stop either._ Why do we need to stop again? Where was I going?_

"It's like watching two hummingbirds going after sweet, sweet nectar." Bree followed his comment up with a laugh.

Edward groaned and I rolled my eyes, but other than that, there wasn't a whole lot of moving going on. I think we were both hoping Bree would disappear as quickly as he'd come along and interrupted.

"Oh, please don't stop on my account," my friend with the horrid timing pleaded. "If I can't learn that little tongue maneuver by experience, then at least let me learn by example."

"That shit is pretty hot," Rose agreed, leaning her arm on Bree's shoulder.

I pulled one hand out of Edward's hair and used it to flip them both off.

They ignored me and Rose continued on with her dirty train of thought. "I really think he would have taken her right here in the hall if we hadn't said anything."

Bree snorted. "Hell, I'm not convinced he won't still do it."

"Shut up," I told them, glaring at them over Edward's shoulder.

"Yes, we mustn't ruin the mood," Bree replied in a fake falsetto voice.

"What the hell are you four doing?" Emmett called down the hall.

Rosalie winked at me and then turned her head toward Emmett. "We're watching the mating rituals of a Swan."

"Oh, for fuck's sake. We were just saying goodbye," I told her.

"Yeah, Bells is over here giving 'talking in tongues' a whole new meaning," Bree chirped.

That got me to move out of my spot between Edward and the wall. I balled my hand into a fist and socked Bree in the shoulder as hard as I could. "Shut it."

"Ouch! Bitch!" he cried, pushing me away and into Edward. "Sexward, would you please hurry up and take this woman on your wild ride? Relieve us all from her grumpy attitude!"

Edward quickly kissed my cheek, mumbled a "goodbye" and disappeared into my room. I was pretty damn sure I also heard the click of the lock. He was delusional if he really thought locking himself in my room would save him from teasing. The girls were going out tonight and the boys were staying in. No way in hell would Emmett and Jasper let him just hide out in my room, especially after the way Emmett's planned teasing had failed earlier.

"So are we ready to heat up BOG? Or shall we stand here decorating the hall like the priceless works of art we surely are?" Bree asked.

"Shut the hell up and move," I said, pushing on his shoulder and forcing him toward the living room.

"Who's being the SS tonight?" Rose asked.

"Tonight's Sober Sucker is none other than Miss Alice Cullen," I answered, slipping an arm around my best friend's little body. "She lost the coin toss."

"And since my car is too small for dealing with long, drunken limbs, I get to drive Bella's car tonight," Alice chirped happily.

"Just be safe," Jasper said as he pressed his lips to her temple. "Call me if you need any help."

"Don't worry, Jazz-meister. I'll make sure your pixie sized future bride stays safe," I told him.

"Yeah? And who's going to protect my little sister from you?" Emmett asked, making his eyebrows waggle at me.

"Ali needs no protection from me. I love her little pint sized ass," I replied.

"But what about the rest of her?" Rose slapped her thigh and cackled as if it was the funniest thing she'd heard all damn day.

"How many fucking pre-shots did your ass have?" I asked.

She giggled and wiggled three fingers at me.

"Ali, we're going through the drive-thru on the way there," I said as I took hold of Rosalie's arm. "Hale here is acting like a drinking novice."

"I'm just so damn excited! Mid-terms are next week and the week after is Spring Break," Rose replied.

"You're excited about testing? You must have gotten into the damn absinthe," I told her.

"No. I'm excited about the break." She looked toward Emmett and raised her voice. "If only the men in our lives would get off their asses and give us some travel options."

"Let's go," Alice said, tugging on Rose's wrist.

"_Before_ you two complete your mating ritual of arguing and then sexing," Bree added as he pushed Rose from behind.

"Bye ladies," Jasper and Emmett called out together.

Just before I pulled the door shut behind us, I heard the big knucklehead utter something that sent a chill down my spine. "We are now free to roam about the cabin and torture the shit of my spazz-tastic twin."

For Edward's sake, I hoped Emmett meant his little three word game and nothing more sinister.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Bree, I need another," I said, shaking my empty glass in front of his face.

Bree looked at me as if I'd told him he was dressed like a straight man. "I am not your servant, Peaches."

"Here," Rose said, plunking the rest of her drink down in front of me.

"Thank you, Rosie, my Rosie," I told her.

"That's the last one," she warned, pointing her perfectly painted nails at me. I looked down at my own chipped ones and felt polish envy.

"Rosie, I want blue nails like yours," I said, wiggling my fingers at her.

"Why is it you only want a mani when you're drunk?" Alice asked.

"I'm not drunk," I argued. "I'm just relaxed and enjoying my night out with my girls."

"So how are things with Edward going?" Rose questioned.

At first, I just shrugged. I hadn't told anyone yet about Edward's summer plans. I'd only known myself for twenty-four hours and I wanted tonight to be fun without worries. Starting a conversation about Edward not being around was not fun or worry-free.

But I had to tell them something. "Well, they aren't shit-tastic and they aren't fucking great. So I guess somewhere near really good," I said. "Actually, I feel like we're starting to get into our groove again. All the talking shit is hard, though. I'm so glad we made this a girls' only night. I understand the need for the talking and I know it's working, but fuck, dude!"

Rose rubbed my shoulder while Alice squeezed the opposite hand, both of them giving me little smiles. Bree just stared at me with his arms crossed and a smirk on his lips.

"What?" I asked him.

"It's not the talking that's got your thong up your ass. It's the lack of sex," he answered.

"Bullshit," I cried. And then I started laughing at how unbelievable it had sounded to my own ears. "Okay, it is. Normally, I'd take care of the shit myself, but by the time we finish talking at night, it's late and he stays over."

"It _so_ is not the hour that has him staying in your room," Alice argued.

"Yeah, you two are sickening," Rose added. "You're like a pair of those little Hallmark bears with the magnets in them, sticking together anytime you get close. You sit all shoulder to shoulder and give each other the little moony eyes."

"What the fuck are moony eyes?" I asked.

Rose rolled her eyes at me before explaining. "It's when you both try to sneak a look at the other and you both get caught and look away while trying to hide your smiles. It's fucking puke-worthy."

"Total barf-a-roma," Alice agreed.

"What the fuck, Ali?" I laughed more than said. "Have you been watching my eighties movies again?"

"Can we stay on topic?" Rose asked, snapping her fingers to get my attention. "You're frustrated. I'm sure he's frustrated. So why aren't you two relieving it together?"

"Because we're supposed to wait until things are all the way back on track," I told her.

**SECTION REMOVED - SEE FULL CHAPTER AT THE WRITER'S COFFEE SHOP LIBRARY**

"Yep," Bree said, looking at Rose and giving her a nod.

"Fucking A," she agreed.

"What the hell are you two talking about?" I asked, looking from one to the other.

Rose snorted while Bree laughed somewhat quietly. "You've got it bad, Peaches," he told me.

"So damn bad," Rose said, rubbing my shoulder. "You really do love him, Bella. I wish I could tell you that you'll get to a point where it makes total sense to you, but that's never going to happen. It doesn't work that way. One minute, you want to be alone with him and the next, you're cursing him for something stupid he's done. It's a never ending cycle."

"It's insane, is what it is!" I cried.

"Yes. But like all things, this too shall pass. You'll get back on track, things will be so amazing you'll find it hard to believe, and then one of you will do something else stupid. Most times, it'll be him because let's face it, men tend to think with the lower head more than the upper and that's the quickest way to disaster. It's how you both react to those bumps in the road that determines whether or not you can make the love last."

"You've got everything you need for an epic love story, Peaches," Bree announced. "You've got the attraction, the similar interests, the strong personalities, and the love. The two of you just have to use those powers for good."

The music changed at that moment and Usher's "Love In This Club" came on to Bree's great and loud pleasure. He considered the song to be his own personal anthem and not a night had ever gone by where he did not dance to the song.

The sudden absence of my two friends made me realize Alice had never come back to the table. I knelt on my chair to see over the many heads in here and spot the spiky-haired one. I finally spotted her waving from the bar and watched with a smile on my face as she rushed across the floor and over to Bree and Rose. The three of them were a sight to behold with Bree sandwiched in the middle of my girls and making every man in the area jealous.

But there was only one man I was concerned with and as I pulled my phone out of my pocket, I knew I was in for another first—calling a guy in the middle of the night.

His voice was thick with sleep. "Hello?"

"Hey, E."

"Bella." I heard him shifting around and then he groaned. "It's a quarter after one. Does your call mean you're on your way back?"

"Will you come get me?"

"Sure, but … Where are the girls? Why is it so quiet? Did you leave the club?"

"I walked outside so I could … so I could hear your voice."

He'd obviously heard the waiver I was trying to control. "Are you alright, Bella?"

"Yeah. I just need you. Will you please come get me?"

"Of course, Angel. I'll be there soon. Go back inside and wait with the girls, okay?"

"Okay." And then I pretty much yelled into the phone. "And E?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"Welcome." Even though I couldn't see him, I knew he was smiling and that he'd heard exactly how much I'd meant my words.

Turning to walk back into the club, I realized exactly what I'd done. I'd selfishly woken him up and asked him to drive down here. And even worse, I realized that I didn't feel bad for it. I just needed him. It was that simple. The part that wasn't so simple was knowing it was the first time I'd ever just went with a need like that instead of ignoring it and getting through on my own. _Did the good of that strike out the bad of waking him?_

I got back to the table just as my friends did and even before I opened my mouth, I was sure they knew what I had done, that Alice had told them in that freaky way she had. "So when will he get here?" she asked, confirming my suspicion.

I shrugged and tried hard not to smile like a damn lunatic. "He just said soon."

Soon ended up being a little over twenty minutes later and as I sat there enjoying Edward's arms around me and his lips on the side of my neck, I knew I wouldn't be able to feel bad or regret waking him no matter how wrong it might have been.

"Ladies," he greeted. "Bree."

"Oh, you can lump me in with the other beauties," Bree replied with a wave of his hand.

"I'll keep that in mind," Edward said with a little laugh. "For now, though, I'm going to steal my girl away from you."

Rose reached out and grabbed my wrist, looking right into my eyes. "Quid-pro-quo."

I smiled and shook my head at her while Bree and Alice both gave me two thumbs up. It was times like this when I was able to see they were just as fucked in the head as me. They thought I'd made a booty call so I would let them believe that for now. No way in hell would I waste time with Edward to stick around and explain it had nothing to do with sex and everything to do with wanting to be near him.

"Night, girls," I called, giving them a little wave.

And then I was walking off with Edward, each of us with an arm around the other's waist. It was exactly what I wanted and needed right then.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"What's on your mind, Angel?" Edward asked, giving my fingers a small squeeze.

I shrugged before answering him. "A little of this and that."

I hadn't wanted to go straight home so we'd decided to take a walk around our campus since we were so close to it. At first, the silence between us had felt full of questions, but the more we'd walked, the less I'd felt the need to interrupt the quiet with words.

Edward pulled me closer so he could kiss my cheek. "I'll tell you what's on my mind. There's this really gorgeous brunette that I'm in love with and can't get enough of, even though I see her nearly every day."

It was my turn to laugh. I looked up at him through my lashes, knowing how much he'd always liked that. "There is a guy."

"Isn't there always?"

"I suppose so. Though, he's not like the others."

"Tell me about him."

A small laugh escaped me over our silliness. "He's a real hot piece of ass."

Edward snorted and rolled his eyes at me. "Nice, Bella."

"In addition," I continued, acting as if I hadn't heard him. "He's got this really great way of making you feel like you have his full attention. He tries hard to understand without judging. He's even willing to get up at one in the morning to walk around in the dark with me." I stopped walking and turned to face Edward, looking right into his green eyes. "And when I'm with him, there's this feeling of right that I can't explain no matter how hard I try. It's so crazy because even during the times when we're struggling and not exactly happy with each other, that feeling lingers."

His hand settled against my cheek and he lowered his head until our lips were almost touching. "For me too."

He let go of my cheek and brought his hand down to join the other on my lower back. He pulled me forward and into a kiss that was slow and soft.

It didn't stay that way for long, though. The second my hands found their way into his hair and pressed our lips tighter together, our kiss took on a new life of heat and hurry. I could feel my lips getting numb and swollen from the intensity but I didn't want to stop; I didn't want to break our connection.

But my lungs forced me to do it. I pulled Edward's hand up and held it against my chest. "Feel that?"

He nodded his head, never taking his eyes from mine.

"When you were walking away, it didn't feel like it was working at all. It felt like it had stopped and would never beat again. And now it's racing. I still don't understand how anyone can feel both extremes without going completely friggen insane. I just know that for you, for what we have when we're together, I'll learn how to deal with it. And also, I don't think I could accept not dealing with it. If that makes _any_ sense to you at all."

"I couldn't do without either, Bella. We may not always make sense together, but I'd rather hurt with you than feel nothing at all without you."

I was positive my shiver was from his words, but Edward was certain it was from the late hour and the chill in the air. He took his jacket off and put it on me despite my protesting and then we hurried back to the Volvo.

The ride to the apartment was silent like most of our walk had been and for the first time since that awful day, there wasn't any trace of awkwardness between us. We pulled into the parking lot at the same time Alice and Rose did, and the four of us made our way up the stairs together. The girls were trying to wheedle information out of Edward about where we'd been and what we'd been doing; I stayed silent and just enjoyed the show.

You'd think three sets of heels on the stairs mixed with the laughter pouring out of all four of us would have been an early warning system—apparently not if you were one Emmett Cullen.

"Is he?" Alice whispered, fitting herself between Edward and me.

"He sure the fuck is," Rose answered. She had this gleam in her blue eyes that spelled big trouble for our tall friend with the seemingly small brain.

We probably would have gone on watching him for a while longer if Rose hadn't made our presence known. "You need to throw your hips into it a little more, Baby."

I fucking kid you not! The big man gave a squeak that was the spitting fucking image of the way Alice had sounded that time we'd found a mouse in the place right after moving in. He also jumped about a foot in the air and fell on his ass when he landed.

"What are you watching, Em?" Rose asked, sauntering further into the room and standing over him.

"Nothing." His eyes were wide and his cheeks were red. It was one of the truly rare times in my life when I was seeing an embarrassed Emmett.

Rose clucked her tongue against the roof of her mouth as she put the toe of her shoe against his chest. "Learning the hula dance from _Lilo and Stitch_. I'm not sure which makes you more childish, the dance or the cartoon you're learning it from."

"I was doing research," Emmett defended. He was still in his spot on the floor and looking up at her, but now he seemed defiant instead of embarrassed.

"Research? What the fuck is next, Em? You planning to read the Sunday funnies and pick where you should intern by reading _Fox Trot_ or _Dagwood_?"

"I hear _Family Circus_ has good pointers," Edward piped up. I quickly elbowed him in the side and gave him a warning glare. We had a good show going and didn't need it turned into a full-fledged fight.

Luckily, Emmett either hadn't heard or had chosen to ignore his twin. "Make fun of me all you want, Baby," Em said as he got to his feet. "But you'll be thanking my ass in two weeks."

"Yeah? Why's that? You planning to show up in a grass skirt and give me a visual to laugh at for the rest of my life?" Rose asked.

"No, smart ass. I'm taking you to Hawaii."

Rose said nothing, Alice gasped, Edward blew out a breath, and I just kind of went with Rose and did nothing. It wasn't like Emmett to make something up like that, but then again, it wasn't like him to plan shit either.

"In fact," Emmett continued, raising his voice while he was it. "I'm taking all of you to Hawaii for Spring Break."

Alice just about popped my fucking ear drum with the scream she let out. It was so damn bad, Jasper came running out of her room with his fists at the ready. Poor guy had probably thought someone was murdering his fiancée.

Rose was busy kissing every inch of Emmett's face she could reach—and with the way she had her body wrapped around his, she could reach a lot. Emmett was laughing and had his arms under her ass to keep her from falling.

Edward and I were just kind of standing back and watching the show.

After everyone had calmed down and Alice had apologized for waking Jasper from a dead sleep with thoughts of her being murdered, Emmett told us all about the plans he'd made and the resort house he'd rented for us to stay in on the island of Oahu. We were even flying there and back first friggen class! _How fucking cool!_

"So that's it," Emmett said proudly. He looked like Charlie had when I'd handed my dad my high school diploma. His chest was puffed out and his smile was what people called "ear-to-ear".

"We have to start planning to pack," Alice announced.

I rolled my eyes at her silliness but Rosalie vocally agreed with her and within seconds the two of them were racing toward Rose's room and the closet within. Jasper gave a wave while yawning and disappeared down the hall. I hoped to hell the man had himself some earplugs because otherwise he probably wouldn't be getting back to sleep anytime soon. After those two were done with Rose's closet, they would be heading for Alice's. The late hour and the fact that we all had classes tomorrow would not register in their vacation-focused minds.

"I'd call this night a success," Emmett said, putting his arms behind his head and smiling smugly.

"You look pretty proud of yourself there, Pooh Bear," I teased, giving him a wink.

He pulled a hand out from behind his head and huffed on his fingernails. "I'm providing us all with a Spring Break to remember forever. I think that's pride worthy."

"Although," I said, drawing the word out. "It does make me wonder how you could give Edward shit for getting his picnic idea from a Disney flick when you've been busy studying up on a real island via cartoon. At least Edward's movie was a live-action flick."

"You're just pissy because you didn't think of it yourself," he replied, looking like he really believed that.

"It's really nice of you, Emmett," Edward said.

"I'd do anything for my friends," Emmett replied. "We'll be sure to tell you all about the trip when we get back."

"Emmett—"

"I've got it, Bella," Edward interrupted. "Emmett, if you—"

It was Emmett's turn to interrupt. "Oh, fucking spare my ass. I was only joking. I know Bells wouldn't come if your ass wasn't allowed. But I did think about making you take a separate flight."

"What exactly is your problem with me now?" Edward asked. "It's obviously not the movies I watch."

Emmett's face turned red and his mouth twitched a couple of times before he said anything. "You really have to fucking ask?"

"Look, I get that you're friends with Bella and that you care about her. Hell, I'm glad she's got you in her corner. But when something goes wrong between us, it's between us, not us and you."

Emmett leaned forward and pretty much snarled at Edward. "You fuck with her, you fuck with me."

I almost said something, but didn't. It was past time for the two of them to work this shit out between themselves once and for all. And also, I was pretty sure anything I said would just add fuel to the fire burning between them.

Edward leaned toward his brother, not looking the least bit intimidated. "Back off, Em."

"Don't fucking order me around, you little piss-ant. I'll take up for anyone I damn well please."

Edward let out a growl and ran his hand through his hair twice before looking up at his brother again. "Emmett, just try and listen to what I'm saying. Think about all the times you've screwed up with Rosalie just since this year started. Not once have the girls hounded you, giving you constant shit for it. They leave you alone to make up to Rose however she wants and then they playfully tease you for being a knucklehead. And I don't see Jasper going after you either, so don't say it's a guy thing. Just stop riding my damn ass. That's all I'm asking."

"Maybe if I trusted you—"

"Trusted!" Edward cried. "Who the hell do you think you are? It's not any of your damn business to trust me. That's for Bella to do."

"She did that and you fucking broke her heart," Emmett accused.

"Hey, wait a minute," I called out. No way in hell was I going to stay quiet for this shit. "Em, I've told you at least a dozen times that I had a hand in what went down last month. Yeah, most of my mistakes were novice ones from not knowing any better, but that doesn't make them okay. Especially not when I could have and should have asked my family for guidance."

"Maybe so. But his ass knew you didn't know any better."

"How Em? How did he know? Did you tell him? Did you sit your brother down and explain my dating history to him? Because I didn't. I just said it sucked and was full of brief encounters."

"That should have been enough."

I smiled at him, knowing he was going to try to lie just like I knew what the real answer was. "Would that have been enough for you with Rosalie?"

He grunted and mumbled under his breath but didn't really respond.

"Look, I know you're trying to watch out for me and I love you so much for it, but look out for your brother too. Understand that neither of us is perfect and we're going to screw things up from time to time, the same way you do with Rose. And then remember that no matter how mad you've been with him, you've never once said I shouldn't be with him."

Emmett's brown eyes flickered from me to Edward and back again. "That's because when he pulls his head out of his ass, he makes you really happy."

"So maybe you can back off and give him room to pull said head out of said ass?" I asked.

Emmett snorted and then grinned in that big goofy way of his, getting up onto his feet. "Just be sure to stand back, Bells. He needs lots of fucking room for that shit." He reached out to ruffle my hair and then he was heading toward the hallway.

Edward looked at me and we both laughed quietly as we leaned into each other, letting our foreheads touch. "My brother is insane."

"Just like all the rest of us," I replied.

"I love you. And I love what you said to him."

"I liked what you said too. I'm glad you're standing up to him and not just letting him get away with stuff."

"I admit I was a little surprised you told him anything since you've been staying out of our arguments. Not that that's a bad thing, because it's not. I _should_ be standing up to him on my own."

"Yes, you should. And I meant what I said. We both made mistakes and I want us both to fix them. And I know we're getting there because … because I can say this and not feel stupid for it. Edward, I need you."

He smiled and tilted his head so that our lips touched. And then he was leaning his body forward while mine was heading backward. It was probably the most uncomfortable way to lie on the sofa, but I didn't give a damn. I only cared about the kiss we were sharing and making sure it didn't end anytime soon.

Apparently, Edward had no such goal. He not only broke our kiss, he also moved away and sat up. I tried really hard to remember what the reason was for his stopping us being a good thing, but I was failing miserably.

"Please don't look rejected, Angel," he said, running his hand over my arm. "It's because I want you so badly that I pulled away from you."

"What if I said I didn't want to wait anymore? Would you still want to wait?"

"I would ask you to make sure you truly felt ready for that kind of intimacy and weren't just worrying about the summer."

"I'm only thinking about you. I want to feel you. I want to feel that mix of desired and revered that only you give to me. And I want to give those same feelings back to you."

He leaned forward and his lips caressed my neck so softly I wasn't sure I'd really felt it. "I want you just as much, but I won't risk hurting you."

"You won't. Please, Edward. I need you."

"Bella—"

I quickly cut him off by uttering another "please", this time dropping my voice to that timber I knew he liked.

He groaned so deeply it sent a vibration through me. "Do you have any idea how painful it is, trying to refuse you when you plead with me this way?"

I licked my lips and said the words, praying like hell I wasn't making a mistake. "Then don't refuse." It certainly didn't feel like a mistake to say those words to him. And the way he now had his arms wrapped around me damn sure didn't feel wrong.

I curled my fingers into his hair and slowly drew his lips toward mine, never taking my eyes from his. "I'm sure about this, E. I want you. I _need_ you."

I gave him the kind of kiss he often gave me, a questioning one that gave him the choice to continue or to pull away.

He did pull away, but it was only to tell me he needed me too, and to pull me up from the sofa. We made sure the front door was locked and turned off all the lights before heading down the hall and into my room.

For the first time since _the_ first time, I felt unsure around him and I found myself biting at my lip and trying not to blush.

"It's okay if you've changed your mind," Edward whispered into my ear while rubbing his hands along my back. "I won't be upset or think any less of you."

"I haven't changed my mind. I just … Why does it feel like a big thing suddenly?"

"Because it is. It's a big step to trust each other and ourselves in this way. We're opening up to each other and to hurt in a bigger way."

"We promised not to hurt each other like that again. Does that mean we don't really believe that?"

"Not at all, Angel," he said, smiling at me as he brushed my hair behind my ears. "It just means we're still working to rebuild the trust in each other and within ourselves."

My fingers nervously clenched his shirt collar. "It's so weird to always be feeling two things at once. To be positive and unsure at the same time like this. Do you … What I mean is … I just—"

Edward's thumb pressed against my lips, ending my useless attempt at talking. "I need you too, Bella. More than I could ever say with words. So if you truly believe you can trust me with it, let me show you."

I gave him my answer by pulling his thumb away and lifting up to kiss him.

**SECTION REMOVED - FULL CHAPTER AT THE WRITER'S COFFEE SHOP LIBRARY**

We eventually shifted into more comfortable positions and for so long, I lay there in the dark fully awake and holding tightly to his arm while Edward slept peacefully pressed against my back with his other arm curled around my waist. At first, I was afraid to close my eyes. I was worried I would wake up in the morning and find out that I'd dreamt it all. That we were still in that first week after the fight when even holding hands seemed like a big scary deal.

But I got over that irrational fear—mostly by pinching the shit out of my thigh. I was sure there was going to be one hell of a bruise there in the morning but it was worth it to be certain. Without the fear, there was only silence. A peaceful, tranquil quiet with no tension, no expectation, and no drama. So then it became that I didn't want that feeling to go away and I stayed awake to prolong it.

It wasn't until Edward shifted around and I felt his lips at the nape of my neck, brushing against my wings that I felt ready to sleep. Yes, closing my eyes might very well end this and I might wake up in a few hours to go to class without that tranquility wrapped around me. But that was alright if it did happen because I knew when I came home tomorrow after class and work and whatever else my day had in store for me, Edward would be here. He wasn't going anywhere. And neither was I.

Well, except Hawaii, of course.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**A/N:** Accolades to Hellopants for the hummingbird analogy Bree uses at the start of the chapter. We were discussing a very fine fictional man in a kilt and what she would enjoy doing if said man was within arms reach. LOL

Kudos to Eternally Addicted for a damn fine song choice. It really helped to shape out the chapter and get these two back on track the way they need to be.

So buckle up, faithful readers! We're going to Hawaii! And with Emmett's extensive, cartoon-based knowledge of the island, we are sure to have one heck of an adventure!

And also, sorry for the late posting but Writer's Coffee Shop was down and I wanted to make sure I could post the full chapter over there before posting here.


	30. And So It Begins

It all belongs to Stephenie M. I am just lucky to dabble with them.

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: And So It Begins**

**Chapter Song: "Jailhouse Rock" by Elvis**

**Bella's POV:**

"Suitcases are lined up in the hall," Alice mumbled to herself. She had a clipboard in her little hands and I watched as she scratched an "x" next to suitcases.

"Yeah, she's not obsessive like Edward at _all_," Rose said, nudging me in the side with her elbow.

"No resemblance whatsoever," I agreed, trying hard not to laugh. "Oh, except for the tidiness."

"And the green eyes."

"And the obsessive compulsive tendencies."

Alice ignored both of us. "I'll carry the make-up in my bag. Bella, you'll take all of the sunscreen and beach bags. Rosalie, you'll handle the hairdryer, sprays, and accessories."

"Yeah, I'd be the first crispy critter so it's probably a good idea for me to make sure the stuff gets packed," I replied.

"Hang on a minute," Rose called. "If we split things up this way, we're going to have to get together every time we want to get ready to go out. I love you girls, but I want some time with my man during this trip."

"No, no," Alice said, shaking her head. "This is just to make sure everything goes with. In the place Em rented for us, each room is a suite with a small sitting area, a bedroom, and a bathroom. Once we get there, we'll divvy everything up between us. Trust me, Rose, I want some alone time with Jasper just as much."

"I'm still a little bit in shock that Emmett really did this for us all," Rose admitted. "I mean, we just finished mid-terms a couple of hours ago and now here I am packing for a trip to _Hawaii_. Hawaii, ladies!"

I chuckled at her Alice-worthy excitement level. "Yeah, it's a good thing for Em this trip is worth putting up with his crazy ass antics. I can only hear _Lilo and Stitch_ playing on the damn television so many times before wanting to bash the damn thing to pieces."

Rose sighed and rolled her eyes. "I heard him get up the other night and when he didn't come back to bed after a few minutes, I went looking for him. I found him in the bathroom leering at the mirror. He said he was practicing his Elvis lip curl."

"The privacy of our apartment is one thing. Having him come down to the coffeehouse and get Kate to hula with him …" I just shook my head.

"Yeah, but you were luckier than me, Bells," Rose replied. "You were working and had that as an excuse not to be seen near him. I had to sit right next to him and claim his ass."

"You both know you love when he gets silly excited this way," Alice declared. "You just also love teasing him for it. Now, let's get packing, ladies."

We all laughed and then dispersed. Alice and Rose went into the hall bathroom while I opened up the hall closet and started gathering our beach items. While I packed a beach bag full of sunscreens and after-sun lotions, I thought about how I'd ended up with the biggest bedroom and my own private bath.

It was our second day of having keys to this place and we were almost done with painting the living room walls a bright white. We'd finished the kitchen that morning, giving it a cheery yellow coat. We put down our brushes and headed down the hall to look at the three bedrooms again.

"_I'm the oldest so I should definitely get the private bath," Rose said._

"_No way! I found this place so I should get it," Alice disagreed._

"_I've spent my life surrounded by men so I should get it," I told them._

"_What about when Emmett stays over? Do you really want to see him walking the halls in his underpants?"_

"_Are we talking tighty-whiteys or boxers?" I asked._

"_Wait! What about when Jasper stays over? He shouldn't have to get redressed just to get to the bathroom," Alice argued._

"_Well then that settles it," I announced. "Since the men belong to you two, I get the private bath, thereby ensuring I don't have to deal with any awkward midnight hallway run-ins."_

_The three of us exchanged glances for a minute before Rose spoke up. "Rock, paper, scissors?"_

"_On three," Alice agreed._

_We counted together and when we hit three, I had paper while Rose and Alice both had rock. "Ha, bitches!" I yelled out excitedly. "I win!"_

"_Yeah, yeah," Rose grumbled, waving a hand at me._

"_But there will be a catch!" Alice declared._

"_What the hell do you mean 'a catch'?" I asked, eyeing her suspiciously._

_Alice's frown disappeared, giving way to a big, bright, calculating smile. "You have to give the room personality or you forfeit it. And I'm not talking about slapping a poster on the wall. You have to paint it and decorate it. We'll help, of course. But you have to come up with the idea for it all on your own."_

"_Fuck, Ali. That shit is so unfair!" I cried. "You know I don't know jack shit about decorating. I grew up with friggen Charlie, Billy, and Jake!"_

"_All in favor of requiring Bella to decorate her room?" Alice called out as she shoved her hand as high up as she could._

"_Hells yes!" Rose cried, thrusting her own hand up._

_I glared at them for a good ten seconds before giving up and giving in. "Fine. I'll decorate the damn thing."_

"Wake your ass up, Bells," Rose said, smacking me on the ass and making me jump. "I know this week was tiring, but now isn't the time to nap. It's packing time."

I chuckled a little at her and a lot at myself for zoning out. "I was just trying to decide if we needed any tanning oil."

"Nah. As much as we'll be outdoors, we'll get a little bronze just using a lighter sunscreen," she told me.

"Then it stays," I said. I dropped the last bottle of after-sun lotion into the bag and then closed the closet door. I brought the bag over to my suitcase and fixed it so it was taking up one half of the space.

"We'll have use of a washer and dryer there so we shouldn't need more than five shirts, three shorts, two jeans, and two dresses for going out dancing. We should grab all of our swimsuits and cover-ups. We'll also need sandals, water shoes, and one good pair of walking shoes," Alice instructed.

I turned toward my room and assumed Rose had done the same because Alice was suddenly yelling, "Wait, ladies!"

I turned back toward her to find her smiling in that way she had when she'd done something she was really proud about. Rose must have agreed since she asked, "What did you do, Ali?"

Alice let out a giggle and then disappeared into her room. We heard her flipping hangers in her closet for a bit and when she came back out, she had two dresses hanging from each hand. "Sundresses for each of you. My contribution to an amazing spring break we'll always remember."

Rose and I both thanked Alice while grabbing the dresses and looking them over. Alice had gotten me one that was deep purple with a v-neck, and one that had a square black top with a long white skirt. The bottom of the skirt held designs of black and white flowers with a few yellow ones tossed in for a splash of color. It was beautiful and I couldn't wait to wear it—I even told Alice as much.

"I'm thrilled!" she squealed, clapping her hands together.

"These are so great, Alice," Rose said with a big smile. One of hers was a really great shade of burnt orange with a v-neck and small straps. The other was black with white and gray leaves, and had a white, square neckline with white stripes.

"Go get yours," I said, pushing Alice toward her room. There was no way in hell she'd bought new outfits for Rose and me without getting something for herself.

She giggled as she ran inside of her room. She came back out moments later with her two dresses. She'd gotten one that was a beautiful shade of yellow with white shoulder straps and trim. Her second dress had vertical layers of brown, light blue, light gray, and white, with brown spaghetti straps.

We oohed and aahed over the dresses for a bit before putting them away in our suitcases.

"This is it, isn't it?" I asked them as I stood up. "This is the last time we're all going to be together at the same time for such a long time."

"No, of course not," Rose said, putting her arm around me. "We'll have holidays every year."

"Yeah, but that'll just be at the end of the year and maybe the twins birthday in the summer," I argued. "This is the last time we'll be a group for any length of time."

"It might," Alice admitted as she held me from the other side. "But together constantly or not, we'll always be close friends. We'll have phones and webcams."

"How is that a satisfying answer for you Cullens?" I asked her.

"What?" she replied, seeming honestly confused. "Are you talking about Emmett?"

I shook my head as I pulled away from them. "Edward. He's leaving after graduation."

"Leaving where?" Rose and Alice yelled out together. He obviously hadn't gotten around to telling anyone but me yet; it wasn't surprising with how busy he'd been with his mid-terms and everything else.

"He says he's going to be traveling to the cities he's considering for opening his business. Eight to nine weeks of traveling," I explained.

"He's not going to break it up and spend a few days home before going on to the next city?" Rose questioned.

"No," I said, shaking my head. "It would make the whole thing twice as expensive and add a week or so to the traveling. He says this is the easiest way."

"What else did he say?" Alice asked.

I looked at her oddly, not knowing what she was talking about.

"Come on, Bells. Edward had to have said something more if you aren't freaking out over this."

"Um … he said once he picks the city, he's going to pick our first place to live together," I confided. "I'm trying really hard to focus on that and not the whole he'll be gone for nine weeks."

"Bella!" Rose and Alice shrieked, launching an attack hug at me.

"That's amazing, Bells," Rose said. "I'm so happy for you."

"Well don't be happy yet," I told her. "He has to go and actually come back. And if he picks some far away place like Emmett is doing, it won't matter where he picks for us to live because I'll be here finishing school."

"You could transfer," Alice suggested.

"No, I couldn't," I argued. "How could I leave my best friend in the world all alone?"

"I have Jasper," she replied.

"What about Charlie? Jake? Bree?"

"Sue, Mariska, and Lance. Oh, and me of course. You can't possibly think for a second I wouldn't check on them constantly for you."

"But our plan, Ali? We're supposed to graduate together."

"Plans change, Bells. And I honestly can't think of a better reason for them to change than for you to be with the man you so obviously love."

"It doesn't matter," I argued, shaking my head. "He has to actually go and then come back first."

Rose called my name in a way that made it sound like a scolding. "You aren't really afraid of him not coming back, are you? Because if so, that's the silliest thing you've ever thought in all the years I've known you."

"I don't know what I am," I admitted. "I just know when I try to think of him being gone for so long, it makes me really sad."

"Of course it does," Alice said, rubbing a hand along my back. "You love him and you're going to miss him. And when he comes back, those first few weeks of having him home are going to be such a high for you. You should try to focus on the homecoming and not the leaving."

"No," Rose disagreed. "She needs to focus on right here and now. Focus on this trip to Hawaii. And after that, take it all a day at a time. Make tons of great memories to keep you company for when it's time for him to go. Don't dwell and miss out, Bells."

"Thanks, girls," I said, hugging them both tightly. "I'm going to think about everything you both said. And I'm even going to start with taking your advice, Rose. Let's focus on our trip and get busy with the packing." I'd have plenty of time to think on Edward's trip later. I only had this one chance to spend time in beautiful Hawaii with my amazing friends.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Emmett's voice rang out through the apartment and my closed bedroom door. "Let's go, Bitches. I wanna get to the airport and get checked in."

"Emmett, if you don't sit down and shut the hell up," Rose threatened. "It's only eight and we don't have to be at the airport until nine-thirty."

"Rose, I'm excited, baby. I wanna get going," he whined.

"She's going to kill him," Edward said, shaking his head.

"Not if I do it first," I replied. That was the second time he'd yelled out and been threatened, and I'd be damned if he got away with a third. The boys had showed up with dinner in the middle of our packing and after taking a long break to enjoy a meal with them, we were now trying to finish our packing in our own rooms.

My door flew open and the short, spiky haired one charged toward me. "Here, put this in your bag," she said, shoving a curling iron at me.

"What the hell for? You can't use it with your short hair. Mine would look silly at its current length. And Rosalie has naturally curly hair."

"Oh, fine," she huffed. She stomped out of the room with her curler, leaving me with a chuckling Edward.

I playfully smacked his leg with the back of my hairbrush. "Behave."

"I—"

Alice interrupted her brother by charging back in, this time with her face red and her green eyes blazing.

"What's wrong?" I asked. "I know it isn't the curler thing."

"Emmett is what's wrong. I don't think I can get on a plane with him. I don't think I can be trapped near him for so long. Bella, I'm going to stab him the way Rose and you always threaten to do."

"Deep breaths, Ali girl. It'll be fine. You'll have five buffers to combat your brother's annoying ways."

"I may push him into the volcano when we get there," she warned.

"I'll help," I promised, just barely keeping myself from laughing.

She gave a stiff nod, turned on her heel, and disappeared again. And just like before, Edward was laughing.

I smacked him twice with the brush this time. "It's not funny."

"You better stop that. You hit me with it again and I'll show you how it feels."

"I dare you," I challenged, smiling wide as I smacked him again.

Edward gave out a growl and lunged forward, grabbing me around the waist with one arm and taking the brush away with his other hand. "I warned you, Swan."

"You don't have the balls, Cullen," I replied, laughing and trying to wiggle out of his grip.

"I'll give you one chance to take it back."

"Not going to happen."

"Alright then." He let out a sigh and then dug his elbow into the middle of my back. I felt his hand rub over my jean covered ass and then my brush followed, making a loud thwap sound in the room.

I jumped up and scooted back onto my knees, just staring at him. He had that damn lopsided grin of his plastered on his face and he was waving my brush at me. "You smacked me. On the ass!" I screamed at him.

He chuckled and nodded. "I warned you first, though."

I lunged at him, giving a little growl of my own as I knocked him backwards. His head connected with the floor but just barely—plus it was carpeted. "Oops," I said, pretty much snorting the word out.

"Now you have to kiss me and make it better," he replied, sticking his lower lip out in a pout.

"Is that so?" I asked as I crawled up his body until our lips were even.

He nodded and set his hands on my hips, giving a little tug to try and get me closer. I smiled as I let him pull me down and my eyes drifted to his lips, watching them get closer.

Seconds away from what was sure to have been one hell of a kiss, my door opened and Emmett's deep voice shattered the mood like a mallet against a fine crystal wine glass. "Pack the damn bags, Ed. Not your girlfriend."

"Get the fuck out of my room," I warned, looking over my shoulder at him.

"Bells! I wanna get going," he whined.

"I swear on all that is holy and unholy, I will tie your ass up, duct-tape your mouth, and shove you in the damn closet until it's time to go," I threatened.

"Then I won't teach you any of my kick ass hula moves," he replied.

"Out!" Rose demanded. She grabbed Emmett's ear and dragged him out of my room with him whimpering "ow" every few seconds.

"How the hell are we going to put up with him for almost seventeen damn hours straight without killing his ass?" I asked Edward.

He smiled and gripped my arms above the elbows, pulling me down on top of him again. "We'll just have to distract each other so we forget all about my brother."

"Distraction, huh? How exactly do you plan to do that?"

His hand cupped the back of my neck, drawing my lips so close to his that I could have stuck out my tongue and licked them. "I can think of a few ways," he whispered, deepening his voice to that very sexy velvet tone he could reach. Instantly, I was warmer and wetter, and practically salivating for the kiss that was coming.

"On second thought, you should probably finish packing," he said, turning us on our sides and letting go of me.

"You just … You are … Ugh!" I screamed, slapping his arm and then moving away from him.

Edward followed after me and grabbed me around the waist, planting a kiss on the back of my neck. "Love you."

I snorted as I pushed his hands away. "That's really not going to save you if I decide to be annoyed with you."

"You won't," he said, sounding perfectly confident. "You're as excited as I am that exams are done and we're leaving for this trip."

I didn't say anything at first. I just knelt down in front of my suitcase and started dropping clothes into it again.

When I finally did say something, I kept my eyes on my clothes but I could also see him at the edge of my vision. "Actually, I think I'm most excited about the change between us. Even with the stress of exams, we've been more relaxed around each other."

"It has been nice," he agreed. "You know, I was going to wait and do this in Hawaii, but I think now would be better."

"Do what?" I asked, lifting my head to look at him.

He reached into his bag and then pulled out what looked like a white gold chain with a beautiful pair of platinum boxing gloves dangling from the end—_thank you jewelry lessons with Alice Cullen_.

All I got out to Edward was a breathy "oh".

"I'll take that as approval," Edward said with a big smile on his face.

"It's beautiful, E. Really gorgeous. But what's it for?"

"Well, I know how hard the talking is for you on a good day, so to see you managing it during mid-terms this week when you were swamped with school and working every afternoon at the shop, it really made me see how strong you are. How much of a fighter you are. And when I saw this, I knew it was perfect for you."

"When you saw it? Edward, where the hell have you been lately to see something like this? And why were you there?"

"That I can't tell you because I'm sworn to secrecy. I can only say you'll find out sometime this week. So! Scoot back toward me a little and let me put this on you."

"Edward, really, you don't have to give me gifts for doing what I'm supposed to do. That's … well, it's silly really."

"The gift isn't a reward, Bella. It's simply a gift. No, I take that back. It's a physical manifestation of my heartfelt adoration."

I chuckled and shook my head at him. "You've been hanging out with Jasper."

"What makes you say that?"

"Because he's the only man I know who has ever uttered the words 'physical' and 'manifestation' together."

"Like I said, sworn to secrecy. Now please come over here and let me put this on you."

I sighed out his name but did as he asked. I wasn't going to win if I argued, so there was no point in causing friction. But that didn't mean I wouldn't share my opinion on the matter. "E, you really don't have to spend money on me like this."

"I know that." He closed the clasp on the necklace and then pressed his lips to my angel wings. "Part of the reason I enjoy it so much is because I know you don't expect it so you'll appreciate it even more. The rest is just that I love spoiling you."

"This is really amazing," I said as I palmed the small shiny gloves. "Thank you, Edward."

"It's truly my pleasure, Angel."

I turned my head so I could see his face. "I'd kiss you right now, but I know the second I try, my door's going to open. So I'll just promise to show you some proper appreciation when we get to Hawaii."

"How proper are we talking?"

I gave him a wicked smile while running my hand over his cheek. "Babe, the things I'm going to do to you would make Emmett blush."

Edward's laughter would have seemed like the cause of his red face to anyone who didn't know him the way I did. He might be embarrassed right now, but he damn sure wouldn't be feeling that way when I got done with him. I'd wait until he'd forgotten all about it, and then I'd surprise him one night while we were in Hawaii.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Line up for luggage inspection," Alice shouted.

"Really, Ali?" I asked, giving her that look of disapproval we'd both seen from Carlisle a number of times during our high school years.

"What?" she cried with a shrug. "I'm excited, alright."

There had been no need for her shout since we were already standing around in the living room surrounded by suitcases. Edward and I each had one check-in bag and one carry-on bag. Rose had two check-in bags and a huge mammoth ass purse for her carry-on. Emmett had just one bag, but it was friggen gargantuan with four wheels on the bottom of the thing. Jasper had a check-in and a carry-on, and then he had Alice's three check-in bags. I say they were his because there was a heck of a lot of space between her and those bags. Alice Cullen didn't carry luggage unless forced and Jasper wasn't about to force his bride-to-be. _Poor sucker!_

"Ali, I love you dearly, but what the fuck are you thinking? Three check-in bags? That shit is twenty-five bucks a pop," I told her.

"Two have clothing and make-up and the last is empty for now, but will house all of our souvenirs we want to bring back," she explained.

"Yeah, but for the cost and trouble of toting the damn thing around, wouldn't it be easier to just buy a bag in Hawaii _if_ you need another?" Rose questioned.

Emmett snorted. "Like you even need to question her buying a shitload of crap to bring home to all of our parents."

"Fine," Alice said, moving the bag away from the rest of the luggage. "I'll leave this here and we'll pick up one in Hawaii if none of you have extra room to store the souvenirs."

"Are we ready to go _now_?" Emmett asked.

"Wait," I called out. "You keep asking to go and yelling at us to hurry, but your ass isn't even dressed," I said, waving at his outfit. The man was dressed in dark gray board shorts, a black sleeveless shirt, and black sandals. Oh, and lest I forget to mention the pair of currently useless ray-bans on his head since it was pitch black dark out. Emmett had booked us leaving on Friday night, with a layover in Houston, and then arriving in Hawaii around noon on Saturday.

"What the hell are you talking about, Bells? Did your ass wake up with x-ray vision or some shit? And if so, stop looking at my junk."

"Shut up, you perv," I said, punching him in the shoulder. "I'm looking at your big ugly face, as much as it pains me. And while your outfit will be great for Hawaii, you're going to freeze your balls off here in Portland."

"Not true," he replied with a shake of his head. "Cars and airports have heaters. I'll be fine. Now let's _go_!"

"Alright, soon to be Abominable Snowman," I said, picking up my carry-on bag. "You were warned."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"I'm so tired," I whined, dropping my head to Edward's shoulder.

He chuckled and shifted around in his seat so he could get his arms around me. "You didn't want to sleep on the first leg of the trip. Remember?"

"Reminding me of my foolishness doesn't help. Besides, you were the one to pull out your iPod, forcing me to scroll through all of your songs."

A small snort escaped him. "Scroll through and critique every one of them."

I hummed my agreement while snuggling further against him. "I'm glad you didn't take off my playlist."

Edward's lips were touching the back of my neck and I could feel him smiling. "I only updated it."

My own lips pulled up into a smile, and then I was yawning and losing the really comfortable spot I'd found. I let out a groan as I asked, "How can I be content and tired at the same time?"

"They'll be back with coffee soon and then you'll be able to wake up."

"And then we can tour the Houston airport together," I managed to get out while letting loose another yawn.

"I don't know if he's mentioned it to anyone else yet, but my brother is planning on leaving here with an official cowboy hat."

I snorted at that. "Because picking one up anywhere else would be less than official."

"Don't ask me to decode my brother. It's impossible."

"Twins are supposed to have that freaky mind-meld shit, E. What happened to yours?"

"I think we've always been too fraternal for that kind of thing."

I nodded my head in agreement as another damn yawn came out. "Probably a good thing, though. I can't imagine having two of you learning to hula from cartoons and trying to do that freaky lip curl thing of a long ago singer. Though, I do love your singing voice so much more than Em's. At least you can actually carry a tune."

"Thanks. I think," Edward said, laughing just a little.

"E, when are you going to play for me again?"

"How does never sound?"

"Not good at all. In fact, I refuse to accept that answer."

"Sorry, Angel. That's one request I'll be denying."

"How the hell does a man capable of playing the way you do end up with stage fright?"

"One of the odd quirks of life, I guess. Kind of like a woman brave enough to get right up in my brother's face but who is afraid of blood and puke."

"I'm not afraid of them. I just abhor them. There's a difference."

Edward only chuckled at my comment.

"Bella! You've been holding out on us!" Alice screeched while grabbing my hand and part of my necklace. I'd been holding the edge of the gloves and sliding them back and forth across my chain absentmindedly while talking with Edward.

"You make everything sound so major, Ali girl. How will I ever know when something is truly important?" I asked her while Edward helped me peel her hand away.

"New jewelry is always important," Rose said. "So where'd it come from?"

"Coffee first," I demanded, holding a hand out to her. She laughed as she relinquished the steaming cup. After I'd taken a few sips, I answered her question. "Edward gave it to me before we left the apartment. He says it's because I'm a fighter. I don't really see it, but it was sweet of him to get me such a bad ass necklace."

"You _are_ a fighter," Edward insisted, giving me a squeeze.

"You go away so we can talk to our girl," Rose demanded.

"I never said I wanted to be interrogated," I argued. "Besides, I'm comfy."

"We got you coffee while letting you stay here and snuggle. Now we get answers," Alice replied.

"We were watching all of the bags," I argued.

Edward was apparently not in the mood to argue though. "I'll be over there with the guys, Angel," he said as he kissed my cheek and let go of me.

As soon as he was out of his seat, Rose plopped herself into it. "He's right about you being a fighter, Bells. You need to start seeing yourself clearly."

"I know I'm a bad ass. I've always been that physical fighter type. But I know he meant it in an emotional way and I'm just not. It's a friggen chore just to figure out what I'm feeling half the damn time, much less to put it into words he can understand," I told her.

"You're both, Bella," Alice assured me. "If you weren't, you wouldn't have fixed so much with Edward in the past six weeks. The two of you seem more in-synch than ever. Plus, Edward's really grown personally and has been standing up to Emmett."

"Which Emmett is enjoying despite his complaining," Rose added.

I chuckled and nodded. "My man is learning how to get along with his twin."

"And just what have you learned, Missy?" she asked.

My smile widened as I looked over at Edward. "I've learned he's a damn good man and that when I'm with him, I want to be a good woman."

"Do you think you'll say it again soon?"

I shrugged my shoulder. "I only know I'll say it when I feel the time's right. For now, I want to drink my coffee and relax with my friends."

Rose called the guys over and we sat around with our breakfast of coffee and cinnamon buns. We also talked about all the things we wanted to do while in Hawaii, especially the things we wanted to do as a group. It was so exciting to have everyone getting along and _wanting_ to be together.

As soon as the last piece of roll was gone, Emmett jumped up with a big grin on his face. "Your mission, should you choose to accept, is to help me find the cowboy hat meant for this head." He even pointed at his noggin at the end of his little speech.

"I think a beanie would be more appropriate," I told him. "One of those multi-colored ones with the little airplane propellers."

"Ha, ha," Emmett mocked while the others laughed.

We tossed our trash away, grabbed up all of our carry-on bags, and followed Emmett further into the airport. "Edward, do the song," I whispered.

"No way," he whispered back, shaking his head.

"Oh, so you can do it to me when you're supposed to be quiet, but here where you are free to make noise, you can't? How the hell is that fair?"

He only shrugged.

"Come on, E. I want you to sing for me," I pleaded, hugging his arm and poking my bottom lip out.

He chuckled as he quickly kissed me. "What if I promise to sing to you tonight when we're alone in Hawaii? I don't have stage fright when it's just you listening to me."

"Total damn deal," I answered quickly.

"Holy hell! Look at that black one right there in the window!" Emmett yelled out. I looked up to see him smiling wide and rubbing his hands together. I had to wonder if this was what he'd looked like as a kid that Christmas he and Edward had gotten those bikes with the flames.

"Em," Rose said sternly as she took hold of his shirt and pulled him close. "You will behave. You will not act like a child and run around the store. You will be courteous to the store workers. If you do decide to get a hat, you will get one and one only."

"Oh, my gosh! There's a _pink_ one," Alice trilled while jumping up and down.

"Ah, hell! Now she's in on it." I turned toward Edward and gripped his shirt collar, pretending to be afraid. "No one is safe, E. No _one_."

Edward laughed as he pulled my hands off of his shirt. "You might look good in a cowboy hat, Angel."

"Right! Like you might look good with a shaved head."

"Are you only with me for my hair?"

"Oh, yeah, Babe. It's the hair first and everything else a distant second," I teased, grinning up at him.

"That's okay. It's the sex for me." He actually held a straight face for a few seconds before showing off that lopsided grin of his.

"You better kiss me before I decide to not like your little joke."

Edward's grin widened as his head lowered toward mine. Our lips touched but before a real kiss could happen, I was dragged away from him. "You've got time for that later," Rose told me. "Right now, I need help containing Frick and his little sister Frack."

Jasper snorted out a laugh from beside me. "Nice, Rose."

"Rosie, it's red!" Alice popped up in front of our friend, shoving a red cowboy hat onto her head.

I started laughing at Rosalie's shocked expression and the way her face was quickly turning the same shade as her hat, but my laughter died pretty damn quickly when Alice shoved something onto my own head.

"Purple, Bells! You _have_ to get it," Alice ordered. Her eyes were wide, her cheeks were flushed, and she had a huge ass smile on her face—she was in full-on crazy shopper mode.

Before any of us knew what was happening, Alice was shoving people into dressing rooms to try on bootcut jeans and crazy looking cowboy shirts. She tossed Jasper into this blue shirt with white fringes and Rose into one that looked like a red checkered tablecloth with buttons sewn on it. Edward and I huddled in the corner, keeping our laughter quiet so we wouldn't get noticed. No way in hell was I trying any of this crap on.

It happened after the fourth set of outfits Alice had forced Jasper and Rosalie to try on—she didn't need to force herself or Emmett at all. He was enjoying this whole thing a little too much. Hell, the man had even enjoyed the shiny red shirt with the white roses on it Alice had put him in the first time. For her part, Alice was prancing around in a denim skirt with brown fringes on the bottom of it and a pink corset as her top. So I guess it was technically inevitable … Emmett came strutting out of his dressing room with a smirk that screamed of how good he believed he looked. He had on a black long sleeve shirt with white flowers and leaves outlined in red on the chest, collar, and wrist area of the shirt. He'd also found a pair of black jeans and a black cowboy hat with a brown leather trim.

He had the kind of smile people referred to as "the cat that swallowed the canary" as he checked himself out in the store's mirror. And watching him bow to Alice and tip his hat was definitely eye-roll worthy. I wanted to tease him so damn badly, but there was a problem—he actually looked good.

Rose was the first to break the silence. "I really hate to say this. It physically pains me to say this because I know you'll make me regret it somehow, someway. But you look good, Em."

"Emmett, you _have_ to get the whole outfit. And boots! We need to find you boots," Alice trilled while circling her brother.

"I asked, but they don't carry them big enough in the airport store. You'll have to help me order some online, Ali," he replied.

"As soon as we get to Hawaii," she promised.

Jasper came out of his own dressing room in his own clothes. "Guys, I know you're having fun, but we need to get to our gate. It's almost time for boarding to start."

"Alright, Emmett, get out of your clothes quickly and hang them on the door so I can buy them for you," Alice instructed. "Rose, you need to get back into your own clothes. Jasper, I'm going to need your help getting out of this corset thing I've got on. So Bella and Edward, you two go to our gate and keep us updated on what's happening."

"Alice, just stop talking and get back into your own clothes," I told her. "We'll be waiting right outside for you guys."

Edward helped me pick up all of the carry-on bags and take them out to one of the benches across from the store. We didn't have long to wait before Jasper joined us, shaking his head at something we were probably better off not knowing about.

"Jazz, why do you let Ali play dress up with you that way?" I asked him.

"Because she plays dress up my way later on," he replied, making his eyebrows wiggle.

"Sick fucker," I joked, playfully punching him in the shoulder.

"Just because you don't hear us getting wild and crazy, doesn't mean it doesn't happen," he said with a big grin.

The sound of Edward clearing his throat had us turning toward him. "That's my little sister you're talking about."

I chuckled as I stepped closer to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Ali's a big girl, Edward. She can take care of herself. And her man."

"Bel-la," he whined, dropping his forehead to my shoulder.

"You and Ali are so alike," I said while laughing. "She gets weirded out listening to anyone talk about you and me."

"We've always—"

Edward was cut off by a loud beeping and a man yelling. "Sir! Stop right there!"

We both jumped at the sound and turned to find a security guard with his hand covering something on his belt. It looked to me like the guy was following Emmett but I figured I must be wrong since Em didn't even look up. He was digging through the bag in his hands.

"Sir, I ordered you stop," the guard called out while pulling a gun from his holster.

I gasped and grabbed Edward's arm while Jasper yelled out to the big guy. "Em, stop walking!"

Emmett just kept walking and digging into his bag. And then he moved his head toward the left a little and I saw why he wasn't aware of the commotion going on around him—he had his earphones in.

"Stop him," I screamed at Jasper and Edward, pushing them both forward. "Don't let him get shot. He can't hear with his earphones in!"

Jasper went for Emmett while Edward started walking toward the guard with his hands up and palms out, each calling out to the person they were moving toward.

"He's got earphones in and can't hear you," Edward told the guard.

"Emmett Cullen," Jasper yelled, his voice louder than I'd ever heard it before.

The guard got to Emmett before Jasper did, pressing his gun right into the middle of Emmett's back.

Em dropped his bag and threw his hands straight up into the air. He seriously looked ready to piss his pants. Hell, I was ready to piss my own and was praying like crazy that was a taser gun and not a bullet-filled gun.

"What did I do?" Emmett cried. "What?"

"The hat you're trying to steal," the guy said, jerking the cowboy hat off of Em's head.

"Sir, I'm sure this is just—" That was all Jasper was able to get out before the guard yelled at him.

"Step back, Sir," the guard ordered.

Out of nowhere, three more guards showed up, with one pushing Edward away and one grabbing Jasper by the arm. The other came up and stood in front of Emmett so there was one guard at his back and one in front.

"This is just a misunderstanding," Jasper told the guard holding him. "My friend has ear buds in and couldn't hear. Just let him take them out and explain."

"Sir, you need to be quiet," the guard warned Jasper.

"I swear I wasn't trying to steal anything," Emmett said to the guard in front of him. His voice was loud and high—I was pretty sure it had more to do with the gun at his back than the earphones he was wearing.

Emmett's hand moved toward his ear; the guards didn't like that and instead of having just one with a gun drawn, there were now four. One guard was covering Edward and Jasper while the others were all over Emmett. I couldn't resist and _had_ to rub my eyes to make sure I was awake and not having some crazy freaky ass dream—I _would_ dream shit like this and had once before, though Em wasn't getting arrested for shoplifting.

"On the ground!" the original guard yelled, gripping Emmett's shoulder and bringing the big guy down to his knees.

"Dude!" Emmett yelled right back. "I was just reaching to take my earphone out so I could hear you better."

"Then what are you hiding in your shorts?" the guard in front of him asked.

"Nothing, man!" Emmett replied quickly. "There's nothing in my shorts but me."

I finally managed to do something other than stare and ran into the store, grabbing Rose by the arm. "You need to come _now_. They've got guns on Emmett and I really think they might shoot him."

"You're not funny," she said, prying my hand off of her.

I grabbed her head and pointed it toward the window. "Does it look like I'm kidding?"

"Emmett!" Alice screeched.

"Holy shit," Rose cried.

"He must have been the one to set the door alarm off," the girl behind the counter said.

"So go tell them he's not stealing anything," I demanded.

The girl didn't move or even seem concerned. "The receipt is printing. Just show it to the guards and they'll back off."

"_Before_ they shoot him?" I screamed at her.

"Well you don't have to be snarky about it," the girl said as she pulled the receipt from the little printer. "It's not like they're real guns. They're just tasers."

Rose tore the receipt out of the girl's hand and rushed out the store with Alice and me right behind her. "Sir, I have the receipt right here," she called out as she ran. "I've already paid for it. They just need to take the tag off the hat."

"Please don't tase my brother," Alice pleaded, giving the guards her big watery eyes look. If there was ever a time for her power to persuade to work, it was right friggen now.

"It's right here on the receipt," Rose insisted, pointing at it with her finger. "This is it right here."

The girl from behind the counter _finally_ came out of the store. "Gavin, it's okay. The lady really did pay for the hat."

For a second, I was pretty sure one of those guards was going to tase Emmett just for the hell of it. But then the first guard sighed and let go of the big guy, even taking a few steps back. The rest of the guards followed suit, making a loose circle around Em.

"Sorry about him," the woman apologized as she pulled off the tag hidden on the inside of Emmett's hat. "Gavin can be a little trigger happy."

"You think!" Emmett cried, his voice going up a good four octaves above its normal range.

"Here you go! If you ever need any more gear, ya'll come back and see us," the woman said, smiling and holding Emmett's hat out to him.

Emmett just turned and walked away so Alice took the hat.

Now that I knew he wasn't going to be shot or tased, I was biting my lip to keep from laughing. My teeth were sunk down so far I was shocked blood wasn't pouring out of my lip yet. But I just couldn't help myself. "Damn, Em! I know you want to be a cowboy, but getting arrested just to join the prison rodeo is not the way to do it."

He growled at me so loud that Edward pulled me away from his brother. "Bells, bite my ass," Emmett barked.

"It's your own fault, not hers," Rose said as she grabbed Emmett's arm and forced him back a couple of steps. "You were in too much of a damn hurry. So take your hat and shut it."

"How the hell is this my fault? Those fuckers almost tased me, Rosalie," he pretty much yelled at her. "If those had been real guns, you'd be taking me to the morgue right now."

"Guys!" Jasper called out, getting everyone to look his way. "Either we finish this discussion on the plane to Hawaii, or we get stuck here until the next flight out."

Nothing else was said as we grabbed all of the carry-on bags and the few bags Alice and Rose had brought out of the store with them. We had to run to the other side of the airport to get to our gate, but we made it just as they'd started to board first class.

It wasn't until we were about a half hour into the flight that anyone spoke in our group and it was a real shock to have it be Alice. "Em, do you think you would have done the tango if you had gotten tased? Or would it have been more of a chicken dance?" she asked.

We all waited quietly to see how Emmett would react—I was pretty sure he was going to curse at his little sister, which would have me defending her and before long, all six of us would be arguing with each other. The stewardess would come over and tell us to behave. Em would probably argue he was behaving. Then some guy in a cheap suit would come over, announce himself an air marshal, and arrest Em on the spot. We'd land in Hawaii, Em would get carted off, and then we'd spend the whole week trying to get his sorry butt out of jail.

Emmett's jovial laughter put an end to the probability of my little scenario. "I'd do a combo of the funky chicken and the worm," he said with a big grin on his face.

"Are your pants dry?" Jasper asked. "Because you seriously looked ready to shit yourself, man."

"Dude, I was!" Emmett cried. "I was so sure those fuckers were going to shoot me just to get to fire their weapons. Jazz, man, you never told me Texans were such crazy fuckers."

"Not all of us are," Jasper replied with a laugh.

"When we stop there on the way back, we are going straight to our next gate," Alice ordered.

"You aren't getting any arguments from me," Emmett said quickly. "Emmett does Houston is over and done with, and there will be no repeat performances."

"That shit is so damn wrong," I said through my laughter.

"Emmett, you really need to start watching more than porn, man," Jasper told him. "It's moments like this when I have to question my cousin's sanity. I don't like having to worry that Rosalie might not be firing on all cylinders."

"Me neither," Rose added. "So please behave yourself for the rest of this trip, Em."

"Rosie, I'll be on my _best_ behavior, baby. You can trust me," Emmett promised.

"It's going to be a long week, isn't it, E?" I whispered to Edward.

He smiled and nodded. "But with a start like this, it can only get better with each new day."

I checked to make sure the seatbelt sign was off and then I unbuckled myself and lifted the arm rest between us, cuddling right up against Edward's side. It felt way too silly to say it out loud, but in my head, I thought his comment worked just as much for our relationship as it did for this trip. Maybe I'd write it down later on and see if it still felt silly. For now, I just wanted to enjoy being with him and our friends.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Babe, you are _green_," I said as I pressed a freshly dampened cloth to Edward's forehead. Alice had scored a couple of towels from one of the stewardesses and whenever one got warm, she would go to the bathroom and wet another with cold water.

"I _feel_ green," Edward mumbled.

We were still an hour away from landing in Hawaii and he was sick with a big ass "ick". His skin really did have a greenish tint to it and his forehead was cold and clammy—and not from the towels. He'd kept down the water Alice and I had gotten for him so far, but any kind of jostling at all had him groaning and clenching his stomach.

"Do you think it's food poisoning?" Alice questioned.

"No," I said, shaking my head. "If it was, we'd all be sick because we ate the same breakfast."

"Would you two stop fussing over his pansy ass?" Emmett barked out. He thrust his hand forward at Edward. "It's just air sickness. We always get it when we fly but I bet the idiot here forgot to take his motion sickness pills before we left Houston."

"Gee, I wonder what commotion could have made someone forget something like that?" Alice asked. And then she kicked Emmett in the shin with her little foot.

The big guy didn't even seem to notice; for once, he was actually paying attention to his brother and making sure he took the offered pills. "Give him a half hour or so and they'll kick in. It'll take the green color away, but his ass will probably crash once he gets into his room at the rental."

As soon as the pills disappeared behind Edward's lips, Emmett went back to his seat and whatever he'd been doing before. Alice and I were literally on the edge of our own seats, waiting to see if Edward would keep the pills down or spew them all over the airplane floor.

He did manage to keep the pills down and within a half hour—just like Em had predicted—Edward's symptoms had let up enough that he fell asleep with his head on my shoulder. It was a heavy ass head at that, but no way was I moving him and risking waking him up. I figured he'd been sick for at least half of the flight and that was just from when I'd noticed. There was no telling how long he'd suffered in silence. It made me wonder about something, though … If he was prone to air sickness the way Emmett said, how come Edward hadn't known right away what it was? Had he thought it was something he'd eaten like Alice had? Or had he been feeling sick the past few days and just didn't want to say anything and risk getting left behind?

If I were him, it would probably be that last one. There would most likely never be a trip like this for any of us again and I know I'd do anything and everything to make sure I was a part of it.

"Twenty minutes," Alice said excitedly. I smiled at her, more for her attempt to somewhat be quiet and not wake Edward than for her cheeriness. Though, we'd have to wake him up soon enough so he could buckle himself in for the landing.

"Do you think he'll be feeling up to exploring once we get to the resort?" she asked.

"Don't know. He might be stubborn enough to come along no matter how he's feeling."

"You looked so worried earlier."

"Well, yeah, Ali. We're how many friggen feet up in the air? With no doctor around. Sick people on planes is scary shit."

"That too. But I meant when Emmett nearly got tased."

"I was at first. And then when I saw he would be okay, I wanted nothing more than to tease the big idiot."

"The past couple of weeks I've been so worried about how I'll deal with not having my big brother around every day that I forgot to think of you. You're as much his sister as I am."

"I'm honestly trying my best not to think of it. I can't picture life without Rose and Em around every day and I damn sure can't picture not having Edward around on top of that."

"Yeah, but Edward's coming back from his trip."

"And Em and Rose aren't."

"Maybe someday they'll move back out our way. Sure, Chicago and Boston are great and all, but we've got one thing those two cities don't."

"What's that?"

"Us," she chirped with a big smile.

I chuckled at her optimism.

The pilot came on then and told us to get ready for our landing. He also told us what a beautiful day it was in Hawaii and Emmett let out a loud "woot" followed by a "volcano here I come". That set off everyone else talking about what they wanted to do and even Edward joined in the conversation a little. He was still paler than usual, but he was no longer green or clammy. His words from earlier came back to me and I smiled as I thought of them _…With a start like this, it can only get better with each new day_.

* * *

**A/N:** What a start to their week! Next Saturday will have their first full day in Hawaii and with this gang, anything is possible! See you then!


	31. Aloha Wau Ia Oe

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Aloha Wau Ia Oe (I Love You), More Than Words**

**Chapter Song: "I Can't Help Falling In Love With You" by Elvis**

**Bella's POV:**

We landed in Hawaii just before one in the afternoon and by the time we'd found all of our bags and picked up the keys for the SUV we were renting for the week, it was almost two.

"Look how gorgeous!" Alice cried, pointing her chin toward the very lovely ladies waiting near the airport exit with armfuls of colorful leis. There were a couple of men with them and they all wore the same pattern. The ladies were in dresses of black with pink and white flowers printed on the fabric that wrapped around them at an angle. The men wore black shirts with the same flowers, but theirs went up and down in stripes.

Emmett and I looked at each other, grinned, and then left the rest behind as we hurried over for our leis.

"Aloha!" Emmett boomed out before anyone else could speak.

The group of men and women laughed and said the greeting back, addressing both of us. The woman I was standing closest to was a few inches taller than me and she had no trouble at all slipping the beautiful pink and white flowers around my neck. Em was so tall he had to bend forward and down a bit for the guy near him to get the purple and white lei over his head.

Emmett stood up to his full height, holding the lei in one hand and grinning at me. I probably had the exact same smile on my face since we were on the exact same wavelength. "I got leid," we said to each other and then we broke out into a fit of laughter.

"So damn childish," Rose said, bumping me out of the way with her hip. She was rougher with Emmett, putting her hand to his chest and pushing him backward.

He grabbed my arm and pulled me off to the side with him while the others got their greetings and flowers. "You and me, Bells. We were the first to be officially welcomed to Hawaii. That's good luck for us, my sister from another mother."

I smiled up at him as I hugged his arm. "That was great what you did for Edward on the plane."

Emmett shrugged, trying to seem like he didn't care. If his lips wouldn't have pulled up to the left, I'd have bought his little act. "I'm usually the one who forgets so it was nothing."

"You love your brother," I accused, pretty much singing the words to the big guy.

He snorted and smiled wide while putting his big hand on the top of my head and gently shaking it. "You're such a pain in the ass, you know that?"

"You know what would have been a real pain in your ass? If you'd have gotten tased there," I joked while trying and failing to pinch him in the side.

"Keep it up, Bells," Emmett said as he moved me away from him. "I'll push your ass in the volcano if you keep it up."

"Pele won't want me. I'll give her heartburn."

"Pele?"

"Dude! All that cartoon research and you didn't come across Pele?"

"Just tell me already," he demanded.

"Pele is the goddess of fire and volcanoes. If you take any lava rocks, you're removing a piece of her body and she'll come after you for it."

"I call bullshit."

"Call it whatever you want, Em. Just don't fuck with Pele."

The rest of our merry band of travelers joined us and we headed outside to find our SUV rental. The ride from the airport to the rental home in Haleiwa on Oahu Island took forty-five minutes, not that any of us noticed. We were all too enthralled with the scenery and beauty around us—except for poor Edward. He was knocked the fuck out next to me, not even twitching whenever Emmett started laughing at something in that booming voice of his.

We finally reached the resort house and Emmett brought the vehicle to a jerky stop, throwing it into park and jumping out of it to rush up to the front of the rental house with Alice right on his heels. It had been a long time since I'd seen them so excited and acting like little kids together. Jasper and Rose followed after them, taking their time and laughing at their partners. I watched them laughing and pushing as each struggled to be the first one into the house, the whole time thinking about what life would be like with the six of us separated by thousands of miles.

And then I remembered Rose's advice to stay in the moment and focus on having as much fun as possible on this trip. I shook away worries over separation and turned to Edward, finding that he was still fast asleep. After watching him for a minute, I slipped my fingers into his hair and softly kissed his cheek. "E, time to get up."

He didn't move at all, so I began to repeat the kiss, inching closer to his mouth with each one. Just before I reached his lips, he turned his torso, wrapped an arm around me, and pulled me close enough to press his face against my neck.

I smiled and ruffled his soft hair. "Hello, sleepyhead. Are you awake?"

"No." His gruff tone made me laugh.

"Then how are you answering me?" I asked.

"Ssh. Just let me hold you."

"How about we go inside and you find yourself a real bed to rest in?"

"Will you be in that bed with me?"

"Sorry, Cullen. While you were sleeping, Rose declared unpacking a mandatory activity. I'll be unloading bags while you dream of whatever's in that head of yours."

"You. And how much I love you."

I smiled and cupped my hand under his chin, lifting up until I could see those green eyes of his. "Let's go inside so you can sleep and I can unpack."

"I could help you."

"You can help by sleeping so you can come on the beach trip we're going on after the unpacking. That was Emmett's decree during the car ride here."

Edward groaned as he let go of me. "Fine. But if this is some kind of trick and you leave me sleeping—"

I put my fingers over his lips to stop him from saying anything he might not be able to take back. "I know this trip is as important to you as it is to me and everyone else. I'd never let you sleep through a group activity like this."

Edward grabbed my wrist and held my fingers tighter against his lips, giving them a kiss before pulling them away. "Thank you."

I smiled and gave him a small, quick kiss. "Welcome."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"We ready?" Emmett asked. From the way his eyes were flicking around, I was pretty damn sure he was doing a mental headcount. Not only that, but when his eyes landed on Edward, a little smile curled the big bear's lips. Of course, the moment he realized I'd seen it, he glared at me. I was beginning to suspect I would never _ever_ understand the odd ass relationship between Em and E.

"Bells, did you lather up?" Alice asked.

"Sixty proof, Ali girl," I assured her. "And this," I said as I pulled on the purple Dodgers cap Edward had surprised me with just moments ago.

When he'd pulled his own blue cap out of his bag, I'd started ranting about how great of an idea that was for keeping the sun out of his face and eyes and how silly I was for not thinking of it. That had somehow segued into a conversation about what might have caused Alice to slack in her usual role of accessory queen. Edward had suggested his sister's involvement in an alien body-snatching plot which had tickled me to no end for some damn reason. So after all of the laughing had stopped, Edward had reached into his bag, pulled out the purple hat, and tossed it my way. He'd also let me know acceptance of said hat in no way constituted an unspoken agreement for me to suddenly love baseball or his team. In exchange, I'd tackled him to the bed, kissed the hell out of him, and promised the kiss was total acceptance of my offer to rock his world tonight. And that was exactly the moment when Emmett had pounded on the door and demanded we be "front and center in five".

"You two look so fucking dorky right now," Rose said with a loud snort that immediately dispelled all pervy thoughts of Naked Edward from my mind.

"You say 'dorky' now, but when I'm the only one with a face that's not burnt tomorrow, you'll be changing that to 'lucky bitch'," I told her.

Alice and Rose exchanged a glance and then tore up the stairs, heading for their rooms. Edward and I had taken the downstairs bedroom while Alice and Jasper had picked out the room above us and Emmett and Rose had picked one on the other side of the house. I think everyone was hoping it would keep us from hearing anything those two might get up to. They were always pretty considerate in the apartment, but give them some room to work and the noise that came out of there … I just shook my head and laughed under my breath.

"What are you thinking?" Edward asked, pulling me tight against his side.

I tipped my hat back so I could see him clearly. "You're better off not knowing. New topic. Did you sleep enough?"

"Yeah, that hour was plenty. Though, I'm surprised it only took an hour for you girls to unpack considering how much Alice brought along with her."

"She's as much of a master at unpacking as she is at shoving all that crap in there in the first place."

"We're ready now," Alice trilled as she skipped down the last of the steps. She'd found herself a pink sun visor and Rose had on one of Emmett's many PSU caps. He rarely wore them, but loved to buy them for some crazy reason.

"Kualoa, here we come," Emmett yelled out as he pulled the front door open. He let Rose pass in front of him and then he cut in front of Alice and Jasper, laughing when they fussed at him.

"I wanna drive," I yelled out.

"Fat fucking chance," Em replied with a snort.

"Come on, Em. You know I'm the second best driver here."

He spun around and narrowed his brown eyes at me. "Who's the first?"

I smiled sweetly at him while linking my hands behind my back and rocking back on my heels—_I fake innocence so damn well_, I thought as I stared at my friend. "I'd never admit this to anyone but you, Em. The only person here who drives better than me is …" I paused on purpose and looked around like I was worried about being overheard.

"Who?" Emmett practically begged, leaning in close to me.

My smile widened as I turned my eyes toward the big guy. "Edward."

"Oh, fuck you!" Emmett roared, pushing me away from him. "Just for that, your ass isn't getting any driving privileges while we're here," he barked out as he stomped around the SUV and toward the driver door. "_My_ damn rental."

"Em, you know you love me," I called after him while laughing.

"Beelzebub, go back in your cage so we can all enjoy a relaxing trip," Rose warned me.

"Don't worry, Rosie. He'll forget about it before we even leave the driveway," I told her.

She pursed her lips and crossed her arms, clearly not believing that. She cut her blue eyes over to Edward. "Keep her occupied so she's not torturing your twin for all of our sakes."

Edward chuckled and grabbed my hips, dragging me away from Rose and toward the passenger side back door. "Don't worry, Rosalie. I've got just the thing to keep her focus off of teasing my brother."

"Oh, you do, do you?" I challenged as I let him help me into the SUV.

"You'll see," was all he would say.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"You can move while reading you know," Edward said, laughing just a little.

"Not when the story is this good," I replied, putting my finger down on the page so I wouldn't lose my spot. I turned my head and leaned in to meet him for a kiss.

I'd thought it would be a quick peck and then we'd jump right back into our books, but I really should have known better. A small kiss _always_ led to a long kiss with Edward—not that I would _ever_ complain.

I was grinning like an idiot when we finally broke for air. "This is great. You and me in the shade with interesting books. You did great, E."

"You aren't disappointed it's nothing more exciting, are you?"

"No," I said, smiling wide as I leaned in for another kiss. This time, we did keep it small. "We have all week for exciting adventures. Relaxing after that long ass plane ride is just what's needed."

Edward returned my smile. "I was really hoping a book on Hawaiian lore would be something you would enjoy."

"Are you enjoying your book?" I asked, looking over to see what page he was on. He'd picked up a book about Pearl Harbor for himself.

"It's amazing. All of these people completely had their lives changed and each reacted to it in a different way. Some were good and some weren't, but they kept going and trying. They were fighters." He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, giving me a smile so sweet I just barely resisted the urge to kiss him. "Like you."

I chuckled and rolled onto my side so that I had my back against his chest. "You're a goof, Cullen."

"And you don't take compliments very well, Swan," he said as he slipped his arm over my waist and pulled me tighter against him.

I ignored that and pointed my finger down toward the water. "Look at Em and Jazz. They're having such a blast just tossing the football back and forth."

Edward hummed his agreement while laying his head on mine. "I think my sister and Rose are having just as much fun ogling their shirtless men."

"The guys are pretty damn fine male specimens." As soon as I stopped speaking, I pressed my teeth into my bottom lip to keep from laughing.

Edward gave a little growl and tickled my side, making me laugh and wriggle around in his arms. "How about instead of trying to make me jealous, you tell me what you've learned from your book?"

I chuckled as I turned onto my back so I could see his face. "How about you make me?"

"Bells!" Jasper yelled out.

I sat up and turned my head in the direction his voice had come from.

He smiled and waved a hand. "We're going to play a game of touch and I need a partner."

"Edward's sitting right here, you know," I called out while pointing at my man.

Jasper made a face before turning his blue eyes toward Edward. "Ed, do you want to play?"

Edward chuckled, making it seem like there was some joke going on that I was missing. "No, thanks."

"Now will you come play?" Jasper asked, his eyes back on me.

Edward nudged me in the back with his long fingers. "Go on."

"What am I missing?" I questioned, looking over my shoulder at him.

"Nothing. I just don't like playing football with Emmett. It never stays touch for long when I'm involved. Besides that, he's teaming up with Rosalie and she can be a pretty dirty player when she wants. And since I didn't have the best flight over, I'd much rather stay right here and watch you play."

I studied his face and his eyes for a long, silent moment, trying to figure out why I had this nagging feeling when it seemed he was being honest. "You know you can tell me anything, right? I might tease, but I won't think any less of you, E. I promise."

"And I promise I don't want to play. So go on," he ordered, nudging me in the back again. "I'm fine."

"Alright. But come sit with Alice and help her keep accurate score. She gets bored and forgets to keep track of the points."

Edward nodded in agreement and we worked together to move the beach blanket, shade umbrella, books, and other crap everyone had dumped with us to keep in the shade; Rose and Alice had decided to make an attempt at tanning their arms and legs right away so they'd setup most of their stuff in the sun.

The girls helped us get everything setup on the sand by them and then Rose and I joined Em and Jazz closer to the water. "Keep it touch, Em, or we quit," Rose warned immediately.

"I will, Babe. I don't want to hurt my girl or my sister from another mother," he pledged. "And you two keep your damn nails to yourselves," he added, wagging his finger at us. "None of that clawing shit."

"Each goal is worth one point and we play to ten," Jasper instructed. "That tree over there …," he said while pointing, "…will be the goal line for Bella and me."

Emmett pointed at a tree just past where Edward and Alice were sitting. "Rose and I want that one right there."

"That's a good distance," Jasper agreed with a nod.

"And you two can have the ball first," Emmett added. "You're going to need the help," he said, laughing darkly.

"Remember you said that, Sasquatch," I warned him, smiling wickedly as I poked him in the chest with my finger. "You're going to eat those words."

"Right after you eat sand," he countered.

"Em, honey, _touch_ football," Rose reminded him.

After a few grumbles from the big guy, we picked quarterbacks and lined up to start the game. Jasper and I had agreed he should be our QB since he had a steadier hand and better aim than me.

Not one to ever pass up a chance to tease someone, I bent over the football and then turned my torso so I could see Jasper. "Don't get any ideas about feeling up my ass, Jazz. Ali won't like it."

He snorted and rolled his eyes at me. "I'm pretty sure Edward wouldn't like it either."

"So I guess we continue to keep our torrid love affair a secret then?"

He laughed while nodding his head. "Yeah, that seems best."

"Bells, stop stirring up shit and hike the damn ball," Rose demanded.

I laughed while straightening up and setting a hand on the football. "Call it, Jazz."

"Hut one. Hut two. Hike!"

I tossed the ball back to him and then took off running, not turning to look back until I was clear of Rosalie. Jasper dodged Emmett's massive arms by a tiny little hair and after stumbling for a moment, he found his footing, located me, and launched the football in my direction. I caught it with both arms and tucked it tight against my chest before daring to look for Rose and Emmett. The big guy was barreling towards me but I didn't see her so I turned to run for the goal line.

And found her standing behind me with a smug smile on her face and a hand on her hip. With her other hand, she reached out and tapped me in the forehead with a single finger. "Touch."

"You bitch!" I yelled at her. And then I started laughing right along with her.

"Gotta keep your eyes open there, Bells," she said as we walked toward the guys with her arm around my shoulders.

"Better luck next time, Bells," Jasper told me as I tossed him the football.

"So close, Bella!" Alice called out. "Great play, Rose," she added, doing her best to cheer for both sides.

Edward didn't seem to care about being neutral. "You'll get them next time, Angel."

I gave them both a smile and a wave before lining up next to Jasper. "Rose is going to quarterback so you should cover her and I'll handle Em," I whispered.

"Wouldn't it make more since for me to cover Emmett?" he asked.

"If we were playing tackle, hells yes. But it's touch and he'll want to show off in front of me, the little girl trying to touch the big burly caveman. I bet you he'll do some fancy move that usually works on a flat football field and end up slipping in the sand."

"And if he doesn't?"

I shrugged. "Then you cover him next time."

Jasper chuckled and held his fist out. "I'll follow your lead, Bells."

I bumped my fist against his just as Rose and Emmett came up to the line.

"Ready to watch us score?" Emmett asked, squatting down over the football.

"Really, Em? In full daylight and public view?" I asked. "That's crazy even for you two."

"Ha, ha," he mocked. "I meant score with the football."

"On three," Rose called out, interrupting our banter. "One. Two. Three!" She started backing up while Jasper darted to the right to go after her.

Emmett blew past me, but I quickly caught up to him. "You should really spare us conversations about toys, Sasquatch," I said, trying to distract him.

"Don't talk to me about toys. I _know_ what's in that bottom drawer of your dresser."

I laughed while dodging the elbow he tried to dig into my side. "Your jealousy is delicious, my friend."

"Bells, you better get ready for a taste of your own medicine because when I make this touchdown, I'm going to tease the shit out of you," he said, staring up and watching the spinning football come closer. As soon as he caught it, he lunged forward and out of my grasp—he also moved further away from his goal line.

"Wrong way, chunky monkey!" I called out, using one of the nicknames he hated most in the world.

He turned suddenly and gave a grunt when he found me right in front of him. "No shit, Sherlock," he said as he jerked his body to the right.

I did the same, blocking him once again. He wasn't close enough to touch, but he also couldn't move forward without putting himself within touching distance. I smiled wickedly at him and crooked a finger, inviting him closer. "Come on, big boy. I got something for you if you're brave enough to come get it."

Emmett snorted and then tried to dodge me on the left side.

"That all you got, Em?" I asked him, hoping to nick his ego and make him charge.

"No, no. Don't let us interrupt you two and actually play a game of football," Rose said, standing just to the right and a little behind Emmett.

Her voice caused the big guy to turn his head her way and the moment he did, I ran forward and touched his arm with both hands. His head immediately whipped back around to me and his brown eyes were the widest I could ever remember seeing them.

I smiled and leaned up on my tip-toes, kissing his cheek. "Touch."

"Friggen bullshit!" he cried, his head moving wildly as he tried to look at Rose and me at the same time.

Jasper's voice suddenly rang out. "That was the best play _ever_."

"Rose, did you forget what team you're on?" Alice asked from her spot in the shade next to Edward. My guy didn't say a word; he was too busy laying on his back while clutching his stomach and laughing his ass off.

"Yeah, real fucking funny," Emmett grumbled. "Rose, what the hell, baby?"

"Don't blame me. You distracted me first by bantering with Bella instead of running with the ball," she replied.

He grunted and shook his head. "Let's just line up and play," he said as he stomped away from us.

A half hour later, the score was tied five to five.

Forty minutes and two breaks after that, the score was nine to nine with the ball in Em's hands. He was trying to dodge Jasper while I was busy working on getting away from Rose to help Jazz out. I faked left twice before dodging to the right and almost ended up face-planting into the sand before I regained my balance. But by the time I stopped fumbling around, it was already too late. I watched helplessly as Emmett pulled off some twisty-turny move and zipped right past Jasper.

"Oh, hells yes!" Rose cried out from behind me.

"Winner!" Emmett roared, holding the football high up over his head. And then he pointed at Jasper and me. "Losers."

I set my arm on Jasper's shoulder. "Think we should burst his bubble and let him know we don't give a shit?"

"Nah," Jasper said with a laugh. "Let him have his win."

"So now that the game's over, mind explaining why Edward wasn't your choice for a partner?"

Jasper turned his blue eyes on me. "He never plays if Emmett's involved. The last time was the summer before senior year of high school. It started out as a touch game, but about halfway through Emmett charged Edward and knocked him hard to the ground. Edward had bruises up and down his back and a line across his chest from the impact with Emmett's forearm. So ever since, Edward only plays if Em's not around."

"And since it's football, Em is always around," I added.

Jasper nodded in agreement. "But don't judge either of them on how they've been in the past, Bells. They're trying to work things out in their own way."

"Yeah, I know. I'm proud of them for it too."

"Just try to remember that when they get annoyed with each other. For now, though, there's a certain someone looking to console you over our horrid loss," he said with a laugh. "And I'm gonna see if Ali will do the same for me."

We bumped fists and then he jogged over to Alice, settling in beside her on the blanket. Emmett and Rose were busy sitting in the sand and laughing, probably going over the details of their win.

And then there was Edward. He was leaning against one of the trees with his legs crossed, his hands in the pockets of his board shorts, and his eyes fixed solely on me. I smiled and crooked a finger, beckoning him over to me.

He smiled and pushed himself away from the tree, moving slowly toward me. As soon as he was close enough, I slipped my arms around his neck and twined my fingers into his hair, bringing his lips down to mine for a long, slow kiss.

When we broke apart, he chuckled while I hugged him tightly. "You don't seem all that broken up about the loss, Angel."

"What loss? I've got you, don't I?"

His own arms tightened around me and he laid his head on mine. "You do."

We were able to spend a few minutes just standing there and holding each other before Alice interrupted. She suggested we pack everything into the SUV and head back to the house for showers and food, and for once we were all in perfect agreement.

Dinner was another story. Ali and I wanted pizza—Hawaiian style, of course. Emmett and Jasper wanted steak while Rose wanted chicken. Edward said he didn't care because he wasn't all that hungry. In the end, no one got exactly what they wanted, but we did enjoy having Emmett be the chef for a change. He made a massive ham and cheese omelet topped with sour cream and we all dug in until there was no sign any food had ever been prepared. We even worked as a group to clean up the dishes and kitchen; it was one of those rare, amazing, perfect moments in life and I knew it would always be one of my favorite memories.

With everyone fed and everything clean, we broke off into couples with Alice and Jasper heading outside onto the patio while Rose and Emmett said "goodnight" and headed up to their room. Edward and I took one look at each other and went straight for our own room. It had been days since we'd had time together without interruption and this was a golden opportunity to correct that.

Edward locked the door the second it closed but I didn't trust that alone so I pushed the chair from the corner right up against the door to make sure no one got in here without our permission. I stood up and brushed my hands off, admiring my bright idea. Edward's chuckle caught my attention and I looked up to find him smiling at me.

I gave a nod toward the bed and got to enjoy the sight of his smile widening and his eyes lighting up. And then we were racing across the room and throwing ourselves onto the massive bed, giggling like a couple of little kids.

Our laughter tapered off quickly and we scooted closer to each other, enjoying the silence and peacefulness that replaced it.

"I have _really_ missed you," Edward said softly while holding me tightly.

I smiled against his neck and then kissed his skin. "I've missed you too."

"Let's stay right here and not move for the rest of the week."

"No way, Cullen. We have volcanoes to see and luaus to attend."

"Yeah, I know. And I did promise to find a waterfall with you."

"Yes, you did." A promise I'd made about him suddenly occurred to me and it took everything in me to act normal and not give anything away. "E, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?"

"I just want to clean my face real quick. I'll be right back."

He let me go but not before stealing a kiss. If I hadn't had plans for him, I'd have let him steal a hell of a lot more kisses than just one.

With the bathroom door closed and locked, I opened the cabinet and pulled out the bag I'd hidden in here earlier today when Edward had been napping. After setting it on the counter, I unzipped it and pulled out the surprise Rose had helped me pick out. I quickly slipped out of my baggy t-shirt and shorts and into the beautiful negligee I'd fallen in love with the second I'd seen it.

The satin slip felt like a second skin on me and the ivory color was only a few shades away from my own skin color. There wasn't a doubt in my mind he would love it and I couldn't wait to see the evidence of his approval.

After a double check to make sure everything was just right, I opened the bathroom door, ready to give Edward a night he wouldn't forget.

I found him fast asleep and the image was one _I_ wouldn't forget. He was curled around one of the pillows and facing the bathroom door; he'd fallen asleep waiting for me.

I smiled as I crossed the room quietly and turned out the lights. I was careful while crawling up into the big bed and cuddled right up behind him, draping my arm over his waist. For awhile, I just laid there in the dark listening to his breathing and thinking about our first day in Hawaii together. And then I made a decision that required me to get out of bed.

Slowly and silently, I opened the dresser drawer I'd claimed as mine and dug around until I found the small square piece of paper I was looking for. I brought it back to the bed with me and slipped it under Edward's pillow. Then I kissed his earlobe and whispered my words into his ear, unable to wait a second longer to say them. "I love you."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

It was the feeling of being watched that woke me. For a moment, there was only the green of his eyes. And then I noticed the sun wasn't up and the light in the room was coming from the cracked bathroom door. "Edward, why are you awake?"

"I didn't mean to wake you."

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah." He smiled and leaned in, pressing his lips to my forehead.

"Why are you up?"

"I had a dream that I didn't want to wake up from, so of course I did."

I scooted closer to him, knowing how awful of a feeling that was. "How long have you been up?"

"Not long." He shifted around and his buried his face in my hair, holding me tighter.

"E, are you sure you're ok?"

"Promise."

I let it go, choosing to enjoy the silence and the feel of his arms around me. He would tell me eventually—he always did.

A few minutes later, he spoke up. "Would you come somewhere with me?"

"What do you have in mind?"

"The beach. I want to watch the sunrise."

"I'm in," I said quickly, throwing back the covers and sitting up. Edward let out a loud groan and it took me a moment to figure out what had caused his reaction. "Oops," I chuckled, looking down at the satin covering my chest. "And surprise," I added, grinning at him.

"I fell asleep with you wearing _that_? I really am an idiot," he said, running a hand over the fabric covering my thigh.

While I pushed his hand away, I took a quick second to swallow down my laughter and get control so I wouldn't give anything away. "Yeah, you really lost out."

"I see that."

"I had this slinky, sexy nightie on and I had all these plans for rubbing up against you and letting you feel how smooth it is. I also had a few other ideas of what to do to you."

"Bel-la," he groaned as he reached out for me.

I easily dodged his hand while laughing at him. "What have I told you about falling asleep before me?"

He gave a snort and a big smile. "Yeah, it took a while for people to stop chanting my name at me in the dorm last semester."

"I'm a memorable gal," I joked, grinning at him.

"Yes you are," he agreed, sounding serious. "Will you promise to wear it again so I can enjoy it? I promise to stay awake for it."

I gave him a smirk while wrapping a throw blanket around myself. "I'll think about it while we watch the sunrise."

"Maybe we could stay in and you could let me enjoy it now?" he suggested while reaching across the bed and just barely missing the corner of the blanket.

I laughed as I moved further away from the bed. "Not going to happen, Cullen. You've got me all excited for a sunrise and I expect you to deliver."

He nodded in agreement even as he sighed and poked his lip out in a pout.

After grabbing a beach towel and moving the chair out of the way, we snuck through the house and out the sliding glass doors leading onto the patio. We took our time walking through the sand and picked a spot that seemed far enough from the water to stay dry if the tide came further in. Edward spread out the beach towel and once he was sitting on it, I put the throw blanket around his shoulders. I curled right up in his lap and his arms folded around me, sealing me between his body and the blanket.

We had water around Forks and Portland, but nothing like this. As far as I could make out, there was only the sea painted a dull gray by the pre-dawn light. Small waves lapped at the sand in front of us, turning it a dark brown wherever it touched. And no sooner than the water rolled up onto the beach, it pulled back and rejoined the sea.

The gray in the sky began to turn a pale orange right in front of my eyes and the rim of the sun seemed to rise up straight from the water. My heart started to beat faster and my fingers tingled; I was often up when the sun rose but something about watching it here had me excited. Maybe it was that there was nothing blocking my view—no trees or houses or apartment buildings. Or maybe it was just getting to watch something so beautiful with the man I loved. It felt a little weird to just openly declare it in my head that way, but I didn't doubt the truth of it for a second. And also, the weird factor wasn't anywhere near as strong as the _right_ factor.

I'd loved him for awhile now but with everything that had happened during Valentine's, I'd been too afraid to accept my feelings and all the consequences that came with them. Loving someone meant putting them first to a certain degree and opening yourself up to having that reciprocated. It also meant a new level of vulnerability and the potential for hurt and pain. I hadn't felt ready for that kind of commitment to myself and to him. But things had changed yesterday. Being more concerned with how Edward was feeling than with anyone or anything—even the entire island of Hawaii—a person didn't feel that way for someone else unless they loved them. And if I was a hundred percent certain I loved him romantically and knew he loved me the same way, then there was nothing to worry about anymore and I was free to say it.

But I didn't want to just blurt it out. I wanted to make sure he understood why it had taken me so long to say it again and what it meant to me to say those words to him. I wanted him to know it wasn't a fear of him that kept me quiet—it was the fear of _hurting_ him. And also, I didn't want to hurt myself. Everything with him was just so much more intense than what I was used to feeling.

The sun was halfway out of the water when I spoke up and broke the silence. "Remember you asked me what I was reading yesterday?"

"Yes."

"I didn't think I would like it at first because it was a romantic story and I'm not really a fan of those. They just seem too easy to me. People meet, fall for each other, have a small bit of drama, and then life becomes perfect. That's not real. It's not how even a single day of my life has ever gone. But this one was different because it wasn't immediate 'I need you forever'. At least not for both of the people.

"The guy was called Hiku and he was a demi-god. He came down from his mountain to see the village below it and met the princess of the village, Kawelu. In the beginning, she liked him much more than he liked her. She tried to keep him with her against his will, but he escaped and went back to his home. He didn't leave because he didn't care for her, but because he'd made a promise to his mother not to stay too long in the village but Kawelu didn't know that. She assumed he didn't want her the way she needed him.

"Kawelu was so heartbroken without him that she stopped eating, drinking, and talking. Within a week, she died. Word of her death reached Hiku and he immediately raced to her side to see for himself. Seeing her lying there, he knew he needed her in his life. After convincing her family and friends to help him, Hiku snuck into the underworld and found Kawelu's spirit. He tricked her into joining him on this swing made of vines. Her family and friends held each end of the vine and once they saw her with Hiku, they started to pull them up from the underworld and toward the surface. When she figured out what was happening, she tried to get away so he captured her spirit between two coconut shells and held her close to his chest. Her family and friends pulled him out of the underworld and followed him back to the village.

"Kneeling at Kawelu's feet, Hiku cut her toe and shoved her spirit inside of the opening. Then he bandaged the wound to make sure her spirit couldn't flee and started to massage upward from her foot, kneading and pushing the spirit up her leg and distributing it through her body. When her spirit reached her heart, it began to beat and she opened her eyes. She found him kneeling over her and smiling down at her and she asked him why he'd left, remembering nothing about her death or the underworld. He smiled at her and from then on, they were never separated.

"I like the story because they're not perfect. Not in how they felt for each other at first, or how they reacted to each other each time they were together. And even though the story ends saying they were never separated, I don't have the feeling life was unrealistically perfect. They're flawed characters so of course their relationship will have flaws. Probably not any so big as her dying and him going after her spirit, but not uninterrupted harmony either.

"I don't know," I finished with a shrug. "That's just me."

Edward kissed my cheek and then put his chin on my shoulder. "Sticking to what's real and factual is your way of staying safe. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I just hope that once in awhile, you can open yourself up so you can enjoy a little fairytale treatment. Life won't always be perfect, but we can make perfect moments if we try."

I pulled out of his hold and stood, offering him my hand. "So let's go make a perfect moment."

I definitely didn't have to ask twice and if I wasn't just as much in a hurry as he was, I would have laughed at the way we were rushing toward the house and our room.

With the door locked and barricaded once again, I gave Edward a sexy smirk while pushing him back toward the bed. His knees hit and he sat down, reaching his hands out to me. I let him set his long fingers on my hips and pull me to stand between his legs.

I put my hands on his cheeks and tilted his face up as I bent down to give him a soft, sweet kiss. Being gentle after the rush to get here must have confused him because when I pulled back, his forehead was full of lines. That wasn't the look I wanted for him right now.

With warmth in my heart and a solid conviction behind my words, I said what would get me the smile I was after. "I love you."

His confused look quickly changed to startled and his green eyes grew wide. This too was not the look I wanted for him.

"I love you," I said, speaking the words slowly.

And there it was—the look I'd wanted and dreamed about. His lips were pulled up in that smile he'd shown only a few times before, the one I swore could light up buildings with the power behind it. And his eyes—such a vibrant and bright green with a bit of a watery shine to them.

"Say it again." He pleaded with his voice, his death grip on my hips, and his blindingly bright smile.

I bent down even more so that our noses nearly touched. "I, Bella Swan, love you, Edward Cullen."

He probably would have asked me to say it a few more times if he hadn't been busy sealing my lips with his kiss. I could feel his joy, his excitement, and even his relief. He had his words and he knew I meant them with everything in me.

He broke our kiss and stood, removing his shirt and then my slip. There was a hunger in his eyes and I could feel it in my own. It seemed certain things were going to get hot and heavy quickly and he would have the morning sex I'd promised him months ago.

But we didn't have sex that morning. We did something completely different and something I had definitely never done before. And we did so much more than make love. We shared love and felt love—every word we spoke … every brush of our lips and meeting of our hips … every whisper of "I love you" that fell from his lips and was met with one my own. Not once did any part of it feel obligated or expected. It all felt _perfect_; a perfect moment in an otherwise imperfect and normal life.

And when it was over, Edward's giant, blinding smile was still on his face. "It's going to stick that way," I warned him, tracing the curve of his lips with my fingertip.

"I don't care," he said, tightening his arms around me.

"You're going to get teased mercilessly by your twin. Hell, I'm gonna have to tease your ass if you keep it up."

"I. Don't. Care." He punctuated each word with a kiss and then brought his lips to my ear. "You love me."

I chuckled and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling his cheek against mine. "I love you."

"One more time," he begged, pulling back to look at me.

"You first," I countered, having a pretty damn big smile on my own face.

"I love you, Bella."

"I love …" I paused and tilted my head so I was looking up through my lashes, "… pizza and motorcycles and Hawaii."

Edward growled and rolled us so that he was on top and sitting up enough to tickle my sides.

"Stop it," I gasped out between laughs and fighting to push his hands away.

"Say it."

"Not until you stop."

"Say it first."

"No, I don't want to laugh."

Edward stopped tickling me and brought his forehead to rest against mine. "Why not? You love laughing."

"It's too new. I don't want to laugh and risk you thinking it's a joke or something."

"I won't think that, Bella. I know you're not like that. You tease to have fun and show you care. You would never use it to hurt someone you cared about." He seemed like he really believed that, but I couldn't leave any room for doubt with him—not with this.

"I want to give you something," I said, pushing against his chest until he rolled off of me. I turned onto my side and reached under the pillow he'd slept on last night, pulling out the square of paper.

Edward knew right away what it was and I could see in his face how badly he wanted to take hold of the paper—but he waited for me to give it to him. I set it onto the palm of his hand and then I kissed him, showing him exactly what I'd been telling him this morning.

He was too excited for the paper to really get into the kiss and I didn't take it personally; I would have felt the same if things were reversed. He sat up in the bed and brought me over to sit in his lap before unfolding the paper square I'd given to him. Even though I knew by heart what it said, I silently read over the words I'd written back in February once again.

_E,_

_I know you've been waiting for this and wondering if I would say it. You've probably even wondered if I'm capable at all of feeling it, much less admitting it. I want you to know and to believe that any hesitation on my part has been to make sure I don't hurt you, not because my feelings for you aren't strong. They are, Edward. They're so strong that sometimes I find my eyes welling up with tears for no reason I can explain to myself much less anyone else. If you can bring me to the point of tears just by being in my life, what will you be able to do to me if I love you? More importantly, what can I do to you?_

_I've tried to talk to Ali and Rose about it, but they're experiences are so different from mine and they can trust themselves so easily. I spent too many years lying to myself and the people around me and even though I haven't been that liar for many years, I have this need to check and re-check to make sure she hasn't snuck back inside of me somehow. When you hear those words from my lips, I want us both to be sure that I mean them completely. I don't want there to be any doubts about why I'm saying them. I want us to know that in my heart, there's a romantic love for you and a desire to possess you as much as be possessed by you. I need to look at you and know that my desire for you comes from my love for you and not just some physical want._

_And I needed to be sure I wasn't confusing my want and need of our friendship for something more only to find out later that those feelings weren't romantic. I couldn't take a chance of hurting either of us that way. The funny thing is, that's how I finally figured it out, Edward. I've never cared more about my partner being hurt than my own self getting injured. No, that's not completely honest and I know that's important when taking a step like this. I did feel that way once. It was my first relationship and as you know, the feelings weren't mutual. Part of me is worried this isn't the appropriate time or place for this, but there's a surety at the same time that this is right. Maybe it might not be right for some other couple, but for us I really think it is._

_I've told you my first boyfriend was Mike Newton. I told you I believed I loved him and him me. What I didn't tell you is that we both said the words. We said them within a few weeks of starting to date and we said them often. Right up until the day he took my virginity on his bedroom floor. I think he might have said it once or twice after that, but by then I was meeting with all those doctors and he wouldn't come with me so they felt like empty words instead of sweet promises. I was the last to say them. I had stopped at his house after a particularly grueling round of poking and prodding and all I'd wanted was to be held and feel loved. He said he was busy. I started to cry and I told him that I loved him. I begged him to tell me he still felt the same. Instead, he told me he was a real man who needed a real woman, not some broken little girl. He told me I had too much drama going on and that he didn't want to see me anymore._

_For most of the summer, I believed he was right about me, that I was broken and useless. And then one afternoon, I got mad. I got mad at everyone who had ever treated me badly, written me off, or told me I couldn't do something. I went out to the cliffs to prove them all wrong by pulling off a perfect dive. You know the rest._

_The reason I'm telling you this is so that you can understand how much I mean what I say and how those words don't come from my lips lightly. I know how much they weigh and mean, and I know the consequences that come when one person means them more than the other. I know how it hurts and I would never and will __never__ hurt you that way. Whether we really do make this work and last, or we crash and burn it all up within a few months, I'll always be grateful to you. I'll always consider you my true first love because I know you feel the same for me that I do for you. I love you. With all of my heart, I love you, Edward. And with my love comes my loyalty and a promise to always be as honest as possible with you. I don't give these parts of myself easily or often so I have to ask you to please be careful with them. I'm not nearly as strong as people think I am._

_I hope you won't feel I took too long or that I was silly for wanting to make absolute sure. I hope reading the words and then hearing me say them leaves you assured that I really feel this way for you. And I hope it will always feel so warm to care so deeply for you._

_I love you._

_Bella_

Edward set the paper onto the bed and turned me in his lap so we were facing each other. Time seemed to spin out in front of us with neither of us speaking and I started to worry that maybe my letter hadn't been the insightful glimpse into my heart I'd thought it was.

"Don't," he said softly, setting his hand against my face. "Don't doubt yourself that way. Your letter answers so many questions for me, Bella. I can see how you poured yourself into it and I know every word of it was the honest truth."

I nodded in agreement. "That story I told you about Hiku and Kawelu … I was trying to explain to you that the difference in our feelings was the thing I had been trying to work out. I knew what I felt for you was stronger and more intense than anything I've felt for anyone else, but I didn't know if it was romantic love. I needed to be one hundred percent certain it was before saying anything."

"I can understand that. But I do have one more question for you … In the beginning, the thing with Bree, were you trying to push me away to protect yourself? Did you try to not love me?"

I smiled just from being able to answer his question without even having to think about it. "No. Bree was an honest and novice mistake on my part. And the things that happened in February … Well, we both had equal blame in that but it wasn't any kind of attempt to deny my feelings for you. And I really think even if I had tried not to, I couldn't have helped falling in love with you."

Edward's smile and _very_ thorough kiss were all the assurance I needed to believe he'd liked my answer and that he believed both my words and my letter.

Our kiss was right on the verge of becoming more when our door was pounded on. "Breakfast in twenty and we leave for the volcano tour in forty. If you're late, you get left," Emmett declared.

We stayed quiet and waited for him to go away, listening intently for the sounds of him retreating.

"Are you as tired of getting interrupted as I am?" I whispered to Edward.

"More so," he replied. He tugged gently on my arms and I let him pull me forward so our naked chests were touching.

"You heard him. He really will leave us," I warned.

From the way Edward was kissing me, I was pretty damn sure he didn't care if we got left. But I did. Seeing a real volcano was one of those once in a lifetime things and I knew we would both regret it if we missed out so I pulled away from the kiss.

I took his face into my hands, mostly to keep him from kissing me again and making me forget why I'd stopped in the first place. "We can pick this up tonight."

"We don't really need breakfast."

"Yes, we do. It's an all day tour and full stomachs are important. You don't want to end up queasy again."

"We're taking snacks and water bottles like the brochure said to do."

I chuckled and shook my head "no". And then I gave him one small, tiny kiss. "I'll still love you tonight."

"Promise?"

"E, I'll love you all day, all night, and if you're really good, I'll even toss in tomorrow," I said, smiling wide so he would know I was teasing.

"I love you, too." His face and eyes were so serious and I knew he could tell that behind my teasing was my truth. I loved him and it was real—for both of us this time.

* * *

**A/N: **What a start! Family football on the beach the first day and those magical three words on the very next morning! Next Saturday, they'll be off on a Volcano tour and there's no telling what will happen with this group!


	32. Hoaloha

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, sex, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Hoaloha (Beloved Friend)**

**Chapter Song: "Rock-A-Hula Baby" by Elvis**

**Bella's POV:**

"Here," I said as I tossed Edward a tube of sunscreen.

"All done?" he asked as he caught it. He had that damn lopsided grin on his face, trying to act all innocent. He knew damn well it was his fault it had taken me forever to get the sunscreen on—he'd kept interrupting me with kisses and pleas to hear those three words again and again.

I flipped him and his innocent act off before answering his question. "Yeah, but make sure it gets into my bag. This is an all day tour so I'll need to reapply at some point."

"I can't believe how much stuff they're packing into the day. Black sand beaches, lunch at the volcano country club, and the Liliuokalani Gardens."

"Don't forget the actual volcano itself and the lava tube. I am so damn excited for the tube, E," I called out, jumping around in front of the bathroom mirror.

"I can hear," he replied, laughing at me.

I poked my tongue at my reflection, knowing full well I was begging to be laughed at with my current level of excitement. "Emmett is really racking up the awesome friend points with this trip."

"Bella, have you seen—never mind. Found it."

I chuckled as I came out of the bathroom, stuffing a few loose strands under my Dodgers cap; it matched the purple sundress Alice had bought me for the trip almost perfectly. "What did you find?"

Edward held up a black a-shirt that would go perfectly with his board shorts. The pair he was wearing today was black with red piping down the sides and on the pockets. He must have approved of my outfit as much as I did his because I was suddenly wrapped up in his arms and on the receiving end of one very hot little kiss. _Jeebus! How the hell does this man always taste so damn good?_

His lips moved down to my neck, peppering my skin with small kisses. The man had to know how distracting this shit was and yet he still asked me questions while doing it. "Do you have anything else you want me to pack in your bag for you? An extra outfit or something?"

Reluctantly—oh so damn reluctantly—I pulled myself out of his arms and away from his distracting lips. "You put the sunscreen and fresh socks, right?"

"Yeah. I also put a couple of towels in each bag."

"Coffee and breakfast are ready! Come and get it or starve," Alice commanded loudly from right outside of the room.

"Let's go, let's go," I urged, pushing Edward toward the door.

He laughed as he let me move him across the room and eventually out of the door. After dropping our bags in the front hall, we headed into the kitchen together.

"Morning," Alice greeted with a cheery smile. She'd decided to wear her yellow sundress for our excursion today and I wasn't the least bit surprised to see she'd made Jasper match. He had on gray board shorts with yellow and white swatches, matching her dress perfectly, and paired with a white a-shirt.

"Smells good," Edward said as he bent down and kissed his sister's cheek.

Her smile widened and she offered him a mug. "I made you the tea you like."

"Hey, how does he get mug service and I only get an announcement that coffee was made," I asked, pretending to be upset.

"Here," Jasper said, chuckling as he slid a cup toward me. "Yours was made second to mine and then she fixed the tea."

"Perfect pecking order," I joked, winking at Alice and Edward.

Jasper snorted beside me. "I'm shocked. I'd have thought you would demand to be first."

I hugged his arm and gave him a big smile. "Had you not gotten around to putting that big ass rock on her dainty little finger, I'd damn sure demand to be first in line. But since you plan on being her husband and spending your life worshiping our little fairy princess, you can be served first."

"It's an honor to have your permission," he joked.

"It's a privilege for you to get it," I shot back.

"Shut up and drink your coffee," he said with a laugh as he peeled my hands off his arm.

I was still laughing over our silliness when Rose sidled up next to me, stole my coffee cup, and set her elbows on the breakfast bar top, holding _my_ cup in her hands and drinking _my_ coffee. She made a big production out of swallowing and moaning over the drink and then gave me a shit-eating grin. "Delicious."

"Bitch."

Rose laughed and gave my cup back. "Love you too, Bells."

I only rolled my eyes at her, more focused on _finally_ getting a sip of my own damn coffee.

"I know in my head it's there and yet I'm still shocked when I see it," Rose mentioned.

"See what?" I asked, looking up at her.

She jutted her chin toward Edward. "His tattoo."

"Ooh, that's right," Alice squealed, grabbing her brother's shoulder and turning his back to her. "It really is gorgeous, Edward. Why don't you show it off more often? If your back gets tan, will it do anything to it? Did it hurt a lot when you got it? Does it hurt at all now? And ooh! Have you told Mom and Dad about it yet?"

Edward ignored everything but her last question. "No. I haven't been home and it's a conversation Mom would definitely prefer to have in person," he answered while quickly slipping his shirt over his head.

"Don't be chickenshit," Emmett bellowed as he sauntered into the kitchen. "That tat is the most adventurous thing you've done in years. Leave the shirt off and wear that shit proudly."

"I'm very proud of it, but I don't need the world to know it's there," Edward replied, looking right at me as he said the words. The others didn't always understand—hell, _I_ didn't always get it—but Edward preferred a low-key existence. He'd wanted his tattoo, he'd gotten it, and I knew it was there; that was all he needed to be happy. He didn't care if anyone else ever found out about it and only planned on telling Carlisle and Esme out of respect for them.

My musings over my man were interrupted by a flash of very bright pink catching my eye. "Em, what the freakin' fudge are you wearing, dude?" I cried, pointing at his shorts. They were black with _bright_ pink diagonal stripes.

"Don't knock my shorts, Bells. Pink is the shit this summer," he said, looking down at himself.

"If you've hit your head and this summer is in 1982, then sure," I replied. "Otherwise, that shit is eye-torture."

"They're not that bad," Alice piped up. Had it not been for her nose wrinkling and giving her away, I would have believed her little white lie.

"Forget about my damn shorts," Emmett ordered. "Let's get back to the tattoo on my twin here," he said, gripping the back of Edward's neck.

"Jealous?" Edward asked, smiling at his brother.

Emmett shook Edward by the neck and then pulled him under his arm. "Fuck yes, you little bitch. I can't believe you beat me to it."

"Don't even," I said with a snort. "I dragged you down to meet Drake and get a tat last year and your big hairy ass chickened out at the last minute."

"Bullshit," Emmett bellowed, pointing a meaty finger at me. "You know damn well I only changed my mind because I wanted it on my shoulder and I had a game the next day and didn't want to chance messing it up."

"Not to be the only adult in the room—" Rose began before Jasper interrupted her with a cough. "_Besides_ Jasper," she added, rolling her eyes at her cousin. "But we really need to be eating so we can leave. We'll have plenty of time to tease each other during the volcano tour."

"Promise?" I joked, nudging her with my elbow.

"You can spank me if I'm wrong," she offered.

Emmett's jaw dropped at her comment and there was no way in hell I could pass up the chance to mess with him. I smiled at Rose, running my fingertip down her arm. "Can I spank you anyway?"

Rose gave me a wink Emmett couldn't see and then leaned down, putting her lips just inches from mine. "Hand or belt?"

"Hand so I can rub the spot after."

Rose bit her lip and fluttered her lashes, letting out a little moan for extra effect. For my part, I licked my lips and leaned up to kiss her on the corner of her mouth.

But instead of touching Rose's lips, I was dipped backward and attacked by Edward much to everyone's enjoyment including my own. Just as I was really getting into the very yummy possessive-as-all-hell kiss, Emmett ruined it by booing his brother for stopping what he called a "hot chick make-out moment".

I smiled at Edward while tugging lightly at his hair. "Kiss over, now sit me up."

"No," he replied, giving me a cocky grin. "Payment first."

"I just kissed you," I argued.

"Wrong. _I_ kissed _you_. Now as my payment, I want to hear three words from you."

"Green eyed fool?"

"Nope."

"Sexy freakin' bastard?"

"Nice, but no."

"Come on, E!" I cried, trying to pull myself up with his arms. "I can feel my face getting all red."

His response was to laugh at me. "Then you better hurry."

I relented with a sigh and a mumble of "fine" before letting myself smile—I was honestly enjoying seeing him so excited to hear it again and again. I looked him right in those gorgeous green eyes of his and told him exactly how I felt about him. "I love you."

My words brought a soft smile to Edward's lips and then his mouth to mine for a sweet kiss. It also caused there to be three shocked gasps and one very loud "holy shit".

Cries of "oh my god", "when the hell", and "why didn't you tell us" filled my ears as Alice and Rose pulled me away from Edward and into their arms.

"Give my girlfriend back, please," Edward called out.

"Let the woman breathe," Jasper yelled.

"Fuck breathing. Get to explaining," Emmett demanded.

"So the real deal?" Rose asked, blatantly ignoring the guys and looking only at me.

"Not brotherly love or family love, but love-love?" Alice added.

I couldn't help but laugh at their mixed expressions, both of them looking as nervous as they did hopeful. That dual mix of shit was what I'd been going through non-stop since February and it felt good to have someone else feeling it for a change.

"Yeah, it's the real deal, ladies," I said. "I love his goofy, cheesy, amazingly sweet ass. Oh, and firm. But squeezable still too."

"Seriously, Bella," Rose demanded.

"Yeah, be serious," Alice agreed, shaking my shoulder lightly.

"I am being one hundred percent serious," I said as I pulled away from them and grabbed Edward's arm. I pulled him close and wrapped both of my arms around his torso, mirroring his wide smile. "I love Edward Cullen. Romantically, probably a little foolishly, and damn sure irrevocably."

"Same here," he said with a little laugh. And then he leaned down and pecked me on the lips. "I love you."

"Love you. Kiss you. Smoochie, smoochie," Emmett cawed in a horrible high-pitched voice.

"Emmett, stop being a damn douche," Jasper demanded, beating me to it.

"What? All I'm saying is there's plenty of time for that shit later. Right now, we have fifteen minutes before we need to leave for the hotel where we catch the bus for the tour. If we're late, we don't go. And while I'm happy for Bells …" Emmett's brown eyes flickered toward Edward and me for just a moment, "…and my brother, I'm not missing my volcano tour for nobody."

It was as close as Emmett was going to get to admitting he was happy about the change between his brother and me so we left it at that and busied ourselves with eating a quick breakfast. And in between bites, we listed all of the things we were excited to do and see together today. We were all in a great mood and I was sure it would be a great day. And even if it wasn't, it couldn't change how amazing my very early morning alone with Edward had been. _So far, best Sunday ever!_

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Bite?" Edward offered, holding his snack bar out to me.

"Like you friggen need to ask," I said as I took it from him. He'd found these amazing peanut butter bars a couple of weeks ago and they'd quickly become a favorite of mine. Knowing that, my very considerate man had packed some for the trip.

He reached out with his index finger and swiped at the corner of my mouth. I nudged him away with my elbow while he laughed and held his finger up for me to see the peanut butter there. So to get him back, I quickly leaned forward and grabbed his finger between my teeth, swiping my tongue across the pad of it. Edward was so damn shocked he stopped walking.

It was my turn to laugh as I released his finger. "Don't mess with the master, Cullen."

"You are shameless, Swan," he said as he caught up with me.

I ignored his comment in favor of humming my enjoyment for the snack bar. I swallowed part of my bite and then covered my mouth to hide the rest. "Babe, do you have the water in your bag or do I have it?"

"We each have a bottle." He started laughing but I was too thirsty to deal with it right then.

"What?" I asked once I had my backpack off and was digging through it. "Why are you laughing?"

"Nothing." That lopsided grin of his told me it was definitely something.

"What's up, E?"

He reached over and took my bag from me, freeing my hands for my water bottle. "It's nothing."

"It's something if you're laughing and smiling."

He only shrugged his shoulder.

"Would you just tell me already and save us some time? You know if I decide to stop walking and torture the info out of you, you'll deliver."

"It's not a bad thing."

"I didn't assume it was with the way you were grinning like a damn fool."

He reached out and took my free hand into his, rubbing his thumb across the back of it. "You called me 'babe'."

"The hell I did," I replied, positive he was trying to play some kind of joke on me.

He used my hand to pull me against his side and then wrapped his arm around my waist. "Yes, you did. You've said it a couple of times now when you've been focused only on me. You did it in the apartment before we left, on the plane when I wasn't feeling well, and just now."

All I got out in response was the ever brilliant "huh".

"Have you ever had a pet-name for the person you were with?" he asked.

"No. I've called guys earned titles like 'Johnny Come Early' and 'Small Prick After All'. Oh and once Rose came up with 'Foul Fucker' which worked in two ways because the guy turned out to be a raging dick and had this stinky as all hell leather jacket he constantly wore."

"Sometimes, I almost think you're making this stuff up."

"Actually, that time I was. I don't give nicknames or pet-names or whatever you want to call them to just anyone. To me, it's a sign of caring so I have to actually care first. A few times over the years, I got almost close, but then something would happen and the relationship would end. Usually it was from them getting pissed for my relationship with Em. You see me lounging on the sofa with him and don't think twice about it. They would see it and flip out. Not in front of Emmett, of course. They were all too chickenshit for that, but as soon as we would leave to go wherever we'd planned to hang out I'd have to deal with jealous male bullshit. I guess that's why I stopped looking to be in a relationship. Going through date after date to get to where I trusted them enough to let them near the apartment and my family just to have them act a damn fool after …" I shrugged. "It just didn't seem worth the trouble."

"Please don't get offended because I'm honestly just trying to learn more about you. Did you ever stick it out with any of them just for the sex?"

I lowered my head and bit at my lip, wondering how long it was going to take me to convince him I was telling him the truth on this. Between my mouth and how much I enjoyed being with him, I was pretty sure he was going to call bullshit on me.

"Are you embarrassed?" Edward asked, hugging me against his side.

"No," I said as I lifted my head and looked up at him. "I don't have anything to be embarrassed about. I've never stuck it out with any guy because of the sex. In fact, I haven't had that much sex with the guys I've dated. I don't even consider sleeping with a guy until I like him enough to introduce him to my family and that hasn't happened often."

Edward had that really cute confused look on his face where his forehead filled up with lines and the corners of his lips turned down. "What?"

I laughed at his reaction. "I'm saying I've slept with four guys, including you. After what happened with he-who-will-not-be-named, I swore off sex. I just wanted to party and drink, and sleeping around was the last thing on my mind. When I stopped being DC Bella, I got really into my school work and wanting a scholarship for college so there just wasn't time for a guy. Plus, I was so busy hanging with Alice and the gang I didn't even notice I didn't have anyone. And also, I've always been able to take care of my own self so a lack of pleasure was never a motivator for my dating life."

"So when did the other two of your four come along?"

"One was in St. Barts during that graduation trip Alice and I took together. He was also my only one-night stand and if I hadn't felt such an instant connection to him, it never would have happened. And we had spent the entire day together so it wasn't like I saw him, yanked him into an empty room, and jumped the shit out of him. I am well aware that I come off that way and I think it stems from my jokes being taken seriously by people who don't know me. But a false rep isn't about to stop me from doing what I enjoy so I keep teasing. Besides, Em and the gang would be so lost without me constantly giving them shit."

Edward pressed his lips against my temple. "When we first started dating, I would have quickly said I could do without being teased so often. But not anymore. Not when I know what it really means and how it feels to not have it."

"Your taking all of this much better than I thought you would have. I was pretty sure you'd call bullshit and it would take forever to get you to believe me."

"For just a second, I thought you were joking around, but then you looked right at me and I could see in these beautiful brown eyes of yours that you were being serious."

I chuckled and tugged on the side of his shirt. "Is this the part where you break into song and serenade me with Van Morrison's 'Brown Eyed Girl'? I'm okay with it if it is, just so you know."

"No. No it's not," he answered immediately and firmly. "My siblings are just ahead of us and there are a few couples behind us. That does not constitute being alone."

"Yes, but you also said it would be last night and you fell asleep on me. No song and no enjoyment of my silky slip. I was heartbroken, E."

"_Now_ you're teasing and it's only going to get you further away from what you want."

"Can't," I argued, shaking my head and smiling up at him. And then I locked both of my arms around his torso. "I already have exactly what I want."

"Would you two hurry the hell up?" Emmett barked out from ahead of us. "Rose won't let me go into the lava tube until you guys are with us."

For just a moment, I seriously considered getting Edward to walk even slower with me, but then I decided to take pity on Emmett and show him some love by stepping up my pace.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Can you believe how freakin' gorgeous this place is?" Rose asked.

No one said anything in response. We just continued to enjoy our spot in the late afternoon shade and the beautiful garden view in front of us. Even Emmett was speechless in the face of so much natural beauty.

It was hard to believe it was close to dusk and that the tour was nearly over. It was just such an amazing experience that we didn't notice how quickly time was flying. We'd already been inside the lava tube, visited the black sand beaches, and had even been able to see the rainbows forming at Rainbow Falls. Now we were sitting in the shade at the Liliuokalani Garden, just kicking back and relaxing until it was time for the last part of our tour—the volcano and lava viewing at night.

"Favorite part," Alice demanded, taking hold of my hand.

I smiled and squeezed her fingers while trying to pick just one thing. "Probably being in the lava tube. Knowing we were underground and having that orangey glow from the lights really made it unreal."

"Yeah, I was waiting for it to turn into some cheesy horror movie," Rose added with a laugh. "Something like _The Hills Have Eyes_."

"Ew!" Alice cried, hugging herself against my side and nearly knocking me over. "Bella, make her stop."

"Jeebus, Rosalie. Why do you do that shit?" I yelled at her. She was too busy laughing to answer me. For a damn week and a half after watching that stupid ass movie, Alice had slept in my bed with me with the damn bathroom light on and the door wide open. Any mention of the movie immediately had her looking to jump into my arms and hide even though it had been like three years since we'd seen the damn thing.

"Come here, Ali," Jasper soothed as he pulled her off of me and into his lap. "Ignore my mean cousin and focus on the beautiful gardens you're sitting in."

"I've got this," Emmett said as he jumped up to his feet. "Ali, stop hiding under Jazz's arm and pay attention." While he waited for Alice to look up at him, he slipped his earbuds out of his pocket and into his ears.

"No!" I gasped out. He'd been threatening to do a live performance since he'd announced the trip.

"Shut up," Rose demanded, pinching my arm. "I wanna video this to send back home to everyone."

"I want copies," I said quickly.

A smile curled on her lips as she turned her video camera on and pointed it at the big guy.

"Baby sister, you looking?" Emmett asked, giving Alice a big grin.

Her own smile was nearly as wide as she quickly nodded her head. My exuberant little best friend was vibrating with her excitement over what was coming our way.

Emmett dramatically cleared his throat and flashed Rosalie a smile and a wink. And then our odd, loud, lovable friend started to channel Elvis—voice, hip and hand movements, and even the damn lip curl.

"_The way she moves her hips to her fingertips_

_I feel I'm heaven bound._

_And when she starts to sway, I've gotta say_

_She really moves the grass around._"

Alice's laughter rang out as Jasper lifted them to their feet. They both started shaking their hips with Emmett as he kept on singing.

"_Rock-a-hula baby._

_Rock-a-hula baby._

_Got a hula lulu from Honolulu,_

_That rock-a-hula baby of mine._

_Although I love to kiss my little hula miss_

_I never get the chance._

_I wanna hold her tight all through the night_

_But all she wants to do is dance._"

I'd been whispering "hell no" to Edward while Rose laughed under her breath at me, never moving the camera off of Em, Ali, and Jazz. But now Edward had me on my feet and was holding my hands while forcing me to mimic the way he was moving his feet and hips.

"_Rock-a-hula baby._

_Rock-a-hula baby._

_Got a hula lulu from Honolulu,_

_That rock-a-hula baby of mine._"

I threw my head back in loud laughter as Edward held on tightly to my hand and spun me around under his arm. Only his smooth dancing moves were no match for my clumsy feet and I took us both down with me landing on top of him.

By the time we got ourselves untangled and stopped laughing, Emmett was wrapping up his song. He had slowed his movements down so that he took a step forward and jutted out a hip in the pause before singing each new word. "Well-ah … rock-a … hula … baby … of mine."

The end of his performance was met with thunderous applause and laughter from all of us. Rose put her camera down and went to her man, wrapping her long arms around his neck and giving him what looked to be a very appreciative kiss for entertaining all of us.

"That was the best," Alice panted as she dropped down next to me.

I nodded and laughed in agreement. "He really is making this a great vacation."

Emmett obviously overheard us because he very loudly called out, "Thank ya. Thank ya very much."

Alice and I looked at each other and started laughing all over again.

"So now that Alice is all happy again, I have a new topic," Rose said, folding herself onto the grass next to us.

"What is it?" Alice asked.

"My damn fine Elvis impersonation," Emmett replied, squeezing between Jasper and Rosalie.

"No, that's not it. I think we should hear about Ms. Bella Swan saying three very important words to one Mr. Edward Cullen," Rose suggested, winking at me.

I smiled at Edward. "Boring right?"

"So boring," he agreed with a laugh.

"Come on, Bells," Alice pleaded. "What did he do the first time you said it?"

I let out a little laugh while leaning over and resting my head against Edward's shoulder. And then I pretended to be really interested in my sneakers.

"Bells, I will hit your ass," Rose threatened.

"Alright," I said, quickly moving my leg out of her reach. "The first time I said it, he just stared at me. The second time I said it, his eyes got all big. It wasn't until I said it the third time that he really got it. He also got this huge, goofy ass smile on his face."

"You mean like the one he's got right now?" Emmett asked, pointing at his twin sitting right beside me.

I turned my head to verify the smile and ended up laughing. "E, I didn't even say it this time."

Edward leaned forward, almost touching my nose with his. "But you will."

"How do you know?"

"Because your smile isn't much different from mine."

"Yep. Definitely green eyed fool."

"For a brown eyed girl."

"Shut the hell up and kiss already!" Emmett interrupted.

"Nope," Edward said, smiling and sitting up. "We'll save that for later when we're alone. We wouldn't want to corrupt your innocent mind or anything, Em."

Emmett's jaw dropped and it was so damn comical to see Edward pull one over on his twin that the girls and I burst into loud, happy laughter.

"This is nice," Jasper said, smiling as he looked around at all of us. "Thank you, Emmett."

We all agreed with the sentiment and took up the chant "Emmett rocks", bringing a big smile and red cheeks to Em's face while he pretended he wasn't affected by us by concentrating on Rosalie. He pulled her close, securing her tightly in his big arms, and then whispered something into her ear that made her smile.

"What do you think he said?" I asked Edward, playing with the edge of his shorts.

He nudged my head to the side with his and then pressed his lips against my wings. "Probably something along the lines of this … I love you."

I chuckled and squeezed his leg. "Is this the part where I say it back?"

"Only if you mean it."

I smiled as I turned my head and kissed his cheek. "I love you."

"Aw!" Alice cried, making everyone laugh.

"It's about that time," Emmett said, glancing down at his watch and then up at the sky.

The guys got to their feet first and then helped us girls up. After gathering up all of our backpacks, we went in search of our group leader. We found him pretty quickly and while we waited for the rest of our group to show up, he told us about the history of the gardens.

"Are you all family?" the guide asked, taking a break from his story-telling.

"The short one and the goofy haired one are my sister and brother, Alice and Edward," Emmett explained. "This blond bombshell right here is my one and only, Rosalie, and the tall lanky dude is my best friend, Jasper. And last, but never least in any way at all, is the little brunette spitfire and my kindred jokester soul sister, Bella."

The guide's smile was wide and genuine. "Hoaloha. It means 'beloved friend' and that is clearly what you each are to the other."

"Oh, I have a question," Alice called out, even raising her hand up in the air like we were in class. The guide nodded her way and she was all smiles as she asked her question. "How do you say 'I love you'?"

"Aloha wau ia oe," the guide said.

"Can you slow that _way_ down?" Rose asked, making the rest of us chuckle.

The guide laughed too and then he slowly sounded out each word for us. "Ah-low-ha vow ee-ah oh-ay."

"Yeah, I'm gonna stick with the American version," I whispered to Edward. He chuckled and wrapped his arms around me, giving me a tight squeeze.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Rose groaned as she looked out of the car window and up at the rental house. "My feet officially hate me and refuse to let me out of the vehicle."

"Don't worry, Baby. I'll carry you in," Emmett said as he got out of the SUV.

"Jasper, will you do that for me?" Alice asked, giving him a sweet smile.

"Sure thing, Darlin'," he replied. He gave her a sweet kiss, got out of the vehicle, and waited for her to wrap her arms and legs around him. Once he was sure she was holding on, he gave her a piggyback ride up the driveway and into the house.

Emmett had Rose's door open and the two of them were laughing at Alice calling out "giddy-up" to Jasper. And then Rose was squealing from her spot in Emmett's arms as he carried bridal style toward the house.

"Should we be nice and carry all of their bags in since they're forgetting all about them?" I asked Edward.

"I think locking and closing the vehicle doors will be enough. We can get the bags in the morning."

"Any idea what we're doing tomorrow?" I asked as I slid across the seat and got out of the SUV.

"It's a couples day according to the schedule Alice made up. Which means I get to have you all to myself tomorrow."

"Do I detect a hint of planned adventure in your tone, Cullen?" I asked, holding my hand out to him.

He pushed the last locked door closed and then wrapped his fingers around mine. "Yes, you do, Swan. I have an entire day and night of activities planned for us."

"Nothing over the top, I hope."

"I took your ideas of an enjoyable day and mixed them with mine. I'm fairly certain you won't consider any of them to be too much."

"Are you sure?" I asked, trying hard not to worry or bite through my lip. All I kept thinking was of how wrong things had gone the last time Edward had planned a day for us.

And I think he knew exactly what I had on my mind. He grabbed a hold of me on the porch, turned me to face him, and held me tightly against his chest. "Please don't worry, Angel. I know that's so much easier said than done, so if nothing else, please believe I've learned from my mistakes and tomorrow will absolutely be a casual and comfortable day for us."

I smiled for him, making an effort to trust him. "Alright, Cullen. If you say I'll like it, I'm going to do my best to believe that."

"I love you."

My smile widened and my fingers slipped into his hair, tangling up in the silky mess. "Aren't you tired of hearing it yet?"

"Why? Are you tired of saying it?

I shook my head just a little, never taking my eyes from his. They were that vibrant green they turned when he was really happy or excited about something.

"So say it," he challenged, inching his lips closer to mine.

"I love you." The last word had barely gotten past my lips before his mouth met mine. It was one of those slow, sweet kisses he was so good at giving. "Any interest in helping me shower away the day?" I asked, keeping my lips close to his.

Edward's lopsided grin made an appearance. "How much help are we talking?"

"I was thinking we would get clean, get dirty in a very pleasurable way, and then clean up once more."

He hummed against the side of my neck while slipping a hand under my sundress and slowly sliding it up my thigh. "What happens if after we're all clean, we want to get dirty again?"

"Then we just—"

Alice's demanding little voice and self interrupted my answer. "You two hurry up and get in the shower. We're meeting in the living room in fifteen minutes and if you're late, I'll send Emmett in to get you."

"If we get interrupted one more damn time," I growled under my breath while glaring at the retreating figure of my best friend.

"Once more puts us in the Guinness Book of Records, right?" Edward asked.

"Not funny, E. So fucking not funny," I grumbled, pulling away and stomping through the house. I could hear Edward right behind me, chuckling under his breath and the sound of it worked better than any calming speech Jasper could have given me.

I waited until he'd shut the bedroom door behind us to let him know I'd gotten over my aggravation. I grabbed a hold of his sides through his shirt and backed him into the wall, kissing him as hard as I could. It took him a second to catch up but once he did, he damn sure gave as good as he was getting.

Our feet shuffled toward the bathroom while our discarded clothes marked our progress. We didn't even take the time to turn on the lights but we also didn't bother with the shower. For once, there was a clear winner between the two of us for most impatient and it was Edward. No sooner than he had me sitting on the edge of the counter, he buried himself inside of me leaving me completely breathless while a deep gravely moan poured out of him. He hardly took time to adjust before setting a rhythm so intense I had to hold onto the wall and the counter to keep from sliding backward. He took us hard and fast to the edge and dumped us right into wave after wave of spine shivering pleasure together. No time had been wasted with words or kisses or even the usual foreplay he seemed to enjoy so much.

When we'd caught our breath, I expected we would jump into the shower, clean up as fast as possible and then head into the living room to join our friends. Instead, Edward took his time, washing my body with so much love and care. All those soft kisses, sweet words, and tender caresses that had been missing from our joining were given to me during our shower. I'd never had anyone do something like that before and I wondered once again how anyone could pass up being treated so damn well. Yeah, Edward had his quirks and he could really be a pain-in-the-ass at times, but he was also respectful and affectionate. He had a way of making me feel special even though I knew I was just an ordinary girl.

By the time he turned off the water and wrapped a towel around me, I was nothing more than warm goo. I also had my own goofy ass smile on my face for once. "You're so beautiful," Edward breathed into my ear before kissing right behind it.

I smiled and leaned back into his chest, letting his arms wrap around me.

"I love you, Bella. In so many ways for so many reasons."

I turned in his arms, hooking my own around his neck. "I love you in the deepest, most absolute sense of the words."

Edward's lips curled toward the left. "I like seeing you this way. So relaxed and trusting and _feeling_."

"Is that how you are?"

His smile widened. "Absolutely. We're at the same place and feeling the same way for each other."

"Was it anything like this for you when—"

"Time's up!" Emmett bellowed while pounding on the door. "Get out here or I'm coming in."

"Are you freakin' kidding me!" I screamed out. "I'll leave my damn room when I'm damn good and ready and whoever doesn't like it can kiss my damn ass!"

"Present it front and center and I'll be happy to pucker up," Emmett called back with a loud laugh.

"Just us tomorrow right?" I asked, looking up at Edward.

"Just us," he promised.

We dressed as quickly as we could—with us stopping twice because of Emmett counting down outside of the door and me wanting to beat his ass while only wearing a tank top and panties. Edward didn't care if I beat his brother to a pulp, only that his twin not see me in my underwear. I didn't have the heart to tell the man it was way too late for that shit. Over the years, we'd all seen more of each other than we'd cared to at one time or another—shit like that happens when you live in a small apartment with roommates.

When we were finally dressed, Edward gave me a soft, quick kiss and then took my hand into his, giving it a small squeeze. We headed into the living room and I pointed at the chair as my preference for seating. Edward sat down in it first and then I sat sideways on him, draping my feet over the arm of the chair and laying my head on his shoulder. I figured I might as well be comfortable while submitting to the will of my … What was that word? … Hoaloha! Submitting to the will of my hoaloha.

"Alright, my darlings," Alice announced loudly like she was calling some business meeting to order. She was sitting next to Jasper on one of the sofas with her little legs crossed in front of her and Jasper's hand held tightly in hers. "We are taking tomorrow as a couples day so there's a good chance we won't see each other until the day after. No matter how much fun we're all having, let's please remember there are scheduled activities so we all need to meet here at the house by eight in the morning day after tomorrow. Rose, Bella, and I have our spa appointment and we're really looking forward to it so please don't make us miss it."

"She means Rose and her are looking forward to it," I whispered to Edward, making him snort.

"Did you boys finally decide on an activity?" Rose asked, turning her head to look up at Emmett.

"No, but we'll find something," Emmett assured her. "We always do."

The guys started tossing out ideas for what they could do while I started falling asleep; I didn't even bother fighting it. It had been an early morning, a long day, and a hell of a night so I had damn sure earned some sleep. I think I might even have managed to fall asleep but it might only have been a day-dream. Either way, I was seeing the way the volcano lava had lit up the night with its orange-red glow and had caused the waves crashing against the edge of the cliff to steam up. It had been so beautiful and even just seeing it again in my dreams left me with that same feeling of watching something miraculous.

"Bells, it's Charlie," Alice said, pushing my phone into my hand.

"Alice, she was sleeping," Edward said, displeasure clear in his tone.

I ignored them both for the moment. "Hi, Daddy."

"I must have woken you," Charlie said, chuckling into the phone.

"Maybe. I don't know. It was a long day. We spent it all touring the big island and seeing waterfalls and volcanoes. And Rose is going to have video for you to see of Emmett doing a pretty good impersonation of Elvis."

Charlie laughed again. "Sounds like you're having a really good time over there."

"Yeah, I am. You should start saving up to take Sue here some day. I bet you guys would really enjoy it."

"Bella," Edward whispered.

"Hang on, Dad," I said into the phone. And then I lifted my head to look at Edward.

"Since you're awake now, I need to get up."

For just a moment, I entertained the notion of making him wait, but then decided I was too tired for it. I got up and as soon as Edward was out of the chair, I curled myself up in it, happily enjoying the warmth his body heat had left behind. "So tell me what you've been doing," I said to my dad.

"Nothing too much. Patrolling. Watching ball games."

"Dad," I groaned into the phone. "How can Sue stand that?"

He laughed. "Come on, Bells. Give me some credit. I take her to dinner and let her control the remote sometimes."

"Ooh. It's pretty serious then if she's allowed to wield the remote."

My dad snorted. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Hmmn," I said, pretending to think about it. "How about you love me forever and ever and feed me pizza when I visit?"

"You've got yourself a deal, Bells."

"I love you, Dad."

There was a long pause before my dad spoke. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I'm really good."

"You don't normally just throw that out there," he mentioned.

"Probably because you don't either. But I felt it so I said it."

"In that case … I love you, Isabella." There was another pause, though not as long. "So listen Jake is right here and he'd like to talk to you."

"Sure. Put him on."

There was a crackle from the phone being passed and then Jacob's voice was filling my ear. "Is it awesome? Have you surfed yet? I am _so_ jealous."

I laughed at his excitement and the way he spewed out his words. "It is definitely awesome. We haven't surfed yet, but Emmett has promised to make sure we do before we leave."

"That's really cool. I want friends like yours."

"Hey! What the hell am I?"

"Did you bring me to Hawaii with you? No, you did not."

"Are you done with high school? No you are not," I shot back.

"Oh. Right," he said, laughing between words. "So … um …"

I knew what he wanted to know, just like I knew he was trying to ask without annoying me. "I'm good. Edward's good. We're good together."

"You know I ask because I care, right?"

"Why do you think I bothered to answer?"

"So what's the coolest thing you've seen so far?" Jake asked, completely changing the topic.

I found myself too excited to share with him to even pretend to object. I started with the fiasco in Houston—it took twice as long as it should have to tell him the story because Jake kept bursting out laughing with each new part of the story. I told him all about our football game and how Rose had distracted Emmett for me even though we were on different teams. I told him about watching the sunrise with Edward, knowing Jake would appreciate hearing about it. One of the many things Jake and I had in common was our love of sunrises and sunsets.

By the time I got to the lava show and driving back in the dark, I was yawning pretty much non-stop. I told Jake that I loved him, would smell him later, and to stay out of trouble. He told me to catch a wave for him and to come home in one piece. And just before he hung up the phone, he tossed an "I love you" and an "I miss you" my way.

I returned the sentiments and then closed my phone while looking around the living room. I'd been deserted by my hoalohas. I pulled myself out of the chair, groaning over how tired and achy my body felt, and shuffled off to my room. I wondered if sleeping in was on Edward's list of activities for tomorrow.

Speaking of said boyfriend … He was sitting up in the bed with a book—he was also asleep.

"Thanks for the solidarity and staying up with your poor girlfriend while she had to stay on the phone when she would have loved nothing more than to be asleep." I chuckled at my own self. "Yeah, I'm way too tired. I only get this damn wordy when I'm exhausted," I mumbled, rubbing a hand over my face while closing the door and flicking off the lights.

I crawled into the bed, tossed Edward's book to the floor, and then curled up against his side with my head on his chest. I thought about waking him to move under the covers but before it had a chance to become a real idea, I was asleep and dreaming of a day without interruptions.

* * *

**A/N:** Hope you all enjoyed another Hawaii chapter! Next Saturday has the first of two couples only days on the island. What Edward has in store for Bella ... Lucky isn't a strong enough word for her! LOL


	33. Moe'Uhane

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Moe'Uhane – A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes**

**Chapter Song: "K-U-U-I-P-O" (Sweetheart) by Elvis**

**Bella's POV:**

Monday morning found me waking to the feel of fingers sliding over the back of my arm and slipping under the strap of my tank top. Edward ran his fingers over my phoenix a couple of times before pulling them out and tracing my arm down to the elbow and back up again.

"Morning," I mumbled, rubbing my face against his shirt to stop my nose from itching. "And stop thinking about kissing me, damn it."

Edward chuckled and kissed the top of my head. "Morning, Angel."

I growled and brought my palm up, rubbing roughly at the tip of my nose. And then I tilted my head back to see his face. "Fine, damn it. Go on. Kiss me and get it over with."

He laughed and kissed the spot I'd just been rubbing. "Why are you so grumpy this morning?"

"Because I'm still tired and I have yet to imbibe coffee and my damn nose is itching."

"Then we should get up, get dressed, and go find breakfast. Emmett mentioned this place on Waikiki Beach called Duke's. The seating looks right out onto the beach and the water, and the menu I saw looked pretty good."

"How the hell did you see anything? You fell asleep on me last night."

He snorted and playfully tugged a strand of my hair. "_You_ fell asleep first. Emmett pulled out his laptop to pick something for the guys to do tomorrow and that was one of the places he found."

I yawned and stretched and then curled up further against Edward, putting my head right in the middle of his chest. "So what did he decide to do with Rose?"

"Don't know. He kept it a secret. And so did Jasper and Ali."

"Do they know what we're doing?"

"Not exactly. I need to talk to you about it first."

"Low key, Edward," I said. My words came out a tiny bit harsher than I'd wanted but I was grumpy damn it! I'd told him before not to bring up annoying things before my first cup of coffee.

He tapped my shoulder and when I sat up, he followed suit. "And that's why I want to talk to you about it, Bella. I haven't made any decisions or reservations because I want your input. I value and respect your opinions and also, I want you to see I'm not repeating past mistakes."

He took my hands into his and dipped his head so our eyes were level. "My original plan was for us to rent a little hut on the beach and enjoy being close to the water. But now, I'd really like to do something more, something to celebrate how far we've come together, all we've been working through, and you being able to trust us both enough to say what's in your heart—to say you love me. I know this is going to seem on the luxurious side to you, but it's only one day and we may never get to be in Hawaii again. I even checked with Alice and Rose to see if it would be too overboard but they both said it wasn't, that it was just a small luxury. Even Emmett and Jasper really liked the idea of it. I'd like to show you the website if you'll let me."

I took a moment to just breathe and carefully select my words; hurting his feelings was the last thing I wanted to do. "I appreciate you talking to me about this and not just doing it. And I really do appreciate the thought behind it. But I don't like the idea of you wanting to celebrate every milestone in our relationship."

"Why not? Why does it bother you?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly. "Maybe because I worry what will happen if it's a one time deal. What if we celebrate this great thing and in two months, we somehow screw it all up and find ourselves starting over like we had to do after Valentine's?"

"Then when we hit our milestone again, we celebrate it again. Bella, life's too short to wait around and only celebrate the really big moments. Every day is special and every day should have some small amount of thanks and celebration in it. And when it comes to you, there's nothing in my life that's more meaningful or special to me. So yeah, I want to spoil you. I want you to know with my actions as much as my words that I love you with my whole heart. And if that means renting a special place to give you one perfect day, one perfect memory, then it's worth it to me."

"But I can have just as perfect of a day if all I'm doing is lying on the beach for free with you."

"I know that. And I love that about you, Bella. I enjoy doing low-key things with you. This time, though I'd like it if you could try to enjoy a luxury with me."

I sat there for a few minutes just thinking over his words and trying to see things from his point of view. My thoughts just kept circling though, so I decided I needed some help deciding. "Show me the website."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"So what did they say?" I asked as Edward walked into the bedroom. After making coffee for us, he'd gone off to see about making reservations at the place he'd shown me on the computer.

Edward crawled across the bed and flopped down beside me. "Well …"

"Taken, huh?" I guessed, looking at his down-turned lips.

Those very same lips suddenly pulled up into a wide smile. "They said I was a very lucky young man because normally they are booked solid this time of year. But they just happened to have today and tomorrow free on the books before it's rented out for the next three weeks."

"So we're really doing this?"

"_I'm_ doing this," he corrected.

"Edward, if we're celebrating us, then _we_ should pay for it."

"Trust me, Angel. I have plenty of ways you can pay for it. In the private hot tub that overlooks the water. The outside shower at the back of the cottage. The private stretch of beach that will belong to only us for twenty-four hours."

"I thought you were against public displays of carnal knowledge?" I questioned, quirking an eyebrow at him.

He hummed against my shoulder as he kissed it. "You must have missed my use of the word 'private'. There won't be anyone near us for miles."

"I wonder if Alice and Rose are going to get the same treatment out of Emmett and Jasper."

"Speaking of my sister, I couldn't believe Alice woke you up like that last night. You should really have a talk with her."

I snorted at his comment. "She woke me up because we've already had a talk about it. No matter what I'm doing, if my dad calls, I drop it and answer the phone."

"No matter what?" Edward pressed, slipping his hand under my shirt.

"Oh, shut the hell up, you perv."

He laughed and playfully pinched my side. "I was only teasing."

"Yeah, ask Jakey what happens when he teases me before I've finished my first cup of coffee."

"Jakey, huh? Guess that means you two are finally getting along again."

"We were getting along before. We were just also avoiding you as a topic."

"You have some very loyal followers, Bella. If it had been up to Emmett and Jacob, I wouldn't have gotten within three feet of you after our Valentine's debacle."

"In case you haven't noticed, no one tells me who I can and can't hang out with."

"What about telling you it's time to get up to start our day? Is that allowed?"

I gave an appropriately put-out humph and an eye-roll. "Oh, I guess so."

Edward shook his head at my silliness while getting up from the bed.

"Hey, Genius. How are we having a day out if Emmett is off driving _his_ rental around?" I asked.

Edward gasped and put his hands on his cheeks. "Oh, no! I forgot the transportation in my carefully orchestrated plan."

"Ass," I yelled, throwing a pillow at him and laughing. "So how are we getting around today?" I asked, crawling to the edge of the bed. I let Edward finish getting his shirt over his head and then grabbed the fabric, using it to pull him closer so I could get my arms around his neck.

He smiled and kissed me softly on the lips. "It's a surprise."

"This is all some evil plot to get me out of bed and dressed, isn't it?"

"Yes. Yes it is," he agreed, his smile widening.

I narrowed my eyes at him, studying his face closely. "You are awfully excited, Cullen."

He lowered his head, putting his lips near my ear so that when he spoke, his breath tickled my skin. "You and me alone together with no interruptions."

"Well when you put it like that," I said as I turned my head and found his lips with mine.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"What do you say to splitting the Hawaiian spicy Portuguese sausage?" Edward asked, his eyes locked firmly on the menu in his hand. He kept coming up with suggestions and then changing his mind when he found something new he liked. He was totally channeling his twin this morning. Anytime we went somewhere new with Emmett, he poured over the menu numerous times, flip-flopping between his choices until Rose would get annoyed and force him to hurry up and pick something.

"I say the same thing I said to your other ideas … Bring it on," I told Edward.

He chuckled and went back to reading the menu.

I looked past our table and out to the small parking lot. The blue two-person scooter monstrosity Edward had rented as our mode of transportation for the day was parked at the edge and I couldn't help but giggle at the sight of it. It was the most odd shaped thing I'd ever seen and when I'd asked him why he hadn't just picked out two one-seaters that looked respectable, he'd said it was because he wanted to get to experience having me hang onto him the way he'd held onto me during our Thanksgiving ride. _How the hell can a girl argue with logic like that?_

"Bella?" Edward called, reaching across the table and touching my fingers with his.

"Yeah?"

"Did you decide on what you want?"

I nodded and handed him my menu. "I'm going to have the French Toast with coconut topping. And I'll split whatever you want with you."

"I'm getting the fresh fruit with papaya and the sausage."

"Talk about a varied breakfast," I said with a little laugh.

Edward shrugged. "We're going to walk it off exploring the grounds at the cottage."

"After my waterfall hike. You promised," I reminded him.

He smiled and nodded. "After the waterfall."

A waiter walked up to take our order, introducing himself to us as Mamo. Or more accurately, he introduced himself to _me_ and went on to explain he was named after an extinct black and yellow Hawaiian songbird. He said it as if he were telling me he was the king of the island or some shit and it was hard not to laugh at the guy. Edward wasn't finding it funny though; I could _feel_ the glare he was giving off even if I couldn't see him. Mamo's hands were resting on the table allowing his arms to block my view of my man.

I had two choices here. I could decide to tease my boyfriend over the totally unnecessary jealous streak coursing through him right that second. Or I could get rid of the unwanted flirting while making my man feel like a king. Which one should Bella Swan choose? Better yet, which one _would_ she choose?

"Mo-mo, is it?" I asked, knowing damn well that wasn't it. "Could you move just a smidge? You're blocking the view."

"Oh, you saw my tat," he said, moving his right arm to show me the inside of his left bicep.

I ignored him completely and focused on my man, giving him a big smile. "There you are, babe! I miss you. Come sit with me," I said, pouting out my lower lip while patting the chair right next to me.

Mamo backed away from the table the second Edward started to get out of his chair. The guy easily had an inch on my man—and at least thirty pounds—but something in the set of Edward's face had our waiter backing away with his hands raised.

As soon as Edward sat down next to me, I slipped an arm around his shoulders, tossed a leg across his and nuzzled his neck with my lips. I kept on with my sweet torture while he gave our orders to the waiter—and did a little torturing of his own with his hand sliding along the outside of my thigh. Of course, he was acting all innocent like he was only keeping my leg in place over his, but I knew better. He was having a purely male moment of possessiveness. And I didn't mind one little bit.

"You're an enigma, Cullen," I said once the waiter had left us alone.

"How so?"

"Most times, you're so calm and laid back it's hard to remember there really is another side to you. And then some guy looks at me too long, smiles too wide, or gets too close and you turn into this predatory being, ready to rip flesh from bone like some lion pouncing on a zebra."

"Is that a compliment? I'm really not sure with that one since I can't recall ever having been compared to a wild animal before."

I chuckled and hugged my arm around his neck, gently tugging to urge his lips closer to mine. "Just shut up and kiss me."

And what a kiss it was! He controlled every second of it, from start to finish, from hard to soft. He commanded my lips and my tongue and my whole damn body with just his kiss and I wondered again where he'd gotten his ninja powers from and how the hell I would ever manage to resist them. Though, to be perfectly honest, resisting him was the last thing on my mind.

Edward ended the kiss with my favorite words from him. "I love you."

I lowered my head to his shoulder and nuzzled his neck with my nose, smiling as wide as I ever had. "I love you, too."

"This is really nice. I can hold you and talk to you without wondering which of our family will pop in and interrupt."

"Yeah, no Alice Cockblocker Cullen here," I said with a little laugh. And then a thought jumped into my head and I brought it up to Edward. "Speaking of talking … Do you think you're ever going to tell me about the dream that woke you up yesterday?"

Edward didn't answer right away, but he didn't have to. The way his arms tightened around me told me he was nervous over whatever he'd dreamed. "Maybe later."

"Come on, E. I can tell it's bothering you. Why don't you talk about it with me and see if it helps?"

"It's not bothering me. It's just … I don't think you want to hear about it."

"Yes, I do. I wouldn't have brought it up if I didn't."

"No, I mean … It's just not a dream you want to know I had."

"Why? Was it some really pervy sex dream?"

"No. That kind of dream I'd tell you about. I'd probably be red all through it, but I'd tell you because I know you'd understand that kind of dream."

I lifted my head from his shoulder to see his face. "But not this particular one that had you wide awake before the sun came up?"

He grimaced and looked off toward the parking lot. "You're right about the scooter. It is the oddest machine ever made."

My fingers curled around his chin, bringing his green eyes back into view. "I don't like this, E. I don't like you feeling you have to hide a dream from me. Just because I might not agree with your dream, or even like it, doesn't mean you should hide it from me. You're supposed to feel like you can tell me anything and I'm supposed to feel that way with you. We don't have to like it or even really understand it because it's the attempt to be there for each other that's supposed to count. You're the one who's been trying to convince me of that, remember?"

He nodded slowly. "You're right. I am the one who brought up the idea of us being really open with each other. So as much as I think this will be a really bad idea, here it is … My dream was about us here in Hawaii."

"Um … why wouldn't I like that? We're here and I'm enjoying the hell out of it."

He reached his hand out and rubbed his thumb over the lines on my forehead. "Because of what we were doing, Bella. We were on the beach with everyone and we … well, we were getting married."

I kept my mouth shut. It took biting down on my tongue and part of my cheek, but I kept that traitorous fucker shut. And then I took a moment to figure out how I felt about Edward's dream. I didn't feel like it was a stupid dream. Nor did I feel like it was an impossible dream. I only felt that it wasn't my dream. I didn't need to share Edward's last name to be committed to him. And I certainly didn't think marrying him would make me love him anymore than I already did.

The only part I found strange and scary was the realization I would do it anyway. If Edward felt he needed us to be married to know for sure I wasn't going anywhere, that I wasn't going to just up and leave him for a career or some other bullshit thing, then I would do it for him. Not right now, of course. We were way too young to be married. We hadn't even completely figured out who we were individually, much less together. Even so, just the fact that I would entertain the idea at all was foreign to me. How had I become this person? Was I on the verge of losing myself and becoming this placating thing that did whatever pleased her partner?

No. I didn't think so. I wouldn't grow out my hair or change my appearance for him. I wouldn't change my taste in music, movies, and books. I certainly wasn't going to just drop Swan from my name—it would be Swan-Cullen or no change at all. I was Charlie's only kid and the last in his family line forever so I'd hang onto our name until my last day on the planet. So what did my willingness to consider marriage mean then?

"Bella?" Edward called. "Are you okay?"

"I'm confused," I answered honestly. "Not about your dream. I get why you would dream something like that and why you would like the idea of it. And I even get where you felt like you had to hide it from me. The part that confuses me is my reaction to your admission. And no, I don't think talking to you would help. At least not right now. Let me run it by the girls first so I can get a handle on it, and then I'll talk to you."

"I'm sorry. I should have asked you to wait until tomorrow. I've probably ruined the day for you."

I chuckled and pulled his lips down to mine, giving him a slow and unhurried kiss to prove what I was about to tell him. "I'm fine, E. I'm a big girl and perfectly capable of setting aside some confused thoughts in order to focus on you and me for the day."

"You are so amazing." His words were soft—reverent. And his eyes were so full of love and happiness that I knew without a doubt I'd handled this the right way. I'd taken the time to think before speaking, I'd been honest, and I'd asked for time to consider it all. This talking shit was still hard for me, but I was starting to feel like I was catching on to how to do it.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Come on, E. Move that sexy ass of yours," I called down to him from the top of the small hill I was standing on.

"I really shouldn't have had that last piece of sausage," he groaned. He huffed and puffed his way up the last few feet and joined me.

"Here," I said, putting his hand around the bottle of water I'd pulled out for him. "Sit for a minute and drink it slow."

While he was busy doing that, I used the second bottle of water to wet the sweat towel we'd brought along. Once he'd pulled the water bottle from his lips, I squatted down in front of him and wiped down his face.

"That feels so good. And I'm sorry I'm making the waterfall hunt take so long," he said, giving me a tired smile.

"I was only kidding around, Edward. I'm enjoying how we're taking our time and not trying to stick to some rigid schedule. I get enough of that at school, at work, and anytime Alice is in charge of activities. I only ran up here to see if we were close to the fall yet."

"Are we?"

"Almost. We've got one more hill to crest first. But don't worry. It's not steep or anything."

He groaned and took the towel from me, running it over his neck and then through his hair. "When we get to the cottage, I'm taking a very cold shower and then doing absolutely nothing for at least an hour."

"Ooh, a nap. I like the sound of that. Especially if you promise it'll be a naked nap. Oh, and of course, you have to invite me into that shower of yours."

Edward chuckled as he got up from the rock he'd been sitting on. "You are always invited to join me. So let's go find your waterfall. The sooner we find it, the sooner we can get into the shower together."

"You're letting your male perv side influence you, E. Better watch that," I teased, smiling at him the whole time.

He wrapped his arms around me and tenderly kissed my cheek. "I don't care if all we do is stand under the water together like this. I just want to spend every moment possible with you before we rejoin the real, busy, exhausting world that's full of interruptions."

My lips brushed over his while my arms hugged his neck. "I love it when you say just the right thing like that."

He smiled and pulled one of my arms away so he could hold my hand. We took our time walking up the last hill together and then just stood in awe of the waterfall and its beauty. Rocks lined the edge of the shallow pool at the base with trees and shrubs guarding the line of water cascading down the high rock wall.

"How friggen cool!" I yelled out, jumping up and down while still holding onto Edward's hand. "It's so much better than I ever imagined."

"My sister would be very proud of you right now," he said with a laugh while pulling his hand out of mine. "If you can stand still long enough for it, let me get a picture of you in front of the falls."

"No. I want a picture of both of us."

"After I get a good picture of you."

"Let's sit on those rocks over there and the falls will be right behind us."

"And you won't be able to make them out. Let me take a good, non-blurry picture for you."

"But I want you in the picture. Please," I said, tossing in a pouty bottom lip to convince him.

Edward chuckled and shook his head. "You're getting as lethal with that as Ali."

"Yes," I yelled out, giving a fist pump in the air. "I've found my own version of the ninja mind-fuck."

He rolled his eyes at me. "You are ridiculous."

"You say it like you're _just_ discovering this rare piece of knowledge."

That got another laugh out of him and then we were sitting together on one of the rocks and giving big cheesy smiles. And also, rabbit ears for my man for an extra laugh later on whenever we got around to looking through our vacation photos.

Edward snapped a few pictures of us together on the rocks and then forced me to take a couple by myself in front of the falls. To his credit though, he didn't complain when I wanted a couple of him in return.

With the photos taken and the camera put away, we shucked off our shoes and held hands as we waded into the shallow pool and moved closer to the falls. It wasn't exactly a smooth surface under the water and I was positive that without Edward holding on to me, I would have stumbled and ended up sitting on my ass, drenched from head to toe.

"This is so amazing. I never would have believed I would see anything like this outside of photos and movies," I said, craning my neck to try and see the top of the falls.

"How high do you figure it is?"

"I don't know. I'm horrible at guessing that kind of thing."

"Which would you prefer if you had the choice? This waterfall or your meadow back home?"

"Depends."

"On what?"

I turned my head, looking right into Edward's green eyes. "On where you were."

He smiled and pulled me into his arms, kissing me with nothing but love and tenderness right there next to the waterfall.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I had heard the term "hilltop view" before, but hearing and seeing where often two very different things. This place literally sat on a hilltop and the view it gave was nothing short of breathtaking—there was a forest to look out over, a mountain in the distance, and miles of blue water. And that was just looking straight at the cottage! "Jeebus, E. Look at this place," I said, completely in awe of it.

"And none of it compares to the sight right in front of me," he replied.

I turned to look at him and make sure he could see my eye-roll. "You are so full of it."

"Maybe," he said as he used the band on my shorts to pull me over to him. "But does it really matter as long as you like what I say?"

"I never said I liked it."

His lips twitched from holding back his smile. "Really? Then why come up with 'Cheesy-E'?"

"Oh, that? That's nothing," I said with a shrug and a barely contained smile.

Edward chuckled and just barely pressed a kiss to my lips. "Should we go inside and find the shower?"

"Most definitely."

We not only found the shower, we found it fully stocked with scented soaps and shampoos. Edward picked out one for us but I didn't see the bottle. I just remembered how it filled the steamy shower with a heady scent that completely washed away the sweat and sunscreen from our bodies. It also stuck to us in a good way continuing to fill my nose once I had my head on Edward's bare chest. We laid there in the bed covered by nothing more than a thin, soft sheet and fell easily into a deep sleep.

Exactly an hour later, the alarm on Edward's phone went off, filling the room with soft classical music. I reached a hand up above my head and snagged it from the pillow he'd laid it on.

"How do you turn this thing off?" I asked after pressing a few buttons and getting no response from the phone.

Edward chuckled and plucked it out of my hands. He showed me the side of the phone and pressed the button located there, instantly stopping the music.

"Well what are they doing putting it there?" I asked.

He laughed again. "It's so you don't have to open the phone in order to stop the sounds."

"Oh, whatever. I'm not completely awake yet."

"Right." He'd said the word in a way that left no doubt he didn't believe me.

I ignored him, choosing to look outside through the perfectly clear windows; the sun was still up high since it was only a little after two in the afternoon. "It's such a gorgeous day out there. What should we do first? Explore the grounds? Or go straight for the private beach?"

"How about …" Edward said as he moved us so I was beneath him, "… we start by exploring each other and then we explore the outside?" His eyes were the bright green that signaled complete happiness with him and seeing it made me feel happy.

Of course, a happy me came with teasing. "But you're already very familiar with my body. In fact, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if you were bored with it by now," I told him.

His smile went from sweet to predatory in seconds, taking him to a whole new level of sexy in my pervy little mind. Before I could say anything, he was deep inside of me with his lips latched onto that damn spot behind my ear. That was all it took to completely wake me up and turn me on.

We made love twice before deciding to get up and explore the house. Food had suddenly become a number one priority so once Edward had found a pair of shorts for himself and one of his shirts for me, we headed into the kitchen. We found a fruit tray taking up an entire shelf in the refrigerator and bottles of cold water lining the inside of the door. The place truly had everything a person could need to happily live in seclusion for a few days.

We took our scavenged items outside and sat together on one of the lounge chairs near the hot tub. Edward was stretched out on the chair while I sat crossed leg next to his chest and facing him. It made it easy to pick things off the tray resting on his lap. It also made it easy to take in our surroundings. There were trees and low shrubs to shield the tub from prying eyes, but they were low enough that we could see the water in the distance and even a cliff with a lighthouse on it.

"This really is the perfect place, Edward. Thank you so much for suggesting it," I said as I leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

He had a mouthful of papaya so he only nodded his head. Once he'd swallowed and had a drink of water, he gave me a big smile. "I'd like to thank you for being open to the idea and not just shooting it down right away."

"I'm starting to get the hang of this whole give and take thing."

"Do you mind it?"

"No, not really. I get annoyed when I feel I'm doing a bad job of it, but other than that it doesn't bother me. What about you? What's it like for you?"

"Honestly, it's taking some getting used to."

"What does that mean? You've had functional relationships before."

"Yes, but I wouldn't call any of them _even_ relationships. I never realized how one-sided the giving has been on my end. I was a friend to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, a date for company, but I never had anyone willing to do all that for me. And I definitely didn't have anyone willing to fight for me until you. You've always been willing to listen to whatever I had to say whether it was silly or serious, and when you were faced with my past, you were ready to fight a stranger just because she'd hurt me."

I shrugged, truly not feeling like it was a big deal. He was my friend and I always stood up for my friends.

"You might not see that as a big thing, but I do," he said.

"You're my friend, Edward. I'd do it for Em or Jazz, and damn sure for Ali and Rose."

"You know, this brings us back to something we discussed during one of our first late night talks. Perception. You see it as no big deal and I see it as a very big one."

"Even if it was a big deal, it wouldn't have mattered. You were the first to hear about my past and not judge me because of it, or leave me. That earned you some major loyalty points, E."

"I felt a lot of things each time you revealed a new part of your past to me, but the urge to leave you wasn't one of them. Even the thing in February, it wasn't that I wanted to leave. It was just that I felt leaving was the only way not to hurt you."

His words got my curiosity going enough that I asked for more information. "So what did you feel when I was telling you about my past?"

"A little of everything," he said with a shrug. "Sadness I wasn't there for you when you needed help. Awe at how you made it through and turned into this strong, independent, and fierce woman. Happy you could go through all of that and still be able to trust and love people. It's harder for you than it is for anyone else I know, but you also love deeper and with more loyalty than anyone else."

"Did you ever have a moment when you felt like it was too much? Like I had too much baggage with me?"

"No. In fact, I worried you would feel that way about me."

I tried not to, but I snorted at his comment. "Edward, Mary really wasn't that bad of a past."

"To me she was. And when you add her to all of the crap between Emmett and me …" Instead of finishing his thought, Edward just shrugged.

I reached out and took his hand, squeezing his long fingers with mine. "So then we're glad we ignored our pasts. And that we didn't just let things end in February. We fought for each other and don't regret it."

"Exactly," he agreed with a big smile. And then he pulled me down for a soft, sweet kiss.

I smiled at him as I pulled away and sat up. "Enough with the seriousness. Let's get back to vacationing and partying. Pass me a pineapple piece."

"Here," he said with a laugh as he passed over the fruit.

When I'd finished the piece and licked all the juice from my fingers, I caught Edward staring. "Yes, I'm a slob. Get over it," I told him, getting another laugh out of him.

"So what do you want to do after we finish eating?" Edward asked before tossing up a grape and catching it in his mouth.

"Nice," I complimented. And then I answered his question. "Private beach. There's something I've always wanted to do and today is the day to get it done."

"Any hints?"

"Just one," I said with my best evil grin. "You'll get to rest and relax without having to move around."

Edward eyed me warily, his brows lifting up toward his hairline. "Somehow that doesn't sound like a good thing."

My only response was an appropriately evil laugh to match my grin.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"You ever notice how until you see something for yourself, you can know in your head it's true, but you never quite believe it?" I asked.

"Example," Edward requested.

I stopped what I was doing and looked over at him; if not for my baseball cap shielding my eyes from the sun, I wouldn't have been able to see his face in the dark shade the beach umbrella was giving him. "I know you're tall and it means your body is long. But until I started to bury you in the sand, I didn't realize just how long you are. I've been at this for what? Twenty minutes? And I'm just now covering your ankles.

He chuckled and wiggled his toes. "Are my feet getting covered too?"

"Nah. Leaving out the hands and toes makes it better. There's just this pile of sand with a head and wiggly fingers and toes."

"Now I know why you insisted we bring the camera down to the beach."

"Duh! First time burying someone alive in the sand requires photographic proof."

"Does that mean you buried someone non-living before?" he asked with just a hint of worry to his tone.

"I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you and I much prefer you alive right now."

Edward laughed. "Yeah? Why's that?"

I patted the sand down over his right ankle and then moved so I was under the shade of the umbrella with Edward's head. I smiled and leaned over, giving him a brief kiss on the lips. "I think it might have something to do with loving you. I'm not entirely sure, though. It could just be major appreciation for your peen skills."

"If my arms weren't buried, I'd push you over into the sand for that."

"Ooh! Big scary threat from the man in the sand. Or actually, the head out of the sand."

Within seconds, Edward completely ruined my painstaking and time-consuming sand burial of his body. I shrieked and tried to get to my feet to run away, but he was faster than me. He grabbed me around the waist with one arm and used the other hand to pull my hat off and toss it into the sand. Then with both arms wrapped tightly around my waist, he brought me to the water's edge with me kicking and screaming—and laughing—the whole way down. He made his way through the water until it was just above his knees and then he swung me away from him and tossed me into the ocean.

I floundered and sputtered; I even slipped and fell back into the water a few times. Eventually, though, I gained my footing and went after the man clutching his stomach and laughing at my expense. He never saw me coming so he never stood a chance against my Emmett-taught football tackle. My arm hooked around his waist and my momentum propelled him backward and into the water with me going down right at his side. I'd been prepared to go under this time so I was the first to my feet and without any slipping.

Edward pulled his sopping-wet-self out of the water and locked eyes on me, looking somewhere between awed and aggravated. "Where the hell did you learn that?"

I held my fingers in front of my forehead in the "loser" sign while poking my tongue at him. And then I answered his question. "Your twin."

"Yeah? Did he teach you this one?"

Before I could ask what "this one" was, I was wrapped up in Edward's arms and flying backward with my scream filling my ears. We somehow turned so when we hit the surf and went under, Edward was beneath me instead of above. Panic over how I would keep from drowning without the use of my arms set in, but before I could really get a good freak-out going, Edward was already standing me on my feet in knee-deep water.

"You okay?" he asked, brushing my wet hair away from my face.

I nodded while trying not to suck in too much air right away. The last thing I wanted to remember of my trip to Hawaii was puking my guts up in the ocean.

"Sorry. I guess that wasn't the brightest idea."

"It's fine," I promised him. "And anyway, I started it. I tackled you first."

"Yeah, but I threw you in the water."

"Okay," I said with a laugh. "It's totally your fault. Make it up to me."

"Anything you want, Angel." His words, his tone, his face—all so earnest and ready to please.

I smiled up at him while wrapping my arms around his neck. "Kiss me."

He did. Again and again until neither of us could stand it any longer and we headed back up to the cottage.

Completely secluded both by its location on the side of the house and the trees and shrubbery surrounding it was an outdoor shower. While the shower spray worked on washing the salt and sand away, we worked on getting out of our wet clothing. The fact that we were doing more kissing and groping than undressing might have been the reason it was taking us so long to get skin to skin, but neither of us cared. There was a joyfulness and playfulness in our actions—almost an odd sense of freedom. It was one of those rare endless moments in life where time stops in the face of something greater, something epic. All it takes is two people with their hearts wide open to each other to have an epic, endless moment and we were damn sure enjoying ours to the fullest.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Just today, twice in the bed, once at the outside shower, once on the kitchen counter, almost in the hot tub, damn sure in the indoor shower … when the hell did we get so insatiable, E?"

Edward only chuckled and kissed my angel wings. We were stretched out together on one of the lounge chairs with me lying on top of him, watching the sky turn from a gorgeous twilight blue to a black backing for hundreds of twinkling stars.

Unlike the calm atmosphere around us, my brain was going a mile a minute. "I should feel weird." There. It was out there. It had been bugging the shit out of me for most of the past hour and now it was out there for Edward to know about.

"Weird about what?" he asked, slipping his fingers up through mine and squeezing gently.

"This. You basically tell me you have a dream about us getting married and then you rent this place which is so obviously the honeymoon getaway of a lifetime. I should feel weird you're thinking about that kind of thing and definitely that we're here."

"First of all, I'm not actively thinking about it. I had a dream and I told you about it. That was the end of it. I can honestly say I haven't been walking around trying to picture you in a wedding dress or with my ring on your finger. Please don't over-think this and freak out."

I pulled my hands free and rolled onto my side so I could see his face. "I'm _not_ freaking out. That's the problem."

"Why is that a problem? Wait! Before you say anything, let me just state my only goal in renting this place was to give us completely uninterruptable time together, something we have never gotten to enjoy for more than a couple of hours at a time since starting to date. There were never any thoughts about a honeymoon."

I blew out a breath and ran my fingers through my hair, taking a moment to go over his words and let them sink in. When I felt like I'd done that, I lifted my head up to look at him again. "Maybe I am over-thinking it in a way. But I'm still bothered by the fact that I'm not bothered."

"Would it change anything to know that other than that one, lone dream, I've never once thought about marriage for us?"

No, it didn't help. In fact, it hurt. "Oh."

Edward wrapped his arms around me and pulled until I was laying down on him again. "That obviously came out wrong. I wish I knew the words to say it the way you need to hear it, but I don't know what those are, Bella. All I know is I've moved too fast, focused too much on the future in the past, and with you I'm trying to focus on the here and now and be grateful for each new day with you. I know you don't plan your life out and I don't want you to be scared I'm planning it out for you. As far as marriage goes, if you ever express any interest at all in it, I can promise you I will be all too happy to discuss it with you. But until you're ready for that, until _we_ are ready for that, it's not anything to be worried about. Or in your case, not worried about. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah," I said while slipping an arm around his back and hugging him. "Thanks for talking this out with me. I don't know why I got so fixated on it all of a sudden."

"Maybe because you got the silly idea that this place was only for honeymooners."

"Yeah, but I only got that idea because of how we've been with each other today. We've never been all over each other like this before."

"Bella," he said, pretty much laughing my name out. "We've never been _alone_ like this before. There's always someone around us. Siblings, friends, parents, co-workers—we are _always_ surrounded. In the five months we've been together, we have never had longer than a seven hour period of alone time and we only had that much because we were sleeping."

"Oh, yeah." No sooner than the words left my mouth, I started snorting and giggling at myself.

"My very silly Bella," he murmured, hugging me tightly and kissing the top of my head. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

"You know, I think this is the perfect time for your surprise."

"Seriously?" I cried, lifting my head to look at him. "You got a surprise for me on top of putting this whole day together for me?"

"The day is for us. This surprise is just for you." His smile became that predatory one I'd seen earlier in the day and his eyes slid down my chest, heating me from the inside out. "Actually, I take that back. This is going to be almost as much fun for me as it will be for you."

"What in the hell are you talking about, Cullen?"

He tapped my thigh and once I stood up, he did the same. He took my hand into his, pulled me into the cottage, and led me into the bedroom. The fingers of his left hand slipped under the spaghetti strap of my shirt and pulled it to the side so his lips could press a soft kiss there. He lifted his head to show me that damn smile of his again and I noticed his eyes had changed from a bright green to an almost olive shade. He looked for a second like he was going to speak but then quickly darted his head to the side and attacked that spot behind my ear. The sensation had been so sudden and intense that my knees literally went weak and he had to support me with his arms.

His breathy chuckle tickled my ear and made me shiver all over again. "I've alleviated your mental tension and now I'd like to get rid of any physical tension you might be feeling."

"By creating sexual tension?" I asked, practically laughing the words.

He hummed against my skin and then completely let me go. "As fun as that would be, I have a different idea in mind. Strip and lay on the bed on your stomach. I'll be right back."

"Yeah, right. Like I'm just going to blindly follow orders like that."

Edward's grin was nothing short of cocky. "You will if you want your surprise."

I stood there for a long moment, refusing to give in. And then I glared and pointed a finger at him. "I'm totally blaming this on your ninja skills."

He laughed at me. "Go ahead."

I glared for a few more seconds and then grabbed the hem of my shirt. Edward seemed satisfied I was going to follow his instructions and walked off into the adjoining bathroom. I'd only had the thin shirt and a loose pair of shorts on so I was bare ass and on the bed before he came back into the room.

I had my head lying on my arms and shifted it just enough to see him get onto the bed behind me. He covered my body with his just long enough to give me a long, slow kiss and then pulled away for a moment.

When he lowered his head to mine again, he had his hand out and an almost clear liquid pooled in his palm. I took his unspoken invitation and sniffed at the stuff, finding it was the same great smell from our first and third showers of the day.

"What is that?" I asked as he started to massage the liquid onto my shoulders.

"Hibiscus. Nice, right?"

"Very."

"I noticed the bottle after our first shower. It says it's supposed to promote mental relaxation so as soon as I saw that, I knew I had to give you a massage with it to see if it would work on you."

"If it does, you'll have to get us an endless supply."

"Not endless. But occasionally I'm sure you'd rather sleep than be up late at night talking to me."

"I like talking to you."

"I like it too. That's why I said not endless."

"I really do love you. And I'm glad I can say it now."

"Me too, Angel." He pressed a kiss to my angel wings and I closed my eyes, enjoying the calm he was quickly creating in me.

My eyes stayed closed throughout the entire lengthy massage. Edward started at my shoulders, drifting over to my neck, and then went inch by inch down my back. He covered the backs of my legs and the heels and arches of my feet. And then he turned me over and slowly worked his way up my body. By the time he rubbed behind my ears, I was the calmest I'd ever been in my entire life and seconds away from sleep. He must have known how close I was to drifting off because he suddenly had me move up in the bed and under the thin sheet. I stayed aware just long enough to feel the warmth of his chest against my face and to get an arm over his waist.

I slipped easily enough into sleep, but it was filled with odd sounds and images that made no sense. I was used to outlandish dreams, but I could always pinpoint what the source of one was and figure out how it made sense in my crazy little mind. These images made no sense at all and some weren't even images. There was the sun glinting off of something silver colored, throwing bright, blinding rays out causing me to lift a hand to shield my eyes. A bell tinkled close by but when I turned toward the sound there was only darkness and a laugh that was both high-pitched and small—a laugh that reminded me of Aaron though he'd never had any kind of bell. Something soft touched my cheek and a smell like no other filled my nose. It made my heart race and filled me with both an overwhelming happiness and a longing so deep I felt tears sting my eyes. I turned round and round looking for the source and seeing only darkness.

I could feel myself getting upset and agitated over not understanding the dream and just as I started to will myself awake, the most calming sound in my world took over … A thump followed by a double-thump and then another single thump before starting the rhythm all over again. Edward's heartbeat. For just a moment, I could see us in the bed, wrapped all around each other and smiling in our slumber. And then the dreams stopped and a true deep sleep silenced my mind.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**A/N:** Thanks to latuacantante4him for Alice's nickname in this chapter! LOL Thanks to my PIC for suggesting Edward find a way to go all out instead of going with his original "small" idea. Eternally Addicted, you were right as usual! More Hawaii next Saturday!

Pics of Hale Lani are up on my website under the Worth the Burn page! It's worth a look because the place is absolutely gorgeous!


	34. All Shook Up

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: All Shook Up**

**Chapter Song: "All Shook Up" by Elvis**

**Bella's POV:**

Tuesday. Three days left. I seriously doubted any of them were going to match yesterday. Hell, there would probably never be another day in my entire life that came close to the perfection Edward had given me yesterday. Not only had he given me a day of fun, adventure, and romance, he'd given me a sleep so deep that I'd woken up feeling like I'd slept a week instead of just seven hours.

I smiled while biting at my lower lip, noticing the way Edward and I were wrapped all around each other. I remembered enough of last night to know this was how I had fallen asleep with him but I never would have thought we'd stay this way all through the night. Edward must have liked our position as much as I was enjoying it because he had a big goofy smile on his face. _Then again, it could be gas._ Before I was able to stop myself, I was laughing out loud at my crude thought. Calm last night, crude this morning. That was just about right for me.

Thankfully, my noise didn't wake Edward. Heck, it didn't even change that smile of his a single inch which meant I got to stare at it and memorize it until he started to wake. And when I shifted and rocked my hips just enough to pull him in, I got to see his lips part and feel the moan leave his mouth. Once I'd rolled us so that he was on his back, I proceeded to give him one hell of a wakeup thank you for last night and all of yesterday. I'd never really been a fan of morning sex but just like everything else with Edward, it was different and wonderful.

We were just starting to come down from the high of release and get our breathing back to normal when the alarm on his phone went off. Edward reached over and grabbed it, silencing it quickly and then bringing his green eyes to my face.

"Good morning." Two words softly spoken with a depth of meaning behind them. He wasn't just saying 'good morning'. It was that and 'I love you' and 'I need you' and 'I never want to let you go'. I knew because they were all the things I was feeling and thinking right then.

We knew we had people waiting for us so we behaved ourselves and got out of bed. We dressed, packed, searched the house for anything not packed, and then climbed onto the scooter monstrosity to rejoin our family. I didn't really need to hold onto Edward much to keep balance on the thing, but I held on anyway and even a little tighter just because I knew he'd like it.

The gang was waiting for us in the parking lot of the scooter place when we pulled in and Alice immediately starting jumping up and down while waving at us.

"She's going to break her arm doing that shit one day," I said to Edward, making him laugh.

He gave me a quick kiss, took my helmet, and then headed inside to turn in the gear and keys, leaving me to wander over to our friends. Friends that were catcalling and whistling and being general asshats because it was what we were all good at doing.

"She's walking a little funny there." Apparently, Emmett's loud voice didn't garner enough attention for him because he was also pointing at me.

"That's an awfully big smile on your face, Bells," Jasper said with a laugh.

"Looks like Bella and Edward gave the 'heavenly' part of heavenly home a whole new meaning," Rose commented while giving me two-thumbs up.

"What was that thing you guys were on?" Alice asked, staring off at the scooter with a grimace on her face. She apparently wasn't over her aversion to discussing my sexual escapades with her brother. It was so weird not having her ask questions that it made me laugh.

"Jeebus, Ali," Rose cried, shaking her blond curls around. "Get over it already. Your big brother is fucking your best friend hard enough to make her walk funny. That shit is ripe for teasing, not for getting all freaked out about."

"Fuck you all," I yelled. "And I am _not_ walking funny."

"Why would you be walking funny?" Edward asked from right behind me.

"Dude, you rocked her hard," Emmett said, nodding his head and holding his fist out for a bump.

"Emmett, watch your mouth," Edward warned. He kept his fist far away from his brother's, choosing instead to wrap his arms around my shoulders and pull me back into his chest.

"Anyway!" Alice called out, drawing all eyes to her. "Bells, look what we're going to be riding around in today," she said, waving her hands at the car next to us.

I blinked a few times just to make sure I was really seeing it. And then I was pulling away from Edward and circling the car … Okay, okay. Dancing around it like a kid hopped up on pop rocks and soda would be a more accurate description of my behavior at that moment.

"Holy shit, Ali." My words were filled with awe, pleasure, happiness, and even a little bit of surprise. My best friend had rented the holiest of holies and had even managed to get it with the bad ass paint job of orange with black racing stripes. For however long our "girls only" outing would last today, we would be traveling around in a convertible Chevy Camaro. _Hala-fucking-luyah_!

I looked up from the car to my best friend. "You just took BFF to a whole new friggen level. You know, that right?"

Alice shrugged as if it was nothing, but the huge ass smile on her face told a different story.

"And you also know you're going to break my fucking heart if you don't let me drive, right?"

She laughed and shook the keys in her hand, making them clang together.

I darted forward and grabbed them out of her little hand. I also wrapped my arms around her and lifted her little feet off the ground, planting a big ass kiss on her cheek. "Love you, Ali girl."

Her laugh was louder this time as she hugged me back. "No, you love my rental car."

"And you're cute little self too," I assured her, setting her down on her feet. "You are my faithful co-pilot after all."

"Don't get too comfortable behind the wheel," Rose warned. "You have to share."

"Yeah, sure. I'll drive two to your one," I told her.

"Like hell you will. I will fight your ass for those keys, Bitch."

"Beelzebub welcomes the challenge," I told her, bending my fingers in a 'come-on' gesture. Her blue eyes flickered from me to the car and back again. And then we were both running for it, with me just throwing myself into the car while Rose wasted time with the door handle.

"Success!" I yelled, dangling my feet over the top of the car door.

"Bye, Rosie. Glad to see you're going to miss me," Emmett called out.

Rose smiled over at him and flipped him off. "You want a goodbye kiss, you come and get it, big boy."

Emmett didn't waste time replying to her. He just stalked on over, draped her over his arm and bent her backward before laying one hell of a kiss on her lips. By the time he was done, he was wearing more lipstick than she was.

"Do you think you'll miss me at all?" Edward asked as he opened the car door.

Once I had adjusted myself to be sitting behind the wheel and not sideways in the seat, I answered him—sort of. "I don't know. Are you going to miss me?"

He squatted down so we were almost eye-level. "You answer first this time."

I smiled and leaned over, kissing his lips lightly. "Yeah. I'm going to miss you."

"Be careful driving, okay?"

"Yeah. And you be careful with Em. Don't let him bully you into doing anything stupid."

"I won't, Angel. I can handle my brother."

I smiled, not completely believing that but wanting to seem supportive. "Love you."

"Love you, too. Be safe," he said as he stood.

"See ya, Cullen," I replied, smiling up at him while he closed the car door for me. He leaned over and gave me one more kiss before I started up the engine and revved it a little. "Come on, girls!" I yelled out to Alice and Rose. "Roads are begging to be driven on!"

"You are driving us straight to the spa, Bella," Alice ordered as she slipped in beside me.

"But after that, we are gonna exercise this baby," Rose promised from her spot in the backseat.

We yelled out a final "bye" and waved to our men as we slowly pulled away from them and out of the parking lot. We made sure they were watching and then I held down the brake while gunning the engine to make the tires squeal. Within seconds, we were speeding down the road and away from the plume of white smoke marking our takeoff point. Rose was cackling with laughter, Alice was hanging onto the dashboard and squealing, and my favorite evil laugh was bubbling out of me and hanging on the air.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"So was Hale Lani really a heavenly home?" Alice asked.

The three of us were pouring over the spa menu together, picking out which treatments we wanted.

"After, Ali," Rose told her. "Spa picks first. Which of these sounds good for the soak?"

"Edward and I had some stuff at the cottage made from hibiscus and it was a really great smell. It lasted a while too," I said, pointing at the option on the menu.

Rose smiled and closed the menu with a snap. "Hibiscus it is then."

"So deep tissue massages first, then the soak, then the manis and pedis with face mask treatment," Alice listed, ticking the items off with her fingers.

"Are we in the same room together for all of this?" I asked.

"Of course. How else can we share about our private days yesterday," Alice replied.

"Before we start any of this, are we sure about the soak?" Rose asked, her blue eyes fixed solely on me.

"I can soak all I want," I told her. "One relaxing day after weeks and weeks of stress isn't going to do a damn thing for me."

Alice reached over and grabbed my hand. "Are you worried at all?"

"No," I said honestly. "Ali, you remember my first semester of college. It didn't come until Christmas break."

"Yes and I also remember it being really bad on you," she said.

"Emmett even remembers that one," Rose added.

"Girls, I love you for caring, but please don't turn that into worry. I'm fine. It's stress that's keeping my period away and nothing more serious than that. In fact, I will make you a promise. If it doesn't come within the next few weeks, I'll go see Doctor Bennett."

Rose shrugged. "Sounds good enough for me."

Alice continued to look worried even as she nodded her head. "Okay. And we'll go with you, too."

"If it'll make you feel better," I said with a shrug. I really didn't want anyone going with me, but I also knew better than to refuse. They were worried for me and I loved them enough to keep my mouth shut and let them come along.

"How can you do that? Be so blasé about it?" Alice asked.

"What else can I do?" I replied. "Get pissed off? Yell and scream? Do something else that will just seem stupid and pointless in the end since there's no easy fix for this? It's live with it or be ruled by it and you know how I _hate_ being told what to do."

"Ladies, are you ready?" a pretty Hawaiian woman asked. She had the most gorgeous golden skin and raven hair, along with a truly welcoming smile. Everybody we'd come across so far seemed really nice and I wondered if it was something in the water that made them this way.

Once we were all setup on massage tables next to each other, the inquisition began. Thankfully, Rose went after Alice first.

"No, I'm absolutely serious," Alice cried for the third time. "We didn't do any shopping yesterday. The only purchases we made were for food and drinks."

"I'm not saying I don't believe you. I'm just saying I can't imagine it," Rose replied.

"Don't worry, Ali. I believe you," I assured my best friend.

"Thank you, Bella. At least someone is on my side," Alice said.

"No problem," I told her. And them I smiled just a little wider with a touch of evil. "Your nose didn't twitch at all."

"My nose does _not_ twitch," she protested.

"It totally twitches," Rose promised. "Looks like you're doing an impersonation of Samantha from _Bewitched_."

"Okay, okay," I said through my laughter. "Back on track here. You slept in late, Jasper made you breakfast in bed, and then he took you on a beach picnic for lunch. What did you do after that?"

Alice's smile instantly came back just as big and bright as it had been earlier. Her green eyes grew misty and I was pretty sure she was no longer seeing me lying next to her but her man as he'd been yesterday.

"Jazz took me on a helicopter tour of the islands. I didn't want to go at first. You know how I don't really care for heights. But he was just so confident I would enjoy it and he was right. It was so amazing to see where the water ended and the islands began and vice-versa.

"After that, we went back to the house since we knew it was empty. We curled up in bed together and we talked. It's funny how we can see each other so much and still not get the chance to just talk to each other. There's always so much going on around us and somehow talking seems to get pushed to the end of the to-do list. I had forgotten how much I love hearing his voice. The rise and fall of his cadence and the way it rumbles through his chest."

"I think someone's got it bad," I teased, singing the words to her.

"Shush it, Bells," Rose ordered. "Your turn is next. Right now, we need to hear the rest of Alice's day."

Alice chuckled. "We talked about the wedding for at least an hour. It meant so much to me that he had been thinking about it and had this whole list of ideas for the ceremony and reception. I know he wants to marry me, but knowing he's actually picturing it in his head and wants to help me plan it …" Alice just smiled while wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Well, I'm not surprised," Rose announced. "A really big part of Jasper died with his mom and we all worried he would never be the same again. And then one day, I took my cousin to the beach with me to hang out with my friends. For days after he went on and on about the ebony haired beauty with the wild green eyes. You gave him a reason to live, Alice. He knows that and it's one of the many reasons he cherishes you so much. His life started up again when he met you and I'm sure he sees giving you the wedding of your dreams as a way to properly thank you for being you and for loving him."

"He doesn't have to thank me." Alice's words were soft and had a feel of true shyness to them. Just that small difference in her tone said so many things to me about how she felt for Jasper. She felt she was the lucky one in their relationship and that Jasper was the one who was owed thanks. It also showed me that as much as I knew about my best friend, I still had a lot to learn. No matter how much it might seem to us that Alice had the upper hand in the relationship, the controlling interest so to speak, it was actually an even relationship. Jasper knew Alice liked to be in control just as much as she knew he liked to sit back and come along for the ride. They were even in their own special way.

"So what else did my cousin do for you yesterday?" Rose asked, her voice pulling me back into the here and now.

"Well," Alice started, drawing the word out and smiling wide. "After the talking came the loving. And after the loving came the pure animalistic worship of each other's bodies. And after all of that sex, we were positively famished. Jasper took me to this restaurant with tables right out on the beach and we ate under the stars together. Then we took a long walk on the beach in the moonlight before going home and curling up in bed with a movie and falling asleep. It wasn't some major exciting day full of activities and that was okay because it was perfect just like it was. When I'm with Jasper and it's just the two of us, I can slow down. Time and schedules and being go-go-go just disappear around him."

"He balances you out," Rose stated. "He slows your world down and shows you how to relax and just be."

"That's it exactly," Alice agreed heartily. "It's one of the many reasons I love him so very much."

"Alright, Bells," Rose called out. "Your turn."

I turned my head and smiled sweetly at my friend. "We went to Heaven. Nuff said."

"Bull-fucking-shit," Rose replied, narrowing those blue eyes of hers at me. "Talk, woman."

"Nope," I said, popping the 'p' the way Jacob liked to do when he was in the mood to be extra annoying. "I'm going last this time."

"I'm the oldest so I pick the order," Rose argued.

"Oh, let Bella have her way," Alice encouraged. "I really want to know what Emmett planned for you, Rose. It had to be something major since this whole trip was his idea."

Rose shrugged her shoulders as if yesterday had been any other day, but there was a shine to her eyes I'd never seen before. And I wasn't the only one who noticed it.

"What did he do?" Alice asked with a little groan. "Please tell me he didn't embarrass you in public or almost get himself arrested. Oh, gosh! Is that it? Did he actually get arrested this time?"

Rose shook her head just enough to dislodge the tears from the corners of her eyes. "No, nothing like that. It was a great day. It really was."

"Oh hell, Hale! What are you doing getting all girly and crying on me for?" I asked, hoping my teasing would make her smile.

Her red lips immediately pulled up into a grin and her fingers closed around mine tight enough to hurt. "Because it was so perfect."

"Now I call bullshit," I told her. "Em does fun, annoying, athletic, competitive, and asinine. He doesn't do perfect."

She just laughed. And then she started telling us about her perfect day. "It started with Emmett waking me up and taking me down to the beach to see the sun come up. At first, I'd been annoyed with him for not letting me dress or even brush my hair or anything. But when I saw the sun looking like it was rising up out of the water I couldn't do anything but thank him. We don't get to see anything like that back home and it was such a beautiful moment. Just us watching the world wake up, like we were suddenly the only people in existence. No jokes, no boisterous boyish behavior. Just Emmett holding me tightly and telling me he loved me."

"Emmett? Emmett Cullen? _Our_ Emmett Cullen did that?" I asked, unable to stop my tongue from wagging.

Rose laughed, sniffled, and nodded all at the same time. "He doesn't act that way with me often, mostly because neither of us are the openly emotional type, but when he does do it, it just feels so great. It feels _real_. I know he's doing it because that's how he feels, not because he's trying to be like Jasper or Edward."

"Yeah, I don't think there's anything about Edward that Emmett would imitate," I told her.

Rose's smile slipped and something about her expression left me feeling like she knew something big that I didn't. She didn't speak, though. She just gave a shrug.

"So was that it? An amazing morning and then back to normal?" Alice asked.

"Sort of," Rose replied. "After the sunrise, we went back up to the house and while I showered and dressed, Emmett gave Jasper a lift to pick up the Camaro. When he got back, we went to Honolulu for the day. Em took us to the Waialae Country Club, where we had breakfast near the beach." Rose gave a little laugh. "I guess everything here is near the beach so we can stop saying that."

"Why a country club for breakfast, though?" I asked. "There are so many other places he could have taken you."

Rose laughed again. "Because he took me out on the course after and taught me to play golf. He says all the top business people play golf and that we both need to learn so we can schmooze in the right ways when we get to Boston."

It took me a moment, but I caught on to what she was really telling us. "Holy shit! He picked his place!"

Rose nodded with a big smile on her face. "He got the call the day before we left. They want him in Boston by the first of June."

"That's the one he wanted, right? The one he was holding out for?" Alice asked.

"Yep," Rose confirmed. "He's so excited about it, too. He just didn't want to say anything during the trip because he wants everyone having a good time together and not thinking about being separated.

"So anyway, he did teach me a few things about golf and I'm not half bad at it. Though, he was getting pretty frustrated near the end. He said he's played a bunch of times with Carlisle over the years and always done pretty well. But yesterday, he kept ending up in sand or water. At first, I was joking that he was trying to let me win without it seeming like that, but then I could see he was getting really mad. So before his temper unleashed a grumpy bear on us, I suggested we leave in search of lunch.

"We ended up going to the Kahala Mall. There was this great place called The Counter where they have custom burgers. Emmett of course ordered this monster burger with three kinds of cheese, and tons of peppers, onions, and mushrooms." Rose paused to laugh and wipe a stray tear from her eye. "He actually had to cut it into sections to eat it. First time I ever saw him do that. And they had awesome beer on tap. You'd have loved it, Bells."

"Yeah, I'm sure I would," I agreed. "But what did you eat? You don't eat burgers."

"Sure I do," she said with a smile. "A veggie burger."

"Duh," I said more to myself than her. "The only meat our Rosie eats belongs to the Sasquatch himself," I added, giving Rose a wink.

"Please tell us about your day, Bells. I can't _wait_ to hear all about it and comment on it," Rose said, her eyes set in a glare once again.

I chuckled at having gotten under her skin once more. "No way, Rosie. You still have to take us from lunch to the end of the night."

"It'll have to wait," Alice said. "Our massages are nearly done and then we'll be heading off to have a healthy breakfast together."

"I still say we should hear about Bella's time at Hale Lani and save the rest of my story for later. Hers is sure to be twice as good as mine anyway," Rose replied.

"We'll flip for it later," Alice told her. "Right now, let's go get some breakfast," she said as her massage person helped her down from the table.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I managed to win that coin toss and Rose had to take Alice and me through the rest of her day with Emmett. They drove all around the island together with Emmett actually letting Rose behind the wheel of the rental. She was able to stop whenever and wherever she wanted with Em being a good sport and helping her to take pictures. He wasn't normally so low-key, preferring to have lots of activities going on much like his little sister. When the day had started to turn into night, Emmett took over the driving so he could surprise Rose with their final destination for the night. He'd taken her to Pearl in Honolulu to enjoy dinner and dancing. He'd even danced with her right away without a buzz going. Rose had called it a perfect day; she'd had Em's attention all day long with _good_ behavior. She'd said the best part was that she hadn't asked for a second of it—he'd done it all just to show how much he loved her.

And now it was my turn to share.

"Come on, Bells," Rose urged. "Tell us about your day."

"Don't make us force it out of you," Alice warned, flicking water at me. "And by the way, great call on the hibiscus. The smell is heavenly."

"Yeah, I know. I had hibiscus scented oil rubbed all over me last night. Best naked massage I've ever had," I said, purposefully looking only at Alice. I'd moved passed being worried about her reactions to sexual topics and straight into teasing mode.

"Ooh, la, la," Rose trilled. "What else went on in that cottage?"

I shrugged as if nothing much at all had gone on. And then I pulled my lips up into my evil smile. "I buried Edward in the sand and then he buried himself in me. Not in the sand, of course. Too damn scratchy. Just in the shower and in the bed. Oh, and one amazingly memorable time on the kitchen counter."

Rose opened her mouth to say something but before she could, I quickly jumped in.

"Did I mention the outside shower? That one was really awesome. And there was an almost in the hot tub, but between Edward and the water, it was too hot for me and we had to finish inside."

"Oh, my God!" Rose cried. "You spent practically the entire day in bed with him?"

"No. Just part of it," I answered with a shrug. "We did go waterfall hunting and we were at the beach for a while. The cottage was so well-stocked that we didn't have to leave for anything."

"I think I'm jealous. In fact, I _know_ I'm jealous," she said, her nose flaring just a little with her anger.

"But you had a perfect day yesterday," I reminded her.

She held one hand up, her palm facing the ceiling. "Perfect day." She pulled her other hand out of the water, holding it the same way as the first. "Heavenly day."

I laughed as I grabbed the hand signifying a heavenly day. "You couldn't handle my day," I said as I pushed her hand under the water. "Besides, my day wasn't without complications," I added.

"What complications?" Alice asked, speaking for the first time. And also moving closer to me. "What happened?"

"Nothing major." I shrugged my shoulders hoping the motion would calm her down. "We just had a couple of serious conversations."

"About what?" she pressed.

"Seriously, Ali. It was nothing big," I told her. "He had a dream that he didn't want to tell me about and I didn't think that was fair since he's the one who asked for us to talk every day like we've been doing."

"What was the dream?" Rose asked.

"Before I say anything, I want promises from both of you that you will remain calm and not interrupt. I need to tell you all of it for you to understand it and if you two are interrupting with comments and questions, I'll miss some part of it," I explained.

They both nodded to show they would behave.

"Okay. So Edward had this dream. He didn't want to tell me about it because he felt I would be mad at him for it. I explained I don't have to like his dreams anymore than he has to like mine, but I care enough to want to know about the dream and to do my best to remember it's just a dream. So he tells me the dream is about being here in Hawaii. He saw our whole group on the beach. He also saw himself marrying me."

As expected, both of them opened their mouths to say something as soon as the word "marrying" left my lips. With a stern look and a finger over each of their mouths, I kept my friends from spewing forth a bunch of wasted words.

"Now, Edward and I have discussed his dream. We agree neither of us is ready to seriously discuss a commitment like that. And also, we both said we wouldn't be totally against talking about it if it came up somewhere far away in the future. As for my reaction … Honestly, I was upset that I wasn't upset. I still don't think marriage is really my kind of thing, but I know that for Edward I would agree to it."

Rose said nothing.

Alice said nothing.

I'd thought I'd handled the situation well and they'd be proud of how maturely I'd reacted. I'd forgotten to consider any other type of reaction—like them thinking the idea of Edward and me together in that way was a bad one. And now that I was faced with their silence like this, I could see it was—I wasn't the long term type. And there were other reasons I wasn't a good match for him. Alice practically worshipped him as her big brother so of course she wanted better for him. An unattached relationship with someone as wild as me would just open him up and crack his shell, but it wasn't meant to be long term. And Rose … Rose was probably thinking of me and how I got bored with shit after awhile. I probably would have thought of those things on my own if Edward hadn't—

"Bella, did you hear us?" Alice asked, squeezing my shoulder.

I shook my head, trying to focus on her. "What?"

Rose laughed and wrapped me up in a tight hug. "We said we're so damn excited for you, you space cadet!"

Shaking my head had done nothing for my confusion; neither had her words. "Wait! What? Why?"

"Because we love you," Alice said with a giggle. "We want you happy."

"But … You didn't say anything and I thought … Really?"

They laughed together this time. "Silly Bella," Rose said, sighing the words. "Of course we would be happy for you. We know Edward treats you right and respects you, and we know you respect and love him. You guys are so opposite that together you make a matched set. You both still have some to learn about each other and navigating a relationship together, but when the time is right and you guys are ready, you'll have one hell of a marriage. And it'll be one that lasts."

"Remember when I said I had a good feeling about Edward and you?" Alice asked.

I managed to nod.

Her eyes were sparkling in that way Edward's did when he was really excited about something, though hers was a lighter shade of green. "I was sure he would show you what a good man was like," she said. "I was even fairly certain you would find enough you liked in him to keep going when you would normally give up on a relationship. But I never saw you falling so completely in love with my brother. And it's the greatest surprise I've ever gotten. The way you two are together … Bella, Rose is so right to call you guys a matched set. I truly could not be happier for you both."

"Okay, but can we not make it seem so much like we were doing anything other than talking hypothetically about a hypothetical future," I asked, moving out of their grasping range. "It was just talk."

"Yes, because it's _so_ like you to talk about that kind of stuff," Alice said, rolling her eyes at me.

"Wasn't it just last week she was working on her dream wedding book?" Rose asked, looking only at Alice. "Oh, wait! That was you, Short Stuff. Beelzebub here had marriage tagged on her list of tortures to never put herself through."

I couldn't help but laugh at that. "I wouldn't do it for me," I told them. "I'd do it for him. I love him enough to make really insane, stupid decisions like agreeing to marry him just so he knows I'm not going anywhere. But I'm still keeping Swan in my name, damn it."

Rose and Alice looked at each other, looked at me, and then started laughing like a couple of loons.

"Oh, shut the hell up," I said as I tried to dunk their heads under the water.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

As soon as Edward was out of the SUV, I had my arms around him. "Save me!"

He laughed and locked his arms around my waist, giving me a tight hug. "Hey, Angel. Did you have fun with Alice and Rosalie?"

"Did you not hear the 'save me' thing? Would I ask for rescue if things were not at their most dire?"

"What happened? Did you not get to drive as much as you wanted?"

I pulled back so he could see my smile. "No, I didn't get to drive anywhere near as much as I wanted. And also, I was only joking about the rescue thing. We had a lot of fun together, as we normally tend to do. And smell," I said, offering him my wrist.

His nose skimmed across my flesh as he breathed deeply. "Hibiscus."

"Yeah, the girls couldn't decide on a scent so I suggested this one."

"Very nice," he said, looking right into my eyes while kissing my wrist. _Le Sigh! One very melted Bella Swan at your complete and utter service._

"Are Jasper and Emmett still playing football?" Alice asked. I couldn't decide if I was annoyed with her for interrupting or extremely grateful she was keeping me from doing something stupid like telling Edward how much he was affecting me. Though with those damn ninja mind-fuck skills of his he probably already knew.

"Yes. They send their thanks once again that they were allowed to stay behind and finish it," Edward told her.

"How many people are hanging out at the house?" Rose questioned.

"Last count was ten guys, including Em and Jazz, and four girls," Edward answered.

"Girls?" Rose and Alice cried out together.

"Yes, girls," Edward said, looking confused about their reaction. "A few of the guys who wandered over to play brought their girlfriends."

"But those girls aren't playing, right?" Rose asked.

If Edward had any sense at all, his answer would be a big fat "no" despite what the real answer might be. As for me, I was just doing my best not to laugh at my girls. One of the few things I didn't understand about them was their jealousy. If they were with the guys, Jazz and Em had permission to be men and look at other girls. If Rose and Ali weren't around, then the guys had to pretend there were no females in the human race. It didn't make a damn lick of sense to me, especially when considering both of them swore they didn't think Em or Jazz would cheat. They said it was the girls they were worried about. To me, they were acting a _wee_ bit insane. But hey! At least Edward finally had something Emmett could be jealous over—a girlfriend who didn't go all territorial when another female was around.

Edward smartly answered "no" to Rosalie's question, and in an even brighter move, he gave me the keys so I could drive us back to the rental house. _Damn I loved driving! Oh, and my man!_

When we got back to the house, Rose and Alice headed straight for the beach while Edward followed me into the kitchen. In between a snack of fresh fruit and yogurt, Edward and I swapped stories of what we'd been up to all day. While I'd been getting pampered with the girls, Edward had been busy touring the Ka'a'awa Valley on an ATV with Em and Jazz. After that, they'd gone down to Maunalua Bay to ride jet skis.

"So not fair," I whined, making Edward laugh. "I love jet skis! Rose loves them as much as I do and Alice isn't completely afraid of them."

"You clearly have a need for speed," Edward joked, giving me that lopsided grin of his.

I snorted at him and his goofy ass smile. "Yeah, you would know a lot about that, Cullen."

"You know, we could go jet skiing together if you want. The day before we leave is another couples day," he offered.

"Maybe we can do it tomorrow instead since the girls like it too."

"Possibly. I don't think there's anything planned for tomorrow yet.

"Remind me later tonight to ask his majesty and his royal scheduler if it's feasible," I joked.

After finishing up our light snack, we headed outside to see what everyone else was up to. The guys had just finished their game of football and were involved in a loud discussion over what should be played next. Apparently Emmett had made a store visit during their outing and had picked up all manner of toys. There was the water football they'd been playing with just moments ago, a large inflatable beach ball near where the patio ended, and the volleyball in Rosalie's hands. Edward also informed me there was an arsenal of nerf guns somewhere in the house.

"Oh, hell, yeah," I cried, snagging the ball from Rose. "Volleyball, people."

"Bells, we're going to vote in a minute. Be patient," Jasper told me.

"Fuck votes and patience. Vol-lee-_ball_," I replied.

"Where'd this chick come from?" one of the guys asked, jerking his thumb at me.

"Somewhere warm with lots of torture devices," Emmett replied while holding his fist out to me.

I gave my brother from another mother a fist bump before ordering his big arse around. "Net, Em. Set it up and let's play."

"But, Bella, we just got manis and pedis a few hours ago," Alice said. She honestly seemed to believe her answer would get me to choose another game.

"Volleyball, Alice," was my only reply.

"But, Bella," she whined.

"_Beach_ volleyball, Alice."

She made a face as she glanced at the ball in my hands. "I do like volleyball."

"Come on, Ali girl. You, me, and Rose beating Em and Jazz here on the beach in front of tons of witnesses. Doesn't that sound worth a few polish chips and scratches?"

Her eyes flickered over to her brother and fiancé and after a few seconds, a wide grin filled her face. "Let's kick their asses."

I chuckled as I hugged her. "That's my girl."

While the guys got busy with setting up the net, Alice and Rose went inside to change into appropriate volleyball attire. I went inside too, but it was only to slather copious amounts of sunscreen all over my pale self. I wanted to play, not burn.

"So do you think you'll play with us?" I asked Edward while slathering my milky white leg with sunscreen.

"I'd really like to finish my book instead," he answered, holding up said book. "Especially since I was thinking you and I could go see Pearl Harbor together."

I took a moment to think about it. Of course I knew the story of Pearl Harbor, but it was one of those that seemed more like a movie than something real. So much so that visiting the spot had never crossed my mind. "I would really like that, E. You finish your book and then you can play tour guide for me when we go. Now make yourself useful and get the back of my neck."

Once I was sufficiently covered with both sunscreen and clothing—a regular t-shirt and not quite knee-length shorts—we headed outside to rejoin everyone else. Edward and I parted ways on the patio since he wanted to read in the shade, but only after he gave me a damn fine kiss and wished me luck.

"Are we ready to kick some ass?" I asked as I sidled up to Rose and bumped her hip with mine.

"What about Edward?" she asked, looking around for him.

I turned to where I knew he was, finding him sitting on the last step of the deck, shaded by the roof above him. His nose was practically buried in his book at the moment, but I knew he'd be keeping an eye on the game too. He rarely ever took his eyes off of me for long and I was surprised by how much I'd grown to enjoy the feeling.

"He'd rather read," I said. "And also there's his whole anti-sports if Emmett's involved thing."

"So true," Rose agreed with a nod. "I'd say something to Em if I'd thought it would help but knowing him, it'll just encourage him to act worse."

"My thoughts exactly," I said.

"We ready?" Emmett asked as he snatched the volleyball away from Rose.

I smiled up at him. "You tell us. Ready for your beat down, big boy?"

He lowered himself until we were eye to eye and nose to nose. "Bring it on, little girl."

I stole the ball from his hands and tossed it to Alice. "Serve it, Ali. Show your brother he's not the only one with athletic ability."

"We'll see about that." Emmett walked away from me, ducked under the net, and bumped fists with Jasper. Then he turned toward us girls, growling and flexing his arms to make the muscles stand out.

Rather than being intimidated as we were sure he was hoping for, we enjoyed a good laugh over his goofy behavior. And we laughed even harder when Alice served and the ball landed right in front of Emmett with him just staring at it. If loud laughter and clapping is any kind of indicator, then the guys and gals who had stuck around to play with us were equally entertained.

When we took a break an hour later, the score was tied and we couldn't decide whether we should handle our thirst or sweat problem first. Rose decided the guys should get us water while we took a quick dip in the ocean to cool off.

As soon as we were out far enough, we submerged ourselves in the water. We were so damn sweaty that the water actually felt cool to us.

"Bells, you really need more sunscreen," Alice said as we waded back toward shore.

"Yeah, your arms are getting pink," Rose agreed.

"Water first," I told them. My eyes were firmly locked on the water bottles in Em and Jazz's hands and I wasn't doing a damn thing more until I'd gotten some of that cool liquid down my throat.

"You girls are really making us work for the win," Jasper said as he passed me a water bottle.

"Thank you, Jazzy," Alice trilled, taking her own bottle from him.

I pointed at her and then at him, which made them both laugh since they knew exactly what I meant.

"You're welcome," Jazz said as he spun the cap off his own bottle.

"Don't drink it too fast there, Bells," Em cautioned. "We don't want you puking your guts out at our feet."

I ignored him, knowing perfectly well what my limits were. The man acted like he was the only one on Earth who ever worked out and worked up a sweat.

"Who's that?" Alice asked suddenly.

"Who's who?" Rose replied.

"That girl sitting next to Edward," Alice answered.

I stopped mid-drink and flicked my eyes over to the shaded steps of the house. Edward was still sitting there, but his book was now closed and balanced on his knees while his attention was focused on the blond sitting next to him.

And also, her hand was on his back.

My brain went from rational, functioning mode to something I didn't have a name for in less than a second. _Hope she's got good insurance because her ass will be heading to the emergency room very fucking soon._

_She's got a bob. Not going to be much hair to pull. Still, there's enough to get my fingers around and make her feel it._

_Her nose is short so if I punch her, it's not going to have much of an impact. Best not to waste a punch there._

_Those legs look long. I wonder how many inches over me she's going to be._

In all of my plotting while stalking and stomping through the sand, I nearly missed what Edward was saying to her.

"No, it's not a fallen angel. The fire represents fierceness, not sin. It's _my_ angel, not some biblical character that may or may not be real. And my angel is both sweet and fiery. She's loving and tough. And she's always what I need right when I need it."

He _meant_ that—I didn't even have to ask. I could hear it in his voice and I could see it in his expression, like he was daring the girl to argue with him. He might be looking at her, but his thoughts were all about me. All that anger and rage I'd had a few seconds ago had burnt out, leaving me feeling unsure about what to do with myself.

Edward decided for me. His green eyes suddenly turned my way and a huge smile took over his face. "There's my angel," he said, holding his hand out to me.

I took it and while he pulled me over with one hand, he used the other to toss his book aside. When I was close enough for him, he sat me down right on his legs.

"Bella, this is … I'm sorry. I'm bad with names," he said, glancing at the girl for a brief second before looking right back at me. I knew damn well he wasn't bad with names at all—I just didn't know if he was fibbing for my sake or had really been that uninterested in whatever this girl had been saying to him.

She pronounced her name as Corey and informed us it started with a "K" and not a "C". She also said some other crap I didn't catch because I was too busy looking at Edward and wondering what he was seeing. His green eyes had yet to move from my face and there was intensity in them I didn't normally see when we were around other people.

Corey with a "K" finally clued in to the fact she didn't really exist for Edward and me right then and wandered off. I finally pulled myself out of his stare and leaned over his shoulder, looking down at his tattoo and tracing it with my finger.

"You took your shirt off," I mentioned. He hadn't really done that much and I wondered if attention was the reason. It wouldn't surprise me to hear he didn't want a lot of people seeing his tattoo.

"I was hot."

"Yeah, you are," I said, pressing my lips to the top of his shoulder. "It really does look amazing on you, you know."

"Only because it's you."

"Not true. You have an artistic eye and Drake was able to bring your vision to life. That's why it's so amazing."

"I like my answer better."

I laughed at his response and then pressed a kiss against the side of his neck. "I _think_—I'm not completely sure here—but I think I may have just been jealous."

His laugh came from deep within him and shook us both. "Bella Swan felt jealous? That's just not possible."

"Shut up," I grumbled, knowing he was teasing as much as I knew I deserved it. _Payback really is a bitch_.

"What were you jealous about?" he asked.

"She had her hand on you."

"Ah. That whole what's mine is mine and you can't touch feeling. I'm familiar with that one. And also, I recall _you_ saying it was macho male bullshit." _What did I tell ya? Payback is a total bitch!_

"I may have been mistaken," I admitted jokingly. And then I lifted my head so he would know I was serious. "Does it always feel like that? Like a flash fire has gone off and you have to do something? _Anything_?"

"It can," he said with a nod. "Or it can be more discreet. It can creep up on you slowly." His finger skimmed across my cheek and then secured a lock of my hair behind my ear. "It can start off with wondering what she's saying to the guy. Wanting to know what he's said to make her laugh. Needing to believe the way she's touching his arm is just a friendly gesture and not a sign of flirting. And then all of a sudden, you're angry it's not you making her laugh. It's not you feeling her fingers on your skin and her breath on your cheek from her whispered words."

"I'm sorry about that."

"It wasn't your fault." He said it so simply and easily that I didn't doubt his sincerity for a second.

"You're dangerous, Cullen."

His eyes grew wide and I knew right away my words had shocked him. And also, he told me as much. "Of all the things I thought you might say, that was nowhere on the list."

I gave him my evil smile and then I gave him one hell of a kiss, all the while tracing the artwork on his back. It seemed like maybe he wasn't the only one with a bit of a tattoo fetish around here.

The minute his lips left mine, he was asking questions. "What did you mean by dangerous? Did I do something to upset you? Did I say something wrong?"

"It's those damn ninja mind-fuck skills of yours," I told him. "I was just minding my own business and playing some volleyball. Next thing I know, I'm sitting on your lap and forcefully ordering myself not to screw your brains out right here and now." I kept my face straight as possible so he wouldn't know I was teasing. _Somewhat teasing. Like forty-sixty. Okay, so it's more like ten percent teasing and ninety percent serious, but he doesn't need to know that._

"Yeah, right," Edward said with a laugh. "You're not going to have sex in public anymore than I would. It's why you called a skip during that Thanksgiving game."

Now I was the shocked one; my jaw dropped and my eyes widened while I struggled to reply. "That is _so_ not why I called a skip."

"Then why did you?"

"Because I was worried you might try to make it happen. You seemed a little too eager to agree to my ideas at the time."

"And now?"

"And now I'm not so sure you don't have an equally pervy idea in your head, Cullen."

"You bring it out in me, Swan. You're just too damn sexy. Look at you right now in your wet t-shirt and shorts."

I snorted at him while looking down at my damp clothing. "That's because I was all sweaty. And while the water washed off the sweat, I'm pretty sure I stink."

Edward darted forward and skimmed his nose along the side of my neck. He stopped when he came to that damn spot behind my ear, sliding his tongue over it and forcing a moan out of me. "You don't stink," he whispered before softly kissing the spot he'd just licked.

After fumbling around a few times, I finally got my mouth to work. "You're nose is broken."

"Make love to me, Bella." He'd used that deep velvet tone when he'd whispered the words into my ear, making me flame hot on the inside and shiver on the outside.

My breath caught in my throat and I fumbled once again for what to say; he'd never asked me like that before. He'd never come right out and said anything close to it. So to have him suddenly say it and to feel how much he meant it—_Holy mother of fuck me sideways!_ And then I remembered exactly where we were.

"Um … Not that I'm _completely_ against the idea of sex in public, but in the bright sunlight surrounded by people doesn't do it for me."

"Me neither. I meant in our bed inside."

"What if we're missed?" I didn't really give a shit if we were missed, but I wanted him to really think about what he was saying. This wasn't his normal behavior and I didn't want to just jump all over it to have him regret it later on because he'd only done what he thought I wanted.

"Don't care," he said, speaking between kisses to my neck.

"We could wait until later tonight after I've showered."

"Now. During. It's about time we make use of the bench in there."

"I thought you wanted to use the bed."

His eyes were suddenly looking right at me—molten lava for damn sure if it was able to be olive green and contained within him. "I want you as many times and in as many places as you'll let me have you." _Le Sigh complete with a side of holy mother of fuck me sideways._

I didn't say a word. I just stood up and walked into the house, heading straight for our room.

Edward caught up with me in the bathroom. I'd heard him lock the bedroom door and now I watched him lock the bathroom door as well. He might not care if we were missed, but he was making damn sure we wouldn't be interrupted.

**REMOVED - VISIT WRITER'S COFFEE SHOP TO READ THIS SECTION**

It felt like a lot of time had passed between when the first wave of pleasure crashed over me and when I felt like my body would obey commands again. We dried off and got dressed, but didn't go outside. Instead, we curled up together in the bed and just _were_. We didn't talk and we didn't sleep; we just were.

And then that man of mine decided to be cocky while teasing—not a combo he was known for. "So I have to tell you how amazingly sexy it was to see you jealous over me."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Hardly, Cullen."

"Are you attempting to say you were not in full-on green-eyed monster mode?" he questioned, his eyebrows lifting up a bit.

"Monster mode," I repeated with a snort.

"Again, are you denying it?" he pressed.

"I will say that I didn't have the most rational reaction to seeing some girl with her hand all over you—"

"One spot on my back," he interrupted.

I ignored him. "…and flirting with you right in front of me. But in my defense, that was a first for me."

His eyes suddenly widening let me know he was surprised by my answer. "Really? No girl ever hit on a guy you were dating before?"

"Oh, of course they did. I've dated some pretty good looking guys in my time. It's just … It didn't bother me before. If some girl flirted and the guy I was with flirted back, then so be it. He could go his way and I'd go mine. No big deal. But with you … It's different." I knew that was a lame way to finish an explanation, but I honestly didn't have anything better.

Edward smiled as he slipped his arms around me and pulled me close, even draping one of his legs over both of mine. "I know how hard it can be to fight off those jealous feelings. And one of the only things that helps me is remembering what you said, that no matter who flirts with you I'm the one you're going home with. So I want you to remember that no matter how many girls flirt with me, you're the only one I want to go home with. I love you, Bella, and no matter how many choices I'm given, I'll always pick you. _Always_."

Now that was just about the most perfect thing I'd ever heard in my whole life and I tried my best to tell him that through my lips moving against his. And also, with four little words … "I love you, Edward".

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

It was just before sunset when we finally got out of bed and went to find our family. We heard them long before we saw them, finding the four of them in the living room. They all had damp hair and clean clothes and I wondered how long they'd waited around before giving up on finishing the volleyball game and coming inside to clean up. I waited to feel guilty for ditching them, but it never came. Edward was really going to have to lay off the ninja mind-fuck shit before I lost all sense of reason around him.

"Bow-chica-bow-wow," Emmett bellowed the very moment he realized Edward and I had stepped into the living room.

"Did we have fun?" Rose asked. She had her very familiar shit-eating grin plastered on her sun-reddened face.

"More fun than you would know what to do with," I told her.

"Bella, I was only joking this morning, but you seriously are not walking straight right now," Jasper announced.

Alice must have known what I had in mind because she jumped right off of Jasper's lap and ran toward Emmett while I launched myself at Jasper, falling half on him and half on the sofa with my elbow firmly wedged in his gut.

He let out a loud oomph, sputtered and coughed, and then groaned. "Shit, Bells. I was only teasing."

"I know," I said, smiling as I got off of him. "That's why my elbow only got you in the stomach."

"You know, with as much as Edward has been banging your ass, all the feisty should be worn out of you," Emmett piped up.

I turned my head so he could see my evil grin. "It wasn't my ass that was getting the attention."

A round of playful banter ensued where my friends threw out ideas on what positions and places made up my sexual history with Edward while I came up with outlandish responses to each and Alice and Edward's faces slowly climbed from pink to fire engine red. If not for the obnoxiously loud growl of my stomach heard by all in the room, we probably would have kept at it. Instead, we threw a couple of frozen pizzas into the oven to cook while we debated on a movie for us all to watch.

Twenty minutes later, we had pepperoni pizza on our plates and _Transformers_ playing on the television. The movie had action and explosions for me and the guys, cars for Rosalie, and a romance for Alice.

About half-way through the movie, Emmett decided snacks were in order and demanded I help him gather them up. I acted appropriately put upon, refusing to smile until he begged and pleaded the way I knew he would.

"Don't be cruel, to a heart that's true," Emmett sang to me, holding his hand over his heart.

"If it's an Elvis quote-fest you want, then I'll give it to you," I warned him. And then I gave him a song quote back. "A little less conversation, a little more action."

Emmett guffawed and then responded while shaking a finger at me. "A little less bite and a little less bark."

"You're the devil in disguise," I countered.

"Bullshit," he barked out in a laugh. "I'm not disguising anything so lil' sister don't you tell lies," he warned, making his eyebrows wiggle at me.

"Okay, you're not even quoting. You're just making shit up now," I told him through my laughter.

He moved so that he was basically bending backwards and smiling up at me. "The record shows I took the blows and did it my _way_," he sang, drawing out the final word until he had to stop to breath.

I laughed and clapped for my friend, and knowing he'd truly earned my praise had Emmett smiling wide and his big brown eyes crinkling at the corners.

He took a couple of bows and then straightened up. "So we aren't really in here for snacks," he said. He took my hand and pulled me over to the pantry, opening the door and revealing the nerf gun arsenal Edward had told me about earlier in the day.

"Em, you know the way to my heart," I said as I reached in for a gun. I'd chosen the yellow one with the black spinning barrel that held six darts—the exact number I needed to take out everyone in the living room with two left over for the big guy himself.

Emmett's lips curled up to the right as he looked down at me. "I know what you're thinking and your ass better not shoot me before we take out the suckers in the living room."

After picking his gun out—a monstrosity that held _thirty-five_ darts—we headed into the living room to attack our family with little orange sponges.

It.

Was.

_Spectacular_.

There were screams—not all from the girls—and bodies vaulting over furniture. There was the sound of bare feet slapping on the floor and heading for the pantry. There were even threats of bodily harm if the deluge didn't let up. And above it all was the laughter coming from every single one of us.

"Autobots versus Decepticons," I yelled out once everyone was armed. "I'm Optimus Prime and Em over there is Megatron. Jasper, choose a side and an alter ego."

He chuckled as he ambled over to stand next to me. "Ironside," he said, sounding so proud as he laid the barrel of his gun over his arm. He looked ready to kick any and all ass that might come near us.

"Then I'll be Jazz," Alice trilled as she skipped over to join us.

"Rosie, you have to be my second in command," Emmett told her. "You have to be Starscream."

She just shrugged and moved to stand next to him.

"Alright, E. It's up to you. You can be Bumblebee on our side and entertain us with a musical melody. Or you can join the Decepticons over there with your twin and be some crappy bad guy," I told him.

Emmett snorted and shook his head at me. Rose, Alice, and Jasper laughed at my comments. Edward was shaking his head too, but I knew it was in denial and not entertainment.

"No way. I'll be Ratchet," Edward informed us.

"Fine. Be that way," Emmett said. "Be four against two. We're still going to kick your asses."

Alice gave out a growl, stepped in front of me, and shot her big brother right between the eyes. "I think you mean _kiss_ our butts," she told him.

It was totally one of those moments of silence that came along when something truly unexpected occurred in our group. When it ended, all hell broke loose. There were taunts, curses, growls, grunts, and things best not repeated amidst a nearly non-stop shower of orange darts. It was one of those times in my life when I knew right in the middle of the fray this would be without a doubt a memory that stuck with me forever.

And nearly two hours later, I was still giggling over some of the finer points.

"Go to bed," Edward groaned. "_Please_."

"I'm trying," I promised. "It's just that I start to fall asleep and then I remember something that happened and I get the urge to laugh all over again. I could go sleep in the living room if you want."

"No," he responded quickly, firmly, and emphatically. He also pulled my back tighter against his chest.

"I'm sorry." I meant it too. I knew I was keeping him awake and I did feel bad about it. But at the same time, I wanted to think about our night. I wanted to make sure I memorized every single part of it because in a couple of months, nights like tonight would only be a memory.

"What if I try singing to you?" Edward offered.

I thought about yelling out a "hells yes", but I didn't want to annoy him further. "It couldn't hurt to try."

He let out a long breath while moving his head so it rested on mine with his lips close to my ear.

"Wait," I called out, putting my hand on his forearm. "What are you going to sing?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes, because if you sing something cheesy, I'm just going to start laughing all over again and completely ruin what you're trying to accomplish."

"I was thinking something by David Gray would soothe you to sleep. Have you ever heard 'Be Mine'?"

"I don't believe so, but I've seen the title somewhere recently."

"My iPod."

"Oh," was my brilliant reply. I'd already been excited to have him sing to me, but knowing it was one of the new songs he'd added to my playlist made it even better.

Edward chuckled softly and gave my cheek a small kiss. "Do I have your permission to sing now?"

"_Please_," I said, putting extra emphasis on the word to show him how very much I wanted him to sing for me.

He took another deep breath and then started to softly sing to me …

"_From the very first moment I saw you,_

_That's when I knew_

_All the dreams I held in my heart_

_Had suddenly come true._

_Knock me over stone cold sober,_

_Not a thing I could say or do_

'_Cause baby when I'm walking with you now,_

_My eyes are so wide._

_Like you reached right into my head_

_And turned on the light inside._

_Turning on the light_

_Inside my mind, hey._

_Come on, Baby, it's all right._

_Sunday, Monday, day or night._

_Red, or blue, or white, it's plain to see._

_Be mine. Be mine._

_Rainy, shiny, night or day,_

_What's the difference anyway,_

_Honey, till your heart belongs to me?_

_If I had some influence, Girl,_

_With the powers that be_

_I'd have them fire that arrow at you_

_Like they fired it right at me._

_And maybe when your heart and soul are burning you might see_

_That every time I'm talking with you_

_It's always over too soon._

_That everyday feels so incomplete_

_Till you walk into the room._

_Say the word now, Girl,_

_I'll jump that moon. Hey, yeah!_

_Come on, Baby, it's okay._

_Rainy, shiny, night or day,_

_There's nothing in the way now_

_Don't you see?_

_Be mine. Be mine._

_Winter, summer, day or night,_

_Centigrade or Fahrenheit,_

_Baby, till your heart belongs to me._

_Be mine. Be mine._

_Thursday, Friday, short or long_

_When you got a love so strong_

_How can it be wrong? Now mercy me!_

_Be mine. Be mine._

_Be mine. Be mine."_

He sang the last two lines with so much love and tenderness wrapped up in them that I wasn't completely sure I hadn't fallen asleep and was just dreaming. It was the feel of his lips brushing against my cheek that told me I was still awake.

"I am yours," I whispered into the dark, hoping I was making sense in my groggy state. "I'm yours because I love you and I want to be yours."

"_Always_." He said it using that same undeniable tone he's used earlier in the night when he'd said he would always pick me if given a choice.

Feeling calm and more loved and wanted than I'd ever known, I relaxed completely in Edward's arms and slipped into sleep.

* * *

**A/N:** Happy Saturday Readers! Hope you guys enjoyed another fun Hawaii chapter! We've got two more vacation chapters before our gang heads back to real life and jobs and normal every day interruptions. Eternally Addicted and I are thrilled you all are enjoying reading these chapters as much as we enjoyed writing them. Of course, after all the research put into these, we both want to go visit the 808 state! (TY Noelle!)

Just a reminder that if you sign up for updates on my website, the notice will let you know if the full chapter is on both sites or only Writer's Coffee Shop. I know this is somewhat of a pain, but as long as LU is searching for stories to take down, better safe than sorry!


	35. Beaches, Boys, & Blues

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Beaches, Boys, & Blues**

**Chapter Song: "Beach Boy Blues" by Elvis**

**Bella's POV:**

I felt the bed shift, but even more, I felt the absence of his arms around me. I rolled toward his side of the bed and forced my tired eyes open. "E, where are you going?"

Edward stopped fiddling with his shorts and looked up at me. "I'm hungry. But you don't have to get up with me. Go back to sleep."

"You sure?" I asked even as my eyelids rejoiced and slipped closer to my cheeks.

"Sleep, Angel," he whispered with a small laugh.

The second time I woke up on Wednesday morning was to the sound of rock music pouring through the house. I smiled as I stretched my arms and legs, knowing exactly who'd put the song on and why. Ever since its' release, Limp Bizkit's "Break Stuff" had been Emmett's anthem when life was not going his way.

I quickly got out of bed, made sure I was dressed decently enough for venturing outside of the bedroom, and then went in search of the big guy. I found Edward and Jasper talking and eating together at the bar in the kitchen, but no Emmett. Alice and Rose were sprawled out on one of the sofas with magazines and laptops, but still no Emmett. So I ventured upstairs for the first time and found the big guy doing one-armed pushups in the hallway.

I crossed my legs at the ankles and then folded myself up on the floor to sit near him. "Two questions for you. One, why aren't you doing that in your room or even downstairs? Two, who pissed in your cocoa puffs so early in the day?"

Emmett's only response was a grunt.

"Come on, Pooh Bear. You know you want to spill all your deep, dark secrets to me. Starting with the Stella thing and ending with your current state of frustration."

He brought his body down and then collapsed to the floor. A few seconds passed before he rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling with his hands resting on his heaving chest.

I crawled over and sat next to his head. "So tell me about Stella?"

He snorted and rolled his brown eyes my way. "What do you want, Bells?"

"To know about Stella."

"Not fucking happening."

"Then I want my original questions answered. Do you remember them or do you need them repeated?"

"I remember them. I'm in the hall because the room's too small for me to stretch out like I need to, and I'm not downstairs because I don't want to be. And there aren't anymore cocoa puffs. Jazz and Ed ate the last of them, the fuckers."

"Aw, I thought Jazz was your good buddy and pal. Your Jazz-meister."

Emmett snorted and pushed against my shoulder with his big paw. "Douche-meister is more like it."

"All because he ate your cocoa puffs," I replied, shaking my head and looking sad. "How fickle your friendships are, Em-zilla."

"Nah," he said, sitting up and facing me. "Just having a shitty morning. I guess a couple of shitty days is more like it. I sucked at golf the other day. I should have annihilated you guys in volleyball yesterday, but barely kept it tied. Also yesterday, I was having a great time belting out some Elvis tunes in the shower until I fell and busted my ass. And this morning, I somehow rolled right out of the damn bed. Then I stubbed my damn toe twice before I got downstairs, was denied my cereal, and when I asked my woman to console me, she told me to grow a set. She knows I only like one kind of cereal."

"And that you can't stand having your toes hurt," I added.

"That too," he agreed with a nod.

"Looks to me like your choices are clear, Em. You can stay up here and sulk all you want, but it won't make your day any better. Or you can figure out what you would consider fun enough to combat your little run of bad luck and then convince the rest of us it's the best idea ever."

Emmett's brown eyes lost that forlorn look they'd been holding and became calculating. "I think you may be on to something here, Bells."

"Don't friggen think, Sasquatch. _Know_! I'm right, you know I'm right, so get busy with following up on my brilliant suggestion."

He snorted at me. "Humble looks awesome on you, Bells."

"Fuck you," I said with a laugh while flipping him off.

"No, really! It makes your cheeks all rosy and your eyes sparkle."

"Yeah, yeah," I called out as I walked away from him.

His deep baritone singing voice followed me down the stairs …

"_You're the devil in disguise._

_Oh yes, you are!_

_The devil in disguise._

_I thought that I was in heaven,_

_But I was sure surprised._

_Heaven help me, I didn't see_

_The devil in your eyes."_

"Elvis is puking in his grave right now," I yelled up the stairs.

"Why is my brother singing to you?" Alice asked as soon as I stepped into the living room.

I laughed while tossing myself into an armchair. "Because he's an insane mother trucker from the far away planet of Weird-Ass-Wankers."

"Wanker?" Rose questioned, arching one perfect brow up.

I shrugged. "Got The Doctor on my mind. What can I say?"

"The blue box man?" Alice asked.

"The one and only," I confirmed.

"She likes them scrawny and brainy," Rose said with a laugh.

"Just for you," I told her as I waved my middle finger at her.

"Hey, Bells, did you see in your mythology book Edward got you about the hibiscus flower?" Alice questioned.

"No. It's a book about myths, not gardening, Ali," I told her.

"I know that smart ass," she responded, rolling her eyes at me. "But I'm looking at this website that sells the flower in soaps, shampoos, and teas, and there's this whole thing about the history of the flower."

"Which is?" Rose asked as she scooted closer to Alice to look at her laptop with her.

Alice looked down at her laptop and read what she saw aloud to us. "Hibiscus invites you to live your truest passions. It thaws that which needs thawing, the frozen places inside, especially in the region of the first and second chakras. Feel the warmth of your inner feminine tending the hearth of your creative passion as you sip our hibiscus tea."

My snort was loud and slightly painful. "What the fuck? Your inner feminine? So does that mean there's an outer masculine?"

"Look at this part," Rose said from behind the laptop. "Read Bella this part."

"The hibiscus also holds healing properties," Alice read. "It energizes the first and second chakras, undoing blockages in the lower back and spine, and healing reproductive ailments, including infertility problems." Alice's head popped out from behind her laptop, showing off a big smile. "Oh, Bella, we have to order some of this stuff."

"_We_ don't have to do a damn thing. If _you_ want to piss your money away, have at it," I told her.

"Think about it, Bells? How awesome would it be if this stuff really works?" Rose asked.

I snorted at her question. "Yeah, sure. Order me a side of pixie dust while you're at it. I've always wanted to fly without aid of a plane."

"Now you're just being silly," Alice told me.

"Right because believing that promotional shit you just read isn't silly," I said, looking right at her.

"But what if?" she pressed.

"Alice, if tea would fix me, don't you think my doctor would be the first one prescribing it? She would _love_ to not have to see my ass three and four times a year. Or to get your frantic phone calls when I can't get out of the damn bed. Do yourself a favor and don't believe every damn thing you read."

"But—"

"Ali, stop. Let it go." It was both an order and a warning. I didn't like talking about this shit and she knew that. She especially knew how much I abhorred talking about it if the guys were near and this damn place was so open there was no way they couldn't hear the conversation.

"Just—"

"Let it go," I warned again.

"Alice, just drop it for now," Rose told her.

Alice completely ignored my warning and Rose's suggestion. "Myths always have a bit of truth behind them, Bella. Just think of how different everything would be if this worked," she persisted.

A growl rumbled out of me as I got up from the chair. "Alice, I'd love to believe in healing teas, in Harry Potter style magic, and in all that other unseen shit out there. But the closest I've ever come to a Sasquatch, a leprechaun, and a goddess, is Emmett, you, and Rosalie. So thanks for the myth, but it's just flavored water that can't do shit beyond quench my thirst. I understand somewhere in that little head of yours, you think you're helping. I even appreciate it, but this isn't the way to show it. Now, I'm going to go to my room and get ready for the day ahead."

"I'm just saying—""

I cut her off before she could get too far into whatever speech she wanted to give about faith and belief. "What part of 'let it go' is so fucking hard to understand? But fine! You want to talk, here it is … Show me one fucking proven medical case of infertility as aggressive as mine being cured by a fucking flower and I will spend every penny I have buying up every single thing made out of it. I'll use hibiscus shampoo, soap, lotion. I'll drink the fucking tea morning, noon, and night. Fuck, I'll even use hibiscus lube if it'll fix me. But it won't. A flower isn't going to undo the damage already done or stop future damage from occurring. It's just a damn flower. So just back the fuck off."

"Isabella."

I didn't bother looking at Jasper; I just turned and left the room. I'd probably apologize to Alice later, but right now I was firm in my belief that she'd gotten exactly what she'd asked for by not letting the shit go.

I'd planned to go into my bedroom to fume and pace in private, but Emmett grabbed a hold of me near the stairs. "I figured it out," he said as he towed me back toward the living room.

"Em, now is not the time," I told him.

He obviously disagreed since he kept us moving toward the living room and the voices coming from there.

" … know but I don't see where I was wrong." Alice.

"You know she doesn't like talking about it at all and here you are bringing it up when we're all within hearing range, Alice." Edward.

Jasper was the last to weigh in before they realized I was back in the room. "Everyone relax, okay? It was just a small thing that got out of hand. Bella's been under a lot of stress lately and her temper always shortens when that happens."

"I know you ass-wipes aren't messing with my sister from another mother," Emmett bellowed from beside me. "'Cause if you're fucking with her, you're fucking with me and I'm in the mood to break shit."

"Just shut up and tell us what your brilliant idea is," I said, poking him in the side with my elbow. I wanted the conversation over and forgotten, not extended.

Emmett actually listened to me. "We're pulling names," he announced.

"Why are we pulling names?" Rose asked.

"'Cause we're doing something different today," he explained. "Some of us are more adventurous than others and some are spending too much time in the bedroom." His eyes cut toward me for a second before he turned back to the others. "Today we're going to pull a name from the hat and that's the person we're spending the day with. This way, we get a really surprising, spontaneous day out of this trip."

"I thought we were doing a group activity today," Jasper mentioned.

"I want to do something new and have some adventure," Emmett replied. "Alice wants to shop. Edward acts like he's a damn senior citizen shuffling around. So I figured if we pulled names, we'd all have a better shot at having a fun filled day."

"What if you pull Edward?" I asked.

Emmett shrugged his massive shoulders. "We'll figure something out. We can get along for a day."

"What if we'd rather be with our girlfriends?" Edward asked, looking right at me.

"After while, Crocodile," Emmett answered. "It'll do you good to see more of the island than the bedrooms it has to offer." He looked toward Alice, holding his upturned ball cap out to her. "Draw a name, Ali."

Alice bounced off the sofa and over to her brother. She slipped her little hand into the hat and pulled out a folded piece of white paper. The second she got it open, her lips pulled up into a smile. "Jasper!" she yelled out excitedly, showing us the paper.

"Not happening, little sister," Emmett said as he plucked the paper out of her hand. "Pick another."

"_Emmett_," she whined, trying her pout on him.

"Pick another," he demanded.

She huffed but did as he said, this time taking her time before pulling out a name. She opened it up and then held it up to Emmett. "Looks like it's going to be Edward and me today."

Emmett dropped the piece of paper with Jasper's name back into his hat and then held the hat out to me. "Come on, Bells. Your turn."

I reached in and drew out a name, not caring if I got Rose, Jasper, or Emmett. I'd have fun no matter what so I wasn't worried. Still, I couldn't help but be just a little extra excited over the name I did get, knowing he would make sure we had a great time together. "Em-zilla, it's you and me," I said, showing him the paper.

"Rock the fuck on," he said as he held his fist out for a bump.

I gave the big guy what he wanted and then dropped the slip of paper back into his hat since we didn't need to draw for the final names.

"A day with my cousin," Rose said as she slipped her arm around Jasper's shoulders. "When was the last time we had one of those?"

"I think sometime during senior year of high school," he answered.

Emmett's hands gripped my shoulders. "Bells, how long before you're ready to go?"

"First you have to tell me what kind of activity we're doing so I know how to dress," I told him.

"Bathing suit and lots of sunscreen for your pale ass. We're going to go find us some waves and instructors, my little surfing buddy."

"Hells yes!" I cried, pumping a fist in the air.

Emmett chuckled as he pushed me toward my room. "Yeah, just don't get so excited you get accident-prone and knock yourself out with the surfboard or some shit."

I just rolled my eyes at him, not that he could see it.

Edward was sitting in the chair when I walked into the room; it was clear he was waiting to talk to me, but the stubborn part of me walked right past him. "Bella."

"So what do you think you'll pick to do with your sister?" I asked.

"Can we talk about how my sister made you feel first?"

"No, not really," I answered as I dug through my dresser drawer for a swimsuit.

"She didn't mean to upset you."

I let out a long sigh with his name mixed somewhere inside of it. And then I turned to look at him. "I know exactly what she meant. Just like I know I asked her to stop three or four times. Alice and I have been friends for a long time and in those years, we've had our fights. Some were small and stupid, and some were so damn huge we weren't sure there would be a friendship after. Today was somewhere in the middle so I'm not worried about it. She'll apologize for pushing and then I'll apologize for the way I talked to her. If you can't understand that, then just list it under 'odd girl shit' and move on."

His head moved toward the left a little and I knew he was getting ready to ask me a question. "Why wouldn't you even entertain the idea?"

That certainly hadn't been the question I was expecting and it took me a little while to figure out how to word my answer so he would understand. "I'm a realist, Edward. I believe in what I can see because so many times in the past, I've been burned by blindly believing. Maybe that makes me more cynic than realist, I don't know. But I know I've swam in the hibiscus stuff, and washed in it, and been massaged with it. There aren't any changes in me. Hell, I still haven't even gotten my stress level low enough to get my damn cycle. If there was any truth to that flower myth, don't you think there would have been some kind of change?"

"I don't know. Maybe it works really slow. Or maybe you need to be exposed to a lot of it over a number of weeks. You could look into it more."

"Hope for the sake of having hope is a waste of hope."

"Who said that?" he asked.

"Me."

"What if—"

"What if," I scoffed. "You want to talk what if, here it is … What if I do put hope and belief and energy into this magic solution? What if I drink the teas for a couple of years? And what if, at the end of those years, I'm still in the exact condition I'm in right now? What if I'm worse? Do you really want to bring back DC Bella? 'Cause I can guarantee your ass that is a surefire way to bring her back from the dead and let her have reign over the world. It's hard enough taking the blow when a solution that has factual proof it works fails for me. Trust me, Edward, it's better for us all if I save my hope for my doctor's suggestions."

He got up from the chair and came over to me, wrapping me up in his arms. "I love you."

I let my forehead drop to his chest while slipping my own arms around him. "I love you, too."

"I still don't care if you can't have a child the old fashioned way."

"Says the old fashioned man," I grumbled.

"Hey, I'm not completely old fashioned. I haven't been opposed at all to sex before marriage."

I snorted into his shirt. "Do people even do that anymore?"

"I'm sure they do. But I believe life's too short to put off the things that bring us pleasure. And very little pleases me more than being with you, than feeling like we're a part of each other."

"Yeah, I like that too," I admitted. The thing I didn't say, the thing I hoped he felt and knew, was that I liked holding on to him just like we were doing right then almost as much. Hugging like this hadn't been a blip on my personal radar of pleasurable things to do until he'd come along. If he had any clue at all of how much he'd changed my world since coming into it … It would take days to explain it to him and with Emmett as my partner for the day, I doubted I had more than twenty minutes to get ready to leave before the badgering and door banging would start. So rather than squander that time with discussing things I had no desire to discuss, I'd just spend as much of it as I could here in Edward's arms.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Ready for this?" Emmett asked, grinning and rubbing his hands together.

"I'm ready for anything, Em. Though I gotta tell ya, these wetsuits are hot as hell," I said as I yanked the collar away from my neck.

"You wanna surf, you gotta wear it. If I bring you back all cut up and scraped up from the sand and rocks and shit, Edward will try to punch me."

"I think you'd look debonair with a black eye."

"I said he'd try, not that he would succeed."

"He knocked out those fuckers at BOG on New Years Eve."

Emmett used his hand to make the international sign for a hand job. "Lucky blows."

"I'm confused. How does the sign for hand job relate to something blowing?"

Emmett's big brown eyes crinkled up. "I figured the blow job one was too obvious for public."

"You are so stupid," I cried, trying and failing to push him away from me.

"Emmett and Bella," a guy with a clipboard called out. "Beginning surfer lesson, right?"

"That's us," Emmett said proudly.

The instructor guy lifted the bill of his cap and I had to suppress a groan; I also had to hope he had very short term memory. Our surf instructor was none other than the waiter from Duke's.

Apparently, my hope had been wasted. "I remember you. Coconut French Toast," he said with a cocky grin. "So where's that guy you were all over?"

I could have gotten annoyed and been pissy. Instead, I feigned memory loss. "Sorry. No idea who you are."

"Mamo. From Duke's. We met the other day."

I made sure I sounded and looked bored while replying; I did _not_ want to deal with flirting today. I just wanted to hang out with my friend. "Oh. Right. Waiter guy."

"Oh, so you do remember me," he said, looking way too fucking pleased.

"Bella, you know this guy?" Emmett asked, taking a step forward so he was somewhat between me and Mamo.

"When Edward took me to breakfast the other day, this guy was our waiter," I explained.

"I only work at Duke's part time. The rest I spend here at the beach," Mamo said. "So that guy you were with, he's not here."

"Don't even think about it," Emmett warned.

"She with you now?" Mamo asked.

Em took another step closer to Mamo while balling his hands into fists to make his arms look wider. "Yeah. Got a problem with it?" he challenged.

"Easy, friend," Mamo said, raising his hands in a gesture of surrender. "I was only curious. She's a beautiful girl and not so easy to forget."

Emmett snorted. "Yeah, I can agree with that. So here's the deal. You teach us to surf, you keep it strictly professional, and I let you leave here with your limbs attached."

Mamo chuckled as he offered his hand to Em. "Mahalo, friend."

After a quick hand shake, Mamo jumped right into helping us select our boards. He explained we would be using funboards about seven or eight feet long. He said after most people became comfortable with their surfing skills, they switched to longboards, which ran from eight to fourteen feet long. With my little self only being around five-foot five, a seven foot board seemed more than long enough.

Once we'd selected our boards, Em was all ready to jump into the water. And that was when Mamo smacked the big guy back to reality and put a pout on his face. Before we would even be allowed near where the tide washed up on the beach, we had to learn to stand on our boards. The move was called a "pop-up" and you basically started out like you were going to do a push-up and then jumped to your feet. Until we mastered the moved, we weren't allowed into the water.

"Son-of-a-freakin—," Emmett growled, cutting himself off before a real curse word could leave his mouth.

I tried really hard not to laugh at him, but it was his _eighth_ time falling over. What made it even funnier was I hadn't even fallen once yet. And even better, I was getting closer and closer to standing up correctly.

"You gotta move your feet under your body quickly," Mamo instructed.

"Dude! What the hell do you think I'm trying to do?" Emmett yelled.

"Cover the ass of your wetsuit in sand?" I guessed.

Emmett's head flung around in my direction, his teeth grinding together as he pronounced each letter slowly and separately. "S. T. F. U."

"What's he saying?" Mamo asked.

"You don't want to know," I said through my giggles. Here I was, laid out on a surfboard on the beach in Hawaii and Emmett was the one eating sand. Life was being particularly sweet to me this morning.

"Let's take a fifteen minute break," Mamo suggested. "It may help with your focus."

"Yeah, and I need more sunscreen anyway," I said, grabbing Em's forearm and pulling myself up.

"I'd be glad to help," Mamo offered.

One angry-eyed glance from Emmett was all it took to send Mamo away in the opposite direction. Em growled and grumbled a few choice words about our instructor and I leaned up to kiss the big bear's cheek. "Thanks for that."

"For what?" he asked, looking honestly confused.

"For keeping Mamo from hitting on me too much."

"For one, you hate that shit and I want you to have a good time. For another … you're my brother's girl."

My smiled widened and I kissed his cheek a second time. "I love it when you show your brother some love."

Emmett ignored my comment and launched into a tirade. "I don't get why I'm having so much damn trouble. I always do good at shit like this, surprising people with how agile I am for being such a big guy. Why the fuck am I constantly falling over today?"

"Maybe you pissed off some Hawaiian god. Did you say anything disparaging about the volcano when we were over there? Pele is jealous enough to get pissed about comments."

"No," Em answered immediately and firmly. He also looked guilty as fuck.

I moved to stand in front of him, planting my palm against his chest and hoping like hell he wouldn't try to walk right over me. "Em, what did you do?"

"What? Nothing! Why are you always suspicious of me?"

"The last time I heard 'what' and 'nothing' together in the same breath from you, you had broken Esme's crystal candleholder and had tried to hide the pieces in that cabinet thing where she keeps the tablecloths and napkins."

"Just put your shoes on so we can go get something to drink. And we have to find someplace shady to put your sunscreen on."

I snorted at his behavior. "Changing the topic isn't making you seem any less guilty, you know."

No sooner than I'd finished speaking, I was falling over on my ass. Emmett had let loose a howl of pure pain so suddenly and loudly that it had scared me right off my feet.

I wasn't sure if he'd fallen down or sat down, but he was suddenly beside me in the sand and still howling away.

"Where are you hurt? Are you bleeding?" I asked, expecting to see some limb or appendage fall off of him and into the sand.

"Toe," he wailed, pointing at his foot.

He'd only gotten his shoe on part-way so it was kind of hanging off of his toes. I reached out and pulled it off, stealing myself for a barrage of squirting blood.

There was no blood. Just Emmett's howling and my laughing. Clamped onto the big guy's big toe was a small brown sand crab.

"Holy shit, Em! You made a new friend," I said through my laughs.

"Get it off! Get if off!" he screamed.

I forced myself to stop laughing—mostly to stop—and moved toward his foot. "Stay still."

"Get it off!"

As carefully and slowly as I could to keep from hurting both Em and the crab, I pried the pincer off of Em's toe. I held the crab loosely in my palm and then set him free in the sand.

"I did it," Emmett blurted out.

"Did what?" I asked as I checked out his toe. It was reddish purple under the skin, but just fine on the outside.

His words came out in such a rush that it was a few seconds after he stopped talking before I completely understood what he'd been saying. "I took a volcano rock. And now Pele is pissed at me and I'm going to lose my toe. I don't wanna lose my toe, Bells. Holy shit, I'm fucked. I can't lose my toe!"

I sighed and shook my head at the fool in front of me. "You won't lose your toe, you big idiot. At least I don't think so. But what the hell did you take a lava rock for? We told you not to."

"I thought it was just some stupid thing they said to keep people from taking the rocks."

"And now?" I asked.

Em looked sufficiently contrite and upset. "Now I want to fix it. How do I make Pele happy again?"

"I guess you start with returning the rock. Then you beg Pele for her forgiveness."

"I had something special planned for Rose tomorrow, though. I don't have time to bring the rock back."

"Then I guess you and I are going visit a volcano."

"But I promised you surfing."

"Yeah, but if your bad luck sticks, you know I'll be the first to get affected by it. In fact, I think this right here qualifies as affecting me."

Emmett looked at me for a second like he'd never seen me before and then he started smiling. "Bells, you are seriously the best."

"Hang on there, Bad Luck Bandit. My help comes at a price," I told him.

The big guy's smile turned right back into a look of panic. "What is it?"

My own face held a smile that was equal parts triumphant and evil. "On the ride over to the volcano, you're going to tell me all about Stella."

"Fuck my life," Emmett whined.

I just laughed, enjoying this sudden change of events to the fullest. For once, I wasn't uttering those three fated words. Plus, I would finally get the answer to a question I'd been asking for years.

And also, this was going to make one hell of a story to tell the others later on. Emmett had promised me fun and spontaneity and damn if he wasn't delivering!

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"And that is the story of Stella," Emmett finished.

"Holy mother of fuck me sideways," I breathed out, glancing quickly at Emmett before focusing on the road again. All this time, I'd never once guessed anything like the truth of the Stella story. I couldn't wait to get home and tell Bree all about it. Hell, I would have loved to pull over and call Bree right then and there. The only reason I didn't was because my time with Emmett was already limited enough with graduation looming ahead of us.

"Yeah, whatever," Emmett grumbled. He'd lost the upper hand _and_ had to tell his story so he was not in a very happy mood. Still, he had liked making me promise Bree would never hit on him again in exchange for the Stella information.

"You know, you really don't give Edward enough credit," I mentioned. "He's known all this time about Stella just like he's known how much I wanted that info, and not once has he let on he knew anything."

Emmett snorted. "That's just because of his _honorable_ personality."

"Jeebus, Em. I've never heard anyone make 'honorable' sound so much like 'shitty' before."

"Well you didn't grow up with him opening his big mouth and getting you into trouble practically every damn day."

"Hey, if I'm hanging with you, something gets broken, and Esme wants to know who did it, I'm damn sure not lying for your ass."

"You could just say you don't know. It's not like you _have_ to say it was me."

I parked the SUV and turned off the engine before swiveling in the seat to face Emmett. "Can you sit there and honestly say that _you_ can lie to your mother?"

"No," he admitted. And then he changed the subject. "Hey, thanks for doing this with me, Bells."

"I'm just glad to be out of that damn wetsuit. And also, I can't leave something as important as removing a bad luck curse to you alone. With the way you are, you'll piss Pele off twice as much and she will really rain hell down upon us."

"Ha, ha. So fucking funny with that shit. This whole thing is probably just some subliminal suggestion _you_ put into my head." Emmett opened his door to step out and _fell_ out instead.

I leaned across the seat so I could see him sitting on his big ass outside of the truck. I couldn't tell which was open wider—his eyes or his mouth. "Still think it's just an idea in your head?" I asked him.

He shook his head quickly. "The sooner we get this rock back, the sooner I get my life back."

Because it was the middle of the day and the tours were already well underway, we were going to have to return the rock via helicopter tour. The plan was to toss it down as we flew over the area and say some major prayers to Pele as soon as the rock was returned. I wasn't sure I believed his bad luck was really related to the rock, but I damn sure believed a run of bad luck for Em would mean a run of bad luck for me. And I could muster up bad luck all by my own damn self, thank you very much—_Rest in pieces, Red_.

Within a half hour, Emmett had purchased us a spot on a small helicopter and we were strapped in and ready for takeoff. We also had to wear these big goofy looking headphones to hear each other over the roar of the engine and blades.

"So this day you have planned for Rose tomorrow," I said, nudging Em in the side with my elbow.

He stopped looking outside of the helicopter and turned his brown eyes on me. "I'm trying to show her how much I really want her in Boston with me."

"She knows. She's excited about it too."

"Really? She said that?"

"You know Rose better than that. She doesn't come right out and say one thing or another. But every sentence she used had 'we' in it. I'm pretty sure you are the 'e' to her 'w'."

Em's deep laugh filled my ears. "Do I even want to know why she got the 'w'?"

"Because she is Woman. You _will_ hear her roar and you will _obey_."

"Ain't that the fucking truth," he said with a grunt. "But you know, there's nobody else I'd rather have yelling at me. It means she cares enough to want me to do better. I just don't always agree with her on what better really is."

While my head was busy nodding in agreement, my mouth was busy running off on its own. "Did you know Edward's going to travel for the summer?"

Em nodded his head just once. "We talked about it some. He hates how it's going to take him away from you, but he's looking forward to finding his place in the world. I know you want that for him."

"Yeah, I do. I just wish you and him both could find those places here."

Emmett smiled and slipped his arm around me, forcing me to lean into his side. "You're going to be fine, Bells. You know how to take care of yourself and I know you and Ali will do your damndest to take care of each other. You two don't need Rose and me around every day. Besides, this way you'll actually have time to miss me and appreciate me when I come around instead of just busting my balls."

"Oh, I'm going to do that anyway."

"I know," he said softly as he hugged me tighter. "And I look forward to it. Wherever I am, you're still my sister from another mother. Don't think my changing zip codes changes that. And as far as my brother, he's not really leaving. Traveling is not the same as moving. And if you have any ideas in your head that he's going to find someone better than you in his travels, you can forget that shit right now. There's only one of you, Bella, and he knows it just like I know it about Rosalie."

"I love you, Pooh Bear," I said as I smiled up at him.

"Love you, Little Sister," he replied, smiling right back at me.

With our moment of mushy crap over, we started paying attention to what we could see from the helicopter. And damn if it wasn't an amazing view … Bright blue waters, lush green patches of land, and white sandy beach lines.

It didn't take us long to reach the volcano area and once he was sure it would hit on land, Emmett threw his stolen volcano rock out of the helicopter. "Now what?" he asked as we both looked down at the mass of black rock that made up this section of the volcano.

"You apologize," I told him.

"How?"

"Repeat after me."

Emmett had the most serious look I'd ever seen on his face as he nodded.

"Dear, Pele," I began.

"Dear, Pele," Emmett repeated.

Each new line I said, he repeated word for word, even when he gave me looks that screamed he thought what he was saying was a pile of crap.

_I am truly sorry for stealing your lava rock. I meant no disrespect and only wanted a souvenir of my time on your beautiful island. You are a most righteous goddess and I apologize profusely for any harm, disrespect, or sadness I caused you. I promise to never take from you again and I beg for your forgiveness. I humbly plead for you to lift any and all curses you may have placed on me._

"Pele, most beautiful—"

"Hold up a minute," Emmett interrupted. "What the hell am I saying? This is nuts."

"Think about when you piss Rosalie off," I told him. "Do you get away with just a plain old 'sorry'? Or do you have to grovel and toss out some major compliments?"

His eyes grew wide in understanding. "Point taken. Proceed."

"Pele, most beautiful goddess, please accept my apologies and forgive me," I continued.

"Pele, most beautiful goddess, please accept my apologies and forgive me," Emmett repeated. "And if it wouldn't be too much trouble for you, please forgive me and lift the curses tonight because I have this day planned tomorrow for the other goddess in my life and she deserves for it to go right," he added.

"While you're at it, why don't you just toss in a few lines about the most awesome friend accompanying on your journey of remorse and repentance?" I said.

The big guy snorted and put me in a head lock. "Shut the hell up, Beelzebub."

I laughed out a version of "You're welcome, Sasquatch," as the helicopter pulled away from the volcano and headed back to land.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"You know what we need?" Emmett asked as I drove us back toward the beaches.

"To go find our significant others and have victory celebration sex with them for the safe return of Pele's rock," I suggested, giving him a big evil grin.

"Shit that sounds good," he grumbled. And then he shook his head and looked over at me again. "No, that can come later. Right now, we need to toast Pele."

"Roast Pele?" I asked, knowing damn well that wasn't what he'd said. "Dude, you already stole her rock and had a crab bite your toe. What the fuck do you think she'll do to you if you roast her? And can we invite Patton Oswald to help if you ignore my warning?"

"Bella, shut the fuck up," Em replied, smiling too much to mean it. "We are not roasting anyone Comedy Central style. At least not right now. I meant an alcoholic toast. The apology shit was good, but we need to honor her and make damn sure she forgives me."

I chuckled at him. "Our dear family will just _love_ to hear all about your angering of Pele and subsequent trip to beg for forgiveness."

"How about we not tell them? How about we say we spent the whole day surfing instead?"

"What do I get in exchange for keeping this monumental tale a secret and saving your big hairy caboose from many torturous hours of teasing?"

"Since most of the teasing would come from you, nothing."

I sighed and shook my head, feigning disappointment. "That's just not going to work for me."

"What if I tell you what I have planned for Rosalie tomorrow?"

"No friggen way," I said, shaking my head for extra emphasis. "That will lead to more secrets and that's the kind of thing Alice will hone in on and get out of me."

"Then you suggest payment," he told me.

I didn't even really have to think about what I wanted, and even though I knew he would do it regardless, somehow having the promise meant a lot to me. "I want your word, your unbreakable bond, that you will take care of Rosalie in Boston and let her take care of you."

Emmett looked surprised at my request and then he looked like the big softy he really was, with wet eyes and a big grin. "I give you my word, my promise, my pledge, and my unbreakable bond, Bells."

I grinned up at him and then I did my best to take the seriousness of the moment away. "If only we had wands to seal the deal."

Emmett snorted. "Wands and to not be muggles."

"I'm losing you as my Harry Potter cohort. You know what this means, right?"

The big guy chuckled and nodded and then we answered together. "We break Edward in."

With plots to force Edward to watch and enjoy all of the Harry Potter movies falling from our lips, we headed toward one of the beach bars to find something worthy of a toast to Pele.

Twenty minutes later, we were clinking together Tiki mugs filled with a drink called Blue Hawaii. Emmett considered it a _native_ drink and felt it would please Pele more than us toasting her with beers. And also, Elvis' movie had been _Blue Hawaii_ and that had really been the deal sealer for Em.

"To Pele," he announced before taking a big swig from his mug. And then he groaned and stuck his tongue as far out of his mouth as he could get it. "This shit is _fruity_."

I cracked up laughing, rocking in my seat and shaking my head at the big guy. The bartender had told him the drink had pineapple and coconut in it and yet Em seemed completely surprised the drink tasted fruity.

"There really is something wrong with you," I said as soon as I finished laughing at him. He was busy dunking his tongue in a glass of water while glaring at me.

Emmett finally stopped cleaning off his tongue and spoke. "This didn't happen."

I raised my hands in innocence. "What? I don't know what you're talking about."

"Keep it that way," he said as he stood up.

We headed out of the bar and into the bright afternoon together. It amazed me that the sun could still be so bright at six in the evening. There was sunlight at this time of day back home, but it was a lot more muted than this.

Thinking about home made me think about what was waiting for me back there … Graduation for Em, Rose, Jazz, and Edward; Rose and Em moving to Boston; a summer without Edward. I knew I also had time with Charlie and Jacob to look forward to and that trip to the Grand Canyon with Edward, but it was hard to be excited about those things knowing how fleeting they would be compared to all that time without the people I loved.

I think maybe some of what I was feeling was on my face because Emmett suddenly wrapped a big arm around my shoulders and hugged me. "What do you say to getting some drinkable alcohol and watching some surfers?" he asked.

I grinned up at him. "What do you think I say?"

"Hells yes," he answered with a wide smile.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

We ended up at Puaena Point with a bottle of coconut rum and a nearly perfect view of the surfers in the water. Why Em had decided on coconut rum after not liking his fruity Tiki drink, I can not answer because he had no real answer, just an "it feels right".

So there we were, sitting on folded towels on a rocky outcropping to avoid the kids running up and down the sandy beach. It also made it much easier to watch the waves turn to swells and the surfers to appear on them and ride them all the way to the shore. Of course, not all of them made it that far. Some were overtaken by the waves they were trying to ride and some seemed to part with their boards for no particular reason.

"Holy hell!" Emmett yelled out, pointing a meaty finger toward the water. "Did you see how quick that dude jumped up and stood on his board?"

"Nope. Was taking a sip of this very fine coconut rum," I told him, holding out the bottle in question. "I don't even mind the slight fruity undercut."

He took the bottle from me and grinned in that way that always promised he was about to say something stupid. "Pour one out for our homey, Pele."

_Knew it_, I thought to myself. For the big guy, I just smiled indulgently.

As if he wasn't already being goofy enough at the moment, Emmett decided to break out into song …

"_I'm a poor Hawaiian beach boy_

_A long way from the beach._"

I snorted and interrupted him. "You are so far from poor and we are _on_ the beach."

"Just shut up and let me sing," he demanded. He waited a few seconds to see if I would say anything else before starting to sing again …

"'_Cause someone shoved his_

_Face against my hand._

_Now I'm a kissing cousin to a ripe pineapple;_

_I'm in the can._"

"That's friggen awesome," I cried through my laughter. "Of course it wouldn't be _your_ fault. The face was totally in the wrong for not looking both ways before crashing into your hand."

"I didn't write the song," Em defended.

"Yeah, but you could have."

He ignored me and lifted the bottle to his lips. "To Volcano Gods the world over," he said before taking a sip.

I took the bottle from him as soon as he was done. "To pesky fairies that don't know when the hell to be quiet," I toasted. And because I meant it so much, I took two long swallows.

Em snatched the bottle away from me. "Watch it there, Swan. No getting drunk before me."

"Shut up and drink to the poor crab that had to smell your funky toes."

"Fuck," he barked out in a laugh. "That crab loved my smell. Why else was he hiding in my damn shoe?"

"'Cause Pele put him there."

My comments caused the big guy to once again break out into song …

"_Got those beach boy blues._

_Don't the time go slow._

_Lonely beach boy blues._

_Only thirty days and ninety years to go._"

"Your ass better hope Pele doesn't take that long to forgive you," I told him.

He leaned in, showing off his cocky grin and smelling of the rum we were drinking. "I'm a natural born charmer, Bells. Just ask the nurses at Carlisle's hospital. They wanted to cuddle me when I was a baby and take me home for a quick romp when I was a teen." Before I could ask if he was serious, he had his eyebrows wiggling up and down and was adding to his little spiel. "And a few of 'em were very lucky ladies."

I groaned and pushed his face away from me. "You are the same pig you were in high school."

"Nah," he said with a shake of his head. "I'm a pig in speech only these days. I don't step out on Rose and never will again. She's it for me."

"You think it's that easy? You just say she's it for you and that's all there is to it?"

He took a long drink from the bottle before answering. "Nope. Nothing's ever that easy. Everything is a choice though. I choose to have Rose be the last woman I give my heart and dick to, so therefore, she's it for me."

"Waxing romantic with Emmett Cullen. Wonders truly never cease."

"So tell me about that Heavenly Home place? Was it as nice as the website said?"

"It was awesome, amazing, fan-fucking-tastic, and completely unforgettable in every way possible."

A deep chuckle rumbled out of the big guy. "A rave review. You normally save that shit for that music website you go on. And by the way, I still disagree with your take on Weezer's 'I Want You To'."

"Oh for fuck's sake, Em. Give up and give in," I cried, pushing on his arm with my free hand. "They totally went from alternative rock to pop rock. I'm not saying I don't still appreciate Weezer for giving us 'We Are All On Drugs' and 'The Sweater Song'. I'm just saying they aren't the band they were when they started out."

"Know what's a good band that doesn't get enough play? My Chemical Romance."

I made that face people make when they find out they don't like the new food they just tried. And then I washed that sour taste out of my mouth with sweet, sweet rum. "I'd rather listen to Florence and The Machine for three days straight than listen to one MCR song. It's not even that I don't like the sound, it's that the sound is just like twelve other bands."

"Who the fuck is Florence?"

"They sing 'Kiss With a Fist'."

"How's it go?"

I took another swig of rum to help me forget I was fucking tone-death and unable to sing before belting out a few lyrics for the big guy.

_"You hit me once,_

_I hit you back._

_You gave a kick,_

_I gave a slap._

_You smashed a plate over my head_

_And I set fire to our bed."_

"The redheaded chick in the striped tights!" Emmett called out.

"That's Florence," I confirmed.

"Didn't I tell you that song was written about you?"

"Yeah, you did." I frowned at him, wishing he wouldn't have brought that up. One of the few times the two of us had ever really fought with each other was the night he told me that song was written for me. I didn't like him thinking I would stick with anyone who hurt me, especially physically, and it had led to us arguing. He'd said he just meant it in an S&M joking kind of way and when I'd told him that wasn't how it came out, he'd told me to stop PMSing. _Not the best words for a guy to use when he's already headed for the doghouse._

"I take it back," Emmett announced. "Your song is 'Use Somebody' by Kings of Leon. And damned if I know why your somebody is my brother, but he makes you happy and that's what I care about."

I smiled and blinked back tears as I set my head against the big guy's arm. "Who's going to look out for me when you're not here, Sasquatch? Who's gonna be my bouncer brother from another mother?"

"Well he ain't much of a bouncer and he damn sure ain't a brother to you, but I trust Edward to take care of you. And if he doesn't, I'll beat his ass when you two come visit Rose and me in Boston."

"I love you, Pooh Bear," I said, trying hard to force the words to come out strong and steady.

They didn't.

Em noticed.

His big arm settled around my shoulders protectively. I thought for sure he was going to say something more about Boston or Edward, but he changed the topic completely. "So what the hell was wrong with Ali and you this morning? I haven't seen you girls fight like that in a long time."

I tried to shrug under that arm of his but failed epically and ended up resting my head against the crook of his arm. "Ali, my Ali. Best friend extradonaire. I love her, but damn if I didn't want to throttle her little ass this morning. She dug her heals in on a topic she knows nothing about and pissed me off."

Emmett chuckled as he lifted my hand that was wrapped around the bottle. "Want to drink to her health?"

"Nah. Just her silence," I replied with a laugh.

"She loves you. Anything and everything she does is because of that."

"I know. It's why I tried to walk away but _someone_ pulled me right back into the living room," I said, looking up at him.

"Drink and shut up," he ordered.

"You're just saying that out of jealousy."

"Jealous for what?" he cried with his brown eyes all wide and big.

I laughed at him, making him squirm and wait for my answer. "'Cause you can't surf like the dudes out there."

He snatched the bottle out of my hands. "See what happens when you become Beelzebub around me? You are denied the alcoholic goodness."

I just laughed again. And then it was my turn to steal the bottle. And because I actually touched it to my lips, he had to let me take my sip. He just smiled and shook his head, accepting his defeat graciously for once.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

There was a warm, roaring bonfire in front of us. I wasn't sure if we'd migrated toward it or if it had searched us out, but it was here and it was beautiful. We were no longer on the rocks, but in the soft sand quickly cooling in the night air. Em had given up his shirt to me to help combat the goose bump inducing breeze, but it wasn't really helping much. We'd have to leave soon and I really didn't want to do that just yet. Actually, _I_ couldn't do much of anything since my buzz was still going strong.

"What are you doing?" Emmett asked, breaking my concentration.

"Boyfriend bat signal," was all I said to Emmett. I had one eye closed with my hand out in front of me. My pointer, middle, and fourth fingers were stretched out working to arrange themselves in the bonfire light and create a shadowy "E" on the sand.

"A what?"

"Boyfriend bat signal. Once I get it just right and the bonfire makes a shadow out of it, it'll call my boyfriend to me."

"Why go through all that when you could just cup your hand and make a 'C'?" he asked.

"Because I don't call him C. I call him E. Therefore, the bat signal is an E. Capeshe?"

Emmett's response was a snort. "Why not use your cell phone?"

My nose wrinkled as I looked up at the big guy. "I may or may not have misplaced it in my slightly inebriated state."

"Slightly," Emmett said, releasing another loud snort. "That's like saying I'm slightly built."

"Ssh!" I warned, pressing a finger to his lips with my free hand. "I've almost got my bat signal working."

He pushed my hand from his lips and then turned away from me to talk to the guy next to him. Apparently my bat signal creation attempt wasn't enough to hold his attention, but he'd be sorry once I got it working. He'd see. There'd be a shadow "E" in the sand and then Edward would appear and hug me. And then I'd get to proclaim my boyfriend bat signal a success. All the glory would be mine!

Honestly, I knew it wouldn't really work, just like I knew I was more than "slightly" drunk. But I didn't really care. I didn't like feeling I needed Edward to show up just as much as I wanted him to. I was with Em and he'd been giving me the spontaneous and fun day he'd promised. That should have been more than enough for me. To want anything else was being selfish and I wasn't selfish anymore.

And yet I still wanted Edward to show up. I was still sitting there in the sand and trying to conjure him in front of me with sheer force of want.

Part of me wanted to blame it on the alcohol, but I'd had drinks a few times since starting to date Edward and I'd never felt this way before. If I'd thought for a second my cycle was anywhere near getting ready to rear its ugly head, I could have blamed the emotions on that.

But if I didn't pawn off my feelings on anything and were perfectly honest about them … I think I was missing him so much because I loved him so much and hadn't had nearly long enough to enjoy getting to say it and feel it with him. I might have also been a tiny bit afraid I only had a limited time to feel it.

I shook my head and forced myself to focus on the radio blaring music into the darkened night sky. Breaking Benjamin's "I Will Not Bow" was mid-song and I smiled as I closed my eyes and focused on the music and lyrics. _Nothing like a little BB to get the blood pumping and the mind going in a different direction_.

Only it didn't stay in a different direction. Emmett's words from earlier came floating on through, bringing me back around to thinking of his twin. _… If you have any ideas in your head that he's going to find someone better than you in his travels, you can forget that shit right now. There's only one of you, Bella, and he knows it …_

Before I had a chance to get myself worked up about it, someone strummed an acoustic guitar and grabbed my complete attention. My eyes opened and focused across the fire, finding a couple of the surfer guys crowded around a dark skinned guy with a beautiful guitar in his hands. He strummed it a little to make sure it was in tune before jumping right into a sweet sounding melody. The voices of the guys standing around him joined in and they sang to all of us around the fire.

_Ui Aloha Kakahiaka Kakou, `ea_

_Ho`omana`o ihola au i ku`u`wa me Tutu_

_ma ma Keaukaha. Ho`ala `ia au e_

_Tutu, "Wake up, tired sleep." E iho _

_ana i kai. `Ohi limu, pa`ipa`i `ohua _

_paha. No Tutu ka mu`umu`u. Na`u ka_

_pa`ipa`i. Aloha!_

The way their voices worked together with the light strumming of the guitar made it sound so beautiful even though I had no idea what they were saying because it was all in Hawaiian. It just gave me a good feeling and made me smile. Even Emmett was listening and enjoying, nodding his head along with the beat.

The end of the first song was still on the wind when one of the guys knelt in front of his girl and began to sing a second song. "_He Aloha Mele._"

All of his friends laughed at him and made noises, completely interrupting him and causing what sounded like a round of good natured arguing and ribbing. They only stopped because the girl got up from the log she'd been sitting on.

I leaned toward the girl sitting next to me. "What's going on?"

She laughed and shook her head before answering. "The one they are yelling at, Rafi, wanted to serenade the girl, Noelle. His friends want to give him a hard time. It might sound mean but they are really just getting him back. Each time they wanted to sing to their own girl in the past, he was the first to make noise and make it seem silly. Now that he finally has a girl of his own, they are all able to get revenge."

"Are they going to let him sing to her?"

"Only after he apologizes, which I think he is doing now."

I turned my head back toward the guys and they did seem to be making up—there was a lot of shoulder patting going on.

Once all of the patting and talking-at-once stopped, the guy turned toward his girl and had to work on convincing her to sit down again. I could understand not wanting to get put in the limelight that way. Of course, I was also a sucker for a guy singing to me and if sitting in front of a crowd was the only way to get it done, then so be it.

Finally, the girl sat down, the guy knelt in front of her, and the singing started all over again.

_He Aloha Mele._

_Pretty Hoku_

_Sending down a special little twinkle for your brown eyes,_

_Your pretty lovely brown eyes._

_In the still of the night_

_All the stars are shining bright_

_For your brown eyes._

I smiled more at the way the guy and girl were looking at each other than for the song. I figured it must be losing something in translation to English because it didn't sound half as intriguing as the first song had. So I stood up, brushed the sand from my ass, and went for a walk.

I stayed close enough to the bonfire to hear it crackling—and to be in Emmett's line of sight. Even when inebriated, I knew to stay safe. I just didn't like the lonely feeling that had been trying to creep up on me while watching that couple. I kept trying to push away thoughts of graduation, but it was like the thoughts knew it and the more I fought, the more persistent and prevalent they became.

Suddenly, a familiar arm wrapped itself around mine. "Hey, Ali girl. You real or a figment of my imagination?" I asked.

She giggled and hugged my arm tighter.

"Real then," I said with a laugh of my own. Even my imagination couldn't hit that exact lilting pitch of hers.

"Bells, why are you over here by yourself?"

I ignored her question and asked my own. "How was your day with Edward?"

"Amazingly wonderful, though I had no doubt. My brother is great at making memorable days."

"He is," I agreed with a head nod. "So how did you find us?"

"Em sent a text."

"Aw! The big guy loves me. And also, he has no faith in my boyfriend bat signal."

"Your what?" Alice asked with a laugh.

I shrugged, looking off at the mostly calm water streaked with lines of silvery moonlight. "Nothing."

A short silence settled over us before Alice pressed her head against my arm and her voice came out sounding soft and unsure. "I'm really sorry about this morning."

"I know you are, Half-pint."

"No, Bella, I really mean it. I should have listened to you. I should have stopped the first time you asked me to."

"So why didn't you?"

"Because I know this is a big deal for you even when you tell others it's not. There aren't many reasons I can see for your relationship with Edward not working out, but this just happens to be one of them. And even more than that, it's _your_ reason. He can tell you a million times he doesn't care but I know you. I know you think he's just being polite or sweet."

"Because he _is_ just being polite and sweet, Ali."

"If that were true, then why did he never mention seeing children in his future with Mary? Why was it only the two of them and their jobs?"

"I don't know. You'd have to ask him that."

"I did. And he said it was because he never saw Mary as the mothering type and he was okay with that. He's not opposed to the idea of children; he just values his partner more than hypothetical children, Bella. That's what he's been trying to get you to understand."

I curled my fingers tightly, making two strained fists and imagining my hands physically holding back my temper so I wouldn't lash out at Alice again. She had good intentions. And also, she was my best friend in the world and I loved her like crazy. Arguing with her was never something I enjoyed and was the very last thing I wanted right then.

"Ali, what I really need for the both of you to understand is that _I'm_ not okay with it. I'm not okay with it, I don't think I'll ever be okay with it, and I don't want to talk about it. Not to you or to him. The more I talk about it, the more frustrated I get with all of it. And the worst part is that I'm getting frustrated for nothing because I'm not ready to figure children into my life in any capacity, so I'm damn sure not ready to deal with the surgeries and other shit that will come with it if I have the time and money to go that route someday. Not to mention I actually would like to have someone to count on to help me raise a kid and I am in no way ready to commit myself like that to anyone. So if we could table this discussion for the next five to seven years, I would greatly appreciate it."

"Then it's tabled." She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me as tightly as she could, not saying anything for a few minutes. And then she let go and grinned up at me. "So am I totally forgiven? Or will there be penance in my future?"

All the anger I'd felt moments ago faded away at the sight of her smile. She loved me and it was the only reason she had said anything. I smiled at her and slung an arm around her shoulders, pulling her with me down the beach. "I'm not thinking clear enough for penance so you're forgiven."

"I thought you and Em planned on surfing. How did that end with you two being drunk and smelling like coconuts at a beach bonfire?"

I snorted at her question. "Hell if I know. How does anything ever happen with Emmett?"

"Good point," Alice said with a laugh. "So have you had fun with Em?"

"Oh, yeah. Definite good times to remember for always. Surfing, celebrating, songs in front of a bonfire."

"Speaking of the bonfire! I can't wait for Jazz to get here. I've never snuggled with him in front of one yet."

"Uh, yeah, you did. When we went camping."

"That was camping. This is a beach bonfire. Completely different," she stated with a wave of her hand.

"If you say so," I replied.

My first sight of Edward after thirteen plus hours of separation was him holding a beer in his hand with Emmett's arm slung around his neck, pressing their heads together. They didn't see or hear us coming and that let me catch the tail end of the conversation they were having.

" … away in Boston, it's going to be your job to take care of Bells. She always thinks she can handle every situation on her own so sometimes you're going to have to fight her to help her. But you better make damn sure you're really helping 'cause Boston really ain't that far away and I'll fly back just to kick your skinny ass."

Edward snorted at his brother. "Of course I'll take care of her. I love her."

"As a man who loves and adores the woman in his life and still manages to screw up on a regular basis, I say to you that love isn't enough to keep you out of trouble. You got to work at it, Ed. And with Bells, you got your work cut out for you."

"Oh, my gosh," Alice whispered while vibrating next to me and shaking my arm. "They're having a heart-to-heart. It's so sweet," she added, sniffling and wiping at her eyes.

I could have rolled my eyes at her and made a short joke. I could have been loud and called Em and Edward out on their little moment. Instead, I just walked up and hugged Edward around the waist while kissing the underside of his chin.

"Hello, Angel," he murmured, hugging me as tightly as he could with one arm.

I didn't say anything back, too busy enjoying how happy it made me feel to have him with me. And also, arguing with myself for feeling this way in the first place. It just wasn't me to feel this needy with anyone and I was worried it might not be about graduation—at least not completely anyway.

"Did you have a good talk with Alice?" Edward asked.

This time, I did reply. "Yep. We're good."

"Totally good," Alice agreed from behind me.

"Bells, Ed here seems to think we need food. He wants to have Jasper and Rose bring us something. What do you say?" Emmett asked.

My stomach answered for me, making them laugh. "Yeah, I think food just won."

"I hope Rose won't mind that we enjoyed the rum without her," Em said, giving me a wink.

"Should have thought of that before you got yourself and my girlfriend drunk," Edward replied, grinning at his twin.

"You're just jealous we got to surf and you didn't," Em told him.

I said nothing, having promised the big guy I would keep his secret.

"Call me when Rose and Jasper get here," Edward said to Alice before lifting his green eyes to Emmett. "You stay here with Alice and stay out of trouble."

"Pick, Bro. I can only do one or the other. I can stay here or I can stay out of trouble."

"You aren't going anywhere, Mister," Alice announced as she poked Em in the chest with her finger. "You are in no shape to drive."

Em poked his lower lip out. "I'm grounded?"

"Very," Alice said as she wrapped her little hand around his big fingers. "Now introduce me to your bonfire friends."

Edward shook his head and I laughed softly while we watched them walk away. And then he turned me with him to walk across the same section of beach Ali and I had gone down. We walked along in silence for a bit; I figured we were just enjoying the beautiful night sky and a moment alone.

But then I also started to think maybe aggravation was the root of his silence. "So are you annoyed we're drunk?" I asked, swinging our hands between us.

He shook his head, his eyes focused on our hands.

"Then why so silent? Did you have too much talking with Alice?"

He shook his head again, but this time his eyes lifted up to meet mine. "I was just wondering if you really wanted us to be here. You didn't reply to any of my texts … I thought maybe you were upset about this morning still."

My nose crinkled at the bridge as I readied myself to be honest. "I sort of don't know where my phone is right now. I'm sure it's probably in the SUV, but I can't swear to it. So, um, yeah … never got your texts. And even if I was annoyed with you for some reason, I'd at least text you to tell you that. Besides, you didn't say anything wrong this morning. Alice stepped out of line, but that was between her and me."

"I had hoped as much, but then—" He stopped talking and stepped closer to me, his fingers brushing my windblown hair away from my cheeks. "I missed you. I know that's silly to say with all the time we've gotten together this week, but it's true anyway."

I leaned up on my toes and wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him as tightly as I could. There may also have been a whispered "I missed you too" muffled by my face being buried in his shirt.

We probably would have stayed just like that for a long while, but the wind picked up enough to make me shiver against him. "Come on," he said as he tugged at my hands. "I have a surprise for you."

He brought me over to a silvery-blue Camry with a big rental car logo sticker on the bumper and popped open the trunk, pulling out a plastic bag. "We were not only given directions to the bonfire, but a request for warmer clothing for you. I brought your favorite sweatpants and your purple hoodie."

"Friggen major boyfriend points," I said as I grabbed my hoodie from him. It took me a long time to figure out why it wasn't fitting. Of course, having Edward laughing his ass off and distracting me wasn't helping. After a fierce glare from me, his laughter dried up and he helped me get Emmett's oversized shirt off and my hoodie on.

I debated the pros and cons of pulling my sweats on over my jean shorts for a few seconds before deciding the pants would be twice as comfortable without the jeans. Edward basically stood guard between me and the trunk as I pealed off my shorts and slipped on my sweats. My mention that I had a swimsuit on under the jeans made no difference at all to my goofy boyfriend.

"So I saw our friend today," I mentioned as we walked back toward the bonfire.

Edward's forehead bunched up in confusion. "What friend?"

"Mamo from Duke's."

A long, loud groan was Edward's response.

I laughed at his reaction while hugging his arm tighter. "Don't get your panties in a wad, E."

"How many times did he hit on you?"

"Only twice and Em shut him down both times, threatening him with limb removal."

"Really?" Edward questioned, his green eyes wide with surprise.

"Really, really," I confirmed. "He even admitted part of his protecting me was due to me being your girl. Mostly it was just because I'm so damn awesome."

Edward's lips lifted into a genuine smile. "And that's just as it should be, Angel."

We found a spot in the sand right next to Em and Alice and before we were completely settled, Jasper and Rosalie showed up. It was like the world was aligning just for me: I had Edward with me, I was warm both from clothes and the bonfire, and Jasper was passing me a grilled chicken sandwich while Rose passed out water bottles. If I hadn't been as content as I was inebriated, I might have worried about the near perfection that my life had suddenly become. Instead, I just relaxed against Edward's chest and enjoyed my meal while listening to the music play around us and watching the flames flicker in front of me.

The day had been as spontaneous as Emmett had promised, and so much more than that. So much more than I'd ever expected from my friend … Surfing, bouts of bad luck, a helicopter ride, a prayer to a Goddess, and even a beach bonfire … Ali had shown up with a sincere apology … Edward had brought himself and warm clothing … All in all, it was another wonderfully memorable day in paradise.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**A/N:** Hope you guys enjoyed reading about Emmett & Bella's day as much as we enjoyed writing about it. Of course we couldn't let Emmett get off the island without having a run-in with Pele in some way! And no crabs were harmed in the creation of this chapter! LOL

The YouTube links for the Hawaiian songs are on my website if you want to give them a listen. They are beautiful songs! Next Saturday is the final day in Hawaii complete with a luau to end their time there. And a special treat for NoelleSeven and the valuable info she shared with us on the 808.


	36. Don't Worry, Be Happy

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, sex, and lots of mature situations.**

**NOTE:** Since it's the gang's final day in Hawaii, Eternally Addicted and I thought it would fun to give an alternative point of view for part of the story. We'll be hearing from Rosalie today!

**Chapter Title: Don't Worry, Be Happy**

**Chapter Song: "Love Me Tender" by Elvis**

**Rose's POV:**

I smiled as I started to wake up, enjoying the comforting feel of Emmett's arm lying across my waist and his hand gripping my hip. No matter how much I moved in the night, he always found me again and held onto me. If he were a lesser man, his shins would constantly be covered in bruises from my sleep-kicking. But he wasn't; he was my big, strong, cuddly, idiotic Emmett.

I managed to wiggle his fingers from my hip and rolled over, softly kissing the underside of his chin so I wouldn't wake him. He'd had a big day yesterday surfing with Bella and then drinking on the beach so I felt he deserved a little extra sleep this morning. _Partners in crime, those two._ I smiled at the thought while tangling my fingers in his brown curls. He still didn't believe me whenever I told him how much he would miss Bella and his sister. For a man who was certain he knew it all, he was so often wrong. Still, the making up was always nice.

"That smile better be for me."

I laughed softly at his gravely just-waking-up voice and pressed my lips to his chest. "It's for Gerard Butler. You know he stars in most of my sexual fantasies."

As expected, Emmett growled and flipped me onto my back. He nibbled along my collarbone and up to my ear. "You are my fantasy, Baby."

"Oh, the hell you say," I barked out with a loud laugh. "Em, baby, did you drink so much you forgot we're long past the stage of awkward lines?"

He lifted his head and gave me the smile he thought of as charming and irresistible—I didn't have the heart to tell him it didn't work on me at all. "It's not a line. It was a gen-you-wine compliment, Rosie."

"Yeah, and I'm a fairy fucking princess."

"Leave that shit for Ali. You're my own personal playmate of a lifetime."

I rolled my eyes at him even as I burned with pride on the inside; all these years and he was still hot for me. "I make you one calendar for one birthday and you never let me forget it."

"Forget it? Shit, Baby, I love replaying it way too much." He brought his face closer, softly rubbing his lips against mine. "In fact, why don't you show me April's pose? You know it's one of my favorites."

"You'd have to move away from me," I told him.

He was so busy staring at my lips he didn't answer until I poked him in the shoulder. "I like you right where you are. Beneath me."

I gave him the seductive smile that always left him drooling while arching my back and pressing my breasts into his chest. "Prove it."

He did. Twice.

And then he left me to shower alone, one of my absolute favorite things. For some couples, being in the shower together might be fun and even a little romantic. For Em and me, it was always a course in contortion. He was as wide as he was tall, hardly leaving any room for my long limbs. One of the little ways he'd found over the years to show he cared was to let me have the shower all to myself, giving me room to move and stretch without bumping into him every two seconds.

I felt so content when I got out of that shower; I was washed, shaved, trimmed, and smelling amazing. I knew the feeling wouldn't last once we got outside and started sweating from whatever activity Emmett had planned for us today, but right then I felt great.

I could hear Emmett moving around in the bedroom so I called out to him. "Babe, any thoughts on breakfast?"

He must not have been expecting me out of the shower yet because I heard something drop, followed by his curse, and then a drawer slamming shut. "Uh, what?"

"Breakfast, Em," I said, poking my head through the gap in the bathroom door. "I'm hungry."

He was standing in front of his dresser and aimlessly moving his hands around as if he wasn't sure what to do with them. He finally settled for crossing his arms and stuffing his hands in his armpits. "Breakfast … uh, yeah … I think Alice was planning to cook for everyone this morning. Want me to go see if she's started on it yet?"

"How about you tell me what's wrong with you first? You look like you're trying to find a spot for a body."

"Rosie," he said, shaking his head. I _think_ he tried to throw in a laugh, but the strangled gurgling noise that came out of him reminded me of the sound of a dying giraffe from _South Park_.

I pulled the bathroom door open and stepped completely into the bedroom. "Emmett Cullen, what have you done? More importantly, will you go to jail for it?"

He took a step toward me, holding his hands palm up. I had no idea why he and Bella thought it was a sign of innocence; all it ever did was make me more convinced the two of them were up to no good.

"I promise I didn't do anything bad, Rosalie," he said. And because he was looking me right in the face—more importantly right in the eyes—I believed him. He hadn't done anything _yet_.

And I wanted to keep it that way. "Whatever it is that you're plotting, if it will land you in jail or be costly, forget it, Cullen. I don't want a repeat of Dallas or something worse."

"I'm being good. I promise, Baby."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Swear."

"I promise—"

"No, no," I interrupted, shaking a finger at him. "_Swear_ to me."

His shoulders slumped and his expression went from earnest to pouty in a flat second. "Ah, hell, Rosie. You know I hate the swear thing."

I closed the distance between us, wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing my towel covered chest against his. Some women might view it as blatant manipulation but I knew better—I was keeping my big guy out of trouble. "Swear for me, Poppa Bear." Then again, using his favorite private nickname wasn't exactly playing fair.

His lips curled into the sweet, soft smile that was only for me as he bent down and touched his forehead to mine. "I swear I'm not up to anything that will hurt you, cause you embarrassment, or land me in any trouble."

I smiled and tilted my face just enough to bring my lips in contact with his. "You are so much trouble."

He smiled at this very old phrase and replied to it with his usual answer. "And only you can handle me."

After a long, slow kiss, he let go of me and headed downstairs to find out about breakfast while I dressed. I wasn't sure what we would be doing later in the day so for now I threw on a t-shirt and shorts appropriate for breakfast with our family.

I was almost down the stairs when the door to Bella and Edward's room opened and she came running out, laughing like a loon with Edward hot on her heels. I watched him chase her into the living room and tackle her onto the sofa, wrestling something from her hands. He let out a victorious "ha" as he headed back toward their room. I smiled at how silly he was to think she'd given up.

And when she caught up to him near the stairs and jumped onto his back like some kind of spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew, I had no choice but to laugh my ass off. Men were always underestimating the little spitfire.

"You are going down, Cullen," she said before their door closed with a loud bang.

"I'd say I'm surprised but I'm really not," I said to Jasper as I passed him.

"I'm not sure what I just witnessed. I only know I'm glad I wasn't in the line of fire," he said, following me into the kitchen.

"What the hell was all that noise?" Emmett asked. He was stirring what I hoped was a cup of coffee for me.

"From the sound of it, Bella found the trinket Edward picked out for her to give to Bree when we get back," Alice answered.

"Why? What did he pick?" Jasper questioned before I could.

Alice's tinkling laughter filled the kitchen. "It's a shark and a manatee hugging. For some reason, Edward thought it was representative of Bella and Bree's relationship."

"Oh, that's not good," I said. I didn't even try not to laugh. I could just hear the litany of perverted jokes Bella was making about the thing.

And to prove me right, we all caught the tale end of one of her little pearls of wisdom as she came into the kitchen with Edward glaring at the back of her head. "… can't wait to gobble him up and have him as a snack. It'll take some convincing on my part since he has a strict no girls near his peen policy, but once he sees the statue he won't be able to deny fate anymore than I can."

"It's like in _Finding Nemo_. They're friends. One isn't going to eat the other. And you definitely aren't about to do _that_ type of eating with anyone," Edward pretty much yelled at her.

Bella whirled around on her heel, looking right up into Edward's face. "Oh, so it's not enough to suggest I should have an elicit affair with my gay friend? Now you have to go and ban me from enjoying oral pleasures with you. What the hell did I do to you, Cullen?"

I could tell from the way her brown eyes were dancing around she wasn't the least bit serious, but Edward seemed too unnerved to notice. His lips moved without sound and one of his hands grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled at it. He finally just growled at her and stomped out of the room.

There was a long moment of silence before anyone said anything. "Um … I think that joke went a _tiny_ bit too far," Alice suggested.

Bella's eyes grew impossibly wide and a muttered "fuck" fell from her lips. For a second, she looked as if she might burst into tears. But then her face hardened and she stalked off in the direction Edward had gone.

Emmett sighed loudly. "Those two are going to make me have to beat one of them. And for once, I don't think it's going to be Ed."

Alice set her spatula down and made a move toward the doorway but I quickly slid in front of her. "You better let me get this one. I've been that person pushing too many buttons and not realizing it."

While that was true, it wasn't my entire reasoning for wanting to be the spotter friend this time. As much as Alice loved Bella and as close as they were, I'd noticed a tendency for her to go all Team Edward in situations like this one. Bella had only been being herself and it wasn't her fault Edward hadn't realized she was only teasing. She was still learning where his boundaries were and deserved a break—one that Alice didn't seem to know how to give right now.

The bedroom door wasn't completely closed, making it easy to hear the conversation going on inside. "… really sorry, Edward. I was only joking and if I'd known at all you weren't taking it that way, I would have stopped. Promise."

"I'm sorry too. I was just trying to find a way to show you I understand how important Bree is to you because I know sometimes I'm hesitant to be around him."

Bella snorted. "Let's call a duck a duck and a fuck a fuck, E. You are flat out terrified of Bree at times."

His laugh sounded muffled and I wondered if he was hugging her. If he was, that was an amazing thing for her. She'd always been one to shrink inside of herself whenever something hurt or upset her, hating to be touched and pulled out of her no-feelings zone.

The next words I heard were Bella's and they convinced me everything was fine and there was no need for me to interrupt the moment they were having. "I love you, Edward."

I smiled, feeling full of pride and affection for Bella as I headed back toward the kitchen. She was emotionally closer to Alice than me, but I knew more about her than anyone from having lived beside her for so many years. While Alice was upfront and always took credit for the ways she guided Bella, I'd always been more in the background silently taking care of things. Like when that Newton fucker had screwed Bella over—I'd rounded up a group of the biggest, meanest guys I'd known at the time and had them show him what it was to pick on someone weaker.

"What are you smiling like that for?" Emmett asked. He slipped his arm around my waist and pulled me over to him, just barely kissing my cheek so he wouldn't scratch me with his stubble.

I smiled at him for being so considerate and then kissed him on the lips. "There was no need for help. Bella and Edward were already well underway in making up when I got to the door."

"Please tell me you didn't catch them having sex," Alice all but whined.

"Grow up," Emmett told her before I could. "No one is that quick. Besides, so what if they were? They're grown, consenting adults."

Alice turned on him, narrowing her green eyes as her hands flew to her hips. "_I'm_ a grown, consenting adult. Do you want to know that I have sex with Jasper?"

Emmett acted the way any mature twenty-two year old with a younger sister would behave … He waved his arms around as if warding off attack by killer bees while yelling out "Stop" and "Shut up".

Instead of being encouraged to stop, Alice kept on and even smiled as she spoke. "Lots and lots of sex in so very many positions."

"And yet we love them," I said to Jasper as I jerked a thumb toward the big goofball I loved. Emmett had his fingers in his ears and while singing "La-la-la. Can't hear you."

"… find something else to bring home to him," Edward was saying as he came into the kitchen with his arm around Bella.

"No way," Bella said, her eyes and smile only for Edward. "He will _love_ the thought behind it. Of course, he'll also hide it so no one else sees it because it's _completely_ tacky, but he'll love it all the same."

Edward laughed and pressed his lips to her forehead. "If you're sure then."

"Actually, I'll just keep it for me to always remember the day you reached a new extreme for goofy and we'll get Bree something he'll really like."

"Definitely the best plan," Edward replied, showing off a big smile before kissing Bella on the lips.

It was something else to watch the two of them together, to see them growing up and growing into their relationship. Though I had to wonder if Bella realized just how much she was changing with him. She was talking about her feelings and showing them, she had gained better control over her temper, and she was even cursing less. Knowing her, she was probably letting herself notice in small doses to keep from freaking out. She worried more about making old mistakes than she ever let on; I just knew how to read her from years of watching over her.

I couldn't recall the day or the circumstances of when it happened, but long ago Charlie had asked me to keep an eye out for Bella. My first instinct had been to say "no" and that it wasn't my job. But there was just something about Bella even then that couldn't be resisted. She'd been a real handful at first, going out of her way to prove me wrong at every turn. And then I'd figured out that as long as I let her believe the idea was her own, she was much easier to steer in the right direction.

Watching over Bella and learning to guide her had helped me too. It was my first taste of having someone not fall all over me. Because we lived in a small town, everyone knew my family had money so hanging out with me was a sort of status symbol. The fact that I was beautiful only made the line of pretenders longer. Not that I noticed many of them. Once Emmett had moved to Forks, I'd pretty much gone blind to any other man. I'd expected being with him to be as easy as everything else was at the time; I'd just say I wanted him and that would be it. But Emmett wasn't like that. He wanted me, but not _just _me.

It had taken a long time for that to change and for me to trust it, so I understood very well what Bella was going through with trying to trust both Edward and herself when suddenly presented with a relationship worth fighting for. I just prayed like hell Edward understood it. If she did get to a point where all of the changes freaked her out, she would need him to be the calm one and to be extra patient with her. I remembered all too well what it had been like when Aaron had died. One minute, Bella wanted to be near me and the next, she couldn't stand to even be looked at. There had never been rhyme, reason, or warning—just a daily struggle.

_Aaron_. It had been hard right after his death to not feel like I'd done something incredibly wrong and stupid by bringing him into Bella's life. My mother and Aaron's mother, Cindy, had been pretty close and when Cindy had mentioned she needed a sitter, I'd lobbied for her to choose Bella. My thinking at the time was not only would it keep Bella out of trouble after school, it would show her how her actions affected other people. She'd been too stubborn to believe her behavior harmed anyone but her at the time and I figured looking out for someone younger than her might help teach her otherwise.

The change in Bella after meeting Aaron was almost instantaneous. Instead of hanging out after school with a bunch of delinquents, she'd race home to put her stuff away and then head over to Aaron's house. It was easy to see she loved him and would do anything he asked of her. At the time, I'd never seen her happier or more at peace with her world.

She didn't get to enjoy that nearly long enough before his health failed and he'd died. She'd taken it so damn hard, walking around like a zombie and not talking or eating for weeks. And then one day, all of a sudden, she'd gotten better. She'd decided her mission was to live her life to the fullest since he couldn't. She'd even gotten to where she could talk about him without crying over him the few times she did bring him up in conversation. From that moment forward, I'd grown to believe they'd truly needed each other. There was so much about the young woman she'd become that had been shaped by him, and without that bond between them I couldn't say for sure that DC Bella would have been let go and buried.

Luckily for all of us—most of all Bella—DC was no more. Instead, we had this charming, funny, perverted, and incredibly loyal young woman in our midst. And that young woman was currently arguing with my guy over whether or not chocolate chips in a pancake made it a breakfast or a dessert while making the others choose sides. _Definite partners in crime_, I thought as I laughed under my breath.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

"One more," I laughed more than said while holding onto the thin shoulder straps of Edward's navy blue a-shirt.

"Bella, stop." He probably meant it as warning; if so, he shouldn't have laughed.

"Your fault."

"How is it possibly my fault? You're the one who's been stealing a kiss every chance she gets."

"You're the one looking all fuckable in your sunglasses and beach attire," I informed him.

Edward had on these dark tinted frameless sunglass that looked as if they easily cost my entire monthly paycheck at the coffeehouse. He was also wearing a navy blue shirt with matching board shorts—the dark color called attention to the tan he'd picked up during our vacation. And all of the sun on his hair was making the natural red and blonde highlights stand out. Just looking at him made me want to kiss him all over again—and do a few other not-so-innocent things to him.

"One more," I mumbled against his lips while stealing another kiss.

He laughed again but not for long—not with the way I was kissing him. His arm hooked around my back, pulling me completely against him, while his tongue was busy finding its way into my mouth. I was pretty damn sure I would never get tired of the taste and feel of his kisses and hoped like hell he felt the same way about me.

"What's that smile for?" he asked, tracing my lower lip with the pad of his thumb.

I laughed as I leaned up on my toes to whisper into his ear. "I'd tell ya, but then I'd have to kill ya and I kind of like you."

Edward turned his head and growled against my earlobe. "You better more than like me, Swan."

"And what if I don't, Cullen?" I asked as I half-heartedly tried to free myself from his grip.

"I'll tell Alice you really, _really_ want to go clothes shopping when we get back home."

A shocked gasp flew from my lips at his threat. And then I was smiling evilly while pinching him in the side. "I'll teach you to threaten me."

He laughed as he swatted my hand away. "What is with you this morning? You're acting like Alice on a sugar high."

I shrugged and then wrapped my arms around his waist, hugging him tightly. "It's our last day in Hawaii. I figure we need to make the most of it. That includes enjoying the opportunity to be playful with you."

He gave me the sweetest smile while cupping my face in his large hands. "You can be playful with me anytime, Angel."

"Not so," I disagreed. "We are all going to be so busy when we get back that we probably won't even see much of each other until your graduation."

"I won't let that happen. I'll make time for you."

"I know that. We've been making time for each other all along. It's just hard with school and my job and your final projects. Plus, you're going to be gearing up for your business research. You said yourself you'll be checking into things around Portland and Seattle before you ever leave for points farther away from me."

"I also told you I would schedule those first forays around your work schedule to make sure we don't miss out on time together. As for the points farther away, I really don't think it'll be that bad. There will be a few days here and there where you probably only get a text or an email from me, but the rest of the time should be full of phone calls and video chats around your work schedule."

I really wanted to believe it would be as easy as he was making it sound, but it just didn't feel that way to me. "You know, I'm sorry I started down this conversational road. Can we table it and get back to the here and now?"

"We can do whatever you want, Angel. It's your choice today."

I smiled and gave his lips a quick kiss. "Then let's start with my tour of Pearl Harbor. Get busy with the guiding, E."

"Alright," he said with a smile. He took my hand into his and we headed out of the parking lot and toward the museum. "Pearl Harbor was attacked on December seventh in nineteen-forty-one by the Japanese. The first wave had one hundred and eighty-three planes in it, mostly dive bombers called Kamikaze. The second wave had a hundred and seventy planes in it, with most of those being torpedo bombers. Nine U.S. ships were sunk and another twenty-one were severely damaged. The death toll was in the thousands and another thousand were injured, most from the first ship sunk that day, the battleship Arizona."

"Woah! And I'm being serious here. How can you remember all those facts like that?"

"I don't know," Edward answered with a shrug. "I've always been good at retaining factual knowledge like that. I can tell you the batting averages for my favorite Dodgers for the past three years."

"Yeah, no. Don't know enough about baseball to understand that."

"Then I'll teach you."

"Okay, but later. Right now, I want to hear more about what you know of Pearl Harbor," I told him.

"I know that there were warnings in October of that year, but no one took them seriously. They didn't believe Japan had the aircraft capable of getting into a fight with our bombers. It's also been said the Army and Navy were so busy with their individual tasks that both sides overlooked the threats and if the two groups had come together to compare notes, they might have decided the threats were credible. But that's just theory and conjecture and easy to say after all is said and done."

"Yeah, I know all of this stuff from our history books. I kind of thought you would tell me more about the people and how it affected them."

Edward turned his head toward me, allowing me to see myself in the reflection of his sunglasses. "Are you sure? It's not really a nice story."

I watched the reflection of me give a shrug. "I didn't think it would be what with all of those lives lost."

"Alright," he said with a nod. "But let's move to the side. I don't want any kids overhearing anything their parents might not want them to know." He led us away from the museum and toward the grassy area across from a submarine docked near the museum. We found a shady spot to sit in and once we were settled next to each other, Edward started talking again.

"People were scared and panicked. There were rumors that the Japanese were trying to secretly paratroop onto the island to attack citizens and poison the water supply. The islanders locked up their houses and hid behind dark curtains, and ran to shelters whenever a siren went off. People weren't sure who to trust. Every neighbor could now be friend or foe.

"It was a time of war, of panic, and of fear. People walked around in gas masks and had to carry special fingerprint ID cards to prove they belonged on the island. Some were even taken away and put into camps just because they were of Japanese descent.

"But it was also a time for great acts of bravery. There was a young man from Texas stationed on the ship West Virginia. He worked as a Mess Attendant, one of the few positions an African American could hold at that time. He was collecting laundry when the attack happened."

I put my hand on Edward's knee to stop him for a moment. "Laundry? He was just picking up people's dirty clothes and just like that, he's in the middle of a war?"

"Scary how quickly life takes a whole new turn, isn't it?"

"Creepy as all fuck, E. Creepy as all fuck. So this guy's doing laundry?"

"Yes. He's doing laundry and the alarms go off. He races to his assigned station only to find it's been destroyed. So he goes on deck and they tell him to carry the wounded to safety. He does this for awhile until he's told to help load anti-aircraft guns. He does more than load it, though. He takes control of it and starts firing at the planes. It didn't matter that he wasn't trained on how to use the weapon. He just knew he needed to try and protect the people around him. He kept going until he ran out of ammunition and right about that time, the ship was hit by armor-piercing bombs and had to be abandoned. Doris Miller received a Navy Cross for his courage in battle."

"What's a Navy Cross?"

"It's an award given for extreme gallantry and risk of life in combat and going beyond the call of duty."

"Yeah, he totally did that." I cocked my head to the side and took a close look at Edward. "You would be like that guy. You would end up with a Navy Cross if you found yourself in that kind of situation."

"I would hope I would be that brave, but I don't know. I have an easier time seeing Jasper and Emmett acting that way than me."

"Jasper would do it because he felt a sense of duty to his country and to protect the people around him. Emmett would do it from a sense of pride and need to protect fueled by a rush of adrenaline. But you, E … you would do it because you wanted to save lives. You care about people in a way I admire. After everything you've been through with Emmett, you still love him and you still work on having a better relationship with him. If you saw him hurt, you would be the first trying to patch him up."

"That's different, though. Emmett's my brother."

"Okay, then look at me. When you were breaking up with me back in February, you still mentioned us finding a way to be friends. You still cared enough to be in my life even though you wanted to end our romantic relationship."

Edward grimaced and grabbed my hand, linking his fingers with mine. "I wouldn't exactly say I was breaking up with you."

I snorted at him. "Dude, you were _so_ breaking up with me. You were walking away, not even wanting a ride back to your dorm from me."

"Guess that disproves your theory about me sticking around to fight."

"Nope. It just proves you're an idiot when it comes to me."

His forehead creased, filling with lines for a long moment, and then he cracked a small smile. "Yeah, I guess I would have to agree with that. I don't always think very clearly around you."

"So if you're not thinking clearly and I'm damn sure not thinking clearly, how the hell are we staying out of trouble?"

"Luck?" he offered. He had that lopsided grin of his on his face and damn if I didn't want to kiss it.

So I did. And then I hugged him tightly. "I love you."

"I like this random admission of your feelings thing. And also, I love you."

"Come on, E," I said as I got to my feet. "Let's go check out this museum and see what else we can learn about this place."

"Thanks for being up for this. I know it's not really your kind of thing."

"I'm not into the facts too much, but I do like learning about the people."

"So maybe we can visit some more museums and historical sites together?"

I smiled up at him, nearly rolling my eyes at the huge smile reflected back at me in the dark lenses of his sunglasses. "E, anything is possible."

Even with the dark lenses hiding his eyes, I could still tell Edward was stunned from the way his mouth was slightly hanging open. "I think that's the most optimistic thing you've ever said."

"I said it was possible. I never said it was probable," I pointed out.

Edward laughed and slipped his arm around my waist, pulling me against his side. "Now that's the Bella Swan I know and love."

I just smiled and put my own arm around him. This whole loving someone thing was turning out a hell of a lot better than I'd ever thought it could. If I could keep up with locking down my temper and my mouth, I might just have a chance of keeping this relationship going.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Rose's POV:**

"Okay, so what you do is look through the buckets here and you pick the oyster you like best. Bring it over to me and we'll open it up and see what's inside."

I huffed at the guy giving instructions. And then I looked over at Emmett. "An oyster farm? Where in that head of yours did you ever get the idea I would want to visit an oyster farm?"

For a second, Emmett looked as if he couldn't possibly understand why I might not be pleased with the activity he'd picked. But one quick point at the grungy bucket closest to us had all the bells and whistles going off in his head.

"Just bare with me for a second, Babe," he said as he took my hands into his. "This was my thinking … You like pearls. Oysters have pearls. Ergo, Rosalie would like to pick her own pearl right here in Hawaii."

"I'm not touching one of those things," I told him, meaning every word.

"I didn't expect you too, Rosie. I figured we could pick out an oyster together and then I'd grab it from the bucket and after the pearl was cleaned off, you would take it and decide if you wanted it in a ring or a necklace."

"Well, I do like pearls," I admitted, trying not to grimace while looking at the bucket. "So maybe this isn't the worst idea you've ever had."

"I promise you'll like it. Just give it a chance." He looked too darn hopeful for any answer other than a positive one so I just smiled and hugged his arm, silently giving permission for him to go ahead with his plan.

Emmett moved us from bucket to bucket but I honestly couldn't see a difference. I figured he was most probably looking for the biggest oyster he could spot, figuring it would hold the biggest pearl. I smiled at that thought, and then I smiled even wider knowing how much he'd rather be off doing some adrenaline-fueled activity instead of looking for a pearl for me.

I pulled on his arm, dropping his cheek the inch I needed to land a kiss right in the middle of it.

"What's that for?" he asked with a big grin.

I returned his smile and gave him a shrug. "Just because."

He did that stupid thing where he made his eyebrows lift up and down. "If that's for nothing, what do I have to do to get some lovin' for something?"

I gave him the eye-roll his behavior deserved. "Shut up and pick an oyster so you can take me to lunch. I want some shade and a cold drink in my hand."

"Alright, alright. Let's try this one over here by the counter," he said, towing me toward whatever bucket he'd spotted. "I did some research on this stuff and it says to look for the hairiest oyster to get the best pearl."

I couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out of me. "I can just hear Bella now, talking about a Sasquatch man looking for his complimentary Sasquatch oyster."

Emmett snorted. "I used to think Edward was an idiot for being worried he couldn't keep up with that girl. Now I'm kind of thinking he had a point."

"They're okay for now. They made up quickly this morning and both admitted to what they did wrong. If they can keep that up, they'll be alright. Well, that and if Bella doesn't realize all at once how much she's changing."

"Yeah, even her mouth is cleaning up. It's trippy as all hell."

"I didn't get to ask last night since you were out of it, but did you two have a good day yesterday?"

Emmett pulled his eyes from the bucket and put them on me, showing off a huge grin. "Yeah, we really did. She even let me know she's going to miss me after graduation. I wasn't expecting that. I figured she'd be pretending she couldn't wait for me to leave, acting all tough."

"Hopefully she can keep being open like that."

"Enough about Bells. Let's focus on you and me right now," Emmett called out. He was digging around in one of the buckets and when he stood up, he had the ugliest looking oyster in his hand. "Starting with getting this guy open and seeing what he's hiding inside for you."

"Hopefully nothing gross," I muttered under my breath.

"Want to hold him?" Emmett asked, offering me the oyster.

"About as much as I want to touch feces," I yelled while stepping away from the nasty thing.

"Oh, come on, Rosie. Don't hate it because it's ugly on the outside. It's what's inside that counts."

"Sort of like with you," I teased, poking him in the side with my finger.

His reply was epically Emmett. "I'm a lot of things but ugly ain't one of them."

I laughed and pushed him and his oyster toward the counter with the tools to open the thing. "Just shut up and open the oyster."

Emmett walked up to the counter, giving the guy standing there a head-bob and once over. It must have been written into his genetic code to be the alpha male at all times, though I had no idea what relative had passed it down to him.

"We want this one," Emmett said as he passed over his hairy find.

The guy behind the counter took Emmett's oyster and looked it over. "This is a good one, but I got a better one if you're interested."

Emmett's eyes immediately lit up at the prospect of something better. "How much better?"

Not that it ever should have been possible, but the guy pulled out an oyster twice as hairy and ugly as the once Emmett had found. "This is a good one. This will give your lady something special."

"How about it, Rosalie?" Emmett asked. His brown eyes were full of excitement and his grin was so wide that I had no choice but to smile right back.

"Give it a try, Babe," I told him.

He let out a small laugh while leaning toward me and getting an arm around me. "It's not going to bite you, Rosie. Come on over here with me and see what's inside."

I allowed myself to be towed over and I even mustered up a smile for the clerk guy when he showed me the oyster up close. He then turned the oyster toward himself and started working some kind of tool into the lip of the thing. I wasn't paying that much attention since Emmett had decided to start kissing the back of my shoulder.

"Alright," the guy called out, jerking me right out of a truly wonderful fantasy of the man standing behind me. "Ready to see what your oyster holds?"

"Sure. Does a drum roll come with the reveal?" I asked. Yeah, it was snarky and not all that nice, but he _had_ interrupted.

"Let me," Emmett said, reaching out for the ugly thing with both hands. I laughed at how excited he seemed for this experience and hoped he wouldn't get disappointed. With the run of bad luck he'd been having lately, the thing wouldn't even have a pearl inside of it.

Emmett looked over his shoulder at me and then back at what he had in his hands.

"Are you going to show it to me or not?" I asked.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes, Emmett."

"Really ready?"

"Yes," I said, struggling to keep the smile on my face. He was sporting the grin that always led to him teasing too much and annoying me.

"Are you sure? Because you have to be completely ready for this, Rose."

"Babe, I'm so damn ready I'll kick your ass if you don't show me," I promised him.

He must have wanted to get that kind of rise out of me because he laughed and then kissed me on the lips. And then he showed me what he had in his hands.

I'd seen the insides of oysters before—various shades of brown with a soft, squishy looking center. This oyster had obviously been cleaned out long ago and the inside looked like it had been polished with silver. Instead of a squishy center, there was a pad of black velvet and sitting on that pad was a beautiful ring. Five diamonds lined up in a row and set in a way that made them seem like spots on some kind of curvy flower petals. Alice would probably describe it in a way that was poetic and even Bella could spout out if it was white gold or platinum; I only knew it was beautiful. And completely unexpected.

"Emmett?"

He smiled at all the questions he knew were wrapped up in his name. "I'm not proposing to you, Rosalie, because if you don't know by now that I'm going to marry you when I can do it right, no ring is going to get that through your pretty blond head. This is just a promise to you that no matter how awesome and exciting Boston turns out to be, or how much work I get buried under, you'll still come first.

"Now, I may not always be able to get out of an assignment and I'm sure there are going to be nights when I break dates 'cause I have to work late. But I'll always make it up to you. I'll call every time I'm going to be late. I'll even send you texts just so you know I'm thinking about you.

"I know it's a big deal for you to come to Boston. I know what you're leaving behind. And I know I don't even half-way deserve to have a woman as good as you. But I'm not letting go, Rosalie. We're going to be that couple sitting on a porch, heads full of gray hair, and loud, screaming kids running back and forth across the yard. Oh, and we have to have a Great Dane named Grinder 'cause—"

I shut him up with a kiss, not needing to hear anything else from him. I already knew the important stuff: he loved me and he wanted a future with me. Sure, I'd known for a long time that he loved me, but there are degrees to it. There's friendly love, puppy love, romantic love, and forever love. I'd known we had the romantic down pat, but I hadn't been so sure it would ever turn into the forever kind for Emmett. Discussing the future wasn't ever something we did and so it was a wonderful surprise to hear he'd thought enough of us to picture us old and gray together.

"What do you say, Rosie?" he asked, smiling wider than ever. "Wanna wear my promise ring?"

I laughed and hugged him tightly for a moment. "Question first," I said as smiled up at him. "Why Grinder?"

"'Cause I'm gonna tell all the kids that if they misbehave, he'll eat them and grind their bones up."

"Emmett," I cried through my laughter. "You are so much trouble."

"And only you can handle me," he replied before kissing my lips softly. "Now let's see how this thing fits."

He lifted the ring off the velvet, handed the oyster to the clerk guy, and then lifted my hand up. He gave me another big smile before lowering his eyes to my hand and slipping the ring onto my finger. He fiddled with it a little to make sure of the fit and then his happy brown eyes were on my face again.

"What do you think, Rosie?" he asked, lifting my hand so we could both see the ring.

"I think it's your best idea ever, Emmett Cullen. I hope you know how very much I love you."

"Long as you can remember that and not give up on me when I do something stupid, we'll be alright." He pulled me into his arms and then whispered into my ear. "You're my Stella and there's no woman in existence I could love more than you."

I tried really hard to just smile and not let any tears fall, but I couldn't stop them. Nor could I stop the quiet sob of "Poppa Bear" from tumbling off my lips. We weren't the kind to get emotional in public—passionate without a doubt—but not emotional. But considering all of our years together had been leading us to what was quite possibly one of the most perfect and romantic moments of my life, I felt alright with a little show of the stuff.

I wiggled free of his hold and gave him the seductive smile he loved. "Em, take me home, baby."

The man didn't waste words or even thank the clerk guy who'd so obviously helped him. He just held onto my hip and led me out of the place. I'd just received the ultimate swear from Emmett. Now it was time to reward him for his efforts.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

"_Uncontrollable Urge._

_I wanna tell you all about it._

_Uncontrollable Urge._

_Makes me scream and shout it._

_It's got Style. It's got class._

_So strong I can't let it pass._"

"Stop!" Emmett and Edward yelled out together.

"Don't make me toss your asses out of the moving vehicle," Emmett threatened.

"Girls, please just stop. Or at least find an octave that won't burst our eardrums," Edward told us.

I just laughed and flipped them both off while Alice poked her tongue out. The twin duo had decided to unite against Alice and me for singing Devo's "Uncontrollable Urge". Jasper and Rosalie were busy in the front seat discussing her "promise" ring while the rest of us were in the back of the SUV as we made our way to a place right outside of Waikiki.

In her travels with Jasper today, Alice had stumbled on this place called Waiola's that served shaved ice and bakery goodies. I wasn't concerned with the bakery part at all, but the shaved ice was a totally different monster. I'd had it only once before on a trip I'd taken with Charlie years ago to South Carolina. He'd had some police conference thing and had refused to let me stay home alone, stating thirteen was not a mature age for such things. The only part of the trip I'd enjoyed had been the shaved ice treats we'd gotten every afternoon together. And from what Alice said, this Waiola's place was going to hands down be a hundred times better. Supposedly, they shaved their ice so thin it was like eating fruit-flavored snow. I just hoped no one ordered lemon or pineapple because there would be no stopping Emmett from using his plethora of snow-pee jokes he pulled out each winter.

"Make you a deal, Em-Zilla. Explain to me about this promise ring business and we shall halt our singing for now," I offered. Rosalie had already told us the story in detail, right down to describing the hairy oysters that had freaked her out, but I wanted to see what the big guy had to say about it all.

Emmett's face went from pouting to excited in no time flat. "I made Rose a promise to behave myself in Boston and to show her I really meant it and wasn't just blowing smoke up her fine ass, I backed up my words with platinum and diamonds."

"I want to know how you picked out such a quintessential Rosalie piece without my help," Alice commanded.

Emmett huffed and rolled his eyes at his sister. "I've been with her for like seven—

"Eight!" Rose corrected right away.

"Yeah, eight years," Emmett continued. "I'm pretty familiar with what she likes by this point."

"In the bedroom, no doubt. But you are the same man who attempted to make her cheeseburger soup because you forgot she doesn't eat red meat," I pointed out.

Emmett's grin was not lacking in smugness at all. "Yeah, but food doesn't lead to bedroom activities. Jewelry does."

"Really?" I asked, feigning ignorance. "E, do hear this? Jewelry equals sex. Too bad we didn't know about this when you gave me my boxing gloves."

Edward snorted, Alice giggled, and Emmett let out a loud "damn" while I just batted my lashes and smiled innocently.

"Ooh, ooh!" Alice suddenly yelled out while bouncing in her seat beside me. "We're here! You guys will love it. I promise!"

"Take it down a notch, Half-pint," I warned her as we got out of the SUV. "We don't want to get kicked out before we even get in because you're acting like you downed a six-pack of Red Bull."

"Oh, good idea, Bells. We'll toast with Red Bull and Vodka at the luau tonight," Emmett said.

"There's no 'we', Emmett Cullen," I told him. "At least not a 'we' where I'm involved. We have to get up before the sun to catch our flight out of here tomorrow and no way in hell am I doing that with a bitch of a hangover."

Emmett chuckled while draping his arm over my shoulders. "Ed, this girl can knock back JD like a guy. But give her one tall glass of Grey Goose and Red Bull and that's all she wrote!"

"Hey, no giving away my secrets, numb nuts!" I yelled while punching Em in the shoulder. "Unless you want me revealing a few of yours."

The expression on Emmett's face was absolutely priceless. _Wiped the smile _right_ off his face and put fear into his big brown eyes. Teach him to fuck with me._

"Alright, so what kind of snow cones are we getting?" Rose asked.

Alice and I gave out gasps together; mine was fake but I was pretty sure Ali's was very real.

"Blasphemy, Hale," I said, shaking my head at her. "How dare you impugn the shaved ice by calling it the lowly term of snow cone!"

"Bite me," she shot back, smiling and tapping a finger against her butt cheek.

"Love to, but the behemoth you're promised to would probably take offense."

"Don't say that," she cried with a grimace. "It sounds so middle school when you say it like that."

I couldn't help the evil smile that spread across my face; she really should have known better after all of these years. I stood up on the bench near us and shouted as loud as I could. "Rosalie Hale is promised to Emmett Cullen forever and ever on high amen."

Rarely do I ever make what I consider to be a genuine, bona-fide mistake, but that was one of them. I was way too close to the parties behind teased and before I knew what had happened, I was flopped over Emmett's shoulder with Rosalie's hand whacking me on the ass cheek.

"Alright, alright!" I screamed through my laughter. "I'm sorry and I'll stop now."

Emmett set me on my feet and Rosalie got right up in my face. "Just for that, you can be last in line for your precious snow cone, Beelzebub."

"It's not a snow cone!" Alice and I yelled out together.

"A snow cone is chunky and you sometimes have to wait for the ice to melt a little so you can eat it without breaking a tooth," I explained.

"Shaved ice is soft and practically melts on your tongue," Alice added.

"They're completely different," we said together.

"Jeebus! It's like having surround sound," Emmett barked out between laughs.

"No, it's like having a couple of tantrum-throwing toddlers," Rose said.

"_You_ threw a total fit when I called that Mac crap you wear makeup, which it is," I pointed out.

Rose's mouth opened wide and then she narrowed her blue eyes at me. "Mac is _not_ simply make-up. It's a line of beauty products that put the glam in glamorous."

"Ladies, if you could both stop feeling slighted over terms, we could have already ordered our treats and right now be busy enjoying them," Jasper announced.

"Who called for the level-headed voice of reason?" I asked, grinning at Jazz.

"Probably the people eyeing us like a group of circus freaks," Rose said with a laugh.

"Can we order _now_?" Emmett asked. And because he was Emmett and didn't always know when to stop speaking, he ended up saying something that got him yelled at by the rest of us. "All this mess for some freakin' snow cones."

"Shaved ice!"

Never one to leave anyone mad at him, Emmett did something that only Emmett would ever think to do—he started singing along with the song coming out of Waiola's speakers.

"_There is this little song I wrote._

_I hope you learn it note for note_

_Like good little children._

_Don't worry, be happy._

_Listen to what I say._

_In your life expect some trouble,_

_But when you worry,_

_You make it double._

_Don't worry, be happy._"

"You, Sir, are _not_ the next American Idol." Jasper looked around at all of our shocked faces and shrugged. "What? I can be the funny one sometimes."

There couldn't have been a better way to end our arguing if I'd come up with it my own self. Sometimes, this family of mine was just about as perfect as perfect could get.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

With the voices and the music and the clinking of many glasses in happy toasts, it was impossible to hear the waves gently rolling and crashing onto the sand from here. So I just remembered the sound from this morning when it had been only Edward and me on the beach, the sun not quite up in the sky yet. I remembered thinking nothing could be more beautiful than a Hawaiian sunrise, but I wasn't so sure now that I had this moonlit view in front of me.

Back home, the bodies of water were small enough that the moon illuminated all of it, turning them into mirrored surfaces. Here, there was only a path of silvery moonlight between the ebony swatches of water making it seem so exotic. _What was it like to be out there on the water right now? Would you be able to paddle into that light? Or would it always be just beyond your reach?_

Edward's fingers settled over mine at the same time his velvety whisper tickled my ear. "Dance with me."

A smile curled my lips as I looked up at him from under my lashes. He smiled in return, dipping his head down for a small kiss before rising from his chair.

He brought me out onto the makeshift dance floor, wrapping one arm around my waist and cradling our hands against his chest with the other. His eyes were so dark in the orange glow coming from the fiery torches, but vibrant in a way too—like he was so full of excitement sparks might shoot out at any moment. It wasn't surprising with the day we'd had together. Getting up to see the sunrise, fighting about that stupid ceramic figurine he'd bought for Bree, visiting Pearl Harbor, touring the local flea markets together in search of the perfect Bree-esque item, hearing all about Emmett and Rosalie at the oyster farm, and having shaved ice with everyone. And now here we were, enjoying a luau with our family on our last night in Hawaii.

The feel of the wind ruffling my hair and dress pulled me right out of my musings. Before I could lift a hand to stop the purple fabric from sticking to my body, the wind changed direction and was blowing it away again. Goose bumps prickled up and down my arms and I huddled closer to Edward while scolding myself for forgetting to bring a sweater along. Even though I'd expected the night to be cooler like it had been every other night of our trip, I was still a little shocked by the temperature difference.

Of course, one kiss from Edward changed all of that. He started off slow and sensuous, not even parting his lips. He waited until he felt me kissing back to change to open-mouth kisses. Those seemed to go on forever and right when I was about to pull away and fuss at him for teasing me, his tongue slid over mine tasting of pineapple and coconut from his drink. By the time we came up for air, the wind didn't seem half as cold and the goose bumps had disappeared from my arms.

I smiled and bit at my lip as I laid my head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat more than the music playing. The rhythm of the song was so slow that we swayed more than danced and since any excuse to be so close to him was a good one, I was definitely not complaining.

As much as I wanted to focus only on this moment with him, my thoughts wouldn't stop jumping around. For the first time, we were in the same emotional place at the same time and everything about it felt warm and safe somehow. I tried to keep in mind Rose's warning that relationships went through alternating cycles of perfection and upheaval, but it was so hard to believe these feelings would get overshadowed by any other. And with as long as it had taken for us both to reach this point, I didn't want to believe anything could ever eclipse this moment in our lives. But there was something—his summer travels.

Edward promised it wouldn't be bad, Emmett promised Edward wouldn't find anyone else he cared about, and Jasper kept telling me to stop over-thinking and over-analyzing a simple business trip. Problem was I couldn't seem to help myself.

Edward brought his head down to rest against mine and began to softly sing to me.

"_Love me tender,_

_Love me sweet,_

_Never let me go._

_You have my life_

_Complete_

_And I love you so._

_Love me tender,_

_Love me true,_

_All my dreams fulfilled._

_For my darlin', I love you,_

_And I always will._"

My heart was thumping and jumping and probably doing a few back flips. Had he known what I was thinking about and was just trying to ease my fears? Or had he felt the words pertained to us enough to sing them to me? Did it matter as I long as I believed he meant them?

I'd never for a second imagined anything like this—I wasn't sure I could have if I'd tried and I had one hell of an imagination. But this … this was beyond words and explanation. It was just what I felt when I looked at him … thought of him … was held by him. And now that I had it, I only wanted to keep it. Even more, for the first time ever in my life, permanence seemed possible even with that stupid trip looming over us.

"_Love me tender,_

_Love me dear,_

_Tell me you are mine._

_I'll be yours through all_

_The years,_

_Till the end of time._

_Love me tender,_

_Love me true,_

_All my dreams fulfilled._

_For my darlin', I love you,_

_And I always will._"

I squeezed his hand and smiled up at him. "I love you, Edward."

His smile was so damn big and bright that I couldn't do anything but laugh and draw his lips down to mine for a kiss. Being without him after finally having him wasn't going to be easy, but I was going to do it with a smile on my face and nothing but love in my heart. He deserved it and I wanted to do it for him—for both of us. I still had no idea how his whole crazy ninja mind-fuck thing worked, and I found it increasingly hard to care when each new day with him had me loving him a little more than the one before.

* * *

**A/N:** Bet you guys never saw Emmett's "promise" coming! A picture of the ring is up on my website on the WTB page. And that concludes one very amazing trip to Hawaii. Are you guys as jealous as EA and I are that we didn't get invited along? Big huge thanks to NoelleSeven for her help with info on Hawaii. We hope you liked your "snow cone" scene! We certainly enjoyed touring your lovely home vicariously through these characters.


	37. Complications

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, sex, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Complications**

**Chapter Song: "Only You Can Love Me This Way" by Keith Urban**

**NOTE:** We'll be hearing from Edward, Alice, and Bella in this chapter.

**Bella's POV:**

"Say goodbye to Hawaii, E. We may never see her again, but we'll always remember her fondly."

Edward's laugh tickled my skin since he'd been busy kissing along my neck before I'd spoken up.

"We should do something really nice for Emmett when we get home. Something to show him how much we appreciated the trip 'cause it was hands down the best group vacation I've ever been on. And also, it was the best couple vacation too. Actually, the only couple vacation I've ever had."

Edward finally stopped kissing my neck and said, "Just wait until I take you away to the Grand Canyon. Hawaii will fall to a very close second on your list of great vacations by the time I'm done."

"Hang on there, Cullen. The Canyon is supposed to be your graduation gift. How is it a gift to you if you make it about me?"

Edward lightly gripped my shoulders and turned me around to face him. "You still don't get it, do you?"

"Get what?"

"Every second I'm with you is a gift to me."

I opened my mouth to respond only to realize I had nothing. Nada. Zip. Not a single thing in my head that could even come close. So I went with what I knew worked—I told him I loved him and then kissed the hell out of him.

"Okay, when I said to pack, I meant clothing into suitcases. Not your tongue into Edward's mouth." _Ah, sweet Rosalie and her impeccable sense of timing_.

Instead of ignoring her and continuing to kiss me, Edward pulled away and ran for his suitcase.

"Traitor," I yelled at him. "Run away with your tail between your legs. See if I care."

"You'd care if it was between your legs hitting all the right spots," Rose said just loud enough for me to hear.

I pushed her away with both of my hands. "Damn it, Rosalie. You can't come in here demanding good behavior from me and then give me a visual like that. What the hell am I supposed to do now?"

Her laugh was pure evil. "Pack up and ponder what you can do in the privacy of your room back home."

"Do you know how many hours are between now and then?" I practically growled at her.

"Counting flight time, our layover, drive times, and baggage claim … I'd say it's right around eighteen hours."

I stuck my lower lip out at her. "I thought you loved me, Rosalie."

"As you once told me … I do love you. I just also love teasing the shit out of you."

"But I … And you … And I didn't …" I stuttered and stammered to her backside as she walked away laughing.

Edward's laugh came from right behind me. "Bella Swan speechless."

I whirled around and pressed my hands against his chest to move him away from me. "Shut up, Traitor."

"No, seriously, Bella. Had you just kept trying, I'm sure you would have had a stellar comeback for Rosalie."

I smiled as I lifted my left hand, turned it around and dropped every finger but the middle one. And then I did the same with my right hand. "Enjoy it, Cullen. It's the only kind of fucking you'll be getting."

He only laughed and grabbed me by the arms, pulling me against his chest. "You're pretty cute when you're angry."

"This isn't angry. This is perturbed. You don't want to see angry."

His lips pulled up to the left in a smile. "How about loving? Can I see that?"

I tried not to smile back, but it was like trying not to squint in the sun—it just wasn't possible. "You really need to stop with the ninja mind-fuck, E. You're going to irreparably harm my poor brain cells."

"Make you a deal. You forgive me for being a 'traitor', as you put it, and I'll show you just how sorry I am tonight. Rose and Emmett are supposed to be heading to Forks and I overheard Alice and Jasper talking about visiting his friends Peter and Charlotte. We'll have the apartment all to ourselves."

"Whether they really leave the apartment or not, I'm holding you to do this deal, Cullen."

"I look forward to it, Swan," he said with that damn irresistible smile of his. Bree and Rose had been so right on our girls' night out … I had it bad for Edward Cullen.

And I couldn't have been happier.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

"How much longer?" Bella's question was muffled by her face being pressed into my arm. She'd started feeling badly about halfway between Hawaii and Houston from all the turbulence we'd had during the flight. If she could feel so rough when she was normally fine, then I hated to think how Emmett and I would be feeling right then if either of us had forgotten to take our motion sickness pills before the flight.

I rubbed her back in an effort to soothe her while pressing a kiss to her hair. "Just a couple more hours and then this layover will be over and we'll be on our way home to Portland. You can crawl into your own bed and get some real rest."

She gave a little groan. "Bed. Sleep. That sounds so nice. Are you still planning to stay with me?"

"Absolutely. I'll see my parents soon enough when I make my first trip to Seattle," I assured her. Emmett and Rosalie had invited me to go home to Forks with them, but I'd chosen to stay with Bella instead even though she was scheduled to work much of the weekend.

"Your Seattle trip … Leaving Friday night and coming back Sunday morning, right?"

"Exactly right. You'll be at work and won't even miss me."

She snorted at my comment but didn't say anything. Instead she sighed and lifted her head from my arm. She looked so pale and tired and I hated that I couldn't make it better for her.

"Do you need anything, Bella?"

"I think I want some water."

"Okay. I'll go get it for you."

"I'll come with you. Maybe stretching my legs will help."

I stood up and then helped her onto her feet, noticing she was a little unsteady at first. Once she had her balance, she gave me a tired smile and then turned her attention toward my sister.

"Ali, we're going to get me some water. Do you want anything?" she asked.

"No, thanks. I'm good," Alice replied, reaching out and gripping Bella's hand. "Are you sure you don't want to just stay seated?"

"I think walking might help. At the very least, it'll wake me up some," Bella told her.

"Edward, keep an eye on her," Rose instructed. "She gets wobbly when she doesn't feel well."

"Bite me," Bella replied. But her usual smile and laughing tone weren't in it, proving beyond a doubt that she was not feeling like herself this morning.

I took her hand into mine and we headed off toward the stores in our section of the airport. "Do you think you might want to try to eat something too?" I asked.

Bella grimaced and wrapped her arm around her waist. "No."

I let go of her hand to press the back of mine to her forehead, checking once again for any sign of fever. Just like the other four times, her forehead was clammy but not warm to the touch. "No fever. It could be low blood sugar. Eating might help that."

She gave another grimace. "I don't know. Maybe a piece of fruit or something. It's just when I try to imagine anything I normally like to eat, I feel like I'm going to puke."

"Then we'll start with water and see if you keep that down. It could be dehydration, though I know you were careful to drink plenty of water while we were in Hawaii."

"Don't worry about me, Edward. It's probably just a plain old case of air sickness from all the bouncing around the damn plane did on the way here."

I laughed quietly while pulling her closer to me. "Bella, you telling me not to worry about you is about as possible as stopping myself from breathing."

"Em and I spent a whole night competing to see who could hold their breath the longest. He won but I still say it's only because his chest is twice the size of mine and has a larger storage area for air."

"Did you compete against Alice to prove your theory right?"

"Nah. She didn't want to play. She was busy watching one of her chick flicks with Rosalie and Bree. I forget where Jasper was that night 'cause I know he would have played if he'd been around." Bella suddenly stopped walking and grabbed my arm tightly.

"Bella?"

"Give me a second. I got dizzy."

"You need to sit," I said as I wrapped an arm around her waist. I led her over to a nearby bench and made sure she sat down. "There's a store right over there so I'll just run in and grab a water and then take you back to our seats. Just sit here and try to relax."

She tried for a moment to smile, but then just gave up and slumped against the back of the bench. "Being sick sucks ass," she grumbled.

"I know, Angel. I'll get you some water and you'll start feeling better in no time." I kissed her cheek and then left to get her water. With the early hour I hoped there wouldn't be many customers and I'd be able to get back to Bella quickly.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

I tried to smile for Edward as he walked off, but it wasn't going to happen this morning. If this was really how air sickness felt, I couldn't understand how he'd been able to take this shit in silence on the flight to Hawaii. My stomach was rolling and cramping like it wanted food and I was just stubbornly denying it. But then when I tried to think of something to eat, it rolled the other way and wanted no part of it. And my head! My friggen head was pounding harder than the bass beat of a Beastie Boys song.

A new wave of nausea crashed over me and I closed my eyes again while trying to breathe slowly through my mouth. For a second, it seemed to be working. And then it got so much worse that I found myself leaping off the bench and running toward the bathroom we'd passed just a few feet back.

_Awesome, awesome start to the day_, I thought to myself. My tone in my head was bitterly sarcastic and I just hoped I hadn't been using it out loud with my family. The only nice thing I could think at that moment was I was thankful my hair was so short. If I did end up blowing chunks I wouldn't have to worry about picking them out of my hair after.

I stumbled into the heavy bathroom door more than opened it, but I didn't really care so long as I got inside. I headed for the handicap stall knowing I would need the room to kneel properly and aim for the center of the almighty porcelain throne. I was in such a hurry to get there and keep from puking on the floor and myself that I didn't even stop long enough to draw the bolt on the stall door.

I assumed the proper position in front of the porcelain—on my knees with my arms resting on the seat and ready to support my head if the upchucking turned violent. I closed my eyes and tried again to breathe slowly and stave off regurgitating my stomach contents. I maybe got in four or five even inhales and exhales and then I was bending over the bowl wracked with nasty dry heaves clenching my stomach muscles and tightening my throat.

Thankfully, the dry heaves didn't last long. But I was no fool and knew so much better than to move an inch at a critical time like this. There was a set of rules to puking and one of those rules clearly stated if an up-chucker moved away from the porcelain, then puking would immediately commence and clothing would be ruined. Yeah, some days I was positive I'd learned a little too much about the darker side of life.

While I waited to see what horrors my upset stomach had in store for me, I reached down to rub at my sore left knee, having banged it against the base of the toilet in my quest to quickly kneel. My hand found wetness and I gave out a grown, praying like I hell I hadn't just knelt in someone's piss. I refused to think of the many worse things I could be kneeling in while in an airport bathroom.

I looked down at my hand while pulling my palm away from my black yoga pants. I knew what it was I saw there but I didn't understand how it had gotten there. I lifted my knee up to see if it was on the floor only to find the floor clean and a thick line on my pants darker than the rest of the fabric. That same line ran down my opposite thigh.

_I will not panic. I will not panic. I will not panic. I will_—I gave up on my mantra, knowing I could repeat it a thousand times and never listen to it. There were more important things, like wiping my palm off and getting my phone out of my pocket. But then I decided I should get off the floor while I could and then once I was safely seated on the toilet I could call for help.

I braced my arms along the front of the toilet seat and slowly lifted my weight from my knees, shifting it onto my feet. I had just enough time to think "so far, so good" and then my legs gave out.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Alice's POV:**

"No, shift it to the left more," Rosalie demanded. "I can't see with the glare from the lights."

"You don't even need to see," I argued. "You took these pictures."

"I know I took them but I haven't gotten to see how they came out."

I rolled my eyes at her out of annoyance. When I'd brought up the idea of looking through the pictures earlier, she'd been too tired. Now that she was awake, she wanted nothing more than to look through them.

"Then move over here to Bella's seat so I don't have to contort my arms just to meet your viewing satisfaction," I told her.

"Oh, fine," she grumbled. She stood and set her purse down in her chair before moving towards Bella's seat.

I vaguely remembered having set my empty cup down after Bella had left so I put the camera down to grab the cup and clear the seat for Rose.

But Rose already had the cup in her hand and was looking at it oddly. "Alice, did you spill some of your drink in Bella's seat?" she asked.

"No. There was nothing left in it to spill."

"I really wish you had said yes."

I didn't like her tone or the look on her face. "Why Rose?"

She titled the cup and showed me the bottom of it. "Because I'm pretty sure this is blood and that it came from Bella."

I didn't speak. I didn't even really think. I just reacted. I grabbed Bella's purse from under her chair and took off in the direction I'd seen her heading with Edward. I wanted to tell myself there was nothing to worry about and that Bella had simply gotten her period without realizing it. But I knew better. She always knew when it came because it always came with those cramps that made it hard for her to move. All she'd had today was an upset stomach causing her more discomfort than pain which could only mean this wasn't her period. This was something else. Something bad.

"Alice, wait up!" Rose yelled out from behind me.

I didn't slow down for her but I did answer her. "I've got to find Bella."

"We will find her," she said as she caught up to me. "But this will go faster if we just stop and call Edward. He can tell us right where they are."

Rosalie's idea made sense to me even in my panicked state. I stopped and pulled out my phone, hitting my brother's speed dial number. I couldn't help myself from tapping my foot against the floor while waiting for him to pick up.

"What?" he barked into the phone.

"Where's Bella?"

"That's what I'm trying to find out. Get off the phone, Alice."

I pointed ahead of me and started walking that way with Rose quickly falling in step beside me. "Edward, tell me where you are first."

"Alice, I don't have—"

"Now, Edward! Tell me now! Wherever she is, she's bleeding. Tell me where you are so I can help you find her faster."

"We went to the end of the concourse and then took a right. She got dizzy so I had her sit down while I went to get her water. Alice, I was only gone for a minute and now she's not here. She's not answering her phone either."

His voice started to echo just before Rose and I rounded the corner. We nearly ran right into him since he was running towards us at the same time we were power walking toward him.

"Did you call her phone?" I asked as I closed my own.

"Three times and three times went to voicemail," he replied. "What do you mean she's bleeding?"

"I went to sit in her seat and found blood in it," Rose explained. "It wasn't a massive amount, but it's still not good."

"Her cycle?" he asked.

I really wanted to tell him it was, but I didn't have it in me to lie. "I don't think so. It's never come without the severe cramping for as long as I've known her."

"Call her phone again," Rose suggested. "With all three of us listening, maybe we can hear it ringing."

"But where would she even go if she didn't head back toward you guys?" Edward asked.

"Maybe she realized something was wrong," I said, hoping it was true.

Rose lifted up on her toes to look down the concourse. "Is there a bathroom near here?"

"Just before the turn," Edward said, already starting to walk that way. He pressed a button on his phone as he walked and then brought it up to his ear.

As soon as Rose pushed the bathroom door open, we could hear the ring of Bella's phone coming from inside.

Edward moved to push past me, but I grabbed his arm. "It's a female bathroom, Edward."

He looked down at me with something like anger in his eyes, only darker and more dangerous. "If you think a sign on a door is going to stop me, you don't know me at all." He roughly jerked his arm out of my hand and ran into the bathroom with Rose and me following right after him.

We didn't have to search for Bella. The door to the handicap stall was partially open and we could see her shoes and part of her legs. Edward rushed through the door and sent it flying into the wall behind it with a loud crash—it wasn't loud enough to even begin to cover up the sound of him screaming her name.

Rose caught the door as it swung back toward us and held it open with her body while I slipped in front of her and into the stall. There was a huge, angry purple knot on Bella's forehead above her left eye. I could see in Edward's face how much he wanted to pick her up and hold her and wondered how he possibly had the self control not to do it. Instead, he just lightly rested his hand on her back while telling her things like "you're okay" and "it's going to be alright".

I could vaguely hear Rosalie behind me on her phone telling someone we needed medical help. I wanted to do something for Bella but I just kept staring at her pants while trying to pretend there weren't any dark spots on them and that I didn't know it was caused by her blood soaking into the fabric.

It wasn't until Bella was being loaded into the ambulance that I found my voice. I also found myself in an argument with my brother. "What do you mean follow you? I'm going with Bella," I told him. "I'm always with her when she has to go to the hospital for anything."

"That was before, Alice. Now I'm going with her. You can ride with Jasper and the others to the hospital."

"No, you can't just decide this for us," I argued.

"I'm not arguing with you about this."

"You're right. You're not. You're moving out of my way."

His eyes flashed with that same anger I'd seen when I'd stopped him from going into the bathroom. "So fucking help me, Alice—"

"Look, we have to go right _now_. One of you get in here or this girl is going alone," the paramedic ordered.

Edward turned his back on me and climbed into the ambulance. "I'll see you at the hospital," he called out just as the doors shut.

I was so stunned I just stood there and stared until I couldn't hear the sounds of the sirens any longer.

Jasper called my name softly while pulling me into his arms. "Emmett and Rosalie are on their way out with our luggage, and I have a van waiting. We'll drop everything at a hotel and then head to the hospital. In the meantime, Bella's in good hands and Edward will call us if anything at all happens."

"That should be me in that ambulance with her, Jasper. I'm _always_ with her."

"This time, Edward is with her. And he'll take good care of her. You know that. For right now, why don't you help me make some calls and find us a place to check into? We can't take all of our things into the hospital and we certainly can't leave them here."

I nodded in agreement even though it was the last thing I wanted to be doing. I wanted to be with Bella, making sure she was alright and had everything she needed. It had been my job from the start to take care of her when she needed it. It was both an honor and a privilege to be trusted by her that much and I worried she would be upset if she woke without me thinking I didn't want to be there for her anymore.

"Come on, Ali," Jasper coaxed. "Bella's going to be fine and when she's released, she's going to need a place to rest. Let's find her that place."

This time, I really was in agreement with Jasper. I gave him a smile as I took the phone he was offering me. I would get to her as soon as I could and explain all about Edward and his refusal to let me go with her. In the meantime, I would find the perfect place for her to get some rest and recuperate from this crazy morning.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

Bella was restless in her sleep, most likely because it was drug-induced and not a natural one. On the ride to the hospital, she'd woken up but it had only been to roll over and empty her stomach out on the ambulance floor. Whatever medicine they'd given her to stop the vomiting had knocked her out, leaving me to answer the doctor's questions in the emergency room.

With all of our late night talks about everything big and small, I was able to answer the doctor's biggest questions, like what medicines Bella was taking, which ones she was allergic to, and if she'd been in the hospital before. I'd explained all about Bella's condition as well as the why and when of her last hospital stay because of it. I'd also given them the name and number of Bella's doctor in Portland.

That had been almost two hours ago and I was still waiting for someone to tell me exactly what was wrong with Bella. They'd taken her for a CT scan for her head and an ultrasound for the bleeding, as well as drawn a couple vials of her blood. Now they just needed to come in here and tell me what was wrong with her.

My phone beeped with yet another text from my sister. I picked it up from the bed and flipped it open to see what her latest message had to say.

_On our way up to her room. Any news?_

I didn't bother replying since she was sure to burst into the room any moment now. Plus, I'd already told her four times she would know something as soon as I knew it.

Bella stirred again, this time kicking her covers away before curling into a ball and shifting her head from the pillow onto my arm. I reached out with my free hand and gently brushed the small hairs from her face and forehead. She hadn't been running a fever before but she was definitely running one now and sweating from it. I would have left her alone if we weren't about to have company, but since we were I had to at least pull the bed sheet up to her waist.

Just as I'd expected, Alice's arrival into Bella's room was loud and distracting. "How is she? Does she need anything? What does the doctor say?"

I did my best not to yell for Bella's sake. "Alice, I know you aren't blind. I know you can see she's asleep so quiet down."

My sister gave a nod. And then she went insane and attempted to get into the bed with Bella.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I asked, unable to keep from yelling this time. "Can't you see she's miserable enough? Get off her bed right now, Alice."

"Edward, you need to calm down," Jasper said.

"Jasper, get her off the bed or I'll do it," I warned him.

"Edward, you don't understand. I've been in the hospital with her before and she doesn't like waking up alone," Alice explained.

Only I didn't really care what her reasoning was for it. "Alice, she's got a fever and she's uncomfortable enough. Having your body heat next to her is not going to help. You're here in the room with her so she's definitely not going to be waking up alone."

"Both of you stop it," Rosalie ordered. She bent over Bella and kissed her cheek then whispered something I couldn't hear into her ear.

"What do you know?" Emmett asked, rubbing his hand up and down Bella's back.

"Not much of anything," I replied. "She started throwing up in the ambulance and the meds they gave her to stop it knocked her out. They ran some tests but so far none of the results have come back."

Bella grimaced and groaned in her sleep while rolling away from Emmett's touch. I thought about giving Alice an "I told you so" but was distracted by Bella's mumbling. We all listened silently and I had the feeling we were all hoping for her to wake up and talk to us so we could know she was okay.

"Sounds like she's saying noise, but I don't know," Rose said with a shake of her head.

"It's not noise," Alice all but whispered. "It's the word 'no' and part of a second word. It's what she always says when she's checked into the hospital for female stuff."

When Alice didn't say anything more, Emmett spoke up. "Is it some big secret or can you let us know what she's saying?"

Alice shook her head. "I'm not sure. I think it's still a big secret to her." My sister focused her watery green eyes on me. "Do you know what she makes them write on her chart?"

"No," I admitted. "Tell us, Alice. I'll take whatever anger Bella has over it onto myself," I pledged. In all honesty, I didn't think Bella would be angry—maybe a little embarrassed, but I was certain her days of angrily blocking things out were behind her.

Alice sighed and for a moment, she seemed like she would refuse. But then she came and sat on the arm of my chair, putting her hand over the one Bella had resting on my arm. "Her mumbling … no hiss. It kind of does sound like noise. But it's no hysterectomy. She doesn't really believe she has a chance of ever having a child of her own, but as long as she has all the parts, there's still some sliver of hope. She can't let go of that hope and she won't let the doctors take it from her. Not if there's another way to handle whatever problem has come up. So she always makes them write it on her chart to make sure it's only done to save her from imminent death."

I sighed and pressed my forehead against my angel's warm one. "Bella." Her name was the only word I could get past my numb lips, though in my head I had a thousand ways I wanted to apologize for every bad thing that had ever befallen her and just as many promises of every way I would make life better for her.

The sound of her room door opening had us all looking up. It was the female doctor I'd given all of Bella's information to earlier. She gave us all a smile and I latched onto that expression, assuring myself no bad news had ever been delivered behind a smile like that one.

"Guys this is Bella's doctor. Doctor Randall," I introduced.

"Has she woken yet?" Dr. Randall asked.

I shook my head. "No. And she's feverish now and sweating."

"We've already started her on antibiotics so the fever is nothing to worry about."

"Do you know what's wrong?" Alice asked before I could.

The doctor looked to me for permission and I nodded to her. I'd had to lie and tell the staff I was engaged to Bella so they would talk to me and let me stay with her. I wondered how Alice had managed it over the years.

"It's okay. You can tell me anything," Alice said as she dug through her massive purse. "I have a power of attorney in here somewhere for times like this. Bella had it drawn up and notarized so it's totally legal."

"You don't need to find it," Dr. Randall assured her. "As her fiancé, Edward has the legal ability to make her decisions, including who I disclose her condition to."

Alice, Jasper, Emmet, and Rosalie all turned toward me; three were grinning and one was glaring. What had my sister thought I would do? Just stand around in a waiting room and be told nothing because I wasn't legally considered family? I knew Bella considered me part of her family and that had been good enough for me. Besides, it wasn't really a lie since it would happen some day. Of the many amazing things to come out of our trip to Hawaii, one was definitely the knowledge Bella liked the idea of being my wife someday.

I forced my mind to stop fantasizing about the future and focus on Bella's doctor right here and now. "What's going on with Bella?"

"We believe the heavy flow of her cycle caused part of the endometrial lining to bleed and tear away. That's something that can and does happen with patients who suffer from Bella's type of endometriosis. As painful as this is for Bella, she's in no danger from it. Our concern is that during the painful process one of the cysts noted in her last exam may have ruptured. If that's happened, fluid could be leaking into her abdominal cavity and that could be the cause of her fever."

"What do you have to do to find out if a cyst has ruptured?"

"I'll be doing a transvaginal ultrasound on her."

"Will it hurt her?"

"Not at all. She'll only feel some pressure and might not even wake up. Between the anti-nausea and pain medication we've given her, she probably won't. Two of you can stay, but the rest have to clear out to make room for my nurses and the ultrasound gear."

"I'm staying," Alice said at the same time I did.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

_Fuck, my head hurts. No, my stomach. My stomach is definitely worse. But my head is a really close second. It's never good to feel and hear your heart beating in your head. Did Emmett convince me to do Grey Goose and Red Bull? Fuck! That's probably it. Bella, you stupid ass. Forget fault for now, Bells. Just focus on relaxing before you end up puking._ From the way my tongue felt hairy and swollen, I had the feeling I'd already thrown up a time or two.

"I think she's waking up." There was no mistaking Alice's voice. I just wished there was a volume knob for it.

"Angel, are you awake?" Edward's voice was much softer and easier to take.

After some struggling, I managed to pop my tired eyes open. "I am officially never touching Grey Goose and Red Bull again."

Edward chuckled and pressed his lips to my forehead. For some reason, they felt like ice on my skin and I shivered. "Are you ready to be covered?" he asked, using that same soft tone.

I thought about it for a moment and decided I was more hot than cold. "Not the blanket. Just the bed sheet."

Edward stood to pull the sheet over me and I stared at the chair he'd been sitting in, trying to figure out why it was bothering me. I felt like I was right on the edge of discovery when Alice slipped into the chair and blocked it from my view.

"How do you feel?" she asked. She had a big smile on her lips but her eyes didn't match it.

Since my brain was still too foggy for deciphering looks, I focused on answering her question instead. "My stomach feels like an alien is about to pop out of it and my head is nothing but pain. Other than that, though, I'm good."

Alice giggled as she wrapped her fingers around mine. "You always try to play it off as no big deal."

"Why wouldn't I? A hangover is all my fault."

Her smile faltered. "Bella, sweetie, you don't have a hangover. You're in the hospital."

I stiffened and immediately regretted it. I also had to close my eyes and breathe through my nose until the wave of pain and nausea passed. Edward rubbing my back and talking softly to me also helped.

As soon as I could, I fixed my eyes on Alice and went after some answers. "What happened to land me in the hospital this time?"

Alice's lips couldn't decide if they wanted to pull up in a smile or down in a frown. They finally settled on a neutral line which directly contradicted the tight skin at the corners of her eyes; she was freaked the hell out and now so was I.

"All you need to know is that you're going to be fine," she said.

I started to shake my head but quickly regretted it. I wanted to hold it in my hands but was afraid it would make the pain worse.

"Oh, Bella," Alice said softly as she stroked my hand.

"Bella, relax," Edward cooed from behind me as he rubbed my back.

"Why? What's going on?" I asked. I wished I could roll over and look at him, but I didn't have the energy. I wasn't even sure I was going to be able to lift my head over a bedpan if my stomach decided to let loose.

"It's nothing to worry over," Alice assured me. "Remember how you didn't feel well after your first semester? You went to the hospital then too."

"But I didn't feel like this. My head wasn't killing me and my stomach wasn't so upset. I had unbelievable cramping, but not this kind of sick."

"It's okay, Bella. Your cycle is just a little worse than normal."

I was trying really, really hard to stay calm, but Alice wasn't helping the situation. If she wouldn't tell me what was going on then it could only mean it was something really big and really bad. _Oh, God! What if they did it? What if they finally did it? Just ignored what I wanted and put me into surgery?_

I tried to roll onto my back so I could move the covers and check for bandages, but I could barely move my arms at all.

"Bella, stop," Edward pleaded, gently putting his hands over my arms. "You're going to make the pain worse by moving around so much and then you'll start to throw up again."

I wanted to argue with him. I wanted to explain how vitally important it was to check my stomach and make sure I was still whole—or at least as much as I had been up to today. I even wanted to tell him all the things I feared. Instead, all I did was let my tears loose.

Through watery eyes I saw him sit on the bed and bend over me, wrapping his arms around my back in a gentle embrace. I needed more than that, though; my hands fisted around the fabric of his shirt and forced him closer.

"Bella, please try to calm down, Angel. You'll make yourself sick and start throwing up again. I promise everything is really, truly alright."

"It's only a small stay in the hospital, Bella," Alice assured me. "You'll be out of here in no time. There's no reason at all to be worried or upset."

I tried hard to speak calmly but the words still came out in garbled sobs. "What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing's wrong," she answered. "Just a little out of whack, but it'll be alright."

"What does that even mean?" I asked, starting to cry harder again.

"Nothing, Angel," Edward promised as he softly stroked my hair with his hand. "I know you're scared but I promise you don't have to be. The only thing you should be focusing on right now is relaxing and resting. And once you calm down, I'll tell you everything the doctor's told me so far."

"Edward, you can't—"

He not only cut off Alice, he gave her an order. "Alice, go somewhere."

"But I—"

"Did you not fucking hear me? Go somewhere. For once in your damn life, listen to me without arguing."

"Don't you dare—"

"Move your ass out of this room _now_, or I will do it for you."

I finally managed to get myself under enough control to speak up. "Edward, don't be mean to her. She's scared too."

He brought his eyes down to mine and made a mostly useless attempt at wiping my tears away with the pads of his thumbs. "I'm not going to let her upset you."

"She doesn't mean it. Please don't be mad with her. For me."

He let out a sigh and gave a reluctant nod of his head.

"Make up with her."

The indignant look he gave me would have been funny if I hadn't been scared out of my mind with my head and stomach vying for the title of most painful body part.

"Please, Edward. Please do it for me." I knew exactly how he reacted to hearing me plead for anything and it was exactly why I'd done it—I needed them both here with me, not fighting with each other.

His face immediately lost all signs of annoyance and his eyes took on that soft shine I'd come to love so much. "For you, Angel."

I knew I was pushing my luck, and being a little selfish, but I couldn't feel guilty for what I needed most right then. "Give her a hug, please."

He gave me a tender smile and a very soft kiss to the temple before getting up from the bed and going to his sister. "I shouldn't have cursed at you, no matter how aggravating you can be. I'm sorry," he said as he hugged her tightly.

Alice sniffled loudly. "I just want to help Bella."

"I know, Ali. But you're going about it the wrong way. You're upsetting her by not answering her questions."

As crappy as I felt, I knew I needed to ignore it for now and focus on Alice and Edward. Alice just wanted to feel like she was taking care of me, but Edward … Edward needed reassurance. He'd sounded angry before but I knew from the way his eyes were trained solely on me that his mood was coming from fear. I almost laughed at the fact I was suddenly more concerned with Edward than with finding out what was wrong with me. But none of this was funny so I didn't.

"Alice, would you do me a favor?" I called out.

She was at my bedside in an instant, smiling and wiping away her few tears. "Anything. What do you need?"

"An ice cold bottle of strawberry flavored water, the latest issue of _Vogue_, and a pack of breath mints. Make sure it's spearmint flavor. And a book. Something so horribly cheesy that I can't help but laugh at it."

"You've got it, Bells. Is there anything else you want? Anything at all?"

"Just one. Forgive Edward."

She smiled and softly pressed her lips to my cheek. "I already have."

"That's my Ali girl," I said as I squeezed her fingers in thanks.

She assured me two or three time she'd be right back, gave Edward another hug, and then left the room. She was barely gone more than a few seconds when her little head popped back into the room. "What if they don't have a _Vogue_?"

I chuckled at her and was very glad it only hurt a little. "Then don't worry about it."

"Are you sure? I can find a store that has one."

"Ali, just get the rest of the stuff please," I told her.

"Right. Love you!" She blew me a kiss and then disappeared.

I stared at the closed door, smiling over having the greatest best friend in the whole damn world. It wasn't until Edward's hand settled over my arm that I turned my eyes his way.

"Hi," I said, giving him the best smile I could at the moment.

"Hi, Angel. How are you feeling?"

"Like a dinosaur sized pile of crap."

He chuckled and leaned over me, kissing my cheek so softly it tickled. "I love you."

"I love you, too." I waited for him to sit down before starting to interrogate him. "What were you thinking being mean to Alice that way?"

He gave a shy smile and ran his free hand through his already messier than normal hair. "I wasn't thinking."

"Yeah, that much was obvious."

"I'm sorry. I'm just … I'm worried about you."

"I'm sure you are, but you have to remember she's just as worried."

"I know. She's just …" He forced his lips to form a smile; his real smile touched his eyes and this one didn't. "I promise I'll try harder to be patient with her."

"Thank you," I said as I pressed my hand to his cheek. I hated being the cause of his sadness, especially after the great time we'd just had in Hawaii with everyone. We should be unpacking our clothes and reminiscing about the trip. And he should be happy and relaxed instead of full of fear.

Edward pulled my hand from his cheek just to kiss my palm and then put it right back. "I'm so glad you're awake. And Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie will be happy to hear it too."

"Where are they?" I asked.

"At a hotel nearby. You've been sleeping most of the day so they all decided to go get some food and rest. As soon as I call and tell them you're up, they'll be here."

I frowned at that knowledge, hating that I was messing up everyone's plans. We were supposed to be long gone from Houston and back in Portland. But thinking about home just led me to thinking once again that my reason for being in the hospital had to be big and bad.

I made sure I looked right into Edward's eyes so he would know I was serious; and also so I would know he wasn't editing anything. "Tell me what's going on."

"Well, you can expect to have your head hurting for the rest of today and possibly even tomorrow. You fell in the bathroom and banged your head up. You've got a pretty nasty bruise above your left eye."

"How did I fall?"

"We were hoping you could tell us."

I took a moment to think back to the morning and pull up every memory I had of it no matter how hazy. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't recall hitting my head. "The last thing I really remember is going to the bathroom to throw up. I can remember kneeling down, but that's pretty much it."

"Maybe you'll remember when your head doesn't hurt as much."

I gave the best shrug I could while laying down. "Doesn't matter. A head injury wouldn't have you and Alice upset enough to be at each other's throats. What's my real problem?"

"Bella, we weren't arguing because of your condition. We were arguing because Alice wants to control everything to do with you and I wouldn't step aside and let her. She didn't want me going into the bathroom to check on you, she tried to keep me from riding to the hospital with you, and just a little while ago, she attempted to tell me what I can and can't say to you."

I was shocked to find myself suddenly smiling. "You guys were fighting over me."

Edward let out a chuckle—it was probably one of those relief laughs from being in a stressful situation but I still enjoyed the sound of it. "You seem pretty happy about that," he said.

"Well, yeah. I've never had that before. It feels kind of nice."

"I'm glad we can make you feel better, even if we're going about it rather immaturely."

"I don't really want you guys fighting over me, you know?"

"I do know. And I'll work harder to keep my temper with Alice."

"Good. Now tell me why I'm in this place."

"There's still one batch of test results they're running. As of right now, they know you had part of your endometrial lining bleed and tear away. The doctor thinks the heavy flow of your cycle caused it. She was concerned you might have also had a cyst rupture, but the ultrasound didn't show any fluid in your abdomen. You're still running a fever, though, so she's checking you for infections."

"Jeebus. Anything else wrong with me?"

"Let's hope not." He kissed the back of the hand he'd been holding and lifted his eyes up to mine. "Has this ever happened to you before?"

"Not like this. Years ago I had some lining tear away, but it must have been really small compared to today. And that time, I'd hardly felt the pain over my cramping. I'd only known something odd was happening because of the extra bleeding. I didn't even get checked into the hospital that time. But today there wasn't any cramping. I mean there was, but it only felt like an upset stomach. And I've never felt dizzy. I can remember feeling dizzy when we went to get water."

"Maybe that's coming from whatever is causing your infection."

I nodded while covering my mouth and yawning into my hand. "Maybe."

Edward gave me a small smile and rubbed my arm lightly. "We've already tired you out. Why don't you try to sleep a little more?"

"I thought that's all I've been doing."

His smile widened just a little. "After the day you've have, you're entitled."

"You'll stick around?"

"I'm not leaving without you," he promised.

I pulled our joined hands close and rested my cheek against his skin. "You can have your hand back after I fall asleep."

"I love you, Bella."

"Love you too, E," I managed to get out through a loud yawn.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

Waking up was turning out to be a really slow process and so far the only parts working were my ears. Jasper's soothing voice was coming from somewhere very close by and I focused on his cadence while trying to get out of my stupor.

"I really want to stay. But then there's the interview. It's been scheduled for over a month and if I cancel, I may not get another. But then I really want to stay." Poor guy's thoughts were running in a circle and I was the cause of it.

"She'll understand, Jasper," Edward assured him.

Emmett snorted. "Hell, Jazz, I don't know what you're stressing for, man. She'll order your ass out of here and you know it."

"Just like she'll do to me when she finds out about my grandparents being in Forks," Rose added. "She knows I only get to see them a couple times a year."

I wanted to nod my head in agreement. Hell, I wanted to agree vocally and tell them all to get their asses to the airport right now. I'd already screwed up their plans enough with my little hospital detour. But I wasn't awake enough to tell them any of that yet; I could only lay there and listen.

"Don't worry about it, you guys. We'll keep you all informed and with any luck, we'll be out of here tomorrow," Alice said, sounding much cheerier than she had earlier.

"We?" Edward asked.

"Yes. We," Alice replied.

"Don't you want to go home with Jasper?"

"My place is here with Bella."

"Alice—"

"Don't even, Edward Anthony."

"Alice, just listen to me for a second," he pleaded. I was so proud of him for not raising his voice to her like he had earlier.

"Hear him out, Alice. It's only fair," Jasper said.

She gave out a sigh and then a rough "fine".

"Ali, I know you love Bella. I know you want to take care of her and make sure she has everything she could possibly need. But don't you think what she needs most is to trust _me_ to take care of her?"

"She does trust you, Edward. And she'll trust you whether I'm here or not."

"I don't believe that. If you stay, you're telling her you don't trust me to care for her when she's hurt."

"Oh, that's a load of horse manure and you know it," Alice argued.

"No, it's not," Edward insisted, still keeping his voice calm. "She looks to you to be sure of who to trust and you know it. If you stay, then you're showing her you don't trust me when it comes to her medical problems. She already worries so much that it'll be the thing to divide us. Alice, if I stay, if I'm the one taking care of her, then she'll see with her own eyes that the medical stuff doesn't matter to me. She'll see it and she'll finally believe it."

"This is … this is …" She stopped speaking and huffed instead.

"Be honest, Ali. How many times have you said all you wanted for Bella was to find a guy who would treat her as good as Jasper treats you? A guy who would accept all of her, good and bad?" Rose asked.

"For once, I've gotta agree with Ed," Emmett announced. "He needs to be the one to stay. Seeing is believing with Bells. You know that better than anyone, Alice."

The room suddenly got quiet and it seemed like everyone was waiting on Alice to say something. I knew I damn sure was—I was also highly annoyed at not being able to get my mouth to work. While I appreciated everyone trying to look out for me, I didn't think there was a reason both Alice and Edward couldn't stay. I understood Edward was concerned about my believing him, but one time hanging by my side in the hospital wasn't going to make or break my trust in him. Whether or not he could truly accept my condition was something we would only find out if he ever decided he wanted to be a parent. Right now, that choice wasn't on the table so he couldn't realistically be sure of how he felt about it.

Jasper broke the silence. "Alice, think about if it was me in that bed. Would you be happy with Rosalie staying and hovering over you while you took care of me?"

Alice answered almost immediately. "No, I wouldn't. I know she loves you, but in my heart, it's _my_ job to take care of you. So as much as I don't want to leave, I want what's best for Bella more. I don't want her feeling like she has to choose between us, Edward. And I definitely want her to believe completely that her condition has no bearing at all on your relationship with her."

"Thank you, Alice." It was easy to hear in his tone how much Edward meant those words.

"Just know that if you ignore my calls, I'll make you regret it when you get home," Alice warned him. "And you better make sure she's comfortable and has everything she wants at all times."

"Yes, Ma'am," Edward replied with a little laugh. "I would hate to incur your wrath."

Emmett barked out a much louder laugh. "Ed, if you fuck this up, you won't have to worry about Ali's wrath."

Since my mouth had finally decided to listen to my brain and it seemed Alice and Edward had things worked out—and I knew it was pointless to say anything to Emmett—I decided not to comment on what I'd heard. I also decided teasing Emmett would be a good way to distract everyone. "Could you be any louder, Sasquatch?"

They all seemed to move at once and they definitely all talked at the same time, making it hard to focus on any one face or sentence in my loopy state.

"Yeah, heavily medicated person here with a short attention span," I told them. "You guys might want to try that again and one at a time."

"Hello, Darlin'," Jasper drawled as he leaned over and kissed my cheek. "How are they treating you here?"

"I'm having a much better experience with Texans than Em did," I told him. I was happy to see my comment had them all laughing.

"I got everything you asked for earlier," Alice chirped as she plopped her little self onto the bed, sitting near my hip. "What would you like first?"

"First, I'd like somebody to work the controls on this bed and sit me up some. Then, my breath mints. I don't want to scorch any nasal hairs with my puke breath while talking to you guys."

Edward reached past my head for the remote and a few seconds later, I was comfortably sitting up yet still reclined. "How's that?" he asked.

"Perfect." I wiggled my hand at him and smiled when he took the hint and wrapped his fingers around mine. I couldn't really pull him to me but he got the idea and brought his ear to my lips. "Thank you. I know it was hard to keep your temper with Alice and I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. Or even how much I appreciate you."

He turned his head and had a real smile on his lips as he placed a soft kiss on mine. "You're welcome."

Alice took up her spot on the bed again and practically shoved Edward out of the way to pass me the box of mints she'd picked up for me. "Spearmint as requested."

"Thank you most awesome best friend ever," I told her, getting her to smile. I also squeezed Edward's fingers to let him know once more how much I appreciated his effort to stay calm with his sister.

I also popped a couple of mints into my mouth and secured them against my cheeks before addressing my family. "I appreciate all of you for sticking around Houston just for me. But I know you guys have stuff planned for tomorrow and Sunday and I don't want any of you missing out because of me."

"Don't feel guilty, Bella," Rose said as she set her hand on my leg. "You didn't _make_ this happen."

"And look at the bright side … I'm no longer the only one who caused a scene in Houston," Emmett added, tossing me a wink and a grin.

I smiled at the big guy and managed to get my foot to brush against his hip. "Least I stayed out of trouble with the law."

"Yeah, no tasers involved," he agreed.

"Speaking of law," I said as I looked up at Edward. "Does the Chief know?"

"He does," Edward answered with a nod. "And so do Jacob and Bree since they were with Charlie when I called him."

I let out a disgruntled sigh. "Oh, joy. Not only do I have a parent to calm, I have two children to deal with as well."

"I can handle Bree and Jacob for you," Alice offered.

"Thanks, but I know Jake won't be happy until he hears directly from me and Bree will get jealous if he doesn't get the same treatment."

"You can handle them all later," Jasper said as he picked my free hand up from the bed. "We've got an hour and a half until we have to get back to the airport so until then, your attention belongs to us."

"You can have my attention if I can have some chicken," I bartered.

He smiled wide and his blue eyes crinkled just a little at the corners. "Darlin', it'll be my pleasure to see that you get some."

"Gotta love these southern boys and their manners," I said as I squeezed his fingers.

This was definitely not how I'd pictured my Friday night going. And though some parts majorly sucked—like the pain and being in the hospital—I couldn't really call it a bad night. Surrounded by people who loved me and cared for me … No, not a bad night at all.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I was almost asleep when Edward's softly spoken words jarred me awake. "I love you."

I smiled and nuzzled my face further into the palm of his hand. I'd wanted him to get into the bed with me but he'd said it was too small and would make me uncomfortable. He was doing anything and everything he could to make sure I was contented, from getting me anything I wanted to eat or drink to messing around with the bed remote until it moved into just the right position.

"Sorry. You were almost asleep," he whispered while pressing a kiss to my forehead.

"So 'kay," I mumbled. "How are you?"

He laughed quietly as he rubbed my arm soothingly. "Isn't that my question?"

"Not right now. Not with it being just the two of us."

"You should sleep, Angel."

"After you talk, E." I forced my tired eyes open just to show him how stubborn I was ready to be about this.

He scooted his chair closer to the bed and rested his head right next to mine, our noses barely touching. "You shouldn't worry about me. Whatever I'm feeling can't be anything compared to what you're going through."

"So? Do you think that somehow means you should go through it alone? Especially when I'm the reason behind what you're feeling?"

He was silent for a long time, his green eyes watching mine. When he finally did speak, he looked so sad that I ignored all of my aches and pains to move closer and hug him. "I don't want to lose you, Bella."

"You won't."

"I could."

"You won't."

"What if—"

"Okay, apparently, I haven't made this nearly clear enough to you, E. I _hate_ 'what if'. All it does is get your brain spinning with the darkest possibilities and leaves you feeling crushed before you even know what's really going on. I know it's damn hard to avoid, but there are certain times in life when you just have to force yourself to ignore it. You heard my doctor right before our family left—I'm going to be fine. I'm in here because my cycle went haywire at the same time I got a sinus infection from some Hawaiian plant. Neither are life threatening so you won't lose me."

His emerald eyes were too bright and I knew if he blinked, twin tears would fall from them. "Seeing you on the floor and not being able to even hold you … it killed me to be so powerless to help you."

"Is that what had you fighting with Alice over who would stay here?"

Edward's lips pulled up into a guilty grin. "You heard that?"

"Yeah, I did."

"I'm sorry. I know you asked me not to argue with her."

"Actually, I was pretty proud of you for holding your temper like I asked. It definitely could have gone a lot worse."

"You know I would never make you choose between us, right?"

"I kind of suspected that might be why you were trying so hard to work it out with her on your own."

"My motives weren't that innocent," he admitted with a sly grin. "I also wanted the extra time alone with you."

A tired laugh bubbled out of me while my eyes ignored my determination and closed themselves. "You're a mess, E."

"When it comes to you … absolutely."

"I'm gonna sleep now."

His lips brushed over my cheek, followed by a whisper of breath against my ear as he spoke into it. "Sweet dreams, Angel."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Saturday night found me finally getting home to Portland and arriving to find the apartment full. Bree had decided to cut his vacation in Forks short to be there when I got in, and once Lance had heard about it, he'd showed up to support both Bree and me. And apparently, Charlie and Jacob had decided a trip down to see me was warranted because they were also seated in my living room, along with Alice and Jasper. Rose and Emmett were still in Forks visiting with her grandparents and I had been assured quite thoroughly it was the only reason Carlisle and Esme weren't there in my apartment. Even Kate and Angela had popped in with their respective others to check in on me, which really meant a lot since they were both stuck covering my shifts until Monday. My doctor had been very clear about my bed rest requirements and Edward was making damn sure I stuck to them. He wouldn't even let me sit up to talk to everyone and had flat out _promised_ he would put me in my bed if I didn't stay lying down on the sofa. I had not been as amused as everyone else at his little edict.

I also had not been as energetic as everyone else and it hardly seemed like I'd been home long at all before I was being moved to my room so I could sleep. "But they came all this way," I argued once more despite knowing it wouldn't do me any good.

"They'll be here in the morning, Bella," Edward promised. "For now, get some sleep."

"Only if you promise to eat something," I countered. Other than the chicken Jasper had snuck in for us on Friday night, we hadn't really eaten much—I hadn't even been allowed to eat the skin just because it "might" upset my stomach. Edward was a friggen hard ass! But since then, I hadn't eaten because of a real lack of appetite while Edward's was from having nothing but hospital food and vending machine junk available.

Edward smiled down at me while brushing a few hairs from my forehead. "Alice is making me a plate right now. She had some leftovers from her lunch with Jasper and very sweetly agreed to give them to me."

"Then go eat," I said with a push against his thigh.

"I will. As soon as you fall asleep."

"Cheater," I mumbled, getting a grin out of him. It was the last thing I saw before finally letting my heavy eyelids close the way they'd been trying to for awhile. Lying there listening to the hum of voices from the living room mixed with Edward's steady breaths right next to me had me drifting off into oblivion in record time.

All too soon, though, voices were tugging at me and trying to pull me out of my sleep. "Charlie, you can take my bed while I stay in here with Bella and Edward takes the couch," Alice instructed.

I had such a strong urge to shake my head at her that I wasn't completely sure my head wasn't moving. After what had gone down in the hospital, how could she really think for a second Edward would let her have his spot in my bed? Then again, he did have an absurd fear of my father.

"Alice, that's a sweet offer, but the couch is perfectly fine," my dad told her. "And honestly, Edward knows where and what medicines Bella needs so it's probably best if he's right next to her like he has been most of the night."

"Not to mention that _you_ won't make her listen to all of the doctor's instructions, Ali," Edward added.

"I would too," she argued, sounding highly indignant. I would bet anything she had her hands on her hips and was glaring at her brother.

"Alice, I've got to agree with Edward on this one. While you'll give Bella anything she wants, Edward will give her what she needs even if that's making her mad with him." My dad chuckled softly and the sound made me smile. "Hell, she's already pissed at him for bringing her to her room in the first place."

Now it was Edward's turn to chuckle. "She forgave me in exchange for me promising to eat a real meal."

Alice snorted. "Try two meals. I'm going to have to go grocery shopping tomorrow thanks to you."

"You were going to have to go anyway," he replied. "You girls emptied the fridge before we left for Hawaii, remember?"

"Well, you two can stand around and keep on arguing, but I'm going to get some sleep," my dad announced. "Oh, and I'll just go on ahead and give my daughter a kiss since she's playing possum and all." It was only seconds later that I heard him laughing right behind me and felt his lips on my cheek.

"Wasn't playing anything," I grumbled. "You guys were way too loud."

"Sorry, Sweetheart," he said while rubbing my shoulder.

"So 'kay," I mumbled while yawning and rolling onto my back to see them all.

Alice practically danced over and grabbed my hand while Edward carefully crawled up beside me in the bed.

I chuckled at suddenly behind surrounded. "I could get used to this if I didn't like have a life and stuff," I joked.

Edward chuckled against my cheek as he kissed it. "Nice to see you're feeling better. Any chance I could get you to eat something?"

For once, I actually wasn't completely repulsed by the idea of food. "Toast with just a little strawberry jelly. And a really cold glass of milk."

"No milk. You still have a bit of fever."

"But I want milk," I whined.

"Do you want it enough to puke it up later?" He already knew my answer because he had a cocky smile on his face and his arched eyebrow was challenging me to be stubborn.

I groaned out my displeasure long and loud. "Fine. Tea then."

He nuzzled the side of my face with his nose and when he spoke, I just knew he was smiling. "I love you, Angel."

"Go away," I moaned, pressing my palm to his forehead and pushing him away.

He laughed as he rolled off the bed and stood. I let him get as far as the door before telling him I loved him too, to which he cockily replied he knew.

While rolling my eyes at him, I noticed my dad and Alice were still there. "What?" I asked gruffly, trying to ignore my reddening face.

My dad smiled as he shifted his eyes over to my best friend. "Alice, would you mind if I had a moment alone with my daughter?"

"Not at all, Charlie," she practically sang as she leaned up and kissed his cheek. She tossed me a smile and then pranced her way out of my room, closing the door behind her.

My dad sat down next to me and gave me his stern gaze. "How are you really?"

"You want super honest truth or dad truth?"

"What's the difference?"

"One makes you sigh and shake your head at me while the other eases your mind."

"Yeah, okay," he said with a laugh. "Give me the first because the second isn't possible. No matter how old you get, I'm always going to worry about you, Bells."

"Hurts like a bitch and I'm tired and I'm sore from sleeping because I'm tired. It's a vicious cycle."

Just as I'd predicted, he sighed and shook his head—but he also laughed. "You're the only kid I know who hates staying in bed."

"Hate to break it to you, Dad, but I passed the kid stage a while back."

"I know." He said it softly but with so much feeling behind it I instantly felt guilty without knowing why. He seemed for a second like he was going to say more but kissed my forehead instead. "So was the Houston hospital better than the one in Forks?"

I chuckled at his lame idea of a topic change. "It was a hospital, Dad. It was full of bad food, the nurses kept prodding me, and the whole place stunk of antiseptic."

"And you had Edward with you."

"Yeah, I did," I agreed with a nod. "Although, he's worse than you when it comes to making sure I follow everything the doctor says, even the stuff that's just a suggestion."

My dad smiled while nudging my arm with the back of his hand. "That might have a little something to do with him caring about you."

I'd had no intention of saying anything but the whispered words were suddenly tumbling out of my mouth. "I was really scared this time, Daddy. There was a long moment when I was positive they'd finally gone ahead and cut me open, taking it all away."

He didn't say anything at first and when he did finally speak his words came slow, like he was measuring each one before saying it. "The thing you want most … the one you won't voice because you do want it so badly … Bella, it's going to happen whether you have that surgery or not. Being a mother has everything to do with your heart and very little to do with how the child enters the world. I'm sure it is a special feeling to be pregnant and give birth, but that's just one tiny part of being a parent. The love you give your child, the direction and guidance, and the dreams you help foster … Bella, those are what matter and those come from right there in that oversized heart of yours. When it's time, you will find a way. And I'll be as proud of the mother you become as I am of the daughter you are right now."

I turned enough to get my arm around him and hug him. "Thank you."

"It's just the truth," he said a little gruffly. He also moved to stare at the picture on my wall, hiding his face from me. He was about as good at being emotional as I was at keeping my language clean.

"I love you, Daddy."

"Well, I better get on out of here so Edward can bring in your food. I'll see you in the morning," he said as he opened the door. He stopped right in the doorway, his hand gripping the edge hard enough to turn his knuckles white. "I love you too, Bella. I should probably say that a lot more often, but I figure you know it. You do, right?"

"Yeah, I do," I assured him. And I meant it.

No sooner than my dad passed out of view, Edward was entering the room with a tray in his hands. "Everything okay?" he asked.

"Yeah. Yeah, it's good," I said as I carefully scooted myself up to a sitting position.

Edward set the tray over my legs before crawling into bed next to me. "You know, I'm going to have to keep a closer eye on you."

I snorted at that. "Gonna trade up from watching me like a hawk to having an eagle eye on me, Cullen?"

"If that's what it takes to know when you're only pretending to sleep, Swan. I can't have you overhearing me while I'm planning some surprise for you someday, now can I?"

"You can't know all of my secrets, E. That would make me so boring and unappealing."

"Never," he promised with a smile and a kiss to my cheek. "So did you have a nice talk with your dad?"

I shrugged while tearing off a corner of my toast. "It was … educational."

He leaned up on his elbow, setting his head in his hand. "What's that mean?"

I kept my eyes trained on the food in front of me for fear I would take one look at Edward and start crying and he would misinterpret my tears as something bad. "I finally get it. I get why Esme and Alice have always been so optimistic about my future. And I get how you can say you don't care."

"Wait," he said, sitting up quickly. "So all of our talking and it's your dad who convinces you? How?"

I chuckled at how shocked Edward seemed; and also because I was sure there was a little jealousy mixed in there too for not being the one to change my mind. "Charlie broke it down into simple terms I could really understand and accept." I purposefully didn't say any more, knowing it would drive Edward crazy; he hated it when I didn't give a full explanation for something.

I counted all the way to forty-five in my head before Edward gave out an exasperated huff. "Bella."

I laughed a little while reaching for his hand and sliding my fingers through his. And then I finally looked at him. "Nurture over nature, Edward. It isn't the arrival on this planet that matters, but the life built from that moment on."

Edward's smile was blindingly bright and his green eyes were practically dancing with joy. "It truly is, Angel."

I still wanted very much to get to feel my child growing inside of me, but I could also accept the idea of letting someone else do the growing so I could do the loving. I could also accept the possibility of a real future with Edward with everything he'd ever talked about us having together. While this whole mess wasn't anything I'd ever want to experience again, at least I was getting something really great out of it—a chance at a truly happy life.


	38. Adjusting

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, sex, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Adjusting**

**Chapter Song: "Good Enough" by Evanescence**

**Bella's POV:**

"Bree! Suffocating here." My words were badly muffled from the way he was clutching me to his chest with both arms. I gave him a very brief moment to release me and then I bit him through his shirt.

"Holy hell, Peaches!" he screamed while jumping away from me.

"That's what you get for squeezing the shit out of me. I am not your George." I kept my eyes on him both to glare and to make sure he didn't grab me again while adjusting my poor wrinkled shirt.

Bree perched himself in his chair and crossed his legs like a proper young woman in a skirt. He didn't have a skirt on, but he damn sure had a huge ass grin. "Then why do I want to love you and hug you and pet you and call you George?"

Looking at that smile of his, I couldn't stay mad at him. I curled up in the chair beside him and put my head on his shoulder. "Because we watched way too much _Looney Tunes_ as children."

"Blasphemy!" Bree cried.

I chuckled and playfully poked him in the side. "I was only kidding. We can never watch too many cartoons."

His arm slipped around me and his warm breath fanned across the top of my head. "How are you?"

"No fever. Appetite has returned. Minimal pain. Cycle winding down."

"Really?"

"Of course, Bree. I'm not going to lie about my health. Mainly because you all would kick my ass the second you found out I wasn't being honest. And secondly because you just don't do that shit. You don't leave the people you care about unaware to get sideswiped later on."

"True. But you're not coming out tonight and you very rarely ever miss a Thursday night outing."

"I have a good reason, though. Edward leaves for Seattle tomorrow and I won't see him all weekend long. I'd rather have him all to myself right before he leaves."

"Should he be leaving so soon?"

I turned my face upward so Bree could see I was being both honest and serious. "I'm fine, Bree. Edward's had this trip planned for awhile and he needs to go on it."

"Then you're staying with me this weekend."

I chuckled at his silliness. "No, I'm not. I'm working at the coffeehouse practically all weekend."

"So what? All you have to do is pack a bag."

"I don't want to pack a bag."

"And I don't want you wandering around the apartment and not sleeping."

"Bree, I appreciate your concern, but I'm going to be fine. It's _one_ weekend."

"Fine, then. At least come over Friday for a movie night. We haven't done that in forever. You can even invite Alice and Rosalie."

"I'm working through closing, Bree. It'll be around midnight before I'm done. And it's not like I can stay up. I have to be back to work first thing in the morning to open."

"Come on, Bells. We don't even have to watch a movie. We can just cuddle in bed and talk. I'll tell you all about my visit with Jakey and you can tell me about Hawaii."

"I've told you about Hawaii."

"No, you glossed over Hawaii. I want the down and dirty details," he said, making his eyebrows lift up and down.

I snorted while pushing against his shoulder. "You aren't getting them."

He gave a dramatic sigh and set his chin in his hand. He managed to hold himself together a full six seconds before his grin popped out. "A girl can try."

I rolled my eyes at him while pulling my phone out of my pocket so I could send a certain someone a quick text.

_E! I'm starving. Stomach screaming. Frown commencing. Where r u?_

Bree snorted at the message, having read it over my shoulder. "You are ridiculous."

I pretended to be annoyed with him and pulled my phone away. "No, I'm hungry. And you need to stop being nosey."

"Nosey?" His voice hit that perfect Embry-only tone of indignation I loved to get out of him. "I am not nosey. I am concerned."

"Sure you are," I said, drawing out the words to leave no doubt I didn't believe him. He started to sputter a comeback, but I ignored him for the moment to read my text from Edward.

_Be there soon. Order without me. U know what I like. Luv u._

"Oh, I see." Bree gave a sniffle so loud it could only be a fake. "Just toss me aside now that you have a man who loves you. Leave me all alone in this cold, cruel world. No home … no family … no one to love me."

I snapped my phone closed and focused my eyes and attention on my friend. "First of all, your apartment, while small, completely qualifies as a home. Secondly, I'm your family no matter if I feel like claiming you any given day or not. By some power greater than my stubbornness, I am forced to love your ass. Liking you is completely optional. And third, you have Lance."

Bree's smile had one particular adjective flashing bright red across my brain—lurid. "Oh, right. Tall blond. Nice ass. Great in bed. Yeah, he works."

"You are so ridiculous," I said with a laugh. "Let's go order lunch."

"What about Sexward?"

"He said he'll be here soon and for me to order for him."

"That man does not realize the chance he is taking with you."

"Actually, he does. He knows I'll order what he usually gets because he has a trip and can't afford to be sick from trying out some new menu item of my choosing."

"Holy shit, Peaches! You are tamed."

I spun around and jabbed my finger right into the center of Bree's chest. "Fuck you. I'm not tamed at all. I'm just considerate."

He snorted at me. "Yeah, okay. That's why you goaded Emmett into trying that peppers dish that had him running for the bathroom the day of a trip home to Forks."

"A trip home is fun and it's practically a requirement that time be wasted for frivolous things like seeing Emmett race around trying not to shit himself. Edward's thing is work."

"The way you are with him … It's like you, but better. Less stressed, less guarded, and so much … I don't know how to say it right. You're just different with him and it's the good kind of different that I love seeing on you. And just for the record, as much as I love being with Lance if there was a Sexward that came in gay, I would _so_ want one for myself."

I wasn't sure whether to feel complimented or to laugh my ass off. So I settled for playfully punching Bree in the shoulder and then heading to the counter to place our lunch orders.

Edward made it to the café just as our orders were being delivered to the table. After placing a quick kiss on my cheek and shaking hands with Bree, he settled in between us and grabbed for his drink. Practically half the glass of water slid down his throat in one gulp.

"Damn, E! Were you toiling around in the Sahara before coming here? Desert work's the only reason I know of for trying to inhale water like that," I joked, smiling while poking him in the bicep with my elbow.

His coppery hair waved around even though he was barely shaking his head. "Just really warm out there today."

Bree gave a little laugh. "Anywhere you are, is warm, Sexward. You just walk in the room and the temperature shoots right on up. Doesn't it, Bells?"

I gave my friend my prized evil smirk. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Why the hell do you think I'm asking?"

"Because you covet that which you will never have."

Bree gave a fake sniffle and wiped an imaginary tear from his eye. "Much like my beloved Emmett."

"Have you seen the ring?" Edward asked him.

The squeal that came out of my friend was absolutely Alice-worthy. "It is just gorgeous. Almost as fine as the woman whose finger it sits upon. And the story behind it … Hello, modern day fairytale. And in case you're wondering what to get me for Christmas, Bells, I'll take one of those."

"The ring? Or the fairytale?" I asked, pretty sure he'd want both.

His affronted response proved me right. "I have to choose?"

"Such a girl," I chuckled while spearing a cauliflower piece with my almighty plastic fork.

Edward bumped my knee under the table with his to get my attention. "Thanks for ordering."

"No problem. What had you running late?"

Those green eyes I normally loved where suddenly looking at me in a way I detested—with disappointment in them. "Phone call."

I quickly wracked my brain, trying to figure out what I could have possibly done that someone would call him about and would end in a look of disappointment from him. Nothing at all came to mind so I just flat out asked him what was up. "What was the phone call about?"

"Well, you made an impression with Dr. Randall in Houston. She called Dr. Bennett out here to find out how your follow-up went. She was just as surprised as I was to find out you didn't schedule one."

"I thought that was just a suggestion."

His brows drew in over his narrowed eyes. "Bella."

_How many different ways are there to say "busted"? Let's count … caught, trapped, jammed, screwed … Damn, these all make good innuendos too!_ I stopped with the internal jokes and addressed the very unhappy man sitting next to me. "I'll call Dr. Bennett right after lunch."

"No need. You have an appointment this afternoon after your last class."

"But I—"

It was Bree who cut me off, pronouncing each word slowly and fiercely. "You. Are. Going."

"Fine," I grumbled, slinking back into my chair and crossing my arms for the hell of it. And it wasn't like I didn't understand where Bree and Edward were coming from—it hadn't even been a week yet since my impromptu and highly scary hospital visit. I just wasn't all that interested in going to the doctor.

"There's no reason not to go or to put it off, Bella," Edward said, sounding like he'd just read my mind. "Besides, you shouldn't have any worries since your epiphany with your dad," he added with a sly smile. He knew a comment like that would just make the stubborn side of me kick in and want to show him I wasn't afraid.

Only I was. While I might have accepted the idea of not having my own kid as something I could live with, it by no means meant I wanted anything to happen to make that my only option.

I felt Edward and Bree's eyes on me so I shifted my focus to them, giving them a big smile—a big, fat, fake smile. "Yeah, no worries," I said out loud. The rest I said only to myself … _Nothing at all to worry about except ruptured cysts and torn lining and having my insides ripped out so I'm a twenty-something stuck with senior citizen hormone supplements. Nope! Nothing to worry about at all._

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"How are you feeling today, Bella?" Dr. Bennett asked while skimming over my chart.

"Better than yesterday and hopefully not half as good as I'll feel tomorrow."

She chuckled at my response and set my chart on the end of the exam table. "I was hoping for something a little more descriptive. Pain? Flow? Any oddities?"

"You mean right now or ever? 'Cause if it's ever, we could be here _all_ day."

"Right now, please."

I smiled at the sight of her lips twitching, glad that she was always willing to joke with me a little and make this whole thing less stressful. "Alright, Doc. Pain is nearly gone. Just a few cramps, mostly when I bend over so I've hired a shoe-tier and a general picker-upper for anything lower than hip height."

"Good to hear. I hope the job pays well."

"I pay in Cheeze-Its. Best form of currency ever invented."

"Emmett?" Dr. Bennett questioned with a laugh.

I nodded while laughing right along with her. She knew it helped me to blabber on about my family before getting into details about my condition so she probably knew a lot more about of them than she ever cared to; but I figured she didn't mind too much since she always laughed.

"How about flow?" she asked.

"Spotting. But that's probably from the antibiotics canceling out the birth control. And can you believe all the fever and nausea crap was allergies? The Houston doc said I must have gotten around a plant in Hawaii that devastated my immune system. Oh, and we can count the allergy thing as my oddity 'cause I've never had an allergic reaction before. So where does that leave us?"

"Well, looking over the notes Dr. Randall sent me, it seems like the birth control you've currently been on isn't dampening your ovulation enough. You had severe tearing this time and that's something we definitely don't want you experiencing again."

"The tearing is bad and all, but I thought keeping away the cysts was more important. She said I was down to only two of them and they were both pretty small."

"And that's what has me concerned. If the pill was strong enough to control your cysts this way, then ovulation shouldn't have been a problem."

I could just tell from the set of her face what was coming next. But I still hoped I was wrong. "Ultrasound?"

"Yep," she said, just as her plastic glove snapped against her wrist.

"External, right?" I asked hopefully.

She just stared at me with a smile on her face, knowing I knew better.

"Damn, Doc. Will you at least buy me dinner before invading me with that damn thing?"

Dr. Bennett laughed again. "No dinner. But if you behave, you can have a lollipop after."

"It better be cherry flavored and have a bubble gum center," I grumped while taking the appropriate position on the exam table.

Forty-five minutes later, I was finally walking out of the back with my cherry blow pop secured between my lips. I also had one of the cleanest bills of health I'd ever gotten from a visit.

"You look pretty happy for someone who didn't want to come here," Edward said as he wound his arms around my back.

"Was that a thinly veiled 'I told you' so, E?"

He chuckled softly. "Not at all, Angel."

"Yeah, right," I mumbled around my blow pop.

"What?"

I lifted my head to show him a smile, taking my blow pop out to answer him. "Nothing at all, E. Nothing at all." And then I promptly put my pop back between my lips.

"You're just going to have to take that right back out, Swan. I want to know what the doctor said."

Because I was both in a good mood and the mood to be difficult, I rolled the blow pop into my left cheek and kept it there while talking. "I can multi-task. See?"

He snorted and rolled his eyes at me. "Where did you even get that thing from?"

"It's my reward for being a good girl and letting Dr. Bennett feel me up."

"Bella, you are absolutely, unequivocally, one hundred percent absurd."

I smiled as I pulled away from him and started toward the exit door. "You say it like you're just figuring that out."

"You're reaching a new level today."

I laughed at that while walking with him to the Volvo. I was also busy thinking about my night alone with Edward. I planned on cooking him a nice dinner and then cuddling on the couch with him while watching one of his movies. And one of the best parts of it all would be seeing him realize I had been paying attention to know his favorites without even asking—just like he'd done for me.

We were almost to the apartment when Edward broke up my daydreams of our impending good time. "So are you ever planning to tell me what the doctor said?"

"Yeah, if you want to know," I said with a shrug.

"Of course I want to know. I'm sure everyone will want to know."

"And hopefully they'll all stop worrying. So! Dr. Randall in Houston was right about my cysts. I'm down to only two and they are both much smaller than they were the last time Dr. Bennett checked them."

"That's great, Bella."

"It's not all good news," I said quickly, not wanting him to get too excited. "Dr. Bennett isn't sure why the tearing was so awful if the cysts were doing better. She's changing my meds again which means there's a very likely chance of horrid mood swings while my body adjusts from the old meds to the new meds. And I can't even start on the new ones until after I finish my antibiotics this weekend. Plus, new meds means a highly unpredictable first cycle on them and a whole other mess of moodiness."

"Does she think you'll have another cycle right away?"

"She says there's no way to know for sure. It's going to be what it's going to be."

"We'll all be here for you, Bella. Whatever you need."

"E, what I really need is for everyone to relax. I don't want to be hovered over. Okay?"

His lips lifted into a wide grin. "How about slightly spoiled? Is that allowed?"

"I'm going to pretend you didn't even ask that." Before he could say anything else, I changed the subject. "So how excited are you for our night alone?"

"I'm always excited to spend time with you."

"You don't feel like you've had more than enough lately?" I asked as he slid the Volvo in next to my car.

He turned the ignition off and then shifted to focus to me. "I can say with complete certainty that there will never be any such thing as enough with you." He followed his words up with an epic kiss that scrambled my poor brains and left me feeling both dazed and extremely content. _My man has skills_, I thought as he helped me out of the car.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"This is really nice," Edward said for the fifth or sixth time in the past couple of hours. We were cuddled together in my bed with his smooth jazz playlist seeping out of his iPod.

I chuckled at him while leaning over to press a kiss into his hair. Tonight he was lying against me and I was playing in his hair instead of the reverse. He was also happily stuffed from the baked salmon and Waldorf salad I'd made him for dinner. I'd taken his word for the fish being good while having seconds of the salad. It was easy to see why the meal was his favorite and it was definitely something I planned to repeat with him.

"Thank you." That ability of his to turn simple words into such heartfelt statements always left me feeling awed and smiling like a fool.

"For what?"

"For tonight. For letting it be just the two of us and not going to BOG. And for cooking my favorite meal and stealing my favorite movie for us to watch."

I playfully flicked his temple. "It's not stealing if you know I have it and are free to take it with you when you go."

"I won't have time to watch it on this trip so I'll just leave it here for when I come back."

I let my breath out into his hair while sliding my arms around his neck in a soft hug. "You don't have to do that, you know."

"Do what?"

"Keep saying you're coming back. I told you I believed you."

"But you're still worried."

My fingers plucked at invisible fuzz on his shirt sleeve while my mouth moved with only partial permission from my brain. "You're not what I'm worried about. I mean, I do worry about you because I worry about everyone I love. I just mean I'm not worried about your traveling."

Edward pulled my fingers from his shirt and tucked my hand into a fist, resting it over his heart. "So then tell me what you are worried about."

I set my chin on his shoulder, letting my cheek rest against his and enjoying the slight prickle it gave my skin since he'd been too busy to shave. I also put my free hand on top of the one he had covering my captured hand, hoping it would keep me calm while I tried to explain. "It's the doctor visit today. I know I should be happy about it. Hell, I _want_ to be happy about it, but not everything is adding up and that scares me. What if the doctor is wrong about this being a sign we're getting closer to a solution? What if it's really a sign of impending disaster and epic failure?"

"What if it's not?"

"I told you once before, just like I've told Alice a million times, I can't take being wrong in that way. I know I said that I can accept never being pregnant myself and I do mean that. But at the same time, I don't want that. Can you understand what I'm saying at all?"

I didn't even give him a chance to answer me before letting loose with a long rant. "I know wanting your understanding is asking for a lot because I don't even understand my own self half the time. Some days I think I'm just holding onto old wants and stupid dreams and should just be grateful for what I do have and shut up already. I'm otherwise healthy, I'm in school, I'm working, and I have hands-down the best family anyone could dream of wanting.

"But then there are the times when I see some woman toddle into the coffeehouse with her belly entering way before her and all I can think is 'I want that'. It's a want so fierce, so deep inside of me, that my heart physically hurts me in that moment. It doesn't seem stupid then. It just seems out of reach.

"If it's all so fucked up in my own head, I know I have no right to expect anyone else to understand, but … And also there are the times where I see a mom with her kid and I just want that kind of bond and I think 'Okay, I can still have that. I don't need the round belly to have the bond'. It's just … It's fucked up."

Before I'd realized he had moved, Edward was holding me and rubbing my back softly. "It is fucked up, Bella. I wish it wasn't. I wish it was something with a simple answer or at least was something I could help you to fix. But it isn't any of those things. I wish you really could table it like you asked Alice to do and just not think about it for a few years. It's hard to see you struggling to forget it when it finds a way into your thoughts nearly every day."

I could only nod my head and wipe at my tears with the back of my hand.

"Since there really isn't a question or an answer right now, just worries, maybe you should try a different approach," he suggested. "Instead of trying to block it out, just let it be. If you want to talk about it, we'll talk about it. If you want to lay out every worry you have, do it. And if you want to tell me every wonderful dream you have, then do that too. Maybe acknowledging that you have as many wants as you do worries will even it out and make it weigh less on your mind."

"What if it doesn't?"

His fingers cupped my wet chin and brought my red eyes up to meet his green ones. "If doesn't, then we'll find another way. We'll never know until we try, but I'll leave it up to you to decide. Just know I'm here for you no matter what you choose right now."

I managed to both dry my face and give him a smile. "Right now, in this very moment, I just want to be with you and enjoy the rest of our night. Monday, I'll decide on the talking."

He smiled back while leaning in to press a soft kiss on my lips. "I love you."

For once, it was my turn to fill a few simple words with the weight of their truth and meaning. "I love you, Edward."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I answered the phone before the first ring was finished. "Hi."

Edward chuckled into the receiver. "Hi, Angel. You weren't waiting for my call were you?"

I knew he didn't want a real answer just as he knew I wouldn't give one. "Nah. I'm waiting for my other boyfriend to call me. He promised me phone sex."

Once again, he was laughing into the phone. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Hey, you're the one gallivanting around Seattle and leaving me home with needs that must be met."

"I'm not in Seattle, as you well know. I'm in my room here in Forks having only just now escaped the clutches of my loving parents. They seem to have forgotten I spent the morning in school and the afternoon driving."

"Aw! My poor E is exhausted and not in the mood to be loved on."

"If it was you, I'd find the energy."

"That is no way to treat the parents who raised you with so much love and support, Cullen."

"You know I don't mean it in a bad way, Swan."

I smiled because I did know. "So what special meal did Esme make for you? What did Carlisle pick as the topic of discussion during dinner?"

"Actually, we had dinner with Charlie and Sue at the Forks diner."

I waited a moment for him to laugh at what was so clearly a joke, but he didn't. "Why would you _do_ that?"

_Now_ he decided to laugh. "It wasn't _my_ idea. Charlie called to invite my parents to dinner, found out I was coming home, and told them to bring me along."

"At least tell me you guys didn't talk about me the entire time. Lie to me if you have to."

"We honestly only discussed you enough for me to explain what Dr. Bennett told you yesterday. After that, it was all about my trip to Seattle and my plans for my business."

"Really?"

"Well at least until your dad segued the conversation into current baseball stats."

"Now that sounds exactly like my dad. Before he changed the subject, did he grill you about all of your past relationships, demanding all the sordid details? Or did he go with the old invite him fishing for now and grill him later approach?"

"As far as I'm concerned, there were no other relationships. There were only a few experiences."

"That's good, E. Complete bullshit, of course, but good."

A small chuckle came through. "How was work tonight?"

"Long and boring."

"I take it Open Mic Night was a bust?"

"Epic fail, Babe. Not a single bright star among the many who tried tonight. Jasper needs to get his friends to come back for next month."

"Without me this time," Edward added quickly.

"Damn! I was hoping that whole stage fright thing had gone away."

His chuckle came through clearly. "Not a chance. So I'm guessing from the silence you didn't give in to Bree's pleading for a movie night."

"Bree? Bree? Not recognizing the name," I said, trying my best to sound confused. "Oh! That Bree! The one who's curled up next to me sound asleep. Practically talked my fucking ear off about staying up to hang out with me just to talk some more, then crashes and mumbles some shit about needing his beauty sleep. That Bree I know."

"You let him in our bed?"

"I thought about making him sleep on the floor, but since he _is_ a human and not a dog, I felt wrong for it. And when the hell did it become 'our' bed?"

"When you said you loved me."

I was literally stricken mute by his response and he had to call my name twice before I could get my mouth working again. "I'm still here."

"And I still can't believe you let him have my spot."

The mix of his indignant tone with him being so damn wrong had me laughing. "He wishes. _I'm_ in your spot. He's got mine."

"Good." The way Edward had made the word sound so final had me laughing again. "How about you stop laughing and tell me what you were doing when I called? I know you weren't just waiting for your phone to ring," he said.

"If you must know, I was reading."

"Anything good?"

"I would imagine so since the spine is barely holding on and the whole thing is curled up enough to make a perfect 'c' when it's put down. How did you get it to curl like this? And why would you?"

"I didn't and wouldn't do that to a book. Emmett did it. He pulled it right out of my hands, rolled it up, and used it to swat some guy like he was a bug. I never could get it to flatten out. I've always suspected he snuck into my room and re-curled it each time I tried to fix it."

"You've had this since high school?" I asked, more than a little surprised by that. I wasn't really used to anyone loving books enough to keep them around the way I did.

"Yeah. Karen gave it to me for my birthday the summer before we started high school. She'd asked a worker at the bookstore what she could get for a guy who liked to read stories that made him think."

"Give that guy a raise 'cause he damn sure called it."

"What's your favorite so far?" Edward asked, sounding both eager and excited. Like me, he probably wasn't used to having someone to discuss books with too often. Jasper would if I could pry him away from Alice long enough, but other than that, I was the lonely reader in the group. _Until now!_

"Probably _Wunderkind_," I told him. "She's not old enough yet to understand she's the reason the music's gone. She's lost in her feelings of unrequited love and thinking there will never be another like it. This is her only shot at it. But that's the catch with being young and in love for the first time. You don't understand it's called a first time because there will be a second and a third and who knows how many others."

"So you think she was in love with her teacher?"

I couldn't help but snort at his question. "Edward, you don't notice the things about a man that she noticed if you aren't. Like right now if a cute guy were to come up to me, I'd notice his smile and his eyes just because they were right there in front of me. Maybe I'd notice something that seemed unique to him like a dimple in the chin or an odd part to the hair. But that's about it. I'm not going to look at his lips close enough to notice there are imprints in them or his temple enough to see the veins throb. I wouldn't watch him that closely."

"Maybe. Or maybe it's just a story about a girl growing up and realizing what made her special as a young child is fading away with age. She doesn't want that to happen. She wants to always be her teacher's wunderkind. She wants to remain special to him and to not disappoint him. Her fear of disappointing him is what cripples her."

"So then it's still love but more in the shape of a girl and her father figure instead of a girl with her first taste of unrequited love."

"You've definitely given me a new angle to look at the story from. I'm excited to see what you think of the others. In fact, pick one and read it now."

I immediately rolled my eyes at him even though I knew he couldn't see it. "E, you'll fall asleep. You always fall asleep when I read aloud."

"I like your voice."

"So much it bores you to sleep."

"_Lulls_, Bella. It's comforting."

_Who can argue with that? Certainly not me!_ "Alright, E. But tell me your goodbyes now 'cause I know you're going to crash on me, especially with how long your day has been."

Over his laughter, I could hear him moving around on the other end of the phone. I could just picture him kicking his shoes off and crawling into his big bed, slipping under the dark blue comforter that lay on it.

"Which short story did you pick?" he asked.

I smiled as I opened my eyes and reached for the badly worn book he'd left in my room. "How does _Madame Zilensky and the King of Finland_ sound?"

"It's perfect. One of my favorites."

I pulled in a breath and began to read … "_To Mr. Brook, the head of the music department_ …

Edward fell asleep before Mr. Brook discovered Madame Zilensky's secret. I listened to Edward's steady breathing while putting away the book and turning off the lamp. And then I listened to it some more while lying in the dark with Bree snoring softly next to me. I listened until I was right on the edge of sleep and then I told my sleeping man I loved him, closed my phone, and drifted right into sleep.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"You. Me. Lunch," Alice demanded, waving a finger between herself and me.

"Will you take me to Kell's?" I asked.

My best friend gave me the eye roll I'd known she would. "Don't I always?"

I chuckled while leaning over the counter to kiss her cheek. "It's one of the many reasons I love you so. Just give me fifteen minutes, okay?"

"Sure."

"Do you want anything while you're waiting?"

"Nope. I'm good," she answered. And she looked it too. She was wearing what I knew to be one of her all-time favorite dresses—pale pink, sleeveless, and hitting just above her knee—and a big, beautiful smile. Knowing her so well, I was pretty certain she was thrilled to have me all to herself for the first time in months.

As promised, I was walking out of the door with my best friend fifteen minutes later. "I've been so busy this morning I hadn't even noticed how beautiful of a Saturday it was out here today," I said as I turned my face up toward the sun.

"Spring is officially here. Well, not completely officially. That's next Saturday. But in my book, it's here."

"Your decree is good enough for me, Ali girl."

We looked right at each other and shared a giggle over her silliness.

"So what brings you downtown?" I asked as she wrapped her arm around mine.

"You. With everything going on, we haven't had much time for it to be just the two of us. I thought with Jasper studying and Edward being out of town, we could sneak some girl time in."

"This is just a temporary thing, Ali. Before you know it, Jasper will be in school for his masters, Edward will be doing his thing, and it'll be back to just you and me. And really only be the two of this time with Rose and Em leaving."

"I'm really going to miss them. It's going to be so quiet without them."

"And the food won't disappear half as fast."

"And we won't find his clothes mixed in with ours when we do laundry."

"If there is anything grosser than a pair of skid-marked undies, I don't know what the hell it is."

A loud cackling laughter poured out of Alice as she leaned heavily against me to stay on her feet. "I can't believe you said that!"

"Hey, I didn't make the marks. I just saw them."

Alice was still giggling under her breath a little when we reached the doors to Kell's. It was an Irish pub and restaurant that Ali and I had stumbled upon in our freshman year. We'd instantly fallen in love with the place—the whole thing. The people, the building, the tables, the fixtures, the atmosphere … Even on your first time, it was like you were coming there to see old friends. And the food! If I could, I would eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner in the place every single day.

Even with it being lunchtime on a Saturday, we were able to get our usual table near the windows and we settled in for a long lunch full of good food and talk. Alice ordered up a veggie sandwich while I got the chicken farmhouse salad I'd been craving. We also asked for extra plates like usual, knowing we would split our meals without even asking each other.

I tossed my empty straw paper at Alice to get her attention; she'd been ogling a pair of shoes on a lady standing on the sidewalk right outside of our window. "So tell me, oh small one with the huge personality that I love so dearly, are you still flying high from Hawaii? Or has real life brought you back down?"

"Are we being best friend honest right now? Or would we prefer to keep it light during lunch and save the heavy for tonight?"

"Considering I don't know anything about there being a tonight, go for it right now."

"I just thought with Edward being away, you wouldn't mind a girls' night with me."

"Ali, you know that unless something major is going on, I always agree to your girls' night. So what's going on?"

"I just … I wasn't really sure with Edward and …" She just gave a nervous smile instead of saying anything more.

Something was definitely up with my best friend and I had a feeling I knew what was behind that smile she'd just given me. "Is this about the hospital thing?"

She nodded, still looking awkward. "I just … I don't want you for a second to feel like I'm asking you to choose between Edward and me, but I … I also don't really know where I fit right now."

"Ali, you fit where you've always fit. At my side as my best friend. The only thing that's changed is that you don't have to watch out for me all by yourself. You can share it with Edward."

She scowled at the sound of her brother's name. "_He_ is not interested in sharing. Even once you were home, I kept trying to do the little things for you I've always done and he kept stopping me."

I tried really hard not to, but I couldn't help laughing just a little at her attitude. "Sweetie, you were the one to try and put him on the sofa and take his spot in my bed."

"His spot?"

"Oh, yeah," I said with a laugh. "I was informed last night that it's now 'our' bed and it's 'his' spot and no one is allowed in it but me. I swear he was seconds away from ordering me to kick Bree out of the bed last night."

Alice's head tilted to the side and a very different kind of smile curled her lips. "You're really happy, aren't you?"

"Yeah, Ali, I really am. I know we didn't really get the chance to talk about everything that went on in Hawaii with me ending up in the hospital. And by the way, I'm sorry for scaring you with that whole thing."

"It's not like you did it on purpose."

"I know that. But I know you were scared and I know having Edward there was strange and frustrating for you."

She nodded in agreement. "It's always been you and me, Bells. And as happy as I am that you're with Edward and you two have built such a great relationship, I'm also sad for how much my relationship with you has changed."

I reached across the table and grabbed her hand, squeezing it just hard enough to let her feel it. "The core of our relationship, the thing that makes us best friends, that isn't changing. No man will change that, Ali. You and me are the only ones who can do that because it's _our_ friendship. And even if you aren't riding in the ambulance with me, or being my voice with the doctor, you're still there with me at the hospital supporting me and loving me. Let Edward be in charge if it makes him feel better just so long as you're there in the room when I wake up."

She smiled and squeezed my fingers back while sniffling back her tears. "I love you, you know."

"Of course I know. I'm the light of your life," I joked, winking at her.

She gave a fake huff and rolled her eyes. "Try the bane of my existence. Look at what you're wearing."

I laughed as I let go of her hand to smooth it over my shirt. "What? You don't think Invader Zim makes a fashion statement?"

"Oh, it makes one alright. It says 'run from the crazy girl'."

"So not true," I argued. "The guy that saw my shirt earlier sang me the doom song."

Alice snorted. "He sang to you, huh? Does my brother need to worry he has competition?"

"Considering said guy was maybe all of seventeen, no. And even if he had been of age, your brother's spot is totally secure."

"Really?"

I shrugged as a way to balance out the ridiculously large smile I knew I was sporting. "What can I say? I love him. It's still scary most days how much I feel for him, but it's always, always amazing. I wouldn't trade him or it for anything."

"What happened in Hawaii with you two? I mean, we all knew you loved him before the trip, but it's different now."

I thought over her question and how I wanted to answer it for a bit before speaking, even waiting until after our food had arrived and we'd taken a few bites. "Something I've really been learning lately is the things that hurt me the most and left me feeling like no one would understand are usually the ones they understand the best. So while you knew I have a short fuse when it comes to the bullshit of men, you never really knew why. You just accepted it as part of my personality. The way it came to be apart of it was through Mike Newton."

Alice gave a fake gag. "What does that little reptile have to do with anything?"

"That reptile was my first boyfriend," I explained. "And the first person I loved romantically. Or at least thought I did at the time. He had the honor of taking my virginity while I had the privilege of getting shat upon and dumped when I found out about my medical stuff.

"Everyone kept pushing me to tell Edward how I felt, especially you, Ali. But what none of you understood, and I know this is totally my fault for not saying anything, but what you guys didn't get was that I couldn't trust my heart. So I left it all up to my head to decide and as Esme told me, I jumped right into over-thinking the whole thing. That's why it took me so damn long to figure it out and Edward got all frustrated with me which led to the Valentine's debacle. So after all of that happened, I was twice as scared because I felt I couldn't trust my head or my heart. My head was telling me it was too much pain to deal with and my heart couldn't stand for me to be more than a few feet away from Edward.

"But as time went by, my head started to agree with my heart more and more. I kept waiting for some big sign to come along and show me they were both right, but it was actually something very small that finally let me trust myself. That first night in Hawaii, I'd gone to the bathroom to clean up before bed and when I opened the door, Edward was asleep. But it was the _way_ he was sleeping. He had his head angled so he would see me as soon as I came out of the bathroom. He was waiting for me. All the times he'd ever waited for me or been kind to me in any way flashed through my head, along with the all the times I'd done the same for him. I could see all of our time together, every perfect, reckless, miserable, and unforgettable moment and all I wanted was more of it. I knew I wouldn't feel that way if we weren't right together.

"So I told him the very next morning and I know hands-down I'll never forget his face. Ali, it was as if I had handed the man every dream he'd ever had on a silver platter with a side of friggen gold and jewels."

Alice started to giggle at my long and winding explanation and I suddenly found myself laughing right along with her. She was the first to get under control again. "Bella, the way you talk about him and even the way you talk about yourself with him … I'm really, really happy for you."

"I would hope so since this whole damn thing started with your meddling," I told her, giving her a smile so she would know I was only teasing.

She smiled right back while setting her chin in the palm of her hand. "Yes, we must discuss my payment for orchestrating this most amazing love affair of yours. I was thinking I could have your time and attention next Thursday for a nursery trip."

"A nursery trip … Any chance you'll be wearing a funky mask to protect your delicate sinuses from the evil plants?"

"Possibly. But even if I am, no pictures."

"Shit, Ali girl. Just take all the fun out of it for me."

She laughed, knowing I wasn't serious. "Believe me, it'll still be plenty of fun."

I smiled while spearing a piece of eggplant from my half of her sandwich. "Of course it will, Half-pint. I'll be hanging out with my best friend."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"This isn't fair at all, you know," I griped.

"What?" Edward asked.

"Even friggen pixilated you're a hot piece of ass."

His face broke out into a smile and his deep laugh came through my computer speakers. "You look pretty hot yourself."

I snorted at his comment. "Yeah, real hot in my tank top and your boxer briefs."

"I was wondering where those went."

"You got them mixed in with my laundry making them my property."

"I'll remember that rule for the future. I know a couple of articles of yours that I'd like to make mine."

"Perv," I accused with a big smile on my face.

"Learned from you," he shot back, giving me his cocky grin.

"So do you miss me yet?" I asked before tossing a grape into my mouth.

"Does knowing exactly how long I've been without you count as missing you?"

"Nope. But only because I've been counting too. So how's Seattle? What's on the agenda for this fine Sunday?"

Edward grimaced on his end of the webcam. "Seattle is rainy, making this not so fine of a Sunday."

"It's only five in the morning. In a couple of hours, the sun could be out and shining brightly down upon you. Breezes whispering 'I love you'. Maybe even some birds singing in the sycamore trees."

His head moved side to side just a little while his laughter drifted from my laptop speakers. "Still listening to my jazz playlist, I see. Nice switch up on the lyrics, by the way."

"Duh!" I replied, teasingly rolling my eyes at him. "So did you 'Dream A Little Dream' of me last night, E?" I asked, grinning at his image on the monitor.

He nodded slowly, his green eyes mesmerizing me even by webcam. "Every night, Angel."

I let him see my smile for a few seconds before covering it up with a spoonful of yogurt. It was too early in the morning for anything considered real food and my stomach had refused to wait until later so a breakfast of blueberry yogurt and red grapes was now being devoured.

"By the way, do I get my iPod back when I get home?" he asked while picking at what remained of his bagel.

"What?" I cried, faking surprise. "You aren't enjoying having temporary ownership of my iPod? You want yours back already?"

"At the moment, I'm more partial to soothing sounds. Those are severely lacking from your playlists."

"My iPod is now offended. It would cry if it were able, but there's no app for that yet."

Edward snorted as he shifted to rest his cheek on his palm. "Thanks for getting up so early to have breakfast with me. And for agreeing to actually let me see you."

"Babe, you've woken up next to me _how_ many times? If the early morning haystack hair and au nautrel face haven't run you off yet, it ain't happening. Besides, it's not really that early. I have to be work in like three hours or something."

"What time are you getting off?"

"Four-ish. And then I'm heading off to the library to cuddle up with a reference book for one of my papers. I should be done and home around seven, just in time to greet my boyfriend."

"I hope that greeting comes with a kiss."

"Well, he did give me really great phone sex the other night, so probably," I joked.

Edward's laugh was a low chuckle. "Right. The _other_ boyfriend."

I wasn't sure if it was the distance making me braver or the absence making me reckless, but the words came pouring out of my lips all the same ...

"With you, there is no other. Without you is the same.

Long days and cold nights do nothing to effect a change.

Your hands, your lips, your eyes in the light of the moon;

I've felt them on me a thousand times and still I swoon.

My love for you burns bright and hot within;

No longer am I sure where I end and you begin.

If such passion be sin, then sinner I am, whole and true,

For the only hell I fear is life without you."

I kept my eyes focused on the screen in front of me, refusing to lower them or to give in to the urge to bite my lip. I wanted him to see I meant the words and wasn't afraid of them.

Edward had a puzzled look on his face as he tossed out names for possible composers. "Whitman? Keats? Dickinson? Cummings? Wild?" He didn't seem to want an answer from me since he was busy arguing with himself. "No, none of those sound right. It's in the classic style, but different too." His head shook once signaling his defeat and then focused his eyes on me. "I'm usually good at guessing who you've been reading, but you've got me stumped this time, Swan. Who's the writer for that poem?"

Holding his gaze in that moment wasn't half as hard as I'd expected it to be; I was even kind of proud of myself over it. "Normally, I would give credit to my alter-ego, the estimable Beelzebub the Magnificent, but she leans more toward dirty limericks for entertaining the masses … So I guess you could call this one a Bella Swan Original."

Edward didn't say anything. Hell, it didn't even seem like he was breathing or blinking. It had been stupid to just blurt it out that way. I should have written it down and waited for him to be home, sticking it in one of his books for him to find while studying some night. _Damn mouth and brain not working together!_

Said mouth jumped into trying to correct my horrendous error while my eyes got really interested in my fingers playing with the hem of my tank top. "It's nothing, really. Just something thrown together while taking a break from homework overload. It's pretty stupid if you think about it 'cause it—"

"Stop."

I ignored his one word since it hadn't been spoken all that loudly and I figured he'd only said it to be nice. "Doesn't even really make that much sense or anything. Like I said, it's stupid and—"

"It's not stupid. It's beautiful. And I don't deserve it." His unexpected words had me looking at the monitor and seeing the smile on his face. "I waited so long to hear you say you loved me, Bella. I knew if you ever did, it would be amazing. But I never could have imagined it would be anything like this. And the way talking was hard for you early on, but now you say things like that … I hope you'll write it down for me so I can put it with the letters you've given me. I never want to forget a single word of it."

The moment suddenly seemed too serious with so many miles between us so I smiled for him and did my best to make him smile. "Whatever! Of course a cheese-ball like you would enjoy it. So what quote do you have for me, Cullen? I know you can spout of something halfway worth hearing with your learned ass."

He gave me that lighting-up-buildings smile of his as he spoke his quote. "I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach. Elizabeth Barrett Browning."

Smiling and blushing with a warm feeling spreading all throughout me, I tossed a quote back at him. "Sometimes your nearness takes my breath away; and all the things I want to say can find no voice. Then, in silence, I can only hope my eyes will speak my heart. Robert Sexton."

Edward grinned while leaning in closer to his webcam, giving me a great shot of his green eyes and the love for me showing in them. "But to see her was to love her, love but her, and love her forever. Robert Burns."

"I wish you were here right now," I admitted. And then I tossed in a joke. "Those genius quotes of yours have me all hot and bothered. Guess I'll just have to call up the other boyfriend."

Before Edward could say anything, my bedroom door opened and Alice came stumbling in with her eyes half closed. She crawled up next to me in the bed and put her head on my shoulder, waving at the camera with one hand and covering a yawn with the other.

"Morning, Alice," Edward greeted with a laugh.

"I knew I heard your voice," she mumbled drowsily.

"How could you possibly have heard him? I barely have the sound turned up," I told her.

Her small shoulder lifted in a shrug. "I just knew you were talking to him."

"Whatever you say, Jambi. We're having breakfast together. Want some?" I asked, offering up the nearly empty bowl of grapes to her.

She sat up to pop one in her mouth, already looking much more alert than when she'd stumbled into my room. She was like Emmett in the way food immediately perked her up. "Why wasn't I invited?" she asked.

"You're not exactly known for getting up before the sun, Ali," I replied. "What with your required hours of beauty sleep and all."

Edward snorted. "Yes, you mustn't wake her highness before she's had her full eight hours. Her wrath is legendary. Em and I both have scars."

"Rose has a wicked one on the heel of her foot from the time—"

Alice interrupted my recounting of the great heel scratch of '07 to complain. "Hey, I didn't come in here to be teased by you two."

"What else are we supposed to do with your little ass?" I asked jokingly.

She smiled wide as her eyes moved between my face and the laptop screen. "Love me. Appreciate me. Be thankful you know me."

"Just toss out worship you and be done with it, Ali." It was totally a comment I would make, but it actually came from Edward, which just made me laugh all the harder.

"See what a bad influence you are on him?" she accused while glaring at me with those green eyes of hers.

"Dude! For the millionth friggen time, your brother is his own man. He has his own thoughts and opinions," I told her. "Right now, they just happen to agree with mine," I added with a big smile on my lips.

"If I didn't love you two so much, I'd be annoyed with you," she said as she stole my yogurt from me.

I opened my mouth to tease her, but Edward beat me to it—again. "If you didn't love us so much, we'd still be alone and Bella would be getting naked for me."

Alice's eyes were so damn wide they practically filled up her little face. "You aren't … You aren't naked over there, are you, Edward?" she asked nervously.

Edward didn't bother responding—the both of us were a _little_ too busy laughing at Alice to bother with words anyway. Of all the ways to start my day, this one was definitely going down on my top ten list.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I was busy being lazy in my meadow, sprawled out in the high, soft grass with purple lisianthus surrounding me and filling the air with their sweet smell. Dozens of wildflowers with names I didn't know were scattered throughout the clearing, breaking up the sea of purple with shocks of blue, red, yellow, and white. The sun felt great on my face and arms; warm enough to make me smile but not so insistent that I would burn. I could have stayed there for hours on end and probably would have if not for the soft brushes of skin on skin calling to me and making one thing very clear—I was dreaming.

Real world sounds and feelings pushed aside the residue of my dream, alerting me to muffled voices somewhere in the apartment and slow breaths tickling my ear. I smiled at the comforting weight of his arm draped over my hip and shifted to lie on my back. The first thing my eyes saw on opening was his face, with a smile on his lips and love in his green eyes. "Hi," I croaked out.

"Hi, Angel." His voice was almost as soft as the kiss he placed on the apple of my cheek.

I used his shirt to bring those lips back, this time aiming them at my own. The kiss was slow and soft and it said "hello", "missed you", and "love you" all at once.

Edward pulled back just enough for us to look at each other. "Hi."

I snorted at his one word response. "As far as greeting kisses go, that one was pretty good, but I didn't think it was anywhere near brain-scrambling ability."

"I was just surprised by it since you said you'd be giving that kiss to your other boyfriend."

My fingers tightened around his shirt once more, this time drawing him down for a tight hug. Feeling the weight and warmth of his body against mine felt so amazing after being without him for three days. I closed my eyes again and just held on, taking in all the little things I'd missed—his messy hair tickling the side of my face … the brush of his nose against my neck … the smell of spice and soap that always clung to his skin … the squeeze of his arms holding me tight against him.

"I'd thought I was waking up, but now I'm not so sure," I whispered.

"I'm real and I'm home," he promised with a small kiss to my collarbone. "I got in a little early. But I wasn't expecting to find you here, much less sleeping."

"Tara called me not long after you got off the computer. She needed extra hours for something or another so I let her have my shift today. Then I spent the rest of my morning and a couple hours of my afternoon at the library working on my paper. Then there was a late lunch and a nap. And now you're here."

"Yep. I'm here," he agreed, kissing my collarbone again.

I smiled and moved my hands into his hair, petting the strands and lightly scratching his scalp in the way I knew he liked. "All in all, I think we were pretty okay at spending a weekend away from each other. I know the summer will be a lot tougher, but I definitely feel a lot better about it."

"Good. Because the last thing I want is for you to be unhappy in any way."

My lips had barely started working up into a smile when the mood in the room jumped from calm to rowdy with no warning. "So much for not waking her up, huh, Ed?" Emmett asked, his voice seeming to fill every empty spot in my room.

"Do you always have to be so loud?" Edward asked. His words were slightly muffled from his face being pressed against my neck, but his twin heard him anyway.

"That's not loud. I can show you loud if you want," Emmett offered.

"Don't," I warned him. I almost informed him of exactly what would happen if he tried it, but Edward moved away and that had me groaning out my dissatisfaction.

"Just so you know, Em, I let her wake on her own," Edward told his brother. "Unlike you, who wanted to come in here screaming her name and jar her out of her sleep. Which you basically still attempted even though I warned you not to do it."

"Did you hear her name? No," Emmett said, asking and answering his own question.

"You were still loud," Edward argued.

Emmett gave up on talking to his brother and turned his brown eyes on me. "So, Bells, I've been thinking about what happened in Houston and I finally figured it out."

"Which part? The one where you nearly got tased or my mini-adventure?" I asked.

His grin not only answered my question, it let me know I was going to regret entering into this conversation with him. "Yours. It happened because you and my brother decided to act like jackrabbits in Hawaii. You wore your damn happy place out and it retaliated."

Emmett was grinning like he'd just done something amazing while Edward groaned beside me. I could have ignored the big guy and let it go. I maybe even should have done just that. But that wasn't the Beelzebub style everyone knew me for—and that I enjoyed immensely.

"Jeebus, it took you a friggen week to come up with that shit? Just accept it and get over it, Em—I had more sex than you in Hawaii. You booked the trip, you paid for the trip, and _I_ got thoroughly laid on the trip. Stop being a bitch about it or I'm going to pick you up a sundress and a parasol and you can parade your pretty little self around the town like the fucking girl you are!"

Emmett's gasp at my comments was not faked—neither were his slackened jaw and wide-eyed stare. Edward was so tickled he was laughing hard enough to shake the bed while pointing at his shocked twin. I knew what was coming next and I just smiled sweetly and waited for it.

"Fuck you, Beelzebub," Emmett growled, kicking the end of my bed. He turned and stomped out of my room, mumbling under his breath the whole way. The big guy was oh-so predictable when bested!

"Bella," Edward gasped out between laughs. "How?"

"Honestly, E, I don't know. Most times, I just open my mouth and out fly these little pearls of wisdom that make Emmett either laugh his ass off or be an ass. This was clearly the 'be an ass' kind."

"He's not going to know what to do with himself when you're not around to verbally spar with him."

"Good thing for him we have cell phones and webcams. Though, the whole stomping away from me thing will lose what little dramatic effect it carries when he does it to the computer and not me personally."

Edward chuckled while wrapping his arms around me once more. "Knowing Emmett, I'm sure he'll figure out a new way to add some drama."

"I don't doubt it for a second. But enough about him. I want to know all about your trip over dinner."

Edward let go of me and stood up from the bed, offering his hand to help me up. "Are we eating in with everyone?"

"We can. Or we can go somewhere just the two of us. Your choice."

"Angel, as long as you're right next to me, I don't care."

Yeah, those words pretty much summed up my feelings on most things these days. It was going to be rough to adjust from my much calmer and happier world with Edward to one of not having him around, but it wasn't going to be permanent. Two little months. I'd promised myself I wouldn't dwell on his leaving and I meant to keep that promise. I had six weeks before graduation and a seventh week we would spend at the Canyon together. No way in hell would I waste any of that time with him.

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**A/N:** Hello, Readers. And goodbye for a bit. I've finally broken a bone & it's in my arm. Which means no writing, only pecking. For 4-6 weeks. At best. I'm thinking we might get out one other chapter before I'm cleared, but not sure. I put up my/B's poem on the WTB page with a cute background for any who want to see it.


	39. Air and Water

**A/N: **Greetings from your local **One Armed Bandit**! So the cast was taken off yesterday and I have now been moved into a brace. I have some finger movement in my hand but no wrist movement yet and not lifting/holding/carrying anything with it. I have 4 weeks of physical therapy ahead of me before I have a chance to be considered healed. I'm posting this chapter today but I cannot guarantee when the next will be. I'm hoping in two weeks. We'll see how slow I am with my modified typing abilities. I did try out one of those speaking programs and it works great for editing but feels really off and odd when trying to develop a chapter. And plus it doesn't really care for my southern accent all that much. LOL Huge thanks to everyone that has helped me out and kept me sane over the past four weeks. It's been so hard not to write and would have been impossible without friends to chat with and Dr Who episodes to watch! Now on to the next chapter. Hope you all enjoy it!

* * *

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, sex, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Air and Water**

**Chapter Song: "You Found Me" by Kelly Clarkson**

**Bella's POV:**

My finger pushed against the button on the side of my phone, lighting up the caller ID and showing me the time. Not that it mattered since I wasn't going anywhere until I met with Dr. Bennett.

By now, Edward was halfway to Forks for his second Seattle trip. Like before, he'd spend tonight with his parents and the rest of the weekend in Seattle. But this time, he'd be doing some shadowing at an upscale rehab facility out there. Some contact he'd made through Carlisle; I'd forgotten the name of the person he was meeting up with, not because I wasn't interested but because I hadn't been sleeping enough to remember anything these days.

I did remember one thing, though … the flight time for Emmett and Rosalie. They were spending the weekend in Boston to do some apartment hunting and had brought Alice and Jasper along. I'd been invited too, but we'd all known it was just a formality since I had to work. Only, I wouldn't be going into work tonight unless Dr. Bennett had some magic back there in her office somewhere. I seriously doubted she did, so I'd made arrangements with Tara for her to take my shift.

The door opened and Dr. Bennett stood against it, smiling and holding the familiar thick folder that was my chart. "Come on back, Bella."

I stopped biting at my lip and tapping my feet against the floor so I could stand and follow after her. I was pretty sure I'd start doing it all over again once we reached the exam room—I had too much anxiety running through me to be still.

Dr. Bennett rolled her stool over to the exam table I was sitting on. "What did you need to see me about?"

"Something is wrong. Like really seriously wrong."

Her smile faded and she inched even closer to me. "Wrong how, Bella?"

"Just _wrong_. I cut my last class to come here because I couldn't stand the cramps anymore. At first, they were just annoying, but now they have that 'insides being twisted' feeling to them and I'm pretty sure my cycle's going to start today. You know it takes a lot for me to freak out, but I'm doing it now. It's only been two weeks since I was in the hospital. Plus, I never stopped spotting. I'm not sleeping at night, either hurting too badly or not being able to cool myself off. Last night I had to take my last Demerol just to get enough sleep so I could be awake for the test I had this morning. Like I said, everything is wrong and I know it's because these new pills don't work."

"You haven't missed any pills, have you?" she questioned.

"No. Not one. I have the pack in my bag if you want to see."

"That's not necessary. I trust you." She opened my chart and flipped through it a few times before looking up at me. "Do you really feel that these aren't working in any way for you?"

"Doc, I broke a pencil today and _cried_. In _class_. In front of _others_! I've been on meds for shorter periods of time than this and seen more results. At least the other meds kept my moods in check." I sniffled, hating the tears as I wiped them from my face. "I can't take this up and down crap. Just put me back on those last meds. I'll deal with the cramps and the potential tearing without a single complaint. Promise."

Dr. Bennett sighed as she closed my file and looked up at me again; she was going to say something to make life even more hellish for me, I just knew it. "Bella, I can't put you back on those. It's just too risky. And I can't give you something new right away, either."

"So what can you do?"

"I think it's time we start over. We'll let your body return to its natural hormone levels, take some tests, and come up with a new plan of action. We'll also get more stringent with your diet."

By some miracle, I managed to keep all of the curse words sitting on the tip of my tongue inside of my mouth. "No offense intended, but are you insane? There's no way I can go without any kind of help in controlling my hormones. I'll be so damn out of control with my emotions that everyone will hate me."

"Your family and friends will understand."

"Even if they did, that still leaves my teachers, my boss, and my co-workers. Doc, I am not a nice person when I can't control my ups and downs."

"The only other option you have is to stay on the meds you're on right now."

"Yeah, well, I'd rather have some help than none at all," I grumbled.

"Bella, if these meds really aren't working … You know with your aggressive condition waiting is never in your favor. I know how important it is to you to minimize the risks of a hysterectomy."

It was important—vital almost—but there were other things that were important and other people to consider. "I'm not saying 'no'. I'm just saying 'not right now'. Edward, Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper graduate next month. Alice and I will have finals to deal with. And I can't risk not being able to work. I can wait until the end of May. It's only five weeks away."

"If you do get your cycle today then you and I both know it means the meds aren't helping your ovulation at all. The chances of you getting another cycle in another two weeks and developing anemia are too high to risk, Bella."

"Then I'll eat more foods with iron in them," I countered.

"Bella, really think about this carefully. Would your family want you to risk your health this way just in the hopes of temporarily making life easier?"

I didn't even need to think about it to know the answer would be a big fat resounding "no". It would probably come with a lot of disappointed looks too. But if I waited until after graduation, I could have my withdrawals in relative peace with only Alice around. Of course, the pill wasn't doing much for me and if I stayed on it, I was guaranteed to be a tired, spotting mess on my trip with Edward. Going through the withdrawal now meant a pretty good chance of starting my new meds right before our trip and being a fully functioning human. Plus, with everyone out of the house for the weekend, I'd have some time to adjust before they came back.

"You can take a couple of days to decide if you need," Dr. Bennett told me.

"No, I know what I have to do. Just tell me what it's going to be like for me to not have any regulation going on so I can be prepared."

"It'll be _hard_." The way she said the word left no doubt in my mind she was being as honest as she could without scaring me. "The diet you'll need to be on will cut out all caffeine and increase your fiber and iron. You'll be eating lots of dark green leafy vegetables and foods high in Omega-three fatty acids."

I stared at her as if she'd grown an extra head. "So you're taking my caffeine away and leaving me with oatmeal, spinach, and salmon?"

"You can't deny reducing your caffeine has made an impact in the past."

"Fine. No caffeine. What else?"

"You're going to need to be very aware of changes in your body, watching for signs of abnormal fatigue. You'll have more spotting and when your cycle does come, you'll have to take things easy and do what you can to stay relaxed. No exercising at all. Not even a brisk walk, Bella. I mean it."

"Why? What does it matter if I exercise?"

"Exercise gets the blood pumping and if you're already bleeding heavily, you could put yourself in a situation where the blood loss becomes excessive enough to require a transfusion. I know you, Bella. If I allow you one type of exercise, you'll soon decide on your own another is okay too."

"Jeebus friggen—" I caught myself before a real curse escaped and bumbled out a "whatever" before forcing myself to take a deep breath. "No caffeine. No exercise. High on the fiber and iron. Even crazier mood swings. Is that all?"

"To start with. I want you to check in with me every couple of days to see how it's going and to discuss what we can do naturally to minimize any effects you're feeling. And call me if you have any questions or concerns at all."

"Yeah, I have a question for you, Doc … Can I move in with you when my family kicks me out for intolerable mood swings?"

"From what I've seen and heard over the past couple of years, you have a very loving and understanding family. We'll work this out, Bella. We'll find a balance that works for you. I'm not giving up and you shouldn't either."

"Alright. But I'm going to need more Demerol. I took my last pill yesterday."

"I'll call it into your usual pharmacy."

"Thanks, Doc."

She stood and smiled as she patted my arm lightly. "Hang in there, Bella. We'll talk again in a couple of days."

I slid off the table and headed outside to my car, planning to drive straight to the pharmacy to get my prescription. But I didn't leave right away. I sat there in the car with my forehead resting on the steering wheel and tears leaking from my eyes. This was the worst possible time for my bullshit to get out of hand. Everyone was busy studying and prepping for the end of the semester, even Alice and Emmett.

There was no other choice … I was just going to have to suck it up and push it away. Maybe if I focused hard enough on acting like I felt good, I really would feel good. If nothing else, I wouldn't be disrupting everyone else.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

My new diet started on that Friday night. I baked a piece of salmon and paired it with a salad of fresh spinach and low calorie dressing. I'd had to use most of the money I had left since I'd already went grocery shopping earlier in the week. It sucked major ass to see my favorite foods in the pantry and refrigerator and not be able to touch them. What hurt even worse was unplugging the coffee machine. On the plus side, the tin Alice kept the decaffeinated tea bags in was full and I wasn't forced to drink water with my dinner.

Friday night also saw the start of my cycle, automatically leading toward a harsh Saturday. I had to deal with cramps from the torturous beast that was my cycle on top of a headache from the sudden loss of caffeine and fatigue from weeks of not sleeping through the night. Oh, and I had to deal with smelling coffee all damn day long since I'd had two shifts to work. At least I'd managed to sound like I was in a good mood when I'd talked to Edward and Alice late that night after getting off work.

Now it was Sunday and my last day to adjust before the gang got home. Only, I no longer thought it was possible the way I'd hoped. I was just too different emotionally and my eating was too different for them not to notice. Plus, if I was literally crying over spilt tea with no annoyances around me, there was no telling what I would do with Emmett around. There was no way I could leave them unprepared—or worried for me. I was going to have to call a family meeting once everyone was home and explain the situation to them. If not for already having forced Edward to sleep in this morning, I'd probably have been explaining it to him right at that moment. Instead, I'd headed to my room to dress and go to work.

Work ended up being fairly relaxed and I was able to handle smelling and not touching the coffee much better. I even got a compliment from Kate on my improved attitude over the day before. Plus, I was feeling a little smarter after getting some real sleep in the night and had thought to bring some of those tea bags to work with me so I could fulfill my need for something warm to drink while avoiding coffee. I would have just had decaf coffee, but I didn't trust myself to drink just the decaf without adding some regular in there.

As soon as I pulled into the apartment parking lot, I got so excited I started bouncing in my seat—Emmett's jeep was back, which meant most of my family was home. I wanted so badly to fly up those steps and see them, but I kept Dr. Bennett's warning in my head about not exercising and took my time going up.

I opened the apartment door to find all four of them in the kitchen and with two of them arguing about something. They didn't notice me come in and they didn't hear the door close either. I smiled as I snuck closer to find out what was going on, just enjoying being able to watch them for a bit. I was probably crazy to think I would miss this kind of thing but that didn't change the surety I felt; even arguments are something to be cherished when you're no longer surrounded by those you love.

The argument ended up being over some desert Alice had tried to bring back to Edward and me. Apparently, she hadn't written a name on the container and Emmett had woken in the night to devour all but a sliver of it.

"I was hungry!" Emmett yelled out, throwing his big arms into the air. "What was I supposed to do?"

"Eat your own food!" Alice yelled right back. Her little hands were balled into fists at her sides and she looked ready to bite her big brother.

"If the two of you would calm down—" Jasper not only stopped talking, but took a step back from the double glares he was getting.

"I feel so loved," I called out, making my presence known.

"Bella!" Alice squealed, immediately changing from angry to excited. She came around the counter and threw her little arms around me, giving me a tight hug.

"Missed you too, Ali girl," I told her.

"Are you okay?" Rose asked as she wrapped her long limbs around my shoulders from behind. "You look a little pale."

I nodded against her shoulder while enjoying being sandwiched between my friends. "It's nothing. My cycle just started up again on Friday."

"Oh, now I'm even madder at stupid Emmett," Alice fumed, letting of me to glare at her brother. "The chocolate would have been perfect for you tonight."

"It's not a big deal. Let Edward have it. He'll be thrilled to know he was thought of while he was off working hard," I told her. "So tell me all about Boston."

"It was hot," Alice said, immediately looking weary. "The spikes kept falling out of my hair."

"Oh, that must have made you a joy to be around," I said with a laugh.

Rosalie reached out and playfully pushed her palm against Alice's shoulder. "The real joy came with her many opinions on the apartments we looked at."

Emmett snorted right next to me as he finally got his turn to hug me. "She went from sweet pixie to evil imp in two seconds flat. She got so annoying I wanted to toss her off a balcony, but Rosie and Jazz wouldn't let."

"Annoying or not, I love her," Jazz said, pushing Emmett aside to get his own hug from me.

"And she loves you too, Jazzy," I told him as I squeezed him hard in my arms. "Thanks for not letting her get splattered in Boston."

He chuckled against my temple as he kissed it. "Anything for her. You know that."

"Damn! And here I thought you were doing it just for me," I said, pulling myself up to sit on a stool. "Someone tell me more about Boston. I'm dying to know every detail. And where are my pictures? I was promised photographs."

"I'll get the camera!" Alice squealed while dashing off down the hall.

"I've seen it all in person so I'm gonna take off and bring all my crap to the dorm," Emmett said, leaning to the left to plant a kiss on Rose's cheek.

"You're coming back tonight, though, right?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'll be back in a couple hours. Why?" he asked, his eyes narrowed in suspicion.

I took in a deep breath to steady myself and then pushed the words out from between my lips. "I'm calling a family meeting once Edward gets in."

The only immediate sound was Alice's gasp from the edge of the kitchen entryway. She had her camera in hand and a very shocked expression on her face.

"Bella, is there something we should know about right now?" Rose asked.

"It's not like you to call a meeting, Darlin'," Jasper said as he put his hand over mine on the counter. "In fact, you're always the one moaning and groaning about there being one."

"Yeah, well, most family meetings are really just fashion shows for Ali so go figure," I replied, smiling so they would all see I was teasing. And also so they would relax. I could feel the tension coming off of them and it was making my own anxieties worsen.

"Maybe I'll just stick around after all." Emmett's eyes were searching my face and arms as if he was looking for signs of damage on me.

This kind of needless worry was exactly what I was trying to avoid so I made an attempt to calm them all down with my smile and my words. "It's just going to be a small family meeting, you guys. It's nothing to worry over. And the only reason I'm waiting is so I can tell everyone together when Edward gets home."

"Is it about Edward?" Alice asked.

"No, it's about me," I assured her.

"Is it about you being upset we're separating soon?" Emmett questioned.

"No, Em. It's really just about me. It's nothing bad and nothing to worry about. And honestly, how many times does a girl have to ask before her family ponies up the details on their weekend in Boston?"

My question made Emmett snort, Jasper smile, and Rose pinch my thigh. Ali was the only one who didn't seem to relax at my assurances nothing bad was going on. I wondered if I should pull her aside and tell her first just to relax her, but before I could make the offer she was sitting beside me and explaining each picture she'd taken in detail.

Hours later and only after Alice had filled me in on every tiny trip detail—including what she'd eaten each day—I slipped off to my room while she headed to hers to unpack. Rosalie refused to move from the sofa and the guys had left earlier to go unload their things at their dorm. I sat down at my desk and opened my laptop, planning to get a little homework done while waiting for Edward to get back.

But thinking of him had me missing him and opening my phone to see the text he'd sent me earlier.

_Stopped 4 gas. Halfway home. Halfway 2 ur arms. Miss u so much, Angel. Not skipping breakfast with u next time! Makes the wait unbearable. Love u & can't wait to see u._

It still amazed me that we were really together. This time last year, if I had been asked what he thought of me, I would have said he wasn't aware of my existence. But now … It was like … Nothing and everything. I smiled at the thought. All the ups and downs and he still hadn't left. He'd seen the good and the bad and the things in between and still he wanted to be with me. Then again, I'd seen his perfections and flaws and wanted nothing more than to still be with him. We'd stuck around long enough for the shine of the new to wear off and to face the reality of being imperfect humans and we'd liked what there was to see.

I wanted to believe he would still like what he saw when I added a little more bad to the equation. Maybe if I could explain it just right, get all of my words in order and explain it wouldn't really be me acting like the wicked witch, it would help him understand and not hold my behavior against me. I knew how horrible I could be when I lost control and I didn't want to be that person around him. I didn't want him to have to see and deal with the true worst of me. But that wasn't my call. The best I could do was prepare him for what might come. Maybe I'd somehow get really lucky and not have the violent mood swings this time around. So far today I'd been pretty even, though I did have to admit I felt like crying when I first saw everyone in the kitchen, nearly overwhelmed with how happy I was to see them.

"What are you thinking about so hard?"

I smiled at Edward's whispered words and the soft kiss he pressed against my ear. I also got right up out of my chair and wrapped my arms around him, nearly knocking him over with my enthusiasm.

He laughed and hugged back just as tightly. "Guess this means you were thinking about me then."

"As if. Like I would waste my time thinking of you," I joked.

"You certainly weren't spending it on your homework."

"Maybe I was thinking about you a little," I conceded, looking over at my dark laptop screen. I wasn't even sure if I'd ever turned the darn thing on before getting lost in my thoughts.

"Just a little?" There was no mistaking the smile behind his question—he knew he'd been the focus of my thoughts.

I brought my eyes up to his and gave him a smile. "I love you."

"There really is no better greeting to come home to. And I love you too, Bella."

"Yeah, yeah. Love and happy, happy, joy, joy," Emmett barked out from my doorway. "Can we have our meeting now?"

"Don't be impatient, Emmett. And get out of her room. Let them have a few minutes alone," Rosalie commanded from the hall.

"Emmett, leave them alone!" Alice yelled out. "You already ruined their dessert."

"Dessert?" Edward whispered, looking down at me.

"I'll tell you later," I promised. I slipped out of his arms long enough to push Emmett out of my room and close and lock my door.

"Much better," Edward murmured against my neck once we were cuddled up in bed together, lying on our sides and facing each other.

"How was your trip? Did the shadowing go well? Did you like it at all?"

"Okay. Yes. Yes. No."

I couldn't help but laugh at him. "That was four answers and I only asked three questions."

"Yeah, but you were thinking about making sure I'm not going anywhere next weekend."

"How did you know that?" I asked, not even bothering to attempt to deny it.

He shifted a little so I could see his face and his smile. "I can feel your short nails on my skin through my shirt."

"Sorry," I mumbled out while forcing my hands to relax.

Edward put his hand over mine, making sure I didn't move it away completely. "It's alright. We're just starting to learn to adjust to being separated."

I nodded and forced a smile; I was so close to crying for no reason I could pinpoint and didn't want Edward to think it was about him. "I'm glad your weekend went well. Are you tired of Seattle yet? Where do you want to go after you're done there?"

"I still haven't decided. I'll have one more weekend before graduation and then spend my first week of traveling there."

"Shouldn't you decide pretty soon so your plane tickets don't cost an arm and a leg?"

"Carlisle's docked so many frequent flyer miles that I'll mostly be using those to travel. I won't have to set a firm schedule for myself until I'm almost done."

"Maybe we can use some of those miles for me to visit you for a day or two when you get somewhere you think I'll like."

"Maybe. But I don't want to talk about being away right now."

"Then what do you suggest we do?"

"Something I've wanted to do since I last saw you." He didn't let me ask what it was before he showed me exactly what he'd been wanting.

His kiss was hard but his tongue was soft as it swept back and forth across mine. He used one arm to pull my chest against his and the other to hitch my leg up over his hip; the friction it caused elicited deep moans from both of us. I knew I should stop him and let him know there would be no naked fun time right now, but I wanted to feel him against me too much. I wanted him to consume my thoughts and feelings and block out everything I didn't want to deal with, even if only for a little while.

Unfortunately, not all of me wanted to be touched and I ended up jerking away from him and hissing in pain. He hadn't really used any pressure and still my poor boob had howled in pain.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked, looking wide-eyed and worried.

"Yeah, just sore," I got out through clenched teeth. I wanted to cradle my poor boob but I knew touching it would only make it feel worse.

"Did you fall and hurt yourself?" he questioned, sitting up to join me at the edge of the bed.

"No. It's just my time of the month again. That's all."

"It's barely been two weeks."

"It's been _exactly_ two weeks."

"Did you talk to Dr. Bennett?"

"Yeah. That's why we're having a family meeting later."

"What did she say?"

"Family meeting. Later. Capeshe?"

"Yeah, no," he said, taking my hand and pulling me up with him. "We're having the meeting now if you won't tell me beforehand."

"Alright. We're having the meeting now then."

We headed into the living with me calling out everyone's names to collect them from whatever they were doing. Edward snagged the chair before Rosalie could; he didn't really care for the chair except when it afforded him the opportunity to hold me close like now. After ruffling his hair and pinching his cheek, Rose curled up on the left end of the sofa. Emmett grabbed the center cushion and Ali the right, with Jasper sitting next to her on the arm.

"So we're having a family meeting," I said, unsure of where to really start.

Emmett clapped dramatically for me. "Way to go, Captain Obvious. We never would have figured that one out on our own."

"Baby," Rosalie called sweetly as she turned his face toward hers. "Don't make me go find the duct tape for this mouth of yours." She gave his lips a quick kiss and then turned so she was once again looking at me.

I stopped myself from laughing at them and tried my best to explain without freaking anyone out—especially the man sitting behind me. "Okay, so Friday afternoon I went in to see Dr. Bennett. I wasn't feeling well and I was worried the new meds weren't working right. We talked about how I've been feeling since starting on the meds versus how I felt on the old ones and she agreed the difference was not a good one. Because I was on these new ones for so short a time she couldn't change me to a new medication. And because of my recent hospital visit, she couldn't put me back on the old meds either. So I have none for now."

"But doesn't she know what it's like for you to go with nothing?" Alice asked.

"Didn't she have notes in your chart about what that's like for you with the ups and downs?" Rose questioned.

The guys said nothing, having no real clue what we were talking about. But that was for the best anyway because I really couldn't have taken a joke from Emmett right then.

"She does know and she's going to help me deal with things naturally," I explained. "She wants to get a new baseline on me to help her choose my next course of treatment. I've got to be on this really strict diet and I can't have any caffeine at all. I have to eat stuff with lots of fiber and iron in it. And that good omega fat stuff, like in salmon. I wanted to tell you guys not to worry any of you, but to prepare you for the inevitable mood swings. I'm going to do all I can to stop them, but I'm not always going to have control. I'll have a really thin line of patience and my temper will probably spike for pretty much anything. And I won't be able to exercise away my anxieties so that'll make things a lot harder."

"Is this safe?" Alice asked, looking both angry and ready to cry.

"It's the safest solution Dr. Bennett could come up with. She's doing all she can to keep me from developing anemia and unfortunately, this is the only way to do it. It's a lot scarier than it sounds, Ali girl," I promised her.

"Whatever we can do to help, you let us know right away," Jasper demanded.

I gave him a big smile. "Thanks, Jazzy. The biggest way to help is to ignore me if I get into a mood and don't tempt me with foods I can't have."

"How long do you have to do this for?" Rose asked.

My shoulder lifted in a small shrug. "I'm not sure just yet. I'm hoping we can have the baseline part done and all of the tests run and answers back by graduation."

"Well don't you worry about a thing, Bella. We'll all do what we can to help. We're here for you," Rose promised.

Everyone in the room agreed with her and some of the anxiousness I'd been feeling receded at the promise of their support.

"Alright, then," Alice said as she stood. "Our first act of help will be to toss out everything you can't have. Oh, and we'll all go on the diet with you."

"No you won't," I said while laughing. "I'm a big girl, Ali. I can diet alone. Besides, not even your little self will be able to last on a diet of oatmeal, spinach, and fish."

Her nose scrunched in disgust. "Really? That's it?"

"That's it, Ali girl. No chocolate or ice cream …" I purposefully paused so I could hit her with the one food she couldn't resist "… no cold fudge graham cookies at two in the morning when you need a little something to get you through the night until breakfast the next morning."

"Um … So …" Alice immediately sat on the sofa, crossing her legs and looking as prim and proper as any princess ever had. "Good luck with that diet, Bella."

I snorted and gave her a sarcastic "thanks" in response. And then I ended the meeting. "That's it. All my news. Now I'm taking my man into my room to do naughty things to him."

"Yeah, right," Emmett scoffed.

I pretended not to have heard him and to be speaking only for Edward's ears. "It's my turn to tie you to the bed, Babe."

Edward knew exactly what I was doing and pulled out the appropriate lurid grin while shuffling us toward the hallway. "Can't wait. Just promise not to tease me so long this time."

We made it past the wall and were almost at Rosalie's door when Emmett's cry reached us. "Holy fuck! My dorky ass brother's turned kinky."

Rosalie's laugh drowned out whatever else he was grumbling. "They were playing you for the fool you so obviously are, you big idiot."

I laughed under my breath as I looked up at Edward. "Some days, it really is just too easy."

While the thought of Edward naked and tied to my bed was extremely pleasantly naughty, I was in no shape for it. So instead of having a night of wild passionate abandon, we simply curled up in my bed, sharing our weekend in whispers and soft laughs. We eventually got up to eat a light dinner and then took quick separate turns in the shower. After that, we climbed into bed together once more and listened to Edward's soothing music until sleep came along and claimed us. If each of my nights could end so calmly, I might just make it through the next few weeks without scarring anyone, most of all myself.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Another week closer to graduation and another week of feeling crappy. Edward really could apply for sainthood now with the way he was managing to always be calm when I couldn't be. If not for him … I didn't even want to go down that road.

One of the few things that helped me was taking a daytime nap and as soon as I'd found out my last class of the day had been canceled, I'd come straight home to get some sleep. Unfortunately for me, instead of getting a couple hours of restful sleep I ended up with dark dreams and half-remembered anxieties. My clothes and hair were stuck to me and I just felt icky all over.

I was halfway to the bathroom when I noticed something else—I was completely alone. There was no noise at all in the apartment; no music or television sounds and definitely no voices. Someone had opened my door so it was easy to look down the short hall and verify I really was alone. I glanced at the clock and noticed I'd slept a lot later than I'd thought and it was already six-thirty at night. It was a damn good thing I wasn't scheduled to work tonight or I'd have been running severely late.

After a short debate on whether I should shower or search for a note first, the shower won. Because of how hot and sticky I felt, I left the water running cold for the most part, only adding enough heat to keep it from being uncomfortable. I was so overheated I could feel the heat from my skin warming the water as it coursed over it.

Since I knew there was no chance of me using up the hot water, I took my time washing my body and cleaning my hair. I made sure my mind only focused on mundane bullshit, like needing to schedule an appointment to have my hair trimmed and my burgundy streaks freshened. From there, I created a mental grocery list so I could restock the refrigerator with my diet foods. I also reminded myself that I needed to get around to using my googling skills to find some new recipes to keep all the damn stuff appetizing. Maybe I'd get lucky and Edward would know some recipes from his grandmother.

I stopped moving and maybe even breathing. Edward's grandmother. I knew her name was Elizabeth, that she'd taught him to cook, and that he'd loved her very much. But that it was it. There was nothing more.

I didn't know where she was buried or even what month she'd passed away in. So many times I'd meant to ask him and even thought maybe I had, but how could I have asked if I didn't know the answers? All my talk about loving my family and doing anything to make them happy and let them know they were cared for and I barely knew anything about his grandmother. I was the worst girlfriend. _Screw that! You're the worst person period! Living right on up to your Beelzebub name._

The guilt was so heavy and thick I had to sit down in the tub to keep from falling over. How could I forget to ask? How could I forget to find out the date and mark it so I could go with him to visit like he'd come with me to see Aaron? How could I be so selfish? And when had I gone back to being that stupid, stupid girl? What else had I neglected to do with him?

I had no clue how long I sat there sobbing and trying to figure out a way to make things up to Edward before the shower curtain was yanked back and the water turned off. I didn't move my head from my knees to see who it was, partly because I was too tired and mostly because I was ashamed of myself for what I'd done to Edward.

It didn't take long to figure out it was Rose who'd found me. Not only could I smell the Dior perfume she always wore, she was talking in a soft, soothing tone to me. She wasn't doing what Alice would have done, telling me everything would be okay, and she wasn't asking me to calm down like Edward would have done. Instead, she was telling me about her afternoon of window shopping with Emmett. She talked about everything from the clothing she'd seen and wanted but left behind, to Emmett asking for a make-over at the cosmetic counter as a joke, to Emmett trying to convince her to model lingerie for him in a dressing room. It was nothing I really cared to know and just perfect for derailing my mind from the guilty track it was on.

Rosalie smiled at me as she pulled my head down to the pillow resting in her lap. She'd helped me dry off and dress, and had even patted my hair most of the way dry for me. She was definitely going to be owed a huge favor for all of this.

"You're lucky it was me that found you," she said as if she'd picked the thought out of my head.

"Don't I know it."

"Wanna tell me what happened?"

"I realized I suck ass. And I might be having a mood swing too, but I'm not sure. I just feel like complete garbage."

"Really? I wouldn't think you'd be a pucker-hole kind of girl, Swan."

I knew from the smile on her face she was teasing and trying to lighten the mood. "Shut it, Hale. You know I didn't mean it that way."

"So tell me how you did mean it."

"I don't know anything about Elizabeth."

Rose's forehead filled with lines. "Elizabeth? Grandma Elizabeth?"

"Yeah. Edward knows all about Aaron and went with me to visit him, but I don't know hardly anything about his grandmother. I don't know where she's buried or when her birthday is or when she died."

"Bella, did you ever stop to think you don't know because he doesn't want you to know?"

I couldn't help but feel hurt by that thought.

"No, not like that," Rose said as she ran her fingers through my hair. "Not that he doesn't want you to ever know, but maybe just that he's not ready to talk about her. Don't you remember how long it took before you would even let us say Aaron's name around you? Maybe Edward just isn't in a place where he's ready to talk to anyone about Elizabeth. I know I haven't heard him say anything about her in a long time, other than when he's been telling you about her cooking with him. Maybe for him, the only time he's comfortable talking about her is in the kitchen."

"Do you really think it could be that? Because I swear I can remember making a couple of attempts to ask."

"Then he probably did change the subject. But there's really only one way to know and that's to ask him. He should be here soon. Since you were sleeping, we decided to leave you alone and just bring dinner back to you. I only came home first because I had to leave the dinner early after Emmett spilled soy sauce all over me."

I glanced at her shirt and she laughed at me.

"Bella, I changed my shirt first. I wouldn't have even known you were in the bathroom if I hadn't decided to come and check on you."

"Rose, what if I don't know because I didn't try hard enough to find out?"

"Honestly, Bella, I wouldn't worry about it. This whole year has been so different for you, so full of new lessons and hard choices. It wouldn't surprise me to know you missed one little thing. Hell, girl, I don't think I could have done half as well as you have in your position. And before you even say it, this does not make you selfish. If you realized you didn't know anything about Elizabeth and then didn't give a shit, _that_ would be selfish. But any woman who feels bad enough to cry about an oversight is far from selfish in my book."

"What's that about a book?" Edward asked as he walked into my room. "Are you two discussing my graduation gift?"

"Like we would tell your nosey ass," Rose replied, rolling her eyes at him. "Oh, and by the way, don't _ever_ let me hear you say anything about Alice not being able to handle surprises."

"Hey, I only pretend to want to know," Edward defended.

"Sure," Rose said, not looking at all like she believed him.

It was Edward's turn to roll his eyes. "By the way, my idiot brother is looking to apologize to you again."

"Oh, hey, how did he spill soy sauce on you?" I asked as Rose slid out from under my head.

She snorted and shook her head. "The stupid idiot decided he could toss a sushi roll into the air and catch it in his mouth. The roll missed his mouth, hit the edge of my soy sauce cup, and tipped it over, drenching my shirt."

"You're going to kill him, aren't you?" I questioned.

"Not kill. Maim, maybe." Her lips pulled up into an evil grin. "Most definitely torture." She leaned down and pressed a kiss to my cheek before whispering quickly to me. "Come get me if you need me. And remember, I love you and you are not selfish."

I nodded and was even able to give her a smile as she left, pulling the door closed behind her. Edward had moved to sit on the end of my bed and he had a container resting on his knee.

"What's in there?" I asked.

"Salmon rolls and California rolls. Alice said they were your favorites. I had to trust her judgment since you and I haven't gone out for sushi together yet."

I crawled over to sit beside him and thanked him as I took the container. "We'll go sometime together. We could go when you get back from your summer travels and celebrate your heroic return."

"Heroic?"

I nodded as I lifted a roll out of the box. "Surviving a summer spent focused on business takes some definite heroism in my book."

"Are you okay?" he asked, brushing my hair off my cheek and tucking it behind my ear. "You look a little … I don't know … _Off_?"

"I'm okay. But I do want to ask you something."

"Anything, Angel. You know that."

"When did Elizabeth pass away?"

His hand had been sliding along my back but immediately stopped at my question. "Why do you want to know?"

"Well, she was important to you. And Aaron was important to me and it's a big deal to me to go visit him, so I just thought maybe it would be that way for you."

"It's not."

I frowned and dropped my half eaten roll back into the box. "Is it because I never asked before now? You're upset with me about it? Because Edward, I don't know how I messed up so bad and didn't ask you about her and I'm—"

He cut me off with three words I never expected to hear. "You did ask." He turned his eyes away from mine and let out a sigh as he leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees and dropping his head into his hands.

I waited for him to say more, but he didn't. "If I asked, why don't I know much about her?"

"Because I change the conversation when you ask."

"Why?"

"I don't want to talk about her. And I don't want to visit her. Not yet."

"I promise I'm not trying to press or annoy you, but I don't understand."

"You know how you made promises to Aaron and it bothered you so much to feel like you broke them? Well I made a promise to my grandmother and I haven't come through on it yet. I can't go see her until I fulfill it."

"Is it something I can help you do? I'll gladly help, you know that."

"I do know and I thank you for the offer, but you can't help."

"Is it something bad? You just seem so upset right now."

"I'm upset with myself. I should have just been upfront and told you I wasn't ready to talk about her. Instead, I let you feel guilty, thinking you hadn't asked about her."

"I admit I was feeling upset and guilty earlier, but now that you've explained it, I'm fine with it. Besides, it was probably mostly a mood swing anyway."

He still didn't seem any more relaxed so I decided a joke was in order.

I nudged his side with my finger until he looked at me and the smile on my face. "Not that I've _ever_ had a mood swing around you at _all_."

The laugh that came out of him was the big, happy, jovial sound I'd been hoping for. He immediately let go of his own guilt and jumped into describing the entire soy sauce episode to me in detail, even tossing one of my rolls up to demonstrate Emmett's technique. Of course, Edward was smart enough to have the box ready and caught it inside the lid like a pro.

Later that night, lying in his arms, I whispered something I'd been thinking about a lot lately. "You know, I'm really glad you found me."

"I didn't have to look far."

"Yes, you did. You broke through all of my confusion and past pains. You showed me what it's like when everything's right. It's … amazing. I just … thank you for finding me."

"You found me too, Bella. You found the parts I was hiding, too afraid of being hurt again. And you are worth every hardship we've had so far and any we'll have in the future."

"Jeebus, Babe! Do you have to be so sure we're going to have problems?"

He chuckled and his breath tickled the back of my neck. "We will, Bella. Hopefully, they'll be small and easy to fix, but we will have them. I am a flawed man with a stupid ego and you are a headstrong woman with a tender heart. We're human and imperfect. But we're also in love and I believe with everything in me that it's strong enough to survive our mutual bouts of stupidity."

"I love you."

The smile on his lips was easy to feel when he kissed my wings. "I love you too. Sweet dreams, Angel. We have another imperfect day of perfection to live out together tomorrow."

I wasn't sure if I was supposed to hear his final whispered words or not so I kept quiet about them … _And every day of forever_.

If this beautiful, flawed, perfect, sometimes annoying man holding me in the dark could survive the mood swings I'd been having lately completely unscathed, then maybe he really could pull off forever for us. It was certainly a nice thought to have in my head and heart as sleep pulled me under.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Stop it." I was too tired to do anything more than let the words fall from my lips. I'd been up late last night with work and studying and hadn't gotten nearly enough sleep. I was in no mood to have his finger wiggling a few inches from my feet.

"I'm not touching you," was Emmett's mature response.

I pulled my feet further away from him despite the discomfort it caused my stomach all in the hopes of getting him to leave me alone. I knew I was right on that edge where I would go from tired to either crying or screaming and I was doing my best to prevent it. I'd been off my meds for a little over two weeks and while my spotting had lessened and the cramps were no longer an every day occurrence, I still had rough mood swings.

The good news was that Dr. Bennett had run all of her tests yesterday and hoped to have them back early next week. I couldn't wait to get my moods under control and for life to get back to normal in time for graduation. The last thing I wanted was for Emmett and Rosalie to remember me as being bitchy in their final days here.

Unfortunately, Emmett wasn't helping things. He wiggled his finger at me and repeated his earlier words. "I'm not touching you."

"Emmett, leave her alone," Edward ordered. "In fact, get up from the couch and let her stretch out like a good, caring friend would do."

Emmett's eyes and mind remained on me. "I'm not touching you."

"Dude, leave her alone or _I'm_ going to beat your ass," Jazz threatened. I smiled at him taking up for me, too tired to laugh. Or at least I'd thought I'd been too tired because when Rosalie grabbed Emmett by the ear and hauled his big ass up from the sofa, I damn sure laughed. I also stretched out across it and gave a happy sigh at the release of tension in my abdominal muscles.

"I wasn't doing anything," Emmett complained while rubbing his ear. I had no sympathy for him at all—even though we'd all warned him I didn't have patience right now, he kept doing all he could to push my buttons.

"Why must you be so immature?" Alice asked, glaring at him with her hands on her hips. She didn't wait for an answer before turning toward me and giving me a smile. "Do you want anything?"

"Are there still some tea bags in your decaf tin? I really like that tea I've been drinking the past few weeks."

"Yep. I'll be right back with a nice warm cup," she promised.

I found myself smiling again and feeling really lucky to be surrounded by such good people. When I'd given them all the details about my talk with the doctor and my new diet, they'd told me not to worry and promised to help however they could. The biggest thing they were doing to help so far was ignoring me if I got into a mood over something—like last week. I'd been in the kitchen trying to make dinner for the girls and myself and had melted down when I'd dropped the stirring spoon on the floor. Rose and Ali had sent me off to my room while they'd cleaned the mess and finished cooking. Thankfully, I'd only had a handful of episodes like that one. I was pleasantly surprised to be doing so well—and improving every day in my opinion. I had no clue what was causing it, but I was damn grateful for it.

"Hey, Bells," Emmett called out.

I turned my head to look at him; he'd decided to sit next to Jasper on the floor. He probably thought it was the safest spot since he was out of both Rose's and Edward's reach, but I wasn't so sure Jasper wouldn't really haul off and smack the big guy upside the head if he started in with me again.

"What, Sasquatch?" I asked.

"I want to offer an apology by way of snack food."

"What kind of apology?"

"One of your favorites. Some of my Ben and Jerry's Half Baked Double Fudge Brownie ice cream."

"Fucker," I grumbled at him.

"What the hell? You love that ice cream," he cried out.

"Hey, Numb Nuts, why don't you try offering something she can actually eat?" Jasper asked.

"Since when can't she eat it?" Emmett asked, honestly sounding and looking confused.

"Since it's got chocolate in it and she can't have it," Edward explained.

Emmett's expression immediately became apologetic. "Sorry, Bella."

I gave him a smile and let him know we were cool in our usual way. "Double loser points for reminding me of what I can't have, brother from another mother."

"Screw double. Give him quadruple," Jasper suggested.

"At least," Edward agreed.

"You two shut the hell up," Emmett warned, waving a finger at each of them. "I've had enough of your damn double teaming me."

"Would you prefer if I called Bree over to come help us out?" Edward asked. His cocky grin was firmly in place since he knew his words would hit a nerve with his twin.

Instead of getting angry, Emmett seemed to actually consider his brother's words before saying anything. "I'm saying this only once and I'll deny it if it leaves this room, but I just might miss that little fairy when I move."

Rosalie snorted from her spot in the armchair. "There's no might about it. You love arguing with Bree almost as much as you enjoy annoying Bella."

"Hey, it's not my fault she's been reduced to subsisting on air and water," Emmett remarked.

Jasper gave out a gasp and a shocked cry. "Holy shit!" He reached over and put his hand against Emmett's chest. "Em used a big word. How did it feel, bro? Does anything hurt? Are you feeling faint at all?"

I tried to laugh quietly, but Jasper being annoyed enough with Emmett to talk to him that way was a rare and beautiful occurrence.

"Two words, Jazz … Fuck and you," Emmett said as he showed off both of his middle fingers.

"That was three words, you jack-ass," Jasper shot back.

"Ooh, _Happy Gilmore_! Let's watch it!" I called, both because I wanted to watch the movie and because I'd already changed my mind. I didn't like them arguing, not when we only had a few more weeks together before graduation separated us.

"Bella, would you like some of those Lipton noodles?" Alice asked as she handed me a cup of tea.

"Can't have those," I reminded her.

"Why? Noodles don't have chocolate or caffeine," she replied.

I took a long sip of my tea before answering. "Pasta is a carb and I'm not allowed to exercise."

"See!" Emmett called out. "Air and water."

"Is the tea the right temperature?" Alice asked as she curled herself up at the end of the sofa.

I smiled and nudged her knee with my toes. "It's perfect, Ali."

I looked around the living room at my family … Rosalie sitting sideways in the chair completely focused on the textbook in her lap … Jasper with a pencil behind his left ear and his hand behind his right while he bent over the notes resting on the edge of the coffee table … Emmett hooking up his controller for a round of video games in front of the television … Edward hunched over his end of the coffee table with his fingers clicking away at the keys on his laptop and a book balanced on his right knee.

For the six of us to have met in our varying ways and been able to create the strong friendships we had with each other was an amazing thing. It made me think about that part in _Lord of the Rings_ when Galadriel gives gifts to everyone. She gives Frodo a star and tells him it will be a light for him in dark places. That's what my family was to me—my light in all of my many dark places. I hoped there was no amount of distance in the world that could change that feeling.

* * *

**A/N:** Next chapter will have the graduation and the reveal of Stella to Bree!


	40. Surprise

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Surprise**

**Chapter Song: "Back to Good" by Matchbox Twenty**

**Bella's POV:**

"How's my favorite patient?" Dr. Bennett asked as she rolled her stool over to the exam table.

"Buttering me up already? Guess that means my test results are way less than stellar," I replied, watching her face closely for signs of my impending doom.

"Actually, they were much better than expected," she said as she opened the thick folder with my name on it. "The two cysts have further decreased in size and there's no evidence of new ones. There has been some further tearing away of your endometrial lining but nothing to worry over and no scarring."

I waited for her to close the folder and look up at me before asking the question that had been on my mind for days. "So what's making my hips hurt?"

"It's not actually your hips that are hurting. It's your ovaries due to your increased ovulation. One of the biggest issues with you has always been finding a way to dampen your ovulation without exacerbating your other symptoms. Exercising and intercourse can make the pain worse so—"

"Yeah, I know. Keep away from the gym," I said in a sullen tone. I knew my doctor was just looking out for me but I missed my gym and the relaxation that came after a thorough workout. As for the intercourse part, there was no worry there either. Edward and I had decided together to wait for new meds for the full deal and were enjoying some imaginative and highly pleasurable quid-pro-quo sessions in the meantime.

Dr. Bennett's voice pulled me away from my Naked Edward memories. "How are things at home, Bella?"

_What a loaded ass question_, I thought as I dropped my eyes down to stare at my swinging feet. "Blah. I mean, a little better since Em finally got it into his head that Edward and Jasper are serious about kicking ass for messing with me. One less stress."

"But," Dr. Bennett pressed.

I sighed and brought my eyes up to meet hers. "But I'm bitchy and angry and sad, and I don't have much time before graduation and Em and Rose moving. And with Edward traveling at the same time … I just don't want them leaving with this image of me being all over the place and no fun to be around."

"Have you expressed your concerns to them?"

"Yeah, but they all just say to forget it and don't worry about it. That they know the real me."

"From what I've seen in the past weeks, your mood has already greatly improved, though that's obviously not bringing you much comfort."

"I'm not denying things are better. It's just not enough."

Dr. Bennett opened my chart up and looked through it for a while before focusing on me again. "Let's try something. For the next couple of weeks, I want you to focus more on meals and snacks with Omega-three, and take a fish oil supplement. There's a good chance it could help with the mood swings further."

"Fish oil? You sure?" I asked, finding the thought as unappealing as a dress-up session with Ali.

My doctor smiled. "I know it sounds unpleasant but it comes in capsule form and can be swallowed easily. You won't taste the oil."

"Yeah, okay. I'll pick some up on the way home. Anything else?"

"Yes, the reason I called you in today. I sent your test results to a friend of mine who's getting ready to start a trial for a new type of birth control. We've discussed your case over the phone and he thinks you may be right for his study. He needs to go over your medical records to be sure, but it looks very promising, Bella."

"What's so special about his med?"

"He's working on developing birth control specifically tailored for young women suffering from endometriosis. It's a cause he took up after watching an aunt suffer with the disease and its many side effects."

"So how soon will we know if I'm accepted?"

"It's going to take him a couple of weeks to sort through your records so I'm hopeful to have an answer and the meds not long after. Maybe by May seventeenth."

"That would be perfect, Doc," I said, actually feeling a little hopeful and excited. "Graduation's the twenty-second. I can get the meds, get used to them, and be normal in time for the big day and trip after."

"Oh, that's right," she said, returning my wide smile. "The Grand Canyon and your camp-out under the stars."

I snorted at her knowing about the trip. "Guess I've mentioned it a time or two."

"Or two dozen," she said, giving a wink to show she was teasing.

"Doc, I know I may not seem like it often enough, but I appreciate you and all you do to try and help me."

"Well I appreciate your trust, Bella. I know this is a difficult disease and process and I'm glad you have enough faith in me to stick with me."

"Yeah, well," I said as I hopped off the exam table. "Nobody else is gonna put up with me and give me cherry blow-pops."

Dr. Bennett laughed as she stood and gave me a hug. "You keep hanging in there, Bella."

"I will. I've got lots of reasons not to give up," I told her.

"I'll call as soon as I hear back on the meds. In the meantime, if you need anything or any changes occur, you call me."

I promised her I would and after getting my hands on a blow-pop, I headed home to share my latest health news with the family. As much as I liked the idea of privacy, I was smart enough to know it had no place in this particular area.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I was in a panic. It was Monday, but not just any Monday—the Monday of the week Edward graduated. And for once it wasn't his impending travels that had me wired. It was his gift. Or more appropriately, his lack of a gift. Everyone else had already gotten him something—I knew because I'd asked them all. I was the only one with nothing to give him and it was infuriating to me that I couldn't come up with anything. I'd always been pretty good at gift giving, always managing to find something the person wanted or needed. But not this time.

Oh, I'd made a couple of lists so far, but each time I read over the possibilities, I scratched them out. Too plain. Too stupid. Not thoughtful enough. Didn't send the right message. Usually, this would be the part where I went to Alice and asked for her divine intervention but she was already busy enough helping Emmett and Rose get ready for their move and making arrangements for Jasper to move out of the dorm and into our apartment.

So I went to a new source—one with detailed knowledge of Edward's likes and dislikes. I entered my chat program and clicked on Karen's IM name, sending her a simple question as a starter message.

**Beelzebub: **_You around?_

My fingers tapped out a nervous rhythm along the front of my laptop while I waited for a response. I hoped she wouldn't think badly of me for not having a gift for him already. We'd spoken on the phone and through chats a number of times in the past few months and while I considered her to be a nice person and a loyal friend to Edward, I didn't think she and I had crossed the friend threshold yet. We were able to tease each other and joke around like I did with all of my friends, but I wasn't sure we were at the point yet where I could go to her with serious matters. For Edward though, I was damn sure going to give it a try.

**KareBear:**_ Depends. Is this the woman or the demon?_

**Beelzebub: **_Ha ha. No, wait! That wasn't funny._

**KareBear:**_ I'm laughing. So what's up?_

**Beelzebub: **_Can NOT come up with one single idea for a gift that would remotely be good enough. As the purveyor of many of Edward's cherished items, what do you suggest?_

**KareBear: **_Ha Ha! You want intel and you think I'll just give it up that easy? You are not the gal Eds describes in his emails._

**Beelzebub: **_Please be the supportive friend he describes to me! Please help!_

**KareBear:**_ Flattery! I like it! So what category would you like to shop in? Romance? Memory makers? Practical goods?_

**Beelzebub: **_All?_

**KareBear: **_Ha ha! Hang on! Calling you 'cause this will take forever to type._

I barely had time to read her words before my phone started ringing next to me. "Thank you," I said as a greeting.

"Damn and I haven't even done anything yet."

"But I know you will."

Karen laughed into the phone in that low, sultry tone of hers. She came by it naturally and I knew plenty of women who would envy her for that; she needed to find one who would love her for it. She really was a very sweet person and I hoped she would someday find what I had with Edward.

"And to think you doubted we would like each other in the beginning," she said, breaking me away from my thoughts.

"Yeah, well … Karen, help me _please_," I begged.

"I don't know why you're even worried about a gift. As soon as he finds out you secured a graduation ticket for me, he's going to be thrilled."

"He was so heartbroken when he found out he wasn't going to have enough tickets for you to come."

"I can't believe the college is being so stingy and only giving up a few tickets per person like that. So how _did_ you get that ticket?"

"Trust me, it's not important."

"Oh, I smell dirt. Are you harboring some dirty little secret from my best friend?"

"No, nothing like that. And besides, that's not the focus of this conversation. Can we please get back to discussing Edward's gift?" I begged.

She spent a little while laughing at me before getting serious again. "Has he made any purchases for the canyon trip yet?"

"No. He has a list ready, but he wants to wait and buy everything in Forks since we're flying in and out of Sea-Tac. He says it'll be less to put into the Volvo since it'll already be packed with his stuff from the dorm."

"Then I know exactly what you should get."

"Tell me. I have pen and paper right here ready to write it down."

"Actually, get on your laptop again. I'm going to send you a link to look at."

"What's it for?"

"A double sleeping bag. Edward's had the same bag for years and there's no way the two of you will comfortably fit in it. Not only will it be romantic to sleep together under the stars, every time he pulls it out for you two to go camping, he'll remember the first time, making it memorable. And having something new and nice to sleep in is very practical. I do believe I hit all three of your requirements."

I opened the link and looked at the picture of the bag. It was called the Adam and Eve Deluxe. It really was a double wide and even came with two pillows. It sure seemed comfy and I definitely didn't want to be in a separate bag all by myself on the trip.

"It's perfect, Karen. Thank you so much," I told her.

"Welcome. So now that we have the gift selected, how are you? Have you been able to start your new meds yet?"

I couldn't help the sad sigh that left me. "In answer to your first question, technically, I'm doing really good. I'm feeling much better now that when I first went sans meds, but I still clearly need them with my mood swings and my irregular period. As for the second part, my doctor is still waiting on a call from a researcher friend of hers about some trial medication. She seems really excited about getting me on it. But I'm worried they won't get here before I leave for my trip with Edward. She was supposed to know for sure by now if I was getting them and when they would get here."

"So what? Grab a box of condoms. There's more than one way to stay baby-free."

"Getting pregnant isn't the worry. That's pretty impossible for me regardless of if I'm on birth control or not. It's the unpredictable cycles and heavy bleeding that are the danger. I've been doing really great these past couple weeks and haven't even had much spotting, but it's kind of one of those only a matter of time things with me."

"Edward said it was bad, but he never got into details with me."

"He puts up a brave front with everyone, but I think it scares him to know how painful and dangerous it can be for me. Especially after Houston."

"Yeah, that sounds like Eds."

I chuckled into the phone. "I keep meaning to ask you this. How in the world did he end up being Eds to you?"

"Oh, lord," she half moaned and half laughed. "It was another of my failed attempts to teach Edward to ignore Emmett. For some reason, Emmett had suddenly started calling Edward by 'Eddie' every chance he got. Of course, Edward _hated_ the name with a passion. So I came up with the brilliant idea of giving Edward an even worse nickname thinking that if I said it enough, he would grow immune to it and to 'Eddie' too. Only, that never happened. He ended up liking that I called him Eds and still hating Emmett's nickname for him."

"That is _so_ Edward and Emmett. You hear all these stories about twins being inseparable and then you meet these two clowns and wonder where the hell things went wrong."

"Personally, I think in utero. Esme must have fallen and scrambled Emmett's brains before he ever had a chance to use them."

"That is so mean!" I had to gasp the words out between laughs.

"Says the one laughing the hardest," Karen pointed out.

"Emmett's not really bad. Just misunderstood."

"Kind of like Jessica Rabbit's just drawn that way? And damn if I could find a real life version of her."

"Oh, please, please, please!" I begged. "Please let's talk about girls. You never talk about them with me."

"Because you do what you're doing right now and get excited, making me have flashbacks of Alice. And you're into men anyway."

"Hey, I have appreciation for the female form, I'll have you know. If Venus is really drawn the way artists depict her, she was _hot_. I'd fuck her if I was into chicks. And while I firmly believe a fencepost has more brain cells than Megan Fox, I cannot deny she's a hot piece of ass."

"Jeebus, Bella!" Karen cried into the phone.

"Ha!" I said with a loud laugh. "Edward has you saying it now too. But back to the real topic … What kind of woman turns you on? A vixen like Megan Fox? Or a sweet girl like Brittany Snow?"

"You really want to know?"

"Yeah, I really do," I promised her.

"Alright. Here it goes … I really like big boobs. I like the way they fill my hands."

"Really?"

"Is that weird for you to hear?"

"Nope. Is it weird for you to hear I like big dicks?"

"Yes, but only because you date my best friend."

"Oh, whatever! Like you don't already know my man is packing."

"I didn't until now," she said with a laugh. "The last time I saw it, we'd just started high school and he had yet to grow into his body."

"He's damn sure grown into it now!"

"I'll take your word on that."

"So is it the peen itself that turns you off? Because I've seen a few unappealing ones in my time."

Karen giggled. "No. I just don't feel any kind of spark when a guy touches me. But if the right woman puts her hand on me, I get a warm, tingling feeling."

"That's a damn good feeling. Edward does that feeling really well," I said with a small sigh of longing. "I miss that feeling. Well, not the feeling 'cause he finds a way to make that happen every day. I miss following through on it."

"Yeah, he mentioned you two were trying to wait for your new meds just to be extra careful."

"_He_ thinks we need to be extra careful. And I love his silly ass enough to go along with it." Thinking of Edward made me think of something else I'd wanted to ask his best friend. "Karen, do you think if you had been into guys you would have stayed with Edward?"

"Probably," she said after thinking on it for a moment. "But it would have only lasted until he met you," she added.

I frowned at her teasing. "I'm being serious."

"So am I. Bella, you hit every one of his buttons without even trying. You turn on his mind as much as his body and he needs that. Edward likes to romanticize what he had with me, always mentioning how we could be silent together. But he's never believed me when I've told him the silence was because I had nothing to say to him. I don't care for much of his music, I hate his tastes in movies, and I could care less about history books. But you … to hear him talk about how you not only take an interest in what he likes but get him thinking and looking at it differently. I've never known him to be happier than he is right now."

"You mean that?"

"Sure. I don't have to lie and be nice to you. I'm not dating you."

I could hear the laughter in her voice and it made me smile. "If only my boobs were bigger."

Karen snorted. "And if you weren't brunette. I like them blond. Any chance Rosalie might get around to giving up on Emmett?"

"No friggen way. You are seriously pulling my leg right now, aren't you?"

"Edward wasn't the only reason I liked hanging out at the Cullen house."

"Does Rose know?"

"Absolutely not! And you are sworn to secrecy. Edward doesn't even know!"

"Duh! That's not anything for me to tell her or him. That's your business."

"You mean that, don't you?"

"I take being a confident seriously. Unless the info would harm someone, it goes into the vault and stays there."

"You and I are going to get along just fine, Bella Swan."

"I really think we will, Karen."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"And to think you kiss your mother with that mouth," I yelled while struggling to get my phone out of my pocket without dropping my mug of tea. I'd gotten home from work just a little bit ago and had walked right in on an argument between Rosalie and Alice about decorating techniques. I knew better than to get involved but random commenting was totally allowed, especially when it was Alice who had the filthy mouth.

I managed to get my tea onto the coffee table and my phone from my jeans but obviously not without answering the call before I'd meant to because the person on the other end was giggling. And I knew just who that laughter belonged to.

I smiled as I greeted one of my favorite people in the world. "Hi, Esme."

"Bella!" It was so easy to hear the happiness in Esme's voice and I could just picture the smile she must have been wearing. "How are you, Sweetheart?"

"Surviving on this fine Tuesday night. How about you?"

"Feeling rather nostalgic and going through my photo albums. My baby boys are graduating college in just a few days. Where did all the time go?"

"Hell if I know."

She laughed with me over my comment for a moment. "It never seems to be enough when we love them so much does it?"

"Not really," I agreed while thoughts of being without those I loved took away my smile.

"I can hear the frown you're wearing, Sweetheart. Are you feeling anxious about the changes coming?"

I snorted. "Anxious. That would be nice but I think I'm much farther into panic at this point. I mean, not panic-panic just … I don't know how to explain it."

"You know in your head you're not really losing them yet your heart is breaking all the same."

I sighed and nodded, forgetting she couldn't see the movement. "You always know the right words."

"You know them too, Sweetheart. Look at how far your relationship with Edward has come, how much it has evolved." Her comment and the way she sounded so pleased brought my smile back a little.

"He's not what I expected. Well, I mean he is. He's a bookworm and a pain in my ass, but he's also adventurous in his own way and he's so … so _there_. If I need a smile, he's there. If I need someone to tell me to go to my room and calm my ass down, he's there. And if I need a hug and have no clue I need one, he does and he's there. I've never had anyone like that in my life before and I want him to always be there so badly that I keep searching for those words to tell him."

"Oh, Sweetheart. It makes me so thrilled to hear that you're so happy. It's something you've deserved for a long time. And of course, I'm happy to see my son happy. When he talks about you, the joy in his voice is audible."

"Really? He talks about me to you?"

Esme laughed at my question in that sweet, tickled motherly way she had. "Not as often as I'd like, but yes. He doesn't get very detailed, but he does tell me he's happier than he's ever been. And he says you keep him on his toes, guessing what you'll say or do next. Most of all, he says he has no doubt the love you feel for him matches what he's felt for you for so long now."

"I do love him, Esme. Sometimes I wish there was a stronger word for it because it feels like there should be. I thought … When I was trying to figure out how I felt, I knew it was bigger and stronger than anything else. But even after that, I was kind of feeling like there were levels of strength and maybe it was good enough for a little while, you know? But then Hawaii and Houston happened and he was still right there. All the annoyances I've heaped on everyone around me while struggling with my medical crap and he's still right here. I want to say that's always how it'll be but I don't want to jinx it."

"A young lady of great intelligence with a beautiful heart once told me that adding 'so far' to the end of any proclamation kept it from being jinxed." There was a playfulness to Esme's tone and a barely heard giggle at the end that had me smiling wide.

"You remember way too much of the crap that comes out of my mouth."

"That would be because a lot of it is more insightful than you realize, Sweetheart. I'm always here to listen whenever you need me. And if you start to feel lonely at all this summer, I want you to promise that you will come spend a few days with me. In fact, whether you're lonely or not, I want two or three days with you. We'll find a book reading to go to. Oh! And a new restaurant to try so we can gorge ourselves on a fabulous meal until we have to unbutton our jeans."

My smile was so big it actually hurt a little. "I love you."

"And I you, Bella. Never ever doubt that, Sweetheart. No matter where this relationship goes with Edward, I will always love you. Though I'm growing more and more confident with each new day and phone call from the two of you that it will go very far indeed."

"I can already tell I'm going to miss him when he's off traveling. Do you really think that 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' thing will apply to us?"

"I have no doubt at all, Sweetheart. And while we're speaking of traveling and visits, I would really love for the two of you to come and see me at the same time so I can see this new bond between you two for myself."

I groaned into the phone. "Esme, you know how badly I want to come see you and Carlisle and my dad, but I have to work now to get off for graduation and the Canyon trip."

"I know," Esme said with a small sigh at the end. "I hope I'm not making you feel guilty."

I couldn't help the snort that flew out. "You know you are, just like we both know you meant it just a little."

"A tiny, tiny bit," she agreed.

"And the twins wonder where Ali gets her powers of persuasion from."

"Don't tell them. If they find out, it won't work and I'll never get Emmett home from Boston to visit me."

"Aw, that's not true, Esme. Emmett acts like a caveman, but I know for a fact that he's just a big ol' momma's boy. I caught him packing a picture up of you and him and he totally had wet eyes and was triple wrapping it in bubble wrap."

Esme's sniffle came through the phone loud and clear. "My baby."

In the middle of my laughing, the front door opened and Edward walked in with Jasper and bags that proved dinner had finally arrived. My stomach gave a loud roar of approval and I used my free hand to give the guys a thumbs-up. Jasper shook his head at me while Edward gave me that half-grin of his and winked.

"Dinner just arrived," I informed Esme. "Want me to call you back after I've shut up the monster hunger in my stomach?"

Esme giggled. "No, no. We'll talk again tomorrow when we get with Alice to finalize the party plans. You enjoy your dinner, Sweetheart."

"And you enjoy your night."

"Carlisle is due home any moment so enjoyment is a definite possibility."

"Ooh-la-la. You go get you a plate of hot doctor man."

Once again, I had Esme laughing. "You are the only one of my children who seems to understand that being a mother does not mean I'm no longer a woman."

"Jasper gets it too, but he knows better than to say it in earshot of Ali. The man knows who butters his bread. And why the hell am I talking in terms of food?"

"I would assume because you're hungry. Now go and eat, Sweetheart."

"Alright. I love you."

"I love you too. Good night."

No sooner than I closed my phone, Edward was tackling me into the sofa cushions. "What the hell?" I yelled while laughing.

He hugged me tightly and said, "I missed you."

"Were we apart long enough for that to happen?"

"Five hours and forty-two seconds."

"Bullshit," I said, laughing softly against his neck. "You came to see me at work tonight."

"That part doesn't count."

"It _so_ counts. You were maybe away from me for an hour tops."

"Still missed you."

I smiled and hugged him tighter, having missed him too. "You're staying over tonight, right?" I asked hopefully. He'd been staying at the dorm a lot lately to reduce distractions while finishing up the last of his college assignments.

"Yep. I turned in the last of my papers this afternoon."

"So then we have something to celebrate?"

"Every day with you is something to celebrate."

"Ooh, Cheesy E. You are so getting some later. I can't wait to get you naked and—" I'd had quite the visual image prepared for my man but Jasper interrupted by yelling the one word I couldn't ignore … Dinner!

I used both of my hands and one knee to push against Edward's chest just enough to force him to move off of me. While he was busy keeping himself from hitting the floor and coffee table, I was laughing and rushing into the kitchen, even managing to slide in front of Emmett and be the first in line for a plate of food. Between my talk with Esme and knowing Edward was staying with me tonight, I was in a great mood and planned to fully enjoy it.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I couldn't help rolling my eyes as I entered my bedroom with my phone wedged between my ear and shoulder and my hands full of clean laundry. Already, I'd repeated the same sentence to my father four times. "Once again, Dad, we are having the party in _Forks_. Therefore, I shipped the gift to Forks. It makes no sense to ship it here and then have to lug right back up there. Besides, if I'd had it shipped here, he would have found it and that would have ruined the surprise of it."

My dad gave a grunt and a huff and cleared his throat a couple of times before getting actual words out. "What's he doing snooping around your bedroom?"

I snorted knowing the question Charlie was really asking me and choosing to ignore it. "You've seen my room. You know my closet is too small to hide something that big."

"It's all those shoes you girls keep in your closets. And I still don't understand why you had to get him a sleeping bag for two. They've got plenty of single ones for a lot cheaper."

"Dad, please stop. It's not like I've asked you to wrap it for me or anything. Just put it upstairs in my closet for me and forget you even saw it."

He grumbled something I didn't catch before speaking directly to me. "It starts with a sleeping bag and then goes on to be sharing a place."

I didn't bother arguing with him or trying to elate his parental fears—I told him the truth. "Yeah, that's exactly how it's going to go, Charlie. He's going to pick the exact right city for starting his business and once he's got things up and running, we're going to move in together."

"Bella, are you sure you're ready for a step like that? I know Edward seems like a pretty stand up guy, but he _is_ a guy."

I smiled, knowing exactly how to counter my dad's comment and ease his worry at the same time. "Yeah, a guy that wants me to be happy, but not at the risk of life and limb. A guy who encourages me to succeed at whatever I attempt and does his best to help however he can. And a guy who can be sweet and funny just as easily as he can show his ego and piss me off. Kind of like you in some ways."

"Isabella."

I laughed at him using my full name that way. "You know I'm right, _Charlie_."

"So camping, huh?" he asked as a way of changing the subject.

"At the Grand Canyon! I can _not_ wait. I am _so_ excited."

"You know if you want to have an experienced camper come along—"

I cut him off with a loud laugh. "I'm experienced enough already. And Edward has been on plenty of trips with Emmett and Carlisle. We'll be fine."

"Just thought I'd offer."

"I bet you did," I said, laughing once again. "As fun as this has been, I really need to finish up here. Can I call you tonight?"

"Yeah. Give me a ring at the station, though."

"Around nine when I take my break?"

"Sounds good, Bells. You be careful out there and I'll see you Saturday."

"Definitely. Love you."

There was the short pause that always came when I tossed those words at my dad. "Love you too, Bells."

I smiled at his expected gruffness and the sudden end to the call. He really was a great dad and I knew I was lucky to have him—especially after all I'd put him through as a teenager.

"How's my second favorite father?" Alice chirped as she tossed herself down beside the laundry on my bed.

"Charlie's back to acting like Edward is a man on the verge of taking his daughter's innocence away."

"But he let him sleep in your bed with you when you came home from Houston."

"Yeah, well, I was too sick for hanky panky so it was perfectly reasonable and safe. But now that I'm somewhat well, it's hands off. In fact, right at this moment, Charlie is probably glaring at a sleeping bag and wondering if ruining it would stop me from going on my trip with Edward."

Alice giggled. "Think he'll do it?"

"Nope. Because he's going to picture the shit storm he'd create between him and me if he ruins Edward's gift."

Alice opened her mouth to respond but was cut off by a yell drifting down the hall. "Peaches!"

"In my room, Bree," I called back.

"Oh, I didn't know Bree was coming over."

"Neither did I," I said, watching the door and waiting for my friend to appear.

When he did, it wasn't with his usual happy smile and chipper attitude. His eyes were puffy and rimmed in red and his lip was trembling, signaling he was ready for a melt-down.

The shirt in my hands was immediately tossed to the bed and forgotten and my arms were locked around my friend. "What's wrong, Bree? What happened?"

"Lance broke up with me."

Alice gasped while Bree started to cry hard into my shoulder, his body jerking both of ours around. I moved him to sit on the bed and Alice's arms immediately joined mine around him.

"Can you tell us what happened, Sweetie?" Alice asked, using her softest, calmest tone.

It was hard to pick out the words between Bree's sobs but we managed. "He was offered a job in San Diego and is taking it."

"San Diego's not that far. You could do the long distance thing and visit on weekends," Alice suggested.

Bree shook his head hard enough to toss his tears onto all of our legs. "I offered, but he doesn't want that. He wants the full experience of a new city and that includes a new me that isn't me."

"Want me to kick his ass?" I offered. "You know I will. I'll beat him so bad his first experience in San Diego will be with concealer."

Bree snorted and even pulled his lips up into a little smile, but it was forced and soon dissolved back into tears and soft sobs.

"Men suck," Alice announced fiercely. "And not in the good way we like. And to do this days before our big party! What a bastard!"

"He says that's exactly why he did it now. He didn't want to be introduced to a bunch of people as my boyfriend knowing he planned to break up with me," Bree explained. It was easy for me to see he was truly heartbroken about this and while I couldn't do anything about Lance leaving, I could definitely boost my friend's self-esteem and let him know he was loved.

I made a huffing noise. "He's such a fucking liar. He did it now so he wouldn't be within arms reach of Edward and Jasper."

Bree and Alice both looked up at me with confused expressions, but he was the one to question me. "Why would he be worried about Texas and Sexward?"

My evil smile made an appearance as I cupped Bree's cheek with the palm of my hand. "Because he knows they're protective of their girls and _you_ are damn sure one of the girls."

A real smile lit up Bree's tear-stained face. "Yeah?"

"Oh, definitely," Alice assured Bree while winking at me. She'd caught on to my plan just as I'd expected. "When we tell them how Lance left you dateless for our big celebration, they'll be ready to rip off his limbs and set fire to that creep."

"You know what, he's not even worth talking about," I said, smiling at Bree and squeezing his fingers. "Let's talk about how Charlie tried to get me to agree to him being a chaperone on my trip with Edward."

"He. Did. _Not_," Bree cried, pronouncing each word slowly.

"Ooh, we need drinks for this conversation," Alice announced, jumping to her feet. "I'll be right back but since I heard this part, start without me." She ran off down the hall and although she really would bring drinks back, I was pretty damn sure she was also going to be calling Jasper and Edward to give them a heads up.

I spent about a half hour consoling my friend before I had to leave him in Alice's capable arms and get my butt over to the coffee shop for work. I was working every night this week so I could have a full week off starting this Saturday. And even if I wasn't, I would have been working anyway since it was a Wednesday night.

Alice was sweet enough to send me text messages throughout the night, letting me know how Bree was doing. Not long after I'd left the apartment, the guys had shown up and had been making a big fuss over Bree ever since.

I smiled as I looked through some of the text messages she'd sent over.

_Bree sandwiched between Jasper and Edward in a hug. Smile is ear to ear!_

_Jasper just called Bree darlin. Squeal was epic._

_Guys just offered to beat Lance to a pulp. Bree smiling and crying at same time._

_Guys sitting on sofa with Bree in middle. Giving him deserve better speech. Our guys are amazing!_

I could clearly picture the smile that had to be on Bree's face as he enjoyed all of that attention.

About an hour before closing time, I got to see it first hand. Alice, Jasper, Edward, and Bree filed into the coffee shop and settled into a booth near the front with Alice and Bree on one side and the guys on the other. Though I could easily pick out the sadness in Bree's eyes, I could also see the smile on his face was genuine.

"Have you four come up with the perfect revenge scheme yet?" I asked as I took Edward's offered hand and squeezed it.

"Revenge is so last year," Alice replied with a wave of her hand. "We're coming up with potential dates for Bree."

Edward and Bree shared a look and a laugh before Edward turned his green eyes my way and let me in on the joke. "I offered to be his date, but he wouldn't hear of me not giving all of my attention to you."

I was both stunned and touched by Edward making the offer, knowing exactly how uncomfortable Bree could make him at times. I wanted to say something but "thanks' didn't seem like it would be nearly big enough. Edward seemed to know I was struggling for words because he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me right up against him, pressing his head against my stomach in a hug.

"But I did make him promise that if a cloning machine ever becomes available, he has to make one of himself and let me have it," Bree stated, sounding pretty pleased with himself to my ears. I couldn't vouch for his expression since I was still staring down at the top of Edward's head and wondering for easily the millionth time how I got lucky enough to have him fall in love with me.

Jasper's voice finally pulled my eyes away but only because he'd called me by name. "Bella, explain to Bree that he doesn't need a date to have a great time at our party. Tell him what an Alice Cullen production is like, darlin'."

I laughed and shared a smile with Alice before looking down at Bree. "Think of the best club you've ever been too, one with the perfect music, perfect atmosphere, and filled with great people. And then multiply that times ten and you have yourself an Alice Cullen production."

"Bree, you are going to have such a good time," Alice promised. "Who knows! You might even meet your soul mate." Her green eyes lifted and locked with mine. "Bella certainly met hers at the last party I threw in Forks."

I didn't dispute her claim—I just kept on smiling while leaning further into Edward and continuing to stroke his back with my hand.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Stand still," I ordered.

"I am," Edward huffed, making a half-hearted attempt to glare at me.

I gave him a real glare while tugging the ends of his tie just hard enough to dip his head toward mine a little. "Relax. You have nothing to be nervous about. The hard work is all done and all you have to do this morning is to get up on that stage and accept your diploma."

"I'm not nervous. I'm excited." The smile that broke out across his face backed up his assertion loud and clear. So did his inability to stop shuffling his feet and the way he was tapping the pads of his thumbs against his thighs.

I smiled against his lips and gave him a soft kiss, hoping to calm him the way he was always doing for me. But he was apparently too excited on this Saturday morning for even that because the kiss quickly turned hot and heavy and his hands seemed to be everywhere at once gripping and tugging and shooting sparks up and down my body. I wanted everything his kiss was promising, but I also wanted it to come as a true decision and not a heat of the moment choice for him.

"Woah, hang on there," I panted while barely keeping Edward at bay. "You were the one who wanted to do the waiting, Cullen. And last I checked, I'm still waiting on Dr. Bennett to call me to come down and pick up my meds, which she really better do today, hopefully this morning before we leave for the ceremony."

I was pretty sure Edward was trying to look repentant, but his grin was messing it up, just like the apology that sounded a lot more like a question. "I'm sorry?"

My hands stopped keeping the distance between us and started unbuttoning his shirt instead. He was so shocked that it wasn't until the third button popped free that he made a move, putting his hands over mine.

"You were right. We do need to wait," he said.

I smiled at him while pulling my hands free and moving on to the next button. "Oh, I know I was right. And _we_ will wait. But there's no reason for _you_ to wait. Besides, you could use a release of some of that excited energy you have this morning."

I lifted up to get my lips against his while sliding his shirt off his shoulders and down his arms. Whether he was shivering from our kiss, my touch, or the anticipation of what was coming, I didn't know. I only cared that he was enjoying it. Thanks to him only being partway dressed, his belt wasn't buckled yet and I only had to get his dress pants and briefs off.

I'd told Karen a few days ago that I could appreciate the female form and while that was certainly true, there was no form on Earth that could compete with a naked Edward. I crawled above him and grabbed his lips with mine, giving him a kiss that had him moaning and bucking his hips toward my clothed body.

I smiled as I pulled away from the kiss and looked down into those deep green eyes of his. "I love you."

"I love you too, Angel," he whispered as he reached for me and pulled me down for another kiss.

I let him have his fun for a few moments before removing my lips again. He let out a dissatisfied groan but it ended up getting trapped in his throat before he finished it thanks to my powers of distraction—I'd kept my eyes right on his while making a show of licking the palm of my hand. Anticipation was running wild through him as evidenced by his shallow breaths and the way his hands were fisted in my blanket.

I gave my palm one more long, wet lick before bringing my hand to his glory to envelope, squeeze, and tug him in one fluid movement. Edward's moan was so deep I could feel it vibrate into my arm where it rested against his side. Those green eyes of his rolled back into his head and the chords in his neck stood out, inviting me to nibble on them.

Every kiss from my lips and slide of my hand was directed to give him the utmost pleasure, to leave him sated and content once he reached his end. They were also a show of my love for him and a pledge to fulfill every need in him that I possibly could. It was a powerful and beautiful way to feel for someone and I'd never be able to properly express my gratitude to him for taking a chance on me not once but twice.

"Feeling calmer?" I asked while cleaning Edward up with a warm washcloth.

His eyes stayed closed as a lazy smile curled his lips. "So much so that I think I'll stay right here and take a nap."

"Sorry, Cullen. No sleeping through your own graduation ceremony."

"This would be a great time for Emmett and me to be identical twins. He could just cross the stage twice while I slept."

I laughed at his comment. "Would you really want to be as wide and built as Emmett?"

"Probably not." Edward opened his eyes and reached for me, pulling me down for a quick kiss and then hugging me tightly against his chest. "I love you."

"What's not to love?" I joked, getting a snort out of him. "But as much as I love you and you love me, I've got to be cruel to you right now, Babe. Get your cute ass up so we can get you dressed."

Finally—after many interruptions and restarts, and one complete redressing—Edward's tie was tied and looking pretty damn sharp with the dark maroon color resting against his black shirt. Alice had purchased identical shirts and ties for Emmett and Jasper so that in her words "our guys will be the sharpest men to ever cross that stage".

"Alright, take a look in the mirror," I said as I stepped back.

Edward darted his head forward to steal a kiss before turning to check himself out in the mirror on my closet door. "Alice was right about the colors. They really are sharp."

I moved to stand behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist and poking my head around his arm so he could see me in the mirror. "Sharp and sexy, E. But then again, I find you sexy even when you're butt ass naked. Actually, especially then."

Edward smiled at our reflections in the mirror and covered my hands with his. "It's surreal to finally be graduating."

"That happy to be done with school, huh?"

"I'm happy to be starting my life."

"You don't consider school part of life?"

"School is something I had to do, but my business is something I _want_ to do. It's exciting to finally be so close to starting it up. And I'm also very excited for our trip. I feel like we've hardly seen each other lately with all of the studying and my business trips."

"You'll have me all to yourself for almost a week. Just enough time to get completely sick of me before your travels."

He turned away from the mirror and pulled me against his chest, burying his face in my hair and kissing the side of my neck. "I love you. I'll never get sick of you."

I smiled against his shoulder and hugged him as tightly as I could. "So I have a gift for you."

His head immediately lifted to regard me. "I told you not to get me anything."

I snorted and playfully yanked on his tie. "We've seen how well that works when I tell you the same thing."

He didn't argue with that—he couldn't! He just smiled and ran a hand through his hair, looking both guilty and proud at the same time.

"Oh, shut up," I joked, pushing him back a few steps. "Stand right here and close your eyes. No peeking."

Before I could move, he reached out and grabbed me around the waist, pulling me to his chest again. "But I kind of like it when I peak with you."

I slapped his hands away and then planted a quick kiss on his lips. "Stop channeling your twin and behave. And close your eyes."

He gave a fake huff as he stood up to his full height—I knew it was fake from the size of the smile on his face.

I kept an eye on him while moving to my bedroom door just to make sure he kept his eyes shut. I opened the door and stuck my hand out into the hall, waving it and signaling it was time for the gift. It had arrived late last night after Edward had gone to bed, ensuring it would remain a surprise until this morning.

"It's a bit big so I couldn't wrap it for you," I said to Edward as I moved his gift into the room and next to him.

"I'm sure I'll like it, Bella. I like everything you give me," he replied.

"Open up those green eyes of yours, E," I told him.

He did. And then he stared. And then he stared some more.

"Jeebus, I'm feeling like the most undesirable gift on the planet." Karen had her hands on her hips and a mock pout on her lips.

Her comment broke through the apparent fog in his brain and he scooped her up in his arms, hugging her tightly and making her laugh. "I thought you weren't getting in until tonight for the party."

"I wasn't, but then a certain someone called—"

Since I was that certain someone and didn't need to hear the story, I slipped out of the room to let them have a few minutes to themselves. Alice was waiting in the kitchen for me with a cup of tea and half a bagel.

"So he likes his gift," I joked, climbing onto the stool next to her.

She rolled her eyes at my comment. "Was there any doubt?"

"Nope," I said with a huge smile on my face.

There were so many students graduating this semester that the college had been forced to limit each person to three guests. Three tickets weren't nearly enough for Rose's family and she wouldn't hear of not having my dad around so Emmett had pooled his tickets with hers, making sure her parents, her two grandmothers, her grandfather, and Charlie would be able to see her cross the stage. Jasper had offered to give up one of his tickets for Karen, but we'd all known he really wanted his three there to see him—Peter, Charlotte, and his mother's best friend, Maria. She was flying all the way in from Texas to see him graduate, just as she'd done when he'd graduated high school. He hadn't needed to worry about Alice at all—she'd gotten her own ticket from a girl she knew as soon as they started giving them out. She'd wanted to make sure Jasper didn't have to settle or choose on his big day. And that left Edward's three tickets, which had gone to Carlisle, Esme, and me.

I'd felt bad about Karen not being able to be there and even worse that I was taking the spot that would have been hers. Edward had tried to act like it wasn't a big deal as long as Karen came to the party after, but I'd known better. And also, I'd gone out and got a ticket for her with Bree's help. Being the little social butterfly that he was gave him access to a ton of the graduates—he only had to find one willing to part with a single ticket. It had only cost me the story of Stella and a hundred dollars to be paid back to Bree by the end of the summer and it had damn well been worth the look on Edward's face when he'd seen Karen just now.

I chuckled to myself while chewing on a bagel piece and thinking about the big reveal with Bree a few weeks ago.

"_I don't mind helping Sexward at all, Peaches, but I don't work for free."_

"_I'll pay you back as soon as I can, Bree. You know I'm good for the money."_

"_I don't want your money. I want your knowledge. I want information on my big hottie to fuel some fresh nighttime fantasies."_

"_You would flat out die of a heart attack if Emmett ever touched you on purpose," I said, trying hard not to laugh at the starry-eyed expression on my friend's face._

"_And I would die a happy, happy girl."_

_I pretended to think about his request. I even opened and closed my mouth a couple of times as if I'd been about to confide in him and changed my mind at the last second. It wasn't until Bree grabbed my knee and whined a "please" that I said anything._

"_I do have some information I could share with you. The only problem is that if I tell you, you can no longer flirt with Emmett in public," I explained._

"_Never?"_

"_Never ever," I confirmed._

"_It would have to be some major info, Bells. Flirting with that man is one of the few true joys in my life."_

_My smile widened, knowing he was going to promise a lot more than to never flirt once he heard the subject. "Stella."_

_Bree didn't even take a moment to think things over. "No flirting. And I won't use pet names. And I'll stop fantasizing about him in front of him." He had his hands on both of my knees and was visibly vibrating with anticipation and excitement._

_That last promise had me lifting an eyebrow in question because I wasn't so sure he could really keep that one._

_He must have been thinking the same because he smiled wider and amended his claim. "For two weeks."_

"_Alright then. I'll tell you the story of Stella."_

"_Hang on!" Bree squealed. "I want to get comfortable for this." He moved from his spot on the coffee table to sit beside me, folding his legs in front of him and hugging one of the decorative pillows that littered the sofa._

"_Are you ready?" I asked, just barely keeping myself from laughing at him._

"_Ready."_

"_Long, long ago in a tiny town in the Pacific Northwest, there lived a fair haired maiden. Okay, so maiden is a stretch. There lived a holdover from the days of the Amazon warrior princesses and her name was Rosalie."_

"_Peaches, I will cut you with nothing more than my nails if you don't stop teasing and tell me the real story," Bree warned, folding his hands into claws to prove his point._

"_Jeebus, Bree. I was just trying to make it interesting for you."_

"_It has Emmett in it. It's already interesting!"_

_I wanted to laugh at his reply, but I didn't trust him not to claw me. "Okay, so Emmett wouldn't commit to Rosalie and she broke up with him. At first, he tried to act like she was nothing more to him than any other girl he'd bedded. When that didn't work, he tried drinking his feelings away. And when that didn't work, he decided to eat a little of the massive male pride he has. He knew he needed to express his feelings to Rosalie and that she wasn't just going to believe him right off the bat. So he went to Edward for help._

"_Now this is a word for word quote from the big guy … 'I went to my scrawny ass bookworm brother 'cause I knew he would have the info'. He told Edward he needed some words to convince Rosalie to give him another chance. Edward asked him to describe how he felt about Rosalie and Emmett said she was the brightest, most beautiful thing in his world. Edward asked Emmett why he didn't just say exactly that to Rosalie and the big guy said it wouldn't seem real coming from him. He needed something that wouldn't come off as a pickup line._

"_To Emmett's great benefit, Edward was taking Latin at the time and he suggested the word 'Stella' because it means 'star' and a star is most certainly bright and beautiful. Emmett also liked that stars are hot to the touch and nearly impossible to hold, like Rosalie can be at times. So armed with his new word and some liquid courage, Emmett headed off to share Stella with Rosalie. Only, he was a wee bit too drunk and ended up under my bedroom window instead. And since she didn't take him back right away and there were many episodes of him relying on liquid courage, there were many shouts of 'Stella' under my bedroom window. The end."_

_Bree mouthed a "wow" but otherwise didn't move from his spot._

"_You okay?" I asked, once again fighting the urge to laugh._

_Bree smiled and let out a dreamy sigh. "Em's a romantic. Underneath that warm skin and those beautiful muscles lies the heart of a passionate, romantic man. I want one, damn it!"_

"_I thought Lance was romantic. He's bought you flowers before."_

_Bree made a sound in his throat and a grimace with his lips. "He bought me flowers to apologize for canceling a date at the last minute. I don't get sweet codenames like Rosalie or those heart pounding texts you get from Edward."_

"_Give Lance time and you just might get those things."_

_Bree's grimace turned to a lurid smile. "I know just what I want to give him and it isn't time."_

My smile fell and I frowned into my cup of tea, wondering how Bree was doing this morning. I'd been checking in with him a couple of times a day and he at least sounded like he was doing better. Tonight at the party would let me know for sure if he was moving past Lance or just putting up a brave front.

Familiar arms suddenly surrounded me, giving me a fierce hug. "Thank you."

I laughed while reaching a hand back to pat Edward's cheek. "So the gift is to your liking then?"

"It's perfect. I can't even begin to tell you how much it means to me."

"Then I guess I'll just have to make sure you show me."

He hummed against the side of my neck while placing a long, wet kiss on my skin. "I love you."

I moved my head so he could see my smile and know I was teasing. "Love? What is this love you speak of? I only know of your ability to annoy."

He ignored my teasing in favor of covering my lips with his to wordlessly gain the response he wanted through our kiss.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Our graduates! We are _so_ proud of you!" Esme cooed as she tried her hardest to get her arms around Edward, Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie at the same time. They all laughed at how excited she was and then moved so she was in the middle while _they_ hugged _her_.

"Do you think they liked the decorations?" Alice asked, glancing around the room and biting at her lower lip. "It's not too overboard, right? And it shows them how proud we are?"

"Jeebus, Ali girl! Take a breath," I ordered, gripping her shoulders tightly to stop her from vibrating.

Now that she wasn't vibrating like some Christmas elf hopped up on Red Bull, Alice looked ready to cry. "I just want it all to be perfect. This is one of the last memories we're going to make with Em and Rose for a while."

I didn't get to tell her not to worry or that everything was up to her usual perfectionist standards, but that was okay. Nothing I could have told her would have done nearly as much good as her brothers picking her up between them and planting loud, wet kisses on her cheeks.

By some miracle, I managed to capture the moment on my camera and I knew right away Alice would have it prominently displayed in her room the first chance she got.

"Our boy is all graduated," Karen said, slinging her arm around my shoulders.

"And damn happy about it," I added, smiling just from the sight of Edward's grin.

"I'll say if he's getting along with Emmett."

"They've been working at it and getting a little closer every day. I just hope they keep it up when they aren't right next to each other."

"If it's meant to be, it'll be."

"While I'm very happy to see my best friend and my girl getting along, I'd like to steal Bella away for a moment," Edward announced as he grabbed my hips and pulled me towards him.

I waited until he'd moved us away from the party and into a corner before teasing him a little. "Steal me, huh? What if I don't want to be stolen, Cullen?"

He laughed softly against my lips. "Too bad, Swan."

"Ooh, Babe! I love it when you take charge," I teased, linking my arms around his neck. I was expecting one of his epic kisses but he barely brushed his lips over mine before starting to pull away. I quickly grabbed his shirt collar and tugged his lips right back in front of mine. "I sure as hell hope you don't think you're getting away with _that_ as a kiss."

"For now I am, but only because I have something important to say to you," he replied. His voice was soft and the look in his green eyes was as tender as the touch he used to brush the back of his hand against my cheek. "Thank you for getting Karen a ticket. It really wouldn't have been the same without her."

"I was happy to do it for you, Babe," I assured him.

"I am curious, though. How did you manage it?"

"Bree helped. He knew a guy who knew a guy who knew a girl and so on and so forth. You have the concert connections and he has the graduation ones."

"Hey, Bree!" Edward called, waving him over to the corner we were in and away from Alice and Esme.

Bree came right over, smiling wide and looking like his normally happy self—except for the bit of sadness in his eyes. "Your mother is sweeter than sugar. You are one lucky boy, Edward."

"What! No nickname?" I asked, playfully elbowing Bree in the side.

Bree shrugged. "It is his graduation party and I know how easily he embarrasses so I thought I would give him a break."

"Well, then, this is for not embarrassing me and more importantly, for helping Bella to get Karen a ticket." Edward leaned down and pressed his lips to Bree's cheek. "Thank you, Bree."

Bree was so outdone with Edward's gesture that he finally gave me a reason to use the term "gob smacked"—he didn't even have sense enough to smile, he was _that_ shocked. I'd known for awhile now that Edward was a very caring and considerate person, but seeing him really being around for Bree this week and caring about whether or not my friend was upset ... This was the sort of thing that made a guy a man in my eyes.

"I … uh … I need to freshen up my makeup," Bree stuttered as he turned and walked away. He wasn't quite rushing through the crowd to get to the bathroom, but he wasn't exactly taking his time either.

"I didn't know he wore makeup," Edward commented.

"He doesn't."

"Then why?" Before I could answer Edward's question, he voiced a soft "oh".

"He doesn't have a lot of experience with straight guys being accepting of him and his personality so he can't just smile and laugh and pretend it didn't go straight to his heart." I turned my head and locked eyes with Edward. "You've just gained his complete loyalty, you know."

"Second only to his loyalty to you, I'm sure."

"You're possibly third in line. He's pretty partial to Alice."

Edward smiled and pulled me close, wrapping me up in his arms. "Aren't we all?"

I just hummed my agreement against his shirt, enjoying his warmth too much to bother with speaking.

For a little while, he let me just stand there in his arms and enjoy the moment. But then he pulled out the question I was sure he'd been waiting hours to ask—we'd driven separately to Forks with the men in one car and the women in another per Alice's instructions.

"With all the excitement today, I haven't had a chance to ask you … How are you feeling?" he asked, nearly whispering the words as his hand started that soothing up and down motion along my back.

"I'm okay. Of course, I've had most of the week to get used to the idea since I was pretty sure Dr. Bennett wouldn't have the meds in time. But hey, it's something to look forward to when I get back from our trip, right?"

"How are you really feeling?"

My fingers focused on smoothing a wrinkle from the shoulder of his shirt while my mind carefully selected words to form a response. "I'm not thrilled about it. And I know she really did all she could to get them here for today. I'm just ready to be on the new meds and be somewhat regular again."

"Maybe we shouldn't go. She said she might have them on Monday, so we could just spend a long weekend here and then head back to get them."

I pulled away to look up at him. "Are you insane? Do you not understand how much I've been looking forward to this trip? And it's not even about the destination. It's about not having to share you in my last week with you. How could you even suggest canceling?"

"I just thought it might be best so we don't have another Houston on our hands."

Somewhere in the back of my head, I understood he was trying to be helpful, but I couldn't stop the anger that bubbled up in me and poured out of my mouth. "I won't let my condition rule my life. Not now and not ever. This is _my_ life, Edward. _Mine_. No one and nothing, not even my body, is going to tell me how to live or to dictate where I can and can't go."

Edward's arm wrapped around my shoulders and his other hand cradled my head, pulling me flush against his chest. "It's alright, Bella. We won't change our plans. I promise."

My response was to cry into the front of his shirt while holding the sides in my fisted hands. I wasn't even sure what the hell I was crying about.

"Calm down, Angel," he cooed softly into my ear. "We'll go and have a great time, and we'll make some amazing memories together."

His words calmed me, but only a little and certainly not enough to stop my words from spewing out at record speed. "Promise we'll go, Edward. Promise you won't get up tomorrow and convince me to stay here with you. Promise we'll catch our flight and we'll go to the Grand Canyon."

"I promise you, Bella. We'll be at the airport by noon and on our flight by two. Tomorrow night, we'll be in that beautiful hotel room I showed you online." His hands cupped the sides of my face and lifted it. "Okay?" he asked with a smile.

I forced my lips up into their own smile. "Okay."

After wiping my tears away with his fingers, he brought my head to rest against him again. "I love you."

"I love you, too. I'm sorry about the crying thing."

"It's alright. It was only a mood swing and a small one at that. Besides, I technically caused it."

"Yeah, but now I've got us both all upset."

"I'm not upset, Bella. Well, maybe with myself a little for getting you upset."

I snorted at him. "Liar. I can hear your heartbeat, you know."

He was quiet for a moment before he pressed his lips to my head and murmured to me. "I don't like upsetting you. I don't like being the reason behind your tears."

"Then do something about it. Give me one of those slow kisses that makes everything melt away but you and me."

Once again, he tilted my face up to his, this time pressing his lips to mine and giving me the exact kind of kiss I'd asked for. The sounds of the party, the thoughts in my head, and the fear in my belly all melted away at the tenderness of his touch and the warmth of his love.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Alright, I need a water," I panted out as I grabbed Alice's arm. I tugged her away from our group and toward the coolers near the windows.

The party had been going for a few hours already and showed no signs of stopping soon. Not that I'd figured on anything less—we had skipped nearly every Thursday outing since coming back from Hawaii and we had plenty to make up for. And with Bree and Karen added to the mix, we'd hardly had a moment yet where we stopped laughing for long. Of course, most of the laughing came from Bree and Karen dishing dirt to each other on Edward and me.

"They love the party, Bells," Alice squealed. She was vibrating next to me while I dug through the ice for a water bottle. "Even Edward is dancing and having a great time without us having to beg and plead for his involvement," she continued.

I couldn't help but snort. "Yeah, that has nothing to do with the three beers and two shots Emmett and Jasper gave to him."

"I'm not saying it doesn't, but I do think overall, he's been much more excited today than he has been in a long while."

"He's really happy to have graduated and be done with school. He says the excitement is for having finished what he had to do and getting ready to do what he wants to do."

"Sounds exactly like my big brother," Alice said with a giggle.

"Careful, Ed!" Emmett called out, immediately grabbing my attention. I turned to find him holding Edward's arm and laughing with him.

"Maybe it really is those beers then," Alice commented. She had her hand over her face as if she really thought it had covered up her snort.

"Apparently I'm not the only one who could use some water," I said, heading back toward our group. Rose was dancing with Bree and Jasper was partnered with Karen while Emmett and Edward were next to them talking. I couldn't hear what they were saying but since they both had smiles on their faces I figured the twins were getting along. It made me smile to know how often that had been happening lately. I still found it weird that the way to calm Emmett down was to stop taking his shit and dish it right back out. _Whatever works right?_ I thought as I squeezed between two couples to get to my family.

Edward noticed me and stepped away from Emmett to meet up with me. In that one step, I saw more than I ever wanted. Edward's knees buckled, his shoulders slumped, and his body went down hard in a heap. If not for Emmett's quick reflexes, Edward's head would have joined the rest of his body on the hardwood floor.

The next few minutes were a blur of shouts and screams from people as I pushed them aside to either get to Edward or to force them to give him some space. Someone must have gone upstairs to get Carlisle because he suddenly appeared with his hair a mess and wearing wrinkled pajamas.

"I'm fine," Edward insisted for the fifth time. He was also attempting to push his father's hands away again. When he lost the battle this time, he settled for yelling at Carlisle. "Dad, _stop_. I said I'm fine."

"Are you sure you feel fine?" Carlisle questioned as he fruitlessly tried to turn his son's face up to his. "You look pale, Edward."

"It's the lighting in here. That's all," Edward replied. "Just move so I can stand up and you'll see I'm fine. I just had one too many beers. That's all."

Carlisle didn't seem to like the idea any better than I did, but we both silently moved away and let Edward get up on his own. He seemed steady enough, but I wasn't convinced. Beers made you lose your balance and stumble. And while Emmett and Edward both were adamant it had only been a rough stumble that led to the fall, I didn't buy it. I'd been looking right at Edward's face. I'd watched his smile at seeing me turn to a frown, and I'd noticed his eyebrows draw together as if he was confused about something. Worst of all, I'd seen his eyes roll back in his head. _Hell, I can still see it_, I thought as I watched him push Alice's hands and help away.

"See? It was just the beers. Now everyone can relax," Edward stated, his eyes focused on Alice in particular. "And probably this shirt too," he added, looking down at himself. "It isn't helping with all the body heat down here. I'm going to go up and change."

"Edward, are you sure you wouldn't rather come to my office and let me check you over?" his dad offered.

Those copper locks moved left to right as Edward shook his head. "I'd rather you go back to bed. I'll get some water, change my shirt, and that'll be the end of it."

"Want some company?" I asked, already suspecting he wouldn't.

The tension in his jaw and darkness of his eyes told me his answer before his words did. "Bella, I can change my shirt on my own."

"I know you can. I was only offering to spend time with you."

"Thank you, but it's not necessary."

"Whoa! Where the hell did my nice guy best friend go and who the hell are you?" Karen asked.

"It's alright," I told her. "Let him go up on his own if he wants." I didn't really feel that way, but I knew I couldn't let him get into an argument with his best friend. His fall had only seemed to injure one part of him and I'd seen firsthand what could happen when he let his pride get in the way. It was not pretty and not what anyone needed to experience tonight.

"Bella, are you sure we should just let him go?" Karen asked as we watched Edward make his way up the stairs.

"Yeah. But I'm timing his ass. If he's not back down here in five minutes, I'm going up after him," I promised her.

"You'll give the man ten minutes," Emmett ordered. He put his arm around my shoulder and turned me away from the stairs. "Like you're always telling me, he's his own man with his own mind and he knows what he needs. And between you and me, the only thing wounded is his pride. Let him get over the embarrassment of it and he'll come back down on his own."

It was because I wanted to believe Emmett so much that I almost waited the full ten minutes before heading upstairs to check on Edward. Standing at his bedside and looking at his face in the light of the lamp, I could see tiredness. And the loud snores pouring out of him where definitely the ones I usually heard when he was lost in drunken slumber.

A smile of relief crossed my lips and I wondered if maybe my own mood had something to do with how quickly I'd decided there was more wrong with Edward than being drunk. I put my hand to his chest to brace myself and keep from bumping the night stand while leaning over to place a kiss on his cheek.

My hand never did any bracing and my lips never did any kissing. I was too busy staring at my hand and feeling the pounding of Edward's heart beneath it. Alcohol slowed reflexes as I damn well knew from lots of experience. In fact, I couldn't recall a single person I knew ever having gotten a racing heart from beers before.

Tonight, I'd be the good girlfriend, letting him sleep so his body could wind down and his heartbeat would return to normal. But in the morning, I _would_ get my answers. No way in hell was I leaving Forks without them.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Soft kisses on my cheek and fingers lightly skimming across my stomach woke me. I groaned and rubbed at my eyes, pretty certain I'd only been out for a couple of hours. I'd found it extremely difficult to fall asleep and relinquish the watch I'd been keeping over Edward since finding him asleep last night.

"Wake up, sleepyhead. We have a full day in front of us and lots to do so we can make our flight on time." The fact that Edward sounded chipper and perfectly fine should have made me happy but it didn't.

I stopped rubbing at my tired eyes to look at him. "What happened to you last night?"

"What do you mean?"

"Don't play stupid, Edward."

"What? I got a little drunk and passed out. It wasn't a big deal. In fact, wasn't it kind of required since it was my party?"

I forced my lips to stay closed while moving off the bed and away from him. I didn't want to speak in anger and I damn sure didn't want to risk smacking him for his damn attitude.

"Bella, I'm sorry if I upset you, but it's not like I did it on purpose."

I sat on the arm of his chair with my feet on the seat cushion, close enough to see him clearly and far enough away to be safe for both of us. "What about the excuses you're feeding me right now? Are those on purpose?"

"What's with you this morning? I figured out of everyone you would be okay with me getting drunk at my own graduation party."

"I would have been, but you weren't drunk. Or at least, being drunk wasn't your main problem."

He huffed and slammed his fist into his pillow, beating it into a new shape and then shoving it between his back and his headboard. "I'm really getting sick and tired of people not thinking I can do this thing or that thing just because I don't usually do it."

"Since when does beer make a person's heart race, Edward? You tell me what beer causes that and I'll believe you passed out _just_ from being drunk."

He didn't say anything—he didn't have to. He dropped his eyes from my face to his legs. That one little move proved that I was right and showed me he was ashamed of himself. Any time I'd ever seen him regret anything, he'd dropped his eyes that way.

The anger I'd felt so righteous in feeling faded at seeing his reaction and I moved from the chair to the bed, sitting beside him and taking hold of his hand. "Edward, everyone makes mistakes. I have damn sure made plenty of them. And I've also been that person trying to hide things and not wanting to burden others. But, Edward, you can't risk your health. You can't risk being taken away from the people you love and who love you. So what are you taking? Caffeine pills? Speed? Something stronger? No matter what it is, we can get you help and we'll all support you."

He didn't answer right away and when he did say something, it wasn't what I'd expected. "Drugs? You think I'm taking drugs?"

"Edward, please don't do this. Please don't stall and lie to me when we both know there's more going on here. Beer alone doesn't make your heart race and your body crash. Look, you don't even have to tell me what you've been taking. All you have to do is promise to stop right now. And if you feel like you can't, then promise you'll have Carlisle find you the help you need. I'm not mad or disappointed, Edward. And I'm not going anywhere either. I'll do whatever I can, whatever you need to help you. I know what it's like not to be able to resist things that seem to make life better. And I know how hard it is to overcome them so I can be a great support system for you if you'll let me."

Again, he was quiet for awhile and gave an unexpected response. "I scared you."

"Yeah, you did," I admittedly freely. "More than the idea of waking up from a surgery I don't want has ever scared me. So will you promise me?"

"I promise."

"Can you stop on your own or do we need to go find Carlisle and talk with him?"

"No, I can do it. Just give me a chance to show you I can and if not, then you're free to tell anyone you want. For now, though, just keep it between you and me please."

"Alright. But maybe we shouldn't take our trip after all."

"Bella, no! We've both been looking forward to the trip so much. Don't let my stupidity get in the way."

"Fine. But I'm warning you right now and you can get as pissy as you want … One single sign that you've taken whatever it is you've been on, and we come straight home to tell every single member of our family what you've been doing to yourself."

He reached for me and I let him pull me into his arms and soothe me with his tight hold. "I love you, Bella. I'm so sorry for scaring you. I won't let it happen again."

"I love you too, you idiot. I know school has been stressing you out this semester but to take drugs to deal with it … I really should smack you upside the head the way Rose is always doing to Emmett."

"How about instead you just let me hold you and tell you again and again how much I love you?"

"We can try that first and if it doesn't work, then I hit you."

Edward tightened his hold on me and rubbed his nose against the side of my neck, tickling my skin and relaxing me at the same time. "Sounds like a fair trade to me."

I was still angry with him for being so stupid, but at the same time, I understood how much pressure he'd been under to finish out his semester. And also, I knew I hadn't done a lot to help his stress levels lately with all of my health bullshit. But I was completely serious about coming back to Forks early and ratting his ass out if he took any more of whatever the hell he'd been taking. There was nothing in the world worth risking his heart over—his _life_. And my life too.

* * *

**A/N:** Hello, Readers! It's been awhile! Hope you guys enjoyed today's chapter. Graduation is over and the next chapter is the trip to the Grand Canyon! Very exciting times ahead! Now you just need to know when you'll see that next chapter. The healing process is going well and therapy is getting better daily. I'm still not a 100% yet so I can't just spit out chapters like I want. This week was the first one where I actually wrote a new scene. And as you guys know, a whole chapter usually has four or five of those. So I'm going to aim for posting every two weeks, but that may turn into three at times. I'm having to take it day-by-day right now but know that I want to write this story out just as much as you guys want to read it! Hope you all are having a great weekend and I'll try to have a new chapter for you guys right after Christmas.


	41. Eclipse

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, sex, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Eclipse**

**Chapter Song: "Glitter" by Pink**

**Bella's POV:**

"I'm not completely sure I've woken from my nap," I said as I watched Edward's fingers massaging my leg above the warm water and bubbles. It was our first night in at the Grand Canyon and since Edward had figured on us both being tired from the flight, we were staying in tonight and he'd drawn us a bath.

"Then I've done my job and created the perfect romantic night for you."

I looked around the room, taking in the huge tub holding both of us, the candle light flickering on the walls and reflecting from the mirrors, and the soft, soothing music filling the large hotel bathroom. "Romantic is a good word for it," I said as I brought my eyes back to Edward's smiling face.

He set my leg back into the water and reached for my hands, using them to pull me forward and then turn me so that my back was against his chest. His hands began massaging my shoulders and his lips pressed against my wings. "I love you, Bella."

I closed my eyes and smiled. "I love you too, Edward."

"What is it about you? How can you make something as mundane as a warm bath the greatest experience in the world?"

My smile widened both from his words and the soft brushing of his lips along the side of my neck. "I could ask you the same."

"I want it to always be like this. Even when we've been married for decades and have a thousand little things we find annoying about each other, I want to still feel like there's no place more amazing to be than in your presence."

"How can it be annoying and amazing at the same time?"

"I don't know. It just is. It's that way for my parents. One thing my mom always complains about is how my dad never completely rinses all of the small hairs out of the sink after he shaves, and my dad can't stand watching her cook because of how she tastes whatever the meal is and then puts the spoon right back into the pot without wiping it off first. They've lived with those annoyances for close to thirty years and yet when they look at each other, you'd never guess they feel anything but unwavering love for each other."

I shifted my position in his lap so I could see his face. "I like the way you talk about our future, E. You don't make it sound perfect. And you don't make either of us sound perfect either. It sounds real. Hell, sometimes it even sounds possible."

"It is possible. I love you and you love me. What more do we need to make it possible?" He didn't let me answer, choosing to kiss me slowly and thoroughly instead. _Who am I to complain?_

But I did think about his question for a long time after. I waited until we were out of the tub, were dressed, and were eating our room service meal of grilled chicken and vegetables before bringing the subject back up.

"Sometimes it seems to me that whether something is possible or impossible doesn't make much difference. When life is hell bent on challenging a person, the things least expected are the ones that happen and those counted on most fall to the side."

Edward set his plate down and picked up his glass of water, taking a sip before speaking. "Are you saying you believe life is predestined? Fate rules the world?"

"No. At least not all of it. I think maybe some of life is predestined and the rest is how we accept the things we never had any control over."

"Then you must have been predestined for me because I've never seemed to have any control over how drawn to you I am."

"I know I haven't had any control over how much you've changed me. And most times, you weren't even trying to do anything. Like with my cursing. Something about loving you just changed things, even the ones I didn't consider an issue. And I've damn sure learned a hell of a lot about patience from you."

"Sometimes I feel like you've stolen mine." Edward had looked serious as he'd said the words, but I found it hard to believe.

"This from the man who just spent nearly an hour in a tub with me and kept his touches strictly therapeutic with all that massaging?" I questioned.

"Only by the thinnest of strings. It was knowing how much you needed a massage to relax you that kept me from doing more."

"And now? What's holding you back now?"

He gave me that crooked grin of his while sliding his eyes down my body and wetting his lips. "Dinner. You're going to need the energy with what I have planned for you."

_Holy mother of fuck me sideways!_ It had been a long time since that thought had flooded my mind. Then again, it had been weeks since Edward had looked at me that way—hungry and wanting. I hadn't been sure he was serious this morning when he'd decided to pack a box of condoms for our trip; I'd thought he would want to stick to the original plan of waiting for my new meds. It seemed he hadn't been able to stand the idea of that being at the end of the summer anymore than I could.

As soon as dinner was over, Edward brought me into the bedroom of our suite. He took his time kissing me slowly and undressing me before having me lie in the middle of the huge and wonderfully comfortable bed. He reached for the nightstand, grabbing one of the items he'd put there earlier, and showed me the bottle of warming oil.

"Hibiscus to go with our bath earlier," he said as he squirted the oil into his palm.

"Is all this stuff the same from Hale Lani?"

He nodded as he set the bottle back on the stand. After rubbing the oil between his palms, he lifted my left arm and started smoothing the oil over it.

"If you remember correctly, you put me to sleep the last time you did this," I told him. "As far as I know sleep and seduction don't really go together. Unless you were being very cruel and only teasing me with your words."

Edward's chuckle sounded amused but those green eyes of his showed pure lust. "This is only to calm you so you'll be patient while I take my time with you."

"What exactly does 'take my time' mean, Cullen?"

He leaned over me, his eyes perfectly even with mine and his lips so close I could have touched them if I'd stuck out my tongue. "It means, Angel, that I won't be stopping until you've been properly worshipped, loved, and sated. Not an inch of your body will be overlooked and when I'm done with you, you'll barely have the energy to smile though you'll definitely be happy enough to want to."

"Jeebus, E." My response wasn't all that coherent, but come on! The man knew we hadn't done much of anything in weeks and here he was assaulting me with his sexy words and the lust in his eyes. All he had to do was touch me in that one little spot and I'd be done for, right then and there—_freakin abstinence_.

He must have known exactly what I was feeling and thinking because the only part of me he touched was my left leg starting way down on my thigh and moving toward my ankle.

It wasn't until he changed legs that I felt calm enough to speak. "You know you don't even have to do all this, right? I want to make love to you."

He looked up from my ankle and smiled. "I like doing this for you. I love watching you relax and let go, trusting me to take care of you."

I smiled right back—I also closed my eyes and let go of everything, focusing only on the feel of his hands massaging their way up my right leg.

Once he'd finished with my arms and legs, I felt him move from the bed but didn't open my eyes to check on him. I didn't have a lot of experience with putting myself in the hands of another this way but as he'd said earlier, I trusted him.

He wasn't gone for long and his breath felt so warm against my skin that I couldn't help jerking and opening my eyes to look at him. He laughed against my skin while holding my hips in his large hands and moving me back into place. With his eyes still locked on mine, he lowered his lips and softly kissed the skin near my navel. Goose bumps rippled across me but I was so far from cold.

One hand left my hip and reached for something, dropping it right in front of his lips. I noticed right away that they were hibiscus petals, recognizing the pattern of a white center with colored edges; these were blue, pink, and purple. I wanted to ask him what he had planned but even more I wanted to find out by feeling it.

His lips pursed and his breath blew across my skin, sending a few of the petals skittering up my chest. It was an amazing sensation, equal parts ticklish and electrifying. If not for his hands on my hips, I might have arched right up off that bed at the feeling. From the smile on his face, Edward knew exactly what his actions were doing to my body.

He moved his face toward the new location of the petals, lightly scrubbing my skin with the rough hairs on his chin—now I knew why he hadn't shaved as he normally did and damn was I ever thankful for it. The sensation of soft followed by coarse was so amazing; chills and tingles swept through me with each stroke.

He continued his pattern of caressing my skin with the petals and then rubbing it with his hairs until he reached my neck. His lips parted and his tongue teased that damn spot behind my ear until I turned my head to give him easier access. I'd thought he'd play nice and plant a few kisses there before moving on but he decided to stay put instead, alternating between softly scraping his teeth over the spot and roughly biting down. I had no illusions about there not being a mark there tomorrow but I also knew he would never break the skin and truly hurt me—he loved me too much to hurt me.

**REMOVED DUE TO RATING GUIDELINES - READ THE FULL CHAPTER ON WRITER'S COFFEE SHOP LIBRARY**

"So did I deliver on my promise?" he asked as he moved to sit on the side of the bed.

"And then some. Where the hell did you pick up those techniques?"

He chuckled and looked at me over his shoulder. "A magician never reveals his secrets."

I huffed and rolled my eyes at him which only served to make him laugh again. I didn't care if he laughed—but I did care when it suddenly stopped. "Edward?"

"Don't freak out or anything, but we might have a problem."

I got onto my knees and looked over his shoulder to see what he was looking at. "Dude! You broke it!" I half cried and half laughed.

"I've never done that before."

"Really? 'Cause they can break pretty often, especially when you use a lube. Did you check the directions to make sure it was latex safe?"

"It didn't have any warnings that I saw."

I hummed against his neck while locking my arms around his chest. "Then it must have just been your superb prowess tonight, Babe. You wore the latex out with your mind-blowing skills."

"Bella, this is serious."

"No, Edward. It's not. You and I both know I wasn't on birth control to keep from getting pregnant. Even if you launched a platoon of swimmers inside of me, they have nowhere to go with all the endometrial lining blocking the way."

"Yeah, but you lost a lot of it in Houston."

"No, I lost _some_ in Houston. And I have no doubt I've grown back what I lost since then."

"How can you be sure?"

"I would say the cramps over the last week or so is a pretty good indicator. It has been in the past anyway."

Edward put his hand over mine and turned his head to look at me; his lips were pulled down in a fierce frown. "And here I was tonight being rough with you."

I grabbed his stubbly chin and fully lifted his eyes to mine. "Babe, if it had hurt at all, I would have told you so. I loved everything you did for me tonight." I added a "for us" and pressed my lips to his in a reassuring kiss. "I love you, Edward."

"I love you too."

"Then get rid of your ruined prophylactic and come snuggle with me in this big bed," I said, patting the mattress and smiling at him.

He tossed the broken thing away in the bathroom trash, slipped his briefs on, and crawled into bed with me. His arms held me tightly and his chin rested on the top of my head. "You aren't worried at all?"

"Of course not, Edward. But if you are, we'll wait a couple of days and then get one of those early pregnancy tests just so I can prove to you how silly you're being."

"It really is going to be hard for you when you're ready, isn't it?"

"Think of how hard these past months have been and multiply it by ten. Also add in a surgery to scrape away all the lining and the knowledge that the surgery can't happen if I have any large cysts at the time. It's going to be painful and stressful. And even then, Edward, it isn't guaranteed."

"Then why put yourself through all that pain? Why not just avoid it and have a surrogate from the start?"

I tilted my head so I could see his face. "You can't tell Alice and you can't make a big deal out of this because I really don't want to get into a discussion about it, but … I've already decided I want to do the surrogacy and not have the surgery. I hate hospitals and you hate seeing me in them so …"

Edward brushed his nose against mine, trying and failing to hide his smile. "You pictured me as the father?"

"Duh! You _are_ my man."

"I know, but … you've been hesitant to picture us still together that far off in your future."

"And you were the one to point out to me that it's _our_ future. It was also your idea for me to open up and think about things instead of trying to push them out of my mind. It freed me in some way so that I could see my situation from the outside."

"I'm glad, Bella. I can definitely see you aren't anxious like you normally are when we talk about this sort of thing."

"Nah. That's just calm leftovers from your super kung-fu sexing."

Edward chuckled and pressed his lips to mine in a quick kiss. "So the not telling Alice thing?"

"I love her. You _know_ how much I love her. But she has issues with knowing when to quit with me and if I told her my choice now I'd have to hear about nursery ideas for the next five or six years. That's a hell of a lot of baby talk when there isn't a baby."

"I see your point. Besides, she should really focus on wedding ideas before she worries about a room for a baby." Edward's smile would have seemed joking to me if not for the brightness in his eyes.

I had no interest in stepping in that particular hornets nest so I gave him a quick kiss and then snuggled myself up against his chest, closing my eyes and focusing on the quick, steady beat of his heart. His quiet laughter told me he knew I was avoiding his comment and the soft touch of his lips to my head let me know he didn't mind.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"You're losing your touch," I teased. "You didn't break the condom this time."

Despite knowing the chance of getting me pregnant was zilch, Edward felt safer wearing a condom so I went along with it. It really was weird to discover how many things I was willing to deal with and compromise on just to be with him.

"Ha, ha," he mocked as he playfully pinched my thigh.

"I guess the thrill of catching that fish didn't have the raw animalistic power you got from having your very wicked way with me last night."

Edward closed the garbage bag up and crawled back over to me, pulling me into his arms and pressing his face against my neck. We'd checked out of the hotel almost as soon as the sun was up and after picking up a few things we hadn't brought along with us, we'd gone in search of the perfect campsite. Of course, Edward had cheated slightly by already knowing where it was from his trip with Carlisle and Emmett. We'd set up our tent and jumped right into fishing, but had gotten distracted by each other before long and had ended up testing out his new sleeping bag.

"I'm having the best time with you," Edward murmured.

"What's not to love? Fancy hotel with a comfy bed last night. Alone in the woods catching fish and making love in the middle of the afternoon today. Though, we have _got_ to talk about your fishing skills, E. All that struggling and the little guy wouldn't have even fed me."

"You are exaggerating. The fish was not that small."

"Babe, your peen easily outsized that fish."

Edward's laugh was deep and loud—and followed by a pinch to my ass that made me yelp.

"What? I was totally complimenting you!" I cried.

"You're a horrible liar, Swan."

I rolled over on top of him, bracing my hands against his chest so I could sit up enough to see his face. "Are you really enjoying the trip?"

His hands ghosted up my arms as he smiled at me. "Absolutely, Bella. It's going even better than I imagined. Despite all of your teasing."

"Or because of it," I suggested.

He chuckled as he gripped my elbows and pulled me down for a kiss. "Definitely because of it. I love that you're relaxed and happy enough to tease."

"And I love that you're relaxed enough to be a good sport and laugh about it. And also, I just plain love you."

"I love you too, Angel. What do you say to getting dressed and giving fishing another try? If we don't catch some dinner, we're going to be stuck with granola bars tonight."

"I say this time you let me do the fishing and you do the netting."

"If you really think you can do better, go right ahead and give it a try."

I moved off of him and grabbed for my shirt. "Oh, I will try and I will succeed."

Edward grabbed me from behind, making me laugh and drop my shirt. He pulled me back down onto the sleeping bag, murmuring between the kisses he lavished on my neck. "On second thought, I think we should stay right here. I don't think I've shown you how much I love you nearly enough yet."

I hummed against his lips for just a second before quickly rolling away from him. "Nice try, Cullen. But we've got plenty of time later to roll around together."

He groaned but didn't try to stop me from getting dressed. "Thank you again for the new bag."

"You're welcome, Babe. I'm glad you like it." I pulled my shorts over my hips and then turned to him, hugging him just below his ribs. "You know, maybe you should take it with you on your travels so you can lay on it and remember our time in the woods together."

Edward grinned and pressed his palm to my cheek. "Trust me, Angel, I don't need any help to remember you. You're a part of me, Bella."

"If you say 'the best part', I am so going to push you into that lake right outside."

"Oh, no, I'd never think of saying such a thing." The smile on his face was much too big for me to buy into his line but before I could tell him that, he brought his mouth down to mine and nibbled my lips playfully.

"Come on, oh cheese ball of epic proportions," I said as I tugged on his hand. "Let's go catch some fish."

He laughed and pulled his hand free. "I think I should get my shorts on first. Don't you?"

"Oh, I suppose so. Wouldn't want to attack any wandering campers who might catch a glimpse of you and try to take what's mine."

He snorted and waved his hand at me. "Go make us some tea while I finish dressing and then we'll get back to the fishing."

"And?" I asked, dropping my hands to my hips in true Alice fashion.

His eyebrows drew together for a moment before his error dawned on him. "Please, Angel," he said, giving me a big sweet smile.

I blew him a kiss and left him to dress while I went outside to gather everything together for our tea. Even though I'd been off of coffee for well over a month I still missed it terribly. If I hadn't gotten so used to drinking Alice's decaf tea, then I probably would have caved and snuck a cup or two of coffee from work.

Once I had the water warming up over the fire, I took a moment to just enjoy my surroundings. The sounds of the woods were so very different from the sounds of the city; bird calls instead of car horns and bugs in the bushes instead of loud, chattering voices. The part I loved the most about camping was how I never felt in a hurry over anything. I could go at whatever pace I felt comfortable and not have to worry about affecting anyone else's schedule.

A flash of red had me looking up just as Edward squatted beside me and held out a large mug with a tea bag already set inside of it. We waited together in silence for the kettle to whistle and then he poured the water into the mug while I held it steady with both hands.

I took a few sips before passing the mug over to Edward. I gave his cheek a quick peck and then headed toward the water with the fishing pole he'd picked up this morning on our way out here.

After checking the line and putting fresh bait on the hook, I waded out until the water touched my knees. I pulled up every casting lesson Charlie had ever given me and watched the line arc perfectly through the air to land almost in the middle of the small lake.

"I'm jealous of your casting."

I looked over my shoulder to see Edward slowly making his way to me, trying to keep from scaring off any potential dinner guests. "I told you I was taught by one of the best," I said.

"Do you think Charlie really wants to go fishing with me?"

I laughed under my breath, remembering the uncertainty in Edward's face when my father had invited him on a fishing trip just before the graduation party had started on Saturday. "He was serious about the fishing. He likes you, Edward, even though you scare the hell out of him."

"Me? How could I possibly scare him?"

"Hold that thought," I said as I felt the line move. I quickly jerked the rod back while reeling the line forward. I felt the tell-tale weight on the line from having snagged a fish and gave out a triumphant laugh.

Edward cheered me on the whole time I worked on reeling in the fish and when it came close enough, he scooped it out of the water for us to see it. He pulled the hook out of its mouth and held it out straight. "I bet this thing is fifteen inches long easy."

I was just about to tell him how I could make so many jokes from his comment when Edward lost his grip on the fish and dropped it in the water, splashing the both of us in the process.

"What did you just _do_?" I cried, staring at the rippling water in a useless attempt to see my lost fish. I looked up to find Edward running his hand through his hair and smiling sheepishly at me.

He paused with his hand still lost in his coppery locks and said, "Um … Taking you out to dinner?"

I couldn't help but laugh at him. "Cullen, you might be amazing in bed, but you suck major ass in fishing."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I looked over at Edward and started laughing under my breath all over again.

"You're never going to let me live this down, are you?" he asked, smiling at me over the rim of his tea cup.

"Dude, we had to eat burgers around the campfire last night because you let our dinner go. What do you think I'll do with a story like that?"

"I didn't let it go," he said, rolling his eyes a little. "It was slimy and it slipped out of my hands."

"I take it back. You can't be the father of my children. You'll drop them and I'll have to shoot your ass with one of Charlie's guns."

"Ha ha, Bella."

I chuckled at the disgruntled face Edward was making. "I know I'm laughing."

"Keep it up and I'll go on the helicopter tour of the Canyon all by myself." He almost had me believing his little threat, but then he lowered his eyes to his mug and I knew he was bluffing.

"Fine. Go on then. Hope you have a great time. I'll just sit here and call each member of our family to share my fish story with them instead of saving it as an inside joke for you and me."

Edward put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his side, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. "I love you."

"I love you too. And thanks for making breakfast this morning."

"It's the least I could do after losing your fish yesterday. Though you haven't eaten much of it so it can't be that good."

"No, it was, but my stomach's queasy this morning."

"You okay? You're not getting sick, are you?"

"No, but I woke up spotting and that always seems to bring along a stomach ache these days. I'll be fine."

"Guess we don't have to waste money on a pregnancy test."

I moved my head to see his face. "You almost sounded sad just now."

"No, I'm not. I mean, of course it's way too early for us to deal with that sort of thing. I mean, I haven't even gotten a ring on your finger yet. I guess I liked the idea of it being that easy, that I could just swoop in and be your hero and give you what you want."

I grabbed his face and pulled his lips to mine, giving him a soft kiss. "Edward, you silly man. You're already giving me what I want by loving me."

"Once I'm done with this summer business and I've found us a place to live, I'm going to spend every day making sure you feel loved and happy with me."

I smiled and kissed his lips again. "That's a sweet thought, Babe. But as you pointed out to me, not every day is going to find us happy with each other. So how about you just promise to stick around and not walk away?"

He put his mug down and wrapped both of his arms around me in a tight hug. "I'll never walk away from you again. No matter how heated our argument gets or how angry we might get, I'll stay and work with you to fix things."

"I like that promise," I said as I leaned into him for a kiss.

"You know, you still haven't told me how I scare your father," Edward mentioned a few minutes later while we were clearing our campsite from breakfast debris.

"Oh, that," I said with a laugh. "Well right now, Charlie can pretend there's no coitus going on between you and me. But once we're living together, he'll lose that ability. And in a way, he sees my sexual awakening as the final loss of his little girl."

"But I thought he knew you weren't a virgin before you and I got together."

I snorted as I watched Edward tie up the garbage bag. "Knowing something and admitting you know it are two very different things, Cullen. Especially when it comes to fathers and daughters. Guys want to know when their son pops his cherry so they can celebrate and be manly men together. But when it comes to daughters, they don't want the cherry _seen_, much less licked and popped."

"Carlisle's not that way. I mean, as far as celebrating. That was Emmett's thing." Edward really truly believed what he'd just said and it gave me the strongest urge to reach out and pet his poor little unknowing head.

"Babe, just because Carlisle didn't do that with you, doesn't mean it didn't happen with Em. Carlisle is the kind of dad that adjusts his parenting to the needs of his children. With Em, he knew his son wanted to talk about it, so they did. With you, he let you know he was there to listen, but left the decision to talk or not to talk to you. And with Alice … Well with both Ali and me, less is always more because Carlisle doesn't want to see us grow up anymore than Charlie does. They like being the main men in our lives and want that feeling to last for as long as they can have it. And considering Ali and I are such wickedly awesome women, I can't blame them."

"How do you know all that? About what Carlisle did with Emmett and me?"

I smiled as I reached up and smoothed away the lines of confusion from Edward's forehead. "She's short and spunky and always seems to know everything you don't want her to know. And while she loves me, she totally worships you. But only in a sisterly completely plutonic way. I get all the joy and splendor of worshipping you bodily."

His lips pulled up into a smile that mirrored my own and then our smiles met to create one hell of a morning kiss. Standing there in the early morning shade, kissing and holding tightly to Edward … My list of top moments was going to have to go from ten to twenty just so I could fit all the best ones in with him.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Really bright idea, Cullen," I said as I stared out at the curtain of water steadily falling.

Edward put his arm around me, trying to soothe me. "The weather report this morning didn't say rain was a possibility."

"It's not only a possibility, it's freakin' storming and I'm cold."

We'd been camping for a few days now and Edward had felt we should tour the woods around our campsite today. We'd started off not long after breakfast was done, walking at a leisurely pace and just enjoying the day together. We had even made it to the other side of the small lake and were able to see a few deer in the area. And then the rain had come. At first, it had just been a few fat drops that hit the ground and turned the dirt dark. But then the drops had started coming faster and faster until you could hardly see an arm's length ahead of you.

We'd been too far away to make it to the safety—and dryness—of our tent so we'd tried to find some cover in the trees. Edward had ended up spotting a large downed tree and we were now huddled up underneath it, protected from the rain but not the chill of the wind.

Edward roughly rubbed his hands up and down my arms in an effort to warm me. "Think of something we can talk about to take your mind off the weather."

"Let's see … you plan walks about as well as you fish."

"Bella, I know this isn't your ideal situation, but let's try and make the best of it."

I let out a frustrated sigh and dropped my head to his shoulder. "Sorry, Babe. I know I'm being cranky, but I can't help it. I'm too cold to be anything but miserable."

"Then we need to get you warmer," Edward said as he stopped rubbing my arms.

I shivered from the loss of the little heat he'd been sharing with me. "How is this warmer?"

"It's not yet. Not until you sit on my lap and face me so I get my arms completely around you."

"How is it going to be warmer to have two wet shirts against me instead of just one?"

"Because you're going to take your shirt off," he said, already peeling his own wet garment from his chest.

"If this doesn't work, I'm going to find a very horrible and torturous payback for you," I warned. I tossed my wet shirt on top of his and then moved so I was sitting on his lap. He wrapped his arms around me and drew his knees up giving heat to both my chest and back. "Okay, so maybe this is a good idea. But what about you? I don't want you getting cold just to warm me."

"Think of this as like an oven where you're the heating element. Right now, you're borrowing my heat, but in a few minutes, you'll be the one heating both of us."

"I'm glad you know more about woodland survival than you do about fishing."

"I'm glad it's you I'm stuck with and not my father and brother."

"Yeah, that would be a little creepy," I agreed.

"How is it that for all your camping with Charlie you don't know about sharing body heat?"

"Uh, 'cause Charlie watches the weather reports to make sure I don't get stuck in the rain."

Edward didn't say anything, but I could feel his chest vibrating from the laugh he was holding in.

After a few minutes of cuddling together and sharing warmth, I found I didn't care so much that it was crap-storming just a foot away from our hiding spot. It made me feel even worse for being snippy before, but it also made me smile to know that Edward understood and wasn't upset with me for it. And it made me realize just how good he'd gotten at calming my temper and distracting me from whatever was being an annoyance.

"I'm going to miss this," I admitted.

"You're going to miss being cold and wet and trapped under a tree?" There was a hint of laughter in his voice so I knew he was only pretending to be clueless.

"I'm going to miss your ability to change crappy situations to bearable ones."

"I won't be gone that long, Bella. You'll see. The weeks will fly by and before you know it I'll be back and you'll be in my arms again."

"Even if it drags, I know this is important to you and I want you to have the best time on your trip. And don't let it all be about work. See some sights and have some fun too."

"Let's not talk about my trip right now. I don't want to think about being away from you anymore than I have to."

"So then what should we talk about?"

"How about the first time I saw you?"

I let out a snort and then sang a few bars of that old love song made famous by Roberta Flack's amazing voice …

"_The first time ever I saw your face_

_I thought the sun rose in your eyes_ …"

I fell into snorts and giggles as soon as the last word fell from my lips. I could feel Edward laughing too, though I couldn't hear it over all the noise I was making.

I could also feel his lips on my cheek and it changed my laughter to a happy sigh. I slid my arms out from between us and hugged him tightly. "I love you, Edward."

He pressed his cheek to mine and whispered that he loved me too. And then, without any pleading on my part at all, he started to sing in a low voice.

"_The first time ever I saw your face_

_I thought the sun rose in your eyes_

_And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave_

_To the dark and endless skies, my love._

_To the dark and endless skies._

_And the first time ever I kissed your mouth_

_I felt the earth move in my hands_

_Like the trembling heart of a captive bird_

_That was there at my command, my love._

_That was there at my command, my love._

_And the first time ever I lay with you_

_I felt your heart so close to mine_

_And I knew our joy would fill the Earth_

_And last until the end of time, my love._

_And it will last until the end of time, my love."_

He paused for just a second before adding a few words in a soft whisper, "I'll love you every day of forever, Bella."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"It's our last night camping," I murmured softly. We were lying together under the stars and it seemed wrong to speak any louder.

Edward brought my hand to his lips and kissed my wrist. "A few last touristy things tomorrow, the hotel tomorrow night, and then home the day after."

"And then the next day we watch Jake graduate and the day after that you start your journey of career enlightenment." A thought popped into my head and I rolled onto my side to look at Edward. "Speaking of enlightenment, you were going to tell me yesterday about when you first saw me before I so rudely fell asleep in your arms."

Edward pulled me closer so that my head was resting on his shoulder and we were almost nose to nose. "First of all, I loved knowing that I had warmed and soothed you enough for you to rest. I know you've been restless in your sleep the past couple of nights. And secondly, it's not all that great of a story. It's not like a spotlight shown down on you and the world stopped spinning."

"Damn! I really thought I had that kind of power. Guess I can only stop the world when I'm pulling off an evil caper. Mwuhahahaha!"

"You are so absurd sometimes."

"Hey, you're laughing so you must not mind."

His smile widened and he placed a soft, quick kiss on my lips. "I don't mind at all."

I grabbed his t-shirt and gave it a light tug. "Stop stalling and start telling."

"Right about six years ago, I was down at La Push Beach—"

"Wait!" I interrupted. "The first time you saw me wasn't at your house when Alice brought me over?"

"No. I saw you a week before that. Like I said, I was at the beach and there was this girl with her hair falling out of her ponytail and wet sand caked to her face and legs. She was running down the beach as fast as she could, her arms pumping hard, and her face had the most determined expression I'd ever seen. There was a boy chasing after her with dark hair and skin and he looked impossibly angry. For a moment, I thought she was running from him because he was going to hurt her. But then he suddenly stopped and gave up and yelled out that she was right about being able to outrun him. He pleaded with her to stop and come back so they could go get something to eat because he was now starving."

By that point, I had both hands over my nose and mouth trying to keep my laughter in so Edward wouldn't stop telling his story. He pulled both of my hands down and became the one to laugh out loud since a noisy snort immediately flew out of my nose.

"You made him call you his master, the ultimate king of the beach, and a few other things I don't recall. Do you remember that day?" Edward asked.

"No," I admitted. "I've made Jacob chase me up and down that beach so many times."

"I figured as much."

"Did we notice you there?"

"No. You were too busy kicking sand at each other and fighting over who would get to pick what you guys would eat. You were a complete mess with the sand all over you and honestly, you seemed a little scary with the way you had Jacob obeying you. Even then he was taller than you."

I couldn't help my laughter, but I did keep it quiet. "So if I was scary the first time you saw me, what did you think of me when you really met me at your house?"

"I thought you were interesting and intriguing, as well as scary. And in the weeks right after I added amazing, sensational, and fun." It was so easy to see he was being honest and not making this stuff up. But it was also confusing.

"Edward, did you really stop hanging out with me because you felt obligated to what's-her-face with the fake laugh?"

"I honestly did feel obligated to her. And I did like her. I just liked you more. But … I don't know. I was sixteen and fourteen seemed so much younger than me. But then most days you made me feel like you knew way more about the world than I ever would. And knowing what I do now, I know that's true. You do know more than me."

"Only in some ways. I don't know how to be romantic like you. Hell, I probably couldn't pull off a single romantic night if I tried my hardest."

Edward suddenly smiled wide and even in the faint light of the half moon I could see the excitement in his eyes. "That's your summer project then, Bella. You have to plan a romantic night for us for when I get back from my traveling. You'll have eight weeks to research it and prepare for it."

I laughed softly while tracing the outline of his smile. "You're giving me homework, Cullen?"

"You're not afraid to take the challenge, are you, Swan?"

"I'm not afraid of anything."

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

"Well, maybe one thing scares me," I amended, using his shirt to pull his body all the way against mine. "Waking up and finding out you were only an impossible dream."

"Then I think …" Edward said as he rolled me onto my back and moved above me, "… that I should prove to you the reality of our life together."

"Ooh, right out here in the open. Kinky, Cullen."

"It's just you, me, the stars, and the moon. And honestly, I've just been waiting for the right opportunity to find out how your body looks in the moonlight," he said as he worked my shirt up my chest and over my head. He took a minute to just stare at me before giving his official opinion of moonlight on my skin. "Absolutely beautiful."

Staring up at him, I could see equal parts awe and hunger in his eyes and it gave me that special warmth that came from his love and not mere arousal. _Le Sigh!_ I knew without a doubt that when he touched me, it would absolutely be making love in the moonlight and I couldn't wait to memorize every second of the experience.

Visiting the Grand Canyon had been a dream of mine since first seeing it in some western movie Charlie had been watching on television. After getting to see it both by helicopter and on foot, I whole-heartedly agreed it was a wonder of the world and a beautiful sight to behold. But as grand and amazing as it had been, it was easily eclipsed by Edward. When I looked back on this trip years from now, I wouldn't remember every little detail of the canyon walls and the valley below but I knew I would remember Edward's face when he'd lost my fish, his voice when he'd sung to me in the rain, and the soft touch he used while making love to me in the moonlight.

* * *

**A/N: So I would declare the Canyon trip a success! How about you guys? Hope you all had a Merry Christmas and that your New Year is off to a great start.  
**


	42. Crash & Burn

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Crash & Burn**

**Chapter Song: "Breathe No More" by Evanescence**

**Bella's POV:**

"I don't remember having this much luggage when we left," Edward muttered while helping me stack our bags onto one of the airport's rolling carts.

"I promise these are the same bags, Babe. Neither of us vacation like Alice."

Edward laughed a little and also seemed to relax. Even with taking his air sickness medicine, he'd felt badly on the plane ride home and it had put him in a bit of a cranky mood, which I totally understood.

"There's no telling what my sister is going to come home with after spending a week in Texas," he said.

"She better not bring us one of those freaky stuffed armadillos because that damn thing will promptly get set on fire in Carlisle's backyard." My comment got a snort out of Edward. "You just go right on and think I'm playing, E. You'll find out."

"How about we just get home to Forks and worry about my sister and her gifts later?"

"You should let me drive on the way home so you can sleep."

"I was just going to ask you to do that actually."

"I'm thinking a nap should be number one on our list of activities for today."

He hummed his agreement against the side of my neck. "But only for a couple of hours. I don't want to waste the time I have left with you on sleeping."

"We've got until Sunday morning when you drive back up this way and I head home to Portland to work. That's plenty of time for us to spend together."

Edward lifted his head and locked his green eyes on me.

I smiled, knowing exactly what he was doing. "Alright, so there isn't any such thing as enough time. But I'm trying to be the good girlfriend here, E. You've got to do your thing and I've got to do mine so that at the end of it all, we can do our thing. You told me that."

"I know. I just … I didn't expect to start missing you before I've even left you."

My fingers lightly rubbed his stubbly cheeks as I smiled at him. "Babe, I'm always a phone call or a text away. And with all those steamy little moments we had together during our trip, we have plenty to remember each other by for the next eight weeks."

He finally smiled and he also leaned down and kissed me softly. "I want to add a few more memories before I go. I did promise you a relaxing bath together in my tub after all."

"Oh, that's right. So maybe we do a warm bath first and then a relaxing nap?"

"Sounds perfect, Angel." He kissed me once more before letting me go so we could get going.

After a small argument over who would push the cart of luggage, I won and wheeled the thing out into the parking garage while Edward walked beside me answering texts from Alice and even a few from Emmett. It was nice to see the big guy was not only missing his brother but admitting to it.

We got the Volvo loaded in record time and while Edward started up the car, I returned the cart to the designated area. By the time I walked back to the car, Edward had his seatbelt on with the seat reclined and his arms under his head as a makeshift pillow. He also had classical music pouring out of the speakers which meant he definitely planned to sleep while I drove us home to Forks.

As soon as I got the Volvo out of the parking garage, the gray skies above us opened up and let loose a crap-storm. The rain was like a thick sheet and even at the highest power setting the wipers were doing little to keep the windshield clear. I glanced at Edward to see if he was nervous at all about me driving his car in the rain but he was sound asleep and oblivious to the weather outside.

Even if I hadn't been driving his Volvo, I would have been taking it easy and driving slow. The rain was coming so fast the gutters weren't keeping up with it so it was starting to fill the streets. As much as I wanted to get us back to Forks so Edward could see his parents before leaving, I didn't think it was going to happen. I figured the safest thing to do at that point was to wake up Edward, have him check us into his hotel a couple nights early, and spend the night out here. We could head to Forks in the morning when it was dry and safe.

The brake lights of the car in front of me flared up through the sheet of water falling around us, causing me to slam on my own brakes. It only took seconds for that one action and reaction to change everything. There was so much water on the road that when I suddenly stopped the tires from moving it caused the car to start hydroplaning. I let off the brakes and gently stepped on the gas to try and stop us but it didn't do any good at all. We continued sliding forward and sideways no matter how much I turned the wheel in the opposite direction. The rain falling had thickened again, making it impossible to see what we were heading for until we had already made contact with the curved barrier sitting in the mid-section from road construction. The tires followed the curve as if it was part of a track and sent the car flying to land on its side and spin. The last thing I saw before the car finished its latest spin were headlights and the last sounds were of a horn followed by metal crunching on metal.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

It was the smell of antiseptic that woke me. The windows outside were dark and the room was dimly lit by the lights near my head. I wasn't sure what city I was in, but I knew I was in a hospital.

I tried to turn my head to see more of my room but it hurt so badly I cried out. I also woke someone I couldn't see because I heard something hit the floor behind me and then shoes squeaking against it.

I blinked away tears and when I could see clearly, Alice was sitting beside my bed and pushing my hair away from my forehead. "Don't try to move, Sweetie. You're pretty banged up right now."

"Banged up? I'm not here because of my female issues?"

"Not this time. You were in a car accident, Bella."

My hands fisted in the blankets in an effort to keep myself still though I wanted nothing more than to sit up. "Was I with anyone? Was anyone else hurt?"

"Edward was with you. He's upstairs in ICU."

Ignoring every screaming body part—and there were plenty—I forced myself to sit up. "Why? What's wrong? What happened? I want to see him right now, Ali."

"Bella, you shouldn't be sitting up," she said as she tried to force me back down by lightly pressing on my shoulders. "You can't see him. They're about to take him into surgery."

"Surgery? What happened?"

"I don't know all the details. I only got here a couple of hours ago. I've been splitting my time between his room and yours but I guess I must have fallen asleep. I'd planned to go back up and see him before they took him. But it's already five to eight and they said they were going to move him into surgery right at eight."

"I want to see him."

"Bella, you—" She couldn't finish because she was too busy gasping over how I'd yanked the tube right out of my hand. While she busied herself with screaming for a nurse, I pulled off the monitor on my finger and kicked the blankets away.

I was halfway out of the bed when the first of three nurses came into the room to try and talk me back into bed. One pitcher of water tossed at the wall later and they were calling upstairs to tell them to wait while one of the nurses helped Alice get me into the elevator and up to the ICU ward. Apparently I'd looked as serious as I'd sounded when I'd told them they could help me get up there or get the hell out of my way because I was going no matter what.

The inside of the elevator doors were reflective so I got to see every purple and blue mark on my face and arms. I looked down the loose hospital nightgown and could see the purple diagonal stripe left behind by a seatbelt. I just didn't know what vehicle I'd been in or how I'd ended up in an accident. Not that I cared; the only thing that mattered was seeing Edward.

We were buzzed through the ICU doors and when we got to Edward's room they were already wheeling him out of it. Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Carlisle were waiting just outside while managing to stay out of the way. Even Jacob, Bree, and Charlie were here.

The bed cleared the room and entered the hall with Esme walking right beside Edward's head and holding his hand.

I pulled away from Alice and the nurse and shakily cleared the few steps to Esme, taking her hand and letting her help me get next to the bed.

I bent down and kissed Edward's cheek, getting him to open his green eyes and look at me. "Trying to sneak off to surgery without seeing me first. Shame on you, Babe," I teased.

Edward smiled and for that one moment he looked like his normal self. But it faded with his smile, leaving him looking tired and weak. His face wasn't marked like mine, but he had bruises on his arms like I did and I could see part of a seatbelt band near the neckline of his gown; the rest of him was covered by blankets.

I wanted to cry.

I wanted to scream about how damn unfair this was.

I smiled and managed to lean over again, this time kissing his forehead. "You have to be my Bad Ass Edward and come out of surgery in better shape than you're going in. Do you hear me?"

He managed a small nod and a whisper of "promise".

"I love you so much, Edward. You just have to keep thinking about that no matter how tired you feel. Because you promised to love me back and you have to be here with me for that to happen. Okay?"

He tried to say something back but he just didn't have the strength. Carlisle took hold of my shoulders and moved be away so the nurses could wheel Edward down the hall and toward a set of double doors. Esme went with him and I was so glad he wasn't going alone. He would have hated it if he'd been all by himself.

"He'll be alright, Bella," Carlisle promised. I wanted to believe him so much but I just couldn't; not when I felt like I'd just lost a part of myself—the best part at that.

Carlisle turned me away from the doors at the end of the hall. "Let's get you back to your room. You really shouldn't be out of bed."

With help from my dad, he got me downstairs and back into bed where the nurse who'd gone up with me was all too happy to hook me back up to the tubes and wires.

"I leave you for one second to wish Edward luck and you escape from bed," my dad said he pulled the blankets over my legs. "Don't think I won't handcuff you to it if you don't stay put."

I knew he meant well, but it wasn't my father I wanted to hear from right now. "Carlisle, what kind of surgery is Edward having? Why did he look so bad?"

Carlisle sat beside me on the bed and took my hand into his. "I don't want you to be scared, Bella. Edward is a strong young man and he'll come through this just fine."

Whatever fear I'd thought had been pulsing through me before was nothing compared to the shear panic flooding me now. "What kind of surgery is it?" I asked, already pretty sure I knew exactly what kind it was.

"It's a form of heart surgery. The doctor will use a catheterization technique to go in through Edward's leg, travel up to his heart, and use tiny tools to repair a defect in Edward's heart. His mother and I …" Carlisle's throat worked up and down and I knew he was struggling to swallow his tears—it made my own start to fall.

"Bella, we don't know how we could have missed the signs. Edward has always been the most honest of all our children." Carlisle shook his head, his frustration clear in the tightness of his jaw.

He looked up at me and forced a smile. "We knew he'd been born with Ventricular Septal Defect, which is a small hole in the wall between the two chambers of the heart. But we'd believed it had closed on its own, as most all of them do. It's a very common defect. Edward had his physicals at thirteen along with Emmett where of course they checked their hearts. Edward said there was no sign of the hole and his heartbeat was noted as regular on the report. But he lied. He lied to us all. We don't know the why yet because he was in no shape to tell us. We only know that the car accident combined with the hole weakened him and put him in early stage congenital heart failure. The surgery will stop it and repair the VSD. It'll take him a couple months to heal, but Edward will be fine. I wouldn't tell you that if I didn't believe it myself."

"He'll be fine, Bells," Charlie seconded. "You'll see. In a couple of weeks he'll be strong enough for you to give him a good yelling for hiding something like this from all of us."

Instead of comforting me, my dad's words made me cry even harder which scared both men into leaving my room and sending Alice in. She climbed into bed with me and held me while I cried my eyes out, feeling like my heart was as battered and bruised as my body.

It all made sense now. The night of our first day and the crazy way his heart had beat. All the times he'd gotten winded or tired when the rest of us were fine. Not realizing he was suffering from air sickness on the flight to Hawaii. The way he'd fallen down at his graduation party. His heart had been struggling and he'd never said a word to any of us. He could die right now and if it wasn't for Carlisle, I wouldn't have any idea of how it could have happened. I was going to lose Edward just like I lost Aaron, only this time I hadn't known it was coming.

"Bella, Edward's going to be alright. I'm sure of it. I would know if he wasn't," Alice whispered. I was sure she was trying to be reassuring but I couldn't put any faith into her words. Not when she'd had no clue about his heart.

Or had she?

I pulled back to see her face, to see if she was being honest. "Did you know?"

"God no!" she cried, honestly seeming upset. "Bella, if I had known, I would have forced him to go to a doctor and get it handled the right way years ago like he should have done. I never would have let him walk around like a ticking time-bomb. And you can bet that when he's able to take it, I'm going to give him a piece of my mind for being so stupid."

"This is crazy, Ali. It doesn't make any sense. Why would he do this? To me? To all of us? Why would he hide something like this?"

"I don't know, Bella. But I promise you I'm going to find out."

"Do you know what even happened to start all of this?"

"Charlie spoke with the Seattle police department. From what they pieced together, you guys made it to Seattle safely and on time yesterday evening. You were heading for Forks from the airport. There was a pretty bad storm at the time and the car seems to have skidded in the rain. It landed on its side and then was hit by a passing car. The car that hit you called the paramedics so you guys weren't stuck in the car for long at all. But you both sure scared the hell out of us. The accident happened yesterday but you didn't wake up at all until tonight. I swear Charlie almost tried to shake you awake early this afternoon, he was so upset. And Edward has been constantly in and out. Mom and Dad have been making all of his medical decisions for him because of it."

"We're so lucky this happened here where everyone could be with us. If this was—"

"Don't say it," Alice begged, clutching me tighter. "Let's just pray for Edward instead. Let's send him our love and our best wishes and get him through his surgery."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

After praying and crying myself to sleep with Alice, I woke up to Esme in my room. And a man I didn't recognize in a white doctor's coat.

"How's Edward?" I asked, immediately pushing myself up in the bed.

"Relax, Sweetheart," Esme urged, lightly pressing on my shoulder to get me to lie back down. "He's out of surgery. He's doing very well and sleeping comfortably."

"So … what happens now?" I wasn't even sure I wanted the answer but I felt compelled to ask anyway. There hadn't been a surgery for Aaron; he'd been here one minute and gone the next. If that was going to happen with Edward even with the surgery—I couldn't think of that so I pushed it away.

"He'll be in the hospital for a week or two depending on how his recovery goes. After that, he'll have six to seven weeks of physical therapy for his body to adjust," Esme told me. "Actually, I brought his doctor down so he could explain it better. Bella, this is Dr. Chris King."

The doctor stepped forward and held his hand out to me. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Bella. I've heard so much about you. I'm sorry I didn't get Edward into surgery sooner, but the ER admitting nurses didn't cross-check Edward's file with the hospital's and missed seeing I'm his doctor."

"I don't understand. How are you Edward's doctor?"

The doctor frowned for a moment before forcing a smile back onto his face. "I see he never got to have his talk with you. But he did give me permission to explain in case something like this happened."

"So he knew this was a possibility? That he could just magically end up in surgery and he never planned to warn any of us?" I knew it wasn't this guy's fault, but screaming at him felt better than the pain and fear that had been a constant since I'd woken up in this hospital.

"He didn't feel there needed to be a warning since he was going to have surgery for his VSD this coming Monday. He assured me he was going to tell his family so he wouldn't be going through the eight week recovery time alone."

Esme and I looked at each other, both of us immediately knowing in our hearts Edward's business trip had only been a front for his surgery. Our stares silently asked if the other had known all along and was hiding it. I could tell right away we were both innocent.

"How could he do this, Esme? _Why_ would he do it?" I asked.

The doctor was the one to answer me. "I can't say for sure why he continued to hide it, but I do know his original reason was to avoid teasing from his brother. He said it was the relentless kind that often made him do stupid things to either avoid it or try to end it. As for his putting off the surgery, he never came right out and said it, but I think he was afraid of it. I think he was afraid something would go wrong. I explained to him time and again that a scheduled VSD procedure was much less risky than the one for congenital heart failure, but I'm afraid I failed to convince him of that."

"Thank you for telling me this," I said as I looked up at the doctor. "But it's not good enough. There's nothing anyone can say that justifies what Edward has done."

Esme patted my hand and got me to look at her. "You and I will be sure to tell him that plenty while we help him get his health back. Between the two of us, we'll have him up and moving in no time."

"And then we kick his ass for lying to us."

Esme cracked a smile. "We most definitely kick his ass."

We spent a few more minutes talking with Edward's doctor before he left to go check on another patient. We found out Edward had been seeing Dr. King for the last four years, always scheduling and then rescheduling his surgery. Dr. King assured us he believed Edward had been serious about taking care of it this summer, though he still had no idea why Edward hadn't told anyone.

When Dr. King left, I could tell Esme wanted a first hand account of Edward's current condition as much as I did so I sent her upstairs to go check on him in person. If I'd have thought for a second I had the strength for it, I would have gotten out of bed and went up there myself again. I hadn't broken anything, but I'd smacked my head a good one on the car's steering wheel and the door window. Not to mention that every single one of my many bruises carried their own aches and pains.

I closed my eyes to try and ignore my pain and immediately started seeing all of the big and small signs of there being something wrong with Edward. His comments about being too tired on Valentine's Day came back as well, taking on an entirely new meaning. And his thing about not visiting Elizabeth because he hadn't come through on his promise—Had she known? Had she made him promise to get the surgery?

"Are you awake?"

My eyes flew open at the sound of Emmett's voice and I smiled as I spotted him standing at the end of my bed. "Hey, Em. How's Edward?"

He didn't answer me and in the silence that followed I noticed he had his arms crossed in front of him with all the tendons standing out.

"Emmett, what's wrong?"

"You mean besides my brother nearly dying tonight? Did you know a priest even came into his room to do that last rights shit?"

I hadn't known that and the fear that came with the image of it in my head left me unable to speak.

"I'll never forgive you for this." There was no need to ask Emmett if he was serious. I could hear it in his voice as well as see it in the set of his eyes.

I didn't know if it was fear or anger that made me say it, but I regretted the words as soon as they left my lips. "I'm not the one who made him lie about his heart to avoid being teased."

Emmett dropped his arms and clenched the end of the bed in his hands so hard I heard the thick plastic creak under the pressure. "You forget I wasn't the only one teasing. And even if I had been, teasing doesn't weaken a heart. Not the way drinking and tattoos and bar fighting and riding motorcycles does."

My eyes widened at both his words and his knowledge of my bike.

"Yeah, I know about it. I found his helmet and made him tell me where he got it from months ago."

"Emmett, I love Edward. You know that. You know I would never do anything to purposefully hurt him."

"Oh, so just because you didn't intend for it to happen, it's okay for you to have been a selfish bitch? Making him do things he hated like getting up on stage in front of a crowd. What about all those nights of dragging him to BOG? What do you think getting him drunk did to his heart, Bella? But what the fuck do you care? You didn't mean it so it's no skin off your back. You just took and took and took from him until he didn't have anything left and ended up here. If that Dr. King guy hadn't figured out Edward was up in ICU, my brother would be in the morgue right now. And you'd be sitting around and waiting for the next poor bastard to come along for you to suck dry."

"It was never like that!" I cried, trying to see Emmett through my tears. "Every time I felt like I wasn't giving Edward the same he was giving me, I asked him how to fix it. I wanted to fix it for him because I love him that much."

"You don't love. You just destroy. All those other guys you ran through and I thought it was them the whole time. Now I can see it was always you. You were the constant, not them."

"No, I'm not! I swear I'm not. I work at it every day to not be selfish. I swear I do, Emmett."

He moved so fast I didn't see it happen; he'd been at the foot of the bed and then his finger had been right in front of my face. His brown eyes seemed like they were burning in their sockets from his barely suppressed rage. "You might have my sister and the rest of my family fooled, but you don't fool me. You're fucking poison, Bella. And when Edward can speak for himself, he'll say the same. Until then, I'm speaking for him and if I catch you near my brother, you'll be the first woman I ever hit. I'm not fucking around with you and I'm not going to tell you again. I'm not going to let you kill my brother. You stay the fuck away from Edward. You go near him and I'll know. Trust me, I'll know."

I sat there crying long after Emmett left my room. At first, I tried to refute what he'd said by thinking of all the things I'd ever done for Edward, like all the thought I'd put into his graduation gift. But the more I thought about it, the more I added to the list of bad things I'd introduced him to. It was true that he rarely ever drank before he started dating me. He'd never been on or expressed interest in a motorcycle before me. He'd damn sure never gotten into a fist fight before me. There also hadn't been any late nights or near-daily sexual encounters either.

I'd seen Edward fall at his party and instead of insisting we stay in Forks, I'd dragged him halfway across the country with me. He'd probably only gone along with my drug idea so he wouldn't hurt my feelings; I'd told him more than once he was honorable to a fault. And after coming back, I'd apparently driven his car while ignoring a storm and getting him into a car accident. Emmett was right. I had stressed out Edward's heart. I was the reason he was in the hospital and had needed surgery. I was the reason he'd nearly died.

I would never be the reason again. Despite what Emmett might believe about me, I loved Edward. I loved him more than I'd ever believed one person could feel for another. I would never want him taken away from anyone who loved him and there was only one way to make sure he was alright … I had to let him go. It probably wouldn't even hurt him much if he really did agree with Emmett about me being poison. Even if Edward didn't agree and somehow missed me, Emmett wouldn't let his brother be sad or miserable. He'd take care of Edward.

Just the thought of never feeling Edward in my arms again or seeing him smile just for me left me hurting so badly I couldn't breath. But the idea of never seeing him at all somehow hurt twice as badly. It would be painful to leave him and probably feel impossible most days, but I would do it for Edward. And like I'd told him back when we'd first started dating, a person can deal with a lot and do without a lot as long as they had faith. I had faith Edward would not only be okay, but would be better off without me so therefore I would be able to deal with not having him in my life. I'd just throw myself into focusing on the rest of my family.

Unless everyone else felt the same way Emmett did. What if Esme wanted nothing to do with me ever again? Even worse, what if Alice felt that way? The last clear memory I had of my life, I'd had this wonderful man in love with me and this amazing family surrounding me. Now I might have to lose them all just to keep him alive and safe. As much as it was hurting right then and as bad as I knew it would get, he was worth it. He was worth the burn.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I watched the door with my breath held in my throat. Either a nurse was going to come in here to see why there'd been a few skipped beats on my heart monitor or I'd get away with having slipped the thing onto Charlie's finger.

I looked down at my dad's sleeping figure on the pull out bed right next to my hospital bed. He wasn't going to understand even after he read the letter I'd left for him but I was used to him not understanding me. I wished I could just wake him up and have him take me home, but I didn't deserve that kind of comfort after the damage I'd caused.

The door hadn't opened and I knew it wasn't going to. I'd found clothes in the little closet of my room and had changed into them so after making sure my dad would see his letter as soon as he woke up, I snuck out of my room. I walked to toward the elevators with my hair hiding as much of my bruised face as possible and managed not to run into any nurses along the way.

The lady behind the ICU counter must have recognized me from earlier because despite the late hour she let me into the ward without question. I nearly turned and ran at the sight of Emmett sprawled across a couple of lobby chairs, but he was snoring so loudly it seemed a risk worth taking. And honestly, I couldn't imagine not saying goodbye to Edward even if he wasn't awake for it.

Esme was asleep in Edward's room; she was facing his bed and looked ready to jump up at the slightest sound from him. For a few seconds I was so sure the loud pounding of my heart was going to wake her that I started to back out of the room. But then Edward sighed and shifted in his bed and I forgot all about her.

He honestly did look better now than from when I'd seen him earlier, though he had a ton more wires hooked up to him than I'd ever had on any of my hospital stays. His skin wasn't nearly as pasty white as it had been earlier and there was just a hint of color in his cheeks now. If I stayed away, he really would be alright. As long as he took it easy and didn't have any stress on his heart, he could live a long, long time. I wouldn't fail Edward the way I'd failed Aaron. This time, I could and would do something about it.

I pulled the wrinkled sheets of notepad paper out of my pocket and placed them near his hand under his blanket. I hadn't planned to write anything at first but then I'd gotten worried he would think he had done something wrong and I didn't want him thinking about anything but getting better. I also didn't want him blaming Emmett because, honestly, the big guy was only being a good brother and I would never fault him for that. Especially since he was right about me.

I kissed Edward's temple as softly as I could so I wouldn't risk waking him. "No matter what you hear about me, no matter what you think of me, I really do love you."

I took one last long look at him and then walked away, leaving him to have a better life. A life free from my poison.

* * *

**A/N: ** This is literally the hardest chapter I've ever written. It took the longest too because I kept stopping. But EternallyAddicted was right there to remind me this isn't the end of the story for Bella. She has more in her future, though she will be a very different Bella after this. For those that guessed all along that Edward had something wrong with his heart, great job. I did my best to hide it and blow it off, wanting you all to be as concerned and later shocked as Bella was herself. I'll be back next weekend with a new chapter.


	43. Cry

**A/N: Hello, Readers! I'm sorry I couldn't reply to all of the reviews for the last chapter but I've been very much under the weather and this is the first day in over a week where I feel even a little human.**

**I just wanted to thank you all for looking at the chapter as a whole and for doing your best to understand that Bella's heart is in the right place, while her mind isn't. She's been through so much in her life, lost so much, and to come so close to losing the person she's felt the closest to, wanted the most, and then have that followed up with Emmett's harsh words – it was more than her mind could handle.**

**This isn't going to be drawn out forever, but it won't be quick either. For those who guessed all along about Edward's heart, you were right. It was always headed this way, even when I wrote the one shot over a year ago, I knew he was hiding his heart from everyone in more ways than one. And now that Edward's secret has been revealed, we'll all find out how everyone he knows reacts to it, including him.**

**Thanks for loving WTB and sharing that love with me through your reviews. On with the next chapter …**

* * *

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Cry**

**Chapter Song: "Cry" by Kelly Clarkson**

**Bella's POV:**

After leaving the hospital, I'd walked to the bus station and bought a ticket for Portland. Along with my clothes, I'd found my purse which was a good thing because I doubted I was stealthy enough to pick the pocket of my police chief father. Now I was almost home and staring out of the bus window at the night and the light drizzle that had started falling a few minutes earlier.

I closed my eyes as my forehead touched the cold window pane and immediately saw my scratchy handwriting and the explanation I'd left for Edward. Even though I doubted he would care that I wasn't around, I couldn't leave without saying goodbye to him. I just hoped like hell Emmett wouldn't decide to come after me for it.

_I know my timing sucks, but there never is a right time for things like this. Besides, if you know now then you won't be waiting around for me to show up later and you can focus on what's most important—getting well. You've got a lot to do in the next couple of months and that's what you need to be focused on._

_This is hard to say but it has to be said. One of these days, you'll find the right person for you. I'm sorry I'm not her, but if we're both perfectly honest, we knew that all along. It's why you put off asking me out so long and it's why I've always had so much trouble telling you how I feel._

_I'm going back to Portland. I have a lot of doubles scheduled at work since I was already planning on being alone this summer. And you'll be busy recovering. It's good that we'll both be busy. It'll make the transition nice and easy for both of us._

_Smile, Edward. We had a hell of a ride together while it lasted and that's nothing to be sad about. New chapters in life are meant to be celebrated anyway and I know I'm going to celebrate mine. I'll even have a shot in your honor. Make sure Emmett or even Karen take you out. Maybe you'll get lucky and meet the girl you're really meant to be with._

_See you around, Cullen. Stay out of trouble. Enjoy this new chapter in your life. I sure plan to enjoy mine._

I'd wanted to end it by telling him that I loved him but I'd known that would confuse him. He'd want to know why I was saying goodbye if I felt that way. I didn't want him thinking about me at all so I'd left it off. I doubted he would even read the stupid letter anyway. As soon as he was awake enough to realize I'd nearly killed him, he'd hate me just like Emmett did. Even if he didn't hate me for that, he'd hate me for not loving him to see the signs that he was sick. It was my fault he was in hospital and I couldn't take that back no matter how much I wanted.

_You can deal with a lot and do without a lot as long as you have faith_. As long as I could remember those words, I'd make it through this. I didn't have a choice if I wanted Edward alive.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Are you out of your freakin' mind?" Jake yelled.

"She obviously scrambled her brains in the accident," Bree added.

"Glad to see you too. Please come in," I said as I opened the front door wide enough to let them through.

Jake huffed and stomped his way into the apartment. "You don't know just how lucky you are it's me and not Charlie."

Bree was more concerned with taking hold of my face and searching it for something.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

"Making sure your eyes are focused. It's what you do when someone has a concussion and leaves a hospital on her own."

I pulled away from him and focused on Jacob. "I left Charlie a note telling him exactly where I was going. He obviously understood since he's not here. You two are the ones acting freaky," I said as I curled back up on the sofa, pulling my blanket over me. By the time I'd made it home, I was so tired I couldn't even make it down the hall to my room and had curled up on the sofa with a throw blanket.

"You left the hospital with a concussion, Isabella. What is wrong with you?" Jake asked.

"Nothing. I wasn't thinking straight but I'm fine now," I said.

Jacob let out a breath and collapsed onto the end of the sofa. From his haggard look and wild hair, I figured he must have drove straight here after finding out I was no longer in my hospital room.

Bree didn't look much better. He sat himself on the coffee table the way Emmett was always doing—only the wood didn't creak under Bree's weight. Emmett's angry face was suddenly all I could see and a shiver rocked through my body as I struggled to push it away.

Jacob tapped my leg and got me to look at him. "Bella, what's going on?"

As much as I tried not to, I started crying. Jake pulled me into his lap and within seconds I was being hugged by both him and Bree.

"Is this because Edward lied?" Jake asked as soon as I had gotten myself under control.

It wasn't but it was as good of an excuse as any so I nodded my head.

"You probably thought of Aaron right away, huh?" he guessed.

I had but not in the way Jake meant. I'd thought of how I'd stolen time away from Aaron and had been well on my way to stealing all of Edward's.

Jake tightened his arms around me. "I know I've said some not so nice things about him a couple times, but, Bells, is there really no chance of fixing things? 'Cause before this happened, you were super happy."

"It's over. There were some good times and some not so good times and now there are no times. I'll be fine. I'm just a little emotional from all my bumps and bruises."

"I hope you weren't serious about working tonight in your letter to Charlie 'cause there ain't no way I'm letting you go in. Your face is still purple for fuck's sake."

His wanting to mother me made me smile a little. "I love you, Jake. You know that, right?"

"Course I do. You're my pain in the ass big sister. It's your job to love me and torture me in equal measure."

"I'm paying you back for the gas you spent to come down," I told him.

"What about me?" Bree asked.

I tugged the sleeve of his shirt and forced a smile for him. "You had to come home at some point anyway so you're shit out of luck."

"Hey, at least you got us out of that boring ass ceremony they were having down at the school," Jacob mentioned.

I sat up to see his face. "I made you miss your own high school graduation?"

"You didn't make me do anything. I never wanted to walk around in front of a bunch of people with a rolled up piece of paper anyway."

"It's true," Bree assured me. "He's been complaining about it to me for weeks now."

"I'm sorry." I wasn't really sure who I was apologizing to or what for but there was so much I'd done wrong it could apply to almost anything. Deep down, though, I knew I meant it for Edward the most. He'd nearly lost his life because of me and the only way to even half ass make up for that was to stay away and never put him in danger again.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

The front door closed and I looked up, surprised to see Alice standing there. In the two weeks since the car accident, Jasper had been around a lot because of his summer internship but I hadn't seen Alice at all. We'd exchanged a couple of generic text messages, but beyond that she wasn't talking to me; I didn't blame her.

"Hey." She sounded unsure of if she meant it or not. She was also being fidgety and I didn't want that for her.

"Hey, Ali girl. What brings you down here? Run out of clothes?"

"Actually, yeah," she said, seeming to relax a little as she laughed. "I know I technically could have just washed them and wore them again, but I'm getting sick of trying to make due with winter clothing in June."

"Well don't let me interrupt your quest for comfortable clothing. I'm just reading over a paper for Bree. He decided to take some summer courses to get a feel for college."

"How is he?"

"He's good. I think he really only took the classes as a way to avoid thinking about Lance. He hasn't taken down any of their pictures yet so I know he hasn't given up hope for some kind of miracle."

"Hope is good." Alice lifted her head and really looked at me. "He misses you."

"Good for him."

"What happened, Bella? Why did you leave the hospital the way you did?"

I shrugged. "I needed to get out of there. I needed some time to think about … well, about everything. It was for the best, Alice. Your brother and I, we aren't meant to be together."

"But how you can say that? When you left for your trip, you guys seemed so happy together."

"When I left on my trip, it was with a different man. One who didn't lie to me and his entire family about something so vital as his health. Besides, that wasn't my only reason. It just gave me the push I needed to admit things weren't really working between us. I was more into the idea of us and into not disappointing everyone than I was into him. I guess some part of me knew he wasn't who he said he was." It hurt like hell to lie to her but I knew it was the right thing to do.

"That's not the way he tells it."

"Yeah, well, he doesn't tell the truth about his breakup with Karen either, so there you go. Hey, at least he's feeling good enough to put a spin on things, huh?" No matter how much I was dying inside to know, I couldn't bring myself to asking about him out right, too afraid she would see through my pretending.

Alice let out a groan and slumped down onto the end of the sofa. "You have no idea how much of a bear he's being. They let him out of the hospital a few days ago but Mom and Dad want him to stay close to his doctor and the hospital so Mom and I have been staying with Edward in a condo in Seattle. He already hates it and wants us gone even though he knows damn well he can't move around completely on his own yet or for long periods of time."

"You need to distract him. Bring him his laptop and some of his history books. He'll get lost in his own little world and leave you and Esme alone."

"Jeebus," Alice said, sighing and shaking her head. "It's amazing how the little ideas like that slip right past you when you're so focused on making sure the person you love is alright. If it wasn't for Emmett and Rosalie flying in for the weekend to spend some time with Edward, I never would have left him to come home for clothes."

"How are Em and Rose?" I forced myself to ask. I hadn't heard from either of them and doubted I ever would. But even though they hated me, I still loved them and wanted them to be alright.

"They're good. They're loving Boston. They've just been so swamped with work and getting their apartment furnished that they haven't had time to call anyone at all. Rose's parents were really upset about it so she's going to go spend a couple of hours with them tomorrow."

"That's good."

"Hey, are you working this weekend? You could come up with me. I know Edward would love to see you. And I bet Em and Rose would be just as thrilled."

"Sorry, Ali. Working doubles all weekend." I lied. I lied through my teeth and didn't feel a second of guilt for it—just the fear of what Emmett would do if he saw me. Edward didn't need any stress right now, especially not from having to look at me—the person who'd nearly killed him.

Of course, now I was going to have to hide at Bree's so Jasper wouldn't tell Alice I was actually here. Or maybe I'd get lucky and he'd go with Alice. He'd disappeared last weekend so I'd assumed he'd gone up to see her.

"Maybe the next weekend then," she said as she stood. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too."

"I'm glad your bruises are nearly gone."

"Yeah, me too. Can't get a date at all with a purple face, you know."

"Sure," she said. She smiled, but it was tight and didn't touch her eyes at all. I was hurting her by protecting Edward and though I felt bad for it, I couldn't regret it. I'd do so much more harm to her if I killed her brother. I'd gotten lucky and only stressed his heart. If I let there be a next time, his heart could very well stop and make it the last time. Rather than risk that happening, I'd lie to my best friend as much as I had to.

Or maybe the one I was really lying to was myself. Maybe her smile was fake because she didn't know how to tell me to get out of her apartment and her life. Maybe the real reason she hadn't been home lately was because she didn't want to see me—the girl who had almost taken her brother away from her forever. I wouldn't blame her if she did. I only had myself to blame for this mess.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Another week had come and gone and as part of my continuing efforts to act like I was happily moving forward with my life, I'd had to spend the afternoon with Bree so Jasper could see I wasn't staying locked up in my room. I'd heard him on the phone the night before telling Alice that he suspected I wasn't doing as well as I seemed. I knew he'd be leaving for Seattle tonight to see her and I wanted him to report to her that I was having a grand old time with my buddy Bree. The only problem was that Bree was being less of a buddy and more of a pain in the ass with all his questions about Edward and the breakup.

"So explain this to me once more," Bree said as he sat down on his couch with a fresh beer in his hands. He offered me some but I waved it off. Drinking when I already felt sick to my stomach over having to give up Edward wasn't a good idea.

"Explain what?" I asked, purposefully being obtuse.

"This whole thing of how you decided you were wrong about Edward being the one for you at the same time you wound up in the hospital."

"The timing was crappy of course, but I'd already decided in Arizona. I just didn't want to tell him right then and spend a long plane ride back with him being pissed off beside me."

"Right. You're viewing the canyon or sleeping out under the stars or whatever you were doing and you just magically decide you aren't meant to be together after months of working your ass off _to_ be with him."

I shrugged. "What do you want, Bree? Some epic story? Sorry to disappoint you, but it's really that plain and simple."

"You grew apart while working to grow closer. Sounds like the smelliest pile of horseshit I've ever come across."

"I don't care what it sounds or smells like to you, Embry." I'd used his full first name to warn him about following along this same damn track. "Edward isn't the right guy for me. He's too quiet and boring. And all that fancy snazzy romantic crap he likes isn't my kind of thing. I'm not even going to get into his whole lying thing."

"You're either a bitch or a liar. I can't tell which one."

I forced myself to give the evil smile I was known for. "Always a bitch, Bree. Always a bitch."

After an uncomfortable dinner of pizza and the strained silence between us, I left Bree's apartment and went home to my own empty one. I looked up at the clock above the stove and figured Jasper was nearly halfway through with his drive up to see Alice. He'd be stopping at that gas station we always stopped at to get gas and snacks. No matter how long ago Edward had eaten, he'd always pick up a bag of Cheetos there. And they had to be the small crunchy sticks; he wouldn't eat the puffs or the little balls.

It hurt so much to think about Edward. No matter how badly broken my heart felt, his memory always managed to shatter it a little more. I had no idea how Jasper had missed hearing me cry myself to sleep every night in that first week, but somehow he had. Now I was at the point where I could hold it together and only cry when I was a hundred percent sure I was alone, like tonight. I'd thought I'd understood what crying was before, but I'd never cried in my whole life the way I did for Edward and all that I'd lost with him.

I knew I was doing what was best for him but at the same time I just wanted it to be over. I wanted to be done with the crying and hurting. I wanted to be able to open my eyes in the morning and not look for his head to be next to mine. I wanted to be able to look at a picture of us together and not burst into tears. Most of all, I wanted to believe my own lies, that this was a new start where I would find the right man for me.

But that man was recovering in Seattle from heart surgery I'd caused him to need. No amount of crying could wash away my sins. My only choice was to continue pretending I was okay and acting like there was nothing wrong. If I told the lies enough, they would have no choice but to become the truth.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

The next week found me staring at my laptop, completely at a loss for what I should do. Alice had brought Edward his laptop two weeks ago after I'd suggested it but she'd said he hadn't felt up to using it. Apparently he was feeling better because right there in my inbox was an email with his name in bold black text.

There wasn't a subject though. I wondered if he'd purposefully left it off in hopes my curiosity would make me open the email. Even though I knew I was home alone and that my bedroom door was locked, I still looked around my room to make sure. Besides, it wasn't like opening an email was the same as seeing him. And Edward had sent it to me so Emmett couldn't say I was trying to talk to his twin.

But what if I didn't want to see what was in that email? Feeling sure he hated me wasn't nearly the same as seeing the proof in black and white.

But what if he didn't hate me?

I growled at my own self, hating how I was still managing to be selfish with him after all I'd already done.

And then I opened the email.

_Hello, Bella. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to write to you. At first, I was just too tired. But I'm getting stronger every day. Dr. Chris and my therapist are really impressed with my progress so far. Plus, I was really hoping you would come up to see me. I know you don't want to be with me, but I thought maybe we could at least be friends. If nothing else, I'd like the opportunity to apologize to you in person for lying. Alice told me how much you've had to work lately so please don't feel guilty about not coming. I'm sure you would if you could. I just wanted you to know that you're welcome to visit._

_I've read over your letter so many times that the little notepad pages are thinning. I guess I keep waiting for the words to change but I know that's not going to happen. I don't want to believe the damage is so bad we can't fix it. But I also want to respect your choice and I wish you the best._

_Emmett calls me every day now. Sometimes three or four times just to check on me. It's kind of nice despite the motherly, smothering feeling I get from it at times. He really likes Boston. He likes his job and the food. Especially the food. Rosalie seems happy enough, though she did mention she'd like to hear from you. Guess I'm not the only one missing you._

_I hope you're okay and not working yourself too hard. I know your job is important but I want you to take care of yourself too. Maybe when I'm well enough to be farther than a few feet from the hospital I can come visit you at work. It would be nice to see you. And Kate and Angela too. Maybe if you aren't too busy, you could write me back._

He didn't sign his email and I wondered if he just hadn't known how to end it. I knew all too well how weird it felt to go from ending letters with an "I love you" to suddenly not being able to say those words. I had worked so damn hard to be able to say them and now I would never say them again. _So much for not being able to hurt worse._

I ignored the tears falling from my eyes and typed back a response.

_Hey, Edward! Great to hear from you! So glad to hear you're doing better. Em calling so much sounds like fun. LOL_

_I'm doing great. Keeping busy at work and stockpiling my money for next semester. I know it's only mid-June, but the end of August will be here before we know it! Gotta be able to pay Esme for the car and afford those school books of mine. And groceries. I agree with Em that food is highly important._

_Speaking of food, I need to get out of here. Meeting a friend to grab a bite before work. You keep getting better and if you ever happen to visit the coffeehouse again, I'll buy you a tea._

_TTYL_

There. Generic. Friendly. Bubbly. And a complete and utter lie.

Just for kicks and giggles, I opened a new email window and wrote what I really wanted to say.

_From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry. I wish I could take it all back. Every second of every day, I wish that with all my might. Not only did I hurt you, but I can see how I hurt Aaron too. I'd thought I was helping by getting him outside and showing him what it felt like to run or by taking him to the beach, but what I was really doing was stealing precious seconds of his life from him. If I had kept him inside and calm with books and movies, there's no telling how much longer he might have lived. But you don't need to worry, Edward. I won't do the same to you. I'll stay away. No matter how much it hurts to be without you, I'll stay away and stop myself from stealing your life away. I love you so much and all I want is to be able to see you smiling and healthy even if that means you aren't with me. It's nice that you don't hate me, though I know you have every right to do so. Just know I hate myself enough for the both of us. I wish I knew how to love without hurting. I wish I could be the woman you deserve. I wish more than anything that I could just hold you and love you. But I'm poison and I can't touch you without hurting you. So I'll just stay away. I'll stay away and you'll stay healthy. It's the only kind of world I can stand living in._

I hit the delete button as soon as I typed the final period, knowing it wouldn't be fair to Edward to burden him with my pain. This was all my fault and I would shoulder the responsibility for it alone. I would keep my promise and not be selfish with him.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

I read Bella's email again, hoping that somehow the bubbly tone of it would disappear and I'd be able to see how she really felt. She said she was moving on and I wanted to be happy for her, but it just felt _wrong_. We loved each other. I knew it was true for me and I'd seen it so much in her eyes and heard it from her lips; she hadn't been lying when she'd said those words to me. She had to be lying now but why? Was it really just because I'd kept my heart condition a secret? Had I done something else to make her want to leave me?

There was no question I had royally fucked up by lying to everyone but I just couldn't believe that alone had sent her running. Or maybe I just didn't want to believe it. I wished I could piece together what had happened and figure out where things had gone so wrong. One minute, we were in love and planning a future together and the next Bella sounded like she was moving on with her life without me in it. Despite not believing she really wanted to give up on us, her email still hurt. To think for a second she could just walk away and forget everything between us … But maybe that was the problem. Maybe she couldn't forget and couldn't decide which parts had been true and which were lies. I wanted so badly to see her and hold her, to tell her I loved her and beg for her forgiveness.

I'd lost track of how many times I'd asked Alice to get Bella on the phone for me. She wouldn't do it, though. She'd spent some time with Bella two weeks ago and said she felt Bella wasn't ready to hear from me. Alice wanted me to give Bella more time, but I was afraid the longer we went without talking, the more Bella would think I'd been lying the entire time we were together instead of just about one thing.

Alice's harsh but very true words came to mind. _"That one thing, as you so casually put it, turned all of our worlds upside down. And it wasn't just one small thing, Edward. You hid your health from us. You hid an upcoming operation. You even went so far as to lie about being away from us for two whole months."_

My excuse had been less of an explanation and more of a flimsy defense. _"It's not like I had it perfectly planned out, Ali. I didn't have fake pictures to send to you guys and I didn't even really know what all the cities would be that I said I was in. I just didn't want anyone worrying about me."_

I remembered the way her eyes had widened for just a second before turning into lethal slits._ "First and foremost, I love you. I will always love you. But right now, I don't respect you. And until you decide to stop being a miserable lying bastard, we can't fix that. And you can't fix things with Bella either. So instead of worrying about talking to her, why don't you figure out what the truth really is so you can share it with her?"_

I didn't need Alice or anyone else to tell me I shouldn't have lied; I knew that already. Every great excuse I'd had for keeping my heart condition a secret had been a breach in Bella's trust in me. My entire family was disappointed in me for lying and as much as it hurt to have let them all down, it was nothing compared to how I felt without Bella. Physically my heart was fixed and better than it ever had been, but emotionally it was hollow. All that time I'd wasted being too chicken to ask her out and the very little time I'd actually had her in my arms … The sense of loss I felt was so profound I could barely breathe. I prayed Bella didn't feel this way. I'd rather her hate me than feel an ounce of sorrow and pain because of me.

Glancing at Bella's bubbly email again, I found myself thinking of what I had initially intended to send her. That email had gotten deleted after my talk with my mother. I'd written Bella a lengthy apology with multiple promises to never lie again and declarations of how much I loved her. I was all ready to send it when my mother had come into my room.

"_Edward, you're a little pale. Are you feeling tired, sweetheart?" my mother asked, her hand already resting on my forehead. She had this thing with her about checking for fevers though I hadn't had a single one yet. I would have asked her to stop long ago but I felt I owed it to her to be a good little patient after all I'd put her through._

"_I'm fine, Mom," I said, forcing a smile for her._

_She sat beside me on the bed and patted my leg softly. "I know what's wrong with you. You miss Bella."_

_I stopped faking my smile and let my mother see just how miserable I was feeling. "I wish I could explain to you how much I miss her and how much it hurts to be without her. I feel like it was a waste to fix my heart because it made me lose my soul."_

_Very few times in my life had I ever seen Esme Cullen mad, but right then was one of them. "I'm going to put this as delicately as I can because although you are on the mend, you are not well and you do not need stress. But Edward Anthony Cullen, it is extremely selfish and rude of you to say saving your life was a waste. I know you aren't aware of what we all went through in that hospital, but you certainly know how much we love you and that should give you enough of a clue to keep you from saying something so hurtful. And as for losing your soul, you have no one to blame for that but yourself._

"_If you wanted Bella at your side so badly, then you should have told her the truth. Instead, you hid from her and lied to her. You didn't trust her or her feelings for you. You failed both her and yourself. And you did it merely because you didn't want to show weakness in front of her. You can tell yourself you did it to protect her, but that's just not true._

"_I love you, Edward. I try my best to understand you and I will always support you when you make healthy choices. But I cannot help feeling ashamed of you for how you handled things with Bella. That poor girl is hurting and not sure what was real with you and what was a lie. Honestly, son, if I were her, I wouldn't want to talk to you right now either."_

"_Mom, I know I screwed up. And I didn't mean to make it sound like I'm not happy to be alive. I just … I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling like the only thing of value in my life is gone. I want her back so badly. I want to tell her that in person and I can't and it frustrates the hell out of me." I turned my laptop toward her so she could see the email. "It took me almost an hour to write it and it'll probably take Bella that long to read it. It's got to work, Mom. It has to bring her back to me."_

"_Edward, as someone who knows Bella very well, I'm pleading with you … Do not send that to her. She needs time to heal enough to be able to truly hear what you're saying and now is not that time. She has to get past her own pain, pain that you caused with your lies, before she can make any decisions about the future of her relationship with you._

"_I'm not saying don't write her at all. By all means, if you can keep a friendly line of communication going with her, then do that. But don't burden her with how you're feeling. She will push aside and ignore her own feelings in order to ease your troubles. Not only will that not be fair to her, it will do even more damage to your relationship."_

I'd taken my mother's advice, writing Bella a mostly generic email, to which I'd gotten that bubbly reply. I couldn't stop re-reading it no matter how much it hurt to think of her moving on without me.

I closed my laptop and reached for my phone, needing to hear from what I hoped would be an impartial observer.

"Edward, are you okay?"

"Hi, Dad. I just wanted to hear a friendly voice."

"Things not going well with your mother and sister?"

"No, they are. They're being great. They're just also being … um … brutally honest?"

I was sure he was trying to cover up his laugh, but I still heard it. "They love you and they want to support you, but they also see where you went wrong."

"Dad, I feel so lost right now. I know it's my own fault and that I have a lot to do to make up for it. I want to fix it. I'm willing to grovel and beg and plead, but I need that chance. How can I get Bella to give me that chance?"

"Son, have you considered you may not get another chance? Now I'm by no means saying it's impossible because I see miracles all the time. I'm simply saying it may take a long time to fix all the damage that has been done. If you had been aware enough to see Bella's face when she came to see you off to your surgery—

"Well, that's the past and the future is what we all need to focus on, Edward. For now, that means your attention needs to be on getting well. If you get yourself all worked up and set back your recovery, it will only complicate things more."

"I can't keep waiting. I can't let time and distance just spin out before us, Dad. What if I lose her?"

"Edward, why are you so upset tonight? Have you talked to Bella?"

I forced myself to take a calming breath to keep my father from worrying even more about me. "Not directly. We exchanged emails and … Well, I don't believe what she wrote, but it still bothers me. She makes it seem like she's moving on and happy, but I just don't feel like that's the truth. I can't explain why, but I just feel it with everything in me that she's hiding from me for some reason. If I could only see her, I know I could get her to open up to me and tell me the truth. I know I can't drive myself, but is there any way you can take me to see her?"

"Son, you're only looking at this from the positive side. You feel like you're healed enough for the ride to Portland and for the joyful reunion you expect to follow. But are you going to be able to stand the emotional weight of being rejected? Especially after a long car trip? And we're not even taking into account the return trip. I want you to be happy, Edward. But I _need_ you to be healthy. We all need that. Until you're released by your doctor and your therapist, you're staying in Seattle."

"You don't know what you're asking of me," I said, unable to stop myself from crying on the phone to my father. "I can't lose her."

"Edward, if you truly have faith in your relationship with Bella, then you will wait. You will heal your body and then you will heal both your hearts. Risking your health will only cause more pain to her and everyone else you love."

"What if she's hurting like me, Dad? I can't just let her sit there and do nothing to fix it."

"I'm afraid you have no choice, Edward. You created these circumstances and now we all must live within the confines of them."

My dad talked with me for a long while after and only hung up once I'd promised him I wouldn't try to leave Seattle on my own and definitely not before being cleared to do so. I'd hated to make that promise, but I knew he was right to force it from me. He was doing his job both as my father and as a doctor, and though I didn't like it at all, I respected him for it. Maybe someday I could manage to be the kind of man he was—a man that Bella would not only respect but love again. I knew my world would never be complete without her in it and I hoped that somehow, despite all my deception, she still felt the same for me.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**EPOV:**

"So have you heard from Bella?" Emmett asked. He'd shown up yesterday afternoon with Rosalie. He'd even packed his video game system in his luggage, confident I'd be feeling up to playing a few games with him.

"Ed, did you hear me?" he asked, nudging my leg with his knee.

I nodded. "We exchanged emails but she didn't really say a lot. Alice and Mom think she's just not ready to talk to me yet. Have you heard from her?"

"Nope. I don't get her at all. She makes this huge deal out of when she gets to say she loves you and spouts off all this shit about it meaning something and then she hauls ass away from the hospital without even seeing you after your surgery."

"She did see me. She left me a note. She just didn't stay for me to wake up."

"You don't have to defend her, Edward. She bailed on you, man."

"I don't think it's that cut and dry, Em. And even if it is, it's my fault. I shouldn't have lied to her. I shouldn't have lied to any of you."

Emmett made a big show of massacring my character on the screen and then tossed his controller next to my feet on the stool. He went over to the fridge and pulled one of his beers out, drinking nearly half of it before looking at me. "You know I should kick your ass for scaring the piss out of all of us, right?"

I nodded but didn't say anything. I could tell he didn't want an answer and was just warming himself up for the rant he wanted to give.

"You're wrong, Ed. You should be kicking my ass for being a fucking horrible douchebag of a brother." Never in a million years would I have dreamed of Emmett saying such a thing and the shock must have been clear on my face because he started laughing.

"You know, Edward, whether you work shit out with Bella or not, you and me both owe that girl. If it wasn't for her, we never would have started having real conversations with each other and I wouldn't have learned what a good guy my brother is. The part that really pisses me off about nearly losing you is that you would have died without knowing how much I love you and respect you. All the talking we've been doing since your surgery just makes me feel even stupider for not telling you before all this that I love you and I'm proud of you."

Emmett stopped smiling and put his large finger in my face. "But if your scrawny ass ever lies to anyone in this family again, I am going to beat the snot right out of you."

I pushed his finger aside and pulled him into a hug. The last time we'd hugged we'd probably been about six years old so I figured we were long overdue. "I love you too, Emmett."

My brother reverted back to his usual caveman self, pushing me away from him and sneering at me. "Fucking pansy. You think if I leave your girly ass alone long enough to grab us some burgers, you'd be alright by yourself?" He'd somehow gotten my mom and sister to go out to dinner with Rosalie and leave just the two of us home together.

"If you get out of here and actually give me time to myself, I'll let you call me anything you want," I told him.

"Yeah, I figured Mom and Ali were driving you nuts. That's why I had Rosie get them out of here for a bit."

"Way past nuts. But I get why they're doing it and I love them for it."

Emmett nodded and then his usual big goofy smile took over his face. "So hold the mustard and extra onions, right?"

"And cheese. Please don't forget the cheese."

"Since when is a burger ever a burger without the cheese?" he called back seconds before the door slammed closed behind him.

For the first time in weeks, I was completely alone. No nurse. No therapist. No doctor. And as much as I loved them, no mother and no little sister. It gave me the opportunity to do something I'd wanted to do for weeks now, but especially after my talk with my mother last night.

Unfortunately, she didn't answer the phone and I was forced to leave a message. "I know it's Saturday night and I hadn't really expected to catch you in, but I had hoped anyway. If you get this in the next few minutes, I'd really like it if you could call me back. I just … Call me back if you get this."

I closed my phone and stared at it for a long time, willing it to ring and have Bella on the other end of it. But it didn't and somehow I'd known all along it wouldn't. It had been a long time since I'd let go completely but right then I couldn't help myself—I cried. I cried with my head in my hands for hurting Bella, for hurting my family, and for hurting myself. The only thing I didn't cry for was the loss of our future together because I refused to give up on it. I refused to give up on _us_.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

I hit the repeat button once again, having lost track long ago of how many times I'd replayed his message. I didn't care for the words at all; I just wanted to hear his voice in my ear like it used to be. I closed my eyes but the tears still slipped from them to wet my cheeks and pillow. Just an hour ago I'd been telling myself I was getting better and the pretending was getting easier. Now I was praying for sleep just so the hurt could stop for a little while.

But I knew sleep wouldn't really help. Not when I every dream I had featured Edward. Some hurt worse than others, like dreaming of that morning I'd told him I loved him in Hawaii and that night under the stars at the Grand Canyon.

I finally closed my phone and set it on the bed but only so I could reach under my pillow and pull out the one picture I hadn't put away. It was Edward holding me close and dancing with me at the luau. I kept it under my pillow so Jasper wouldn't notice it. Actually, I only kept it under my pillow when I was trying to sleep; the rest of the time it was in my pocket or my hand. I knew I had to stop carrying it around if I wanted to really let go and move on but each time I tried, I got panicky and couldn't keep still. So I would pick it back up and tell myself just one more day of carrying it around and then I'd be ready to let it go.

Edward thought I was out having a great time. I guess that meant he'd believed my email last night. My lies. It was what I wanted but it didn't make me feel any better. I didn't want to be out at a club. I wanted to be curled up with him on the sofa watching the stupid History Channel and playing in his hair. I wanted to not be poisonous and selfish. But wanting wasn't the same as being and that was why I was crying myself to sleep alone in my bed.

Arms thicker than Edward's but thinner than Emmett's curled around me and I struggled to calm down enough to speak. "You're not supposed to be here. You're supposed to be with Ali."

Jasper's voice was calm yet firm. "I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, Darlin'."

"I'm fine. You don't need to be here."

"That's two lies. You want to tell me a third?"

"Go away. I'm just being emotional and I'll be fine in a minute."

"That makes three. You listen up, Bella, and you listen good. Whatever this is you're going through, you don't have to go through it alone. I understand you not being able to talk to Edward right now. And I even get why you might be afraid to trust Ali. But you've got no excuse to feel that way with me. Now you go on and cry some more if you need to and then you get some real sleep. I'll be right here with you and in the morning, you and I are having a long talk."

"It won't do any good."

"I guess we'll just find that out tomorrow, now won't we?"

I tried one more time to get him to leave because I knew if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from taking the comfort he was offering. "Ali will be mad at you for this."

"Ali is the one who told me to come back early and check on you."

The idea that Alice might still love me and care about me was more than I could handle in that moment and it sent me straight into that kind of stupid hysterical crying I loathed—the kind where you're body shook and you weren't really completely sure what you were crying for. But Jasper seemed to know since he kept repeating the same thing over and over. "Ali and I are here for you. We love you."


	44. Will It All Away

**A/N: Thank you all for the great reviews! I'm finally kicking this cold and should be back to answering reviews individually this week. I wanted to get the next chapter out to you all ASAP so I'm just going to thank you all here and now.**

**Answers are on the way about everyone's actions and reactions. It's just going to take a few chapters since these are mostly Bella's POV and she doesn't have all the info yet.**

**I hope you all enjoy Jasper in this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing him. He hasn't had a lot of scenes up to now so it's been nice to give him a voice. Enjoy!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Will It All Away**

**Chapter Song: "Whisper" by Evanescence**

**Bella's POV:**

"You can shovel all the food into your mouth you want, but you're still talking to me, Darlin'." From the smile on his face, I knew Jasper was mostly teasing so I ignored him for a moment to bite off another chunk of bacon.

After I'd enjoyed my bacon piece and some juice, I told him, "I'm not avoiding. I'm just hungry."

"When was the last time you ate?"

I shrugged. "Dinner last night. Don't remember what time. But I'd be this ravenous anyway. Do you have any idea how long it's been since I've eaten real food and not my special diet stuff?"

"A couple of months if I remember correctly. How are those new meds working for you?"

"Pretty good. I still get emotional beforehand, as you saw last night."

"I think last night had a lot more to do with Edward than hormones, Bella. Don't you? Or have you forgotten how tightly you were holding onto his picture?"

I shoved a forkful of cheese covered eggs into my mouth instead of answering.

"You know, Bella, we're all real upset with Edward for lying the way he did. Esme gives it to him the worst because of how sweetly she says the words. But Ali and I have both given our share too."

I didn't feel hungry anymore. In fact, I felt like visiting the bathroom and sharing my breakfast. "You shouldn't do that. You could stress him out like that. He needs to be focusing on getting better."

Jasper reached across the table and took my shaking hand into is. "Bella, we would never do anything to endanger Edward. He's strong enough to handle knowing we're disappointed in him. Besides, we tell him we love him a lot more than we tell him he screwed up."

"That's good. I'm glad he's got all of you."

"You have us too, you know. Anytime you want to talk, my ear is ready to listen."

"There's really nothing to talk about," I said as I slid my hand out of his. I forced myself to take another bite of food so it would seem like that was my only reason for pulling away.

But I wasn't so sure Jasper was fooled. "You can eat all the food you want, but it won't make the pain any less."

"Never said I had any pain."

"Not with your lips. Just with your sad eyes and your tears. But what do I know? Maybe you're crying tears of joy to be done with Edward's lies."

I had no idea what came over me and couldn't really believe I'd managed to move fast enough to touch him, but I slapped Jasper across the face and left a red mark.

"I'm so sorry!" I didn't know what else to say. Any chance I'd had of him wanting to still be my friend had just gone out the window. I grabbed my bag and bolted from the booth and the café before I somehow found a way to screw up even more. I wasn't exactly sure where I planned on going so early on a Sunday so I just picked a random direction and started walking.

"Bella, wait!" Jasper's voice sounded so loud on the quiet street.

I turned toward him, ready for the look of anger I knew would be on his face. But he didn't look angry at all. He looked … I didn't really know what his expression meant because I'd never seen it before. He hooked his arm around my shoulders and instead of protesting, I just followed his lead and walked down the street with him.

We'd covered a couple of blocks before he spoke up. "I shouldn't have said that to you. This situation hasn't been easy on any of us, but it's especially bad for Edward and you. He says he always meant to come clean to you at the end of the summer when we was completely healed. I think he believes he would have done it, but I'm not so sure he could have. For all his differences with Emmett, the two of them have this crazy need to seem like a rock in front of their women at all times. They see a rock and they think, there's something that can stand the test of time. They don't understand that with the right winds and rain, that rock is going to wither and chip away. Now if there's a tree standing next to that rock helping to block some of that wind and rain, then that rock has a much better chance of making it. Do you get what I'm saying?"

"No," I admitted. "But if you don't mind, I don't want to talk about him anymore."

"Then let's talk about you. What's something you haven't gotten to do lately that would bring a smile to your face?"

I stopped walking and looked up at him, deciding to take a big chance because honestly, what else could I really lose at this point? I'd already lost the majority of my family and the only man I'd ever truly loved. Maybe, just maybe I could hold on to Alice and Jasper if I tried my absolute hardest not to be poison around them.

"Knowing Ali's okay would make me smile," I told him. "She didn't seem like herself when I saw her a couple weeks ago."

"She got the scare of her life and it's left her feeling unsure about a few things, but otherwise, she's okay. Our girl is tough. Not as tough as you, of course, but then who is?"

"When you talk to her again, you can tell her if she wants, I mean if she has time 'cause I know she's busy and needs to focus and all … But she can call me if she wants to talk or vent or just … She can if she wants."

"I'll tell her if you'll promise me something."

"What?"

"Promise you'll remember phones work both ways, alright?"

"I know but I don't want to interrupt. He's sick and he needs his sister and she loves him."

"Yeah, that's all true. But she also loves you, Bella."

"I love her too. And you."

"You aren't telling me anything I didn't already know," he said as he pulled me into a tight hug. When he let me go, he had a big smile on his face. "I think we've talked plenty for now. How about we head to the store and restock that refrigerator? We'll pick up some of that fish you have to eat and I'll grill it southern style for us for dinner tonight."

"I can't say I completely understand why you did it, but I'm really glad you came back early."

"Love, Darlin'. I did it because I love Ali and I love you and I don't want to see either of you hurting."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

Once again, the remote for the television was nowhere near it. I headed down the hall to Alice's room to find out where she'd put it this time. Her door was partway open so I just grabbed the handle and opened it more.

And then I just stood there openly eavesdropping on her conversation. I'd heard her say Bella's name and I couldn't help myself.

"I'm not saying I don't believe you, Jazz. I'm just saying that doesn't sound like Bella." Alice had her clothes strewn across her bed with her phone's speaker turned on so she could fold and talk at the same time.

"I know it doesn't, Darlin'. But it's the truth. She's afraid. She's working overtime to act like she's just fine, but she can't hold it up all the time. I made a comment about her being glad she was done with Edward and she hauled off and slapped me. Then she turned right around and apologized and ran off. There are some other signs too, but I need to keep those to myself for now so I can keep her confidence. Poor girl's all over the place and really needs a shoulder to lean on, though she's gonna fight me tooth and nail before she takes it."

"So what do we do?"

"I don't think there's much we can do besides keep showing her and telling her we're here for her. I can see how much she wants to believe we're still her friends and still love her, but she's scared to believe even that. I think Edward lying to her has her wondering if we're all lying. She's got no idea who she can trust, and suddenly having her absolute surety in her relationship with you ripped away after everything with Edward is more than she can handle."

"You know how much I love my brother, Jasper. But right now, I want to wring his neck like I'm doing this shirt in my hands." Not only was my sister truly twisting a shirt in her hands, it was one of her silk ones so I knew for damn sure I was on her shit list. Wrinkles rarely come out of silk after treatment like that; I knew because she'd yelled the information at me after finding the one and only silk shirt she'd bought me curled up at the bottom of my closet.

"Ali, I know you love him and you need to be there with him, but maybe you could come home for just one weekend. I know it would mean the world to Bella and I bet you it would do her a world of good."

"I want to Jazz but I—"

"I want you to go." I hadn't known I was going to speak but I wouldn't take the words back for anything.

"Edward, what you are doing in my room?" Alice asked. She didn't seem angry, just surprised.

"I came to ask you where you moved the remote and then I heard you talking about Bella so …"

"You were eavesdropping." From the smile on her face, I knew I wasn't going to be in trouble for it. Well, not any more trouble than I was already in with her for my lying.

"So will you go home and spend time with her? I'd do it myself if I could, but I'm kind of stuck here for a few more weeks."

"Completely your own fault for being a miserable lying bastard," Alice told me. Those were her three favorite new words for me and I couldn't say I hadn't earned them.

"I know that. Just like I know whatever is wrong with Bella is my fault. I can't fix it myself yet so I'm asking you, as my sister and her best friend, please go to her and see what you can do to help."

Alice narrowed her eyes at me. "You swear you won't give Mom any trouble while I'm gone? I mean it, Edward. No pouting and no whining at all."

"From Friday until you come back on Sunday, I will be a perfect son and patient," I promised her.

Alice turned away from me and picked up her phone. "Jazz, get Bella to clear her weekend and I'll meet you two in Forks. I'll be close enough to Seattle if Mom needs me and Bella will be able to spend time with Charlie and Jake too."

"You got it, Darlin'. I've got to get to sleep for work tomorrow so I'll talk to you again tomorrow night. I love you, Alice."

"I love you, Jasper. Thank you for watching out for Bella."

"She'd do the same for either one of us."

Alice ended the call and set her phone down before looking up at me. "Feeling well enough to help fold some clothing?"

"If the folding can include a conservation with my little sister, I'm pretty sure I can find the strength."

She patted the spot next to her on the bed and I joined her. "I'm really mad at you," she said.

"I'm pretty mad at myself," I admitted as I picked up a sock and poked around for its match.

"I just don't get why you lied the way you did. We never have big secrets in our family. Never."

"I don't have a good reason, Alice. I was stupid."

"You _were_ stupid. And we nearly lost you. It's like you forgot consequences exist and that's so not who you are, Edward. At least, it's not who _I_ thought you were."

"It's not that I forgot they exist, Ali. It's just that I thought I would be the only one to deal with them. I never thought I would bring so much pain and disappointment to you and the rest of our family. I never dreamed any of you would pay for my mistakes. Especially not Bella."

Alice didn't say anything. In fact, we had already finished folding all the laundry and were nearly done putting it away before she even looked at me.

She pulled in a big breath, and I had the feeling she was trying to choose her words carefully and not just rant and rave at me. "You know, when Bella sat us all down months ago, it took a lot for her to be honest and tell us how bad her medical stuff had gotten. It was the last thing she wanted to do but she did it because her first priority was taking care of all of us. She didn't want anyone worried for her or imagining the worst so she told us exactly what to expect. That's what you should have done, Edward."

"Fuck." I hadn't meant to curse in front of my sister, but the word had flown from my lips too fast to stop it.

"What? What's wrong?" Alice asked, immediately panicking. She grabbed my arm and looked up into my face as if she was expecting something to be horribly wrong with me. I'd put that kind of fear into my little sister and I hated myself for it.

"It's not me," I said, hugging her in hopes of settling her down. "I just realized that I've been so involved in my recovery and in trying to make amends that I forgot all about Bella's stuff. Do you know if her new meds are working?"

"Oh, my God!" Alice cried as her eyes widened. "I don't know. I forgot to ask. I forgot all about it. I don't even know if Dr. Bennett ever got her the new ones."

"We have to find out, Alice. We have to make sure Bella didn't forget too."

Alice pulled away from me and grabbed her phone from the bed. I'd thought at first she was calling Bella, but it was Jasper's sleep-thickened voice that came through the speaker. "What's wrong, Darlin'?"

"Jasper, I'm such a horrible friend. I forgot all about it. I don't know how I could have done that. No wonder Bella thinks I'm avoiding her."

"Alice, slow down, sweetheart," Jasper cooed. "Take a breath and then tell me what's wrong."

"I don't know if Bella ever started her new meds."

"Is that all?" he asked, sounding amused to my ears.

"Is that _all_? Jasper, you know how bad things can get for her if she doesn't have help."

"Ali, calm down. I asked her about it this morning over breakfast. She says the new meds are working. And since I haven't seen any mood swings and she hasn't been confined to her bed, I believe her. She's doing good. She even likes that diet so much she's still on it. We had some of her salmon for dinner tonight. See? Nothing to worry over."

"Sorry I woke you."

"It's alright. I know you wouldn't have been able to sleep worried about her."

"You are a wonderful man, Jasper. I'm so glad I'm going to be your wife."

"I'm glad too, Darlin'. You get some sleep and I'll talk to you tomorrow. Love you."

"Love you, too. Night." Alice ended the call and looked up at me. "We got lucky with that one."

"Yeah, Jasper's a good man," I agreed.

"Well, that too. But I meant with Bella."

I put my arms around my sister and held her close. "I want to fix things but I can't do it on my own. Will you help me?"

"Yes. But just know I'm not doing it for you."

"I wouldn't have it any other way, Ali." And I meant my words completely. Bella deserved for things to be better way more than I ever could. If I wasn't so sure that "better" included me being in her life, I would have left her alone. But I believed with absolute certainty that neither of us could ever be complete without the other. No relationship I'd ever had, had felt more right than ours. I had to be able to fix this somehow, someway.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

One of the really nice things about being able to talk to Jasper—even if I wasn't really saying much—was not having to pretend to constantly be at work. I was taking full advantage and spending my Wednesday night off curled up in bed with my laptop checking out one of my favorite music review sites. It was something I used to do all the time before—and something that didn't make me think of what I was missing.

There were so many new start-up bands listed that it took me a good hour just to sort through them and make a list to go back and really review later. I would have went straight into listening to them, but I couldn't ignore that little sidebar message proclaiming there was a new single from The Langoliers. I had a love-hate relationship with the band because when they got it right, their songs were amazing; and when they got it wrong, it was a flaming pile of crap.

I listened to the full song three times before making my judgment call on it—it wasn't flaming, but it was still crap. I logged in and left a lengthy review, listing the few things that worked for it like the upbeat tempo, and citing all the things wrong like the vapid, nonsensical lyrics. It would be awesome if someone from the band would actually read the review with an open mind and then fix the song, but I highly doubted anyone with any kind of power to affect a meaningful change would read the stuff posted on this site; it was strictly a therapeutic kind of thing. And it kept me from thinking of how badly I missed everyone.

I'd moved on to the start-ups and long ago left behind the new single when a chat window popped up on my screen.

**NumbNuts:** _What's your problem with The Langoliers?_

There was one of two ways this could go. Either the person asking me the question wanted an honest answer or they had a stick up their ass and wanted to argue. Since I really didn't have anything better to do, I answered the question.

**BarelyBreathing:** _No problem. Just expected better of them._

**NumbNuts:** _What makes you the authority?_

**BarelyBreathing:** _Never said I was. Just gave my opinion. That's the point of the site. Guess your name's not just for show._

**NumbNuts:** _My friend changed it and I haven't figured out how to fix it._

**BarelyBreathing: **_Some friend._

**NumbNuts:** _He has his moments. Your name isn't much better._

**BarelyBreathing:** _That's only because you have no idea what it means._

I'd created the screen name years ago when I'd first come across the site. It had been one of my escapes during the time I'd been mourning Aaron; and I guess I had been mourning myself a little that summer too. Funny how I'd always meant to change the name when it stopped fitting me and now I found myself back in that very same position—barely breathing. It hurt to go on and if I hadn't been a hundred percent positive I would hurt people by giving up on life altogether, I would have done it the night I left the hospital. But it would hurt them and I'd already done enough damage and refused to allow myself to do more just to escape the consequences of my actions.

My computer beeped with a new message and I jerked at the sound, nearly knocking my laptop off my legs.

**NumbNuts:** _So what does it mean?_

**BarelyBreathing:** _Sorry. I require an IQ of at least 25 for that particular info and I doubt you hit a 3_.

**NumbNuts: **_What the hell is wrong with you? Are you some emo tween freak? Or maybe you're older than your maturity level indicates and you're typing from Mommy's basement? Are you even old enough to hold a login on this site?_

I was surprised to find myself smiling but it was a really good taunt—for an amateur anyway. And if I was perfectly honest, I probably only found it funny because of how much I missed joking around with Emmett. I knew I had no one to blame for the current state of my life but myself and yet I still couldn't stop from feeling sorry for myself for all I'd lost.

The beeping of my computer had me looking down at it and looking over the newest message from the review-hating chatty person.

**NumbNuts:** _I'm right. You are just some kid screwing around on the internet instead of doing your homework._

**BarelyBreathing:** _Says the fucktard who can't even figure out how to fix his screen name. Why don't you go learn how to use your computer and leave us computer literate folk alone?_

**NumbNuts:** _You don't know anything about me._

**BarelyBreathing:** _Uh, oh. Hit a nerve. Which one was it? The one where you worship a half-ass band like the fucking pansy you are? Or getting called out for being such a complete spaz you can't work this site correctly?_

**NumbNuts:** _I hope you aren't this caustic to the people in your every day life._

**BarelyBreathing:** _If they deserve it ..._

**NumbNuts:** _Again, what makes you the authority?_

**BarelyBreathing:** _Look, Dude, you don't have to like what I wrote or agree with it. That's the beauty of the internet. You don't like it, you either click to a new site or you post a rebuttal review. But sitting here typing to me and waiting for an apology is going to be a major waste of your time._

**NumbNuts:** _You don't owe me the apology. You owe it to The Langoliers for ripping a good song._

**BarelyBreathing:**_Seriously? You're THAT hardup for an argument that you're going to defend that piece of crap? I've known some sick fucks in my time, but never one that needed to argue just to get a rise. Maybe you should see a doctor. I hear they have all kinds of pills for that shit. I, myself, have a life and am going to get back to enjoying it. Adios._

I closed the window out and then waited a few seconds, positive the asshole would open a new window and try to argue some more. When no new windows opened, I went back to reviewing the upstarts like I had been before.

Sometime later, I set my laptop onto the bed and pressed my fists against my closed eyes. They were watery and slightly stinging which clearly meant I had been online way too long. I needed to figure out an activity that blocked my thoughts and didn't hurt my eyes at the same time.

While resting my eyes, I weighed the pros and cons of staying online a little longer versus going to bed. It was the yawn that snuck up on me and had my jaw popping that made the decision. But before I could hit the button to log out of my account, a chat window opened.

**NumbNuts:** _Sorry about before. I was angry about other things and took it out on you._

I should have just closed the damn thing and ignored the idiot, but I must have been more tired than I thought because I found myself typing back. I really needed to stop being wordy whenever I felt tired.

**BarelyBreathing:**_Everybody out there has something that sets them off so sorry isn't really going to get you off._

**NumbNuts:** _What about if it's 'sorry' followed up with 'you may have a point about the song'?_

**BarelyBreathing:**_Then I would have to say go into your account settings, go under profile and click to edit your info. I know it says it's for correcting your location, but the screen name is in there too._

**NumbNuts:** _Thanks. But since I kind of feel like I deserve the name for now, I'll hang onto it._

**BarelyBreathing:**_Bold move. Let me know how that works out for you._

**NumbNuts:** _Maybe I will. Night. And thanks._

I ignored the thanks and closed my screen out completely, wondering if the person would have been so quick to thank me if he or she knew about what I'd done to Edward and his family. My guess was that I'd get insulted a lot worse than being called emo. And I'd deserve every bit of it.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**BPOV:**

The coffeehouse was practically dead and Kate seemed to have way more energy than a normal human should have so I was all too happy to leave her covering the floor while I listened to music from my laptop. Not only was I struggling not to think of _him_—and hating that even saying his name in my head hurt—I was now trying my hardest not to freak out and read into this whole weekend with Alice thing that would start tomorrow. Jasper swore it was just three friends spending time together but I found it hard to believe Alice would leave her brother's side just to hang out with me. There had to be more to it—like kicking me out of the apartment and her life. If Em could hate me and never want to see me again, anything was possible.

A loud beep over the sound of the music pumping through my earphones startled me. I looked down at the screen and shook my head at what I saw. The person from last night was back again.

**NumbNuts:** _Slay any songs tonight? Or other site members?_

**BarelyBreathing:**_Not yet. Suggestions?_

**NumbNuts:** _I checked out that new Pink song earlier. It wasn't bad at all._

**BarelyBreathing:**_So you're a chick then?_

**NumbNuts:** _No. Why would you assume I'm a chick?_

**BarelyBreathing:**_Did you miss the part where you admitted to listening to Pink?_

**NumbNuts:** _What? She can really rock. And I like that a lot of her lyrics have real meaning._

**BarelyBreathing:**_Yeah, I'm sure U + Ur Hand is a fave of yours._

**NumbNuts:** _That's cruel._

**BarelyBreathing:**_Calling it cruel isn't denial. You have fun with your one man show. I've gotta jet._

**NumbNuts:** _Hey don't go! We haven't finished discussing the pros and cons of Pink yet._

**BarelyBreathing:**_Shit, Numb! Why so hard up for me to talk to you? Did all of your imaginary friends decide not to play with you anymore?_

**NumbNuts:** _Something like that. And I want to talk to you because you seem to really know music. Plus, music is kind of the only topic I can stomach in my life._

**BarelyBreathing:**_Yeah, that's kind of the head space I'm in right now. It must be affecting me more than I thought if I'm actually having a convo with a dude going by the spazztastic name of NumbNuts._

**NumbNuts:** _I wish I was._

**BarelyBreathing:**_Was what?_

**NumbNuts:** _Numb. It would be a hell of a lot better than feeling like … Just feeling I guess._

**BarelyBreathing:**_So what exactly is your damage? Or are you naturally depressed?_

**NumbNuts:** _More like naturally stupid. I was weeks away from proposing to the girl of my dreams, but I fucked it up and now she hates my guts._

**BarelyBreathing:**_With that kind of problem, numb doesn't exist. For a little while sometimes, but it always comes back in the end._

**NumbNuts:** _Gee, thanks for lying to me._

**BarelyBreathing:**_I'm not your friend so I'm not going to coddle you. Some fuck-ups are forever._

**NumbNuts: **_Damn … Roommates are back. I have to go. Will you be on tomorrow night? You seem to have some idea about bad breakups and if I can't be numb, then maybe you can tell me what I can be._

Obviously I was a hell of lot lonelier than I cared to admit because I found myself telling the guy when I'd be on next time.

**BarelyBreathing:**_I work a lot. Monday night maybe._

**NumbNuts:** _Maybe. See you around, BB._

**BarelyBreathing:**_See you, Numb._

**NumbNuts:** _Oh, hey! Before you go … Are you named for the Lifehouse song?_

**BarelyBreathing:**_What song?_

**NumbNuts:** _Broken._

**BarelyBreathing:**_No. I only know one song by them. I'll maybe check them out later._

**NumbNuts:** _If you ever need a song about being at fault, check out their song It Is What It Is. It's on perpetual repeat for me right now._

**BarelyBreathing:**_Thanks for the tip. Try not to abuse your hand too much, Numb. Gonna make it hard for you to type later on._

**NumbNuts:** _Is this a veiled offer of internet sex?_

**BarelyBreathing:**_Don't know. Be here Monday with your stats and we'll see._

**NumbNuts:** _Really?_

**NumbNuts:**_ Wait! Are you a girl?_

**BarelyBreathing:**_See you Monday._

I closed the window out, feeling both surprised and guilty for smiling. I had no intention whatsoever of having anything to do with virtual sex, but he didn't know that and that was what I'd found funny about it. Whoever this guy was, he wasn't as sharp as Emmett or as gentlemanly as Edward, but he was funny in his own way. Or maybe it was just that he seemed to be suffering and I understood that feeling all too well right now.

I pulled up YouTube and did a search for the song the guy had mentioned. I listened to it twice, once for the music and once for the lyrics. The song was definitely about a derailed relationship and it was absolutely on target with saying it was complicated. Two sides and two views, and most times two losers. At least in my case, I was the only one losing out. Edward would go on to find a woman deserving of him who could treat him right. I'd just go on.

"I made you some tea," Kate said as she set a steaming cup on my table.

"Thanks." I pointed at the seat across from me. "Sit and tell me about life."

Instead of talking to be about her life, she asked about mine. "Are you ever going to tell me what happened with Edward?"

"I already told you, Kate. We went our separate ways. We just weren't compatible in the ways we needed to be so we broke up."

"Have you gotten any new updates on his health?"

"He's improving. He's still not allowed to be on his own yet. But Alice is meeting up with Jasper and me in Forks for the weekend so he's obviously well enough for Esme to look after by herself."

"You should go see him, Bella. You shouldn't give up on him. You guys are really good together and I bet if you just—"

I gripped the mug as hard as I could in an effort to keep my temper down and under control. "Kate, you're my friend and I enjoy working with you. Please stop talking before you ruin both of those things."

"Alright. Just know I'm around if you change your mind about talking."

"Thanks, Kate. But there really isn't anything to talk about."

I managed to hold myself together until I was home and locked in my room; the moment my head hit the pillow the tears started. I'd thought the lies would get easier with each new day but they were just getting heavier and harder to force past my lips. I missed him so much and the more I tried not to think of him, the less successful I was at it. If I couldn't get a grip soon … No, packing up and moving away would just be another easy way out. I couldn't do that to Charlie, Jake, and Bree; they needed me. And I wanted to be here for them as much as I wanted to be around Alice and Jasper for as long as they were willing to have me in their lives. Moving had to be an absolute last resort.

This would all be so much easier if people would stop telling me how great we'd been together. Kate said to go see him like it was really that easy. He didn't want to see me. Not unless it was to ream my ass for nearly killing him the way his twin had. And though I knew I totally deserved it, I wasn't strong enough to face him. I wasn't strong enough to hear for absolute sure that he never wanted anything to do with me ever again. Sure, he'd left that message about wanting to talk but he had probably just wanted to make arrangements to get back the stuff he'd left in my room. If I wasn't such a selfish bitch, I would have already packed it up for him instead of hoarding it in my closet along with all of his pictures—well, all but one anyway.

I needed to stop doing this. I needed to stop feeling like some kind of victim when I had been the predator. I needed to just suck it all up and be glad that Jasper and Alice were still willing to talk to me. And most of all, I needed to forget about him because he would forget about me soon enough. In a few weeks he would be well enough to leave Seattle and go start his life like he'd planned. Maybe he'd even go to Boston to be close to Emmett; that would be great for the twins' relationship. Maybe in some fucked up way, my being poison had been a blessing of sorts since it had brought the two of them together.

I was tired of thinking so I forced myself up from bed and into the shower, washing away the long day and my tears. Tomorrow was a new day and I would have a better grip on myself than I'd had today. I would be strong and I would move forward and I wouldn't think of him at all for one whole day. Once I mastered those first twenty-fours hours, the other three hundred and sixty-four days of the year would be easy. I could do this. I _had_ to do this. _For Edward_.

But that would be tomorrow. Tonight I would sleep in our Taking Back Sunday shirt on his side of the bed with our picture beneath my pillow, dreaming of a life where I'd only brought him happiness and no pain.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**BPOV:**

I woke up in the morning just the way I had every day since leaving the hospital—wrapped around Edward's pillow and wishing it was him. I wished I could call him just to hear his voice and have it lift the pain a little, but that wouldn't be fair to him. And it wasn't as if anything either of us said would change anything anyway—not that he would want them to change. He was only being nice with his email and his phone call, trying to find a way to be friends so he wouldn't break his promise. _Too damn honorable. I even miss that about him._

By the time I got dressed and walked into the kitchen, Jasper had already left for work. He'd also left behind a note wishing me a good morning at work and an omelet, one of the few breakfast foods I was allowed besides oatmeal. I wanted to believe everything he was doing was because we were still friends and family but it was just so hard to believe. Emmett hated me and Rose hadn't spoken to me or emailed me at all so I assumed she knew how he felt about me and agreed with him. It made a lot more sense for Jasper and Alice to side with his cousin and her brother than to want to be around me. And yet they'd asked me to spend this weekend with them.

Then again, Emmett had said I had his sister fooled. Maybe all this time instead of growing into a better person I'd actually just gotten better at lying to everyone, especially myself. I didn't want to believe that so unless I had some clear sign I was screwing up Alice and Jasper's lives, I would spend time with them and try my hardest to be a good friend to them. Emmett had said to stay away from Edward but he hadn't said the same about them. Maybe I'd get lucky and Emmett wouldn't say anything to Alice because the moment she found out what her big brother thought of me, she'd agree and that would be the end of our friendship. As much as I didn't want to be selfish, I couldn't help it this time. I couldn't handle losing her too.

Thoughts of already having lost Emmett and potentially losing Alice overwhelmed me. Standing there crying in the empty kitchen, I knew I had to get control of my emotions; tears weren't going to fix anything. I just had to keep going and keep staying away from Edward so he would be safe and healthy. Like he'd said himself back in February, I made him tired. The only way to ensure his heart didn't suffer from stress caused by me was to stay away. I'd stay away and eventually it wouldn't hurt so much. It had to stop hurting at some point. Didn't it?

When I got to the coffeehouse, I noticed right away I had a visitor. He was moving around in his seat like he'd downed a couple strong coffees in quick succession. "What's up?" I asked Bree as I slid in beside him.

"Hey, Peaches," he said as he gave me a fierce hug. "I forgot you were working this morning."

"Yeah, but only the early morning shift. Then I leave for Forks with Jasper. So … if you aren't here to see me, why are you here?"

"Coffee. Duh," he joked, pointing at his cup on the table. But I wasn't fooled.

"Come on, Bree. You're hardly ever up this early unless forced. What's up?"

"Hey, Bella." I turned toward the male voice, completely shocked to see Lance sitting down across from us.

I looked at Bree, silently asking him if I wanted to return the greeting or reach across the table and smash the asshole's face in.

Bree pushed on my hip to get me up and followed me out of the booth. "Lance, we'll be back in a moment."

"Take your time. I'll be here." The way Lance was saying it, it didn't seem like he was talking about just waiting around for us to get back to the table.

I ended up in the alley behind the coffeehouse with Bree. He paced back and forth in front of me, wringing his fingers and shaking his head. I let it go on for a few minutes before interrupting. "What's Lance doing here?"

Bree stopped and looked up at me. "He flew in yesterday. We spent the entire night talking. Bella, he wants me to move to San Diego with him. He says he made a mistake breaking up with me and misses me. He even says he'll pay for my apartment here in case things don't work out. He wants me to take a chance with him."

"What do you want?" I could already tell from Bree's face what he wanted, but I knew he needed to say the words out loud. It's what I would have needed too.

He let just a little of the smile in his eyes show on his face. "I want to go." And then he covered it up. "But not right now."

"Why not now? You guys have only been apart a little over a month and already he's back and begging for you. If you wait, he could change his mind again. Though I hope you've considered he could change it again anyway."

"I have thought of that, but after all the talking we did last night, I don't think he will. He didn't exactly change his mind, Bells. He broke up with me because he was too afraid I'd say 'no' if he asked me to come along. He didn't think we'd been together long enough for me to feel as strongly for him as he felt for me. I didn't think he could be afraid of anything. How weird is that?"

"It's probably pretty normal. So why don't you want to go now? You put yourself out there to be in a real relationship with him and despite getting hurt you still want to be with him. So why wait?"

Bree reached out and took my hand into his, squeezing my fingers lightly. "Because you need me."

"I need a lot of things, but last I checked you weren't on the list. We're not each other's type, remember?"

"You know exactly what I mean. Don't pretend otherwise."

I pulled my hand away from him to cross my arms while narrowing my eyes at him. I wanted him to know as much from my expression as my words that this shit wasn't going to fly with me. "Embry, don't you dare try to make me your scapegoat. If you don't want to take this chance, then don't take it. But don't stand there and blame it on me."

"Bella, you know I wasn't doing that."

"All I know is that I've told you easily three dozen times that I'm fine and moving on with my life. I love you and I want you in my life, but you can be in my life from San Diego. You don't have to be standing right next to me for it."

"Only I don't believe you're as fine as you say."

"That's your hang up, not mine."

"Stubborn," Embry said with a heavy sigh. He shook his head once and then smiled as he pulled me into a hug. "You know, Peaches, you wouldn't be selfish if you wanted me to stay."

I smiled back while locking my arms around him. He always felt so solid in my arms, never at risk of leaving me—just like my dad and Jake. "I'd be amazingly selfish, Bree. I love you for wanting to let me be that selfish, but we both know we'll love each other a lot more if you follow your heart. It seems to be with Lance and he's in San Diego, so that means you need to be in San Diego too."

Bree sighed as he hugged me back. "How can you be like this? How can you be so loving and selfless when your heart is broken?"

"Easy. My heart's not broken. I ended my relationship with him because it wasn't working. The sooner you stop questioning it, the better off we'll both be."

He pulled back to look at me and I could see the worry in his eyes as well as the excitement. "What if it doesn't work out?"

"Then you come home with the knowledge you took the chance. You already said he'd keep up your apartment. And even if he didn't, you know I'll find you a place."

"Do you think it could work? Do you think I could have a happily ever after like Alice is going to have?"

"I don't know the answer to that, Bree. I only know that 'could' goes out the window if you don't take the chance at all. So why don't you go inside and let Lance know you need to head home and pack a suitcase?"

Bree finally stopped trying to hide his excitement and let his smile fill his face. "I really love you. Of all the people who have come and gone from my life, I'd trade them all to keep you, even if you bitched the entire time about selfishness."

I laughed and squeezed his cheeks with my palms. "What will I do with you?"

He snorted while pulling my hands away. "Love me. And make sure your phone is with you at all times because I'm going to be calling you constantly."

"I'm not interesting enough for that many calls."

"Oh, I know that, Peaches. I figure between Lance and San Diego, I'll have enough interesting conversation to cover for the both of us." He started to laugh and I followed right along, doing my best to convince him all was well. I didn't want him thinking for a single second that I wasn't completely ecstatic for him because I most definitely was. I just also happened to be feeling like I was losing another person.

After giving Bree another hug and sending him back to Lance, I headed into the bathroom to collect myself before starting work. I wished with everything in me that I could only feel happiness for Bree, but I just didn't seem to have it in me today. And as much as I wanted to just go home and curl up in bed, I couldn't. Kate and Angela were already helping cover my one shift on Saturday so I could take this weekend trip with Alice and Jasper. Besides, being happy for Bree and Lance would give me something much better to focus on than dealing with how miserable I felt without my own love around.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**BPOV:**

"So after we say 'hi' to Ali, I'm going to leave and run a couple errands. I'll be back in time for us to go to dinner," I told Jasper as I turned onto the Cullen's long driveway.

"What do you mean? Where are you going?" he asked. I couldn't see him since I was focused on the road, but I could feel his eyes on me.

"It's been about a month since you've had any time with your girl. I figured the two of you would want to take advantage of Carlisle being at work and Esme being up in Seattle. Do a little reconnecting with each other."

"Bella, you don't have to do that."

"I know. But I want to."

"Are you going to stop and see your dad and Jake?"

"Maybe. I don't know what all I'm going to do. I might just go see Aaron for now."

"Are you sure you want to do that alone?"

I put the car in park before looking over at Jasper. "I usually do better there alone." I didn't want to tell him how afraid I was that having someone else with me would make me think of how a certain someone had gone with me earlier in the year. It was going to be hard enough facing Aaron and apologizing for the damage I'd done to him without thinking of the other person I'd harmed.

Jasper only nodded but I had a feeling it was only because there was a lovely sprite pulling his door open and squealing his name out. By the time I got my seatbelt off and got out of the car, Alice had her arms and legs wrapped around Jasper; and also, she was giving him one hell of a welcome kiss. I was pretty sure it was a sign I'd guessed right about them not having any time alone since her brother's surgery.

Just as quickly as she'd attacked her man, Alice let go of him and turned her energy on me, wrapping her little arms tightly around me and giving my cheek a loud kiss.

"You better not tease. Just come right out, right now, and say you missed me," she warned.

I smiled as I hugged her back. "I missed you, Rainbow Bright Sprite. It's almost too quiet without you around."

She let me go and stepped back, a wide smile on her face. "Almost, huh?" She pointed at my car. "Turn it off and let's go inside and catch up."

"Actually, you're going to catch up with your man first. I'll be back in time for dinner."

Her hands went right to her hips and her green eyes narrowed. "Where are you going?"

I shrugged. "Just around. Maybe see Aaron."

"Alright, well just wait a second." She ran up the porch steps and disappeared into the house.

"Know what that's about?" I asked Jasper.

He shook his head. "No clue, Darlin'."

Alice was back within a couple of minutes, carrying something in her hand that had her frowning and looking uncertain. She walked up to me but didn't offer me the paper in her hand. "I was asked to give this to you, but I'm not so sure it's a good idea."

"Why not?"

"Well, I know you have to be at least a little upset already with Bree leaving," she said. She'd called me right after I'd gotten off work and I'd found myself blabbering on about Bree to her. In typical Alice fashion, she'd already made plans for a goodbye dinner tomorrow night with Bree and Lance here in Forks.

"So does that mean whatever's on that paper is going to upset me?" I asked.

"I honestly don't know. He asked me not to look so I didn't."

I didn't need to ask her who the "he" was and I probably didn't need to take the paper from her, but I did both anyway. "He who?"

"Edward."

I only nodded. I gave her another tight hug, waved at Jasper, and then climbed back into my car. I tried to act like the paper was no big deal by tossing it into the empty passenger seat, but considering how many times I glanced at it between Alice's place and Jake's, it was clear it was a very big deal.

The letter was already folded up but I folded it once more so I could shove it into the back pocket of my jeans. I let myself into Jake's garage and did the usual check on my bike. I could tell he had been by like he'd promised last night because the tank was nearly full; last time I'd ridden it, I'd parked it with only a quarter tank left.

The familiarity of sitting on my bike, having it jerk at the start, and the smooth ride after felt good. Suddenly, Alice's idea of a weekend in Forks seemed a whole lot better. I'd been flip-flopping between worrying she was kicking me out and worrying she was going to try and make me visit her brother. Both would be equally devastating.

The ride to my first stop was too short as usual. The walk seemed just as short for some reason and I wasn't even out of the trees when the first blots of purple came into view. I'd forgotten all about the flowers with everything else going on. Seeing them for the first time all by myself and knowing he would never see them—once again, my heart was finding a new way to shatter.

_If I could just will it all away, I could stop the pain. _I thought it, but I knew it wasn't true. You couldn't just will away memories of the only person to make you feel worth everything. You couldn't forget being held with so much love it made your insides warm and your eyes water. You couldn't pretend the one who'd healed your heart and made it truly whole had never existed. I knew. I'd been trying for the past four weeks.

I lifted my head from my knees and cleaned up my face the best I could with the corner of my shirt so I wouldn't get any tears on the letter. I wasn't sure why I was bothering since I was pretty sure whatever he had to say would just bring on more crying. What the hell was wrong with me that I was willing to hurt more just to see his handwriting? _Oh, that's right. Total fucking masochist. Of my own creation._

I didn't really believe in alternate worlds, but the thought that somewhere out there, there was a version of me capable of loving Edward selflessly and without harming him in any way … Appealing wasn't a good enough word for it. I found myself laughing out loud and filling the meadow with my voice. "If there are any alternate versions of me who can hear me, stop before you fuck it all up. Love him from the start, tell him that from the start, and don't ever stop putting him first. 'Cause if you don't, then you get to look forward to becoming the sad sorry shit that I am."

I was quiet for a long time after, just looking at the letter sitting on my foot while I twirled one of my purple flowers between my hands. I wasn't sure if I was procrastinating just to extend my time in the meadow or if I was trying to drum up some bravery to look inside the letter.

I couldn't say I felt braver when I started to unfold the paper. Maybe I was a little more locked-down emotionally, but I didn't feel any better prepared.

_Bella,_

_I've had a lot of time to think lately. I've always looked up to my parents and my grandparents for the way they loved, the way they made it seem that love was meant to be forever. You've seen firsthand how beautiful and effortless my mother and father make marriage seem. My grandmother Elizabeth also loved that way, and was deeply devoted to my grandfather. I don't remember him because he died of a heart attack when I was just a little kid. I think maybe some of my fear about my own issues came from that. Not only was I named after him, but I saw firsthand what life was like for Elizabeth without the love of her life. One of my many fears was that you and I would end up like them. It all went wrong. I was wrong._

_I've thought a lot about what to put in this letter. In one version, the only word that filled the pages was __why__. I couldn't even finish out the rest of the question at first because I was just so angry. And feeling stupid too. I can finish the questions now but I'm afraid it won't do any good. I'm afraid the sorrow is endless and the broken hearts unfixable. But I'll ask anyway. Why did this happen? Why was it raining that day? Why were we driving in it? Why didn't I tell you? Why did you leave before talking to me? Why won't you talk to me now? Why did it all fall apart? Why is this so hard, Bella? Why isn't love enough? Why does there have to be so many scars?_

_You left me that note but you never said it would be this hard. You said it would be an easy transition. Nothing about this is easy, Bella. It's wrong. I don't know how else better to say it than that. Our love should be the forever kind. I know this probably isn't making much sense. I've tried hard to put it into words but it just isn't coming out right. There's got to be a better way for me to say what's on my heart without leaving scars, but if there is, I don't know it. Sometimes I think if we could just be face-to-face, the right words would come. But then I feel like even if you were right in front of me, you still wouldn't hear me call your name over the distance that's between us now. There's so much to be said but you're not around to hear it. There's no way to undo the wrong and I'd give away everything to change that._

_I don't know if this is going to make any sense to you or not. I hope it does. I hope you can understand where I'm coming from and what I'm trying to say to you. Maybe someday soon we can see each other and at the very least, we can be friends. No matter what else we got wrong, we got the friendship part right. That's pretty much it, I guess. I just … I really wish I knew a better way to say things._

_Edward_

He hated me. Not just for nearly taking him away from his family either. The way I'd left had hurt him too. Not talking to him and not being around as his friend was hurting him. As bad as it made me feel, I knew I couldn't change it. Hurting was a sign of living. And I had to believe that with all the support he was getting, he wouldn't be hurting for much longer. He was just feeling lonely stuck in Seattle but as soon as he could move around he'd realize he was much better off without me. He'd see how he wasn't tired and how his heart was behaving. And then he'd see the truth just like Emmett had—I was poison.

I folded the letter up and put it back in my pocket as a symbol of what I was doing in my head. Our relationship, our friendship, our memories … I had willed it all away to the vault and I was slamming the door on it for good. I would never forget what Edward had meant to me, what I'd done to him, or why it was important to keep my distance. But I would lock away that little bit of hope for some kind of friendship that had been making it impossible to fully let go. I knew for sure now that he hated me, which was completely his right. There was nothing left to do but start over with myself, weed out the selfishness that had been lurking and hiding, and find a new reason to like my life.

I started on my road of ruin to recovery by spending a few minutes walking through my flowers and even taking some pictures with my phone. This wasn't how I'd pictured seeing the purple blooms for the first time, but I still loved them and was glad I'd planted them here. It would be a good reminder of both the good I'd had and the bad I'd done. And also, if I was going to enjoy life again, I had to start with the little things, like beautiful flowers in my meadow.

When I left the meadow I took a long ride on my bike all the way out to Port Angeles just to turn around and come back, probably going just a little faster than I should have been. But the speed and the intense focus on the road had been intoxicating and nearly impossible to resist so I'd only resisted a little. Besides I doubted Charlie would give me any grief about a speeding ticket right now.

By the time I had my bike put away and was turning my car onto Alice's driveway again, I'd finished with all my thinking and planning. I wouldn't write Edward back because nothing I could say would be good enough. What I would do was make this the best weekend for Alice and Jasper, and make tomorrow night the best dinner for Bree. The way I saw it, the best way to restart my life was to focus on those I loved and still had in my life. Edward was gone. I had finally accepted that. Life would move on now because it had to—_I_ had to.


	45. My Cross to Bear

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: My Cross to Bear**

**Chapter Song: "Heavy in Your Arms" by Florence + The Machine**

**Bella's POV:**

My dad let out a disgruntled huff as he turned his head my way. "Isabella, if you wanted fries, you should have ordered them."

"I only took like four," I defended. "You know I can't really have fries. I just wanted a little taste to go with my salad."

"Charlie, I'd be happy to order you some more fries," Alice offered up with a side of her sweetest smile.

My dad fell for it and forgot all about being annoyed. "Thank you, Alice, but that's alright. I've still got a few on my plate."

"You're welcome to share with Seth and me," Jake mentioned around a mouthful of burger.

"Jacob, no talking with your mouth full," my dad warned.

Jake was too busy eating to do more than lift a thumb to show he'd heard. Seth and Jasper were both laughing under their breath while Alice, Sue, and I shook our heads. As many times as my dad reminded him not to talk while eating, that was how many times Jake forgot and did it anyway. I wasn't sure if he really was that forgetful or if he found it funny for some odd reason.

Alice speared a cucumber and inspected it closely. "These salads aren't bad, but I do miss the pecans and mini oranges that come with the salads at the café near our apartment."

"It's the Forks diner, Ali girl. You're lucky you can even get a salad," I told her.

"I don't know why you girls are worried about your figures. You both look just fine," my dad announced.

I only had enough energy to sigh and shake my head, but Ali was all too happy to lecture him on the inner workings of the female body. "Charlie, unlike our male counterparts, we can't get away with eating just any old thing and expect to still fit in our clothing the next day. You men have it so easy. You just lift a few weights and eat a light meal or two and the pounds fly off. As women, we don't have that luxury. To work off that steak dinner you're currently enjoying, I would have to exercise every day for a week, combined with a low-carb, low-fat diet while drinking as much water as possible to flush my system. It's a daily effort to keep my figure, always choosing between the foods I love and those that will love me back."

My poor father looked so lost and as much as I tried not to, I couldn't help laughing at him. But that was okay because Sue couldn't help herself either. Jake, Seth, and Jasper just sat there quietly, all three of them knowing better than to step foot into the conversation.

My dad finally found his voice. "I'm not exactly sure what you're talking about, but it does seem like a lot of work for a steak. Glad they had salads for you girls." And then he immediately started up a conversation with Seth about baseball.

I leaned into Alice so I wouldn't be overheard. "It's rants like that, that make me love you just a little more than I did before."

Alice giggled. "I couldn't resist. And the look on his face after—it was so totally worth it, Bells."

"If we're having this much fun now, can you imagine what tomorrow night will be like with Bree around?"

She smiled and rubbed her hands together excitedly. "I'm so thrilled. Of course I'm sad too because I know it means he's really going to move away from us. I just hope it works out for him."

"If it doesn't, he knows he's got us to fall back on. But for his sake, I hope it goes well. Whether it lasts for a couple years, or ten years, the experience will be good for Bree."

"You don't think he's settling or jumping too fast?"

I shrugged. "Every relationship has its own timetable. Look at you and Jazz. And Bree was crushing on Lance long before the two of them hooked up. That's the other thing too. They went from hookup to serious dating right away so I have no doubt there's a strong connection between them. Their success or failure is going to depend on being able to communicate. The way I see it, Lance must be pretty damn good at explaining himself if Bree's not only taking him back but moving away with him."

"That's true." Alice parted her lips as if she was going to say more, but she must have changed her mind because she turned her head toward her salad and shoved a piece of spinach into her mouth.

I shrugged, figuring whatever it was I was better off not knowing it.

It was a couple of hours later before all the plates were clean and the conversation started to lag. Sue and I were both yawning like crazy and even Alice seemed tired. My usually non-observant father was the one to notice the hour was getting late and actually stopped in the middle of an argument over fishing technique with Jake to suggest we call it a night.

After a round of goodbye hugs and kisses, I tossed Jasper my keys and let him drive Ali and me home. I'd thought for sure I'd fall asleep on the ride over, but it was Alice who conked out in the car. I left him to deal with the sleepy princess while I headed up to the room I normally used as mine, figuring I had just enough energy to shower away my day before drifting off to sleep. The hot water mixed with the power of the expensive showerhead left me feeling so calm and relaxed that I was able to fall asleep without any trouble at all.

I just didn't get to stay that way. While I had decided I was done with everything and moving on, my dreams felt they could do what they wanted and keep sending me down memory lane. I tossed and turned all night and before I knew it, the sun started peeking through my window. Since I was up, I headed downstairs to find something for breakfast. I knew Ali and Jazz wouldn't be up for a couple hours at the very least and I wasn't in the mood to wait to eat with them.

After searching the refrigerator and cabinets, I settled on a big bowl of Raisin Bran and milk. I took my bowl and my spoon and slipped out the back door onto the porch.

I'd forgotten how still mornings were in Forks. In Portland, no matter how early it was, there were cars passing up and down the road and the rumble of city buses. Out here there was only the occasional bird to disrupt the peace. It was so quiet I could hear myself chewing.

And the backdoor opening. I didn't look up, figuring it might give whoever it was a clue that I wasn't in the mood for talking.

Jasper either completely missed my mood or didn't give a shit. He sat down next to me with a steaming cup of coffee in his hands. It smelled divine and I found myself feeling annoyed with him simply because he could drink the stuff and I couldn't. Before I'd gotten barred from one of my favorite drinks, I'd barely noticed the smell of it. But now that I wasn't allowed to touch it, my nose seemed to pick up on the smell of it immediately; it made work pure hell some days.

"If you want to sneak a sip, I won't tell," he offered after catching me looking at his cup.

I turned him down, shaking my head and saying, "I've cheated enough lately with the fries last night and the huge breakfast last Sunday."

"Speaking of last night … What was with you?"

"What do you mean? I had a great time with everyone."

"Exactly. Either you found a way to get a lot better at pretending, or something else has happened with Edward."

"Jazz, I love that you want me to know I have you to talk to but could you please refrain from analyzing me unless I ask you to do it?"

"So ask me then."

I snorted and shoveled another spoonful of cereal into my mouth. He was seriously delusional this morning if he thought I would really ask for something like that. I knew enough about myself to know I didn't want to know anything more. At least not until I found a way to fix all the things that were wrong with me.

"Was it the letter he sent? Did he say something in it that upset you more?" Jasper questioned.

It was clear he wasn't going to let this go no matter how much I wished he would so I answered him. "Last I checked, smiling and having a good time with my dad and Jake and everyone else was a good thing. So no, his letter didn't upset me."

"Okay. But what did it do? Are you going to talk to Edward? Go see him?"

A laugh flew out of me, sending a nearby bird into the air. Considering how bitter it had sounded to my own ears, I didn't blame the bird one bit. "Why would I go see him? Why would I bother talking to him?"

"Because you still love him."

"Yeah, well, love doesn't heal all wounds and all that other shit."

"This isn't like you, Bella. When you're upset with one of us, you might ignore us for a day or two, or be short with your words, but you don't hold grudges."

I was so shocked by Jasper thinking this was all about a grudge that I dropped my spoon into my bowl and sprayed milk all over. "Fuck," I cried as I jumped to my feet.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

I didn't say anything back; I tossed the rest of my cereal over the porch banister to the ground below and headed inside with my empty bowl. I'd been right all along about that talking bullshit not doing any good and I wasn't going to waste any more of my time with it.

Jasper obviously didn't agree since he followed me inside with more questions. "Bella, what's wrong? Yesterday morning I felt like you knew you could talk to me. Now it feels like you've completely given up. What's come over you?"

"Nothing. I said I was going to move forward with my life and that's what I'm doing."

"You can't move forward with an unresolved past, Darlin'. It doesn't work that way."

"My past is very much resolved."

"Edward doesn't feel that way."

I set my bowl into the sink and then gripped the edges with both hands to steady myself and my temper. "I know you're trying to help and I can't even begin to tell you how much I love you for that, Jasper, but you're wrong. Things were never quite right with him and now they're completely over. That's it. End of story."

"Really?"

I forced myself to meet Jasper's gaze, knowing that looking him in the eye would be the only way to convince him. "Really."

"Then say his name. You haven't said it once since the accident. If things are over and you're not hurting, then you should be able to say his name."

"Jeebus, Jasper! For being smart enough to guess someone's mood, you sure are stupid when it comes to the reason behind it," I yelled at him. I bit my lip to stop anymore words from tumbling hastily out of my mouth.

After a few deep breaths, I made an attempt at speaking without yelling. "Of course it hurts. The end of a relationship always hurts in some way. But I'm not about to focus on the hurt. I'm going to focus on the future because that's what people do when they move on with their life. What all of you seem to be ignoring here is that he didn't just tell some lie about school or work or if he prefers lasagna to fucking pizza. He lied about his health. If he can't tell me the truth about something that damn crucial, then I don't believe he can be honest about anything else."

"He's honest about his feelings for you, Bella."

"Oh, I know," I said, thinking of the letter upstairs in my bag. "Look, Jazz, I'm done talking about this and analyzing it. Hell, I'm done thinking about it in general. So I'm going to leave you with this … I'm sure he has a bright future in front of him. I'm just not in it."

I left the kitchen before Jasper could say anything else; before he could pull the truth out of me because as much as I wanted to guard it, it wanted to get out. I couldn't understand what was wrong with me. I knew I had no choice but to leave Edward alone to keep him safe and yet I kept wanting him. What if I was wrong and there really was no way to fix me? What if I somehow let my guard down and found myself in Seattle? No, I wouldn't let that happen. No matter how selfish I might feel, I knew without a doubt my love for Edward was stronger. He had said so often he saw me as a fighter so that's exactly what I was going to be for him. I was going to fight my own self to save him. And damn it if I wasn't going to win!

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

My phone began vibrating its way across the sofa cushion next to me and after marking the page in my book, I picked up the phone and saw Alice's name flashing across the front.

"Hey, Ali," I greeted her.

Instead of hearing her lilting voice, I heard Jasper's much deeper one. I'd obviously answered quicker than he'd expected because he was busy ranting at my sister. " … give a damn, Alice. If he's well enough to stir the pot then he's fine to get smacked with the damn spoon."

"Jazz, I'm the one who gave it to her, though," Alice argued.

"And he's the jackass who wrote it after I told the both of you to back off and let me handle things."

I called out to Jasper to get him to lay off my little sister. If this was about the letter I'd sent to Bella, it was my fault and mine alone. Well … maybe just a little Alice's for rushing me before I had time to read over the whole thing. But considering all she'd been doing for me lately, I owed her more than enough to take the fall for whatever had upset Jasper.

"Edward, what part of back off and let me work with Bella was difficult for you to understand?" Jasper barked into the phone.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, trying to stave off the wave of guilt I knew was coming my way. My attempt to make things better had obviously backfired badly if Jasper was losing his cool this way.

"How's Bella?" I asked.

"_How's Bella_?" Jasper mocked. He muttered a few things I was pretty sure were curses before pausing for a deep breath. When he spoke again, he was calmer but only slightly. "For one, she thinks you hate her. For another, she's closed up again. I can't get her to talk to me at all. So you tell me, Edward, how do you think Bella's doing?"

I was too shocked by his words to stop myself from yelling into the phone. "How could she possibly think I hate her? Are you sure Alice gave her _my_ letter?"

"Listen carefully and _really_ hear me this time, Edward … Bella is not mentally in a place to understand everything going on right now. For fuck's sake, man, she thinks Alice is on the verge of cutting off all ties with her! And I don't know what she thinks Rose and Emmett's reason are for not calling but I know she doesn't believe it's just them being slammed. I might have had a shot at getting finding out why she's acting this way before, but not now. Bella's locked herself down and shut out anything having to do with you. And the worst part is, it's not going to hold and she doesn't know that. She's going to be walking around thinking she's got it all bottled up and then the shit's going to implode on her. And _you_ did that! First with keeping your health a secret and now with pushing her before she was ready."

"But I didn't push her. I just told her how I felt without her."

"Why, Edward? Did you think knowing you're hurting would make her feel better? 'Cause if you did, then you don't know Bella at all. The only thing hearing about your pain is going to do is add guilt to what she's already feeling."

Silence spun out between us as I thought over Jasper's questions and observations. Had I really been more focused on easing my own heartache than on fixing things with Bella? It certainly wouldn't be the first time I had stupidly put my own needs in front of hers. But I honestly didn't feel like my motivations had anything to do with me. I just couldn't stand the thought of Bella blaming herself for my mistakes for one day longer.

And I told Jasper that. "Honestly, the one thing I wanted to accomplish with my letter was to let her know it wasn't her fault, that it was all mine."

"Well you sure as hell missed the mark." Jasper paused and then let out another heavy sigh. "Edward, I get that you love Bella and you want to help her, but your way isn't working. Please just back off and let me handle things until you can be face to face with her. Messing around right now when you're not physically ready and she's not emotionally will just cause more problems."

I nodded my head, forgetting in my despair that he couldn't see it. Not only had I failed to ease Bella's pain, I'd increased it. My stomach twisted from the guilt and shame I felt at that moment.

"Is there anything I can do to fix the new mess I caused?" I asked.

"I don't know yet. Let me see how Bella acts the rest of the day and especially tonight when Bree arrives. I'll let you know if I see a way for you to help. Until then, do nothing."

"Jasper, I'm sorry about this. Please don't blame Alice for my mistakes."

"I'm not. I'm blaming her for her own. But I also understand where she was coming from and forgive her."

"You really are so good to her. Thank you for that. And please give her a hug for me."

"Will do. Talk to you later, Edward."

"Bye, Jasper." My phone closed with a click and I dumped it onto the cushion beside me. I looked at the book sitting on my lap but I no longer felt like reading. I felt like punching something—namely myself. Why was it so hard to fix this? I loved her and I knew she loved me and that seemed like it should have been more than enough but it just wasn't. What if I was wrong? What if I wasn't the right man for Bella after all?

Knowing it would probably end in me getting cursed out and feeling even worse, I still dialed the number of the only man I trusted to know Bella's heart better than me. He answered with a grunt and a curse, not exactly the best start to our conversation.

"Hi, Charlie. It's—" I was cut off by his sigh.

"I know who this is. How are you doing, son?" Charlie didn't sound exactly happy to hear from me, but he wasn't hanging the phone up either.

I thought about telling him how I was doing medically, but if I wanted total honesty from him, I needed to give it first. "Miserable. I miss her so much. I just … If I could just see her and hold her, I know that feeling would go away so quickly. And I also know it's my own fault she's not here."

"Well, you sure got that shit right, Edward."

"Sir, I don't know if you can believe me, or trust me, or even give a damn one way or the other, but I mean it when I say I just want what's best for Bella."

"Meaning you? You still think you're what's best for her after lying to her and hurting her the way you did?"

"I do, but I also feel like I can't exactly trust my judgment when it comes to her. I don't feel like I'm really alive without her and there's no denying that could be the reason I believe I'm right for her."

"Let me ask you something, son. If you could have Bella standing in front of you right now, what would you say to her?"

I didn't answer right away, wanting him to know I was truly thinking of her and not just of what I wanted or needed. "I wouldn't really say anything at first. I'd let her know I was ready to hear everything she had to say to me and that I would pay close attention. And after she called me all the things I am—a liar, a coward, a horrible boyfriend—then I would tell her I'm sorry for every ounce of pain I've caused her. I would tell her how she never deserved that kind of treatment from anyone, least of all someone claiming to be madly in love with her. And then I'd ask for her permission to tell her why I'd made the choices I'd made. If she listened, then when I finished speaking I'd ask for her forgiveness. If she didn't, I'd tell her that was okay and that I'd be around if she ever decided she did want to know."

There was so much silence I'd thought the call was lost before I heard the deep rumbling of Charlie clearing his throat. "You've got potential to be a real fine young man, Edward. If you can stop hiding things from the people who love you, you've got a real chance at it. You have to trust to be trusted and you have to be happy with yourself before others can feel that way about you.

"As for my daughter … Bella was never real big on touchy feely stuff when she was younger. Maybe I should have tried to encourage her more, but the two of us have always been pretty set in our ways. The therapist we used to see said it was a protection thing with us, but I never believed that about myself so I didn't believe it about Bella either. But ever since you came along, things were different. She was openly loving and happy to say it and show it. She was like a caged bird finally freed. And I could see once again where I'd failed her as a father by not listening to that therapist. I'm not going to fail her again. I don't know if you can do it a second time, Edward, but I know for damn sure she's never going to give another man a chance to even try. So you get yourself better and then you try your ass off to free my daughter again."

I felt speechless but I knew I had to say something to him. "As soon as I'm cleared for it, I'm going to fight for her."

Instead of saying anything more about his daughter, Charlie changed the subject to my health. "What's the doc got to say about your heart these days?"

"It's very much on the mend. My waiting didn't cause any damage to my heart and lungs, and there have been no signs of an irregular heartbeat, even after my physical therapy appointments. My doctor says I shouldn't have any restrictions once I'm done with my recovery period."

"That's really good to hear, son. That must be a big weight lifted from your family."

"It will be when once I'm fully released and they can really trust I'm better. Right now, Mom and Ali are still scared to leave me alone for any length of time."

"Yeah, your dad mentioned he's a bit lonely without your mom. He's been over to have dinner with Sue and me a few times. I'm sure you can understand why you weren't a topic of discussion."

"I do. Charlie, I sincerely appreciate you talking to me like this."

"I figure if I'm going to tell you to be a man, I need to show you how one acts. When a man who proclaims to love your daughter hurts her, your first thought is to rip his throat out. But that never really solves anything. So instead, I'm going to try and talk to you. The best advice I can give you is to go slow. Bella is hard to get close to in the best of circumstances so right now you're pretty much storming a closed up, moated castle with nothing but the clothes on your back. Push her and you might as well just go on and drown yourself in the moat for all the good it's going to do you. Take your time and show her in small ways that you're around and care, and she might just let you into the courtyard. You get what I'm saying?"

"Be patient and for the most part let her come to me?"

Charlie's gruff laughter filled my ear. "I knew there were some brains in you somewhere, son."

I was glad he thought so, but I wasn't quite as sure anymore. So far, everything I'd done to try and make things easier for Bella had backfired. From this point forward, I would listen to Charlie and Jasper—no matter how helpless it left me feeling.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV**

The house phone rang and my hand automatically went for it, just as it had so often in the years since I'd befriended Alice. "Cullen Residence."

"Holy hell! Bells! How are you?" Rosalie actually sounded excited to hear my voice. It was highly confusing considering I hadn't heard from her at all since she'd moved away to Boston.

"I'm fine. How are you?" I found myself replying.

"Good. _So_ busy though. Every time I pick up the phone to call you or to call Alice, something seems to come up. I heard through the grapevine you two were spending the weekend in Forks and figured it would be a great time to catch up with you guys."

My confusion was getting worse instead of better and it made it hard to really talk to her. "Um … Ali's upstairs with Jasper."

"Oh, I bet," Rose said with a laugh. "Probably christening every surface in her room."

"Probably. So … Do you want me to tell her you called?"

Rose didn't respond right away and when she did, she only made feel even more confused. "Bella, is everything alright? You sound weird."

Did she really care? Was she fishing for information for Emmett to make sure I was staying away from his brother? Did she feel obligated to talk to me since I'd been the one to answer the phone?

"Bells? You still there?"

I closed my eyes and forced myself to breath slowly. "Yeah, I'm here. I just … We haven't talked in a while so I wasn't really sure … So how's Boston?"

Rose was off and running, excitedly talking with hardly any breaths between her sentences. "Boston is amazing. I have the coolest job, Bells. I work in the PR department of this huge firm. Just our offices take up half a floor! Can you imagine that? Oh, and the view! I don't have my own office, but we meet in the conference room a whole lot and it looks out over the city. It's so beautiful. I never thought I'd fall in love with this city the way I have. But as great as it is, I do miss you guys. I know it might not seem like it but I promise I do."

"We miss you too." And that was the honest truth. No matter how much they might hate me, I missed Emmett and Rosalie every single day.

"So give me some deets, Bells. What's been going on down there? What are you up to?"

"You missed the most epic thing ever. Lance flew in yesterday to win Bree back. It worked too because we're having a goodbye dinner for him tonight. He's leaving for San Diego tomorrow." I was honestly excited as I relayed the story to Rose; after having a day to get over the initial shock of it, I was nothing but happy for Bree.

Rose gasped. "No shit?"

"None," I happily reported. "Bree's pretty excited. His feelings are strong enough for Lance that he's willing to give this a try. I really hope it works out for them both."

"Well tell Bree I hope the same. I miss him. I especially miss him getting Emmett all riled up. We always have the best sex after Bree flirts with him. I am in love with a caveman, Bells."

"Yeah, you are," I agreed. "How is that caveman?"

"He's doing a lot better. He was so torn up about Edward at first. He didn't come right out and say it, but I think Em blamed himself. He was so upset at the hospital, snapping at everyone and then not realizing he'd done it after. But he's so much better now. Of course, Edward probably hates the half dozen phone calls a day by now, but if so he hasn't said anything to Em. We've even flown in a couple times to see him."

"Yeah, Alice told me."

"I wish we could have seen you there. We got to see Jazz a little on our last trip down."

"Now's just really not a good time, Rose. Maybe if you make it down to Portland next time you're around."

"Or maybe you can come up to Boston. What do you think, Bells? You and me tearing it up out here? I'd toss in Ali too but that girl isn't going anywhere until Edward is cleared by his doctor. Even then I don't see her being too far away from him."

Two things happened in that moment. One, Alice and Jasper came into the room and I was able to pass the phone to them after telling Rose a quick goodbye. The second was that Rose had left me with a new scenario to ponder over from behind the locked door of my room—Alice moving away from me to be near Edward wherever he started his new life.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

After much arguing on my part that it was the worst idea in the world and even more promises from Alice that we would go straight to the restaurant and then straight home, it was agreed that dinner would be at one of the upscale Seattle restaurants. Since Bree and Lance were catching a plane out of Sea Tac tonight, everyone but me thought it would be a good idea to give them a short distance to travel from dinner to catch their flight.

"We need drinks so we can toast Bree 'bon voyage' properly," Alice declared before we'd even all sat down at the circular table. "How does a bottle of Pinot Nior sound?"

Bree had a devious smile on his face as he took the seat next to Alice. "Sounds sophisticated, Ali. But then again, I like to order a Slippery Nipple just to see the look on the waiter's face."

"I'm not wasting a trip here. I'm getting my peach tea," I said.

Jasper agreed as he leaned back in his seat, resting one arm along the back of Ali's chair and the other across the back of mine. "No one else puts actual peach pieces in the tea. Lance, you want to join in since you're driving?"

"Yeah, I would," Lance replied with a nod.

"Bree, it's up to you, hun," Alice said. "You and I can still get the wine or we can join in with the majority and get the tea."

Bree spent way too long tapping his finger against his chin and pretending to be thinking about his options. It wasn't until I lifted my fork from the table and held it in a threatening manner that he stopped playing around and gave his answer.

"Since I actually want to remember tonight, tea for me." He then looked my way and blew me a kiss. "Love you, Peaches."

Our waiter appeared and took our drink orders and as he was walking away, Alice let out a loud squeal that had every head in the place turning toward our table. I shook my head at her while Jasper chuckled beside me and Lance turned red across from me. Bree wasn't able to do anything since the little pixie had latched herself onto him.

"I can't believe you're grown enough to leave the nest," she told him.

"I can't believe you can actually manage to smother someone with your little pint sized self," he replied.

She swatted him with her napkin even as she smiled at him. "Bree, you know you're going to have to send us lots of pictures and emails."

"You might want to be a little more specific and give him content guidelines," I warned her. "Remember what happened when he went to Vegas that time?"

Alice cringed while Jasper, Bree, and I laughed. She'd given him that same line about pictures and emails and the things that we'd gotten from him in response had been straight up porn. For weeks after, Alice would blush whenever she looked at Bree.

"I gotta say, some of that stuff was informative," Jasper said. "I never knew a man could be so flexible."

Bree sighed and then smiled. "Oh, Texas. The things I could show you if you swung my way." He glanced at Lance before adding, "And of course, if I wasn't already taken."

Lance's smile mirrored Bree's as he leaned in and wrapped his arm around Bree's shoulders. It seemed as if Lance was serious about wanting Bree; I just hoped for both their sakes it was true. I had no qualms about traveling to San Diego to maim Lance if he fucked up with Bree.

Then again, what right did I have to make threats like that? I'd gone so far beyond fucked up with Edward but Alice wasn't trying to harm me. Hell, she was going out of her way to try and cheer me up. But on the other end of that, Emmett wanted nothing to do with me; and wanted me far away from his brother too.

"Aw! A peck to the cheek," Alice squealed, bringing my focus back to our dinner party.

Seeing Bree and Lance smiling at each other, I gave out a fake groan. "You two are going to be nauseatingly cute like Ali and Jazz. Just do us all a favor and stop yourselves before you start wearing shirts with your picture on them."

"Hey, I have one of those," Ali cried.

"How do you think I know exactly how disgusting it is to see that kind of shit?" I asked, smiling so she would see I was teasing.

Alice pouted at first, but the second Jasper's snort rang out the entire table broke out into laughter.

Through our drinks, our appetizers, our dinners, and even Bree's so not needed dessert, the laughter was a constant. In fact, it was so non-stop that I ended up rushing off to the bathroom in fear I was going to regurgitate dinner after an especially riotous comment from Bree. Only he could talk about something as mundane as laundry and make it sound like the dirtiest thing ever created.

Luckily, dinner stayed put and after wiping my face down with a few cold, wet paper towels, I felt good enough to rejoin the party. I was just going to need to get past Jasper first; from the look on his face that wasn't going to be easy.

"What's up, Jazz?"

He smiled at me as he slunk his arm around my shoulders. "That's my question for you. You ran off pretty quick."

"Bree's fault. He shouldn't have had me laughing so much so soon after eating."

Jasper chuckled but I was too busy trying to figure out why he was leading me outside instead of back to our table.

"Was I in the bathroom long enough for dinner to end?" I asked.

He waited until we were settled on one of the benches outside before answering me. "Bella, I want to apologize for this morning. I don't want you to ever feel like I'm overstepping our friendship boundaries. But at the same time, you have to know that I can't sit back and watch my family hurt. Everyone knows that you see us as one big family but I get the sense sometimes that they don't realize it's the same way for me. Losing my mom and moving so far away from the only home I'd ever known … I didn't think I would ever get over that. But then you guys came into my life and it was immediately a better life. I would do anything for any of you. Except leave you to hurt."

I braced my elbows on my knees and dropped my head into my hands, letting my hair hide my face and the tears that had sprung up in my eyes. "Jazz, what do you want from me? Do you want me to say I'm hurt? Fine, then. I'm hurt."

His hand touched my back and rubbed it softly. "Bella, what I want most is to help you heal."

"It's not like this is a scratch that you can slap some antiseptic and a band-aid on, Jazz. It's going to take time for me to heal and no one can help me but me."

"Edward can help you." Jasper spoke with so much conviction in his voice that for just a second I believed him. But then Emmett's face flashed across my mind and I knew that for all his good intentions Jasper was completely wrong.

"He really can't."

"Can we make a deal? You do something for me and if it doesn't work, I leave you alone until you come and ask for help."

I sighed as I sat up and looked at him. "What is it?"

Jasper pulled his phone from his pocket, grabbed my hand, and put the phone into my palm. "Talk to him. No letters to be misunderstood or vague emails. You don't even have to talk to him for long. But if after you talk to him you feel better, then you listen to the rest of what I have to say."

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that," I said as I handed his phone back. "I made a promise and I'm not going back on it."

"To who, Bella? What kind of promise?"

"Jasper, let it go please. This is Bree's last night here and I don't want to waste it talking about … other things."

Jasper gave a very reluctant nod. "Alright. But just know that when you do need to talk I'll be here waiting."

"I do know." Fighting the tears in my eyes and the pain in my heart, I wrapped my arms around Jasper in a tight hug of gratitude and love. Though I knew I didn't deserve it, I had his friendship and support and I cherished them.

"Oh, I don't think so," Bree announced, seeming to appear out of nowhere. "This is my night and as such, hugs belong to me."

Jasper and I laughed as we got to our feet and then I started laughing even harder because Bree had yanked me into his arms.

"Peaches, you okay?"

I smiled into his shoulder as I hugged him back. "I'm going to miss you so much in spite of your many attempts to annoy the piss out of me lately."

He chuckled and pushed on my shoulders until he could see my face. "Do you remember the first time I called you Peaches?"

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "How could I forget?"

"I don't know this story," Jasper said. "How do I not know this story?"

"Oh, well let me fill you in, Texas," Bree said as he let go of me to slip his arm around Jasper.

I smiled and thought back to that night when the only thing I had been worried about was Emmett throttling Bree for his flirty comments.

_Bree, Alice, Rosalie and I were getting ready to go out to BOG back during my first semester of college. Alice had decreed wearing a dress was a must for the night and we'd all just gone along with it instead of fighting her on it._

"_Come on, Bells," Bree whined. "Get your ass into the dress and let me see."_

"_I'm not ready yet."_

"_Well I am and you know I live vicariously through you when it comes to clothing. Please, please, please get dressed now."_

"_Fuck a duck, Bree," I yelled, throwing one of my pillows at him. "We aren't leaving for almost an hour and a half. There is absolutely no damn reason for me to get dressed right this minute. And if you've got such a damn hard-on for that dress, put it on!"_

_He fell onto my bed and let out a big sigh before jutting his lower lip out. "I don't have the boobs, ass, or hips for that dress. But you, my best friend, my role model, and my family—"_

"_Dirty ass cheating bastard," I grumbled. I reached out and pinched him on the fleshy part of his arm just above his elbow._

"_Fuck that hurts!" he cried while slapping my hand away._

"_Now you know how your whining makes me feel."_

"_Bitch."_

"_That's Epic Bitch to you," I said, grinning and giving his cheek a pinch._

_Bree got up on his knees and assumed the prayer position. "Please, Bella!"_

_When I finally stopped laughing at him, I got up from the bed and retrieved my dress from the closet. I pointed a finger at him and said, "Remember this kindness because it will never happen again, no matter how much of a whiny little girl you become."_

_He ignored my warning in favor of squealing and clapping._

"_No wonder Alice loves you so damn much. You two are damn near twins." I closed the bathroom door before Bree could respond just because I knew it would irk him to not have the last word._

_Thirty minutes later, my hair was done in big, loose curls, my makeup was flawless, and my dress was hugging me in every place where it counted. This was definitely one of those times when I was glad for Alice's crazy ability to pick my clothing without me being there._

_I cracked open the bathroom door and called out, "Alright, Bree. You ready for the big reveal?"_

"_Wait! Let me get into position."_

"_Position for what?"_

"_In case I faint. I wanna fall on the bed and not the floor."_

"_Oh, sweet jeebus, you're twisted," I said as I flung the bathroom door open. "So what's the verdict?"_

_Bree was making a full on fish-face with the way his mouth was opening and closing._

"_What the hell are you doing?" I asked through my laughter. "Do you need a damn paper bag?"_

"_Who needs a bag?" Alice asked as she pranced into my room._

"_A bag for—" Rose stopped talking and started whistling instead. "Holy shit, Bells. Can you breathe in that thing?"_

_Bree finally found his voice and it came with him taking my hand and twirling me around. "Damn, Bells. You are fine as hell in this dress. Oooh, look at that ass!" he squealed as he held my hips in his hands and kept my derriere pointed at him._

"_He's not kidding," Rose assured me. "I didn't know you were packing that much junk in your trunk, Bells."_

"_Makes me wanna bite your little peach here," Bree said as he squeezed my left ass cheek._

"_Holy mother of fuck me sideways," I screamed as I jumped away from him._

_Bree huffed and rolled his eyes at me. "I didn't say I would do it, you ninny. I was just saying if I was straight and you were my type, I'd have to brag about the nice peaches on my girl."_

"_You are so fucking twisted," I said, laughing as I slapped his chest._

"_Bree, don't pay any attention to Bells. If she wants to flame up in embarrassment and look like a fire truck, let her. In the meantime, share some of those compliments of yours with me."_

_Bree took hold of Rose's hand and twirled her around like he had done with me, giving us all a good look at the gray dress she was wearing. It was strapless at the top and barely mid-thigh at the bottom—Emmett was going to be a happy camper tonight. I hoped whatever pants he was wearing could handle the tent pole he was going to be pitching at the site of her._

"_Rosie, sweetie, you are delectable from head to toe and back again. If vaginas held any interest for me, I would be all up in yours."_

"_Jeebus, Bree!" Alice and I both yelled at the same time._

"_Embry, there's a line between crass and too-fucking-much and you really need to stop crossing over it," I warned him. "How are you going to get a boyfriend with a mouth like that?"_

_Bree's hand dropped to his jutted out hip and his lips curled up into a leering grin. "Believe me, Peaches, he won't be worrying about what comes out of my mouth so much as what goes in it."  
_

"_Okay, that's enough!" Alice announced with a stomp of her little foot. "I don't get embarrassed and I'm turning red," she complained._

_Bree plastered a repentant look on his face and wrapped his arms around Alice. "Sorry, fairy godmother of clothing. I was only trying to get Peaches back for being such a smart ass to me earlier."_

"_Really, Bree? You're going to keep up with the Peaches shit?" I asked him._

_His smile was literally ear-to-ear. "Peaches for you forever and ever."_

_Not to be left out of a chance to make fun of me, Rose jumped in with lyrics to that old Presidents of the United States of America song …_

"_I poked my finger down inside_

_Make a little room for an ant to hide._

_Nature's candy in my hand or can or a pie._

_Millions of peaches, peaches for me._

_Millions of peaches, peaches for free."_

_Bree interrupted her singing with his shouting. "She better not give it away for free."_

"_And she better not settle for an ant either," Rose added. "Keep your standards up, Bells. Nothing shorter than six inches and skinnier than this," she said as she used her long fingers to make a wide circle._

_I snorted at her. "You want me to just send any potential suitors to you for a feel-up test?"_

"_I'll take that job!" Bree yelled out immediately, shooting his hand into the air as if I was taking roll call._

"_No one is feeling anyone up and you will all behave tonight," Alice ordered as she pointed her finger at each of us._

_Bree bounced over to me and slung his arm around my shoulder. "Peaches and I will be on our best behavior," he promised._

_I just stood there and did my best not to laugh at feeling his crossed fingers resting against my back._

My name in Bree's voice caught my attention and I looked up to see Jasper shaking his head and snorting. "… Bella became my Peaches."

"Bells, why didn't you ever tell me this story?" Jasper asked me.

I shrugged. "I figured Ali had told you."

"She must have really been embarrassed about the reasoning behind the nickname because she never said a word," he replied.

"Texas, don't you let Pixie Pink fool you," Bree told him. "She acts embarrassed to cover up how much she's intrigued by the things I say and do."

"Yes, Bree, we are all secretly jealous of you," I said, putting as much sarcasm into my voice as I could.

Bree chuckled and winked at me. "I knew it all along, Peaches."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

By the time we all parted ways with Bree and Lance, I was ready for a comfy bed and a long sleep. And I was even more tired than I'd realized because I was asleep before we'd even made it out of Seattle.

But once I was home and actually in the bed, I wasn't so tired. I laid there for a long time, staring up at the ceiling and watching the shadows move with the moonlight. Wanting to sleep and not being able to was quickly making me cranky and I suddenly found myself kicking the covers off and rolling out of bed. I wished I'd brought my laptop with me so I could listen to music but I'd left it behind figuring Alice would have every second of our time together planned out; she very nearly did.

I stood in the hallway listening to the quiet and debating my options. I could go downstairs and curl up on the sofa with a movie. I could go into the kitchen and make myself a cup of warm tea in hopes of getting sleepy again. Or I could go grab a book and read until my eyes grew droopy. I decided on a book and after grabbing my cellphone to use as a makeshift flashlight, I headed to where I knew I'd find a good book.

It was odd to be in his room. The last time I'd sat here on this bed, we'd been talking about our trip to the Grand Canyon and it had seemed that I'd found someone I could love who loved me back. Now he hated me and I had to stay away from him to keep him safe.

For a brief fleeting moment, I was angry with him. I'd flat out asked why he'd fell at his party and instead of telling me the truth, he'd jumped all over my drugs idea. But then I remembered what Emmett had said about my teasing and the anger turned back to sadness. I couldn't remember ever having wanted Edward's arms around me more than I did right then. It was a stupid and selfish way to feel, but it was the first honest feelings I'd allowed myself to have without letting my guilt push them away.

I moved to sit in front of the wide window, drinking in the moonlight and the night sky. The last time I'd been under the sky, I'd been in Edward's arms. I'd had his love flowing all around me and in me. It was so damn cold without him and all I could think was how that would go away if I could convince him not to hate me and to just hold me instead.

This wasn't good. Feeling so close to cracking and over nothing at all was freaking me the hell out. I had no reason to expect anyone on at this late hour, but I needed to talk to someone to keep from doing something stupid and that someone needed to be a stranger who knew nothing about me so I could have a distraction without having to explain why I needed one. I started up his desktop computer and once it was loaded, I logged into my music site. I scrolled through the list of folks I sometimes spoke with but all the names were faded, meaning they weren't on.

Except for one name. I clicked the chat button but didn't really expect an answer. The person had probably just left the window open on accident.

**BarelyBreathing:** _You on?_

I couldn't help but stare at the clock in the bottom right corner while waiting on a response. Part of the time, I was telling myself I would give up and log off if I didn't get an answer in a minute or two. The other half, I was clutching my phone in my hand and yelling at myself for wanting so badly to open it up and dial the one number I shouldn't even have programmed in the thing anymore.

I got lucky—the computer beeped.

**NumbNuts:** _Yeah, but I can't believe you are. It's two in the morning._

**BarelyBreathing:** _You can tell time. Momma must be proud._

**NumbNuts:** _Actually, I was just seeing if you're in my time zone._

All those stories of internet stalkers came to mind and I lied in my reply.

**BarelyBreathing:** _Nope. Was just giving you a hard time. It's actually only eleven here._

**NumbNuts:** _Then I really am the only lonely one in the virtual world tonight. At least in my time zone._

**BarelyBreathing:** _I highly doubt that. The world, both real and virtual, is a pretty damn big place._

**NumbNuts:** _Full of small encounters._

**BarelyBreathing:** _?_

**NumbNuts:** _Something I read once. Think it was on my brother's fortune cookie._

**BarelyBreathing:** _No, no! It's cookie's fortune._

**NumbNuts:** _And then? LOL Thanks for that. Haven't laughed in a long time._

**BarelyBreathing:** _It's totally the being up at 2am thing. I'm not funny._

**NumbNuts:** _Sure …_

**BarelyBreathing:** _No really! Think Joan Crawford in Mommy Dearest and that's me._

**NumbNuts:** _Ah! So you are a girl?_

**BarelyBreathing:** _Among other things. Mostly, I'm just a music lover._

**NumbNuts:** _There are worse things you could be._

**BarelyBreathing:** _Was that an intentional Rizzo reference?_

**NumbNuts:** _Why would a guy like me know about Grease? Even if it is the word._

The laugh that came out of me shocked me so much I knocked the mouse off the desk. I bent over to pick it up, listening to the computer pinging away with new messages.

**NumbNuts:** _What's your profession? Beauty school dropout?_  
**NumbNuts:** _Maybe you aren't working. Maybe you're busy with summer nights and summer lovin._  
**NumbNuts:** _Okay. Maybe those were funnier in my head._  
**NumbNuts:** _Hello? Have I scared you away?_

**BarelyBreathing:** _You really are a numbnuts! LOL_

**NumbNuts:** _Allow me to redeem myself then … Have you seen that show Glee yet?_

**BarelyBreathing:** _Oh, that's real redeeming of you. Next you're going to tell me America's Next Top Model is your all time fave._

**NumbNuts:** _Actually, that would be Dancing With The Stars._

**BarelyBreathing:** _No shit?_

**NumbNuts:** _Total shit. The only thing I've been watching lately is what my roommates put on … Soap Operas._

**BarelyBreathing:** _The life of a college guy._

**NumbNuts:** _What makes you think I'm in college?_

**BarelyBreathing:** _A guy out of college would be working while the soaps are on. Unless you're trying to mimic Grandma's Boy with your life._

**NumbNuts:** _Don't know that one._

**BarelyBreathing:** _Your loss._

**NumbNuts:** _Gee thanks!_

I smiled a little as I typed my reply, enjoying the back and forth of the conversation. It wasn't as fun as arguing with Emmett, but it was keeping me from harming Edward so it won major points just for that.

**BarelyBreathing:** _Truth hurts._

**NumbNuts:** _Too much sometimes. Actually, I guess that would be the absence of truth for me._

**BarelyBreathing:** _Okay. No thinly veiled references of fuck-ups tonight. Just teasing._

**NumbNuts:** _Sorry. It's just hard not to think of her._

**BarelyBreathing:** _But you have to do it anyway._

**NumbNuts:** _Is that why you're on? Trying to forget someone?_

**BarelyBreathing:** _That evident I'm failing miserably?_

**NumbNuts:** _You DID start a chat with me, the possible hand abuser._

I snorted at his term for himself as I thought of our last conversation.

**BarelyBreathing:** _Oh, that's right. You and your love of Pink._

**NumbNuts:** _I've decided to be open about my love of Pink. I'll be purchasing pink shirts, socks, underwear. Shoes if I can find them in my size. All in her honor._

**BarelyBreathing:** _If it's truly in her honor, it's your hair that you'll change._

**NumbNuts:** _No. Never._

**BarelyBreathing:** _Pink could look good on you._

**NumbNuts:** _Doubtful. So what song is your current favorite?_

**BarelyBreathing:** _I wouldn't say favorite. I would say fitting. Heavy in Your Arms by Florence + The Machine._

**NumbNuts:** _That's a heavy load. No pun intended. I just know the song from my own stuff._

**BarelyBreathing:** _Do you have friends helping you through? I've got a couple really great ones, though I don't always agree with what they say._

**NumbNuts:** _Amazing friends. If I could just listen to them and stop screwing up, I might have a chance to fix things. You?_

**BarelyBreathing:** _No fixing on my end. Some fuck-ups are forever._

**NumbNuts:** _Yeah, I remember you saying that. I really hope that's not the case for me. Anyway! Back to music! Are you familiar with Metric?_

For the next hour, I talked of nothing but music with a stranger. And at the end of it, I felt better. Not lighter, or less guilty, or even less sad. It just felt nice to have something as normal as a conversation that didn't involve Edward or Emmett in any way at all. It just hurt too much right now to think of them and I hoped in time that would get better because I never wanted to forget them. I just wanted to go back in time and not fuck everything up with them.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**A/N:** Readers, I am going to have to ask you for a little faith and patience here. Just try and remember that Bella is honestly trying to protect Edward here and that she really, truly believes what Emmett said and is afraid of what he will do if he finds out she's been anywhere near Edward. Just hang in there with EternallyAddicted and me. We aren't going to draw this out forever and Bella and Edward will come face to face with each other very soon.

Thanks to **bnjwl** for helping with the back story of Peaches and finding the picture of the dress Bella wears the night she gets her nickname. The pic is up on the Worth the Burn page (link's on my profile page)


	46. Searching for a Reason

**A/N: **I warned readers from the start that this story would be realistic. That means people getting annoyed, getting angry, getting hurt. And especially bad things not correcting themselves automatically or overnight. For those that feel a few chapters of separation spanning two months in these characters lives is too much and boring and a reason to give up on the story - Sorry you feel that way but this story is clearly not for you. For everyone else still reading and sticking with us, next Saturday will have Edward and Bella coming face to face and things starting to change. It's still not going to be instantaneous and it's still going to take Edward a couple chapters to get enough trust built with Bella to get the "promise" out of her, but it's going to happen. It's just going to be a realistic happening that takes time, Edward's patience, and Bella swallowing her fears and making another attempt at trust. It's going to take what a real relationship takes - work and talk and more work. So! As a thanks to those who understand real life isn't a quick fix, here is the next chapter ...

* * *

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Searching for a Reason**

**Chapter Song: "I Hate Myself for Losing You" by Kelly Clarkson**

**Bella's POV:**

I stomped my way through the library and over to an empty table in a quiet corner far away from people. Because I couldn't afford to damage it, I was gentle with my bag and the laptop inside of it. I threaded my fingers into my hair, trapping strands between them and lightly tugging while waiting for my computer to load. The tugging hurt just enough to slow my racing thoughts and allow some control to be exerted over my temper and mood.

Tonight had been so bad and I still wasn't even sure how it had gotten out of hand so quickly. It had started off just fine, with me making a dinner of turkey burgers and side salads for Jazz and me. We'd talked all about his job for most of the meal because I could see he really loved talking about it and because I knew he wasn't getting to share his experience with Alice much right now.

But somehow, someway, the conversation had gotten around to Edward. And it wasn't as if I hadn't known it was coming at some point. I'd known it was going to happen the moment I'd woken up in Edward's bed on Sunday morning with Jasper leaning over me. He hadn't bought my story about just happening to fall asleep in there after using the computer. Honestly, with the way I'd been wrapped around Edward's pillow, I wouldn't have bought it either. I probably should have been thankful it took Jasper nearly a whole week to bring it up. He could have easily badgered me about it the whole way back to Portland instead of letting me sleep the whole ride.

But I couldn't just be thankful because I couldn't pretend when I thought of Edward. No matter how much I wanted to—how much I knew I _had_ to—I just couldn't pretend my heart wasn't broken and bleeding without him around. Jasper still believed that if I called Edward on the phone it would magically change things. Edward would stop hating me and I'd stop hating myself. Then I'd only have to get Emmett to stop hating me and life could be a beautiful song! _Yeah, fucking right! That shit isn't going to happen in this or any other lifetime._ Still, it wasn't Jasper's fault because he didn't know the whole story—and I wasn't ever going to tell him and risk losing him and Ali. And it wouldn't matter if I told him anyway; nothing was going to stop Edward and Emmett from hating me.

My computer finally finished loading and connecting to the libraries wi-fi signal. It was an odd time of day and he probably wouldn't be on, but I logged in and searched for him anyway. And was pleasantly surprised to see he was there.

**BarelyBreathing:** _welcome to movie phone! press 1 for sucktastic slayer films. press 2 for unrealistic comedic romances. press 3 for loved ones who make you want to rip your hair out._

**NumbNuts:** _Damn. Someone had a bad day. No capital letters and I can feel the sourness of your typed words all the way over here. Want to talk about it?_

The funny thing was I really did. But only with him. He was experiencing his own heartbreak and that made him a much better candidate for understanding my shit-storm of a life right now.

**BarelyBreathing:** _I'm sick and tired of being told it can be worked out. Like just because they said it, time resets, the slate wipes clean, and all of the sins are forgiven and expunged. That shit just doesn't happen!_

**NumbNuts:** _Sometimes you can't go back and you have to take a forward that goes in a completely different direction. _

**BarelyBreathing:** _Exactly!_

**NumbNuts:** _If you don't mind me asking, what was your sin? You know mine was lying. And generally being a raging dick._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ I didn't take care of him like I should have and he nearly died because of it. Guess you could say mine is the sin of neglect._

**NumbNuts:**_ Does he have a disease? Like diabetes?  
_

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Doesn't matter. What he has isn't the point. The point is that I was the one who should have been watching out for him and I didn't. So now I don't have him. It's the only way to make sure he stays healthy. It's my fault in every sense of the word and I won't risk his life just for me to feel happy. Especially when it's only going to be until he gets sick again. I won't let him go through that._

**NumbNuts:**_ You're right. If you told him you would take care of him and then you didn't, that is your fault. For me, I thought I was protecting her from everything. From needless pain and worry, from herself, from me. What I was really doing was hiding from her. So of course when she found out, she felt betrayed. She was suddenly looking at a stranger instead of the person she loved so how could the love be real? I don't blame her for leaving. I just wish we could have found a way to still be friends._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Are you sure about that? If you had stayed friends, you'd have to eventually see her with someone new._

**NumbNuts:**_ Fuck! I didn't think about that. I couldn't take that. I couldn't see her with someone that's not me. It would kill me._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Not if you really love her. If you truly love her, then seeing her happy will be all that matters. I love him and though I know it's going to hurt to see him with someone new, I can't wait to see him smile again._

**NumbNuts:**_ You're a better person than me then._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Maybe it's just different for me because of what I did. Lying is bad, and not trusting is too, but they're not the same caliber as nearly killing someone._

**NumbNuts:**_ Screw this shit! We're on a music site! Let's talk about some music, damn it!_

I found myself smiling at his demand as I typed my reply.

**BarelyBreathing:**_ LOL Okay. Name a band._

**NumbNuts:**_ Blue October?_

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Love them. Saw them at a small venue once. They were great and even drank with us after the show._

**NumbNuts:**_ Lucky. I've only seen clips of live shows. It seems like a lot of money just to hear the same songs I plunked down so much money for when the CD hit the stores._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ But that's just it. The show isn't about the songs. It's about the stage presence. It's about the energy of the crowd and the synchronized movement of all of those bodies and voices. It's feeling like you're a part of something bigger than yourself._

**NumbNuts:**_ Wow. The way you describe things … I wish I saw the world the way you do. I think of a live show and I imagine how many times my feet will get stepped on or how often I'll get elbowed by people dancing around me._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ So basically instead of living life, you're worrying about the inconveniences of it?_

**NumbNuts:**_ I guess I am. That's a crappy way to live, isn't it?_

**BarelyBreathing:**_ LOL Yeah, it is. Why don't you stop?_

**NumbNuts:**_ I should. I don't have any reason not to change. It's not like any part of my life resembles what it used to be. I should just find a concert coming to town, go to it, party through it, and then party after it._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ So do it. Don't just talk about it. Be a man of action._

**NumbNuts:**_ What about you? What will you do to live your life differently?_

**BarelyBreathing:**_ I'm already doing it. I'm online talking to you on a perfectly good Friday night. I could be getting smashed right now, drinking away every single care._

**NumbNuts:**_ Only until the morning comes._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Can you honestly say that's not plenty enough time when you're used to every single second being taken up by thoughts of the one you lost because of your own stupidity?_

**NumbNuts:**_ No. I can't. But I also don't think drinking would solve anything for either of us. We're better off just talking. So what do you say to a buddy system? You and me will get online every weekend and talk to keep the other from making more stupid mistakes, like being alcoholics. Or worse … Drunk Dialing._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Responsibility is really fucking overrated, Dude._

**NumbNuts:**_ I hear ya, Chick. But it's one of those necessary evils no one warns you about._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Isn't that the fucking truth? Right up there with being in love is great, but being without it sucks fucking monkey balls._

**NumbNuts:**_ No! Tyrannosaurus balls. Those have to be at least ten times bigger._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Wasn't there a dinosaur bigger than T-rex, though? Megalodon or some shit?_

**NumbNuts:**_ I don't think that's how it's spelled, but yeah. So that's whose balls it sucks._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Think if we put chocolate on them it would make it taste a little better?_

**NumbNuts:**_ LOL No!_

**BarelyBreathing:**_ LOL Didn't really think so._

My heartbreak buddy spent the better part of an hour talking to me and talking me down before he had to leave to have dinner with his roommates. The nice thing about the experience was I didn't feel a single ounce of guilt for monopolizing the conversation. I didn't know him. I didn't owe him any loyalty. I didn't really even owe him the right to be heard back in return. But I would give it to him because I got the feeling he needed a random person to bounce shit off of as much as I did.

I spent another half hour at the library just being calm and taking in the quiet before heading home to apologize to Jasper for my outburst. Like the wonderful, supportive friend he was, he forgave me right away and we spent the rest of the night watching movies together and throwing popcorn at each other. I knew he wouldn't give up on trying to help me, just like I knew he couldn't do anything for me. Sometimes, loving someone meant letting them do what made them feel better, and for Jasper it was attempting to get me to talk.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I was deep into a book about Irish fairytales Angela had loaned me when my laptop beeped beside me and brought me out of fantasyland. I looked over at it, grinning at the name in the chat window and the words he'd written.

**NumbNuts:**_ There is peace._

I moved my book aside and pulled my laptop closer, thinking of how often we'd been chatting at night in the past two weeks. It was never at the same time or for the same length, but it didn't matter. When we talked, we were able to forget for however long all the shit we'd done wrong and all the pain we'd caused people. It was a good outlet to have right now.

I shook those thoughts away and typed a reply to my heartbreak buddy.

**BarelyBreathing:**_ So they left you?_

**NumbNuts: **_Finally. I sometimes feel like I'm on suicide watch._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Are you?_

**NumbNuts: **_No. I couldn't do that. I couldn't bring more pain to the people I love._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ That's exactly how I think of it. The ultimate selfish gesture and easy way out._

**NumbNuts: **_That and I'm kind of squeamish about blood._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Are you absolutely sure you aren't a chick and just pretending to be a dude? I don't mind if you're really a lesbo._

**NumbNuts: **_Funny._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ I thought so. So what's on the agenda for this Friday night stay in?_

**NumbNuts: **_I was thinking we could try something new. A movie night. We log into AIM or one of those other messaging services and then pop a movie into our laptops so we've got the movie playing on most of the screen and a chat window filling the rest._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Movie night? Really?_

**NumbNuts: **_My bro has heard of the elusive Grandma's Boy and was quite annoyed I haven't seen it yet. I've been required to watch it as there will be a quiz when he pops over to see me next. And since you've seen it and liked it enough to remember it, I thought you might want to watch it with me. And in all honesty, I'm tired of having my ass handed to me in our little musical arguments._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ LOL Not my fault you pick such odd things to listen to._

**NumbNuts: **_I don't!_

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Fine. Who are you listening to right now?_

**NumbNuts: **_Stone Temple Pilots._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Hate to break it to you, but no amount of Vaseline is going to save your ass._

**NumbNuts: **_Ha! I know! I shoved my head up there way too far and I don't think it'll ever stop being raw._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ TMI, Dude!_

**NumbNuts: **_You started it. Besides, you know you dream about my ass when you get off the computer at night._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Oh, sure! Other folks count sheep jumping the fence. I count jack-asses._

**NumbNuts: **_Hee-haw Baby._

It took me a good minute to stop snorting and giggling and type back a response.

**BarelyBreathing:**_ OMG You did not just type that! Are you drinking?_

**NumbNuts: **_No. We agreed no alcohol._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Not to be a bitch, Numb, but if you lied to a woman you wanted to marry, what's to keep you from lying to a total stranger?_

**NumbNuts: **_Nothing, I guess. Except that I'm done with lying. Plus, you aren't a total stranger. I know a lot about you from our chats. I just don't know where you live or your real name._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ And until I'm completely sure you aren't a psycho stalker chick masquerading as a dude, you won't know those things._

**NumbNuts: **_Hey, you could just as easily be a psycho out to find and gut me._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Exactly. Anonymity is best._

**NumbNuts: **_Agreed. NOW can we watch the movie?_

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Fine. Meet you in AIM in ten. Same name for me._

**NumbNuts: **_For me too._

I moved my laptop from my desk to my bed and headed into the living room to grab the DVD from the shelf. Even after six weeks of this shit, I still wasn't used to being all alone in the apartment this way. Jasper had worked a half day before leaving to spend the weekend in Seattle; he had been excited about leaving early enough to get to Alice with some daylight left. I hoped they had a great weekend together because they both deserved it.

And hey! My weekend didn't seem like it was going to be too shabby either. I was going to watch a movie tonight, work tomorrow, chat tomorrow night, and then sleep in on Sunday. Somewhere in there I'd have to fit in laundry and groceries, but that was for later. Right now, I had a movie to watch with my heartbreak buddy.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

Six weeks of pent up energy had me tapping my fingers against my knees when I wasn't obsessively turning my wrist over to look at my watch. I was finally getting out of the condo for something other than a doctor's visit or a PT appointment. Jasper and Alice were taking me to dinner, just the three of us since Mom had left yesterday to spend the weekend home in Forks with Dad.

I'd been hesitant to believe my mom was really going to do it, figuring she'd change her mind at the last minute and leave me feeling guilty for yet another weekend. But when the time had come to go, she had been smiling wide and looking truly happy to go home to her husband for a few days. There was only a little bit of worry over my health marring her beautiful features and I couldn't wait until that look was completely gone from her face.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the sofa, thinking of the conversation we'd had just before she'd left. She'd been sitting next to me with my head on her shoulder, brushing her fingers through my overgrown mess of hair and reminding me that I needed to get it cut. She'd suddenly stopped talking about my hair and started talking about me as a young kid.

"_When you were very little, you would crawl into my lap and lay your head on my shoulder for me to hold you and soothe you with my fingers in your hair. When you started to get older, you would simply sit beside me as you are now. I always found you listened much better when we sat together this way._

"_You were always afraid of taking comfort in the open, preferring to find me alone in the den or up in my room. I believe it may be why you made some of the poor choices that you did, Edward. While I have no doubt you were afraid of the surgery, I suspect you were also afraid of needing to be cared for after. For you, it has weakness written all over it when others see it for the simple thing that it is … Love. Your sister and I have lives of our own and we could be off living them and only checking in with you by phone. It's because we love you and want the absolute best for you that we chose to move into this condo with you."_

"_Mom, if I've shown anything less that absolute love and gratitude for you and Ali, I'm truly sorry." A morose laugh escaped me and I found myself clutching my mother's hand for support—for her to make me feel a little less of a creep and a little more loved. "I feel like that's all I say these days. I'm sorry. No matter how much I say it, I'm going to regret my choices for the rest of my life._

"_It was so easy in the middle of everything to justify my actions. Emmett won't leave me alone if he finds out I'm a freak in a new way. I'll worry Alice and Mom for nothing. The hole could still close on its own. I don't really want to play baseball so I can just sit on the sidelines instead._

"_And then when Bella had come along, I got it into my head that if I told her, she would think of Aaron each time she looked at me and end up pulling away from me. Looking back on it now, the sad truth was that I just hadn't wanted to tell her. I hadn't wanted to risk her thinking less of me. Too stupid to realize I was letting my ego get in the way and too cowardly to have had the surgery years before like I should have._

"_How could I have done that, Mom? How could I have let down so many people and hurt them? Why am I such a selfish person?"_

_My mother laid her cheek against my head and squeezed my hand that was still holding tightly to hers. "Edward, I don't think you were necessarily selfish. I think you were scared and you let your fear get the best of you. You have loved Bella for so long, spending a great deal of that time hiding it and hiding from her. To finally have her in your arms and be able to tell her and show her your feelings … That would be a lot for any young man to deal with. Having her return that love was something you desperately wanted, but I often got the feeling from you that you didn't think it was possible."_

"_A lot of the time I didn't," I admitted. "She's just so … Bella. She's brave and outgoing. She fights for what she wants or what she feels is right. She can be insanely funny or fiercely loyal at the drop of a hat. She's everything I'm not. But when I'm with her, I feel like I can be those things. Not nearly as good as she can do it, but good enough that I really like who I am with her. I want so badly to be that good for her, Mom. I want to make her feel alive and special like she does for me. So why do I keep hurting her instead?"_

"_Because, Edward, as much as you admire her, you're afraid she doesn't feel that way about you. You have spent far too many years worrying what Emmett thinks of you, what Alice thinks of you, and what your friends think of you."_

"_But that's because they're usually right. And you were right about Mary. If you can all see the things I don't, why shouldn't I rely on your judgment?"_

"_You and I both know that Emmett's view of how men act is skewed. I don't know where it came from or why we haven't been able to break him from it, but I do know it's wrong. Not all men are cavemen. Your father certainly isn't. As for Alice, she just wants everyone to be happy. She forgets that what makes her happy doesn't always work for everyone else. And when it comes to Mary … Edward, had you not been so worried you were the only one without a partner, you would have seen Mary was wrong for you all on your own."_

"_Mom, I want you to be perfectly honest. Do you think I should be with Bella? That I can be good for her?"_

"_I think if you focus on being the man _you_ want to be, the one that makes _you_ happy, then everything else will fall into place."_

I let out a sigh as I pressed my fisted hands against my closed eyes. I wanted so badly for it to be that simple. I would live my life the way that made me happy and Bella would come back to me. But I knew it wasn't going to be easy like that. Bella wasn't the kind of woman who could just wipe the slate clean and start over, no matter how much she wanted to do just that. There would have to be slow, short steps and hard won trust first. If she could even let me get that close again.

"For finally getting out of this place, you're a morose mother," Jasper said as he kicked my foot.

I smiled as I moved my hands and opened my eyes to look at him. "Have a nice time getting ready with my sister?"

His smirk told me everything I needed to know. Well, at least as far as my sister was concerned. I was trying hard to accept that my little sister was old enough to be in a full-fledged adult relationship, but it was hard to look at her and not see the little girl with missing teeth following me all around. It was a little easier to ignore what my sister was up to right now while my mind kept circling back around to Bella with everything I said and did.

I looked up at Jasper again, hoping he would see how much I needed him to answer my question. "How's Bella? Is she talking to you still? Does she seem okay? I've held out asking as long as I could, but I've got to know."

"She's doing a lot better. She's not really telling me much, but there's a definite change in her. I think she found a friend outside of the family to talk to about everything. It sure seems to be helping."

I immediately sat up straighter, trying my hardest to ignore the sinking feeling in my stomach. "You don't think she … I mean …"

Jasper waived my stuttering off with his hand. "She's not seeing anyone, Edward. I may not know why she's hiding the way she is, but I know she's still in love with you."

"Of course she is," Alice said as she flitted into the room. "And we can talk more about it over dinner. Let's go! I'm starving."

We made it as far as the hall before Alice changed her mind and yelled for everyone to stop moving.

"What is it, Darlin'?" Jasper asked as she let go of his hand.

"It's Edward's first real trip out of the condo. I want a picture to mark the occasion." She handed her phone to Jasper and then danced over to stand at my side. "Smile, big brother. You're nearly healed."

I didn't agree with that, but I smiled for her all the same. I wouldn't be healed until I had Bella back in my arms and knew she was truly okay.

Once Alice had finished directing Jasper's picture taking, she took her phone back. The way her little fingers were flying across the keypad, I was pretty sure she was text messaging the picture to Emmett and Rose to show them how well I was doing.

"If that's Em, tell him I beat his Tekken score by twelve points," I told her.

"Sure, sure," she mumbled. She was so focused on her phone I highly doubted she'd heard me at all.

But once we were seated at our table, Alice's focus shifted back to me. "So I've been thinking."

"More like plotting," I replied, pointing at her smirk as proof of my claim. Jasper hid his smile by taking a sip of his drink.

Alice didn't deny anything. She preferred to launch right into her plan instead. "You get released in two weeks. And although Doctor Chris seems sure you'll be fully healed at the time, I have my doubts. In fact, I think you should wait a month or so before starting to live on your own. Come home to Portland with me, Edward, and move into Rosalie's old room. You'll have your freedom and can come and go as you please, while I'll have the security of knowing you're close by should your heart decide to act up."

"Alice, I don't know about this," I told her.

"Yeah, I don't know either," Jasper agreed. "What about Bella?"

Alice's back stiffened and her nose tilted up into the air; she'd obviously had another tiff with Bella; my sister was frustrated with Bella's refusal to confide in her. "If she's so convinced she's moved on, what should it matter?"

"Ali, honey, you know better," Jasper warned. "We might not know why she's saying it, but we know she's trying desperately to believe it. There's something we've missed and until we can find out what caused her to feel this way, we shouldn't push her."

"That's just it, though, Jasper. Letting Bella be stubborn this way only sets her stubborn streak in harder. Let's use it against her. Reverse psychology," Alice explained.

Jasper pursed his lips, seeming to think over her words. I already knew the right answer, though. "No, Alice," I told her. "I won't push her. I did it on accident and look at the mess it caused. She thinks I hate her when all I want is to love her and never let her go."

"You know, Edward, Ali might just be on to something. As it is, Bella can barely keep up the lie without seeing or talking to you. Faced directly with you, she's going to end up breaking a lot quicker than my talks with her will manage. And once she lets down her walls, we can find out what really caused all this mess. She keeps saying something about a promise, but she won't say to whom about what."

"Do you think someone made her promise to stay away from Edward?" Alice asked.

"But why would she ever agree to something like that?" I questioned.

Alice shrugged, seeming just as clueless as I felt. It was Jasper who offered up a suggestion. "If someone convinced her she had anything at all to do with your heart going haywire, I could see it. She loves you, Edward. She loves you enough to put you before every person she knows, including Alice. If Bella believes she's protecting you, then her behavior makes perfect sense."

"But who would convince her of such a silly thing?" Alice asked. "And why?"

Jasper shook his head slowly. "I don't know, Darlin'. I just know that my gut is telling me this whole thing ain't as cut and dry as Edward lied and Bella can't trust him anymore."

"If someone did convince Bella she was a danger to me, they better stay real fucking far away from me," I all but growled.

"And me," Alice seconded.

"And me," Jasper added. The three of us looked around at each other's angry faces until the expressions started to fade into smiles. No matter what might be going wrong in our lives, we had each other and loved each other. I didn't deserve the amazing family that I had, and I would do my best to never take them for granted again. And also, I'd find a way to show Bella just how very permanent her place in this family and my life really was.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

The uber late shift on Saturday nights always left me feeling tired, but it had really been kicking my butt lately. If I hadn't already promised to be online, I would have crawled straight into bed and gone to sleep. But I had promised. Plus, I was already planning on spending the majority of tomorrow in bed, so it wasn't going to hurt to stay up an hour or so more tonight. But after a shower!

With the coffee shop smells completely gone from my body—and a late night snack of scrambled egg sandwich safely tucked in my stomach—I curled up in bed with my laptop. I was barely logged in before it was beeping with a message and I smiled at his eagerness while reading his message.

**NumbNuts: **_Nine Inch Nails_

There could be so many things about that band so the only way to know what he was thinking was to ask, which I did.

**BarelyBreathing:**_ What about them?_

**NumbNuts: **_How does fucking like an animal bring you closer to God when he's supposed to be against fornicating for the sake of pleasure?_

**BarelyBreathing:**_ LOL Guess it depends on what God you worship. And fornicate? Really?_

**NumbNuts:**_ What word would you prefer?_

**BarelyBreathing:**_ How about a phrase? Damming the beaver._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ No wait! Even better! Tickling the slippery spot._

**NumbNuts: **_Holy Shit! People say that! _

**BarelyBreathing:**_ LOL Those who find it funny to shock and awe do. Maybe you only know terms for your love affair with your hand. Do you recognize Sanding the Banister?_

**NumbNuts: **_Yeah. LOL My mom called home once to check on my bro and me and he told her that's what he was doing. She came home expecting to find her daily polished stair banister ruined._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Seriously?_

**NumbNuts: **_Very!_

**BarelyBreathing:**_ So what naughty thing did you do? I know brothers tend to try and one up the other._

**NumbNuts: **_I don't torture my mom that way. But I did make him incredibly jealous by being the first to have sex outdoors._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Car sex is a right of passage for you males._

**NumbNuts:**_ You say that like females don't enjoy it._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Yes, we just loved being in a cramped space where we can't properly be turned on before being nailed._

**NumbNuts:**_ Ouch. When you put it that way, it does sound barbaric of us guys._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Yeah so if you ever make up with your chick, don't celebrate with car sex._

**NumbNuts:**_ Noted. So how are things for you? Your friends still giving you a hard time?_

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Nah. They've been doing much better._

**NumbNuts:**_ That's good._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ How are you doing? I know I don't normally ask, but I just figured you'd say something if you wanted._

**NumbNuts:**_ There's really not much to tell. I still haven't been able to get her to see me. I have no reason to believe it, but I just feel if I could get her to be in the same room with me, I could change things._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Have you thought about what you'll do if she doesn't want to change things?_

**NumbNuts:**_ I'll do whatever makes her happy, whatever brings the smile back to her face and the light into her eyes. For now, I'm still convinced sharing our lives is the way to do that._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ I wish you luck. I really mean that._

**NumbNuts:**_ Thanks. I hope yours works out for the best too._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ It already has. The best for him._

**NumbNuts:**_ Hey, don't count yourself out. Just because that relationship didn't work doesn't mean the next won't._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ It really does, though. I'm not going to feel the way I do for him about anyone else. And if I'm completely honest, which I can be because you aren't going to tattle or judge, I don't want to feel this way again. I don't want to lose myself this way again._

**NumbNuts:**_ Even if it means never having love and someone to share your life with?_

I didn't answer right away, taking a moment to really think about his question. I thought of life before Edward and my life now without him. I had been happy with life before him and I felt certain that if I could get that feeling back, I could be content with what I had left now. I had to be for his sake.

**BarelyBreathing:**_ I've got enough family to keep me from lacking in love._

**NumbNuts:**_ I know you said it was hopeless, but I'll still say a prayer for you and yours._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ So how about that new One Republic album?_

It was definitely time to get my mind on music and away from how much I wished I was in Seattle talking in person to the one I wanted most and couldn't have at all.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**BPOV:**

"You are a total lying bitch! If I was there, I would pinch the shit out of you!" Rose roared.

I fell across the bed, clutching my stomach and laughing hard enough to bring tears to my eyes. Alice and Rose had placed a three-way call to me and convinced me to get onto Skype with them. We'd been video chatting together for nearly an hour and having the best time even with all the miles between us. It felt like old times and I'd missed it so damn much that I kept having to battle the urge to cry from a mix of happiness and relief to finally be spending time with them again.

"I'm not lying," Alice defended. "I'm just relaying information."

Even through the webcam I could see Rose's face was red as she replied to Alice. "Emmett would never dare to show my underwear to anyone."

Alice pressed her lips together tightly for a moment but it didn't stop her giggle. "You seriously doubt his commitment to making the males in his life jealous of him."

"Change of topic," Rose demanded. "Bella, what have you been up to?"

"Working mostly," I told her. "When I actually have time off, I've been reading and listening to music."

"How often do you hear from Bree?" she asked.

"Right around twice a week right now. He's having a blast with Lance, discovering San Diego with him. The two of them sound really happy," I said.

"I've got pictures I'll forward to you," Alice piped up. "They are so goofy together that you can't mistake their happiness."

"Yeah, sorry, Rose. I didn't check to make sure he'd copied you too," I said.

Rose waved me off with her hand. "Not like I've been all that great at checking email lately. Girls, I'm really sorry I flaked out after moving here. I severely underestimated how big of a deal moving to a new city would be. And even more so, what living with Emmett would be like. It's so different from just having him sleep over. Do you know we actually fight about laundry and dirty dishes now? It's so surreal sometimes. And completely draining."

"So is that a pro or a con for cohabitation?" I teased, giving her a big grin.

Rose's smile was so big it seemed more like one Alice would show off. "Definitely a pro. Despite the annoying parts, I would never trade it for anything."

Alice sighed. "I hope things are that good with Jasper."

"You get to go home to him and Bella in just about a week right?" Rose questioned.

Alice nodded enthusiastically. "As long as the doctor clears Edward, then I should be home on Saturday. After nearly eight weeks in Seattle I'm more than ready to get back home to Portland."

"Jazz is making a banner and I'm going to bake a cake," I said.

"Really?" Rose and Alice asked at the same time.

"Yeah. We've got to mark the end of our reign of silence," I joked, smiling so Alice would see I was teasing.

"Bel-la," she whined over the sound of Rosalie's laughter.

"What's got my girl upset?" Jasper asked as he tossed himself right next to me on my bed.

"Jazz!" she squealed.

"Thanks for that," Rosalie said with a grimace. "I'm pretty sure she just popped a speaker in my laptop."

"No, that was your eardrum," I called out.

"So is anyone going to tell me what's so exciting?" Jasper asked.

"I was telling them about the party you and I are throwing for ourselves," I said, nudging him in the side in hopes he would play along.

The smile that came onto Jasper's face had me struggling not to laugh because I just knew it was pure trouble. "Bells, I thought we agreed to keep our torrid love affair a secret until Ali came home and turned it into a proper threesome?" he questioned.

Rosalie muttered out a "jeebus" almost too low for anyone to hear before addressing Jasper. "Okay, who are you and what did you do with my cousin?"

He raised his hands in surrender. "Hey, I'm just picking up the slack Emmett left behind."

"What was that? Who's talking about me?" The big guy himself appeared over Rose's shoulder. "Well la-dee-freakin-dah. Got the little sis trapped in one box and Jazz and Bells in the other. How's it hanging Bella-Bella-foe-fellah?"

"Do the people in Boston actually find you humorous?" Jasper asked.

"Not as funny as your face," Emmett shot back. "And Ali, tell my dipshit twin to answer his freakin phone when I call."

"He was in the middle of a therapy appointment, Em. And when he called you back, _you_ didn't answer," Alice defended.

Emmett grinned while scratching the back of his head. "Yeah, I was a little busy."

"And that's the last time you'll be busy for a long while," Rose said as she turned her head to look at him.

"What? What did I do, Baby?" Emmett sputtered with his eyes all wide.

Her finger poked him right in the middle of his chest. "You showed my underwear to Jasper and Edward."

"How the hell? Which of the pansies ratted me out?"

"I think you should be a lot more concerned with what I'm going to do to you, don't you think?"

"Baby, it wasn't like that! I swear. I wasn't bragging. Much. I was skyping with the guys while doing laundry like _you_ told me to do."

"Are you really going to blame this on me?" Rose was practically shrieking and we all could see the blow up that was eminent.

Jasper attempted to intervene. "Rose, it wasn't like he held the fabric up or anything. Edward happened to notice the bright red and asked Emmett what it was. It was really quite innocent."

Rose nodded and looked to be calming down when Emmett opened his big fat mouth and shoved his foot, shin, and knee cap right down it. "Baby, you should feel honored. That's the most action those boys have gotten in a long time."

"Holy shit!" I blurted out, grabbing Jasper's arm in my state of shock. For his part, Jasper slammed his finger down on the touchpad and closed the Skype window down. I couldn't do anything but look at him with wide eyes.

"I didn't want to be a murder witness," he said, pointing at the computer.

I managed a nod in agreement.

"There's no question she's going to maim him, but do you think she'll have enough presence of mind to let him live?" Jasper asked.

"I have no fucking clue. I'm just glad I am not him," I said.

Jasper opened his mouth to say more but was interrupted by his cellphone. He pulled it out and answered it straight into speakerphone mode. "Ali, darlin', that was hands down the most boneheaded thing your brother has ever done."

"Tell me about it! I can't believe he would say that to her," Alice yelled into the phone.

"You _are_ talking about Emmett." The voice was slightly muffled from not being right next to the phone, but there was no mistaking it. _Edward_.

"Ed, man, did you hear him say it?" Jasper asked, almost sounding as excited as Alice was miffed.

"No, but Ali just ran out here to give me the full scoop. I knew it was bad when she nearly tackled me. She's been afraid to breathe hard near me," Edward answered.

"I have not," Alice cried. "And even if I have, totally _your_ fault."

His grunt came through clearly. "You just poked me in the chest. I'm so telling Mom."

"Wow. Talk about reverting back to high school behavior." I clamped both hands over my stupid, stupid, mind-of-its-own mouth.

"Bella? Bella, is that you?"

I looked to Jasper for help, but he only set his phone on the bed and left my room. Stupid friend with his stupid meddling not helping me out the way I needed.

"Bella?" Edward called louder than before.

"Um … Hi. I heard … Well, I heard you might get released next weekend."

He laughed a little. "I'll believe it when I see it. Even if Doctor Chris lets me go, I get the feeling Mom and Ali won't."

"Oh, I am so done with your annoying self when Doctor Chris clears you," Alice piped up. "And I'm also done with this convo so talk at you later, Bells."

In my mind, I was calling her some very dirty names for ditching me and leaving me on the phone alone with her brother, just like her dirty rotten fiancé had done to me here in the apartment.

"It's really good to hear your voice," Edward said. "Shit. That must sound so lame since you said what like eight words?"

For some reason, the idea of him being upset with himself got me talking. "No, it's alright. I get what you meant. It's good to hear you too. You sound really good. Strong even."

"I feel that way. Physically anyway."

"Start with one and then work on the others."

"Bella, I wanted you to know … that letter I sent you—"

"Don't. It's fine. I didn't really expect anything less."

I closed my eyes so I wouldn't have to look at my white knuckles from the way I was clenching the phone. I felt like it was the only thing keeping me rooted to my bed and stopping me from running away from a phone—from his voice. That kind of behavior wouldn't back up my whole "moving on" persona.

"No, listen!" He sounded so desperate that I found myself doing exactly what he wanted. "Bella, I don't hate you. Not for a single second. I've never felt that way about you. I'm sorry I gave you that impression. I was trying to apologize for hiding things from you and I somehow messed even that up. You don't have to say anything back or anything. I just wanted you to know that I do care for you and if you want to be friends, I would really like that."

Even with as tightly scrunched up as they were, tears still slipped from my eyes. I couldn't fight them _and_ the giant "yes" that wanted to jump right off my tongue and fill up my room. I swallowed a couple of times before feeling like I could trust myself to speak without my voice wavering or saying the wrong thing. "I don't know that that's such a good idea."

"There'd be no pressure to spend time around me. Just the occasional email and phone call. I'd really like to have you as my friend again. You always gave great advice, second only to my mother."

"Yeah, well, she's Esme. She's kind of perfect like that."

"It's why we all love her so much."

"Yeah. Listen, I better go. I'm sure Jasper would like to call his cousin and make sure Rosalie hasn't really maimed your brother."

"Oh, alright then. It really was great to hear your voice, Bella. I hope I'll get to see you soon."

"Maybe. First you have to get past your doctor and your mom."

Instead of laughing liked I'd hoped, he sighed heavily into the phone. "Yeah, first that. Good night, Bella. Sweet dreams."

"You too." I ended the call before he could say anything more. No, that wasn't true. I ended the call before _I_ could say something else, something stupid like telling him I loved him or that I missed him. Both were the truest things I could have said at that or any other moment.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**BPOV:**

Had Jasper been home, he would have been in my room questioning my sanity with all the snorting and giggling I was doing. But luckily for me, it was early afternoon on this fine Wednesday and he was still at work. And I was still snorting. My heartbreak buddy NumbNuts had gone and done something completely … well, numbnuts! It was nowhere near the caliber of Emmett's mistake days earlier, but it was pretty freakin hilarious all the same.

For a moment, I started laughing even harder, thinking of Emmett and Rosalie and the punishment she'd bestowed upon him. Since he'd been so fond of her underwear, Rosalie had gone out and bought Emmett his own bra and panty set—sets actually. Enough to wear one every day for a week. She would even show up at his job at random times to make sure he had the garments on under his clothing. It was absolutely hands-down the best punishment I'd ever heard of and I felt privileged to call Rosalie my friend. I also felt completely stunned that our lapse in friendship seemed to truly have been nothing more than her settling in. As for Emmett … I had no freakin clue at all why he seemed interested in talking to me now unless it was to keep tabs on me. Suddenly, I didn't feel like laughing anymore.

I sat up and looked at the computer screen and though I'd really thought it impossible seconds ago, I was snorting all over again. NumbNuts and I had exchanged email addresses—my secondary address, not my main one 'cause I still didn't really know him. Anyway! He had decided to send me a picture of himself and it was glaringly obvious that it was a fake. George Clooney's head on an almost olive skinned chest with an eight pack and arms the size of my freakin head. As if the eight pack guy wouldn't have had his own impressive lower half, Numb had done some more copying and pasting, selecting a set of legs in jeans that had to have been painted on 'cause they damn sure didn't leave anything about the size of this man's junk to the imagination. I planned to keep all my comments to myself until Numb got online again—I had some really good ones too.

Still snorting a little, I got up from my bed and headed toward the kitchen, wanting to fix myself a cup of warm tea. My stomach hadn't exactly been my friend lately and the tea seemed to be the only thing that consistently stayed down.

I had just passed Alice's door in the hall when the front door swung open, letting in noises and a sight that stopped me dead in my tracks. Standing in my doorway with an assortment of luggage and bags was Alice.

And Edward.


	47. Different Yet The Same

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: So Different Yet Still The Same**

**Chapter Song: "Hesitate" by Stone Sour**

**Bella's POV:**

_Edward_.

Only, it wasn't exactly Edward—not like I remembered him from two months ago. He wasn't the lanky, pale man with the long messy copper strands I'd last seen at the end of May. He was the same height of course, but he seemed to stand taller, straighter maybe. And his skin had gained color to it—not like a full on tan, but not pale either. His arms and legs had more definition, probably from all the physical therapy he'd been undergoing. His new build made the t-shirt and cargo shorts he wore seem too small for him. And his hair! The hair on his head that I'd spent hours combing my fingers through was gone, cut close but not so much that you could see his scalp, and with a little bit of thickness to it on the top. While he'd cut the hair on his head, he'd let it grow out on his chin and cheeks so that they were covered by a thin beard; it looked soft from here.

I vaguely felt Alice latching on to me and kissing my cheek but beyond that I was too shocked to feel, or move, or pry my eyes from his.

"Bella, can you believe I'm finally home? I know it's a few days early, but that's almost the best part. And Jasper is going to be so shocked to come home to me. What time does he normally get in?" Alice's words made it into my ears but my brain was having severe trouble processing them.

Edward was here. He was standing just a few feet away and damn if I didn't want to be in his arms. It was a good thing I was too shocked to move and speak or I might have given in to the urge.

Alice shook my shoulder and got my eyes and brain focused on her. "What time does Jasper get home from work?" she asked.

"Around five-thirty usually," I heard myself saying.

Alice had a beaming smile on her face and was practically dancing around in front of me, completely oblivious to the state of shock I was in. She also didn't seem to notice me watching her brother pass us on his way to Rosalie's room. Then again, she _was_ busy talking. "Perfect! Just enough time to shower, put on some fresh clothes, and pick out somewhere special for dinner. I'm so excited to be home. And I can sleep in my own bed tonight with my Jazzy right beside me."

She gave my hand a hard squeeze and when I looked fully at her, I saw her smile was gone and she was biting at her lip. "Bella, I know this is a surprise. Edward's doctor released him early but none of us feel he should be totally on his own right away. He was hesitant to come, thinking you would be angry and not want to stay in the same place as him."

It wasn't a question of what I wanted but of what he needed. He needed to be looked after to make sure his heart continued to do well but couldn't that be done in Forks under Esme's watchful eye? Looking at Alice's face, seeing the hope and the worry there, I knew the answer. Ali loved him too much to be able to focus without him right under her watchful eye and she loved Jasper too much to be away from him any longer.

I forced my lips into a smile. "Whatever he needs to get better, Ali. I'm just so glad you're finally home. There's only so much quiet a girl can take, right?" I joked.

"Oh, you are so right. And it will so not be quiet tonight. We have to celebrate my return home and Edward getting released. And of course we must celebrate the resurrection of the fantastic duo of Bells and Ali and hit up all of our favorite spots in the city. It's going to be so much fun, Bella! Of course, we'll have to lay down rules for the guys so they don't assume they don't have to clean up after themselves or share in chores or buying the groceries."

Alice probably would have went on and on but she suddenly noticed I didn't look so hot—I knew I looked bad because I felt ready to barf all over her. "Bella, sweetie, are you sick? Or did your cycle start?"

"I've been a little under the weather," I lied. "Summer cold or something."

"Oh, Sweetie, and here I am talking your ear off. If I hadn't been so excited, I would have noticed you had on your usual sickly attire of sweatpants and a too big t-shirt. You go lay down right this instant and rest."

This time I smiled for real, happy to have my best friend back. I wrapped my arms around her and for a few moments I just held onto my best friend. When I let her go, we both had tears in our eyes. "Thanks, Ali."

"Any time we went without talking, it was only because I was so busy. You're still my best friend and sister, Bells."

"And you're mine."

"Good. Now get into bed and feel better so you can come to dinner with us later."

I chuckled at her demanding behavior, especially since it didn't go with the huge smile on her face. "I was actually going to make myself some tea when you came inside," I told her.

"No, no. I'll do that. You go lay down."

"Are you sure? You just got in and you have unpacking to do and you mentioned a shower." I didn't want her to think she had to mother me on top of looking after her brother.

"Isabella, get your butt in bed this instant," she demanded, pointing her finger down the hall.

I laughed under my breath while smacking a big kiss on her cheek. "Glad to have you home, Ali girl."

"Like that was ever in question," she said as she gently pushed me toward the hall. "In bed and under the covers."

"Yes, Ma'am," I replied, giving her a little salute before doing exactly as she'd said.

I'd just gotten settled under the covers with my pillows stacked behind me when a knock sounded against the open doorway. Edward looked nervous standing there with one hand against the doorframe and the other shoved into the pocket of his cargo shorts. My fingers wanted to touch him so badly that I had to roll them into fists; I could see them sliding through his hair to check out his new haircut, grazing his cheeks and chin to see if his beard was soft, and wrapping around his arms to see just how much wider they were.

"Bella, I didn't mean to but I overheard you and Ali talking."

I shrugged to show it was no big deal. "It's fine. The whole floor probably heard her."

"Do you need anything besides the tea? Any medicine or food or anything?"

I'd never felt shocked, sick, needy, and highly confused all at once before and I didn't much care for the way it made my stomach roll and my hands feel clammy. Edward was the one who needed taking care of and it was because of me. So why the hell was he asking to do things for me? I had to wonder if I hadn't taken some medicine and forgotten and was now in the middle of one of my creepy, vivid dreams.

Seeing Edward move out of the doorway and to the foot of the bed didn't help matters. Who the hell willingly chooses to get near the person who almost killed them?

"You look a little green, Bella. Should you maybe go in your bathroom in case you get sick?" he asked.

"I'll be fine." I said it, I wanted it to be true, but I wasn't so sure it was going to happen. I'd been struggling over the last eight weeks with him hours and hours away from me and now here he was standing at the foot of my bed. _Fuck my life with the biggest, thickest, hardest cock ever to dangle on this whole freakin planet. _That annoyed thought was followed by one that was rather cruel given the circumstances … _Remember when you used to think that was his? _Even my internal thoughts couldn't be nice to me right now.

Edward's voice had me looking up at him, marveling at how good he looked—how _healthy_. "Look, if it's too much for me to be here, I certainly understand. I only agreed because Alice gave me the pouting sister routine. She's still scared even if she won't come right out and say it."

My head moved left to right while my eyes stayed glued to his green ones. "If anyone should go, it should be me. You're her brother and she needs to make sure for herself you're okay. I get that."

He shook his head and it seemed so weird without his long locks flopping around the way I remembered them. "No, this is your apartment. You've been here with her since you guys moved to Portland. I can find a place close by to stay. It's not like it's forever anyway. Just until she sees for herself I'm alright."

I knew it was going to freakin hurt like hell to say it, but I also knew it was what was best for him and Ali both. "There's no reason in the world for you not to stay here. Rosalie's room is just sitting empty anyway. Besides, we both know Ali won't be happy without visual proof of how you're doing and Jasper is beyond tired of not having his fiancée around."

"Tea!" Alice announced excitedly. And loudly. "This should make you feel much better," she said as she handed me the warm cup. "You drink up and then rest up. I'll come and wake you once Jasper gets home." She turned away from me and took hold of Edward's arm, turning him and pushing him out of my room. "Come on, Edward. We can help each other unpack while Bella rests."

She pulled the door shut and left me staring at the white wood with my head spinning and my stomach churning. Not fifteen minutes ago, I'd been cracking up laughing over an emailed picture. Now, I was very literally living in one of the circles of hell. How would I ever manage to not be selfish when the only person I found it impossible to resist was just two doors down from my room? _Fuck my life._

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Bella, what are you wearing?" Alice demanded to know. She had her hand on her hip and a scowl on her face. But I didn't give a damn; I was going to dinner under protest and I'd wear whatever the hell I wanted.

"I believe it's called a t-shirt and jeans combo," Edward said, smiling as he put his arms around his sister and pulled her away from me. "I would think you of all people would know clothing when you see it, Ali."

"Ha, ha, Edward," she sneered as she pushed him away. "That shirt is two sizes too big for her."

"So what? She's not going out to impress anyone," Jasper said, coming to my defense. "She worked this morning and didn't feel good this afternoon. Let her wear what she wants."

Alice's lower lip jutted out in that damn irresistible pout of hers. "Bella, if you feel that bad, we can stay in," she offered.

"I can go out to get dinner with you, but I don't feel like getting all dolled up for it."

"Okay, but normally that just means you wear some band shirt that leaves you looking like a grungy rocker chick. This outfit screams frumpy housewife. I'm only looking out for your rep as bad ass rocker girl."

I snorted and rolled my eyes at her. "Remind me again why we wanted her home so badly, Jazz?"

Jasper laughed as he swayed with Alice locked in his arms and his chin on her shoulder. "Because we love her despite her fashion police persona."

From the smile on her face, I knew Alice had given up on getting me to change. "Okay, okay. You guys are right. The focus of dinner is to celebrate being home with you and what we wear to it doesn't matter."

"I knew you'd see it our way, Darlin'," Jasper said before placing a loud kiss on Alice's cheek. "Now let's get going 'cause I am starving."

We headed down the stairs and into the parking lot with Alice holding both Jasper and Edward's hands. For just a second, I expected them to swing her in the air between them the way Charlie and Billy used to do with Jake and me before Billy got too sick for such things.

"Bella, come on," Alice called out, waving me over to a large maroon colored Suburban.

"Holy hell," I breathed, taking in the shiny behemoth of a vehicle in front of me. "Were they out of normal cars at the rental agency?"

"No, silly," she said with a giddy sounding laugh. "This is Edward's replacement for the Volvo."

_Son of a freakin—How the hell did everything in my life end up going back to that stupid damn day that ruined every freakin thing?_

"Bella," Alice said, waving her hand in front of my face. "Are you getting sick again?"

"You know, maybe I should go ahead and stay in," I told her.

She immediately frowned at me. "Oh, but we were going to Kell's."

At the mention of the Irish Pub, my stomach gurgled in hunger instead of rolling from sickness. Since my head and my heart weren't doing much for me these days, I decided to follow my stomach. I let Alice pull me over to the vehicle and the two of us climbed into the back. The bench seat was real leather done in a rich cream color and so long Emmett could have comfortably fit between Alice and me—he'd have to not hate me anymore to test that theory though.

Jasper let out a loud whistle. "Damn, Ed, this thing is awesome. I might have to get me one of these when I actually have need of a vehicle."

Edward's laugh filled the interior and even in my tumultuous mood it brought a smile to my face.

"Emmett is so jealous," Alice informed us. "I texted him pictures while we were picking it up this morning."

Jasper snorted. "Only Edward would get released from his doctor's care and run out to buy a vehicle."

"I needed transportation," Edward replied with a shrug. "Plus, this will make it easy for me to get away from Alice when she gets annoying."

"Hey!" Alice cried.

Jasper turned in his seat to look back at Alice. "Don't you worry, Ed. I plan to keep her too busy to notice you."

"Dude!" Edward called out. "That's my little sister."

Alice and Jasper laughed together while I just shook my head. Despite his looks having changed, Edward's aversion to thinking of his sister having a sex life sure hadn't.

When we got to Kell's, we found the place completely packed. The only seating available was a small booth in the corner and while I was more than happy to wait for a real table to open up Jasper refused to wait any longer for food and drink. Just as I moved to slide in next to him, Alice beat me to it.

I looked at her as if she were crazy because she honestly must have lost her ever lovin little mind if she thought I was going to be squished in next to Edward for however long it took us to have dinner. She continued sitting there with a big smile on her face and her arms wrapped around one of Jaspers.

Until I grabbed her other arm and plucked her right up out of the seat. "Bathroom," I said as an explanation to the guys.

"Bella, you're squeezing kind of hard," she protested.

I didn't respond, focused solely on getting her alone in the bathroom. Once I had her where I wanted her, I unloaded on her. "I don't know what kind of game you're playing, but it stops here and now, Alice Cullen."

"What are you talking about? What game?" she asked. She honestly looked confused, but I wasn't completely sold on her innocent act. She had a long history of interfering in things.

"Why are you trying to make me sit next to your brother?"

"I wasn't. I didn't even think about that. I just want to be next to Jasper. Bella, I can't even begin to describe how much I've missed him. Even with being so busy with Edward, I still found plenty of time to be lonely without Jasper."

I nodded my head, knowing exactly what she meant; lonely was a close personal friend of mine. "Sorry. I'm just crabby from being sick," I told her.

Alice's frown disappeared and her expression turned calculating. "What's the big deal if you sit next to Edward anyway? I thought you'd moved on and were happier?"

"Just ignore me. I'm crabby and hungry and that makes me somewhat irrational, as you well know. So let's just go sit down and order some food." I left the bathroom without checking to see if she was following me.

When we got to the table, Edward was sitting in a chair in front of the booth. "What are you doing?" Alice asked him as she scooted in beside Jasper.

"I don't want to squish Bella in the tiny booth seat," he said, glancing over at me for just a second. "I'm not so scrawny anymore. Really pisses Em off too."

I had no idea if he was telling the truth or not but I didn't even care. I was too relieved I wouldn't have to be pressed up against him pretending I wasn't enjoying every second of it.

"So what's everyone getting?" Alice asked, grabbing a menu and opening it wide.

My mouth picked that moment to take off without permission. "I want an Irish Double Decker so bad I can already taste it."

Jasper snorted at me. "Yeah, it's about that time of the week when you cheat on your diet."

"I don't cheat that much," I defended.

Jasper's lips curled into a smile, his blue eyes focused solely on me and daring me to stick by my comment.

"Oh, shut up," I said with a smile of my own.

Jasper lifted his hands in surrender. "I didn't say a word."

A waitress finally materialized from the crowd of people to take our drink and food orders and over the next hour we ate and drank while Alice and Edward regaled us with tales of life in Seattle. I wouldn't say it was the best dinner I'd ever been a part of but it certainly wasn't the worst. Not having to sit pressed up against Edward let a lot of the tension out of the experience. Plus having Ali so excited and quick to monopolize the conversation meant I rarely had to say anything.

I'd only had to sit there and pretend I wasn't looking at Edward from the corner of my eye, noting every small and big difference in his physical features and his movements. He had so much facial hair that he spent a lot of time wiping crumbs from his beard with his napkin. The muscles in his forearms were so well defined now that I could see them flexing each time he reached for food or drink.

It wasn't just physical stuff that was different either. He laughed easier and more often than he did before, even being the one to start a lot of the jokes. There were a lot of inside comments between Ali and him, showing just how much closer they'd become in their time together in Seattle. And then there was the way he'd paused in his conversation with Jasper to read and respond to a text from Emmett, something he never would have done before.

As much as I never would have thought it was possible, I hadn't been the only one looking. He had been hiding it as much as me, but I was better at it from a lot more years of practice. What had he been thinking tonight sitting so close to me? He'd said on the phone he didn't hate me but did sitting so close to me change his mind at all?

There was something seriously wrong with me. Here I was lying in my bed in the dark and staring up at the ceiling secretly hoping the man I'd nearly killed was thinking nice things about me. I should have been busy worrying over what Alice would be telling Emmett because if she made it seem at all like I was really hanging out with his brother, my time on this planet would get a whole lot shorter. I did my best not to think about it but his promise to hit me seemed to always stay fresh in my mind. Right there next to my promise to not let myself poison Edward ever again.

I gave out a deep huff to cover up the sigh of longing that really wanted to come out. And then I curled up around the pillow that used to be his, clutching his picture and fighting the tears that wanted to fall for all the things I felt and would never be able to say again.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

It was time for my Friday night stay in—or more accurately, for the Friday early afternoon stay in. I just didn't have the energy these days to pull the late shift and then come home and get on the computer so my heartbreak buddy and I had planned to talk before work this time. I had the day shifts tomorrow so I wouldn't have a problem being on for our Saturday night talk.

I'd barely logged in before the first beep sounded off and it beeped three more times before I could get settled and look at the screen.

**NumbNuts:** _Finally!_

**NumbNuts:** _You aren't going to believe it!_

**NumbNuts:** _She spoke to me._

I smiled as I imagined how exciting that must be for him.

**BarelyBreathing:** _What did she say?_

There was a long pause before he sent a message back.

**NumbNuts:** Okay, so we _didn't actually talk directly. We were at a celebration together and she stayed despite me being there._

**BarelyBreathing:** _Damn, Dude! You've got it bad._

**NumbNuts:** _Tell me about it! It's like a frozen hand is wrapped around my heart and squeezing it for most of the day but the second I see her or even hear her voice the numb goes away. But then it just comes right back once she's gone. It's like being a damn yo-yo._

**BarelyBreathing:** _So tell her to stop it._

**NumbNuts:** _She's not doing it. It's me. I just love her so much and I know we aren't done. I know we can be so great together. But she can't trust me anymore and that's my fault._

**BarelyBreathing:** _Then it's clear what you have to do. You have to get some trust between you two._

**NumbNuts:** _I know that. I just don't know how._

**BarelyBreathing:** _Do you have mutual friends? If so, ask them. Some outside help might be just what you need._

**NumbNuts:** _They're trying to help. They say to let her know I love her and then wait for her to make whatever move she wants. Problem is I'm an impatient kind of guy so it's killing me._

**BarelyBreathing:** _This is one of those shit or get off the pot moments, Numb. Decide what's more important here. What you want or what she needs._

**NumbNuts:** _What she needs. Always. No question._

**BarelyBreathing:** _Then you'll find a way to be patient. Distract yourself if you have to._

**NumbNuts:** _Our talks are my distraction. Of course, I probably sound like some lovesick idiot to you._

**BarelyBreathing:** _You do, but not together in that way. Lovesick because you're missing someone important to you and an idiot because you're the reason she's not with you._

**NumbNuts:** _You know that little space of time in the mornings when you're almost awake but you know you really aren't? Sometimes in that moment, I hope all the bad shit has been a dream and that when I open my eyes she'll be right next to me in the bed. I'll feel her skin under my fingers and see her eyes shining for no other reason than she's laying there beside me._

I read over his description a good four times before I could come up with any way to reply to it. It was probably the most perfect explanation of longing I'd ever read.

**BarelyBreathing:** _She sounds worth the effort of continuing to try with her._

**NumbNuts:** _She really is. She's smart and witty. And she has such a big heart. I could have had the shittiest day and then she'd hug me and whatever had annoyed me would become pointless. She centered me. But you don't want to hear all of this and I don't want you falling asleep from boredom. So how are you? How's your life going?_

He was right about me not wanting to talk about his girl, but it wasn't because I didn't care to hear about how great she was. It was because his girl made him feel the way Edward had made me feel. He had been my center and my calm and my sun on a dark day. I brushed away a few stray tears and then put my fingers back to my laptop keys.

**BarelyBreathing:** _Life is still a mess and I'm still working to fix it. Been thinking about moving lately for a fresh start. But then I think about my family and how depressing it would be to be without them._

**NumbNuts:** _I think moving is the wrong choice for you. Just because you made a mistake doesn't mean you should suffer constantly and from the way you talk about your family, that's exactly what you'd put yourself through if you moved._

**BarelyBreathing:** _Guess I talk about them more than I realized._

**NumbNuts:** _That's a good thing, though. Family is vital. I don't know where I would be without mine._

**BarelyBreathing:** _Don't forget your roommates. They're always keeping you busy._

**NumbNuts:** _No, I would never forget them. I might run and hide from them once in a while. LOL_

**BarelyBreathing:** _Shame on you for disparaging your poor roommates. If you're this painful to put up with online, I can only imagine the holy terror you are in person._

**NumbNuts:**_ Oh, come on! Would a guy who looks as hot as I do be a terror?_

The mention of his very fake picture had me snorting and giggling. It also had Alice poking her head into my room.

"You okay?" she asked, opening the door wider.

"Yeah. Just chatting with a friend."

"Anyone I know?"

"Nope."

"Okay, well, I have a favor to ask of you if you've got just a sec."

"Hang on," I said to her as I looked at my screen and typed a message.

**BarelyBreathing:** _bbs. Friend stopped by unannounced._

I muted my speakers in case he replied and set the laptop down beside me. "Alright, Ali girl. You've got my full attention."

Her neutral expression finally lifted into a smile and she came over to sit beside me on the bed. "So next Saturday I promised I'd go to a baseball game. I know you have the day off so I was hoping you would come with."

"What are you doing going to a baseball game of all things?"

"Edward's going to play. Jasper was going to come with but he's got to work the next two Saturdays. Some big to-do project that could move him up from summer worker to part time employee. So what do you say, Bells? Want to be a cheerleader with me?"

I was so shocked that I had zero control over my volume and it was turned all the way up. "Are you insane? Is _he_? He just had heart surgery, Alice. Heart. Surgery."

"He had the surgery eight weeks ago tomorrow, Bella. Since then, he has passed every test the doctor and therapist gave him with flying colors. It's why they released him a few days early. And it's not as if it's a pro team. It's just a community league. He saw a flyer when he came with me to the grocery store and signed up for it. He's really excited about it too. And I know it would mean a lot to him if you came."

I had to grab my head because it wouldn't stop shaking in denial. "Heart surgery, Alice."

"Yes, you've said that, Bella. What you aren't getting is that he's healed. Not only is he healed, he's better than ever. There's absolutely nothing wrong with his heart."

"Exactly!" I said, barely managing not to yell the word out. "Shouldn't you be doing everything you can to make sure it stays that way?"

Alice didn't seem to notice I was yelling; at least that was the impression I got from the huge smile on her face. "I know exactly what needs to be done."

"Why do those words scare me?" I asked, being completely honest about the scaring part.

Alice grabbed my hand, still smiling like the damn Cheshire cat. "I believe he's healed and you don't. So here's the deal … you come with me to the game and if at any point, Edward seems like he's getting sick or weak, I'll make sure he quits the team. But if Edward is just as fine at the end of the game as he was at the start, you come to lunch with us afterwards."

"You would really risk his life that way?"

She rolled her eyes at me. "Bella, be reasonable. If I thought for a second Edward was in even the remotest amount of danger, I would personally lock him in his room. But I've seen his scans for myself and spoken with Dr. Chris. My brother is one hundred percent well. And if you come with me next Saturday, you can see that for yourself."

I was so torn. I couldn't believe for a second that Alice would let harm come to her brother with the way she'd been at his side since that awful day at the end of May. But it was only late July so I also couldn't understand how she could believe he was completely healed in just a couple months. Once again, I felt so out of touch with everything and tears pricked at my eyes. I'd thought knowing right from wrong would be so simple. I'd keep in mind Emmett's promise to me and my promise to Edward and everything would work out. But it wasn't going that way at all.

"Please, Bella," Alice pleaded, tugging my hand gently. "It would mean so much to me."

This was definitely one of those rare times when I really hated that Alice knew nearly all of my weaknesses—like saying how much it would mean to her. "Fine then. I'll go, but at the very first sign of him—"

"Got it. We'll make him quit playing and we'll force him to leave with us. Promise, Bells," she said as she put her hand over her heart.

"And I'm not dressing up for it either."

Alice snorted. "I don't know what this frumpy phase is that you're going through. Honestly, Bella, how can you stand to wear clothes that don't fit you?"

"I'm doing what I've always done, Ali. I'm dressing for _my_ comfort. Right now, that happens to be jeans and t-shirts."

"Yes, but why your loose cycle jeans and too big t-shirts? I thought you were busy lining up dates."

"Because it's what I want to wear. End of discussion."

Alice pouted at me but didn't waste her efforts for long. She leaned in for a hug and kissed my cheek. "Thanks for agreeing to come with next weekend. We'll have a blast at the game and then go to lunch because I will win."

I wasn't so sure about that but I didn't want to argue about it any longer either. "Whatever you say, Munchkin. Now get out of my room so I can get back to enjoying the silence before I leave for work," I told her.

She rolled her eyes and headed for my door, stopping in the doorway. "Oh, just a heads up. I have to take Edward shopping for some new clothes since he decided to have a growth spurt. We'll probably drop by the coffeehouse for refreshments later."

I forced the smile on my face to stay put, pretty damn sure this was another of Alice's little tests to see if I was telling the truth about being fine with her brother around. "Kate and Angela will be thrilled to see you guys," I said.

Alice smiled and blew me a kiss before shutting my door. I grumbled out a few choice words for her attempts at meddling and then said a lot more thankful ones for having her in my life. Damn girl was going to give me whiplash just from our friendship.

With Ali gone and my mini-emotional episode over, I grabbed my laptop and checked my screen for messages.

**NumbNuts:** _Wait!_

**NumbNuts:** _BB?_

**NumbNuts:** _Shit. Apparently today is Random Friend Drop By Day. I've just been ordered to vacate the premises or have my laptop broken. I'm gonna have to go with option one this time. But I will definitely be on tomorrow night for our Saturday night stay in and will make absolute sure I'm not interrupted by roommates from hell. TTYL_

I sighed at having missed him leaving and sent him a quick private message to let him know I understood and would be around tomorrow night. With that done, I closed up my laptop and headed into the bathroom to get ready for work. It was time to schlep some coffee and make some money.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Oh my God! Yummy! You've gone and become delectable!" The entire coffeehouse heard Kate and most looked up to see her hugging a laughing Edward.

"You look really good, Edward," Angela said as she took a turn hugging him.

"Hello! Is anyone going to acknowledge my presence?" Alice asked, making both girls laugh.

More hugs were exchanged, all with me watching from the corner of my eye as I wiped down the counter near the cash register.

"You look really good, Edward," Angela said for the second time. "We were all so worried about you when we heard."

"If we hadn't had Bella here keeping us informed on you, we would have had to drive up to Seattle to check on you ourselves," Kate added. There was no freakin way that was just some innocent comment from her either; I knew her better than that.

And I knew the eyes I could feel on me were his green ones so I did my best to act like I didn't notice and kept on scrubbing the already clean counter. Of course, that left me open to missing Alice's approach and when she called my name it startled me so bad I jumped back and nearly fell on my ass.

"Jeebus, Bells," she said as she shook her head at me. "What were you thinking about so hard that you completely missed me skipping my way over here to you?"

"I'm working, Alice, therefore my mind was on work."

"Sweetie, you already have the cleanest counter in all of Portland so what else is there to think about?"

I oh so maturely poked my tongue at her.

Before Alice could respond, Kate had joined us and was spewing words as fast as she could. "Bella, all those status updates and you never once said the man was getting hotter with each passing second? I could very easily have had a heatstroke and fallen out right here in the middle of the coffeehouse."

Kate continued on, holding up Edward's arm as proof of her claim. "Look at these muscles." She flicked her eyes over to me and the smile on her face had me wanting to slap her long before she did what she had planned. "But from the blush on your cheeks, Bells, I'd say you already noticed."

"I think I hear Ben asking for help," I said as I turned to make my escape.

Kate made sure to ruin my get-away. "Oh, Angela's got it. She's been looking for a good excuse to sneak back there and snog her man. You stay here and chat."

I spun on my heel to look at Kate, forcing a smile on my face. "Thank you, Kate. That's so considerate of you."

"You know how much I love being helpful," she chirped. "Come on, Alice. Let me show you how helpful I am with my customer service skills," she added, taking Ali's arm and pulling her away.

My following of their progress was interrupted by Edward setting his arms on the counter and leaning down, putting his face just inches from mine. "What was that?" he asked.

I tried to look away—trying is trying even if it only lasts half a second—but it was too enticing to take in his face and especially his green eyes. "It's Kate. Could be anything," I told him.

"I get the impression she thinks we should talk."

"That's because just like Jasper and Alice, Kate thinks she knows everything, but none of them understand."

"They don't know about your promise?"

I tried to cover up my surprise but that little crooked smile of his told me I hadn't hid a damn thing. I must have let the promise thing slip to Jasper one too many times and he'd obviously relayed the information to Edward. All this meddling shit really needed to stop. In the meantime, I needed to answer Edward's question. "No, they don't."

"Will you tell me about it since it concerns me?"

"No." I was so busy looking into his eyes that I never saw his hand until it was covering mine on the counter. It didn't go unnoticed by either of us that I didn't take my hand away.

"Will you let me take you to dinner?" he asked.

"No."

"Lunch?"

"No."

"My ninja skills must be rusty," he teased, giving me a full smile.

I didn't smile back, though I really did want too; I'd always loved it when he got into a playful mood. But smiling wouldn't encourage him to believe he had no effect on me and it wouldn't get him to move on and forget about me. His health and safety had to come first no matter how difficult it was to be so close to him and not give in to the nearly overwhelming desire to hold him and never let go.

"Alright, Swan," he said as his thumb rubbed over the back of my hand. "Here's my final offer. Breakfast tomorrow morning and I'll throw in getting Alice to leave you alone about your clothing for a week, which is an epic amount of time for such matters."

Before I could stop it, my mouth was spewing out words it should have known better than to say. "Fine. But you can't tell anyone. And it's just a breakfast. Nothing more."

"Why does it have to be a secret?"

"You've seen for yourself how everyone is already giving me their opinions. What do you think will happen if they see me having a full-on talk with you?"

"We're talking now," he pointed out.

"It's not the same and you know it. I just … I can't deal with the pressure that would come with them knowing. It'll be February all over again but worse since there's nothing to work out this time."

"Alright. It'll be a secret then. Would you rather me put something together at the apartment or take you out somewhere?"

"There's really no place open at four-thirty in the morning so we can eat at the apartment. Quietly."

"It's a—That sounds good." From the way he was frowning, I knew his brief pause had stopped him from using the word "date". He recovered quickly, giving me that grin that was just a slight sexy upturn of his lips before kissing my knuckles on the hand he'd been holding. "Pleasure doing business with you, Swan."

As much as I tried not to, I found myself returning his smile. "When did you turn into such a shit, Cullen?"

"Blame my parents. They told me to just be myself and stop worrying what other people think of me. Though, I have to admit that I still care very much what you think of me."

"Right now, I think you're holding up the line," I said, glancing behind him to see the couple that had just walked in.

He gave my fingers a gentle squeeze, let my hand go, and then joined Alice and Kate. If there hadn't been customers to take care of, then I probably would have snuck off to the bathroom for a good round of upchucking from all the rolling and twisting my stomach had been doing during our conversation. I knew in my head I shouldn't have agreed, but my heart couldn't keep refusing him. And technically, it wasn't really my fault because despite what he'd said, his ninja skills were anything but rusty. Why else would I be ignoring Emmett's promise and my own?

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV**

I hardly slept at all on Friday night, too excited and nervous about the breakfast I'd be having with Bella on Saturday morning. I still found it hard to believe I'd gotten her to agree though I had used a good bribe with her.

Getting Alice to back down without telling her what I was getting out of it had been much, much harder and if not for Jasper intervening there was a very real chance I might not have gotten my sister to agree. Of course, now I owed Jasper a favor as well. I didn't care though, not if it helped fix things with Bella.

She was so different and yet still the same. She'd stopped keeping her hair-do up and it was now just past her shoulders with only her natural dark brown color showing. Watching her with Jasper and Alice, Bella was still the same lively, teasing, humorous woman. But at the first sign of my presence, she slunk into herself, barely joining in the conversations and faking smiles left and right. I was the cause for that and I couldn't stand it.

This morning, I would start changing things between us for the better. I waited a few minutes after hearing Bella's alarm go off to knock on her door. I held a tray of fruit and yogurt with mugs of warm tea on it. I'd planned on grabbing her meds while I had been in the cabinet, but I'd only found her vitamins. She didn't seem to be keeping her birth control in the tea cabinet anymore. She'd said she kept them in there because it was conveniently close to the refrigerator and drinks. I wondered why she'd moved them but wasn't sure that would be something I could ask about today.

Bella opened the door just a crack and peeked out at me. Without saying a word, she opened the door further and then disappeared into her bathroom.

After setting the tray on her desk, I pulled her blanket and sheet across the bed to make a nice flat surface for us to sit and eat on. I also stacked her pillows against her headboard the way she liked. From the way her sheets had been twisted up I figured she'd slept about as well as I had which was hardly at all.

I was just getting ready to set the tray on the bed when she came out of the bathroom. She was wearing one of her oversized t-shirts that dropped down to her knees and hid her shorts, and her chocolate hair was messily stacked up on her head with a clip; she looked gorgeous.

"I hope fruit and yogurt are okay," I said, waiting until she was in the bed before setting the tray in front of her. "I made tea too."

She mumbled out a "thanks" I just barely caught while playing with the edge of her shirt. She seemed so nervous and it just made me feel even worse about all of this. Even if she couldn't find it in her to trust me as her boyfriend, I wanted her to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we were still friends.

I reached around the tray and took her left hand into my right, fully prepared for her to jerk it away and scowl at me like she used to do when we'd first started dating. I counted off the seconds in my head until she pulled her soft, warm hand from mine but once I reached twenty-two, I felt pretty confident she wouldn't pull away and I gave her hand a gentle squeeze. She didn't look at me or smile or even squeeze back but I was still encouraged.

"I missed having my friend around," I told her. "I bet you missed having yours too. I know you said you didn't want to hear apologies, so I'll just say I've been pretty piss poor in the whole full disclosure area of life, but I'm hoping to make up for all that and prove I'll never do it again."

"I don't—"

I stopped both her words and the retreat of her hand with a gentle squeeze. "I know. You don't want to get into it. I just wanted you to know my intentions. No tricks or half-truths. I want to fix our friendship to start with. For now, though, just breakfast as promised. I would have brought your pill for you to take but they weren't in the cabinet anymore."

"Thanks but I keep them in my bag now. I've had a lot of early morning shifts and I didn't want to risk forgetting to take them."

"Do you want me to grab it out of your bag for you?"

"No. I'll take it later. Can I have the blueberry yogurt?" she asked, tipping her chin toward it.

I let go of her hand to take the lid off the yogurt for her. "Of course. I know you hate raspberry," I said as I passed her the container and a spoon.

"Why are we having breakfast together?"

"Because it's something friends do and I very much want our friendship back."

She finally looked at me and the sadness swimming in her brown eyes made my stomach twist with guilt and shame. "Is that all you want?"

"Yes. Until and unless you want to share more with me. So! Since we're friends, I want to hear how you've been spending your summer. Please don't tell me you've only been working. That would be so boring and not you."

She snorted just a little and then shoved her spoon into her mouth to hide her smile. More and more I was getting the feeling she felt it was wrong to smile around me and I couldn't for the life of me understand that. Did she think a smile would lead me to think I was forgiven? If so, I knew better; forgiveness could be something that took years with her.

"Okay. I'll tell you about mine then," I said. "It was full of sitting, eating, sitting, stretching far more than a male body should, lifting weights, walking, and then more sitting and eating followed by an early bedtime. That was the first few weeks. Once I was moving around pretty good on my own, I had a tiny bit more say-so over my schedule. But for the most part, I spent my summer being bossed around by my mother and sister. As aggravating as it got at times, it was good for me. Taught me a lot about humility and appreciation. And a few things about myself at the same time. It was … it was good in a lot of ways."

"Did …" She paused and bit at her lip, looking only at her half empty container of yogurt.

I set my hand on her foot that was sticking out from under her t-shirt. "Bella, you can ask me anything at all. I don't want there to ever be secrets between us again."

For some minutes, she continued to stare at her yogurt, sometimes twirling the spoon around and sometimes just chewing on her lip. Finally, she lifted her head enough to peer at me through her lashes. "Did it hurt?"

"No, not really. I know there was discomfort right after the surgery, but I was on pain meds and barely felt it. After that, it was just soreness from getting used to really using my body. I've never felt healthier and more capable of doing any physical activity I want. Part of Alice's bribe to get me to stay here with her was to get me a membership at your gym."

Bella's lips curled into a smile, but it wasn't showing happiness. "It's not my gym anymore. I'm still not allowed to exercise. And it's really starting to show, which is why I don't feel like wearing anything that shows off my figure."

"How can that be if you're following your diet?"

This time, her smile was real and even came with a soft laugh and a blush. "Because I keep cheating, just like Jasper said the other night."

"You still look beautiful to me." The words were very true but I wasn't so sure I should have said them. I found myself holding my breath as I waited for Bella's reaction; she hadn't exactly known what to do with honest compliments before so there was no telling how she would feel about them now.

Her reaction was to not have one and eat another spoonful of her yogurt.

"So what do you think of my new vehicle?" I asked, attempting a neutral topic of conversation.

From the way her head lowered, I knew I'd picked wrong. I just didn't know why.

For some reason, I decided to follow this topic a little further. "This time I wanted a vehicle that could fit a lot of people into it. One of the things I learned is that I really enjoy spending time with my family and having lots of people around me. It's thrilling instead of tiring now. Really makes me see how stupid I was for being afraid to have the surgery years ago. I could have been playing baseball instead of watching it."

"Yeah, maybe you'd be a famous Dodger right now."

"Maybe," I agreed. And then I really pushed the limit with her, taking her hand again and catching her eyes. "I'm honestly happy enough just being here with you."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**EPOV**

It felt good to hold a bat again. It felt even better to be swinging it in preparation for my first game in years. Knowing Bella would be here to see me play and see that I was truly better was icing on my proverbial cake. I had no clue how Alice had managed to convince Bella to come; I'd barely been able to get her to say two words to me since our breakfast a week ago.

I had both loved and hated that breakfast. It had ended much too soon and hadn't given me nearly half the answers I'd been searching for. Still, it had given me hope that Bella still loved me and that was definitely important information to have. She hadn't said anything outright but with Bella her actions often spoke louder than her words and not once had she pulled her hand from mine any of the times I'd held it.

Jeebus it had felt so good to hold her hand. Her skin was just as warm and smooth as I'd remembered. And that whole line she'd given me about wearing bigger clothes because of not working out—I didn't see where she'd gained any weight. Then again, she was hidden in her clothes. But I really felt that was the whole point—to be hidden. She was hiding from me and maybe herself too. But why? Had I really shaken her trust so badly she felt she had to hide her entire self? If so, there wasn't a circle of hell hot enough for my stupid ass.

"Edward."

I turned at my name being called, surprised to find Bella there. I never would have believed she could say my name with so much uncertainty and nervousness.

Feeling a little unsure myself, I said the first thing that came to mind. "I'm glad you came."

She nodded just a little while staring down at the toe of the shoe she was digging into the dirt. "I know Alice thinks this is a good idea, but do you really think so?"

I reached out and gently cupped Bella's chin to lift her eyes to mine. "I promise you that if there was any risk to my health at all, I would not be playing. Being here with you and my family is more important to me than any baseball game could ever be. I'm ready for this, Bella. I'm healthy enough for it."

Tears sprung into her brown eyes as she spoke, sending a fresh wave of self-hate coursing through me. "But what if—"

For once, I was the one to stop that question, gently pressing my thumb to her lips. "We don't use 'what if' questions, Bella. They make you think about all the wrong that might be instead of focusing on the right that is. You taught me that."

She didn't look convinced and seemed even closer to crying. As much as I wanted to comfort her, I knew I couldn't do it without asking what she wanted first.

"Bella, can I hug you?"

She held her breath and visibly stiffened in front of me for so long I very nearly told her to breathe before I saw her chest move again and her shoulders relax. She gave the smallest of nods but I truly didn't need any more encouragement than that.

The bat dropped to the ground with a dull thump, forgotten in the dirt for something infinitely more desired and wonderful—holding Bella in my arms. It was instantly all I'd wanted and not enough.

She was still using the hibiscus shampoo I'd had Alice get for her; I could smell it in her hair. It was really doing as promised too because her hair was silkier and shinier than I could remember. There was something different though—I couldn't really put it into words other than to say she felt frail in some way to me. My choices had done that to her and I prayed I could fix it all and return her to the vivacious woman she'd been before I'd come into her life. I'd never be able to forgive myself if I'd permanently damaged her.

Noting the ways in which Bella was different had me wondering what she thought of my differences. Did she miss that I wasn't the quiet bookworm she'd fallen in love with? Did she like that I talked and joked more? Did she like that I had gained weight and muscles now that I was completely healthy? What did she think of my haircut? Did she not notice any of it because she was too busy hurting from the mistakes I'd made?

I decided a joke to ease her fears might help both of us. "I'd offer to hit you a home run but I have a feeling I'll be lucky to get a base hit with as rusty as I am."

She didn't find it funny. "Just make sure _you_ don't get hit."

I smiled into her hair as I held her just a little tighter. "I'll do my best. It's nice to know you care so much."

"I never stopped caring, Edward. That was never the problem."

"Then what is it, Bella? We had such a great time at breakfast last week and then nothing. Am I pushing too hard? Do I need to give you more space?"

"No, it's not you. It's me. I just … I can't."

"I'm not giving up. I'll find a way to fix things. I promise."

"Please don't do that. Please don't make promises you can't come through on that way. This is already hard enough and I—"

I shushed her to stop her, not liking the fast and slightly hysterical way she was speaking. I wanted this to be a day where I proved I was healed, not where I upset her enough that she left before the game even started. "Let's just forget all that for today and just be friends. One friend watching another friend play a game of baseball. And then we'll grab some lunch together with Alice and it'll be fun and relaxing for all of us."

Bella snorted but she also moved out of my arms, trying her best to hide the fact that she was wiping at her eyes. "Relaxing and Alice never go in the same sentence."

"That's mostly true," I agreed as I reached down and grabbed my bat. Once I was standing straight again, I gave Bella the little grin she had always loved. "Tell you what, if she bugs us too much we'll sneak away together and leave her all by herself."

Bella blushed so beautifully that I couldn't help myself—I leaned in and pressed my lips to hers. That tingling sensation I'd felt each time we touched was still there and I couldn't help wanting more of it. Before I could even think about scaring her off or pushing her away, my arms were wrapped around her, pulling her further into the kiss. Her lips felt so soft under mine and I could feel her heart beating rapidly against my own chest. Most importantly, I could feel her kissing back and sharing her breaths with me. I never wanted it to end but the instant I felt her start to pull away, I backed off and let go of her, though I stayed close enough to feel the heat between us for as long as possible. Seeing that her eyes were still closed and her lips slightly parted had me sporting a ridiculously big smile; there was no question she'd enjoyed that kiss as much as I had.

Once she opened her eyes I smiled and said, "Thank you. I needed that for luck."

She gave a nod in response but I had the feeling she was acting on autopilot and not completely aware of herself. If a kiss that small could blow her mind, then there really was hope for her to still feel this passionate burn between us. I would prove to her that I was healthy and being completely honest, and we would find a way to work everything out. I had faith enough for the both of us until she could feel the same.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV**

A kiss.

His lips on my lips.

He _kissed_ me. And all those sensations that had freaked me out for having no name in the very beginning with him … Those feelings that had gained names over time and were still fresh in my head even though we were no longer together … They were all there. Every tingle, every rush of warmth, and that desperate need for more of anything he was willing to give. And also, the part where I felt completely pliable and incoherent after. _That part is definitely here!_

Somehow I made it up into the bleachers and sat down beside Alice. As futile as I knew it would be, I said a shit-load of prayers that she hadn't seen me kissing her brother. Well, he had actually kissed me. But then I had kissed back. _Oh fuck, I am so screwed. If Emmett finds out—_

Alice's voice stopped my brain from conjuring up images of my death and got me to focus on her; I'd thought it was a good thing right up until I comprehended exactly what she was saying. "Either your face has gotten sun burnt in record time or you're still red from that kiss you shared with my brother."

I quickly yanked my cap from my back pocket and shoved it onto my head, pulling the bill low and hiding my face.

It did nothing to discourage Alice from talking to me. "What? No comment? No ranting denial?" she taunted.

I didn't say a word.

She must have considered my silence permission to keep on taunting me. "You know for someone who's moved on, it's pretty interesting that you're still reeling from one little kiss. I'd have thought it would mean nothing to you since things are so permanently over and done between you two."

"Shut. Up." I spoke as calmly and slowly as I could to keep myself from saying something I would regret; it wasn't her fault I was upset and confused—and wanting another kiss from her brother. It was my own for not being able to control myself and keep my promise in the front of my mind—to put his safety before everything else.

"Sure thing, Bells." Alice lifted the bill of my cap up and looked me right in the eye. "I'll shut up just as soon as you stop touching your lips."

After readjusting my cap, I stuffed my hands between my thighs and the bleacher to make sure they stayed far away from my mouth. The last damn thing I needed was Alice thinking that kiss had meant something. It couldn't mean anything; I couldn't let it. As great as it had been and as much as I could still feel the pressure of his lips on mine, it didn't change anything. It didn't take away the danger I posed to his heart.

I poured all of my effort into focusing on the field in front of us to keep out thoughts of Edward. But the longer I sat there watching the game, the more I realized I had no idea what was going on. It didn't seem so bad at first with Edward sitting around on a bench and then just standing around at the back end of the field. I had no idea if Alice actually understood what was going on or not, but she was sure as hell cheering as if she did. The only reason I doubted her was because a few guys around us kept looking back at her and laughing.

It wasn't until the fourth time Edward's team went back to their benches that I started to get freaked out. All of the pitches so far had seemed fast and close to the batters from where we were sitting and now that Edward was up at bat, it seemed even worse. I couldn't stop my legs from shaking or my teeth from chewing on my lip as I watched each of those deadly-looking little missiles fly toward his head.

"Oh, he almost hit that one!" Alice yelled as she grabbed my arm. "Let's cheer for him!" Thankfully, she wasn't really interested in getting me to join along and busied herself with whistling for her brother and yelling out "hit that ball" to him.

Even if for some nutty reason I'd felt the urge to join in her crazy cheering, I wouldn't have been able to—I was too freakin close to puking all over my shoes from how scared I was for him.

Another of those damn pitches headed straight for him but this time there was a loud cracking sound followed by the ball heading away from Edward and back toward the pitcher. Edward tossed his bat to the ground and took off running toward one of the guys with a glove on his hand. That guy was looking off to his right for something but I was too focused on Edward to find out what it might be. I couldn't remember ever seeing Edward move so fast and just when I started to think this baseball thing might not be so bad, he fell to the ground and slid through the dirt.

I was instantly on my feet and had I been able to breathe I was sure I would have been screaming loud enough to make Alice think she was the quiet one in our group. But I couldn't breathe so I couldn't scream. I could only stand there wondering why no one seemed worried for him or was trying to help him up.

Edward lifted himself up by his arms and my lungs finally decided air was necessary. While I struggled not to hyperventilate, Alice was busy jumping around and saying some shit about a base getting hit. What the fuck did I care about a base? Edward had just face-planted on the damn ground.

But he didn't seem worried about it. In fact, he was talking to the guy with the glove and they were both laughing as Edward used his hands to brush dust from his shirt. His hands moved lower and all of a sudden he was standing right there in public—right there in front of _me_—moving his hands back and forth across the front of his pants. Even worse, in the middle of the rubbing, brushing thing he was doing, he looked up and right at me. I doubted he could really tell I was watching every single twitch of his fingers, but he could apparently feel my stare. I sat down so damn hard I hurt my ass. Thankfully, Alice was too busy alternating between clapping, whistling, and yelling "Yeah, Edward" to notice me.

Edward stayed with the guy with the glove while three of his teammates came along and hit at the ball but never went anywhere. And then he went back to the bench for his glove before heading off to stand out in the field again. I liked it a lot better when he was out there because there weren't any dangerous objects flying toward his head.

Edward switched from the field to the bench a few more times before I finally got up the nerve to speak to Alice—I was more than a little afraid she'd bring up that kiss again and my stupid mouth with a mind of its own would say something stupid, like how much I'd enjoyed it.

"Ali, do you know how much longer we'll be here? My ass is freakin asleep."

Alice giggled and looped her arm around mine. "This is the last inning. If Edward's team can keep the other team from scoring, then Edward's team will win."

"And then Edward will come out of the field over there and we can go?"

"Yep," Alice confirmed with a big smile. "We can all go to lunch together."

_Fuck my life! Forgot all about the damn lunch._ I forced a smile for Alice and nodded my head as if I was agreeing with the plan.

Alice's phone beeped and she busied herself with checking her messages while I went back to watching Edward stand around. He wasn't really standing though. It was more like slightly bent or crouched or something. And he would punch his glove every so often for seemingly no reason. If I ever got coerced into coming to another of these, someone was going to have to explain this game to me so I would know what the freak was going on.

That cracking sound we'd been hearing each time someone hit the ball into the air sounded off again and my head jerked up, immediately catching sight of the white missile. It shouldn't have surprised me at all with the ups and downs I'd experienced since getting to this damn ball field, but I was still shocked enough to gasp loudly when I realized the ball was heading straight for Edward.

He knew it was coming for him too because he was now standing up with his head tilted back. I wondered if he could really see the ball with how bright of a day it was. He started moving backwards so quick I was sure he was going to fall over and then he was jumping into the air with his shirt lifting up and showing off the abs he hadn't had before. It wasn't until his shirt was covering his stomach again that I realized he'd caught the ball and was jogging toward his teammates near where the guy throwing the balls stood.

"Did you see, Bella? Did you see?" Alice yelled while shaking my arm. "He caught it! He totally caught it!"

"Yeah. He caught it," I managed to squeak out. And I must have totally caught a case of the stupids because here I was freaking over his safety one second and practically drooling over him the next. I used both hands to push my hat further down on my head, trying to hide the blush that was heating up my cheeks. And trying to hide the fact that I was tracking Edward's every move as he high-fived the guys on his team and got his back patted for catching that ball.

I forced myself to take slow breaths while thinking of every possible image that would rid my head from lusty thoughts. I couldn't be blushing when we climbed off the bleachers to meet up with him. He would know right away what I was feeling and I couldn't let that happen. It wouldn't help convince him staying away from each other was best.

But was it really best? He had slid in the dirt and ran around on the field for hours and he didn't seem tired in the least. In fact, he was jumping around and swatting at the head of a teammate while laughing with the other guys that were doing the same thing. He damn sure didn't seem like a guy who'd recently had heart surgery.

And when he pulled off his baseball t-shirt to reveal the sleeveless gray shirt he was wearing underneath, he damn sure didn't look like it. He looked … Hell, he looked like exactly what Kate called him … _Yummy_. And I found myself wishing with every single ounce of my being that I could be his again. That Emmett could be wrong and that I wasn't really poison. That there could be another chance for Edward and me—a chance that I wouldn't fuck up in any way.

But that was just wishing.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV**

I'd played a full nine innings of baseball. _Me_. I'd done that. And I felt great! I didn't even care that I'd only gotten a single base hit. Of course, catching that fly ball to help seal my team's win made it a lot easier to be fine with not getting a run in.

"Edward!" Alice was not only screaming my name for the entire world to hear, she was running towards me as if she were going to throw her arms around me. I was pretty sure the only thing that stopped her was seeing the dark spots on my sleeveless shirt; she'd always had a strong aversion to sweat.

"Edward, you looked so great out there. And that time you hit the ball and just before when you caught one. You even looked awesome swinging out," she said.

I chuckled at her and kissed her cheek. "Thanks, but it's called striking out."

"Bella, didn't he look great?" Alice urged, nudging Bella in the side with her elbow.

Bella only nodded her head. She was wearing the Dodgers cap I'd bought her so I couldn't see her face. What I could see was her shuffling her feet and twisting her fingers—she was nervous about my health still. Watching me play hadn't sold her on my healed status, but I had an idea of what might.

I set my bag down next to my feet and reached for Bella's hand, getting a surprised gasp out of her as I pressed it against my chest. "Sorry my shirt's damp, but I need you to feel this," I explained.

Her eyes were right on mine, swirling with a mixture of worry and hope. She really did want me to be better and it brought to mind Jasper's idea about her thinking she might have something to do with my past heart troubles.

"Bella, feel how steady the beat is?" I asked her, getting a slight nod in response. "This is a normal, worked up beat. By the time we get to the restaurant for lunch, it'll have calmed down. It's working now and it's going to stay that way."

Something about my word choice upset her and she yanked her hand away as if my shirt was burning her skin. She took a couple steps away from me and looked at my sister. "Ali, I'm not feeling up to lunch. Will you take me home?"

"Bella, I really can't. I got Jasper to agree to meet us for lunch at the wing place Edward wanted to go to."

"I'm sorry if I upset you, Bella," I told her. "If you want to go home, you can take Ali's car and she can ride with me. I promise I was only trying to show you I'm okay now."

"I just want to go home." She was still looking only at Alice and after a nod from me, my sister handed over the keys to her car.

"Can we at least bring you back something to eat?" Alice asked.

Bella mumbled out a "no" while hugging my sister. And then she was gone without another word.

"What was that?" Alice asked as we watched her car drive out of the lot.

"I don't know, Ali," I replied. "I just don't know."

My sister sighed as she leaned into me and hugged me, forgetting all about me being sweaty. "I thought for sure seeing you play would convince her. I know it convinced me."

"What if we only convinced her I'm okay _now_? What if she thinks there's some way for my heart to get messed up again?"

"There isn't, right?" Alice practically begged as she looked up at me.

"No, Ali," I promised. "You heard Dr. Chris. I'm going to live a full and long life with no further complications."

Alice seemed satisfied with my answer since she put her head back against my side. "You know what I think? I think she's only hearing part of what you're saying. You need to capture her full attention. You need to find something that she'll listen to and not misinterpret."

"You know, I think you might be on to something," I said as an idea started to form in my head. I knew of one thing that had never failed to grab Bella's full attention, no matter what else had been going on around us at the time. I had two weeks to figure out all the details and then I would put my idea into action. I _would_ get Bella's attention—failure was not an option for me.  


* * *

**A/N: ** Edward's closer to getting Bella to crack! And next week, Esme arrives to have an overdue conversation with Bella.


	48. My Guiding Light

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: My Guiding Light**

**Chapter Song: "Maybe" by Kelly Clarkson**

**Bella's POV:**

"Did you enjoy Edward's baseball game this morning? Alice raved and raved about it. If not for her, I never would have known you were even there." Bree sounded pissed that I hadn't told him I was going to that stupid game.

I was pretty pissed my own self so I couldn't muster up any concern for his imagined slighting. I never should have agreed to go to that game in the first place. If I wouldn't have went, there wouldn't have been that stupid kiss and it wouldn't still be looping through my head. And Alice wouldn't be annoyed with me for skipping out on lunch. And I wouldn't be pissed at myself right now.

"How's Lance?" I asked, hoping to steer the conversation far away from anything to do with me.

Instead of answering my question, Bree proceeded to comment on my looks and then scowl at me. "So you're looking like complete shit, Peaches."

I ignored his comment while hating the invention of webcams. "How's the new job? Do you hate wearing a tie yet? Have you got it stuck in any office equipment?"

"Bella, I swear to God if you don't really talk to me, I'm going to get on a plane and come over there to shake the truth out of you." From the set of his jaw, I knew he was being completely serious.

"Embry, I'm fine."

"You're not. You can tell Alice and Jasper and everyone else in the world that you're fine all you want, but I can see you aren't."

I wasn't sure if I was really angry at Bree or if I was pissed at myself for not hiding things better. "Look, I'm making the best of a bad situation so just get the fuck off my back, will ya?"

"Bells, you know I love you. You know it's why I keep asking you how you're doing. If staying there with Edward is too hard, there's room for you here in San Diego."

"No!" I winced at both the quickness of my reply and the force behind it. And then I attempted to speak calmly. "No thanks, Bree. I've got work and school here and Ali and Jazz. Plus my dad and Jake are just a few hours away."

"Yeah, but none of that is the reason you yelled that 'no' at me so fast. It's Edward. You don't want to leave him."

I looked at the keyboard on my laptop instead of the screen. "Even if it was the reason, and I'm not saying at all that it is, it doesn't change anything."

"Because he lied?"

I nodded my head.

"Peaches, that is some ripe stinky shit and you know it. Whatever is going on with you, whatever reason you have for putting distance between you guys, it's not his lying."

I sighed and grabbed for the bridge of my nose, trying to keep calm and not let my temper sneak out again. "Bree, can we please, please talk about something else?"

"Just talk to him, Bella. You obviously still have feelings for him. Maybe things can be worked out and you two can get back together. If you ask me, the reason you're so unhappy right now is because you're not with him."

That was the absolute wrong thing to say to me in my current mood and I completely lost my temper with Bree. "I didn't ask you," I said as I clicked to disconnect from the Skype program. Just a few seconds after the image of his face disappeared, my phone starting playing his ring tone of "Somebody Told Me" by The Killers.

I ignored my phone while logging into my instant message account. I was hoping for a friendly ear to be there. Not that Bree wasn't my friend because he was so much more than that—but each time I tried to explain he was saying the wrong things, he just blew me off and kept talking.

There was a little green dot next to Numb's name so I hit the chat button to find out if he was really on. Although we still got on the music site to talk music, my heartbreak buddy and I were spending more time chatting through our IM accounts.

**BarelyBreathing:** _Numb? Please say you're there!_

It only took a few seconds for the computer to beep with his reply.

**NumbNuts:** _I'm here. What's wrong?_

**BarelyBreathing:** _I'm so fucking pissed right now. I just want to break everything around me and scream and pull hair. I want to find a way to make them understand this isn't a choice! It's just the way it is. I can't be with him because I could literally kill him. He gets near me and he forgets to take care of himself and I don't know how to protect him from himself. Being without him hurts every damn day but he's still alive. Still here with us and not lost forever. Why can't they understand that I would rather live with this hurt than spend a single day in a world where he doesn't exist?_

**NumbNuts:** _Have you tried explaining it to them just the way you typed it out to me?_

**BarelyBreathing:** _They don't listen. They think they already know it all. The hospital called in last freaking rites, Dude! He was hooked up to every damn machine imaginable with a priest giving him a blessing to find peace in Heaven. How can they forget that so easily?_

**NumbNuts:** _Maybe they're scared to remember. If something like that happened to someone I cared for, I would be terrified. If it happened to her_

There was a long pause before Numb typed anything more to me.

**NumbNuts:** _ I don't think there's any way in the world I could ever forget something like that._

**BarelyBreathing:** _Exactly! So how can they? They love him. They want him to be here with them. So how can they support a relationship with the extreme potential to kill him?_

**NumbNuts:** _Could you maybe take classes? Learn how to manage his condition and care for him?_

**BarelyBreathing:** _We'd just end up back at the beginning again. He'd say he was fine and by the time I figured out he wasn't, it would be too late. It was so close to being too late. I could see in his eyes how close he was to just giving up and going to sleep forever. I can't see him look that way again. I just can't. Call me selfish all you want._

**NumbNuts:** _I won't call you selfish. I'll say you have self-preservation. And honestly, if you can't trust him to tell you if he's sick, then it's better that you're not with him. If he lies and something happens to him, you'll feel guilty and take the blame for his death. If he loves you the way you love him, he wouldn't risk putting you in that position._

**BarelyBreathing:** _He does love me. Don't ever say otherwise or I'll never talk to you again. He does. He just doesn't know how to love me and take care of himself at the same time._

**NumbNuts:** _Okay. Sorry. It's just that if I was in his position, I would do everything I could to make sure my girl never felt an ounce of guilt or blame for something I decided to do. In fact, that's all I try to do lately._

**BarelyBreathing:** _Does that mean she's finally talking to you?_

**NumbNuts:** _A little. It's really tense, though. It's not what I hoped for, but it's better than nothing._

**BarelyBreathing:** _You're lucky. Make the most of it._

**NumbNuts:** _I will. Listen, if you tell me what's wrong with him, I can do some research for you and maybe help you find a way to be with him._

**BarelyBreathing:** _Thanks for the offer, but it's too serious of a condition to risk it. I just needed to vent my anger. I'm better now._

**NumbNuts:** _Sorry your friends are making things worse. I'm sure they really believe they're helping._

**BarelyBreathing:** _Yeah, I know. I'm already over my anger. I know we weren't supposed to chat until a couple hours from now so I'll let you go if you need._

**NumbNuts:** _No, I've got the time if you do._

**BarelyBreathing: **_What should we talk about then?_

**NumbNuts:** _Are you sure you're okay? We can talk more about your friends if you need._

**BarelyBreathing: **_I'm really okay. I just needed to vent the anger out so I could see they have good intentions again._

It was true too. I knew all they wanted was to see me happy and I wanted very much to be happy for them. I just didn't know how to do that without Edward. And having him right there in front of me like some kind of dangling carrot was making everything so much worse. He'd said after his game this morning that his heart was going to stay healthy and I wanted nothing more than to make sure that remained a true statement. I just wasn't sure I could do that while living in the same apartment with him.

While I waited for Numb to type a new message to me, I opened another tab in my browser and pulled up Google maps. I was greeted with a picture of North America and the names of all the states. Maybe one of them would be able to put enough distance between me and the mess I'd created to help me get past it all. And to keep Edward safe.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Esme's POV:**

I knocked at the door to my husband's study and poked my head inside. "Carlisle, do you have a moment?"

He smiled from behind his desk, setting down the book he'd been reading on top of it. "For you, my love, I have all the time in the world."

I returned his smile while crossing the room and then seating myself on his lap. He stole a kiss from me as he always did and I stole one right back.

"What's on your mind, Esme?" he asked as the pad of his thumb grazed my forehead. "You've got a worry wrinkle showing."

"I'm sure you had plans for how to spend the next few days of your vacation, but I was hoping you might be up for a trip to Portland."

Carlisle's lips drooped into a frown. "Are you worried for Edward?"

"For once, I can answer that question with a 'no'. From all of our talks lately, I can tell he's taken the advice you and I have given him to just be who he is and stop worrying what others think of him. On top of that, having his body working correctly and being able to do more has given him a huge confidence boost."

"I think his greatly improved relationship with Emmett has also done him a lot of good. If his brother can accept him, then anyone can."

I nodded in agreement. "And of course, the opportunity to play baseball has him highly excited."

Carlisle laughed softly. "Yes, I don't recall him ever sounding so much like Alice as he did yesterday when he told us all about his game. Was that the second or the third one he's played in?"

"Second."

He nodded and then his expression grew serious. "So if it's not our son, which member of our family has your motherly instincts on alert?"

"It's Bella that I'm worried about."

My husband's frown deepened. "I thought Jasper said she was doing much better."

"I'm not so sure he's right," I said. "I'm getting three different reports from three people living in the same space as Bella, and not one of them matches the other. Jasper feels Bella is doing better and making an effort with Edward to be on friendly terms while Alice feels Bella is avoiding Edward as much as possible and using flimsy excuses to do it. Alice had invited Bella to Edward's second game yesterday but she refused on account of work even though her shift wouldn't start until an hour after Edward's game ended. Alice also believes avoidance is the reason Bella is pulling so many hours at the coffeehouse and that it's affecting her health negatively. Bella's been tired and sickly quite a few times since Alice returned to Portland.

"Meanwhile, Edward feels Bella wants to be friends with him but is fearful for reasons she refuses to explain. He thinks she's hiding something and that if he could just get her to confide in him things would be better for everyone. He has also commented on Bella's health, but he seems to think it's caused by the stress of hiding whatever is troubling her.

"Even without all of their observations, I would still be worried for Bella. It's been months and she hasn't called once, Carlisle. That's not like her. Even if all she has to say is that her life is boring, she still calls to give us that update. To know that she's struggling and hasn't asked for a single piece of advice from us leads me to think she feels she can't come to us for some reason."

Carlisle took some time to digest my explanation before speaking. "Do you think she might feel we would side with Edward in some way?"

I'd thought about that exact question quite a few times in the past weeks and I was still no closer to answering it. "I'm not sure what the issue is, Carlisle. I only know that I need to see her and speak with her. I need her to know how very much we still love her and that she is a big part of this family no matter what relationship she has with Edward. She needs to know we don't believe there are any sides in this and that we are just as concerned about her as we are for our son."

Carlisle nodded his head while his hands soothingly rubbed my arms. "Yes, she has to know we love her as much as we always have. We don't want her doubting that at all. Do you think we should involve Charlie?"

"I definitely want to keep him informed of what's going on, but I don't believe his presence would help right now. Having all three of her parental figures crowding her might be intimidating to her and keep her from confiding in me."

"A very valid point. So when would you like to leave?" Carlisle questioned.

"I verified with Alice that Bella has tomorrow off. I was thinking we could leave tonight and stay in a hotel there so we can be at the apartment first thing in the morning. We can spend all of tomorrow in Portland, stay in the hotel another night, and then drive home on Tuesday and finish out the rest of your vacation however you wish."

My husband smiled and pulled me in for a kiss. "My only wish is to be with you."

"Then I'll hurry and pack a bag for us so you can do just that." After sharing one more sweet kiss with Carlisle, I headed to our room to pack. If I hadn't been so sure Bella would have called or come to visit us, I would have taken this trip to see her weeks ago. But like Jasper and Alice, I'd believed seeing Edward again would help Bella to overcome whatever obstacles she was facing. That hadn't happened and it was time to get down there and give my sweet girl the help she needed.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Esme's POV:**

"I will not use that key," I said as I knocked on the apartment door again.

"Alice gave it to us so that we wouldn't have to knock," Carlisle replied.

"There is no telling what is going on behind this door and I for one do not want an eyeful of any of my children."

Carlisle laughed. "Sweetheart, the only child you need to have that sort of worry over is in Boston."

I found my own self giggling as we waited for the door to be answered. "Emmett really is our special child."

"He takes after your side of the family. I've heard those stories of your Great Uncle Douglas."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Carlisle Cullen," I replied, looking only at the door in front of me. In actuality, I knew exactly what he was talking about since I had been the one to originally tell him about the proverbial black sheep of my family. My great uncle had gotten into so many situations during the course of his life that speaking of them sounded more like fiction than reality.

The door finally opened and I was so happy that it was Bella greeting us. I immediately pulled her into a hug and held tightly to her. "Sweetheart, it is so good to see you," I said once I finally released her.

"I can't believe you guys are here," she said as she gave Carlisle a hug. "It feels like forever since I've seen you both."

"It's felt that way for us too," I said as we followed her into the apartment.

"Ali never mentioned you guys were coming. I would have made breakfast for everyone if I'd known."

I smiled at Bella and pulled her to sit down beside me on the sofa. "Actually, I was thinking you and I could go out and get breakfast together, just the two of us."

Bella's expression wasn't one of happy excitement and it worried me greatly. "You aren't here to check on Edward?" she asked. "He's at the gym but he's usually back not long from now."

I was quite surprised to hear her say my son's name since the last I'd heard, she was still going out of her way not to use it in conversation. I hoped it was something I would be able to speak to her about before the day was over. In the meantime, I focused on answering her question.

"We do want to visit with him too, but I was missing one person in particular and my plan is to spend the majority of the day with her. With _you_," I told her.

To her credit, Bella tried very hard to smile and if I hadn't pulled her into a motherly hug, she might have kept on smiling. But I did hold her to me and it gave her whatever permission she'd felt she needed to be honest about her feelings and let her tears fall. Whatever was troubling this sweet girl was weighing on her much too heavily and she needed to know she could lean on me for all the support she needed.

I lifted my eyes to Carlisle's face and he nodded, knowing exactly what I needed from him. Once he had gone into Edward's room and closed the door, I lifted Bella's face to mine. "Talk to me, Sweetheart. What's troubling you?"

"You're here to see me."

"Of course I am," I said as I reached for the box of tissues on the coffee table. "I love you and you're an essential part of my family, Bella."

"I just thought … with Edward … I would understand. I _do_ understand."

"What is it that you understand, Sweetheart?"

She shrugged and as she did so, she turned her eyes away from mine. Bella was always one to look me straight on when we spoke unless she was feeling ashamed about something.

I took both of her hands into mine and held them tightly. "Bella, you can tell me anything, sweetheart. I will always do my best to understand and no matter what it is, it can't change how much I love you and care for you."

"I just thought that … It just seemed like we stopped speaking and it would stay that way."

"I'm sorry about that. It certainly wasn't my intent to let you feel ignored or unwanted. It seemed to me that you needed some space and I was so sure you would come to me when you were ready. I know that Jasper and Alice have been having so many conversations with you and I just didn't want to add to any stress you might be feeling. I'm sorry that my attempt to keep you from feeling overwhelmed left you feeling alone. I do love you, Bella, and I'm here for you. Do you believe that still?"

She was crying again but she was also looking at me as she nodded her head. "I had really hoped so but I wasn't sure and now you're here."

I smiled as I pulled her into another hug, holding her close with her head on my shoulder just like I'd done for my children countless times. "I will always love you, Bella. I know Edward made some very bad choices and I wish so very much those choices had not hurt all of us, but most of all I wish it had not made you doubt my love for you."

"It wasn't that. Or not all of it. It was just … He's your son."

"Yes," I agreed with a little laugh. "My very boneheaded son who was more concerned with what his brother thought of him than his health. That award for stupidity you used to claim ownership to is now his free and clear."

My comment got Bella to laugh and to relax in my embrace. It also came with a big chunk of honesty from her. "I missed you so much. I wanted to call you so often but I knew you were focused on him and I didn't want to interfere and risk messing up his recovery in some way."

"You are a young woman capable of many things, but harm to someone you love is not one of them. Calling to speak with me might have even saved him a lecture or two," I said, hoping she would know the last bit was a joke.

"He kind of mentioned getting chewed out."

"He deserved it, don't you think?"

She didn't answer right away and when she did speak I could hear the sorrow in her words. "I don't know, Esme. I really don't know."

I gently pulled her to sit up so I could see her face. There was so much pain and worry there that my heart hurt for her. "Then we should figure it out together. Go and get dressed and you and I will go have breakfast together. And after that, we'll treat ourselves to a manicure and pedicure. My treat."

"You don't have to do any of that. I'm happy enough to spend time with you here."

"Yes, well, I'm selfish enough that I don't want to share you with anyone else so we are spending the day out."

"Alright," she said with a genuine smile. "Give me just a few minutes." She kissed my cheek and then rushed off to her room.

While she changed, I retrieved my husband from my son's room. "It's worse than I thought," I told him, speaking quietly so Bella wouldn't hear. "She's horribly upset, Carlisle. She actually believed I had just broken ties with her with no word and no explanation."

"I heard you two talking with these thin apartment walls. Esme, I really think she somehow blames herself for Edward ending up in the hospital."

"Do you really think so? After all, the doctor explained to her that Edward's heart would have needed the surgery even without the car accident."

"Yes, but I think what we've all tended to forget here is that Bella was also in that car accident. She had hit her head pretty hard and although she seemed alert, she might not have been able to clearly process all the information we were giving to her at the time. Add to that her worry and fears for Edward and it could very well be that she mistakenly came to believe she had something to do with his condition."

"Oh, this is such a mess, Carlisle. How in the world did things get so twisted up?"

He wrapped his arms around me and held me close, soothing away some of my anxiety. "I'm not completely sure myself, Esme. But I know without a doubt that we will find a way to right all these wrongs and ensure our family is happy again. Relationships will be changed and altered, that's just an unavoidable consequence of Edward's actions. But the core of our family will stay in tact," he promised. And as if he could pick the fear right out of my head, he made one more promise to me. "We won't lose Bella."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Esme's POV:**

"Oh, look at this one, Bella. It's called Undercover." I lifted the bottle and read her the caption on it, "A light pink pearl coloring for a dash of intrigue." I handed the bottle to her and asked, "What do you think?"

"It's nice. It would look really good on you."

"Well I think it would look just as good on you. What do you say to matching manis and pedis?"

She gave out a little laugh as she set the bottle down. "I think you're teasing."

"I am not. I think it would be fun. And of course, it will make our dear Alice insanely jealous to be left out. Think of all the teasing you'll be able to get from it."

Bella bit at her lip while staring hard at the bottle. I knew she normally went for the deep purples and reds but I thought a light color like this might be fun for her to try. It would certainly be something different for her and I felt she needed a change after months of feeling lost. I hadn't been able to get much out of her during breakfast, but I had gotten enough to know she was extremely confused. Whatever conviction she'd felt when she had left the hospital was fraying now and causing her great anxiety. I just didn't know the why's behind her actions or what exactly that conviction entailed.

"Come on, Sweetheart. Make an old woman's day," I teased, getting a little laugh out of her.

"Alright, alright. I'm in. Let's be pink together."

"That's my girl," I said, giving her a tight hug. Once we were seated and there was no escape for her, I gently began prodding her about her troubles. "I've heard from somewhat reliable sources that you haven't been feeling well lately."

"Somewhat reliable. I like that," she said, giving a true smile. "And somewhat crazy too. I keep telling them I'm fine."

"I'm sure you want very much to feel that way, Sweetheart, but I can see that you really don't. I don't want to press you, but at the same time, I don't want you suffering in silence. I'm here for you and happy to help in any way I can."

"I appreciate that, Esme. More than I could ever begin to tell you. But there's just nothing that anybody can do. It's just the way things are."

"Is it Edward? Is it bothering you to have him in the apartment?"

"No." She frowned, seeming not to like her own answer. "I don't know anymore. At first, I thought it wasn't a big deal. Ali needed him close to make sure he was alright. But then I had breakfast with him and it felt … Not normal but better than things have been. Just not as strained." Her frown turned into an angry scowl as she continued, "And then he went and started playing that stupid baseball game and it just made everything so damn muddled. I know what should be right but that doesn't feel right anymore and I'm just … I'm _stuck_."

"This breakfast you had with him, the others don't know about it, do they?"

She glanced over at me and I could see in her eyes the fear Edward had been mentioning. "That slipped out. Please don't say anything to anyone. I'm already getting enough unwanted advice from them all."

"They just want to see you happy, Sweetheart. You must know that."

"I do, Esme. But they don't get that happiness isn't an option right now. I'm trying. I'm trying really hard, but it's just not happening yet."

"What did you feel when you had breakfast with Edward?"

"Not happy. Content maybe. I just … It was supposed to feel wrong and it didn't and I don't know how to deal with that."

"If I promise you that this conversation stays between you and I, that I won't even tell Carlisle about it, will you answer one question honestly for me?"

She gave a nod despite the fear in her eyes.

"Bella, do you still love Edward?"

Tears filled her brown eyes and gave them a glassy look. "With all my heart. But that doesn't change anything."

"I know he lied and that it hurt you very much and shook your trust in him. But trust can be rebuilt, Bella. I know that Edward would love the opportunity to rebuild things with you. But what do you want? Would you like that chance? Or would you prefer him to only be a friend?"

"Before I answer that, would you tell me what you want?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, honestly not understanding her question.

"He's your son and you love him and want the absolute best for him. So would you want to see him try again with me?"

"I truly would, Bella. If I look at your relationship and put aside his bad choices, what's left is a vision of a very happy young couple. My son has never smiled so much, so often, and so genuinely as he has with you. And you, my darling girl, have never shown so much happiness and love openly and freely. I would understand if you felt you couldn't give him another chance and I would never hold that choice against you. I love you and I want you to be happy just as badly as I want that for Edward. If your happiness comes from being with someone new, then that's the way it needs to be. Edward will have to live with that and accept it as a consequence of his actions. I will love you no matter what you decide. I only want to see you happy and smiling again, Sweetheart."

"I don't want to be with anyone new." Her words were the truth, but I knew from the rigid posture of her body that they weren't the entire truth. She was hiding something and whatever it might be was eating at her.

"I realize you may not have felt up to speaking openly with Edward yet about his actions. Do you have any questions that I might be able to answer for you about why he hid his heart condition?"

She shook her head slightly, once again looking ready to cry. It brought to mind Carlisle's earlier suggestion about her thinking she had caused harm to Edward's heart.

"Bella, I want you to pay close attention to what I'm about to tell you. Do you think you're up to doing that?" Once she gave me a nod, I continued speaking. "Edward was _born_ with a defect in his heart. No one caused it. No one made it malfunction. No one harmed it. He was simply born with a defect. The only part of what happened that could have been changed was the timing of his surgery. He could have and should have had it as a teenager. And if he had done so, then these past couple of months would never have happened. But he made the choices that he did and here we all are dealing with the consequences. You would not be sitting here looking so lost and he would not be searching for a way to show you he still loves you and wants a life with you. The only good thing to come out of this mess is knowing he's fully healed now and we will never have to worry about his heart again. At least not in a physical sense."

"Is that really true? About not having to worry about his heart again?" Those beautiful expressive eyes of hers that had been so full of fear earlier now seemed hopeful.

"Yes it is, Sweetheart. All those tests they ran on him came back with positive results. As long as he takes care of himself and follows a healthy lifestyle, there's nothing to stop him from having a full life." I laughed a little as I thought of my son's excited voice during our last phone call. "And playing baseball. That seems pretty high up on his list of things he can do now."

"He's really okay to play baseball? Even with all the running?"

"Even with all the running," I assured her. "I hear from Alice that he's put on some weight and muscle. Is that true?"

Bella immediately blushed the most enchanting shade of red I'd ever seen on her. "Kind of hard not to notice it," she said while looking only at the freshly painted nails on her left hand.

"Oh, does that mean he's what you young ladies call a hottie?"

Bella gave an emphatic nod while biting at her lip. And then she released it to let out a string of words with no pause between them. "Butdon'ttellhimIsaidthat."

I let out a laugh, having understood her perfectly from many years spent deciphering my Alice's excited babble. "I won't say a word, Sweetheart."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Esme's POV:**

"Oh, look! Snow cones!" Bella announced, pointing toward the cart. "They won't be as good as shaved ice, but I could go for a watermelon one all the same."

"I'm still stuffed from lunch, but you go right ahead," I told her.

"You sure?"

"Positive."

"Okay. Be right back." She kissed my cheek and then headed for the cart.

I settled on the nearby bench and just watched her. It had been far too long since we'd enjoyed each other's company and it showed in everything she did and said with me, as if she were afraid one wrong move would send me away. It was as if she'd reverted all the way back to that time in her life when she'd been in counseling with Charlie and myself, stuck between wanting to talk and wanting to be loved. She had believed for so long that telling the truth about her feelings and actions would lead to the end of our love for her. It had taken so very long to convince her that wasn't a possibility. And now here we were back at square one so to speak.

"They didn't have watermelon, but they had pineapple and it sounded really good," Bella said as she sat beside me on the bench. It was easy to see she was enjoying her treat because her lips were already turning yellow in a couple of spots.

"I'm glad you're enjoying this day with me, Bella."

She had a confused expression on her face as she looked over at me. "Why wouldn't I? You're Esme. You're always amazing to hang out with. You're the most perfect person I know."

I had to laugh at that. "Oh, I am so far from perfect, Sweetheart. I have made many mistakes in my lifetime and though they have lessened with age, I still make them from time to time."

"Yeah? Name one?" she challenged.

"I completely missed the fact that my son was lying to me about his health. And not for a day or a week. I missed it for nearly nine years. When it first happened, I felt so much guilt and failure. I had failed my son and nearly lost him. But once I was able to calm down and I could see he was getting better, I began to think much more rationally. I was not the one constantly saying I felt fine when I didn't. I was not the one who had made arrangements to have a surgery and recover in Seattle all alone. I was simply a mother who had trusted her son.

"It was wrong of Carlisle and I to trust Edward at age thirteen no matter how trustworthy he'd shown himself to be up to that point. As his parents, we should have insisted on taking him down and having him tested to double-check and ensure his defect had closed on its own. That is where my failure lies. All the rest sits squarely on Edward's shoulders."

Bella was thinking over my words so hard that her eyebrows were nearly touching her scrunched nose. One eyebrow lifted as she peered at me and asked, "You really believe that? That it's all on him?"

"I do," I assured her. "Any behaviors or activities that might have contributed to his heart weakening were merely byproducts of his choice to hide his condition from us." An image of Edward looking extremely repentant and sorrowful filled my mind for a brief second. "But you know, some good has come of this, Bella. First of all, we don't have to worry about Edward's heart anymore. Secondly, I don't think he'll have so much as a head cold without letting one of us know. And third, he has finally learned that image means nothing compared to family."

A small smile broke out across her lovely face. "Yeah, he said he picked that vehicle of his because he wants to be able to fill it with his family. He said it's thrilling to be with them now instead of tiring."

"You are a part of his 'them', Bella. Even if it's only in a friendly capacity. You will always be a part of our family no matter what happens in your life. You can always come to me. No matter what you need, from a hug to a shoulder to lean on, I will be here for you. And so will he."

Bella wasted no time in scooting closer to me and laying her head on my shoulder. "I love you and I missed you."

I smiled as I repeated the words back to her and then added, "Thank you so very much for spending the day with me. It's been a true pleasure especially with how much I've missed your company."

"Wow you must have really missed me because I've been kind of boring today. Jazz says I'm a morose mother these days. I'm not saying he's not right or anything. Just that I'm not trying to be that way. I'm trying to be happy. I _want_ to be happy because I really freakin miss it, ya know? But today has been happy. Being with you is definitely a happy thing."

"That's so good to hear, Sweetheart. Now, what can I do to help make sure you're happy tomorrow and all the days after that?"

A small snort escaped her and I looked down just to see the smile I knew would be on her face. "Don't suppose you have a blue box that can travel through space and time?" she questioned.

"No, I don't. But I sure wouldn't mind spending a little time with that Doctor. He's a handsome devil. And smart too."

Bella sat right up with her eyes impossibly wide and her mouth slightly ajar. She stared for a long while before breathing out, "No freakin way. _You_ know the Doctor?"

I leaned in to give her the feeling of being conspiratorial with me. "I wanted so badly for the Doctor to have a life with Rose. It was a true shame that couldn't be for him. And once he lost Donna, I worried he would go mad from loneliness."

"I know I've said this before a lot, but I mean it even more right now … Esme Cullen, you are one rockin' mom."

I laughed as I pulled her into a hug, careful not to jostle her snow cone cup out of her hand. "And you, my dear girl, are one rocking part of my heart. There is just no way my heart and family can ever be complete without you in it."

Though she wasn't crying, I could hear in her voice that the tears were close. "Thanks, Esme. I really needed to hear that. I just love all of you so much and I don't want to lose you guys. I don't know how to be me without all of you."

"If that's truly how you feel about us, about _all_ of us, then there's really only one solution to bring back the shine missing from your eyes and that beautiful smile absent from your lovely face. It's time for you to talk with Edward and figure out where the two of you stand. Whether you remain friends or give your relationship another try, you two have got to talk things out until you find peace with him. It's the only way you'll find peace with yourself."

"And you really think that would be okay? If we stayed friends? Or even if we tried again?"

"I believe it's the only way to see you happy again and I want very much for you to get your happiness back. It's all any of us want, Bella. Edward included."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Esme's POV:**

"Carlisle!" Bella cried, trying to frown and giving a happy smile instead. "You totally stole my pizza slice."

Carlisle smiled right back, looking at her over the top of his slice. "I heard you were on a diet so how could this belong to you?"

"Because she cheats," Jasper announced. He received a pinch to his arm from Bella for his tattling.

Jasper's fake cry of pain pulled a laugh out of Bella that filled the living room and made everyone around her smile. She often commented that she hated the spotlight when it shown on her; she never had learned it was always on her because she was always such a vibrant soul. Even now when she was hurting, the moment she smiled she lit up the room and the faces of those around her.

Once she'd finished laughing, she focused her attention on Carlisle again. "I haven't cheated once in a whole week. I've earned a pizza slice and that one has all the onions on it."

My dear sweet husband handed over the pizza slice to Bella, making her so happy she made that squealing noise Alice so often let out.

Edward's laughter was the next sound to be heard in the room. "Jeebus! You really just squealed over pizza."

"Shut up," Bella replied. She also stuck her tongue at him.

Our earlier talks together had done wonders for her and she truly seemed much happier and much more relaxed from when we'd arrived this morning. I was sure having the attention focused on Carlisle and myself was also helping her. Before I left tonight, I planned on asking Alice and Jasper to give Bella more space and less comments. I would have said the same to Edward if I hadn't felt certain Bella didn't mind his attempts to speak with her. She seemed to want the freedom to speak to him, or not speak to him, without hearing advice about it and I wanted her to have that.

"Yeah, don't tease her, Edward. You would squeal too if you were subjected to a diet of oatmeal, spinach, and fish," Alice said as she scowled at her brother.

"I was just joking around, Ali," Edward defended.

Bella reached across the coffee table and swiped the container of garlic sauce from Edward's plate. "And for that joke, you relinquish rights to the sauce," she said as she poured some over her pizza slice.

"Hey, hold on a minute! I'm perfectly willing to share but I'm not giving it all away to you." Edward moved to reach for the container and was immediately restrained by Alice and Jasper. "What the hell?"

"You're forgetting the rule, Ed. You make fun of Bella's diet and she exacts revenge in whatever way she sees fit," Jasper explained.

"In this case, you relinquished the sauce," Alice added.

"What? How is that a fair revenge for one joke? And the joke was about the noise she made, not her diet," Edward argued.

Alice smiled and patted his cheek. It would have been a loving gesture if her smile wasn't so smug. "Because we say so."

"Hey if you're looking for sympathy, you can always call Emmett," Jasper suggested. "He's endured countless acts of revenge for making fun of Bella's diet."

While the three of them had been busy talking of revenge and diets, Bella had discreetly put the cup of sauce back on Edward's plate. I shared a secret smile and a wink with her as she happily enjoyed her sauce covered pizza slice. I'd always found her to be quick to share with her friends despite her assertions that she was often a selfish person.

"While I do enjoy being closer to him and being able to really talk to him, it hasn't changed my opinion of him all that much. I still think he's an idiot most of the time," Edward said.

"Yeah, like _you_ have room to call someone an idiot," Alice countered with a roll of her eyes. "All the stuff Emmett's ever done put into a bucket compared to your one act of stupidity and you still win."

"You would need a full truck container to pack away all Em's adventures. No way would they fit into a bucket," Bella informed us. "And even then, you'd probably only fit his teenage years."

"Remember all of his cartoon dancing and Elvis impersonating before we left for Hawaii?" Edward asked.

Bella covered her mouth and nodded her head at the same time, her eyes laughing for her since her mouth was full. Once she swallowed her food she said, "And all his practicing his lip curl in the bathroom mirror and every time you guys had to get in there, you had to argue with him to get out."

"Or beg and plead with you for you to let us use your bathroom."

"I don't care if you use it so long as you clean it after. I can't understand for the life of me how you men can have the freedom to aim your damn peen and still hit the back of the freakin toilet."

"Bella!" Alice and Jasper yelled at the same time.

If they'd meant to admonish her, it hadn't worked because she was laughing hard enough to bring tears to the corners of her eyes. And Edward was laughing right along with her. This was our Bella. Happy, laughing, and making others laugh—and being somewhat crude. Carlisle and I had never been prudes and we remembered a time in our lives when we'd found speaking risqué as something fun to do. We would probably enjoy that again once we no longer felt like we would be corrupting our children.

When Bella finally stopped laughing, she turned her reddened face toward Carlisle and I. "Sorry about that. I know it was kinda crass but I really couldn't pass it up."

"We understand," Carlisle assured her. "Esme and I weren't always parents. We had a time in our life when we were in college."

"Did you have rowdy friends, Dad?" Alice asked.

Carlisle looked to me and I nodded, knowing exactly what he was asking. He smiled wide and kissed my lips before addressing the room of eager ears. "Your mother and I _were_ the rowdy friends."

"Yeah, okay," Edward scoffed. "What did you do? Forget to pay the parking meter somewhere?"

Carlisle's laughter rang out and I was pretty sure I knew which story he was about to tell our family. "Third semester of college and the final day of mid-terms. We were a group of eight and we were stressed out and looking for a way to unwind. We decided we were long overdue for pulling a prank. We'd pulled a few over the years when fellow students would annoy us. And that semester, there just happened to be a group of young men across the hall from us who had taken to making noise and playing loud music whenever they knew most students were studying for tests. So we decided the best way to de-stress was to prank these guys. We debated ideas back and forth all night long, but it was finally your mother who came up with the best idea."

"Mom? Really?" Alice asked, looking impressed.

Bella giggled from beside me. "Esme as a bad ass. To have been around to see that."

"So," Carlisle said loudly, grabbing everyone's attention again. "We went to the local store and we purchased a number of cans of sardines. We waited for the guys to leave their room and then we snuck in with the cans. After poking a small hole in each can, we began hiding them all throughout the room. Under mattresses, in closets, in dresser drawers, under beds. One of our friends even glued a can to the side window frame all the way at the top where it wouldn't be immediately noticeable.

"The first night, the guys didn't seem to notice anything peculiar about their room. But by the next morning, we could hear them in the hall asking each other where the smell was coming from and begging for a window to be opened. How they opened that window and missed the can there, I'll never know," Carlisle said with a laugh.

"Did they eventually find the cans, Daddy?" Alice questioned.

Carlisle nodded. "It took them a few more hours before they started finding them. They were all hungover and that didn't exactly help them to think clearly. They found nearly all of the cans before the second day was over. It was another four days before they finally found the one at the window. When I moved out of the dorms a year and a half later, I swore their room still smelled."

"Dad and Mom were pranksters," Edward said, sounding and looking awed. And then his expression turned wary. "Hang on. If that's true, how come you two always say you don't know where Emmett gets his behavior from?"

"We played harmless pranks on good friends and smelly pranks on those who annoyed us. We were never public about our mischief the way Emmett has always been," I explained.

"Or overtly sexual the way he is," Carlisle added.

"Ho-lee hell!" Edward breathed out. "My dad just said the words overtly sexual in a conversation."

Jasper let out a small laugh. "Dude, do you really think you made it onto this planet without your mom and your dad getting freaky-deaky at some point in their life? And considering you're a twin, your dad's got skills."

"Ew! Those are my parents," Alice cried.

I would have been waiting for Bella to say something, but she'd started laughing at Edward's shocked reaction and had completely lost it after Jasper's comments.

"Do you think she'll be alright?" Carlisle asked. His eyes were focused on Bella's curled up form on the floor and her very red face.

"I really think she will be," I told him. And I wasn't just talking about her current laughing fit. I might not have convinced her completely, but I had definitely made a persuasive argument that she'd had nothing to do with Edward ending up in the hospital. And now that Bella knew without a doubt she could call me and count on me, I felt she really would be okay.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

"Jeebus, Bella. Your face is still red."

I poked my tongue at Edward while closing the apartment door. We'd all walked Esme and Carlisle down to their car to wish them a safe trip and hug them once more before they left.

"Your face isn't much better, Ed," Jasper said in defense of me. "Your cheeks were almost matching Bella's when Carlisle started hinting at having had car sex with your mom. At least Bella's is from laughter and not embarrassment."

"There are just some things I should never know about my parents," Edward told him.

Jasper laughed. "Dude, you're insane to be embarrassed. I'd be taking freakin notes. Esme and your dad have been together forever and they still have a sex life. All those stories about how the passion dies once you have kids and stuff and your parents are still going strong."

"I'm so not hearing this," Alice called out before disappearing into her bedroom.

"You two don't even know how lucky you have it to have role models like Carlisle and Esme," Jasper said, speaking loud enough to make sure Alice heard him behind her closed door. "You should embrace it instead of getting embarrassed by it."

Alice opened her door and poked her head out of it. "If you don't get in here and embrace me, you're going to be making friends with the sofa real quick."

"Yes, Ma'am," Jasper replied, hurrying off to her room. Just before he closed the door I heard Alice's giggle come floating out of it. My best friend was about to get very lucky with her man.

"God, I hope the walls are thick enough to keep me from hearing that."

I looked over at Edward, just barely keeping myself from laughing at him. "If you haven't heard them yet, you're not going to hear them. Her first night back was a marathon."

Edward shoved both hands into his hair and pulled at the ends. "Just when I thought I couldn't feel any more uncomfortable with the topic of sex."

That time I did laugh. "That's a damn lie and you know it. You only get uncomfortable talking about sex when—" I winced from the pain that came with biting down so hard on my lip to shut up my mouth.

"Bella, your lip," Edward cried, jumping off the arm of the sofa and rushing over to me.

His sudden closeness freaked me out and I stepped back a little too quickly. I would have fallen if he hadn't taken hold of my arms and steadied my feet. He kept his hold on me and pulled me into the kitchen. With one hand still on my arm, he used the other to wet the dishtowel we kept near the sink and then he pressed the wet fabric to my lip. It stung and I tried to pull away but his hold was too firm.

"Be still," he ordered. "You bit your lip hard enough to draw blood." From the way he was looking at me, I felt pretty sure he knew the rest of what my sentence had been … that he only got uncomfortable talking about sex when he didn't have a sex life of his own.

I'd always felt he could have any woman he wanted and now that he was healthy and fit, his choices had expanded greatly. And yet he wasn't seeing anyone. He could be out on dates with hot chicks but instead he'd been hanging around this apartment trying to get me to be his friend. No, that wasn't completely true. He was trying to get me to give him another chance as my boyfriend. He wanted another chance at the whole deal, the whole relationship.

Edward's voice wasn't loud but it still grabbed my attention right away. "You seem like you had a really great time with my mom today. I'm glad she could get you to smile and laugh. I've missed seeing that."

I took the towel from his hand and freed my arm from his grip so that I could put some space between us. I needed to breathe and I couldn't do that standing with hardly an inch between us. The heat from his body and the smell of his skin was just too much to resist at that close proximity; I wanted too badly to lean into him and have him make the crazy swirl of warring thoughts in my head go away. I wanted him to kiss me like he had on the baseball field, blocking out everything but the feel of us.

"Your laugh is still one of my favorite sounds in the world," Edward mentioned. "I can't tell you how much I missed it when I was in Seattle. Alice and Mom weren't really in the laughing mood. And Emmett laughing is a whole other monster."

I tried not to have a reaction to Emmett's name, especially since I'd already come close to freaking out during dinner. Esme seemed to think me putting that garlic sauce back was sharing, but I'd really put it back so Edward would forget all about it and not mention to Emmett that I'd been having dinner with them.

"That's twice." The hard edge to Edward's tone had me looking up at him.

I pulled the towel away from my lips and asked, "What is?"

"You flinching at the mention of Emmett. Is there something going on with him I should know about?"

"I wouldn't know. I haven't talked to him. He's been busy just like Rosalie."

"Then why did you flinch?"

"I didn't. I winced because of my lip," I said, offering up the small section of bloody towel for his inspection. "If you've got something going on with your brother, don't project it onto me."

He seemed for a second like he was going to press things and I wasn't so sure I could stomach telling another lie. But he went back to talking about Esme instead. "So how in the world did my mother convince you to get pink nails?"

I lifted my hand up and looked at the nails in question. "She's Esme. She's got skills like that. And plus I missed her enough to go along with just about anything she wanted."

"She loves you, Bella. I hope this mess between us doesn't have you doubting that."

"I know she still loves me. She can still make things seem less dark and she wouldn't bother with trying if she didn't care. She's my guiding light."

"She even makes it where you can stand to be in the same room as me."

I looked away, unable to stand seeing the hurt in his green eyes. "Don't say it like that, please. It's not like I want things to be this way. They just are."

"You sound so sure that there's no hope. No chance at all to fix things. To fix _us_."

"I'm not sure of anything anymore." That was the only true thing I felt I could say at the moment so I walked away and went into my room.

After showering and getting comfortable in bed, I went online to look for Numb. We hadn't got to talk much on Friday and Saturday, both of us actually busy for a change. Friday had found him off with family while I'd spent some time with Jasper at the park before going into work. Jazz was still trying to get me to tell him everything and I still couldn't do that, no matter how much I hated frustrating him.

On Saturday, Numb had been off with his girl trying to repair things with her. I hoped for his sake she would give him another chance because it was clear how much he loved her. And besides, at least one of us should have a chance at having their heart healed. As for me, I'd spent most of Saturday night wedged between Edward and Alice with Jasper sitting on the floor between Ali and me. My best friend had demanded a dinner and movie night and I'd been too tired to argue with her over it.

Once I was logged into my IM account, I was happy to see Numb was logged in on this Monday night. I clicked on his name and sent him a message …

**BarelyBreathing:**_ So I just totally had the most kick-ass day in months!_

My computer was silent for so long that I had almost given up on getting a response when Numb finally replied to me.

**NumbNuts: **_Really? Did you get back with your ex?_

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Dude, that's not happening. I told you that already._

**NumbNuts: **_I told you I'd pray for it anyway._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ I just thought that was a figure of speech. So you're actually religious then? Which one?_

**NumbNuts: **_I don't follow any one particular or anything. I've been exposed to a lot of faiths and I kind of just follow the best points of each._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Does it help? I hear people of faith have an easier time with life's little nuclear attacks._

**NumbNuts: **_It helps me to keep perspective. Yeah, my life sucks ass right now, but it could be worse. Most of the help that really works comes from my family. My brother's is my favorite right now … Don't be a shit._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ And here I thought that one was common sense. LMAO_

**NumbNuts: **_Oh, look at that! Traded in LOL for LMAO. You really did have yourself a good day. Details, Chick!_

A wide smile broke across my face as I thought over my day with Esme. It had been everything I needed without me even really knowing what it was I'd needed.

**BarelyBreathing:**_ My mom came to visit and spent the whole day with me. We did the full on mother-daughter day with store hopping and pampering. And a killer breakfast followed by one of those amazing lunches where you have to lean back in your chair and unbutton your jeans because you couldn't stop eating the delectable goodies on your plate._

**NumbNuts: **_LMAO! I can't even picture that. I don't know any girls that would act that way. Damn sure not my mom._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Dude, my mom is the best!_

I knew Esme wasn't technically my mom but she was so entrenched in my heart that I felt it okay to call her that in my messages to Numb. Besides, it would take too long to explain our relationship if I just called her my other mother—and it would inevitably lead to questions about my actual mother that I didn't want to answer. I didn't talk about her at all if I could help it.

**NumbNuts: **_You seem to think so._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Does your mother know of Doctor Who? Is she a confirmed prankster? Does she talk pointers with you? Of the sexual variety? And would she be willing to be up at two in the morning just because you couldn't sleep?_

**NumbNuts: **_No._

**NumbNuts: **_No._

**NumbNuts: **_Yes, both about life in general and relationships._

**NumbNuts: **_Not yet but I might have to ask soon if I don't get any further with my girl._

**NumbNuts: **_Yeah and has been up with me numerous times._

I read over each of his answers, even laughing a little at the one where he talked about asking his mom for sexual pointers with his girl. I thought about how this guy was really nuts for his ex and I hoped for his sake she would see that and appreciate it even if she didn't give him another shot. And then I typed a reply to him …

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Parents can surprise you with their wealth of knowledge. All these years later and my mom is still rocking my dad's world._

**NumbNuts: **_What about you? When are you going to get out there and give dating another try?_

**BarelyBreathing:**_ When I can get chocolate milk straight from a cow's teet._

**NumbNuts: **_OMG! Never ever heard that one before. Can't wait to tell my bro. He loves sayings like that._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Oh, a collector of vocal oddities. What's the best he's ever parlayed to you?_

**NumbNuts: **_I don't really care for any of them but I'll tell you his favorite to say. Monkeys sling poo because they don't have dicks for semen shooting._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Dude! I'm the first to admit I'm crass, but that shit is just sick!_

**NumbNuts: **_LMAO I know! This is why I don't hang out with my bro in public often. Everyone says he didn't come with a filter. I think he purposefully got rid of it for the attention._

**BarelyBreathing:**_ Alright. I am now sorry I asked. Moving on to music, I have come up with the most awesome playlist for the heartbroken ever assembled. I could have put a lot more tracks, but I wanted something you could burn and play in the car._

**NumbNuts: **_Yeah, I'll be the judge of that. Send it over._

I snorted as I read his message and then I opened up an email window so I could copy and paste my playlist from my word processing doc into my email.

_1) Lacrymosa by Evanescence_

_2) Breathe No More by Evanescence (my anthem in first weeks after)_

_3) Lithium by Evanescence (I picked the best 3)_

_4) Broken by Lifehouse ('cause I know ur straight up in love with them)_

_5) Storm by Lifehouse (ok so you've been right 1 time about 1 band)_

_6) Cry by Kelly Clarkson (make fun if you want, but she's got a voice)_

_7) Broken by Seether & Amy Lee (yes, her again. Girl can f'n sing!)_

_8) Never Let This Go by Paramore_

_9) All I Wanted by Paramore_

_10) Everything Changes by Staind_

_11) Fell on Black Days by Soundgarden (everyone needs some sound in their garden at one time or another)_

_12) Heavy in Your Arms by Florence + The Machine_

_13) Had Enough by Breaking Benjamin (probably what our exes think of us)_

_14) I Will Not Bow by Breaking Benjamin (gotta end with a song that talks of keeping going. plus BB just f'n rocks)_

I shot the email off to Numb and while I waited for him to review and respond, I checked my regular email account. I had two emails from Jake begging me to come up for a visit and one from Charlie asking for the same thing. They weren't used to going so long without seeing me since I didn't normally work so much during the summer, but this year had a lot of things that my life normally didn't have.

Before I could get myself started down the dark road of things I'd had and lost, the computer beeped with a message from my heartbreak buddy.

**NumbNuts: **_KC? Really? And after you gave me all that shit about Pink?_

**BarelyBreathing:**_ See that's where you're wrong. I never gave you shit about Pink b/c of Pink. I think she has some good songs out there. I gave you shit b/c you're the first guy I've come across who admits to digging Pink. Oh and I just like giving people shit from time to time. Takes my mind off life's unpleasantness._

**NumbNuts: **_Thanks for the Lifehouse picks. I know them both well and I'm really glad you've come to appreciate the band._

**BarelyBreathing: **_Thanks for turning me on to them. They're a shit-ton better than most of your suggestions._

**NumbNuts: **_Speaking of! I have a new suggestion for you and I think you'll like her. She's different, but the good kind where you sit there listening a few times just to take the whole song in. Emilie Autumn. Listen to Hollow As My Soul first._

**BarelyBreathing: **_Will do. But not tonight. I'm wiped._

**NumbNuts: **_Yeah, my day was pretty long too. Think I'm gonna turn in. I'll dig up all the songs from your playlist in the next couple of days and then let you know if I find it to be the most awesome ever assembled._

**BarelyBreathing: **_LOL. K. Sounds good. TTYL Numb_

**NumbNuts: **_Night BB._

I closed out of my IM program and turned off my computer before bringing it over to my desk. It had felt good to joke around with Numb and now the heavy I had felt from my moment in the kitchen with Edward was almost completely gone. I was even able to fall asleep thinking of nothing but the great times I'd had with Esme today. It had been such a freeing, fun day that I didn't feel like I'd said too much to her. I felt like everything about today had been exactly the way it should be. She still loved me and that was a huge, huge plus in my life.

But it wasn't exactly enough. I might have thought it was when I was awake but now that I was dreaming of Edward—dreaming of Hawaii with Edward, and the Grand Canyon with Edward, and of just being sprawled out across my bed in the dark talking quietly with Edward—it just wasn't enough. I was selfish and I wanted the whole deal; and for the first time I wasn't feeling wracked with guilt about it. It scared me, leaving me to wonder if I hadn't jumped right over selfish into being uncaring in some way.

The tears that had started in my dream followed me into waking and ran down my face. I sat up and brought my knees to my chest, hugging them and resting my head against them. Was it really impossible to have another chance with Edward? Or was I just too scared to let him in again? Esme was the smartest woman I knew and if she believed I was a good person and still loved me as a daughter, then didn't that mean I was worthy of it? If she felt it was okay for me to take another chance with Edward, then wasn't it truly okay? If the only person completely convinced there should never be another chance was Emmett, didn't that mean he was mistaken about me? The biggest question at that moment seemed to be if Esme were giving me advice about anything else in my life, would I even hesitate to take it?

"Bella."

I stiffened at first, thinking I'd imagined Edward's voice in my head and wondering what that might mean for my sanity level. I felt on edge so often lately that I was really starting to wonder if everything with him hadn't made me just a little nuts.

But then his arms wrapped around me and I knew it was really him. I could feel him. And I could smell him. Seconds ago, I'd been going back and forth trying to figure out if it was Esme who was right about me or Emmett. Now Edward had his arms around me and all I could think was there wasn't a place outside of his arms that could offer the safety and comfort he was giving me right then. After weeks and weeks and weeks of just trying to survive I was too exhausted in every way possible to refuse the comfort he was offering.

Edward must have felt my surrender because he changed from just having his arms around my shoulders to getting me to lie next to him. He didn't even have to prompt me to curl up against him—I did that all on my own, too tired to even think about feeling guilty for it. He felt so warm and I'd been cold for so long. _Just an hour or two and then I'll come back to my senses and behave_, I promised myself.

It was a rash promise made before hearing Edward's whispered words of "I love you" and "I'll always be here for you". The one that really did me in, the one that allowed me to actually sleep through the night was when he said "You're safe with me". There was no question that he meant it or that I needed to hear it.

Even laying next to him in the early morning light didn't change that. Clarity was something that often happened in those early hours when people reviewed their actions and sorted out the regrets from the good choices. I wasn't sure if letting Edward comfort me had been a good choice but I knew for damn sure I didn't regret it. I could only feel that way if Esme was right.

Or maybe I wanted Esme to be right so badly I was fooling myself. For months now I'd felt so twisted up and conflicted and in the few weeks since Edward had moved into the apartment things had only gotten worse and more muddled. I wanted so badly to believe I wasn't a selfish monster and that the nearly irresistible pull I felt toward him was nothing but the strong loving bond between us. I wanted it enough that for the first time in a long while, I told my brain to shut the hell up and followed my heart—I closed my eyes and cuddled myself back against Edward's warm body and drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

When my eyes opened again it was to verify what I was so positive I was feeling—Edward covering my cheek and temple with light kisses. "Morning," he said softly. "Your clock went off earlier but you ignored it. I figured it wouldn't hurt to let you sleep just a little more before waking you. I know you don't work until tonight but I figured if you set your clock you might have something you needed to do this morning."

"I forgot to turn it off." There was so much I wanted to say to him, but that was the only truth I'd felt comfortable with speaking at the moment.

His eyes stayed focused on mine while his fingers combed my hair away from my face. "Do you want to go back to sleep then?"

"No."

He didn't ask me anything else and I didn't offer up anything. We just laid there facing each other and breathing. It was honestly the nicest morning I'd had in months and I couldn't even bring myself to care about the consequences that I might have to face later on for it. I didn't know if it was Esme who was right or Emmett—I only knew there was a peace here with Edward that I had sorely missed. It was a feeling I knew I wouldn't find with anyone else. For reasons I couldn't even begin to fathom, Edward's soul touched mine. Hell, it wrapped it up, held it close, and made it feel whole.

We didn't speak much the rest of the day, though we were near each other for nearly every minute of it just sitting next to each other on the sofa while watching television and eating together. Through it all, my certainty that we were meant to be together stayed solid and clear.

But the moment I left the apartment to go to work, the moment I was no longer feeling him next to me, the doubts started to creep back in. Emmett's words flooded my mind once again, leaving me questioning what was real and what was only a motive to help fulfill my selfish needs. Once again, I felt like the only option was leaving but I didn't want to leave. I wanted my friends and my job and my family—and if that made me selfish, then I would live with being selfish in that way. I just wasn't built to lose everything and still keep going. Take Edward away and leave me my family and I could find a way to deal. Take them all away …

It was probably immensely selfish and if there was a hell I'd probably burn for eons there, but when I got home late on that Tuesday night I crawled into Edward's bed, knowing it would stop the thoughts in my head. For the second night in a row, I slept peacefully in his arms.

* * *

**A/N:** Esme has cracked Bella's protective shell, leaving room for Edward to get in there and try to get Bella to hear him out. Next chapter is in two weeks when he'll try to do exactly that through a plan he came up with after his first baseball game.


	49. Pulling All The Right Strings

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Pulling All The Right Strings**

**Chapter Song: "Whatever It Takes" by Lifehouse**

**Edward's POV:**

It had been four days since my mother's visit with Bella. And three nights of Bella sneaking into my room to sleep in my arms and then sneaking back out before anyone else in the apartment woke. There was hardly any talking going on; she mostly just came in, crawled into bed with me, and drifted off to sleep. And I loved every single second of it. Feeling her weight against me … her hands fisted in my shirt … her hair tickling my chin … I'd missed it so much in the past months that it felt slightly unreal to finally have it back. Especially since I only had this one small part of her back. But that would change tonight. It had to change. All other options were now out the window.

Bella was pregnant.

I hadn't confirmed it yet with a test, but I knew all the same. The first night I'd held her in her bed, I'd missed the signs because I'd been so worried about the way she'd been crying and how quickly she'd stopped once I was holding onto her. And the way she'd spent the next day sitting near me and not saying a word—that had been so unlike her.

But that Tuesday night, the first night she'd crawled into my bed to sleep with me, was when I'd started to suspect. She'd started off sleeping curled up against me but then she'd rolled onto her back and her shirt had shifted, rising up and showing a very distinct swell to her stomach.

I'd stared at her belly for hours before gathering up the courage to run my hand over the swell. I knew there was another option for her stomach bulging that way but I refused to accept the notion of a tumor growing there and needing to be removed. She'd already been through too much. And if I considered all the times she'd been sick lately and the way she was always eating, then it pointed much more toward pregnancy than any tumor. So when I'd run my hand over her stomach and hadn't encountered the hardness a tumor would create, I'd known it was a baby under my hand. Two babies most likely—twins just like Em and me—because one wouldn't have her showing so soon. I felt certain she'd gotten pregnant that first night at the Grand Canyon which would make her twelve weeks along on this upcoming Sunday.

While Bella had slept on Wednesday night, I'd left her long enough to search her bag and bathroom cabinet. I'd been pretty sure I wouldn't find what I was looking for and I'd been proven right—there were no birth control pills. So as soon as she'd left for work on Thursday morning, almost twenty-four hours ago, I'd called Dr. Bennett to confirm my belief that Bella hadn't been taking anything since getting back from our trip. Not only had Bella never picked up her new meds, she hadn't returned a single one of Dr. Bennett's calls since May. It was now the second Friday in August and there was no way Bella would go that long without meds and not have a cycle. She was pregnant with our baby—or babies. And I honestly believed she had no idea.

That had to change. Bella had to acknowledge she was pregnant and she had to get in to see Dr. Bennett. There were tests that needed to be run and vitamins Bella needed to be taking. I chose to ignore the part where Dr. Bennett had warned that despite not feeling any hard masses, it could still be a tumor.

Bella shifted against me and immediately held my full attention. I loved watching her wake up in my arms and seeing in her eyes that she had spent the night truly resting. I'd originally thought her tiredness was just from the stress of everything going on between us but that too took on a new meaning now that I believed she was carrying our child inside of her.

After a few stretches and yawns, Bella opened her brown eyes and peered up at me. "Morning."

"Did you sleep okay?" I asked, already knowing the answer from the small smile on her lips.

She nodded and then curled back up against me, even putting her arm around my waist. "Did _you_ sleep okay?" she questioned.

"How could I not with you in my arms?"

"You don't feel like I'm taking advantage or anything do you? I couldn't stand for you to feel that way but I just … I can really sleep when you're next to me. I just don't want you to feel like I'm messing with you in some way because I'm truly not. I want to talk to you but I just need to not be tired first. Does that make sense?"

It was the longest string of words she'd spoken to me in days and I was sure the smile on my face was ridiculously big. I hid it in her hair as I gave her a gentle squeeze and words of assurance. "I'm here for you whether you need to just sleep or you're ready to talk. I would never think for a second you were taking advantage because I know that's not you. And because even though you haven't said it, I know you still love me. There's a peace when you lay with me that wouldn't be there otherwise. I feel it and you feel it. Eventually, we'll get around to talking about it. Until then, I'm happy enough just to hold you. Though I really wish you would stay in the morning and not run off."

"You know I can't. You know all it would take would be for Ali or Jazz to see me coming out of your room and I wouldn't get a second's peace. They'd want to know how and why and when and what does it mean. And they'd tell Bree and Rose and I'd get calls and Skype chats. Jeebus, just thinking about it makes me tired."

"I could talk to them."

A small snort came from her. "Yeah, you could. But do you honestly believe it would do any good?"

"Probably not," I relented.

She shifted against me and I looked down to find her looking right at me. "Don't be sad, okay? It won't always be like this. We'll talk and then … This is just for right now."

"I'm not sad," I promised her. "Not when you're right here with me."

She smiled at my words and I wanted so badly to kiss her, to cover her lips with mine and feel her love for me. But I wasn't sure if she was ready for that so I just held her and smiled right back.

It wasn't long before she was pulling herself up and out of my arms. I tried not to let her see my disappointment as I sat up and watched her pull her hair back, securing it with a silver band. But I must not have been doing such a great job of acting okay because she moved to stand between my legs, giving me a fierce scowl.

"What?" I asked.

"You know what," she said as she ran her hands over the beard that had grown out on my face. I'd thought she would find it scratchy but she swore it felt soft to her. She hardly ever said a word at night but she would sometimes talk to me in the mornings like right now.

"Yeah, I know. I'm a selfish prick. Sorry about that."

Her scowl immediately lifted up into a smile. "You have a prick and you can sometimes act like a prick, but I don't think you've completely become a prick just yet."

"However will we stop me from becoming one?" I joked.

Her answer came in the form of a kiss—a kiss that completely shocked the hell out of me and aroused me to no end at the same time. That first touch of lip to lip had been soft and tentative as if she really thought I might not want her to kiss me—that would be the shocking part. Once she saw I wasn't about to stop her, she put so much passion into it that I suddenly found myself moaning into her mouth and pulling her down on top of me—that would be the aroused portion.

But just as suddenly as things had gotten heated, they were over with Bella pushing away and spewing out apologies. I knew words weren't going to work with her right then so I pulled her back down and kissed her—slowly, comfortingly, and lovingly. I let her know with each brush of my lips against hers that I was fine, she was fine, and we were fine. We weren't ideal by any means, but we were as okay as we'd been before her kiss.

"I love you, Bella. I'll love you whether you kiss me or ignore me. I'll love you whether we're just friends or I once again have you in my life in every possible wonderful way. I know this is going to take time to sort out and I promise I'll be patient. Just please don't regret kissing me and letting me feel for just a moment that you still love me."

"Loving you isn't the problem." She was looking right at me, not hiding from me at all—and she was telling the truth.

"Then what is, Bella? Please tell me so I can fix it."

"I can't. Not just yet. I don't have it all figured out yet."

"Then tell me what you do know. Let me help."

Her eyes filled with tears and I knew whatever she asked of me next I would do for her without question. At least until tonight when I would finally be able to get through to her, to speak to her without any miscommunication between us.

She forced a smile and reached up to run her hands along the edges of my jaw. "Just be patient with me. That's all I need from you for now."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

I glanced up at the clock while waiting for my chat program to log me in, hoping the hands had moved a lot further than the last time I'd checked. Of course, since it had only been about five minutes since the last time I'd looked, those hands had hardly moved. I wouldn't even have to worry about the clock if I hadn't been so stupid as to kiss Edward this morning. Now I was hiding out in my room until it was time to go to work because I was convinced Alice would take one look at me and know exactly what I'd done this morning.

I shook away those thoughts and looked down at my laptop. It was time to talk to my heartbreak buddy and forget the colossal mess my life was in for just a half hour or so.

**BarelyBreathing: **_Numb! Two in a row! Emilie Autumn is insanely good!_

**NumbNuts: **_Vindicated!_

**BarelyBreathing: **_I wouldn't go that far. You were pretty hard up to protect The Langoliers._

**NumbNuts: **_A momentary lapse in sanity brought on by severe emotional distress._

**BarelyBreathing: **_Hello lawyer speak! Is that what you're studying for? Planning to become a legal suit?_

**NumbNuts: **_Arguing isn't my best skill so I'll leave that stuff for others._

**BarelyBreathing: **_Could have fooled me. BTW! Major brain fart with the playlist. Forgot the oldie but goody from one of the masters of crooning … Heartbreak Hotel by Elvis Presley._

**NumbNuts: **_Down on the end of lonely street at heartbreak hotel._

**BarelyBreathing: **_Threw those lyrics out there a little fast, Numb. Another repeat fave of yours?_

**NumbNuts: **_Let's just say a certain someone in my life thinks it's funny to call at odd hours just to play that song into my phone._

I read his reply twice just to make sure I'd read it correctly and then I busted out laughing. How great was that shit? I really needed to find out who this guy's roommates where because they sounded my kind of people.

My computer beeped at me and I sat up straight to see what he'd written this time.

**NumbNuts: **_Oh, hey! So I have to tell you about my week! My girl has spoken to me every single day and I've even gotten her to kiss me a few times._

**BarelyBreathing: **_Wow! Major progress! What was the turning point?_

**NumbNuts: **_My charm and wit._

**BarelyBreathing: **_Yeah, I've seen your attempts at those, remember? What really did it?_

**NumbNuts: **_I'm not sure exactly. I would like to think she sees how honest I'm being this time around. Whatever the reason, I feel so different from the way I did last week. A lot lighter in my heart. I think I'm really close to winning her over and getting her to date me again._

**BarelyBreathing: **_No car sex!_

**NumbNuts: **_Sex is not on the table at all. Well, unless she would want that. But I don't think she would. I think she would want things smoothed out between us first._

**BarelyBreathing: **_Typical male … Unless she would want. Why even pretend like you would turn her down?_

**NumbNuts: **_I wouldn't turn her down. But if I thought she was only doing it for me, I would ask her to wait because when I'm with her I want it to always be a mutual want. I love her and I always want it to be making love with her._

**BarelyBreathing: **_You are SO a chick pretending to be a dude. Busted!_

**NumbNuts: **_Believe what you want. You've seen my picture._

**BarelyBreathing: **_Oh, that photoshopped mess is NOT your picture! LMAO_

**NumbNuts: **_How dare you accuse me of faking my picture! I am hurt!_

**BarelyBreathing: **_snorting here. Prove it then! Meet up with me and let me see the goods in the flesh._

I had only typed that out because I was so sure he wouldn't agree. There was no way I was meeting some stranger from the internet in person. Not unless Charlie and Jacob were there with me, holding their rifles in their arms.

**NumbNuts: **_As tempting as that sounds, I'm going to have to pass. Things are finally going in the right direction with my girl so a trip to meet you is not in the cards right now._

I laughed under my breath at having guessed so right about my heartbreak buddy. Although, if he kept gaining ground with his girl the way he had been, he wasn't going to be heartbroken much longer. I took a moment to really think about how that made me feel … Happy for him, sad for me, and definitely a little bit jealous. But definitely happy for him more than anything else.

**BarelyBreathing: **_So when is the next big date with your girl?_

**NumbNuts: **_Don't know yet but hoping it's really soon. And speaking of plans, I hate to do it, but I have to go. I've got plans tonight and need to start getting ready for them. I was supposed to do stuff earlier but I got sidetracked and now I'm running behind._

**BarelyBreathing: **_Oh, sure! Just blow me off for real life. LOL No, it's fine. I'm going to grab a snack and then head to work. Talk to you tomorrow?_

**NumbNuts: **_That's the plan. Don't work too hard._

**BarelyBreathing: **_Don't let your roomies get you into too much trouble._

**NumbNuts: **_Yeah, like I have control over that! Night BB_

**BarelyBreathing: **_Night Numb_

I closed out the chat program but didn't close my laptop. I'd had the perfect opportunity to get an outside opinion on that kiss with Edward from this morning and I'd chickened out. I'd been too afraid of the brutally honest assessment I knew Numb would give me. He had agreed I was at fault and that I wasn't supposed to be with my ex so if I told him I'd been kissing Edward, then he would tell me what I already knew—I had to back off and leave Edward alone. But that thought just had me coming right back around to what Esme had said about none of this being my fault. This constant battle in my head really needed to stop because it was killing my stomach.

And I needed to grab a mug of tea and then get myself to work. There would be plenty of time later on tonight to deal with the questions rolling around in my head.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

"Bells, you okay?" Kate asked for the second time since I'd gotten to work.

Or maybe it was more than that. Maybe the fourth. I wasn't sure anymore. And I really didn't care; I even told her the full truth. "I don't feel well. I think I've got some kind of sinus thing because every time I get a whiff of a strong smell, I feel sick to my stomach."

_Okay so maybe I'm only partially sick from smells and mostly sick from how much I enjoyed kissing Edward this morning. But there's no way in hell I can tell Kate that._ Not even drinking that tea before work had helped to settle my stomach this time.

"Why don't you work behind the counter tonight and leave the tables to Angela and me?" Kate suggested. "We'll have plenty enough to-go orders with it being Open Mic Night to keep you back there but not so much that you can't sit down between customers. I'd offer for you to head home, but you know we need the help with it being an event night."

"I know. I would never ask to go home and it's way too late to call in one of the other girls."

Kate put arm around my shoulders and rested her head against mine. "It's going to be okay. This too shall pass."

I snorted at that. "_This_? Is there actually a designation that would actually fit this shit?"

"I think 'rough patch' works. Especially since I believe you're going to work things out with Edward. Somehow, someway, the two of you will find a way to make it work."

"How can you say that with a straight face?"

"Because I've seen your face when you see him and he sees you. It's a love that doesn't just roll over and die when things get tough. It gets stronger and binds you together tighter. It's the kind of love my parents had. It's the kind I have with Garrett. And I believe completely it's the kind you have with Edward."

Kate left me alone to think about her words. And to hope they could be true. Esme, the guiding light of my life above only Alice, felt I wasn't done with Edward yet. Everyone who had any association at all with Alice knew what she thought of things. Jasper wanted me with Edward. Edward wanted me with Edward. Bree at least wanted me to talk with Edward. I wasn't sure what Rose thought about all this or even how much she knew since she was still pretty busy in Boston. None of the times we'd talked so far had given me the impression Emmett had said anything to her about our talk in the hospital that day.

Emmett. The one giant massive roadblock in this whole thing. Six years of telling me I was his sister from another mother. Six years of watching out for me, of joking around with me, and of loving me. And just one single day, one single conversation for him to hate me. He blamed me for Edward nearly dying and I'd spent practically the whole summer blaming myself. But we seemed to be the only two blaming me. Edward didn't. Alice didn't. Jasper didn't. Carlisle didn't. Most importantly, Esme didn't blame me. She felt some blame for herself, the majority for Edward, and none for me. And if I felt she was my guide, and the smartest woman I knew, wasn't I wrong for blaming myself when she didn't?

Thankfully for my poor brain, Open Mic Night started and the excitement and sounds got rid of all my conflicting thoughts of family and love and blame. The first few acts of the night were bad enough to be funny. And the many that came after were funny just from having Jasper and Ali sitting back of the counter with me making comments. They'd showed up right as the first act was getting underway.

"I had forgotten how fun these things are," Jasper said, still laughing a little. "Bells, we really should start taping these things for when we need a good laugh."

"I wish Edward would have come to see all this," Alice said from beside me. "But he swore he just _had_ to finish some book he's been reading."

"You know he only likes real music and not this amateur stuff," I told her. "Plus, he was probably afraid you might try and force him to get on stage. Esme told me herself that one of the few things he hadn't been faking was his stage fright."

"Oh, God no! That's totally real," Alice assured me. "When he was younger, he loved taking piano lessons and playing but then when it came time for him to do his recital, he would get so freaked out that he'd get physically ill and not be able to even leave the house. It was one of the only things Emmett wouldn't tease Edward about. It was just too real to make fun of, you know?"

Jasper stood up and stretched and then looked down at Alice. "Ali, honey, this is fun and all, but if we're really going to drive out to Forks tonight, we need to get on the road."

"It's like ten-thirty at night. Why are you two planning to start driving now?" I asked.

"With all the coffee we've had, we're certainly not going to be tired," Alice replied.

"Yeah, and we kind of have a stop to make before we go on to her parents' place," Jasper added as he looked pointedly at Alice.

She blushed and turned away from him to look at me. "Okay, so we are out of here. You be careful driving home and I hope you feel better tomorrow. And if you still are fighting with this cold of yours on Monday, I'm personally taking you to see a doctor."

If I'd thought it would do any good, I would have argued with her. But I didn't so I just smiled and hugged her instead. "Be safe, Ali girl."

"I will. We'll be back Sunday sometime. I just know Mom and I are going to find the perfect outfit tomorrow for her anniversary dinner with Dad."

"Big party is next Friday night right?" I asked. "I want to make sure I have the right days scheduled off for it."

"Exactly right. And we will have a blast at it," Alice assured me. She gave me another hug and kissed my cheek before stepping aside for Jasper to do the same.

"Be super careful driving around so late. I want you two back without a scratch on you," I warned him.

Jasper had a very smug smile on his face. "I can't promise no scratches, but I can promise we'll be perfectly healthy and happy."

"Yeah, okay. Get your perverted little asses out of here. I have work to do," I said as I playfully pushed him away.

"See ya, Darlin'," he called out as he led Alice around the counter.

I couldn't help laughing and shaking my head at those two. They were so private but sometimes they gave these hints about the kinky they were hiding with each other. It was just so them and I felt happy that they were happy.

Of course, it would have been nice to also feel happy about the singers getting up on the stage, but that was rarely how these nights went. At least the number of counter customers was low enough that I wasn't constantly getting up from my stool. And the more I sat there, the better I felt. Maybe Ali was right and I had been working too hard lately. I'd already planned to take all of next weekend off but I'd also planned to hang around the apartment for most of it. _Maybe I should turn it into a little holiday instead to just get away and clear my head out. I could go camping at one of our spots up in Forks. Jake and Charlie would be thrilled to see me—maybe I'd even let them take me fishing with them._

By the time the final act of the night was taking the stage, I had a mental list of possible campsites. I was ignoring that other little note I'd made; the one that mentioned something about asking someone to go along even though that was the worst idea ever but certainly made me smile as if it was the best. _Jeebus, I am one messed up freakin chick_.

My attention shifted from my life to the stage when the overhead lights glinted off of the shiny black electric guitar the guy in the gray hoodie was holding. He gave a few experimental plucks to the guitar strings before starting up a true rhythm; it seemed as though it would be a rather soft song and slow too. He shifted on the stool and leaned so close to the mic I thought he was going to kiss the damn thing for a second.

_Find Me Here.  
Speak To Me.  
I want to feel you.  
I need to hear you.  
You are the light  
That's leading me  
To the place_

_Where I find peace again._

This guy was good! I knew because I knew this song. It was one of the ones Numb had sent me a link to from that band Lifehouse he liked so much. It was called "Everything" if I remembered correctly and this guy had the low, brooding voice thing down cold.

_You are the strength_

_That keeps me walking.  
You are the hope_

_That keeps me trusting.  
You are the light_

_Into my soul.  
You are my purpose._

_You're everything._

_How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?  
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?_

One of the guy's hands came away from the guitar and went to his head, yanking the hood down. Emerald eyes and short copper colored hair filled my vision as Edward stared right at me, stealing my breath away and stopping my heart cold; it truly felt like time was standing still for me.

Seeing his hand moving back to the guitar and the sound of his voice filling my ears let me know that time was very much still in motion. He was singing to me—_speaking_ to me.

_You calm the storms._

_You give me rest.  
You hold me in your hands._

_You won't let me fall.  
You steal my heart_

_And you take my breath away.  
Would you take me in?_

_Take me deeper now?  
_  
_And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?  
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?  
_

His eyes never left mine as he shifted the guitar so he could strum it harder and faster while his voice rose up and filled the coffeehouse, commanding the attention of everyone there. He'd had mine since he'd locked eyes with me after pulling his hood down.

'_Cause you're all I want. You're all I need.  
You're everything. Everything.  
You're all I want. You're all I need.  
You're everything. Everything.  
You're all I want. You're all I need.  
You're everything. Everything.  
You're all I want. You're all I need._

_Oh, Everything. Everything._

The final chord faded out leaving the shop completely silent for just a few seconds before the air filled with cheers, clapping, and whistling. It had been a long time since anyone had been that good in here and the crowd was happy to celebrate Edward's talent.

As for me, I was happy to slink out the backdoor and stand in the empty alley, rubbing at my chest and trying to catch my breath, hopefully without puking on my sneakers. How could looking at a person hurt so damn much? And why couldn't I just look at him? Why did I have to remember every single sweet and kind word he'd ever spoken to me? Why did I have to remember the safety of his arms, the warmth of his body, and the spicy scent of his skin? Why did I have to feel him all around me even though I knew for a fact it had been two months, twenty-one days, and eighteen hours since we'd last been connected in that way? And why had I wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and kiss away both of our pain after hearing him sing to me? Probably because there hadn't been a doubt in my mind that he meant every word. I was his everything just like he was mine. So why was I out here with him in there?

Because I still didn't know if I was dangerous for him or not. I still didn't know if he was safe near me. As much as I loved him and wanted to be with him, I needed him safe more.

"Bella."

I spun around at the sound of his voice, nearly falling on my face because of the dizzy state I'd been in since seeing it was Edward up on that stage. He caught me long before I was in danger of falling and held me against his chest.

His arms felt so different—harder and thicker. And when I'd hugged him in the past few days there had been so much more of him to hug. His body felt so different but being in his arms felt exactly the same—it was home. That had to mean Emmett was wrong didn't it? 'Cause if not it was the cruelest thing in the entire world to let this feel so right if it was really wrong.

Holding me tightly in a grungy alley behind a coffeehouse, Edward started to sing the same words from earlier with even more feeling if that was possible. "You're all I want. You're all I need. You're everything."

Nearly every part of me was shaking despite the massive effort I was putting forth to seem unaffected. I just didn't want to risk hurting him even further and until I knew if I was dangerous for him or not, I couldn't give him false hope for things between us to be better. "I can't be your everything, Edward. Not right now when things are messed up."

His hands settled over my cheeks and drew my eyes up to his. "But you are no matter what, Bella. I needed to say it in a way I knew you would hear and now that I have your attention, it's time we talked. It's time we really talked to each other and figured out exactly what the issues are between us."

"Talking won't change things."

"I'm not giving up on us without a fight."

Before I could say a word his lips were on mine, kissing me both softly and desperately. I knew I needed to stop this, to end it before I could cause any more damage to him, but I didn't know how. Not a single second went by where I didn't miss him or wish I was a better person—a person capable of being with him and not killing him. I didn't have the strength to keep fighting him while being right next to him.

Edward pulled his lips just far enough away to speak. "Will you please come with me and talk to me?"

"Talking won't change anything."

"Maybe not. Maybe you're right and nothing can be done. But at least give me closure, Bella. Let me have the knowledge that I did every single thing possible to fix what I damaged."

It was my confusion over his damage comment that made me agree; or maybe that was just a less selfish reason for going with him than the simple truth of going because of how much I wanted to be with him.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

She'd heard me. I had seen it in her eyes and felt it in her kiss earlier. I could feel it right now in the way she was clutching my hand on the console between us. But she was still scared of something—scared enough that she had refused to talk with me at the apartment because Jasper and Alice _might_ come home. I'd tried telling her they were in Forks for the weekend. They'd left right after hearing me sing at the coffeehouse, though Bella thought they'd left much earlier. They'd merely gone outside, put on hooded jackets, and then slunk into the booth in the back I'd been sitting in most of the night. They'd wanted to watch me play. And to see Bella's reaction.

Since I'd been unable to convince Bella we would be alone at the apartment, I'd rented us a room at a local hotel. We'd gone back to the apartment to drop off her car and to pack overnight bags, and now we were almost at the hotel.

Step one of my plan was done. She'd heard me. She knew I loved her and wanted only her. That she truly was everything to me. Now I only had to get through step two, which was getting the full truth out of her about why she'd been avoiding me. After that, step three would be a breeze—get her to take a pregnancy test. Or so I really, really hoped.

I didn't want to share the news with anyone until we'd taken a test and absolutely confirmed things but I also could barely stand not shouting it from a rooftop. This woman beside me, the beautiful angel I'd loved for so long now, was carrying our child. Together, we'd done the impossible and created a miracle inside of her. I wanted everyone to know it. And I wanted Dr. Bennett to confirm it and to confirm that Bella and our baby were both healthy. But that would have to come later. For now, I had to get Bella to trust me enough to confide in me. I had to know what her promise was all about and who had forced her to make that promise in the first place. I was positive that promise was what was standing between us and causing her to keep me at a distance.

I set our bags down just inside the door of our room before turning to close and lock it. By the time I turned around, Bella was in front of the windows with the curtains pulled back wide and showing off a view of the city. I walked up behind her and pulled her into my chest, letting my hands rest over her stomach and watching her reflection in the glass. Her expression had been alternating between hopeful and fearful all night and now was no different. If she suspected at all that just below my hands a life was growing, it was so far deep down that it had no voice in the middle of this mess. I silently promised it would be soon. I would fix all of this. And then I'd just have to add a step four which would be telling Charlie I'd gotten his daughter pregnant without getting shot.

"Edward." She'd said my name in that same unsure tone she'd used at my first baseball game. I hated that damn tone and all it stood for—my lies, her pain, and the distance separating us.

I held her tighter and placed a tender kiss just behind her ear. "What is it, Angel?"

"Why does it have to be so complicated? Why can't we just love each other and the world let that happen without any bad stuff coming along to screw it up?"

"It's not the world who screwed it up. It was me. I wasn't honest with you or anyone else in my life. Did I tell you Karen's still not speaking to me? She calls to check on my health and she sends me email updates about her life, but she's still hurting too much to really talk to me."

"That doesn't sound fair. Or very best friend like."

"People handle pain differently. She shuts down and shuts people away. You turned your pain inward, blaming yourself for things so far beyond your control."

"It didn't seem like it at the time. And honestly, I'm still not completely convinced. I mean, I get that you were born with the defect, but I still feel like I had a hand in things getting worse all of a sudden."

"Bella, it was bad timing and nothing more. No matter who would have been in the car with me, it would have still triggered my heart's failure. It wasn't the person with me. It was the stress of the accident on my body because _I_ hadn't been taking care of it correctly."

She turned to face me, letting me see the tears slipping from her eyes firsthand and not just in the reflection of the glass. "Why, Edward? Why did you hide such a huge vital thing from all of us?"

"I had a lot of reasons but looking back on them now, none of them were good ones. I didn't want to be teased. I was afraid of the surgery. I thought I could control it all on my own. I didn't want to worry my family …

"Bella, I had so many stupid, stupid reasons and I came so close to losing everything. But somehow I didn't. I'm right here in front of you. I'm holding you. I wish I could explain to you how afraid I was that I'd never have this again. And I know you haven't decided to give me another chance. I know we have so much to talk about. But at the same time, this feels so right. You're everything that makes my life good and meaningful and … and worth it. If it takes me months, years, I don't care. I'll do whatever it takes to fix this and have everything with you again."

She smiled but it was full of nothing but sadness. "You don't know how often I've dreamed you would say something like that. How often I've wished I could just wrap my arms around you and forget all about these past months. But I can't. Not without making everything so much worse. I want so badly to stay but I can't. And it kills me every second of every day."

"Why not, Bella? What's so broken between us that we can't fix it together?"

"It's not that simple. It's not just about us. There's—" She quit speaking and bit her lip instead, turning her eyes and head away from me.

I pushed down my own frustrations and focused on the obvious pain she was feeling, gently turning her face back to mine. "You love me. I know you do. And I know that any doubts you might have had about my feelings were cleared up when I sang to you tonight. You know I ignored my stage fright and got up there just to prove to you how much I love you. And you heard it, Bella. I know you did."

"You're not listening," she cried, pulling away from me completely. For a moment, I feared she was about to leave, but she stopped near the edge of the bed and turned back to face me, wrapping her arms around herself as if they were the only things keeping her together. "It's not about love, Edward. It's never been about love in that way. It's about survival. _Your_ survival. And mine because I can't be in a world where you don't exist. Can't you understand that at all?"

I crossed the room in quick strides so I could take her hand before she could stop me. I pressed her palm directly over my heart and held it there. "I do exist. I live and I breathe and I wake up every single day wanting you. I go to bed at night and I dream of you for hours. Sometimes, it's so real that when I wake up and you aren't there, I feel so alone and lost that I can't breathe. I hurt my family, I hurt you, I hurt myself … I've got a heart that works perfectly now and I can do anything except the one thing I want most—to be with you. To love you and hold you and make you smile. To show you every single day how much you mean to me."

"I can't give you what you want if it'll hurt you."

"What are you talking about?"

"Your heart works now and we all want it to stay that way."

I could feel my eyes widen with how shocked I felt at that moment. All this time, all this distance … She really believed she could somehow cause my heart to physically stop working correctly. How in the hell would I convince her otherwise short of dragging her off to Seattle to meet with Dr. Chris? And what would I do if she didn't believe him?

It took me a moment, but I finally thought of something that might work. "Bella, do you trust my father?"

She gave me a strange look even as she nodded. "I trust both your parents."

"And you believe they would never lie to you? Especially not about something big? Something very important?"

"Of course they wouldn't lie. They know it just causes trouble later on. Why? Where's this going?"

"Just bear with me a second," I said as I pulled my phone from my jeans pocket. I flipped through my contacts and selected my parents' home phone. After a few rings, my father answered. "Dad, it's Edward."

"Everything okay?" he asked.

"Not yet, but it will be soon. Listen, I have someone here who wants to talk with you." I held the phone out to Bella and said, "You know he won't lie for me. Ask him."

Bella bit at her lip the entire time she debated with herself on whether or not to take the phone. I was extremely close to forcing the phone up to her ear when she finally took it from me.

"Hey, Carlisle," she said, glancing up at me through her lashes.

I walked over to the window to give her a sense of privacy even as I listened closely to every word that tumbled from her lips.

"I'm okay.

"I miss you too.

"I guess … Well he seems to think if I ask you something and you answer, I have no choice but to believe it because I know you wouldn't lie.

"No, I definitely trust you.

"I know.

For a long time, all she did was nod her head and I started to worry she would never ask my dad the question. If she could just form the words and push them past her lips, he'd tell her there was no way she could harm my heart. And she would believe him. And once she believed him, she would believe me and we could start to fix all this.

"Okay then, my question is …

I found myself holding my breath, waiting for her to ask the question that would help me to start the healing with her.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

Even though he wasn't looking at me, I knew Edward was listening to every word I said on the phone to Carlisle. It was making me nervous and I hated it. Even more, I hated not knowing why it made me nervous. It wasn't anything to do with Carlisle and whether or not he'd be honest—there was no doubt in my mind he would never lie for his son. I would have believed that even if I hadn't believed completely that Carlisle loved me enough to never hurt me that way.

"Bella? Are you still there, Sweetheart?" Carlisle questioned.

"Yeah. Um … Okay, so my question … Is there any way a person, someone like me who's always doing something and can be kinda loud and excitable … Is there a chance somebody like that can make Edward's heart act up again?"

"No." Just one little word but it had all the power it needed to turn my world upside down.

"No? You're sure about that? Absolutely one hundred percent sure? Not even a hundredth of a tenth of an ounce of doubt?"

Carlisle's soft laughter came through the phone clearly. "Sweetheart, few are more excitable than our dear Alice and she didn't even cause a blip on his stress test. Edward's heart is healthier than it has ever been. All he has to do to keep it that way is maintain a healthy diet with regular exercise. He can do all the things a young man his age should be able to do."

"Seriously?"

"Let me put it to you in very technical terms … The surgery corrected his heart and made it as if there never had been a hole."

There was no way I couldn't laugh at that. "Yeah, that's real technical, _Doctor_ Cullen."

"Bella, his heart is truly healthy. And the few limitations he has are things he would never do anyway."

"Like what?"

"Like no energy drinks. Those are bad for everyone. And I wouldn't recommend sky diving but that's just because as a parent, I don't want to trust fabric to stop the fall of my children. I prefer them to pursue much safer hobbies."

"Yeah, safer," I scoffed. "Have you seen this baseball thing he likes? They throw those balls so damn fast I can barely keep track of them. And they all look like they're going to hit him."

Carlisle apparently found my thoughts on baseball funny because he was cracking up laughing on the other end of the phone.

"I see you'll be of no help," I told him.

"I'm sorry, Bella." Considering he was still laughing, I didn't buy it at all.

"So getting back to being serious," I said, speaking loudly so he would hear me over the sound of his laughter.

Carlisle cleared his throat a couple times and when he spoke again, he was completely serious. "Bella, don't let fear for Edward's heart cripple your own heart. His refusal to have the surgery earlier in life caused his hospital stay, not anything you did or didn't do. And now that he's had his surgery, and he's followed all of the rules for his recovery, he's perfectly healthy."

"Thanks for telling me all this."

"Whether you decide to take him back or you decide to move on, please know that nothing you say, you do, or you decide can cause any physical harm to him. You might bruise his pride and crush his ego, but after all he's put us through he deserves it."

"I don't feel that way. I don't feel mad at him."

"Don't worry. You will. We all have gone through it at one time or another. And when you're done with the anger, you'll be able to start to forgive him. But first, my dear girl, you need to forgive yourself and to trust me when I say you never had anything to feel guilty about in the first place. You did nothing wrong."

I nodded, completely forgetting he couldn't see it. Hell at that moment, I was surprised I was even standing on my own two feet. It sure as hell felt like they'd been knocked out from under me.

"Bella, is there anything else you'd like to ask me?"

"Will you give Esme a hug and kiss for me?"

"It would be my absolute pleasure."

"Thanks. And have her do the same for you. I love you both."

"And we love you, Bella. Goodnight, Sweetheart."

"Goodnight." I closed Edward's phone and tossed it onto the bed. I don't know how long I stood there staring at it before my feet started to hurt and I sat down next to it.

I really hadn't done anything to Edward's heart. And I couldn't do anything bad to it now. But Emmett had believed I had enough to hate me and threaten me if I ever came near him or his brother. None of it seemed real at that moment and I felt … Honestly, I felt ready to just scream and scream and scream some more.

"Bella."

I didn't look up. I couldn't right now. It would just confuse me even more. "Not yet, Edward. Just … Just let me think."

"Alright." After a few seconds of silence had passed, he said, "Listen, why don't you go take a warm shower and get out of your work clothes? I'll be here when you get out if you want to talk or if you just want to lay with me. I don't mind either way."

I got up and grabbed my bag from near the door, taking it into the bathroom with me. I set it on the counter and then just stood there, staring at my reflection in the mirror. Since I'd been sneaking into Edward's room to sleep, the purple under my eyes was nearly gone. Unfortunately, the sleep wasn't so great at shedding the extra pounds I'd been packing on with all of my cheating on my diet. I really needed to start exercising again. Of course, I'd need to go and visit Dr. Bennett first.

In the beginning, my decision not to pick up the meds hadn't really been a decision at all. I'd literally forgotten all about them. And then when Dr. Bennett had left that message to remind me … Well, I hadn't really been all that rational at the time and I'd decided feeling the physical pain from my body would be a great way to ignore all the emotional pain I was going through. When that pain never came, I knew my body had finally crapped out on me and I didn't need to go visit her and let her run tests to tell me that. I knew I wouldn't be able to ignore it forever and I'd have to go in and get all the parts taken out, but it all seemed so unimportant right now. Besides, now that it was broken it wasn't like it mattered if I went to see her today or next month.

Unimportant … That had always been one of my favorite things about Edward. That way he had of making everything else fade into the background. Hell, the man could even make marriage seem appealing. But that had been before everything went to shit. Now things just didn't seem important because they didn't involve him. He wasn't in my life anymore.

But he wanted to be. And according to Carlisle, there was no reason for Edward not to be. So why was I in here staring at my own reflection instead of out there loving Edward? Was it fear? Or was it a sense that Carlisle was somehow wrong? That there was something he hadn't thought of or considered when he'd told me it was safe for me to be near Edward? I had no clue and until I did, I felt just as stuck as ever.

The only thing I really had going for me was knowing I could sleep beside Edward without harming him. So after I'd taken a shower and tossed on some shorts and one of the t-shirts I liked to sleep in, I crawled up beside him in the bed. He'd already changed into a pair of loose shorts and was busy laughing at one of the really late night talk shows.

Without even glancing my way, he lifted his arm and offered for me to get even closer. I took the invitation and curled up against his side with my arm anchored over his hips. For a long time he listened to the television and I listened to his breathing mingled with his heart beating normal and steady and perfect.

As soon as the show ended, he turned off the television and shifted in the bed to face me. The curtains were still open from earlier and the lights from the city illuminated the room and his face as he put an arm around me.

"I love you." His admission made me smile—and it was real and not sad. It felt good to smile with him.

It probably would have felt good to say those words back to him, but I couldn't just yet. Not until I knew for sure I was safe for him. Instead, I let him know I believed his words. "You got up in front of a room full of people and sang about loving me. And you didn't puke doing it."

A huge smile filled his face and he shifted himself a little closer to me. "Yeah, but I was so nervous that by the time I was done I had to rub my hands on my jeans like eight times before I got all the sweat off. I didn't want to touch you with wet hands."

"Thanks 'cause that would have been really gross."

"I'm glad you liked it. The song, I mean."

"How long had you been planning it?"

"Since that day at the baseball field. I just had this feeling that you weren't really hearing me. You weren't hearing that I love you and that I believe we can still be good together. But I had no idea you thought for a second you could somehow mess up my heart. I know you don't really want to talk yet, but could you at least tell me how you got to that conclusion?"

I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead against his shoulder. "Not tonight, please. I'm too tired for that conversation."

"Alright." He kissed my forehead and said, "Sweet dreams, Angel."

Once he was settled with his head on his pillow, I lifted my hand to his cheek and left it there. I liked the way the hairs felt against my palm—how real they felt, proving I wasn't dreaming any of this. I felt his facial muscles move and I knew he was smiling; he was perfectly content to sleep with my hand pressed against his face.

While I laid there beside him waiting for sleep, I thought of how he'd looked up on the stage tonight. The way his eyes had shined in the lights and the way they'd never once looked away from me. The conviction of his voice as he sang each and every word. The tremble in his legs that gave away his stage fright. The smooth movements of his fingers as he plucked the music from his guitar. The undeniable surety I felt at hearing him say I was his everything—I knew without a doubt his heart had spoken directly to mine.

And my heart wanted one thing so badly that it went for it despite all the warnings from my brain … His lips were soft under mine and it barely took any time at all for him to start kissing me back. His hands ghosted up and down my arms while my own held his face. A small press of lips to lips, a shared breath, a longer kiss, and then back to a smaller one. It was unhurried and loving; it was everything that had been and could be between us. And I was scared of it just as much as I was thrilled by it.

When the kiss ended for us both to breathe easier, I waited to feel regret and selfishness. It was all I'd really been allowing myself to feel lately because every other emotion had me wanting to run to him and ignore the potential consequences. But right now I just felt wanted by him, and I felt how much I loved and wanted him.

I couldn't tell him what he wanted to hear yet, but I felt like there was one thing I could say. I looked him right in those bright green eyes of his as I said the words … "You steal my heart and take my breath away, Edward Cullen."

He smiled and pulled me down to lay on his chest. "You stole mine first, Bella Swan."

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, taking in his scent and getting used to the new firmness of his chest. I'd only slept curled up against him and not actually on him in the past few nights. His fingers ended up in my hair, brushing through the strands and massaging my scalp; it was impossible not to feel relaxed and contented under his touch.

Apparently I was a little too relaxed because my mouth managed to speak without my brain's permission. "I wish I could just say okay and then we'd be together and everything else would just fall into place or fade away. But I don't know if that's possible."

"We could always give it a try and see. If it ends up being harder than that, then we'll just make a list of what needs to be fixed and work our way through it one by one."

Hearing how willing he was to stick around and work things out … It made it impossible to remember why I was so reluctant to tell him how I really felt. Or maybe a better way to explain it was to say it made it easy to convince myself telling him couldn't hurt any worse than not being with him. "I love you. No matter what happens, I do love you."

"I love you too, Bella. I really wish you wouldn't worry so much, though. I know we'll find a way to fix all of this. For now, get some sleep. We've got a lot to talk about in the morning." His arm curled around my body, holding me firmly against his chest. It felt like a promise to never let go and it was more than enough to lull me into sleep.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

The elevator's indicator light was changing too slowly for my tastes and I jammed my thumb into the button, praying it would somehow make the damn thing speed up. It was moving so slow it had given me plenty of time to get my shirt and shoes on. I'd only stayed in the room long enough to get my jeans on since her side of the bed had still been warm. She couldn't be that far ahead of me and I wasn't about to waste time dressing. I had to find Bella before she could convince herself last night had been a mistake. I had no idea what had happened in the six or so hours since she'd fallen asleep on me, but something had her running.

When she'd fallen asleep so quickly and peacefully lying on my chest last night, I'd felt so sure everything would be okay from that moment on. She'd admitted she was afraid of damaging my heart, my father had convinced her that wasn't possible, and she'd flat out told me she still loved me. And she'd kissed me. Probably the best kiss of my entire life and the last thing she should ever consider a mistake.

The elevator dinged and the door finally started to open. I didn't even wait for it to part completely before trying to get into the cab. I nearly ran right over Bella in my rush. She had tears running down her face and her arms were wrapped so tightly around her body that her little knuckles were white. A huge weight lifted from my chest at the sight of her and I pulled her into my arms just to make sure she was really there.

As much as I wanted to just stand there and never let go of her, we couldn't just stand here all day with her crying. The sound of the door closing confirmed my thought and had me sticking my leg out to stop it. It also had Bella laughing through her tears since I nearly knocked both of us over.

"I thought I was the clumsy one," she said while wiping her eyes against her sleeve.

"Hey, I kept my balance. But only because I had your help." I smiled at her and led her out of the elevator and back to our room, hoping she'd caught the double meaning in my words.

Bella crawled up into the bed, tucking her legs up and setting her chin on her knees. I sat beside her and picked up her hand, holding it against my chest so she could feel the steady beat. I hoped she would find it reassuring and start to believe me about it physically being fine.

"Why did you leave?" I asked, brushing her long brunette locks aside to see her face. It was barely morning but there was enough light coming from the window to see her wet cheeks and red eyes.

She used her sleeve to dry her face a little before answering. "I wanted to see how it felt. If it still felt right. But it didn't. As soon as I got to the lobby, I couldn't press the button to come back up here fast enough. I know I'm supposed to go so that I can't make everything so much worse, but I can't do it. I don't know why I can't. I don't know if it's because this is really where I'm supposed to be or if I'm just too selfish to let go of you."

"Bella, I don't understand. You said sort of the same thing last night. What will you make worse?"

"Your life. My life. The lives of everyone we know and love."

"No you won't. You can only make my life better. And I'm going to do everything I can to make yours better in return."

"You don't understand, Edward. It's not that simple."

"Then tell me. Explain it to me so I understand what you're thinking and feeling."

"I'm not any good for you. I'm poison and I nearly killed you."

I cupped her face and lifted it, making sure she looked right at me. "No, Angel. You never hurt me and you certainly weren't responsible for my heart failing me. That was all on me, Bella. I put off the surgery I needed. I went beyond my limits because I wanted to, not because you forced me. You heard my father last night. You didn't do anything wrong."

"That's not true. I did force you. I pleaded with you and you got on stage that first time. And you always hated BOG, but you kept going. And—"

I put my fingers over her lips to still her and then kissed her softly. "No. You asked me to do normal things any normal person would be able to handle. And instead of being honest, I pretended to be normal because I wanted so badly to be perfect for you even when you kept telling me you didn't expect perfection, just honesty. I made the wrong choices, Bella. Not you. No one thinks you did any harm to me. They all see how much you love me and how happy you make me. It's why they've all been trying to get us to talk."

"That's not what—" She stopped herself and bit her lip so hard it turned white.

"What, Bella? What were you about to say?"

She shook her head and lowered her eyes, trembling from head to toe.

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close, trying to soothe her by holding her and rubbing her back. "It's alright, Bella."

"Nothing is alright, Edward. Things have been messed up for so long and every time I think I've got them figured out, they get more confusing."

"Then let me help you. Talk to me and we can figure it out together."

"I can't."

"You can. You can trust me, Bella. I'm done with lying. I'll tell you anything and everything you want to know and it will always be the honest truth."

"No, you don't understand."

As frustrating as this was for me, I knew it was worse for her so I forced my voice to come out calm and even. "You keep saying that but you don't tell me what it means. Why, Bella? Am I completely wrong? Did I break more than your trust in me? Did I ruin the love you felt for me?"

Her words were so soft I barely heard them. "If I didn't love you, I wouldn't have been able to walk away."

"What made you decide walking away was a sign of love?"

Instead of answering, she started crying. And it wasn't just a few tears. It was huge sobs that shook her body no matter how tightly I held her against me. It was also the kind of crying that didn't end until she fell into an exhausted sleep. Whatever had her so scared, I didn't think it had to do with my lying. Something else had happened between her visit to wish me luck with my surgery and when she'd snuck away from the hospital. As much as I didn't want to press her, I couldn't let her leave this room without telling me what that something was.

I held her every single minute of the two and a half hours she slept. And once I felt her waking, I still didn't let go. I waited for her to finish rubbing at her eyes and yawning before speaking. I kept my voice soft and calm with just a hint of insistence to let her know how important this was to me. "Bella, what did you promise about me and to whom?"

"I can't tell you."

"Can't or won't?"

She wasn't trembling like before but there was no mistaking the fear in her eyes. "More like I really don't want to because so much has already been ruined and I don't want to cause any more damage."

"Bella, you haven't caused any damage. I'm the one that lied, not you. You have to believe that because it's the truth."

"No, it's the truth you want. It's the truth that Bree, Esme, Alice, and Jasper want. I think maybe even my dad wants it because whenever he calls he asks me if I've talked with you yet."

"So who doesn't want it, Bella? You?"

"No," she said with a soft sob. "I want it so much that I'm too scared to even think about it."

"Then who?" I asked, keeping my voice as soft as possible while brushing away her tears with my fingers. "Who doesn't want you with me, Bella?"

Her fingers closed around my wrists, keeping my hands pressed against her cheeks as if she was afraid I'd disappear if she didn't hold tight. Her lips moved almost too fast for me to keep up with what she was saying. "It's only because he loves you. He says I'm poison and that I nearly took you away from him. I thought he was right because he loves you so much. But Esme doesn't think that way and I trust her and I would take her advice on anything else. But I love you and if I ever knew for sure I hurt you, I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

Her tears were coming too fast for me to keep up with and I could hear in her voice that more were going to follow before this was done. Whoever had told her these things had really hurt her and left her believing she was bad for me and that he cared more for me than she did. I knew it wasn't Jasper or my dad, or even her dad. So that only left a few men in her life—I didn't want to believe any of them would be so cruel to her.

"Bella, whoever told you that you were poison was sorely mistaken. You are the best thing in my life. You are everything in my life. Without you, it's not even worth calling it a life. So whoever told you that stuff was wrong and I want to know who said it so that I can set him straight. Because no matter what he told you, I know the truth. And the truth is that you love me as much as I love you and we are meant to be together."

It took her a few tries because she kept choking on her tears, but she finally got her question out. "How can you mean that?"

"You said it yourself, Angel. You left me despite how much it hurt you just because you thought it was best for me. And I love you enough that I would do the same if I thought it was best for you, but it's not. What's best for both of us is to be together because that's when we're happy, Bella. That's when we're at peace and really living our lives. The rest of the time, we're just waiting to be together. I know it's true for me and I would bet every dollar I have that it's true for you too."

"I want to believe that. I want to believe it's true and that you're right. That Esme's right. And Ali and Jazz and everyone else telling me not to give up on us."

"But you can't because of what this other person said?" I guessed.

Bella slowly nodded her head.

"Who told you to stay away from me, Bella?"

Her response was to close her eyes and bite her lip.

I carefully pried her lower lip free with my thumb while kissing her closed eyes. "It's okay, Angel. You can tell me."

"I don't want to ruin your relationship."

"I don't think you will. I think whoever said it made a mistake. I've made plenty of my own so I understand how good intentions go bad."

She opened her eyes just enough to peek up at me through her wet lashes. "You really think so? You think he just made a mistake? Because I know he would never lie. Not about something like this."

"It has to be a mistake, Angel, because the truth is that I was the only one responsible for my heart condition. Hearing me tell him that will make him realize his error, and that it was all on me, not you. I wouldn't have even gotten around to seriously scheduling the surgery with Dr. Chris if it wasn't for you. And if I had gotten the surgery when I should have, you never would have been driving that day because I would have been feeling well enough to drive. So please tell me who said those things to you so I can set him straight. And once you know for sure he didn't mean his words, then you and I can start to fix things."

Before she gave her answer, she tucked herself so close to me that she seemed more like a scrunched up pillow pressed against my chest and thighs than a person. Despite her huddled position and the whisper she spoke in, I heard the name clearly—Emmett.

As much as I wanted to get my brother on the phone, I knew Bella needed me to focus on her first. I held her, stroked her back, and made every promise I thought she needed to hear until she relaxed and slept once more. And then I laid her on the bed and just watched over her … the rise and fall of her chest … the swell of her stomach that her hoodie was barely hiding … the way her lips were puckered from breathing out of her mouth—all that crying earlier had left her nose stopped up.

While watching her sleep, I realized I couldn't call Emmett. Not yet anyway. In order to make sure this got fixed, I needed to know exactly what he'd said to her, word for word so he could answer for each and every one. I wanted to justify his actions. I wanted to really believe what I'd been saying earlier about it just being a mistake. But what if it wasn't? What if he'd done it on purpose? It certainly wouldn't be the first time he wanted me far away from Bella. But those other times had been for her benefit and I'd seen in his face it was out of love for her. But this time … Telling her she was poison to me … That wasn't love. That was evil.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**EPOV:**

After confiding it was Emmett who had told her to stay away, Bella had fallen asleep again only to wake up an hour later hungry and thirsty. We'd ordered a breakfast of oatmeal, fruit, and tea to share and watched a little television together. I hadn't planned to ask her anything more right then considering how upset she'd gotten just from saying my brother's name but she'd suddenly started talking while staring into her tea cup, telling me all the things my brother had said to her. Despite how horrified I'd felt for her, she'd seemed to take it well, calming down quickly—and in my arms. I hadn't convinced her completely that my brother hadn't meant his words but at least she wasn't afraid to be in the same room as me anymore.

She was sleeping once again, nestled under the covers with her hair spread out on the pillow and her face relaxed in sleep—I could see her in the mirror I was standing in front of. I wanted to be like that. I wanted to be in bed beside her just enjoying having her near. But I couldn't get her face out of my head from earlier when she'd described Emmett in her hospital room—she'd had so much pain and fear in her brown eyes. I also couldn't get the words my brother had said to her out of my head and it was why I'd ended up jumping out of bed and just barely making it into the bathroom before puking.

I turned off the water and patted my face dry with the towel that had been sitting on the counter. Between my choices and my brother's actions, we were lucky Bella hadn't just packed up her things and disappeared from our lives forever. It was the thought of never seeing her again that had me sick to my stomach and running for the bathroom.

I sat down in the chair with a book I'd pulled from my bag, trying to get my mind off of all of this for just a little while. I needed to be calm for when Bella woke up—I didn't want her thinking for a second that I was upset with her.

Emmett. It wasn't bad enough he'd called her poison. No, not for my brother. He'd told Bella her teasing had weakened my heart. And the tattoo I'd gotten. And the bike rides I'd taken with her. He'd taken special memories she and I had made together and turned them black, leaving her blaming herself and trying desperately to forget the time she'd spent with me.

And as if that wasn't enough, he'd threatened to physically harm her if she came anywhere near me. No wonder she freaked out whenever she heard his name … That time with Alice over Bree's goodbye dinner in Seattle … Hiding from me at the apartment … All those extra hours at the coffeehouse … Flinching that night my parents had come to visit. I had no clue how Bella had been brave enough to stay in the apartment once I'd moved in, and once again I felt extremely thankful she hadn't packed up and moved away.

I'd originally planned to wait until tomorrow before calling Emmett so I'd have plenty of time to calm down before speaking to him, but I was only getting angrier with each passing second. The book I'd been reading about the early days of Boston's creation—a book my brother had sent me—couldn't hold my attention for more than a few sentences at a time, making it impossible to comprehend what I was reading.

I tried for a while to distract myself by watching Bella sleep. At first it seemed to work, but then the covers slipped down from her twisting around in the bed and I found myself looking at her pregnant belly—and knowing my brother was the reason she couldn't see it. That on top of thinking of the constant state of fear she'd been in over these past months had my temper boiling.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't wait to talk to him. I grabbed the keycard for the room and my cell from the dresser. I opened the door as quietly as I could and closed it in the same manner. And then I walked a few doors down just to make sure I wouldn't wake Bella. She was already afraid she would ruin the relationship Emmett and I had built together in the past few months and the last thing she needed right now was to hear anything that might sound like an argument between he and I.

He was probably busy with Rosalie since it was Saturday afternoon, but I wasn't going to hang up. Not until he answered for what he'd done.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**A/N:** Dun, dun, dun! Edward knows! And Emmett is in deep, deep dinosaur poop! And poor Bella is just a tiny little babystep from finally realizing that Edward's heart can't get damaged by her. She's almost to believing!

Special shout-out to **janefanatic** from over at the Coffee House site. She pointed out a major flaw in the heartbreak playlist from last chapter and I went ahead and corrected it in this one.

Also, there's a new teaser on the WTB page of my website, and a new blog up on the Pepe Says page talking about ways to help make the world better for everyone, from helping out Kellan Lutz with one of his charities to doing something small in your own community. Link to my site is on my profile page.


	50. Piecing It Together Part 1

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Piecing It Together – Part 1**

**Chapter Song: "What About Now" by Daughtry**

**Edward's POV:**

Emmett answered on the fifth ring with a huff. "Kind of busy here, Bro. Can I call you back in an hour?"

"I wasn't fucking up my relationship with Bella enough on my own for you? You had to go and try to finish it off?" I'd originally planned on trying to be calm with him, but hearing him sound annoyed just set me off. What right did he have to be annoyed with what he'd done to Bella and me? Nearly three months without each other and all because he'd opened his stupid mouth and told her things he couldn't possibly believe were true. And if he did believe them … If he did, I honestly didn't see how we would ever fix things between him and me again.

"What the hell, Edward? Are you on something, Bro? What the hell is going on over there?"

"How could you do it? How could you be so cruel to Bella? She loves you and trusts you and you completely shit all over her. You told her she was poison. You told her it was her fault I had to have heart surgery."

"Woah, back the truck up! What the hell are you talking about? I haven't even heard from Bella lately."

"Have you wondered at all why that was, Emmett?"

"I just figured she was messed up over you."

"Yeah, no fucking shit!" I yelled into the phone. "How could you do this to her? How could you do it to _me_? I thought we'd finally patched things up, Em. I thought you understood I loved you despite every crappy thing you'd ever said and done to me. And I thought that you finally loved me back."

"Edward, you're not making any sense. For one, I do love you. I've always loved you. I just didn't always get along with you. When I almost lost you, it made me see how petty I'd been with you and I've tried hard to make up for that. I would never do anything to hurt you. And for another, I wouldn't tell Bella something so damn asinine. We all know you screwed your own self with all your lying."

"But you did tell her that stuff, Emmett. The day of my surgery you went to her room. She was hurt from the accident and scared for me and instead of being there to comfort her, you told her she was poison. You made her believe she was the reason my heart was fucked up. You made her _leave_ me. Do you have any idea how much it's been killing me to be without her? Or how much it's been killing her?"

"Edward, I'm not calling anyone a liar or anything, but I don't remember saying anything like that to Bella. If I did it, I didn't mean it. It was just anger and fear talking, not me."

I let my forehead bang against the wall and closed my eyes, trying hard to pull in my temper. He sounded like he was being honest and I really wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. "Why didn't you talk to her? Why didn't you correct her and let her know she never hurt me? All she ever did was love me and make my life everything I wanted it to be."

"Because I honestly didn't know, Edward. You can ask Rose and Alice. Hell, ask Mom and Dad. I've been asking all of them what's wrong with Bella. I honestly had no idea why she was avoiding you. Or me for that matter."

"Because you fucking told her you would hit her if she came near either of us. You told her you weren't going to allow her to kill me and that when I was better, I would agree with you. You made her hate herself when she'd done nothing wrong. Now she's had almost three months to convince herself you were right about her and that saving me means staying away from me. Do you know how fucking hard it's been just to get her to look at me, much less speak to me? This whole damn time she's been terrified you would come through on your promise. And not only did she believe everything you said to her, but she's been protecting you this whole time. She didn't want to tell me your name or what you'd said to her because she was worried she would mess things up between you and me."

There was a long moment of silence before Emmett spoke. "I'm sorry, Edward. I don't know what else to say, Bro. I didn't mean for this to happen. If I'd had any idea I'd said that stuff, I would have taken it back."

"Now's your chance. Get over here and fix this, Emmett. You're the only one who can convince her you were wrong and that she's not poison. She has to hear it straight from you."

"Edward, I can't just pick up and leave like that. I've got responsibilities here. Besides, I'm already coming out there next weekend for Mom and Dad's anniversary party."

"Emmett, I've never really asked you for anything my whole entire life. I'm asking you as my brother, as someone who swears he loves me, please get on a plane and come home. I'll pay for your ticket and pick you up from the airport. And as soon as you've talked to Bella, I'll put you on a plane back to Boston if that's what you want. But please don't ask me to let Bella believe for another week that she's a danger to me and that you don't want her anywhere near me."

"What if I talk to her on the phone? Or you can get her on Skype?"

I hadn't wanted to tell anyone before taking Bella to get tested to be a hundred percent sure, but I felt positive enough to tell Emmett in that moment. "She's pregnant."

The line remained silent.

"Emmett, she's pregnant and she can't even acknowledge it because of how much she's struggling to not feel anything for me and to stay away to keep me safe. She's sticking to a promise she made to _you_. You have to come home and help me fix this right now because you know as well as I do that seeing you in the flesh will be the only way she'll be convinced you mean what you say. You have to come home and fix this."

"I'm heading to the airport now. I'll call you as soon as I find out my flight information."

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me, Edward. If I really did this, if I really told her that stuff—Just please believe me that I'm sorry." He honestly sounded upset but I couldn't feel bad for him right now; I was too worried about Bella.

"Let's focus on Bella right now. You and I will work our stuff out later. And don't tell anyone what I told you about her being pregnant. She needs to know before everyone else finds out."

"Alright. I love you, Edward. I really mean that, Bro. I'll see you soon."

"I love you too," I said before closing my phone. I was upset with him, but I wasn't an asshole. And I did believe he hadn't meant to hurt Bella. I had to believe it or I'd never be able to speak to him again. And also, I knew I would need the help of my entire family and hers to fix this mess.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

I woke up to an empty room. I didn't notice it at first, too busy trying to get to the bathroom before my bladder exploded. But when I came out and saw the empty bed and the empty chair, it made me feel empty. And then I noticed his shoes right next to the chair. He wouldn't go far without those. And his car keys were on the dresser; he damn sure wasn't going anywhere without them.

I walked over to the door and opened it, poking my head out into the hall. Edward was a few doors down with his forehead touching the wall and his eyes closed. And his phone pressed to his ear. I knew who he was talking to and from the looks of it the conversation wasn't going very well.

I closed the door and went back to the bed. I took my time stacking the pillows against the headboard and positioning my back against them, all in an effort to keep out the thoughts I didn't want. I wanted to hold on to that tiny little string of hope I had that Edward was right and it was all a mistake. But seeing him look so upset just now and feeling Emmett's words lurking at the back of my brain weren't making that an easy thing to do.

When Edward came walking into the room a few minutes later, he looked tired. But not like before—there weren't any purple marks under his eyes and he didn't seem ready for a long nap. He just seemed tired. And possibly frustrated. But as soon as he looked at me and saw I was up and awake, he started smiling as if his whole day had just gotten infinitely better.

Still smiling, he came right over and sat down in front of me on the bed. "Hey, Angel. What are you doing up? You've still got another hour before we need to check out. I mean, if you're ready to check out."

"Who were you on the phone with?" Even though I knew, I needed to see if he was serious about always being honest this time.

Edward let out a sigh while his green eyes shifted from my face to the phone in his hand. "Emmett. He actually wants to talk to both of us later."

I tried to stay calm but it was hard with Emmett's promise ringing in my ears. I didn't even have to close my eyes to see his face that day—to see the anger and hate burning in his brown eyes.

"Hey," Edward cooed, rubbing my arms. "Please don't be afraid of my brother. I promise you there's nothing to be afraid of. Emmett made a mistake. He said some stuff out of anger that he didn't mean and he's sorry for it. And he'll tell you that when you talk to him later. Besides, you have to know that no matter what, I'd never let anyone hurt you."

I wanted to believe him but I didn't really feel like he believed his own words. "I want to trust you, Edward, but you've got to be completely honest this time. You can't even lie by omission if you want any shot at another chance. And right now, you don't sound all that convinced."

"No, I am. I'm just struggling to understand his side of things, to understand how he could have ever said those things, much less let you believe them for so long."

"Did you ask him why?"

Edward nodded. "Bella, the reason he didn't apologize and clear things up with you is because he doesn't remember saying anything to you."

I shook my head, positive that my ears were playing tricks on me. "Say that again."

"Emmett doesn't remember talking to you at the hospital. He says he's not calling you a liar at all, he just doesn't remember."

"Move," I said as I roughly pushed Edward out of the way and ran for the bathroom. Months of being scared to death to think of Edward much less speak to him all in fear that Emmett would find out and come looking for me. All those nights of crying myself to sleep with nothing but that damn picture from the luau to comfort me; a picture so wrinkled and worn I couldn't remember what it had looked like when it had been new. All the pain of being so far away from Edward and wondering and worrying if he was healing okay but being too afraid to ask. All the hate for myself for hurting him and nearly killing him. And all Emmett had to say was that he didn't remember speaking to me?

"Bella, you've got to calm down," Edward urged. He was kneeling behind me, rubbing my back with one hand and holding my hair with the other while I emptied the contents of my stomach into the porcelain bowl in front of me.

At some point, the cookie tossing stopped and the crying started. I also moved from kneeling in front of the toilet to sitting in Edward's lap while he sat on the floor with his back against the tub. I had his shirt in both of my hands while he used his hands to stroke my hair and back, all the while promising that we would figure everything out together.

I wanted to feel relieved that Emmett didn't mean his words. I wanted to feel happy I was free to give Edward another chance if I felt I really could do that. But all I felt was lost and tired—and that if I didn't have Edward holding me, I might just float off into nothingness because there was no sense in the world for me anymore. The guy I looked up to as a brother, as a protector, had told me I was poison and to stay away from his brother and I'd loved them both enough to listen to him. And now I was finding out he didn't remember his words and didn't mean them. Just like that, all that struggling to do the right thing and all that pain that I was getting through only on the belief that it was best for those I loved—it all meant nothing. Where did I go from here? How did I accept that? Reconcile that in my own head? Was Emmett's amnesia even real or just a way to keep Edward from being upset with him?

Or even worse … was none of it real and all just some crazy vivid dream my brain came up with to deal with nearly losing Edward? No, I didn't believe that. I knew the difference. I might have had a few times where I needed to pinch myself to be sure I was in the waking world, but I'd never seriously confused the two. And I would never have been able to imagine the hate burning in Emmett's eyes that day—that had been all too real. So where did that leave any of us?

When my tears finally stopped, Edward held me tighter against his chest and asked, "Are you okay?"

I shook my head while lifting it to meet his eyes. "I don't know how any person could forget saying the things he said to me. I don't know that I can believe that. And I don't know that I can ever really trust that he doesn't mean those words and isn't just pretending not to remember to be nice to you. None of this makes any sense. And I know I didn't dream it. He was there. He said those things to me."

"No one is saying you dreamed it or imagined it. No one is denying that he said it. We're just saying he didn't mean it."

"But how do you know? How do you really know that?"

"I don't, Bella. But I have to believe it. He says he loves you and me both and hates that he might have said anything to hurt either of us. I need to believe that."

"But what if he tells you one thing and then tells me something else? What if he's just trying not to hurt you? It's not worth it to risk that, to risk the relationship you two built. It's just not."

Edward lifted my chin to make sure I was looking at him. "Bella, would you listen to yourself? You're not any less important in this world than Emmett. You have a right to be happy as much as any of us do. So if my brother is stupid enough to believe his own imagination over my doctors, then that's on him. But I'm not about to lose you because he's an idiot. If you don't want me because of the things that I didn't say, then fine. But not for one second will I just let you go because my brother is a dipshit. So please, Bella, don't let him be the only thing standing in our way."

"I can't just … I can't meld what he said with what you're saying now. I just can't. And I can't decide about us until I can do that. I just … I have to do what's best for everyone and not just me."

"No, you have to do what's best for _us_, you and me. We love each other, Bella. Our relationship, in whatever form it takes, is about you and me. The things my family thinks about it or your family thinks about it don't matter at all."

"But they do matter, Edward!" I hadn't meant to yell, especially in the small space, but he just didn't get it. "My family matters to me. My family is the only thing that has gotten me through these past months. And my family _deserves_ for me to consider their feelings whenever I make a choice that's going to affect my life and their lives."

"And I'm telling you that of all the things I've learned lately, the one my family—_our_ family—has drilled into me is that I can't live my life trying to make them all happy. If I'm happy, they will find a way to be happy for me. Bella, you and I make each other happy. We get each other in ways that other people don't and that's not something that happens for every couple or even every person."

"You were happy with Mary." As much as I wanted to hear what he was saying, one of us had to be the realistic one looking at this thing from all sides.

"No, I was content with Mary. Content and happy aren't nearly the same thing, Bella. I never felt truly alive with Mary the way I do with you. I never felt appreciated and valued for who I really am with her but I do with you. With you, I don't have to pretend I'm not a geek when it comes to history. I don't have to hide the adventurous side of me that wants to ride motorcycles and get tattoos. I don't have to hide anything about me that might not look perfect to certain people. I can be me with you, Bella.

"I can be the Edward that can't headbang for shit even when my hair is long and a complete mess. I can be the guy who runs around a baseball field getting sweaty and thinks it's one of the greatest things ever. I can be the guy with his nose in a book getting excited about a time and place that existed long before me. I can snort when I laugh and I can laugh as often and as loud as I want. Bella, you give me the courage and the freedom to be who I am and I'm smart enough to know that's a precious thing. I only wish I'd been smart enough to figure it out before I caused all this mess."

I wiped the fresh tears from my eyes simply because it was the only thing I could think to do at the moment. He'd said a lot of things and done a lot of things and I needed time to sort through it all. I couldn't just make a decision right now and worry later about it being the wrong one. So I pulled away from Edward and got up from the floor. "I need to eat and get to work."

"Just so long as you know that I'm eating with you and I'll be at the coffeehouse while you work," he said as he got to his feet.

"I'm working from one to six. You really want to sit around that long with nothing to do?" As much as I liked the idea of him wanting to be around me that much, I also didn't want to take up his day that way. We weren't together and he didn't have to sit around waiting for me.

Edward smiled and reached for me and I didn't resist. When he had me in his arms, he pressed his forehead to mine and gave me a great view of those green eyes of his. "I've got a book to read. And it's not as if it's ever really boring there with Kate and Angela working with you."

I groaned at the mention of my co-workers. "They're going to see you sitting there and every chance they get they'll be annoying me for answers."

"So tell them to come ask me. I'll give them all the answers they need."

I found myself snorting at his cocky tone and grin. "Is that right?"

"You're my everything and we love each other. All the rest will fall into place while we work through things. That's all the answer anyone outside of you and me needs to know."

"You think they'll really accept that?"

"Doesn't matter to me. You're what matters. Fixing our relationship matters. And being able to kiss you without feeling like I'm going to run you off definitely matters."

I had no idea how he was making my mood lift so much, but I really liked it; I even teased him a little. "I see getting healthy has done nothing for the cheesy side of you." It was just impossible not to smile and feel happy in his arms, no matter how much I cautioned myself this was temporary. There was too much of a chance that this was all beyond fixing; but here I was smiling at him and hoping really hard he'd kiss me.

He lifted his forehead from mine and brought his mouth closer, sending my heart into overdrive. And when his tongue popped out and swept over his lips, wetting them just before they touched mine, I could barely breathe.

The hard, steady pressure of his mouth against mine felt so good and so missed that it had me moaning softly. Edward must have heard it because he tightened his arms around me and pulled me flush against his hard body. And it wasn't just his chest that was hard this time. Feeling his reaction to our kiss on top of my own had me feeling flushed with my head spinning. Something so passionate, that felt so right … This couldn't be wrong, could it?

"I can't let you go until I hear it." His breathing sounded as shaky as mine felt and I could feel the tension of restraint coming off of him. He wanted a lot more from me than that kiss but he was trying to be understanding of how messed up my head and heart were. It made me love him that much more—and it made losing him for good that much scarier.

And yet I still said the words he was asking for. "I love you, Edward."

"If we hold on to that, if we hold on to the love between us, we can fix this. We can make it right. But you've got to trust me, Bella. I know that sounds crazy to say with everything that's happened, but I can't prove to you my honesty if you don't give me that chance."

"I want to trust you. I do. But I don't know if I actually can right now. Do you understand what I mean?"

"Yeah, I do. And it's okay if you can't do it a hundred percent just yet. All I want is a promise that you'll try."

"Yeah, okay," I said as I nodded. "But we really need to talk more about this later. I need to eat. I'm starving and I don't want to get cranky right before work."

"Alright. Get ready to go and I'll make sure everything is in our bags so we don't leave anything behind."

He moved to let go of me, but I grabbed the sides of his shirt and stopped him. "Be sure about this. Be sure that you want to lay everything out and look at what's wrong and what needs fixing. Because I can't go through all of that if you're just going to decide it's too much later on."

Edward smiled which seemed like an odd reaction to me. "Remember how I used to say I wasn't a fighter?" His smile mixed with his question left me feeling even more confused.

"What about it?"

"I was wrong. For you, I'll always fight. Even though you weren't there, I fought for you when I was getting better in the hospital. And I fought for you every time therapy kicked my ass and depressed me. I fought for you each time I took and passed a heart test. I fought for you with each new pound added to my weights and each new quarter mile added to my walks. I'm standing here healthy and with you because our love is worth fighting for and because I refuse to let either of us go without it."

I didn't have anything to say to that so I didn't even try. I just held on to him for a few minutes before moving to get ready to leave.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

"Jeebus," Bella sighed while shaking her head. "Kate's eagle eyes have already landed on us."

"Don't worry about it," I said as I rubbed Bella's back in hopes of calming her. It seemed so far to be working since she hadn't broken down once after the fit in the bathroom this morning. I couldn't imagine what it must be like for her to be going through this mess with me and have twice the hormones while doing it.

"Easy for you to say."

"Remember what I told you. Send her over to me."

"Oh, I plan to." Bella let out another sigh and then balled her hands into tight fists. She turned her head up toward mine and with a determined look on her face, she planted a kiss on my cheek.

I smiled at her. "Thank you."

"I'll bring you some tea in a minute."

"I'd really love a Caramel Macchiato instead."

"Caffeine? You sure?"

I smiled at how concerned she was for me and kissed her forehead. "A little caffeine is okay and even called for with the long morning we've had."

"Yeah, well, _I_ don't get to have caffeine."

"Sure you do. All you have to do is kiss me after I drink mine."

Bella snorted and then poked me in the chest with her finger. "We're talking. I never said anything about kissing."

I slipped my fingers into the loops of her jeans and pulled her close to me. "Yeah, but I can hope. And dream. And pray. And most definitely offer."

She had that look on her face she always got when a homework assignment wasn't making sense to her. "You really do still love me and want me."

"Absolutely. And I hope that in time, you'll say you feel that way about me."

"I already told you, it's not that I don't feel that way. It's that there's all this stuff that's like a wall between what I feel and what's right."

"We'll get it all sorted out, Bella. For now, just focus on work and having a good day. I'm gonna go sit in the corner over there with my book."

"Caramel Macchiato, right?" she asked as she pulled away from me.

"Yep. And thank you."

"Welcome." She gave me a little smile and then headed behind the counter to start her workday.

I swear my butt was barely touching the seat of the chair when Kate pounced on me. "Yummy, you're here," she said as she slid into the seat across from me.

"Really? I didn't know that," I joked, grinning at her.

She huffed and rolled her eyes at me. "Look who went and became a smart ass."

"Charlie said he thought I still had some brains left. We just didn't realize where they were located. Thanks for pointing it out, Kate."

"Charlie? Bella's dad Charlie?"

"That would be the one."

"You've got some major balls, Yummy. Talking to the father of the girl whose heart you shattered. But I guess you kinda started on the path to fixing things with that panty dropping performance in here last night. And considering you're here and Bells isn't beating the shit out of you, your singing worked."

"I needed a way to get her to really hear me out. For as long as I've known her, the only thing that grabs her complete attention is music."

"And you." Kate was looking at me so intently I almost squirmed in my chair. "You broke her heart, Edward."

"I know, but that was never my intention."

"Doesn't matter what you intended. What matters is what you're going to do to fix what you broke. So! Tell me where things stand with you guys."

"We're talking. We're mostly talking about trying to talk, but the lines of communication are finally open. Everything else beyond that is private and will stay that way. So don't get any ideas in your head about asking Bella. I need everyone to just back up and let her talk to me. She already feels like she's got a thousand eyes on her, watching every thing she says and does with me."

Kate sighed and set her elbow on the table and her chin in her palm. She sat there staring at me for quite awhile before finally asking, "Can you at least tell me if you got the promise thing out of her?"

"I did. It wasn't what I expected and it complicated things much more than I anticipated, but I think it's fixable. It's just going to take time."

Kate nodded and then turned her head to peer at Bella behind the counter. "She's tough but she's fragile too, you know? She was banged up bad in that car accident, purple bruises everywhere, and still she came into work. For the first time ever, she screwed up order after order because she'd scrambled her poor brains with her head injury but she still kept going. The bruises and the memory funk didn't seem to faze her at all." Kate turned her eyes back to me and said, "But losing you, that just about did her in. A woman is a strong creature, built to withstand so much more shit than she deserves. But she can only do it as long as she's got her heart. Take that away and she's just lost."

Kate got up from her chair and walked away without another word. She was right about Bella being both tough and fragile. Being able to get up every day and go on with all that guilt she felt while being too afraid to talk to me at the same time.

But I'd already known there were two sides to my angel. I thought back to that long ago Halloween night when she'd first shown up at my parents' home. She'd seemed so untouchable in that barely there robe—beautiful and dangerous and off-limits all at once. But as we'd walked and talked together and she'd shown me her tattoos, those beautiful little pieces of her heart, I'd come to see she was also loving and incredibly devoted to her family and friends. She had a desire to be the best person she could be, and more so for her family than for herself. She wanted to be a beloved family member and not a burden. I believed it was that beautiful aspect about her that had let her believe my idiotic brother without question.

The beeping of my phone caught my attention and I flipped it open to find a text from Emmett.

_Boarding the plane now. Be there in a few hours. How's Bells?_

I wasn't exactly sure what to tell him because I had no idea how she would react to physically seeing him; she was scared enough at the _thought_ of him. It was the only reason I hadn't told her yet that we'd be talking to my brother in the flesh later. But as soon as she was off of work, I would tell her and I would assure her in every way possible that there was nothing to fear. I just hoped she would listen and believe me. So for now, I just told him what I knew from our talk earlier …

_Still upset. Not understanding how you could not remember._

I wanted to add that I felt the same way, but Emmett didn't need to get berated right now. It wouldn't do any of us any good to start arguing before we had all the details of that day on the table.

_Sorry. Really am. U stay with her. She needs u more than I need a ride. I'll grab a cab when I land._

Having him sound so sincere was really the only thing keeping me from screaming at him about all of this. I just hoped for all of our sakes that he would be this sincere in person.

_Thanks, Bro. See you soon._

No sooner than I sent the text to my brother, my phone was making noise with a text from my sister.

_How's it going? Jazz says no news is good news but I need news._

I snorted at her message, thinking of how very Alice it was for her to completely believe Jasper and yet still want details. Her aversion to surprises was as odd of a trait as my stage fright. I knew she wouldn't leave me alone if I didn't tell her something so I sent her a reply.

_Things progressing. Slow going. She needs space._

I'd figured that would be enough to get my sister to relax but within seconds my phone was making noise again.

_No, no, no. Don't give her space. She needs you!_

I snorted and then typed back my response.

_I meant space from YOU and everyone else giving her advice. I know she needs me and I'm making sure she sees I'm here._

My phone ended up going off once more because of Alice.

_Okay. That's okay then. Love you. Love Bells._

I shook my head as I pictured Jasper dealing with my sister and the excited mood I knew she would be in. She wanted things to work out with Bella and me nearly as much as I did. And once Alice found out about the pregnancy, there would be no shutting her up. On second thought, maybe once Bella was aware of it we should discuss hiding it for a little bit longer. At least until we were officially together again.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

Just ten minutes ago, I'd been a little bit excited to get off of work and spend some more time talking with Edward. Now … now I knew Emmett was waiting for me in my apartment. Edward swore it would all be okay and the three of us would have a very civil conversation to clear up all the misunderstandings. I wanted to believe him. I could at the very least say I knew he would stand up for me and protect me. But I didn't want him to have to be put into that position of choosing between his brother and me. I didn't want any of us to have to make that kind of a choice because even though Emmett thought—or had thought—I was poison, I still loved him and considered him my family. I didn't want my family breaking up, especially not over me.

"Bella, talk to me. What are you thinking?" Edward asked as he squeezed my hand.

"I'm thinking I'm annoyed at you for not telling me sooner." Before he could say anything, I put my head on his shoulder and told him what else I felt. "And also, I'm really glad you waited because I never would have been able to focus on my job."

"That really is the only reason I waited, Bella. Emmett and I … We've messed things up for you enough without causing you trouble at your job too."

"How did all this happen?" I asked, unable to stop the tears from falling any longer. "One second, everything felt so right and then it was all gone. And now it's like it's being offered up again but I'm so afraid if I try to touch it, it's going to get yanked away like that damn football Charlie Brown was always trying to kick."

"Mistakes and accidents and miscommunications. I know that doesn't seem like nearly a good enough answer, but it is the truth."

Whether it was a way to handle some of my fear of seeing Emmett or just the first sign of the anger Carlisle had told me to expect, I wasn't sure. I just knew I sat up straight in my seat and lit into Edward. "The truth? You sit there now and you keep talking about it like it's some new concept in the world. The whole time we were together you knew how hard it was for me to tell you things but you also knew every word coming out of my mouth was the truth. Not once did I ever lie to you. Not when I told you about my past and all the horrible shit I'd done. Not when I was afraid of what I felt for you. Not even when things were so fucked up with my health. I never lied. And that was all you did, Edward."

He opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but I wasn't done yet and started speaking before he could. "Why are you tired, I'd ask you. You'd say you didn't sleep enough or you were up really late studying and I believed you. I asked why you fell at your party and you jumped all over my idea it was some kind of drug. You sat there in your room and lied right to my face. And didn't even bat an eyelash over it. A few times I felt like maybe you weren't being completely open, but not once did I ever think you were lying. So just how the hell am I supposed to believe anything coming out of your mouth right now? You tell me that, Edward."

He glanced my way for just a second before focusing on the traffic in front of him again. "I don't know."

"That's not good enough. That's not anything. That's just … Bullshit, Edward! And you know it."

He nodded his head a little. "I know. I don't have the words to explain to you just how much I understand what I did, what I screwed up. There's no excuse for it or apology for it. It's something that should never have happened, but it did. All I can do is ask the people I hurt for a chance to make up for it and to prove that I've learned my lesson."

Those last words he'd said had me seeing red and clenching my hands into fists; those were my damn words from way back when I'd been in counseling. "Did Esme tell you to say that?"

Edward pulled up to the red light and then turned his eyes my way. "Bella, I don't have some master plan here or scripts that I'm reading from. I'm being honest and speaking from my heart."

"Then how did you know to say those words?"

"Which ones have you so angry and looking ready to claw my eyes out?"

"You know what ones!" I yelled at him. "All I can do is ask the people I hurt for a chance to make up for it and to prove that I've learned my lesson."

Edward's jaw clenched, but he didn't say anything. Not until the light had turned green and he'd found a spot on the street to park his Suburban so he could look at me while speaking to me. "Bella, I said that because that's how I feel. No one is feeding me any lines. I look at what I've done and my family and … My parents are just about the only people in my life who have truly forgiven me so far. I think Emmett and Rosalie have but I don't know since I wasn't all that close to them before all this happened. It's been getting better, but you just never know with Em.

"Alice is trying, but she's still hurt by my lying. Jasper's still pissed at me for hurting everyone, but he's put it aside time and again to try to help make things right between you and me. Bree calls me up once or twice a week to let me know what a fuck-up I am, asks about my health, and then tells me what he'll do to me if I don't make things right with you before hanging up on me. Karen's still giving me the cold shoulder like I told you last night. And until last night, you would barely even look at me. All that on top of sitting in Seattle for weeks and weeks unable to do anything but think about how badly I fucked up …"

He paused to swallow but it did nothing for the tears I saw standing in his green eyes. "Bella, I know I hurt everyone and I know 'sorry' doesn't cut it for any of you. I have to prove to all of you that I know what I did was beyond wrong and that I won't do it again. No one had to tell me that because I've had plenty of time to see it, to see the hurt in all of your eyes and to know I did that. Me. I hurt the people I love and it kills me that I can't fix it right away for any of you. But especially for you, Bella. I never wanted to hurt you. I love you so much but I made mistake after mistake and now I'm faced with the very real possibility that I might lose you forever."

That anger that had come out of nowhere disappeared just as quickly and I found myself hugging Edward by the neck and crying silently into his shoulder. I didn't want him hurting. I didn't want me hurting anymore either. I just wanted what we'd had, when we were both happy and enjoying sharing our lives with each other.

Edward lifted my face and his lips moved gently against mine. Our wet cheeks touched and our tears mixed while our mouths moved in a sweet rhythm they remembered well. It was a kiss that spoke both of his guilt for hurting us and of his love. It was everything right and wrong with us and it felt like it was one of those kisses I'd never forget—just like our very first standing in his bedroom that long ago Halloween night.

"I'm so sorry," he croaked, his words as full of his guilt and love as his kiss had been.

I didn't say anything; I was too … too _everything_ to even attempt to think of a response. I just wrapped my arms around his neck in another tight hug, trying to ease both of our pain for even just a little while.

We stayed that way for a few minutes before Edward pulled my arms away and gave me a weak smile, saying how we needed to go since Emmett was waiting for us. We didn't speak the rest of the ride but we did keep our fingers tightly twined together. Knowing that Edward was just as torn up about all of this took away some of that lonely feeling that had been wrapped around me since I'd left him in Seattle months ago. And it was clear there was a lot of pain to get through for both of us no matter if we just tried to salvage a friendship or tried to recapture our whole relationship.

"Are you ready?" Edward asked, pulling me back into the moment.

I nodded even as I kept looking up at our apartment building. I would never be ready but I still had to go up there and face Emmett.

We climbed the stairs slowly but it still seemed like we reached the apartment door quicker than usual. Edward put his key in the lock and turned it while I stood a little behind him, trying to remember the bad ass I'd been and forget the fear I felt now. I wanted to believe I'd see my old friend on the other side of the door but the twisting in my stomach told me to be prepared for the angry man I'd met and left in Seattle.

Edward pushed the door open and I could see Emmett sitting just a few feet away on one of the kitchen counter stools. He lifted his head from his hands and looked at us, giving us a tight smile.

"Hey," he said in a gruff tone as he stood up.

Edward ushered me inside and locked the door before going over to his brother and giving him a hug. I'd never really seen them hug before; and I'd definitely never heard Em apologizing and telling his twin he loved him but there he was doing it all the while still hugging his brother.

After a few of those rough manly back pats, the twins broke apart and grinned at each other. "You need to shave," Emmett said.

"You need a shower," Edward replied.

"Yeah, well, I was at the gym when you called. What's your excuse?"

Edward smiled as he ran his hand along his jaw. "I kind of like it."

Emmett snorted and reached up a big paw to ruffle his brother's hair. "Bullshit. Bella likes it." And just like that, he was looking at me.

I searched Emmett's brown eyes for any sign of the hate I'd seen in him that day in Seattle, but I didn't find any. Just a lot of sorrow and it made his eyes resemble Edward's even though the colors were so different.

"Hey, Bella," he said, taking a step toward me. Without even thinking about it, I flinched and backed away from him. There was no mistaking the hurt look on his face and part of me wanted to go to him and hug him—to make him feel better.

"Guess that answers that," he said with a nod. "I really did say that shit to you."

"Look, why don't we all sit down?" Edward suggested as he came over and put his arm around my waist. "We'll just sit a minute before we start talking about all of this."

"No," I said, shaking my head before looking up at Edward. He needed to understand what this was like for me. "I don't … I _can't_ just sit and act like I'm not terrified right now. This whole thing … I love Emmett. He's been my big brother in every way for six years and then suddenly, he was gone. Almost three months of knowing without a doubt in my heart that he hated me and wanted nothing to do with me. All that time spent fearing him even while I still cared about him. I can't just sit here like I haven't been through any of that."

"She's right, Edward," Emmett said, drawing my eyes to his face. He looked upset but it didn't seem like it was directed at me—not like the last time I'd seen him. "Bella is in charge of this. If she needs me to stand in the kitchen until we've talked enough for her to see there's no way in hell I would lay a finger on her, then that's what I have to do."

"Alright," Edward agreed, squeezing me against his side a little. "Bella, tell us how you want to do this."

"Emmett can sit in the chair and we'll sit on the sofa," I said. I took Edward's hand into mine, pulling him the long way around the coffee table to sit down on the far end of the sofa.

Emmett sat leaning forward with his arms resting on his knees and his eyes switching from Edward's face to mine. "I don't even know where to start. I know that saying I'm sorry isn't going to cut it."

"How would you know? I thought you couldn't remember?" I asked.

Emmett sighed and shook his head. "I still can't. I've been wracking my brain since Edward called but I just can't recall seeing you that day. And I know this is asking a lot of you, Bella, but could you tell me what happened?"

Hearing from his own mouth that he didn't remember had me feeling nauseous and I had to close my eyes and breathe deeply to get the feeling under control. Edward rubbed my back and whispered in my ear the whole time, letting me know he was there with me and wasn't going anywhere.

"Bella, are you okay?" Emmett asked.

I wanted to say "yes" but that would have been a lie so I just shook my head instead.

"Don't worry about it, Bella," Edward said. "I'll tell him what you told me later."

"I'm not trying to upset you, Bella," Emmett told me. "I'm just trying to understand how this happened. You're sitting there shaking you're so afraid of me."

"Of course I'm afraid of you," I said as I opened my eyes and looked at Emmett. "I never thought I would ever see _you_ look at me with hate in your eyes, but you did that day. It was afternoon, I think. Or maybe early evening. I was in and out from my head hurting and the meds they were giving me. But I know Edward was out of surgery because I remember talking to Esme and Dr. Chris about the surgery going okay. I thought you'd come to tell me he'd woken up and was maybe even asking for me."

I had to stop and take a few more deep breaths, all the while struggling to shove the image of Emmett's angry face out of my mind. That wasn't the way he was looking at me right now—right now he seemed truly sorry and he seemed like my fear of him was physically hurting him.

After another deep breath, I started talking again, "You told me that Edward had nearly died and you'd never forgive me. You said that I had made him sick just by being me and by having him tag along to BOG with me and ride my bike with me. You said I took from him until he had nothing left and that he could be dead right then and I wouldn't care. I'd be waiting for some other guy to show up so I could do the same to him. You said all the bad relationships I'd ever had were all _my_ fault, that I was poison and ruined them all."

"Bella, I—"

"No!" I shouted at Emmett, but only because I knew if he interrupted again I wouldn't be able to finish. "I tried to tell you I wasn't like that, that I wasn't selfish anymore. You said I had everyone fooled but you knew the truth and Edward would know it too. You said if I went near him or even spoke to him I'd be the first woman you ever hit because you weren't going to let me kill your brother. I didn't want to believe you. I love Edward so much and I had a long list of times I'd gone out of my way to put him before myself."

I looked right at Emmett, blinking hard to focus on his face through all of the tears. "But I love you too, Emmett. And I trust you and I knew you would never say anything like that if it wasn't the complete truth. So I left. I left to protect Edward from me and my poison. And it hurt. It hurt so much and it never stopped hurting, but I kept away because I love you both and I wanted to protect you both.

"I kept waiting for everyone else to tell me the same things you did. When Rose never called or even emailed, I thought you'd told her what you'd said to me and she agreed with you. And when I didn't hear from Ali, I figured the same with her. Even Esme went silent on me. But then they all came back and they all had excuses for why they were out of my life and they seemed so real and plausible but I was so scared to believe because I wasn't sure if you would decide at any moment that I couldn't talk to anyone in the family anymore.

"And then all of a sudden Alice is home and Edward's with her and I didn't know what to do. I didn't get why you hadn't shown up yet to toss me right out of here. And everyone was telling me to talk to Edward and … and I don't know how to explain to either of you what it's been like to live in fear every day. Fear of hurting Edward and fear of being hurt by you, Emmett."

Before the twins could say anything, I was laughing. But it was the bad kind of maniacal laughing you do just because you're so sick of crying and hurting. "I stupidly kept waiting for things to get better, to get easier. But they never did. I actually looked at a map of the US and started thinking about where I might go to start over," I said, still looking only at Emmett. "And I almost packed my things and went but then Edward wanted to have breakfast with me and I couldn't say no. And then Esme showed up, telling me it wasn't my fault and how much she loved me and wanted me to confide in her about what had me so upset and avoiding Edward. I went from feeling so sure I had done the right thing in leaving to feeling sick to my stomach trying to understand how they could be right and you could be right at the same time, Emmett. And now here we are, with you not remembering and me unable to forget."

That was it. I was done talking now. I reached over and snagged a pile of tissues out of the Kleenex box on the coffee table and dried my face up while I waited for someone else to say something.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

I wanted to say something but what can you say to someone who's been through so much and practically all alone because you lied and your brother said stupid, hurtful things? Bella had told me what he'd said in the early hours of the morning, but she had been almost clinical about it compared to just now. Hearing the pain behind her words and seeing the hurt in her face—I didn't know what to do. Should I try to comfort her? Was that even possible? Should I kick my brother's ass and then let him kick mine? We finally did something together but it was the one thing we should never have had any part of—we'd hurt Bella.

Emmett cleared his throat and I looked up just in time to see him wiping at his eyes. "I'm gonna use the bathroom. I'll be back," he said as he lumbered down the hall.

I looked back at Bella, finding her staring at the wet tissues in her hands. She wasn't crying anymore but that somehow didn't make me feel any better.

"Bella, would you maybe like to go take a hot shower and get into comfortable clothes? I can find something to make for dinner for all of us. I know this is all stressful for you, but you've still got to eat."

She lifted her head and gave me a tight smile. "Maybe Chinese takeout?"

"Sure, if that's what you want."

"Sesame chicken. Oh, and crab rangoons."

"Al—"

She interrupted to add another item to the list, "And a shrimp eggroll for me."

"Alright," I said, smiling at her. I knew she wasn't really excited about the food so much as having something else to focus on. "Go take a long shower and when you get out, the food should be here."

She gave me another of those tight hugs like she had in the car earlier and then headed for her room. It wasn't long after her door closed that I heard the bathroom door open.

Emmett looked surprised at first to find me the only one in the living room and then he just looked completely dejected. "She's hiding from me, huh?"

"No. I sent her to take a shower. She needed some time to herself to calm down. I'm going to order Chinese for dinner. Bella wants sesame chicken. That okay with you?"

"Edward, how can you think about eating right now?"

"Because I have to, Emmett. She needs to eat."

He nodded his head and then fell more than sat on the end of the couch. "I thought I would come in here and apologize and things would be alright. But I don't think any amount of apologies I give will fix this. And the worst part is that while I completely believe I said those things and made her feel like the scum of the earth, I still don't remember a second of it."

"It's going to take a long time for her to heal, but I think at some point things will be okay. She still loves you. And me. Though I don't think either of us really deserves it right now."

Emmett actually sniffled and I watched in shock as he let a couple of tears fall from his eyes. "That's the part that physically fucking hurts, Ed. I fucked her up big time and she still loves me. I don't deserve that. I deserve for her to kick me out of here and never want to see me again. Somebody that damn special and loving and I told her she was poison. What the fuck is wrong with me?"

"I don't know. Maybe the same thing that was wrong with me when I lied to her. When I lied to all of you. I look back on it now and I can't see one good reason for not telling her right away. Hell, I can't even see a good one for ever covering it up in the first place. My initial reason was your teasing but if I'd have gotten it fixed, I could have been as healthy as I am now and then there wouldn't have been anything to tease me about."

"Yeah, but you were thirteen at the time, Ed. You were looking at an adult problem with a kid's brain."

"I had two supportive, loving parents I could have gone to for help. Dad's a doctor for fuck's sake."

"Yeah, but he's not a heart doctor."

I started laughing for reasons I couldn't explain. "Here we are, two of the saddest sacks of shit on the planet, and we're trying to make each other feel better. We should be coming up with a list of ways to make Bella feel better instead."

"We better start with ordering her some food. I hear pregnant women don't really appreciate being kept waiting when they're hungry."

I couldn't stop myself from smiling and really didn't try all that hard. "Yeah, she gets pretty cranky if she doesn't eat."

"Does she know yet?"

His question wiped the smile from my face right away. "No. I didn't see a point in trying with everything going on with you. I hope that by the time we finish talking tonight, things will be better and I can talk to her about it tomorrow."

"She been to a doctor yet?"

"No. But I made an appointment with Dr. Bennett for Monday afternoon."

"When do you think you're going to tell the family?"

"I don't know. Bella _has_ to know first. And I figure Charlie should be second."

"Shit, Bro. Charlie might just really shoot your ass. You get his daughter knocked up and then we get her so damn depressed she can't see it. Which I don't get, by the way. She's rocking a hell of a pouch on her previously thin little self."

"She sees the change in her body but she thinks it's fat from cheating on her diet and not exercising."

Emmett snorted. "And yet she wants Chinese for dinner."

"If you were me, would you deny her anything she wanted?" I asked seriously.

"No. No, I wouldn't. Have you thought at all about what you'll do if she won't take you back? If she can't forgive you or me?"

"She loves me, Emmett. I have to believe she'll be able to forgive me. I know it's going to take a lot of time and patience, though. Just like I know I can make her happy again."

"I hope you're right, Ed. For both of your sakes."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

Edward had been right about the shower. Not only had it washed all my tears away, it had given me time to myself to calm down and to think over everything that had happened.

As I pulled on a pair of pajama pants and my Taking Back Sunday shirt, I ran through my mental list of realizations …

One: Edward loved me and wanted me. He didn't think I had weakened his heart or put his life at risk. He didn't blame me.

Two: Esme and Carlisle were right; I hadn't done anything to Edward's heart then and I couldn't hurt it now. No amount of bike riding, or nights of Bad Ass Edward punching out drunken idiots, or getting inked would have changed the fact that Edward was born with his defect or that he hid it from everyone. Of course, that didn't exactly mean I'd be in a rush to test his new and improved heart any time soon. It was enough dealing with him and that damn baseball of his.

Three: I'd never been at risk of losing Alice because Emmett had never told her anything. I didn't bother wasting time with wondering how she would have reacted; I just hoped she would have had more faith in our relationship than I apparently did. In my defense though, I was dealing with losing Edward at the time and thinking Emmett hated my guts.

Four: Jasper and Alice deserved a lot of thanks for trying so hard to fix things for Edward and me. Maybe if I'd just gone ahead and told them about Emmett from the start things would be different. But even now when my fear of Emmett was turning to anger toward him, I still didn't want anyone else to know what had happened. It would just lead to more separation and there had already been too much of that.

Five: Emmett didn't remember what he'd said and probably never would. I still wasn't exactly sure how I felt about this. I kept flip-flopping between feeling really angry that he didn't remember and feeling relieved he didn't mean what he'd said.

Six: I was going to kick Bree's ass for calling Edward behind my back and being mean to him. And Bree had better not have started that crap when Edward was still in Seattle recovering or I really would fly out to San Diego to beat his ass.

Seven: I had a lot of pain and hurt inside of me and I wasn't sure I could heal from it this time. The only thing that gave me even a little hope that it might one day lessen was knowing Edward was hurting too. Not that I wanted him to ever hurt, but being able to not feel alone in this was huge for me.

Eight. Eight was the big one. Eight … I had to forgive. I had to forgive myself. I had to forgive Edward. I had to forgive Emmett. I'd been living with this fear and pain for too long and if I didn't forgive and let go, then I would be stuck like this forever. I'd never be able to look at Edward and see the man I loved without thinking of the lies he'd told if I didn't forgive. I'd never be able to be in the same room with Emmett and not see his face that day in Seattle if I didn't forgive. And I'd never be able to be happy with myself again if I didn't forgive.

Seeing that Emmett didn't hate me or have an issue with me being with Edward had calmed the fear, making everything else seem clearer. I could see what I really needed to do for myself and not just what my feelings of protection and loneliness dictated.

I lifted the leg of my pants and looked down at the tattoo on my ankle—mind, body, and spirit. It was time I got those aligned again for me. Whatever became of my relationship with Edward after that … It would be what it was going to be.

Feeling more like myself than I had in months, I left my room in search of food. And then I saw Emmett and realized it wasn't going to be nearly as easy as outlining what I had to do and thinking I could just do it. From the way my breathing hitched and my heart sped up, I knew it was going to take a whole lot more to get me past all of this.

"Edward's putting the food on plates," Emmett said as if I couldn't see that for myself. I wasn't used to him seeming nervous so as much as I wanted to just walk right past him as if he didn't bother me, I couldn't move.

"I was hoping we could talk for a minute, Bella," he said. "I just … I have a few things I need to say. But if you aren't up to hearing it right now, I get that."

I thought about it and decided there was no sense in dragging any of this out; and also I saw Edward nodding at me to go ahead from the corner of my eye. It needed to be done and maybe Emmett might even say something that would make me less jumpy around him. _And maybe you'll wake up tomorrow to find this was all some stupid dream and there was never a car accident or a heart surgery_, I thought bitterly.

"Sure, we can talk," I said to Emmett.

He backed up to give me lots of room to pass him so I could get into the living room. I could see he didn't like it anymore than he had earlier but the fact that he at least seemed to understand why I needed space around him was a good thing.

"Bells, I owe you some major apologies," he said once we were both seated. I was in the chair this time and he was on the sofa.

He seemed like he was waiting for a response but I didn't say anything; he was right after all.

Emmett let out a sigh and ran his hand through his hair and over his face a couple times. "I'm sorry, Bella. I wish there was a way to make those words sound as deep as I mean them. What's worse is that while I've been sitting here trying to think of a good enough apology, I realized this isn't the first time I've messed shit up between Edward and you. I didn't mean to do it either time, but … I guess I really am better at screwing up shit than fixing it."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, not understanding him at all.

"You've always wanted to know what my problem with Edward was, why we didn't get along. I know Alice told you part of it, about the girl I liked wanting Edward instead. But that wasn't what really did it. I mean, that started it, but we would have eventually worked that out. Honestly, the split was initially just because we lived in such different worlds. I was into sports and had a whole group of friends who barely even knew Edward existed. And he was into his computer and history books, always inside while I was outside."

"Doesn't sound like a great reason to build a wall between you and your twin."

"Nope. It wasn't. You were."

For the first time since sitting down with him, I really looked at Emmett. "How could I have anything to do with you being a jerk to your brother?"

Emmett smiled at me as he set his arms on his knees and laced his big hands together. "You're the flame and we're all the moths. When you first came into our lives, none of us could get enough of you. You were this little spitfire, barely taller than Alice, and walking around like you could kick my ass if I got in your way. I know you don't like thinking back about that time 'cause it holds a lot of bad shit for you, but it's not like that for us. We remember when you got added to the family. Alice, Edward, Rose, and me; we remember. The five of us were always together at the house or the diner in town. You and Ed always seemed to have little inside jokes together and Alice would badger you two until you let the rest of us in on whatever it was.

"But then that stupid ass girl Ed was dating started making noise about not being included and he started to pull away. All of a sudden, he was running away from you instead of toward you. I knew something was up so I called him out on it. He gave me this line of shit about feeling responsible for the girl since he'd asked her out, but when he saw I wasn't buying it, he told me the truth. He was afraid he couldn't keep up with you. Even if he somehow captured your attention, he didn't feel like he could keep it. He was afraid he wouldn't be enough for you.

"You were jumping around so much back then, Bells. Once second, you wanted to drop out of school and open your own tattoo parlor. The next, you remembered you couldn't draw for shit and wanted to be a flight attendant so you could travel the world. And then you'd remember you hated people."

I interrupted him to say, "I don't hate people. I just don't have a lot of patience for certain types of people." And then I started frowning, hating that I couldn't call up any memories of what Em was talking about.

Emmett seemed to know what I was thinking—or not thinking actually. "Don't stress, Bells. You were going through a lot of shit and I think it hurt you when Ed suddenly walked off from the group. I think that's why you forgot the two of you were ever on friendly terms. Rose and I used to joke about it at first, amazed at how well you pretended. And then we realized you really had blocked it out.

"Rose said to let it go and stay out of it, but that ain't my way. So I warned my brother that he either needed to come clean and make a real play for you, or he needed to back the hell off and leave you alone. I shouldn't have done that. I should have encouraged him to give you a chance. The truth is I was afraid he would hurt you. You come off as this girl so big and bad that nothing can hurt her but I know better. Back then I could see the truth in your eyes, that you were lost and hurting. And I knew he couldn't see it. He was too far gone into building you up in his head as this perfect girl. But he still listened to me for some reason and backed away. I should have been encouraging him instead of playing on his fears. He was already scared to tell you he wanted you. He was afraid you wouldn't feel the same and he'd be left with all these feelings he couldn't do anything about.

"And then, he somehow ended up with you after all. At first, I thought … Hell, I don't know what I thought. I wanted it to work out for your sake, but I still didn't completely trust him not to hurt you. That's why I took your side with the Valentine's shit. He'd had years to come to terms with his feelings for you, but he'd only given you a couple of months. In the months after that, he really changed. You both changed in really good ways. And I felt like I could finally trust him with you. It brought us close again, like when we were younger. But then the car accident happened and I almost lost him after finally having a relationship with him again … I just lost it, Bells. That's the only thing I can come up with for what I did to you.

"I hope you can believe me someday because I really truly didn't mean any of the things I said to you. You never put his life in danger. You _are_ his life. He loves you so much and he really believes his life is perfect when you're in his arms. I know that feeling from Rosalie and I want my brother to have that. More than anything, I want _you_ to have that, Bella.

"So I guess what I'm saying is that if you never find a way to forgive me, I'd be okay with that as long as you gave Edward another chance. He's not going to fuck it up this time. He's not going to hold anything back from you ever again. I really hope you can find a way to let him show you that because I know if you do, he won't ever let you regret it. He'll still get things wrong every so often 'cause he's a guy and that's what we do, but it won't be like this. He won't ever let himself or anyone else make you hurt like this again."

It took me a moment to figure out how to respond to Emmett. I'd never heard him talk so seriously or for so long in all the years I'd known him, and he'd given me plenty to digest. For right now, I focused on the last bit he'd said to me.

"You do realize you're saying nice things about your brother and pretty much telling me it would be okay to write you off forever as long as I let him back into my life?" I asked.

"I realize it and I mean it." Emmett suddenly grinned at me. "I love my brother and if you tell anyone I said it …" he paused for way longer than was necessary and then added "… I'll admit to it."

The intensity of the moment cracked wide open at his stupid joke and I found myself grinning back at him. "You really are the stupidest man I know. And that's saying a lot considering who your twin is."

Emmett grunted and said, "Yeah, well, when Rosalie hears about all this, I'll be the deadest man you know."

"Uh, no. Rosalie isn't going to hear about this," I told him. "Neither is Esme or Carlisle and damn sure not my dad. This clusterfuck is staying between the three of us in this room."

"Wait, I thought we were all on a push for total honesty here. I mean, isn't keeping things from each other how we got into this mess in the first place?" Emmett asked.

"Yeah, I don't really see a way to hide this, Bella," Edward added as he sat down on the arm of my chair. I wasn't the least bit surprised that he'd been listening to what we were saying; I'd have done the same if I was him.

But I didn't agree with him about our situation with Emmett. "There's been too much separation in this family already," I told them. "If we tell everyone what Emmett said to me, then everyone's going to get mad at him and they'll waste a bunch of time being angry with him over things he doesn't remember and didn't mean. Right, Emmett?"

"I absolutely didn't mean it, Bella. I'll be happy to tell you that morning, noon, and night if you need in order to believe it."

"Right now, I think less is more," I told him. "I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, I'm just being honest. I need time to really accept the fact that what you said that day isn't anything you meant."

"I understand that. And don't worry. I won't be wearing out my welcome. After Edward feeds me, I'll be leaving for the airport to catch a flight back to Boston."

"What did you tell Rosalie to get out here?" Edward asked.

Emmett snorted and rubbed his hands over his face a couple of times before looking at us and answering. "I just made her a bunch of promises I wasn't in trouble and told her I'd tell her everything when I got back. But I've got no damn idea what I'm going to say."

"Then you can tell Rosalie, but make sure she understands _I_ don't want anyone else knowing. That I need this to stay private for _my_ sanity," I warned.

There was no other way to describe Emmett's reaction than to say it was relieved. "Thanks, Bells, 'cause I really didn't know how I was going to explain disappearing on her without giving her something more than just saying I had to go visit my brother."

"Yeah, well … Guess I'm just all kinds of nice or something." That hadn't been what I'd planned on saying at all, but the cutting angry words that had wanted to leap off my tongue wouldn't have helped any of us. So I kept them inside my head and focused on other things. "I smell the food, but I don't actually see the food. Any chance we can remedy that?" I asked, looking up at Edward.

He gave me that half-smile of his and a soft kiss on my forehead. "I'll be right back. What do you want to drink?"

"Tea. It's always tea these days," I replied.

"Hey, tea's good," he said as he stood. "And just think, before you started spending time with me, you didn't even consider it a real beverage."

I smiled, knowing exactly what Edward was doing—he was teasing and trying to take the last of the tension out of the room and the night. I wasn't sure it could really be done, but right then I loved him so much for just trying.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**BPOV:**

Dinner with Emmett had been … well, it had been bearable. He talked a lot with Edward and I was allowed to pretty much just sit there and poke at my food. From the banter between them, I knew they would be okay. Edward was upset with his brother for what he'd said to me, but he would forgive him. They would be okay.

I wished I knew what I would be. Would I ever be okay with Emmett again? Would I always flinch around him? What the hell was I going to do if I flinched around him next Friday at the big anniversary party? The party … There was no question I was going to that party for Esme and Carlisle, but would I be going with Edward?

I was fed up with laying in the dark thinking up questions I didn't have the answers for so I carefully moved Edward's arm off of me and got out of bed without waking him. After standing in the hall for a bit and debating on if I wanted to go to my room to listen to music or head into the living room to watch infomercials, I decided what I wanted most was a warm cup of tea.

No sooner than I put the kettle on the stove to heat, I felt Edward standing behind me. His arms slipped around my waist and gently pulled me away from the stove and into his chest. "Trouble sleeping?"

I smiled as I put my hands on top of his. "What was your first clue?"

He laughed softly, his breath tickling the side of my neck seconds before his lips touched my skin. "Is it okay if I stay? Or would you rather be alone?"

"I think I could go for some company right now."

"Good 'cause I kind of feel a little needy right now and don't want to be away from you."

I laughed, so positive that he was teasing—right up until I turned around and looked at his face. "You're serious?"

He shrugged and I noticed his cheeks and the tips of his ears were red. "I promised you honesty."

Between his blushing and his shy grin, I couldn't see myself doing anything other than wrapping my arms around him and giving him a hug.

"Thank you," he murmured against the top of my head. "Of course, now I feel pretty damn selfish for needing a hug from you after all I've put you through."

"Yeah, well, I felt selfish most of this week for sneaking into your bed so let's just call it even for now."

"You didn't sneak tonight," he replied. I didn't even need to look up at him to know he was smiling wide. "This really is nice. You back in my arms and not scared to be here."

"It is nice but I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm not still scared. Just a different kind of scared."

"You know, we may not be scared of the same things, but I'm right there with you on the fear. And the love. I'm here for you, Bella. You'll never be alone in anything if I can help it."

I wasn't sure what to say so I went with just nodding my head to acknowledge I'd heard him.

His arms tightened around me just a little. "Is that why you can't sleep? Because you're afraid?"

"No," I mumbled into his shirt. "That would be because my stupid brain is refusing to shut the hell up."

"Okay, so we need to find a zombie and offer up your brain as a midnight snack."

I laughed and pulled back to see his face. "Did you really just say that?"

"Guilty," he said with a small laugh of his own.

"That was actually pretty good teasing."

"Thank you. I had a lot of time to practice on Alice. She doesn't appreciate it so much."

"What a shocker! Ali not wanting to be teased. You must have caught her on an off day."

Edward snorted loudly. "Yeah, that was it."

I smiled and brought the conversation back around to his zombie idea. "You know, letting the zombie have my brain is kind of permanent. I might end up needing it again and then I'd be stuck without. What would I do then?"

"Hmm … Interesting thought. Okay, so we scrap the zombie and come up with a new plan. How about a cup of warm tea and if your brain is still running after that, I'll sing you to sleep?"

"Are you sweet-talking me, Cullen?"

He smiled as he used both hands to tuck my hair behind my ears. "If you want me to, I'd be more than happy to oblige. Otherwise, I'm just being a good friend to the woman I love."

The kettle chose that moment to shriek out a ready notice and Edward let go of me to pull it from the stove. I grabbed the mugs while he grabbed the tea bags and then poured water into each of our cups. We ended up taking them into the living room where we sat on opposite sides of the sofa with my feet in his lap and his beside me.

"So," he said after we'd been sitting silently for a while sipping at our drinks.

I smiled as I nudged his stomach with my toes. "You nervous over there, Cullen?"

"Nervous is one of the few things I'm not feeling. I was just wondering if you felt like talking."

"About what?"

"Well, Emmett, for one. I know I have a lot of conflicting emotions where he's concerned so I can only imagine how you must feel."

"What do _you_ think about Emmett and what he said?"

"I'm upset and hurt. And I'm definitely angry. Emmett had no right to blame you. I still can't even grasp how he could have thought for a second it was your fault. And to be perfectly honest, I think he did it because it was easier to blame you than to take responsibility for the part he played in my lying. But I know I can't stay angry with him. For one, it was partly my fault for lying. And for another, I want to keep the relationship we've built these past months. That doesn't mean I'll forget what he did or that I'm okay with it. It just means I love him even though he's an ass."

"Did you tell him that?"

Edward nodded. "I also told him not to think things were over with you yet. You're too close to it now, but you'll get angry soon enough and when you do, I told him he better sit there and take it without a word because he damn sure deserves it. Except to say he's sorry. He can definitely say that to you."

I wanted to trust Edward but it was hard to imagine him ordering Emmett around. "What did you really say? 'Cause I don't see your brother just agreeing if you really told him just what you said to me."

Edward snorted and grinned, scratching at his chin for a bit before speaking. "Okay so the nicest way to put this … I told him almost word for word what I relayed to you, only with a few curses here and there. He didn't like it and got in my face, saying some crap about not talking down to him. I laughed in his face and reminded him of the number of years he'd done that to me for pretty much no reason while I had a damn good one. He saw my point and backed down, even apologizing again. He knows he messed up and does want to fix it, but he also wants it _now_. The man will probably never know patience."

Emmett being pissy sounded much more Emmetty and his lack of patience was pretty damn legendary … Edward really was being honest—and his relationship with his brother would survive this. But what about Edward and me?

I took a breath to steady my nerves and asked, "What was your reason? The good one for how you were talking to him?"

Edward looked right at me as he spoke, "He hurt the woman I love."

"What about you? You hurt me too. What happens when I get angry with you?"

"Same thing. I'll take it because I deserve it. And I'll be glad to see it because it'll mean we're a step closer to healing from all of this."

I wasn't sure I wanted the answer, but I knew I couldn't stand not to ask. "Is there any part of what Emmett said to me that you find true?"

I doubted Edward could have looked more shocked if I'd hauled off and slapped him. "Don't for one second waste anymore time thinking of anything he said that day. He was stupid and cruel and so damn wrong. And the real common factor in your past relationships was a lack of patience in the men you dated. I stuck around and got to see the real you, a woman so full of love and loyalty that she would do anything for her family despite what it cost her."

"So not even one little thing?" I bit my lip to keep from smiling, especially after Edward rolled his eyes at me. It was great to hear he hadn't just forgiven and forgotten with his brother because I sure as hell couldn't. It was even better to hear for certain that Edward didn't agree with his twin.

"No," he said as he leaned over and put his mug on the coffee table. He sat up straight again and took my foot into his hands, using those long fingers of his to start massaging the underside of my foot.

"Okay, that's super big time cheating there," I said once I was able to stop groaning from how good it felt.

"How is doing something nice for you cheating? And just what am I cheating at?"

"I don't know yet, but you just go right on with what you're doing until I figure it out."

Edward didn't say a word; of course, with that big ass cocky smile on his handsome face he didn't really need to speak. I spent a couple seconds looking for a reason this might not be a good idea and then promptly closed my eyes and gave in, leaning my head against the back of the sofa and letting myself relax under his touch.

Edward let me lay there for a bit before breaking up the peaceful silence between us. "So I was wondering if maybe you might be interested in riding up to Forks with me next weekend for the big anniversary party. Maybe even spending the weekend there with me. We could visit your dad and Jake while we're there. I just thought it might be nice to stay and maybe even visit the beach."

I popped one eye open to look at him. "Would you still be massaging my feet if you hadn't been planning to ask me that?"

That grin that made his eyes shine—_my_ grin—popped out onto his face. "Yep. Any excuse to touch you is a good one in my book."

"Alright."

"Alright what?" His grin was gone and he once again seemed nervous.

"Alright to all of it," I said as I kept a close eye on him.

It took him a second, but my words registered in his head and his body visibly relaxed. His grin came out once more and he gently squeezed my foot. "I think you might have a little bit of a crush on me, Swan."

My snort was so loud it actually hurt a little. "There is nothing little when it comes to you, Cullen."

"Are we bantering or flirting? I honestly can't tell."

"Just shut up and focus on the foot massaging," I said as I brought my mug up to cover my smile. I had no clue what we were doing, only that it felt good right now.

* * *

**A/N:** Next week ... Rose's reaction. The chapter after that will probably be in 2 weeks and THAT will be the chapter where Bella learns she's preggers.


	51. Piecing It Together Part 2

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: Piecing It Together – Part 2**

**Chapter Song: "Never Gonna Be Alone" by Nickelback**

**Emmett's POV:**

Thinking. It wasn't my favorite past-time. I'd rather be talking to a friend or playing a video game. Thinking was tedious. And it could get you in more trouble at times—just look at all the shit that happened because of Edward thinking too much about getting teased over his heart. On occasion, I might have been a jerk to him with my teasing but how could he have ever believed I would make fun of him for a serious condition like that? I never made fun of him for his stage fright shit or getting airsick on planes. I got airsick too so I just would have been making fun of my own self.

It hurt to know my brother had believed I wouldn't be there at his side, supporting him through his medical stuff. It hurt even more to know it was partly my fault. Maybe even mostly. But come on! I made fun of everyone. He really didn't notice that about me?

Alright so maybe I made fun of him more than anyone else. And maybe my way of making fun wasn't so much joking around as proving how much tougher I was than him. Maybe I was the shittiest brother on the planet. But I had tried to be better.

And things had been better—a _lot_ better—in the past few months. We had an understanding. He teased right back now. We were good. And then he'd called me up and told me what I'd done to Bella. I'd wanted to tell him she was full of shit and just looking for an excuse for bailing on him. I honestly didn't remember talking to her so for all I knew she could have been lying. Except I knew that wasn't Bella.

When we'd figured out she had bailed from the hospital, I'd just assumed she was being chickenshit and was too scared of her own damn shadow to stick around. Yeah, seeing Edward all weak in that damn hospital bed had hurt and it had sucked ass, but so what? At least he was there for us to see him at all. Hearing from Ali how Bella had pulled away from everyone just made it seem to me like I was right about her being scared. Hell, I figured she might even change her mind any day and come around again. She'd have some apologizing to do to my brother, but I'd have been fine with it. I knew deep down she was a good person with a good heart; she just also had a lot of scars inside too.

So there I'd been, sitting on a bench at the gym with my cellphone to my ear and my brother chewing me out for being a cruel bastard while I tried to remember even seeing Bella in the hospital that day. I hardly remembered anything beyond how Edward had looked. I remembered getting the call from Dad, then seeing Edward before his surgery, and then going to get his shit out of his car. Everything else was a blur.

The whole plane ride to Portland I'd tried to remember, tried to force my brain to give me anything, even just a flash of Bella's face. But nothing came. Not until I was watching her flinch away from me. That same look of fear she'd had on her face right then was mirrored in my head, only she had bruises all over in the memory version. I'd really been in her room and I'd really said some awful shit to her. I'd made her leave my brother, the only woman I'd ever seen make him really happy and I'd drove her off. If anyone had done that to me, had taken my Rosalie away from me—my brother had _every_ right to hate me.

And yet he didn't. That was Edward. Always forgiving me. Always being the kind brother. I never had given him enough credit for that, always making fun of him for it instead. I couldn't even tell him why I had acted that way with him; it had just seemed to be the way things went.

The only one more selfless than him was Bella. She not only wanted to forgive my stupid ass, she wanted to put this behind us without telling anyone else about it. She could have easily outed me to the family and they all would have come down on her side—which was the right way to handle it. Whatever reasons I'd had for saying that shit, they just weren't good enough. I only wished I could remember so I could give her that info, maybe ease the pain I'd caused her just a little. Because beyond her fear, there was definitely a hell of a lot of pain. I'd always tried my hardest to be a good brother to her, to be her protector even when she said she didn't need one. All I'd done was fail her. And while the idea of her never speaking to me again, never calling me her brother from another mother again hurt like hell, I knew it was well deserved after what I'd done whether I remembered doing it or not.

Her face … Tears didn't normally bother me. Girls cried. That was a given. But the broken look on her face, that shit had hurt. And I was the bastard who'd broken her. And for what? What had I been thinking? How could I have ever blamed her for something she didn't even know about?

The sound of a key in the door had me lifting my head out of my hands and slowly getting to my feet. Rosalie would walk through that door any second now and I'd have to tell her what I'd done. She was so damn protective of Bella and always had been. She was going to be pissed at me, which I deserved. I just hoped she could find something worthy in me so that she wouldn't just pack up and leave. I could handle the family being pissed at me but I couldn't take not having my Rosie. When it came down to it, Edward was definitely the tougher of the two of us, not only dealing with Bella being gone for months but going after her as soon as he was healthy enough. If Rose left me … I just had to hope she'd stay.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Rosalie's POV:**

My key wasn't even out of the door before Emmett was crushing me in his arms, holding on to me tight enough to hurt. There were only a handful of times in our long history together where he'd acted this way and one of them had been pretty damn recent—Edward's surgery. I knew he'd just gone home to see his brother so it was making it very difficult not to jump to the conclusion that something new was wrong with Edward.

With one arm crushed between us and the other weighted down by my gym bag, I wasn't getting free unless he let go. "Em, you need to ease up on your grip."

"Sorry, Babe," he muttered as he stepped back, worrying me even more. Em didn't mutter. He laughed his words out and gave you a shitty grin that made you want to hit him and kiss him at the same time. And he never had a problem meeting your eyes—those brown eyes of his were staring at the floor.

"Are you okay?" I asked as I set my gym bag down.

"Fine." He didn't look fine; he looked … Well, I'd never seen him look like this before.

"Are you ready to tell me what your spontaneous trip was about?"

He nodded his head and then reached his arm out, pushing the door closed and flicking the deadbolt with his thumb. And then he just left his hand there, like he was afraid it would unlock and open up if he stopped touching it.

I slipped under his arm, fit my chest against his, and nuzzled his chin with my nose, hoping to break him out of this weird funk with my touch. He didn't move and he was so stiff against me that it made my heart rate spike. "Em, I can't believe I'm actually saying this to you, but you're freaking me out in a bad way."

He finally moved, wrapping both of his arms around me and holding me tight and for a moment I thought he might be okay. But then he spoke and his voice was too low and gruff, and the words too unexpected. "I love you."

I pulled back enough to see his face and used the stern tone that he knew meant playtime was over. "Emmett. Talk."

He refused to meet my eyes and only gave me a stiff half-nod before leading me into the living room. He let me go so I could sit but instead of sitting beside me, he got on his knees and wedged himself between my legs, burying his face in my stomach. This wasn't my Emmett. He never acted this way—he never let himself look this broken.

As badly as I wanted him to talk, I could see he wasn't ready yet. I slipped my fingers into his curly hair and tried to sooth him with my touch enough to get him to open up to me. It took a while, but it finally started to work on him.

"I fucked up, Rosalie. I fucked up so bad. And there's no way to fix it. Nothing I can do about it." He lifted his head up and the haunted look on his face had my heart pounding so hard I felt dizzy for a second.

I watched as he lifted his hand up between us, turning his palm toward me and then showing me the back of his hand again. "All this strength right here and it means nothing," he said. "I'm used to breaking shit. I've always felt bigger than my surroundings and clumsy inside houses. But when I break stuff, I can fix it. Or I can take it somewhere to have someone else fix it. But not this time."

I grabbed his chin, trying to get him to look at me. "Babe, I'm trying to be patient, but you're really scaring me. What happened? Is Edward okay?"

Emmett finally let me lift his head and my breath caught in my throat at the tears standing in his brown eyes. "I'm the reason," he choked out.

"The reason for what?"

"The reason Bella left. I hurt her, Rosie. I hurt her bad."

"What are you talking about? We didn't see Bella. By the time we got downstairs to visit her, she'd already snuck out."

"No, I … After the car … I went to her room. God, Rosie …" He stopped talking and just sat there shaking his head.

I grabbed hold of his chin to stop him and get him to look at me again. "What did you do?"

"I want to tell you," he said as he grabbed my hand from his chin and squeezed it. "But I need you to promise me something first."

"What? What is going on here, Emmett?"

"I'm trying to tell you. But I need to know you won't leave me. You can hate me. Throw things at me. Ignore me. Just promise you won't leave me."

I had that dizzy feeling again so I squeezed his hand back, trying to focus on him and not the crazy pounding of my heart. "I won't leave you."

"No, don't just say it like that. This is not like the dumb stuff I do that annoys you. This is unforgivable and the only reason I'm even bothering to ask you not to give up on me is because I didn't mean to do it. Hell, I don't even remember it. But I know Bella and I saw her—she's not lying. It's been killing her to do it but she's been staying away from Edward because of me."

It was my turn to shake my head. "What are you talking about? Why would Bella think you would want her to stay away from Edward? I thought she was just upset with him about his lying."

Emmett brought my hand to his chest and I could feel how hard his heart was pounding beneath my palm—it actually felt worse than mine. "Promise me, Rose." He was begging. _My_ Emmett was begging. He didn't beg outside of the bedroom for anyone or any reason.

"Okay, Emmett. I promise that no matter how bad this turns out to be, I'll stay and work through it with you." I made sure he was looking at me before I added, "Now talk."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Emmett's POV:**

I opened my mouth to tell her but the words wouldn't come. She'd promised and I wanted to believe in it but I couldn't. I'd gotten her to promise without her knowing everything. Even when I was trying to come clean I was being underhanded and I couldn't—I _wouldn't_ do that to her. She deserved better.

"Rose, forget the promise thing," I said as I let go of her hand. I slid off my knees and onto my ass, running both hands over my face roughly a few times before daring to look at her again.

"Emmett, why did you make such a big deal out of the promise if you were just going to turn around and tell me to forget it?"

"I don't _want_ you to forget it. But I don't want you to feel tricked either. I really screwed up this time. Bad enough that I couldn't blame you if you did leave me. I don't want to lose you, Rosalie. You're the best thing to ever come into my life. You love me, you drive me crazy, you put up with my crap, and you even make me want to grow up for you. I'm not the sentimental guy my brother is, but I know when I've got something worthwhile, something that can't be replaced. And that's you."

She looked nearly as scared as I felt and as much as I wanted to make her feel better, I couldn't; not until after I came clean with her. "Emmett, I'm not going to tell you again. Talk. To. Me."

"The day of Edward's surgery, I went to see Bella. I don't know what I was thinking. I don't know why I picked that moment to go. I wish I did. I wish I could remember. But I honestly don't, Rosalie." As hard as it was to meet her gaze, I did it because I needed her to see I was being honest. It was going to kill me when the understanding hit her and the disappointment filled her blue eyes, but I was just going to have to deal with it.

I blew out a breath and started talking, hoping if I just kept going it wouldn't sting as much and it would be over sooner. "I told her it was her fault. All of it. Edward nearly dying and having to have surgery and all her failed relationships before him. I told her she was poison and that all she ever did was take from people until they had nothing left. And then I told her that if she came near him or me, I would beat the hell out of her. I told her if she went near him, I'd know about it. I told her I hated her and would never forgive her and that Edward would feel the same once he was feeling better."

Getting it all out at once didn't make it hurt less. And it didn't make it feel over either. I had just gotten to the part where Rose decided if she was staying or going faster.

Her lips parted but just as quickly she pressed them into a thin line. She got to her feet and I just sat there looking up at her, not sure what to do or say. She was looking at the window behind me but I could still see the disappointment in her eyes—and the pain. Bella meant more to Rose than she probably knew but that was only 'cause Rose hadn't been able to show it until after Alice had broken through Bella's hard shell. I knew all this shit, knew almost everything about Bella's past and I'd still said those words to her. I'd known just how to cut her and I'd sliced her up with my words like a man gutting a fish.

"Rose, I—"

She lifted her hand and I shut my big mouth immediately. "I need some time." That was all she said before going into our room and closing the door.

I scrambled to my feet and went after her—Rose never spoke calm when I screwed up. She yelled and screamed and called me well-deserved names. She didn't just walk away from me.

But the door was locked. She never locked doors with me. Never. No matter how mad she got with me.

"Rose?"

"Time," was all she said to me.

I turned around and slumped down to the floor, letting my head rest against the _locked_ door. I didn't do fear but right then was the second scariest moment of my life—nearly losing my brother being the first. Although, if I saw Rosalie with a suitcase in her hand that would damn sure become the number one fear inducer.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Rose's POV:**

I didn't know what to do, what to say, what to think … And I couldn't seem to stop pacing around my bedroom. Sure Emmett screwed up from time to time and pissed people off but he'd never hurt anyone before. And to do it to Bella of all people. She acted tough, sure, but that was just on the outside. On the inside, it was always a daily struggle for her between the young woman she'd become and the scared teenager she'd been. Her biggest fear in life was becoming that girl again—at least it had been before Edward had come into her life.

Edward. The stupid idiot. Putting Emmett's opinion before his health like that and hiding a life-threatening condition from all of us … What the hell was wrong with these Cullen men? It damn sure wasn't upbringing because I knew Carlisle and Esme and I knew this wasn't how they'd raised their boys.

I pulled my cell phone from my pocket and flipped through my contacts until I found Edward's number. And then I sat down on the edge of my bed and just stared at my phone. What would I say to him? What could I possibly say to Bella? It might seem crazy to them but I felt responsible for Emmett. I should have helped Carlisle make him stay in the hospital but he'd been so damn surly that day and I'd known he was getting on Esme and Alice's nerves.

But damn it! Emmett was a grown ass man. I should be able to trust him to walk out of my sight without having to worry that he was off doing something stupid. And he'd been doing so well lately too. He'd been making small, steady changes since we'd moved to Boston and I'd been so proud of him, especially since I hadn't asked him to do it. Where had that more mature, level-headed man been that day he'd gone to see Bella?

Letting out a sigh, I pulled up Edward's number again and hit the call button.

He answered quickly, sounding worried. "Rosalie, are you okay?"

"Am _I_ okay?"

There was a short pause before Edward spoke again. "He told you then?"

"After he begged and pleaded with me to promise I wouldn't leave him. Oh, Edward." Thinking of how Edward had been without Bella and her without him … Imagining what she had been going through all alone and silently … It twisted my heart so much that I couldn't hold back my tears.

"Please don't cry."

"I'm not crying for me. I'm crying for _her_. He hurt her, Edward."

"I know. But I'm going to help her get past it."

"You don't understand, Edward. You didn't know her then. You don't know how much she worries now about turning back into who she was."

"It's been years since she was that wild teenager."

"Not to her it hasn't. It's still fresh in her head and heart, and there are parts of her past that she hasn't forgiven herself for either. For her to think for even a second that she had hurt you … You can't imagine the hatred she's been feeling for herself."

"How can you know that? You haven't talked to her all that much lately."

"Because I know _her_. I was there, Edward. I was there when she was trapped in her own darkness, believing she would never get out of it, that she wasn't deserving of a better life. I was there when Aaron came into her life and showed her that she could be good and she could have good things in her life. I was there when he died and she was lost all over again. I was there when Alice came along and shoved her rainbows and sunshine into Bella's world and turned it completely upside down. I have watched Bella struggle to let out her sweet side for all of us to see, to find the bright side of life and not always expect the darkness.

"And then I watched her with you, Edward. She blossomed with you. She found calmness and stability and a future with you. She was learning to look forward to things and not expect the end around every corner. For Emmett to come along and tell her all she'd been doing was sucking the life out of you … She's tough and I believe in her so damn much, but getting past this … I don't know if she can."

"She's going to. I'm going to make sure she does, Rose."

"What if she can't trust you again?" I asked, drying my eyes with the back of my hand.

"I won't stop trying until she does. We have too much ahead of us, too bright of a future together."

"On one hand, I love your confidence, Edward. On the other, I feel like you're too optimistic."

"We love each other."

"What if that's not enough?"

"I'm not giving up, Rose. I know I've got a lot of fighting ahead of me but I'm not giving up on her or us."

"Whatever I can do, whatever help you need, you call me, Edward. No matter what time of day or night, you call me."

"Thanks, Rosalie. I appreciate that."

I could hear the smile in his voice and it brought a small grin to my own face. He really did love her the right way—every bit and piece of her heart and soul. He loved Bella the way I knew Emmett loved me.

_Emmett_. Thinking of him got rid of my smile immediately and left me feeling cold and unsure. "Edward, what in the hell am I supposed to do with your brother?" I asked, really hoping he had some idea.

"Keep him patient. Keep him from trying to talk Bella into forgiving him. She's not ready for that yet."

"No shit. I meant what do _I_ do with him. Do I leave him? Do I rant and rave and yell at him? Do I ignore him?"

"There's only one question you have to answer, Rosalie. Do you love him?"

"I moved all the way to flippin' Boston with him. What do you think?"

Edward chuckled at my flat tone. "I think you love him. Even right now when you're struggling to remember why you love him."

"I just … This isn't some stupid prank of his or some annoying bad habit. He _hurt_ Bella. How do I deal with that?"

"Rose, I'm going to tell you something and I want you to really think about it, okay?"

"Go on."

"You are not Emmett's mother. You don't have to answer for his mistakes and you don't have to dole out punishment for them. You are his _partner_ and that means that while you have every right to feel bad and embarrassed over what he does, he has to make up to you as much as he does to whoever he wronged. If it makes your life easier to ignore him for a while, do that. If it makes you feel better to yell at him and let him know what an asshole he's been, then do that. Do what feels right for you and leave him to deal with what he's done wrong on his own. When he understands fully what he did and why it's so bad, he'll apologize to you and ask for your help—exactly what he needs to do with his partner."

I let out a breath while rubbing my free hand against my knee. I hated any kind of tension with Emmett, always feeling like we were wasting precious time in the only life we had. But this was too big to just accept right away.

"You still there?" Edward asked.

"Yeah. Just thinking. So where is Bella right now?"

"Working. I'm here watching her wait tables and talk to customers. I think she's been working so much because it gives her an out, a way to turn her brain off and not think about me or my brother."

"You make sure she knows how much of an idiot Emmett is. Don't you let her believe his words for a second longer, Edward."

"I'm working hard on that, Rose. And I won't stop until she really does understand she didn't do anything wrong."

"You better not or I'll give you that ass whipping you were asking for with hiding your health from us."

His laugh came through clearly. "Love you too, Rosalie."

"Take care of our girl."

"I will."

"Ok then. Guess I better go finish dealing with your brother. Love you and I'll talk to you later."

"Hey, Rose?"

"Yeah?"

"If you love him, don't give up on him."

I didn't know what to say to that. The man I loved had run off the woman his brother loved and here his brother was taking up for him. Emmett didn't deserve it—at least that's how I was feeling right then.

"You're too good to him," I told Edward. "You know that, right?"

"Yeah, but that's just my way."

Now it was my turn to laugh, thinking of one of Bella's frequent sayings about him. "You really are honorable to a fault. But you mean well. Just no more lying to her, okay?"

"Never again."

"Alright then. Bye, Edward."

"Bye, Rose."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Emmett's POV:**

The door opened and I did my best to quickly get out of her way and get to my feet. Her eyes were red and the thought of her crying all alone in our room felt like a blow to my gut.

"Sit," she ordered, pointing one red nail at the sofa.

I did just like she said, forcing my mouth to stay shut and be patient. I needed to be on my absolute best behavior if I wanted any chance of her staying.

She opened her mouth but closed it right back up, and then she started pacing around the living room. She did that for almost a whole minute before she started speaking.

"Everything you've done in the past is small. _This_," she spat, jabbing her finger toward the floor as if the wood had offended her.

"This right here is one major fuck up, Emmett Cullen," she continued. "There's no excuse for it. There's no … God, do you even know what you've done?"

I opened my mouth to tell her I knew and I was sorry but she was already talking again.

"Emmett, I don't know what to do here. There are so many sad parts to this. Bella alone and hurting and missing Edward. And knowing her, I'm sure she was missing you too. And Edward in Seattle without her. Though I bet you anything she was what was driving him to get better so damn fast. I always thought you were wrong when you said he was trying to get away from Esme and Alice as fast as possible.

"So there they both are without the other and then there's you walking around and talking about her being a coward and all the while the only thing she was afraid of was you. What do I do with that? How do I look her in the face? Which just pisses me off because I didn't do this to her. But all that guilt I'd already felt over not staying in touch with her and Alice feels magnified now and I can't stop wondering if I'd stayed in touch if Bella would have confided in me about what you did. And I'm talking in run-ons and walking in circles and I'm just so damn mad and hurt."

She whirled around, pinning me to the couch with the fire in her blue eyes. "You did this. And you didn't just hurt Bella. You hurt Edward and you hurt me. And there's no way in hell this won't hurt your parents or Alice and Jasper. Do you realize how big this is Emmett? Do you realize how majorly you have fucked up?

"And I'm trying not to yell because yelling isn't going to help but I can't keep control of anything. I want to yell as much as I want to cry and I want to fly home to Portland and give Bella the biggest hug and the sincerest apology."

"You can do that on Friday when we go home to Forks for the party," I pointed out.

"Really? You're thinking about the party?" The rage in her voice was only slightly less scary than the fury in her narrowed eyes.

"Yeah, but only because I'm wondering if Bella will be there."

"No matter what she's feeling for you or for Edward, she's not going to let Esme and Carlisle down."

"I didn't really think she would. Seems like she's always there for all of us."

"Except when you run her off, threatening to hit her. Damn it, Emmett! Weren't there any warning bells at all in your head? Any part of you screaming that you were doing something stupid and wrong?"

I wished I could tell her differently because I hated how much it sounded like a flimsy excuse, but I couldn't lie to her. "I don't remember, Rose."

Once again her eyes were burning with anger and this time she was pointing one of her long fingers at me. "You stay away from Bella until she's ready to be around you. I catch you being impatient with her even once and you and I are through. And you are going to counseling. If you were angry enough to say those things and then black them out, then there's something wrong and you are going to fix it."

Her eyes relaxed at the corners and her shoulders slumped a little. "And if you want me to come with you, I will," she added.

I took a big chance, getting up from the couch and taking her into my arms. She didn't fight me but she didn't hug me back either. "I'm sorry, Rosalie. I can't tell you how sorry I am. I can't even explain how much it hurt to see Bella afraid of me. And when she told me what I'd said … Just believe me when I say that words have never hurt me like that before.

"Anything you need me to do, Rosie, I'll do it. I'll sleep on the couch and I'll do all the chores around here. Whatever you tell me to do, I'll do it."

"I'm not going to make you my slave, Emmett. I don't want that. I just want you to understand how big this is, how badly you've messed up. And I want you to take steps to make sure nothing like this ever happens again."

"It won't."

She pulled back and the only emotion I could pick out of her blue eyes was fear—the last thing I'd expected to see. "Emmett, you can't just say that. And I can't just believe it. What if we one day do get married and have kids and our kid upsets you? You can't beat them up with your words and think it's okay because you didn't mean it and don't remember it."

"Hey, stop right there," I said, putting my hands on her shoulders. "I want _you_ to understand something. I don't think it's okay. I don't think a damn thing I did or said is excusable. Hell, I think it's even worse that I can't remember doing it because it lets me put it out of my head but Bella can't do that. She doesn't even want to tell anyone else because she's so tired of not being able to get away from it."

"No, no, no. We are not hiding this. We are not making excuses for why you two are avoiding each other."

I locked eyes with her, needing her to see this was serious and not just some attempt by me to escape being in trouble. "Bella needs this, Rosalie. She only gave me permission to tell you because she didn't want you worrying about why I'd gone to Portland so suddenly."

"She's not thinking clearly. She knows stuff like this can't be kept a secret for long."

"I agree, but we have to let her have it for now."

"Why? What aren't you telling me?"

I had planned to keep Edward's theory under wraps until he knew for sure but seeing the panic on Rose's face right now, I had no choice but to tell her. "Bella needs as little stress as possible right now. She's pregnant."

"What? How? When?"

"Don't know the specifics," I said with a shrug. "Edward is taking her to the doctor on Monday to make sure, but he seems pretty damn certain. It was why I flew over there in the first place. He was convinced that she couldn't accept the pregnancy as long as she thought I still wanted her to stay away from Edward."

Rose's look of shock turned to one of hurt and she was suddenly crying, screaming, and beating her fists against my chest all at once. I grabbed her up in my arms and held her tightly, but she was so damn pissed at me she was able to get free.

"You don't know what you've done," she screamed at me.

"Yeah, I do, Rose," I said, trying to stay calm with her yelling at me like this. My usual reaction was to yell right back but I knew doing that now would damn sure end in her packing her things up.

"No, you don't." She made the words sound like a promise. "You weren't there when they told her she couldn't have kids. You don't know what hearing that did to her."

"That was a long time ago, Rosalie. And obviously those doctors were wrong."

"God, Emmett! You can't really be this stupid about emotions, can you? Having your only hope ripped away from you by a total stranger … That doesn't just go away. Not even when you do get what you wanted. It just turns to fear that it's going to be taken away at any second.

"Look at Bella's life from her point of view, Emmett. Look at how many people she's loved and lost. Look at how she gets about Aaron still."

"So Bella can be a little moody at times. But the pregnancy is a good thing, Rosalie."

"You really don't get," she said, almost whispering the words as she shook her head. Somehow this soft voice of hers scared me more than her yelling ever had.

"What don't I get?"

"Being pregnant doesn't guarantee her a thing. Pregnancy for her is going to be dangerous and there's no guarantee she will make it to term. Any stress she's feeling just puts her that much more at risk for losing the baby."

"I don't understand. Bella's healthy. Not being able to have a kid was the only thing ever wrong with her."

"It's not as simple as she couldn't have a kid, Emmett. To put it into simple terms for you, her body and her female organs don't get along. That's not going to change just because she's pregnant now."

I was trying hard to wrap my mind around this stuff, but I'd never been any good at science classes. "So it's not anything to do with her period then?"

"No. Her crazy periods are just another manifestation of the disease she has."

"Well, shit," I said, slumping down onto the sofa. I felt like I'd just been taken out at the knees by a linebacker.

"Finally!" Rose cried, throwing her hands up in the air. I knew she was frustrated with me but I really wasn't trying to be dense about this stuff.

"Does Edward know?"

"Probably not right this second but Dr. Bennett will fill him in real quick. He is taking her to Dr. Bennett, right? Because the last thing Bella needs is a doctor who doesn't know her or understand her."

"He said it was Dr. Bennett."

"Good." She let out a sigh and then pressed her fingers to her temples. "Jeebus, you really stepped into it this time, Emmett."

"I didn't mean to do it."

She lowered her hands and shot daggers at me with her eyes. "Not the right thing to say right now. For one, I already know that. For another, it doesn't excuse what you did."

"Nothing excuses it. I know that, Rosie. I just don't really know what else to say here."

"So then listen while I speak. And pay really close attention because I'm not saying it again."

I nodded to show her she had my full attention.

"Emmett, I do love you. And I want to believe so badly that love can be enough even in the hardest of relationships. But if Bella loses that baby because of what you did to her, I don't know that I can forgive you for that. I don't know that I can look at you every day and not hate you.

"I'm not trying to be mean to you. I'm just being honest here, Em. I do love you. But I also love Bella. She's been a big part of my life since my family moved next door to hers over fourteen years ago. When you watch somebody grow up that way, when you're a part of their life in both small and huge ways, there's a bond there that's so thick … I don't even think I can explain this right. All I know is that if I feel like I have to choose between you two, it won't be you."

Thinking of Bella and Edward … thinking of how I'd already hurt them and the pain they'd go through if she lost their baby … I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to speak in a strong voice. "I understand, Rosalie."

She nodded somewhat stiffly and then she disappeared into our bedroom, closing the door with a soft click.

I thought about calling Edward just to apologize once again to him but in the end I decided it would be selfish to take him away from Bella just to try to make myself feel a little less shitty.

I ended up making myself a microwave meal for dinner and then going to sleep on the couch. That was the first of what I assumed would be many nights of sleeping without Rose at my side and it hurt like hell. It also gave me a taste of what Edward and Bella had been going through, driving home a little more for me just how big of a mess I'd created.

On my third night on the sofa—and second day of silence from Rosalie—she woke me up in the middle night. I could tell she'd been crying from the puffiness under her eyes visible in the light coming through the living room windows.

"Rose, what's wrong?" I asked as I sat up to give her more room on the couch.

She just sat there staring at me for the longest time and when she finally did speak it was with a shaking voice. "You can't fix it. I can't fix it. What are we going to do if Edward can't fix it?"

"He can fix it," I said, putting all of my confidence into my tone. One of the things I'd learned about my brother lately was that when he set his mind to doing something, it got done.

"What if you're wrong?"

"For the second time in my life, Rosalie, I'm not wrong."

"When was the first?"

"When I decided I wanted a future with you," I told her.

"Emmett," she said, sighing and shaking her head. "I feel like you still don't get it. When Bella finds out she's pregnant, she's going to freak. And not because she doesn't want it, but because she's going to feel she's all alone in it. As long as she still thinks she might have harmed your brother, she's not going to want to let herself be around him. And the idea of being pregnant and not getting to be a mom … I don't know that she's tough enough to survive that, Emmett."

"What do you mean? She wouldn't like … she wouldn't hurt herself, would she?" I asked, struggling to get the words out.

"I don't know. I'd like to think she wouldn't for Charlie's sake. But she wouldn't be Bella anymore. And I doubt she'd stay in Portland."

"Where would she go?"

Rose shrugged. "Maybe to be with Bree. But knowing her, she'd consider that being a burden and she'd go someplace where she didn't know anyone. She talked about doing that a lot when she was younger. Just packing up and escaping, she called it."

"What the hell happened to her, Rose? Why does she seem so tough if she's really not?"

"For a lot of reasons. Her mom bailed, never to return or even write or phone. Aaron died just when she had fully opened her heart to him. Then that little fucker Mike Newton played with her just to dump her. And then the doctors and the news that she couldn't be a mom of her own."

Rose shook her head but it didn't keep me from seeing the fear in her eyes. "To Bella, her baby is the one person who will always love her and never leave her," she explained. "But even as selfish as that sounds, it's really not because Bella won't keep her baby if she can't give it everything it deserves. She'll give it up for adoption first."

"Edward's never gonna let her give their baby up. He'll raise it on his own first."

"You believe that. And I believe that. But right now, there's no way _Bella_ can believe that. You didn't just break up her relationship with Edward, Emmett. You changed the way she sees herself and everyone else in her life. You took away her ability to believe anyone is going to be there to help her."

"She really puts that much stock into what I say? She knows I'm an idiot half the time."

"She knows you love her and she knows you love your brother. There's no reason for you to lie so therefore you must be right and she must have just imagined she was a better person than she was."

My hands clenched into fists and I wanted so badly to hit something, to take out some of my frustration over Bella being hurt. "All these people who made her think so low of herself, I wanna beat the hell out of all of them."

"You'd have to start with yourself."

"Don't I fucking know it," I grumbled. I knew it was shitty to do it in the middle of a conversation about Bella, but I couldn't stop myself. I reached out and grabbed Rosalie's hand, just needing to feel like she was mine even if she wasn't right now. "What are we going to do about us?" I asked.

"That depends on you, Emmett. You did this. You created this rift. And honestly, I don't think we can decide anything until we see where things go with Edward and Bella."

"You really won't be able to forgive me if they can't work things out, huh?"

"I don't honestly know, Em. I just know that right now, I'm not ready to make any decisions one way or the other."

"If it helps at all, I found a counselor. I start my anger management stuff tomorrow. Figured it might be a good idea to get an appointment in before we head home for the party."

"That's a good step. Whether you and I make it or not, you need to deal with things. You need to be a better person for yourself."

"When you say stuff like that, it reminds me all over again just how great you are. Sitting here pissed at me, and very rightly so, and you're still thinking about what's good for me."

"I don't know how we're going to get through this one, Emmett. I love you. I've always loved you. But right now I can barely look at you."

"Yeah, well, I've been having a pretty hard time looking at myself since Edward called. And honestly, Rosie, the fact that you can say you love me right now is plenty enough for me. Though if you'd want to, I wouldn't mind going to some couples counseling with you."

For the first time in days, Rose's face held something other than anger—true shock. "You'd do that? More than one kind of counseling?"

"Baby, for you, I'd have a different kind of counseling every single day if it helped us stay together. I'm not just saying things to make up with you either. I really mean it. I want to be a better person. Somebody you're proud of, Rose. Somebody who doesn't let his family down 'cause when my parents and my sister find out about all this stuff … I just want for everyone to know I'm really sorry and I'm not going to let anything like this happen again. I'm going to do whatever I have to, to protect all of you from my idiotic ways."

"That all sounds really good, Em," she said as she stood. "Once I start to see it, I hope I can start to believe it."

"I'll prove I can be different, Rosalie," I called after her as I watched her walk away.

She stopped at the bedroom doorway, her hand gripping the edge like she was using it to hold her up. "I really hope you do, Emmett."

I didn't know what else to say to her so I didn't say anything at all. I just let her go into our room and shut the door. She needed her space right now, no matter how much it sucked ass to be without her. I'd be patient, I'd do this counseling stuff, and I'd show her I could be the man she needed and deserved. I'd do anything except let her go without a fight.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

Bella didn't sleep well on Saturday night. No matter how close I held her to me, no matter how much I rubbed her back, and no matter what promises I made to her in the dark, she just couldn't stay relaxed. Even getting up in the night to have some warm tea didn't help her. And I wasn't completely sure but I suspected she'd woken up crying a time or two as well. I'd had the power to cause all of this but I didn't have any power to fix it. And I was getting a real clear picture of what it was like to feel hate for yourself—to feel what Bella had been going through these past months.

Despite not sleeping much, she'd still wanted to go into work this morning. She'd only had the Sunday morning shift and would be off by eleven so I hadn't been too worried about her wearing herself out. And once we were there, it didn't take long to see that work had been just what she'd needed. Talking with the customers and her co-workers took her mind off of everything going on with us and gave her a little bit of peace.

When she'd finished her shift, I'd taken her to Kell's for lunch. It was a completely different experience from when we'd gone there together on my first night back in Portland. Bella sat pressed up against me instead of the wall, and though she didn't say much, she did seem happy to be with me.

We'd come home straight after we'd finished lunch and Bella had gone to shower and change while I'd found a baseball game to watch on television. I actually had it on more for the noise than anything since I was more focused on finding a solution to helping Bella than on the screen. I was so focused I hadn't heard Bella come out of her room or come into the living room and nearly jumped right off the couch when she suddenly touched my leg. After having a good laugh over scaring me, she had positioned herself between my legs with her head on my chest and practically fell right to sleep.

I looked down at her and smiled as I kissed the crown of her head. A couple of hours had passed already and she was still sleeping peacefully. I hoped at some point she would confide in me about the dreams she'd had last night, but I wasn't going to urge her to do anything right now. Well, except for seeing her doctor but that was a necessity.

"Edward, are you listening to me at all?" Alice shrieked into my ear. I'd tried to hang up with her four or five times already but she just kept chattering away.

"No, Alice. I'm not listening. I've already told you everything I'm going to say about Bella and me. Don't you have something better to do with your Sunday than attempt to interrogate me?"

"You have to tell me something more than you two are talking. And it's not because I want to be nosey. It's because I'm really scared for Bella this time. She's never gone this long without confiding in me, Edward."

"The thing that was holding her back has been dealt with. For all we know, she could decide to tell you all about it when you get home tonight. But I want that to be her choice."

Alice sighed and then said, "Alright, Edward. Will you at least tell me if she's sleeping better? Jasper said it's been getting worse and that even holding her picture hasn't been helping."

"What picture?"

"Oops." Alice was probably turning pink and gnawing at her lip right now.

"What picture, Ali?"

"I am so gonna get killed for this."

"Just tell me, Alice."

"She has a picture of you guys dancing at the luau. She doesn't go anywhere without it and she holds it in her hands when she sleeps at night. Jasper's seen her with it a bunch of times."

"Well, she's sound asleep lying against me and she's got pajama pants on so no pockets. I think we can say that for right now, she's sleeping better and without the picture."

My little sister snorted into the phone. "Well, yeah right now. But what does she need the picture for when she's got the real deal?"

I found myself smiling and kissing Bella's head again, breathing her in. She smelled of vanilla today and I wondered if that meant she was out of her hibiscus wash.

Alice's voice once again reminded me we were still on the phone. "How's her cold? Any better? Is she eating enough?"

"Mother Hen, I'm seriously hanging up now. You'll be home tonight and can see for yourself."

"Fine. Love you, you stupid grump who won't answer my questions."

I swallowed back my laughter and said, "Love you, you bratty little sister who asks way too many personal questions about private matters."

Alice's tinkling laughter came through loud and clear. "Love you, Edward. See you tonight."

"Love you, Ali. Be safe driving home with Jasper." I closed the phone and smiled at it for a minute before setting it down beside me on the sofa. It felt good to be close to Alice again; it was also nice to not have her calling me a miserably lying bastard.

I looked down at Bella, checking to see that she was still sound asleep as I thought of all those times she'd only been pretending. Satisfied that she was still out cold, I pulled her blanket up to her arms to make sure she was warm enough.

I barely got my eyes off of her and onto the television before my phone started vibrating beside me. I picked it up and answered without looking at the screen, positive it was Alice with another question I wasn't going to answer. "Listen here, Short Stuff, I meant what—"

That was as far as I got before my mother's voice cut me off. "Edward."

"Uh, hi, Mom. Thought you were Alice."

"Sounds as if you two aren't getting along very well. Should I be concerned?"

"No, Mom. We're getting along fine. She's just … Well, she's being a little extra Alice-like today."

"Over Bella, I presume."

"You presume right," I told her. I didn't care how embarrassed I might get with answering honestly, I was never ever going to lie to my mother again. I had learned that damn lesson.

"How is my girl?"

I smiled at the affectionate way my mother asked after Bella and looked down at the sleeping woman in question. "Right now, she's sound asleep."

"And right there with you."

"How'd you know?"

"The joy in your voice. I hope it means you two are talking again."

"Yeah, finally. It's hard for her right now and it's probably going to stay that way for awhile, but I'm hopeful. And I think she wants to be hopeful."

"I know she does. I just don't know who the culprit is that had her convinced she was a danger to your heart."

I winced at that, not really knowing what to do. I had just thought about how I'd never lie to her and here I was already straddling the line. But this was for Bella and as much as I loved my mother, Bella came first. "It was a really, really big miscommunication, but we've got it sorted out now. She knows she wasn't the cause of my surgery and that she can't physically harm my heart."

"I'll be the judge of that myself this coming Friday night." My mom was using that tone of hers that just dared you to step out of line with her.

Attempting to soothe my mother and to get myself out of this minefield I'd gotten tossed into, I let her in on my plans for the weekend. "So I was thinking Bella and I would spend the whole weekend in Forks. We want to spend some extra time with you and dad. I was thinking it would be really good for Bella to spend some time with Charlie and Jake too. And I kind of wanted to see Charlie myself. Talk a few things over with him."

"He really likes you, Edward. Despite everything going on with Bella right now, Charlie honestly thinks you're a good young man."

"I want to be, Mom. I want to be the kind of man that Bella loves and respects. I just don't know how I'm going to get there."

"Have you asked her?"

"Kind of. I mean, I've told her I'm sorry and that I want to prove myself to her."

"Edward, dear, that's not nearly the same as asking," my mother said with a soft laugh. "When she awakens later, ask her. She may not know the exact way to fix things, but I bet you she has a few key ideas of what would help her."

"That's a good idea, Mom. I'll definitely do that."

"Alright, Son. I love you. And I fully expect you to keep me posted on how things are going with Bella. Oh, and let her know I'll be calling her later. I want to tell her all about the dress your sister helped me pick out for the party."

"I will, Mom. I love you."

"I love you too, Edward. Give Bella a hug and kiss for me."

"Absolutely." I closed my phone once more and set it down beside me again. And then I put both arms around Bella, pressed my nose into her hair, and just breathed with her. There was a twisting, bumpy road laid out before us, but as long as we held onto each other I knew we would make it through.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

"So the defensive team is the pitcher, catcher, first base, second base, third base, short stop, center fielder, left fielder, and right fielder. And offensive is all those guys but they just concentrate on hitting, plus there are guys who only hit."

"Correct," Edward said.

I huffed and kicked the blanket off my feet some. He was trying to explain all this baseball stuff to me and it was starting to make my head hurt. This was exactly why I'd always left the room when my dad turned this stuff on.

"Bella, I don't have to keep explaining. I can change the channel," Edward offered.

"No, no! Keep going," I said, not wanting him to think I wasn't interested in his sport. The least I could do was show some interest in it after all he'd been doing for me. Starting with letting me sleep away most of the day right on top of him. Though it had been kind of funny to see him race down the hall for the bathroom once I'd woken up and gotten off of him.

"Really, Bella, we don't have to do this. You can tell me about your call with my mom instead."

I laughed at that. Edward had been trying non-stop to get me to tell him what his mom and I had discussed since I'd gotten off the phone a good half hour ago. He was totally pulling an Alice!

"So how many swings do the batters get?" I asked, bringing the conversation back around to his beloved sport.

"It depends. If they get a walk, that means they had four balls and didn't swing at all. Or they could get a walk if the ball hits them."

"So getting hit and not swinging four times gets you on base for free?"

"Only if the pitcher's throws are considered balls."

I snorted at that. "What do you call them if they aren't balls? Peens?"

"No," he replied, his voice strained from trying not to laugh. "Those would be strikes. You get three strikes before you're called out."

"What's the difference between balls and strikes? How do you know which is which?"

"A ball is a pitch that cannot be hit. A strike is when you could have hit the ball, but didn't."

"Who decides if it's hittable?"

"The umpire who stands behind the catcher."

"What team is he on?"

"Neither. He's neutral. Like the referees in football."

I found myself snorting once again. "Yeah, they ain't always neutral."

Edward laughed a little too. "Not in baseball either at times, but definitely much more honest than in football."

"So how come you get four balls but only three strikes?"

"Because the ball is the pitcher's fault and the strike is the batter's. It's actually in the batter's favor."

"Well what about that guy?" I asked, pointing at the television screen. "How come it says a strike for him when he hit the ball?"

"Because it was a foul ball. It wasn't a good hit."

"So a foul is the same as a strike?"

"Yes. Unless the foul is on the last strike. If it's on the last one, then there's no penalty and the batter can try again."

"Just like that? Just try again instead of getting a strike?"

"Yes. As long as he's hitting the ball, he's still in the game."

"Edward, this is the most fucked-up sport I've ever come across. You'd have to be a damn math geek just to figure out how to count the damn balls and fouls and strikes and actual friggen points. No wonder you love this damn sport so much. It's perfect for eggheads like you."

"Thank you. I think," he said with a laugh.

"Oh, and I know the real reason you didn't play ball in school."

"What's that?"

I lifted my head off of his shoulder to look at him. "Because you would never spit in public and every damn one of them has done it at least once and the game just started."

Edward's face stayed perfectly blank for a few seconds and then his eyes crinkled at the corners, his lips pulled up, and a loud laugh started pouring out of him. It was enough to make his body shake and mine along with it. It also was proof that things could be okay with us if we worked at it. Everything so far today had been relaxed and like old times. We bantered, we enjoyed the quiet, we teased. For just a little while, we were making each other forget the pain.

"Hey, where did you go just now?" Edward whispered into my ear. His arms had found their way around me again, holding me tightly against his chest.

"It doesn't hurt right now. I know it's not gone for good because there's just too much of it for that, but right now it's okay."

"For me too, Angel. And I just want to thank you again for agreeing to start talking to me Friday night. We wouldn't be here right now if you hadn't trusted me just that little bit and I know that was hard for you."

"Yeah, it was."

"I know you haven't had much time to yourself to think about things, but … Well, I was just wondering if there was anything you knew of that I could do? Something that would help you or at least make things a little easier for you? I know that I want to be a man you love and respect, but I don't know how to get there."

I thought about what he was asking—_really_ thought about it. The love wasn't a problem; if anything that had gotten harder to resist during our separation instead of easier. Respect—it wasn't that I didn't respect him so much as I didn't understand him. I got that to him his reasons for lying were big enough to justify it, but … But there just seemed as if there should have been a point between him and me that he confided in me even if he kept hiding from everyone else.

Was that fair though? Was it fair to be upset at him for doing that since I'd pretty much done the same thing? My reasons had been totally different and guided by the fear of permanently losing him and the fear of his brother, but I'd hid all the same. Although, in the end, I _had_ confided in him. I had told him about Emmett and the words he'd said to me. Plus, what I'd been hiding hadn't been a danger to my health.

And that was as far into figuring things out as I got because the front door opened at that moment and Alice and Jasper came bustling into the house with a bunch of bags and arguing about whether or not fuchsia was pink. I tensed up against Edward, waiting for the moment they would see me sitting there with him. They would see me, the questions would start, and the headache would follow.

"Hi, Edward. Hi, Bella," Alice chirped. "Did you guys make dinner? I'm starved," she continued as she walked right past us and headed for her bedroom.

"Don't think you can use hunger as a distraction," Jasper told her as he followed after. "Pink is not an acceptable tie color for our wedding."

I heard their door close and then I sat up so I could turn and look at Edward. "What was that?"

"What was what?" His grin was equal parts sexy and cocky and I found myself thinking about kissing those lips of his.

But I asked him a question instead. "What was with Ali and Jazz walking past us as if nothing was different?"

Edward let out a low deep laugh as he leaned in and lightly kissed my lips. "I seem to recall you asking for peace, Angel. So I provided it."

"You really … And they … And you …" I stuttered, trying to wrap my mind around the concept of Alice really listening and giving space on something as big as me suddenly curled up with her brother on the sofa.

Edward laughed again and also kissed me again, just a little press of lips to lips once more. "I really like it when you're speechless in a good way like this."

I locked my arms around his neck and mumbled a "thank you" into his shoulder, too overwhelmed to say anything more. I fully planned on talking to Alice and telling her as much as I could, mostly so she could help me answer Edward's earlier question about what I needed from him. I just didn't want that to be tonight. Things were still too raw and confusing and I just needed a couple days to process before trying to talk about it all.

"Okay, so I am totally in an oatmeal mood," Alice announced, causing Edward and me to pull away and laugh at her randomness.

"I could go for some oatmeal," Jasper said as he plopped himself into the armchair. "What about you two? Want to oatmeal it up with us?"

"Why not," Edward said with a shrug and a grin. "It's a chilly enough night for it."

"Yeah, sure," I agreed. "Oatmeal sounds great."

"Ed, wanna help me fix these ladies some dinner?" Jasper asked as he got right back up out of the chair.

Edward nodded in agreement and then kissed my cheek before untangling himself from around me and following Jasper into the kitchen.

Alice plopped herself down next to me and I was certain for a second that the real Alice, the one who didn't let up without her answers, was going to make an appearance. "So I know Mom already told you about her dress, but, Bella, words do not do it justice. Dad is going to be a drooling mess when he sees her in it on Friday night."

I laughed at that while pulling my blanket over to share with her. "Esme's really excited. All of her kids will be there and her closest friends."

"It's going to be a party to end all parties. But on a classy anniversary party scale and not one of our twenty-something all-out bashes." Alice gasped and then squealed, grabbing my arm for good measure. "And wait until you see what I found to wear."

I groaned and muttered "fuck a duck" under my breath. "I had the forethought to schedule the time off of work but forgot all about actually finding something to wear to the party."

"Oh, well that just means we have to go shopping. What afternoon do you have off this week?"

"Just tomorrow."

"Okay, so then—" That was as far as Alice got before Edward interrupted her by calling her name.

"I have plans with Bella for tomorrow so you'll have to pick another day," he told her.

"Plans?" I asked, looking over at him. "What plans?"

"You'll see," he said, grinning and giving me a wink.

"Right!" I said, pouring all the sarcasm I could into the word. "You think you sing to me and provide me with a few meals and I just fall for that shitty little grin of yours, Cullen?"

"If I toss in more of those foot rubs you like, would we have a deal then?"

"Shut up and make oatmeal," I said as I forced my eyes to move to Alice's face. "I don't go in until two on Wednesday. Think we can do some shopping damage that morning?"

Alice gave me a wicked smile as she squeezed my arm. "They'll be declaring the downtown shopping district a disaster area by the time we're done."

I couldn't help but smile right back at her. It was so oddly normal to talk about shopping with her and to have bantered with Edward that way. If not for the sadness lurking just beneath my smile, I might have had a shot at convincing myself the past few months hadn't really happened. But they had and I had to work through the aftermath of it all. But I didn't have to pass up any chances to smile or laugh along the way—it was finally okay to feel a little happiness again.

After our dinner of oatmeal was over, I was feeling okay enough to talk a little so I asked Alice to come with me to my room. She was as giddy as if I was taking her to Neiman Marcus instead of just my bedroom. Before I even got the door closed, she had thrown herself across my bed, giggling and snorting while doing it.

"You are way too damn wired, you know this right?" I asked as I sat beside her.

"Time alone with my best friend is something that has been far too scarce as of late so yes, I am excited about it. Sue me," she said. And then she stuck her tongue at me, her green eyes practically dancing with her happiness.

"I'm just trying to make sure you aren't setting yourself up for a fall here. I don't have anything all that great to tell you at this point."

"But you do have something," she sang, wiggling her finger at me. "You were flirting with Edward just as much as he was flirting with you."

"What flirting?" I asked. I was pretty sure smiling while asking a question like that ruined the effect, but I couldn't seem to help it tonight.

"What flirting?" Alice scoffed. "You two were attached at the hip during dinner and so cute with your little mock fighting over who had more blueberries in their oatmeal. Not to mention the talk about mysterious plans and foot rubs. Things are a lot better between you two than they were when I left on Friday. And as much as I want to know how that happened, I will refrain from asking."

I snorted at her, but only because I could see in her face how much it was killing her to offer up her silence that way. So I did what any best friend worth her title would do … "He sang to me, Ali. The coffeehouse was packed but he was singing only to me. He got up on the stage at Open Mic and he sang all the things he felt and I was able to hear it. It didn't change anything that night, though. There were … Um …" I paused and bit at my lip, trying to think of a good word that wouldn't allude to there being anyone else involved in this mess.

"Promises?" Alice offered.

"Yeah, kind of. But they weren't necessary like I thought before. After the car accident, Kate teased me that my brains were scrambled 'cause I had trouble remembering orders for a few days after. I guess that was more right than I thought because I believed I was the reason Edward ended up in the hospital. I know now that's not true, but I haven't completely wrapped my head all the way around that yet. I'm still struggling to let go of that idea and all the feelings that came with it."

"It's okay if you don't want to talk anymore," Alice said as she rubbed my arm.

"No, I'm okay. Anyway … Edward and I started talking. Or at least talking about talking. He thinks we need to figure out all the places we went wrong so we can fix them. I'm not saying he's wrong. I'm just not ready to dive into it that deep yet. I need time to process the change in my thinking first. I mean, I've been sitting here thinking I nearly killed him for weeks and weeks now. I've been so afraid to go anywhere near him, afraid he'd leave us all forever but … But he says he's fine and your dad says I can't hurt him so here we are now," I finished, trying to give Alice a smile.

"Oh, Bella," she said with a loud sniffle. Before I could say anything, she had her arms wrapped around me and was hugging me for all she was worth. I'd been doing good up to that point, but her tears set off my tears and we ended up sitting there doing nothing but crying.

We eventually calmed down and cleaned our faces up in my bathroom before picking up the conversation again. "I can't believe you thought you'd hurt Edward. That must have been so horrible for you. And it makes everything else make sense now, like how I could see in your face that you wanted so badly to know how he was doing but you wouldn't really come right out and ask."

"I didn't feel like I had a right since it was my fault."

"I wish you would have said something to me so I could have set you straight."

"I couldn't, Ali. I was too afraid that if I told you, you'd agree with me."

"Bella," she said with a sigh as she put her head on my shoulder. "Maybe it was different for me since I'm not dating him, but I knew right away it was his fault. How could I be expected not to throw his heart out of whack with my enthusiasm for life if I didn't know there was a problem with it? I'd thought we were close up until that day, but to find out he had a whole secret side to him … I was so mad at him, Bella. I wanted so much to just sock him in the arm and call him a bunch of dirty names. But I wanted to hug him and tell him I loved him and that I needed him to be okay even more.

"Once he was in the condo with Mom and me, that anger I had towards him really came out. I called him a miserable lying bastard more than I called him by his name and for a while, it made me feel better to see him flinch from it. But then I just … I just forgave him and it became all about being thankful I hadn't lost my brother.

"I did want him to move in here so I could keep an eye on him and make sure he was really ready to be out from under Dr. Chris' care, but I also selfishly wanted to keep seeing him every day, to not let go of the new friendship we had developed while he was recovering." Alice laughed a little and rolled her eyes before adding, "Of course, with his new little sense of humor, I sometimes find myself wondering why exactly I wanted him around so much."

I smiled as I squeezed her hand in mine. "Yeah, he mentioned you weren't too crazy about his teasing."

"Or his complete and utter idiocy when it comes to you. Jasper tried telling him to leave you alone until he could talk face-to-face with you, that letters and emails could confuse you, but he just wouldn't listen."

My smile widened as I thought of that night when I'd been in his room in Forks and I'd nearly called him. "Maybe it wasn't so much wouldn't as couldn't. There were times I wanted to drive up to Seattle to check on him and plenty of times I wanted to call him just to hear his voice. And if I hadn't been so convinced I would hurt him, I wouldn't have been able to resist."

"It breaks my heart, you know," Alice said as she sat up and looked at me. "You two love each other so much and it's so real it's almost tangible, but you're so far apart right now. All because he was too afraid or ashamed to tell us he needed help."

I agreed with her completely, but I also wanted to lighten the mood to keep both of us from ending up crying again. "Don't frown so much, Ali girl," I said as I pulled her into a hug. "You'll get wrinkles and then you'll really be pissed at Edward."

My words got her to laugh and her laugh eased the rest of tension we had both been feeling. After that, we seemed to come to an unspoken agreement not to talk about her brother anymore because she started talking my ear off about the upcoming anniversary party and didn't stop until I begged her to get out and let me go to sleep.

But once she had left me alone in my room, I found that sleep didn't want me nearly as much as I wanted it. I wasted a good half hour tossing and turning in the bed while flipping my pillow back and forth to keep finding the cool side. And then I got up and went to get what I knew would help me sleep.

I was afraid if I stopped to talk I'd lose my nerve and slink back to my room to continue searching for the very elusive sleep I wanted. So I didn't talk and I didn't even really stop moving. I just walked right up to Edward where he was sitting in the living room chair, grabbed his hand, and pulled him down the hall with me.

"Guess that means goodnight," Edward called down the hall while Jasper and Alice continued to laugh.

I let his hand go once the bedroom door was closed, and after he'd tossed his shirt and jeans onto my floor, he crawled into bed with me. "Can we just go ahead and agree this is going to be a nightly thing from now on?" he asked as I curled up against him.

I hid my smile at his asinine question and said, "Edward, shut up and go to sleep."

He gave a low laugh and then kissed the top of my head. "Sweet dreams, Angel."

I still didn't really know where we stood, but I knew we were working toward figuring it out. A lot of things had gotten revealed and pulled apart in this weekend and now we were working to piece it all back together and see where that left us. It just didn't have to be done right now tonight. There was nothing wrong with cuddling in the dark with him and getting a good night's sleep first.

* * *

**A/N:** So there we go. Rose knows. And Edward and Bella are getting a little closer. In two weeks, we find out what happens to these two when Bella learns she's pregnant.


	52. One is the Loneliest Number

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: ****One is the Loneliest Number**

**Chapter Song: ****"Broken" by Lifehouse**

**Bella****'s POV:**

It was a tickling sensation that woke me. I blinked open my eyes and then waited for them to adjust to the dark. Edward was right beside me sleeping on his stomach with an arm draped across my chest and his forehead pressed to my shoulder. It was his hair rubbing against the top of my shoulder with each deep, even breath he took that was tickling me. I smiled as I turned on my side to snuggle against him but just as quickly found myself frowning and reaching for my lamp, suddenly gripped with a desperate desire to see his back.

Once I had the light on, I scooted closer to him and lightly trailed my fingers along the outer edge of the angel's wings—_my_ wings. Even though I knew in my head he would never have it removed, I had still needed the visual proof for some reason. Maybe it was anxiety from barely remembered dreams, or maybe lingering worry I was bad for him … maybe I was just scared. I'd been scared and lost for so long now that I could hardly remember what it was like to be truly happy. But I could have it back. Edward would make sure of it if I only gave him a chance. And with Emmett out of the way, it really seemed like it was possible. But it damn sure wasn't going to be easy no matter how much I wanted it. I didn't have some switch I could flip to just get over all that had happened.

Even though I was touching him very lightly, it was still enough to wake Edward. He let out a deep groan and then lifted his head to look at me, giving me a sleepy grin. "Hey, Angel."

"Didn't mean to wake you. You can go back to sleep if you want."

"How about you tell me what you're doing up first? Your alarm hasn't gone off yet."

I shrugged and said, "I don't really know. I just woke up."

He smiled again and then shifted in the bed so that his head was resting on my thigh and one arm was hooked around my waist. "I can read your face and I know there's more to it. But if you aren't ready to tell me yet, I'm okay with that. Just know that when you are ready to talk, I'm here for you. And I love you."

I smiled as I held him to me with one hand and traced his tattoo with my other. "Why are you so sweet?"

He let out a loud yawn before he answered me. "Because you deserve it."

I rolled my eyes at his cheesy response and then said, "No I'm serious. Why are you trying so hard to be sweet? Why haven't you said I'm being irrational since we've talked and I know I don't have to be scared of Emmett now?"

"If I really thought you were being that way, I would say so. But you are only reacting to the situation you've found yourself in, a mess that I created. These past months have been very stressful for you and it makes sense that you would have trouble sleeping. And talking and trusting. This isn't something I can fix all at once so I'll be sweet and patient and do whatever you tell me."

I sighed and bent forward, resting my forehead against his short hair. "For just this morning, can we pretend we're back in May when the only thing between us was the love we felt for each other?"

"That love is still there, Bella."

"It doesn't seem like it should be. It doesn't seem like it should have survived all of this. But it did and when I'm with you like this … I want to believe something that feels so right isn't wrong, but if that's true, then how did we get here?"

Edward tapped my leg and once I was sitting up, he did the same. He took both of my hands into his and looked me right in the eyes. "The love we have is right, Bella. The part that went wrong had to do with me as a person. I made mistakes. Horrible mistakes that hurt you, that hurt my family. And I want to make up for that. I want to show you I'm not that idiot coward anymore."

"But what if you're wrong. What if the love isn't enough? What if we just end up hurting each other more?"

"Bella, the most alive I've ever felt is every moment spent with you. Nothing else gives me that rush, that sense of right and … and _life_. Not holding back and being open to spontaneous events and to just letting go and experiencing this life instead of watching from the sidelines. I'm willing to risk the hurt to get all of that back."

I reached out, trying to ignore the shake in my hand, and pressed my palm against his beating heart. "But you were safe on the sidelines."

"I was a ghost, Bella. A badly drawn caricature of the man I've always wanted to be."

"And now?" I asked, forcing myself to meet his gaze.

Edward reached for me and brought me to sit in his lap. "Now I'm going to show you I'm a man you can respect, trust, and love."

"What if all the lies and errors are just proof we aren't right for each other?"

"What if they're just mistakes made from fear of losing something wonderful, something that felt too good to be real at times?"

I must have looked as shocked as I felt because Edward laughed at me before pressing a kiss to my forehead. I pushed on his cheeks to get his lips away and to see his face. "You mean that? It really felt that way to you?"

"_Feels_, Bella. With you, there's love, laughter, challenge, and so much passion. I've never had all of those with just one person. Only you. Do you remember the first date I took you on?"

"How could I ever forget that? The dinner and the dancing and the way you made me feel like I was so beautiful to you."

"You are beautiful, inside and out. And the words I said to you then still apply now … You're the bright light in my life and when I'm with you, I feel alive in so many ways."

It took me a moment to get my lips to move. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you in Seattle."

Edward didn't bother trying to clean the tears that had started to trickle down my face. He just held me and let me cry, something I'd needed without knowing it. I'd figured by now I'd cried enough for a lifetime. But the weight of being without him for so long and finally being back in his arms was just too heavy of a load. And thinking of him missing me the way I'd been missing him … Even with his lying he didn't deserve that kind of pain.

When I had calmed down and Edward was sure I wasn't on the verge of starting up all over again, he left me to get something from his room. He wasn't gone long and when he came back, he had a cheesy grin on his face and an arm behind his back.

"Do you have any idea how silly you look right now?" I asked him.

He kept right on smiling while crawling back into bed, this time hovering over me. "I'm making you smile so it can't be all bad."

"Just show me whatever you're hiding."

Edward shifted so that he was lying beside me and propped up on his arm. His smile widened as he placed something square on my stomach. His hand was barely out of the way before I reached down and grabbed for it, finding a plastic CD case. I turned it to see the cover and immediately smiled wide.

"The Donnas," I said excitedly as I showed him the case.

He nodded and smiled before laying his head next to mine on the pillow. "I know yours got ruined in the car accident so I picked you up a new one. I wanted to give it to you weeks ago but I wasn't sure you'd accept it."

I hugged the case to my chest and rolled onto my side to face him. "You saw it? The car?"

Edward didn't answer right away; he just looked at me and twirled the ends of my hair between his fingers. "I saw pictures, which was enough."

His tone and his expression were so sad and I just wanted to make it better. But I didn't really know what to say so I just opened up my mouth and waited to see what would come out. "I'm sorry about your car."

Edward's eyes widened in surprise. "You think I care about that car?"

"Well, yeah. You were looking so sad just now. And that time squirrels got into the engine block you were so upset."

He sighed as he put his arm around me and pulled me closer. "It's not the car I feel bad about, Bella. When I think about that car … I get angry with myself that I made you drive that day. And then I feel so much relief that the car was so sturdy. Your side of it …" His breath caught in his throat and his eyes grew moist while his arm tightened around me. "Any other car and I might have lost you forever. That thought scares the crap out of me even now."

"Makes it hard to breath, doesn't it?"

He nodded in agreement. "Makes my chest burn too and my head ache. So I try to think about anything else but …"

I gave him a moment but when he never spoke up, I finished his sentence for him. "It never works. You just think about it even more."

"Yeah," he agreed. "You know, Emmett was the only one to personally see the car. My dad had wanted to wait until after my surgery, but Emmett had needed to get out of the hospital for a bit so he figured he might as well salvage what he could from the car. I've been wondering if things would have turned out differently if he'd listened and waited. I'm not making excuses for him at all because I honestly don't believe there is one, but it had to be hard for him to look at the damage."

I tried to imagine what the car might look like and how I would have been feeling if I'd been the one to see it. Edward had only seen a picture and it had him visibly upset. Emmett had never been all that good at letting his emotions out and even worse when they came out without his permission. Like Edward said, I wasn't making excuses but I did feel it had to be hard for his brother to see the car and see just how close he'd come to losing his twin. And even though he'd been so angry at me and said those awful things, maybe Emmett had even been afraid of nearly losing me too.

"What are you thinking about so hard?" Edward asked, nudging my head with his to get my attention.

"Do you think I should have tried to stay and talk to you instead of leaving the hospital? Do you think Emmett would have taken back what he'd said right then?"

Edward seemed to really think about my question before answering me. "I don't know that it would have helped with as scared as Emmett had made you. But I do know you need to stop looking for a way to blame yourself, Bella. Everything you did and said was a reaction to the situation I created by not being honest with everyone, especially you. Having your rock, your protector, talk to you that way … And it was more about keeping me safe than what Emmett said. At the time, I think you did the best thing you could think of for everyone involved."

"I did it because I love you."

Edward smiled as he tossed my CD behind me and then pulled me flush against his chest. He kissed my cheek and said, "I know. And I love you for loving me that much."

"I hated that the most."

"What?"

"Not being able to say I loved you. It took me so long to be able to say it and know I meant it in the right way. It hurt so much to feel it and not be able to say it. And I was so scared all the time that you would say something or look at me a certain way and it would come flying out of my mouth. But the worst part … the worst part was that I really wanted it to come out, and then I would feel so selfish and horrible for feeling that way."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that, Bella. I wish I had a way to take it all back and keep you from feeling that kind of pain."

"That would be nice to have. A reset button to go back and fix stuff."

He mumbled a "yeah" while sliding his fingers through my hair and kissing the top of my head. "I'm sorry and I love you," he whispered just loud enough for me to hear.

"I love you, too."

We held each other in silence until my alarm went off and Edward moved to silence it. "What would you like for breakfast?" he asked when he was looking at me again.

"Ask me after I've had a shower and woken up."

Edward snorted at me. "You've been up with me for at least an hour and you're still not awake?"

"You always have felt more like a dream."

He gave me such a sweet smile that it made tears prick at my eyes. "I dreamed of you so often, Bella. I missed you so much. I wanted to call you, to see you, every single day. But I couldn't leave without being healthy first. And I couldn't seem to get you to understand through letters or emails."

"I read them all wrong."

"Maybe I wrote them all wrong. Either way, we're here now."

"Yeah, we are," I agreed as I slid my fingers between the short strands of his coppery hair and let them rest against the back of his neck. I looked into his eyes, seeing the truth and the love in them, and then I pulled until his lips were touching mine so he could feel my truth and my love. I had no idea where we were or where we would go, but right there in that moment, I just wanted him to know how I felt about him.

**XXXXX****XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I walked into the coffeehouse and right away spotted Angela whispering to Ben near the kitchen door, both of them wearing big smiles. Kate was to their right, pretending to be focused on setting out the sweetener packets. From the smile on her face I knew she was really eavesdropping on the lovebirds.

"Morning," I called out, hoping to catch Kate off-guard and startle her. It didn't work and only got me the lovely vision of her middle finger and grin.

As I was standing up from stowing my bag under the counter, Kate tossed half her body across the counter and almost knocked me over. "Hello, Bella Swan."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I asked, laughing a little. "You act like you're surprised to see me this morning."

"Not you. But that big ass smile on your face is a definite surprise."

"What are you talking about? I smile all the time."

Kate sputtered as she slid off the counter and stood in front of me to stop me from walking past her. "You _used_ to smile all the time."

"I still smile," I argued. "I smiled last week when Ben kissed Angela in front of us and she turned as red as a cherry."

"You grinned, which is so not the same. You did not have the all out gorgeous smile you were rocking when you waltzed through that door just a minute ago. You were thinking about Yummy, weren't you?"

I was pretty sure my smile answered her just fine because she let out a squeal and hugged me hard enough to hurt. But I didn't want her getting the wrong idea so I pushed her arms off of me and said, "We're just talking, Kate." And that was the truth. We'd had a pretty nice talk this morning and then he'd made me breakfast and drove me into work. It had been a nice calm morning with him.

"That's a helluva lot more than you were doing last week, Bells."

"Just talking, Kate," I said sternly. "We don't know that we're going to get back together."

"You will." She sounded so confident and I felt a little jealous that I couldn't feel just a bit of that—especially since we were talking about _my_ life.

"What makes you so sure?" I asked her.

"Because you two love each other. When I see the two of you looking at each other, I can tell the rest of us don't exist. I can tell that no matter how shitty your day has been being with him makes it a good day."

"Unless he's the one making it shitty. He lied, Kate. He locked me out on something so important and he left room for all this bad stuff to settle in between us."

"I know that. I'm not saying it will be easy for either of you to work things out. I'm just trying to say that Edward's a good guy and he loves you and wants to be with you. And I know you want to be with him. I know how much you've missed him this summer. That kind of love and commitment to each other is worth fighting for, Bella."

I wasn't sure why, but I felt the need to argue with her. "I never said I missed him."

Kate pulled her lips up into a grin. "Sweetie, you sucked so bad at pretending you were fine that the truth was easy to see. You love him and want him. Now you just have to let yourself have him."

I thought about Kate's words on and off all morning between talking with customers and pouring cups of coffee. It was nice to think it could be so simple, to just say out loud I wanted him and then stand back and watch as everything fell into place. But that wasn't real life. Nothing was ever that easy and if it ever was, it was only ever a calm before a bigger storm.

When my break came and I found myself still thinking about Kate's words, I decided a distraction was in order so I pulled out my laptop to find something else for my brain to fixate on. And as I powered on my laptop, I found something—Numb. I'd totally ditched him on Saturday without a word. And I hadn't thought to send him any kind of email yesterday either. I hoped he hadn't waited around for me for long before giving up. Maybe I'd get lucky and find out he'd been busy too. Then I could totally play up the "you forgot me" card the next time I was in the mood to tease him.

I had two emails in my inbox—one was junk and one was from Numb. _So much for him not being around and not noticing my absence_, I thought as I clicked to open the email.

_BB,_

_Good news for me and bad for you. As much as I enjoy our chats, I've been offered the opportunity to spend some time with my girl. I don't know when I'll be around again. I'll be checking my email on occasion so if you really need to talk, send me an email. Otherwise I'll try to catch you next week since I know you'll be spending the weekend with your mom._

_Numb_

_PS – As much as it pains me to admit it, your playlist __**is**__ awesome. There's not a single song I would change on it. Perfectio. Just try not to be an ass about it next time we talk. LOL_

I snorted at his little PS section and then shot him a quick response.

_Numb,_

_ I'd tell you to stop doubting me but I know you won't listen since you enjoy arguing with me so much. By the way, you forgot the n on perfection. Yes, I'm the grammar police. I'll let you off this time with a warning, but next time I'll fine you! HA!_

_Congrats on progress with your girl. Remember the words of your brother – don't be an ass. And remember my words of wisdom – don't hook up in the backseat of the car for your makeup sex session. Good luck!_

_Chat at ya later!_

_ BB_

There was no sense on updating him on my life. He wouldn't be around to read it and even if he was, he wouldn't really pay attention. Not with the way he had his girl on his brain. And having actual encouragement from her meant he would be even more unfocused than usual. Those sounded like good enough reasons to me anyway.

If I were perfectly honest though … If I were honest, I just didn't want to look too closely right now. I didn't want to look beneath that rightness I felt with Edward to see what was lurking beneath. What I wanted was for Kate's words and Edward's words to be true—that I only had to take the chance and I would be rewarded with the love I'd had before the car accident.

**XXXXX****XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I stepped out of the coffeehouse and right into a sunny August afternoon. I was also met with the sight of Edward leaning against the side of his Suburban and smiling right at me. "Waiting for someone?" I asked, trying and failing not to smile back.

"Yes, actually. There's this girl that I love. She's gorgeous and I've been thinking all day long about kissing her."

I laughed and crossed my arms in front of my chest. "What the hell makes you think I'm going to kiss you, Cullen?"

His smile took on that cocky edge I had seen so much since he'd come back to Portland. I'd found his shyness to be sweet and charming but this confident side of him—it was damn near irresistible.

"You like kissing me," he answered. "Plus there's that whole you love me thing."

"Rumors and conjecture."

Edward darted forward and before I could get out of his way, I was in his arms and being swung around while I gave a loud yelp and a laugh.

Still laughing, I slapped at his shoulder and said, "Put me down, you damn goof."

He listened but it was only so he could plant his lips on mine. I thought for a second about slapping his shoulder again and denying him his kiss to tease him, but I decided instead to grab his shirt and get closer to him. It would have been a damn shame to ruin such an intense melding of lips and tongues.

The kiss slowed bit by bit until finally Edward broke it. He kept close, though, resting his forehead against mine while giving me a big cheesy grin. "Hi."

I managed not to snort at him, giving him a smile instead. "I like your greeting skills."

"I like the way you reciprocate."

I finally relaxed my fingers from their hold on his shirt but it was only so I could get my arms around his neck in a hug almost as tight. I'd planned on saying something joking but now that I was hugging him, I just wanted to focus on how good it felt to be so close to him, to be holding him and be held by him.

"How was work?" His voice was low and his hands were trailing up and down my back in that way that always seemed to calm me. I didn't need calming right now so it just felt nice.

"It was good," I said. "I made some tips to put toward my dress for Esme and Carlisle's anniversary party."

Edward's hands left my back and settled over my own hands, gently pulling them away from his neck. He kissed the palm of each while smiling at me. "I know you like to be independent. And I like that you're independent. I don't want to step on that at all. But I was wondering if you'd let me pay for your dress."

"Why would you want to?"

"Because I'd really like to do something nice for you. You've been through hell lately and if I can do anything at all to bring a real smile to your face, I want to do that. Besides, I figure you'll have a much easier and better time with Alice if you aren't trying to rein her in to a budgeted number."

"Would it really be just a nice gesture or would it be a spoil in disguise?"

He smiled as he folded my hands into his and pulled me closer, trapping our joined hands between our chests. "Can't it be both? After all, I plan to be with you for an obscenely long time and I'm going to have to keep you interested in me somehow. I figure spoiling you every now and again is a good start."

"So if I stick around, there could be spontaneous bouts of spoiling happening?"

Edward laughed and then he kissed me softly and soundly. "I love you."

With him being so sweet I couldn't help but blush and smile. I'd been so sure just a week ago that I'd never have anyone make me feel this way—loved and wanted—I'd never have _him_. Because while I was sure there were other guys out there who were sweet and charming, I knew none of them would touch my heart the way he had. None of them would understand me the way he did because none of them would love me enough to try the way he had.

And yet knowing all of that about him didn't make it any less scary to be around him. It didn't stop me from waiting for the next mistake—the next lie or half-truth. Because like I'd told him so often, loving one another had _never_ been the problem. Trust was the thing we kept getting wrong.

"What are you thinking about so hard?" Edward asked.

I smiled up at him so he wouldn't worry about my moment of spacing out. "I love you too."

His look of concern immediately turned into a wide smile. "So does that mean I can buy your dress?"

I thought about his question—_really_ thought about it. He was asking to do something nice for me, not to buy forgiveness or a second chance. He was only after a smile from me. We both knew I could buy my own dress, just like we knew a dress wasn't going to fix what was wrong. Plus it wasn't like it was just some random thing; the dress would be for Esme and Carlisle's party. There wasn't a good reason I could think of to not let him do this one small thing for me.

"Sure. Why not? It's not like you would dare attach strings to a 'Make Bella Smile' purchase," I told him.

"Well, there is one little string."

I narrowed my eyes, looking at him suspiciously. He'd never been one for strings before but since he was still smiling, I didn't think it could be anything too big or bad. "What's your string?"

"Bella, I want you to be my date for the anniversary party."

That was the last "string" I had been expecting and I snorted at him for it. "I already told you I would spend the weekend in Forks with you."

"That's not the same, though. I want you to officially be my date for the party. I want to spend the night at your side and not just be in the room with you."

I should have been happy at his admission but it actually left me feeling awkward. "But we haven't talked yet, Edward. We haven't decided what we are or what we want to be."

"I know but I was just thinking maybe this could be a way to help you figure things out. If you enjoy it, then maybe you'll be more likely to give me another chance."

"And if I don't?"

"Then we know a close friendship full of teasing and laughter is in our future."

"You won't want that. You think you do now because you're so confident we're going to work things out and be happy in love again. But if it doesn't go that way then you'll be hurt and you won't be able to stand being around me."

Edward let of my hands and wrapped his arms completely around me, making me feel both sheltered and comforted instantly. "I've already experienced life without you, Bella, and I know that's something I definitely won't be able to stand. I'm not going to lie to you; I will be hurt if you don't want me back. But I'm also going to feel lucky if you keep me as a friend. I know how caring you are and how loyal. I'd be crazy not to want to keep that side of our relationship."

As great as his words were, I needed time to digest them. And also, my stomach was begging for something of its own to digest. "You promised me lunch after work and it's now after work. Where's my lunch?"

He could have tried to get me to talk more about us but he didn't. Instead, he walked me to his vehicle and opened the door for me, stealing a small kiss before closing me in. And then he took me to a restaurant a few blocks over from the coffeehouse, a place I'd gone a few times before with Kate and Angela. We ate salads and enjoyed good meaningless conversation, tossing out goofy ideas for what kind of dress I should wear to the party. It was a good lunch—the kind of lunch I'd really needed right then. Lunch with a friend.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV**

We'd been sitting parked outside of Dr. Bennett's office for a few minutes now and Bella had yet to say anything. I couldn't tell from her expression what kind of mood she was in and I wished she would look at me so I could try to tell from her eyes. I probably could have called her name to get her to look my way but I was so nervous for her reaction that I kept silent—and kept rubbing my palms on my jeans to keep them dry. This was almost worst than stage fright was for me.

Bella shifted a little in her seat and pulled in a breath. "So I'm guessing you exercised your rights as an approved person on my medical information."

_What do I say?_ I shouted in my head. I didn't want to lie but I couldn't tell her the truth either. I really hadn't planned this whole thing out as well as I'd thought. Things were so tense with her and if I fucked this up …

"Not exactly," I finally said. "It was more of a hunch. Dr. Bennett just confirmed you had never gone back to see her."

Bella gave a nod. Just a nod. A. Nod. What the hell was it supposed to mean? Was she okay with my answer? Was she about to beat my ass for interfering? Was she going to take me off her list? Was she even going to go inside?

I couldn't handle not knowing just like I couldn't handle not touching her any longer; I needed that affirmation that she was right here with me. "Bella? What are you thinking?" I asked as my hand settled against her back. I could feel her heart beating in a normal steady rhythm so she couldn't be upset. But if she wasn't upset then what _was_ she feeling?

Her lips parted and the words that came from her mouth couldn't have shocked me more if she'd told me suddenly liked baseball. "I didn't see the point in coming here right after. Everything hurt so much so what was one more thing? I thought maybe if I was lucky, it would hurt so bad that it would eclipse the pain of losing you. But then that particular hurt never showed up and I knew what it meant."

_She kn__ows? How can she know? How long has she known? Why hadn't she gone to her doctor before now if she knew?_ I decided to stop asking myself and talk to her instead, "How long have you known? Because I didn't think you had noticed at all."

She gave me that sad smile I'd seen way too much of lately, a profound sadness that was echoed in her brown eyes. "Of course I noticed. I was hurting and upset, not blind. I see the changes in my body."

"So what are we going to do about it?"

She gave a half-hearted shrug. "She'll have to take it out."

"What? What are you talking about? You can't really want her to just take it out?" I was hitting that pitch Alice lived on but I couldn't bring my voice back down. I couldn't believe Bella would really want to get rid of our babies. I knew I'd hurt her and that I had a lot to prove and make up for, but for her to not want our babies because of my failures … I couldn't let her do that. Not to herself and not to us. It was only the hurt talking right now but once it started to fade, she would be ecstatic over the babies—I knew that deep in my heart, just like I knew I'd never love anyone the way I loved her.

While I was busy freaking out, Bella was calmly speaking as if we weren't in the middle of a life-changing conversation. "It's not going to be that bad, you know. Dr. Bennett will put me in the hospital, scoop it all out, and then that part of my life will be over. I'll probably be sore for a little while but I'll be okay. This is just a small bump in the road."

I tried to respond; I tried to use a normal voice to tell Bella how she was breaking my heart right now. But the words just didn't want to come out. "I can't … I can't believe you would say this. I just … I just thought … you always said it was so important to you."

Bella's expression went from calm to concerned in seconds. "We need to stop for a minute here because I'm getting a bad feeling that we aren't talking about the same thing. You look ready to fall apart. And if we are talking about the same thing … Look, you just don't need to be that worried, okay? The condition is more dangerous than the solution."

_She doesn't know__! It's not the babies she's talking about. It can't be. So then what is it? Stop asking yourself and ask her!_ I listened to myself and did just that. "I think you're right. I think we aren't talking about the same thing. So then what _are_ you talking about, Bella?"

"I'm talking about my female parts having given up the ghost and stopped working altogether. It's time for Dr. Bennett to do the whole hysterectomy thing and take it out. There's no point in keeping it around if it doesn't work."

Before I could stop myself I spit out a too loud "Thank God." And my bright idea for recovering from my blunder was to talk fast enough to blend my words together; it was probably a good thing since I doubted I was making much sense to her. "Well, not in that way. Of course I don't want you to need surgery. I just meant it in that we really weren't talking about the same thing."

"O-kay." Bella's one word came out slowly while her eyes stayed locked on my face. She probably thought I'd lost my mind and if we'd been talking about the same thing just now, I really might have done just that.

"So now that you're no longer freaking out, tell me what _you_ were talking about," she demanded.

And here I was back at the beginning, unable to tell the truth or a lie. "Is there any chance we can just go in and see Dr. Bennett first?" I asked. "If I'm somehow wrong, then it'll be one less mistake between us."

"No way," she practically growled. She was shaking her head so hard that a strand of hair slapped her cheek. "I did that whole me talking and opening up while you sat back and listened thing once before. This time around, we both talk or we just go our separate ways right now. I mean it, Edward."

I had kept one thing away from her. _One_. There were plenty of things I'd shared with her but it was like she'd forgotten that. "I talked to you, Bella. I told you things I never told anyone else."

Her eyes took on a fiery look and her finger darted out, poking me right in the middle of my chest. It always amazed me that her aim could be so dead on when she was pissed; any other time she missed her target by a wide margin.

"Did you tell me about your heart, Edward?" she barked at me. "Did you tell me about your grandmother and the promise you made to her? 'Cause I'm pretty damn sure that promise was getting your heart surgery. Did you tell me about Dr. Chris or the real reason you were going to Seattle? No. You didn't tell me any of that. You left me in the dark and I ended up all alone and hurting because of it."

Bella was right. And Alice was right. It really wasn't just one thing. It was technically one lie, but it was wrapped around a ton of other things. It had spiraled into a huge monster of a mess and until that very moment, I'd still been blind to it. I'd still thought the damage had been mostly contained. And here I'd thought Emmett was the hard-headed one in the family when it was really me the whole time.

"Look, I'm not trying to make you feel like shit, Edward. I'm really not. I'm just telling you how I feel and right now I'm really pissed at you. We're barely talking and already you're trying to leave me in the dark again."

I didn't want her in the dark. I wanted her to know every part of my heart, every part of my soul. I wanted to take her to visit my grandmother's grave. I wanted to tell her just how much my grandmother would have loved her. I wanted to tell her about my last conversation with my grandmother and that promise she'd forced me into. I wanted to share my entire life with Bella for the rest of my life. And I needed her to know that.

"I'm not trying to leave you in the dark," I said as I reached for her, needing to feel her in my arms. But she was pissed at me and knocked my hands away. I probably should have left her alone, but I couldn't—I needed that physical connection to her. "Just give me a moment to explain," I said as I looked right at her, wanting and needing her to see how hard I was trying to do this right.

Her sharp glare and seething tone weren't very encouraging, though. "You can explain just fine without touching me."

"No, I really can't. I'm sorry because I know this must sound selfish to you, but I need to feel you in my arms, Bella." Even though she looked ready to bite my hand off, I reached for her again, this time getting my arms around her.

She must have believed me because all she said was "Get to talking and it better be good."

I decided to start with telling her why I needed to hold her and then move on to her question. "The rational part of me knows you're not going to jump out of the car and run off, but it's tiny compared to the side of me that's terrified of losing you, Bella. When I was in Seattle, I missed you so badly that I begged my father to drive me down here to see you. And I mean that literally. I _begged_. I have never begged my father for anything.

"But he told me 'no'. He told me that it wouldn't do any good to see you if I made myself sicker doing it. He told me to have faith and patience. I still have so much faith but I'm losing the battle with patience and when I get scared I'm pushing you further away, I have none at all. So yes, I need to touch you. I need that proof that you're here with me, Bella."

She hadn't pulled away but she was also still just sitting in my arms and not hugging back. Her words weren't really that encouraging either. "Under different circumstances, I might have found that flattering. But right now, I'm waiting on your reason for not talking."

"It's not that I don't want to talk. Believe me I've wanted nothing more than to tell you what I've been thinking. But I know you, Bella. I know that if I say this and I'm wrong, it's going to hurt you. I can't do that. I can't add to your pain. I'd rather you be mad at me than for you to hurt more. Can you understand that at all?"

She was quiet for so long I started to worry she was debating on the best place to bite me. But when she spoke and there wasn't a trace of anger in her voice, I felt confident she understood where I was coming from, even if it was only enough to keep her from kicking my ass right here in the car. "Fine. But once we've talked to Dr. Bennett, you _will_ tell me what you were thinking."

"I promise you." I hugged her as hard as I felt I could without hurting her before kissing her head and letting her go. I gave her what I hoped was an encouraging smile as I asked, "Ready to go in?"

"No, but we're doing it anyway," she said as she opened her door.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV**

"Bella."

I smirked at Dr. Bennett. "Man, I thought my dad was the only one who could scold me with just my name."

Dr. Bennett lost her stern expression and smiled at me. "It's good to see you again. I've been worried about you."

"Yeah, well … I'm sorry about that. There's been a lot going on lately," I said as I glanced at Edward. He was sitting in the corner pretending to read a Good Housekeeping magazine. After the way he'd practically begged me to let him come in here with me I knew he was listening to every word said.

"Bella, since it's been so long since you were here, and because you haven't had any meds, we need to do the full workup on you. Starting with a blood draw."

"Oh come on," I cried, folding my arms protectively. "You don't need to go all vamp on my innocent little veins. Just do that finger prick with the little square of evil."

Dr. Bennett and Edward both laughed at my comments before trying to compose themselves. They weren't having all that much luck … Edward now had the magazine held out in front of him blocking his face; it didn't hide his body shaking in the chair at all. Dr. Bennett was doing a little better; the only sign she was still laughing was the twitching of her lips as she stared hard at my chart in her hands.

"You're not fooling anyone over there, Cullen," I said, watching to see if he would come out of hiding.

He set the magazine on his lap, revealing the big smirk on his face. "Is this how you always behave with your doctor?"

I shrugged. "More or less. More if she seems open to my humor and less when she wants to torture me." I turned my head away from Edward to look at Dr. Bennett as I added, "Like by drawing my blood."

"I'm not the one who didn't come back as promised," Dr. Bennett replied.

I huffed as I uncrossed my arms and then rolled up the sleeve on my left arm. "Fine. I submit to your torture. But can you use a butterfly needle please? I've got a party this weekend and I don't want to have a black and blue arm for it."

"What kind of party?" Dr. Bennett asked, rubbing one of those cotton balls where she planned on poking me.

I closed my eyes before answering her—I didn't want to see that damn tube or the red fluid that would fill it. It was going to be bad enough just smelling it. "Esme and Carlisle are having a twenty-fifth wedding anniversary party back home in Forks on Friday night. Esme's really been looking forward to it. She bought a new dress and everything."

"Just a little pinch now," Dr. Bennett warned seconds before she stuck the needle in.

"Freak a duck," I hissed. "You know, that pinch is never as _little_ as you guys promise. I already feel a bruise."

"Wow," Edward called out. "I've never seen you whiny before, Bella. This is an interesting side to you."

"Dr. Bennett, don't you want some of Edward's blood?" I asked.

"No thank you," she replied. I could clearly hear the laughter in her voice.

"Can you stick him with the needle anyway?" From the way she laughed at me, I took that as a 'no'. "And who the hell even said you could be in here anyway, Cullen?" I asked.

"You did." He sounded pretty damn smug about reminding me of what I'd said; payback would be a total bitch for him later on.

"And here I thought coming here with Alice bouncing up and down and looking ready to chew through her lip was bad," I mumbled to myself.

"All done. You can open your eyes now, Bella," Dr. Bennett announced.

Before I opened my eyes, I wanted to make sure the coast was really clear. "Did you put the tube out of sight? I already reached my puking quota for the day, Doc."

"It's hidden," she assured me.

I slowly opened my eyes just to be absolute sure and when I was positive the tube was gone, I opened them fully. I also had to listen to chuckles coming from over in the corner; I wasn't liking his new quick-to-tease side so much anymore.

"I'm going to step out to bring the blood to the lab," Dr. Bennett informed me. "While I'm gone, I want you to strip down and put the gown on. I need to do a full pelvic exam."

"Am I getting wanded too?"

"No. I'll be doing a regular ultrasound today. But first, I'm going to drop this off and then I'll have some questions for you when I get back."

"Alright, Doc. Away with you so I can lose my clothes and dignity."

She shook her head and laughed all the way out the door.

"You're quite the comedian today," Edward said as soon as the door closed.

I ignored his comment as I hopped off the table. "Close your eyes. You aren't dating me so you don't get a show."

He huffed but those green eyes of his slid closed so I let his noise-making pass without comment. "Do you always make a joke out of it?" he asked.

I only answered because he sounded like he really wanted to know and wasn't making fun. "Yeah. It helps me to keep a lid on the stress and the 'what-if' that tries to creep in and wreak havoc. Dr. Bennett is really great at going along with it. She doesn't have to do that for me, which makes me appreciate her all the more."

With my clothes folded and set on the counter and the hospital gown put on, I scooted up onto the exam table and pulled the sheet over my legs to keep them warm while I waited for Dr. Bennett to come back.

"Can I open my eyes now?" Edward asked.

"If you must," I replied, smiling so he would see right away that I was teasing.

"Well when I have something so gorgeous to look at, keeping my eyes closed just seems wrong."

"You are wasting good material, Cullen. Even if we were at a point where you had a shot at getting laid, no man gets laid the day before or of a gyno visit."

"That wasn't my intent at all. But just out of curiosity, why not?"

"The day before is out because the doc doesn't want your spunk messing up the tests. The day of is out because we've already been poked and prodded down there and it didn't come with a happy ending."

"You always could turn a phrase," he said with a snort. "And I don't poke or prod. I know exactly what I'm doing."

I was sure he'd meant for his words to come off sounding cocky but all they did for me was send me into a laughing fit that had tears streaking down my red face. Dr. Bennett didn't know what the hell to do with me when she came back to find me in that shape.

After a bout of hiccups and a few of those little paper cups of water, I was calm and ready to answer Dr. Bennett's questions.

"Alright, Bella. When was your last period?"

Instead of just answering that one question, I gave her all the information I felt she might need. "My last cycle was the week before Edward's graduation so sometime around May 12th. I had like a day of spotting the week after graduation when I was at the Grand Canyon but none since then. I've had some light cramping on and off but no bleeding. Apparently that diet thing really works on me. I never got off of it, not even to take back my caffeine. I haven't had sex since May so I can't tell you if it's painful or not. I'm not having any pains when I urinate. So while the baby-making female organs have dried up and died, the rest of me is pretty damn healthy. Now when are we having my surgery? I want to get all of this over and done with."

"Before we can talk about surgery, I need to be absolutely sure about what we're dealing with," Dr. Bennett told me. "Go ahead and lie back on the table and we'll get started."

As soon as I started to lie back, Edward got up from his chair and walked toward me. "What are you doing?" I asked.

He took my hand into his and leaned down so his face was just inches from mine. "Being here for you."

"You can be here from over there."

"Stop being so stubborn please. We both know you want me right where I am."

"I can't do this with you. I need to be able to make my jokes and be disconnected from it. You need to go sit down," I pleaded with him. He'd already been so freaked out in the car earlier and if he saw just how much this was really bothering me, he'd get all upset again and then I'd feel guilty. I couldn't deal with that right now.

"Hey," he called softly, getting me to look right into those green eyes of his. "I love you."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

He chuckled and said, "Everything."

"Edward—"

"Listen," he ordered, giving me the first really stern look I'd ever seen from him. "We're doing this together. You and me, all the way."

"But we haven't decided—"

He cut me off again, this time by squeezing my hand. "I already told you, I'm not going anywhere either way. I'm here for you, Bella."

I nodded while squeezing his hand as tight as I could and swallowing down the tears that wanted to come out. This whole thing wasn't quite as scary as losing him, but it was damn close. And as stupid as it was to admit, having him holding my hand _did_ make me feel better.

He smiled and lowered his head further, kissing my cheek and whispering, "I'm here and I love you."

I nodded again and then looked over at Dr. Bennett. "Okay, Doc. Do your worst."

The actual physical exam part wasn't too bad. Other than some swelling and tenderness in my breasts, I seemed healthy enough from the outside. It should have made me feel better but it didn't. It just made me that much more convinced the ultrasound was going to find a big bad problem.

While Dr. Bennett was busy squirting the clear blue gel over my abdomen, Edward was running his thumb over the back of the hand he was still holding and using his free hand to brush my hair from my face. For the first time with him, I didn't feel like I was the strong one. I felt like I was just waiting for the right word from Dr. Bennett to break. And there was Edward, ready to catch the pieces and put me back together. But how would that even work if we weren't together?

A scarier question popped into my head as I looked up at Edward … Was his big push to talk to me just to get me here to the doctor? Had he felt obligated to befriend me again once he'd found out I wasn't taking the meds? Was this whole being at my side thing right now a way to make up for guilt he felt? Would he leave to start his career if she said everything was okay? Even worse … Would he stay only because I was sick?

"Alright, Bella," Dr. Bennett called out. She waited until I was looking at her and then she showed me the ultrasound wand. "We're going to take a look now. If I see anything, I'll point it out on the screen to you."

I nodded to show I was ready and found myself sucking in a breath and holding it while she lowered the wand down. _Time to find out how damaged on the inside you really are, Bells_.

My eyes stayed glued on Dr. Bennett as she slowly passed the wand back and forth across my abdomen. She spread that blue gel all across my skin before she finally took her eyes off the grainy screen and looked at me. I couldn't read her expression at all and I found myself clenching down on Edward's hand, waiting and pretending to be ready for the worst when all I really wanted was for her to say everything was just the way it had been in May and I could start the new meds with no problems.

"Bella, I'm going to point something out on the screen to you. I want you to pay attention closely," she instructed.

I nodded at her and then looked over at the small screen. It just looked like a bunch of swirly static to me and I waited with bated breath for her to explain what I was seeing.

"See this one pocket right here with what looks like a white ball inside?" she questioned, tapping her finger against the right side of the screen.

Again, all I could do was nod.

She slid the wand across my stomach and then tapped the left section of the screen. And this second pocket with two white balls?"

"Tumors, right?" I asked, my voice sounding shaky to my own ears. "That's why it all stopped? I grew tumors? Does that mean I have cancer now?"

I expected my doctor to tell me I was right and schedule a surgery for me. Instead, she smiled and turned a dial on the machine, filling the room with an odd thumping sound. "Those aren't tumors, Bella. Those are your babies. Three of them."

My head was suddenly swimming and my heart was ramming against my chest. "That's not right. That can't be right. Even you said _one_ was almost impossible. How can you say there's three?"

Dr. Bennett was still holding the wand against me while that sound continued to pump into the room. "At that time, you had so much lining blocking the way that pregnancy was nearly impossible. I can't explain to you how the lining tore away without doing further harm, but it's happened. A clear pathway mixed with your over-stimulated ovulation … See how this one is by itself. This baby is one egg. And these two together are a second egg. Probably identical twins."

Dr. Bennett reached over and turned the sound off, instantly throwing the room into silence. Not that I would have heard much over the sound of my own heart pumping in my ears. I couldn't even think about looking at Edward yet so I just focused on what my doctor was doing.

She tore a piece of paper from the machine and handed it to me with a big smile. "Your first picture of your babies, Bella."

With shaking hands, I reached out and took the black and white image from her. It still didn't look like anything other than some blobs but if she said it was babies then that's what they were.

Edward's hand came into my line of sight as his hand curled around my wrist and touched the edge of the picture. "I'd thought for sure two but I'd never imagined three."

"What?" I cried, craning my neck to see his face.

His expression was serious as he looked down at me. "My reaction in the car earlier … I know how much you want to be a mom, Bella. I thought you were so hurt that you were thinking of ending the pregnancy. That's why I got so upset."

"How could … It's not even possible … I don't understand this at all," I admitted, brushing the back of my hand hard against my cheeks to get rid of the tears that had started falling.

"I thought at first like you did. That you were just putting on a little weight. But then you were sleeping and I could see the way your stomach was bulging and I knew that wasn't weight." He paused and I watched his neck muscles move as he swallowed down whatever emotion he didn't want to come out. "I was afraid at first that it was a tumor but it wasn't hard enough for that. And the more I thought about how you've been sick to your stomach and tired lately, the more pregnancy seemed a real possibility. I wanted us to find out as soon as possible but I had to get you to talk to me first."

It took me a few tries to get my questions out of my tight throat. "That's what all this has been about? Getting me to come to the doctor?"

Edward looked honestly shocked. "No. Not at all. Bella, I love you. Everything I've done is because I love you and I want to be with you."

"Bella, I know this is a lot to take in right now," Dr. Bennett interrupted. "This is without a doubt a miracle and a medical marvel. It's also a high risk pregnancy so you're going to need lots of checkups and ultrasounds to make sure everything is going as it should. But first, I think you should go home with Edward and just allow your mind to wrap around the knowledge that you're going to be parents. I want to see you again on Friday to discuss what you can expect and what you need to do to get these babies here safe and healthy."

There were other things said, and gel was cleaned off, and clothes were put on but I wasn't really there for any of that. I'd already checked out and gone inside my head, trying to understand how this was really happening. I felt … I felt _miserable_. And I felt pissed off that I was miserable because this was my dream. To be pregnant. To have my own baby. It was one of those wishes so deep it hurt to think about it not coming true.

But in all my dreams of a life with a baby, it was never this kind of life. It was never a single me looking at raising three babies alone. How could I even do that? How could I be even a barely passable mother if I had nothing to give? There was supposed to be a father and a house and real jobs and a safe place to lay them into their cribs at night. I had a small bedroom in an apartment in the city with only a part-time job for money. And from what I knew about pregnancy, there was no way I could keep that job. I couldn't be on my feet like that with one baby, much less three. I might not be able to keep them, to be a mother to them, but that wouldn't stop me from making sure they got here safely.

Somehow I made it into my bed and curled myself around a pillow, burying my face in it and getting a nose full of Edward. That was the last straw for my stressed out mind and the tear-dam burst, leaving me soaking the pillow as I sobbed hard into it. We weren't supposed to have been separated. He was supposed to find the perfect city to start his job. He was supposed to find a place for us—our first _home_ together. He would work and I would finish school. We would be happy together. And after I'd graduated and worked a couple years, then we would have our baby. We would give it a home and a yard and maybe even a dog. We would have a real family, like the one he grew up in—the one I'd missed out on. That's what was supposed to happen.

But the reality was that we weren't together. We weren't moving into a home and I wasn't finished with school. And if Edward hadn't guessed I was pregnant and felt obligated to deal with it, he wouldn't be here in Portland right now. He'd be off starting his career in Seattle. Or maybe even in Boston. And my pillow wouldn't smell like him right now. What should have been my dream come true was a painful nightmare with no way to wake from it.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV**

Once again, I was failing Bella. I'd been so prepared for her to be happy and excited. I'd never thought for a second she would be so miserable that she would cry herself to sleep right in front of me. Each time I thought I understood how badly I'd hurt her, I learned that I had no clue of how deep her pain went. For her to be so unhappy about our babies … This had to be fixable. Someway, somehow.

I gently lifted her face from the pillow and shifted her head so that it rested on my shoulder. I held her close with both arms, hoping to somehow comfort the both of us. Her small hands unrolled from the tight fists they'd been in only to tighten up again once they'd gotten hold of my shirt.

As I looked down at her splotchy red cheeks, the guilt and sadness I felt were nearly overwhelming. Even worse was the knowledge that Bella was hurting so much worse than me. "I'm so sorry, Angel. I hope you know I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere. I promised you I would never walk away again and I'm going to keep that promise."

Somewhere between trying to find the right words to bring her peace in her sleep and looking for a way to permanently help her, I drifted off. When I woke up, she wasn't in bed and her bathroom door was shut. I didn't hear the shower running so I knocked on the door and poked my head inside. "Bella?"

"Go away." She was lying in the tub, covered by bubbles with a washcloth hiding her face. But I didn't need to see her expression to know how she was feeling; I could tell just fine from the dejected tone she was using.

"Nope," I said as I slunk down on the floor, resting my back against the cabinet and my feet against the tub. "You made me promise I would always stay and fix things with you and that's exactly what I'm going to do."

"You're released from your promise. Now go away."

"You can't release me if I don't want to be released."

Her hand jerked up out of the water and yanked the towel from her face, showing me a pair of brown eyes narrowed in a glare. But no matter how thin that line of sight was, it did nothing to hide the pain swimming in those eyes. "You got what you wanted, I went to the doctor. You're obligation to me is over and done with, Cullen. So go and start your life and move the fuck on."

"My life is right here in this room, Bella. It's you and me together. And it's going to grow and include our babies."

"You always do that," she yelled, throwing the wet washcloth at me and hitting my knees. "You say something and you think that just makes it happen or makes it okay. But it doesn't! There is no together, Edward! There's a me and there's a you. And there are three lives that are going to be so much less than what they should be because you lied and ruined everything. So excuse me if I'm not all fuckin' rainbows and sunshine at the thought of being pregnant when I know I can't keep them."

"Hey," I said as I reached for her hand, missed, and ended up with my arm in the water. I snatched her hand before she could pull it away again and looked her right in the eyes. "Bella, you _can_ and you _will_ keep our babies. I will help you raise them, love them, parent them, feed and cloth them … Bella, I will be right here at your side every step. You don't have to be scared. You can be happy about this and enjoy it. You can be a _mom_."

Fat tears slipped down her pale face and hit the water with a plinking sound. "I didn't want to just be a mom. I wanted a family. I wanted someone who loved me and would always be there. Someone who would never walk away. Someone who would love our children and help me raise them to be good people, the kind who didn't make all the mistakes that I did."

"I'm that someone, Bella. I promise—"

"Shut up!" Her scream loud enough to echo off the tiles and cause me to wince. "Just shut up, Edward. Your promises are worthless."

Knowing I was going to be drenched and have to change and not caring one damn bit, I leaned over the edge of the tub and pulled her into my arms. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I hurt you. I never meant to. I never meant to lie. I wish I could tell you exactly when and how it all got so out of hand. And I get why my words don't hold any weight for you right now. I do get that, Bella. But all I can do is go forward and prove to you every single day that I'm being honest. More than that! That I'm giving you the proper respect you deserve. I know I'm asking so much of you right now, but please give me a chance to show you. Let me prove myself to you."

"I don't want it. I don't want the let down when it all comes crashing down again."

"But it's not, Bella. I won't let it."

She pushed against me until I had no choice but to let her go so she wouldn't hurt herself. "Right," she snapped once she was looking at me. "Because you weren't the one who said again and again that you wouldn't risk our relationship, right, Edward? That wasn't you. That was the guy who lied about his heart and left me alone to get blamed for it. Oh wait! That was you! So get the fuck out of my bathroom."

"Bella, I know you're upset and angry, but we have to talk about this."

"No," she hissed. "We …" she said, waving her finger between the two of us, "… don't have to talk about a damn thing."

"We have a doctor's appointment Friday morning. Don't you think we should go into it knowing what we want?"

All that anger that had filled her face just seconds ago was replaced with such a deep sadness that I felt my own eyes grow wet. "If it was as easy as what we want, then I wouldn't be crying right now. I wouldn't be miserable and I could actually appreciate the miracle I've been given. But instead, I'm sitting here facing the hard truth … I can't keep these babies. The only way I can be a good mom to them, the kind of mom they deserve, is to find them a good home. But for right now, for tonight, I'm going to focus on the most pressing matters in my life and decide how to tell Mr. Morris that I'm quitting. Then I'm going to try and find a job I can do behind a desk."

"We can keep these babies, Bella. We can work something out. And if you and I can't come to an agreement, I know our parents will help us."

Bella roughly brushed at her cheeks, making them a deeper red. "Don't you dare breathe a word of this to your parents."

"We have to tell them. You're already starting to show."

"_Eventually_ we have to tell them. There's no reason to talk about it right before their party and ruin everything. You want me to believe you can be honest and keep your word, then promise you will keep your damn mouth shut."

"Only if you agree we can tell them on Saturday. Not only is telling them the right thing to do, but I believe they'll be able to give us another perspective on all of this, and maybe even a solution you like."

"Fine. We tell them on Saturday. And just so you know, that 'we' includes my dad."

Despite the severity of the situation, I found myself smiling. "You're hoping he shoots me, aren't you?"

"The thought had crossed my mind. Now get out of my bathroom so I can finish my bath."

"Alright, Angel," I said as I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'm going to make you some dinner."

"Don't bother."

I got to my feet first and then looked down at her. "You're eating. End of story. The only thing you get to decide is if you give me a request for dinner or you get surprised."

She lifted her hand and waved her middle finger at me.

"Surprise it is," I said as I turned to leave the bathroom.

I was almost to the bedroom door when Bella's voice floated out to me. "Don't forget the tea, you pea-brained penis wrinkle!"

I smiled as I headed into the kitchen, firmly believing that I still had a chance with her. She wouldn't bother being angry with me if she had completely written me off; she also wouldn't have come up with such an imaginative term for me. We just had to get through the next few days on our own and then we could tell our parents and start getting the help we needed. This _was_ fixable. I would have Bella and we would have our babies. I wouldn't leave her alone in this, even if she decided not to forgive me.

* * *

**A/N: **I know you all will have theories and ideas and comments about Edward and Bella's reaction to the pregnancy. Just try to be patient with me and them because in the next chapter, their very different reactions are going to make a whole lot more sense. And please keep in mind these two things: (1) Edward lied about his health. That is a huge thing! There is NO reason at all for Bella to believe anything he's saying right now. If he can lie about something that could end his life, he can lie about anything. (2) Bella is extremely hormonal and has been through hell. That does lend a person to jumping straight into seeing the world as all rainbows and sunshine. There is no automatic switch to flip to go from feeling like your world is spinning out of your control to being happy that something unexpected happened - especially when that unexpected event suddenly makes you responsible for other lives. Even the most happily married couple would have trouble not freaking out at being told they were now responsible for three new lives.

Thank you to MedusaInNY for the brilliant name Bella bestows on Edward at the end of this chapter. Gotta love how the three word game never really went away.

As always, thanks to EternallyAddicted for her invaluable help, guidance, and just plain putting up with me during these rough chapters. You are an amazing PIC and I am one lucky gal to have you onboard!


	53. Ghosts of Broken Hearts

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: ****Ghosts of Broken Hearts**

**Chapter Song: ****"Come Back Down" by Lifehouse**

**Bella****'s POV:**

"Want anything?" Edward asked. He and I were at the gas station we usually stopped at whenever we drove home to Forks. Alice and Jasper had driven up last night so they could have an extra night with Emmett and Rose since they'd flown in yesterday afternoon. I wasn't in any mood to think of Emmett right now so I focused on Edward's question instead.

I wasn't ready to actually speak to him, though, so I only shook my head "no". Honestly, I wasn't ready for any of this stuff but that seemed to always be how things went. At least I had some control over whether or not I spoke.

"If you change your mind, let me know," he said as he got out of the Suburban.

I waited until his door had been closed a few seconds before turning in my seat to watch him walk into the store. I couldn't trust him and I couldn't tell if he was genuinely excited about the babies or pretending out of obligation. I only knew he'd asked a shite-load of questions when we'd been in Dr. Bennett's office early this morning. I wanted to believe in him; I wanted to think of things the way he seemed to, that it was just one lie. But that lie … It was _the_ lie. He'd promised he loved me and would always be around but that wasn't a promise he could really keep when he'd made it—and he'd known that! He'd known something was really wrong with him. I understood mistakes. Hell, I was queen of mistakes. But none of mine had ever purposefully put anyone's life in danger. None of mine had been outright lies. And if he didn't see a problem with lying about a life or death matter, what would keep him from lying about everything else?

On top of trying to figure out what to believe from him, Edward was acting like this was all so perfect, such a generous twist of fate. He gave no thought at all to what broken families did to kids. For that matter, he didn't seem to realize at all that there was a shite-ton of hurt and confusion between us. He acted like just because he said he was being honest now that it erased everything else. He saw us as one big happy family when we were nothing close to that. As excited as I'd been spending this past weekend with him, I'd also been waiting for the other shoe to drop, for something else to happen to push us apart. And here it was—he was so blinded by his optimism and had no idea just how un-fine things were.

That optimism of his had led him to ask Dr. Bennett a slew of questions. I'd managed to stop trying to figure out what to believe to focus enough to know I was almost thirteen weeks pregnant; I'd be exactly thirteen on this Sunday. There were vitamins to take and foods to eat or avoid. There was even a long list of doctor appointments already scheduled for me since I was so high risk. On the plus side, all three fetuses were healthy and seemed to be developing normally. My blood pressure was fine and my glucose was fine; physically, I was really damn fine.

Emotionally … Hurting, miserable, alone … and suddenly responsible for three lives. My life was spiraling out of control and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what was right or wrong or up or down. And I wanted so badly to run to Esme and tell her everything going on but I couldn't. Not tonight. Tonight was her night.

I let out a sigh as I straightened up in my seat. I'd known for a long time now that life wasn't fair but this was ridiculous. What about college? What would I do for work? I'd resigned from the coffeehouse this morning, hating that I wasn't able to give Mr. Morris more notice. I'd warned him on Tuesday that I might have to quit but I hadn't expected it to happen so fast. If Dr. Bennett hadn't been so insistent about staying off my feet as much as I could, I would have given him the time. Of course, being Mr. Morris, he had told me not to worry and that he would figure it out. He'd also told me to visit as often as I could and to stay in touch.

And what about Edward? What about his own career? He had to be itching to get out of here and start his life. I didn't want to be the thing holding him back—I didn't want for me or these babies to turn into his biggest regret. Even more than that, I didn't want to setup house with him just to have him leave after the babies were born.

No, it was best to just look at this practically with the best interest of these babies in mind. The only way to make sure they had a life free of the kinds of mistakes that had filled mine was to give them a home with two loving parents capable of providing for them in all the right ways. And that meant I couldn't get attached to them or let myself fall under the delusion that I could keep them. And Edward wasn't any more equipped to be a single parent than I was so he wasn't going to be able to keep them either, no matter how optimistic he might be. I would love them in the best way I could—by getting them here safely and then finding them the best home possible.

But for the rest of this day, I was going to make myself focus only on Carlisle and Esme. They had done so much for me, always managing to be around when I needed them most. This was their night and I was going to focus only on them.

I jumped at the sound of Edward's door opening and watched him set a grocery bag on his seat. He gave me a smile before closing his door again and walking off to put gas in the vehicle. I couldn't help the sudden curiosity that gripped me and I leaned across the console to peek into his bag. There were two bottles of water … a Nestle crunch bar which was my usual snack … and a bag of crunchy Cheetos—he never could resist getting them. He never had lacked in the ability to take care of physical needs. It was the emotional ones that seemed to boggle his mind and fall short of his grasp.

Looking at the bottles of water made me realize I was thirsty so I took one out of the bag and opened it up. I was busy sipping at it when Edward climbed back into the vehicle.

"There's a crunch bar in there for you too," he said as he set the bag on the floorboard near my feet.

"Thanks. Not hungry."

"Well it's yours if you want it later."

I kept looking at the bottle cap I was rubbing against my knee and for a moment I wished with everything in me that it was one of those lamps where genies came out. The crazy part was that I wouldn't wish for something practical like winning the lottery to afford these babies. My wish would be to know if I could trust Edward. The sad part, the one that made me want to cry, was that if it was just me I would take the plunge. I would risk him lying to me all over again just to have him back for a little while because I was that in love with him. Hell, I had been on my way to doing that already this past weekend. But now … Now I was pregnant and now I had to make the best choice and that wasn't necessarily the one I wanted. I had to protect these babies, from me and from him.

While we waited for our turn to pull onto the highway, a yellow Bug passed us by and I immediately thought of Alice. She had wanted me to ride up with her to give us time to talk since I'd been a complete bore during our shopping trip on Wednesday afternoon. I think she'd only accepted my silence during our dress hunt because she'd been so sure she'd have me cornered in her car for the drive to Forks. But since I had the doctor's appointment and wasn't ready to tell her about it, I was stuck riding with Edward instead. And also there was his whole thing about wanting to be at every appointment. I'd tried to tell him a few times he wasn't obligated to me or these babies but he wasn't listening. _Stupid honorable to a fault side of him. And the part that sucks the most is that as soon as he feels he's done his duty, he'll go off to start his life and his career, leaving us all behind._

Not long after we'd gotten back on the road, my eyes started to get heavy and hard to keep open. I'd been sleeping on my own since Monday night, trying to get a handle on the insane twist my life had taken, but there was more tossing and turning going on than sleeping. I kept having this really odd dream about weird sounds and smells, but the worst part was that I kept feeling like I'd had it before at some point. It always started off with warm rays of sunshine glinting off of something silver colored, making me to lift a hand to shield my eyes. Then there would be the sound of a small bell tinkling close enough to hear but not to see the source. It was followed by a laugh that was both high-pitched and small—a laugh that reminded me of Aaron for some crazy reason. The next sensation was of something soft touching my cheek, followed by a smell like no other filling my nose. It made my heart race and filled me with both an overwhelming happiness and a longing so deep I wanted to cry. I always woke up at that point, feeling disoriented and lonely. I had no idea what the hell the dream was supposed to be about or why I kept having it; I only knew I could never get back to sleep after having that stupid dream. As much as I didn't want to have that dream again, I was badly in need of sleep. I would just have to hope my overactive mind would be nice to my tired body and let me drift off dreamlessly.

I ended up sleeping through most of the rest of the ride, waking up just outside of Forks. I wasn't sure if I'd been too tired to dream or if it had been the proximity of Edward that had me relaxing enough to really rest. It was scary and beyond confusing that no matter how messed up things were with us my body would relax and feel comforted when he was near. No matter what the reason was, I was really glad for my nap. I felt a lot better physically and I knew I'd need the energy with the night ahead of me … Alice in party-mode, the actual party itself, being around Emmett, and keeping a smile on my face all through the party. It was going to be one long ass night.

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty," Edward said when I finished yawning and stretching. "We're almost to Forks. Alice sent a text earlier informing me that you will be disappearing with her the moment we get to the house."

I didn't respond; it wasn't like her declaration was a shock or anything.

"Am I going to be allowed near you at the party tonight?" he asked, sounding both petulant and hurt at the same time.

"If you want to, I guess you can. But there's honestly no obligation for you to be anywhere near me."

"It's doesn't have anything do with obligation, Bella. It's because I love you. And before this weekend is over, I'll figure out how to prove that to you."

I had a few replies for him but since none of them were helpful and all were laced with anger, I chose to keep my mouth shut and it smartly listened. The last thing either of us needed was for my mouth to take off and say things that left Edward no choice but to hate me for being a bitch. I shook my head at my own self, wondering how I could be so hurt by him and yet still want to protect him. There were some definite screws loose in my head and I wondered if I would ever figure out how to fix them.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Bella!" Esme greeted, wrapping me up in a fierce hug. "I have missed you so much."

I smiled against her shoulder, hugging her back just as tight. "We saw each other a week ago."

"Hush and be happy you were missed."

"I am, Esme. I always am with you."

She pulled back and took my face into her hands, studying me closely. "Are you okay? You sound upset?"

I forced my fake smile to widen. "I'm good. Just excited for the party tonight. Twenty-five years with Carlisle is a lot to celebrate."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm just not fully awake yet. I slept on the ride up."

"I bet you're hungry as well. Go into the kitchen and fix yourself some lunch. I made meatloaf with mashed potatoes and gravy for lunch per Emmett's request and there's plenty left."

"Oh man, that sounds good," I practically moaned.

Esme chuckled and kissed my cheek soundly before letting go of my face. "Go and eat. I'll let Edward know where you've disappeared to."

I smiled and headed off into the kitchen without argument, my stomach rolling and groaning in anticipation of Esme's cooking. I found the meatloaf in the oven and the potatoes and gravy on the stove and fixed myself a massive plate of food.

I'd just sat down at the table with my food and drink when Edward walked in with Jasper. I wasn't paying much attention to them until I heard Emmett's name mentioned.

"He must be sick to have left all of this," Edward said, busy making a plate of his own.

Jasper snorted and shook his head. "Ed, man, that's the _second_ tray of meatloaf that you're taking from. Emmett spent almost more time talking about how much he missed your mom's cooking than he did eating it and he still packed away almost a whole tray by himself."

"The man has a bottomless pit instead of a stomach."

"That's Em for ya," Jasper replied, sounding much closer. I looked up and was met with his smiling face as he sat down next to me. "Hey, Darlin'. Got enough to eat there?"

"Shut it," I said with a real smile.

Jasper leaned back in his chair and mimicked zipping his lips closed, which made me laugh. "There we go, Bells. Now I've gotten you to smile and laugh. You'll need that later for when Ali gets a hold of you. She's been running through a long list of ideas on what to do with your hair to make it look perfect with that dress you girls picked out for you."

"Oh joy," I said sarcastically.

"Don't worry. Rosalie's planning to run interference for you by pretending she can't do a thing with her hair."

"Really? Normally Rose loves to sit back and make fun while I get tortured."

"Well I had a chat with my cousin and convinced her it would be in everyone's best interest if she helped me occupy and somewhat calm my wild woman."

"Oh come on, Jasper, you can do better," Esme said, appearing suddenly and taking the seat on the other side of me. "Let's be honest and call my daughter exactly what she is … A party monster."

I had to slap both hands over my mouth to keep the food inside of it while I shook with suppressed laughter and fought back tears. I always loved it when Esme reminded us that behind that awesome motherly exterior of hers was just a normal woman with a great sense of humor.

"Edward, bring Bella some napkins, please, son," she instructed as she smiled and rubbed my back to calm me.

I was pretty close to being calm when Edward sat down across from me and set a bunch of napkins onto the table. "Have her drink some water slowly or she'll get hiccups," he said, giving me a smile before digging into his food.

Once I'd made sure no food had escaped my lips and I'd drunk some water, I looked up at Esme. "I love it when you're the one to out your kids for their behavior."

"Yes, well, I think we could all benefit from my three lovely offspring behaving much more like mature adults than silly children," she replied.

"I agree with that all the way," Jasper stated with a big grin. "Alice flitting around here like the world's going to end if any little decoration isn't just perfect. Makes my head spin whenever I think about our wedding."

Esme's smile widened. "I'd suggest hiring a wedding planner but every one of us at this table knows Alice would drive the poor dear to quitting with her micro-management style."

I snorted a couple times and then just let go and laughed out loud. The words "micro-management style" just didn't even begin to encompass the feisty, furious, freakish cyclone of terror that Alice became when she had a project in front of her. It wasn't like she meant to be a holy terror when she planned something, it was just that she couldn't stand the idea of disappointing her intended victim … er, recipient. She just wanted the person of honor to really feel honored and to be a hundred percent happy with the festivities. It might have seemed crazy and odd to anyone outside of this family but we all knew it was Alice's ultimate sign of love and commitment to us.

"Sweetheart, you have to let the rest of us in on the joke," Esme ordered as she patted my hand softly.

"It's not a joke really," I said as I looked between her and Jasper. "I was just thinking how parties are Alice's big sign of love. She doesn't become the party monster just to be in control of the details. She does it to make it an amazing time for those she loves."

"That's absolutely correct," Esme agreed. "Each of you has your own unique way of showing love. Our dear Bella here teases and gets us all laughing. Alice plans parties. Jasper cooks comfort foods. Rosalie gives hugs. Emmett attempts to be sweet. Carlisle says the words while hugging …" She paused and her eyes looked dreamy as she thought of her husband. She suddenly shook herself and giggled softly. "Where was I? Oh, yes! Edward." She turned her head and the two of them locked eyes with each other. "You, my boy, are the worst."

"What?" he cried, his eyes wide with shock. "I always tell you I love you."

"Oh, yes, you tell me now. Before, you would check to make sure no one was in earshot and whisper it into my ear, afraid Emmett would catch you and call you a momma's boy. And so what if you were? He is too. He just shows it differently, giving me a soft hug rather than a bear hug."

Edward sat up straighter in his chair, puffing out his chest and smirking at his mother. He pulled in a breath and then in the loudest voice I'd ever heard him use, he proudly said, "I love you, Mom."

Esme and Jasper both laughed openly while I grinned into my plate, spearing another mouthful of meatloaf with my fork and happily sliding it between my lips. It wasn't hard to have a good appetite when I had Esme's cooking in front of me and the amazing woman herself beside me. And also, it was nice to see her giving Edward crap.

"Yes, that's now. And lovely to see," Esme stated, reaching over and ruffling Edward's short hair. "Hopefully you will hold onto the confidence you've found within yourself."

"I will," he replied. "I've got a really good reason to," he added. I knew he was looking at me as he said those words because I could feel his eyes on me. It was a familiar sensation that made me warm and cold in equal measure—warm because no one else had ever looked at me the way he did and cold because it didn't mean anything anymore. He could look at me all he wanted but what good did it do either of us? I had no idea what was the truth or a lie with him, and no idea if it was from having been hurt so bad or being so afraid to make the wrong choice.

And yet, as scared as I was, there was something about hearing him speak that way that made a "what if" sneak in and spark in my heart—What if he meant it? What if for once in my life, something could go right and I could have my very own happily ever after like Esme talked about every so often? What if he wasn't doing things out of obligation? What if we could figure out the truth from the lies and be parents together?

No. It was better to be realistic. Better not to get attached. Better not to hope. In the end, it was better to minimize the pain as much as possible.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

The women of the family were gathered in Esme's bedroom, working to put the final touches on our outfits before we descended the stairs and joined the party that was just getting started downstairs.

Alice had already helped me out and declared me beautiful so I was sitting in Esme's reading chair with my feet propped up on the matching ottoman, watching Rosalie and Alice fuss over Esme. The girls had listened to every one of her wishes so far, starting with her makeup being light and understated. The only area they had given emphasis were her eyes, using false lashes to give them pop and make the green stand out more than usual. They had curled Esme's long hair into big loose curls and it had brought out the deep natural reds hiding in her chestnut hair. They were working to pin back just a bit of the hair in front to keep it away from her face and draping over her shoulders. I had only caught a brief glance at her dress on the hanger so I was excited to see her stand up and get the full effect.

Of course, being excited and nervous in equal measure meant I had been visiting the bathroom a lot today and now it was time for another trip. I headed into Esme's adjoining bathroom to take care of business, trying not to let my mind think of the real reason I was peeing and puking and eating so much lately. This was Esme and Carlisle's night—if I kept telling myself that, then I would make it through this night and my mind could ask all the questions it wanted tomorrow.

After taking care of my needs, I stood in front of the large framed mirror over the double vanity to make sure my dress was sitting right on me. I really liked my outfit tonight and felt it was perfect for this really special occasion. Being here tonight, being a part of celebrating Esme and Carlisle's history together—that meant the world to me.

I smoothed the beautiful red dress over my left hip and then adjusted the loose pleating hanging down in front. The red was a true red, a color I rarely ever wore because I normally hated how it looked with my pale skin. But this dress was different and just felt right on me. The top was bunched over my breasts with a small silver broach sitting right between. There was a thin strap that started at the broach and then went up and separated to wrap around my neck but didn't really support anything. And those loose pleats I was adjusting started at the base of the broach and went down to where the dress split and flared just above my knees. Alice had covered the tip of my heart tattoo in makeup so it wasn't visible and then she'd found a beautiful shawl to cover up the tattoo on my back shoulder. I didn't have to worry about my neck tattoo at all since my hair was now long enough to cover it up.

All of my turning to check myself out made the lights glint off my necklace and I looked down at it as I cupped it in my palm. My boxing gloves. I'd never taken them off but I'd been wearing them under my shirts instead of out in the open. I kept waiting to feel like the bad ass I had been when Edward had given this to me, but the more I looked for that woman inside of me, the less I found of her. It made me angry—angry with Edward and myself that I should lose that ability to be tough and to take the world's shit with barely a batted eyelash.

"Stop it. There is plenty of time for that shit tomorrow," I warned my reflection. "This night belongs to Esme and Carlisle and you _will_ smile and you _will_ be polite and you _will_ have fun whether you like it or not."

Feeling sufficiently scolded and pep-talked, I slipped my shawl back around my shoulders and opened the bathroom door. Just as I stepped into the bedroom, Esme stood up at the vanity and turned around, giving me my first real look at her tonight.

Esme was … Esme was stunning, breathtaking, glamorous, mesmerizing … There just weren't enough adjectives to use for her. Looking at her had me thinking of old Hollywood when the women were true classy ladies and less was so much more. Her dress was a deep emerald green that matched her eyes and made them sparkle. The bodice was a sweetheart wrap style and there was an olive layer of fabric that seemed bent back, as if the inside of the dress was being revealed without actually showing anything. The piece ended at the empire waist and met up with the diamond shaped broach that adorned the waist area. From there, the dress flowed softly toward the floor with two more of those olive colored fabric reveals on her left side. If Carlisle didn't forget the room around him upon seeing her, then he was a damn fool.

"What do you think, Bella?" she asked with a huge smile on her face.

"I think Carlisle won't be aware there's a party going on in his house. His eyes and his mind are only going to be for you," I said, meaning every word.

"Just like his heart, Mom," Alice added with a big grin.

My best friend was dressed in a strapless black mini with a simple silver and crystal broach at the empire waist and gathers down to the wide hem before the fabric flared out just a little. The only jewelry she wore tonight was her engagement ring, and her shoes were a pair of silver sandals. The simplicity of her outfit was what made it look so perfect on her. The fact that she had chosen such a low-key outfit spoke volumes about the kind of woman she was—she wanted all of the attention to be on her mom and dad tonight. Just when I thought I understood how much I loved my best friend, she showed me another reason to have such huge love for a small woman.

"Twenty-five years," Rosalie stated, finishing up with a low whistle. "Esme, please tell me you've lasted this long because they act more like men and less like boys as they age."

Rose was dressed really similar to Alice tonight, going with a simple black dress that hugged her body and accentuated her many curves. There was a large, square, silver and crystal broach at the empire waist and that silver was mimicked on the heels of her black pumps.

Esme laughed loudly and my eyes immediately moved from Rose to her. "Only in some instances does that hold true, my dear. And since you are the young woman my Emmett was lucky enough to fall for, I'm afraid you'll have a longer wait than most."

Rosalie smiled wide and wrapped her arms tight around Esme. "You always make me feel like you want my happiness whether it comes from Em or not. That's such an odd and amazing quality in a mom and I love that so much about you."

Esme smiled as she let go of Rosalie and looked around the room at the three of us. "You all know that I love my husband and my family with all of my heart. As unconditional as that love is, I am not blind to their antics and flaws." She paused and put her arm around Alice, drawing her closer. "I want happiness for you and your brothers with everything in me, Alice. But I also want that for the people you love and bring into this home. If I see my child making his or her partner sad, I will speak up for that partner because that is exactly what I would want someone to do for me."

"Beauty, brains, and a no-nonsense view of parenting. Esme, I so wanna be you when I grow up," Rosalie said.

"Me too," I blurted out.

"Me three," Alice added with a giggle.

Esme waved her hands at us and once we were all locked in a group hug, she said, "Well if all three of my girls want to be mothers, then I am sure to be one very happy grandmother." With everyone laughing, I hoped she missed the nervous tinge to my own laughter.

"Alright, Mom. I think we've kept the men waiting long enough," Alice declared.

Esme and Rose agreed with her so after one last glance in the vanity mirror for each of us, we opened the door to head down and join the party. I'd hoped the men would be busy chatting with guests, but the four of them were standing around near the bottom of the stairs.

Alice practically flitted down the last few steps to get to Jasper, letting out a lilting laugh as she tossed herself into his arms. I heard his much deeper laugh as he spun her around once and then gently set her on her feet. Now that he didn't have Ali wrapped around him, I could see he was wearing a gray suit that made him look taller than ever. The shirt and tie beneath were white and there were tiny sliver flecks in the tie that matched Alice's broach and shoes. He had never looked more like the southern gentleman I knew him to be, just like I knew his outfit was all Alice. She had a knack for bringing out the inner beauty of a person through clothing.

Rosalie was smirking and rolling her eyes at her cousin and friend as she made her way down the stairs and went over to stand in Emmett's wide arms. He gave her such a sweet and adoring look that I had a hard time not pinching myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming it up.

After hugging her close for a minute, Rose moved to the side so he would be able to see his mom after I got out of the way. The big man was dressed in a charcoal gray suit with an off-white shirt that held light gray stripes. His tie held diagonal stripes of varying shades of gray with a splash of light purple for color. He looked amazing and more grown-up than I'd ever seen him. I was so shocked at seeing him this way that I managed to return his smile and nod.

Knowing everyone was watching me, I wanted to go ahead and stand beside Edward to avoid questions, but he was standing next to Emmett and I just couldn't make my feet move in that direction. So I went over to Alice and Jasper and hoped it seemed I was so excited to comment on his suit that I just hadn't noticed Edward.

Of course, there was no way in hell I hadn't noticed Edward. He was dressed in the same color suit as Emmett but with a white shirt and deep blue tie. He looked amazing standing there next to his brother, the two of them actually looking a little like twins for a change. But then again, I tended to think Edward looked great no matter what he was wearing. It wasn't the clothes that made him sexy to me—it was those expressive green eyes of his and the sweetness in his heart. I wanted to believe so much that the charm and the romance and the overall rightness of him had never been an act, had never been a way to hide his heart condition. But it was impossible not to question it, not when so many other large and small things had ended up being ways to hide his condition. The sad part was that he mistakenly thought I was holding his past lies against him—he didn't understand at all that it was the future lies that terrified me.

But I didn't want to think about those things right now so I moved my eyes away from him to get a look at Carlisle. The man of honor tonight was dressed in a proper black tux with a matching black bowtie over a white dress shirt with large black buttons. He looked regal and debonair, another perfect throwback to a time when life seemed simpler even if it wasn't.

Watching the absolute awe in Carlisle's expression as Esme took her place at his side was nothing short of inspiring. There was real, deep love in this world and it was right here in front of me, bundled up in these two amazing people. In that moment, my smile was as real as the happy tears sliding from my eyes. I loved them both so damn much and seeing them so happy and in love made the world right for just a little bit. I wiped up my eyes and laughed under my breath at my own self; with my hormones already kicking my ass so early on, I would be a complete disaster by the time I got to the end of this pregnancy.

"Ladies, you all look so amazing tonight," Carlisle said as he looked over each of us. "I am so lucky to have such a beautiful family."

"You guys are looking pretty damn sleek yourselves," Rose announced.

"Me!" Alice cried happily. "All me."

"Thanks for that, Captain Obvious," Emmett said with a deep chuckle.

"Don't give her a hard time," I said as I slung my arm around her shoulders. "She's worked really hard to make this party amazing and this is how she shows her nervousness."

"Alice, sweetheart, there really is no need to be nervous. This party could be an absolute disaster, but as long as your mother and I have our family with us, there's no way we could be happier," Carlisle promised her.

A round of "aw" went around with some laughter and then Esme declared it time to mingle with the guests. With a big smile on her face, Alice grabbed a hold of Jasper's hand and darted off into the thick of the crowd. Esme and Carlisle walked away arm-in-arm and laughing over their daughter's exuberance with Emmett and Rosalie tagging along behind them.

And that left Edward and me.

He walked right up to me and took my hand, his green eyes silently asking me to turn for him. I went along with it, reasoning there was no point in refusing and it would look suspicious if I did.

Once I was facing him again, he gave me that huge blinding smile that I'd only ever seen him give to me. "You look so amazing, Angel."

"Um … thanks," I replied, hating that my face was turning red enough to match my dress. He hadn't taken his eyes off of me yet and the awe in his green eyes was a bit much to stand still under, especially when I didn't know if it was real.

He leaned in and for a second I was both worried and elated that he was going to kiss me. But he only put his lips at my ear and whispered into it. "You're showing just a little but I think it's only because I know what I'm looking at. The fabric draping down hides it well from everyone else. But I honestly can't wait until you're not hiding it."

Before I could say anything, my name was being called and I was being turned around to face my dad and getting squished in a hug. I laughed as I hugged him back. "Dad, what are you doing being all touchy feely?"

He pulled his head back to look at me but didn't relax his arms at all. "I haven't seen you in months and I missed my little girl."

"He's telling the absolute truth," Sue said from beside me.

I laughed a little as I pulled away from my dad to give her a hug. "Hi, Sue. It's great to see you."

"And you. I have to admit, though. I'm a little overwhelmed by this party. I feel underdressed."

"Oh please don't feel that way," I told her. "This is just Alice's idea of elegance, but I promise you that Esme and Carlisle are more interested in the company than the clothing."

"Spoken just like Esme herself," my dad said with a little laugh. He seemed to finally notice Edward was standing there because he reached out and clapped a hand onto his shoulder. "Hey, Edward. How are you, son?"

"Doing well, Sir," Edward replied with a smile.

"How's the weightlifting going?"

"Benching eighty with ease. Though Emmett says that's a pansy number and not to talk to him until I can do one-sixty."

My dad laughed and clapped Edward on the shoulder again. If I didn't know better, I'd have thought I was looking at two buddies instead of my dad and my … my whatever the hell Edward was to me at the moment.

"You know, I tried that _Deadliest Warrior_ show you told me about and it wasn't half bad," my dad said.

"Which episode did you see?" Edward asked.

Sue put her hand on my arm and gave it a little squeeze. "Come on, Bella. Keep me from feeling like a stranger while these two talk television."

I let her lead me away before pouncing on her. "What was that? Since when does Dad like Edward? Why are they acting like they talk to each other? What the hell is going on?"

Sue chuckled and gave me a one-armed hug. "They've been talking on the phone since Edward got out of the hospital. They found some things in common and your dad seems to really like him."

"Great," I said with a fake smile and fake enthusiasm.

"Bella, get yourself over here," Rose called, waving me over. "Don't hog Sue all to yourself."

I smiled for real as we crossed the room and came to stand with Rose, her mom, and a few other women. Rose took over at that point, introducing all of us and letting us know what we had in common with each other. I wondered if this was a glimpse of what she did back in Boston with her clients and decided she was damn good at it. The woman could charm a room full of the grumpiest bastards in under five minutes with her silver tongue.

For the next hour, I hung out with Rose and mingled with the guests. I'd been worried at first that we would end up heading toward Emmett and Edward, but we always seemed to turn and head in a new direction when we got near them. I didn't know if it was on purpose or not—I just knew I really appreciated it.

All of a sudden, Alice started tapping the end of a fork against her raised glass, getting the room to quiet down and of course getting all eyes on her little figure. She was flanked on the left by Emmett with Edward standing at her right. The guys held silver boxes wrapped with sparkly silver bows.

"What are they doing?" I whispered to Rose.

"A toast for their parents. Alice has been practicing on me through Skype for most of the week."

"Why didn't she practice with me?" I asked, trying hard to hide the hurt I felt.

Rose snorted and hugged me against her side, not fooled for a second. "Don't pout, Bells. I was merely the stand-in for you since you were working all week. Had you been around, you would have heard it. And heard it. And heard it again."

Before I could respond, Alice's voice carried out across the room. "Thank you all for coming here tonight to celebrate our parents' twenty-fifth wedding anniversary with them. It should be no surprise that my brothers decided I should be the spokesperson for the three of us. I _am_ the most vocal, after all."

She paused and did a little dip, looking as regal as any princess ever had and getting a laugh from the crowd. She smiled wide and then continued on with her toast. "My brothers and I spent some time together just marveling at what an amazing accomplishment twenty-five years of marriage is today. While we each love our significant other deeply, our young age limits our imagination, makes it hard to picture ourselves twenty-five years down the road. But we each want that. We look at our parents and we know we are seeing the real deal. We are seeing a love that can stand the test of time and patience and boneheaded decisions by their children."

Though she didn't call him out by name, those of us who knew about Edward's heart looked at him. For his part, he stood stoically beside his sister, looking only at his parents.

"Our parents made it through my father's medical school studies and intern rotations," Alice continued. "So many long nights and going days at a time without seeing each other. They made it through a first apartment that was literally one room and a year of surviving on sandwiches and soup. They made it through my mother losing her first design commission and then gaining two right behind it that were bigger than the first. They made it through an unexpected pregnancy and the birth of twin boys, along with the trials that come with being new parents. And by the time they added me to the family, they were well on their way to becoming the best parents in the world, though I may be slightly biased in that opinion.

"If we've needed a hug to comfort, a shoulder to cry on, or a stern voice to set us straight, our parents have been there. They give us their love, their support, and their advice on a near daily basis. They even find the time and love to be there for those we bring into our lives. We are a family in the deepest, most truest sense of the word and while I may not know what kind of person I'll be in twenty-five years, I know I'll be part of a remarkable family. Mom and Dad, we know we can never truly repay you for giving us such wonderful blessings, but we hope we can give you an idea of how much we appreciate you."

Edward and Emmett stepped forward with their boxes and handed them over to Esme and Carlisle while Alice narrated. "When my father proposed to my mother, he knew he couldn't give her the fancy wedding she deserved. Our mom promised him she only cared about sharing a life with him, but our dad loves to spoil his wife and knowing he would one day be able to do just that, he convinced her to write down a list of everything she would want at her wedding. That list has sat in an album next to their wedding picture on the courthouse steps for the past twenty-five years, put aside to put family first.

"Now, we want to put you two first. We know that quite a few things on your list were outlandish items meant to make each other laugh. But we also know some were real wants so Edward, Emmett, and I thought we would get you a couple of them. You won't find any doves in those boxes. Or a diamond tiara or a king's crown. But, Mom, you will find a pair of crystal flutes engraved with your wedding date in your box. And, Dad, your box has the nineteen-eighty-five bottle of Dom Perignon you wanted to toast your bride with twenty-five years ago."

After a lot of hugs were given from Esme and Carlisle to Alice, Emmett, and Edward, Carlisle happily popped the cork on the bottle of champagne and poured the drink into his bride's new flute. Esme's smile was so wide and her eyes so full of love as she watched him fill those flutes. As cheesy as it sounded in my head, they really were beautiful to behold.

Carlisle took his glass from Esme, gave her a kiss on the cheek, and then took her free hand into his. Looking only at her, he began to speak. "This is a quote by an author unknown … Life is not measured by the number of breathes we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Esme, you have left me breathless so many times in our twenty-five years of marriage and in the twenty-eight total of knowing and loving each other. Just tonight, watching you come down those stairs … Each time I feel that ache in my chest calling for a new breath, I thank my lucky stars that we met in that library so long ago. Had I not taken a wrong turn and ended up in the decorating section, I would have missed out on a lifetime of romance and wonder with you.

"This night and this anniversary mean so much to me, my lovely wife. And I have a few things I want to thank you for. First, I thank you for putting up with me and the many late nights that come with being a doctor. I thank you for our home and the happiness that has always filled it. I thank you for our three beautiful children. Most of all, I thank you for choosing to love me when I know a woman as amazing and soulful as you are could have done so much better than me."

After wiping away a few tears, sharing a few quiet laughs, and one really sweet looking kiss, Esme had a few words of her own to say. "Carlisle, sweetheart, I could have chosen someone else. I could have married a man who was home every night by six and never left a weekend outing early because he was on-call. I could have had a man who saw our children take their first steps and heard their first words in person and not on video. I could very well have chosen someone else, but I _never_ could have chosen a man better than you. It's your heart, your need to help others that drew me to you in the first place. It's your heart that sends you racing out of here at all hours to heal a wound and help a family. And it's your heart that has never left me or our children feeling anything less than unconditionally loved for even a second.

"I thank you for putting up with me and the many paint and fabric swatches that I've forced you to view over the years. I thank you for our home and the happiness that has always filled it. I thank you for our three beautiful children. Most of all, I thank you for choosing to love me all those years ago when you hardly had time to eat or sleep. A man as driven as you are could have just turned around and went down the correct aisle that day."

"I never could have walked away from you," he promised before kissing her soundly on the lips. It was so beautiful and intimate that I found myself turning away to give them some privacy.

Rose chuckled under her breath and tugged me out of the room and into the kitchen. "I've never seen you acting so damn sentimental before, Bells. What's up with that?"

"I don't know," I said, making myself return her smile. "All this craziness with Edward probably."

Rose gave me a look I didn't recognize and then grabbed my arm again. "Let's take a walk."

We ended up heading into the backyard and walking all the way out to the edge of the trees. It was a clear night and we could see the stars and the half moon in the sky perfectly.

"Bella, I know."

I wanted to play dumb and pretend I had no clue what Rose was talking about, but I was too tired to pretend anymore. "So much for Edward keeping his mouth shut."

"It's not like that, Bella. He suspected enough to tell Emmett and get him to go home to talk to you."

My mouth dropped open and my eyes widened at her confession. "So all that apology stuff was just because I'm knocked up?"

"No," Rose stated, speaking just as firm as the grip she had on my shoulders. "I know what Emmett said to you and how much it must have hurt you. And I know that in his heart, Emmett truly loves you. He would do anything for you and die before hurting you. He had every intention of apologizing to you but Edward didn't want to wait until tonight so he told Emmett in hopes he would come home right then."

"What else don't I know? What else has been done behind my back?" I asked, trying hard not to take my anger out on Rosalie. She was standing here trying to help me out and didn't deserve my anger.

"To my knowledge, nothing else. Edward just … Bella, he felt so responsible for what Emmett said to you and he just wanted to fix it. He's having a really hard time dealing with the fact that he can't apologize enough to take your hurt away."

"_He's_ having a hard time?" I cried, trying to pull away from her.

"Hey," Rose said softly as she pulled me closer. "I know what this has done to you. I know how it's rocked you to the core and made you question every single thing about him. And I know that just the _idea_ of trusting him again is so big and scary that it makes your heart race. Most of all, I know how gut-wrenching it is to love a man who seems to get everything wrong so much more than he gets it right. But man, when he gets it right … Bella, sweetie, if anyone can understand what you're going through, it's me."

Her description was so dead-on and her desire to help so genuine that I cracked without a single reservation and slumped into her arms, letting her hug me fully while I struggled not to cry on either of our dresses.

"Bella, I know these words aren't going to be very comforting right now, but they are the absolute truth. Things are going to work out and be okay. You have me and I know you're not ready to accept him yet, but you have Emmett. Most of all, you have Edward. He _is_ here, ready and waiting for the smallest sign of encouragement from you to help make your life exactly what you want it to be. All you have to do is just have a spark, a tiny little flame of trust and give it up to him."

"What if he hurts me again? How can I even think about letting myself be in the position to get hurt again? That's not smart, Rosie. That's stupid and I'm not stupid."

"No, sweetie. It's not stupid. It's love. It's messy and it's complicated, but, Bella, it's oh so worth it. And it gets better and easier with time because while they don't stop making mistakes, the mistakes get smaller and less significant. And that's because they want so badly to learn, Bella. They want to love us and make us happy. They want us to want them. I would not be telling you this if I didn't absolutely believe it myself."

"But if that's true, why did he lie? Why did he leave the door open for Emmett to blame me? How can I believe anything he says?"

"Words are easy to twist, Bella. But the way he looks at you, that can't be faked."

"I still don't even understand how we got here, Rosalie. One minute, I want him more than I've ever wanted anything in my whole damn life. The next, I'm terrified that if I'm in the same room with him he'll drop dead of a heart attack. And then I'm being told I'm pregnant. I feel like I'm trapped and any move I make is going to be the wrong one. Trust him and get hurt again. Don't trust him and never find out if he's capable of being truthful. And the part that really gets me, is if I wasn't pregnant, I would take the risk. I would give him another chance, a chance to be the real him and be completely honest. But I am pregnant and I have to make the choice that's best for these babies and I have no idea what that is and it scares the holy shit out of me."

"You're missing something important here, Bella. You don't have to make that choice alone."

I shook my head. "If I can't trust him to be truthful and I can't trust that he's not here just out of obligation, how can I trust he would make an honest and responsible decision about these babies?"

She took me by the shoulders, making sure I was looking at her. "Bella, from the moment he woke up, all he talked about was getting back to you. He knew he'd destroyed the trust between you two and he knew he was going to have to work his ass off to prove he could be honest. And every single time anyone asked him why he wouldn't just move on, he told them it was because he loved you and knew that you loved him too. He'd just hurt you too much for you to show it. Not once did he ever talk about being obligated to fix things. He only ever talked about how much he loves you, Bella."

"If that isn't true, if that's—"

She quickly cut me off. "Sweetie, if some part of you didn't think he meant it, you wouldn't have started to let him in before finding out about the pregnancy."

"There you ladies are," Jasper called out.

We looked in the direction of his voice and found him standing on the bottom step of the deck.

"You two should get in here," he said. "Esme wants to show you girls her new glasses."

After telling Jasper we'd be in soon, Rose turned her head my way and brought her hand to my swollen stomach. "So I get to be an aunt," she said with a big smile.

"Yeah," I said with a nervous laugh. "Three times over."

Rose's blue eyes went impossibly wide. "What? Holy shit! Edward didn't say that!"

"He didn't know," I replied with a shrug. "We found out Monday afternoon. My crazy body's tendency to go haywire was in full effect and two eggs got fertilized. One is all by itself and the other two blobs are close together. Dr. Bennett says they'll probably be identical twins."

"Oh, Momma Bella. You can't even do pregnancy slow and easy," Rose teased.

I found myself smiling as I agreed with her. "Yeah. It's pretty scary, but I think I can make it through the pregnancy. Giving birth and doing what's best for them … that's going to be the hard part."

Rose's blue eyes locked onto my brown eyes. "If I were you, I would start with talking things out with the man who helped create these little miracles."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

The anniversary party had been a happy, fun-filled night for everyone there—even for me. I'd been able to put aside the worries and the questions and the fears for a few hours and just enjoy being with my family. I was even able to stomach a short conversation with Emmett and Edward, though it had taken standing between Jasper and Rosalie and holding her hand in a death grip. It wasn't even that I was scared of Emmett anymore—it was just seeing the two men who had turned my world upside down standing right there. Part of me wanted to scream at them, ask them what I had done to them that was so awful to deserve how they'd treated me—lying to me and accusing me of not caring. There was another part that just wanted to sit down and cry until the hurt stopped. And then there was a third part—a part that wanted to forgive and forget and just get lost in being embraced and loved by them.

Tugging my pajamas over my freshly washed skin, Rose's words came to mind again … _You have Edward. He _is_ here, ready and waiting for the smallest sign of encouragement from you to help make your life exactly what you want it to be. All you have to do is just have a spark, a tiny little flame of trust and give it up to him._

That was a great idea in theory. But how did I put that into practice? Where did I even start? Once again, Rose seemed to have the answer … _If I were you, I would start with talking things out with the man who helped create these little miracles._

Would Edward tell me the truth, though? The full truth no matter how afraid he might be that it would add hurt to the pain he'd already caused me?

_Just the _idea_ of trusting him again is so big and scary that it makes your heart race … It's love. It's messy and it's complicated, but, Bella, it's oh so worth it … They want to love us and make us happy. They want us to want them._

Rose really did know what this was like. True that she hadn't been in the middle of this exact set of circumstances, but she knew what it was to be let down by the man she loved, to feel alone and lost without him. And looking at her now, she also knew what it was to be loved and wanted. Emmett had been coming through on every promise he'd made her about Boston, from texting when he would be late, to just plain texting to say he loved her. He was even helping around the apartment without being asked a million times. For him, that was a huge sign of love and appreciation.

Still … Trusting Edward. It wouldn't just be trusting him with my life anymore. It would be me plus three.

_He _is_ here, ready and waiting for the smallest sign of encouragement from you to help make your life exactly what you want it to be._

If Rosalie—a woman who under the right circumstances could often be more fiercely protective of me than Esme and Alice combined—if she believed Edward would come through on everything he was promising, then I could do it too. It wasn't going to be anywhere near as easy as saying "Hey, I trust you", but if I could try to trust and he could prove himself, then we could at least start from there.

And it had to start with why he'd lied and left me totally in the dark about his health. Even if he had been afraid to tell me the exact problem, he should have prepared me for the possibility of something happening—just the way I'd done for him with my health issues.

I made my way up the stairs and down the hall to Edward's room. His door was partly open, filling the hall with the low light of his lamp and some soft classical music. I poked my head through the door and found him standing in front of his desk in a dark blue t-shirt and matching pair of sleep pants; I only noticed because so much of his clothing was new these days to fit his new body.

Edward's hands were crossed in front of his chest and his eyes were locked on a picture on a shelf above his desk. I recognized it as a Christmas picture from a few years ago with everyone standing in front of the huge Cullen Christmas tree … Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, my dad, me, Jake, Alice, Jasper, and Edward on the end.

"It was so simple back then," I said as I stepped into his room. "You and I didn't get along and that was just the way it was."

Edward nodded but didn't look away from the picture. "Back when I was just too stupid to speak. Back before Mary. Before I started believing it was the weakness inside of me that made her think she could toss me away like she did. Before her, I used to think it was only Emmett who could see that I was less than what I wanted to be. I wasn't so worried about screwing up before then."

Not having his eyes on me made me feel brave enough to question him. "Why didn't you trust me to not see your heart as a weakness?"

"I want to tell you my reason, but I'm afraid you'll consider it a fake excuse and hate me for ever mentioning it."

"That's a pretty stupid fear," I said as I sat down on the end of his bed. "All that you've done so far and I don't hate you at all. I don't understand you and I can't say that I trust you, but I definitely don't hate you."

He finally looked at me and the raw honesty and fear in his green eyes was so visible that I wanted nothing more than to walk over there and hug him. But I didn't; I needed know why first.

He parted his lips and I tried to hear what he was saying with an open mind. "Bella, I didn't tell you because I was afraid the moment the word 'heart' came into the conversation, you would think of Aaron and run away from me so damn fast," he admitted. And I could hear in his voice and see in his face that it really was an admission. He really believed what he was saying right now so I sat there silently and let him continue.

"I was going to tell you at first," he said. He shook his head as if those weren't the right words and then he lifted his head, looking directly at me. "I _wanted_ to tell you. All the excuses I ever gave, they just rolled right of my tongue and I barely even thought about them. But with you, it wasn't even about not wanting to lie to you. It was that I felt for the first time in my life, I was standing next to someone who would understand my fears and not judge me for them.

"And then I saw how deeply you carried Aaron's loss in your heart. I was afraid you would be so convinced that I would meet the same fate, that I would leave you, and I knew you wouldn't want to go through that. I wanted to promise you, to get on my knees and swear to you it wouldn't be the same. Dr. Chris swore the surgery was safe and I'd feel a lot better after, but I just … I'm sorry I couldn't have more faith in myself and my doctor to make you that promise. And I'm sorry I didn't have faith in you, but I was honestly convinced you would avoid even the idea of that kind of loss again and avoid me and I was too selfish to let that happen. And here I am, facing what I feared the whole time … You walking away from me."

If it weren't for the honesty so plain on his face, I knew without a doubt I'd have been mad enough at him for using Aaron to get up and walk away and be done. But that honesty _was_ there so I attempted to give it right back to Edward. "Part of me is really … _glad_ that you're hurting and scared," I told him. "I'm so sick of feeling that way and to know the person who gave me these emotions is feeling them too is … It's sadly comforting, Edward. It really is. But there's still this other part that hates the idea of you hurting for even a second. I want to protect you and make you smile and make you feel loved and safe. And then I remember I can't give you any of that because I don't even know how to do that for myself."

"So where does that leave us?"

"I don't know. I just know that I want to figure it out with you."

A slow smile spread across his face and touched his eyes just a little. "You mean it?"

"I wouldn't say it otherwise. But don't think I know how to go about it or that I want to just jump right into it."

"I know you need time and I have to be patient. Besides, I'm sure you're tired from the party."

A real smile curled my lips as I thought of Esme and Carlisle. "They had a really great night. And your dad whipping out that gorgeous diamond and gold anniversary band toward the end … Man, I thought your mom would faint from shock."

Edward chuckled and finally came over to sit beside me on the bed. "Dad was so nervous to give it to her. He showed the ring to Emmett, Jasper, and me like seven or eight times today, asking us again and again if we thought she would like it."

"She damn sure liked it. Hell, I bet she'll be busy thanking him all night long for that ring. I wouldn't be surprised at all if the lovebirds didn't make an appearance until late tomorrow afternoon."

Edward shook his head. "I don't think so. They have all six of their _children_ home and I don't see them wanting to miss a second with us. They always seem to really enjoy hanging out with us when we're home."

My smile fell as I thought about the huge invisible weight hanging over our heads. "Yeah, well, we'll see how happy they are about it after we talk to them tomorrow."

Edward's hand settled over mine and gently squeezed my fingers. "How about instead of worrying and keeping yourself up all night, you just curl up with me and go to sleep?"

_Sleep_. Something that came so easily next to him despite how hard everything else was these days. Why was that? What was it that my body knew that my head and my heart were clueless about?

_Not your heart. If your heart didn't know what it wanted, it wouldn't pick up speed whenever he gets near you. It wouldn't ache when he's away, even when you know he's just at the gym and has to come back to the apartment at some point. Your wrinkled mess of a picture wouldn't have any kind of calming effect on you. And you wouldn't be wishing he'd put his arms around you right this very second. It's your head that doesn't trust, that expects the world around you to dump on you. It holds onto the bad and forgets the good as a way to protect. But there's a line when protecting becomes sheltering._

"Bella?" Edward called, squeezing my fingers again.

I looked up at him, ready to trust him to tell the truth once more tonight. "You wouldn't mind?" I asked, honestly caring for his feelings.

He smiled and leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead. "I'd only mind if you slept without me."

I took a deep breathe as I took a leap of faith with him and trusted his words. "Let's go to sleep then."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV**

As soon as I heard the sound of my phone's alarm, I rolled away from Bella and grabbed for it. Once the room was silent again, I turned back over to look at her. She was tucked deep under the blankets with her face buried in the pillow and seemed to be sleeping peacefully. I knew she had to be really exhausted if she hadn't heard my alarm at all and that made me wonder just how little she'd slept this past week all alone in her room.

Before I had a chance to get too worried about it, there was a knock on my door and my mother came inside. "Hi, Sweetheart. I just wanted to let you and Bella know that breakfast is ready."

"Thanks, Mom. I've actually got an errand I've got to go run. And if you wouldn't mind, could you let Bella sleep for another hour before waking her?"

"Is she having trouble sleeping again?" my mom asked as she came over and looked down at Bella.

"I think so. We kind of had a halt in our talking this week, but she came up here last night and we were able to talk a little."

"I'm worried about her, Edward. I could tell that even though she was smiling last night, she wasn't feeling well."

"I know. And I promise I'm going to talk to you about that during lunch today. But I need to run this errand first." I'd already mentioned to her yesterday that I wanted a lunch with her and my dad and Bella and Charlie; I just hadn't given her a reason for it other than spending time with our parents.

My mom's green eyes shot up and focused on me. "Edward, you're worrying me."

"I don't mean to. It's not anything bad. Not in my opinion, anyway. But it's serious and we want you guys to know. We also wouldn't mind some of that wisdom and advice you guys are so good at giving out."

"When you've been with someone for so long and gone through so many experiences, you get wise," she replied, giving me a small smile as her hand grazed over my cheek. "You'll get there someday and have wisdom of your own."

"I love you," I said as I kissed her palm.

"I love you too, son. I'll get out of here and let you dress for your errand."

"Thanks, Mom."

She gave me a smile, kissed Bella's cheek, and then left my room, closing the door behind her.

After making sure the covers were tucked close around Bella to keep her warm, I dressed in jeans and a light long sleeve shirt. It was only mid-August but the early mornings and late nights were already getting cool. With one more check on Bella and a few whispered promises of how much I loved her and wanted to be with her, I left the house and headed into town.

I parked the Suburban behind Charlie's cruiser and pulling up all the bravery and confidence I could, I climbed the porch stairs and knocked on the door. It was time to confirm for a father that his daughter was no longer untouched—and pray like hell I didn't get shot for it.

I didn't have long to wait before Sue opened the door in her robe and slippers, looking shocked to see me standing there. "Edward, is everything okay with Bella?" she questioned.

"Bella's fine," I assured her. "She's safe and sound asleep at my parents' house. I was hoping to talk to Charlie."

"Oh, well then come on in. He's in the kitchen with his coffee and his paper."

"Thanks," I said as I walked past her and entered the house.

"Sue, was that the boys coming home?" Charlie called out as I walked into the kitchen.

"No, Sir. It's me."

He quickly crumpled his paper to see me over the top of it. "Where's Bella? Is she okay?"

"She's perfectly fine. I just didn't want to wake her this early with as late as we went to bed after the party," I said, sitting down across from him. "And also, I wanted to talk to you alone."

Charlie took his time neatly folding up his paper, never taking his eyes off of my face. I felt like squirming in my seat but I wanted him to see me as an adult capable of caring for his daughter so I sat still and held his gaze.

"Must be pretty important for you to come here so early and without my daughter," he finally said.

"Yes, Sir. I have some news to share with you. I happen to think it's really great news, but you're her father so your take on it may be different."

"She decide to give you another chance? 'Cause if so, that's great news, Edward. I want to see my daughter smiling for real and not that fake one she had on last night."

"Don't say anything about it to her, please. She really thinks no one noticed."

Charlie sat back in his chair and eyed me warily. "So if it's not about you two getting together again, why are you here, Edward?"

"Well, Sir, there's really no easy way to say this," I said, fighting to keep my hand out of my hair. I needed to be strong and forget my nerves; I needed to show Charlie I was ready and willing to be a man, a good man for his deserving daughter. "Like I said, I think it's great news," I told him. "I think it's something Bella really wants and that will make her happy once she's able to relax and accept it."

Charlie leaned across the table and the glare in his eyes was so damn powerful I scooted my chair back. "Stop beating around the bush and tell me what you've done to my daughter, Edward."

"Bella's pregnant, Charlie."

I doubt the man could have looked any more shocked if I'd slapped him. Not that I ever would. I would never disrespect Bella's father that way. And not just because he was her father either. All my talks with Charlie had taught me that he was a stand-up guy who believed firmly in family and honesty. And who loved his daughter with a fierceness hidden behind his awkward moments with her.

The silence between us spun out for a while before he sat up straight and spoke. "Look, I don't know what game you're playing at here, Son, but it's not funny at all."

"I know it's unbelievable and that you had accepted just like Bella that it was impossible. But something changed in her body and she was able to conceive. Not only that, but she was ovulating so much that two eggs got fertilized instead of one."

"Twins?" Charlie asked, looking stunned all over again.

"Actually, Sir, triplets. A single baby and then a set of twins. I've got the picture right here," I said as I pulled my copy from my wallet and slid it across the table to him. Dr. Bennett had labeled the baby on the left "C" and the twins as "A" and "B" from left to right.

Charlie held the picture so tightly in his hands that I could see his knuckles turn white. When he looked up at me, I could see actual tears standing in his eyes. "She'll get to be a mom? And I'll be a grandpa?"

I gave him a nod while a smile of relief crossed my face. "Yes, Sir. She's getting her dream."

Charlie abruptly got out of his chair, making it scrape against the floor. "Sue!" he yelled as he headed for the doorway. He continued to yell as he pounded up the stairs in his boots, sounding pretty damn happy to my ears. "Sue, I'm gonna be a grandpa! You've got to see this picture. You've gotta see my grandbabies. My baby girl is going to be a mom."

I stood up and walked into the living room, looking up the stairs to see if I could see him and Sue. While I was standing there, the front door opened and I turned to see Seth and Jacob coming into the house.

"Hey, Seth," I greeted. "Hey, Jacob. You two are out and about early this morning. Or is it that you're getting home really late?"

"Bella's home?" Jake asked, his eyes brightening with excitement.

"No, sorry," I replied. "I left her sleeping at my parents' place."

"You left her, huh?" he said as he stalked forward and got into my face. "You're pretty good at that, aren't you, Cullen? Always leaving her and making her miserable."

"Jake, you don't understand—"

"No," he growled, cutting me off. "_You_ don't understand. I talk to Bree. I know how miserable Bella is right now because of you. Just like I know she hasn't been to see us all summer long."

"She's been working," I told him.

"She's been avoiding," he barked back. "You did that. And now you stand here in _my_ house like you belong here while my sister is off hurting somewhere."

I forced myself to take a deep breath, knowing this kid was only trying to look out for Bella. I appreciated all of the people who looked out for her and loved her. But I also wasn't going to be verbally attacked by a kid who had no idea what he was talking about. "Whether you like it or not, Jake, I'm Bella's family too."

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say to a pissed off teenager who was almost as burly as Emmett because I found myself sitting on the stairs and covering my right eye with my hands.

Seth had both arms locked around Jake, yelling at him to calm down while Jake's chest heaved and growl after growl poured from his between his twisted lips.

"What the hell is all the noise for?" Charlie asked as he came plodding down the stairs. He stopped behind me and nudged me in the back with his boot. "You want to move, Son, so I can get down these stairs?"

"Don't call him that," Jacob snarled. "He's not our family. He's an asshole and I hate him for what he's done to Bella."

Charlie scooted past me, giving me a brief glance on his way down the last few steps. "That why you punched him, Jacob?"

"Hell yeah, it is," Jacob answered, struggling again against Seth's hold. "I'm not done with him either."

"Yes, you are," Charlie stated calmly and flatly.

Just like that, just with those simple words, the fight went right out of Jacob and he stood still in Seth's arms. "Why not? Why are you taking up for him instead of kicking his ass yourself?"

"Because of this," Charlie said as he held the sonogram picture in front of Jacob's face. "For better or worse, Edward is now family and that's not something you or I can ever change."

While Jacob marveled over the picture, Charlie turned around and grabbed my arm, pulling me up off the stairs. "Besides. I happen to believe you can fix things with my daughter and put a smile back on her face. I believe you're going to take care of my grandbabies and raise them right. And I believe you've learned your lesson about keeping Bella in the dark. Most of all, I believe you love my daughter and will give her the life she deserves."

"Charlie, I promise you that I'm going to love Bella and these babies with everything in me," I told him. "But I'm going to need your help. I came here this morning because Bella is terrified she can't keep the babies. She doesn't trust me, she doesn't believe I'm going to be here for her. I know that's my own fault and I'm doing what I can to fix it, but it's not enough. I know if you and my parents let her know she has our whole family behind her, that these babies are staying right here with all of us no matter what, she'll finally be able to relax and believe that."

"I promise you she's not leaving Forks until she does believe," Charlie said. "She's not giving up these babies. No way in hell will I let her rob herself of motherhood and me of being a grandpa. Not after spending all these years thinking it would never happen and watching her struggle with that."

"What are you talking about?" Jake asked. "Charlie, why are you acting like this is some kind of a miracle or something?"

"It wasn't any of your business and you were too young to know about it anyway," Charlie said as he took the picture from Jacob and looked down at it. "Bella was diagnosed with a disease when she was fourteen and we were told she'd never have a baby. She's been in and out of the hospital a few times because of the disease and we just never thought it would end in anything but a surgery that would put a stop to the disease and her ability to have babies."

Jacob started firing off questions, looking both hurt and angry. "Why didn't I know? How come you guys hid it from me? Why did you tell me she was in the hospital for accidentally hurting herself if that wasn't true?"

Charlie finally tore his eyes from the picture and looked at Jacob. "Because Bella looks out for you and doesn't want you upset and worried for her. And you know how uncomfortable it is her for her to talk about girl stuff with you and me."

"I hate to interrupt, but I really need to get back to Bella," I said as I moved toward the front door.

"Oh, well, here's your picture," Charlie said as he held it out to me.

I smiled and waved him off. "Keep it. Bella's copy is in Portland so I'll just make myself a new one."

"Thank you, Edward." There was no doubt in my mind the man meant those words. "When should I come over?" he asked.

"Around twelve. My mom's making lunch for us. I know you're probably ready to talk about it now but I thought it would be best if Bella had some time to be awake first."

"Twelve is good. I'll be there," he promised.

"Me too," Jake added.

"Not this time," Charlie said before I could. "Bella wants to talk to the parents first. She'll talk to you soon enough."

I could see Jacob was ready to argue and I didn't have the time to stand around and deal with him. And after what I'd seen of how he responded to Charlie, it was best to leave the talking to his surrogate dad. So I left the Swan house and headed back to my parents' home.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**EPOV**

Getting home was easy. Getting upstairs to my father's study without being seen was a whole other story with so many people roaming the house and I just barely managed to make it inside without anyone getting a glimpse of my face. I'd checked it out in the rearview mirror just before coming inside and it didn't look so hot.

"Edward, what has you slipping in here like you're hiding?" my dad asked from behind his desk.

I crossed the room and stood before him. "I need you to look at my eye and I didn't want everyone fussing over me and making it impossible to get up here."

He was out of his chair in a flash, moving me toward the window and into the bright sunlight. "I'm sure you're feeling pain, but is it in your face or your actual eye?"

"Just the face, I think. I'm pretty sure it's just the face. It barely bothers me to blink. Talking and moving my face is what stings."

"Tilt your head," he ordered, using my chin to move my head before I could. He looked closely at my eye and tilted my head around in a few more angles before letting go. "Your eye seems fine," he said as he strode over to the little bar area in the corner. He opened the mini-fridge and pulled out the container of ice he kept in there, dumping cubes into one of the bar towels. He twisted it up into a ball and brought it over to me, frowning as he watched me wince at the first contact.

"How did this happen?" he asked, sitting down with me on the sofa.

"Jacob. He was really upset that I was in his house and not Bella. Each time I think I know how far the pain of my actions reached, I learn that there's someone else I affected."

"Beating yourself up over it isn't going to help anyone. Especially not Bella."

"I know that. And I'm trying so hard to remember it at all times. But to see Bella struggling so much right now … It's just so hard, Dad."

"Edward, I know this is upsetting, son, but why are you crying?"

I reached up and wiped at my eye, shocked to see he was right. "I just feel like total shit, Dad. This is all my fault."

"We're not just talking about Bella struggling to be near you, are we?"

"No. I was going to wait and tell you with her, but I feel like you can give me better advice if you know now. Just try and act surprised when she tells you later, okay?"

"If that's what you need from me, that's what I'll do," he assured me.

"Okay," I said, letting out a long breath. "Dad, Bella's pregnant. You know just as well as I do that she never thought she'd ever be a mother. And now because of my choices—my _lies_—she's too afraid to be happy about it. I'm ruining this for her and I hate myself for it."

"Well, that definitely complicates things further," he said after a long silence. "But Edward, if Bella is having trouble being happy about this, then I think her reasons are much bigger than you lying."

"That's just it, though, Dad. It's really not. It's all about trust with her and I broke her trust in me so badly. She wants more than just to be a mom. She wants a real family with the mom and the dad and the whole thing. She's terrified she can't do it alone and she can't believe me when I say I'll be here every step of the way. _I_ caused that, Dad. And she warned me. She warned me again and again that she wasn't as strong as I thought she was but I was too wrapped up in myself to really hear her."

His hand settled on my shoulder and gripped it tightly, causing me to lift my eyes and meet his. "All things considered, I think you are doing the best you can for both Bella and yourself. You have been convinced from the start that things are fixable and you've been working toward that end. I think you need to continue to have that unyielding faith in her and your relationship. And I think you need to assure her in every way that you can that you would still be here if there wasn't a baby involved."

I nodded in agreement while wiping my wet cheeks with the back of my hand. I didn't bother to correct him on the number of babies, figuring it would give his look of surprise later a genuine undertone.

"Bella keeps bringing up the word _obligation_," I confided. "And every time I hear it, I want to scream. And then I think about the kind of fear she must be feeling to drive her to say it and I get angry with myself all over again. I don't want her overwhelmed like that. I want her happy about this, happy like me."

"I understand that. And I absolutely want the same for her. She is more than deserving of such good fortune in her life. But, Edward, Bella isn't going to let go of her fears and trust you implicitly right away. It could take nearly the entire length of her pregnancy for that to happen. Between the unsettled state of your relationship and the increase in her hormones, she's going to have real trouble."

"I know. That's why I want so much to get her to talk to me about our relationship. If we can come to a decision about where we stand, I think it would give her some confidence and security. I was thinking of asking her to go on a small trip with me. She seems to open up easier when she's not worried our family will overhear or interrupt our conversations."

"Do you have somewhere in mind?"

"Yeah, I do, actually. She's mentioned a couple times wanting to see New Orleans."

"Would you mind if your mother and I made the arrangements? It would help us both to feel like we're doing something to help in all of this."

I put my hand over my dad's since it was still on my shoulder and smiled at him. "Thanks, Dad. You and Mom have already done so much for me since my surgery. I couldn't have gotten this far without having your support."

"You have it, Son. Along with our love."

I spent another hour icing my eye and talking to my dad before Bella poked her head in the room. My dad left us alone to talk but Bella didn't say anything as she came over and sat beside me, staring hard at my face.

"Did you sleep okay?" I asked, trying to start up a conversation with her.

"What kind of errand did you run this morning?" she countered.

I lowered the towel from my face and shifted on the couch to face her fully. "I know we said we would tell our parents together today, but I wanted to tell your dad myself. I wanted him to see how serious I am about loving you and wanting to raise a family with you. And I also kind of hoped if I showed that to him, you would see it too."

"And my dad punched you?" she asked, not looking for a second like she believed that.

"Of course not. My face wouldn't be recognizable if it had been him. Jacob punched me."

She groaned and dropped her head to the back of the sofa. "He can really be so stupid sometimes."

"He was upset I was there and you weren't. Seems like he's really missed you."

"I told him I was working."

"He thinks you were avoiding everyone because of me."

"No," she said softly. She lifted her eyes up to mine and the vulnerability there squeezed my heart so strongly that I scooped her right up into my arms and held her close.

"I'm sorry," I whispered into her hair.

Her response was spoken so fast, like she was scared if she stopped she wouldn't be able to say the words. "I was scared to come out this far. I was scared I wouldn't stop driving and I'd go right past Forks and end up in Seattle and I'd hurt you."

"I'll make all of this up to you somehow. I promise you, Bella."

She turned her face further into my shirt and gripped the sides of it in her hands. "I don't want promises right now, okay? Just sit here with me for a little while."

I did exactly what she wanted. I stayed silent and held her, only speaking with my hold on her body and my lips on her head of how much I loved her and wanted her with me.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV**

"I've been trying for hours now to come up with a word for what this is like, Aaron," I said, speaking to his bear. I had it lying next to my head on the pillow with one of its paws in my hand. It had been a long time since I'd talked to his bear this way instead of going to his grave, but it was too wet and late to be out there.

"That was probably the most … Esme, man … She's so good, Aaron."

I closed my eyes and could see myself sitting at the table in Esme's kitchen, gnawing on my lip and shuffling my feet under the table. I'd been fine and calm upstairs in Carlisle's study, but that had been just Edward and me sitting there and soaking up the silence. I'd wanted to ask him more about his eye and Jacob and my dad, but then the thought of having even more questions rolling around in my head had me too tired to bother. So I'd just sat there, soaking up the comfort and tranquility he had been so willing to give to me.

I'd hoped I would carry that calmness downstairs with me, but seeing the eager faces of our parents around the kitchen table had been like a douse of cold water on a hot body. I'd had Esme on my left and Edward on my right with Carlisle and Charlie sitting right across from me. Three smiling parents just waiting for me to open my mouth and say something. And when I had …

I opened my eyes and looked at the bear, picturing the blond haired little boy who used to cuddle it close and slip its head under his chin. "Aaron, they were so … so _happy_ from that first moment. Not one of them acted like it was a mistake or a burden. They were so damn happy and it made me so angry. That was supposed to have been _my_ reaction to it but it wasn't and that pissed me off. But it also made me so miserable that I just sat there and cried. Esme held me tight and let me curse and sob and cry into her shoulder until I could calm down."

I smiled just a little, thinking of my particular version of calming down. "Okay, so I kind of just wiped my face up some and stopped snotting all over her shoulder. I also listened to what she had to say to me. She said that this was more than a miracle, that it was my karma for loving and supporting my family so fiercely every single day. She said it was a gift of love for me and every member of my family. And then she told me that family sticks together in the rough patches just as tightly as they do in the good times and that I had no reason to worry for these babies. She said I have an entire family ready and waiting and all too happy to back me up and help me raise them. And then she lifted my face up and there was nothing but love for me in her eyes and it made me want to cry all over again.

"After I calmed down that time, she let go so Edward could hug me and when his arms came around me, for the first time in a long time … It felt like home, Aaron. And that was such a crazy way to feel right then and I just …

"I want it so bad, Aaron. I want to believe I can be a mom and I can have these babies in my life and my heart. That Edward will be right there with me every step of the way. But if I'm wrong … I just …"

"You aren't wrong."

I rolled away from the wall some and looked up at Edward standing in my doorway. "How long have you been standing there listening to me?"

"Not long. And I didn't actually mean to listen. I was coming up to let you know dinner's ready." He stepped out of the doorway and crawled up on my bed, wedging himself between the wall and my body and pulling me into his arms.

For a second, I thought about telling him to let me go, but by then that home feeling had already started to settle over me so I just laid there with him. I even managed not to fixate for once on how much I wanted him while still being afraid of losing him because of another lie.

Edward's lips brushed against my forehead while his fingers slid through the hair at the back of my head. "You don't have to be afraid to love our babies, Bella. You _will_ be their mom. I promise you that no matter what else I do with my life, I will make sure you get to be a mom."

"You can't say stuff like that, Edward. Not when we don't know what we're going to do with our relationship."

"I can say it if it's how I feel. Besides, I think you need to hear it. You need to know that I'm committed to you no matter if you take me back or not. And also, I need you to know that I'd be this insistent on being with you even without these babies."

"You're just saying that."

His fingers gripped my chin and lifted until our eyes met. "Bella, I came back to Portland for _you_. I came back long before I ever suspected you might be pregnant. I came back because my life makes no sense at all without you in it. I love _you_. I want to be with _you_. If I get to have children with you, then that's an added bonus that I am glad to have. But _you_, you are my heart and my soul and the one person I don't want to ever live without."

I wanted to believe the look in his eyes was nothing but love and honesty, but I just couldn't trust it—I couldn't trust myself not to imagine it was there because I wanted it so badly. And also, it was really hard to concentrate on anything with the way we were laying because it was really killing my back. "Let go."

He listened right away despite the look of hurt that crossed his face.

"I'm not comfortable," I told him as I scooted around on my bed to find a spot I liked. "My back is bugging me. It's all knotted up."

"You know, I would be happy to rub it for you," he offered. He'd been trying to tell me all week that he was here for me, but it wasn't until he said those words that my brain really got it. I had barely talked to him this week, I'd been up and down emotionally for nearly the whole damn day, and I'd just accidentally hurt his feelings. And despite all that, he wanted to rub my back and make me feel better.

"It's hurting from the middle down to the top of my jeans," I told him as I leaned a little more forward to give his hands room.

His fingers sunk in with just the right amount of pressure and made a low groan come flying out of my mouth. He let me enjoy the massage for just a minute before breaking the silence. "Bella, I know it's been a long day for you in so many ways, but we've got to talk. I need to know what you're thinking and what you need from me."

I didn't say anything back but I did turn his words over in my mind. He was right that we needed to talk. But where would I even start? How could I explain my feelings when I had too many to even count? How could I get him to see how scary this was for me when he seemed so positive about it from the very first second?

Before I had a chance to answer those questions, I got distracted by the withdrawal of his hands. "Hey, it was just starting to unknot," I complained.

"Then I guess you better start talking to me, then, huh?" If not for the teasing tone to his voice—and the fact that I would have had to roll over to do it—he would have gotten socked in the arm for that little comment.

"Where do I start?" I asked. "I honestly don't know and there's too much going on in my head for me to choose."

His fingers tentatively touched my back but his question sure packed a damn wallop. "Why were you so convinced you couldn't keep our babies? And don't try to tell me you weren't. I saw your face today when our parents were going on and on about how they can't wait to help us with the babies. Not to mention what I heard when I came up here. Did you really think for a second you would be left all alone in this?"

"Can I have a skip on that for tonight?" I asked.

"Maybe. Maybe we can compromise. I was thinking about how we need to talk earlier and about how it's easier for you to open up when you aren't worried about us getting interrupted. So I thought we could take a little trip together, just the two of us for a week."

It was easier to talk when I didn't feel like I was being watched, and I knew my family never meant to make me feel like I was being watched or judged—it was just the way I felt. But a week with just Edward? What if I needed to walk off and take a break? He'd never let me go walking off on my own in a place I wasn't familiar with whether I was pregnant or not—he was just that kind of concerned guy. There were some parts to him that really seemed genuine and that was definitely one of them.

I closed my eyes and just focused on his hands against my back for a minute to center myself. And then I asked the question that really needed to be voiced … Did I want a life with Edward?

_Yes_. Not even a flash of hesitancy from my heart before it squealed it out loud and proud. And if that was the answer, then there was no question of not going, no question of not doing everything I could to make things work with him. I found it a lot easier to believe his earlier comment now because I felt that exact way—I wanted him and the babies were just a huge bonus. That didn't mean I wasn't still scared out of my mind about all of this, but it did give me the courage to take a leap of faith with him.

"Where do you want to go?" I asked.

"I was thinking New Orleans. Neither of us have been and you've mentioned it more than once."

"Could we get separate rooms?"

"Bella, I don't—"

"No, not like separate, separate, but like the suite thing Alice and I stayed in on our graduation trip where we each had a room inside of the room. I just … I might need some time to myself and—"

"No, you're right and I think that's a great idea. I'll start making arrangements on Monday."

"Do you think I can put off telling Alice and everybody else until after we come back?"

"I think you definitely should put it off. When you tell them, you should be happy and excited about it and I don't think you're going to feel that way until you and I have settled things between us."

I smiled a little as I thought of someone who was definitely excited. "My dad is crazy happy about this. I'd have thought he'd be looking to castrate you, but he just kept going on about all the things he's going to teach his grandbabies."

"Our parents know how much these babies mean to you, Bella. They want you to be happy as much as you want that for them."

"I know … It's just … It's hard, Edward. It's so hard to let myself have any kind of hope about my life right now. But for just a minute today, sitting there at the table with all of them, I could see it. I could see my dad and Carlisle and Esme holding my babies and loving on them the way they love me and it just … It reminded me of that intense joy I used to feel whenever I would get Aaron to laugh, like the rest of the world could fall away at that moment, but it would be okay because he was happy."

"We should go and see Aaron tomorrow before we leave."

"I'd really like that. I've been thinking about him so much lately. I've been trying to figure out if I was really good to him or if I stole from him. I want to believe so bad that I was good and that I did right by him. I really did love him, Edward, and I tried so hard to be a good person around him."

Edward rolled me onto my back and his worry was etched all across his face and filled his green eyes. "Please tell me you haven't been thinking you were responsible for Aaron's death."

"I thought …" I had to pause to swallow down more of those damn tears and to calm myself a little. Even though I understood that I hadn't had anything to do with Edward and Aaron's heart problems, there was still that little voice in the back of my head whispering about danger and poison.

"Bella, talk to me," Edward pleaded as he pressed his forehead against mine. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"When I thought that I had almost killed you, I thought I must have stolen time from Aaron too. That he could have had more months if I hadn't come crashing into his life."

Edward's worried expression turned into a deep sadness. "Bella, I am so sorry. I don't know how I'm going to make up for all the ways I've wronged you, but I promise I won't stop trying. Just tell me what you want, what you need."

"I don't know what that is yet," I admitted.

He leaned over and hugged me, pressing his head against mine. "We'll figure it out together. We'll figure out how to fix everything I broke and then we'll have a life together. You and me and our babies."

I clenched my eyes shut to keep in my tears and buried my face in his silky hair while my arms held as tightly to him as possible. "I wanted them right away. Just dots on a picture but I wanted them so badly, Edward. And I wanted you. I wanted to be a family but it just didn't seem possible. It doesn't really seem possible now either but I want it so bad I can't help hoping. But I don't know what to trust. I don't know what's true and what's not because all the things I keep thinking are true end up being something different weeks later. I can't have that happen with this. I can't think it's real and they're mine and then have it not be true in a month or two. I can't take that."

"This isn't the same, Bella. I know that's got to sound lame and worthless but that doesn't negate the truth of it. This is a miracle and a gift and no matter what it takes, we're going to hold on to it together. You and me, Bella. We can do this. Look at all we've done separately and then imagine us working together, side by side. We can do this and we _will_ do it. Whether we are able to find our way back to having a romantic relationship or not, we're still going to be parents together. We're still going to raise these babies together. No matter what it takes, no matter what kind of sacrifices we have to make, we're going to raise our babies. There's no one else, Bella, no one else anywhere who can love them and appreciate them as much as you and me."

"We can't fail at this, Edward. We can't screw it up."

He lifted his head and looked down at me, his expression serious. "We won't. We're in this together for the rest of our lives, no matter what else happens."

Before I could say anything in response my stomach let out a growl so loud that Edward heard it clearly and snorted. "But first, let's get you fed, Momma Bella."

I pulled my pillow out from under my head and pressed it against his face. "You've been talking to Rosalie."

Edward yanked the pillow from my hands and his grin was too infectious not to return. "She mentioned she called you that last night and that it made you smile."

"Yeah, well, just make sure you don't call me that shit around the others. I am really, really not ready for Alice's excitement yet. I want some of my own first."

His smile disappeared but not the sincerity in his eyes as he leaned in and kissed my forehead softly. "I'll help you get there, Bella. I love you."

"I love you too. Even if I find it kind of hard to be close to you right now."

"Come on," he said as he scooted up onto his knees and pulled me with him. "Let's get you fed and see if we can't get rid of a little of your grumpiness. Maybe you'll like me a little more then."

"You know, if you're going to call me grumpy every time you think I'm hungry, you won't make it to the due date," I warned him.

Edward's smile lit up his whole face. "February twenty-seventh."

_Of course he would have my due date memorized already_, I thought as I looked up at him. For just a moment, I was aggravated with him all over again just because he was able to be happy about this when I wasn't. But then I realized how unfair to him that was and how feeling that way wouldn't help me get where I wanted to be.

"Give me your other hand," I told him.

He gave me a puzzled look but did what I wanted. I knew he wouldn't feel anything but the size of my belly since I didn't even feel anything yet, but I also knew the gesture would mean a lot to him. I curled my fingers around his wrists and brought his palms to rest against my swell.

"So three for one special, huh?" I joked, even managing a small smile for him.

Edward's own smile was that lighting-up-buildings one I adored. He couldn't seem to decide if he wanted to look at his hands or my face and there was no mistaking the excitement he was feeling in that moment—excitement I desperately wanted to share in.

"I don't know how to do this," I admitted. "I don't know how to trust you again, but I know I have to try. I want to like my life again. I want to be happy for me and for these babies. So you have to help me with that, Edward."

He leaned in to kiss me on the lips as he murmured, "I love you."

If I believed nothing else that came out of his mouth, I knew I could believe he meant those three words. One of the few ways we were exactly alike was in how serious we took those words—that was something you just couldn't fake. So armed with nothing but the love I felt for him, I was going to risk the burn one more time. Gods help us all!

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**A/N:** I hope Bella's reaction in the last chapter makes a lot more sense to everyone now. And for those ready to sweep Edward's lie under the rug so quickly, I hope you really would be able to do that if something so awful happened in your real life. From the experiences I've seen around me, that's a rare way to be able to react to your entire world getting flipped upside down and leaving you unsure of what was real and what was part of the lie.

On to the fun stuff! Links to the Party Polyvores of all the outfits are up on the Worth the Burn page. The outfits were put together by the very talented alicetheannoyinglittlepixie – She truly does channel Alice so well and I am lucky to have her help on this story! I especially love the dress she picked out for Esme.


	54. More Than Words

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, sex, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: ****More Than Words**

**Chapter Song: ****"More Than Words" by Extreme**

**Edward****'s POV:**

"Edward."

Between my name being called and the kick to my foot, there was no chance of staying asleep. I forced my drowsy eyes open and found myself looking up into Charlie's face.

"Come downstairs, Son," he said, keeping his voice low so he wouldn't wake Bella.

I got up from the floor as quietly as I could and followed him downstairs and into the kitchen where I found cups of coffee already waiting. He obviously had something on his mind that he wanted to say to me.

"How did the floor treat you last night?" Charlie asked as he sat down across from me. Bella had wanted me with her last night but then she'd gotten uncomfortable sharing her small bed with me. He'd heard us talking about it and he'd pulled a sleeping bag from the hall closet for me, making him a hero in Bella's eyes last night.

Remembering how happy she'd been over something so small had me smiling as I answered him. "It wasn't bad at all. Thanks for the sleeping bag. It helped a lot."

"Guess I should look into getting a bigger bed for her room."

Knowing how happy he got each time the babies were mentioned, I gave him another suggestion for what to do in her room. "I think you'd be better off getting rid of her desk and making room for three playpens. I'm sure you're going to want to have us stay over with the babies pretty often."

Charlie smiled at that idea, but then quickly covered it up with a stern look. "So now that we have my daughter convinced she can keep these babies, how do you plan to support them?"

I smiled at the how matter-of-fact he was being today versus the excited talk from yesterday. I'd never believed for a second he would just accept the pregnancy and not come down on me at all in some way. But maybe I could lessen the blow a little if I gave him the credit he deserved for how well things had gone yesterday. "You know, it was you who turned the tide in our favor yesterday. If you hadn't brought up the fact that there's no guarantee all three babies would be adopted together, we might have been at that table much longer."

"Edward, you gotta understand Bella's hesitancy to take on being a mother was all about family. She didn't want to give her babies anything less than a whole family, a mother _and_ a father. And I don't think she trusts herself to be a good parent all on her own. A lot of times, she still sees herself as the lost little girl causing problems. She doesn't always give herself enough credit for becoming a capable young woman."

"Not to mention it's just been a tough year on her overall. It wasn't that long ago we were in that hospital room in Houston, worried she might need surgery and having every reason to believe she'd never be pregnant."

"Yeah, that was a tough time. And then you went under the knife yourself. The night she snuck out of the hospital, she left me a letter." Charlie reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out some notepad pages—the same kind of pages Bella had left me.

"What did she say?" I asked, my voice cracking from my suddenly dry throat.

"I think you should read it yourself," he said as he passed me the pages.

_Dad,_

_I know it might not seem like it with the way I'm leaving, but I'm okay. You don't have come to Portland to check. I'm just going to be working anyways._

_I was so close, Dad. I almost had a really great life, but I screwed it up. I'm always screwing things up no matter how hard I try not to. So before I can screw up the one good thing in my life, my family with you and Jake and the Cullens, I'm leaving._

_I know you aren't going to understand this but I barely understand it myself. I just know this is right. It's right for everyone I care about. Try not to be angry with me please. I promise I really am trying to do what's right and best._

_I love you._

_Bella_

_PS If you find yourself hanging around the hospital, check in on Edward. Make sure he's doing alright. And don't tell anyone I asked you for that. It's just better that way._

"I've been waiting for her to tell me what that letter really means," Charlie said as he watched me set the pages on the table. "But I don't think she's done hurting yet so I'm going to ask you. What exactly happened, Edward?"

I forced myself to meet his eyes—forced myself to take responsibility for this situation and all the others caused by my one choice to lie. "Bella thought she hurt me, that she caused the damage to my heart. She didn't understand I was born with the defect and she thought her wild ways harmed me. She left me to protect me."

"What wild ways?" Charlie asked, his brown eyes narrowing at me.

"Well that's just it," I said, smiling at the images of Bella in my head. Seeing her dancing around her room … tackling Emmett onto the sofa … head-banging at the Linkin Park concert … Not wild, just fun.

"She thinks she's wild, but she's really not," I told him. "She's just …" I stopped myself, knowing what I had been about to say no longer applied because of me. "She _was_ just really happy with life and enjoying it. And I promise you, Charlie, I'll make sure she's happy again."

He nodded his head and sipped at his coffee for a while before speaking again. "I want to see you make her happy, Edward. I also want to know she's cared for. So I'm going to ask you again, how do plan to support my daughter and my grandbabies?"

"I haven't had a whole lot of time to think about it yet. I assume I'll start my business."

"How long do you figure something like that takes?"

"To really get it running and staffed properly, I'd say six months at best."

"And just what will Bella be doing during those six months? You know she's going to get put on bed rest pretty quick with as little as she is compared to how many lives she's supporting."

"I don't really know. She won't be able to work. And Dr. Bennett said to keep stress very low so I doubt school will be possible."

"So she's going to be alone in that apartment up in Portland all day? I know Jasper and Alice are going to be busy with school. So what? She's supposed to be sitting around by herself while you work and they go to class? How long do you think that will work before Bella gets cabin fever?"

"Actually, I wasn't thinking of building the business in Portland. I was looking at Seattle instead."

Charlie was starting to get red in the face and I was starting to wonder why I hadn't checked to see if he was wearing his gun. "That's nearly a full day away from her, Edward. How do you expect to be there for her that way?" he asked.

"Like I said, I haven't had a lot of time to think about it yet."

"Well you better get on it, Son. You might think six months is a lot of time, but it's not. Not when you have three children on the way. You've got to have a job, a home, furniture, diapers, wipes, clothing, bottles, formula … The list goes on and on just for one so you take that and multiply by three."

"If I can get the business going, then I can set my own schedule and be home as much as possible."

"And if it doesn't get going, then you have five mouths to feed and no way to do it. Look, Son, I understand you have a dream and you want to fulfill it. But sometimes as a parent, you have to put your dream on hold in order to give your child the best possible life. You're young enough that you can afford to wait for the right time."

Everything Charlie was saying made sense, but I didn't feel I had to limit my choices just yet. "I understand your concern, Charlie. I really do. But I can't give up on my dream right away and settle for just any job. I think it's worth it to take a chance on my business. But whatever path I take, it won't be decided right here and now at the table with you. Bella has to be included in the decision-making process. I left her out once and look at all the damage it caused. I won't decide anything again without her. In the meantime, please rest assured that if Bella needs anything, I can get it for her. I have quite a bit of money saved away."

"Well, that's good to hear. I don't have a lot, but if you get to where you need help, you let me know."

"Thanks, Charlie. For right now, just being able to talk with you like two adults is a huge help."

"I told you once before, I can't expect you to act like a man if I don't show you how one behaves. Just don't make me regret this, Edward."

"I won't." It was one of many promises I would do all I could to uphold.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Hey, Aaron," Bella said softly as she placed her hand on the wet stone. "Edward's here too."

"Hi, Aaron," I said from right behind her. I was holding the large umbrella over the both of us, trying to keep us somewhat dry in all this drizzle. The last thing Bella needed right now was to get sick but there was no way I would deny her this visit; she needed it.

"Sorry it's been so long since I came to see you. Things have been really crazy these past months and I just couldn't come out here. But I'm here now and I love you so I'm going to believe that's enough."

She took her hand off the stone and after wiping it dry on her jacket, she stepped back and leaned into me, letting me put an arm around her and hold her close while she spoke to Aaron. She'd been vocally quiet all morning, but physically she had been showing me lots of signs—sitting next to me, holding my hand, letting me hold her here and now.

"So it looks like I'm going to be a mom after all," she told him. "I really want to be happy and excited about that, but I'm having real trouble right now. Things with Edward got so messed up and things I believed for so long turned out to not be true so there's all this … this fallout from it.

"And everything feels so hard and so huge right now. There are so many questions and I keep looking for the answers, but they're not coming. How can I do this when I can't even answer a single question in my head?

"I keep looking in the mirror for the fighter, the one who just shrugs, mutters 'whatever', and keeps on with life. I know I've got to stop feeling sorry for myself and that I've got to forgive the people who hurt me, but I don't know how to do that. People say you know everything there is to know once you head upstairs so if you want to share some insight with me, I'd sure appreciate it."

She paused as if she really expected an answer, wrapping her arms around the arm I was holding her with and laying her head against it. She was so fragile right now and I wanted so badly to shore her up, to give her back the strength I'd stolen from her.

I decided it was time for me to say a few words. "Aaron, I want you to know that I've apologized to everyone I harmed with my lies. And I'm committed to making things right with Bella and to having a family with her. I don't want her or our babies to ever question how I feel about them. And I'm going to make sure our babies know about you and how important you are to their mom."

"You don't have to do that," Bella said, tightening her arms around mine. "You can just stand here with me. You don't have to talk to him the way I do."

"Why not? If there's the slightest chance he can hear us, then I want him to know you're loved and you'll be taken care of. As much as you always wanted to care for him, I'm sure he wants to look out for you now."

"I like that idea. That he's an angel helping others."

I could hear the change in her tone indicating a slight lift in her mood and I smiled into her hair, feeling like I'd done something good for the first time in days. "Looking out for his parents and his brother, and his good friend Bella."

"And our babies."

"Definitely our babies. I hope at least one is a boy so you can get to name him after Aaron."

"Let's not do that yet, please. I'm not ready to talk about stuff like that."

And just like that, the fear was back in her voice. I was going to have really think about my words before saying them until she was feeling more secure with me. In the meantime, I needed to lift her mood again. "Aaron, I hope you were watching night before last. Bella was absolutely stunning in her red dress. In fact, I plan to get her to wear red more often. I probably don't stand a chance at all since purple is her favorite, but I'm going to try all the same."

Bella snorted and attempted to pinch my arm through my jacket and shirt. "Don't be a perv. He's only nine."

"Hey, I got my first kiss when I was nine. I was caught by surprise, but I still got kissed."

Bella let go of me and turned to face me. I couldn't read her expression at all, but I knew I wanted to give her whatever she needed right now. "Do you think he's growing and living where he is?" she asked. "That he'll get to have a first kiss? That he'll grow up to have all those life experiences we take for granted?"

"I don't know. I don't know how those things work. It's kind of nice to think that people keep growing until they hit old age and then just live happy from that point on."

"I hate to think he's always going to be three."

"I can understand that, but if he's only three, then he really won't know what he's missing and that will let him always be happy."

"But _I_ know." She looked on the verge of tears, so sad and heartbroken.

"Come here," I said as I pulled her close and pressed my lips to the top of her head. "It's amazing how big your heart is, Bella. But sometimes, it's too big. You worry about the wrong things. Instead of worrying over how things work where he is, you should focus on how he's healthy where he is. No pain, no doctors, no heart problems. Whether he's three or nine, he can run and jump and laugh and play."

She was quiet for a long time before lifting her head and looking up at me. "You're right and I am happy that's he's not sick and hurting anymore. And also, I'm cold. I think we should say our goodbyes and head over to your parents' place."

"I think that's a great idea." I gave her a small kiss and then turned her around to face Aaron's picture. "Aaron, it was great to see you again. I promise we won't wait so long before coming back."

"No, we won't," Bella promised. And then she blew a kiss toward the picture. "I love you always."

We headed out of the cemetery in silence, huddled close under the umbrella and holding hands. After helping Bella into my vehicle, I put the umbrella in the back and then climbed in behind the wheel.

"Do you think your mom has something warm to eat?" she asked.

"I don't know. But I bet she has some warm tea waiting since she knew we were coming here first."

"I love your mother."

I had to laugh at the big smile on Bella's face—the first all day. "She loves you too. And so do I."

"Prove it. Get me warm and fed."

"Coming right up," I said as I started the vehicle and turned on the heater.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

"Esme, thank you again for lunch," I said as Edward took away my empty bowl.

"You're welcome, Sweetheart," she replied, leaning over and giving me a hug. "Did you eat enough?"

I felt my cheeks heat up with my blush, feeling a bit guilty for how I'd wolfed down her beef stew. "Yeah, two bowls is plenty."

"Remember, Sweetheart, you're eating for four now so if you get hungry, then eat."

"I will," I said, hoping I could actually keep that promise. I didn't want to under-eat but I damn sure didn't want to overdo it either. I made a mental note to ask Dr. Bennett how much I should be eating at my next appointment.

Esme smiled and hugged me again, and then she stood up. "Well now that lunch is over and our gentlemen will be busy cleaning up, I have something I want to show you."

I got up from my chair and followed her out of the kitchen, through the living room, and into the rarely used den just past the staircase. Esme went over to the wall near the large framed window and pulled a couple of books from the built-in bookcase.

She waved me toward the loveseat and we settled down together with the books resting on her legs. She smiled at me and took one of my hands, holding it tightly in hers. "Sweetheart, I know you're worried and scared, and you have every right to feel that way. And I know how badly you want to feel something else, that you want your happiness back. Part of that will come from working things out with Edward and part will come from embracing your pregnancy."

"I want to embrace it," I told her, meaning the words so much that I felt tears prick at my eyes. "I want to be happy and ecstatic and tell everyone I love that I've been given three miracles. But I'm not. I feel …" I didn't know what word to use. I felt so many things and none of them good.

"You feel overwhelmed. You feel like there are more questions than answers. And you feel like a stranger in your own life."

"Yeah," I agreed with a nod. "That's it exactly."

"Part of the stress you're feeling is purely hormonal. Your body is changing and redesigning. It's focusing on growing the babies and making sure they're getting all that they need to thrive. And that leaves you with extra everything. Extra hormones, extra weight, and extra tension. I know because I remember very clearly what it was like to be pregnant with twins."

"So then Alice was different?"

"Alice was drastically different," Esme confirmed. "My pregnancy with her compared to my twin boys was a piece of cake. With my boys, every single thing felt amplified by two. Every happiness, every sorrow, every worry … It often felt bigger than me."

"So how did you deal with that for nine months?"

"By talking to Carlisle. As much as I was convinced he wouldn't understand half of what I was going through, I needed that outlet. And the more I talked to him, the more honest I was about the way I felt, the better I started to feel. It wasn't a complete fix because there were many times where talking to him only seemed to frustrate me more. But overall, it helped a lot. It helped even more if he rubbed my feet or my back while I talked."

I couldn't help but snort at the image in my head of Esme with a big belly and her feet in Carlisle's hands. "You made the most of the situation."

"Exactly. And that is exactly what you need to do, Sweetheart. I know it's going to be so very hard for you right now with things so out of place with Edward, and that is why I'm offering for now to be your ear. You can call me any time, day or night, and I will listen."

"Why for now?"

"Because at some point you _must_ confide in Edward. You must let him in and let him be a part of this experience with you. He can't know what it's like to be in your shoes if you don't paint the picture for him, Bella."

"I'm not really good at opening up like that, though."

"That brings us to why I brought you in here. Carlisle wasn't always home when I needed to talk so I often found myself writing down what I was going through and then reading it to him once he was home. Since you have so much trouble speaking without over-thinking each word you want to say, I thought you might find it easier to write it down and then share it."

She picked up the book with the black cover and passed it to me. "This is my journal from my pregnancy with my boys. It includes thoughts, hopes, dreams, fears, annoyances, and even a few pregnancy pictures of my belly growing and growing and growing some more," she said with a small laugh at the end.

"I can't read this," I told her, trying to give the book back.

Esme smiled as her hand covered mine and gently pushed my hand and the book to lie on my lap. "You can and you should. I decided long ago to have my daughter read this book once she was pregnant. And you, my dear, dear girl, are a daughter to me."

"How do you do that?" I asked, the tears now sliding down my cheeks and not just stinging my eyes. "How do you love me that way when I cause so much trouble?"

Her gentle hands gripped my face and brought my eyes up to meet hers fully. All I could see was love and understanding in her green eyes and it made me feel so warm and good. "Bella, you haven't caused any trouble. Edward did that all on his own. And he is going to fix it. I have faith in him. And I faith in you. Faith that you will open your heart to him and to these babies and love them all so very much."

"What if I can't?"

"If you set your heart and mind on it, then there is no such thing as can't. Not for you. Not for my Bella. You are much too strong to let a few fears stop you."

I pulled my face from her hands so I could get my arms around her and hug her. I tried be that strong person she thought I was, but the hug turned into one of those desperate ones where you're clinging so hard to the person there's no way you're not hurting them.

Esme never complained, though. She just hugged me right back with one arm and stroked my hair with her other hand.

When I could finally relax my arms and let her go, she gave me a big smile and dried my face with a tissue she pulled from her sweater pocket. "Feeling better?" she asked.

I nodded, honestly feeling a lot calmer than I had in days.

"Good. Now I have a little something to make you laugh and lift your mood even more," she said as she opened the second book she'd taken off the shelf. "I've wanted to do this with you for awhile now, but the timing never seemed to line up just right. I did this with Rosalie when Emmett began to date her seriously."

I smiled wide, pretty sure I knew what was in that book. "Baby pictures?"

"Of the most embarrassing kind," Esme confirmed with a wicked grin and a glint in her green eyes.

By the time Esme closed the book, I'd laughed so hard that I'd spent almost as much time crying as laughing. Edward had been an adorable baby with just a thin wisp of reddish-brown hair. His eyes had been just as green then as they were now and his lips just as pouty. He'd been such a cute toddler with his hair all grown in, flipping up and fanning out in so many impossible directions. He seemed to always have a smile on his face when he knew the camera was on him. There were a few pictures where Esme and Carlisle had caught him by surprise, getting these great images of a little kid thinking so hard that he seemed to have an adult's mind in his little boy head. And to my great surprise and definite pleasure, there were tons of pictures of Emmett with his arm placed lovingly around Edward, the both of them smiling and enjoying each other.

My absolute favorite picture—a picture that Esme gave me despite all my protesting—was of Edward and Emmett as little babies, barely six months old. They were lying together in one crib, fast asleep with their foreheads touching and their identical blue bears cuddled between them. Everything about it just screamed brotherly love and family to me. Esme said I should keep the picture to remind me of what I had to look forward to with my own babies. I didn't care if I had boys or girls or a mix—I just wanted them to be close and to love each other.

"So now that I've lifted your spirits, I think it's time we take care of something else," Esme said after putting the photo album back on the shelf.

"What's that?" I asked as I lifted my arms above my head in a small stretch.

Esme chuckled and pointed at my stomach, visible to her from the way my t-shirt was riding up with my stretching. "Clothes that fit you and that growing belly of yours."

"What?" I cried as I immediately brought my arms down and used my hands to pull my t-shirt as far down as it would go. "My clothes fit."

"Bella, sweetheart, you need maternity clothing. There's no sense in making yourself uncomfortable by wearing clothes that are too tight. You'll be uncomfortable enough all too soon when the weight of the babies starts to affect your back and legs. Besides, you need clothing for your trip."

"How do you know about the trip? I don't even know that I told Edward a definite 'yes' yet."

"But you do want to go, don't you? Isn't that why you stayed so long with your father this morning? Making sure Alice and Jasper had gone back to Portland first?"

"Well, no, not really. That was more about having her go home because I'm not ready to tell her yet. I want to be happy about it first."

"All the more reason for you to agree to New Orleans and take that time to fix things with Edward. And fixing doesn't mean taking him back. Only do that if your heart is really in it. Fixing means finding a way to be friends no matter what else you are to each other."

I bit at my lip, wondering if I would be saying too much if I told her what I felt about her son. I didn't want it to get back to him and have him just assume things were okay. He was too quick to be happy-go-lucky about stuff.

"What is it, Sweetheart?" Esme asked as she put an arm around my shoulders.

"If I tell you something, would you promise not to tell Edward? I'm just worried if he knows, it'll make things worse instead of better."

"As long as it's not anything about your health, then yes, I promise not to tell him."

"It's not. I wouldn't keep that from him no matter what's going on between us. It's about my feelings. I love him and I do want him, Esme. I'm just worried that if I come right out and say that, he'll think that fixes everything."

"His confidence unnerves you, doesn't it?"

My eyes widened at her correct guess and words started spewing out of my mouth. "Yes. That's it exactly! Because he just says things and you can see he believes them and then he just expects that's the way it will be. It's like he doesn't even see all that it will take to make it a reality. Like he thinks it will just fall into place on its own."

"I can understand why that scares you. But I can also assure you that's not what he thinks. Edward has so much confidence because he's so driven to succeed. His entire life he has set goals for himself and worked hard to succeed at them. He speaks as if it's easy because he knows that no matter how hard it really will be, he'll never stop until it's done."

"So when he says he'll do anything to fix things, he really means anything?"

Esme smiled and nodded. "He really does, Bella."

"So I guess since I'm going on a trip I really do need some clothes."

Her smile widened as she pulled me into a hug. "I love you so very much, Bella."

"I love you, too, Esme."

"Wonderful," she said, laughing as she let go of me. "Now let's get you some clothes to make you and these babies feel comfortable and relaxed."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

"How does Mom do that?" I asked my dad, watching Bella and my mom laugh over a shirt.

My dad gave a little chuckle while gripping the back of my neck with his hand and giving me a playful shake. I would have moved under his touch just a few months ago, but now I was too solid for that. "Hell if I know, Son," he said.

"You must have some idea. You've been with her for twenty-eight years."

"You'd think, wouldn't you? But no. Your mom is as much of a mystery today as she was the day I met her. I think that's part of what keeps our relationship young."

"Bella's like that. A mystery, I mean. Like right now, she seems so happy with Mom. But I know that later tonight, when it's just the two of us, it won't be the same Bella."

"Not to sound mean, Edward, but that's your doing."

I nodded, knowing he was right and feeling the weight of the guilt I seemed to constantly carry with me these days.

"She needs you to take things slow, Edward. As much as you can, let Bella set the pace, but at the same time, continue to show her you're serious about wanting her. Show her how much she means to you in as many small ways as you can because believe me, it's the small gestures that mean the most. Any guy can take a girl on a trip. But the guy who makes sure she sees the places she's dreamed of in the day and has a soft bed to sleep in at night, that's the guy that will be remembered."

"I want this trip with her to be relaxing, but we have so much to talk about. I'm worried I don't even know where to start."

"Start at the beginning, which for you two means declaring your feelings and your wants. You can't get anything from the trip if you don't know what you're both searching for, Edward."

I smiled as I looked over at my dad. "You know, you're pretty good at this. Maybe you should be a relationship doctor."

"I'm only good at this because I know you and I know Bella. You are full of confidence and faith and you believe strongly in love being enough to keep a family together. Bella believes familial love is the strongest kind there is, but even that can be broken. She needs more than words. She needs solid proof of what's being said to her. She needs the small things. The hand on her back that keeps her from feeling alone. The hug that makes her feel shielded from the bad in the world. The smile that lets her know the person with her is enjoying that time with her. She's a very physical person in that way."

"Which is really weird because when she's upset, she doesn't like to be touched."

"Of course not. Touching is connecting and if you're connected, you're open to hurt."

"How is it that I've spent so much time with her and I still feel like I'm the one who knows her the least?"

My dad turned in his chair to face me fully. "Because you changed her. You showed her another kind of life, one where she didn't have to hold back on how she felt. You showed her that someone could love her as much as she loved them, something no other man had given to her before. And believe me, Charlie and I have both tried to get her to see she's deserving of that kind of love. But in her head, we're fathers and we have no choice. But _you_," he said, waving his finger at me. "You were different. You had no reason to like her, much less love her and yet you did."

"And now I have to prove that to her all over again because I was a miserable lying bastard," I said, using Alice's name for me.

"Yes, you do. You have to prove you love her and want her. Not only that, you have to prove you _can_ have her in your life. When you two first got together, there were no babies in the picture so she could picture life the way you painted it. You would have your business, she would finish school, and the two of you would share a cozy apartment together.

"But now that you have three babies on the way, that plan no longer works. Not only do you have to present her with a new plan, it has to really be plausible, something she can really believe in. So with that in mind, have you given any thought at all to what you'll do for work?"

"A little bit," I told him. "Charlie actually asked me the same thing this morning. Ideally, I'd love to start my business in Seattle. I really did do some research there and with the number of professional, collegiate, and high school teams in the area, I think I'd do very well for myself."

"Edward, I don't want you to take this the wrong way because I really do have faith in you. You have always been the most dedicated of our children and every goal you've ever set for yourself, you've met. But, Son, things are different this time. This isn't about just you. It's about Bella and those babies too."

"I know that, Dad. And that's why I think it's even more important to do what's right for our long term future."

"If Bella wasn't pregnant, I'd agree with you. Hell, if it was only one baby, I'd agree with you. But it's not. One of the hardest times in my relationship with your mother was when she was pregnant with you and your brother. The pregnancy took such a toll on her physically and emotionally. And I was barely there to help her. She tried so hard to keep me from feeling guilty about it but that only added to her stress. Juggling careers and doctor appointments and trying to find a new place to fit the two new members of our family … It was much more difficult than I can explain to you, Son."

"And Mom wasn't going through the emotional struggle Bella is right now," I said, getting a nod from my dad.

"Even if your trip to New Orleans gives her the belief that things will work between you two, it won't relieve all of her fears. She's going to need you at every doctor's appointment. She's going to need you on the days when she's hurting from the extra weight, and crying and feeling guilty that she's crying when she's been blessed beyond her wildest dreams. She needs you to be a phone call away, Edward."

"What if I convince her to stay in Forks? She can split her time between her dad's and your house so that she always has someone around. And I can spend four days in Seattle working on the business and then three days home with her. She can schedule her appointments for the days I'll be home."

"That might help some, but she'll need you around for more than appointments, Edward. She's going to get restricted in her movements pretty quickly. She'll need help getting in and out of bed, dressing, making meals, and even walking at times. She won't be able to drive herself around or carry grocery bags. She's going to be dependent on whoever is with her. And she'll want that person to be you. She'll understand sometimes that won't be possible, but the more she's without you in this, the more she's going to worry she'll be alone once the babies arrive. She's smart enough to know she can't do it on her own."

"But we've all told her she won't be alone. She'll have help."

"She needs to know she'll have _you_. That's the only way she won't see the rest of us pitching in as disrupting our lives."

"So that's it? I just give up on my business and go to work for someone else?" I asked, trying to squash the disappointment and annoyance I felt. I had caused this situation so it was only right that I suffer the consequences for it. And it wasn't as if I wanted to take back this pregnancy—I just wanted my business too.

"I'm not saying that, Edward. I'm just saying that it needs to be something you think very carefully about. I was talking with a few friends and one of them mentioned that the head of the PT department at Peninsula College in Port Angeles is planning to retire at the end of the summer. You wouldn't be your own boss, but you would be in charge of an entire department. You would also get valuable experience training and leading a staff. It's at least worth some consideration."

I sighed as my hands found their way into my short hair, pulling just a little. That thin line of pain had always been a way to help me focus when my thoughts ran wild. "When I was stuck in Seattle, it all seemed so easy. Talk to Bella, win her back, and live happily with her."

"This is just the first of many times where you will feel overwhelmed, Edward, and that's okay. It doesn't make you any less of a person and it doesn't mean you'll be a bad partner or a bad father. It just means you're human. The important thing to remember is to share those things with Bella."

I lifted my head, needing to see my father's face and make sure he looked as serious as he sounded. "How can you mean that? Look at what she's already dealing with. How can I add to that?"

"Because you won't be adding to it. You'll be giving her an ally, showing her she's not alone in the stress and the worry. This is more than a pregnancy, Edward. This is a life-altering event. From here on out, it will never be just you and Bella again. There will always be three other lives to consider in every choice you make. It would be unreasonable to expect to never feel overwhelmed faced with that. And one of the reasons Bella feels so overwhelmed right now is because she's already putting the babies first. To her, your immediate acceptance and happiness means you haven't thought things through. You haven't imagined juggling babies and jobs and everyday life."

I nodded in agreement, knowing I really hadn't. I'd just been excited to know she was getting what she wanted and that it wasn't a tumor. I'd wanted a family with her pretty much from the moment she'd said she loved me so the pregnancy was just a natural progression of our relationship to me. I wanted her and I wanted these babies so that was all I cared about. But sitting here with my father and actually picturing three little babies needing love and food and clothing … Life-altering suddenly seemed too mild of an adjective.

"I can see I've given you some things to think about," my dad said, placing his hand on my back. "But for now, I think you'd be better off joining your mother near the dressing room while Bella models her new clothing."

"You think she wants that? I don't want to ruin the good mood Mom's put her in."

"She's a woman, Edward. She always needs to know her partner finds her beautiful, especially when she might not be able to see that for herself for whatever reason."

"Thanks, Dad. For everything you do for me and Alice and Emmett. And especially for Bella."

"I do what I can, Son. Now you go do what you can."

I nodded and then got up from my seat, heading over to the dressing rooms where my mother was standing and waiting for Bella to come out.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

"So are you excited to leave for the trip tomorrow?" Esme asked as she scooped up some of the ice cream sundae we were sharing. Edward had told me his parents had wanted to make all the travel plans for us so he'd let them. They'd made all the arrangements this morning and we would be flying out tomorrow and returning a week later on the following Tuesday.

I swallowed the ice cream that was in my mouth and then said, "A little bit. It's kind of hard to get excited when I don't know what will happen with Edward. But then I think of how I'll actually be standing in New Orleans and that part excites me."

"I suspect part of your reluctance also has to do with Alice."

"Yeah," I said, frowning down at the ice cream on my spoon. "She knows something is up and while she's trying not to sound hurt, I know she is."

"You're not hurting her intentionally. And honestly, waiting to tell her is much better for both of you because you'll both get to be happy about it together. Telling your best friend is a big deal and it won't be a fond memory if only one of you is excited about it."

"She's been put through a lot lately between dealing with Edward and dealing with me."

"Whatever hardships she's felt, it's nothing compared to what you've been through and will go through. You need to remember that, Bella. You need to worry less about her feelings and more about your own."

I lifted my face up to Esme's, unsure if I was hearing her correctly. "But won't that make me selfish?"

She gave a little laugh. "Sweetheart, you're pregnant. You are entitled to some selfishness."

"Were you selfish when you were pregnant?"

"At times," she said with a nod. "There were days when I didn't want Carlisle to go into work. I wanted him to stay home and be there with me. It was almost as hard on him as it was for me because he really did want to stay. He just knew he couldn't give me a home and care for our babies if he stayed. But if we had not kept the lines of communication open between us, then we would not have made it through it. I would have grown to resent him for always leaving me and he would have ended up feeling like a failure as a partner and a father."

"I can't imagine you two like that, at odds with each other."

"That's because you've only seen us later in life, after we'd gone through the struggles and come out the other end. What I have with Carlisle now, it's exactly what you can have with Edward, Bella. As long as you listen to your heart and keep your head from over-thinking, you can get through this rough patch and come out the other side stronger and more connected to each other. But you have to speak and you have to listen. You can't keep your feelings bottled up inside and you can't ignore his feelings."

"Rose says if I trust Edward, then he'll give me the life I want. She says he'll do it because he wants me to want him, to love him as much as he loves me."

"Rose is a very smart young woman. Then again, Rose has had to learn the hard way with Emmett. He's always been so much better at making mistakes than fixing them, but that's because he's always been the type of person to jump right in without fully thinking things through. He's a man of action, whereas Edward tends to be a planner. Though, now that they've become so much closer, I can see where they are both rubbing off on each other. Emmett is acting much more his age these days, growing into a stable young man, while Edward is relaxing and enjoying his present instead of focusing so much on his future."

Since I hadn't spent any real time near Emmett, I had no idea if she was right about the rubbing off thing or not. Though I did see a change in Edward's behavior, the way he laughed so much easier since coming back to Portland. But right now, I wanted to hear more about what Esme had experienced, hoping her past would help me through my present.

"What was Carlisle like when you were pregnant? Was he more like Edward or Emmett?" I asked.

Esme smiled and I knew she was no longer seeing me—she was seeing her husband as he'd been twenty-three years ago when she was pregnant with twin boys. "At that time, I think Carlisle was beginning to turn into the man he is now. When I first met him, he was this really great mix of fun and focused. When it was time to work, he was all business. Very focused. Very driven. And he was very much the opposite away from school and work. He loved to try new things and he loved to laugh. I used to tell him that he was 'vibrant' and he would always tell me that was a horrible adjective for him. He said it made him sound like some sort of glowing fairy."

I couldn't help but snort at that. "It's surprising how little it takes to wound their egos. Just one word they don't really like and bam. They get all pouty on you."

"They want to be seen by us as strong and powerful, just like we want them to see us as sexy and beautiful."

"We're all a little insane, aren't we?"

Esme laughed heartily. "Yes, Sweetheart, I think we are."

I bit at my lip for a bit before finding the courage to open my mouth and push out the words. "Rose says it's not stupid to still love Edward and to want him to love me back. She says that's just what love is, that it's messy and complicated but still worth it." I really wanted Esme to agree with Rosalie but I was so afraid she wouldn't.

"She's right and that's because love isn't just one emotion," Esme answered, giving me a knowing smile when I released the breath I'd been holding. "It's all the things that draw you to a person and make you want to be tied to them for as long as possible," she continued. "It can feel warm and comforting as much as it can feel cold and sad. Love adapts to the moment and you have to adapt with it. You're sad right now, but if you give Edward the chance, he can change that. Open your heart to him and adapt to the way life has changed for the both of you and the love will grow warm once more."

I shifted on the sofa to face Esme completely. "How has life changed for him? I mean, I know he had his surgery and he's healthier, but it just sounded like you meant more than that."

She put the bowl of ice cream onto the coffee table and then put her arm around me, letting me rest my head on her shoulder. I smiled, always having loved it when she did this—loving the way it made me feel like I really was her daughter.

"Bella, Edward has always feared losing you because of his weakness. What he didn't understand until just recently is that the weakness was never really in his heart. It was always in his head. In his mind, he never measured up to his brother who everyone seemed to love and respect. He wasn't outgoing and he wasn't as adventurous. If everyone around him preferred his brother, why wouldn't you?"

"And in a way I did because I was Emmett's friend and not his," I said, thinking back to when I barely even spoke to Edward.

"Exactly. Edward didn't understand that he was the person who thought low of him. But now he's almost as healthy in his head as he is in his heart. He sees that he has something to offer you. More than that, he sees that he deserves the happiness he can bring as much as you deserve it."

"He sure has you convinced of that. And my dad and Rosalie. And I'd bet Carlisle too."

"Doesn't matter if he can't convince you, Sweetheart." Esme kissed the top of my head and then patted my shoulder. "Come on. It's time for you to head upstairs and get some sleep. You've got an early flight in the morning."

"I'll be having dinner in New Orleans," I said with a real smile on my face. "I don't even know where it'll be yet but I know it'll be fantastic."

Esme gave a soft laugh and hugged me against her side. "That's the spirit."

"I'm going to bring you back a souvenir," I said once we reached the second floor.

"Please no alligator heads."

"Gross!" I cried. "Why would you think I'd bring you that back?"

There was a twinkle in her eyes as she tapped my nose with her finger. "Because you enjoy shocking reactions."

"Oh, yeah," I said, laughing a little.

"So am I turning down the bed in the guest room for you?"

From the smile on her face, I figured she already knew my answer but I said it out loud anyway. "I think I'll go and see if I can share with Edward instead."

"Then I wish you sweet dreams, Bella." She kissed my cheek and then headed into her room.

I climbed up the last flight of stairs and walked down the hall to Edward's door, knocking on it since it was closed. When he didn't answer, I opened it up and found his room dark and empty. I grabbed the cordless phone from his dresser and dialed his cellphone, hoping he had it on him and hadn't left it downstairs like I'd left mine.

He finally answered on the fourth ring. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's me. You're not in your room so I thought the easiest way to find you was to call."

"I'm just sitting on the deck. Want me to come up?"

"No, I think I want to come down instead."

"Bring a blanket. It's getting chilly."

"Okay." I debated for a second over whether or not to say more and figured since I had to debate at all I wasn't ready and just ended the call.

I grabbed the throw blanket from the back of the couch as I passed through the living room and then headed out onto the deck through the kitchen. Edward was sitting in the dark since the kitchen lights were out which meant I could only see the outline of him and not his green eyes. It was a lot easier to believe him when I was looking into them, seeing the honesty in them.

"Want to sit with me?" he asked. "It'll keep you warmer," he added, probably thinking he needed more of a selling point than just being close to him.

If not for all my conversations with Esme today, he might have needed more. And he might need more in the future. But for tonight, just being near him was enough. I settled onto his lap and spread the blanket so that it hung from his shoulders to cover the both of us.

After spending a few minutes just sitting there with him, I broke the silence. "What are you doing out here?"

"Thinking. Or trying to think anyway. I seem to have more questions than answers, though."

"I know that feeling."

"It's absolutely maddening."

I laughed at the annoyed tone he used. "It really, really is," I agreed. "And you don't know if you're mad at yourself for not having the answers or the world for not just giving them up to you."

"Exactly. That's exactly it."

I smiled at the relief I heard in his voice, knowing how nice it felt whenever I realized someone understood me—like Esme and Rosalie. Sharing that kind of relief with him made me feel just a little closer to him. "You know, you don't have to keep your arms on the chair. You can hold me if you want," I offered.

"The question is, do you want?"

"Yeah, I do," I said, meaning it completely.

He wasted no time in wrapping his arms around me, clasping his hands over my swell. "I love you."

"And you know I love you."

"I do. So are you excited for tomorrow?"

"Yes and no."

"Yes because it's New Orleans and no because of all there is to talk about?" he guessed.

"Wow! You're getting psychic like Alice. Maybe you should play the lottery."

"What for? I already have all I want in my arms."

I smiled and reached a hand up from under the blanket, patting his cheek softly. "Cheese ball."

"If I were cheese, I'd want to be Pepperjack. Spicy and smooth."

I couldn't help but laugh at that. "And now you've channeled your twin. How about you say something that is just solely Edward?"

He brought his head down so that his lips were right at my ear. "I love you, Bella, and I really do have all I want with you in my arms."

I shifted in his lap so that I could get my arms around his neck, giving him a tight hug and knowing in my heart he really did mean his words. Hopefully our time in New Orleans would help me put my heart in front of my head, or at the very least get my head to trust him enough to decide the future of our relationship.

I had no idea how long we stayed like that before Edward stood and set me on my feet. "We should go in, Angel. It's late and we've got an early flight."

"Okay, but I want a cup of tea first."

"A warm cup of tea does sound good. Why don't you go up and get comfortable and I'll be up in a bit with the tea?" he offered as he closed and locked the kitchen door.

"I'd rather hang out. Maybe talk about what you'd like to see in New Orleans?"

Edward smiled as he put his hand on my lower back, walking me further into the kitchen. "I'd really like that, Bella."

It wasn't going to be any kind of life-altering conversation, but it would be both of us talking. Any kind of a start was a good one—or at least I hoped it would be. As terrified as I was of being hurt again, I still wanted to try to have a life with Edward. And I really hoped he was being honest about wanting one with me because fixing things would probably end up being the hardest thing either of us had ever done.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

"Are you going to want to listen to my iPod once we're in the air?" Edward asked.

"Thanks but I brought my own."

"I thought it was broken?"

"The screen's cracked but it still works." It had been in my purse during the car accident and had gotten tossed all around.

"I'd like to get you a new one if you'll let me."

I just shrugged in response. On one hand, it was kind of sweet that he wanted to fix the material things that had broken just as much as the relationship stuff. On the other, I worried he thought he could buy his way out of the mess he'd made. But even as I thought that, my heart was telling me that was wrong, that Edward wasn't that type of guy. He could buy me an entire store and still he wouldn't think that fixed things; he was smarter than that. It was so hard to be in the middle like this, one second so sure I knew the real him and the next worried it had been part of the lie.

"What did you just take?" I asked Edward, having seen him slip something into his mouth before drinking from his water bottle.

"Airsickness pill," he said as he showed me the little bottle the pill had come from.

"So that's real?"

He gave me an odd look while answering me. "Yeah, of course it is. Why would you think it wasn't?"

"Because you didn't know that's what it was on our trip to Hawaii."

"Oh."

I was trying really hard but it was nearly impossible not to get annoyed with him when he gave flippant replies like that. "Oh? That's all you have to say about it?"

"What can I say that I haven't already said? I lied about my health and only my health. Everything else I told you, every feeling, every dream, every desire to be with you … All of that was real and is real."

"How can you expect me to believe that? You lied about your health, Edward. The one aspect of your life that decides whether or not you're here with me to come through on the promises you made to love me and be with me. If you can lie about something that big, why wouldn't you lie about small stuff?"

"Because I wouldn't. I didn't lie to hurt you or to fool you. I lied to protect you."

"Which just takes me right back to the start. If you were so worried about protecting me, what else did you lie about? Did you really like my hair when it was short and streaked? Do you really like that I have so many tattoos? Are you really okay with how I can be mouthy and crass sometimes? How do I know where protecting me ends and just loving me begins?"

"I'll make you a list. I'll write down every truth and every deception and you'll see that the deception side only has things related to the heart condition."

"But how do I trust that? You say the sickness on the plane was air sickness and yet you had no idea that's what it was."

"Only because sometimes the symptoms were the same. Whenever my heart would race for an extended amount of time, I would get nauseous, just like from being airsick. I didn't realize I hadn't taken my medicine that day because of the commotion with Emmett. And that was also the reason why my heart was racing that day. I really thought he was going to get shot."

I nodded to show I accepted his explanation, and then I quickly asked my next question, hoping he would keep being honest. "That night of our date, the one that I planned, what was it about that night that caused your heart to go haywire?"

"Of all the things we could be talking about while waiting for the plane to take off and this is what you want to know?" he asked.

I shook my head and said, "I _need_ to know, Edward."

"Alright," he replied with a nod. He ran his hand through his hair a few times before dropping it into his lap and fixing his green eyes on mine. "It wasn't any one thing. It was mostly because I'd been nervous all day long about the date. I was worried I would be too boring and you wouldn't agree to another date. Once we were actually on the date, things seemed to flow pretty effortlessly. But then we started teasing and the tension was growing. By the time we finally made it to my bed and brought an end to the tension, I was out of energy."

"Were you in danger of the kind of heart failure you had after the car accident?"

"No. Not even close. I was just tired from my heart racing for most of the day." He opened his mouth to say more but then closed it, looking as if he was searching hard for the right word he wanted.

"What is it?" I asked, reaching over and taking his hand into mine. I knew how much it helped to have him touch me when I was the one doing the opening up so I figured it would help him too.

"I'm trying to find the right way to get you to understand. Do you remember ever having the flu and being stuck in bed with it?"

"Yeah, a couple years ago. I was actually home on break and your mom came over to bring me soup. I could barely even sit up to eat it and everything I did for like a week felt like it took every ounce of energy."

"That's exactly what it felt like each time my heart acted up. But the car accident was different. I know you had your seatbelt on and that you had bruises from it. Do you remember how your chest hurt each time you took a deep breath?"

I nodded to show I did remember. I remembered so well that I very nearly reached a hand up to rub at my chest just the way I did for a good solid week after the accident.

"The force of the blow from the seatbelt restraining me threw my heart into an irregular beat that made it hard for my heart to pump blood. Combined with my defect, it made my heart start to fail." Edward lifted the hand I was holding and pressed the back of my hand against his heart, letting me feel it beating beneath his t-shirt. "Dr. Chris went in and fixed the defect and then got my heart into a normal rhythm. He made sure I had the best care in the hospital and the best therapist for my recovery. He made sure I was healed and healthy so I could come home to you."

The intercom came on then and the pilot let us know we were cleared for takeoff. I was glad for the interruption since I had no idea what to say. I thought about thanking Edward for his honesty but that felt weird since he was _supposed_ to be honest with me. I thought about his analogy for how it felt to have that defect and of how he never let it stop him. He went to every class and worked every football game. He studied his ass off and kept his grades up. He even made time for me, often staying up talking to me late into the night. He did with his condition what I had always done with mine—he lived with it and not by it. It didn't change how I felt about him lying at all, but it did make me feel like I understood him just a little.

Edward kissed the back of my hand, reminding me he was still holding on to it. "What are you thinking, Angel?"

"I'm thinking that there's still no excuse for your lying, but I do feel I understand you a little bit. You were making the most of your situation any way you could."

"And making some really bad decisions," he added.

I found myself smiling a little at his admission. "Yeah, some really awful ones."

He smiled right back and leaned over the arm of the seat so that our faces were just inches apart. "There's one choice I made that was right, though. Taking a chance with you."

I couldn't help the snort that flew out. "How did I know you would say that?"

"Because despite having some worries about me, you do know me, Bella. You know I love you, you know I want to spend my life with you, and you know that I am a cheese ball. But only for you."

"I know two of those things for sure," I told him. And then I let him in on one of my hopes for this trip. "Hopefully I'll feel just as certain about the third by the end our week in New Orleans."

* * *

**A/N:** EA and I thank you all so much for the reviews and for sticking with us through this story. Sorry I wasn't able to answer the reviews individually like usual but it has been a busy week in the real world!


	55. Finding Our Way

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: ****Finding Our Way**

**Chapter Song: ****"All This Time" by One Republic**

**Edward****'s POV:**

The flight to New Orleans was nearly a full twelve hours so we didn't get checked into our hotel until almost ten o'clock on that Tuesday night. Bella was tired and hungry and just wanted somewhere comfortable to lie down. She hadn't been able to stomach the food on the plane and despite being in first class she hadn't been able to stay comfortable in her seat. I could only imagine how much worse things would get for her as the babies grew; it made me think of my talk with my father about how I needed to make sure I was available to help her. Deciding on my career suddenly felt like a much bigger decision.

Since neither of us had the energy to go out, we ordered from room service. After splitting a chicken salad and some cold sweet tea, we decided to go straight to bed and worry about unpacking and exploring the suite tomorrow. Bella curled up against me and drifted right off and once I was sure she was sound asleep, I let my own body relax into sleep.

Long before I felt ready, Bella was shaking my shoulder and calling my name. I forced my eyes open enough to see her face and quickly found myself sitting up and putting my arms around her. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

She spoke between big sobs. "I couldn't get up. I got sick all over the bed."

Hearing her explanation and seeing that it was still dark outside, I knew her reaction was from being overly tired and not because something was wrong. "It's okay, Angel. It's not a big deal. We'll just go sleep in the other room and we'll call someone to change the sheets for us in the morning."

After making sure she hadn't gotten anything on herself, I slipped my arm under her legs and held her tight against my chest. I carried her out of the room and into the adjoining second bedroom and once I had her settled under the sheets, I stroked her hair and back until she quieted down. I knew she wasn't asleep from the way her feet kept sliding over mine.

"Do you still feel sick?" I asked her.

"No."

"Then what's keeping you up?"

"I don't know."

I smiled in the dark as an idea came to me of how to get her to sleep. I cleared my throat and then began to softly sing to her, picking the song that had finally gotten her attention.

"_Find Me Here.  
Speak To Me.  
I want to feel—"  
_

Bella's hands covered my lips completely, pressing against my mouth with a lot more force than she needed to use. She was probably hoping it would hide the shake in her hands, but it didn't. I had the sudden surety that her sickness had been from a nightmare and not from the pregnancy.

I gently pulled her hands away and pressed my lips to her forehead. "Alright. I won't sing that one," I promised. "Is there something else I can sing?" I'd wanted to question her about her sickness and her not wanting me to sing, but I knew she wasn't in the right frame of mind. She was too tired and stressed and needed to sleep.

"Don't sing. Just talk. Tell me what was real." From the waver in her voice I knew she was on the verge of crying again so I held her even tighter and started rubbing her back once more.

I wasn't sure how to give her what she wanted so I thought of her earlier questions on the plane and started there. "I liked your hair short and streaked, but my favorite is when it's long like this. I like the way it feels to slide my fingers through it. And I like how it feels against my chest when it fans out in your sleep.

"I love your tattoos. I love the meaning behind them. It means a lot to me that you shared them with me. You let me see more than just the ink on your body. You let me see into your heart and that's a priceless thing, Bella. I'd always wanted a tattoo, something to mark an important part of my life. And when I had the chance to get one, the most important thing I could think of was you. You're my angel—my bright light and the person I love most in this world.

"As for you being mouthy and crass, I think it's something that's uniquely you. Some of what you say is brutally honest and some is just brutal to get a laugh. None of it is ever mean. And if something does come out in anger, you're so quick to apologize for it that there's no way anyone with half a brain could hold it against you.

"I meant what I said about your different laughs. I've missed hearing them all, but especially your late night in the dark one. I miss the soft sound of it and the way it made your body shake against mine. There were a lot of nights in Seattle where I reached out for you and found only a pillow. It drove me crazy to think you were lying in your bed in Portland doing the same thing and feeling the same sense of loss.

"Every compliment I ever gave you was real. In my eyes, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever known. On the inside, you have this big beautiful heart full of love and compassion. And on the outside, you're beautiful and sexy and nearly impossible to resist."

I'd expected her to snort at that last part the way she normally did so when she made no sound at all I shifted enough to see her face without moving her. Her eyes were closed and I realized I hadn't felt her feet move against mine in a while.

I settled back down on the pillow and whispered the three words I meant the most in the world. "I love you."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

I woke up Wednesday morning feeling out of sorts and a little light-headed so it took me a minute to remember I was actually in New Orleans and not Forks. I was already facing the window so I didn't have to move to get a look at the bright blue sky outside. I laid there in the quiet, listening to Edward's light snores until I felt the need to visit the bathroom. Since Edward didn't even miss a snore when I was busy getting out of from under his arm, I knew he was still tired and I figured I'd take a shower while he slept some more. I hoped the warm water would wake me up and make me feel better.

After grabbing clean clothes and my bag of toiletries from my suitcase in the living room, I found the bathroom and turned the shower onto the hottest setting I could stand. By the time I'd handled my business, set out everything I needed and undressed, the room was warm and steamy. I entered the shower and after turning the heat down just a little, I closed my eyes and relaxed under the spray, enjoying the way the warm water fell all around me.

I had just started working the shampoo into my hair when I heard Edward calling out my name. "Yeah?" I called back.

"Just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine. I just wanted a shower. I figured you wouldn't mind the extra sleep." I could see his outline through the fogged over shower door and he seemed to be pacing. "Edward, are _you_ okay?"

"Yeah, fine. I just … I woke up and you weren't there so I was worried you were sick again."

"Again?"

His outline stopped moving. "You don't remember last night?"

"I remember being really tired and going to sleep."

"You did go to sleep but then you woke up in the middle of the night because you'd gotten sick and messed up the bed."

"Jeebus that's disgusting!" I cried, trying not to imagine that. "I didn't get any on you, did I?"

"No, just the bed. Which reminds me that I need to call down for clean sheets."

"Wonder why I got sick in the night like that. Do you think it was jet lag? Or maybe from eating and then going to bed right after? I'm feeling a little light-headed and tired, but I don't feel the need to puke."

"I think maybe you had bad dreams that upset you and made you sick."

I thought about his suggestion and for a second something flickered at the back of my mind, but it wasn't enough to bring up any clear memories. "If I did, I don't remember them."

"Do you remember me talking to you to help you go back to sleep?"

Now _that_ question had my mind stirring. "Didn't you say something about liking my hair long? And then something about my laughing?"

"Yeah. You asked me to tell you what was real so I did."

"Sorry I don't remember it clearly."

"That's okay. Maybe I can tell you again over breakfast."

"I was really looking forward to going to Café Du Monde for breakfast, but I don't think I should have a sugary breakfast if I was sick last night and I'm feeling off this morning."

"No, I don't think so either. How about scrambled eggs and toast?"

"Yeah, that sounds good."

"Alright. I'll leave you to your shower and go order us some breakfast and clean sheets."

"Hey, Edward," I called out, waiting for his outline to stop moving.

"What?"

"Thank you. For taking care of me last night and coming in here to check on me this morning."

"You're welcome." The smile in his voice was clear and it made me feel good to know I'd made him feel good. Just because we had a lot of stuff to work through didn't mean I couldn't be nice to him.

By the time I'd gotten out of the shower and gotten dressed in one of my new outfits from Esme, breakfast had arrived. With hardly eating on the plane all day yesterday I was more than ready for some breakfast. Edward must have felt the same since he dug right into his eggs. We sat side-by-side on the sofa in a fairly comfortable silence while we ate so I wasn't in a hurry to break it.

Not until he put his toast on my plate. "What are you doing?" I asked.

"You're not eating much of your eggs but your toast is gone so I figure you liked the toast better and I'm giving you mine."

I shifted on the sofa a little so I could see his face clearly. "You've been watching what I eat, haven't you?"

"Not really. It's more like I've been making sure that you eat at all."

"When did you start doing that?"

He shrugged as if it weren't a big deal, but I could tell his jaw was tense and it wouldn't be if he wasn't concerned. "The day I got back to Portland. I could see right away that things were off with you and I figured since I couldn't fix what was wrong, I'd at least make sure you took care of yourself."

"Do you think if you admit you're worried for me that I won't understand that? Because I will, Edward. I'm worried too."

He finally lifted his head enough for me to see his green eyes—to see the love and concern there. "I'm worried you won't believe me."

"It's not like I don't want to believe you. It's just hard to do. But each time I can see that you're being honest about one thing it gets a little easier to believe the other things. So maybe you can tell me what you said last night."

He told me how he'd talked about my hair and how he preferred it to be long. He said he loved my tattoos and what they meant. He talked about the way I talk and how it didn't bother him. He said the thing about my laughs again and how his favorite was still the quiet one in the dark. And he told me how he'd missed me when he'd been in Seattle and had hated the idea that I was missing him too.

"I know you're going to call this part cheesy, but I want to repeat it just the way I said it last night because it's the truth. One of the big truths in my life," he said as he looked right at me. "Bella, every compliment I ever gave you was real. In my eyes, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever known. On the inside, you have this big beautiful heart full of love and compassion. And on the outside, you're beautiful and sexy and nearly impossible to resist."

"It's not cheesy," I said, holding his gaze despite the heat I felt in my cheeks. "It's not always easy to hear because I don't always feel the way you describe me. But if we can have all this space between us, all this hurt and uncertainty, and you can still see me that way, then I'm lucky."

"You still talk like you were the one who did something wrong."

"You didn't feel like you could confide in me, Edward, so yeah, I did something wrong."

"I didn't want to hurt you."

"And yet you did."

He nodded his head and then he sat up straighter, his eyes darkening from emerald to olive green. If he was angry at all then it wasn't directed at me because the touch he used to take my hand into his was nothing but tender. "I hurt you and I'm sorry for that because I love you and I want so badly to make you happy. I didn't trust you to understand and I'm sorry for that because you've been more than a lover from the start. You've been a friend who listens and gives sound advice and I should have believed in our friendship even if I was worried about our relationship. Most of all, I broke your trust in me, something you didn't give easily or without sacrifice. I will always regret the choices I made and the pain that I caused you. Even if you find it in your heart to forgive me, know that I will never forget what I've done and I will never repeat my mistakes. And no matter what you else you decide to believe this week, please believe that I'm sorry, Bella."

It was the first time he'd come right out and said what he'd done and why he regretted it. Sure, he'd said he was sorry before and he'd talked about his reasons for hiding his health from me, but he'd never really seemed like he understood what it had done to me or why it had hurt so much. But now I knew that he did know and the relief I felt over not having to try to explain or face the disappointment of him not understanding was so great that I found myself crying from how good it felt to be understood.

"Thank you for saying that," I said as I squeezed his fingers.

He smiled at me while using his napkin to wipe away my tears. "It's the truth."

"I can see that." And I really could. It was written all over his face, in the softness of his expression and the love in his eyes.

"You know, my dad had a suggestion that I really liked," Edward mentioned. "He said we should write down what we hope to get out of this week. I was thinking we could take some time to ourselves and type up our lists on our laptops. And when we're done, we can come back out here and share them."

I thought about his suggestion for a minute before nodding in agreement. "I like the sound of that. Does it have to be all about our relationship?"

"No, I don't think so. If there's something you want just for you then put it down. I don't think we could possibly talk too much."

I laughed a little as I stood and set my plate on the cart. "There are so many Alice jokes I could make right now, but it's no fun without her hearing them and commenting on them."

"You do know things are going to be okay with her, right? I mean, I know sometimes she can be impatient, but she knows this isn't the right time for it. She knows you need to work things out before you can talk to her about them."

"I just don't want to hurt her, Edward. I love her so much."

"You won't hurt her. She'll understand us telling our parents first, and Rose and Em said they would act surprised before I could even ask. Besides, Alice will be so busy helping you tell Bree and the rest of your friends that she won't waste time pouting that she wasn't the very first to know." He walked up to me, putting one hand on my lower back and using the other to tilt my chin up so he could see my face. "The only thing you should be worried about right now is finding your happiness. Everything else really will fall into place after that. It'll take some work, but it won't be nearly as difficult."

"And you'll be around to help?"

"Every step of the way," he promised.

And I actually believed him.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

I'd been staring at my laptop for at least a half hour and the only things I'd put on my list so far were trust and happiness. It wasn't that I didn't know what I wanted, it was just that I didn't want to put it all down and leave myself or Edward feeling like it was an impossible list.

I figured if I took a short break from it, it might help me to decide what to put down. I decided checking my email was a mindless enough task and I started with my secondary account, knowing I would have a ton of junk emails to clear out. I deleted the coupons for the local bookstores and the one announcing a new scented lotion. I almost deleted the email on flavored lubes but decided to keep it so I could forward it to Rosalie and Bree later on. All of the emails about sales at the stores I normally shopped at got deleted and that left me with an email from my buddy Numb.

_BB,_

_Doubt is such a strong word for it. I prefer to say I challenge you instead. And I didn't forget the 'n'. That's how you spell perfection in its root form of Latin. I finally seem to know something you don't! And no, I didn't read it on the back of my cereal box._

_Thanks for the congrats. I wish I had something great to report but it's too early for that. I will definitely remember your words of wisdom._

_Hope everything went well at your mom's and that you're doing okay and life is looking up for you. I'll try to get on one night this week and see if we can't catch up._

_Numb_

I didn't know what to write back. I didn't think I could explain what was going on with Edward to Numb in an email. Hell, I didn't really think a chat box window was going to do it either but at least through IM Numb would be able to ask questions for me to try to explain it. I'd gotten past being worried over Numb's response to looking forward to the one outside, non-emotional point of view at my disposal. And since I couldn't come up with anything better, that's exactly what I told him.

_Numb,_

_ I know you're busy but if you could spare an hour, I've got one hell of an update for you. I'd really like to hear your thoughts on the latest turn my life has taken. You're one of the few who will really understand where I'm coming from and you're impartial. And besides, this may technically be partially your fault with all that praying you said you'd do for me._

_ It was great at my mom's and she took me shopping again. Every time I get near her, I'm reminded all over again that no matter what's going on in my life, I'm lucky as long as I have her._

_ Hope to talk to you soon._

_ BB_

Right as I hit the send button, there was a knock on the door that joined my bedroom with Edward's. "Yeah?" I called out.

The door slid open some and Edward poked his head inside. "Hey."

I waited for him to say something else but he never did. "Did you want to come in or something?" I asked.

He opened the door fully but didn't come into the room. "I feel really stupid right now, but uh … Are you having any trouble with your list?"

I found myself snorting, smiling, and nodding my head. "I've got trust and happiness."

Edward let out a sigh of relief—I knew because his shoulders relaxed and his lips turned up in a grin. "I've got trust and friendship. I don't know what else to put but it's not because I don't have other things."

"It's because if you wrote them down the list would be pages long?" I guessed.

"Yeah, that's it exactly."

I made sure my email had gone through and then I clicked over to the list I'd started. "Come sit down and we'll try to make one list together."

Instead of sitting down at the end of my bed, he crawled across it to lie down beside me, propping his head up in his hand. I noticed he'd changed out of his black polo and faded jeans from yesterday and was now wearing a pair of khaki cargo shorts with a dark gray t-shirt. It really wasn't fair how he looked so great no matter what he wore.

"So we both have trust on our list," he mentioned.

"Yeah. And I like your friendship one," I said as I added it to the list.

"I definitely like happiness being on the list. I want that for you so much, Bella."

"What else do you want? And not for me. What do you want for you?"

He thought about what I was asking for a while and then he reached over with his free hand to hold mine while he gave his answer. "I want _us_ back. I want the love and the friendship and the easy way we talked and touched. I want to be called 'E' and 'Babe' again. And I want you to look at me without there being a ton of mistrust in your eyes."

"Those are good long term goals. I mean, I like them and all but I don't see them happening in just a week."

"I don't either. And that's another reason why I kept getting stuck. I couldn't think of any short term goals."

"Well you said they didn't have to be all about the relationship so maybe if there's somewhere you want to go while we're in New Orleans."

"If there's a night where you feel up to it, I'd like to take you on a date. A real date where we dress up for it and eat a nice dinner. Maybe some dancing after depending on how you're feeling."

I added his date night idea to the list and then put down a few of my own. "You already know I want to go to the Café. And I definitely want to see the aquarium here. Jackson Square and St. Louis Cathedral would be nice to see too."

"I'd like to get a few little things to take home to our family."

"Definitely. I never go anywhere without bringing something back," I said as I added 'souvenirs' to the list.

"I'd like you to be able to accept comfort from me without feeling guilty for it."

I moved my eyes from the computer to his face, not only seeing how much he meant what he was saying but that it hurt him to need to say it. "I'm already starting to do that, Edward. It's hard to be in your arms when I don't know what we are to each other, but I'm feeling more confident that at the very least we can be friends. And friends can share comfort."

"Do you only want friendship?"

"No," I said, answering him honestly. "I want us back too. I want to be secure in my relationship with you again, that I'm yours and you're mine and neither of us is going anywhere. But I've gotta believe you can be honest about everything—especially your health. I've gotta be sure I won't get left in the dark again."

"I've got to prove that I'm letting you in and making you a full partner in my life."

"Exactly."

"Which means you have to give that right back."

"That's one of the things I'm scared about," I admitted. "It was so hard to do it the first time and I don't know that I can do it again."

"I can see where that would be scary. But I also have a lot of faith in you, Angel. I've never seen you fail at anything you put your mind to doing."

"It's just a lot of pressure. And I can't just give up because I'm tired. I've got three lives I have to think about."

"But don't make everything about the babies, Bella. You have to be happy too. Otherwise, you'll be miserable and it'll make it hard for you to be the great mom you want to be."

I nodded to show I understood him and then I focused my eyes on my laptop. "What's next?"

After hitting another roadblock with our list, we ended up deciding to only list a few things to accomplish each day. It took the pressure off of us both and left the list open to be amended as much or as little as we wanted. By the time I turned off my laptop for a nap, I really did feel closer to Edward. I had been able to believe everything he'd said without question and I understood a lot of what he felt because I felt the same. Most of all, I felt like I was getting my friend back.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

"So I have the best idea," I said as I watched Bella slip another spoonful of our first local dish into her mouth.

While she'd taken a long nap this afternoon, I'd asked around for the best meal for someone not feeling a hundred percent. One guy had told me red beans and rice and another had suggested chicken stew. Since Jasper cooked us stew from time to time I decided to go with the beans instead and from the way Bella's bowl was quickly emptying, I knew I'd made the right choice.

After finishing her mouthful, Bella brought her eyes up from her bowl to my face. "_You_ have a best idea? You sure about that? You have a history of epic fails when it comes to ideas, Cullen."

I smiled at her teasing, knowing it meant we were headed in the right direction. "I did good with dinner, didn't I?"

"Could be a fluke."

"This idea has your likes in mind so there's no way it can fail."

"What if you're wrong?"

"I'm not."

She smiled even as she rolled her eyes at me. "Alright. Since you're so confident, let's hear it."

"I was thinking since it's still going to be daylight for another hour we could go for a short walk to explore the area around our hotel. And when we get back, I thought we might pile the pillows up in your room and watch Harry Potter on your laptop."

Bella's head tilted to the side and her eyes narrowed while her teeth sunk into her lower lip. She sat there looking at me for almost a full minute before sitting up straight and giving me a big, genuine smile. "Throw in a foot rub and I'll declare your idea pretty damn good."

"Deal," I said as I held my hand out to her.

She gripped it hard and gave it one good pump. "Nice doing business with you, Cullen."

"You too, Swan. Oh, and just so you know, there will be hand-holding during our walk."

"Palming or fingers laced?"

"What?" I asked with a laugh, not having any idea what she was talking about.

She grabbed my hand again and pressed her palm to mine, letting her finger rest over the side of my hand and hooking her thumb around mine. "This is palming." She turned her hand and slipped her fingers through mine. "Fingers laced."

"What's the difference?"

"With palming, either person can let go at any moment. With fingers laced, they both have to agree to let go."

I smiled at her while lightly squeezing her fingers. "I'll surprise you."

She gave a shrug as she pulled her fingers away and then she put all of her attention into finishing her dinner.

Twenty minutes later, we were holding hands—fingers laced—and heading off to explore a little piece of New Orleans. I could tell all of the talking we'd done today and the list we'd made had made a difference in Bella because she was holding on tighter than I was. But only because I didn't want to risk squeezing her hand too hard and hurting her. And also because it felt really nice to feel how much she wanted me there with her.

We headed toward the river to check out the view we could see from our suite and ended up touring the Riverwalk Marketplace. It was three levels of shops and restaurants, with quite a few of the shops specializing in Mardi Gras items. I'd never had any interest in being packed into a massive crowd just to have beads tossed at my head, but it was interesting to see some of the masks that were on display.

We weren't able to tour beyond the first level because of the late hour and the early closing time of the marketplace, but we were able to visit The Fudgery where Bella got a laugh from the singing pastry chefs and a piece of chocolate fudge to snack on later during our movie. With her snack in one hand and the other firmly linked with mine once again, we took a short walk along the riverfront with Bella recounting everything we'd seen so far as if I hadn't been right there with her. The excitement and joy she felt was written all over her face in the brightness of her eyes and her wide smile. I'd been worried she would be too anxious about us to take pleasure in the trip and it was a relief to see her enjoying herself.

"What's with the shit-eating grin?" Bella asked as we made our way back to our hotel.

"Just happy," I said, glancing at her and giving her a better view of my smile.

"Yeah, but _why_ are you happy? You didn't even get fudge," she teased, holding her bag up for me to see.

I let her walk just a little ahead of me and then used our laced fingers to turn her and pull her into my arms. "I've got you and that's all I need."

"Really? 'Cause I was kind of thinking you'd need a job and a house and a shite-ton of baby stuff. If you really want us to be parents, I mean." She was doing her best to act casual but I could see in her eyes that she was worried.

"There's always going to be material things I need for day to day to life. But the only thing I need to really live is you, Angel. The job and the house and all the other things we need, we'll figure all of that out together."

"You make it sound so easy."

"Yeah, well, words are easy. But it's not like I think if I say it that it'll magically happen, Bella. I know it's going to take work and compromise and even sacrifice. I just choose to focus on the end-result rather than the road I have to take to get there."

I couldn't tell for sure because she didn't come right out and say it, but from the way she wrapped her arms around me and put her head on my chest, I think she believed me. She at least believed I was willing to work hard to make a life with her.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella****'s POV:**

When we got back to the hotel Edward let me take a shower first so while he was having his, I explored our suite and took a few pictures to share with everyone later on.

When you first came through the door, you entered a living area with huge windows looking out onto the city. There was a mix of old brick buildings and new skyscrapers but none so tall that you couldn't see the sky and the last light of day fading into black.

The living area was large and divided by the furniture in it, with the back of one sofa cutting off the sitting area from the dining area. The dining area was just a small candelabra hanging over a long table of yellowish wood and surrounded by six red chairs. But the chairs looked comfy and there really wasn't a need for more than that in a hotel room.

The sitting area held two white sofas angled toward a widescreen television. In the corner near the first bedroom was a small desk and comfy looking chair for getting some work done. The door for the second bedroom was just past the television and you could also reach it by going into the first bedroom and walking through the doorway that joined them. It was one of those pocket doors that you could lock from either side but we'd only closed it once—when we were working on our lists separately.

My favorite place in the suite was definitely the bathroom. It held a jetted garden tub that I had yet to try out and a separate glassed-in shower with a showerhead to match the quality I was used to in Esme's house. The counter was long with a double vanity and there was a small window over the tub to let in some natural light since we had a corner room.

My bedroom was done up in soft colors of beige, white, light blue, and light green. It was a room that definitely inspired rest and relaxation. I could sit in bed and look out of the large windows and onto the river all day long and feel like I was having a great time.

Edward's room was setup a little differently since the hotel had made sure to set up the beds with window views. His room had some white in it, but it was mostly dark browns—it was a masculine room as Alice would say. He only had one window where I had two, but he had his own desk and sofa where mine just had a comfy chair and ottoman. I definitely had the better room.

"Whatcha doin?" Edward asked from behind me, making me jump a little. He laughed at having scared me and I smiled even as I reached out to playfully punch his arm.

My smile only lasted until my fist connected with his arm. "Jeebus!" I cried, shaking my hand and glaring at Edward. "That felt like punching Emmett."

Edward laughed again as he grabbed my hand and brought it up to his face, checking over my knuckles. I wanted to keep glaring but the sweet smile he gave me while kissing my hand couldn't be ignored and I ended up smiling right back at him.

"Enjoying your new physique?" I asked as I pulled my hand from his.

He shrugged and it finally dawned on me that he was standing in front of me shirtless with his hair still dripping wet and his jeans just barely hanging onto his hips. If things had been good between us at that moment, I would have pulled him over to that bed just a few feet from us and had my very wicked way with him. But things weren't good so I just appreciated the view while trying not to drool on myself.

"So you never answered me," he said as he walked past me toward the sofa in his room. He flipped open the lid on his suitcase, dug around a bit, and then pulled out a dark green t-shirt that he slipped over his head and pulled across his chest, covering up my view.

And also freeing more than a few brain cells up for thinking so that I could answer him. "I was exploring the suite and taking pictures. You know how much Alice loves pictures. Plus I figured our parents would like to see, especially since yours made all the reservations."

Edward nodded and then sat down on the bench right in front of his bed. "And maybe you won't mind looking back on them in a couple of years when this is all behind us."

"Yeah, that would be nice," I said, suddenly feeling awkward with him. I didn't want to feel that way and I hated it almost as much as I hated not knowing _why_ I felt that way.

"So what room do you want to watch the movie in? We can pick one of the bedrooms or I can hook my laptop up to the television and we can sit on the sofa together."

"I'd be more comfortable in my bed if you don't mind. That way I don't have to worry about moving if I get tired and fall asleep."

"Your room it is then," he said, smiling as he stood. "Do you want anything? A drink or your fudge?"

I shook my head. "Not yet."

Edward lifted his hand toward my room and I smiled at him before turning around. His hand settled on my lower back as we walked the short distance into my room and I couldn't believe how just that one touch from him took away all of that weird awkwardness I'd felt just a minute ago.

Once the movie was going on my laptop, Edward plopped down beside me on the bed but he was turned the opposite way. Before I could ask what he was doing, his hands were on my feet and I couldn't have been bothered to remember my name. I couldn't recall ever having enjoyed someone touching my feet so much and I wondered if it felt so good because he was skilled or because the babies were already affecting my feet.

We watched the movie in silence for a while before I felt the need to ask Edward a very important question. "If you weren't a muggle, would you still massage my feet or would you conjure up a spell to do it for you?"

He snorted, his green eyes twinkling as he looked up at me. "Really, Bella?"

"Hey, this is an important question," I said, using one of the little bed pillows to smack his leg.

He laughed. "I would definitely still do it myself. Like I told you before, any excuse to touch you is a good one."

"Why's that?"

He was still smiling but I could see in his eyes that he was perfectly serious when he answered me. "Because I love the way your skin feels in my hands. Soft and smooth and warm."

"Yeah, well, that smooth part is gonna be history in certain areas. I've been looking online at pictures of what my stomach will look like after the babies come and if it wasn't totally worth it, I'd have to barf."

"Nah, that's just the morning sickness." And now the teasing Edward was back—complete with cocky grin.

"You're going to buy me a tummy tuck for my birthday next year," I said seriously.

He just smiled and shook his head at me.

I suddenly wanted him right next to me and holding me so I slipped my feet out of his hands. "Thanks for the rub. Wanna come lay up here with me now?"

"Like you have to ask," he replied as he crawled up the bed and settled in behind me. He kissed the side of my neck and then slipped both arms around me, holding me tightly against his broad chest and resting his head against mine.

I barely had a chance to enjoy it before he was letting me go and getting up from the bed. "What are you doing?"

He didn't answer me right away, choosing instead to grab my hands and pull me up from the bed. He also picked up my laptop and put it in my hands. "You're going to get cold just as soon as I get spoiled holding you and we'll have to get up and get comfortable all over again. So instead of waiting for that to happen, we're going to get under the covers now," he explained.

He pulled back the comforter and sheets and then took the laptop from me so I could get back in bed. Once I was settled, he put the laptop down next to me and then joined me under the covers. With his arms back around me and his head on mine once again, we were both relaxed and smiling—I knew because I could see our reflections in the laptop screen.

I made it all the way through _Sorcerer's Stone_ but Edward had fallen asleep right around the time Harry found the Mirror of Erised. While I put away my laptop I thought about the mirror's inscription—_I show not your face but your heart's desire_. I wondered what I would see if I looked into that mirror but only for a second; my heart knew the answer as soon as I climbed back into bed.

"Where'd you go?" Edward mumbled, both of us holding on to the other to keep out any space between our bodies. And let me just tell you that wasn't so easy with the slope of my belly. I swore it had gotten twice as big since telling our parents about the pregnancy.

I smiled into his shirt, pulling in the spicy smell of his cologne and enjoying the heat from his body. This man and the babies safely tucked between us were definitely my heart's desire. Now I just needed to figure out how to make things work so I could have what I desired. But that was tomorrow. For tonight, I only wanted to feel that little bit of happiness I'd found.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

"Edward, come on!" Bella complained for at least the tenth time since waking me up on Thursday morning. And it hadn't been a sweet shoulder shake and a soft "good morning". It had been Bella loudly singing my name while bouncing around on the bed. Don't get me wrong—I was thrilled she was in such a great mood. I just wasn't fully awake for handling it.

I saw her lips part and before she could say it again, I jumped up from the couch and grabbed hold of her, silencing her with a kiss. For a second I worried she wouldn't find it fun and playful like I'd meant it to be, but my fear quickly disappeared when I felt her tongue on my lower lip. I had no idea what had caused the drastic change with her and while I wanted to know, I wanted to kiss her more. I made sure to let her lead the kiss while I just enjoyed. And damn if there wasn't plenty to enjoy. Her soft lips against my mouth … Her tongue sliding over mine … Her fingers gripping the hair at the back of my head … And most definitely the way I had to lean forward to compensate for her growing belly.

When she finally let her hands fall to my shoulders and her lips part from mine, I smiled at her and said, "Good morning, Angel."

She blushed such a beautiful red that I couldn't stop myself from kissing her again, though I did keep it small and sweet. It made her blush harder and try to hide her face against me.

I laughed a little as I kissed the top of her head. "You are such a mystery sometimes. You give me a hot as all hell kiss and then you blush about it."

"I wasn't sure if you minded."

"Trust me, Angel, I didn't mind one damn bit. You're free to kiss me like that any time you want, anywhere you want."

She gave a snort and then she pushed out of my arms, giving me that evil grin of hers—a smile I'd missed so damn much in the past few months. "You're insane if you think it'll be that easy, Cullen. I was caught up in the excitement of the day we have planned and you were there."

I knew she was pretending but I played along. I gave her a fake pout while lifting my arm up and flexing the muscles in it. "Damn. And here I'd thought with this new body of mine I'd finally be irresistible to you."

Bella didn't say a word as she turned away from me and went over to the little fridge near the dining area. She didn't have to say anything though—it was written all over the red in her cheeks visible to me when she bent down to get out a water. She was still attracted to me. Knowing that plus knowing she still loved me had me feeling pretty damn lucky.

Bella cleared her throat, immediately getting my attention. "Cullen, anytime you want to get your shoes on and stop standing around like a statue would be really great."

"My dazed state is all your fault, Swan," I replied as I sat back down on the couch.

"Right," she scoffed.

"Right," I confirmed, looking straight at her while tying my shoe. I wanted her to know she still made my head spin and my heart race—I just didn't get nauseous from it anymore.

"Come on, Edward," she whined, giving a real pout and the big sad brown eyes. "I'm hungry and I've been looking forward to Café Du Monde for days now."

"We're going, Angel. Just let me tie my other shoe and we are out of here," I promised. Wanting to distract her from her hunger, I decided to bring up the movie from last night. "You know, I had a lot of fun watching Harry Potter with you last night."

Her pout disappeared as her sweet laugh filled the suite. "You fell asleep not quite halfway through."

"Doesn't mean I didn't enjoy every second that I was awake for. Although, I do wish that when they turn books to movies that they followed them closer. Some of the stuff they cut out makes no sense. Like why cut out Dudley's friend being with him and Harry at the zoo? Would it have really impacted the film schedule to add that one kid?"

"You stinking little liar," Bella cried, her little hands on her hips and making her belly more prominent.

"What?" I asked as I stood and tried not to grin. I knew exactly what she was annoyed with me for.

She stomped her little self over to me and poked me in the chest with her finger. "_You_ said you didn't like Harry Potter. _You_ threw a fit when Em and me forced you to join our HP marathon after we came back from Hawaii. _You_ said you wanted no part of our magic craze."

I put my hand on hers, trapping her fingers right over my beating heart. "Actually, what I said was that I didn't like the HP movies, which is true. I like the books. And I wasn't sure if Emmett was serious about being an HP fan or if he was just looking for another way to torture me. Now I know he was serious."

"What makes you so sure?" she asked, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

I figured it wouldn't hurt to admit I'd had help yesterday so I did. "You were right about my past failures with attempted good ideas so I called Rose for some suggestions. Em overheard us talking and insisted on Harry Potter, saying it was always your favorite when you were feeling down. He even said he wished he was able to watch it with us."

Her lips pulled up into a small smile but I could see all the sadness behind it; she was still hurting over what my brother had done. "Would you still be hiding your HP love if Em wasn't serious?" she asked.

"Nope. I've gotten over my worries about what my brother thinks of me. And I've learned that the more I don't care what he thinks, the less he cares about teasing me."

"I miss him, you know."

"He misses you too. Half of our conversations are about you and how he can't wait for things to be okay between you two."

"What's the other half about?"

I snorted and shook my head. "He might have grown up some, but he's still Emmett and I'm not repeating anything I've heard."

"I probably already know it."

"Yeah, but you won't hear it from my mouth. That's not the kind of stuff you say to the woman you love and respect."

She snorted and lifted her eyebrows in challenge. "And if your woman likes dirty talk?"

"There's a time and a place for that and a better way to phrase it than the way my brother blurts it out."

"Hmmm … Edward talking dirty," she mused, that evil grin of hers back for a second showing. "That could be interesting." And just like that, her grin was gone and she had a fistful of my shirt in her hand. "If I weren't starving and waiting on your slow ass."

As soon as I started to laugh, she lost the look of menace she was trying to hold and let out a few laughs of her own. "I love you," I said as I kissed her forehead and hugged her tight.

"Yeah, love you too. _Now_ can I get fed?"

I answered her by spinning her around and leading her to the door with my hand on her lower back. She seemed to really like when I did that and I would definitely have to thank my dad for giving me the suggestion.

Once we were down in the lobby, I moved my hand so I could take hers into it, linking our fingers together. We walked down to the river near the Marketplace again and caught a ride on the Riverfront streetcar, taking us to the French Quarter and giving us only a little ways to walk to the Café. If she hadn't been so hungry, I had the feeling Bella would have had us stay on the streetcar for longer so I promised her we would take a longer ride later.

There was a line when we got to the Café so I had Bella get us a table while I waited to place our order. All of the seating was outside under a green canopy with white striping and lettering, and a low wrought iron fence closed the tables off from the sidewalk. Once you were standing underneath, you could see there were thick supports under the canopy and a few ceiling fans hung from them, stirring the humid air to make it feel a little cooler. The view on my left was of a beautiful three-story brick building and the view on my right was a huge old tree—and a gorgeous brunette sitting with her chin in her palm and her wide brown eyes trying to take in everything at once.

After ordering a coffee with chicory for myself and a milk for Bella, I went ahead and got three orders of beignets, having no idea how filling the pastries might be. I did know from the sugar I could see coating the orders being delivered to the tables around me that we were both going to cap our daily sugar quota right here.

With our order placed and paid for, I joined Bella at the table. She was so busy taking everything in that she didn't notice me there for almost a full minute. "Having a good time?" I asked, already knowing the answer from her smile.

"This is incredible, Edward. What do you think the big building over there is? A hotel maybe?" she asked, discreetly pointing toward the brick building I'd noticed while standing in line.

I reached into my back pocket and pulled out the small guide book I'd bought for our trip and flipped to the section on Decatur Street. "That's the Pontalba Apartments, named for Michaela Pontalba. She was a Baroness."

"Really? A Baroness built apartments?" Bella asked, leaning close to me to see the page in the book. I turned the book more toward her and she read the description out loud. "On either side of the square stand the Pontalba Apartments built in the 1850's by Baroness Michaela Pontalba. She is the daughter of Don Andres de Almonaster y Roxas …" Bella paused to let out a giggle. "I know I just totally massacred that poor man's name."

I smiled and kissed her cheek before picking up where she'd left off. "Don Andres is buried under the floor of St. Louis Cathedral. Michaela is a colorful figure in New Orleans history, said to have survived an attempted murder by her father-in-law in Paris in 1834. She returned to New Orleans in 1848 and found Creole families were moving to Esplanade Avenue. To keep the families here and to restore this area of the French Quarter, she built grand row houses and convinced city officials to renovate the Square and surrounding buildings to resemble the great public squares in Europe."

"Wow. One woman did all this," Bella said softly, her eyes trained on the corner of the building we could see from our table.

My fingers gently pulled a strand of her hair back, tucking it behind her ear so I could see her face clearly. "A determined woman is capable of great wonders. My dad told me that once."

Those brown eyes I loved looking into turned my way as Bella gave me a shy smile. "If I haven't said it before, thank you for bringing me here."

I smiled at her while closing my fingers around the hand she had resting on the table. "I love you and I love making you happy."

Her mood instantly turned serious. "You know what really makes me happy? When I can trust what you say."

"Are you trusting anything I say lately?"

"Yeah, some of it. I just … I want to trust you but I don't want to be made a fool. I don't want to feel secure with you again just to end up in the dark once more."

"Things are different this time, Bella. I don't want you in the dark about anything. And I don't want to be in the dark either. Knowing things were bothering you and not having any idea what they might be … I'm sorry I ever made you feel that way because it's horrible."

"You forgot hurtful and frustrating," she said, still looking me right in the eye. In our previous conversations, she would get shy and turn her eyes way. All that I had done, all the mistakes I'd made, and she was still worried about hurting my feelings. And she wondered why I called her 'Angel'.

Thinking about the recent changes in her behavior made me want to ask about it. "What's different today? You're a lot more open than you were yesterday."

"Even with all that you had put me through, I didn't want to hurt you. But some of the things I need to say to you are going to hurt and I realized that not saying them would hurt worse later on. And also, I know exactly what I want. I still don't know how to get it, but that's okay. Just having something to focus on, to work toward is okay for now."

"So what do you want?"

She smiled at me while turning her hand over and squeezing mine. "You." She brought our hands and eyes to her belly. "And these babies."

I leaned in and kissed her cheek, leaving my head to rest against hers. "You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that."

"Oh, but I do. I know how worried I was and how happy I feel right now having said it out loud. I'm still worried about a lot of things but I'm finding a way to balance it out and deal with it." She lifted her eyes for me to see them and the uncertainty there made me even more determined to prove myself to her. "No more lies, Edward. No more leaving me in the dark to protect me. No more leaving period."

"Never again," I promised.

"Edward?" a guy holding a tray called out. I raised my hand up and he came right over, setting everything onto the table for us.

"You got coffee," Bella said, sliding the cup toward her and sniffing at it. "Jeebus that smells good."

"A tiny sip," I warned, watching her lips draw closer to the rim. She obviously didn't trust her willpower because she slurped a small bit instead of taking a real sip. It was also obvious she enjoyed the coffee from the moan she let out and the way she made her eyes roll back.

"Yeah, okay," I said, moving the cup far away from her. "Leave my coffee alone and enjoy your milk."

She just laughed and focused on getting a plate of the beignets in front of her. "Hey, we don't have napkins. I need napkins or I'm going to get this stuff all over me."

I looked around and saw a napkin dispenser on an empty table across from us so I went over and grabbed it. "Napkins," I said as I set the container beside her plate.

"Thank you." She grabbed a handful and set them all across her lap while I quietly laughed. Apparently I wasn't as quiet as I thought because she piped up with, "We'll see who's laughing when I'm the one _not_ covered in sugar."

"All you need to do is be—" I had planned on saying "careful" but that was before Bella bit down on her beignet, coughed from the sugar, and then blew the white powder all over me. It was on my face, in my hair, on my shirt. Hell, you could track the path across the damn table.

While I was busy assessing the damage, Bella was busy laughing herself to tears and stuttering the word "sorry". There were two ways I could handle this. One, I could be annoyed and probably end up being a jerk because of it. Two, I could laugh it off and let Bella enjoy this moment. Yeah, two was the definite way to go.

I pulled the camera from the side pocket on my cargo shorts and handed it to her. "Take a picture so I can clean myself up."

She took six before she let me at the napkin dispenser. Those pictures would be emailed at the first chance she got and the taunting would start not long after. Looking at the smile on her face as she turned off the camera, I knew her happiness right now would be more than worth all the teasing to come later.

Once she put the camera down, she started to help me clean up. "Thank you for being a good sport," she said as she brushed sugar from my hair.

"It was worth it to see you laugh like that."

Yet another giggle escaped her. "And just think of all the laughing I'll do every time I see the pictures."

"I'm glad I could enrich your life," I joked, giving her a grin so she would know I was teasing.

Her hands gripped my chin and her lips settled over mine in a soft kiss. When she pulled back, she made sure I saw her licking her lips. "Sugary goodness."

"Ha, ha," I said sarcastically. "I'm going to find a bathroom. You sit and eat."

"Just dust it off the best you can and after we both eat, we'll go back to the hotel for you to change. And really, you don't want to leave me alone with your coffee."

"No, I don't," I agreed. I used my hands to brush my shirt off the best I could and then I moved my chair and my coffee a safe distance away from Bella.

She gave me a smirk and then took a big bite of her beignet. No sugar was launched that time.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

One shower and change of clothes later—because Edward was convinced there was powdered sugar in his hair even though I couldn't see any—we finally left the hotel for the second time that day, taking a cab to a music store Edward had read about online. He wanted to check out their selection of instruments just to see what they had. Once we were done there, we were going to have dinner at a restaurant nearby and then take a streetcar ride along St. Charles Avenue.

I hung back a bit inside the music store, just watching him walk around and reverently stare at the instruments. He would sometimes bring his fingers close but he would never actually touch them. Not until he got to this one that was two different shades of dark brown with a white trim and a pale brown neck. The store clerk must have seen the same look of awe on Edward's face that I had because he was suddenly standing next to Edward. The man grinned as he took the instrument down and put it into Edward's hands.

"Wanna try it out?" the guy asked.

Edward's smile faltered. "I better not."

"Might fall in love with it?" the guy guessed.

"Yeah, that's it exactly," Edward agreed, trying to hand the instrument back.

The guy put his hands up in refusal. "You've gotta give her a test drive, man."

Edward gave a small laugh. "Sorry, but you aren't getting a sale out of me no matter how sweet it plays. I've got a family to support."

The guy glanced over at me before nodding but he still didn't take the instrument back. "Yeah, my wife would kill me too if I bought a big ticket item like this with a baby on the way. This gonna be your first?"

"Yeah," Edward said with a big smile on his handsome face. "First, second, and third all together."

"Well hell, man. You deserve to give her a play because you won't be touching an instrument for a long time once those babies are born. Take it into the room right behind you and play something sweet for your wife."

I could see Edward was going to protest again so I spoke up before he could. "I'd like to hear how it sounds, Edward. If you don't mind."

Edward mouthed a "thank you" to me and while the guy got him setup with a chair and shoulder strap to give the guitar a go, I sat quietly and thought about what had just happened. If I wasn't pregnant right now, Edward could have walked out of here with that guitar. But I was pregnant so he couldn't. He could have been upset about it, wanting to leave the store and do something else. Instead he'd seemed happy to be passing on the guitar. But was he really that excited about the babies? Or was he just trying to spare my feelings?

No, the more I thought about it, the more convinced I was that sparing my feelings had nothing at all to do with his choice. From the moment he'd stepped inside and laid eyes on the instruments, Edward had been in his own world. It was the first time he hadn't been solely focused on me; and the first time I'd noticed just how much of his life he'd put aside in order to fix things between us. It was also the first time I'd seen just how important playing music was to him. The times I'd seen him play his bass in his parents' house, he'd been so intensely focused on what he was doing that any joy he'd felt was hidden. And the times he'd played at the coffeehouse had been nerve wracking experiences for him. But here in the store, he was enjoying himself.

"How's that feel?" the store clerk asked. I looked up to see him checking the strap piece lying across Edward's shoulder.

Edward shifted in the chair a little before nodding. "Feels good." His eyes moved down to the guitar and I watched his fingers gently settle around the neck. "It's a solid instrument."

"Beautiful too," the guy said. "It looks right at home in your hands, man."

Edward let out a snort. "Nice try, but still no sale."

"Hey, I'm not counting myself out yet. I'm banking on your serenade convincing your wife this fine instrument needs to go home with you two." The guy flashed me a quick smile and then left us alone in the small room.

"You okay over there?" Edward asked, his eyes still on the instrument in his hands.

I ignored his question for now, asking my own instead. "So are you going to play for me or just stare at that thing all day?"

He let out a low laugh as his fingers experimentally plucked at the strings, letting a few notes float across the room. There was a peculiar quality to the sounds and I realized the odd look of the walls was padding to make the room soundproof; no wonder the guy had wanted us to come in here.

While Edward plucked strings and turned knobs, I sat there quietly and watched. Each time a note sounded right to his ears, he'd give a smile that went all the way up into his eyes. He was barely doing anything and he was having almost as much fun as when he'd been playing in that baseball game. He was totally in his element, all of life's problems seeming small and far away. I knew because it was how I felt whenever I got wrapped up in taking photos or rating music.

Edward finally looked over at me and when he did his smile faltered. "What's wrong, Bella? You look ready to cry?"

I did feel like crying, but not in any kind of bad way. I was just really happy that he was feeling happy. I didn't think I could explain it to him correctly so I didn't try. "Play for me, Edward," I said, giving him a smile.

"If you're not feeling well—"

I cut him off by forcing my eyes to narrow at him. "If you don't play for me, it's gonna ruin my whole day."

"Doubtful," he replied with a snort. "All I have to do is pull out the camera and show you the pictures from this morning when you had me drenched in powdered sugar."

His mention of the camera had me digging it out of the backpack I'd brought along. "Thanks for reminding me," I said as I took a picture of him.

He only shook his head and returned his eyes to the guitar. "I think I'm going to try some Train. The lyrics are going to be improvised but I think you'll know which one this is."

He gave the guitar a few more experimental strums before striking up a real rhythm. I tried to guess the song from the chords he played but kept coming up blank.

After he'd been playing for about a minute, Edward lifted his eyes again, looking right at me as his melodic voice filled the little room.

_Forever can never be long enough for me_

_To feel like I've had long enough with you._

_Forget the world now, we won't let them see._

_But there's one thing left to do._

_Now that the weight has lifted_

_Love has surely shifted my way._

_Marry Me._

_Today and everyday._

_Marry Me._

"No freakin way in hell," I said, crossing my arms and narrowing my eyes so he would know I was serious. It was one thing for the store guy to mistake me for Edward's wife. It was a whole other for Edward to start singing to me about marriage when that was something so impossible for us with the way things were right now.

Edward didn't seem fazed at all, not with the big cocky grin on his face. "I knew you were going to hate that."

"Then why did you pick it?"

His grin widened. "On the off chance you liked it. Don't think for a second this mess has altered my plans to get a ring on your finger."

"Cullen, the only finger you're going to have access to is this one," I said, smiling as I showed him my middle finger.

He laughed and nodded his head. "Yeah, I figured as much. So Train's _Marry Me_ is out. Let me try something else. Ever heard of Jason Manns?"

"Nope."

"Well, he does a cover of this song with Jensen Ackles."

"That hottie sings? How the hell did I not know that?"

Edward's eyebrows arched up toward his forehead higher than I'd ever seen before. "What was that?"

I pretended to button my lips shut, just barely keeping myself from bursting out into loud laughter at the look on his face.

"No, no. Don't be shy now. How do you know who Jensen is?"

"Well, I don't know him personally but he has starred in a few really great fantasies of mine."

Edward's eyebrows were now down and pulling in toward his nose and flared nostrils. "Is that so?"

I'd thought at first he was just fooling around but looking at his face right now, I was pretty sure Edward was really jealous. Of a freakin celebrity I would never meet! It would have been cute had it not been absolutely freakin hilarious. And since it was so damn funny, there was no way I could pass up the opportunity to tease him.

"Ali, Rose, and me, we went through this _Smallville_ phase a few years back. Jensen showed up as this character Jason Teague. And I'll have you know I'm not the only one who finds that man damn fine. Ali, hater of scary movies, watched half of _My Bloody Valentine_ with Rose and me just to catch a glimpse of him. Whenever I had a Friday off, Rose and me would curl up with some popcorn and watch that _Supernatural_ show he's on right now. He takes a mighty damn pretty picture. Especially shirtless."

Edward was still breathing like a bull and he'd taken his hands off the guitar, making me wonder if he was afraid of snapping the neck in his totally unnecessary outrage. I wanted to laugh, never having him seen act so much like Emmett. Just as quickly as I had that thought, I had another that had me walking over to Edward and apologizing. _He's feeling jealous because he has no more idea where he stands with you than you do with him._

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and nuzzled his neck with my nose. "I'm sorry. I was just teasing but this was the wrong way to do it."

He let out a big breath as his arm came around my waist, holding me as much against his side as he could with the guitar in the way. "You drive me so damn crazy sometimes."

I smiled against his neck. "Yeah, well, you drive me just as crazy. And anyway, you started with your little song selection."

"Yeah, I guess I did."

"Look, I know things are weird between us, but are they really so bad you think you have a reason to be jealous of some guy on TV?"

"I don't know. I don't think it was that I was jealous of him. I think it was more that I missed how good it felt to be the guy that turned you on."

"You're still that guy, Edward. Just because I don't have any desire to act on those feelings doesn't mean that they aren't there. I just … I can't be with you like that without knowing what we are to each other. Without knowing where we want to go together."

"I want to be your family. I want to be your friend and your lover and your husband. And I want to be a parent with you."

"And I want to trust all of what you just said." I pulled back so he could see I was smiling. "But for right now, I just want to hear you play. You don't even have to sing if you don't want. Just play something for me."

Edward gave me a big smile and a tender kiss on my forehead. "I'd love to play for you."

After giving him a quick kiss to his cheek, I went back to my chair and got comfy in it.

His fingers slid across the strings, plucking out a sweet melody for a bit before his voice joined in.

_I can feel her heart beat from a thousand miles._

_And the heavens open every time she smiles._

_I'm running to her, that's where I belong._

_I'm running to her like a river song._

_She give me love, love, love, love._

_Crazy love._

_She give me love, love, love, love._

_Crazy love._

_She got a fine sense of humor when I'm feelin down._

_And __I'm runnin to her when the sun goes down._

_She takes away my trouble, she takes away my grief._

_She takes away my heartache and I go right to sleep._

_She give me love, love, love, love._

_Crazy love._

_She give me love, love, love, love._

_Crazy love._

_Yes, I need her in the daytime._

_And yes, I need her in the night._

_Yes, I want to throw my arms around her._

_Kiss and hug her, and I kiss and hug her tight._

_When I'm returnin from a long day_

_You give me some sweet lovin__, it brightens up my day._

_It makes me righteous and yes it makes me whole._

_It makes me mellow right down to my soul._

_She give me love, love, love, love._

_Crazy love._

_She give me love, love, love, love._

_Crazy love._

While I was busy walking over to Edward, he was taking the guitar off and setting it down in his chair. When we finally had hold of each other, his arms around my waist were just as tight as mine around his neck.

"I think we're both a little crazy in how we love each other," I whispered to his chest.

He heard me clearly, laughing a little as he put his head on mine. "There's no one else I'd rather be crazy with."

"You should get the guitar."

"Don't need it."

"What if I want to be serenaded again?"

"I'll borrow Peter's again."

"The black one you had at the coffeehouse?"

"Yep."

"Jasper helped?" I asked, already feeling sure of the answer.

"Jasper helped."

"I wanna call him."

"I thought we said no outside opinions right now."

"He won't give one unless I ask and I'm not going to ask. I just want to thank him."

"Okay, then. I think he'd like that."

We held onto each other for a few minutes before Edward returned the guitar the clerk and thanked him for letting him play it. The guy tried once more to convince Edward to buy it, but he just smiled and shook his head while taking my hand into his. He loved music but he loved me more. It was crazy as all hell, but it was also true. And I was happy for the second time on this trip.

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry for the lateness of the chapter but I was out of town with family. Now I'm catching up on all of my responsibilities - chapter before homework too! LOL There are pics of the guitar Edward plays and the rooms of the suite up on the Worth the Burn page of my website.

Thanks for the reviews of the last chapter and sticking around to see where these two characters are going to end up. I'll be back next Saturday with another New Orleans chapter. Hope you all enjoyed and are having a great weekend!


	56. You Found Me

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: ****You Found Me**

**Chapter Song: ****"You Found Me" by The Fray**

**Bella****'s POV:**

When we got back to the hotel on Thursday night, we decided to take some time for ourselves. We weren't trying to escape each other—we'd had a good time during dinner and a better time riding the streetcar back and forth along St. Charles Avenue. But I did want to be alone to call Jasper and Edward wanted to map out tomorrow's activities. Plus I figured he could use some time alone to think about the things I'd said to him today. I was pretty proud of myself for being so open with him and I hoped we'd talk a little more before going to sleep tonight.

I had to dig around in my suitcase for my cellphone since I hadn't been carrying it around knowing Esme and Carlisle had passed the word along not to call Edward or me unless it was an emergency. We'd all agreed that while all anyone wanted for us was our happiness, hearing all of their ideas on how to get there would only leave me feeling more confused. Edward and I had to do this _our_ way.

With my phone in hand I crawled up into the big bed and under the covers, praying Alice wouldn't answer Jasper's phone tonight. While I missed her, I wasn't ready to talk to her just yet—mostly because I was afraid I'd end up spilling everything to her before I was ready for it.

"What's going on, Darlin'?" Jasper asked as soon as he answered the call.

I smiled at the concern I could hear in his voice. "I just wanted to talk to my friend. Got a minute for me?"

"Always. So what's on your mind?"

"I just wanted to thank you."

"Well that's nice, but what for?"

I smiled as I pictured his face in my head. "For being you. For being a good friend and not getting fed up with my moods."

"There were reasons for your moods. One of which is a man who had his head up his ass and goes by the name of Edward. He treating you right down there?"

I couldn't help but snort. "Why? You gonna do something about it if he's not?"

"Yes." His answer was so simple and so firm that it had me smiling and tearing up at the same time.

"I love you, Jazz."

"And I love you, Bells. You okay?"

"It comes and goes. I'm pretty good tonight. And I owe part of that to you. I know you got Peter to loan Edward the guitar he played at the coffeehouse."

"You know, Darlin', it's pretty damn hard to be the man behind the curtain when folks go and tattle about me."

I laughed loudly at his response and even more so after I heard his own laughter coming through the phone. He was an amazing man and a great friend and I was so glad he would be marrying my best friend. Speaking of her … "Jazz, how's Ali?"

"She's good. She's in the shower right now."

"No, how is she really? Is she mad at me?"

"Of course not, Bells. Why would you think that?"

"She's being left out of the loop. We left for New Orleans without telling any of you directly."

"Yeah, but she knows this trip is something you need. And she knows you're going to tell us everything going on with you when you come home."

"You keep reminding her of that for me, okay?"

"Sure thing."

"And give her a hug for me while you're at it."

"Oh I've got a lot more than a hug in store for her. I came home to dinner on the table tonight so I want to show her some proper appreciation."

"Just don't get the cops called on you for noise complaints," I joked.

"Nah, we learned our lesson about that."

I laughed under my breath while shaking my head. "Only you two."

"Seriously, though, Bells. Are you okay?"

"Not yet, but for the first time I feel like I could be."

"That's good. That's really good. If you need anything at all, you call me."

"I will. And thanks again for everything."

"It's what family does, Bells. We stick together and we help each other out." His words had me smiling once again.

"Hey, do you think we could go down to the park when I get back? We haven't been lately."

"You just name the date and time."

"Thanks."

"You're saying that a lot today."

"Well I mean it a lot. So thanks. And I'll see you soon, Jazz."

"You're welcome, Darlin'. Be safe out there."

"I will," I promised.

I was still smiling over our call as I put my phone away and grabbed my laptop. I doubted he would be on, but I wanted to see if I could catch my buddy Numb.

Luck was on my side when I logged into my IM program and his name was lit up. The second I went to start a chat with him, my happy excitement turned to nervous trepidation and I found myself biting at my lip and struggling to click the button. I closed both eyes, thinking it would help me woman-up and press the button. But then I realized I had no way to make sure I hit it so I opened one eye partially and forced my finger to obey. And then I spent some time snorting and laughing at my own behavior.

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Hey Stranger!_

**NumbNuts: **_I could say the same about you._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Uh, no! You were the one to go off the grid to play house with your girl._

**NumbNuts: **_I'm not playing. I'm correcting my mistakes so I can have a real home with her._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_I didn't mean anything by that. I was just joking around._

**NumbNuts: **_No, you're fine. It's me. I'm a little stressed. Things have been going really well all of a sudden but I know they can't stay that way. We're going to have to get into the heavier stuff and it's going to hurt her feelings. I'm so damn sick of being the cause of her pain._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Isn't there a way you can phrase it where it won't hurt?_

**NumbNuts: **_No, it's not my words that are going to hurt. She's been holding back her feelings so when she finally lets them go, she's going to be feeling them pretty much all at once. I'm worried it'll be too much for her._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Is she a strong person?_

**NumbNuts: **_Usually, yeah. But there's been so much going on._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Strong is strong, Numb. She might not feel it every second like she normally would, but she'll find it when she needs it. Just believe in her. Show her you have confidence in her and she'll find it in herself._

**NumbNuts: **_Thanks for the advice. So now that we've covered my life, want to explain your cryptic email?_

**BarelyBreathing****: **_There was nothing cryptic about it. I told you things had happened and they might be your fault. That's pretty damn clear to me._

**NumbNuts: **_Stop stalling and start explaining._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_I'm not stalling._

**NumbNuts: **_You're not explaining either._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Ass!_

**NumbNuts: **_Staller._

I couldn't help but laugh at his teasing. He was right and I needed to just go ahead and spill. But only after I teased a little.

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Fine._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Here it goes._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Are you paying attention?_

**NumbNuts: **_Nope. Snoring from boredom._

I smiled at his response and then took in a breath, only releasing it after I'd typed out the sentence and hit the send button.

**BarelyBreathing****: **_I'm talking to my ex._

**NumbNuts: **_Going to need more details._

**NumbNuts:**_ When?_

**NumbNuts:**_ Why?_

**NumbNuts:**_ How?_

**BarelyBreathing****: **_I'm not completely sure of the when, but the how and the why are the same. Because he wanted me to talk to him._

**NumbNuts: **_Does he know how much you blame yourself?_

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Not yet. But I know I have to tell him._

**NumbNuts: **_How does it feel to be talking to him?_

**BarelyBreathing****: **_It switches between amazing and heartbreaking pretty constantly. I missed him so much so to be near him again is more than I ever expected. At the same time, I feel so lost about it all. Why did this happen? Was it his fault for not speaking up or mine for not asking? I look back on things now and I see how quick I was to just let things go._

**NumbNuts: **_You trusted him. You can't beat yourself up for that._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_What about for him not confiding in me? Can I beat myself up for that?_

**NumbNuts: **_Not unless you went out of your way to make him feel like he couldn't talk to you._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_I can honestly say I did all I could to show him I wanted to be there for him._

**NumbNuts: **_Sounds to me like you did your best and he just wasn't ready for it._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Is that even possible for guys?_

**NumbNuts: **_Not all of us are cavemen._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Look I know you enjoy your mangina and all, but why would my ex not be ready to talk to me? It's not like we were a brand new couple._

**NumbNuts: **_You're ridiculous! LMAO You insult me and ask for my help in the same sentence!_

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Sorry. I'm just so keyed up over all of this. Here's this chance to have him back in my life, but it's so freakin huge. We can't go back to when it was good so what if we go forward and that connection we had isn't there or isn't the same?_

**NumbNuts: **_It's not going to be the same. It can't be. Being separated from the person you love changes you. And it changes them too. I honestly believe that what you get out of it is what you put into it. It won't be the same but it can be better. You'll be closer because the things that tore you apart won't be there anymore._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Does your girl believe that?_

**NumbNuts: **_I like to think she does._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Well if she can take back a goof like you, then I should definitely have a chance with my ex._

**NumbNuts: **_Again with the insults!_

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Kidding! Kidding! Trying to make us both laugh._

**NumbNuts: **_Speaking of laughter! I thought my bro was going to choke with how hard he laughed over that chocolate milk from a cow's teet comment I shared with him._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Nice. Did he have anything new to share with you?_

**NumbNuts: **_You sure you want to hear it? My bro is a perv._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_We all have some perv inside._

**NumbNuts: **_Okay then. What's an Australian kiss?_

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Why do I feel like I'm going to regret this?_

**NumbNuts: **_It's the same as a French kiss, only down under._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Oh shit! That's hilarious and horrible all in one._

**NumbNuts: **_Want another?_

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Hit me._

**NumbNuts: **_The independent polling company in my pants has voted you the hottest girl in here._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Slap across the face. There's just no other way to handle that one._

**NumbNuts: **_One more … I may not be Fred Flintstone but I can sure make your Bed Rock._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_LAME!_

**NumbNuts: **_Fine then. You're turn._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Okay. Just don't use them on your girl! They're pretty raunchy and not intended for use doing makeup periods. First up … Wanna play carnival? I sit on your face and you guess how much I weigh._

**NumbNuts: **_Holy hell!_

**BarelyBreathing****: **_LMAO! Just wait … Smile! It's the second best thing you can do with your mouth._

**NumbNuts: **_What's the first?_

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Eat me._

**NumbNuts: **_Where the hell was the woman to ask me that question?_

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Leaving you alone for your girl to discover you._

**NumbNuts: **_Nicely put. What else do you have?_

**BarelyBreathing****: **_You be my Dairy Queen and I'll be your Burger King. You treat me right and I'll do it your way!_

**NumbNuts: **_My bro will be using that before the week is out. LMAO_

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Here's another … Do you want to come over to my place and feed my beaver some wood?_

**NumbNuts: **_No way a girl would say that to a guy._

**BarelyBreathing: **_Way! I was there! She was also drunk, but hey! Want another?_

**NumbNuts: **_Why not! These are going to make my bro's day._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_This one I actually had the pleasure of watching one of my closest friends use and it worked. Here goes … Fuck me if I'm wrong, but I could swear you were Paul Walker._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_You can insert any name you want in there to make yourself wrong._

**NumbNuts: **_And that really worked?_

**BarelyBreathing: **_Oh yeah! They didn't even wait to leave the club!_

**NumbNuts: **_Sounds like you have some very interesting friends._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Interesting and amazing. But enough about them! Here is my personal favorite that I actually said to a guy and had REALLY good results … You're cute and all but wanna know how to really be a hottie?_

**NumbNuts: **_How?_

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Put your hand in your pants._

**NumbNuts: **_Bullshit!_

**BarelyBreathing****: **_No shit!_

**NumbNuts: **_You really found that hot? Girls really find that hot?_

**BarelyBreathing****: **_I don't know about every girl, but my girlfriends and I do. There's just something about a guy being so turned on by you that he has to grab himself._

**NumbNuts: **_Interesting_

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Come on, Numb. Tell me how you really feel._

**NumbNuts: **_I wish I was at a place in my relationship where I could try that._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Tired of making nice with your hand?_

**NumbNuts: **_Tired of missing her in every way. There's no feeling in the world that comes close to what it's like to be skin to skin with her._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Save the details. Don't need them._

**NumbNuts: **_You weren't getting them. And I'm pretty sure you already knew that so mentioning it can only mean you really want them._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Hey, don't try to play that reverse psychology bullshit with me, Numb._

**NumbNuts: **_LMAO So what are you up to tonight? Surprised you're not working._

I winced at that, wondering how crazy it was going to sound to Numb for me to go from avoiding Edward at all costs to suddenly spending a full week alone with him.

**BarelyBreathing****: **_I know this is nuts, but I actually took a vacation to spend time with him and see if we can work things out._

**NumbNuts: **_That's not nuts. That's the actions of a person who wants to fix her relationship. You said from the start that things weren't fixable for you, but I never got the feeling you believed that a hundred percent. You never once talked about what you wanted, always about what he needed. When you love someone that much, there's no turning it off. There's no moving on. I know it's not going to be easy because of his health issues, but if there's anyone who loves him enough to overcome that, it's you, BB. You talked once about seeing him with someone else but can you really trust that anyone else would look after him the way you would? Think before you answer!_

**BarelyBreathing****: **_No. No, if I even thought for a second whoever he was with wasn't keeping an eye on his health, I wouldn't be able to keep my big mouth shut. I wouldn't even care if I pissed him off by saying something._

**NumbNuts: **_That's exactly what I thought. If he's got any brains at all, he's going to see how much you love him. And I hope it works out for you, BB. You deserve to be happy._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Thanks, Numb. I hope you end up happy with your girl._

**NumbNuts: **_Hate to type and run, but she's here with me and I really want to spend some more time with her._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Say no more! And good luck! Night Numb._

**NumbNuts: **_Night BB!_

After closing up my laptop, I grabbed some clothes together and headed into the bathroom. It was time to try out that tub! And to put some more thought into my future. I'd gone from ignoring my future, to happily planning it, and right into seeing nothing but a big black void. I couldn't ignore it and it damn sure wasn't a void anymore, but happily planning wasn't where I was either. Maybe that was my mistake right there—maybe I shouldn't even attempt to look at _my_ future. Maybe the best way to handle this was to picture _our_ future in the two forms it could really take on, just friends or everything.

The warm water and the bubbles made from my vanilla body wash felt so good on my skin and I found myself smiling as I closed my eyes and just let myself float a little. Talking and thinking were going to be a huge part of my life over the next several months so stealing a few minutes to just float wasn't going to hurt.

It wasn't long before I found myself opening my eyes and sweeping the bubbles to the side to get a look at my belly. For the first time, I let myself really acknowledge the babies and talk to them. "Not even fourteen weeks pregnant but I look six months. How big do you three plan on making my belly get?"

"If I was sure you wouldn't kill me for it, I would take your picture right now."

I looked up to find Edward leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed and a big smile on his face. "No pictures," I said, pronouncing each word clearly so he would know how serious I was being.

"But you look beautiful. All covered in bubbles except for your hands caressing your belly."

I rolled my eyes at his response. "You're crazy."

"Let me take the picture. If you hate it, I'll delete it."

I was fully prepared to tell him "hell no" but something about the way his eyes were pleading with me made me agree. "One picture."

Edward flashed me a smile before running off to find the camera. He was back almost as quickly as he'd left. He was also quick to the take the picture before I could change my mind.

He came over and knelt next to the tub so I could see the camera's screen. "See how beautiful you look?" he asked.

I was prepared to tell him once again that he was crazy but he wasn't wrong. The picture was centered on my belly with the bubbles making a frame around it and my hands resting on either side of my swell. I was already picturing it black and white and hanging on my wall.

The way Edward's finger was sliding across the screen caught my attention and I took a real look at his face. He had this expression somewhere between proud and awed and his smile was so damn genuine. I'd been so certain he wouldn't want to be tied down by babies, that he would want to get his career on track after having already put it off for months. He'd always had such a light in his eyes when talking about his future.

But that wasn't the only time I'd seen his eyes light up. Watching him talk about his family had always gotten him smiling and happy too. I thought back to our time in the Canyon, to that morning when I'd been spotting and he'd seemed upset that I wasn't pregnant. I'd thought at the time that he'd only been trying to give me what I wanted, but what if he wanted it just as bad as I did? What if the reason I was pregnant right now wasn't so much a miracle as the force of our mutual desires overcoming bad genetics? What if Edward wanted these babies as much as I did? Had it hurt him to think I didn't want the babies?

"What?" Edward asked, finally noticing I'd been staring at him.

I reached out and took his hand, placing it against my skin right in the middle of my wet belly—right where I knew he really wanted it to be. "You want these babies no matter what, don't you?"

"Yes." There was an honesty in his eyes that demanded I not question him and just believe him. I had the sudden surety this was one of those moments in life that would stand out years later—the way his splayed hand engulfed the swell of my stomach with the pads of his fingers lightly digging into my skin.

"I hope you believe the only reason I ever thought about giving them up was to give them the best life," I told him. "I couldn't do it on my own and I didn't want you to do it out of obligation and end up resenting them. They don't deserve that."

"No, they don't. They deserve the absolute best. Just like their mother." Once again, his expression left no room for doubt.

"Would you want them as much if they were anyone else's?"

He lowered his eyes to our hands on my stomach, probably trying to hide the smile on his lips.

"I asked you a legitimate question," I said when he continued his silence.

He finally brought his eyes back to mine and he also quit trying to hide his smile. "You never ask what I think you will. As soon as I think I know where a conversation is going, you throw me off."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"There is no answer for that question, Bella. I'm having these babies with the woman I love. Whether you take me back or can't stand to see me, these babies are always going to be a reminder of how good we can be together."

"How are you so confident of that? That we can be good together?"

"Because when I pull aside my lies and your early fears, what's left is the best relationship I've ever had. No one has cared for me or called me on my shit the way you have. No one has made me feel as important and as loved as you have. I'm sorry I've done a piss poor job of giving that back as much or as consistently as I should have, but I promise that's one of the things that will be different this time, Bella. The only thing that won't change is how much I love you and want you in my life."

Months apart with hardly a word between us and he still believed so strongly that we were meant for each other. It made me think of something Numb had typed earlier tonight … _When you love someone that much, there's no turning it off. There's no moving on._ Edward couldn't turn off his need for me anymore than I could for him. We needed each other, we wanted each other, and we did truly love each other. That wasn't going to make any of our other problems go away, but it was a good basis. Right?

"So can I keep it?" Edward questioned, pulling me out of my head.

"Keep what?"

"The picture of this gorgeous belly of yours," he said as he slid his hand over my skin. "You might not agree tonight or even tomorrow, but I think you'll come around and see the beauty I see."

"Alright," I said while nodding. "You can keep it."

"Thank you," he said, giving me a big smile. He wasted no time in making the camera disappear and I figured he was afraid I might change my mind.

"Does it feel weird? My stomach, I mean?" I asked, looking down at our hands on my belly.

"Not weird. Just different. You kept your stomach toned and flat before so it feels different being soft now." His eyes met mine and he used his free hand to brush my wet hair behind my ear, leaving my skin tingling from his touch. "But it doesn't really change anything. I found you gorgeous before and I find you that way now. I'll always find you that way, Bella."

"You can't know that."

His smile widened as his face drew closer to mine. "Oh, but I do. I'll always love you, my beautiful, gorgeous, Angel."

I had meant to argue with him but I ended up getting kissed instead; it was quick but soft and sweet too. One of those kisses that didn't ask for anything from you while leaving you feeling everything warm and good.

"You'll always be beautiful to me, Angel. _Always_," he whispered softly as he pressed a kiss just beneath my ear. And now that he had me sitting stunned and wordless in the tub, he was smiling and using the edge to get to his feet. "I'm going to let you finish your bath. Think you'll be up to a movie with me after?"

It took a couple head shakes, but I finally remembered how to speak. "Possibly. I know I want my fudge."

"Oh, I ate that earlier."

I narrowed my eyes at him, knowing he was teasing from the way his lips were twitching. "You wouldn't dare."

"You sure about that?"

"You want to live long enough to see your children born, don't you?"

"You love me too much to harm me," Edward replied, that cocky grin of his firmly in place. "Enjoy your bath," he said as he turned to leave the bathroom.

"Just for that, we're watching _Dr. Who_," I yelled after him.

"Brilliant!" he called back, trying and failing to mimic David Tennant.

I found myself smiling and shaking my head at his silliness. It still amazed me that I could feel two ways about him—happy he was joking with me and unsure of what his place in my life was. I was more than ready to figure it out but not so much on saying all the things that needed to come out before that happened.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

I wanted to make absolute sure nothing happened to the picture Bella had let me take of her so I hooked the camera up to my laptop and copied the file onto my hard drive. She hadn't said whether she liked it or not and I didn't want to chance her changing her mind.

Once I had the picture saved, I put the camera away and started getting everything ready for us to watch her show together. I figured we would watch it in her room again so she wouldn't have to move if she got tired. But first I wanted to have a snack ready for her when she finished her bath.

Besides grabbing some staples for the small fridge in our suite, I'd picked up plastic cups and paper plates for us and I made use of them, fixing Bella a glass of milk and breaking off a large piece of her fudge for her. I also snuck a tiny bite for myself to see if it was worth the effort of convincing her to share. I wasn't really surprised that I found the confection too sweet; I took after my father when it came to desserts and had never really cared for rich ones.

I had just set her glass and plate onto the nightstand by her bed when she came in wearing the flannel pajama pants my mom had helped her pick out and the Taking Back Sunday shirt she'd stolen from me after our first date. It made me smile to see that she hadn't thrown it out or felt like she couldn't wear it. I'd worried she would hate anything that reminded her of the way things used to be; those were memories I cherished and I wanted that for her too.

"What's that?" she asked as she headed straight for the cup on the nightstand. She peered inside and then smiled as she picked it up. "How'd you know I wanted milk?"

I gave a shrug and a smile. "Lucky guess."

"Hey, this isn't all my fudge," she complained. I could no longer see her face since I was busy putting the disc for her show into my laptop, but I was pretty sure she was pouting.

"I only gave you half so you wouldn't be up all night from a sugar rush," I explained. "But if you want to bounce of the walls, by all means go ahead and eat the whole thing."

"How do you know those walls weren't counting on my bouncing? What if you've ruined the only fun they'll have all year?"

I snorted at her joking. "I don't care about the walls. I care about you."

"If you must," she said as she held onto my shoulder and climbed up into the bed. "Hey, do you think we could talk instead?"

I turned to look at her, more than a little shocked that she was still being this open. I'd expected by now that she would have shut down, wanting to delay the big talk we both knew we had to have. "Whatever you want to do is fine with me, Bella."

"Did you come up with an itinerary for tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Breakfast at Camellia Grill where we are assured southern greasy goodness. And then we'll spend the day at the Audubon Aquarium. There's a few shops nearby we can visit if you want. I figured I'd just plan a couple things in case you found somewhere else you wanted to go tomorrow."

"I like the idea of it being wide open like that."

I smiled, already knowing she would like it. "Strict schedules bore and annoy you," I said as I moved my laptop to the chair across from her bed.

"Know what else annoys me?"

"Me?" I guessed as I stretched out at the end of her bed.

"That too," she said with a smile. And then her smile was gone, leaving her with that sad expression I'd seen way too much of in the past weeks. "Emmett not remembering. It's like a get-out-of-jail-free card for him and it's not fair that he gets one and I don't."

"He doesn't see it that way, Bella."

"Yeah? He tell you that?" she snapped. My dad had told me that her getting angry would be a part of her healing process and while I was glad she wasn't bottling up her feelings, I still hated to see her upset.

Choosing my words carefully in hopes of making sense of this for Bella, I told her about one of my talks with Rosalie. "Rose told me. When he went home to her, he confessed everything. He told her exactly what had been said and how much he'd hurt you. The only thing he asked of her was to not leave him over it. He said she could hate him all she wanted as long as she didn't leave because he wasn't that guy. He wasn't the inconsiderate, cruel idiot who had said those things. He was just a guy who'd screwed up and hurt someone he loves.

"Em tells her pretty much every day that he wishes he could remember so he could know why he said those things to you. He wishes he knew what he was thinking and feeling, and not so that he can justify what he did, but so that he can explain it to you. He knows how much you want to know why he did it and he wants to give that to you, Bella."

"You believe him?" she asked, her eyes stubbornly focused on her plate of fudge.

I moved up beside her so that I could get her to look at me. "Yeah, I believe him. Emmett can be capable of a lot of shitty things, but he doesn't lie."

"What about you?"

"I'm done lying."

Her brown eyes locked right on to mine, daring me to be honest with her. "What about hiding? Are you done with that too?"

"Yes."

"I have these … these things I need to say to you. And I'm not doing it to be mean to you or to hurt you. I'm just letting you know what your lying did to me."

"It's alright, Bella," I assured her as I put my hand on her knee. "Just say whatever you need to."

She opened her mouth but closed it just as quickly, shaking her head. Her eyes dropped to the fudge she was pushing around on her plate. "Never mind."

I took the plate away and set it on the nightstand and then took both of her hands into mine, making sure she was looking at me. "Talk to me, Bella."

"I will, but later. We're having a nice day and I don't want to ruin that."

"Angel, that's really sweet of you, but we both know we need to talk. _You_ need to talk. And if you're worried about my feelings, please don't be. I can't promise that what you say won't hurt, but we both know we can't start to heal until we get everything out in the open."

She gave a small nod and then took in a deep breath that made her entire frame shake with the force of it. This time when she looked at me, there was nothing but determination in her brown eyes. "You have no idea how much you hurt me. It's not even like you came right out and hurt me directly. You did it behind my back. And instead of being mad at you for that, I've been blaming myself this whole time. Even now when I should be angry with you, I'm not. I'm still wondering what I did wrong for you to not trust me the way I trusted you. It wasn't easy to let you in on my medical stuff but I knew it was the right thing to do so I did it anyway. You said pretty much right away that you loved me and yet you never really trusted me."

I had planned to just sit quietly and let her get everything out but I couldn't let her spend another second thinking my choices had anything at all to do with trusting her. "Bella, that's where you're wrong. It was never about not trusting you. It was about not _hurting_ you. And even more so about not hurting me. It was selfishness on my part, not a lack of trustworthiness on yours. I trust you. Even right now with things up in the air with us, I trust you implicitly. You would never hurt me on purpose, not even if I deserved it. You aren't that kind of woman. Look at your initial reaction to the babies. You never once thought about dumping them in my lap and leaving me to care for them alone. In fact, you were ready to give them up so my life wouldn't be impacted." I took her hand into mine, giving it a gentle squeeze while I smiled at her. "You just didn't realize at first that I _want_ my life to be impacted by them.

"I want to be a father, Bella. I want to hold them and love them. I want to give them advice like my parents have always done for me. I want to teach them right from wrong and how to make good choices. I want to help them reach their dreams and avoid every mistake I made. And I want to do it all with you right there next to me, helping me."

Her eyes were too bright but the smile on her face was just perfect. "I want that too. I want to give them everything I didn't have growing up and then add in all the good I've enjoyed since meeting Alice and becoming part of the family. This is beyond anything I ever hoped for and when I first found out, I just felt like it was another cruel joke of my life. 'Here's your dream. Enjoy it while it lasts because it's going to get taken away soon.' And I was so mad at you for acting like this was something divine when all it was to me was another break in my heart."

"And now?"

She bit at her lower lip for a moment, which wasn't the easiest thing to do with the way she was smiling. "I can keep my babies. There's no way to say what that means to me."

"Just wait until Alice and Jasper find out and Rose and Em are free to talk about it. They're all going to be so excited to be aunts and uncles." I laughed under my breath while picturing my brother holding a tiny baby. "I can just see my brother right now. Uncle Em."

Bella wasn't smiling any longer. That sad look was back on her face and all I wanted to do was get rid of it.

"He really is sorry, Bella. The only reason he doesn't call and tell you that every single day is because you told him you needed some space."

"When Emmett came into my room that day and said all those things …" She closed her eyes and just squeezed down on my hands. This right here, watching her in the middle of her pain, this was what hurt for me.

She didn't open her eyes, but she did start to speak again. "I tried to tell him he was wrong at first. In my mind and heart, I really believed I had been putting you first. Maybe not all the time since I was still learning how things worked in a long-term relationship, but enough that he should be able to see I was trying. But then I just thought about every time you'd seemed tired or sick and I was always around you at those times. I thought he was right and the only thing scarier than not being with you was not having you around at all. So I left because I couldn't handle the thought of you being gone forever. And I knew I wouldn't survive if I was the reason you died."

She finally opened her eyes and the raw pain shining through her tears made it hard for me to breathe. "Edward, I was so scared I was going to kill you and take you away from everyone you loved. Do you have any idea how that ate at me? All those times I was sick to my stomach, I thought it was the guilt and shame over hurting you, over nearly killing you. And the loss too. I lost you and I lost Emmett, and for a while I thought I might have lost everyone. I didn't know they were all focused so intently on you and I didn't get that they really were just as freaked by all this as me because they never acted like it—they always talked so positive about you getting better.

"So there I was in the apartment by myself, missing you and loving you and hating myself for not being good enough for you. And then all of a sudden we were talking and you were telling me I had nothing to do with it and Emmett was saying he didn't remember. It was so … so _wrong_! Because I was only getting by on the belief I was doing the right thing, the necessary thing and _poof_, that's all gone. So then I'm just left there wondering why the man I loved with my whole heart and the man I looked up to as my brother and protector had done these things. Why did you lie and hide? Why did Em go ballistic on me? What did I do wrong?

"There's never going to be anything I can say to get either of you to understand what this was like for me. And I don't want to come off sounding like this whole thing was just about me because it wasn't. The things you two did and said, it changed how everyone in the family acted and reacted. And maybe some of it is my fault too. Maybe I should have stuck around to talk to you face-to-face. Maybe I shouldn't have believed Em when he said he would hit me. All I know is that I believed with my whole heart that I could harm you so I left to protect you. I loved you _that_ much, Edward."

I knew it was stupid considering everything she'd just said to me, but I couldn't help fixating on how she's used 'loved' instead of 'love'. "Bella, I know I messed things up and I hurt you, but is it really so bad that it's completely changed how you feel about me?"

She pulled her hands free but before I could protest, she was on her knees pressing her forehead to mine and holding my face in her hands. "I honestly don't know. Sometimes I'm so sure that it has to have changed from all this, that I can't possibly still love you as much. And then other times I look at you and all I want is to be with you. Just to lie in your arms and feel that sense of home I've only ever felt with you."

"I never once blamed you." It was the absolute truth and I hoped she could see that—I needed her to believe me.

"How is that possible?"

"It's like Alice told me once … She couldn't stop from throwing my heart out of whack with her enthusiasm for life if she didn't know there was a problem. It was never anyone's fault, Bella. It was just the way I was born and the way I chose to live my life. I chose wrong and a lot of people I love paid for it."

She gave a nod but her eyes didn't quite meet mine so I doubted she completely believed me. She let her hands drop from my face and curled herself up in my lap, pulling my arms around her and holding one of my hands to her stomach. She'd only let me touch her a few times so far and each one meant the world to me. Right here under my hand was our future and I wanted so badly to make it amazing for all of us. And just as badly, I wanted to say the right words to reassure her and to ease her suffering, but I didn't know what they might be. So I just held her instead, hoping she could feel just how much I loved her and wanted her.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

I'd thought I would feel lighter after telling Edward exactly how I'd been left to feel, but I didn't. The only change in my feelings was that I felt more determined than ever to put all of this behind me and focus on the future ahead of us. The only problem was that I still didn't have any real ideas on how to do that. It was easy to say "just do it" but the practical application was a lot more involved than that. Did we start with dating all over again? Did we go right back into being in a committed relationship? Did we do neither? Did we go to counseling or something? I still didn't really believe in it but I was _that_ determined to fix things.

Edward's voice interrupted me, low and tender in my ear. "What are you thinking about, Angel?" He'd been holding me and rubbing his hand gently over my stomach for close to an hour and didn't seem tired of it at all.

"I know what I want, but not how to get there."

"Mind elaborating on that?"

I thought about it for a second but then decided I'd had enough for one night. There was no timetable here and no reason to rush so I was going to enjoy what was left of this night with him.

"No, I don't want to elaborate. I want my fudge." I gave his hand a pat and once he moved it, I crawled up to the pillows and retrieved my piece of fudge.

Edward smiled and playfully rolled his eyes at me. "You look way too eager to dive into all that sugar."

I flashed him my wicked smile and then started belting out to the lyrics from 'Sugar High', one of my favorite songs from _Empire Records_ …

"_Gotta have it._

_Really need it to get by._

_Sugarhigh._

_Wanna feel it. Can't quite feel it._

_Makes me high._

_Sugarhigh._

_I need it now._

_Gotta live it 'til I die._

_Sugarhigh._

_Can you feel it?_

_Sugarhigh._"

"No, but I damn sure heard it," he said with his fingers stuck in his ears.

"Three words, Cullen," I said as I wiggled the corresponding number of digits. "Kiss. My. Ass."

"Roll. Over. Then." His three word response was not anything I ever expected from him and it had me laughing so hard that my eyes welled up with tears.

When I could finally do something other than laugh, I called him a "complete forkin moron".

"Forkin? Really?"

"Well, yeah. I can't have a potty mouth around our babies so I figure I better start retraining my brain now. Replace all my curse words with forkin."

"You can't replace them all with the same word."

"The hell I can't," I replied, happily accepting his challenge. "Watch and learn, Cullen. My first sentence will be using real curse words and the second will be with my replacement word.

"I had a fucked up day. I had a forkin day.

"My day was totally shitty. My day was totally forkin.

"You smell like cabbage and ass. You smell like cabbage and forkin."

"Stop," Edward called out through his laughter. "If you do it that way, no one will ever know which curse word is implied."

"Even better. Whatever you think it is will tell how pervy your mind is."

"Yeah? You're forgetting your little phrase you use when something really blows your mind. How you will change holy mother?"

_Oops. Flaw in the plan_, I thought to myself. Just as quickly though, I shot back with an answer for him. "Holy mother of fork me sideways."

"That's awful, Bella. That sounds like you're asking to be a cannibal's entrée."

"Oh what the hell do you know?" I joked, smiling at him while kicking his knee with the bottom of my foot.

"I know that was lame."

I ignored him in favor of my fudge, finally getting a bite into my mouth. It was so smooth and creamy and rich all at once—I didn't even have to fake my eyes rolling back because it was that damn good.

"Oh, man," I moaned, savoring the taste of the fudge on my tongue. "That guy was totally right. This is so much better than sex."

Edward's head whipped around so fast it was a wonder I didn't hear his neck pop. "What the hell? Did you really just say that?"

"Yep," I said. I licked my fingers clean, smiling at him the entire time. "Meant it too."

"Well that's …" Edward shook his head and then just let his words fly. "That's fucked up, Bella."

I laughed at having made him curse and then put him out of his misery. "Yeah, it's a real shame for the guys I had sex with. Good thing it was always more than sex with you so the fudge is no competition."

His jealousy turned into something hotter and the look of want in his eyes shot straight through me. It probably would have felt even better had it been something I could act on, but we weren't there yet. So I just smiled and plopped another piece of better-than-sex fudge into my mouth.

Edward stared at me like he was studying me and then all at once, he was smiling in this way I'd never seen before with him. It was way past cocky and damn smack in the middle of devious.

"Why are you looking at me that way?"

"No reason," he said, shrugging his shoulders. He had zero chance of being believed with that smile still on his face.

Another great movie line popped into my head and I quoted _Super Troopers_ to Edward in quite possibly the worst ever attempt at an Irish accent. "I'll believe ya when me shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbet."

When he finally stopped laughing, he reached out for my foot and started massaging the underside, really digging his thumb in good. If he thought he was going to distract me from finding out what he had planned, he was sorely mistaken.

"What was with the devious smile?" I asked.

"Just an errant thought."

"No, errant thoughts make you look pensive or brooding. That was a damn devious ass smile. I _know_ the difference."

He finally stopped looking at my foot and looked at me instead—and I almost wished he hadn't. _Almost_. That heat that had been burning in the green of his eyes earlier was there again and hot enough to melt the last piece of fudge sitting on my plate. _Well okay, not really that hot, but still pretty damn hot_.

And his voice was just as bad, liquid lust and able to make my skin tingle without physically touching me. "You sure you want to know? I don't want to answer you just to have you mad with me after."

Despite feeling pretty sure I was going to regret it later, the temptation was just too much and I nodded my head for him to go on.

It took less than a second to know for certain I had just made the dumbest move ever. I was used to the Edward that was a bit shy and blushed over sexual innuendos. I had no experience—and therefore no chance in hell—with an Edward that bit his lip and made his eyes feel like hands sliding over my body. I could feel the redness in my chest and cheeks and it damn sure wasn't from embarrassment.

And looking at the cocky grin now sitting on his face, he knew it too. "I was just thinking that once we're okay again, it would be nice to show you a few things that are better than that fudge of yours. One of the really nice things about having a heart that works is that I don't get tired. Well, not unless I _really_ exert myself."

_Holy mother of fuck me sideways! F__ORK me sideways! Language, Bells. Oh, hell, what's the use? My brain is freakin mush now anyway. So not fair! Why does he have to get all super hot and fuckable when things are forked up!_

"Bella? You okay there?" From the way he was laughing at me, I was pretty damn sure he knew I wasn't. I would have flipped him off if I could remember how to get my arm to work. But I couldn't so I just sat there and tried to derail my brain from the trip down Naked Edward memory lane it was on.

I wish I could have said I was successful. I wish I could have _been_ successful. But not only did my stupid brain stubbornly refuse to stop the flash dance parade of pictorials, it started trying to merge Memory Edward with the new physique of Real Edward. Add on top of that his fingers digging into my foot and I was on freakin overload. And. No. Kill. Switch.

_This is fine_, I pep talked myself. _You'll just ignore it and it'll go away. He'll go to his room soon and you'll be here in yours and you'll just go to sleep. No biggie._

_Except for that pesky problem of having trouble sleeping without him around. Fork my life!_

_You could just go in the bathroom—No freakin way. Not with him in the same suite. Not going to happen. Just the idea that he MIGHT hear something—Oh, thank you, little baby Jesus asleep in his manager, to quote Talladega Nights. Just keep thinking of him hearing and the new shade of embarrassment red you would create and all will be well with the world._

Dr. Bennett and I were going to have a long ass talk about hormones when I got to back to Portland. First forkin priority!

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**BPOV:**

Friday morning started off with a lot of laughter—mostly Edward's. When I came out of my room and he got a look at the shirt I was wearing, he started having a full on fit, rolling around on the sofa and clutching his stomach.

"It's not that funny, Cullen," I said even as it took everything in me not to smile.

He only nodded his head wildly while continuing with his crazy laughter.

I looked down at my shirt and let myself smile. It really was pretty cool and very much my style. And the best part was that Esme had picked it out for me all by herself. It was a white shirt with black lettering that said "you can touch my belly if I can punch your face". I hadn't figured anyone else would get the joke of it but apparently I had been very mistaken about one Edward Cullen.

"You know … You know what's so … so great about it?" he asked between laughs, still struggling to get control of himself. He took in a few deep breaths and then answered his own question. "Anyone who doesn't know you is going to see it and want to step away from you. The people who know you are going to have their hands all over your shirt."

"Hey, don't try and turn my work of art into an epic fail. This shirt will totally keep Alice from rubbing my stomach and talking fashion to the babies."

Edward kept his straight face for maybe a full second before he was right back to rolling on the sofa and laughing his head off. I rolled my eyes at his silly behavior before covering them up with my sunglass and heading toward the front door. "Going to breakfast now. You have a great time with your laughter over there."

His feet hit the floor behind me and he sounded so loud coming toward me that I stopped moving and braced myself for impact. A completely unwarranted move on my part that once again had him laughing, though he kept it down to a few snorts and chuckles this time.

"Did you really think I would run you over?" he asked as he turned me around to face him.

"Not really. It's these hormones. They do weird things to the body, Cullen. Weird things."

"Uh, huh." The drawn out way he spoke and the big cheesy smile on his face told me I wasn't fooling him a bit.

"Oh whatever," I said as I reached up and flicked his sunglasses, making them drop down from where they were perched on his head to fall right on his nose.

"Hey, now," he called out while pushing my hand away from him. "These wayfarers come all the way from Boston."

I snorted at that.

"What? They do," he insisted. "They came with this shirt," he said, pinching part of the fabric between his fingers. "Emmett and Rosalie sent them to me a few weeks ago."

In all of his rolling around and laughing theatrics, his shirt had been blocked from my view and now that I was seeing it up close and personal … _Really, Life? Really?_ That was the best I could do for rational thoughts faced with Edward not only standing there in a band shirt, but standing there in a Linkin Park band shirt. Black wayfarers, black band shirt, grey low-hanging cargo shorts, and black and grey sneakers—my version of sex on two feet if I'd ever seen it. _And completely forkin off-limits_.

Before I did something stupid like swallow my tongue or allow my libido to make decisions, I turned right around and forced my feet to move toward the door. "So who's hungry?" I accidentally yelled out.

I'd been so focused on moving that I hadn't realized Edward had been right there in-step with me until I heard his low rumbling voice in my ear. "You, but I don't think it's food you want."

_So not fair! So not fair! Did I mention this is so not fair?_ There had been the occasional glimpse of this side of him before but not at this level. It had to be my hormones, right? He couldn't have gotten better, bigger, and bolder, right? 'Cause that would just mean if things did work out that I would be in for some major freakin trouble when it came to keeping my hands to myself. I had barely been able to do it before and if he was just as bad as me … Em & Rose not being able to wait now made perfect sense to me. _Screw watching my language—holy mother of fuck me sideways!_

His arms wrapped around me and his hands rested against my swell while his lips tickled the skin just beneath my ear with small kisses. "I love you and I hope you know I'm only teasing. I know you need to be able to trust me before we're together in that way again. And if it makes you uncomfortable I'll stop. I just thought it might make you laugh and I know that's something you haven't been able to do a lot lately."

"I appreciate your thinking behind it but for the sake of my sanity, I'm going to have to ask that you refrain from that sort of teasing until we're okay again on the count of the massive amount of hormones flowing inside me right now."

His laughter tickled just as much as his kisses had since his lips were still touching me. "We have real trouble with timing, don't we?"

"Timing and lube."

He laughed again. "Your mouth didn't check with your brain on that one, did it?"

"No," I grumbled out loud while cursing my mouth internally.

"Come on, Angel. Let's get some food into that big bad mouth of yours."

"Shut it, Cullen," I said, laughing as I playfully elbowed him in the stomach.

When we got downstairs and stepped out of the hotel, we got our first taste of real Louisiana weather and we quickly realized how good we'd had it the past couple of days. The word humid to us meant warm enough to be a little sticky outside. Down here it meant feeling like an actual weight was pressing down on you. It barely even took a full minute before I felt stuck to my clothes and ready for a cold shower. What made it so much worse was that the sky was cloudless without even a hint of a breeze. And we hadn't even gone anywhere! We were just standing outside of the hotel.

Edward looked down at me the same time I looked up at him. We both spoke at the same time too. "Cab."

We had planned to walk a ways and then catch a streetcar down to the restaurant but there was no way I was walking in this oppressive heat. I normally loved the sun but I'd have happily settled for some gray skies right then.

We were able to get a cab pretty quickly since it was the middle of the week for the locals and they were all at work. I hoped it would be a sign that the wait at the restaurant would be short too with the way my stomach was rumbling. It was so loud that Edward could hear it and kept laughing to himself about it.

The cab came to a stop and at first I thought the driver had taken us to the wrong place. The outside of Camellia Grill looked like the entrance to a fancy home with its white picket fence out front and large columns at the entrance. There were green shutters on the windows and an entry way like I'd never seen before. It was like a mini outdoor lobby. After taking a few pictures of the front of the building to show everyone back home, we headed for the door and the air conditioning that would be behind it.

The inside of the restaurant was just as impressive, giving a feel of an old time diner. There were no booths in the place, only stools all around the u-shaped counters so you had no choice but to interact with the staff and your neighbors. I couldn't wait!

Getting seated was the easy part—it was picking something from the menu that neither of us seemed capable of handling. Everything just sounded so good and being right up there to see the food being cooked gave us a view of how good it looked. For the first time in a long time, I thought of Emmett without it making me upset.

I leaned into Edward to make sure he could hear me over all the talking and laughing. "If I were ever to have that eating contest with Em, right here is where it would go down."

Edward smiled and nodded his head. "I'd have to join you two just so I could try a little of everything here. I swear every time I make up my mind I see something coming off the grill that looks better."

After a lot of back and forth, we finally placed our orders—walnut waffles with real whipped cream for me and a ham and cheese omelet with a side of corned beef hash for Edward. At first I'd thought he was wasting his trip here when he'd told me he was getting an omelet, but then I'd seen how damn huge the thing was sitting on a plate on the other side of the u-bend where we were seated. It would take both of Emmett's hands side-by-side to equal the same size.

While we waited for our food and tried not to drool from the amazing smells surrounding us, Edward read to me from his little guide book. "The diner is considered a landmark and first opened in 1946. It was closed for a couple years after Hurricane Katrina hit and people would come by and tack notes to the door, saying how much they missed the restaurant. It finally reopened in April of 2007."

I couldn't help myself—I snorted at Edward and his little book. "Hey, Frommer, did you get a traveler's money belt with your book there?"

Edward flashed me another new look—pretend annoyance. "I've seen _Euro Trip_, Bella."

I smiled at him and gave his chin hairs a little scratch. "Good to know, Cullen. Saves me the trouble of explaining my dig to you. So what's your little guide say about the Garden District? Yeah or nay?"

Edward flipped through his book until he found the section and then he leaned in, sharing the book with me. "The area was developed between 1832 and 1900 and may be the best preserved collection of southern historic mansions in the U.S. The whole area was originally a number of plantations with only a couple of houses per block, each surrounded by a large garden, giving the district its name. It wasn't until the late 19th century that the large lots were subdivided to make uptown New Orleans more urban. It created a pattern of mansions surrounded by late Victorian houses, making the area stand out more for its architecture than the gardens its name implies. One of the most famous restaurants in the city is located in the district, Commander's Palace."

Edward closed the book and set it down, focusing his complete attention on me as he spoke. "It's a really nice place from what I've seen and read on the internet, but I haven't made plans there yet because it's pricey. I thought maybe you could look over it later today or tonight and if you were interested, I'd make us some reservations. If not that's okay because I definitely plan to bring you back here again someday. Maybe for an anniversary or just a weekend away from being parents. I want us to be like my parents and not forget that we're a couple just because we're also a mom and dad."

I didn't really know what to say to him. It was really unnerving whenever he talked about our future like it was set in stone that way. He made it sound so good and so possible, but that was the problem right there—he'd made it sound that way once before and look where we had ended up.

Since I couldn't think of anything to say, I decided to ask a question instead. "What's it say about the aquarium we're going to?"

"It's okay if you don't believe me, Bella. Whether you do or not isn't going to change the fact that I'm going to prove it to you. I'm going to give you a life that makes you happy. All you have to do is stick around."

_All __you have to do_ … He was oversimplifying it, sure. But after the past few months, simple sounded really good to me.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**BPOV:**

"Would you stop that?" Edward huffed for the third or fourth time. "We're going to get home and not recognize what half the pictures are supposed to be because they'll be full of random people."

"You take pictures your way and I'll take them my way." And to prove my point, I stopped and snapped another "random" picture.

Edward was only partly right about my pictures being random. What he didn't realize was that I was purposefully staying a little ways behind him to get shots of his reactions to the things we were seeing as we walked along. Like right now for instance, he was doing a pretty good job of sounding annoyed but his lips were doing that thing where they only pulled up on one side—his crooked grin was still one of my favorites.

"You can be really odd when you want to be, Swan."

I laughed at that. "Way to talk to the woman you are trying to woo back into your life, Cullen."

"I was just—"

Edward didn't get to finish his sentence because he was too busy yelping like a puppy that had just been stepped on. And me and my _random_ picture taking had caught his shocked expression in all its digital glory to be shared and laughed over for all time.

"What in the hell? Where the hell did he come from?" Edward asked while jerking his thumb at the living statue that had just tapped him on the shoulder. Only no one would guess that had been possible since Edward had practically jumped the entire distance between where he'd been and where I was in the seconds after he'd gotten over his initial shock at being touched.

"He's a living statue," I said between giggles. "Guess Frommer forgot to put that in your guide book, huh?"

"You get touched from behind and let's see how funny you think it is then."

"Nah, I'd rather just think about how funny your face looks in this picture," I said, giving him my best wicked smile while showing him the camera screen.

"No way, Bella." I was sure he'd meant his stern voice and angry eyebrows to be intimidating, but I only found them damn funny. The only thing funnier was him making a reach for the camera.

"Don't even think about it," I warned as I stuck the camera down my shirt and into my bra. If there was one thing I knew about Edward it was that no way in hell was he going to stick his hand down my shirt in the middle of the street in front of all these people.

"You are cruel, Bella Swan." His shoulders slumped and he gave up on his frown in favor of his crooked grin. "And it just makes me love you all the more. What's that say about me?"

I shrugged and said, "You're a masochist."

He laughed and put his arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his side. "Long as I'm with you, I don't care what you call me."

"Just don't call me Shirley."

Edward snorted so loud the couple in front of us actually turned their heads our way. "Do you even think before you quote these movies? 'Cause it seems like they just fly out on their own."

"_Airplane_ is a classic and therefore you cannot fault me for quoting it."

"What about deleting that picture? Can I get you to do that?"

"Hell no, Cullen. That bad boy is gonna be legendary."

"To borrow a phrase from you … Fuck my life."

I laughed all the way to the hotel on that one. I was even still giggling a little when we got upstairs to our suite. The only reason I stopped was because as soon as Edward had closed and locked the door, he was trying to get his hand down my shirt to get the camera out.

I slapped at his hands while laughing and yelling his name until we somehow ended up on the sofa with me sitting on his chest—and the camera still safely tucked away in my bra. "Teach you to put your hand down my shirt without asking," I grumbled while going after his ticklish spots; he had one on each side just below his ribs.

"Stop it!" he yelled even as he laughed. We both knew he could have pushed my hands away and kept them away if he'd wanted to and it was really sweet that he was letting me tickle him.

I stopped tickling him and put my hands against his cheeks, enjoying the way his facial hair tickled my palms. "Thank you for today. The restaurant and the aquarium and the walk through the square complete with ice cream."

"And the picture you took of me that will haunt me for the rest of my life."

"Especially that part." I leaned in and gave him a quick kiss right on the big smile he was sporting. "Now I'm going to go make sure nothing happens to this picture," I said as I started to stand.

Edward sat up and grabbed my hips, pulling me down into his lap and making me laugh. He wasn't laughing with me this time, though. His face was serious and his voice sounded rough, like it was hard for him to speak. "I love you, Bella."

"I know." And I really did—that was one thing I didn't doubt at all.

"I had a great time with you today and it just … I want to have so many more days like today with you."

I took a minute to really think about his words and how they made me feel. Today had been great, no question about it. It was proof things could be normal between us, that not everything we said and did would remind us of what had been broken. Even more, I liked how honest he was being right now and how easy he was making it for me to believe he was being honest.

And I wanted to give a little of that back to him. "I want that too, Edward."

His palm was warm against my face while his calloused fingertips felt rough against my temple. He gave me every opportunity to pull away while he slowly brought our lips together but I wanted the kiss just as much as he did. It was a great kiss too—soft and unhurried and relaxing even though you feel it all the way down in your toes.

The goofy grin on his face and the way his eyes were still closed made me smile so wide my cheeks actually hurt a little. "I'm still not deleting that picture," I said, hoping to get him to laugh.

His smile widened a little and with his eyes still closed, he pressed his lips to my cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too." It was always surprising to feel just how much I enjoyed saying those words to him and I said them once more before getting off of his lap and onto my feet. "And now I'm going to go hide the picture to ensure it survives."

"Want some help with that?" he asked, following right behind me.

I turned and put my hand out, stopping him right in front of my door. "You go plan out tomorrow or look through your guide book or something."

"I can do that later. Let me—" His phone cut him off and I couldn't help the victorious smile that crossed my lips.

"That's Esme's ringtone," I said with a smug tone and smile. "You need to give your mom your full attention so you just leave the camera business to me."

He gave a completely fake growl and stole a kiss on the lips before pulling his phone out of his pocket. I heard him answer it as I shut my door and couldn't help but laugh at the whiny tone he used while greeting his mother with "Bella's being mean to me".

While my camera and laptop chatted with each other, I decided to open up my IM program and see if I could have a little chat myself. Numb wasn't on but that didn't really surprise me; whenever he said he was focusing on his girl, he rarely came on.

I opened up a new window and went into my email account to see if he'd left me a note. All I found was junk mail, though. I figured since I had time to kill I'd go ahead and send him a note about my own progress now that I finally had some to report.

I wasn't even through with an entire sentence before my computer beeped and I smiled as I clicked over and changed windows.

**NumbNuts: **_What are you listening to right now?_

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Nothing but I am humming Yeah, Yeah, Yeah by New Politics_

**NumbNuts: **_That bad of a day?_

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Nope. Song's just stuck in my head. I actually had a really great day. First one with him in a long time._

**NumbNuts: **_That's really good to hear._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_What about you? How was your day?_

**NumbNuts: **_Mine was one of the best yet. She was so there with me today. She was laughing and holding my hand. She even felt good enough to joke around with me some. I'm hoping the rest of the day will be that good. We're going to eat in tonight and watch a movie together. She really enjoys movies._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Do you have one picked out already?_

**NumbNuts: **_No we're going to be living dangerously and ordering a movie from the hotel TV._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Hotel? You didn't tell me you went on a trip with her._

**NumbNuts: **_Yeah we decided there was too much going on at home so we're spending some time alone away from everyone. And it was the best choice too because she's really relaxing and opening up. Plus the city is absolutely beautiful. If you ever get the chance, you should go to New Orleans. I have a feeling you'd love it._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_New Orleans? As in Louisiana?_

**NumbNuts: **_LOL Yeah. I don't think there's a New Orleans in Kansas. Why?_

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Because I'm in New Orleans_

**NumbNuts: **_Holy shit! We could have walked right past each other and not even realized. Where were you at today? We spent our day at the aquarium._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_No freakin way!_

**NumbNuts: **_Are you messing with me?_

**NumbNuts: **_I know what this is!_

**NumbNuts: **_I left my laptop up and you and my girl talked and decided to screw with my head._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Considering how much of a girl you can be at times, how would I even know the difference?_

**NumbNuts: **_Funny. Seriously though! You're really in NO and you were really at the aquarium today?_

**BarelyBreathing****: **_No joke. What were you wearing? Maybe I noticed you._

**NumbNuts: **_Doubtful. I don't stand out at all. But you might have noticed my girl. With the way she was smiling today she was impossible not to notice. And she had this shirt on that was definitely noticeable. It was a joke but I doubt most people understood that. My girl enjoys the shock value of things and I like watching her laugh so I tend to encourage her. LOL Don't know if that makes me a bad boyfriend or not, but as long as she's laughing I don't really care._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Boyfriend? Is that official? And what did her shirt say?_

**NumbNuts: **_No. Not official. YET._

**NumbNuts: **_And her shirt said you can touch my belly if I can punch your face_

My breath caught in my throat, making me cough hard enough to blur my vision for a few seconds. I blinked until I could see clearly again and then I reread his last message.

It was still there. It still said the same thing. _No forkin way! No way! This can't be real_, I thought frantically.

With my hands shaking, I typed back to him, needing to get more information to figure out if I was just somehow imagining things or if … I couldn't even think it much less say it out loud.

**BarelyBreathing****: **_What about you? What did you wear?_

**NumbNuts: **_Just shorts and a t-shirt. Although I might not see the shirt again. It's a Linkin Park shirt my bro sent me and my girl likes to steal my band shirts for herself. She's never given back the Taking Back Sunday shirt she took from me when we first started dating. Not that I want it back. I'm more like my bro than I realized and I REALLY like seeing her in my clothes._

"Oh fucking hell!" I hadn't realized I was going to speak so my loud yell in the quiet room caught me by surprise and I jerked at the sound, nearly knocking my laptop over.

I waited to hear from Edward but he must have still been on the phone with his mom. And if he was on his phone with his mom, then there was no way I was talking to him online and no way that he was Numb. I was just being … being something!

I took in a deep breath to try and calm my racing heart and brought my fingers back to the keyboard.

**BarelyBreathing****: **_You said your bro sent you the shirt. When you talked about him before it sounded like you two lived close by each other._

**NumbNuts: **_He actually lives a couple states away but he visits me pretty regular._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_So you're close then?_

**NumbNuts: **_We weren't in the past but we are now._

_This isn't forkin working_, I thought as I stared at the screen. The more questions I asked to prove to myself this guy was not Edward, the more his answers screamed that it was him. Maybe if I asked a few more questions about his brother, I would know for sure it wasn't Emmett and then that would prove I was just being silly about this.

**BarelyBreathing****: **_What's he think about you giving things another try with your girl?_

**NumbNuts: **_He wants it to work out. I think he wants it as much for me as he does for her. My girl has been a family friend for a long time and the two of them were really close before I went and screwed everything up. I didn't know it at the time, but the things I'd done wrong hurt more than just her. It hurt my entire family and my bro had one of the worst reactions. It was so bad he doesn't even remember it. All he knows is that his relationship with my girl is messed up. I think part of the reason he wants me to fix things with her so bad is that he knows until she and I are okay, she can't be okay with him._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_He sounds like he loves you a lot._

**NumbNuts: **_He really does. He's a good guy. He can be an ass at times, but overall he's a good guy._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_A single guy too with his love of dirty lines, huh?_

**NumbNuts: **_Nope. LOL He has a beautiful woman in his life. She's really independent and secure. Knows exactly what she wants and how to get it. She keeps him in line too. Although, she can be just as filthy as him at times. LOL I think it's one of the reasons they work so well together despite her being the constant adult in the relationship. Though I gotta say my bro has done a lot of growing up lately. He even does laundry without complaint these days._

"Fuck a duck," I growled, staring at the screen. "That's Em and Rose. It has to be Em and Rose."

Forcing my fingers back to the keys, I asked a question I knew would tell me for sure.

**BarelyBreathing: **_So just you and him then? No other siblings?_

**NumbNuts: **_Oh shit! I haven't mentioned her? If you ever end up talking to her, please don't tell her it was months before I mentioned her or she'll never let me hear the end of it! I have a younger sister. She's not like me or my brother. I'm lucky to call her one of my best friends. One of the hard parts of all this is that she's also my girl's best friend so it's been tricky at times for my sister. She loves us both and wanted to be there for both of us but couldn't be in two places at once. And she only picked me because I was kind of sick when my girl broke up with me. But like I said before, that was all my fault. My girl didn't know anything about it. She was having a great time with me one day and I was sick the next. I'm just lucky she's giving me another chance after all I did wrong, all the wrong choices I made._

It really was him. Numb was Edward. Did he know I was BB? Had this been some kind of plot from the start to get me to talk to him again? How would he ever have known it was me though? Did he find out later on somehow? Had I left my laptop open at home for Jasper to see?

The beeping of my computer stopped my mind from coming up with any more questions.

**NumbNuts: **_You still there? Did I bore you with my family history?_

I took a deep breath to try and calm myself down a little so I could respond.

**BarelyBreathing****: **_No, not bored. Just got interrupted by a friend coming in._

**NumbNuts: **_Okay. I should really go anyway. Need to get dinner ordered._

**NumbNuts: **_Oh, hey! Should we meet up somewhere? The four of us, I mean? I know we haven't given each other real names just to be internet safe, but with your guy there and my girl, it would be safe. I'd like to introduce her to the friend that's kept me sane and out of trouble through all of this._

If Edward knew it was me, he was pretending really damn well. Freakin Oscar worthy performance right here. And while a lot of things had changed about Edward—new body, new smiles, new mindset—I doubted he'd become an actor. Most of all, I doubted he would risk the trust we had been working so hard to build between us by screwing with my mind.

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Let me think about it and talk it over with my guy._

**NumbNuts: **_Sure thing. I'll wait to see what you say before I mention it to my girl. Night BB. Hope the rest of your day goes well for you._

**BarelyBreathing****: **_Good luck and good night to you too._

I closed all of my internet windows and it left the import folder open on the desktop, showing me little thumbnails of all the pictures I'd taken today. I scrolled through them until I found the one I wanted. I'd been playing with the different filters on the camera earlier today and Edward had been standing at the window, looking out over the city. I could tell he was thinking about something, turning it over and over in his mind and maybe even over-thinking it a little in that way he had. He had been so into his head he hadn't even heard the shutter on the camera when I'd taken his picture.

It was a great profile of his face in that antique-looking sepia tone. His eye was focused straight ahead but you could tell he wasn't really seeing anything. His lips were slightly parted and the beard on his face created extra shadows in the picture. His hair was just starting to get longer and a few strands out front seemed to being growing faster than the others with the way they curled over to touch his forehead.

This was Edward. _My_ Edward. The guy who felt and thought. The one who weighed his words and made plans. This was the Edward I'd fallen in love with and who loved me back, who promised me a future that wouldn't be perfect, just full of love and happiness. His body might be thicker and his personality might be more open and joking, but on the inside, in his heart and his soul, he was still the same Edward. And I still loved him more than I could quantify.

_And Edward is Numb_. Before I could really wrap my mind around that thought, Edward was knocking on my door and poking his head inside, giving me a big smile. "So you deleted that picture right?"

I tried to smile so he wouldn't get the wrong idea or worry—I didn't want to tell him what I'd found out until I'd had some time to think about it and figure out how I felt about it. "Not in this lifetime, Cullen."

"Yeah, I figured as much. Oh and just so you know, not only did my mom _not_ feel sorry for me, she told me she would kick my ass if I touched that picture. She can't wait to see it."

Picturing Esme saying those things made it easy to smile for real. "Another reason she's the best mom on the planet. I can't wait to learn all her tips and tricks."

"I'm sure she can't wait to teach you. And _I_ can't wait to eat. You ready to order some dinner?"

"Sure," I said as I got up from the bed. I thought back to my conversation with Numb and asked a question I felt could prove whether or not he was Edward once and for all. "So what movie are we going to watch?"

"I figured we'd be total tourists and rent one from the hotel TV. I know it's going to be highway robbery on the bill but I don't care."

It really was true. Edward really was my online friend, my heartbreak buddy. The thought of how differently he had seen our breakup was so overwhelming that it made me dizzy and he had to grab my arm to keep me steady on my feet.

Edward jumped right into worried mode, checking my face and holding me steady with both hands. "Are you feeling sick? Do you need to lie down in bed?"

"No," I said as I forced my lips up in a smile. "Just a little dizzy for a second but I'm fine now."

"Are you sure? I don't mind popping a movie into the laptop so you can watch it in bed."

"Edward, I'm fine. I promise. I would tell you right away if something was wrong and you know it. You know these babies are important to me."

He fingers let go of their grip and his arms slid around me, pulling me tight against his chest. "They are, but you're even more important, Bella. I can't lose you."

I didn't know why but his words made me feel like crying so I shut my eyes tight and buried my face in his shirt, hoping the tears would stay away. I was so focused on getting control of myself that I didn't realize I'd spoken at first. "I don't want to lose you either."

"You won't. I'll always be here for you. I'll always find a way to be what you need."

Standing there in his arms, I felt more certain than ever that he didn't know I was BB. He had no idea he'd already come through on the promise he'd just made me. He had been my non-family friend when I'd needed one the most. All that distance between us and he'd still found me and found a way to be exactly what I'd needed.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Thanks to 84Gemma for the hand in the pants pick up line. Also thanks to Hellopants for her help with the pick-up lines.

Special thanks to my PIC, Eternally Addicted. She gave me "forkin" and Frommer's in this chapter.

Thanks to alicetheannoyinglittlepixie for the polyvore for Edward & Bella's aquarium visit outfits. The link is on the WTB page of my website.


	57. Learning to Breathe Again

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: ****Learning to Breathe Again**

**Chapter Song: ****"The Only Exception" by Paramore**

**Bella****'s POV:**

I was the first to wake on Saturday morning and I laid there listening to Edward's even breaths as he slept while thinking over what I'd learned about him last night. It had been hard to concentrate on the movie but I knew I had to appear somewhat interested to keep Edward from worrying. And to keep him from asking what was bothering me.

Really, I wasn't bothered. I was perplexed and amazed and a little overwhelmed, but not bothered. All the loneliness and the sadness and the fear and we had still found each other. That wasn't something to be bothered by. That was something to cherish and to be thankful for.

And there was the added bonus of knowing that Edward could be just as funny and depraved as me. Some of the things he'd said … I never would have believed it was Edward if I hadn't gotten so much proof from our online chat last night.

The only part that unnerved me was the way he'd seen things so differently. From the very first time I'd talked to "Numb", he'd blamed himself and only him. He'd said his sin was one of omission and that he'd been a dick. And all those times he'd talked about wanting to apologize and make things right … And the way he'd described me—as someone beautiful and loving and worth everything. Sure he'd told me those things in person but there was something about knowing he'd said them to a total stranger that made them easier to put faith in. He could have made up any life he wanted to online and instead he'd spent most of it talking about me.

My thoughts were interrupted by Edward tightening the arm he had around me and pulling me further into his chest. I smiled as his lips brushed against the wings on the back of my neck.

"Is that your favorite spot to kiss?" I asked, barely raising my voice above a whisper just in case he wasn't really awake.

"One of my favorites." His voice was thick was sleep but not so much that I couldn't hear the smile in his tone. He kissed my neck again, this time letting his lips linger there before pulling them away to speak. "How long have you been up?"

"Long enough to think about breakfast and decide I want to order room service just to stay in bed."

He gave a soft laugh and hugged me tighter. "Feeling lazy today?"

"It's not lazy when you're pregnant. It's responsible resting."

That comment made him snort. "Responsible resting. Wait until my mother hears that one."

"She'll love it. Bet she gives me a fist bump for it too."

"My mother doesn't fist bump."

"You don't know your mother." I had to bite my lip to keep from giving another example, not wanting to talk about his online persona just yet. I wanted to keep enjoying this light, fun morning with him for a while before I brought it up. _Maybe after breakfast_, I thought as I turned over to see Edward's face.

He smiled and kissed my forehead softly. "So what do you think you want for your breakfast in bed?"

"Let's see … we've had eggs, we've had beignets, I had that super yummy waffle yesterday and you had the giant omelet. What else was on our list of things to eat while here?"

"Uh, French toast, crepes, and fritters were on there. And grits."

"French toast sounds really good."

"Let me grab the menu and make sure they have it," he said as he started to move.

I grabbed his arm to stop him, pulling it back around me. "I don't want us to move yet. I didn't say I was starving. I just said I was thinking about breakfast."

"Is this part of your plan to responsibly rest?"

"Yes it is," I replied, making Edward snort. I smiled at him while rolling over onto my back and before I was even completely settled he had his hand on my belly, rubbing small circles against my shirt. "How do you think I got pregnant?" I asked as I watched his hand moving.

Edward's snort was so loud it bordered on obnoxious. "Well you see, Bella, when a man and a woman love each other very much—"

I stopped his idiotic response by putting my hands over his mouth but he still continued to talk behind them and his lips tickled my palm enough to make me laugh.

"Edward, stop. I'm trying to be serious here. You know I wasn't asking about the mechanics of it."

He pulled my hands down and held them against his chest while he spoke. "I don't think it was any one thing. More like a perfect storm. You didn't have as much lining blocking the way and you weren't on birth control. And you had stopped worrying about it so much. There's all those stories out there of women who couldn't conceive getting pregnant just as soon as they stopped trying."

"But I wasn't trying to get pregnant."

"No, but you were fixating on it."

I opened my mouth to tell him I agreed with him but before I could get a word out, he was smiling cockily and doing that eyebrow wiggle thing Emmett was so good at.

"And of course there was my super sperm."

I couldn't help but guffaw at Edward's comment but it was okay because he was laughing too.

"Plus there was the hibiscus. Guess there really is something to the Hawaiian folklore," he added.

"That doesn't count. We went to Hawaii at the end of April and I got pregnant toward the end of May."

"Yeah, but you were using the body wash and shampoo and conditioner."

"But not every day."

"No, but you were drinking the tea every day. You still are."

"What?" I practically shouted at him. "What tea?"

Edward snorted and rolled his eyes at me. "Stop playing dense."

"I'm not playing. What tea?"

"The tea you drink all day long, Bella. It's hibiscus tea."

"Since when?"

"Since Alice brought some home and then ordered more once she saw you were drinking it. Didn't you ever see the box?"

"No, I didn't see a box," I cried. "Alice has always put the bags in that metal tin in the cabinet. She's never kept the boxes."

"Hmmn. I just thought she was hiding the box to make sure you didn't refuse to drink the tea out of spite after that fight you two had in Hawaii."

"We didn't fight. We slightly argued," I corrected automatically. And then it really hit me what he'd just told me. "That little meddling sneak!"

Edward didn't even try to hold back his laugh. "You know she's going to take full credit for your pregnancy right?"

I smiled as I pictured Alice squealing and doing her little happy dance. And then I decided to tease Edward. "I thought your super sperm deserved all the honors."

He shrugged and then pulled me closer, barely leaving any room between us. "Perfect storm, Angel. It all came together at the right time in the right way."

We lounged around in bed for a while after that until Edward heard my stomach grumbling. We got out of bed long enough to find the hotel menu and order our breakfast and once the food was delivered, we got right back into bed. He seemed to like my idea of responsible resting as much as I did.

That had been a couple of hours ago and I'd been waiting for the right opportunity to bring up what I'd learned last night. It hadn't felt right first thing in the morning. It also hadn't felt right while I'd devoured my French toast and snuck bites of Edward's blueberry crepe. I suspected there wasn't going to be any such thing as a right time and I was just procrastinating.

"Hey so I was thinking we would have our date night tonight," Edward called out from his room.

I pulled myself out of my bed and went in there. "How come tonight?" I asked as I sat on the end of his bed.

He stopped digging through his suitcase to look up at me. "Saturday nights are typically date nights for couples."

From the look on his face I knew he was waiting for me to make a comment about the couple thing but I asked a question instead. "Where do you want to go?"

"Brennan's. It's a local favorite from what I've read."

"Ooh I actually know that place," I said excitedly. "I googled pictures of it and everything back when I first wanted to learn about New Orleans."

"So dinner at seven then?"

"Sounds good to me."

Edward smiled and then turned back to his suitcase. Of all the times to finally talk to him about what I'd found out, right now with him distracted suddenly felt like the right time.

I took in a deep breath and then said the words I knew would change things between us once again. "So Numbnuts, I hear you want to officially be my boyfriend again."

He went as still as a statue for a moment and then his head very slowly turned my way.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

"_So Numbnuts, I hear you want to officially be my boyfriend again."_

My entire body went rigid at her words; I had to have heard her wrong. I turned toward her slowly, trying to pick my words carefully. "What did you just say?"

Her face gave nothing away and if I didn't know her better, I would have believed she was really calm. "Which part confused you? Numbnuts or boyfriend?" she asked.

There was only one way she could know to call me that—she had to have seen my chat with BB. I knew the chats were perfectly innocent and just friendly chatter but if Bella were to read them, especially those parts where I sounded like my brother—I was just starting to get somewhere with her and now I felt like it could all slip away with one wrong word.

"Bella, I can explain about—"

"I don't need your explanation. I know all about how you want to fix things."

"It's not what it looks like. I just got online one night when I was frustrated and I started an argument with her over a band. I didn't even know she was a her that day. I thought it was a guy at first."

"Over a shitty song no less." Her lips pulled up into a smirk and I had no idea how to take it because her eyes weren't giving anything away right now. Usually I could pick out her mood perfectly and use that to help me choose the right words. Right now I was flying blind with her.

"She's just a friend, Bella. That's all. Just someone to talk to and bounce ideas off of. I swear we spent most of our time talking about you."

"Oh, I know you did."

_Shit! How many chats has she seen? The language I used in some of those! What is she thinking right now? Does she see me as a pervert?__ Even worse, did she think I was cheating?_ My thoughts were screaming, my heart was pounding, and my fingers were itching to touch her and make sure she didn't go anywhere. I'd been so careful the past few days, watching her moods and making all of this as easy on her as possible, and now it might all be for nothing if I couldn't convince her BB was just a friend, that I would _never_ cheat on her.

"Bella, I know some of what was said might seem bad but I promise you it was really innocent. We just joked around and she gave me things to share with Emmett."

"Like an Australian kiss? And tickling slippery spots?"

I couldn't stop myself from wincing and fearing the worst, that this would be the final straw with Bella and she would give up on me. Give up on _us_. "I swear we're just friends. I was even going to talk to you about meeting her."

"I don't need to meet her, Edward," Bella said as she got to her feet.

"Don't leave please. Just stay here and talk to me about this. You'll see it means nothing."

"That's where you're wrong. It means everything." She slowly walked over to me and when she was finally standing in front of me, I couldn't resist any longer and put my hands on her hips, anchoring her there. She smiled and pressed the palms of her hands to my cheeks. "Don't be afraid, Edward. I'm not."

"I would never cheat on you," I found myself blurting out. Now I knew how she felt when she complained about her mouth taking off without her brain's permission.

She gave a soft laugh that made her eyes brighten. "You can't cheat on me with me. That's just silly."

All I could come back with was a strangled "huh".

She laughed a little louder and longer this time. "Edward, I'm Barely Breathing. I'm BB."

For the first time since before my surgery, I felt my heart skip a beat.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

Edward looked scared—like 'there's a lion staring me down and wanting to eat me' scared. I was trying to empathize with him but I couldn't seem to stop feeling like I wanted to laugh my damn head off. And I didn't even know what I found so funny about this.

"Edward, you've been talking to me online. We've been chatting with each other for nearly the entire time we were apart."

He shook his head as if he was trying to clear it but it didn't seem to help any since he still had that puzzled look on his face.

"Look, let me make this easy for you," I said as I let go of his face and tried to take a step back.

"No! Don't go!" The fear in his voice and the tension in his grip on me dried up all my mirth and left me feeling miserable that he was misunderstanding so badly.

I put my hands over his wrists and squeezed as hard as I could, trying to reassure him with my touch as much as my words. "I'm not leaving, Edward. Just let me show you what I mean. _Trust_ me."

He slowly lifted his fingers from my hips and I let my fingers slide down to his fingertips, touching him for as long as possible before letting go. As quickly as I could, I went into my room and grabbed my laptop. I brought it over to Edward's bed and booted it up, logging into my account as soon as I was able to get the internet up.

Once I had it on the account page, I turned the laptop toward Edward. "Look."

He didn't move so I grabbed his hand and gave it a tug as I pleaded with him. "Trust me."

He nodded stiffly and then moved his feet, finally coming over to look at the laptop screen.

"See what it says right here?" I asked, pointing at the screen name showing with my free hand.

He just stood there and stared at the screen with that same puzzled expression.

"Edward, this is _my_ account. This is _my_ screen name," I explained. "We've been talking to each other without knowing it. I never had any idea you were Numb and from the look on your face right now I know you didn't know I was Barely Breathing."

He let out a breath and with it went all the tension in his shoulders and his grip on my hand. He looked at me with a shy smile on his face. "I thought you'd seen my chats and assumed I was cheating on you," he admitted.

"You aren't a cheater. You know what that feels like and you wouldn't do that to another person."

"So this is real?" he asked, pointing at the computer while still looking at me. "It's not a joke?"

"It's real. Weird and odd and kind of amazing, but not a joke."

Edward used his grip on my hand to pull me over to the small sofa in his room, seating me on his lap. "How long have you known?"

"Since our chat last night."

"So that's what all the family questions were about? I thought it was kind of odd since we hadn't asked each other too many personal questions like that."

"I was trying to prove to myself I was just wishing it was you but the more questions I asked, the more your answers screamed it was you."

"Why didn't you say something last night?"

"I wanted to wrap my mind around it, to see how I felt about it first. It takes me so long to figure out how to say what I'm feeling so I figured I'd make things go a little faster by figuring it out first."

"And how do you feel?" Looking into his green eyes, I could see his nervousness and his hope.

I smiled at him and then set my head on his shoulder, wanting him to feel and see just how okay I was with this. "You said last night that you would always find a way to be what I needed and that's exactly what you did. You just didn't know it."

"What else? I know you well enough to know there's more to it than that."

My chest burned with warmth at his words; he _knew_ me. "I did wonder for a few seconds if you knew it was me and had crazily thought pretending to be a stranger was the right way to get me to talk. But just as quickly as I thought that, I knew without a doubt you wouldn't do it. You wouldn't risk the hard-won trust you'd built with me. And then I thought about how differently you'd seen things from me. You never blamed me. Not for a second."

"I told you that."

"I know but it's different. You thought BB was a total stranger just like I thought with Numb. There was no need to worry about feelings getting hurt or sparing anyone pain. There was a freedom there in knowing that no matter what you said, it wouldn't get back to the family. It's an honesty that's really hard to give when you're worried about hurting someone you love.

"But you didn't know it was me, Edward, so you didn't have any worries. Your truth was that it was your fault for not telling me about your condition," I finished as I sat up to see his face. I'd thought he would be happy about how I felt but his eyes held nothing but sadness.

And so did his voice. "And your truth was that you hurt me and had to stay away from me. All that guilt you felt … It was hard enough reading how BB blamed herself and to know that was you … Bella, I'll never be able to say I'm sorry enough."

"It's not apologies that I need, Edward. It's truth and it's you being here with me."

"You have that now and for the rest of your life."

I smiled at him, at the earnest look on his face and the promise in his words. And then I decided to tease him. "So you know part of that trust is not hiding the perv that you are, right?"

He groaned and put his free hand over his face. "I can't believe I said those things to you."

"Oh, please! We both know I'm not some innocent with virgin ears."

He dropped his hand and looked at me. "It's not about that. Joking around with the guys is one thing. But when I'm talking to you, it should always be with respect."

"Do you really think if you make a dirty joke in front of me that I'll think you don't respect me?"

"No, but it's not even about that. There's just some things you don't do in front of the woman you love."

"Edward, I don't know where you get these old fashioned ideas from, but I promise you that you don't have to stick to them with me. I bet Carlisle's told a few colorful jokes in front of Esme."

"How do you always manage to make me feel like you know more about my parents than I do?"

"Because I don't run from the room humming with my fingers in my ears when they talk about their life as a couple," I joked.

"I don't run from the room," he defended even as he grinned. But just as suddenly he was serious again. "Did they really read me last rites?"

I was sure my face was screaming out my surprise at his question. "You didn't know about that?"

"No."

"I guess they figured there was no point in telling you since you had made it through your surgery."

"Between the car and that … I still believe he was wrong for how he talked to you and everything he said to you, but I can see why Emmett flipped."

"I can see it too, Edward, but I can't see why he had to flip on _me_. I wasn't even near him. He had to physically come downstairs and come to my room. He couldn't calm down on the elevator ride down or something?"

"I don't know. I wasn't with him and he doesn't remember."

"Do you think he'll ever remember?"

Edward thought about my question for a bit before answering me. "Probably not. He says he wants to but I think deep down he doesn't want to believe he was that cruel to you. He loves you so much, Bella. That's something I don't doubt with him."

"I hope so 'cause he's stuck with me now."

Edward laughed and hugged me tight against his chest. "Pregnant or not he still would have been stuck with you because I refuse to let you go."

I pulled back to see his face, resting my arms on his shoulders and giving him a big smile. "I'm glad you were Numb."

He chuckled and pressed his lips to mine for just a second. "I'm glad you're pleased."

"You're not really upset about the dirty jokes we told each other, are you?"

"I wouldn't say I'm upset, but I don't like it."

"Edward." I laughed more than spoke his name. "All the stuff between us, all the things that went wrong … Are you actually going to worry over your language?"

He sighed and set me down on the cushion next to him before getting to his feet. "You don't understand," he said as he started to pace.

"No, I don't. So explain it to me."

"I don't know how. I just … I'm not _comfortable_ talking to you that way."

"Oh, that's bullshit," I said as I laughed. "Just the other night you were talking about showing me what was better than my fudge and how you don't get tired anymore."

"That's different. That's … That's implying without being explicit."

"Don't make explicit sound so dirty, Cullen."

"Don't act like it's not, Swan."

"Are you telling me you're really embarrassed that you talked to me about sanding banisters and tickling slippery spots?"

"Bella!" Edward's green eyes were wide and his face was a little redder than it had been before.

I laughed and got up from the sofa, taking a step towards him. "Come on, E. Put it all out there. Talk dirty to me here and now and not just on the computer."

"You were the one who said no more teasing. Remember?"

"Nope," I answered, popping the 'p' and grinning at him. "Let your freak fly, Cullen."

His face turned redder and he shook his head at me. "Stop. I'm serious."

"So am I. Now tell me again what an Australian kiss is."

He turned away from me and walked into the living room without a word.

I laughed at how silly he was being and then followed him in there. "You can't be serious. Where's that confident, cocky streak I've seen so much of lately? I like that side of you, by the way."

"There's a limit. A line, Bella."

"In your head."

"Still counts," he grumbled, looking at his bare feet instead of me.

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about. Just tell me what an Australian kiss is and you'll see it's no big deal."

"I am not having this conversation with you," he said as he walked past me and back into his room.

I followed him once again, determined to get him to see he didn't have to hide any part of himself from me for any reason. He turned his head enough to see I was behind him and kept on walking.

"Come on, E. Tell me again what an Australian kiss is. I forget," I teased. I followed him through the adjoining door into my room, out my door and into the short hall, and then back out into the living room.

"Bella." His warning tone might have held some weight if he weren't still walking away from me.

"Oh, wait, I remember! You were pretty damn good at it too. So good that the RA for your floor came and knocked on your dorm room door to ask us to quiet down or leave."

Edward stopped so suddenly that I almost hit my nose on his back. Before I could get a word out, he had spun around and the predatory look in his eyes had forced me to take a step back. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears from the sudden change in him.

"Would you like to know what I remember?" Danger in his eyes and seduction in his voice—world's most lethal combo. At least in Bella Swan's world.

I managed to sputter out something that sounded close to "no" while stumbling backward until my knees met the sofa and my legs gave out, dumping me down onto the cushion.

Edward loomed over me, his hands resting on the back of the sofa and trapping me between his thick arms. He was staring at me so intently that I couldn't keep from squirming. _Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to tease him._

His voice was low and deep as he spoke. "I could always _show_ you an Australian kiss. You know, just to help jog your memory."

"Uh, no, no. That won't be—" I got so distracted by his fingers touching my hair that I completely forgot what I had been about to say.

His fingers slipped through the hair on the side of my head and followed the tendrils back to where they were joined and trapped by my ponytail holder. I felt a slight tug and then my hair falling away to cascade down my back. His warm hand cupped my neck and tilted my head back and I felt pretty damn positive if he didn't kiss me soon my heart would slam right out of my chest from the anticipation.

"You don't sound sure, Angel. Let me help you make up your mind," he murmured.

His lips were soft and warm and just a little wet from the way he'd licked them right before pressing his mouth to mine. The kiss was all-consuming, forcing my eyes to close and my brain to shut off while my heart picked up speed. His tongue quickly joined the action, caressing and teasing my own. It was a kiss that screamed of possession and desire, making every nerve-ending in my body come to life and tingle.

By the time he pulled away, I felt lightheaded and dizzy and melted into the sofa cushions. From the smug look on his face, Edward knew exactly what kind of effect he had on me. His words only backed up my theory. "I won't speak to you like you're my brother because that's not my way. But if you want me to turn you on with my words, I'm more than happy to oblige."

It took me a minute to get enough breath together to get speak but I finally managed it. "I don't want you to hide yourself."

He moved from leaning over me to kneeling in front of me and took my hands into his, giving them a small squeeze. "I'm not, Angel. I'm not hiding at all. I'm treating you with respect, the way I believe you deserve to be treated. You can call it old fashioned and you can laugh at me for it, but I'm still going to do it."

I didn't have the words for how special he'd just made me feel so I just pulled my hands from his so I could wrap my arms around his neck in a tight hug. "I love you."

He put his lips to the side of my neck, letting me feel his smile. "I love you too."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward****'s POV:**

"You're supposed to be pushing. Not slamming your hands into my back."

Bella laughed at my complaint. "Want some cheese with that whine?"

I snorted as I looked over my shoulder at her. She'd decided not long after we'd had a late lunch of po'boy sandwiches that she was done with responsible resting and wanted to take a walk. That walk had led us to a small playground and to Bella smacking her palms against my back and calling it "pushing" me on the swing.

"You know, I can swing just fine without your slap-happy help, Swan," I told her.

That evil grin of hers popped out as she replied, "Shut up and take it like a man, Cullen."

I quickly turned the entire swing around, making the metal chains clink together loudly. Bella hadn't been expecting a move like that so it was ridiculously easy to grab her and pull her into my lap. Her shocked and excited cry filled the small area as I let the chains untangle and the swing turn back around, all the while keeping a tight grip on her.

"You are so stupid!" she cried, slapping my thigh.

"You're laughing so you can't mind that much," I pointed out as I made the swing go a little higher.

There was a nervous tremor in her voice as she asked, "What if I fall?" The hand that had slapped me just moments ago was now clenched around the fabric of my shorts. Her other hand had been latched onto the arm I had around her waist since I'd grabbed her.

"Angel, do you _really_ think I'd let you fall?"

She didn't answer my question. Instead, she asked one of her own. "So how good was our lunch? That roast beef po'boy I ordered and your shrimp one … I've never had a sandwich be so messy and taste so great."

"We are definitely getting spoiled with the food down here. On the plus side, reminding you of the menus here will make it easy to get you to come back with me."

"There you go again. We haven't finished this trip or decided anything about us and you're still planning for the future."

"Alright then. Let's talk and decide."

"Where do we even start?"

"Start with the newest information we have, that we managed to become friends online."

She was quiet for a minute but then she finally perked up, giving me a smile over her shoulder as she asked, "Did you ever have any suspicion I was BB?"

I smiled both at her question and the way she let her head fall against my shoulder—she'd obviously given up on worrying about falling.

"I didn't have any reason to suspect you," I told her. "You'd never mentioned knowing about the site and I never imagined you blamed yourself the way BB did." And that was the complete truth. I'd always felt bad that BB was lost without the guy she loved and that she felt such a huge amount of guilt. With Bella, I'd thought her absence and distance was about the trust I'd broken and reminders of Aaron. It had never occurred to me that she would feel at fault that way, not even after finding out what Emmett had said to her.

"I didn't suspect you either." Her hand tightened against my arm just a little as she spoke. She seemed to really like the fact that I was Numb. I wasn't sure how I felt about it just yet. On one hand, it was great to have Bella believing me completely about my feelings for her and how I never once blamed her. On the other, it stung to know she would still be doubting me if I hadn't been him.

As much as I was enjoying talking about our online personas with Bella, I knew we both needed to have a real talk about the things that had gotten us to this point in our relationship. In the past months I'd been given a lot of advice by both Jasper and Rose on how Bella's mind worked and the way she saw herself, and I had a lot of questions about it.

"I have a question for you now," I told her as I stopped the swing from moving so I could see her face. So many times with her, her eyes and lips told me more than her words.

Like right now, she was chewing on her lower lip and not completely meeting my eyes—she was nervous and I hadn't even asked her anything yet.

"Bella, why did you believe Emmett so easily about you being poison to me? Why didn't you argue with him and tell him he was wrong?"

She released her lip and her eyes flew up to meet mine, showing me she was shocked by my questions. "But I did argue, Edward. I told him I had tried to put you first as much as I could." Her eyes softened and took on that hurt look that always came when talking about my brother. "But his argument was better. And whenever you had seemed tired or sick, I had always been around you right before."

I nodded, knowing my own face was showing the guilt I felt. "So once again my choice to hide things made it all too easy for you to take the blame."

Her head tilted to the side a little and she only looked at me through her lashes as if she was afraid of something. "When you were in Seattle, were you mad at me for not being there? Did you feel like I'd deserted you?"

My hand moved the short distance between us and cupped her face gently. "I was never mad and I never blamed you for not being there. It was my own stupid fault for pushing you away with my lying. But I did miss you every single day."

She bit at her lower lip for a while before finally pushing her next question out. "Do you think I messed up your recovery by not being there?"

"Not at all. If anything, your absence gave me more of a push, more of an incentive to get better so I could get back to you. All those days I felt tired and wanted nothing more than to stay in bed, with you there I would have stayed."

She snorted and rolled her eyes at me. "Wishful thinking, Cullen. I never would have let you sit on your butt instead of doing your recovery stuff."

"Not even if I pouted like Alice does?" I asked, pushing my lower lip out.

Bella laughed and then darted forward, taking my lower lip between hers and gently biting it. When she let go, she had a big smirk on her face. "Not even then," she promised.

I pulled my hand from her face so I could hold her with both arms, knowing this next question wasn't going to be one she wanted to answer. "Why don't you see how good you are?"

She tried to pull away but I held tight and she soon relented, not only letting me keep hold of her but letting me see her brown eyes and just how vulnerable this topic was making her feel. "I can be good, but …"

"You _are_ good, Bella. You care so much for the people you love and those you consider your friend. You're loyal to them and you'll fight for them. And when you love someone, it's all the way with your whole heart."

"But I'm not always that way."

I shook my head, showing her I disagreed with her. "That was a long time ago. It's called a past because it's behind you. It's not part of your current life and I know you won't let it be part of your future. You have to stop judging yourself on how you used to be and see the woman that you are."

"Is that what you're doing? How you got so confident?"

"Yeah, it is. I'm never going to forget my mistakes but I'm careful not to let the wrongs of my past influence the decisions I'm making now. If I only looked at the mistakes I've made, then I'd think I didn't belong anywhere near you. But sitting here with you, feeling you in my arms, I know without a doubt that there's no place more right for me."

Bella sighed as she let her head fall against my chest. "I wish I had your confidence sometimes."

"But you do, Bella. You just don't always admit it."

"What do you mean?" she asked, lifting her head to look at me.

"How many times have you mentioned being in my arms feels like home to you?"

"Obviously more than I should have." She had a big grin on her lovely face, letting me know she was only teasing.

I pulled her closer to me and pressed my forehead to hers; it made me feel good to see her smile widen from the contact instead of her shying away. "Angel, do you think you would feel that way if you weren't completely sure in your heart that I was the right one for you?"

"It's not always easy to know right and wrong with you. When I left the hospital, it had felt right."

"Bella, you had a concussion and a purple face. There's no telling what would have seemed right to you in that state."

"Maybe."

"There's no maybe about it. Think about that morning at the hotel when you tried to leave me and you couldn't do it. It wasn't your head keeping you from going. It was your heart." I put my hand right over her precious heart, enjoying the feel of the steady beat beneath my palm. "This beautiful, amazing heart that I always want to be a part of."

"Jeebus, you can be a cheesy fork." Considering she had her hand over mine and a huge smile on her face, I didn't take her comment seriously.

"I need you to promise me something, Bella. When you look at yourself in the mirror and when you think of yourself, I want you to promise you'll see who you are now, not who you were."

She pulled back a little and shook her head roughly. "I can't promise something that might not be possible. I don't want to break promises to you."

I thought over her answer for a moment before coming up with an idea that might work. "Then I want you to promise that if you aren't sure about yourself, or if you aren't sure about what someone else has said about you, promise you'll come to me and talk to me about it. Promise you'll never leave without talking to me first."

"You won't let me leave if we talk."

I gave her a big smile as I tugged her close, letting our noses touch. "Exactly."

"But what if it's—"

I stopped her with a quick kiss on her lips. "No what if's allowed. Just honest, open conversation about current events."

She thought about what I was asking of her for a long time before she finally spoke. "I think I can keep that promise."

"You think or you know?" I pressed. I knew her well enough to know that getting her to give a firm decision would hold a lot more weight than just letting her slip by with a maybe. And this was much too important for a measly maybe.

That confidence and fire that had first drawn me to her showed clearly in her brown eyes, giving them a vibrant look. "I know," she said, speaking in the firmest tone I'd heard her use since moving into the apartment with her.

My lips had barely started to pull up in a smile before they were buried beneath hers—not that I was complaining. I would have to be insane to complain about something so fierce and sure. She was showing me how much she meant her promise and how much I meant to her with these soft lips of hers.

When she ended the kiss, I cradled her head to my chest and let the swing sway us just a little. I wanted her to feel that sense of right between us for a bit before I brought up the next thing that I felt we had to talk about.

Bella had other ideas though and was barely quiet for a full minute before she asked, "What was your name before it was Numb? You said your friend had changed it. And what friend?"

"My screen name had been Cullen620. I know that's probably boring to you, just my last name and birthday, but I was never any good at picking screen names. And it was Jasper who changed it. I'd been looking around on the site when he'd come into my room with Alice and while she'd been talking my ear off about how happy she was to see me feeling up to using my computer, he'd gone and changed my screen name. I hadn't even noticed it until you commented on my name during our very first chat."

Bella was staring back at me, biting at her lip with her eyebrows drawn in—she was turning things over in her head and trying to figure them out.

"What's bothering you?" I asked.

She let go of her lip and her eyes met mine, showing a mix of curiosity and apprehension. "Do you think Alice knew? That she had one of her moments where she knew I'd be on the site and after seeing you were on it too, she wanted to make sure we talked? Because if I'd seen your old screen name pop up, I'd have been off of there so damn fast."

"I don't know, Bella. But if she did, I'm sure she'll confess to it when we get home. Especially since she'll already be in a confessing mood over the tea thing."

Bella nodded and then let out a sigh. "This is fun but it's getting late. If you still want a date night, we're going to need showers and stuff."

"Just a minute. I have one more thing I want to talk to you about. I know we have a lot left to discuss and I definitely want to get to everything, but I think we need to answer one major question before we try to tackle anything else."

"What?"

"Are we together again?"

She sat up straight in my lap and the way she was looking at me, I felt certain she could see right through me and into my soul with those piercing eyes of hers. She could see the love I felt for her, the dreams I had for our future, and the shame I carried for hurting her and everyone else I loved. Or at least I hoped she could.

She spoke slowly, as if she wasn't sure of what words to use. "We wouldn't be just taking each other back to be boyfriend and girlfriend again. We'd be saying we're going to build a family. As much as I want that, I don't know yet if I trust we can have it."

"Trust can't be earned if the chance isn't given, Bella."

"And hurt can't happen either." The fear in her eyes was gut-wrenching but I pushed those feelings aside for now to focus on her, on giving her the words she needed to hear.

"I'm just as scared as you are, Angel. You have just as much power to hurt as I do."

From the surprised look on her face, I was pretty sure she'd never considered that before. Her expression softened into that one I'd missed so much—the one that said so clearly she loved me, truly and deeply. And most definitely madly to be entertaining the idea of taking me back after all she'd been put through in the past few months.

Her palms grazed my chin before settling against my cheeks, holding my face as reverently as I'd ever held hers. "You clearly have no idea how much I love you if you think I could hurt you. Just the thought of causing you pain makes it impossible to breathe. Even the few times I've been angry with you I haven't wanted to hurt you. I've just wanted you to understand."

"So teach me how much you love me, Angel. Let me back into your life so we can build a new one together."

There was a stiffness to her nod but her voice didn't waver at all. "Okay."

I couldn't have stopped the smile that overtook my face or the passionate kiss I'd planted on her lips if I'd tried. Two little syllables from her but they changed everything. I hadn't felt this happy since that first night with her, when she'd let me show her how much I wanted her. I knew exactly how big this was for her and how scary too; I wouldn't screw it up this time. Of course there would be days when she wasn't happy with me, but that was just how real life went. But the majority of her days, I'd do everything I could to leave her feeling like her life was a fairytale come true, making it easy for her to forget the annoying parts.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

Our walk back to the hotel from the playground took us by Jackson Square and I ended up stopping in my tracks and staring up at St. Louis Cathedral. In the beginnings of twilight and the bright spotlights of the square, the church seemed to loom above everything else. The lighted stained glass windows were impossible not to notice and the three huge spires seemed to reach higher than they had in the bright sunshine earlier today.

Edward squeezed my hand to get my attention. "Want to see if it's open?" he asked.

I nodded right away even as I tried not to get my hopes up. I didn't have a lot of experience with churches so I had no idea what kind of hours they kept. There were a lot of people walking around the square but I didn't see any heading for the church.

Edward reached out and gripped the large handle on the door; I expected it to stay shut but it pulled right open. We entered a small lobby and walked up to the wooden double doors in front of us. Again, Edward tugged and it opened right up.

My breath got stuck in my throat at the sight before me. I'd never been in a place that looked so gorgeous while making me feel like I shouldn't mention its beauty out loud. The ceiling was curved from the doors where we stood to the altar at the end of the long rectangular room. There was a balcony level where flags from a variety of countries were proudly hung. The floor was a beautiful black and white diamond pattern and the pews were a dark wood. It was a place of beauty and yet it felt like a place of solace too. I'd never seen anything like it and I could have kicked myself for forgetting to bring the camera along on our walk.

"I can see it, you know."

I looked over at the sound of Edward's voice. He was leaning against the wide white column to my left with his hands deep in the pockets of his cargo shorts and his bare legs crossed at the ankles. He would have looked like the picture of relaxation if not for the tense lines around his green eyes.

"See what?" I asked.

"You. Dressed in ivory and lace. Charlie walking you down this very aisle and over to that alter," he said with a nod toward the end of the aisle.

"No." I waited to see the hurt in his eyes, but it didn't come.

"Pity." No tension or disappointment in his tone—how was that possible?

Edward stood and made his way to me, lightly wrapping his arms around my ever-widening waist. I couldn't believe he'd had me sitting in his lap and sharing a swing with him earlier with as much as I must weigh now.

"Then again, I didn't really think it would be that easy to get you to marry me." Again his tone was light, almost playful.

But I knew better. I knew _him_. And I knew what he really wanted. "It's not really the marriage you want."

Now he looked stricken, as if I'd physically slapped his face. "What do you mean? Of course it is. I want to spend every day of my life with you, Bella. Every day of forever."

"Exactly. It's the commitment you want."

His lips pursed in thought and after a few seconds, he nodded in agreement. "When you put it like that, yes, I want the commitment."

My lips felt dry and my throat tight and hot as if I'd been wandering around in some desert for days without a drop of water in sight. I wanted to leave this place and get a bottle of water, to put an end to being parched this way.

But I knew it wasn't really water that I was thirsting after. Just like I knew if I didn't take advantage of the sudden sense of right and the bravery I felt, I would never say what was in my heart right then.

"There's a way to have that commitment, Edward. Something that will last a lot longer than a signed document and a piece of jewelry. Of course, I couldn't do it right now but I could have it planned out. Sketched out. I haven't seen him in forever, but Drake would do it for us."

I lifted my hand and separated the fingers of my left hand, using the fingers on my right to circle the spot where a wedding band traditionally sat. "It would be outlined in silver at the top and bottom and it would tell our story. The first design inside the band would be right here in the center. A heart filled with a green so deep and vibrant you'll expect to touch a smooth emerald stone when you slide your finger over the spot."

I let go of my ring finger so I could touch it with just a fingertip and point to the location of each item. "Then a classic cursive 'O' right here. October. The start. Then a record, black as night with an 'L' on one side and a 'P'' on the other, both letters in gold to make the tiny things stand out. One of the best nights of my life. Next is half of a bridge, crumbling and falling but for one strong beam. Then a classic cursive 'H' for Hawaii and Heaven and Healing. Because when I told you I loved you and meant it with my whole heart, it healed things inside of me that I hadn't known were broken at the time. I'd want a hibiscus flower too. Just a single one with white petals and a slight touch of dark pink at the edges."

I was almost all the way around my finger now and I chanced a glance at Edward's face. He looked both awestruck and just plain struck as he stared down at my hand, waiting for me to describe the next design.

So I did. "Right here go the tears. Fat and heavy and a blue so dark it makes you think of a clouded night with no moon. Life without you was just that—clouded and dark. Next, a musical note. Just one. Gold with wisps of red all through it. Calling out soundlessly and insistently, refusing to be ignored.

"The last will go here," I said, pointing to the spot right next to where the emerald heart would sit. An 'F', but not classic and cursive. Thick and bold and black. Unbreakable and unable to diminish with time or age. Forever."

I let go of my own hand and reached for his, gently opening his fingers with mine and holding the tip of his ring finger tightly. "What would yours say?" I asked, looking right up into his eyes, seeing a mix of wonder and love and hope swirling in the dark green.

His throat worked up and down stiffly and his words wavered when he spoke, but his eyes never did. "The center would be a star. Deep purple in the middle and white at the edges, letting you know the muted light you see at first is just a cover for the blindingly bright light just behind it."

His lips curled up at the left as he took hold of my finger and touched it to his skin. "Right here would be a little white ghost to remind us of our hunt."

He lost his smile but not his hold on me. "Here is where the other half of the bridge would be. Then a sun half risen from the water, showering the day with light the way you showered me with your love. Giving light to the darkness and an end to the wait like your words did for my soul. Casting a glow as you did when you made love to me that morning in Hawaii after telling me you loved me."

We were both crying now but he made no attempt to wipe our tears away, probably knowing it would do no good. He wasn't done yet.

His body visibly shook with his next inhale. "Here is where I would put a broken heart, though I know I broke a lot more than one. And next to it would be a tiny flame of hope. Orange in the middle with white at the edges and a faint hint of blue at the top. Close to going out but ready to lift up and burn brightly at the slightest encouragement. And at the end, right here in this spot, this is where Forever's 'F' belongs. Unbreakable and unable to diminish with time and age."

He brought his lips to mine, his breath catching in his throat as a sob bubbled out of mine. The kiss was slow and unhurried, giving our tears plenty of time to mix and mingle and drip down our faces onto our clothes. We were pressed together much too tightly for any to hit the floor near our shaking feet.

In one of the most beautiful churches in the world, I experienced the most beautiful moment of my life. I had no idea what the world held in store for me once I walked out of this church, but I knew Edward would be right there with me for every second of it. I might not have complete faith in him just yet, but I was definitely on my way to believing.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

"_Wow_."

"You think?" I asked as I turned away from the mirror and toward Edward. I was trying to feel as beautiful as the dress looked but I was failing miserably and my scrunched up nose proved it.

Edward had surprised me with a new black dress. The top had beading that started beneath my breasts and came up all the way over the wide shoulder straps. The bottom was loose and flared out over my baby bump before ending just above my knees with about an inch of see-through fabric showing. He'd even gotten me a new pair of wedges to wear with the dress. I'd been suspicious of his good taste in women's clothing right up until he'd admitted Esme had helped him pick everything out.

"Bella," he said softly, putting his hands on my shoulders and turning me back toward the mirror. "Really look at what's there with your eyes and not your head. You are so gorgeous. Between your smile and the way this dress flatters your curves, it's impossible not to stop and take notice of you."

"It does fit really well," I admitted, turning just a little to get a side view of myself. "And it's definitely one of the most comfortable dresses I've worn."

"All you need is one final finishing touch." Edward's hand suddenly came up in front of me and lying there on his open palm was a set of earrings.

"What did you do? When did you even get these?" I was too busy looking between the earrings and his reflection to think about touching them.

He laughed deep in his chest and I could feel the vibration against my back where the dress left my skin open to the air. "You really don't notice anything when you're on a mission for food these days. I saw them when I was out picking up lunch earlier and you didn't even notice the bag in my back pocket, too focused on getting to the bag of food in my hands."

"Don't say it like that," I whined, unable to help myself. "You make it sound like I've become a food vacuum."

"I'm not trying to make it sound like that at all, Angel. You're going to be hungrier than you were before. You're giving life to our three babies every second of every day. That's going to require more of everything, especially more food and sleep."

"I guess." I didn't like it much, but he had a point.

"You know, you still haven't touched these earrings. I'm starting to think you don't like them."

"Oh, I forgot," I cried as I reached out and scooped one up between my fingers.

"It's white gold," Edward said as we both looked at the earring I was holding. "I saw them and I liked how different they were. They made me think of you right away so I got them for you."

"They're beautiful." And I meant that. They were circular medallion earrings with a black backing in the middle. The gold set over the backing made a loose curved cross outline with small rounded drops on the inside. It looked like some sort of silvery blooming flower to me.

I smiled as I took out my purple studs and put in my new earrings—I was mostly smiling at the pleased look on Edward's face but also because I really did love the earrings. I loved that they were just because he'd thought of me when he'd seen them.

"So what do you think?" I asked, turning so Edward could get a firsthand look instead of the mirror's reflection.

"Beyond stunning," he said, giving me that lopsided grin I liked so much.

Now that I was over my worries about the dress and happy shock over the earrings, I was able to notice what Edward was wearing. He had on a navy blue shirt with black dress pants and a shiny leather belt that matched his shiny leather shoes. It was a simple outfit but on him, it looked positively sinful. The shirt was long sleeved but made of a light enough material that I could see every curve of his muscular physique perfectly. It really wasn't fair that he always had me on the verge of drooling no matter what he wore.

"Come here," he called softly.

Before I could even take a step toward him, he had my hand securely in his and was tugging me closer. I'd thought he was going to hug me but he reached for my neck instead and I looked down to see him centering my boxing gloves on my chest.

"I'm glad you kept wearing this and didn't hide it away at the bottom of your jewelry box," he said as he fingered the small gloves.

"At the time, I'd believed I had to stay away from you but there were parts of you I couldn't let go of."

"Like the luau picture?" he questioned. From the way he was looking at me and the smirk on his face, I had no doubt he knew for sure and wasn't just guessing.

"Did Jasper tell you about that?"

"Alice let it slip out on accident."

"Sure," I said, hoping it didn't sound nearly as sarcastic as I thought it did. I was sure Alice was capable of honest mistakes—I just couldn't always pick those out from her orchestrated plans.

"Tell you what … Let's go to dinner and for the rest of tonight, let's not talk about our family and friends at all. Let's just be two people out on a date," Edward suggested.

And I really liked the sound of that. "Yeah, okay."

Edward smiled as he crooked his arm and held it out to me. I laughed at his cheesy display even as that familiar warmth he brought me flooded through me.

We took a cab to Brennan's since it was dark out but the building was so well lit I had no trouble seeing the beauty of it. It was a peachy-pink color with a three-window balcony secured with wrought-iron fencing marking off the second floor. The third floor had circular windows, like port-holes on a ship, and I could just make out the chimney columns on the room. The door just beneath the balcony was closed off and there was an awning with the Brennan's name just to the left where diners were entering and existing. The place seemed pretty packed and I was glad Edward had thought ahead to make reservations.

Thanks to those reservations, we were seated quickly and to say I was blown away would be a definite understatement. It felt like we'd stepped back in time and we should be wearing appropriate clothing for it—me in a huge ball gown and Edward in one of those jackets that was short in the front and long in the back. The walls were done in a red wallpaper and the paintings were oil on canvas in huge gold frames. Even the mirrors were surrounded by gold frames. And not far from our table was a gorgeous chandelier in that same gold tone with four bright white flower shaped bulb covers. A massive fireplace filled the back wall, white with a gray marble trim and a brick backing. It felt more like an antique house than a restaurant.

"Did you bring your Frommer guide?" I asked Edward.

His grin was so wide I couldn't help smiling back. "Not this time, but I'll look up the restaurant when we get back to the hotel."

"This room is so gorgeous."

Edward chuckled under his breath and squeezed my hand under the table. "You look so amazed right now, like Alice on Christmas."

"You know, each room here is decorated differently." We looked up to see a smiling waitress standing just across the table from us. "I can always tell the first timers from their wide eyes," she added, winking at me.

"How many rooms are there?" Edward asked.

"We have five regular dining rooms and one large room for parties. Each room has its own design, feel, and paint colors."

"Any chance we can see those?" I asked hopefully.

She gave an apologetic smile. "Unfortunately, we're booked solid tonight. But if you go online to our website, we have a photo gallery there with pictures of our rooms and a few of our famous dishes."

"We could always keep coming back and ask for a different room each time," Edward suggested, making both me and the waitress laugh.

"I'm sure you'll both need time to pick out your meals," she said as she handed a padded menu to each of us. "What can I get you to drink while you decide?"

"Do you have any teas?" I asked while Edward looked over the drinks listed in the menu.

"Are you sure you wouldn't like to see our list of wines? We have some wonderful mixed drinks on our menu as well," the waitress stated.

"Can't," I said, surprised at just how big the smile on my face felt at that moment. "I'm pregnant."

"Congratulations," she said, seeming to honestly mean it. "In that case, I can arrange some cranberry juice for you. Unless you'd prefer milk or orange juice."

"Cranberry juice would probably go best with whatever food you order," Edward pointed out.

I went along with his suggestion while he ordered a sazerac for himself. He even impressed our waitress by pronouncing it correctly as saz-e-rack. It was listed on the menu as a drink made with bourbon and a little mystery in a glass coated with absinthe. It sounded like something I would have really enjoyed if I didn't have a great reason for staying away from alcohol.

"Did Frommer's come with a pronunciation guide?" I teased once our waitress had left.

"Don't I wish," he huffed. "I'm still trying to figure out that one street sign we saw that started with the T-C-H."

I rolled my eyes at him and how he still hadn't given up. We'd come across a street sign while walking around the city after our aquarium outing and we'd immediately disagreed on how the name was said. Edward thought the first few letters gave it a "th" sound while I believed it made an "s" sound.

"I know what you're thinking but I don't buy it. Soup-e-tula doesn't make any sense, not even as a Creole word," Edward told me.

"Yeah, well, Thup-a-too-las makes even less sense," I argued.

"We need to ask a local and put an end to this."

"You ask. For all I know, we're both wrong and I'm not about to look like an idiot."

Edward leaned over in his chair and since there was practically no room between our chairs, he was pretty much just leaning into me. "There's no way you could look like an idiot. You're too gorgeous."

"Physical looks have nothing to do with making a fool of yourself," I pointed out.

"I beg to differ."

"So what?" I asked with a snort. "You think looking beautiful excuses idiocy? Maybe you should be with Megan Fox then. She's got ample stupid to go with her boobs."

"Bella," Edward said through his low laughter.

"Have you listened to that girl give an interview?"

"No, I can't say that I have."

"Save your brain cells and just don't do it, man!"

Once again, I had him laughing and it made it so easy to smile with him and feel like we really were just on a regular date like a regular couple.

"So," he said softly as he ran his thumb over the back of my hand. "I noticed you had a pretty big smile on your face when you told the waitress you couldn't have alcohol."

For some reason, the fact that he'd noticed had me blushing and biting at my lip. I wasn't exactly embarrassed—I just … Well, I really wasn't sure what I was feeling right then.

He planted a soft kiss right on my reddened cheek. "You're going to be a mom. A wonderful mother to our very lucky babies."

I felt his words so deeply in my heart and I felt all the promises he was making with them and I couldn't do a thing to stop the tears from slipping over my lids and falling onto my cheeks.

Edward quickly wiped them away and then whispered into my ear. "It's okay to be happy about it just like it's okay to be scared. Just try and remember that you're not alone in any part of it. I'm here and I love you, Angel. You're everything to me and always will be."

I didn't want to risk turning into a blubbering mess at the dinner table so I put a smile on and changed the subject. "So you're going to ask the waitress how to say that word when she gets back. And when she says I'm right, you have to give me a foot massage tonight."

"And when she says I'm right, what do I get?" he countered.

My smile became a real one—he knew I was changing the subject and he was letting me. "You get the privilege of being right," I told him.

"Nope. I want something more than that."

"Like what?"

"I want to buy the first gift for the babies. I want to pick it out and purchase it myself and surprise you with it."

_Okay so maybe he's not letting me get away from the conversation after all_, I thought as I stared into his green eyes. He really was excited about being a dad and about being a parent _with_ me. I was going to have to figure out pretty quickly how to accept this and trust it because no way in hell did I want to risk ruining it.

"What happens if we're both wrong?" I asked, curious to see what he would come up.

"Then we both get what we asked for."

"Edward," I said, unable to stop myself from laughing. "If we both lose, we're not supposed to get anything."

"Angel, as long as we have each other, then we can never lose."

Yep. Just about damn near perfect. He certainly had all the words to dig right in and stake out a place in my heart. Now we just had to find out if he had the actions to back them up. Between the tender look in his eyes and the way he hadn't let go of my hand since taking hold of it at the hotel, I felt pretty confident in that one moment that he could. But I also knew myself and I knew there wasn't a lot of that confidence built up right now.

Edward's words from earlier came back to me … _Trust can't be earned if the chance isn't given_. If it were anyone else, I doubted I would be entertaining the idea of another chance at all. But Edward had always been an exception, even that first night way back in October. I never slept with a guy after one night of talking to him but with Edward it hadn't felt like it was just one night. It was crazy and I would probably never understand it, but that first night with him, those first touches of his hands on my body, it had felt familiar.

I turned my thoughts away from that night before they could force me down an unbidden track of Naked Edward memories. I found myself thinking of what I would want and how I would feel if things were reversed, if I was the one who'd hidden things for reasons I thought were good at the time. And then I realized I had already done something similar back when I'd had so much trouble figuring out how I felt about Edward. Of course, I hadn't known I was doing it and it certainly hadn't been on purpose, but it had still stung Edward. And he'd still given me another chance. He'd still believed in me and believed I could change and do better. I definitely wanted to believe those things about Edward; I wanted _him_. It seemed to me there was nothing else to do but try. And pray really hard I was making the right decision for these babies as much as for myself. Now was definitely not the time to let myself be selfish.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**A/N: ** First of all, thank you all for the great reviews! I haven't been able to reply to the last few b/c of my crazy rl but I read them all and appreciated them all. Secondly, hope you all enjoyed the early update. Bella and Edward are working hard to piece everything back together and make it sturdier than it ever was. Just hang in there with them! And last, but certainly not least, there are some new things over at my website. There's a teaser for the next chapter and pictures of how I envisioned the tattoos Bella describes. There are also 2 new entries for Pepe Says. One is about the Fandom Fights Tsunami and the other is about the Sunflower Awards. Check it all out! Link is on my profile page.


	58. If At First

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: ****If At First You Don't Succeed …**

**Chapter Song: ****"Two Is Better Than One" by**

**Boys Like Girls with Taylor Swift**

**Bella****'s POV:**

We were so stuffed after our dinner at Brennan's that neither of us felt up to moving around much and we were happy to take a cab back to our hotel. But once we got into our room, Edward got a second wind and wanted to go through with the foot massage he'd promised. Since I felt it would be totally rude to deny him, I let him have his wicked way with my feet after we'd showered and changed for bed.

"Jeebus that's good," I moaned. "I swear I wasn't a foot massage person before but now I don't know how I got by without it."

Edward laughed as he continued with his moan-inducing digging, rubbing, and soothing treatment. "I'm glad you're enjoying, Angel."

I forced my tired eyes to open, wanting him to see how much I meant the words I was about to speak. "Thank you for this. I really mean that. And not just for right now, but for all of it. For not giving up on us and for making sure I knew the truth."

"I had to. I love you. I only wish I'd figured out what was wrong sooner. I hate thinking about just how long you believed you'd hurt me. I can't imagine trying to forget you just to get by because I never want to forget a second with you."

"You're wrong, Edward. I _never_ tried to forget you. I wanted those memories, especially knowing that was _all_ I could have. I just wanted to let go of you in my heart so I wouldn't miss you every second of every day. I only wanted to protect you, never to forget you."

"And now? What do you think you want now?"

I smiled at him, happy to finally have an answer and to be confident about it. "You. I want you, Edward. I want us to try again and I want it to work this time. And I want that as much for me as I do for our babies." It actually hurt to be smiling so wide but I didn't try to stop it all.

He gave me that lopsided grin of his. "You seem pretty excited there, Swan."

"Sure am, Cullen. I didn't hurt you, I'm pregnant, and we are in one of the most amazing cities in North America."

Edward's smile fell and he looked a lot like he had earlier today with the Numb thing—ready to shit his pants. "So you're sure then? Completely positive? Not just having a happy moment?"

I pulled my feet out of his hands and got up on my knees right in front of him, making us just about eye-level. I put my hands on his shoulders to steady myself and looked him right in his green eyes as I spoke. "I love you and I want to be with you. I want a future with you and I want to build a family with you. I'm willing to put in the work and deal with the fork load of questions about how to pull all this off. It's not going to be easy and probably not very pretty at times, but I want to try anyway."

I'd expected some cheesy prose or that smile he had that seemed bright enough and powerful enough to light a building. What I got instead was a tight hug and an endlessly tender kiss that made me goo in his arms.

"Guess that means you like my decision," I said, smiling against his neck with my head resting on his shoulder.

"I love it, Angel. I love _you_."

"Yeah, you kind of have to after all this work you put in to making sure you were stuck with me."

He gave a little laugh as he fit his hand between us and rubbed it over my stomach. And then he was letting go and standing up, earning himself one big ass pout from me. He laughed again and held his hand out to me. "Dance with me."

"Dance with you? I thought we were having a life altering convo about our future and you're thinking of dancing?"

"We have plenty of time to plan out our future together but a really good song only lasts a few minutes. And this one has a great sound to it. Jazzy just like this city."

"You are definitely Numb Nuts," I said, shaking my head at him.

"Come here," Edward murmured as he used my hands to get me off the bed.

"I'm tired," I whined, trying hard not to let him see the slight smile on my lips. I really was tired but I couldn't deny him—I just didn't want him to know that. There was no telling what kind of things he would try if he knew he could get me to agree with hardly more than a sweet look and soft smile.

"I'll do all the work," he promised. And true to his word, he put my feet on his and all I had to do was lean against him while he gently moved us to the music coming from the little radio in my room. We'd missed a good chunk of it with our talking, but there was enough left for me to decide he was right about it being a good song.

_Now I remember all too well_

_Just how it feels to be all alone._

_You feel like you'd give anything_

_For just a little place you can call your own._

_That's when you need someone,_

_Someone that you can call._

_And when all your faith is gone,_

_Feels like you can't go on …_

_Let it be me._

_Let it be me._

_If it's a friend that you need,_

_Let it be me._

_Let it be me._

The music played on for just a bit before fading away and being replaced by the announcer's voice, letting us know the song was called "Let It Be Me" by Ray LaMontagne. I wanted to remember that name and look the guy up later to see if I liked anything else of his, but for now I just wanted to be right here in Edward's arms, standing on his feet and swaying to his humming.

I ended up enjoying it so much that I fell asleep like that, only waking up long enough to thank Edward for putting me to bed. Those new muscles were coming in handy beyond giving me something yummy to look at. My last coherent thought before nodding off again was that if Edward had become extra sexy with his clothes on, he was going to forkin' kill me when I finally saw him in all his naked glory once again.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Slow dancing with Edward tended to make me forget there was a world around me and after everything that had happened lately, I was thoroughly enjoying it. "Remind me to thank Karen for making sure you can dance," I said.

Edward didn't say anything and I figured he just wasn't in the mood to talk.

I tightened my arms around his chest and let the only sounds around us come from the song playing and his heart beating strongly beneath my ear. We were dancing to the first song we'd ever danced to—a Lifehouse song. I wondered if that should have been a clue about Numb but quickly dismissed it; Numb's Lifehouse picks had been about heartbreak and this one was all about being in love.

Edward's cheek rubbed against mine and I lifted my head to look up at him and show him through my smile how much I was enjoying this. I doubt he saw it though because as soon as my head was up he was leaning in and covering my mouth with his. His tongue flicked at my upper lip and immediately slipped inside to caress and stroke in that way that always melted me. Warmth filled me from head to toe and I suddenly couldn't get close enough, couldn't _feel_ him enough. My hands were in his hair, welding his lips to mine, while his own were at my lower back making sure I knew exactly how much he was enjoying our kiss.

He pulled his head free of my hands and brought his lips to my neck, right to that damn spot that drove away coherency and left a burning need in its place. With the pressure there and the friction down below—plus the sheer number of days since he'd touched me this way—I was suddenly so close to the edge it actually hurt.

"Bella."

_Damn I love it when he says my name right before he drives me over the edge._

"Bella."

_That doesn't sound right. And why the hell is he pulling away? If this his idea of a_—

"_Bella_!"

_Holy mother of_—Dreaming. I'd been dreaming. I'd been dreaming about Edward. I'd been having a _sex_ dream about Edward. And from the look on his face and the tent he was currently pitching, I'd been acting out part of that dream. _This may just be the most humiliating moment of my life_.

I didn't know if I should lay there, or sit up, or run for the bathroom, or hide under the pillow … Jasper probably would have suggested talking but what the hell did a person in a situation like this say? Sorry for humping your leg? Thanks for the almost happy ending? Be flattered it was you and not an unobtainable actor hottie?

Apparently Edward wasn't having any trouble finding words. "While I certainly didn't mind the attention you were showing me, I didn't think you'd appreciate it if you weren't aware of it."

_Okay, _this_ is the most humiliating moment of my life. Nice job, Bells._

He reached across the no man's land existing between us and stroked my cheek with the back of his hand. "Bella, are you okay?"

Between his soft touch and the concern in his face and voice, I completely lost it and became a hormonal mess of tears and sobs. The worst part was that I didn't even know what I was so upset about. So he'd caught me humping his leg? Big deal. It wasn't like he was a stranger. And we _had_ talked earlier about giving things another try. So why the hell was I going all girly on him?

"Angel, I don't know if these tears of yours are out of embarrassment or frustration, but either way, you don't need to feel bad." He had crossed back onto my side of the bed and was holding me in his arms while keeping distance between our lower halves.

"It really isn't a big deal and it's completely understandable," he continued. "You spent a long time bottling up your feelings so it's makes perfect sense they would be a little overzealous now that you're not hiding them."

He was talking sense and I didn't want sense. I wanted to go back to sleep and forget this whole stupid thing had ever happened. Irrational as it might be, I _was_ embarrassed. And frustrated? Yeah, that didn't even begin to describe what that side of things felt like. And feeling every throb between my legs with every beat of my heart was _not_ helping.

"You know I was thinking that you didn't get a fair trade-off." His words were just confusing enough to put a halt to the sobs so I could question him.

"What do you mean?"

"Our bet about Tchoupitoulas. You only won a foot-rub while I get to buy the first gift for our babies. You should pick something else to get."

That street name we hadn't been able agree on—It wasn't pronounced "Soup-e-tula" or "Thup-a-too-las". According to our waitress at Brennan's, it was pronounced "Chop-a-too-la". Edward and I had both lost our wager, but he'd decided we'd both also won.

"There was nothing else I wanted," I mumbled against his shirt. I took in a big breath of him, letting his scent calm me down and take me away from crazy hormonal pregnant lady land.

"Well I want you to think of something else. We've got tomorrow and Monday left here, but if you can't think of anything you want in New Orleans, then you can pick something back home."

"What if we just forget this ever happened and never bring it up again?"

"Sorry, Angel, but this is definitely something we need to talk about."

"I had a feeling you were going to say that." It was true too. He had a bad habit of wanting to talk over things that upset me. Okay, so maybe calling it a bad habit was a bit of a stretch—more like slightly annoying habit.

"Why did you get so upset?"

"Can we please not do this right now? I really don't think I can handle it without more tears. Besides, I'm tired and I just want to go back to sleep."

"Alright. But just know that I'm not going to forget and we are going to talk about this tomorrow."

I didn't say anything back. I just turned over and yanked my pillow down so I could wrap my arms around it and still have my head on it.

His lips pressed against the skin showing between my tank top and neck for just a second but that was plenty enough for me to feel it right in that throbbing spot I was trying to forget existed.

"Sweet dreams, Angel. I love you."

I didn't answer but only because I didn't trust what might come out of my mouth. While my heart and head weren't ready for that kind of physical intimacy with him just yet, my body was screaming that it didn't give a damn and just wanted a release. It was an appealing thought, but I loved Edward too much to risk regretting later on any satisfaction I got now.

And really, how can you not want to show a guy like him just how much you love him in a way that means something to the both of you? I'd woken him up by assaulting his leg, then I'd turned into a crying mess on him, and I hadn't wanted to talk to him about it. And he wasn't holding a bit of it against me. In fact, he was giving me space and lying on his side of the bed without touching me at all. Edward _never_ slept beside me without touching me in some way. He didn't understand what I was going through, but he was still respecting it and trying to give me what he thought I might need.

I scooted across the bed and pressed myself against his back, tucking my arm under his and around his broad chest. "I love you too."

His fingers laced through mine and his happiness was audible when he spoke. "I'm glad you didn't like the space between us any more than I did."

"I'd promise not to assault your backside, but I don't know if I can keep it."

"Do you want me to wake you if that happens? Or would you rather be blissfully unaware?"

"As long as you don't have a problem with it, I'm gonna go for blissfully unaware."

Edward's laugh was soft but it still vibrated through his back and against my chest. It didn't help with the throbbing but I wouldn't have moved away from him for anything. If I could help it, I never wanted to spend another day of my life away from him.

"Sweet dreams, Angel."

"Night, Edward."

I'd been positive it would take most of the night for me to stop replaying what had happened and go back to sleep, but I was wrong. It only took Edward humming and running his thumb over the back of my hand resting on his chest.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Gotta pee. Gotta pee. Gotta pee," I chanted as I shuffle-ran out of my room and into the bathroom. This getting up in the middle of the night in a race against my bladder was not fun and I refused to entertain the idea of what it would be like in a couple of months. In this, ignorance was most definitely bliss.

With my bladder empty, the rest of the world finally came back into focus for me and I realized the shower was on. I couldn't see from here since there was a little wall blocking the toilet from the rest of the bathroom but it wasn't like there was a long list of people that could be in there.

I had originally planned to just sneak out of the bathroom since Edward obviously hadn't heard me come in—he would have said something if he had—but that plan got scrapped the second I heard him moaning.

There was a rose-colored marble wall that separated the tub from the shower and made up the shower wall so I couldn't see him until I was even with the glass shower door. What I saw … I seriously doubted there had ever been anything more beautiful or arousing in the whole world. There was no way I could _not_ take him in so I slid myself up onto the counter and did my best to memorize every visible, glorious inch of him.

**SECTION REMOVED FOR CONTENT - Missing section can be found on Coffee Shop Library**

Once I had a dry shirt on and was back in bed in my room, I found myself staring at the blanket and wondering if hiding under it was a viable solution. He was going to want to talk, especially after my earlier episode, and I just didn't think I had enough blood in my brain for coherent conversation.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

I took my time getting dressed to give Bella a chance to calm down. The last thing I wanted was for her to get upset like she had earlier tonight. Though from the way she'd run out of here, I seriously doubted she was feeling embarrassed this time.

I got it. I really did. She was unsure of how close to let me get and how fast to do it. She was afraid I'd break her heart again. At the same time, though, I knew I couldn't prove to her I wouldn't hurt her if she didn't give me the chance. It was such a fine line to walk—fixing every single thing I'd broken between us without pushing her to give more than she could. It was all made harder by her increased hormones. Bella wasn't prone to embarrassment like she'd felt earlier tonight so the only explanation I could come up with for her bad reaction to her dream was her hormones. I would never say that to her, though. I knew better than that, just like I knew not to blame every overreaction on the pregnancy. Some of it was going to be because of the damage my brother and I had inflicted on her with our words and actions.

Like my father had pointed out, physical contact was one of the few things Bella feared. It made her feel whether she wanted to or not. She couldn't protect her fragile heart if she was feeling. I had to figure out how to show her she was safe with me. She needed to know I understood where she was coming from and that I wouldn't take advantage of her. I'd hoped she would see that when I'd woken her from her dream earlier but she had been so upset … Once again I found myself wishing I'd never been such a complete fucking idiot about my heart condition. None of this would be happening right now if I had been upfront with everyone. Bella and I could still be in New Orleans together, but we would truly be together and she wouldn't be afraid of wanting me physically.

When I walked into the bedroom, Bella was sitting with her legs crossed in front of her and her knees bouncing. Her head was slightly bowed so that her hair hid her eyes from me, but I still knew she was nervous—her teeth were digging into her lower lip.

"Been an interesting night, huh?" I asked as I sat down on the edge of the bed.

Her shoulders moved the slightest bit—I figured it was her idea of a shrug.

"Look, I know it's late and you're probably tired so I'm not going to push you to do it, but I really think we should talk."

She let go of her lip and I leaned in a little, anxious to hear what she was going to say. "What if I don't know how to talk about this?"

"Then I'll go first," I offered. "Maybe you'll be able to figure out what you want to say after hearing my thoughts."

I waited until she nodded before starting. "Bella, I know it's hard for you to trust me right now. And I wouldn't be surprised at all if you told me you're having trouble trusting yourself as well. The thing is, I don't know how to build trust with you if I'm not given the chance or without you giving me input and feedback. All I can do is talk right now and hope that something I'm saying rings true with you.

"As for what happened earlier, I need you to know the _only_ reason I woke you up was because I really believed you'd be upset about it later. A lot has happened and things aren't the same as they were, but we still love each other and we're still attracted to each other. There's nothing wrong with you wanting me in that way. I certainly can't hide how I attracted I am to you, how much I want you and desire you. You clearly saw that for yourself just now," I said, pointing toward the bathroom.

"And, Bella, I don't want you trying to hide it either. There's nothing wrong with being aroused and needing a release. I'm not going to assume a physical need means all is well and we don't still have things to work through."

"It's not that," she said, peeking at me through her hair. "Well, it's a little of that. I just … I don't want to regret it. I don't want to be caught up in the moment and then feel later on that it went too far too fast. When we're together that way … it's so much more than physical, Edward. I've never been able to see it as just sex and after all that's happened … It probably sounds stupid to you but I can't help feeling this way."

I reached out and took her hand into mine, giving it a light squeeze. "It's not stupid. And you won't always feel this way. The closer we get, the more you'll trust me and the less guarded you'll be around me."

She finally lifted her head and let me see her brown eyes. "Does it bother you at all? You just seem really … really calm about it."

"I don't want you to think this is easy for me because it isn't. Every day is a struggle to balance what you need with what I want. And I spend a good part of my day just being incredibly pissed at myself for causing all of this."

"What _do_ you want?"

"You."

"No shit, Captain Obvious," she replied as she rolled her eyes at me. "What specifically is the want that you're balancing against my needs?"

"It's kind of everything, Bella. I want to kiss you, hold you, touch you … I want to talk to you about the babies and about the future we can have together. I want to tell you about my grandmother and take you to where she's buried. I want to tell you the things I learned about myself while I was with my mom and Alice in Seattle. Most of all, I don't want to overwhelm you or scare you off so a lot of this stuff I just keep inside, waiting until you seem ready for it."

"I wish you'd admit to feeling like this more often instead of always acting so calm and sure. It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong that I'm not certain the way you are."

"I can't help acting sure of where our future is headed, Bella. There's no doubt in my mind or heart that we're going to be together. But I will let you know that I don't have the slightest idea of how to get there yet. All I know is that I want to figure it out with you. I want the decisions to be _our_ choices so that neither of us has regrets."

She managed to nod her head while letting out the biggest and loudest yawn I'd ever witnessed. I couldn't help laughing a little as I watched her.

"Shut up." From the smile on her face, I knew she was only teasing.

"It's definitely time for bed," I said as I got to my feet.

She smiled as she pulled the blanket over her legs. "I could sleep."

"Don't feel the need to get up early," I told her, climbing in beside her.

"But we only have two days left."

I kissed her pouty lips and then pulled her closer, not wanting there to be any space between us. "Two days left to _this_ trip, Angel. We'll come back again someday. Now go to sleep."

"You're awful bossy these days."

"Yep."

"I don't know if I like it."

I couldn't help laughing at both her response and the confusion in her tone.

"Fine. I'm going to sleep," she said, huffing as she closed her eyes.

I smiled as I tipped my head down and kissed her forehead. "I love you. And I'm going to try to voice my worries to you more often. I just don't want to overwhelm you or have you worrying about me instead of focusing on yourself and the babies."

"Knowing how you're feeling, that you're struggling too, that's only going to help me, Edward. It's easier to go through stuff when you know you have someone to go through it with."

"Then I'll definitely make more of an effort. And if you're ever questioning how I'm feeling about something, please ask me, Bella. You can ask me anything, anytime."

"Okay. But tomorrow. I'm tired," she said, letting out another huge yawn.

I hugged her just a little tighter as I whispered to her. "Sweet dreams, Angel."

"I'm glad you're scared too."

I tried my best not to laugh at how silly that sounded to me. "Get some sleep."

She didn't say anything more and it wasn't long at all before she was sound asleep in my arms.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

Almost every muscle in my body felt sore as I stretched my arms and legs out in the bed. I'd felt this way a few times before and knew it was from sleeping way past the time I normally woke up. A glance at the clock on the nightstand confirmed my guess—it was early afternoon already.

I looked toward the open door and called out for Edward. I didn't get a response and as much I wanted to look for a note from him, my bladder wanted a bathroom visit and refused to be second in line.

After taking care of my necessities, I went looking for a note from Edward. I found it on the coffee table in the living room sitting beneath a beautiful pink flower poking out of one of our plastic cups. I carefully lifted the cup so I wouldn't slosh water on the note and took a sniff at the flower. It wasn't thickly fragrant like most flowers but the little scent that was there was sweet and light.

I set the flower back on the table and picked up the note, smiling at the heart Edward had drawn at the bottom of it. His cheese factor had reached a whole new level and I was surprised to find that I really liked it.

_Bella,_

_I decided to go out and do a little exploring while you were sleeping. Hopefully you'll still be sleeping when I get back. You need the rest. In case you are up, though, I love you and I'll be back soon._

_Edward_

_By the way, the flower is a pink iris. Not much smell but still beautiful. I saw it in the lobby and asked if I could have one for you. Cheesy, I know. But you love that about me._

"Yeah, but I'm not telling _you_ that," I said as I set the note down on the table. I knew the smile on my face was ridiculously big over a little note and a flower, but after going without smiling for so damn long, I felt entitled to enjoy this one to the fullest.

I looked around the suite, trying to decide what I wanted to do with my free time. My stomach decided for me by letting out a loud gurgle sound. I opened up the mini fridge and grabbed a yogurt, the last of the fresh fruit we'd been snacking on the past few days, and a bottle of water. I brought it all over to the table, deciding I wanted to eat in front of the windows and enjoy the city view.

While I ate, my mind was all over the place, one second wondering what Edward was up to and the next worrying about stupid stuff like dancing. I loved dancing, especially slow dancing with Edward, but I was worried dancing was soon going to be a thing of the past. What if it faded out of our lives once my stomach got too big for it? Sure Edward said _now_ that he wanted to have a relationship like his parents, where we never forget we're a couple above all else, but with three kids I wasn't so sure we could hold to that. One baby, sure. It was easy to get a babysitter and sneak off for a few hours. But three? I could clearly see in my head the image of Esme and Carlisle harried and covered in baby stains with their eyes wild and crazy smiles on their faces as they sent us packing from their home.

I laughed at that idea, knowing in my heart there was only kind of smile I'd see on their faces. They would give my babies the same smile they always gave me—welcoming and loving. And I doubted my dad would let them take all the grandparent glory for themselves. The way his face had lit up when talking about the babies … Yeah, my dad just might turn out to be the one that spoiled them the worst. It was kind of crazy to think that considering the way our own relationship had always worked. Then again, he'd been a lot freer with his hugs and words the last couple of times I'd seen him.

"What are you thinking about so hard, Angel?"

I jumped at the sound of Edward's voice and then laughed at myself for nearly spilling my water bottle all over my shirt. "What is it with you wanting to get my shirts wet, Cullen?"

He just showed off that cocky grin of his.

"Ass," I said, flipping him off.

I'd expected him to laugh but never to do what he actually did—he darted forward and wrapped his lips around my finger, sliding his tongue over it and groaning. He let go and licked his lips, all the while smiling at me. "You ate the last of the strawberries."

I didn't even give him the courtesy of a death threat—I just shook my water bottle and sprayed him right in the face.

Instead of looking shocked, Edward was smiling. No, he was grinning! And it was an evil one. His hands came down on either side of the chair, locking me in it, and then he was rubbing his wet face against my neck and shirt while I shrieked and uselessly tried to get away.

He seemed pretty pleased with himself for getting his face dry while getting my shirt wet. "So do you want to see what I got for the babies?"

"I want a dry shirt."

"I'll get one for you and then I'll show you." He was so excited he was almost in my room before I even understood exactly what he'd said to me.

He was back quickly with one of my purple t-shirts in his hand. "One dry shirt, as requested."

"Thanks. Now close your eyes."

"Why?"

"Because you don't get a show."

"But we're dating again," he pointed out, smiling as if he'd won the argument.

I smiled right back, but for a very different reason. "Yes, but you were being a shit so therefore, no show for you."

"You wet me with your water bottle."

"Because you were being a shit."

"Fine," he said, letting out a huff before closing his eyes. "Happy now?"

"Positively ecstatic. In fact, I should totally get an award for happiest person in this room."

Edward snorted. "Only in the room?"

"Happiness is a state of mind, Edward, and I only know the current state of my own," I said as I changed my shirt. "You can open your eyes now."

"Well with any luck, your happiness will grow when you see what I found for the babies."

"You bought something?" I asked, following him over to the sofa and the bag sitting on it.

"I told you I would."

"I know, but … well, I just didn't think you would find something so fast."

"I cheated slightly," he said with a guilty look and shy smile. "I saw them when I was getting your earrings but I didn't want to buy them without talking to you about it first. If you had wanted to be the one to buy them their first gift, I would have let you have that."

"Edward." It was all I could get out. He so clearly wanted to be the first to get them something but he really would have let me do it instead if I'd wanted.

"Hey, what's with these tears?" he asked, sitting beside me and using his thumbs to dry my cheeks.

I leaned into him and wrapped my arms tight around his neck, hugging him as hard as I could. "You're just so great and I don't know why I couldn't think about that when Emmett was saying you'd agree with him that I was poison. Even though he wouldn't listen to me and hear me out, I should have believed you would."

"It's not your fault, Angel," he said, rubbing my back in that way that always helped calm me. "You didn't know what to believe. We'd just had an amazing trip together and then I was in surgery. And Emmett had always been your protector and he was suddenly threatening you. I don't blame you for leaving, Bella. You were only doing what you thought was best."

"I missed you so much. All the time. I wanted to know how you were doing but I didn't know how to ask. And I wanted to see you but I was afraid it would hurt you or … or—"

"It's okay. You don't have to say it. I know exactly what you were thinking. Bella, I know this is hard. Believe me, I know. But we have to start working on forgiving. We need to forgive ourselves and Emmett, and you have to forgive me. All of our talking and our wanting to be together isn't going to mean anything if we're still beating ourselves up or keeping anger inside."

"I know. That night Emmett came to talk to us, I had that exact thought. That I needed to forgive all of us so I could be happy again. But saying it and doing it are really different, Edward."

"That's why I said I know it's hard. I was thinking it would be a good idea if we went to counseling together. We could both use lessons in communicating with each other and I'm sure a counselor would have some good ideas on how we can work on trust and forgiveness."

I let go of his neck so I could lean back and see his face. "How are we going to do that? _Where_ will we do it? How will we pay for it? You don't have a job yet and I had to quit mine and we don't know where we're going to live. I might not be in any hurry to leave Ali but I'm not stupid either. No way can we have three babies in that little apartment. Jasper's going to be working on his masters and Ali will be working on her own degree. We can't distract them with our stuff. That wouldn't be fair to them at all."

"Not to mention my sister would be too tempted to stay home with you and the babies instead of going to class. I've been thinking about these things too, Bella. In fact, if you're feeling up to it, I'd really like to show you the list I've been making of what we need to do and how we might accomplish it."

"Yeah, I'd like that," I said, nodding my head.

"Good." He pressed a kiss to my forehead and then he was once again smiling and excited. "But first the gift."

"Okay," I agreed, unable to keep myself from giggling at him.

Edward reached into the bag and pulled out a small wooden box. He lifted the lid and inside it looked like there was a little red pillow stuffed in there. Sitting on top of the pillow thing were three identical silver rattles.

I gasped and covered my mouth with both hands. "Oh, Edward," I mumbled against my fingers.

"I know it's not exactly practical, but it's something that they will always have. And after they're born, we can have their initials and birth date engraved on them."

"It's perfect, Edward," I said, meaning every word. I reached out and lifted one of the rattles up and it made a tinkling sound, like a small bell was inside. I knew that sound and I nearly dropped the rattle out of shock.

"Bella?"

"This is going to sound really crazy, but I've dreamed about that sound."

"I don't think it's crazy. I think it's more proof that we belong together."

I set the rattle back into the box and then looked up at Edward, hoping I at least looked braver than I felt at that moment. "Then I guess you better go get that list so we can figure out how to make that happen."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Esme's POV:**

"Carlisle, there they are," I said excitedly as I grabbed his arm.

He laughed softly and patted my hand. "I see them. From the smiles on their faces, I'd say the trip worked."

"Oh, I really hope so."

As soon as they were close enough, I had my arms around both of them. "Welcome home."

"Mom, we weren't gone _that_ long," Edward replied. He kissed my cheek and then stepped away, allowing me to give Bella a real hug.

"How are you, Sweetheart?" I asked once I let her go.

"Pretty good." Bella had a wide smile on her face and the shine was most definitely back in her brown eyes.

"My turn," Carlisle announced, slipping his arms around Bella and pulling her into a hug.

Her happy laugh had us all smiling, especially my son. And as soon as his father let go of her, Edward had Bella at his side with his arm anchored around her waist. They were together again—I just knew it!

"Charlie wanted to be here as well but his shift doesn't end for another half hour," Carlisle explained as we all walked together to the baggage area.

"He'll be at the house waiting for us by the time we get there," I added. "I thought it would be nice if we all had a sit down dinner together."

"You don't have to go through that trouble, Esme," Bella said.

"It's no trouble at all, Sweetheart," I assured her. "And it's not as though I don't have ulterior motives. I'm hoping to have you both stuffed and too tired to move so you stay over with us tonight."

"We had actually planned on that already," Edward replied. "We've just been cooped up on a plane for hours. No way do we want to be stuck in a car for five more."

"And I want to spend a little time tomorrow with my dad and Jake before we go back to Portland," Bella added.

"I'm sure they'll love that," I told her.

"Bella, why don't you go with my mom and get settled in the car? Dad and I will get the bags and meet you guys there," Edward suggested.

Her lips pulled up into a grimace and she shook her head just a little. "Not in this lifetime, Cullen. I'm tired of sitting."

Edward turned so that they were facing each other with their noses nearly touching. From the way he was looking into her eyes, I was pretty certain he'd forgotten all about the world around him and only saw the beautiful girl in front of him; his father looked at me that way daily.

"I'm sorry you were so uncomfortable," he told her.

"Wasn't your fault. You did your best with the first class and all."

"Still sorry."

"Sorry enough to let me show that picture of you at the Café to whoever I want?"

Edward's lips twitched a few times before he finally gave in and let her see his smile. "You play dirty, Swan."

"I'm not playing, Cullen. I'm in it to win it."

They both laughed at their silly banter and then their heads shifted and their lips touched—two young lovers sharing a tender moment.

"I remember a time not too long ago when that was us," Carlisle whispered into my ear.

"That's still us, just an older version," I said as I leaned into him.

"And always will be. We'll have to make sure to tell them our secret to success."

I couldn't help giggling at him. "That we have no clue and only repeat what works while avoiding what doesn't."

"That and how an unexpected kiss or compliment can change the entire course of a day."

"And how those three little words can never be heard too much."

"What are you two whispering about?" Edward asked, breaking us from our own little bubble of bliss.

"They're probably trying to figure out how long is an acceptable wait time before asking us that big question hanging over all of our heads." Bella had been looking right at me as she spoke and when she was done she gave me a conspiratorial wink.

"Purely out of parental concern," Carlisle stated.

"Oh, purely," Bella agreed, not sounding for a second like she believed that.

"Personally, I think we should wait until just before we leave tomorrow," Edward said, grinning far too much for me to believe he was serious.

"Now, Son, I've taken very good care of your Suburban up to this point," Carlisle warned. "That could change."

"Ooh! You just called out," Bella cooed, grinning and patting Edward's cheek.

He caught her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing her palm and then placing it against his chest right over his heart. They certainly looked as though they were together again.

"You want the honors?" he asked her.

"Nah, I'll tell my dad. You can tell your parents."

"Thank you."

"Welcome."

They shared another tender kiss before turning their attention back to Carlisle and me. "Bella's agreed to give me and our relationship another try," Edward stated, looking both proud and extremely pleased.

Bella had a similar expression and though I'd promised myself I wouldn't make a big deal of things, I couldn't help myself. I did give myself credit for managing not to cry while hugging and congratulating them both.

"It's okay if you wanna cry," Bella whispered while we hugged. "I've been doing it off and on all week so Edward won't mind a few more tears."

I laughed and a few tears did slip out as I held her face and kissed each of her cheeks. "I love you so very much, Sweetheart."

Her lower lip quivered as she spoke. "Hey, I said you could cry. Not that you could make me cry."

"I'm just so relieved to see you happy again."

"I think it's going to stick this time, Esme. He loves me so much."

"Just the way you love him."

She nodded and it caused the tears standing in her eyes to slide down her cheeks. We both reached out to wipe them away and ended up laughing together. We also managed to confuse our other halves and their puzzled expressions had us laughing all over again.

The ride from the airport to our home in Forks was wonderful, full of laughter from both Bella and Edward as they shared a few stories of their time together in New Orleans. Watching them share smiles and hold hands in the back together was a lot like watching them fall in love the first time—absolutely beautiful to behold. They had both given their full hearts to the other, something that was hard for anyone but especially for those who have suffered heartbreak in the past. I knew they still had a long road ahead and a lot of big choices to make fairly quickly, but there was a sense of determination coming from them that left me feeling certain they would be okay.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

"So you had a good time then?"

I smiled at my dad and just barely kept my eyes from rolling—he'd already asked me the same question in about ten different ways. "It was great, Dad. Edward was great."

"And you're sure about this? You want to give things with him another try?"

I folded my legs up onto the swing and laid my head on his shoulder, leaving him to rock the swing by himself. "I do. And don't act for a second like that's not what you want. If it wasn't, you wouldn't have been talking to him all this time."

"I just want you happy, Bella. Happy and healthy."

"Well so far so good. This week anyway."

"When do you see your doctor next?"

"Thursday afternoon. And I have a whole bunch of questions for her too."

"Why? Something not feeling right to you?"

I hid my laughter with a cough; Charlie had never been so concerned and attentive and I wasn't really sure what to do with it especially since it was unwarranted. "No, Dad. I'm fine. I just have to see her every week because it's multiples."

"I worry, Bella."

I sat up so I could see his face and he could see mine—I wanted him to know how much I meant what I was about to say. "I love you and I'm sorry. I always seem to be worrying you in some way."

He grinned and reached a hand out, ruffling my hair. "My naive little girl."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

This time, he laughed at me. "You just wait until these babies are born and somebody tells you not to worry about them. You'll understand perfectly and much better than I can explain."

"Whatever. What are we doing with Jake tomorrow?" I asked, deciding a topic change was definitely in order.

"We're going to have lunch with him and his little girlfriend at the diner. Oh, and he's made something for you."

"What?"

"It's a surprise. And don't you dare tell him that he didn't have to do it. He's excited about the babies and he needs this."

"Why? What's going on?"

My dad sighed and stared down at the beer in his hands for a long time before answering me. "I don't want you worrying about him. That's my job for one. And for another, you've got enough going on. But Jake's been feeling a little lost lately, not quite sure of where his place in the world is. I just think it would help the kid a lot if you played up how he's going to be an uncle is all. And accepting his gift without your usual 'you didn't have to' nonsense would help out too."

"Hey, Mister," I said, poking him in the shoulder and glaring at him. "I got that from you."

He smiled and put his arm around me, pulling me into his side. "Yeah, I know you did. You are your father's daughter. Too much sometimes, I think. But I wouldn't change a thing about you, Bella."

"Really? You would want me less stubborn or troublesome?"

"Nope. Our stubborn streak is what makes us keep trying no matter what. As for the troublesome part … well, you've always thought you were a lot more trouble than you ever were."

"And you've always been a better father than you think you are," I told him, struggling really hard not to go girly and cry on him.

He cleared his throat gruffly and quickly changed the subject. "So have you and Edward talked at all about living arrangements?"

"We know we can't stay in the apartment. The exact location of our future abode hinges on his job and we have a lot to talk about before he makes a decision on that."

"He can't drag his feet on this, Bella."

"He knows, Dad. And so do I. We just needed to get the relationship stuff settled first and now that we have, we can decide on the other stuff."

"I just want you happy."

I smiled up at my dad, wanting him to see for himself in my face the truth of my words. "I am, Dad. I'm happy with Edward. He gets me and he knows how to find me when I don't even know I'm lost."

"I can see the potential in him to be a good man. A good husband and father too. But if he ever hurts you again the way he did with his heart stuff, I'm gonna pistol whip his ass."

A loud guffaw of laughter burst out of me. My dad had really just used the words "pistol whip" in a sentence about Edward. I wasn't exactly sure why I found that so damn hilarious, but I did.

"Dad, just do me a favor," I said as I got to my feet, ready to head back inside and be near Edward again.

"What's that?"

"Don't damage his boy parts. I'm kinda partial to those." I was just barely able to count to three in my head before my father's cheeks flamed red and I was once again laughing happily.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

"Son, it might be easier for you to follow along with our conversation if you stop peeking out of the curtains."

I let the curtains fall closed and turned toward my dad; I was pretty sure the smile on my face was the mirror image of his own. "Sorry."

"You aren't, but we'll forgive you anyway," my mother said as she patted the sofa cushion beside her.

I sat down beside her and looked between my parents. "Why do I feel like Bella and I are back in high school and we're being asked our intentions?"

"What are you intentions?" my father asked. From the tone he used, I knew he wanted a real answer.

"For starters, we're going to go home to Portland tomorrow to tell Alice and Jasper about the pregnancy. From there, we're going to tell everyone else in our lives. And then we'll work on making a decision about a job for me. Once we know that, we can decide on a place to live," I explained.

"That's a sound short term plan," my father replied. "Any thoughts on what you'll do after that?"

I could only shrug since I really didn't have an answer for him. "A lot of it is going to depend on how fast things between Bella and I get back to normal. We're going to look into couple counseling to help us with that."

"Oh, I like that idea a lot," my mother said, smiling and patting my knee. "I know how Bella says she hates talking but those counseling sessions we had years ago really did do her some good. There were a few areas where it didn't seem to make a difference, but overall it helped."

"I'd be happy to get some recommendations for you," my father offered.

"Thanks, Dad. I'd appreciate that," I told him.

We talked for a while longer about the state of my relationship with Bella before the front door opened and she came in laughing with her father following right behind her. From the redness in his face, I knew she had teased him about something he was uncomfortable with—I had been in his shoes plenty of times before.

With all of us together in the living room, Bella decided it was time for a slide show of our pictures from New Orleans. My mom was just as excited for it and made popcorn for everyone even though we were still stuffed from the vegetable lasagna she'd made for dinner.

But as excited as Bella had been, it was no match for jet lag and not quite half-way through the pictures she was sound asleep leaning on me and snoring lightly. After each parent had kissed her cheek, I carried her up the stairs and into the guest room on the second floor, not wanting to risk another flight of stairs even though I could have easily made it. Plus I figured she would be happy only having one flight of stairs to climb down in the morning. That was going to be another big consideration when we got around to looking for a place to live—as few stairs as possible. I wanted her to be able to move about as much as she could for as long as she could and stairs were not part of that equation.

I had planned to go back down to say "goodnight" to everyone after getting Bella settled in the bed but as soon as I'd felt the mattress beneath me I hadn't wanted to move. I figured they would understand and forgive me so I just let my eyes close and my mind drift off with thoughts of Bella and our future together.

I didn't know if it was five minutes or five hours later but the sound of low voices pulled me out of my sleep.

"How in the world do they get any rest tangled up in each other that way?"

I smiled at my mother's question while waiting to see what my father would say.

"The same way we did at that age, my darling. Blissfully unaware of a world around them."

"They were so happy tonight, Carlisle. It was written all over their faces."

My dad gave a low, short laugh. "And in the way our son wouldn't stop looking out the window the one time Bella wasn't right beside him."

"He's finally found what he needed to be whole. I only wish it hadn't taken him nearly dying and hurting everyone who loves him."

"We can't always stop them from making mistakes, Esme, no matter how much we want to do just that. We can only guide them on how to correct them and not repeat them."

"Do you think they'll ever feel up to telling us exactly what went on between them? I still have this gut feeling that we don't know everything."

"I think they've been through enough for now and we shouldn't push. Let them find their rhythm together first. I'm sure one or both of them will come to us when the time is right for them."

"I hope so."

"You know what I'm hoping for right now?" My father's voice had dropped lower and taken on a tone that I wasn't exactly comfortable with hearing.

"What's that?" She giggled. _My_ mother giggled.

"I hope I can convince you to wrap yourself around me."

"Tempting, Dear. Very tempting. But I'm going to need a little incentive."

_Please leave the room. Please leave the room. Please leave the room_, I chanted in my head. Jasper could call me an idiot all he wanted; I did NOT want to hear the sounds of my parents making out just a few feet away from me.

"Follow me and I'll give you plenty of incentive."

"Ooh, I like the sound of that."

I was just about to sit up and beg them to get out when I heard the door click shut. I let out a sigh of relief and then started laughing at my own self. All I'd been through in the past few months and I was lying here getting bent out of shape about the deep, continuous love my parents shared when that was all I wanted for Bella and me. I really was a complete fucking idiot, to borrow one of Bella's three word phrases for me.

Bella mumbled out something that sounded a lot like "laugh monster poop on your head" and I had to fight with myself to keep from laughing all over again. But I must not have done a good job with keeping still because Bella suddenly jerked awake and sat straight up in the bed.

"Whosa what? Why?"

I managed to get her name past my lips before having to slam them together to keep from cracking up laughing.

"Why am I up?" she asked, rubbing at her eyes.

"Hell if I know."

Her hands dropped to her lap and when she looked my way, she had a big frown on her face. "Why are _you_ up then?"

Before I could answer, she was tossing the covers over my face. "Gotta pee."

"Across the hall. We're on the second floor," I told her while pushing the blanket away.

"You couldn't tell me that before I had waddled half way around the bed?" she fussed as she did this shuffling-running thing. She looked adorable and damn hilarious but I knew better than to laugh. She was moving that way because she had no choice—she didn't want to risk falling but she also couldn't take her time.

I decided to help her out. I climbed onto my feet and then jumped out of the bed, landing right behind her. I scooped her up into my arms and had her across the hall and in the bathroom before she could finish asking me what I was doing.

"You're insane, Cullen," she said as soon as I'd let go of her.

I turned around, both to hide the smirk on my face and to give her some privacy. "Maybe. Or maybe I'm just making sure you have what you need when you need it."

"I'd say a few more seconds wouldn't have made a difference, but that might not be true. I really need to get better at gauging how much I drink before I go to bed. This middle of the night pee run crap is not my idea of a good time."

"We could always get you one of those portable toilets to keep next to the bed."

"Dude, that's not fucking funny."

"Actually, I was trying to be practical. You might not be able to sit on a regular toilet once you're around six months and later. We might have to get one of those extender things so you can get up on your own."

"Really, Edward? It's whatever the fork time in the morning and this is the kind of images you want me to have in my head?"

"I could get naked if you want. You seemed to like that image a lot the other night."

It wasn't long after I heard the toilet flush that I felt Bella's palms slap against my back. It wasn't hard enough to move me, just to make sure I felt it. "I distinctly remember you saying that your brother told you not to be an ass."

I turned around and pulled her into my arms, kissing her slowly and softly, asking for forgiveness for my teasing. I hadn't quite gotten past the stage of finding it all funny and finding balance with the person being teased.

When I let her go, she turned away to wash her hands. "You're going to have to sing to me now," she said over the rush of the water. "Something nice so that I forget about what you said."

I waited for her to turn the water off and dry her hands and then I once again had her locked in my arms, our faces so close I could feel every breath she took in and released. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"I'm just not ready for the practical stuff yet, okay? I just got used to the idea this is real." She reached around and grabbed one of my hands, pulling it between us and pressing it against her stomach. "_They_ are real. And ours. Let me just enjoy that for a little while before we deal with the practical and scary stuff. Okay?"

"Why do you sound so sure it's going to be scary?"

"It's multiples, Edward. Anything can happen. And with my history … I just want to take things as they come and not give myself the opportunity to think about and worry over stuff that _might_ happen."

"Then we won't. We'll take it as it comes. You and me together."

She smiled just a little and then she leaned in to hug me. Her arms were too tight around my neck and her body too stiff against mine. She might not want to think about stuff but she obviously was anyway.

I slipped my arm under her legs and carried back across the hall to our room. When I laid her down on the mattress and she didn't let go of my neck, I didn't make her; I just carefully climbed over her. It took a little work to get the blanket over us without being able to see it, but I managed. And once I had her covered and as close as she could get, I whispered in her ear words that fit us as much now as they ever had.

"With you, there is no other. Without you is the same.

Long days and cold nights do nothing to effect a change.

Your hands, your lips, your eyes in the light of the moon;

I've felt them on me a thousand times and still I swoon.

My love for you burns bright and hot within;

No longer am I sure where I end and you begin.

If such passion be sin, then sinner I am, whole and true,

For the only hell I fear is life without you."

Her voice was hardly more than a soft breath but I heard it and felt the power behind her words. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Angel. Sweet dreams."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

"I've never seen Jake act like that," I told Edward as we climbed the stairs to the apartment. Actually, I'd told him that five or six times since leaving Forks but he was being a good sport and letting me rant.

"I'm not saying this girl is his other half or anything, but it's definitely more than a school yard crush for him. And I think she definitely is behind his sudden family kick. Not that it's bad or anything because it's not. He should definitely ask if he's not sure, but at the same time, how can he question it? He's always been family, whether Billy was around or not."

"Maybe he's questioning because you haven't been around as much," Edward suggested.

"Yeah, I guess I have been a pretty shitty sister to him lately."

"My fault, not yours."

I stopped on the steps and turned around to look at Edward. "I thought we agreed to try and stop the fault stuff."

"Yeah, we also agreed not to beat ourselves up over the fallout from my choices and yet you just called yourself a shitty sister."

I stopped trying to act unaffected and let Edward see just how upset I was about Jake. "He's just a kid, Edward. I'm supposed to be there for him."

"Jake's fine, Bella. He's just a little confused by you and a lot pissed off at me. He tried to be the one taking care of you for a change and you wouldn't let him. And then all of a sudden, you're letting me take care of you again, the one who caused the mess in the first place. But I really don't think it's anything to worry about. The more you talk to him, the better things will get."

"You're right. I know you're right. I just hate seeming him upset."

Edward grinned and tipped his chin toward the bag in my hands. "He wasn't upset at all when he saw your reaction to what he made for you."

"For the babies," I corrected.

Jacob had made a mobile for the babies. Instead of it having animals or cars hanging down, it had beautiful white snowflakes with just a touch of blue around the edges. Each one was different just like real snowflakes, only these had a spot in the center of each that held a picture of a family member. There was one for me, one for Jake, one for Charlie, and one for Bree. He didn't want to crowd it by making one for each of the Cullens, so he just made one with a big C in the middle. At least that was the reason he gave for not having a picture of Edward on it. I figured I'd let it go for now and then sweet-talk him later on into adding a snowflake for Edward. And if the fact that he'd made it for me with his own hands wasn't enough, he had made sure it played one of my all-time favorite classical pieces, "Claire de Lune". He could certainly be a pain when he wanted, but overall, Jake was the best little brother in the world.

"I think he made it as much for you as them," Edward told me. "And I think we need to climb these last few stairs before these bags grow any heavier.

"You wanted to carry them all by yourself," I reminded him. I turned around and hurried up the stairs as safely as I could.

When I opened the door, I was greeted by the sight of Alice and Jasper cuddled up together on the sofa.

"Hey! How was your trip?" Alice asked, jumping right up to her feet.

"Let 'em in the door, Ali," Jasper said as he pulled her out of the way.

She wasn't fazed at all. "How was the trip? Did you have a good time? Did you bring anything good back? Are you going to give things another try?"

"Jeebus, Ali. Take a breath before you pass out," I told her.

She jutted her lower lip out in the infamous pout of doom. "Hey, I just went a whole week without talking to you once."

I chuckled at her as Edward's arms slipped around me and his hands came to rest on either side of my swell. "You know how you asked if we brought anything good back? How does triplets sound?" I asked her.

Her nose scrunched up while Jasper's eyebrows grew closer and Edward snorted in my ear. "I thought you were going to tell them seriously."

"Yeah, well, this is more fun. Look at their faces," I said, having a hard time talking without giggling.

"Triple what?" Alice finally asked.

I couldn't help the ridiculously big smile on my face as I lifted part of my shirt up just enough to show them my baby bulge. "So turns out a lot of my moodiness and tears were due to hormones. I'm pregnant and we're having triplets. And that makes you two Aunt Ali and Uncle Jazz."

Nothing. Absolute silence. And other than some eye-blinking, there wasn't any moving either.

"And that is how you make Alice Cullen speechless," Edward whispered into my ear while we waited for Alice and Jasper to figure out how to react to the news.

Ali was speechless … Jasper was just as speechless … Jake was happy to be an uncle … Charlie was happy I was happy and more than ready to spoil his grandbabies … Esme and Carlisle were ecstatic Edward and I were back together and would be just as intent on spoiling the babies as my dad … Edward was beyond happy we were together again … And me … I was somewhere between happy and relieved and trying to edge my way into forgiveness and moving forward. I only had a few small ideas on how to get there, but that was way more than I'd had before taking the trip to New Orleans. And now, I had Edward again. As long as he was in this with me, I had a shot at a real, happy life. But before all of that heavy stuff was dealt with, I needed to hear what my best friend had to say about my pregnancy.

* * *

**A/N:** OMG! First of all, I am SO sorry for the late posting. I sincerely thought I had put it up and then EA noticed she had never gotten an alert and let me know. Hellopants is laughing her arse off at me at this moment as I fumble to get this up for you all.

So sorry I have not been able to answer all of your amazing reviews individually. With FF being down so much lately and my real life craziness, I just wasn't able to get to last chapter's reviews. I will do my best to answer all of the ones for this chapter!

Hope you all enjoy this New Orleans chapter!


	59. The Reason

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: ****The Reason**

**Chapter Song: ****"The Reason" by Hoobastank**

**Bella****'s POV:**

"_Triple what?" Alice finally asked._

_I couldn't help the ridiculously big smile on my face as I lifted part of my shirt up just enough to show them my baby bulge. "So turns out a lot of my moodiness and tears were due to hormones. I'm pregnant and we're having triplets. And that makes you two Aunt Ali and Uncle Jazz."_

_Nothing. Absolute silence. And other than some eye-blinking, there wasn't any moving either._

"_And that is how you make Alice Cullen speechless," Edward whispered into my ear while we waited for Alice and Jasper __to figure out how to react to the news._

Alice cocked her head to the side as if looking at me from a different angle would solve whatever confusion she was feeling. "You're what?"

"Let me try a few phrases to see if that helps you," I told her.

"Don't do it, Swan," Edward warned. He'd heard a few of my phrases on the ride home and he didn't think anyone besides the two of us would find them funny.

"Trust me, Cullen," I told him before focusing on Alice again. "Alright, Ali. Let's see if I can't make this clear as mud to you …

"My eggos are preggos.

"I've got a mini me in the making.

"There's a bat in my cave.

"I'm growing a lima bean.

"To quote that indelible new classic of our time _Juno_, 'I am, fo' shiz, up the spout.'

"And for a more classic approach, there's always with child, but technically that would be with children for—"

My beautiful rant of fun pregnancy phrases was interrupted by Alice's inhumanely loud squeal of happiness. I'd been her best friend long enough to differentiate by pitch alone her happy versus frustrated versus scared squeals. The change in Alice from silent to over-exuberant had been so damn fast that if any of us had blinked, we would have totally missed it.

"I did it!" she shrieked. And that was all it took. Three little words and she was a jumping, shrieking, shaking Jasper by the arm, ball of energy. "I did it. I did it. I did it."

"What did you do?" I asked. "Pull Jazz's arm out of socket?"

Alice was absolutely beaming with a literal, honest to jeebus, ear-to-ear grin on her face. "I got you pregnant."

Three reactions happened all at once and were all different: I snorted, Edward let out an offended "how the hell do you figure that", and Jasper showed he was still shell-shocked with his "wait, so this is real" question.

"Ali, I distinctly remember the night I got knocked up and along with you not having the right equipment for it, you weren't even in the same state as me," I told her.

Alice finally let go of Jasper's arm and turned her crazy pixie energy on me. Thankfully, Edward had a long ass arm and was able to keep her from getting her arms around me. She was small but her hugs packed a big ass wallop.

"No squeezing," Edward warned her.

"I—"

He cut her off to add, "And no squealing in her ear." Before she could open her mouth again, he also tossed in, "And no shaking either. In fact, why don't you just stand there and keep your hands to yourself?"

Alice's happy green eyes became narrow slits of emerald fire. "Move."

"Now, now, children," I said, putting a hand on each of their shoulders. "While it's sweet that one of you wants to protect me and the other wants to maul me with love, this is my body and I hold reign over it. So with that being said, Ali, bring down the cracked out pixie energy a tad and I'll be more than happy to share a hug with you."

She gave a nod and after waiting a few seconds to make sure she had control of herself, I let her wrap her arms around me in a hug. It wasn't enough of a win for her though and I caught her poking her tongue at Edward.

"And you never answered me," he barked at her. "How the hell do you figure _you_ did it?"

She let me out of the hug but it was only to stand at my side with her arm draped across my shoulders—she was keeping Edward away from me on purpose, the little shit.

"Because I ignored Bella's stubbornness and stocked the house in hibiscus," was her answer to his question. "Tea, body wash, shampoo, conditioner. Oh and lube."

"Yeah that lube broke our condom so I figure you owe us a third of all childcare costs," I told her.

"Okay, but I get one named after me. You _were_ serious about there being three, right?"

"Yes, there's three. Hell to the no on the naming thing."

"But don't you just love my name? When you hear 'Alice', don't you just smile and feel all warm inside? And honestly, Bells, what better eternal testament to our friendship than a namesake?"

Edward had apparently had enough because he stepped in both physically and verbally. He extracted me from his sister and said, "We are not discussing names until Bella is ready for that. And once she shoots down a particular name, it's done and over, Ali. Dr. Bennett specifically said to keep Bella's stress level as non-existent as possible and I will duct-tape that mouth of yours shut if I have to."

Alice's lips parted and I just knew we were headed for an all out war of words. Thankfully, though, Jasper stepped in and calmed the whole situation down. "Yeah, 'cause listening to you two squabble and threaten ain't stressful," Jasper scolded. "You two are so busy showing the other who's boss you haven't asked if Bella needs anything or wants to get off her feet."

Jasper brushed Edward's hands of my shoulders and gave me a sweet soft hug while the scolded siblings shuffled their feet and apologized to each other with stares and shrugs.

"So you seem like you found what was missing, Darlin'," Jasper said as we sat down together on the sofa.

I snorted at him and laid my head on his shoulder. "Somebody was right about talking to Edward. He just had the timing of it all wrong."

"That somebody sounds pretty damn smart."

"He has his moments."

"Bells, can I get you some tea?" Alice offered, curling up beside me on the sofa.

"No, but thanks for offering," I said, smiling at her as I patted her leg.

Edward sat down on the coffee table and put his hands on my knees. "We were acting childish and we apologize."

"I appreciate that, but it wasn't necessary today. Jasper's got a good point, though. I've always hated for any of us to really argue and now that my mood has the potential of changing at the drop of a hat, I'm going to be sensitive about stuff like that and get upset."

"It was the initial excitement," Alice stated. "We're good now. Right big brother?"

"Yeah, we're good, Ali," Edward replied, grinning and rolling his eyes at her.

"The question is, are you two good?" Jasper asked.

Edward's smile was answer enough but I did the verbal honors anyway. "We're good and working toward better. We're going to give all this another try. And not for the babies, but for ourselves."

Alice fidgeted beside me and groaned. "Jeebus, I wanna squeal so bad right now. I'm just so excited but I have to keep it toned down. I don't want to scare my little darlings."

"Oh fork!" I cried, covering my face with both hands. "Totally just got an image of the wicked witch in my head petting a group of baby flying monkeys. Get it out! Get it out!"

The guys chuckled while Alice forgot about being toned down and yelled out "hey".

I let my hands drop from my face just in time to see Edward leaning in to me. He kissed my shirt right over my swell while looking up at me. "Don't you babies listen to your silly mommy. You'll be beautiful little angels, just like her. The only monkey in this family is Uncle Emmett."

"You told Emmett before me?" Alice cried, sounding and looking hurt.

"Of course not," I assured her, hoping I sounded believable. "Edward's just calling him what the babies will know him as." I hadn't completely come around on the idea of letting him anywhere near them just yet, but I knew I would.

"Ooh! Can I tell him then?" Alice begged.

"Ali, it's not your news," Jasper told her, giving her 'the look'. I loved it when he pulled 'the look' out on her. He didn't do it often but damn if it didn't work every time. It was something in the set of his eyes and lips that flat out assured her he would be disappointed if she didn't listen to him.

"Okay, okay. But can I at least be in the room?" she questioned.

I snorted at her. "You only want to be in the room to rub it in Rose's face that you found out first."

"No." Alice was a lot of things, but capable actress wasn't one of them. She wasn't fooling anyone with her attempt at looking shocked and innocent.

"We'll tell them in private," Edward announced. "Just like we'll tell the rest of our friends and family."

"Except the parents because we told them first," I added.

"Oh, man. How did Charlie take the news, Bells?" Jasper asked.

I smiled wide as I thought of my dad. "He took it great. He's so excited. He can't wait to spoil the babies."

"And Mom and Dad are right there with him," Edward said, smiling just as much as me.

"Babies are easy," Jasper replied with a wave of his hand. "But relationships are trickier, so what did Charlie have to say about you two getting back together?"

"He's cautiously optimistic," I said, looking between Jasper and Edward. "He wants me happy and he thinks Edward can do it, but he isn't completely confident that Edward won't shove his head up his ass again. His words, not mine."

Jasper grunted and shifted so that he was leaning slightly forward. Those blue eyes of his were locked onto Edward and everything about Jasper's posture screamed he meant business. "Yeah, well, Edward does that shit again and I'm gonna stomp a mudhole in his ass."

"I've always wondered about that particular southern phrase of yours, Jazz," I told him, partly to distract him from giving Edward the evil eye and partly because I really was curious. "How exactly does one stomp a mudhole?"

Jasper lifted his leg and dropped his booted foot on the table right next to Edward's leg. "See the heel of this boot? You put it right over the crack of the ass and then you just lift and drop until it starts looking like a mudhole."

I was the first one to come up with a response. "What a disturbing little visual, Jazz. I didn't know you had such a strong violent streak in you."

Jasper let out a chuckle and winked at me. "Every man's got his dark side, Darlin'."

"Seriously!" Alice cried. "He's talking about stomping people and you're fine with it but I say something that was meant to be cute and you get all creeped out?"

I patted Alice's head while speaking in a sugary-sweet voice, "Don't you worry, little itty bitty cutie best friend. I love you bestest."

"Better than Edward?" she questioned, her pout replaced by a sly grin.

"Well, no, but he's got the magic peen and you don't."

The guys laughed and Alice went back to pouting.

"That makes it official," Jasper said as he gave me a one-armed hug. "Our Bella is back to her usual self."

"Yep. And now this Bella is going to head to her room," I said as I got to my feet. "I need to make nice with my bladder and then I have an appointment with my bed because I am done with this day. Jasper, Alice, I'm glad we could have this talk about the dangers of super sperm."

"What about telling Emmett and Rose? And Bree? And Jake?" Alice asked.

"Tomorrow," Edward said before I could. "Tonight, we just want to sleep in our own bed."

"Aw! He said 'our bed'. He is just so damn cute," I joked, pinching Edward's cheek.

"Damn, they really did work things out in New Orleans," Jasper blurted out.

"Not all the way," I admitted. "But we're working on it."

Edward only smiled and lifted our bags up into his arms. He knew just as well as I did how long our list of things to work on had turned out to be … Two pages. Single spaced.

"Night," I called out as we headed into the hallway.

"Night. We're happy for you guys and we love you," Alice yelled back.

"Yeah, we definitely can't have babies in an apartment with her," Edward muttered under his breath. "She'll be waking them up all the time."

I waited until we were in my room with the door shut and Edward's arms free of bags. And then I got as close to him as I could, wrapping my arms around his chest and back. "That went really well."

His smile was so sweet and so genuine as he looked down at me. "Of course it did. And after we tell Bree tomorrow, we can scratch one thing off our list. Our family will know and you'll see that every single one of them is excited. Just like me. In fact, I've never been more excited for the future, Bella."

"I'm getting there," I promised him. "Just be patient with me."

He leaned in and let his forehead rest against mine. "Angel, I really do understand. And just remember, as excited as I am, I'm also _that_ nervous."

"Just keep telling me that, okay?"

He promised he would and sealed it with a tender kiss that left my lips tingling long after—right up until I fell asleep in his arms in our bed.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I grabbed my phone from my dresser and sent a text message.

_Bree. Skype. Tonight. 7pm._

With him having an office job now I didn't have to worry it was too early in the morning to text him. I felt pretty sure he wouldn't have big plans on a Thursday night and would be able to spare some time for me. Well, that was if he wanted to talk to me. We hadn't said a whole lot since that night I'd hung up on him for pestering me about Edward. We'd kept the conversations pretty neutral, talking about daily life bull-fork.

My phone chirped in my hand and I looked down at Bree's reply.

_What's in it for me?_

I snorted at his message and fired off a response.

_Hot gossip. Plus you get to see my pretty face._

I didn't have long to wait before I got his reply.

_LMAO It's a date, Peaches. XOXO_

"From the smile on your face, I'm pretty sure Bree accepted your Skype invite."

I crawled across the bed to sit beside Edward and showed him my phone.

His lips lifted up to the left in that lopsided grin I adored. "A date, huh? Should I be worried?"

"Only if you aren't fully dressed when I start up the webcam."

His grin turned cocky and he pulled me into his arms. Before I could even get my next breath out his lips were on that damn spot on my neck. I had a couple other spots where my body would have loved to have those lips but I wasn't ready yet. I wasn't ready for all that came with opening myself up to him that way but that didn't mean I couldn't enjoy moments like this one.

The vibration of his voice against my skin had me tingling from head to toe. "If I was undressed then you would be too, and much too busy to turn on a webcam."

"Jeebus you need to stop that," I groaned. He might have listened to me if my hands hadn't been saying something completely different by using his hair to keep his lips right where they were.

"You always smell so good after you shower." Between his breathy tone and the way he ran his tongue over my skin, I almost caved and forgot all about being responsible.

Okay, honestly, I had caved and my hands were diving for his shirt to get it off him but before my fingertips touched fabric, my door was opened and I was saved from regret by my best friend.

"Oops! Wasn't expecting _that_ so soon," Alice said, making no attempt to hide her giggles.

"Was there something you wanted, Alice?" Edward asked. She couldn't see the disgruntled look on his face but I could. I'd have felt sorry for him if it wasn't his own damn fault for kissing my neck that way; he knew it made my brain fuzzy and my reasoning fork. Although, maybe I shared a tiny bit of blame since for the fifth night in a row I'd made nice with his leg in my sleep. My new sleep habit was at the top of my list of things to question Dr. Bennett about this afternoon.

"Can I please, please, please come to the doctor's appointment today?" she begged.

"How do you even know about that?" I asked, knowing damn well I hadn't told her yesterday and this was the first we were seeing of her today.

"Mom," she simply said as she plopped herself down on the end of my bed.

"You didn't call Emmett, right, Alice?" Edward questioned, staring hard at his sister.

"Moi?" she replied, putting her hand over her heart. Her too big eyes and fake French accent had me giggling.

"Alice, you didn't," Edward groaned.

She flopped across the bed dramatically and jutted out her lower lip. "No, but I really, really wanted to."

"Jasper's disappointment is all that's holding you back, isn't it?" I asked her.

She nodded. And then she batted her little lashes at me. "Can I please come with you guys?"

"It's not like there's going to be anything to see this time," I told her. "I don't think we're doing an ultrasound again for a couple weeks. It's just going to be talking."

"So! It's still exciting," she said, smiling wide.

Edward was smiling right along with her and he reached his hand out, laying it over my swell. "Very exciting."

I rolled my eyes at them. "Jeebus, you two are nauseating."

Alice sat up, looking puzzled. "Why? Aren't you excited?"

I wasn't sure of how to answer her and thankfully I didn't have to try because Edward stepped in. "It's a lot more complicated than that, Alice. There's a lot of gray for Bella right now. She's excited but she's also extremely nervous. It's not like this happened when we were settled and ready for it."

Alice nodded and then she was once again smiling. "So I'm coming with, right?"

Edward and I both laughed. "If Bella says you can come," he told her.

"You can come but you have to behave. The minute you start getting all wound up, I'm kicking you out of the room," I warned.

Edward snorted. "Yeah, Ali, Dr. Bennett's got enough to deal with. Bella's been either completely silent or a comedian at her appointments."

Alice waived his comment off with a flick of her hand. "I'm used to her joking. And it gets worse the more nervous she is."

Edward smiled at me while taking hold of my hand. "Yeah, I noticed that about her."

"Well I'm gonna shock you both. I'm going to behave and ask serious questions this time," I told them.

They looked at each other and then back at me before letting out snorts and giggles.

I huffed at them. "Whatever. You'll see." I would show the both of them I could handle one little appointment without reverting to my humor.

My decision to be serious at my doctor visit lasted all the way up to Dr. Bennett frowning over my blood pressure numbers.

"If these were scores on my college exams, I'd be top of the class," I told her.

She didn't find it funny. Neither did Alice or Edward. To be perfectly honest, I didn't find it funny either.

Dr. Bennett took the cuff off my arm and put it back in its usual spot on the wall. "I'm going to take it again before you leave and if it doesn't come down at all, then I'm going to have to order some tests."

"What can we do?" Edward asked.

"Will she need medication?" Alice questioned.

"Let's not go there if we don't need to," Dr. Bennett cautioned. "While I don't like your numbers, Bella, they're not a danger to you or the babies. Now if they get much higher, then we'll have to do something about it. We don't want you getting anywhere close to developing preeclampsia."

"No, Doc, it's fine. Just slap all the scary words into the convo that you can," I told her.

She smiled and put her hand over mine. "Bella, I'm not trying to scare you. I'm keeping you informed so that we can avoid complications. I expected you would have some blood pressure fluctuations since you are carrying multiples. I just want to keep those fluctuations as small and safe as possible."

"I know you're trying to help. I just … For once in my life, I want something to go right without having to worry about every second of it."

"Have you been worrying a lot?"

"Kind of, yeah. I just … There's all these questions and so few answers."

"I realize it can be scary and intimidating, but you have to focus on keeping your stress level low," she cautioned. "Your body is already under stress with the pregnancy so any emotional or physical stress you feel on top of that will be reflected in your blood pressure.

"You have a great family support system, Bella. Utilize it. Share your worries so they can help you work them out quickly. And if there's ever any question you have that they can't answer, call me. No matter what time of day or night, I will answer your questions for you."

I nodded to show I was listening.

"For now, we're going to set this aside. We'll talk about it more when I check your pressure again. I'm also going to send you home with a list of symptoms to watch for that will indicate your blood pressure is running high. Okay?"

"Yeah, but … I know the next viewing isn't scheduled for a few weeks but could we check on them? Just to be sure?" I asked her.

She smiled at me and squeezed my hand. "Sure."

As soon as she moved away to set up the equipment, Edward and Alice were surrounding me, each holding a hand and telling me not to worry.

"It's probably all of the traveling and staying up late this past week," Edward assured me. "We'll make a point of going to bed earlier. And you can take naps too."

"Yeah, we'll institute a bedtime like when we were teens," Alice added.

I smiled at her. "Do you remember what we used to do with that bedtime?"

She giggled as she nodded. "Ignored the hell out of it."

"I think this is all a plot by Alice to see the babies today instead of waiting a few weeks for your next scheduled ultrasound," Edward said with a big grin on his face. "She rigged the blood pressure cuff somehow."

She sighed dramatically. "Okay. You got me."

For some reason, the two of them making a joke of things when I couldn't made me feel a lot better and a lot less scared. But I still wasn't totally sold that there was nothing to worry over until I saw my babies on the screen and heard the quick, steady pace of their heartbeats.

"These two are probably identical twins," Edward said proudly as he pointed out the babies to Alice. "And right here is the third baby."

Alice was vibrating next to me so I was surprised when her voice came out soft and awed. "Bella, this is really real. You're going to be a mom. And so great at it too."

"How do you know that?" I asked.

She smiled as she leaned over and pressed her head to mine. "Because you've always taken such great care of all of us. You always know what to say to make things better. And you are definitely the best at distracting us when we need it."

I thought about Alice's words on and off the rest of the day. I also thought about the signs Dr. Bennett had warned me about for high blood pressure: headaches, dizzy spells, sudden swelling of my feet, and nosebleeds. I did my best to only think and not worry about things, using my upcoming chat with Bree as a distraction.

But after a few hours that stopped working and I decided it was time to take that walk in the park Jasper had promised me. Edward and Alice had both wanted to come—they'd been my shadows since leaving the doctor's office. Thankfully, though, Jasper seemed to understand without me saying anything that I really needed it to be just the two of us. After proving his phone was fully charged and promising to call if anything at all happened, we were finally able to leave.

We didn't walk long in the park before finding a bench to sit on. I'd thought it would be easy to talk to Jasper with the way he had been so great since all the stuff with Edward had started. But as usual with me, what I thought and what was happening were two different things.

Jasper put his arm around my shoulders and when I looked up at him, he smiled at me. "Just pick something, Darlin'."

"What do you mean?"

"Bells, I can see you've got a head full of stuff. Just pick one and talk. The rest will work itself out as you go."

I had expected to talk about seeing the babies today or maybe about my blood pressure. I never would have believed I'd talk about promises. "My promise was to stay away from Edward to keep him safe."

"I figured it was something along those lines. What I can't figure out, though, is how you got the silly idea into your head that you could hurt him."

"I thought I wasn't going to talk about it. That it was better to just let it go and let it get buried. But now I'm thinking it's probably going to come out anyway and it's better to be on my own terms. But then I think maybe it's selfish to want it out when I know it's going to hurt people."

"See I don't think you really understand the meaning of the word 'selfish', Darlin'. When a person is selfish, they only think of themselves. There's no consideration for others. There's no worrying someone might get hurt. A selfish person does without regard for anyone or anything. That's not you. That's _never_ been you."

"What if I told you that my behavior weakened Edward's heart and pushed him into surgery?"

Jasper looked at me as if I'd grown a second head. "Where in the hell did you get an idea like that?"

"Just for a second imagine you believed that. What would you think of me then?"

"Bella, I wouldn't believe that. I was there. I heard what the doctor had to say about it. Edward was born with a defect. He ignored it instead of fixing it. Any weakening that happened from him being around any of us was his own damn fault."

"You really believe that?"

"I do, Darlin," he agreed with a nod. "And you're forgetting something important, Bells."

"What's that?"

"You've got nothing on Alice Cullen. Yeah, you can be rowdy from time to time. But the place you spent the most time with Edward was lying around in your room, the two of you talking and listening to music. Alice is rowdy from sunup to sundown every day of the week unless she's sick or upset. So if being around you did anything to move Edward's defective heart toward failure, it was nothing compared to what being around Ali did for it."

I nodded to show I got what he was saying. And I really did. It was like his words had unlocked some vault in my head and a stream of memories of just lying around with Edward was flowing in my mind. We really had spent more time studying and lying around than anything else. We had liked being quiet together, not having to fill up every second of the day with activities.

"So now that we have that cleared up, I want the name of the person who had you thinking you could hurt Edward." Jasper wasn't asking and he wasn't going to take 'no' for an answer either. And the truth was I'd been planning on telling him since that night I'd called him from New Orleans. I didn't understand why but I felt in my gut that I needed to tell him.

I pulled in a deep breath and then released it slowly, wanting to keep calm while talking about this. The only way to accept it and get past the hurt of it was to accept it and get past the hurt of it—so much easier said than done though.

"It was Emmett. He came to see me after Edward's surgery. He thought it was my fault that Edward's heart had failed. He told me I was poison and to stay away from his brother, that he wasn't going to let me kill him. He promised he would know if I went near him and he would kick my ass for it. I believed him on both counts so I made a promise to my own self to stay away and keep Edward safe. I thought … I just couldn't stand the idea that getting near Edward could take him away from me, from all of us, forever. I couldn't take that, Jasper."

"I see."

I'd never heard two little words sound so cold before. I tried to gauge his reaction from his face but he wasn't giving anything away. "Jasper, say something more, please."

"I get why pressing you to talk to Edward made you want to run and I'm sorry for that. I just … Bella, why didn't you say something? How could you believe that big idiot without question?"

"I believed Emmett because he'd never lied to me before and because I know he loves his brother. As for saying something … That really was selfishness. I was so sure Ali and you would agree with Emmett. Hell, I thought Rosalie already had."

"Son of a—" Jasper was suddenly on his feet, pacing and growling. "Perfect fucking sense. Stupid bastard. Almost lost her."

"Um … Jazz?" I called out.

He must not have heard in me in his agitated state because he kept right on pacing and growling out phrases I didn't understand.

But just as quickly as he'd started, he stopped and looked at me. "Does Edward know about this?"

"Yeah. He's known since that night he sang for me at the coffeehouse."

"And he hasn't beat the ever loving shit out of his brother for hurting you like that?"

"No, but I think it's only because said brother is in another state." As soon as I said it, I regretted it—I wanted Jasper to know the full truth. "Actually, Jazz, I think it's because Emmett doesn't remember."

Jasper's blue eyes were wider than I'd ever seen them. "What?"

I found myself smiling over his reaction, having felt that exact way myself when Edward had told me. "Emmett doesn't remember."

"You are fucking kidding me." Jasper was pissed—nostrils flaring and fists clenching pissed. And for some odd reason it made me feel good. He wasn't the kind of guy who cursed often and I couldn't remember the last time I'd heard him use the big bad "f" word, but here he was angry and looking ready to hit something. I had no idea why that made me feel good but it did.

"I wish I was kidding, Jazz, but I'm dead serious. He doesn't remember. He takes responsibility for it and he's apologized for it, but he doesn't remember it."

Jasper let out a heavy sigh as he sat down next to me. "That must have hurt almost as much as what he said to you."

"How did you know that?"

He smiled and pulled me into a hug. "Because I know you. Feeling like you'd hurt Edward and couldn't be near him just to find out the person who made you believe that stuff didn't remember saying it. Yeah, that would hurt you."

"I puked."

Jasper snorted. "You sure that wasn't the babies?"

"Yeah, that time was all on him."

"How could he say those things to you?"

It was my turn to snort now. "Like I forkin know!"

One of his eyebrows lifted up. "Forkin?"

"My attempt to retrain my brain and keep curse words from flying out," I explained.

"Well then, Emmett is a forkin forkity fork."

We looked at each other for a moment before breaking out into loud laughter. We probably seemed like a couple of nut jobs sitting there laughing our heads off but I couldn't have cared less.

After we finally calmed down, Jasper asked, "So what does Edward think of what his brother did?"

"When he first found out, he was more hurt than anything. He says he felt like the new relationship he has with Emmett was a lie. But when Emmett came to see us and Edward saw that he really didn't remember, it changed things. He was still hurt, but he was also trying to understand it. We talked about how Emmett had seen what was left of the car right before the surgery and how he had behaved in the hospital, snapping at people and then not remembering. Edward says he doesn't feel any of that is an excuse but it does let him move toward forgiveness with his brother. I want that too, eventually. Edward's just a lot closer to forgiving than I am."

Jasper just sat there shaking his head for a good thirty seconds. And then he looked over at me, giving me a small smile. "You're better than me, Bells. I'd beat the fork out of Emmett and tell him to never darken my doorstep again."

I smiled as I patted his cheek softly. "Liar. You love Ali too much to do that. As much as we have these individual relationships, you with Ali and me with Edward, we're still part of a package deal. We're all Cullens, Jasper. We just don't all have the last name."

"So for the sake of every other Cullen, you're going to forgive and forget?"

I couldn't help the bitter laugh that came out. "Forget? No, Jasper. I'm never going to forget. That's a scar on my heart I'm always going to carry. But for my family, and for myself, I'm going to forgive him."

Jasper pulled me into a tight hug. "You amaze me, Bella. Again and again you show me a depth of love and forgiveness that humbles me."

I laughed even as I started to cry. "You're being silly."

"And you're not seeing yourself clearly. But that's what makes us such good friends, Darlin'. We remind each other of the best parts of ourselves when we can't see them." He paused and then said, "Just so we are perfectly clear, even if I had believed you hanging out with Edward had helped his heart grow weak, I still wouldn't have blamed you. You didn't know. None of us knew."

"I realize that now, but then … Emmett just seemed to make sense and be right."

"Yeah, well, that's what happens when you have visitors when you've got a concussion. Do me a favor and never hit your head again, okay?"

I snorted at him. "Sure, Jazz."

"Fine then. I'm just gonna write all over your chart that I have to approve your visitors."

I gave an all out laugh at that. "Yeah, you better get in line behind Edward. He's staying calm but I know it's really only because he thinks it's what I need most."

"You two worked out a lot in New Orleans, huh?"

"Yeah. We've got a lot left too, but at least we've started on it."

Jasper stood and offered me his hands. "Then I guess we better get on home so you can work on it some more."

I took hold of his hands and let him pull me up. "Think Edward and Alice were able to make dinner together without both fighting to be in charge?"

Jasper laughed loudly. "You know, they only get bossy that way around you, Darlin'. They both love you so much they don't know how to let anyone else care for you."

"Well they better figure out real damn quick because I'm not putting up with them bickering with each other."

He smiled and slung his arm around my shoulders. "Don't you worry, Bells. Me and you together, we'll keep those two in line."

My own smile was pretty damn big as Jasper drove us home to Alice and Edward. There was a lot still up in the air that needed to be handled pretty quickly but for the first time in months, I was looking forward to my future instead of feeling like I had none.

"So are you going to tell Alice about Emmett?" I asked Jasper as we climbed the stairs together.

"Are you?" Jasper countered.

"Yeah but I'm not ready yet."

"Yeah, neither am I. But soon, though."

"Soon," I agreed. She needed to know but I needed to be ready for her reaction to the news. With as much as she loved both Edward and me, she was going to feel twice the hurt over what Emmett had done.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"My, my, my. What has you all smiley, Peaches?"

"What? I can't be happy to see you?" I asked Bree.

He snorted and rolled his eyes. "If I was able to make you smile like that, you'd have been doing it all the time instead of moping these past few months."

"I wasn't moping."

"And I'm a virgin."

We both had to laugh at that. "So I guess you want to hear all about how things went in New Orleans," I said.

"Nope," Bree replied, shaking his head. "I want to hear all about why you went with him at all. You hung up on me for suggesting you speak to him and next thing I know, you're shacked up with him down south."

I shrugged ."We needed to talk."

"I only told you that about a million times. So what changed your mind?"

My smile probably looked pretty ridiculous to him since I hadn't had a reason to smile the last time we had really talked. But I couldn't help it; thinking about Edward and how he had looked at me that night just made me feel good and want to smile. "Edward came to the coffeehouse on open mic night and played for me. He chose this song about feeling like the person you were with was everything, every reason for being. I knew he was talking about me, Bree. I knew he still loved me."

"Well, duh. What the hell made you think he didn't?"

"It was a miscommunication thing."

"You're not getting away with that as an answer."

I'd already known that but I had figured I'd give it a try anyway on the off chance Bree wasn't in the mood for full disclosure. "I need you to promise that you're going to keep quiet until I finish talking. I don't need you ranting and raving at me about things that have already been handled."

His eyes narrowed a little. "I have this sinking feeling I'm really not going to like whatever it is you're about to say."

"You won't. But at least it has a good ending."

"Alright," he said with a sigh. "Hit me with it."

"I didn't leave Edward because he lied. I left because …" I'd thought it would be easy to say this stuff by now, having told Alice and Jasper already. But it still hurt just as bad as the first time. I hadn't even really said anything yet and already my chest hurt and my eyes burned.

"Isabella, you are really scaring me right now. What is going on over there? Do I need to come home?"

I forced myself to give him a smile in hopes of easing his worries. "Bree, you're home is there with Lance. As much as I would love to see you, I don't need you to come rescue me. I just need you to have a little patience because this is really hard stuff for me to tell you."

He nodded his head but his face didn't relax at all—he really was on the verge of buying a plane ticket and coming out here. It made me smile for real to think of just how much he loved me.

I pulled in a deep breath and attempted again to explain things to him, this time without freaking him out. "I left Edward because I thought I had physically damaged his heart. I thought the time I had spent with him had been too much for him and it had forced him into surgery. I believed that if I stayed near him, I would kill him and I couldn't risk losing him that way. I'd rather be miserable and have him alive than to never see him again."

Other than a sharp intake of breath, Bree didn't make a sound.

"I know that's not true now," I told him. "I've talked with Esme and Carlisle on top of talking to Edward and I know that I had nothing to do with his heart failing. I also know that his heart is completely healthy and I can't ever hurt it. I can't ever be the reason he's not here with all of us."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Bells. If I'd had any idea you were thinking that … And I just kept pushing and pushing and I wouldn't let up and I'm _so_ sorry."

"Hey, hey, hey!" I called out, trying to slow his word vomit and get him calmed down. "It's okay, Bree. You were just doing what you thought would help."

"But every time I said to call him or go see him, you thought about him _dying_. The hurt that must have caused you … But wait, though. How did you ever get it into your head that you could hurt him in the first place?"

"That part I'll tell you in person."

"Bella."

I ignored his angry eyebrows and pursed lips. "Trust me, Bree. You want to hear that part in person." I knew him too damn well to tell him like this. Bree didn't show it often but he had one hell of a temper and if I told him about Emmett, there was a very real chance Bree would fly out to Boston. That kind of thing wasn't going to help anyone so until Bree was with me where I could keep a close eye on him, I wasn't telling him.

Bree huffed but didn't argue with me. "Okay, so you know you didn't hurt Edward, you know he loves you, and you went to New Orleans with him. What exactly does that mean for you two?"

"It means that we love each other and we don't want to be apart anymore. We know we've got a lot to fix and that we need to figure out how to communicate the right way with each other. We're even going to give couples counseling a try."

"That all sounds really great, Bella, but I want to know why he lied in the first place. Whatever this reason is you won't tell me for you thinking you hurt him, it wouldn't matter if you had known he was sick all along."

"It started long before Edward and I got together. He didn't want another reason to feel like he was different so he pretended he was fine and normal. He told me that when we started dating, he felt for the first time like he _could_ talk about it and that I would understand. Problem was, he realized this at the same time Aaron's birthday came around."

"Oh, shit," Bree blurted out. "One look at you at that time of the year … Plus knowing Aaron's heart was bad. I'm not excusing Edward at all, but I get him changing his mind about telling you."

"The night Edward told me his reasons for keeping me in the dark … I never once doubted him, Bree. I could see in his face and hear in his voice not only that he was telling the truth, but that he was terrified of how I was going to react. I needed that. I needed to see him being as scared as I was even though I didn't really want him scared. Does that make sense?"

"For you, yeah. You will take whatever fear or pain you have and deal with it, but you don't want anybody you love feeling bad that way. So what are you two going to do now? Are you starting over with dating? Are you completely back together?"

"It's kind of a mix right now because there's a lot going on. He did take me out for a real date in New Orleans and it was so perfect, Bree. When we first left on the trip, I felt like I couldn't trust what I had seen of him before. I didn't know what was real or what had been part of his lie. But that night, he erased all of my doubts. I could tell he was being real and genuine and he was the exact same great guy. A mix of romantic and cheesy and damn near perfect. It was that night that I finally felt it was right to give him another chance."

"Wow." Bree looked just like he sounded—awed and floored.

"Yeah, I know. It's a lot to take in. And I have one more thing to share with you. Well, two. I just want to preface this by saying that as great as it is, it isn't the main reason Edward and I are trying to work things out. It's just an added bonus for us both. So the first thing is an invite for you and Lance to come visit in three weeks. Esme is having a get-together on that Saturday for all of us to celebrate."

"Celebrate what? If that man asked you to marry him and you didn't start our conversation off with that, I'm gonna be pissed, Peaches."

"There's been no marriage talk," I lied, feeling that moment with Edward in New Orleans was too private to share with anyone but him.

"So then what are we celebrating?"

"That's the second thing I want to share with you and it works better if I show you," I said while getting up from my desk chair.

"Ooh! A show! Can Lance watch too?" Now that he wasn't worried for me anymore, Bree was his usual snarky self.

"Keep it up, funny girl. I'll just make you wait to find out my good news," I warned. I wanted to laugh so bad but I knew I'd get sidetracked with being silly and I really wanted to tell him.

Bree slouched in his chair and threw his arm over his head. "Oh, please! I'll just die of pent up excitement. Save me from myself, Peaches."

"Behave, Bree," I said, forcing myself to be serious. I knew it was the only way he would do the same. Once I was sure he had calmed down and was paying attention, I lifted my shirt some and turned so he would have a good view of my side profile and rounded stomach.

He lurched forward so hard and fast I heard his chair squeaking through my laptop speakers. "Is that? No, you're just fucking with me. How are you doing that? Did your tattoo guy Drake get into special effects makeup?"

I had a smile on my face as I looked down and ran my fingertips over the top of my bump. "It's real, Bree. I'm pregnant."

For the first time in the many years I'd known him, he didn't have a snappy comeback. And when I sat down and took a good look at his face in the screen, I could see the tears sliding down his cheeks.

"You okay?" I asked.

"But they all said … How?"

"Remember I told you about that argument Alice and I got into over that hibiscus myth?"

"Not really."

"Well the flowers are supposed to heal feminine disorders and help you get pregnant. Alice stocked the house in everything hibiscus without telling me. You know that tea I've been drinking all the time?"

"Oh she did not!" Bree cried, laughing and wiping at his face.

"She totally did," I agreed. "Tea, soaps, and even lube. And then she danced around here like she was the one who had knocked me up instead of just facilitating it. Edward was not amused. He agrees it was the lube that broke the condom but says the rest was up to his very capable swimmers."

"I can totally see that. Sexward looking all hot and angry and virile. And Pixie Pink just smiling away, completely pleased with her little self."

"So what do you think, Aunt Bree? Think I'm going to be any good at this mom stuff?"

His smile fell and his eyes watered up all over again. "Aunt Bree."

"Got a nice ring to it, huh?"

"It does, but … But I'm Uncle Embry. Just like Uncle Jake, Uncle Jasper, and Uncle Emmett."

"Oh, don't even," I said, waving my hand in dismissal. "You know damn well you are Aunt Bree."

"I appreciate that, but no. Kids are cruel, Bells. I don't want anyone making fun of your baby because of me."

"First of all, I want my babies to know _you_. The real you. Every amazing, annoying, special part of you. Second of all, I don't give a damn about other kids. I care about mine. And I'm having three of them so I'm pretty damn sure most kids will be smart enough to leave them alone or face a triple wrath. Besides, anybody making fun of them is only doing it because they're jealous they don't have an Aunt Bree in their lives."

He shook his head at me as if that was going to change my mind. "Bells, I—"

"Embry, don't you make me threaten your ass."

Very few things in his life flustered him, but this was so clearly one of them. "Well what about Edward? He gets a say in this. Maybe he doesn't want to risk his kids being teased."

It hurt to know how much Bree was hurting right now, to be sitting here when all I wanted to do was wrap him up in a hug and promise him everything would be okay. I got why he was scared—I remembered how painful it had been for him to get tossed out and taunted because he was different. But I also knew how strong he'd grown to be and how special of a person he was—that was the Bree I wanted my babies to know and that was _Aunt_ Bree in all of his feminine glory.

Before I could say any of that to him, Bree's expression changed to confusion and he asked, "Three? Were you serious about that?"

"Yep. Three little miracles. As for your other question …" I'd left my bedroom door partly open just in case I felt the need to call for Edward—like right now. Seconds after I yelled out his name, I heard his reply of "be right there". And not long after that, he was pushing my door open.

"What's up, Angel?" he asked as he closed my door.

"Bree doesn't want to be Aunt Bree to our babies because kids might tease them," I explained.

"What?" Edward asked, laughing the word more than speaking it. He came around and stood behind me so he could see Bree on my screen. "Bree, you're just messing with Bella, right?"

His sadness was written in his wet dark eyes, his deep frown, and the slump of his shoulders. "I was teased so much, Edward. I don't want them going through that."

"Yeah, Bree, you were teased," I agreed. "And it sucked ass and it hurt. But you weren't the first and you damn sure won't be the last. Let's say for arguments sake that we go along with your insane idea and the babies call you Uncle. What's going to keep them from being teased about having wild hair like Edward or pale skin like me? What if they end up with Charlie's big old nose? Mean kids don't really need a reason to tease."

"Bella's right, Bree," Edward said. "Kids tease no matter what. All we can do is encourage ours not to do the same. And who better to teach them about being different and accepting differences than their Aunt Bree?"

Bree smiled and nodded his head for a moment before stopping to laugh and dry his face. "Okay, then. Aunt Bree it is. So am I having nieces or nephews or will it be a surprise?"

Edward lifted my laptop from the desk and we sat together on my bed so we could both talk to Bree and fill him in on everything we knew about the babies. He was so ecstatic and seemed just as happy about the pregnancy as everyone else in our life so far had been. I wasn't sure I wouldn't have to knock him upside the head at some point over the Aunt Bree stuff, but I felt pretty confident he wouldn't fight too much. And even if Bree tried, I knew Edward would back me up just like he had tonight. I'd hoped telling my family would be a good thing but I'd never expected it to make me feel stronger and more secure, knowing they were all behind me and ready to help anyway they could.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

"Well that was surprising," I said as I closed the lid on Bella's laptop.

"What? That he didn't hit on you every other sentence?" she asked. "Don't worry. It's coming. He just needs time to stockpile his DILF comments."

"Dilf?" The second I said the word, I realized what it meant and I let out a groan that had Bella laughing. As different as they were, Emmett and Bree were scarily similar in certain aspects—MILF for my brother and DILF for Bree. We really did belong to an eclectic family and the thought of having my children grow up in it … I couldn't think of anything more perfectly rounded.

I turned to share my thought with Bella and completely forgot what I had been about to say, too busy watching her stretch and trying to take in every elegant inch of her. I was doing my best to behave and keep in mind that she wasn't ready for much intimate contact yet but her middle-of-the-night attentions were making it hard to think with the correct head. I just kept trying to keep in mind that as badly as I wanted her, I needed her to want me back first.

The soft thud of a pillow against the side of my face knocked me out of the thoughts running through my head. "Edward, did you hear anything I said?"

I stretched out beside her and smiled as I kissed her cheek. "Nope. You distracted me."

She rolled onto her side, draping her arm over me and brushing her soft lips against the corner of my mouth. "How did I do that?"

With her mouth so close to mine I couldn't come up with a single reason not to kiss her. She gave a little hum of appreciation when my lips moved against hers and as much as I would have loved to deepen the kiss, I did what she needed and ended it.

She slowly opened her eyes and whatever thought she had in her head made her cheeks turn pink. I felt pretty certain she was thinking about finding me in the shower a few days ago and it made me thankful I was wearing loose shorts. It also made me recite in my head once again all the reasons I needed to behave. To help keep myself distracted, I pulled her into a hug and buried my face in her hair, hoping that breathing her in would be enough to calm me.

"So what was surprising?" she asked.

"Well …" I took a moment to really think about how to phrase what I wanted to say. The last thing I needed was to accidentally hurt Bella's feelings or make her think I had issues with Bree.

"All of it, really," I told her. "I've never seen Bree when he wasn't smiling or laughing so to see him tearing up over you and the babies was new. And that whole thing where he didn't want to be called an aunt. I never expected that from him. He's always so proud of who he is and seems so confident. And as soon as you had him convinced you wouldn't settle for anything else, he was off and running with baby ideas and acting like Alice. It's just a very different side to him."

"Bree … let me see how to explain this …" She shifted so that we were able to see each other. "Bree loves himself. He loves who he is and he loves that he's not in hiding anymore. But that's _now_. He knows all too well that not everyone is going to accept him. He's close, personal friends with the pain of rejection. And he knows that no matter how much you say 'words will never hurt me', they still do. He doesn't want anyone to feel for a second the kinds of negative emotions he was subjected to. He's willing to do whatever it takes to protect the people he loves from that kind of suffering." Looking into her brown eyes, I could see the pride and respect she felt for her friend.

Bella let out a small laugh and the grin she referred to as evil spread over her lips. "And if he can't protect his loved ones from idiots, he'll beat those idiots' asses just the way I taught him."

I nodded, not really knowing what to say to that. Bella's relationship with Bree was something I was still getting used to. It wasn't a normal relationship that fell into a single category; they were mother and son, sister and brother, teacher and student, and close friends all wrapped up together. It was complicated and beautiful—and more than a little intimidating. Bella didn't do simple relationships. When she loved, it was all encompassing. It was also what made it such a huge responsibility to do things the right way with her. So while I had a lot of confidence in myself and in the promises I was making, I still struggled with nervousness at times. The difference was that this time around, I wasn't letting my nerves dictate my actions.

Bella's fingers trailing over my facial hair brought my eyes and attention to her. "What are you thinking about?" she asked.

I smiled as I turned my head and kissed her wrist. "You."

"What a coincidence! Because _I_ was just thinking about _you_. You were wrong yesterday when you said we could cross off telling the family from our list of things to do after my talk with Bree. You still haven't told Karen yet."

"Karen's not exactly speaking to me, Bella."

"So. You have a mouth and your vocal cords work. If she's not talking to you, then you talk to her."

"If she calls me—" Bella's small, soft hands against my cheeks instantly made me forget what I was saying. All I could think was how beautiful she looked and how lucky I was to get another chance with her.

"Edward, are you afraid to call her?"

"Not afraid exactly. Nervous, sure. I just … I think this time I might have ruined our friendship for good. Karen has always … I guess the best way to say it is that she's gone the other way when any kind of trouble comes up. She doesn't put herself out there to meet new people so she's always afraid of losing the few she does have. Does that make sense?"

"You think your hospital stay made her decide not to care to avoid the pain of losing you?"

"Something like that, yeah."

"Bullshit."

"What?"

"You heard me. You're afraid to call her. You're afraid of what she _might_ say. You're doing to her what I did with you. Everyone said to talk to you but I was just as afraid of hearing you hated me as I was that talking to you might damage your heart. It was one thing to _think_ you might hate me but knowing for sure … That was knowledge I didn't want. And you don't want your fear that Karen doesn't want anything to do with you to be proven true."

As much as I didn't want to admit it, Bella was right about me avoiding Karen. Since she had been able to nail exactly what I was thinking, I figured she might have a clue about how to handle things if I was proven right. "What if she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore?"

"Nope. That's a 'what if'. We don't deal with those, remember? So just pull out your phone, dial her up, and talk."

Her insistence was both touching and confusing. "Why is this so important to you, Bella?"

The smile she gave me was so real and so tender that I instantly understood before she said anything. It wasn't the call that was important. It was _me_.

"Telling our family members has been such a great feeling, Edward. It gave me this rush of confidence and security. They're not only going to be there for me, they _want_ to be there. And I bet you anything, Karen is going to want to be there for you." Her smile changed to a more playful one as she added, "And I want her at our party in three weeks, Cullen. I'll be highly disappointed in you if you can't charm your own best friend into coming celebrate with us."

I slid my arm under her and gently moved her closer, covering her with my body but not putting any of my weight on her. This gorgeous woman with an equally beautiful heart … She was _mine_. And the depth of her love for me … Staggering and humbling didn't even begin to cover it. There was so much I felt and so much I wished I knew how to say so she would understand how much she meant to me, all the things I would do for her … In the end, I could only cover her mouth with mine and pray she felt my love in the tender way I kissed her.

She hummed against my lips just before pulling away. "As enjoyable as it is to be with you like this, you have something more important to do right now. So stop stalling and call your friend."

I was dreading making the call but I wasn't going to deny Bella. And I certainly wasn't going to risk us getting in an argument and her blood pressure rising over what basically boiled down to me procrastinating. I pulled the phone from my pocket and flipped through my contacts for Karen's number.

While I waited for her to answer, I found myself hoping I would get her voicemail. When the phone rang for the fourth time with no answer, I even started to come up with a message in my head. But then Karen was answering with a "hello" and I was suddenly at a loss for words. I understood the whole avoiding 'what if' thing but that didn't mean I could keep it from creeping in and running wild in my head.

The feel of Bella's hand in my hair had an immediate effect on me, washing all the 'what if' thoughts away and calming me down. But not before Karen got annoyed with me. "Edward, I know it's you. Why call me if you have nothing to say?"

"I do have something," I said to her as I gave Bella a smile of gratitude for her help. "I just wasn't sure you wanted to hear from me."

"Of course I want to hear from you. We're still friends. I just know now that you have no problem lying to people."

"That's not true, Karen. Wanting to lie and feeling like you have to lie are two different things. Besides, I'm not going to be lying ever again. It hurts too many people."

"Yes, it does."

"Does it help at all for me to say once again that I'm sorry?"

"Slightly. So what has you calling me out of the blue like this?"

"I finally have good news to share with you. Bella's not only speaking to me again, she's giving me another chance."

"You know, I want to feel happy for you but I just keep picturing how hurt she must have been by what you did and I'm not so sure you deserve another chance."

Her words were the exact ones I'd been worried about and there they were. I wasn't sure what else to say so I just apologized to her. "I'm sorry I hurt you so much, Karen."

She sighed into the phone. "Why do you have to go be all sincere? I kind of prefer being pissed at you. Doesn't hurt as much."

"I told you, I don't want to lie to anyone about anything."

"Yeah, I don't either. So I'm sorry about what I said. I know you love Bella and if she's able to forgive you, then I know she loves you just as much. I really am happy for you two, Edward."

"Thank you. I hope you'll also be happy with the next thing I have to tell you. I want you to know it's not why we're getting back together. It's just a happy unexpected extra," I told Karen as I looked over at Bella. She smiled and gave my hair a light tug while mouthing "go on" to me.

"Don't keep me in suspense, Eds," Karen ordered. "What's the extra?"

I turned on my side so I could put my free hand on Bella's stomach while I shared our miracle with my friend. "Bella's pregnant and we're going to have triplets."

"What's she saying?" Bella asked. She had both of her hands over mine on her belly with a huge smile on her face. "Is she squealing like Alice? Stunned like Jasper? Crying like your mom?"

"Stunned like Jasper," I answered. "That or the call got disconnected."

"No. No, I'm here," Karen replied. "I just … How? I thought Bella couldn't have kids. In fact, I distinctly remember us talking about her being worried things wouldn't work with you two because she couldn't have kids."

"We got extremely lucky. There were some physical changes that happened and we just happened to be together when she was ovulating. It just sort of worked out."

"So you were trying? Why didn't you ever tell me that?"

"No, no weren't trying. We were using protection but it didn't work that night."

"Wow. From no kids to three kids. Is Bella freaked?"

"We both are a little, but only a little. We really want these babies and to be a family together."

"Then I'm happy for you guys."

"Happy enough to come up to Forks in a few weeks to celebrate with us?" I asked her. "My mom's calling it a celebration but we all know it's really going to be an announcement party. We'll know the babies sexes by then."

"I'd love to come. Can I bring a friend?"

"Sure," I answered slowly. Karen had never brought anyone home before in any kind of capacity. "Someone I've heard of before?"

"Nope."

"Are you going to tell me anything about this friend?"

"Nope," she said with a laugh. "You'll have to suffer from curiosity until I get there."

"Are you going to stay with your sister or do you want to stay at my parents' place with us?"

"Is there going to be room with everyone there?"

"Yeah. Bree and Lance are coming in too, but that still leaves the two guest rooms on my floor."

"Then I accept both invitations. I'll let you know once I book my flight if I'm coming in on that Friday night or early Saturday morning."

"Did you plan on renting a car or do you want me to pick you up?"

"Don't know yet. I need to talk to my friend first."

"You're seriously not going to tell me anything?"

"Not a word."

"You're mean, Karen."

She laughed at me. "You're impatient, Eds."

"Sometimes," I agreed.

"Hey, will you do me a favor?"

"Anything you want," I promised her.

"Tell Bella that I'm sorry I never called her. I just … I knew she had to be hurting and I didn't want to call her and be a reminder of you. I really do care about her."

"She'll appreciate knowing that."

"And don't take so darn long to call me next time," she ordered. "I wish I had more time to talk tonight but I've got plans I don't want to be late for."

"With your friend?"

"You'll have to wait and find out when I get there, Eds."

I smiled even as I gave her a hard time. "Come on, Kare Bear. Give me one little detail."

"I've got something for you … Don't screw things up with Bella this time."

"I won't."

"Good. Give her a hug for me and tell her I'll see you guys in a few weeks. I've really got to go now. Night, Edward."

"Night, Karen." I waited until I heard her hang up and then I closed my phone and set it on the bed between Bella and me while blowing out a long breath.

Bella had been tracing my fingers with hers while I'd been on the phone and now that I was done, she stopped and looked up at me. "From what I gathered of the conversation, she doesn't hate you."

"No, Karen doesn't hate me," I agreed. "She's still plenty mad at me, which I completely understand. But she's also willing to forgive from the way she was teasing me about her _friend_."

A snort and a few giggles came from Bella. "It's really killing you that she wouldn't tell you, huh?"

"She's certainly got my mind spinning with ideas."

"So what else did she say?"

I moved my phone behind me and then pulled Bella against my chest. "She said to give you a hug. I'm just not going to let you go."

"Ooh, I like that idea," Bella giggled against my chest. "What else did she say?"

"She's sorry she didn't call you. She just didn't want to chance being a reminder of me. And she's very happy to hear we're together and that we're having these babies."

"And you were afraid to call her. Silly man."

I smiled at her teasing as I hugged her just a little tighter. "Lucky for me, I'm in love with a smart woman."

There was a short knock on Bella's door followed by it opening and Jasper sticking his head inside. "Hey, Bells, I was wondering if I could borrow Edward for a bit."

She rolled away from me to look at him and I could tell from the set of her lips that she was going to tease him. "My rental fee is a hundred bucks an hour. You got that kind of cash?"

"Damn, that's awful steep. Why the highway robbery?" he asked, playing along with her.

She patted her belly softly. "Got three college funds to start."

"How about I loan you Alice and you girls watch a movie with some of that buttered popcorn you like?" he offered.

"Make it a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a cold glass of milk instead and we've got a deal."

"Done."

"Hey, do I get any say in this?" I asked them.

They both told me "no" and then laughed.

"I'll give you a minute to say goodbye," Jasper told me before leaving and closing the door.

I moved closer to Bella and laid my head next to hers. "Do you know what he wants to talk to me about?"

"Probably about what I told him today. Thank you for agreeing I should tell him."

"I only agreed to keep it quiet in the first place because that was what you needed at the time."

"Thank you for trying so hard to give me what I need. I hope I'm doing that for you in some way."

"Angel, all I need is to have you with me and know you love me."

She turned and hugged me, holding tightly to me as she said, "I am with you and I do love you."

After a few goodbye hugs and kisses, we finally got out of the bed and left her room. Alice already had a pile of pillows and blankets waiting for Bella on the couch and Jasper brought her out a sandwich and glass of milk as she was getting comfortable. Within what seemed like only seconds, Alice and Bella were deep into a conversation and barely even waived a goodbye to Jasper and me.

"Come on, Ed," he said as he pushed me toward the door. "Let them do their thing while you and I grab a beer."

We ended up at a nearby sports bar sitting in a back corner away from most of the crowds and noise. I figured Jasper wanted to make sure I heard whatever it was he felt he had to say to me. He had been silent on the ride over and he remained that way until we had our beers in front of us and the waitress was gone.

"I'm guessing you already know what Bella told me today."

"Yeah," I said with a nod. "She wanted to make sure I was okay with you knowing."

"Were you?"

"Yes. The only reason I've been silent about Emmett is because she asked for it. Dr. Bennett warned me from the start to keep a close eye on Bella's stress level and my brother is a huge source of stress for her."

"What about for you?"

I thought about his question while picking at the label on my bottle. I had mixed feelings about Emmett but I'd barely spent any real time thinking about them, choosing instead to focus on Bella.

"It's a fine line you're stuck walking, Ed. He's your family and she's the love of your life. You need them both but he hurt her. And to top off that, she doesn't want your relationship with him to be messed up."

I looked up at Jasper, amazed that he had just perfectly put into words what I had been feeling since finding out what my brother had done. "When she first told me, I wanted to call him right away. I wanted him to tell me she was somehow mistaken. I wanted to know he hadn't just been pretending since my surgery, that he and I really had gotten close. But I couldn't call him because she needed me. I had to sit there and try to ignore all the shit in my head and just focus on her, be there in the way she needed.

"And then I'd gotten the chance to call him and all he could say was that he didn't remember. He was sorry for what he'd said, but he didn't remember it. How is that possible, Jasper? How do you tear a woman up with words like he did and just forget it ever happened?"

"Are you saying you don't believe him?"

"I do now, but I wasn't so sure then. He doesn't normally lie but he has been known to bend the truth to try to cover his ass when he gets in trouble. But when I came face to face with him, I could see he really didn't remember."

"Did that change how you feel about him? About what he did?"

I moved my untouched beer aside and leaned over the table. "I know you understand why this has to stay between us so I'm not going to waste time explaining what you already know. Jasper, I have never in my life wanted to hit someone so bad. And I still want that. I want to hit him hard enough to know he'll never forget it. I want him to hurt. And yeah, I know it won't make anything better or make him remember, but I still want it. But I want Bella's happiness even more and hitting him will just upset her."

"Fine line," Jasper said with a nod.

"Rose almost left him," I confided. "She called me up after he told her why he had to come to Portland all of a sudden. She was so pissed at him and hurting for Bella at the same time."

He huffed and grumbled something under his breath before speaking to me. "I need to talk to my cousin. I don't know what the hell that woman is thinking by standing at his side after this. She didn't seem the least bit upset with him at the anniversary party."

"That was as much for my parents as it was for Bella. Emmett is _not_ in the clear with Rosalie. Not by a long shot. But he is in anger management and they're doing couples counseling together."

Instead of calming Jasper down, my words seemed to piss him off more. His face was flushed and the tendons in his arms were standing out. I almost expected to see his beer bottle crack in his hands.

"You think that excuses what he did?" he barked at me.

"Hell no, Jasper. Let me make this clear to you … There is no excuse for what Emmett did. There are things that contributed to his thinking being screwed up, but at the end of the day, he always had a choice.

"He knew he was pissed," I said, slamming my fist down on the table." He knew it and he could have and should have left the hospital and not come back until he was clear headed. And if he really wanted so damn bad to rant and rave at somebody, then he should have gone into a bathroom and looked in the fucking mirror.

"I carry a lot of the weight for what happened to Bella, but she never would have left that hospital if Emmett hadn't been so damn evil to her. I found out from my mom that she and Bella had talked about how they were going to work together to get me well just so they could yell at me together. She had _no_ intention of leaving me until he went into her room.

"And I'm not even pissed that she left me. I could give a shit! She had every right to leave me. But she would have come back and she wouldn't have been terrified to even be in the same room as me. He had her believing that even just being near me could fuck up my heart so bad I'd die right there in front of her. Can you even imagine how that had to torture her?"

Since I had actually stopped talking long enough for him to say something, Jasper confided a few things in me. "I can imagine. Just like I can imagine how I made it worse by asking her to call you and go see you. Just like Bree did to her. And everyone else who could see how badly you two were missing each other."

He let go of his beer and showed me his hands. "I held her, Edward. I held her in these arms feeling as helpless as a newborn pup because I couldn't stop her tears. Hell, I could barely even slow them down. And then I finally had her where she almost told me what was going on and you gave her that damn letter that had her hiding again. I was so damn pissed at you and the whole time I was mad with the wrong Cullen.

"And it wasn't just Bella that I was stuck watching cry. Ali's turned her eyes red on more than one occasion over all of this shit. She was scared for you and pissed off at you at the same time. And she didn't know what to make of Bella. She just knew her best friend was hurting something awful."

I blew out a breath as I shook my head. "I don't know how I'm going to make all of this up to Bella and Alice and everyone else."

"One day at a time, Ed. Each day that goes by where you're honest and doing what's best for your family, that's another day the pain and the hurt lessens and the fear of you repeating mistakes subsides."

I smiled at how easy Jasper made it all sound. "How many will it be before Bella starts to trust what I say the first time I say it? And how many days before I stop wanting to kick my brother's ass?"

"You already have more of her trust than you realize. She never would have gone to New Orleans with you if she wasn't pretty damn certain you were ready to tell her the absolute truth about everything. As for that dumb shit you call a brother … I get that you have to walk that fine line, but I damn sure don't. I don't even know that I could if I tried and right now … I don't see a reason why I should."

Something about the tone of Jasper's voice and the look in his eye … I had a feeling Emmett was going to need to be real careful around Jasper for a long, long time. And I saw no reason to warn my brother.

I looked Jasper directly in the eyes as I said, "I should probably tell you it's not worth it and not to risk your hand on his hard ass head. But I'd really rather watch you knock him on his ass the way I wish I could."

Jasper grunted as he balled his right hand into a fist and looked down at his knuckles. "Your dipshit brother has always bragged about how big and tough he is. I think it's past time I showed him size ain't got a damn thing to do with the power behind a good punch. And any pain I feel from givin' him a demonstration will be well worth it."

Seeing the anger in Jasper and knowing it was for what Bella had been through … and thinking of all he'd done for both of us in the past months … Next to my dad, I didn't think there was a man I respected more. "Jasper, I know I've said this before, but I'm going to keep saying it because I want you to know how much I mean it. Thank you. Thank you for listening to me and for believing me when I told you all my reasons for hiding my heart condition. And thank you for helping me to get Bella back into my life. I know you did it for her much more than me, and that just makes me appreciate it all the more. She's an amazing person and I just want to give her the best life possible."

"You just see that you do, Ed. You be patient with her, you give her what she needs, and you love her with all you've got. 'Cause this is it. There ain't no more chances, and you don't have time to screw around. You've got a pregnant girl who needs a low stress life and to be somewhat settled in her life before these babies get here."

"I know. I want to get everything settled as quickly as possible for her. I've got to get a job for me, a home for her, and plenty of stuff for the babies. And she wants to be involved in every bit of it, which I am happy about. But it also adds another layer of stress to it for me too because I have to watch she doesn't make any decisions just because she thinks it'll make me happy. I want what's best for her because in the end knowing she's safe and has what she needs will be what really makes me happy."

"I'm here for you, Edward, just like I'm here for Bella. I might not have the answer you need, but sometimes, all a man really needs is to talk shit out and then the answer finds him."

I smiled at that. "I'll keep that in mind. We're actually going to start looking into my job stuff tomorrow once we get back from our counseling appointment."

Jasper was in the middle of drinking his beer and nearly spit it across the table at me. He managed to keep it contained and started to laugh as he dried his mouth with a napkin. "Yeah, Bells must really love your ass to have agreed to counseling with you."

"She really does, Jazz. I don't know how it's possible after what I put her through, but she does."

"Your mistake, while being one major mother, was in the end just one mistake. The rest of the time you gave her love, patience, respect, and a fresh outlook on her future. You showed her she could be exactly who she is and still have a guy be madly in love with her. She needed that then and she needs it now."

I nodded in agreement; Bella deserved those things and so much more and I was determined to give them to her.

"Drink up, Ed," Jasper said as he pushed my bottle in front of me. "We've got better halves to get home to and I know Bella's not going to bed without you home and right there with her."

"I'm really glad you're marrying my sister. I know I've given you shit from time to time, but there really is no one I'd rather see her with."

Jasper waved my comment away with a slight tilt of his beer bottle. "Ed, I already knew that, man. I know brothers are territorial over sisters. I'm just glad you finally realized your sister is a woman and not a little girl."

"Yeah, well," I grumbled. "Kind of hard not to realize it when she makes it crystal clear."

Jasper's smile widened. "The best part of that is I wasn't even touching her. All those sounds … the headboard hitting the wall and her moaning … she knew you'd be listening and she wanted to give you a good show."

I tried like hell not to, but I spit my mouthful of beer all over the table. "She what?"

If my spraying the table hadn't had all eyes on us, Jasper's laugh sure as hell did the trick. "And you thought Alice couldn't act," he said as he continued to laugh.

After somewhat drying the table with napkins and leaving a big tip for our waitress for the mess I'd made, we headed home with Jasper smiling and me grumbling. But as soon as I walked into the apartment and caught sight of Bella stretched out on the sofa, I completely forgot about being aggravated.

I could tell from her droopy eyes and sleepy smile she was only awake because I hadn't been home—just as Jasper had predicted. I scooped her into my arms and carried her down the hall to her room and our bed. After kicking off my shoes and stripping down to my briefs, I crawled in beside her and took her into my arms.

"I missed you," she murmured as she searched for just the right spot to lay her head on my chest.

"I missed you too, Angel."

"Nice talk?"

"Very nice. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, after you sleep."

"Kay."

I smiled as I titled my head down and kissed the crown of her head. "Sweet dreams, Angel."

She didn't respond and I could tell from her slow breaths that she had already given in to her need for sleep. I knew she wouldn't hear it and that even if she did she might not be ready to believe it, but I needed to say what was on my mind and in my heart right then …

"You won't regret giving me another chance, Bella. I'm going to be the man you need and you'll be happy. You and our babies and me—a happy family. I promise you."

* * *

**A/N:** We have one very happy Alice! And slightly smug, if she does say so herself. And she does! LOL And Jasper knows about Emmett. Next chapter ... Alice finds out. Hope you all enjoy the chapter and have a great weekend.


	60. I'm Not Calling You A Liar

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: ****I'm Not Calling You A Liar**

**Chapter Song: ****"I'm Not Calling You A Liar" by Florence + The Machine**

**Bella****'s POV:**

"Baby store!" Alice squealed. She didn't even wait to see if we were going to follow before charging into the store.

"Why did we let her come along?" I asked as I smiled at Esme.

Esme laughed and said, "Because we couldn't resist her pout."

I stopped and looked inside the window and immediately regretted it. Alice was standing in front of a wall—not a section, a _wall_—of ruffled frilly baby outfits. And I just knew I would be going home with at least one of those outfits; telling her we had no idea if I was even having a girl would do no good. Alice didn't do rational when she was in shopping mode.

Esme put her arm around my shoulders and smiled at me in the window's reflection. "I think we should give her a bit to calm down while you and I sneak next door for ice cream. I'm craving cherry with a little chocolate on top."

With the walking and the warmth of the day, ice cream sounded so great. But so did fitting in my pants for more than a week at a time. "No thanks."

"Why not? You always love getting ice cream with me when we shop."

I shrugged as I moved away from the window. "Not in the mood. You can go if you want."

"I do want and you are coming with me," she said, taking hold of my arm and pulling me with her.

The ice cream shop was cool and smelled of sugary goodness—my mouth literally started to water. The fact that I had been craving ice cream on and off over the past couple of days wasn't helping.

After checking out all of the available flavors, Esme ended up with a scoop of cherry topped with whip cream and chocolate sauce. And I ended up with a scoop of cookies and cream covered in snicker bar pieces.

"Would you like to tell me why you refused at first?" Esme asked once we were seated at a little table near the windows.

I frowned at my spoon and put it back in the bowl. "It's only been a couple weeks since you bought me new clothes but most of them are getting too tight."

"We knew that would happen, Sweetheart. That's why we only bought a few outfits."

"Yeah, but when I buy an outfit, I wear it until the color is gone and the thing is practically falling apart."

Esme laughed softly and reached across the table, putting her hand over mine and giving it a small squeeze. "That was before, Bella. You're pregnant now and you are going to go through a number of sizes over the course of this pregnancy. It's normal, Sweetheart."

"I know but … I don't want to gain a whole bunch of weight. It will make it even harder to get around. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining because I don't mean to. I love that I'm pregnant. I just … I never expected multiples and to get so big so fast."

Esme fixed her green eyes on me and set her chin in her hand. She was waiting for me to say more—she _knew_ there was more.

"Things have been going great with Edward and even counseling is working out so far. We've checked off so many things from our list but …" I couldn't get the words out and ended up biting my lip instead.

"It's hard when your body isn't giving you time to adjust before changing again. When I was pregnant with my boys, there were times I swore I went to bed one size and woke up another," Esme confided.

"How did you deal with that? How did Carlisle?" I asked, leaning across the table to make sure I heard every single word.

"At first, he didn't realize how much it was bothering me. To him, I was pregnant and I looked pregnant and that was the end of it. He didn't understand that I felt like I'd become a completely different person. Nothing seemed to fit and everyone seemed to stare. I tried to explain it to him one night but I think he was just too tired from his job and he ended up telling me anyone staring was just trying to guess how far along I might be. Bella, I scared him that night with how much I cried."

"Really?" I asked, knowing in my heart she would never lie and wondering in my head if anyone had ever felt the way I did right now. I had never been self-conscious about my body before and it left me ill-equipped to deal with it now.

"Oh, yes," Esme said, smiling with a far off look in her eyes. "He held me all that night and refused to go to work the next day just so he could make absolute sure I was okay."

"Were you?"

"Eventually," she said with a nod. "We had to talk first. I tried again to explain how I was feeling and he tried harder to understand. He realized that not only were the changes in my body making me uncomfortable, I was also scared. I was gaining weight so fast that it was hard to recognize myself in the mirror. I was being careful with what I ate and doing my best not to overindulge in cravings and still my stomach was growing. If I didn't recognize me, how could Carlisle? Not to mention that we did _not_ have the money for me to constantly need more clothing.

"To this day, I remember so clearly what he said and how he looked as he said it," Esme continued. "He was still in his scrubs from the day before only now they were wrinkled from sleeping in them. He had a five o'clock shadow on his face and his blond hair was sticking out every which way. He asked me how he looked and I told him he was as handsome as ever. He smiled and leaned over to kiss me on the cheek. I was so confused, Bella, and it was plainly written on my face because he started laughing. When he did, I realized how little we had laughed since finding out I was pregnant. So many choices to be made and things to get done … We had never had a chance to celebrate the growth of our family. I had tried to apologize to him, telling him I was ashamed for worrying about my size when we had so many real problems to work on together.

"Carlisle took my hand into his and looking right at me so I could see he was being perfectly honest, he told me that I looked beautiful. He said beauty was in the eyes—in his eyes that saw me as beautiful no matter what and my eyes that showed him the beauty of my heart and soul. Every problem, whether it was monetary or self-image, was _our_ problem and _we_ would handle them. If I needed more verbal reminders of my beauty, he would give them to me. If I needed my pants let out so I could feel comfortable, he would find a way to make it happen." Esme leaned in for the next part, making it seem like a secret just between her and I. "He even swore he would learn to sew for me if that was what it took. He said if he could sew up a person, he could sew a pair of pants."

"So that's where Edward gets it from," I mused, smiling as I remembered some of my favorite sweet gestures from him.

"No, Bella," Esme said, squeezing my hand and getting me to look at her. "That kind of caring doesn't come from genetics. And it wasn't anything that Carlisle or I taught our boys. Yes, we of course told them that it was the right way to treat their partners, but it's something they have to feel deep inside them. That level of care and concern comes from love, Bella. Edward is willing to do anything it takes because you are his everything. It's the same for his father with me.

"I realize that some of the things Edward says may still be hard for you to trust right away, Sweetheart. But even if you don't completely trust what he is saying, trust that he loves you and wants your happiness above all else. And if you struggle with that at all, just think of how you feel about him and know it's the exact same. You would do anything for him, right?"

"In a heartbeat," I blurted out. I didn't need time to think because I damn sure knew—I'd left the hospital for that exact reason.

"Have you talked to Edward at all about your concerns with your body?"

I shook my head. "We've been really focused on his career and the counseling. By the time we throw in my doctor appointments and some down time to keep our sanity, there never seems to be a chance to bring it up."

Esme gave me a smile that said she knew that was bullshit. "Running out of time by design, I would think. I tried that trick too, Bella. But like I told you before when I gave you my journal, you have got to open up and let Edward in or he can't help you through this."

"I know but … I don't want to stress him out. He's working so hard to get everything together to open his business. We agreed he should give it a go right away so that if it doesn't take off like he expects he'll have time to come up with something else."

"Sweetheart, of the two of you, you should be a lot more concerned about _your _stress level. You are the one supporting four lives. And you are the one who can't take a break. Edward can go out for a few hours and escape the stress but you don't have that luxury."

I had tried really hard not to, but I just couldn't hold back the tears anymore. "I just want things to work so bad, Esme. What if it's too much stress for him? What if I'm too different?"

She grabbed a few napkins from the dispenser on our table and handed them to me. While I dried off my face and struggled to stop crying, she smoothed her hand over my hair. "Is it too much stress for you?"

"No," I sniffled. "It's hard, but I want it."

"Do you think Edward wants it any less? Do you think he's weaker than you?"

"No, of course not. He's been the strong one since we found all this out. I'm the one who keeps falling apart, like right now. And he's always saying we'll be fine as long as we stick together."

"Those don't sound like the words of a man who will find the stress to be too much."

"No, they don't," I agreed.

"As for you looking different … Do you have a problem with the way Edward looks now compared to when you first started dating him?"

"Well, no, but he just went from hot to fuck-hot—" It registered in my brain that I was talking to his mother and not just my friend and I quickly added, "Sorry for the language."

"It's alright, Sweetheart. I know this is hard for you to talk about and nerve-wracking. And a little crass language has never hurt anyone. Now back to our discussion … You still find Edward attractive, correct?"

"Yeah. He's bigger now, but his bigger is muscle where mine is—"

Esme interrupted before I could finish. "Three babies. _His_ three babies. Children he created with you, the woman he loves above all others. Think hard about the kind of man Edward has shown himself to be, Bella. And then look at yourself through his eyes. What do you think he feels when he sees your belly growing?"

I took a minute to do just what she'd asked of me and then took a guess. "Proud?"

"Pride is definitely something he is feeling. There's also love for those babies, excitement, a little fear of the unknown, and a whole lot of love for you, Bella."

"Yeah, but loving me and desiring me are too different things."

"Ah ha!" Esme cried. The sound had us both smiling. "So now we get to the root of the matter. It's not so much your new size as the idea of the new size turning him away from being intimate with you."

"I'm sorry, Esme. Is this weird for you?" I asked, honestly wanting to know. The last thing I wanted was for her to feel like she had to discuss her son's sex life with me just to keep me from crying. "We can talk about something else," I offered.

"Sweetheart, I am not the one my son gets his squeamishness from," she said with a laugh. "I am perfectly capable of separating the baby boy I raised from the man you are deeply in love with."

"It's just … we had a _really_ healthy sex life before and … well, I know when he's thinking about me he's not picturing me like I am now so …" Edward and I hadn't talked about it, but we both knew why he was taking showers in the morning and at night and I knew none of the images of me in his head involved my widening waist line.

"You sound awfully sure, Bella. Does that mean you asked Edward what he fantasizes about?"

"Well, no, but—"

"Oh so then you don't know. You only suspect." The way she was smiling at me … It just seemed like she knew something I was missing and it tickled her to no end.

"Do you know?" I asked.

Her loud laughter had a couple people looking over in our direction. "Heavens no! Edward would rather streak naked through a busy mall than talk to me about his sex life."

I had to agree with that, especially since I could picture it so clearly in my head. "Okay, so then how do you know?"

"Because I had the same concerns and thoughts with Carlisle. I wanted him to want me just as badly as you want Edward to feel that way about you."

"So what happened? What did you do?"

Esme actually smirked as she responded. "Well after my talk with Carlisle about my weight, he guessed at what else I was worried over and made sure to erase _all_ of my concerns. And it wasn't just that one time either. Pregnancy sex with multiples can be difficult but it's certainly not impossible. Though you will reach a point where actual intercourse is no longer possible. But by the time you reach that point, I'm sure you and Edward will have found some imaginative ways to be intimate with each other. And it all starts with a conversation, Bella."

I blew out a breath as I thought over what she'd shared with me. "I wish I was better at talking. I wish that two weeks of counseling had me where I felt okay with talking to him about this kind of stuff."

"It all comes with time, Bella. The more you talk to Edward, the easier it will become. Think of how easy you and I talk now compared to when you first joined my family."

She had a good point. I hadn't been able to string more than a couple coherent sentences together back then. And now I could tell Esme almost anything swimming around in my heart and head.

"Is there anything else you want to say or ask?" she questioned.

"No. I get everything that you're saying and I _do_ need to talk to him. I just need to figure out how first."

"Well in the meantime why don't you go splash some water on your face in the restroom? I'm certain Alice will search us out any moment and we don't want her causing a fuss over your red eyes."

"No we damn sure don't want that," I agreed. Before I got up, there was something I needed to do. I leaned over and hugged Esme as tightly as I could. "Thank you and I love you."

"I love you too, Bella. I always will." Her words were just what I'd needed to hear, and at the very same time they left me feeling guilty for ever having thought she'd cut me out of her life without a word.

As I got up from the table to head to the bathroom, I thought about why I had believed that and then I got angry. If I wasn't so completely sure it would do more harm than good, I would kick Emmett right in the sack the next time I saw him. Swollen balls wouldn't really be representative of the pain he'd caused me, but it would be a start.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

My mother's ringtone began to play from my phone and I reached across the desk to grab it. "Hi, Mom. How's the ladies only outing going?"

"It's going fine, Sweetheart. Am I interrupting your work?"

I glanced around at my laptop and the papers strewn across my desk. "I think I'm due for a break. How can I help you?"

"It's not me that needs your help, Son. It's Bella."

Her words had me sitting up straighter and holding the phone tighter. "What's wrong? Is it her blood pressure? Is she showing symptoms of it being high?"

"Relax, Edward. She's physically fine. Emotionally, though, she could use your help."

"Anything. You know that. Just tell me what she needs."

"She needs you to make her feel wanted."

"I thought I was doing that," I said, feeling confused. "I've been telling her every day I want a life with her."

"Sexually wanted, Edward."

"Oh." I grabbed the back of my neck with my free hand, not sure of what to say to my mother. I caught my reflection in my laptop's screen and wasn't surprised to see my cheeks and ears were flushed red—of all the topics my mother could have brought up …But this was for Bella so I was just going to have to suck it up and deal.

"Son, I realize this isn't a topic you're comfortable discussing with me, but you're just going to have to get over that. Bella needs your help and she's not able to articulate it to you so I am going to do it for her this time in hopes she can do it on her own in the future. She's worried the changes in her body will make her unattractive to you, if they haven't already."

"That's silly, Mom," I replied.

"No, it may _sound_ silly but it's a valid worry for her, just as it was for me when I was pregnant with you and your brother."

"I don't understand. I've told her I want her. I've told her the only thing holding me back is waiting for her to want me."

"When was this? Was it recently?"

"Well, no. It was a couple weeks ago in New Orleans."

"Have you noticed at all how much she's changed in just those couple weeks? Did you know part of our outing today was to get her more clothes since the ones I bought her are already growing tight?"

"No," I said, feeling disappointed in myself for not noticing. "I guess I've been more focused on the business than I thought."

"She isn't upset with you, Edward. In fact, she's worried she will stress you out if she brings up how she's feeling. She wants to leave you alone and let you focus on your career, but that's not the right way to handle this. I can tell her that all day long but it will fall on deaf ears if _you_ aren't saying it as well."

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. "I thought I was staying on top of things. I thought I was watching for changes in her mood."

"Edward, this is your first experience with pregnancy and it's not normal in anyway. Things are bound to slip by you. But that's why your father and I are keeping a close eye on things, so we can help Bella and you through this time in your life together."

"I appreciate that so much, Mom. So what do I do?"

"Bella mentioned how busy you two have been since coming home from your trip. How about a date night? There are plenty of nice restaurants in Port Angeles."

"A date night … I like the sound of that. But I don't think a restaurant where she'll be worried about people overhearing will work. I've got a place in mind, though." I turned my wrist over and looked at my watch. "What time will you guys get home?"

"Around five. Why?"

"Just wanted to make sure I have time for it. I should have just enough to get everything together."

"May I ask what you're thinking?"

"A picnic at one of her favorite spots. It'll be just us so she'll be free to talk if she wants."

"And she'll have your undivided attention. I love the idea. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No, you've helped plenty. Thanks, Mom."

"You're welcome, Sweetheart. Bella should be back any second so I'm going to let you go."

"Okay. I'll see you guys around five. And thanks again. I love you."

"I love you too, Son."

I ended the call with my mom, somewhat straightened my desk, and then practically ran down the three flights of stairs to get to the kitchen. I needed to see what my mom had on hand and if I needed to go to the grocery store.

I yanked open the refrigerator door and started scanning the shelves. I needed things that would be okay if they got a little warm but that would also be hearty enough to fill Bella up.

"You suddenly dying of hunger?"

I lifted my head out of the refrigerator and looked over to find Jasper sitting at the table with half a sandwich in front of him. "I thought you were visiting your aunt and uncle," I said.

"Already did that. So what are you doing?"

"Looking for foods to put together a picnic dinner for Bella. I want to take her to her meadow when she gets home." I looked back into the refrigerator and then closed the door, deciding I was wasting electricity. "You wouldn't happen to know of some cold foods Bella likes, would you? Every meal I can think of that we shared was warm."

Jasper grinned. "How much is the knowledge worth to you, Ed?"

"What kind of payment are we talking, Jazz?" I asked, sitting down across from him.

His smile widened as he set his clasped hands on the table. "Ali's birthday is in two months and I want to spend a weekend camping with her around that time. That little car of hers won't hold all the supplies we need."

"You want my vehicle?"

"Yep," he said with a nod. "And you want information to make Bella happy."

I tried not to smile while narrowing my eyes at him. "That's low, Jazz."

He waved my comment off with the flick of his hand. "Nah. That's just business. So you gonna pony up your vehicle?"

"Guess so," I said as I held my hand out to him.

Jasper grinned as he took hold of my hand and gave it a hard shake. "Nice doing business with you, Ed."

"So about my info?"

Jasper picked his sandwich up and took a large bite—that he very slowly began to chew. There weren't many positives to everything that had gone wrong, but getting closer to Jasper and experiencing his sense of humor was definitely one of them.

After finally finishing his sandwich, Jasper helped me go through my mom's refrigerator and pantry. We found a couple things that would be good but nothing to be the main course so we ended up visiting Forks' one and only grocery store. The good thing about the small size of the store was that it made it easy to get from one end to the other. The bad thing was that everyone knew who you were and wanted to stop and talk to you. By the time we escaped, I barely had a half hour to get everything ready.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

Edward must have been listening for Esme's car because he came out of the house right as we pulled up. He opened my door, helped me out of the car, and then helped himself to a kiss. A slow, tingles everywhere, toes curling, never want it to end kiss that left me feeling lightheaded and giddy with happiness to be in his arms again.

"I missed you," he murmured, holding me close and dropping random kisses on my head.

"Really?" Besides just really liking it when he held me like this, I was glad he wasn't able to see the ridiculous smile on my face. We hadn't been away from each other _that_ long and it was silly to be so excited he'd missed me—and probably sillier still that I'd missed him too.

His arms tightened around me just a little as he said, "I missed you enough that I want you all to myself tonight, Angel. I'm taking you on a date."

I pulled back so I could see his face. "A date? But I thought we came home to spend the weekend with our parents. We had dinner at my dad's last night and we're supposed to have it here with your parents tonight."

"They can spend time with us over breakfast tomorrow before we leave." He lowered his head and brought his lips so close to mine that I could feel every inhale and exhale from him. "Tonight, it's going to be just you and me."

"You and me?"

"Yep," he agreed, giving me that crooked smile that had a bad habit of melting me into inarticulate goo. "Just us. Unless a romantic night of having my undivided attention doesn't appeal to you, Swan."

"Uh … no … no it appeals," I stammered, trying to focus on talking and not his lips that I swore were moving infinitesimally closer. "It damn sure appeals."

He leaned in that just tiny little bit that was necessary for our lips to touch and very slowly kissed me into goo state. I wasn't sure what had him suddenly in the mood to kiss me this way and want to steal me all for himself but I wasn't going to question it either. I wanted time alone with him this way far too much—even if it didn't go any further than this. Though, I really hoped he wouldn't mind rounding a couple of bases at some point during or after our date. _Damn man has me thinking in baseball references now but as long as he keeps kissing me like this I don't even care._

"Bella? Did you hear anything I said?"

"Hang on. Still working on re-engaging my brain after that kiss."

His laugh was low, coming from deep within his chest and making certain parts of me tingle more than others. "And that wasn't even my best work."

I had exactly two words to that … _Le Sigh._

"Come on, Angel. Let's get this date started," he said as he tugged on my hand to get my attention again.

"Don't we need to tell someone we're leaving?" I asked, looking up at the porch.

"Jasper will handle that."

"Helping to pull strings from behind the curtain again, huh?"

"Something like that," Edward said. He had a smirk on his face and there was something in his tone that told me there was a story there.

"What exactly is it then?" I asked as he helped me up into his Suburban.

"Watch your feet," was all he said before closing my door.

I let him get in and I even let him start up the vehicle and get it to the edge of the driveway before trying again. "So what was with the smirk when I mentioned Jasper helping?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Duh! That's why I asked."

He laughed and reached over for my hand, kissed my palm, and then put it back on my leg—the big console between us made it impossible for him to hold it like he used to in the Volvo. "I'm sworn to secrecy, Angel," he told me. "You wouldn't want me to betray his trust, now would you?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Low, Cullen. Really forkin low."

"Just wait until you see what I have in store for you. Then you won't think so badly of me."

"You better have one hell of a date planned if you want that to happen."

That lopsided grin of his appeared. "Trust me, Angel."

So I did. And it was totally worth it because we ended up in one of my all-time favorite places in the world—my meadow. An entire summer of sun and rain and growth had the wild flowers towering over the field with my purple lisianthus throwing dark shocks of color into the otherwise pastel array.

As soon as Edward had helped me out of the vehicle, I threw my arms around him and hugged him as tight as I could. His tone was light and playful as he said, "I'm going to assume this means you like the location of our date."

"I haven't really …" I just let the sentence trail off, not really wanting to think about why I hadn't been here much. I wanted to focus instead on being here now with him.

He must have felt the same because he acted as if I hadn't said anything. "You were right about your flowers. They look much better here than in a vase. Let me get a few things out of the back and then we'll take a closer look."

Those few things ended up being a blanket, cushions from his mother's patio seats, a picnic basket, a camping lantern, and a set of battery powered iPod speakers along with his iPod. Per Edward's strict instructions, I was not allowed to help set any of it up. As much of a hardship as it was—and believe me looking without touching was damn hard—I was only allowed to stand there and ogle him from practically every angle while he worked.

Once he had everything to his satisfaction with some soft classical music playing, he invited me over and helped me down onto the cushion across from his. "I was going for private, romantic, and meaningful. How did I do?" he asked. He looked confident enough with the smile on his face, but I saw his fingers twitching against his knees and knew he was feeling at least a little nervous.

Instead of answering with words, I grabbed a handful of his shirt and pulled his lips to mine. He did that thing where he flicked his tongue against my upper lip and I let him in, moaning at the feel of his tongue sliding over mine. I would have enjoyed nothing more than continuing that kiss until the sun went down but the current size of my stomach made the position grow uncomfortable far too fast and I had to pull away.

"So does that mean I did a good job?" he asked. There was no trace of his earlier nervousness, just that confident, cocky grin I'd come to know in the past few weeks.

"Let's see what's in that basket first and then I'll tell you," I answered, grinning right back at him.

What lay in that basket was food fit for the Gods. There were home-made chicken salad sandwiches with chunks of onion and pickles, fresh red and green grapes with fruit dip, thin cubes of Colby-Jack cheese, cucumber slices sprinkled with black pepper, and cold bottles of water. We picked and mixed and tried some of everything he'd put together, with me telling him about my day through it all. Well, most of my day anyway. I hadn't yet figured out how to broach the subject I'd discussed with his mom. With my luck, he'd freak just from hearing I talked to his mom about it and we'd never get any further than that. Besides, I was content and I didn't really want to talk about anything that might change that.

When we had been in New Orleans, things had been so much easier because we could talk when we wanted and spend uninterrupted time together. But since we'd gotten home, Edward and I had been swamped. We had the scheduled counseling sessions and the scheduled doctor appointments and in between he was working on a business plan to present to the bank for a loan while I worked on his website and brochures so he could bring them a really polished looking proposal. I didn't have any problem with us being busy, not when I knew it was for a really great cause. It was just that being here in the meadow with him now really made me see how much I missed having an hour or two to just be with him.

"Do you think we can do this every day?" I asked as Edward put away the empty containers. "Not come to the meadow, of course. But just spend an hour having a sit down meal and talking without anyone else around. Don't get me wrong 'cause I love being with Ali and Jazz and I definitely want to spend as much time with them as we can before we move out of the apartment. It's just that I'd like to be with you some too, without it being you working at the desk and me working on my bed."

Edward moved his cushion so that it was right next to mine and once he was sitting down, he put his arm around me. "I want that time with you too, Bella. I'm sorry I didn't see we weren't taking time for just us. I'm going to work harder on balancing things though, because I really do want that time with you. I don't want our only times alone together to be counseling, Dr. Bennett's office, and sleeping beside each other at night. I want to have time to really talk to you and just have some fun with you. Not every moment of our lives has to be serious just because we're dealing with serious issues."

"Well so far, this has been a lot of fun. I'm glad you picked this and not some stuffy restaurant."

"I know how much you love this place. And I've wanted to see it again for awhile now too."

I looked up at him, seeing beyond the smile on his face to the sadness in his eyes. "No guilt tonight, okay? Just us, E." I hadn't used the nickname for him in what felt like years but at the first sound of it, he was all smiles—even in his deep green eyes.

"I love you," he murmured as he leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips. The love I felt in his simple touch warmed me almost as much as seeing his face brighten up over that silly nickname.

The thought of his face brightening made me think of something else that was bright. "Hey, have you ever watched the fireflies come out?"

Edward shrugged. "I've seen one or two in the backyard at night but never really thought about them. Why?"

"Because tonight you are going to see something amazing."

I told Edward my idea and after hearing it required us to stretch out on our backs, he insisted I lay on both the cushions so that I could be as comfortable as possible. He felt the ground was too hard for me to be laying on it so I got the cushions while he stretched out on the blanket next to me.

It wasn't long before the sky began to slowly darken above us, allowing us to see the stars more easily. It had been a long time since I'd stayed out late enough to watch the fireflies creep into the meadow and I was excited to share the experience with Edward. It amazed me that he'd grown up in the same town as me and had never discovered any of its treasures—like this meadow and the walking trail that wound through the woods behind the high school. It saddened me to think he'd missed out because he'd been hiding in his room—hiding from Emmett and then later on hiding from me.

Edward was here now, though. He was right next to me, holding my hand with his head pressed against mine on the cushion._ This is that real kind of perfect, the kind that just happens out of nowhere and refuses to be forced. When you feel understood and loved without a single word being exchanged—it's all there in the peaceful silence and reassuring touch of one body pressed lightly against another. There's no need for force because no one's worried about it ending. It is and you are and it's perfect._

I was so busy focusing on Edward that I nearly missed what was happening with my own body. _Nearly_. I doubted I could have ever really missed the fluttering sensation—it was too different and too foreign. And yet I knew exactly what it was. Without saying a word to him, I flipped my hand out of his and then grabbed hold of his fingers, pressing them to the left side of my stomach. He didn't ask and I didn't tell and within a minute or so, I heard him gasp and knew he'd felt the same.

"Is that?"

"Yep."

"Wow." He sounded as awed and mesmerized as I felt.

"It's real."

"It was real before, Bella."

"Yeah, but …"

"But now it's really real. They moved."

"We _felt_ them move." I'd kind of had it in my head that at the first sign of movement, we would both be so excited we wouldn't be able to contain ourselves. But this quiet acceptance, this almost silent amazement—this felt more like us. It felt _right_. We didn't need to make a huge scene and a lot of noise to know this was a powerful moment in our lives; we just needed to share it with each other.

He was quiet for a long time before he spoke, his voice just as soft and awe-struck as before. "Our secret for now?"

"Not in the mood to share?"

"Not yet. Later."

"Yeah, me too."

"I don't want to take my hand away."

"So don't."

His forehead was pressed against the side of mine and he laughed just enough to ruffle the hair around my ear. "I think you'd find it hard to get anything done with my hand permanently attached to you."

"Oh." I hadn't expected that was what he'd meant. But now that I thought about it, I really liked that he was so enthralled by it.

"That sky above us and the galaxy beyond … so vast and yet still not big enough to hold the love I feel for you, Bella. I look at you and I just feel this warmth and this rightness—it's damn near overpowering sometimes."

I didn't know what to say to that so I didn't bother trying.

"Do you have any idea at all how beautiful you are? How much I love you?"

I turned my head so I could see his face clearly. "Hah and I think so."

He propped himself up on his elbow and leaned over me, his green eyes immediately becoming the only thing I cared to see. "Bella, I realize you might be worried about your body changing so much, but there's no need. You're beautiful, Angel. Every inch of you."

"Yeah, well, there's a lot more inches than there were before."

"And there will be more before your pregnancy ends but it won't matter. You're gorgeous to me and that's not going to change."

"I like the sound of your confidence but I'm not so sure on the practicality of it."

"Hey, there are plenty of men out there who find pregnant women sexy as hell and damn near irresistible. And I happen to be one of them when it comes to you. Why do you think I'm in the shower so much lately?"

"Yeah but you don't think of me like I am now."

"Oh yes I do," he said, sounding every bit like he meant it. "It's not exactly easy since I haven't had a chance to map out your new curves with my hands, but I'm a resourceful man with a good imagination. But I'd trade what I conjure up in my head for the real thing any day."

I wanted so badly to believe that but it just seemed like it would be something said to make me feel good as opposed to something real. At least it had until I'd felt his lips on mine and the emotions he poured into the kiss. It wasn't tentative like the very first kiss between a couple, and it wasn't overpowering like that first kiss after a long dry spell. No, this was something more. This was an "I want you" kiss. It said that while he loved me and enjoyed kissing me, the slightest encouragement from me would have us naked and joined in a heartbeat—skin to skin and soul to soul. It was a kiss he'd given me plenty of times before like at Hale Lani and the Grand Canyon. And there was no feeling that it was forced this time—if anything, it felt more insistent than it had at any other time.

He moved his mouth from mine to let me breath, but didn't completely leave my skin, trailing his kisses along my jaw and down to my neck, sucking at that one little spot on my neck that set my body aflame for him. While I was struggling to remember to breathe, Edward spoke completely coherently despite his rough breathing and strained voice. "You're so beautiful, Bella. I want you so much. I want to touch you … learn every new curve you have … show you just how much I desire you. Please let me touch you."

The best I could do for an answer was to tug at the copper hair tightly grasped in my fingers. I wasn't sure at first that he'd understood my silent response since he hadn't done anything other than kiss me on the mouth again, but then he'd pushed my shirt up and kissed the swell of my stomach, giving me hope that there would be plenty more in other spots.

**VISIT WRITER'S ****COFFEE SHOP **LIBRARY FOR FULL SCENE

I was also lying wrapped up in Edward's arms and feeling so completely loved and wanted. I also felt braver than I had before and I found myself opening up to him in another way. "I don't know how to explain … to tell you how much I needed that, Edward. I want to be pregnant and I want the babies to grow more than anything. It's just happening so fast and I'm barely able to get used to one change before another happens. I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining because I'm really not. I'm just … It would help if you understood but I don't know how to say it right. I love you and I know you love me too, but I need to feel it as much as hear it. And I know I'm the one who said I needed time but then when I was ready I didn't think … I figured you were picturing how I was before and that my new waist line wouldn't be the biggest turn-on in the world so I just … didn't say anything."

"Clearly this is my fault."

I was so stunned at his reply that I jerked my head up to see his face and caught the edge of his jaw with my head. After verifying that neither of us had received permanent damage, I asked him to explain his comment.

"Well, I've never told you what turns me on. Had you known, you would have never been worried the changes in your body would be unattractive to me."

"Alright," I said slowly, buying time to come up with something more coherent. It didn't work so I just went with a question. "What turns you on?"

"Ah, see that's the beauty in being with me," he said. He had his cocky grin on his face as his fingers lightly moved over my hip, tickling the skin there. "There's more than one thing. It's a number of things working together. The way your eyes go from a light brown to a dark chocolate color when you get aroused by something I say or the way I touch you—that turns me on.

"When you hold your breath just before my fingers press against your skin, like the anticipation is too much and you've forgotten to breathe. That _definitely_ turns me on.

"I love it when you moan softly in my ear while tugging on the hair at the back of my head. Not only can I hear your pleasure, I can feel how tense you are, waiting for me to give you the release you need.

"Then there's the way your fingers dig into my forearms when I'm above you, rocking my hips against yours and feeling like you'll never let go of me, never release me from your hands or your body." He skimmed his nose along my neck and then kissed my collarbone. "So many ways to love you and be loved by you that have nothing to do with the size of your body, Bella."

I struggled to find the right thing to say to let him know how much he meant to me, how much what he was sharing with me right now meant. In the end, I could only come up with one thing … "Show me."

**SEE ****WRITER'S ****COFFEE SHOP** LIBRARY

When it was over, when we'd both found the ultimate pleasure in each other and shook from the release, we held each other in the light of the lamp beneath a cloudless black sky full of stars and shared what was in our hearts—words of love and thanks and appreciation. Edward told me what it meant to him to have my full trust once again and I managed to get out how thankful I was that he'd known what I needed when I couldn't get the words out to tell him. We also felt the babies moving again and joked about how our _activities_ must have woken them up. Having his head resting on my stomach and listening to him talk to our babies, I knew I couldn't have dreamed up a more perfect date night no matter how hard I tried. I had romance, I had intimacy, and I had a family. While that didn't make all of our problems go away or answer all of my questions, it was enough for now.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

"How did it go?" Bella asked the second I stepped into the apartment. The cups and plates littering the coffee table and the papers strewn all around her on the sofa made it clear she'd been camped out there since I'd left this morning for my meeting at the bank. I hated that she was feeling anxious over all of this but I didn't know how to keep her from worrying when I couldn't stop my own self. I was sure being here alone hadn't helped her either; Jasper was at work and Alice was meeting with her advisor to pick her classes for the new semester starting on Monday.

"It went good, I think," I said as I set my briefcase down in the chair so I could get rid of my jacket and tie. "The guy I met with, Mr. Owens, he seemed impressed with how complete my proposal was and how much research I'd done on the profession and the building I want."

"He seemed? Does that mean he didn't give you an answer?"

I shook my head while shuffling her papers into a stack so I could sit down with her. "He needs time to look it over and check out my numbers to make sure my projections are right."

"Why would you give him ones that weren't?"

I shrugged as I finally got to sit down and put an arm around her. "You'd be surprised how many people go in for loans without doing proper research."

"Yeah, well, that's not you," she said, cuddling into my side and wrapping both of her arms around me.

I smiled against her hair and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "They don't personally know me like you do, Angel."

"Their loss."

I smiled at her words, marveling at how quickly things were getting back to normal with her. We were putting in a lot of time and effort to fixing things and we were seeing great results these days, especially after that night in the meadow this past weekend. In fact, Bella was actually looking forward to the party on Saturday and had been working on a picture slideshow to share with the family.

Thinking about family had me thinking of the phone call I'd received just as I'd left the bank. Emmett had called to talk about the party and to ask permission to tell everyone what he'd done. He said owning up to the mistake was something he needed to do as part of his counseling but that he would respect whatever decision Bella and I made. He sounded like he was genuinely putting Bella's feelings before his wants and I appreciated that; it didn't take away my desire to hit him at all, but it helped with moving me a little closer to forgiving him.

"What are you thinking about?" Bella asked, drawing my eyes and attention to her.

"Emmett called me earlier. He wanted your permission for something."

She let go of me so she could sit up and face me, putting her legs across my lap. I started rubbing my hands over her knees, hoping she would be able to stay calm while we talked about my brother. She was trying hard to move past everything with Emmett, but it still visibly upset her every time we talked about him.

"He better not be so stupid as to think he needs permission to come to the party. He should know I wouldn't cause trouble like that with Esme and Carlisle," she said, her nostrils flaring a little with her irritation.

"No, he's not quite that stupid," I said, smiling in hopes of calming her down.

She snorted and relaxed, pulling my hand from her knee and holding it against her heart. "I can't wait until I don't get pissy anymore when he comes up in conversation."

"It'll happen when you're ready, Bella. Don't push yourself or stress over it because he damn sure isn't worth it."

She rolled her eyes at me. "He's your brother and the uncle of our babies. You don't really believe he isn't worth forgiveness."

I moved us so that we were lying together on the sofa with Bella safely tucked against my chest and resting in my arms. Her wide smile told me she approved of the new position and I couldn't help the wide grin on my own face as I leaned in and kissed her softly. "You misunderstood me," I told her. "We're going to forgive him because we need to and our family needs us to. But we're going to do it at our pace. He doesn't deserve us pushing ourselves to hurry up and get past what he did. Besides, we don't want to rush and end up still having lingering resentment toward him."

She thought about that for a while before lifting her brown eyes to mine to ask a question. "So what does he want?"

"Remember how I mentioned he's in counseling?" Once she nodded, I continued on. "His counselor has been talking to him about accountability and the guy feels that even though Emmett has taken responsibility with you and me, he needs to confess what he did to the entire family. The counselor believes that seeing the reactions of everyone will show Emmett just how far-reaching the consequences are of his actions. Emmett wants our permission to do that at the party on Saturday. He says he'll wait until after the party is over so he won't mess up anyone's good time. He also says that if we say 'no', he'll respect our choice and keep his silence.

"I know we've talked some about telling the others, but, Bella, I want this to really be your choice and what you want. Don't make a decision based on what you think anyone else wants. This happened to _you_."

She was quiet again and for much longer this time, absently toying with the hair at the back of my head. She was still looking right at me but I knew from the glassy look of her eyes that she wasn't seeing me—she was seeing whatever was running through her mind. It was torture to lie there quietly and wait for her but I'd learned in our own counseling that if she felt rushed to talk at all it just made her struggle harder to speak.

She blinked and gave her head a slight shake and her brown eyes cleared up, focusing once again on me. She pulled in a deep breath and let it out slowly before speaking. "Okay. I think if we can pull something positive out of this mess, then we should. If this helps Emmett make sure he never does anything like this to anyone again, then I want that. But I want to tell Alice first."

"Yeah, I don't think having her find out with everyone else will be a good idea."

"It's not just that, though. If I'm going to do this, if I'm going to stand there while he talks about what he did and the light bulbs go off for everyone about why I left … I'm going to need help with that. I'm going to need you and Alice and Jasper. Rosalie's going to have her hands busy keeping the rest of our family from attacking Emmett. And I don't want that, Edward. I don't want this to turn into a huge mess all over again. I just want to move past it."

Thinking about my sister's personality, I could see Bella's point. "I think I get it. You're worried if Alice finds out right then and there, she won't be able to help her reaction and she'll be the first one going after him."

"Exactly."

"Then you and I will tell her."

"And Jasper. She's going to need him."

"Is that why you told him?"

"Partly." Bella moved closer, laying her head on my chest and tightening her hold on my hair. "Mostly, though, I just felt this need to tell him. All he'd done all summer long, trying to help me and find out what was wrong, and I'd felt guilty every time I pushed him away. I guess I just wanted him to understand it wasn't anything to do with him personally."

"I'm sure he knew that already."

"I'd rather be absolutely sure than leave anything to chance. No room for misconceptions."

I was getting a lot better at not feeling guilty over every single thing that made me think of my own deceptions but this time I couldn't help but feel it. If I had done the right thing, none of this would be an issue right now. But I hadn't and I couldn't take that back. I could only focus on making the right choices from here on out. And my first priority was Bella. I figured she could use a change of a topic and focusing on something that made her happy.

"How's the slideshow coming?" I asked.

She immediately became animated, sitting up and smiling wide as she rattled on about pictures and themes and features in her program that I didn't have the faintest clue about. I just smiled and nodded in all the right places, picking out the important parts—she was happy with her progress and couldn't wait to show the finished product to everyone.

We spent most of that Wednesday together, having lunch at the café near the apartment Bella liked and then taking a trip out to the Japanese Garden. We took our time strolling through the different areas with Bella sometimes making comments about bringing the babies to see certain things. After the garden, we went back to the apartment for Bella to nap and me to plan dinner since it was my night to cook for everyone. Alice was home by then and she helped me get everything ready to cook while telling me about her day and the classes she'd picked out. But the moment Jasper made it through the door, I was forgotten. I didn't take it personally at all, knowing I would do the same if it were Bella just getting home.

Bella happened to wake up just as I pulled dinner from the stove and the four us sat down to eat together, trading stories back and forth about our day. I knew this was something Bella would really miss once we moved but I hadn't realized until tonight just how much I was going to miss it. We'd definitely have to include a family dinner night in our very full schedules.

After dinner, Jasper decided to help me clean up while Alice suddenly _had_ to help Bella with her photo project. My sister had never really been one for chores and I could remember quite a few occasions when she had convinced either Em or me to do her chores for her. We could hear the girls playfully arguing with each other over picture choices and placement while Jazz and I talked about taking the girls out tomorrow night to see his friend Peter's band play.

About an hour later, Jazz and Ali had left to pick up desert for us all, Bella was working in her room on her slideshow and I was lying on the sofa in the living room watching an old episode of _Top Gear_. I was in the middle of debating whether or not I wanted to call Emmett tonight to tell him Bella's decision when she called out for me.

"I'll be right there," I said as I started to get up.

"No, now," she demanded. Only Bella didn't demand. Not once with her had she ever ordered me to do anything.

I jumped from the sofa and ran down the hall to her room. She was sitting at her desk and the look on her face stopped me cold—she was terrified. "What's wrong?" I asked, forcing myself to take the few steps between us.

"It just happened all of a sudden. Or maybe I just realized it. I don't know. But I was working and I forgot to hit save and the thing crashed and I got mad at it. Now my head's hurting and my feet are swollen," she said as she held one out for inspection. "I think we should call Dr. Bennett."

I agreed with that, but first I picked her up and moved her to the bed, propping her feet up with one of her pillows. Bella squeezed down on my hand while we waited for Dr. Bennett to answer. Thankfully she answered quickly. But after hearing Bella's symptoms, she told me to bring her into the ER and that she would meet us there.

"I didn't mean to get so upset. I didn't even think I was," Bella rambled as I helped her down the stairs.

"It's alright. Dr. Bennett's going to take care of everything," I assured her as we got to her car. I figured it would be easier on her to take the car than to have her dealing with climbing in and out of my vehicle.

I had just gotten Bella buckled in and the door closed when Alice and Jasper pulled up beside us. "We weren't gone _that_ long," my sister said, sticking her head out of the window. "You really couldn't wait a few more minutes for dessert?"

"Bella's blood pressure is spiking. I'm taking her to the ER and Dr. Bennett is meeting us there," I told her.

"We'll follow you," she said before ducking back into the car to tell Jasper what was going on.

Bella continued to apologize on the way to the hospital and I kept doing my best to soothe her and assure her everything was going to be fine. Dr. Bennett met us at the hospital as promised and having someone Bella trusted so much taking care of her helped a lot to calm her down.

Bella was immediately hooked up to a heart and blood pressure monitor, as well as given an oxygen mask. They also put sensors on her stomach so they could monitor the babies. Dr. Bennett asked a slew of questions, trying to figure out exactly what had triggered the episode.

A couple hours later, Bella's blood pressure was almost within normal range and she was sleeping comfortably. The babies' hearts were beating steady and strong and it seemed as if everything was okay. Still, Dr. Bennett wanted to keep Bella overnight for observation; she didn't get an objection from either Bella or me.

"Ed, man, let's take a walk," Jasper said, gripping my shoulder. Dr. Bennett had let him and Ali back as soon as Bella had been moved into a room of her own.

"Later. I don't want her to wake up alone."

"She won't be alone. Ali's right here with her and she'll tell Bella you've just stepped out to get something to drink," he replied. And then he squeezed my shoulder harder. "Take a walk with me."

Knowing he wouldn't pull me away from Bella without a damn good reason, I reluctantly got up and followed him out into the hall. We ended up going downstairs and out into the parking lot.

"Alright, Jasper. You pulled me out here, now tell me why."

"Because you're pissed off and Bella doesn't need to see that."

I opened my mouth to argue but then realized he was right. I _was_ pissed. I was pissed at my brother because he was a part of Bella's stress. When Bella had been recounting her day for the doctor, she'd mentioned how she'd been thinking about him on and off and about speaking with Alice too. She hadn't even realized she had gradually been working herself up over all of this and her computer program crashing had been the last straw for her.

"Edward, I understand your anger, man, but you've got to bury that shit in front of Bella," Jasper warned.

"Bury it?" I yelled at him. "Weren't you the one taking me out for beers a couple weeks ago and telling me how Emmett deserved to have his ass kicked?"

"Yeah, and I still feel that way. But not in front of Bells."

"I don't know how to do that," I said, raking my hand through my hair. "I thought I was moving closer to forgiving him, but … Jazz, if anything happens to Bella or the babies because of this shit with Em …" I stopped myself before I said something out of anger I would regret later.

"I get it, man, I really do. But you've got to think the way Bella does right now. You've got to be a step ahead of her. Think about it. Tonight, she recognized the signs and told you right away. What do you think will happen if she sees you this pissed off at Emmett?"

I immediately understood and let out a shaky breath, trying not to let my mind imagine what could happen if she ever kept quiet.

"I see you get it," Jasper said. "Bella gets a whiff of tension and she's going to do all she can to keep the peace. She'll ignore a headache here or some swollen feet there, not wanting to cause trouble over nothing."

"I get it, but I damn sure don't like it."

"Neither do I, Ed. But it's what life has handed us for right now. So let's look at the positives here. Bella told you right away, she and the babies are alright, and you get to sleep on the world's most uncomfortable pull-out."

I looked at him as if he'd lost his mind. "How in the hell is that last one a plus?"

He grinned and said, "'Cause you'd rather a night on that thing than to be home alone without her."

"Jazz, you scare me sometimes with how damn intuitive you are."

His smile widened. "I pay attention."

"Jasper, just promise me something."

"What?"

"If you ever get the chance to knock my brother on his ass, please make sure I'm around to see that shit."

Jasper let out a loud laugh that had me smiling and feeling a lot less tense. He slung his arm around my shoulders and gave me a shake. "Ed, man, I can't make promises on that, but I do promise to take pictures if it happens and you aren't there."

"Thank you. For watching out for both me and Bella. I appreciate it, man."

"It's what family does for each other. We look out and we take care. But you're on your own for the shitty diapers."

"Damn, Jazz, where's the solidarity, man?"

"Every man has his line, Ed. That just happens to be mine."

"What are you going to do if you ever have a kid with my sister?"

"Well, now, that'll be when Uncle Edward can repay me for all the help I've been giving him this summer."

I looked over at him to see if he was serious and the grin on his face set us both off laughing. We were quickly interrupted by the chirp of my phone and after seeing it was a text from Ali letting me know Bella was awake, we headed back into the hospital. And I was in the right frame of mind to be the man Bella needed, thanks to my family and my friend.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Alice's POV:**

"Ali, I hate to bug you, but I'm out of tea and Edward just finally fell asleep."

I looked up from my book and saw for myself that my brother had indeed passed out. He was sitting at the end of the sofa with a pillow and Bella's feet in his lap. His head was tilted and lying on the back with his mouth slightly ajar; I was surprised he wasn't snoring like that.

"It's no problem, Bells," I assured her. I set my book on the table after marking my spot and brought Bella's empty cup into the kitchen.

Dr. Bennett had put Bella on bed rest for all of today and tomorrow, with strict instructions to spend most of Saturday sitting at the party, and then more bed rest on Sunday. On Monday, she would see Bella in her office and check her blood pressure. If her numbers were off at the appointment, then Bella was going to have to start taking something to control her blood pressure. Dr. Bennett felt it was too dangerous for Bella and the babies to take a wait and see approach so she was going to be proactive about it. I could tell from the way Edward was barely leaving Bella's side today that he was worried, though he was hiding it really well in front of her.

I had wanted Jasper to stay home today in case we had to take Bella back to the hospital, but he'd said Dr. Bennett wouldn't have released her if she wasn't sure Bella was fine. He also pointed out how much Bella hated to be fussed over. Both things were true but it was hard not to worry about her. It wasn't fair that she had to worry about her blood pressure after all she'd already been through. She should get to have a fun worry-free pregnancy. Since I couldn't give her that, I would just give her the next best thing—a pregnancy with her best friend getting her anything and everything she wanted.

"Your tea, madam," I said as I handed her the warm cup.

She smiled and took it with one hand while grabbing my own hand with the other. She squeezed it and said, "I hope you aren't staying inside today because of me, but if you are, thank you."

"Of course it's not because of you," I said as I sat down on the coffee table. "I just wanted to wait for Edward to pass out so I could take a few blackmail pictures."

She laughed with me and then let out a sigh as she looked over at him. "He barely slept last night. Every time the nurses came in to poke and prod at me, he was jumping up and asking how my numbers looked."

"They were kind of scary," I admitted.

"Yeah, I know," she said, looking at me again only this time having to force her smile. "Scared me too."

"Look at the bright side, though. You knew right away something was wrong, you told Edward, and you got it taken care of."

Bella smiled for real this time. "Edward is so damn proud of me that I think he might really be serious about buying me a gold medal."

I snorted at that. "I wouldn't put it past him. He really has an odd sense of humor these days."

She rolled her eyes at me. "It's not his sense of humor that's odd. It's the fact it took him over twenty-three years to find one."

"That might be it," I agreed with a laugh. Edward jerked and snorted in his sleep at the sound and it took everything in me not to laugh again. Poor Bella was also trying not to laugh but she could do nothing about her body shaking.

"Ali, I'm gonna pee myself," she squeaked, her eyes too wide for her to be joking.

I jumped up and after setting her cup of tea on the table, I got her feet off of my brother without waking him and then helped her down the hall to her bathroom. Once we were behind the closed door, we let out our laughter and it felt so good to be having a normal moment with her, to see and hear her happiness.

"Jeebus, that was close," Bella said once her giggles had tapered off. "It's crazy how certain things will have me running for the bathroom. The other day, I sneezed and actually peed a little."

"Gross, Bells!" I cried out. "I could have gone my entire life without knowing that."

"Get used to it, Ali girl, 'cause I'm going to share every boring, disgusting detail of this pregnancy with you."

After months of feeling like we were growing apart, her words now had me tearing up. "You promise?"

"I guess if you really want to know."

I waited until she had washed and dried her hands and then I latched on to her, giving her a big hug full of my love. "I want to know every detail, even when I call it gross."

"Okay," Bella said as she laughed.

We decided to stay in her room so Edward could sleep and after going to get her tea from the living room, I sat down next to her in the bed. "So are you feeling even a little excited about the babies yet?" I asked her.

She nodded as she swallowed her tea. "It's getting a little easier. It's just all so big, you know? And sudden too. And last night didn't exactly help things."

"So let's not talk about last night. Let's talk about something fun," I suggested. "What's something you want to do with the babies once they're born and big enough?"

"I haven't spent a lot of time thinking that far ahead. Edward and I are focusing on the present right now so we can get everything between us sorted out and fixed. But off the top of my head … I would have to say take them to La Push beach. That place is such a huge part of all of our histories." She suddenly got very excited and tapped my leg. "I never got to tell you before … The first time Edward saw me, it was on the beach."

"What? He never told _me_ that! When?"

She started to laugh at me and when it registered in my head how indignant I'd sounded, I started laughing too. When we stopped laughing, Bella shared with me the story Edward had told her, about how he'd seen her running from Jake on the beach. My brother had been enraptured with my best friend for even longer than I'd known about.

"Do you remember how we spent the entire summer at the beach between junior and senior year of high school?" I asked.

Bella smiled and nodded. "You got a suntan while I got a sunburn. We've had a lot of good times together." She reached for my hand and squeezed my fingers. "I'm sorry we didn't have any this summer."

"I hope you know I don't blame you, Bella. Thinking you could hurt Edward … I can't imagine how scared and hurt that made you. It's no wonder you wanted to hide."

"I only ever wanted to protect him. And you too, Ali. You love him so much."

"No more tears," I said, smiling and using the corner of her blanket to dry her cheeks. "We're here together now. And we are going to be side by side through this pregnancy." I leaned down and put my hand on her belly, talking in a silly voice to the babies to make Bella laugh. "This is your Auntie Alice speaking. We are going to have so much fun together when you get here. I'll teach you how to dance and color coordinate."

Bella giggled and pushed on my shoulder until I moved away. "If any of them are boys, you can teach them to dance. But if I have a little girl, only her daddy will teach her. Just like he taught me."

"Oh that is the cutest image ever!" I squealed, my hands and feet shaking with excitement. "My big brother dancing with his little baby girl all dressed in pink."

"A big pink tutu," Bella added, completely shocking me. She lifted her nose up at my expression. "What? Just because I don't like that stuff doesn't mean I would mind if my daughter liked it," she told me.

I sighed as I leaned over and hugged my best friend. "You're going to be such a great mom, Bella. I can't wait to see it."

My words had her crying and laughing and after getting her face dry once again, I managed to convince her to let me have another peek at the pictures she was thinking about using in her slideshow. She had a mix of old and new pictures, like one of her squatting on a rock from the first camping trip I'd taken with her and Jazz back in high school.

"Where on Earth did you get this picture of Edward and Karen?" I asked her, pointing at it on her screen.

She smirked and reached a finger out, tracing the side of Edward's face on the screen. "Silly man let me have access to his photo album on his laptop. He said Karen's sister took the picture of them down at La Push beach in their senior year of high school."

"She's still coming to the party on Saturday right?"

"Yep," Bella said, once again giggling. "She won't tell Edward when she's flying in or who she's bringing along and it's eating at him. It's hilarious to watch him beg for details."

"He talks about me being a snoop but he's worse."

"Ali girl, I hate to tell you, but that's wishful thinking on your part. The only snoop bigger than you is Bree."

"True," I admitted. I scrolled across the screen and found a thumbnail I just had to open. I was lying across the top of Bella's old truck while Em, Rose, Jazz, and Edward had their hands curled, ready to tickle me. "Do you still miss Red?" I asked, looking over at Bella.

She reached over and closed the picture out, her face pinched as if she was trying not to cry. "I guess sometimes."

"I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd miss the truck enough to get upset at the picture."

She shrugged and pointed at the screen, faking a smile. "I'm using this one of me on Bree's back."

"I'm sure he'll love that." As much as I wanted to know about her reaction to the picture, I didn't want to risk upsetting her and having her blood pressure spike again.

"I wanted to use one of him with Lance but I have yet to find a PG one where he doesn't look like a complete dork."

I had to laugh at that, having seen the pictures from San Diego my own self. "Oh, you know what picture you should use! That one from our high school graduation where Emmett tried to pick us both up and we all ended up on the ground with you and me sitting on top of him."

"Maybe some other time." Her voice sounded weird and she practically slammed her laptop closed. "I wanna watch a movie. How's _Clueless_ sound?"

"You hate that movie."

"No, I pretend to hate that movie to balance out your overabundance of love for it, Ali girl. It's a subtle yet vital difference."

Something was very wrong and smelling very rotten but I couldn't bring myself to ask and risk upsetting her. I would just have to grab hold of Edward as soon as he was awake and see if he knew what was going on.

Unfortunately, life seemed to have other plans for me because each time I almost got Edward alone, Bella ended up needing something. And then Jasper was home and it was my turn to cook.

"Hey, Darlin'," Jasper murmured, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my shoulder.

"Careful. I don't want to burn either of us," I said as the olive oil in the pan popped.

"You seem tense, Ali. What's wrong?"

"Nothing really. I just … Bella seemed weird today."

"Weird how? She seemed just fine when I was talking to her a minute ago."

"Well we were looking at pictures on her computer and she got upset all of a sudden."

"Maybe she's just having an off day. I'm sure last night took a lot out of her. You know she never sleeps in hospitals with all the nurses going in and out of her room."

"It doesn't feel like it's that simple. It feels like when she pulled away this summer. It feels wrong, like something big and bad is behind it."

"Whatever it is, I'm sure she'll tell you when she's ready. Just don't push her."

"I know, I know. She gets flustered when we push. Edward has made sure to drill that knowledge into my head."

"Because he loves her, Ali."

"I know," I said, turning my head to kiss Jazz on the cheek. Only he turned his head at the same time and met my lips with his, giving me a sweet kiss that almost made me forget my worry for Bella.

"That was nice. Can I get a promise of more of that later?" he asked as he pinched my butt.

I squealed and jerked away, pushing my elbow into his side. "Out before you make me burn both of us."

"Yes, ma'am," he said, laughing and pretending to tip a hat to me.

I rolled my eyes at his silliness and then turned back to the stove, trying to avoid burning dinner and worrying about Bella.

Once we'd all sat down to share the meal I'd made, my worries over her started to fade. She seemed perfectly happy, joining into the conversation on numerous occasions and teasing Edward as much as he was teasing her.

It wasn't until a couple hours later when I came back out to the living room after my shower that I started to worry again. Jasper was sitting on the floor in front of Bella, talking in a low voice with her and Edward.

"Hey, Ali." Had Edward not said it so loudly, I would have believed it had just been a simple greeting.

"Hi, Edward. Want to tell me what's going on?"

"Yeah, we do," Bella answered. She was lying across the sofa again, this time on her side with her head on my brother's leg.

"Come sit for a minute, Darlin'," Jasper said as he held his hand out to me.

I took it and let him pull me down to sit in his lap. Whatever was going on, he already knew about it. I wanted to be mad at him for that but I knew the only time he ever kept things from me was when he really believed it wasn't his place to tell me. While he always made his own life an open book to me, he guarded our friends' privacy closely.

"So I'm going to try to tell you this, Ali," Bella said as she looked only at me. "But if I get stuck, Edward's going to take over and tell the rest. Okay?"

As much as I wanted to just nod and have her tell me, I cared too much about her to risk her health. "Bells, I really wanna know what's going on. Like I would trade my red pumps for the knowledge want to know. But I don't want you getting upset and risking your blood pressure."

"Which is exactly why I said Edward would tell you if I can't. Trust me, Ali girl, no one wants to avoid a repeat trip to the ER more than me."

"Alice, you know I wouldn't let Bella risk herself or the babies for anything," Edward added. "She's strong enough for this. Just be patient if she takes a break and gets quiet for a bit."

I nodded to look the part of the friend confident she could behave. But Jazz wasn't fooled and he squeezed my hips as he whispered into my ear. "Slow breaths, Darlin'. Stay low key and even for Bells." When I nodded this time, I really meant it.

"Okay, so … the whole thing with me leaving the hospital," Bella started. "It had a little to do with Edward hiding his heart condition, but only in the way that it made it easy for me to believe it when I was told I had wrecked his heart."

I bore down so hard on Jasper's thighs I knew he would have marks tomorrow but I couldn't keep quiet _and_ keep still. _I knew it. I knew it. I knew it_, I thought frantically. I'd never once believed Bella had left my brother over his lies. Sure they had been awful and he'd hurt us all, but Bella understood making mistakes. She would never hold it against him permanently.

Bella let out a breath slowly and then started to speak again. "I was told that I had been too much for Edward. That I had ran his heart down and I was poison. That I took from every guy I ever dated without giving back and that was the real reason I'd never had a long term relationship."

I couldn't stop myself from gasping, too shocked to even try. How could anyone who knew Bella even a little say those kinds of things about her?

Jasper asked if I was okay at the same time Bella reached her hand out to me. I wrapped my fingers tightly around hers and squeezed, telling her what she already knew … I was here for her and loved her and always would.

"Alice, are you okay?" Jasper questioned again.

I heard myself answer that I was fine, though I didn't feel fine. Not while I was looking at the hurt in Bella's eyes and feeling the tension in her grip on my hand.

"Ali, I left Edward to protect him. To keep myself from hurting him and taking him away from everyone forever. I thought I could …" She stopped to take a big breath and let it out slowly. And then she did that a few more times before reaching her free hand up to pat Edward on the chest.

He whispered something in her ear that made her smile through her tears and after he'd helped her dry her face, he continued where she'd left off. "Bella thought she could literally kill me. She thought if she was anywhere near me or even talking to me, it would be too much for my heart and I would die."

Bella had told me before that she'd thought she could hurt my brother, but hurting and killing were two totally different things. And death from a heart condition … After everything with Aaron I couldn't imagine how much worse it made it with Edward. I'd never had anything shock me so badly that I didn't know what to feel. Bella had talked to me on occasion about her feeling numb through a lot of high school, but I'd never understood what she was talking about. Until now.

"Bella really thought she was doing what was best," Edward continued. "And when she pulled away from everyone else, it was because she thought you guys agreed she was too dangerous for me. And even when she suspected that wasn't the case, she was too afraid of losing any of you to ask about it. She felt like if she caused any kind of waves at all, she would just prove she was nothing but trouble and would be all alone. That's why she lied to Jasper about taking her birth control pills."

I tore my eyes away from my brother to look at my best friend. She looked so small and heartbroken, lying there with her eyes clenched shut and the tears slipping out of the corners. To know how my brother's touch normally calmed her right away and to see her struggling to stay together now … Whoever had done this, whoever had broken her this way, they were awful and I never wanted anything to do with them ever again.

"Who did it?" I knew it was me who had asked. I had felt my mouth moving and had felt the sound come from my chest, but the voice didn't sound like mine at all. It was flat and … and numb.

"Hang on. I'm getting there," Edward replied. "First, I need you to know that this person regrets what they said. This person doesn't remember saying the words, but they do remember flashes of Bella looking upset and scared when her face was purple from the accident. The person is also in counseling to make sure nothing like this ever happens again. Now while Bella and I are both still very upset with this person, we have chosen to forgive and move past this. It's not easy but we are working on it because we really believe it's what's best for us and our family."

"Who did it?" I asked again, not really caring if my brother forgave the person or not. Of course he forgave. Edward always forgave. I'd never seen him stay mad at anyone for anything longer than a couple of days.

"Alice." The stern tone he used had me looking up at him. "I need you to really listen to me right now. I need you to understand what I'm saying to you. I know how you are. You're all hot on something the minute you find out about it and then after you have time to calm down, you rethink half of what you said and did."

"Listen to him, Ali," Jasper urged. "He's got your best interest in mind as well as Bella's. Think of how much she loves you, how much she needs you and your support."

I shook my head as I continued to hold my brother's gaze. "I don't like this. I don't like you two telling me not to be angry when you've said something that completely warrants anger."

"That's not what they're saying," Bella told me. "You can be mad all you want, Ali. Just don't act on it until you've had time to process it." Her eyes were open again and the hurt I'd seen earlier had been replaced with tenderness. I knew that look was meant just for me and it broke my heart all the more. After all she'd been through and now knowing what she'd been told … and here she was trying to make sure I was alright.

"Bella, who said those things to you? Who hurt you like that? Who took you away from Edward? From me and Jazz and everyone else who loves you? All summer long I wanted my best friend with me but you couldn't be there and now I know why and I just … Who did this to all of us?"

She swallowed thickly a few times before finally telling me. Only I was certain I'd heard her wrong. There was no way she could have really said it was Emmett. My big brother loved her. He'd loved her as a sister from pretty much the moment I'd brought her into the house. And he'd even asked about her throughout the summer, wanting to know if she was okay and if any of us knew what was bothering her.

Edward seemed to know just what I was thinking. "It _was_ Emmett, Alice. I didn't want to believe it either, but it was him. While you were upstairs with the rest of the family visiting me after my surgery, Emmett went downstairs to see Bella. He forced her away from all of us, making her believe that she would harm me and he would harm her. I do believe that he doesn't remember saying those things, but that doesn't change what he did. That doesn't let him off the hook. But because we're family, because Bella and I do love him, we have no choice but to forgive him."

I didn't know what to say to that. I didn't know what to feel. I wasn't even sure I _believed_ it. And it wasn't as if I thought Bella would ever lie or make something like that up. I knew she wouldn't. But she did have vivid dreams sometimes that she thought were real. I could remember one time back in high school that she'd dreamed I was leaving Forks for a private school and it had taken a good ten minutes to get her to see she'd been asleep and I wasn't going anywhere.

Jasper squeezed my hip and got my attention. "Ali, I know what you're thinking, Darlin'. I know how much you want to believe this isn't true, but I'm afraid it is. Emmett confirmed it himself."

I couldn't do this. I couldn't hear this about my brother and see my best friend broken and just accept it. I let go of Bella's hand and got to my feet, heading for my room and ignoring the calls for me to come back. I needed a minute to myself, to figure this out and to get rid of this numb feeling. I needed to find a perfectly reasonable, rational reason for this because my brother loved my best friend and would never hurt her. He would never hurt Edward either. And he most certainly wouldn't hurt _me_ which was exactly what being without my best friend had done.

As I curled up in my bed, the last question I ever wanted to consider popped into my head … But what if he had?


	61. Life After You

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: ****Life After You**

**Chapter Song: ****"Life After You" by Daughtry**

**Jasper****'s POV:**

I had nothing at all against crying; I just rarely ever found the need. I did at my mother's funeral because her loss was something I felt so deep inside of me that there was no other way to let some of the pain out. The second time in my life I recall crying was the night I first made love to Alice Cullen, the heart of my heart and soul of my soul. It was just a few tears of joy over finding the one I was meant for but crying is crying.

Tonight, I was pretty damn sure I'd have my third time. She looked so damn small and broken, curled up in the fetal position in the middle of our bed, tears streaming down her face and her small body shaking with every heartbreaking sob. I crawled in behind her and pulled her tight against me, wanting her to know I was there for her. I knew her well enough to know she needed to cry it out. One of the things I loved most about my Alice was that she had such big emotions. She gave so much of herself in her joy and her love. Unfortunately, it was the same with her sadness. And knowing just how much she looked up to her two brothers … Emmett was a man living on borrowed time as far as I was concerned.

"This isn't real," she wailed.

While Alice needed my arms to comfort and coddle her, she needed my words to be the blunt truth. "Emmett did this, Alice. I know that's not what you want to believe, but it's the truth."

"Maybe she's just confused, though. She had hit her head so hard. And you know how she can be with her dreams sometimes. Remember that time she dreamt someone stole my car and she had to go down to the parking lot to make sure it hadn't happened."

"Bella's dreams are either about something very possible, like your car getting stolen, or something entirely silly, like wild horses running through downtown Portland. She has never dreamt about family being cruel to her. And if she was going to dream about someone being pissed at her, wouldn't it be a lot more likely it would be Edward over Emmett? All the years we've known her, when have we ever seen Emmett get upset with her? Every mishap that she's been through with Edward, Emmett has always come down on her side. Why in the world would she dream Emmett would be so against her all of a sudden?"

"But why would he do it for real, Jasper? Why would he hurt her like that? And Edward and me and everyone else?"

"I don't have those answers and from what I hear, neither does Emmett. Edward's come up with a few theories but in the end the why doesn't matter so much, Ali. Your brother said some very cruel things, words he swears he didn't really mean to say, but he did it regardless. He pushed Bella away from Edward and separated those two for months. And his words pushed her away from us and your parents, as well as her own family. She didn't trust herself to visit her dad and Jake and not go on up to Seattle. The 'why' of it all doesn't matter because it's not going to help any of us swallow this down and go on from it."

"The why matters to me, Jasper. I need that. I need to know what made Emmett turn into such a monster and break up our family." She pushed my arms away and sat up, reaching into her pocket for her phone.

I closed my hand over hers, stopping her from using it. "That's not a good idea, Darlin'."

She looked down at me and her eyes were red and swollen, full of hurt and confusion. "I want to hear it from him. I want him to tell me he's a bastard who doesn't give a damn about anyone but himself. Because that's the only way he could have said those things to Bella."

"In a rational state, yeah, that would be the only way."

Her lips pursed together and I knew right away anger was boiling up inside of her, getting ready to go off as loudly as a hot teakettle. "Don't you misunderstand me, Alice Cullen," I told her, hoping to calm her some. "Don't you think I'm making excuses for him because that ain't my intent at all. I'm focused on _you_. I'm focused on helping you through this and part of that is making sure you know all that I do about this mess."

"What's that mean? What do you know that I don't?" she snapped, wrestling her hand free of mine.

After plucking the phone away from her, I ignored her glare and went on, hoping something I said helped her. "Think back, Ali. Think back to the hospital, to the way Emmett was freaking out. Yelling at people and demanding they do stuff for Edward even after they'd already done it. Remember how he was snapping at all of us? Rose would find out and call him on his shit only for him to ask her what she was talking about. She got so fed up with him she told him to go somewhere and he did. He went to find Edward's car and salvage what he could from it. Edward's theory is that between Emmett being scared his brother was going to die and seeing the destroyed car, something snapped in his head. Now that don't excuse Emmett's behavior at all. But you wanted a reason and that's the best one anyone's come up with so far."

"I hate him." She spoke through clenched teeth in a cold tone but there was too much hurt in her eyes for that to be true. It was her anger speaking right now, not her heart.

"I don't blame you for thinking you might want to, Darlin', but we both know better. You're going to be real sore at him for a real long time, but you're also going to forgive him someday." I pulled her to me and put my hand over her heart, feeling the frantic rise and fall of it from her anger. "You won't forgive him because he deserves it. It'll be because you deserve to have this beautiful heart of yours free of hatred."

Her anger melted, letting the hurt to the forefront again and she crumpled into me, her tears and sobs returning. I stroked her hair and her back, kissed her wet cheeks and assured her the hurt would pass with time. Once she started to calm, she did what she always had when life overwhelmed her—she looked to me to make it all go away. I took my time with her, loving her slowly and thoroughly, keeping her from thinking about anything other than her next breath or our next kiss until she couldn't keep her eyes open any longer.

Once I was sure she was in a deep sleep, I got up from the bed, got dressed, and took both of our phones out of the room. I also grabbed the cordless phone from the kitchen and headed down the hall to Bella's room. I didn't want to risk waking her up so I went in without knocking, finding exactly what I'd expected—Bella fast asleep and Edward wide awake watching over her and making a mess of his hair with that nervous twitch he had for sticking his hand in it.

"Ali okay?" he whispered when he noticed me.

"No. But like Bella, she will be."

He nodded and let out a sigh. And then his eyes landed on my hands and he smiled. "Collecting phones, Jazz?"

"Nah. Hiding them. Until Alice has had a chance to come to terms with her feelings, I don't want her having access to a phone."

"Anything she says to Emmett he deserves."

"It ain't him I'm worried about. I don't want her calling your parents and getting them all upset 'cause they'll be down here in a flash and Bella doesn't need all that mess. It's going to be enough on Saturday."

"Yeah, I was thinking about that. I was thinking maybe I should say a few words before Emmett confesses. Appeal to the rational adults inside of everyone before they hear the news."

"It's worth a try, Ed. I know it didn't seem to help much with Ali, but that's just because of how much she dotes on you and your brother. To think either of you would hurt Bella on purpose … That's just more than her mind can handle thinking about."

Edward's guilt was written all over his face, something I'd seen a lot of this summer. "I'm sorry for my part in all of this, Jasper. I hope both you and Alice know that."

"We do. Just like I hope you know that you are not responsible for Emmett. Like you told me that night in the bar, he made his own choice to go to Bella's hospital room that day."

He nodded and sighed, looking down at Bella sleeping next to him. "And the women we love are hurting because of his choice."

"Let's focus more on them and less on him," I said as I stowed the phones at the back of the top shelf in Bella's closet. After tossing some clothes on top and then closing the door, I turned to face Edward again. "Did you manage to convince Bella not to feel guilty for Ali?"

He snorted and grinned. "I didn't need to do any convincing. She went straight to cursing out Emmett for this mess and then apologizing to the babies for her bad language. It was so damn hard not to laugh, Jazz. She just looked so damn cute doing it."

I smiled at that, easily able to imagine Bella cursing in one breath and apologizing in the other.

Edward's grin faded and that pensive look he'd had when I first walked in was back. "I worry sometimes Bella won't be able to move past what Emmett did no matter how badly she wants to. She still gets so upset when he comes up in conversation."

"He caused her a lot of pain, Ed. But she'll work past it eventually. She's never been one to give up. Just look at how she kept herself away from you despite how she hated every second of it. So you just try and relax. And keep reminding Bells of all the good in her life and I'll do the same for your sister."

"What do you think my sister's going to do to you when she finds out you hid the phones from her?"

I smiled and rubbed at my jaw while I thought of my Ali and her flare for the dramatic when she was overloaded. "I reckon I'm going to get threatened a whole hell of a lot while she works through her feelings. But in the end, she'll come to see I had her best interest in mind."

"If there's anything I can do to help, let me know."

"Thanks, Ed, but you've got your hands full with Bella and those babies. And if you're a smart man at all, you'll give up on worrying and get yourself some sleep. Gonna be a long day around here tomorrow with Ali in a mood and Bella on bed rest."

Edward grinned and stuck his hand out to me. I took it and gave it a hard shake before saying my goodbyes and leaving the room—and making sure to lock the door before closing it. It wouldn't keep Ali out if she was real determined, but it would at least slow her down enough for me to hopefully catch hold of her. Sometimes that woman was a hell of a lot of work, but she was always worth it in the end.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

We were on the road to Forks; just Edward and me. We had originally planned to leave this afternoon once Jasper was off of work but since Alice had yet to come out of her room, we figured we'd leave early and give her the run of the apartment. I hated that she was so upset but there wasn't anything I could do about it; I might wish it and want it, but there just wasn't.

"Do you think Alice is going to be okay to come tomorrow?" I asked Edward.

He shook his head and at first I thought he was telling me 'no', but then he swallowed the apple slice he'd been eating and explained himself. "That's not anything you should be thinking about or worrying over. Of course Alice is going to be there. For one, it's a celebration for her best friend in the world. For another, she wants to find out if she's having nieces or nephews or a mix."

"She's so upset, though, Edward."

"At Emmett. Not at you, Bella. She _will_ be at the party tomorrow."

I hoped he was right about that and just so I wouldn't worry over it, I asked another question. "So what do you think Ali's gonna do when she figures out we've known what we're having since Wednesday night?"

"Apple slice first," he said, leaning over so I could pop one into his mouth since he was busy driving. He had his wayfarers on and his hair had grown out enough to touch the edges of the frame—he was adorable and it was impossible not to smile at him.

"No way, Cullen. These are mine."

"You said you would share. That's why I got the big bowl."

I stuck my lower lip out at him. "And here I thought you got it because you love me."

"Swan, stop trying to freak me out and feed me instead."

I laughed and then wedged an apple slice between his lips. I waited until he'd finished eating and had some water before asking again. "So Alice?"

"I don't think she's going to put it together at first. I think she's going to be too busy doing her squealing, bouncing can't keep still thing."

"Maybe at first but then she'll remember how I've been on bed rest the past couple days and know the only time I could have found out was in the ER."

"If she does realize, what can she really say? She knew already she wasn't going to find out before anyone else. We only knew a couple days early because of your blood pressure spiking."

"Something we are going to work very hard to prevent from happening again," I said, partly talking to him and partly to myself.

"Yep," he said with a nod. And then he leaned toward me once more. "Feed me."

"Is this supposed to be training for the future? If I can take care of the big baby then the little babies will be no problem at all?"

Edward snorted at me. "I would just prefer to keep both hands on the wheel, that's all."

"Oh, fine. If it's in the name of safety," I said as I gave him another apple slice. I waited until he'd finished eating before asking about something I'd been thinking on more and more after Alice's reaction. "Do you think we should tell your parents and my dad tonight instead of letting them hear tomorrow with everyone else?"

He thought about it for a bit and then gave a slow nod. "Yeah, I think so. I didn't think it would matter at first, but … The more I think about it, the more I'd like them to know ahead of time. It'll give them time to figure out how they feel about it and they can help if anyone gets out of hand tomorrow."

"I thought so … It's just not the easiest thing to talk about."

"You know, if you wanted, I would tell them myself. You wouldn't have to explain it or even hear it."

"I think that's probably best." Under normal circumstances, I never would have left him to do something like that on his own but in this case I honestly felt it would be too stressful for me. The last thing any of us needed was for me to end up in the ER again.

Edward pushed his glasses up onto his head and glanced at me as he took my hand and squeezed it. "They'll understand why we waited, Bella. They always do." He was right—I _knew_ he was right. And still a part of me was worried about it.

"I just don't want them to feel hurt by me not confiding in them on top of feeling hurt by what Emmett did."

"They won't, Angel. Trust me."

"We need music," I announced, needing a way to distract myself before I even got close to getting upset. "Where's your iPod? Never mind. I remember." I lifted the top of the center console and pulled out his iPod and the cable to hook it to the Suburban's stereo.

"Can we listen to some Muse?"

"No we cannot."

"Okay," he said with a laugh. "Why not?"

"Because I want mellow music, E." I looked over at him and said the word slowly, hoping to get him to laugh. "Mel-low."

He did laugh for me and then he made a suggestion. "Plain White T's. It's mellow and you can still sing along if you want."

I gave a fake gasp. "You want moi to sing?"

"I know it's a risky move and all, but my ears can take it."

I stopped his teasing by plopping an apple slice between his lips. "The only singer in this family is you, Cullen."

His lighting-up buildings smile came out and he repeated two of my words around his mouthful of apple. "This family."

"Yep. You, me, and baby one, two, and three. Our new bosses."

Edward snorted at my comment. "I thought no one was the boss of you."

"That was before you went and knocked me up with your super sperm. Now we're both gonna have to answer to three little ones."

"And get paid in cries and dirty diapers."

"Only 'til they learn how to smile and laugh and hug and kiss. Then we'll think it's all worthwhile."

He glanced my way for a second and then reached over the console to wrap his fingers around mine. "It's already worthwhile, Bella."

For the rest of the ride to Forks, we listened to music and made guesses about who Karen might be bringing along. Well, _I_ made guesses. Edward just pouted over not already knowing the answer. We would be finding out soon enough, though. Karen and her mystery guest were arriving tonight and they were going to have dinner with us, Edward's parents, my dad and Sue, Jake, and Seth at the Cullen home. I hoped it would be a fun night for all of us.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

By the time we made it inside my parents' home, Bella was ready for a nap. She felt guilty for being too tired to talk with my parents, but they both assured her they understood and practically ordered her upstairs. I followed her up with our bags and after making sure she had everything she needed, I left her to sleep and headed down to talk to my parents.

"How's she feeling?" my mom asked as I sat down beside her on the sofa.

"She's in good spirits," I answered. "She's scared, of course, but she's not letting that be her main focus or feeling. She just keeps telling herself and me that she's going to be extra careful from here on out."

"And how are you?" my dad questioned from his spot on the other side of my mom.

"I'm dealing," I said. I leaned forward, setting one arm on my knees and running a hand through my hair. "I was pretty damn freaked out when Dr. Bennett told me to bring Bella to the ER. But once we were there and I could see the kind of care Dr. Bennett was taking with Bella and the babies, I was able to relax a little. She really gets Bella and knows just how to speak to her without upsetting her further."

"That's very important for Bella to have," my mom said, running her hand over my back.

I nodded in agreement.

"Son, do you have any idea what had Bella so upset in the first place?" my dad asked.

I sighed and rubbed my hands over my knees, telling myself this conversation was for the best. The last thing I wanted was for either of my parents to be hurt by all of this but I didn't have any say-so in that. They were entitled to whatever feelings they had, just like Bella and me and everyone else who knew so far.

"This is kind of hard to tell you guys," I said, moving to sit on the coffee table so I could face both of my parents. "I found out how Bella became so convinced she could wreck my heart and hurt me." I paused, unsure of how to go on. It hadn't seemed to help Alice much to hear my brother was sorry and in counseling so I wasn't sure if I should try that route again.

My mom grabbed my hand and my attention. "Edward, whatever it is, we'll do our best to understand."

I squeezed her hand gently and smiled for her. "I know you will, Mom. It's just hard because I've already seen our family hurt enough. I can't do anything about it, though, so I'm just going to have to hope this is the last of the pain."

My father sat forward a little and took my mother's free hand into his. "We can handle anything as a family, Edward. Just keep that in mind."

I nodded and then I told them about Emmett, starting with what I'd heard about his behavior beforehand, then going through everything he'd told Bella, and ending with the news he was in counseling both for himself and with Rosalie. My mother had started crying after hearing about the poison comment and had yet to stop. My father was absolutely pissed; I'd only seen the look on him a couple of times in my entire life but it was a look you didn't forget. His blue eyes were so dark they looked more gray, his forehead was pinched with lines, and his face was red.

"Why is this the first we're hearing about this?" he asked.

"Because Bella wasn't strong enough to deal with everyone's reactions. Things were so stressed between her and I, and she was so mixed up. And then she found out about the babies … It was just too much for her. On top of that, Dr. Bennett had warned me in my very first conversation with her that stress was a major concern with Bella. Any spikes in her blood pressure could lead to a host of issues, including miscarriage of one or all of the babies. So when Bella said she couldn't deal with everyone knowing, I listened to her. I was sure at some point she would change her mind, but until she did …" I just gave a shrug as my final word on the matter.

"We understand," my mother said, patting my hand with one hand and using her other to clear away her tears with a tissue.

"Really, Esme? What exactly is it that we understand? Because I certainly don't understand what the hell Emmett was thinking this time."

My mom pursed her lips as she looked over at my father. "I meant we understand why Bella was reluctant to tell us. And we understand Edward's need to follow her lead. I'm as lost about Emmett as you are."

"Look, I don't want to sound like I'm taking up for him because I'm really not. I'm still pretty pissed with him to tell you the truth. However, I do believe he was honestly out of his head when he went after Bella. With my surgery and seeing the twisted metal lump my car had become, I think he snapped. I don't believe that excuses him at all because he _chose_ to go to Bella's room. He could have gone anywhere else until he'd calmed down, but he didn't. I'm just saying there were extenuating circumstances."

"What does Bella say about all of this?" my mom questioned.

"She wants to forgive him and put this past us. She's just not able to yet. We talk about him from time to time in counseling, working toward Bella not getting upset when he's mentioned, but she's not there yet. And because she's not there, neither am I. Every time I have to sit there and watch her cry, I get pissed at him all over again. More so after the other night. The reason Bella got so upset was because Emmett called and asked us if he could confess to everyone after the party tomorrow. He says it's part of his counseling. Bella started worrying about how everyone will react. She was especially worried about Alice having a hot-headed reaction so she wanted to tell her beforehand and give her time to adjust to the news. The stress she was feeling about it all caused Bella's blood pressure to spike."

My dad sighed and I watched as his hands plunged through his hair. "And here I thought we'd seen the worst of all this already." He lifted his head and looked at me, his eyes still dark and brooding. "What am I supposed to say to Emmett tomorrow? I've never had a day in my life as a parent when I had absolutely nothing to say to one of my children."

My mom put her hand on my dad's knee. "You'll tell him the only thing a parent can say in a situation like this …You love him but you're disappointed in him and hurt by him. It will take you some time to work past those feelings. You hope he can make amends and learn from his mistakes."

"Esme, this isn't a football thrown through the dining room window. Or sneaking out of his room at one in the morning to hang out with his friends. Emmett went into Bella's room with the intention of blaming her and sending her away."

"Dad, he really doesn't remember—" One look at his face had me shutting up and pressing my lips together.

"Edward, I know it's in your nature to take up for him, but this time, you need to let him face this all on his own."

"Trust me, Dad, I'm not taking up for him. And you and Mom are both very much entitled to feel angry or hurt or whatever with him. Just don't let this put a visible wedge between you and Emmett. It's the main thing Bella's scared of, that everyone knowing will rip the family apart."

"Don't be silly, Edward," my mom interjected. "Of course we won't cut your brother out of the family. We're not pleased with him at all, but we still love him. We just … we'll need some time to digest this is all."

"Your mother needs time to digest. I just need an hour alone with your brother to find out what in the hell he was thinking," my dad snapped.

"Won't do you any good." I had a smile on my face as I looked at my dad, amazed at how much he sounded like Jasper. The two men who always seemed to be urging me to talk things out were now the ones wanting to act on anger. "If Emmett's counselor hasn't been able to jog his memory, I doubt a few slaps to the back of the head by you will help."

My dad rolled his eyes at me. "I'm not going to slap your brother, Edward. You know better than that. Twenty-three years and I've never raised a hand to any of you kids. I'm not going to start now."

"Good," I said as I stood and stretched my legs out. I smiled as I locked eyes with my father. "By the way, you're helping me tell Charlie later tonight."

My mom covered her mouth with her hand but that didn't stop her giggles over the way my dad's jaw had dropped. I'd never gotten that kind of reaction out of him before and I could see why Bella enjoyed it so much—it felt good to make other people laugh. It felt especially good after just having upset both of my parents, even if I technically hadn't been the one to cause the upset.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

For once, I woke before Bella. She looked adorable buried under the blanket with only her head peeking out of the top and a few toes near the bottom edge. After admiring her for a few minutes I decided to let her sleep in, knowing today was going to be a long day for her. I quietly got of bed, tossed on a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt, and headed downstairs in hopes of finding coffee.

"Morning," Jasper greeted as I walked in.

I stood there for a minute, trying to get my tired mind to let me in on why I felt apprehensive at seeing him standing there. And then it hit me—it was entirely too early in the day for my sister to be here. She didn't get up before the sun and yet that was the only way Jasper could be standing in my parents' kitchen with a cup of coffee in his hands.

"Wasn't expecting you guys so early. What's up with that?" I asked as I headed for the coffee pot.

"Your mom called to check in on Ali last night and your sister went to tears on the phone. Esme tried to calm her down, but once she heard your parents knew she just got that much more upset. Ended up begging me to drive us out here last night. I managed to convince her to get a few hours sleep first, but we've been here since about four this morning."

"Sorry to hear that."

Jasper just shrugged. No matter how much we wished things were different, it didn't change them.

Once I had my own cup of coffee, I turned around to face him. "How is she?"

His eyes narrowed as he stared into his cup. "She's still on edge. She believes us but she still needs to hear Em say it. She thinks that's somehow going to make her be able to accept all this, but she's wrong. It's just going to break the cap off everything she's trying to contain."

I heard footsteps and female voices, and I figured it was Karen and Alisa. The last thing I wanted to deal with this morning was Karen overhearing Jasper and me. "Jazz, you mind stepping out back with me?"

He must have heard the voices too because he headed for the door without a word. "How was dinner last night?" he asked as I closed the backdoor behind us.

I snorted and shook my head. "Karen shocked the hell out of me. She brought a friend along, which is a first on its own. Then she introduces me to this Alisa girl and proudly states she's her girlfriend."

"No shit?" His loud tone and wide eyes made me smile; at least I wasn't the only one shocked. Bella had been ecstatic, giving them both huge hugs while my parents had congratulated them. I had just stood there, looking between them and trying to wrap my head around it. Karen hadn't spent as much time around my parents as Bella so there wasn't that close connection between my parents and her, but they still cared for her and wished her happiness.

"So how did that happen?" Jasper asked.

"Karen says that my surgery made her think about how she was living, how she was putting things off and using the excuse she couldn't do anything until she told her family she was gay," I explained. "Only she had never planned on telling her family. Seeing how I'd nearly died without getting the life I wanted with Bella shook Karen up, made her see she didn't want her life to end without her ever having been in love with someone. She started dating and after a few really awful first dates, a co-worker set Karen up with Alisa and they've been dating steadily for about five weeks now."

"Well it's about damn time some good comes from the mess you made." Jasper's smile let me know he was at least partly teasing.

So I decided to tease right back. "I thought the good was me no longer caring you're sleeping with my sister."

He snorted. "You still care. You just try really damn hard to act like you don't." His grin faded and the conversation turned serious. "How'd your parents take the news about Em?"

I drank some of my coffee, using the time to get my thoughts in order. "Mom cried. But then she jumped right into focusing on how Bella feels about this stuff so I don't really know what she's going to do when she sees Emmett. Dad, though … Dad is pissed. He actually said he has nothing to say to Em."

"Jeebus. That's not good, Ed."

"I know. Mom told him he would say he's disappointed in Em and glad he's getting help and all that normal loving parent stuff, but I don't know. I don't know if my dad is going to be able to stand in Em's corner this time. I know at least part of him wants to be encouraging so Em's counseling works, but I think that's the doctor in him and not the parent."

"Gotta be hard for them. The way they love Bella makes it like one of their children hurt their other child, and not just their child hurt a friend."

"They're also thinking of Rosalie too. And Charlie."

"Does he know yet?"

I nodded and grimaced, remembering the way Charlie's face had gone purple at the news. "My dad helped me tell him last night. We figured if anyone was going to end up going to blows with Em over this mess, it would be either Charlie or Jake. After seeing how Jake responds to Charlie, I figured telling Charlie and letting him tell Jake was best."

We had ended up at the far end of the yard and Jasper sat down on the little rock wall my mom had made years and years ago. "You're forgetting, Bree. I know you haven't seen that side of him, but I have."

I figured he'd sat down because he knew this would be a long conversation so I sat beside him. "What do you mean?" I asked him.

"Couple years back, Bella was dating this guy from one of her classes. She had just gotten to where she felt he was okay enough to introduce to her friends so Ali and Bree and me, we met her and this guy at a random burger place near the school. She didn't like bringing dates to her favorite places so she always found somewhere else to go with them.

"Anyway, we get there and things are going fine at first. We had a nice enough meal together and then we all decided to walk around campus some. So Bella and Bree start getting goofy after a bit, like they always do. They were making fun of Em for some damn reason, I don't even remember what now. I just remember Bella made a comment about Em's junk. This guy freaks out and grabs her arm, yanks her away from Bree so hard she stumbles and her heel breaks, which turns her ankle. While Ali and me went for Bella, Bree went for the guy. And he beat the ever lovin' shit out of the bastard too. I'm talking black eye, busted lip, scratched up cheek, _and_ a knee to the balls. Bree might have female traits but when it comes to ass kickin', he is all man."

I had been listening to Jasper's story so intently that I hadn't noticed anyone come outside or approach us. Not until Emmett spoke. "Ass kickin' and all man, huh? You two must be talking about me."

I had never realized it before, but Jasper was a pretty muscular guy; then again, I'd never seen him squeeze a coffee cup to keep from choking a guy before. As much as I would have loved to see my brother get his ass beat, I knew I had to be the voice of reason for Bella's sake.

I stood and stuck my hand out to my brother. "Have a nice flight, Emmett?"

He grinned while shaking my hand much harder than was necessary. "Sure did, Scrawny. Still need a shave I see."

I ignored his comment and sat back down. "Rosalie inside?"

"Yep. Her and Bree and that Lance guy are talking with your friend Karen and whoever that other chick is."

"That would be Karen's girlfriend Alisa."

Em's grin widened into a sleazy smile. "'Bout time she gets herself some. Work that stick out of her ass."

"You only say that because Karen never liked you. She always considered you an egotistical ass."

He shrugged. "Her loss."

"Emmett, all the damn space in this yard and that house, can't you find somewhere else to be?" Jasper asked. He was still squeezing his cup but it didn't seem to be helping because his face was getting red in a few spots.

"What crawled up your ass, Jazzy? You not happy to have me home from Boston?" Emmett asked.

It was suddenly that eerie kind of quiet outside, the kind before a huge storm as Jasper set his cup down on the wall and stood. He was an inch shorter than Emmett and probably a good eighty pounds lighter but I would have bet every damn dime I had on Jasper at that moment. Something about the fierce look on his face left me feeling he wouldn't stop fighting until he won.

"I know what you did." It was all Jasper said. He'd even said it softly, almost calmly except for the slight tremor in his voice from trying to hold in his anger.

Emmett must have heard the same thing I did because he took a step back. For anyone who didn't know my brother, it wouldn't have seemed like a big deal. But I knew him and I knew that was the first time in his entire life that he'd stepped back from someone.

"Jasper, I didn't mean—"

Jasper cut him off just by raising his head higher. "You didn't mean? I know you aren't about to stand here in front of me and give me a fucking speech about what you did or didn't mean, Emmett Cullen. I know even your stupid fucking ass can see the mistake that would be. 'Cause we both know what you meant doesn't do a fucking thing to help Bella. Do you think it made Ali cry any less?"

Emmett cut his eyes over to me. "You told her?"

I nodded. "Bella felt it was the right thing to do."

"Well did you tell her I'm in counseling to fix it? Or did you just paint me as an asshole?"

By the time I figured out the animalistic growl had come from Jasper, he was locked in a shoving match with Emmett. They looked like two rams that had locked horns, fighting over the right to be the toughest animal on the mountain side. Emmett managed to push Jasper off but it came at the expense of his shirt; it ripped from the neckline to right above the middle of his chest.

"What the fuck is your problem, Jazz?" Emmett snarled. "It's not like I did anything to you."

Those were not the words to say to a man who had held both Bella and Alice while they cried from the pain Emmett had caused. Jasper's fist connected with my brother's jaw and now both men were swinging. Jasper shoved Emmett's fist away with one arm and powered his own fist into my brother's eye with the other. Emmett stumbled back, shocked as much from the hit as the one who had done the hitting. Jasper went right after him, giving him a quick left in the ribs that I _heard_ connect. From the howl my brother let out, one of his ribs was going to be sore for a long time, maybe even broken.

I'd rarely ever heard Jasper curse but as he continued raining punches on Em, he couldn't seem to help himself. "Asshole. Stupid fucking sorry ass excuse for a man. Pissed off and angry as fuck and you go after Bella. Useless fucking coward."

Jasper stopped and slammed his fists against his own chest. "Why not fucking come after me, Em? I'd have fought your fucking pansy ass. I'd have given you the beating you fucking deserved for being so shitty to Edward he felt the need to hide his health. I'd have knocked sense into your stupid ass, kept you from snapping at people. Instead you went after Bella. You fucking pansy ass coward."

Emmett was breathing hard and bleeding from the corner of his right eye. "Fuck you, Jasper! You don't know what it was like."

Somehow, Jasper's already red face turned a shade darker. "You piece of shit. You think you're the only one to face the death of a loved one. 'Cause I didn't lose my mom to cancer and Bells didn't lose Aaron to a heart condition. And of course Bells wasn't freaking out and scared Edward might die, not like big bad Emmett. We don't fucking know anything about pain and death. Just you. So we should all shut the fuck up and take whatever you dish out, right? We should ignore our pain and anger and hurt and feel sorry for you instead. Help you fucking feel better, right?"

"I didn't say that," Emmett snapped, wiping the blood from the side of his face with the back of his hand.

"No," Jasper said, giving the creepiest laugh I'd ever heard in my life. "No, you didn't say that, Em. You said Bella was poison. You said she took and never gave back. You made her believe she would kill Edward if she was near him and get the shit kicked out of her by you. You made her believe she had killed Aaron earlier than his heart would have. And you fucking put her in the hospital this week with your 'I need to come clean' bullshit. But that's okay. 'Cause you didn't mean it."

"Wait, what!" Emmett yelled. "The hospital? Why? Is she okay? What about the babies?" He turned his head toward me. "Tell me she's okay, Ed. Tell me the babies are okay. Because if anything's happened to them, Rosalie's going to—"

My brother didn't get to finish because Jasper had slammed his fist right into my brother's lips, breaking the bottom one open. "I can't fucking believe you," Jasper roared. "Still fucking thinking about yourself. Rosalie's going to what? Leave your ass like you deserve? Who gives a fuck what happens to Bella and Edward and their _children_. Not just imaginary babies growing in her stomach. Living, breathing, little humans some of us already love who could die from the stress you're causing. What about them, Emmett?"

My hands itched and tingled as I flexed them at my sides, wishing I could be the one to knock the hell out of my brother while keeping in mind exactly why I couldn't—Bella. "I keep trying, Emmett. I keep trying to tell myself you get how wrong you were. You get the damage you caused. And then you go and say something stupid."

"Why?" he panted, his eyes flickering between Jasper and me. "Because I care if Rosalie leaves me? Did you already forget what it was like to have Bella leave you?"

My fist connected with Jasper's palm and made a meaty slapping sound. He had moved to stand between Emmett and me and his hand was the only thing that had saved my brother's face from another bruise.

"Bella." It was the only word Jasper said to me but it was enough to clear the red from my vision and stop me from taking another swing despite how badly I wanted to hit my brother. I forced myself to think only of her and take a few deep breaths before backing up and meeting my brother's gaze.

Emmett actually looked shocked. Then again, I'd never been the aggressor between us so I guess it had shocked him. Only I didn't want him to be shocked. I wanted him to understand. "I know you love Rosalie and it will hurt you if she leaves, Emmett. But what's it going to do to Bella if she loses one of our babies? Or all of them? What's it going to do to me? Do you ever think about that?"

"Don't you think you're being a little dramatic?" he asked.

"You're so fucking thick-headed," I yelled at him. "You don't get that the damage isn't repaired. You don't understand how upset Bella gets at the mention of you. At a _picture_ of you. You are a danger to the health and safety of _my_ family, Emmett. And you don't get it! You don't have any clue! You're my brother. You're supposed to be at my side through this, helping me through it all. Instead I have to worry that you're going be the reason I lose Bella and my babies."

Jasper swiped his hand—the one he'd punched Em in the mouth with—across his shirt, wiping the blood from his knuckles onto the white fabric. "I'm more than happy to beat the knowledge into him if you think it'll help, Ed."

"So that's it?" Emmett asked, dabbing the ripped part of his shirt against his busted lip. "You and me are done? Toss away years of friendship because I made a mistake? Edward makes a mistake and you two become best buddies. I make one and you attack me?"

Jasper snorted. "I gave you the ass whipping you know you deserve. And don't act for a second like this is your first and only mistake in life because we both know it ain't. You've been begging for a beating for years but all your other shit was so petty it wasn't worth the effort. This mistake you made, you tore up Bella's heart and you made my Ali hurt so deep inside I can barely help her. I'm not even taking into account what this is doing to Edward, Rosalie, and the rest of this family. So yeah, I gave you the ass whipping you deserve. As for our friendship, you keep up your counseling and you keep your fucking shit straight, and I'll eventually forgive your stupid ass."

Emmett relaxed his shoulders and pretty much let himself fall onto his ass on the ground. "I didn't mean to make it sound like I was only worried about me. I really am worried about Bella and the babies."

Jasper and I exchanged a look, both of us questioning Emmett's quick acceptance of his beating. My brother was not known for backing down from a fight. Jasper shrugged and I figured if this was some kind of fake attempt by Em, it wouldn't matter because this time I'd help Jasper kick my brother's stupid ass.

We sat down across from Em, leaving a good bit of distance between him and us. "So how's Bella?" he asked.

"She and the babies are okay for now. She's on bed rest," I told him. "She's got an appointment with Dr. Bennett Monday and if her blood pressure is outside the normal range, she'll be put on medication. Dr. Bennett wants to be proactive and not reactive."

"Was it really my fault?" he asked.

"Course it was," Jasper said with a snort. "You call up and ask Bella if you can confess to help you heal. What the hell did you think would happen?"

"That she would tell me 'no' if she didn't want it," Emmett replied.

Again, Jasper snorted at him. "Right. 'Cause Bella's not known for putting her shit aside to help her family."

"Yeah, but she's not going to think of me like that after what I did."

Now it was my turn to snort. "Emmett, are you really that damn thick?" I asked.

"What?" he cried. "She wouldn't."

"Fucking moron," Jasper grumbled under his breath.

"Let me put this into small words for you," I told him. "You. Are. An. Asshole."

"Yeah, I get that you feel that way," Emmett snapped.

"Despite you being an asshole, Bella loves you. Bella wants the family whole and happy. Bella has trouble doing what's best for her over what's best for the majority," I explained. "She wants to give everyone what they need. You need to confess and Ali needed to hear it from Bella first. So she said 'yes' but then she started worrying for everyone and it stressed her out so bad her blood pressure shot up."

"She's okay now, though?" Emmett asked.

"Yeah, she's okay," I agreed. "She's paying really close attention to her body and she's being careful not to let things upset her. So do me a favor and keep your distance. She wants you at the party, but not right in her face."

He sighed and plucked a handful of grass out of the ground. "I don't know if I should go. From the way my face is hurting, I'm figuring I'm not going to look all that great."

"Man up, Emmett, you big pansy," Jasper said, grinning at him. "So you'll be swollen and purple for awhile. Deal with it."

It seemed like it should have been crazy, but it just felt natural to me—my brother was smiling back. "Can't believe you kicked my ass, Jazz. Where the hell did you learn to throw punches like that?"

"All Texans are taught to box from birth."

Emmett shook his head and let the crushed pieces of grass fall from his hand. "The South's a violent ass little place."

"Figures a pansy like you would feel that way." Jasper got up on his feet and held his hand out to my brother. "Let's get inside so you can clean yourself up and change your shirt before your mother sees you."

Emmett took his hand and after Jasper had hauled him up, the two of them hugged. "You know I had to beat your ass for this, right?" Jasper asked.

"Yeah," Em agreed with a nod. "It probably should have been Edward, though," he said, looking over at me.

"As much as I would have enjoyed that, Bella would have freaked," I told him as we started for the house.

"Just as well. You probably wouldn't have been able to even me bruise me, little brother," Emmett joked, grinning at me.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Jasper said. "You piss a man off enough and he can do just about anything. Especially when you hurt his family."

Emmett stopped at the steps and turned to face us. "Just so we're all clear, I am sorry for what I did to Bella and I know this is going to hurt everybody. I've talked about this a lot with my counselor and I really think if we get it out now, it's better than if we wait and hide it and have it just explode out someday."

"Before you make your confession, I'm going to say a few words on your behalf," I told him. "Let everyone know Bella and I plan to forgive you and we believe you really are taking your counseling seriously."

Emmett just stood there staring at me.

I shook my head at him, wondering why it shocked me that he still didn't really get me. "What did you think I would do? Sit back and watch them all grab their torches and pitchforks to flay your ogre ass? Maybe let Charlie shoot you?"

He shrugged and made an admission that annoyed the hell out of me. "I would have."

"Asshole," Jasper muttered under his breath.

"Are you _trying_ to find out if Jasper will stop me again if I take a swing at you?" I asked my brother. "Because I _will_ shove my fist into your face if you keep this shit up. The only reason I haven't touched you yet is because it would freak Bella out. But don't for a second think I haven't imagined what it would feel like to physically pay you back for the emotional hurt you've caused."

He lifted his hands in a gesture of surrender. "Didn't mean to offend you, Bro."

"Maybe until you know what you mean, you should stop talking," I suggested.

He put his hand on my shoulder, looking me right in the eyes. "I'm not kidding right now. You're a better man than me, Edward. I always knew that about you. Probably part of why I gave you so much shit. I just want you to know that I respect your ability to put Bella first."

Jasper was the first to respond. "First sensible thing you've said since you got here. Now get the hell out of my way, Em. My cup's empty and you're blocking the path to caffeine."

Just like that, it was over. Emmett went to deal with his bloody face and shirt. Jasper refilled his coffee cup and slipped into the conversation going on between Bree, Lance, Rosalie, Karen, and Alisa. And I went up to my room. I sat in the chair by the window and watched the most beautiful woman in my world sleep with her arms around my pillow and a soft smile on her face. She'd probably feel a little bad at seeing the marks on my brother's face but I also felt she'd be a little glad too. I knew I did.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

"Bree!" I cried, turning as red as the lacy gift he'd given me. "Really, dude?"

He blew me a kiss. "Love you, Peaches. Even if the gift is technically more for Sexward. That's top of the line maternity lingerie there so you kids enjoy."

"Bree, parents," I warned, nodding my head toward my dad.

Bree waved his hand in dismissal. "They know you, they know me, they expect it. Now look under the tissue for your other gift."

I did what he said and gasped at the item hiding in the bottom of the box. "Bree!" This time, I was literally crying.

"Oh, Jeebus. I've turned on the faucet. How do you make it stop? Edward, hit the off switch."

Everyone laughed, including me, though I didn't stop crying right away. It just meant way too much to me. _He_ meant too much to me. He'd had baby bibs made that said "Mommy's Little Miracle" and they were labeled "A", "B", and "C" like on my sonogram pictures.

"Lance and I would have gotten pink and blue bibs if we'd known what you're having."

"I love them, Bree. Thank you so much." I waddled over to him and sat on his lap, giving him the tightest hug I could muster. "I love you."

"I love you too, Bells," he said, sounding just as choked up as me.

I leaned back to look at him and we both started laughing at how stupid we looked with tears all over our faces. After we cleaned each other up and hugged once more, I went back to my spot next to Edward. He wrapped both arms around me and quietly asked if I was okay. He'd asked me that a lot today and so far I'd been able to answer that I was fine each time.

"Since that was the last of the presents, can we tell them now?" I asked him. Even though we'd just wanted everyone to come and spend the day with us, they'd all decided to bring presents. Thankfully, they were all small ones and useful, like bottles and pacifiers and diapers.

"Yeah, I think we've kept it secret long enough," he told me.

"Kept what a secret?" Alice questioned, leaning over the back of the sofa and directly into my face.

I laughed and flicked her in the forehead. "The fact that you are an annoying little pixie when you wanna be one."

"_I_ think the secret is the sex of my grandbabies," Esme announced.

"Bells, do you know?" my dad asked, leaning forward in his chair and looking so eager that Jake and I busted out into loud laughter.

"Priceless," Jake said through his laughs.

"Charlie, I've never seen you excited like this," Sue mentioned, smiling down at him from her perch on the arm of his chair.

My dad cleared his throat and sat up straighter, glancing around the room nervously. "Well my little girl's never been pregnant before so … Look, can we just found out the sexes or not?"

"Your dad flustered is awesome," Edward whispered into my ear.

"I'll tell him you said that," I teased, looking over my shoulder to see the look of fear I knew would be on his face. I laughed over being right and softly patted his cheek. "You're safe, Babe. I won't tell on you."

He kissed my palm and then my lips. "Good. Now tell our family about our babies."

My smile was so wide that my cheeks hurt. "So I'm eighteen weeks now and the babies were all very cooperative for the ultrasound. Edward and I are very proud to announce that we are having …" I paused for dramatic effect, something Alice and Bree did not appreciate judging by their simultaneous cry of "Bella".

"What? I was just gonna say we're having three little miniature humans," I teased, drawing out the suspense just because I could.

"Bells, don't make me slap your pregnant ass," Rosalie threatened, smiling way too much to mean it.

I blew her a kiss and then I pulled in a deep breath, hoping everyone would be as excited as Edward and I were. "We're having twin boys and a little girl."

The house became a flurry of movement and noise. There was jumping, squealing, hugging, and even some dancing. Edward and I just sat back and took it all in while he rhythmically rubbed his hands over my stomach, keeping the babies calm so they wouldn't join in the excitement and start kicking like they had last night during dinner. We hadn't told anyone we could feel them just yet, both of us wanting to keep the experience between us a little longer.

"I knew one of the babies would be a girl," Alice said matter-of-factly. She was kneeling on the sofa and leaning in like she wanted to kiss me.

"Is there a reason you're all up in my face, Ali girl?" I asked her.

"I just wanted to make sure you see how happy I am that I'm gonna be an aunt." She widened her smile and made her eyes flutter. "Alice is happiness. And a really great name, by the way."

I laughed and flicked her in the forehead for the second time this afternoon. "Nice try, Oompa-loompa. But I'm still not naming my little girl after you."

She was undeterred and attempted to use her infamous pout on me. "Please, Bella?"

"No," I said, narrowing my eyes to show her I was serious. "I love you, but no."

"Ali, that's enough," Edward told her. "We're not naming our baby girl after you. And we also aren't ready to discuss names. But when we get ready, we'll let you know and you can offer up some names that are not yours."

"Such a spoil sport," she said, shaking her head at her brother. And then she looked at me, smiling once again. "I love you."

"I love you too, Auntie Ali. Now go bug someone else."

She kissed my cheek and then did just that, bouncing over to where her parents were talking with my dad and Sue. Jake took the opportunity to occupy the space Alice had just vacated.

"What?" I asked after he'd been sitting there smiling without speaking for a few seconds.

"Go on. Say it."

I rolled my eyes at him even as I smiled ridiculously big. "What's up, Uncle Jake?"

He shrugged like it was nothing but his smile said otherwise—he was about to annoy me. "Nothing. Just wondering if you're going to pout and stomp your feet when Edward and Charlie and me take your boys out in the woods after Thanksgiving dinner."

I slapped him hard in the chest, hurting myself more than him but he was nice enough to fake an "oomph" for me. "Jerk."

"You should be nicer to the uncle of your babies, Bells." Jake's smile faltered and I could tell from the set of his eyebrows some big thought had just hit him. "Hey, what's Bree gonna be?"

"Aunt Bree," I answered proudly and firmly.

Jake nodded, his smile returning. "Sounds right."

"Jake, you mind if I have a minute?" Jasper asked him.

Jake hauled himself off the sofa and then ruffled my hair. "Love you and all that mess."

"You too, you jerk," I said, smiling as I pushed him away. And then I turned my attention to Jasper. "Thank you."

"For what, Darlin'?"

I just stared at him. We both knew I was talking about Emmett so there was no need to say it out loud just to have someone hear it and question it.

Jasper rubbed his hand with the bruised knuckles over his jaw a few times and then smiled at me. "Welcome. Though I gotta admit, I wasn't sure how you'd feel about it."

"Deserved works best."

Jasper laughed. "Yeah, I guess it does." He patted my leg softly. "So how are you feelin', Momma Bella?"

I rolled my eyes at the nickname. "I'm gonna wring Rosalie's neck for passing that damn name around."

Edward snorted behind me. "No you won't. You like it too much."

"Before you go off on one of your patented rants about it, are you gonna tell me how you're feelin'?" Jasper asked.

It was my turn to snort. "I feel okay. I'm happy to see everybody so excited about the babies."

Jasper's grin turned wicked. "Yeah, they're too excited to realize you've known since Wednesday night, practically a whole three days."

"_You_ noticed, though," I said, grinning right back.

"Yep. But I'm brilliant like that. These babies are gonna be damn lucky to have me as an uncle, setting 'em straight on all the goofy ideas the other uncles come up with."

I pulled away from Edward and leaned forward as much as I could, getting my arms around Jasper. "Luckiest kids in the world, Jazz."

"Only 'cause they've got you as their momma, Bells. Don't you ever let anyone say different."

"Alright, alright," Esme called out, getting everyone's attention and saving me from the fit of crying I was close to starting. "Let's take this party into the dining room so our future mother and father can get something to eat.

Esme had the dining room laid out with a feast of finger sandwiches, fruits, cheeses, meatballs, and all those other party favorites Edward and I loved. There was plenty of laughter and baby talk, mostly about who would and wouldn't change stinky diapers. There were also more than a few stories from Esme and Carlisle about their own twins as babies that kept our family laughing. I hated thinking their happiness was on borrowed time so I tried my hardest not to.

When dinner and dessert were over and everyone had moved back to the living room, I knew it was time for me to go upstairs. Since Jake already knew and didn't want to stick around to hear it again, he was going to come up and keep me company.

"You sure you're okay with this?" I asked Edward for probably the tenth time in the last few minutes.

"Bella, stop please. I am so proud of you for wanting to make sure we don't take chances with your health or the babies. Now please stop worrying. Just go upstairs and have a great time with your brother."

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you too." Edward kissed me softly on the lips and then handed me off to Jake. They exchanged one of those manly nods that basically meant "take care of her" and "damn straight". I would have laughed if I had been in the mood. Instead, I just headed upstairs with Jake and kept my mind on the game of scrabble he had demanded we play.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

"Can we talk?" Bree asked.

I nodded and got up from the chair, following him out onto the front porch. He didn't speak right away and that left me to think about what everyone else was doing—questioning Emmett about the things he'd said to Bella. I'd stood up for him like I'd said I would, telling everyone how Bella and I felt about it and about him. It hadn't done him much good. The room practically crackled with the anger hanging in the air.

I had learned something new, though. Well, two things actually. One was that until recently, Emmett had thought _I_ had been driving the car. Again, that didn't really change the fact that he had made the choice to go to Bella's room, but it did explain his blind rage a little. The driver's side had been pretty damn mangled by the SUV that had slammed into it. They'd had to pull Bella out from my side after they'd gotten me out. If the frame hadn't held … there was a real chance Bella wouldn't have survived the accident. Somehow, Emmett had gotten the idea I had been on that side of the car and he'd never mentioned it for anyone to correct him until a few days ago when he'd been talking about the wreck during his counseling with Rosalie.

The second thing I'd learned was that while Karen was still my friend, she didn't need me like before. She had Alisa now. And I felt really good about that. Really happy for my friend. Like Jasper had said, at least some good came from my mistakes. Karen had been too disgusted to stay in the room and she'd stormed off toward the kitchen. Before I even got to my feet, Alisa was chasing after her. I knew she would make sure my friend was alright.

Bree cleared his throat and I looked up to see him sitting on the railing. "You probably know this already, but I need to tell you. I need to make sure you know for Bella's sake."

I sat down beside him. "Go ahead."

He turned his face up to mine and I saw the same anger and pain I'd seen time and again in the faces of my family members. "She loves you deeper than anyone else in her life, Edward."

"I feel the same way about her, Bree."

"Then why? Why did you lie to her? Hide from her? Why did you make that hole for Emmett to slide through and screw her head up? I don't want you to misunderstand because I blame him and only him for his actions. I just also think they wouldn't have worked if she'd known the truth. Did you not understand that under all her bluster and language, she's fragile?"

"No," I admitted. "I didn't know that about her. I'd always seen her as such a strong person. Honestly, I envied her strength. I wished again and again that I had it, so I could tell her. The only time I'd ever seen her fragile was over Aaron and after seeing that … I just couldn't imagine her staying with me when I couldn't honestly promise I wouldn't meet the same fate as him. I didn't have faith in myself or my doctor."

"All the years I've known Bella ..." he said, shaking his head, "… she's never lied to me. She's been embarrassed to tell me the truth a few times but she's never lied. Not until now."

"She thought if she admitted what she believed to be the truth—"

"We would side with your asshole brother. Yeah, I know how Bella's mind works. One for all and all for one."

I put my hand on his back, hoping it would somehow help him. "Sorry, Bree."

"For what? For the fact that I found out tonight my best friend was hurting worse than I ever imagined? Or the fact that I stupidly thought Emmett was a good guy, despite his asshole tendencies? Or maybe that I took off to San Diego to live a fairytale while Bella was here stuck alone in a nightmare?"

He wiped at his wet eyes and quickly carried on. "I knew something was really wrong with her. I knew it that day behind the coffeehouse but I was so shocked and happy Lance had come back for me. I told her I would stay if she wanted but I knew she'd never say it. If I hadn't been so selfish, if I would have stayed, then I could have gotten it out of her. She wouldn't have believed she was poison for so long."

"Hey, you can't do that," I told him. "You can't blame yourself like this. You and I both know Bella would be furious if she heard you talking right now. She is so happy for you, Bree. She wants you to be in San Diego with Lance, happy and in love. And I seriously doubt you would have cracked her. Jasper was with her every day and couldn't do it. She was just too afraid."

Bree nodded but didn't really seem convinced to me. "So who prettied up the asshole's face?" he asked.

I snorted at that; I was so used to Bree mooning over my brother that it was odd to hear him talk about him in a bad light. "That was Jasper."

"Why didn't _you_ do it? You're Bella's boyfriend or baby daddy or whatever the hell title she's using for you."

"Believe me, Bree, I wanted to. I even came close to it today a couple times. But in the end, I didn't do it because it would have upset Bella. She can't stand the thought of me fighting with him, even after everything he did."

"That woman's heart is too damn big sometimes."

I shook my head and grimaced. "I can't agree with that but only because if it wasn't, she wouldn't have given me another chance."

Bree made a clucking noise. "She'd have still given you the chance. You're too much a part of her. You changed too much about her."

"She changed me too, Bree. All I want is to give her a life she's happy with and raise our babies with her."

"I'm not hearing any talk of marriage here, Edward. You can't go knocking up my best friend and think you can leave her finger bare."

I laughed at that. "You're assuming I haven't tried already."

Bree's head shot up, his eyes and mouth both wide open. "Fucking hell, Sexward! Don't hold out on me. When and where and what did she say?"

"She said 'no' obviously. And it was while we were in New Orleans." I didn't give him the exact details; not because I didn't feel close enough to him to share them but because I didn't want to share them. It was a special moment between Bella and me and I wanted to keep it that way.

"So when are you going to ask again? You have to ask again. You are going to ask again, right?"

"Yeah, Bree," I said, laughing again. "I'll ask her as soon as it seems like she might agree."

"Well hell, man. The babies will probably be potty-trained by then."

"Then I'll just have to go with that old saying 'better late than never'."

Bree nodded and then his expression grew serious once again. "You ever hurt her again or lie to her again, and it won't matter how mad she'll be with me. I'll kick your ass, Edward."

I stood up and offered him my hand. "I'll take it like a man who deserves it."

Bree smiled as he shook hands with me. "What exactly does that look like?"

"I only know it doesn't look like my brother."

Bree's expression grew serious again. "This blood pressure thing with her … It's really serious, huh?"

"It can be. But her doctor seems pretty confident that if we're careful to keep life as stress-free as possible, then everyone should be happy and healthy at the end of this pregnancy."

He sighed and leaned back against the railing, shaking his head a little. "I want so bad to go upstairs and talk to her about this, but I'm not going to risk her or those babies for anything. She has a shot at having her every dream come true and I'm not going to let any damn person risk that."

"I'm sure you already know this, but just in case … You and Jacob are her brothers in her heart and soul. She loves you and she dotes on you. Most especially, she considers you one of her closest friends."

"Well I am all the wonderment you see here," he said with a big smile.

I didn't even bother with trying not to laugh. "You can be a little intimidating at time but I always can see how much you love Bella. I hope that in time you will be able to trust me with her and that you and I can be friends."

He giggled at me. "Jeebus, Bells is so right about you."

I just stood there, having no idea what he meant.

"It really is impossible to stay mad at you when you're sincere."

I laughed at that and then decided to show Bree just how serious I was; I gave him a hug. "I'm glad you're part of our family, Bree. If there's ever anything I can do for you, let me know."

"Let's start with you warning me before you hug me next time. I have to prepared to handle all your hotness. I couldn't bear it if I fainted in front of you."

"Bella's right about you too," I said as I playfully pushed him away. "You're a clown."

He smiled and winked at me. "The sexiest one you'll ever meet."

Knowing he could keep on all night if I let him, I told him I was going inside to check on Bella. But I barely got through the front door before Karen pulled me aside to share a few spirited words about my brother. She also wanted to make sure both Bella and I were really okay. I told her the truth … We were working toward it but weren't completely there yet.

Before anyone else could corner me, I headed upstairs to check on Bella. She was sitting up in bed with her legs propped up on Jacob's chest since he was lying sideways across the bed. He was staring up at the phone he was holding over his face and Bella was glaring at her own with her tongue peeking out of the corner of her mouth.

"I thought you two were going to play scrabble," I said, barely keeping myself from laughing.

"We are," Bella replied. "We're playing Words With Friends on our phones. What kind of word can I make with a 'Q', a 'Y', and a 'T'?"

I snorted and leaned across the bed to see her screen. After studying it for a minute, I had to give her the bad news. "Angel, you may as well pass. You've got nothing."

"Ha!" Jake barked. "Told you. Been telling you that for fifteen minutes."

While her brother was busy grumbling, I was silently pointing out her play to her. Someone had played "smell" in the upper right corner of the board and there was just enough room to change it to "smelly".

Bella gave me a beaming smile and then focused on her board, adding the letter and hitting the play button. She didn't get many points but I knew her enough to know she didn't care as much for the points as for proving her brother wrong.

There was a low dinging sound followed by Jake's loud voice. "What? How the hell did you play a word? You didn't have anything."

"Something is smelly," Bella said happily. "Oh, I know! It's you losing, Jakey-poo!"

He huffed and grumbled some things I didn't catch while sliding out from under her legs. "Start a rematch tomorrow?" he asked.

"Sounds good to me," she said, titling her face up to him for a kiss on the cheek.

"Night, Bells. Love you."

"Love you too, Jake." She watched him until he had left the room and then she turned her brown eyes on me, already questioning me before she even spoke.

"It went as well as anything like that can," I told her. "They all want to know why and what he was thinking." I wanted to tell her what I'd learned but not tonight. I didn't want to risk her thinking about the wreck and the hospital and getting upset.

She nodded and then let out a heavy sigh. She'd dropped her eyes and was now watching her fingers pick at the edge of the blanket. "He doesn't know."

"Doesn't matter," I said as I wrapped my arms around her, wanting to protect her from everything that caused her pain and worry. "What matters is that I love you, Bella."

"And I love you."

* * *

**A/N:** There we have it, readers! Everyone now knows what Emmett did. And they know the sex of the babies! Who's excited to find out if they look like Mom, Dad, or a sweet mix?


	62. Moving Forward

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: ****Moving Forward**

**Chapter Song: ****"Next To Me" by Civil Twilight**

**Alice****'s POV:**

My head was starting to throb standing here listening to everyone ask my brother the same questions and hearing him give the same stupid answer: I don't know. I wondered for the hundredth time how Edward and Bella could stand it, this convenient forgetting of Emmett's.

Jasper … Each time I thought I knew how deep my love for him went, he gave me a reason to love him so much more. He had just as much reason as the rest of us to be overcome with anger at Emmett and yet he was standing there keeping the peace. He said it was for Bella's benefit. And for mine. I liked to think the bruises on my brother's face had been for me too since Jasper had made me promise not to strike out at my brother with my hands or my words.

Edward was still outside with Bree and Bella was upstairs with Jacob so I decided to take a break in my room since I wasn't needed right now. As soon as my door closed and shut out the noises coming from downstairs, I started to feel better. No, not better. Just that I could breathe without it feeling like my chest was being squeezed.

I sat down on the edge of my bed and picked up Binky, running my fingers along his smooth ears. I smiled, thinking of how close my bunny had come to burial after our night of secret sharing. It was hard to believe that had been only ten months ago … So much had changed since then.

All of this … this _mess_ still didn't seem real. I'd thought once Emmett said the words, it would feel real and I'd know how to handle things, which direction to take with him. The only thing I knew with certainty was that I felt deeply saddened and very lost.

But that was only in relation to my brother. The moment I thought of my best friend and the babies growing inside of her, a smile I could barely control lifted my lips and my spirit. I was going to be an aunt to two little boys and a little girl and I couldn't wait. I couldn't wait to hold them and love them and spoil them. Well, as much spoiling as Edward and Bella would allow anyway. I wasn't concerned; I had plenty of ways to sneak in spoiling when they weren't looking.

"Can't believe you still have that bunny."

I didn't respond to Emmett's comment or even look up at him.

I watched his feet move across the floor and then heard the chair at my desk creak under his weight. He sat there for a long silent minute before speaking. "I kept waiting for you to come up and talk to me so when you didn't, I figured I'd come talk to you."

"You don't remember so what could we possibly have to talk about?"

"You're right. I don't remember why I pinned all the blame on Bella. But I know it was wrong and I know I hurt her."

I still couldn't bring myself to look at him, afraid I would lose the little control I was keeping on my temper. "Do you know that you hurt Edward? Do you know you took away the one person who loved him the way he deserved? There she was, loving every amazing and annoying part of him and feeling like she was the lucky one. And for the first time in her life, Bella felt completely accepted by someone other than me. Edward had her excited about the future and wanting to share her life with him.

"And then you came along and ended it all. Edward felt so miserable, thinking he was the source of all of her pain. He couldn't stand being in Seattle while she was alone in Portland. If Mom and I hadn't been watching him like a hawk, he would have taken off after her and who knows what could have happened to him.

"And Bella … Bella was completely devastated and couldn't even tell me why because she was afraid I might somehow agree with you. The kind of fear you put into her for her to believe something like that about me … You say you know what you did but do you really, Emmett?"

"I won't lie and say I know it all, but I know enough."

"Enough?" I'd meant it as a question but it felt more like hysterical laughter. I looked at my brother and although I could see he truly felt sorry, it didn't lessen my pain and anger at all.

"I hurt you by hurting Bella. I get that. And I'm sorry about that. But you have to believe I never meant for any of this to happen, Alice. I just … My brother was lying there dying before my eyes and I just … I couldn't handle it."

I suddenly found myself off my bed and screaming into his face. "And you think _I_ could? Do you think I was better prepared for what happened? He's the one who used to read me stories late at night when I was afraid to go to sleep. He's the one who consoled me every time some guy broke my heart. He was the one curling up in bed with me when I was sick, helping Bella to keep me company without a single complaint. He was always more than my brother. He's always been a friend I could count on and when I'm standing there faced with losing him and needing my best friend most, _you_ send her away. There I was with my big brother so weak he needed help doing pretty much everything and a best friend who suddenly wasn't speaking to anyone. Two people I love so much and I could only help one of them and as guilty as I felt for it, I had to pick Edward. I had to pick my brother but I promised myself that as soon as he was completely healthy, I would focus all my attention on Bella and find out what was wrong with her. And the whole time you were off in Boston, away from all the fallout and probably not even sparing a thought to any of us."

"Of course I thought of you guys. I called all the time to talk to Edward."

"Did you ever call Bella?"

"Well, no," he answered, looking confused. "Why would I? She wasn't talking to anyone."

"And you didn't think that was strange at all? That she suddenly would shut off from everyone, even me?"

"I just figured she was being dramatic about Edward."

"I don't believe you," I said as I shook my head. "I think part of you knew. I think deep down, you knew you had something to do with her disappearing and that's why you didn't reach out to her. How many times, Emmett? How many times have you called yourself her 'brother from another mother'? You've said more times than I can count that you love her and yet she suddenly goes cold and you don't call to find out why. Explain that to me."

"I can't."

"Then we don't have anything to talk about."

Now he looked hurt—I knew Jasper was right about me not being ready to deal with this because I felt good for hurting my brother and that wasn't me.

"Are you writing me off?" he asked.

"The thought has certainly crossed my mind but fortunately for you, it doesn't sit well with my heart. I don't want to know you right now, Emmett. I don't want to be around you or speak to you. I want to get a handle on how hurt I feel and focus on my best friend and her babies. I want to spend time with Edward and I want to let Jasper try to make the hurt go away."

"For how long?"

"At least until Bella is able to be okay with you."

"And if she's not?"

"You'll always be my brother, Emmett. But being my friend is something you'll have to earn."

"Ali, Darlin', I need your help." I had no idea how long Jasper had been standing in the doorway but I was definitely relieved to have him calling me away in that moment.

I put my hand into Jasper's and let him lead me wherever he wanted. He took me out the backdoor, across the moonlit yard, and a little ways down the walking path that wound through the woods behind our house and ended at a little creek.

When we stopped walking he said, "Go for it, Darlin'. Let it out."

I could have screamed out all of my frustration and anger with Emmett but I chose to wrap my arms around Jasper and breathe him in instead. He held me close with one arm and used the thumb on his other hand to rub the shell of my ear the way I liked.

"I'm so proud of you, Ali. I know how incredibly hard it was for you to be honest and not just lash out at him. You are so strong and I love you so much."

His praise had me crying because he obviously hadn't been in the room for the part where I was screaming into my brother's face. "I wasn't strong. I did lash out."

"No, you didn't, Darlin'. You just told the truth in a really loud way."

I couldn't help laughing at his sugarcoating. "I love you too, Jasper. I don't know what I would do without you and I don't ever want to find out."

"Well then it's a good thing you've promised to marry me and let me spend every single day with you, isn't it?"

"It really, really is," I agreed, meeting his lips with mine for a slow, soft kiss.

"It's going to be alright, Ali. It's going to take time for us all, but we're going to be alright."

"Thank you for everything you've been doing for Bella and for Edward and for me. And while you might not think I should feel this way, thank you for that black eye you gave my stupid brother."

Jasper's deep laughter sounded so good to my ears and my heart. "You know what, let's not talk about your brother anymore tonight. How about you tell me what you think of Edward and Bella's big news tonight? Two boys and a girl on the way."

I smiled while wrapping my arms around his neck. "I think you and I are going to have a whole lot of fun spoiling our niece and nephews."

"Truer words have rarely been spoken, Ali."

"Rarely, huh?"

"That's right. Rarely. 'Cause there's none more true to me than when I say I love you."

I had no idea how he had managed it or how he'd done it so quickly but Jasper had wiped out every feeling except one—of being loved completely and unconditionally. Things might feel unreal and unsettled in some parts of my life but never in the part that belonged to Jasper. And while I was still a little annoyed with him for hiding all the phones from me, I didn't doubt for a second he'd only done it with my best interest in his sweet heart.

His thumb was once again rubbing at the shell of my ear and I had the sudden surety he was about to ask me for something I wouldn't want to give. "I need a favor from you, Darlin'."

"What kind of favor?"

"Ed and Bella, they're going to make a real effort to forgive Emmett for what he did. I need you to keep quiet and let them deal with him how they see fit. You be mad at Emmett all you want, and you disagree with Ed and Bella's decisions all you want, but you only speak about it to me. I know you love them and I know anything you say will just be out of love, out of wanting to protect them. But, Ali, they're building a family together and the choices that are right for them aren't necessarily going to be right for you or anyone else in the family."

"I keep thinking this is all just temporary. That we'll go back to being a big, happy group like we used to be. But that's not going to happen, is it?"

"We'll all be happy again, just not in the same ways. We're all growing up and creating our own little worlds, but we'll always be family. And no matter how busy we get in our own things, those two little boys and that baby girl Bella's carrying will always bring us together."

"I like the way you paint the future, Jazzy."

"I haven't even gotten to the best part."

"What part is that?"

He lifted the hand with my engagement ring on it and kissed my knuckles. "The one where I talk about you walking down the aisle dressed in white and ready to become my wife."

"Now that is a future I can't wait to experience."

"I'm very happy to hear that."

"Do you think Edward might convince Bella to marry him after a couple of years? I mean, how amazing would it be if we could have a double wedding? All four of us locking in our futures together."

Jasper laughed and tucked me under his arm, starting us walking back to the house. "Ali, those two already locked their future together. And it happened long before either of them realized it."

"What do you mean? When do you think it happened?"

Jasper's smile widened and he looked down to give me a wink. "On an October night during a ghost hunt."

I thought about his words for a moment before deciding I agreed with him completely. It shouldn't have been possible with how set in their ways both Edward and Bella were, but they had both unleashed changes in the other on that very first night. They had been through so much in such a short time, things that could have torn them apart permanently. But watching them tonight, seeing the way they looked at each other and moved together … Their love story was far from over and I just knew a happily ever after was in their future.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella****'s POV:**

"Edward, stop picking," Esme ordered as she slapped his hand away for the third time in as many minutes.

"Mom, I'm starving." He whined. He really truly absolutely whined and I couldn't keep from laughing. He shot me a dirty look and then pouted at his mother. "Just let me have this one right here that's burnt on the edges.

This time, she used her spatula to slap his hand. "That's Bella's. She specifically asked for slightly singed. And it's your own fault that you're starving. You were so busy interrogating poor Karen about her love-life and missed out on the pancakes Alice and Bree had made for everyone."

Before everyone had left this morning to return to their homes, Alice and Bree had decided to give me a celebratory breakfast to go along with last night's celebratory party. Rose, Karen, Alisa, and Esme had sat with me and we'd kept Alice and Bree company while they'd cooked. Actually, it was more like they'd kept us entertained. We had laughed so much that I'd nearly peed myself this morning. I'd been worried at first that all anyone would want to talk about was Emmett, but they'd all seemed to understand I wasn't ready for that.

Edward grunted. "I missed out because Emmett ate his weight in the damn things."

"Watch your mouth, young man," Carlisle called out from behind his paper. I'd thought he wasn't paying any attention since he had yet to come up for air but apparently looks were deceiving with him.

Edward either didn't feel the need to comment or didn't hear. "Mom, please."

She gave him a very sweet smile—and then she grabbed his shoulders, made him turn around, and forced him out of her kitchen. "I'll tell you what you can do," she said when he stopped moving to pout at her again. "First, do not cross this tile on my floor unless you want to skip lunch too. Second, you can tell us how things are going with the loan you applied for."

Carlisle quickly folded his paper up and set it on the table. "That's an excellent idea, Esme. Edward, come sit right here next to me, son," he said as he patted the seat of the chair. I could just picture him having done the same thing when Edward was a little boy in need of a talk.

Edward stayed right where he was, his eyes shifting between his mom and dad as that cocky smirk of his spread across his handsome face. "I can't think straight on an empty stomach."

Carlisle reached into the fruit bowl on the table and chucked an apple at Edward that he easily caught with only one hand. "Eat that."

He rubbed the apple on his shirt, continuing to stand there with his cocky grin, and then took a big, loud bite from it.

I couldn't help muttering "show-off" under my breath but I doubted anyone heard it over Esme's laughing. "Edward, sweetheart, there's a fine line between confident and cocky. Be careful of which side of that line you stand on."

"I'm only kidding around," he said as he finally moved from his spot and sat down in the chair next to Carlisle. The seat also put him next to me and he grabbed hold of my hand, giving the back of it a kiss. "You feel up to having this conversation now?"

I nodded and squeezed his fingers; I'd known we were going to talk about it at some point today before leaving. We'd agreed we wanted to keep our parents informed on everything, knowing the more they knew the better the advice would be from them.

"Okay," Edward said loudly, making sure his mom could hear him from the stove. "Bella and I have been talking the past few days. Her blood pressure spiking so suddenly Wednesday night changed the way we were looking at my career plan. While we still believe I could have had everything up and running within five months, we don't believe it's worth the risk."

He turned his head my way and smiled at me as he kissed my hand again. "I don't want to be in a position where she needs me and I can't just pick and leave to be at her side."

I got up from my chair and he immediately set his apple down and pushed back from the table, knowing just what I wanted. Once he had both arms around me, he finished telling his parents what we'd decided. "In order to make sure I can do that, I'm going to start looking for a job. I'll explain from the start about her pregnancy being high risk and I'll tell them I'll work whatever odd hours are necessary to make it work. I've also assured Bella this is really what I want to do."

"And I assured him that he'll get his business someday. This is just temporary," I added.

"Have you thought about where you might apply?" Esme asked.

"I did a little research on Friday but I didn't see a lot," Edward admitted. "I plan to start searching in earnest after Bella's appointment tomorrow."

"Don't forget about Peninsula College, Son," Carlisle said.

Edward sucked in a breath and I sat up to see his face—and found it full of guilt. "What did you do?" I asked.

"Um …" He sucked in another breath, this time between his teeth making a whistling sound. "I sort of didn't send a resume in."

"Edward Anthony Cullen," Esme scolded, waving her spatula at him. "Why on earth not?"

"I meant to do it but I forgot to send it before we left for New Orleans and then I figured the position had been filled. Plus by then Bella had agreed that I should take a chance on my business."

"Son, do you know what a missed opportunity really is?" Carlisle asked. "It's the result of procrastination. Had you sent the resume the very day I told you about the job, not only would it be there in the right hands but you'd have most likely been scheduled for an interview already." His eyes were slightly narrowed and his hands were clasped together on the tabletop. I'd only seen him upset a few times in life and this was damn sure one of them.

Only I didn't think it was fair. "It's not as if Edward had nothing else going on. And besides, how could he know applying for that job was right when he had no idea what would happen with me? It's not like he just sat down and did nothing. He worked really hard on his proposal for the bank, checking it over and over again to make sure his numbers were right."

"I hope that neither of you will misunderstand me. I do believe that Edward has the savvy and the smarts to run a successful business. However, I also believe the timing is all wrong. That's why I encouraged him weeks ago to consider alternate options. The fallacy of being young is being so focused on what's right in front of you that you miss the many things around you. But when you are facing health risks, you have to consider and prepare for all options."

"Dad's got a point, Bella," Edward said, looking down at me. "I was short-sighted in how I handled things and probably missed out on a great opportunity."

"I'm going to take a cue here from our sweet girl, Bella," Carlisle said as he smiled at me. "I'm going to quote something I heard on an episode of Star Trek."

"No forkin' way!" my mouth blurted out. "_You're_ a trekkie?"

Carlisle and Esme laughed while Edward sat there looking as shocked as I felt. "There aren't a lot of options for television late at night when you're on break at the hospital. One of the younger doctors is a big trekkie, as you kids call it, and I've watched a few episodes of _Enterprise_ with him. And this is what I remember … Luck protects fools, small children and ships named Enterprise."

"While I am completely ready to bow to your ability to quote Star Trek to us, what does it mean?" I asked him. Edward emphatically nodded his head in agreement while we waited for his dad to answer.

Carlisle chuckled. "It means the college only found a temporary replacement for this fall semester. They still need a permanent replacement to begin in the spring. I would imagine that if Edward sent his resume in with a cover letter explaining his late submittal and his interest in the position, he would be invited for an interview. Especially since I happen to know one of the hiring committee members is very interested in seeing that resume."

"I'll get it done and send it today," Edward said immediately.

"After lunch." Esme set a plate down in front of us and another in front of Carlisle.

"If you'd like, I'll read over your cover letter for you," Carlisle offered.

Edward nodded. "I'd like that, Dad."

"Long as I get to read it too," I said, taking my seat just before Esme put a plate in front of me. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Sweetheart." To Edward she said, "I'd also like to read it."

His ears turned red at all the attention. "It's just a cover letter, family. Not a prize winning book."

"Oh, but one day it could be famous," I said, doing my best not to laugh. "It could end up framed on the wall as proof we knew you before you became rich and famous from your highly successful business with its branches in all the major sports cities."

"Well in that case, I'm glad I kept his macaroni art." There was a brief moment after Esme spoke where we were all silent and then I started giggling, which made Edward snort and Carlisle chuckle and eventually had Esme giggling right along with me.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

Two in the morning. Two in the morning and I had yet to fall asleep. While Bella was peacefully resting beside me, I was busy failing miserably at not worrying over her doctor's appointment later today.

After a few more minutes of unsuccessful attempts to sleep, I quietly left our room to do the only thing I thought might help, something I had previously shied away from … I went to my dad for help.

He and my mom were asleep in my room, having followed us back to Portland to be here for the doctor's appointment. They didn't want us alone in case we were given bad news and I was grateful to have them with us. Not only were they familiar with many of the issues Bella and I were facing, they were a calming presence to have around. Even Alice was subdued around them.

As quietly as I could, I shook my father's shoulder and called out "Dad" until he opened his eyes. I didn't want him to worry so I quickly assured him Bella was fine. "Can you come into the living room for a few minutes?" I whispered, glancing behind him to make sure my mom was still asleep.

"Sure, Son. Just give me a minute to wake up."

I closed the door behind me and went into the kitchen to put some water on for tea.

My dad joined me just as the water finished heating and decided he wanted a cup too. We took them into the living room and sat on the sofa together.

"I'm listening," he said, studying me over the rim of his cup.

"Do you think I really have a shot at the job in Port Angeles?"

"Yes. But we both know that's not what has you up in the middle of the night."

I nodded in agreement as I stared into my cup. I had so many things spinning in my head that I was having trouble picking just one. _I wonder if this is what Bella talks about in counseling when she says her mind fills up_.

"Edward, it's alright to be nervous about the appointment."

That one word—nervous—started me off. "It's more than being nervous, Dad. Blood pressure is serious business. She could get hurt. She could lose the babies. She could lose her own life. I keep trying not to think about the what if and the worst case but the harder I try to put it aside, the more it creeps into my thoughts. Is this the last time she'll laugh at my stupid jokes? Is the last time she'll kiss me goodnight? What if this is the last time I feel my babies move under my hand?"

My dad put his arm around me and squeezed my upper arm tightly. "It's hard, Edward. It's hard not to worry and it's harder still to accept the fact that you have very little control on how things will play out. You and I know exactly what high blood pressure can do to the human body and that makes it all the harder to control our worrying. What you do have control over is making every single moment with Bella count, whether those end up being over the span of a lifetime or packed into just a few months."

"I can't lose her, Dad."

"I wish I could promise you that you won't, Son. I wish I could guarantee you and Bella both that nothing will go wrong. While I can't make those promises, I can make you this one … We are here for you. We are here to listen and to help in whatever way we can."

"It's just … Everything we've been through already … Isn't it enough yet? Enough hurt?"

"Life is full of hardships. They don't just disappear because you found the person who completes you. If anything, they often get harder for awhile. But there's an upside to it. There's a strength you gain that only comes from fighting together. Right now, Bella needs you to be the main one fighting. She needs you to be the positive one, and the one who assures her things are going to be okay. They might not be exactly as you pictured them, but as long as you two stay together, it will be livable."

"That sounds great in words, but …" I shrugged, unsure of how to explain the heaviness I felt inside.

"Edward, I want you to listen closely to what I'm about to tell you. It's something that I discovered when your mother was pregnant with you and your brother."

I nodded to show he had my attention.

"You can either live through the worry or worry your life away, the choice is yours."

I sat there and thought about his words, turning them over and thinking about their meaning. Basically, he was telling me it was okay to worry as long as I didn't let it overtake everything else. They weren't magic words that took away my fears but they were something I was sure would stick with me for the rest of my life. Maybe even something I would pass down to my own sons and my little girl someday. I was still worried they might not make it here, but I also realized I needed to expect they would. Holding off on preparing for their arrival because I was worried for their health would only end up biting me in the ass later on when they arrived and I wasn't ready for them.

"I'll tell you this again, Edward. And I hope you'll really listen this time. It's okay to not have all the answers. The part that isn't okay is for you to try to handle it all on your own. Your mother and I had no choice, but you and Bella do. You can't expect her to accept help and not want to do the same for yourself."

"But that's not it. I _do_ want the help. That's why I woke you up." I paused to get my thoughts in order so I could explain to him what I felt was my main problem. "I've lost my way, Dad. I had everything all mapped out and a list of everything I needed to get done. But that plan fell apart and now I don't know which direction to take. And I don't have a lot of time to figure it out. Bella needs that sense of normalcy that will come from me having a job and us moving into a place big enough for our family."

"In that case, let me make a suggestion … Move in with your mother and me. You would be well within driving distance to Port Angeles for the job at the college if you get it, and Bella would have your mother for company during the day. Not to mention that you would have a doctor in the house. I have more than paid my dues at the hospital and I'll be able to change my schedule so that I'm only on-call one day a week. We'll turn the den into a bedroom so that Bella won't have to worry about the stairs. I can even get a discount on a motorized bed so that she can easily adjust positions. Your mother and I can't promise you nothing bad will happen but we can help you to minimize the risks."

I shouldn't have been surprised at his willingness to help and yet I was. "You would do that for us? Rearrange your house and your job?"

He smiled and ruffled my hair. "Son, very soon you're going to understand this much better than you will right now … There is nothing I wouldn't do for my children."

"Thank you, Dad," I said as I hugged him. "I love you."

"I love you too, Edward. I also love my sleep. What do you say to heading to bed?"

"That sounds good."

We poured out the tea we hadn't drank and then disappeared behind separate doors. No sooner than I had closed and locked Bella's door, her bathroom door opened, spilling light into the room.

"I was just going to come look for you," she said through a huge yawn.

"I was in the living room."

She left the light on and sat down on her side of the bed. "Doing what?"

"I'll tell you after you're lying down and ready to go back to sleep."

She pouted at me but I ignored it for the moment, helping her to get comfortable with her pillows instead. I had planned to turn the light off but she asked me to leave it on. She also asked me again what I had been doing.

Once I was lying next to her, I answered her question. "I was having trouble sleeping and I didn't want to wake you up so I went to talk to my dad."

"About what?" She was looking right at me, studying me to make sure I was telling her the truth. This was the reason she'd wanted the light to stay on. She was believing me a lot easier these days but I knew times like now were tough for her—times when I would have given only a half-truth in the past to protect her.

"Mostly about how I'm not sure what I'll do now that I've put my business idea on hold. He had a suggestion that I really like but I won't agree to it if you don't like it."

"What's that?"

"He's offered for us to move in with him and my mom back home in Forks. He says that way you'll have constant company and a doctor close by. He's even going to cut back and only have one on-call night a week."

"It's a really nice offer, but the stairs, Edward."

"He thought about the stairs. He says they'll turn the den into a bedroom for us."

"Great, but what about my doctor? We can't drive ten hours every week or every other week to make my appointments and I don't want anyone else. I'd thought at first it wouldn't be a big deal if I had to find another doctor but after our scare … Edward, I _trust_ her."

I knew exactly how hard it was for her to trust so if she only wanted Dr. Bennett, then I would make that happen for her. "I'm sure we can work something out with Dr. Bennett, Bella. I'll pay whatever price she wants to have her come to Forks. She can hold your appointments at the hospital. I know my dad can get that approved."

Bella sighed and then gave a small nod. "Okay."

Her quick acceptance was so shocking that I couldn't help my response. "What?"

She smirked. "I said okay, Cullen. Get the wax out of your ears."

"I just … I hoped you would agree but I didn't think it would come without a long conversation."

Her fingers slipped into my hair, smoothing it back from my forehead. "You can't really think you're the only one who was scared by that ER trip. Or that you're the only one worried about my appointment today."

"No. But I know you like to be self-sufficient."

"Part of taking care of yourself is admitting when you can't do it on your own. If I couldn't handle my cycle on my own, why the hell would I ever imagine I could handle a multiple pregnancy on my own? Especially when I've just had glaring proof shoved in my face that I can't."

I felt a mixture of pride, aw, and even a little resentment. "You really are so much stronger than me. All those times you let Alice help you … And I couldn't even tell one person in my life that my heart was messing up. Not you. Not my parents. I just … I couldn't do it."

She tugged on my hair until she was sure I was paying attention to her. "That was the old you, Edward. In the past month, you have been here for me in more ways than I can count. You have been so strong that you have been _my_ strength.

There are so many things I could be worried about that I'm not and it's all because you believe so much that as long as we're together it'll work out. Sure, there's a little stress about your job and where we might live, but there's so much more faith that you'll figure it out. And look! You just presented me with an amazing living arrangement. It's not what I had expected when you talked about us living together, but in some ways that's a good thing. Knowing your mom is there and that your dad is just minutes away will give you the peace of mind you need to focus when you do get a job and have to be away from me."

I cupped her face in my hands and gave her lips a soft kiss. "I love you so much, Bella."

"Well, duh. I'm amazing and all," she teased. She had a smile so wide that I couldn't help kissing her again. She hummed against my lips and then pulled away. "As yummy as you are, I need sleep. And so do you."

"Do you want me to turn the light off?"

"Leave it on incase I have to get up again."

I kissed her forehead and each of her cheeks before lying back down. "Sweet dreams, Angel."

She held up a finger on one hand while using the other to cover up her huge yawn. When she was done, she smiled and said, "With you in them, they'll be sweet and hot and damn sexy."

I chuckled at her teasing as I took her hand and held it against my chest. She had been using her new half circle pillow thing so she wasn't able to lay her head on me like before and I couldn't sleep without some part of her touching me.

She smiled again. "Your heart is my heart."

"I love you," I told her. In my head, I was thinking of how her words would make great wedding vows. I'd been serious this past Saturday night when I'd told Bree I would ask her again to marry me. I knew right now wasn't the time but once we were more settled and had a better idea of what lay ahead of us, I would ask her. And this time, I would do it right—on one knee with a ring.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

"Hi, Dr. Bennett," I said as she came into the room.

"Hello, Bella. How are you feeling today?"

"Beyond ready for you to say my numbers look good."

She smiled as she pulled out the blood pressure cuff. "Have you been able to relax the past few days?"

Edward answered before I could. "She's been a model patient, resting with her feet up as much as possible."

"That's very good to hear," Dr. Bennett said as she fixed the cuff on my arm. "Let's see what your numbers look like and we'll go from there."

I nodded. "Go for it, Doc."

She had been leaning over to watch the dial on the cuff but she suddenly laughed and stood up straight. "Edward, I know you're nervous but you're going to have to let go of her hand so I can get an accurate reading."

I managed not to laugh as his ears turned red and he sheepishly smiled at her. "Sorry," he mumbled, shoving both hands into his pockets.

"It's alright, Edward," she assured him. She squeezed the little ball to inflate the cuff and then watched the dial closely.

"Good? Bad? Or other?" I asked.

She smiled as she pulled the cuff off. "They're normal, Bella. That's a very good sign."

"Thank jeebus," I said, letting out a big sigh of relief.

"Will she need to stay on bed rest to keep it normal?" Edward asked as he took hold of my hand again.

Dr. Bennett sat down on her little rolling stool and after writing down my newest numbers she focused her on attention on us. "As I said in the ER, I want to be proactive and not reactive here. Any young woman having multiples is at risk for complications but that's especially true with you, Bella, because of your medical history. It's important that you not view any medication I prescribe as being a failure on your part. Each time you pay attention to your body and get the proper medical attention, you are succeeding."

"Don't worry, Doc. I know this is completely different from searching for the holy grail of birth control pills," I assured her. I looked up at Edward and squeezed his hand, wanting him to know without a doubt that I understood my situation. "This is bigger than me."

In response, he smiled and kissed my forehead while whispering that he loved me.

"That's very good to hear, Bella," Dr. Bennett said. "It's very critical that we have open and honest communication between us so that I can make the right recommendations for you."

I was nervous to ask her, a little afraid she might say 'no' and then we'd end up without a plan all over again. But I knew I couldn't get an answer at all if I didn't speak up. "Dr. Bennett, part of reducing my stress is for Edward and me to figure out his job and where we'll live. Knowing I'm high risk, his parents have offered for us to move in with them but they live up in Forks. I don't want a different doctor. I don't think a different doctor can do what you can and get our babies here safely. But I also can't make the drive back and forth or fly. Is there any way at all that we can work something out so you can give me my check-ups at the hospital in Forks? Edward's dad is a surgeon there so he can make the arrangements for you to see me there."

"We're willing to work out whatever kind of payment it takes," Edward added.

Dr. Bennett didn't answer right away and it took everything in me to sit still and be patient. I would stay right in here Portland if that was the only way to have her as my doctor but I really hoped she'd agree.

"We'll have to do it on Saturdays," Dr. Bennett finally said. "I'll probably fly in instead of driving. Also, I'll need to speak with your father, Edward, to verify all the equipment I need is available. I know Forks is a small town so we may have to meet in Seattle instead. I may also need to find a colleague in the area that I can bring up to speed and send to meet you at the hospital in an emergency situation."

"Thank you," I said, fighting not to let my tears of relief and gratitude fall. "I appreciate this so much, Dr. Bennett. You have no idea."

She smiled at me. "Although you are one of my favorite patients, I'm not completely altruistic. You're a great case study and I would love to write a paper on your condition and your pregnancy once we've brought your babies into the world."

"Write all you want, Doc," I told her. "But you might want to change out some of my more colorful phrases if you do any quoting."

Both Edward and Dr. Bennett laughed and then she went back into doctor mode, prescribing a low-sodium, low-sugar diet for me. She also wanted me to check my blood pressure in the morning after breakfast and then again at night before I went to sleep. As long as my numbers stayed within the normal range, she would see me again in two weeks either in Forks or Seattle. If my numbers went up, though, I would have to go straight to the hospital and give her a call from there.

When we left the doctor's office, Carlisle took all of us out to lunch and Edward and I filled his parents in on what my doctor had said. They were both happy to hear I didn't need medication yet and that Dr. Bennett was willing to make the trek to Forks.

We got back to the apartment just as Alice got home from school and we filled her in on my doctor's visit and our plan to move home to Forks. She hated that we were leaving but she was thrilled we would be with her parents. She even helped us pack up our clothes and whatever else we wanted to bring with us. Well, she helped her parents and Edward pack; I was only allowed to direct from my bed.

It was time for life to change again but at least this one promised to be a good one. I loved Esme and Carlisle and had never had a bad day around them. Plus the idea of having someone close by if I should have an issue gave me a sense of comfort and safety that I wouldn't have had any other way. Hopefully, this change really would be for the best and not just for me but for Edward too.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

"Momma, I'm home."

I snorted at Edward's greeting from behind my magazine and then set it down so I could see him as soon as he came into the room.

He finally came in, dropped his backpack at the door, and crawled into bed beside me. After giving me a proper hello kiss, he lifted my shirt and pressed three kisses to my very round belly. "Hello, babies. Did you have a good day with Momma?"

I had a huge smile on my face as I sunk my fingers into his hair, pushing it away from his forehead so I could see his face clearly. "We had a good day. Spent most of it in bed with magazines and the laptop. We were tired."

He moved his head next to mine on the pillow and spread his fingers out across my belly. "What did you do for your exercise today?" he asked, nuzzling his nose against my neck.

"My dad came and picked me up. We had lunch at the beach with Jake and then walked around a little. I brought you back the coolest shell, E. It's over on your dresser."

"I'll look later. Right now, I want to be right here with you."

I turned my head toward him, studying his emerald eyes to make sure I was right about his tone—I was which meant he'd had a rough day. "Wanna tell me about it?"

"Later. I want to unwind with you first."

I trusted he was being honest and left him alone to relax. He'd gone in for an interview last Tuesday at the college in Port Angeles. He'd dazzled the hiring committee just as we had all expected and he'd started work the very next day. He'd been there a week now and seemed to like everyone he worked with. Although from his current mood, I wasn't so sure that was still true.

"Alright," he said with a sigh. "I'm ready to talk."

I turned my head toward his, showing him he had my full attention.

"I take that back," he said as he leaned in close. "There's something I need to do first." His lips covered mine, soft at first and gradually getting firmer as the kiss turned from sweet to passionate. I tried for a second to remember we had something to talk about but promptly forgot all about it when his tongue slid against mine.

I couldn't help groaning when he went to pull away—or having two handfuls of his hair and trying to use the grip to keep him from moving.

"I love you, but no," he said, giving me a stern look. "Your blood pressure was off this morning."

"It was still within normal range," I pointed out.

"It was still three points higher, Bella."

I sighed and after relaxing my fingers I smoothed his hair down in the back for him. Part of me knew he was right to be so careful but it wasn't the horny part.

"Don't pout, Angel," he said as he kissed my cheek. "I'm making your favorite dinner and we're going to be talking to Bree tonight."

"Okay, but if my numbers are the norm tonight and tomorrow morning, then your peen is all mine tomorrow night, Cullen."

Edward laughed so hard he shook the bed. The only words I could make out through his loudness were "never expect". But that was plenty enough to know he was talking about how I managed to say unexpected things so often.

"So now that you've cock-blocked me, want to tell me what had you moody when you came home?" I asked.

He snorted and shook his head at me before turning on his side to face me. "I have good news and bad news."

"Give me the bad first."

"I have to go away with the team weekend after next."

"Why? The head doesn't have to leave the grounds. That's what the staff is for."

"Yeah, the permanent head won't leave the grounds. But I'm considered a trainee at the moment and they want me to go along to observe the staff."

"But why?" I was trying not to whine or pout about it but the idea of him being far away for a whole weekend made me feel queasy. "What if I need you?"

"It's just one weekend, Bella," he assured me. "My mom and dad will be right here with you the whole time. Maybe Alice will even be able to come up and stay."

I tossed the pillow away that I'd had under my stomach and moved as close to Edward as I could, tucking my head under his chin and pulling his arm over me. "They're not you."

He sighed and kissed the top of my head. "I know, Angel."

"Where is it? Maybe I can go with you."

"You are not getting on a bus for hours, Bella."

"Yeah, I know," I muttered, never having really believed he would agree. I'd still had to try though.

"Listen, if you really can't stand the idea, I'll find some other job."

"No, don't do that," I said, honestly meaning my words. "This is a great opportunity for you and I can handle one weekend without you. It's just not what I want. It just seems like we haven't been back together for all that long and already you're going away."

"But I'm coming back, Bella. It's just one weekend. And I'll call you as much as I can. I'll bring my laptop too so we can see each other."

"One weekend," I said, looking up at him and forcing myself to smile. He didn't like this anymore than I did and I wasn't going to make him feel worse about it. Besides, he'd given up his career for our family so the very least I could do was give up a weekend.

"Look on the bright side, Angel. It's the weekend before and not of Halloween. We'll be together for our first one year anniversary."

The way he said it made me snort. "First? Do you plan on having a second first one year anniversary?"

"Of course." He had his cocky grin on his face now and I rolled my eyes at him. He either didn't notice or didn't care. "Our second first one year anniversary will happen exactly one year after I get you to marry me."

"Well I'm just waiting on you to take a trip to that Harry-William place and buy me the biggest, pinkest diamond ring they carry."

Edward snorted and then planted a loud kiss on my cheek. "That's Harry-Winston, Smart-ass. And we both know you wouldn't wear pink." He jumped up from the bed and adjusted his shirt—it was more than slightly rumpled from our earlier hot-as-hell kiss. "Want to watch me make dinner?" he asked, holding his hand out to me.

"Oh, I suppose so." I put my hand in his and once he had me standing, I said, "Even though you called me a very bad name in front of our babies."

He immediately dropped to his knees in front of me and lifted my shirt up, once again placing three individual kisses against my skin. "Sorry boys and baby girl. Daddy will try his best not to say naughty words around you. But in Daddy's defense, Mommy was asking for it."

I laughed and stepped away from him, pulling my shirt down with both hands. "Daddy thinks he's a real joker, babies."

He somehow got behind me, wrapped his arms around me, and started to sing "Joker" while swaying with me.

"_Some people call me the space cowboy, yeah._

_Some call me the gangster of love._"

I immediately cracked up laughing, having an image pop into my head of Edward as a gangster lover in a white A-shirt and low hanging pair of jeans, throwing up gangster signs and blowing kisses.

He ignored me and continued singing, though he did skip a few lyrics …

"_You're the cutest thing_

_That I ever did see._

_I really love your peaches,_

_Want to shake your tree._

_Lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey all the time._

_Ooo-eee baby, I'll sure show you a good time._"

I pulled away from him to grab a pillow and smack him with it. "You big tease. Turning me down and singing about what I can't have."

He laughed and pulled me close, giving me a short tender kiss. "Only because I love you so much."

"Promise?" I teased, faking a pout for him.

He put both of our hands against his chest. "With all of my heart."

"Aw," I cooed. "You're being all sweet and now I can't be annoyed."

"That was my evil master plan," he said as he opened the door and ushered me into the hall.

"You just wait, Cullen. I'll get my revenge when you least expect it," I promised.

He laughed, thinking I was only teasing. That was for the best, though. Revenge was always sweeter when the target was unsuspecting. And I already had a rough idea of the kind of sweet torture I wanted to inflict on him.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

"Ali girl, if you adjust this tiara one more time, I'm going to pull it off and stick it where the sun don't shine on you."

She laughed at my threat. "Bells, stop acting like you aren't enjoying your fitting."

"I'm still waiting for you to explain why I have to put the damn tiara on for the fitting."

"Because we need to see the whole package."

I gave a sarcastic "duh". And then I slumped in the chair. "Ali, I'm tired of sitting here and I'm hungry."

"You were the one who came up with the idea. I'm just trying to make it come true for you."

"I know and I appreciate it. But you've had me sitting here for almost an hour, which is just about the maximum I can take right now."

"Oh, jeebus! I'm so, _so_ sorry, Bella. I totally lost track of time," she said as she helped me up from the chair. "You'll stretch out on the sofa and I'll get you a snack. And we won't tell Edward about this. He'll kill me if he finds out I lost track of time with you."

"Get me to the bathroom and your secret is safe with me."

Alice helped me into the half-bath across from the den and after making sure I was safely seated, she left me to my business. I'd been worried I would miss her like crazy but she had called and Skyped every day so far and it was almost like we were still together. And having her come up today to help me with my costume meant a lot—even if she was accidentally torturing me.

_October t__wenty-ninth_, I thought with a smile. Halloween was almost here. And it was almost one whole mammoth year since Edward had first kissed me. I used to think a year was a time so long it was hard to imagine but not now. Not when my life had changed again and again and was still changing daily. There was so much that had happened in this past year—some of it good and some of it I really wanted to forget. There were even a few times I hoped I'd never forget, like that night a couple weeks ago when Edward had sang to the babies to calm them down so I could sleep.

I was nearly twenty-three weeks pregnant and looked as if I was full-term already. But I wasn't. The three little miracles growing and moving and waiting for their big entrance into the world still had a long way to go until February twenty-seventh rolled around. We had a deal, the four of us. They would stay put until the due date and I wouldn't eat anything that gave us heartburn. So far, we were all holding up our ends of the deal.

Living with Esme and Carlisle was working out really well for us too. I hadn't been sure it would feel right to interrupt their lives and schedules but we seemed to fit seamlessly in with them. At least for now anyway. I could still do some things on my own but the list was growing shorter with each new day. It made me appreciate my motorized bed they'd gotten for me all the more. It gave the illusion of independence which was sometimes just as good as the real deal.

I smiled as I thought of Edward. He and I were closer than ever and that was something I had thought impossible. We had been so in-sync after Hawaii and at the Canyon and I'd thought life could never be more amazing with him than it was at that time. I was happy to say I'd been wrong. We had come so far together in counseling, even with having to find a new one here in Forks. I was finding it easier every day to tell him my thoughts and feelings and I trusted now that even if he didn't understand them all he still cared to know about them. For his part, he had gotten _so_ much better about confiding his own feelings to me without worrying it would add stress. The only part where we hadn't seen a lot of progress yet was in our discussions about Emmett, but that was okay according to our new counselor. He liked to end every session by telling us that we were entitled to our feelings and under no obligation to rush through the healing process.

"Bella, you okay?" Alice asked, sticking her head in the door.

"Yeah, give me a sec and then I'll call you for help getting up."

"'Kay," she said before closing the door.

I quickly finished up and then called her in to help. We made it out of the bathroom with no issues and then I got to stretch out while Alice made me a peanut butter and banana sandwich. She made a disgusted face as she handed it over.

"Ali, if you deny a pregnant woman what she's craving you'll get a sty in your eye," I warned.

"I can't have that!" she cried. "Elizabeth Swann does not have a sty."

I snorted both at her behavior and the fact that she'd convinced Jasper to dress as _Pirates of the Caribbean_ characters. "Still can't believe you convinced him to be Will Turner."

Alice giggled as she folded herself up near my feet. "And what a mighty sword he has."

I debated for a moment on whether or not to respond and finally decided to ask first. "Ali, is it still weird for you to hear about me having sex with your brother?"

She snorted and shook her head. "That would be pretty silly considering we have such amazing proof you two are actively in love."

"Actively in love. I like it, Little Bit. It's such a classy way to say forkin," I told her.

Alice went to pieces over me using 'forkin', clutching her stomach with tears sliding down her reddened cheeks.

"Jeebus, Ali. Breathe!" I said, pushing against her knee with the heel of my foot.

She held up a finger in a wait gesture and started taking deep breaths. After a couple minutes, she was completely calm. And looking completely serious. "I really love you."

I wasn't sure what had gotten into her so I was careful to answer her seriously. "I love you too, Ali. Always have."

"We never really talked about it … I just … I always believed you, Bella. I just … I didn't want to, you know?"

I knew exactly what she was referring to just like I knew I didn't want to talk about it. "No offense, but he's not my favorite topic of conversation so if we could not do this, I'd really appreciate it."

"Okay, so screw him. Let's talk about Edward. Actually, let's get back to talking about activities. Are you and Edward really … I mean, you're so big now. Not that, that would be a turn off at all! He loves you for you. It's just … We'll aren't you two worried he could fall on you or something?"

I had been busy drinking some of the milk she'd brought me so when her diarrhea of the mouth registered in my brain, I shot milk out of my nose and all over my legs. She squealed and jumped off the sofa like a wild animal was after her little ass.

"Alice, don't just stand there! Get me something to dry off with!"

She seemed to have super human running abilities because I swear she was only gone two seconds before tossing three different towels at me. While I dried my legs, she apologized over and over. And over.

"Alice Cullen, get a hold of yourself. It's just spilled milk. Actually, snorted milk, but same diff."

"No, that's not why I'm apologizing." Her face turned a deeper shade of red. "It's because I still want my question answered."

I laughed at her and handed the towels back. "Put those away and then I'll tell you."

"No graphic details," she blurted out. "Just a general picture."

"Yeah, okay," I agreed, not meaning it for a minute.

Me being me, the description I gave her was purely Cirque du Soleil material and nothing I'd really done with her brother. I'd just wanted to see her eyes get all wide and her mouth fall open—which happened on more than one occasion. She eventually caught on and called bullshit on me and I told her the truth, that Edward and I were mostly intimate without the intercourse but when we did go all the way, we had a couple of very safe, doctor approved positions that we used. I also stressed that we were different because we were having multiples—I didn't want her to get freaked out and then decide she would never let Jasper near her while she was pregnant because I had no doubt those two would have kids together some day.

After our talk, we headed back into my room for Alice to put the finishing touches on my princess costume. It was really only a loose purple dress that she'd bedazzled and sewn a bright pink tutu on. I hadn't wanted anything that would constrict my stomach and after failing to find anything at Alice's favorite shops, she'd decided to make my costume. Edward, however—I gave an evil laugh from just the thought of his costume.

"You're thinking about it again, aren't you?" Alice asked, smiling as she adjusted my dress on my shoulders.

I couldn't help laughing again. "He's going to hate that costume so bad."

"With the fiercest kind of love," Alice added with a giggle. "Love for you, Bells."

For teasing me a few weeks ago, Edward's punishment was wearing whatever costume I picked out for him. And my darling, sweet, sexy man was going to be a frog prince. A giant green frog with a little gold crown sitting between his big bug eyes. I couldn't wait to see him in it! I'd probably piss myself laughing, but that was a small price to pay for sweet, sweet revenge. Alice and I had found the costume last weekend while he'd been away with the football team doing his required observation work and it was upstairs hiding in one of the guest room closets.

"Turn a little more to the right for me, Bells. This one section of tutu is coming loose," Alice instructed.

"Oh, if I have to," I joked as I turned. Only I must have turned too much because I started to fall. Luckily Alice caught me and corrected me.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I guess I moved too fast," I told her. And then I realized I wasn't okay. I could feel my heart beating in my temples and my head felt foggy. "Ali, sit me down."

Once I was sitting down and paying close attention to my body, I realized I had a headache and my feet were hurting. I'd been so excited and entrenched in what we were doing that I hadn't noticed anything was wrong. I pulled the dress up and lifted a leg so I could see one of my feet and although I wasn't surprised by what I found, I really wished I'd been wrong.

I grabbed Alice's arm and made sure she was looking at me. "I need you to not freak out, Ali. You're going to have to help me out of this costume and then take me to the hospital. And you'll have to call Edward and Dr. Bennett. It's probably a good idea to call your parents and my dad too but you can call them after I'm checked in."

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"My blood pressure is spiking."

Her eyes widened and for a second I was sure she was going to freak out on me. But then she started moving, pulling the costume off of me and slipping a pair of sandals on my bare feet. She ran out for a moment, came back in with both of our purses, and then helped me outside. She was so focused on getting me into a vehicle that she almost walked me to the Porsche but I quickly reminded her I wouldn't fit. She had to help me up into Edward's Suburban since he'd taken my car to work to save on gas.

Once we were flying down the road toward the hospital, she called Dr. Bennett. But after listening to the frantic, rambling way she explained things to my doctor, I knew I couldn't let her call Edward.

I took the phone from her and dialed him myself, hoping he wouldn't be upset at me for this. I really hadn't felt like I was overdoing things. I had just been having a good time with Alice. And I'd even been sitting down for most of it. None of that was going to make him feel any better, though. It damn sure wasn't making me feel any better.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

As soon as Bella had started off our conversation with "Don't worry but", my stomach had dropped and it was still feeling that way as I finally reached the city limits of Forks. I'd never driven from Port Angeles so fast before and it wasn't even as fast as I'd wanted—but Bella had made me promise to be careful so I had been forced to keep it around eighty.

I'd also called Dr. Bennett and she'd assured me her doctor friend would be at the hospital with Bella by the time I got there. She'd actually found someone at the Forks hospital she knew and trusted enough to help out. I'd also called my parents and they'd both promised they would also be with Bella. I knew Alice was with her but I also knew how freaked my sister got whenever Bella was in the hospital.

I took the stairs two at a time, not wanting to wait for the elevator, and walked as quickly down the hallway as I could without actually running. No sooner than I walked into the room, I had my sister wrapped around my torso and crying into my shirt.

"Edward, it was so horrible. The doctor was a total ass. He wouldn't tell Bella her numbers and he just kept telling her to wait for Dr. Bennett and so of course she freaked and instead of just talking to her he _sedated_ her!"

"Alice, let him see Bella for a moment first," my father said as he peeled her off of me.

"She seems to be resting comfortably from what we can tell," my mother told me. She got up from the chair beside Bella's bed to let me have it.

Before I sat down, I leaned over Bella and kissed her temple. They had an oxygen mask on her again but there seemed to be more machines and wires this time. I did my best not to let that upset me, knowing there was a very good chance it was just precautionary.

"I'm here, Angel." I knew she probably wouldn't hear me in her sleep but just in case I wanted her to know I was here with her. Once I was sitting with her hand in mine, I looked up at my parents and sister. "What do you know about her condition?"

"Her numbers are still high but so far the babies aren't in distress from it," my dad explained. "I was in surgery when I got the page and by the time I made it up here, she'd already been sedated."

"What drug did they give her? And is it safe for the babies?" I asked.

"I don't know yet. You know I can't just look into her chart and the doctor hasn't come back in yet," he answered.

"When was he last in here?"

"When he shoved that needle in Bella's arm," Alice spat. "Since then it's just been the nurses."

"Alice, the doctor was probably worried Bella's emotional reaction would raise her blood pressure further," my mother said, putting an arm around my sister's shoulders.

"But, Mom, if he just would have talked to her, she would have calmed down. He just kept telling her to be calm or he would sedate her." My sister's wet eyes flicked over to me. "Edward, I thought this guy was going to treat Bella the way Dr. Bennett does."

"I thought so too so I'll damn sure be asking about it when she gets here."

The door to Bella's room opened and a gray-haired doctor walked in with what I assumed was Bella's chart in his hands. He stopped and looked up, seeming surprised to see us all in the room. Or maybe he was just surprised to see my father since he addressed him first.

"Carlisle, what are you doing so far away from the surgical department?" he asked, holding his hand out to my dad.

"Good to see you, George. Bella Swan is family. She's having triplets with my son Edward," my dad explained as they shook. "Are you going to treat her?"

"Special request from a former student of mine who has a practice down in Portland," Dr. George said.

"But you're not the one that stuck Bella," Alice announced.

"Stuck her?" the doctor questioned. "What do you mean?"

My sister looked positively livid with her lips turned down in a scowl and her hands gripping her own hips hard enough to turn the knuckles white. "Some asshat in a doctor's coat came in here, wouldn't tell Bella anything, and then after he'd gotten her all upset, he _sedated_ her." For the second time, she made 'sedated' sound like the dirtiest word on the planet.

He immediately looked down at the chart and flipped through the pages. "I apologize. That shouldn't have happened. I thought I was explicit with my instructions … No matter, I'll deal with him later. Right now, my focus is on Bella."

"Is the drug she was given safe for the babies?" I asked.

"Edward, I presume?"

"Yeah."

"Bella and your babies shouldn't have any lasting effects from the sedative. It was a very low dose. It says here it was administered to counteract her rising blood pressure numbers."

"But if he would have just told her what was going on, she wouldn't have gotten upset," my sister argued.

"Alice," I warned with my voice and my eyes. I understood exactly why she was upset and I appreciated her fighting for Bella, but this wasn't the time.

"It's time for me to leave to pick up Dr. Bennett from the airport. Alice, come with me and keep me company, Sweetheart," my mother suggested, taking my sister by the shoulders. "Edward, we'll be back as soon as we can."

Once they had left the room, Dr. George started to check the machines setup around Bella's bed. He didn't say anything while he wrote down numbers and pressed buttons and I left him to do his work despite how badly I wanted him to talk to me.

He finally closed her chart and looked up at me. "Edward, her numbers are still much higher than I'm comfortable with. I'd like your permission to start her on the blood pressure medicine Dr. Bennett recommends."

"Go ahead. We knew she would need it at some point," I told him.

"Try not to worry too much, Edward. While the spike is causing her trouble as far as swelling and an elevated heart rate, those things aren't a danger yet. Another plus is that the heartbeats of all three babies are steady and strong."

"Thank you," I said. And then I told him something else I meant. "I don't want the one who sedated her anywhere near her room. My sister is right about Bella. If he would have taken the time to talk to her, she would have calmed down."

"Again, I apologize for that and I will talk with him." He shook hands with me and then my dad, saying he would be back to check on Bella in a half hour.

Not long after he left, a nurse came in and started Bella on the blood pressure medicine. After that, all we could do was wait and see. And wait for Dr. Bennett to get here. While Dr. George had seemed nice enough and concerned enough, I just couldn't trust him like I did Dr. Bennett. And I knew Bella wouldn't either, especially not after what the earlier asshole doctor had done to her.

When Dr. Bennett finally arrived about an hour later, Bella was awake but not completely alert. Dr. Bennett checked her over carefully, trying to determine if her inability to focus was due to her blood pressure still being a bit high or a side effect from the sedative. Since Bella wasn't really able to follow along with the conversation, Dr. Bennett and I went out into the hall to talk.

"I think we've definitely reached the point where Bella will be on medication throughout the rest of the pregnancy," Dr. Bennett stated. "It's very positive that she's responding to the medication quickly. She should be within normal range within an hour or two."

"Will she be able to focus by then?" I asked.

"I hope so. I'm fairly certain her trouble is from dizziness caused by her blood pressure. The dosage of the sedative was low so it shouldn't be the cause."

"Just the same, I don't want her sedated again. I want it on her chart that it's not allowed at all," I demanded. "And I'd also like to know why Dr. George sent someone else up here in the first place."

"He was in the middle of a difficult delivery and couldn't leave. He has assured me he will talk to the young doctor in question to make sure nothing like this happens again with any patient."

I shook my head as I slumped back in the chair; the adrenaline of rushing here had worn off and now I just felt drained from it all. "I don't know about this. Maybe we should just move back to Portland."

"Would you be able to have your mother there with you, sitting with Bella while you work?"

"Probably. Though I hate to ask. She already spent most of her summer away from my dad because she was in Seattle with me. And even if that worked for now, once the babies are here we'll need more help than just my mom can give. Here in Forks we've got both my parents, Bella's dad and brother, and her dad's girlfriend."

"Then I would suggest you remain here. The incident today was a result of bad timing, Edward. That could happen in Portland just as well as here in Forks. All of the due dates and birth plans in the world become meaningless once an emergency happens."

I nodded, not really in agreement or understanding but just because I wasn't sure what else to do. And I wouldn't know until Bella was able to focus and tell me what she felt safe doing.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

"Come on, Bells," Alice pleaded. "We're not leaving the house at all. We're just going to dress up, play some music, and hang out together."

"No." I didn't want to dress up and I didn't want to be around anyone. I wanted to stay right here in my own bed and out of the hospital.

Edward's fingers settled under my chin and lifted it until we were eye-to-eye. "Bella, you're not on permanent bed rest. It's okay for you to relax on the couch with your family around you."

I pulled my chin out of his grip and pressed my face into his shirt, struggling not to start crying. Some of it was hormonal but most of it was just being scared shitless. My blood pressure had been normal all day yesterday and Dr. Bennett had let me come home this morning but neither of those things helped to ease the fear I was feeling.

The first time my blood pressure had spiked, I'd been awake and aware. I'd been able to ask questions and get the answers I needed to feel safe, to feel that the babies were safe. But this time … I'd been pretty much ignored and then when Dr. Bennett was there to answer me I had been too foggy to understand anything. I didn't feel safe, not even with Edward sitting right next to me.

"Angel, why are you crying?" Edward whispered, rubbing my back softly.

"I'm scared."

"Remember what my dad said? About how we can focus on the worry and miss out or we can accept it and live through it? Think about it, Bella. Do you really want to look back on this day in a week or a month and wish you hadn't been too scared to celebrate this day with me and our family?"

"I couldn't even sit around with Alice without ending up in the hospital."

"That wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Then why do I feel so horrible?"

"Because it's a lot easier to feel guilty than to admit you don't have control here. I know because that's how I feel about it too."

I sat up to see his face. "Really?"

"Yes, really." He used the end of his shirt to dry my cheeks while he spoke. "Bella, I would love nothing more than to take away every fear you have but I know I can't do that. I don't have that kind of control. So instead, I do everything I can to let you know I'm right here, going through all of this with you."

"You really think we should do this? Dress up and all?"

"Absolutely. You've been looking forward to this for weeks now. I know you, Angel. I know that if we don't do this, then in a week when you're feeling more like yourself you're going to hate that you let your fear get to you and keep you from doing this. And look at it this way, what are the chances of you _ever_ getting me into that costume you picked out on any other day?"

"That's true," I admitted.

"Come on, Angel. Let's dress up. You be my princess and I'll be your frog prince. I bet your earrings from New Orleans would go perfectly with your costume."

"They so would," Alice agreed. "And we don't even have to do your hair, Bells. You can just wear the tiara with your hair down like it is now."

"And we'll just dress up and have dinner, right? No big party?" I asked, looking between Edward and Alice.

"Just dinner," he promised.

"Okay," I said with a nod. "Let's dress up then."

A couple hours later, I was camped out on the sofa in my purple princess dress with my tiara and earrings on. Edward was sitting beside me on a footstool, decked out in his big green costume, looking like a frog sitting on a lily pad. The rest of our family was spread out across the living room, checking out each other's costumes.

Alice and Jasper looked amazing dressed as Will and Elizabeth from _Pirates of the Caribbean_. I'd expected they would be dressed from the first movie but they were actually dressed from the second movie so that they both were in the pantsuits with the big boots and fake pistols at their sides.

Esme and Carlisle were Cinderella and her Prince Charming; I was convinced a more perfect costume choice didn't exist for them. She even wore a wig that gave her a blond bee-hive hairdo.

Rosalie and Emmett had come down for the weekend and though I hadn't seen much of them yet, it was nice to know they'd come home to be with us. This year, Rose had picked their costumes without any input from him—or refusal from what she'd told me. He really seemed to be willing to go above and beyond to make her happy and that was a very good thing. So for tonight's celebration, Rose was a female cop complete with handcuffs and a nightstick while Emmett was dressed in a black and white prison jumper. She'd even waited to cuff him in front of me so I could see it and laugh. And while I had found it pretty funny, I was more tickled by the fact that my dad had loaned her the nightstick and cuffs.

Speaking of my dad! He was dressed as a fisherman, wearing his khaki fishing vest and his green rubber waders. It wasn't so much a costume as his usual spring weekend wear, but I gave him points for even attempting to dress up for this holiday. I gave him more points for coming here with Sue who was dressed up as a mermaid with a sparkling blue tail and matching shell-shaped bra. She even had a big, curly, blond wig on.

Bree and Lance hadn't been able to come but they had emailed me pictures of them dressed up as disco dancers, looking like characters straight out of _Saturday Night Fever_. Karen and Alisa had also dressed as dancers, but they were both flapper girls from the roaring twenties. They'd both looked gorgeous and very, very happy. Edward had been smiling ear-to-ear while talking to Karen on the phone. His smile didn't even falter when I snapped a picture of my frog prince with my phone and texted it to Karen.

Jake had been the last to arrive for dinner, bringing his girlfriend Mariska with him. He must have really enjoyed the fur last year from being a dog because this year he was a werewolf. His girlfriend had decided to be a vampire. She had fangs and a pair of those colored contacts that made her eyes look red. I knew he could be off at Sam and Emily's enjoying a huge bonfire with all of his friends so to have him here instead meant a lot to me, even if he only stayed for about an hour.

Not long after Jake left, Rosalie and Emmett came over to us. "Jeebus, Edward," she said as she looked him over. "When Bella told me about the costume, I was expecting to not be able to look at you without falling over laughing. But damn if you don't manage to pull it off."

Edward's cocky grin came flying out. "Thanks, Rose. Green is a good color for me."

Rose and I looked at each other and stuck our fingers in our mouths in a barfing gesture, making both of the guys laugh.

"So, Bells, I got you something," Emmett said as he pulled his arm out from behind his back. I could tell he'd wrapped whatever it was himself because it was wrinkled and misshapen. "I saw this at a store in Boston and thought of you. I hope you'll find it funny like I did."

"Thanks, Em," I said, taking the package from him.

"Go on. Open it," he urged, grinning like the idiot he was.

I went ahead and opened it up and when I realized what I was looking at, I started cracking up laughing. He'd found this plastic placard, the kind people put in their back window to let drivers know they had kids inside. Only this one didn't say "Baby on Board". Instead it was titled "Waking Baby" at the top and had a mom kissing a baby on the left side with the word "Yes", and then an air-horn held over a baby on the right with the word "No".

"Jeebus, Emmett. Only you could find something like this," Edward told him.

"What in the world do you expect Bella to do with that?" Esme asked, having come over to see why I was laughing so hard.

Emmett rolled his eyes at her. "Mom, it's a gag. It's the kind of stuff Bells lives for. Like that shirt she's got that says she'll punch people in the face if they touch her stomach. I wanted to get her this shirt that said 'Friends don't let friends swallow watermelon seeds' but Rosie didn't think it would be as funny as the sign."

"Dude!" I cried. "I would love that shirt. I would wear the hell out of that shirt."

He grinned at me. "Then I'll pick one up and send it to you in the mail."

"Thank you," I told him, really meaning it. "I'd like that a lot."

"I know it doesn't really change things. I mean, it's a gift and you like it and that's all that counts. I just … I want you to know I understand that it's still going to take some time before you're okay around me is all."

"I appreciate that, Emmett," I said, smiling back at him.

"_We_ appreciate it," Edward corrected.

"Cool," Emmett replied, grinning even wider than before.

Rose tugged on his arm. "Come on, Em. I want to get a picture with Jasper in his pirate outfit."

"Small doses," Emmett said before turning and walking off with her.

"I'm going to head into the kitchen to make some tea. Bella, would you like a cup, sweetheart?"

"Yes, please," I said, smiling up at Esme.

She left Edward and me alone and I turned my attention to him. "Think he means it? The part about him knowing it's still going to take awhile?"

"Yeah, I think so," Edward said, nodding his head. "I think his counselor is really getting through to him."

I reached for his hand and held it tight against my chest. "Thank you. For insisting we dress up like this. I really would have hated it later on if we'd skipped out."

He smiled and kissed me softly on the lips. "You're welcome, Angel."

I couldn't help myself from teasing him. "Damn. Didn't work. You're still a frog."

"Well that's because I kissed you. In order for my curse to be lifted, _you_ have to kiss _me_."

"Are you sure about that? Sounds like a load of fork to me."

He snorted. "You won't know if it's fork or not until you give it a try."

"Is it safe though? I don't want warts on my lips."

He put his free hand over his heart and tried to keep a straight face. "I promise I'm a wart-free frog."

"Okay, but you should know if this is a trick, I'll be having fried frog legs for dinner."

Edward laughed as he moved his head closer to mine. "Kiss me, Princess."

I pressed my lips to his in a kiss that was both innocent and full of my love for him. After a few moments, he pulled away from me and I opened my eyes to find him taking the frog head off. He set it down on the floor and then looked at me, his coppery hair was sticking up in every possible direction and his emerald eyes seemed to sparkle—he was happy and that made me happy.

"Thank you for loving me enough to look past the frog and see that I can be the prince you deserve."

I smiled at his cheesy words and decided to tease him. "Prince of clowns, right, E?"

"I'm whatever you want, Angel," he said, making it sound like a promise.

I tried to share my heart with him without sharing tears too, but I couldn't help it—I meant it too much. "You're my longest relationship, Edward. One whole year. It's been happy and sad and hard and even amazing sometimes. And there's nothing I want more than for this to be my last relationship, the one that lasts for the rest of my life. Because no matter how crappy or scary or utterly perfect this last year has been, it's all been because of you. I love you. The words … they're so simple but the meaning behind them isn't. I don't know if this is coming out right but—"

He stopped my rambling with a kiss that made it very clear he loved me just as deeply. And then he said the words I needed to hear. "I love you, Bella."

"You were right," I said, smiling at him while I traced his jaw with my fingers.

"About what?"

"Alice definitely deserves diamonds."

He continued to look confused for a moment and then he smiled, realizing I was talking about this time last year when he'd said he would buy his sister diamond jewelry for putting us together. "Maybe so. But the next piece of jewelry I get is going to be a ring to fit right here," he said, kissing my ring finger as he spoke the last few words.

I wasn't sure if he was serious or not and for tonight I really didn't care. We were together, we loved each other, and we were having babies together. There was so much about it that was scary and unknown, but more than anything it was perfect—perfect because he was here with me and never leaving.

* * *

**A/N: **WOW! A whole year in the lives of these two! They have had us all over the map for sure! This was definitely one of the fun chapters. In fact, if you'd like to see Edward as Bella's Frog Prince, head on over to the WTB page on my website. You'll find him in all his costumed glory, along with a teaser for Chapter 63.

If I have any readers living in the Dominican Republic, or who have vacationed there frequently, EA and I would like to pick your brain about the area. Just shoot me an email and let me know you're interested. ebarules (at) gmail (dot) com


	63. Cheesy Cullen

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: ****Cheesy Cullen**

**Chapter Song: ****"Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls**

**Bella****'s POV:**

The rustling of pages woke me up and I opened one eye to find Edward flipping through one of his sports magazines. "What time is it?" I asked, feeling like I couldn't possibly have slept more than an hour. But I knew he would have ordered me to go back to sleep if that had really been the case so I had to have slept at least a few hours.

"Almost eleven-thirty. How do you feel?"

"Tired."

He tossed his magazine aside and turned so that he could put an arm around me and lay his head against mine. "I'm sorry you had such a rough night."

"I'm scared to imagine what it'll be like in another month."

"So don't. Just take it a day at a time."

"Easier said than done, Babe."

"I know, Angel. I wish I had something better to say to you."

"How about you get the knot out of my lower back and we call it even?"

"Done." He kissed my cheek and then helped me turn on to my other side so he could massage my back. He was doing such a good job that after a few minutes under his hands I almost managed to fall back to sleep.

And then I remembered what day it was. I turned my head so I could see him, knowing full well he would tease me as soon as he saw how big I was smiling. "Today's the day."

He laughed and leaned down, giving me a soft kiss on the lips. "I was wondering when you were going to wake up enough to remember."

"What time are you going?"

"Whenever my dad is ready."

"I'm so excited, E." And just to prove it, I squealed like Alice.

"It's good to see you like this, Bella. So happy and excited."

"It's a lot easier to do when my blood pressure is behaving."

"You know, I was thinking that if you're still this excited tonight after it's all done, maybe we could discuss names." He must have seen my answer in my face because he quickly added, "There's no pressure. I just thought it would be fun to kick around a few ideas. But if you're not ready, then that's okay."

I rolled onto my back so I could see him clearly. "I don't even know why I don't feel ready," I admitted. "Maybe we should just do it. You just toss out a name and then I'll tell you how it feels."

He put his head next to mine on the pillow and linked our fingers together between us. "Do you think you're afraid to name them? That if they don't have names it won't be so hard to take if something goes wrong?"

"I don't think so," I said honestly. "I don't see how anything could make that kind of loss easier. But maybe it's that it's not as big in a way if we say 'babies' or 'triplets' because I think of them as just one set. Thinking about three individual names makes me think of how there's going to be three of everything and that still feels really overwhelming sometimes."

"I know what you mean. Your dad gave me a list of things he remembered needing with you and at the end of each line he put an 'x' and 'three' for times three."

"He made you a list?" I asked, not quite keeping myself from giggling.

"Technically, he's made me five lists because he's given me a new slip of paper each time to add to the original list."

"You're a good sport to not tell him we already have our own list."

Edward smiled as he lightly squeezed my fingers. "He's excited, Bella. I won't dampen that for him at all."

"Thank you," I said, tilting my face up in hopes of a kiss. I ended up getting one for me and three for the babies—a new kind of normal that I really loved.

He looked up from behind my mountain of belly and I knew just from looking into those emerald eyes of his what was coming. "Can I do it?" he asked, grinning like the clown he was.

"One time," I told him.

He lunged forward and snatched the little foam baseball from the table next to the bed, making me laugh. He'd already done this like two dozen times and each time he was just as excited as the first.

"You like it too," he defended as he put the ball on my stomach. He slowly pulled his fingers away from it to make sure it didn't move from him touching it. And then we waited.

It didn't take long at all for one of the babies to move an arm or a leg and send the ball rolling into Edward's lap. He chuckled quietly while tossing the ball up in the air and catching it.

"Babe, I'm worried for your sanity with how tickled you get each time you do that," I told him.

He smiled and tossed the ball to me. "You only say that to tease me. I saw you smiling when it rolled off."

"We should pitch a new video show to the networks. Goofy Pregnancy Tricks. Or maybe we should call it Big Belly Laughs."

He ignored my teasing and gave my belly a loud kiss. "So what are you going to do while I'm out?"

I thought about his question for a minute before coming up with something that was sure to guarantee I had fun. "I'm going to Skype with Bree."

"Does he know what we're doing today yet?"

"Nope," I said, popping my lips on the 'p'. "I forgot to call him last night. Along with forgetting to call Alice back. I swear I'd forget my head if it wasn't attached."

"This too shall pass, Angel. It's just normal pregnancy forgetfulness. So what would you like for breakfast to give you the energy to deal with Bree's squeals when you tell him today's big plan?"

"I don't want breakfast foods. I want a warm ham and cheese sandwich with a pickle on the side and a big glass of cold tea."

"Then that's what you'll have. Do you want to come in the kitchen with me or would you rather stay here and responsibly rest?"

"Responsibly rest," I answered right away.

"Alright," he said as he got up from the bed. "Yell if you need anything."

I took him up on his suggestion before he even moved away from the bed. "Kiss!"

He laughed as he looked down at me. "What was that?"

"You said to yell if I need something and I need a kiss from you."

His crooked grin appeared as he put his knees up on the mattress and moved toward me. "Is a kiss all you need from me?"

I rolled my eyes at his silly behavior. "You know it's not. But it's all for this morning since I'm still tired."

"Then I'll make it a good kiss," he promised.

And man did he deliver! By the time he left to go make my lunch, I was smiling wide enough for my cheeks to hurt and completely incapable of stringing a complete sentence together.

That only lasted until I thought about what we were doing today and then I was giddy with excitement all over again. There was nothing I wanted more than to share that with Bree so I waddled myself over to the sofa and grabbed my laptop.

He answered the Skype call pretty much right away. "Hey, Sexy Momma."

I snorted at his new term for me. "Hey, Bree."

"Um, excuse me. That is not your bed behind you. Why are you not in bed?"

"Because I'm allowed to move around a little. Plus, my laptop was over here on the sofa."

"So how are my nephews and niece?"

"You tell me," I said. I had brought the baseball with me and after moving my laptop to sit on my legs, I put the ball on my belly. It stayed there for maybe five seconds before one of the babies knocked it off.

Bree immediately went into hysterics, fighting to breathe and laugh at the same time.

"Sweetie, do I need to call Lance and tell him you need mouth-to-mouth?" I asked, laughing at his over-the-top reaction.

"No … Minute … Jeebus."

"If you can get words out in the middle of your gasp-a-thon, I guess I can trust you won't faint on me."

He sat up straight and did his best to calm down. And by best I meant he kept forcing his face to be serious and then cracking up all over again.

I rolled my eyes at his silliness. "Jeebus, Bree. It was just a ball falling from a kick."

"Hey, I'm not there every day to see the changes so you just hush and let me have my fun."

"I would but then I wouldn't get to tell you what's happening today." I didn't squeal this time, but I did have a pretty damn big smile on my face.

"Ooh, what's happening?" he asked, leaning closer to the camera. "Are you getting one of those Three-D ultrasounds that shows the babies faces? I can't wait to see what kind of perfection comes from mixing Momma's hotness with Daddy's sexiness."

"No. I don't have an appointment today. And I don't think we're going to do that kind of ultrasound until around Christmas when I'm seven months."

"Are we picking names today then?"

"Not yet."

"Well if it's not anything fun like new pictures or choosing names, what is it?"

I wasn't sure of the why behind it but I felt hurt by how he made it sound like there was nothing else that could possibly be fun. "Why are those the only two things anyone seems interested in? How come nobody is interested in other stuff? What about the little spoons and cups and hairbrushes? What about furniture and blankets?"

"What's wrong, Bella?" Edward asked as he came into the room with my lunch. "Why do you look ready to cry?"

Despite being pretty sure that I was overreacting, I couldn't stop myself from disintegrating into tears and big sobs. "Because all anyone wants is to talk about is names or to see pictures."

"It's alright, Angel," he said as he squeezed in behind me and put his arms around me. "I'm excited with you. It's going to be a lot of fun today. And when you take pictures to show everybody what we did, they'll get excited too. It's probably just hard for them to imagine right now."

"I didn't mean to upset her, Edward," Bree said. "I was just joking around."

"It's not all you, Bree," Edward told him. "She had a bad night and didn't sleep much. And you aren't the first one to seem less than thrilled that her big news doesn't have to do with names or pictures. She got the same treatment from Jake when he joined us for dinner last night."

"I'm sorry, Bells," Bree said. I peeked at the laptop screen to see if he really meant it—he did. "Please tell me what you're excited for today," he pleaded.

"Tell him," Edward urged. "I bet soon as you do, he'll get giddy and then you two will be excited together."

I used my shirt sleeve to dry my face and then looked over at Bree. "Edward and I picked out a crib together yesterday and he's going to go pick it up with Carlisle today and then set it up here in our room."

"That really is exciting, Peaches!" Bree's response seemed genuine enough that it lifted my mood back up a little.

"Tell him what it looks like," Edward encouraged me.

"It's a really pretty brown, not one of the dark ones, just a nice wood. And it has a drawer that rolls out from underneath and a changing table built onto the side of it so we can be right next to the other babies while changing diapers. I'll send you pictures after Edward has it all setup," I told Bree.

"It's sound great, Bells. But why only one bed?" he asked.

"Edward read that they'll want to sleep together for awhile, like they do now. And since we don't know where we'll be by the time they're big enough for separate cribs, we thought we'd wait."

"Wait to set them up, sure. But you should definitely get three cribs. What if you decide to get the others later on and that style isn't made anymore."

I looked up at Edward. "What do you think?"

He shrugged. "They're babies. They're not going to care if their cribs don't look exactly alike. Besides, as soon as they're old enough, they're getting those cool toddler beds. The boys can have race cars and our girl can pick if she wants a race car or a castle."

"What if one of your boys wants a castle?" Bree asked. He had his chin in the palm of his hand and his eyes trained on Edward; Bree wanted a real answer and I had to admit I was a little curious myself as to what Edward would say.

"Then I guess he gets a castle," Edward said with a shrug.

"That simple? No spouting off about how your boys are going to be real boys?" Bree questioned.

Edward looked down at me and smiled while spreading his fingers out across my belly. "As long as they're healthy and happy, the rest will be whatever it will be."

"Damn straight," I agreed, smiling right back at him.

"Edward, you ready to go, Son?" Carlisle asked, popping his head into the room.

"Yeah, I was just waiting on you," Edward replied. He looked back at me and said, "We'll be back in time for dinner. Call me if you need anything."

"Be safe."

"I will, Angel. I love you."

"I love you too."

He gave me a kiss on the lips, told Bree "goodbye", and then was gone.

"He shot out of there pretty damn quick," Bree mentioned.

"He's really that excited about picking up the furniture, Bree."

"I hope you don't think I wasn't, Bells. 'Cause everything about you being pregnant is exciting to me. I know how much you want this."

"It was probably just me. I'm up and down a lot right now. I think the babies are in a growth spurt and it's causing everything to go crazy. And Edward was right about last night and me not sleeping enough."

"You were right too though. Pictures and names shouldn't be the only things we're all asking about. It's just that those things give us something to share with everyone else. It's one thing to say 'my best friend is preggers' and a whole other to show a picture and say 'these are her triplets'."

"Bella, have our men not left yet?" Esme asked as she came into the room. "Oh, I'm sorry, Sweetheart. I thought I heard voices."

I giggled as I turned my laptop toward her. "It's Bree."

He wasted no time in greeting her. "Hi, Esme. Looking mighty damn fine and fit today. Love those black capri's on you! If only my legs looked so good in them."

"Why thank you, Bree. I appreciate the compliment. Has Bella told you about her big news for today?"

"Yep," I answered before he could. I also sat up and made room for Esme on the sofa so we could both see the screen.

"Bree, are you still joining us for Thanksgiving?" Esme asked.

"Yes, Ma'am. If you'll still have Lance and me over, that is."

"We'd be delighted. And I know Bella is looking forward to spending time with you."

"And I'm looking forward to feeling those babies move around," he replied.

"I showed him the baseball trick," I told Esme.

She giggled and lightly rubbed my belly. "Edward assumes they'll be baseball lovers because he uses a foam baseball for the trick, but they may well end up being soccer lovers with all the kicking."

"I just love the way he laughs every single time, like a giddy school girl with her first crush."

"Oh sweet Jeebus," Bree cried through his laughter. "Please tell me you've told him that's exactly what he looks like."

I snorted. "Fork no."

"Well why the hell not, Peaches?"

"Because there are some things I don't want to tease him about."

Bree and Esme both nodded, seeming to understand me. "Peaches," Bree said with a sad smile. "I hate to say it but I have to go. I'm going with Lance to some company luncheon thing today and have to get ready for it. Call me later tonight if you're awake, okay?"

"Okay. I love you."

"Love you too," he said, waving until he disappeared from the screen.

"So," Esme said with a big smile and a light clap of her hands. "I was thinking that while the men are out picking up the furniture, you and I would decide its future location."

I very nearly squealed for the second time today. "I love that idea!"

An odd look suddenly crossed Esme's face. "Bella, sweetheart, is that tray your breakfast?" she asked, pointing toward the end of the bed.

"Oh Jeebus! I totally forgot. I'm so sorry, Esme. It's got to be cold by now and I don't want to waste your food."

"Sweetheart, I don't care at all about that food. I'm more concerned with whether or not you've taken your medication today."

"Um … I kind of took it early. I was up at five and just decided to go ahead and take it then."

"Rough night?"

I nodded.

"Then this is what we'll do. We'll warm your food and once you've eaten, we'll toss out a few location ideas. Then while you take a much deserved and needed nap, I'll sketch our ideas for you to look over when you wake."

"I'd really like that, Esme."

"So would I," she said with a smile that proved her words.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

"Son, would you mind relaxing your fingers on that steering wheel? Your white knuckles are making me nervous."

I laughed at my dad's comments and relaxed my grip. "Sorry, Dad."

"Don't be sorry. Talk to me. Tell me what's got you so on edge."

"A lot of it's just being tired. Bella had a rough night so neither of us really slept."

My dad chuckled. "Get used it to, my boy. Your prize for winning the baby lottery is many a sleepless night."

I snorted. "Times three."

"Yes. Times three." He turned slightly in his seat and looked hard at me. "What else has you on edge?"

"There's something else I want to do while we're in Seattle." I glanced quickly at him before looking back at the road; it was long enough to see the smirk on his face. I felt certain he knew what I was talking about.

His words only confirmed my suspicion. "I was wondering when you would get around to it. Does she have any clue?"

This time I snorted hard enough to hurt. "No. No she does not."

"Do you think that's wise given her blood pressure troubles?"

"For right now, yes. She's so up and down that she burst into tears because Bree wasn't excited about the furniture we're picking up today."

"Oh, yes. I remember that phase. Every word has the potential to send her spiraling into tears and sobs, leaving you scrambling to figure out what you did wrong and how to fix it."

"Exactly. So my plan is to drop hints to her between now and Thanksgiving and then ask her in front of our family."

"Don't you think that would be putting her on the spot? Make her feel pressured to answer you?"

"I've thought about that and if she has a negative reaction to my hints then I'll wait a little longer."

"Something tells me you don't think she will have a problem with you asking."

"Trust me, if I was that confident, I wouldn't wait another two weeks. It's just … She's changed so much in the last month. She's opened up to me so much and she tells me things she never would have admitted to before, not even when things were at their best before my surgery. There was always a divide between us and it's not there anymore. Even our counselor mentioned it this week."

"I really wasn't sure what would happen between you two," my dad admitted. "Bella was so lost after spending all that time thinking she could harm you. She was also hurt by your lies and Emmett's harsh words. And before she ever had a chance to deal with those emotions, she found out she was pregnant. That's a lot for anyone to handle but especially for someone who has been hurt in the past the way Bella has."

I nodded in agreement. "At least she didn't completely shut down. She got pissed, which was definitely her right. But after we'd told you and mom and Charlie about the pregnancy, she started to give me a chance. And she's worked so hard, Dad. She's never once let herself shut down on me. And if she feels at all like she was unfair in something she said or did, she's quick to correct it."

"I'm curious, Son. Do you know why Bella got mad at you after finding out she was pregnant?"

"She thought I wasn't serious about helping her."

My dad chuckled. "Edward, you're so bright that you miss the simplest things at times. I want you to think a minute, Son. What was the word she kept using that had you so upset?"

I didn't need to think; I remembered all too well. "Obligation."

"Right. While you were sitting there with a smile on your face imagining the perfect home and a happy family with three children nestled between the two of you, Bella was seeing a very different life. She was seeing how hard it had been for Charlie to raise her alone—and she had been one single child. She saw how disconnected the two of them were and how that led to a few of her issues during high school. She knew she didn't want that for her own babies and when she looked at you, she saw you hard at work on your business, making a name for yourself. Far too busy for three newborn babies. And far too busy for her."

"I told her it wouldn't be that way."

"Yes, you did. But did you ever stop to consider some of the other things she's been told in her life? Her mother told her she loved her. Emmett told her he would always protect her. And _you_ told her you loved her and would never leave her and yet you came very, very close to doing that exact thing. So while it was very honorable of you to jump right in and say you wanted to be with her and your children, where was the proof for her that she could trust that?"

I wanted to talk about all the things he'd mentioned but there was one in particular that had grabbed my attention. "She never talks about her mother."

"No, I don't suppose she would. It was a very painful and dark time for her."

"Why did her mom leave?"

"I don't know. Charlie and Bella never talk about it. And the why of it doesn't really matter. It won't make Charlie or Bella any happier about it."

"I hate knowing she's had such a hard life. I hate thinking it could still get worse."

"There's a difference though, Edward. A difference that I am positive Bella will tell you means everything to her."

"What's that?"

"_You_. She trusts you now as she never has before. She trusts that you will honor your promises. Most of all, she trusts that the love you two have is stronger than any dark day that may come along. You've worked hard to give her that security and she appreciates it; I see it in the way she talks to you and about you."

"I just hope she can also trust that my idea is a good thing."

"Ask her in the right way and I'm sure she will."

"What's the right way?"

"Exactly," he said with a nod.

No matter how many times or how many ways I asked him to explain himself, he wouldn't do it. He spent the entire time we were in the store just smiling or laughing whenever I asked. I had no idea when my father had become such a comedian and I really wanted him to turn back to the man that guided me toward the right path.

But I would have to worry about that later. First, I needed to open a box I hadn't looked inside of in years.

"Would you like me to come in with you?" my dad offered, looking up at the building with me.

"No. I can do this."

"Son, there's no shame in needing a little emotional support."

"I know that. And I think I'll be fine here. It's our next stop where I'll need the help."

"Then get in there and get what you came for," he said, giving my shoulder a rough squeeze.

I nodded and took a step forward only to end up stopping so I could get my beeping phone out of my pocket. It was a message telling me that Bella had taken her turn in the Words With Friends game she had gotten me to start playing. I opened up the game board, smiling at her name once again—E's_Angel. I doubted I'd ever get tired of seeing it, of knowing just how much she loved me and wanted me in her life. I just hoped she smiled half as much each time she saw the name she'd chosen for me—FroggyE—just the way she did whenever she saw Jake's new name of TripleThreatUncle.

"What's wrong?" my father asked.

"Nothing. Bella's word game," I said, showing him my phone. "It was just letting me know it's my turn." I looked back down at the board, studying for it a moment before seeing exactly what I would play. I put down my letters and hit the submit button, grinning the whole time because I didn't have a single doubt in my mind that she would laugh when she saw it. I just hoped laughter wouldn't be her initial reaction after seeing what I was here to pick up.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

"Oh sweet jeebus," I said as I giggled.

"What is it?" Esme asked, leaning closer to see the screen on my phone.

I pointed out the word that had me laughing. "Edward played 'fork'."

"My son really has become quite the comedian. I can see so much more of Carlisle in his temperament now."

"Who did you think he took after before?"

"My father, who was also an Edward. He was both a quiet man and a loud one. Never really one for words but always ready with a huge hug. And such a hard worker, Bella. He never met a job too big for him."

"Edward doesn't talk about his grandparents often. Not even now."

Esme put her arm around me and stroked my hair softly. "Ask me."

"Ask you what?"

She only smiled at me and continued to stroke my hair. But those simple actions said plenty—she was patient and would wait for as long as it took me. At first, I honestly didn't feel like I had a question. And then it hit me and became the _only_ question.

"Are my babies going to have heart problems?"

"I don't think so, Sweetheart. Neither of their conditions was genetic. My father ate red meat, bread, and potatoes every day of his life. He was also a smoker. But most of all, he was a worker, up at the crack of dawn and rarely ever home before dark. He wore his heart out. We were told that if he had gotten regular physicals, his condition could have been diagnosed and managed to add a few more years to his life. But he was not the type of man to say he didn't feel well or to have what he felt were unnecessary doctor visits."

"So it was all of a sudden with him?"

"Not quite. We had about a month with him after his diagnosis. It was a good month. He spoiled his grandchildren as much as he possibly could in that time."

"What was it like for Elizabeth—I mean your mom—without him?"

"She was very sad. She felt lost at times. She had spent so much of her life at his side that she felt empty without him. But that slowly got better with time. One of the things that helped her was the ability to go out and do things. When they were first married, my father took out a hefty life insurance policy on himself to make sure my mother would be comfortable for the rest of her life if anything ever happened to him. She had completely forgotten about it until the check arrived in the mail about a month after he had been laid to rest. She took it as a sign, saying that if he had gone through the trouble of making sure she had her living expenses covered then he must want her to live.

"And live she did. She took up an interest in the arts, joining pottery and beginner drawing courses. She went to the theater to see plays and ballets. She also did charity work for children and the homeless in Seattle. Most of all, she never let any of us forget how much my father had loved us all.

"It's funny how our best intentions get sidetracked by life. I had planned to follow her example and speak often of her and my father to the boys and Alice. But it never worked out that way. At first they were all too shaken up by her loss to want to talk about it. And then the boys went off to college and it became hard to pack everything into one or two weekends a month with them. That only worsened once Alice had gone off with you."

I nodded in understanding then asked, "Does it make you sad to talk about your parents?"

"For a little while it did," she said as she smiled down at me. "But all pain lessens with time, Sweetheart. Think of how much easier it is for you now to discuss Aaron."

"Yeah now that I was finally able to do like you said and not compartmentalize it."

"Giving advice is always much easier than taking it, Bella. Besides you should focus on the end result and not the start. If you do you'll see just how far you've come, especially in this last year."

"I see a lot of things that I didn't before. Like when I first found out about these guys," I said as I rubbed my stomach. "I was so shocked and so hormonal, and afraid Edward wouldn't stick around, that it never occurred to me anyone else would want to help me with the babies. And now I can't imagine how I thought that way. I can't imagine any circumstance where you and Carlisle wouldn't want to help. Or my dad or Ali or any other person I consider family."

"When we're in the middle of the storm like that, we can't always see dry land, Bella. And I really do think that if it had only been one baby, you would have had a very different reaction. It was the enormity of three lives suddenly depending almost solely on you that overwhelmed you and made it impossible to think straight."

"I always wanted them, Esme."

"You don't have to convince me of that, Sweetheart. I saw the immediate change in you when you realized adoption wasn't the only way to care for them."

"I've told him before, but I wonder sometimes if Edward doubts that I wanted them from the start."

"I can promise you that's not the case at all. He knew exactly what you were thinking. It's why he told both fathers first, wanting their help and advice to fix the trust between you two so you could believe he would be here every step of the way."

"Sometimes I feel like he's done so much for me and I haven't paid that back to him. And whenever I tell him I feel that way, he just says I pay him back every day by loving him."

Esme chuckled. "Don't worry, Sweetheart. Roles will be reversed, just you wait. It's inevitable with you both being so young. There will be something that comes along and alters his world view and you will help him back onto the right path. And you will ask for nothing in return because you already have all you want with him."

"Do you still feel that way about Carlisle?"

"Every single day, Bella. Our good times and our bad have only brought us closer together and made us more thankful for having someone to share all the moments of our lives with. And we are very excited to be grandparents and share this newest chapter in our lives together."

"Thank you so much for helping me to decide where to put the crib."

"You're welcome. And just remember that if you change your mind, we can always have Edward move the crib later on."

"I think the spot we picked is perfect. And I'm pretty sure Edward will think so too."

"I'm sure he will. It wouldn't surprise me at all if he was feeling a little of the nesting stage himself."

"Am I going to get like Alice and want everything to be absolutely perfect?"

"No," Esme said with a laugh. "I don't believe it will be that fierce for you. But you will want to know that everything has a place and a purpose."

"Does the nesting thing normally make you feel that way about yourself too?"

Her smile fell and I could tell from the way she was looking at me that she was concerned. "What do you mean, Bella?"

"There's this thing and I've never thought about it before or wanted it before and now this week I can't stop thinking about it. I don't know if it's nesting or hormones or really me that's fixating on it."

"Let's start by you telling me exactly what this _thing_ is and then we'll try to find answers to your questions together."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

"When was the last time you came here with Mom?" I asked my dad as we walked along the pathway.

He tilted his head up to the sky and for a moment I thought he wasn't going to answer me. "It was on your birthday. Your mother felt being here on that day gave her better chances of your grandmother hearing her and watching over you during your recovery."

"If Grandma was watching I'm sure she was pretty disappointed in me."

My dad looked over at me and smiled. "I doubt that. Elizabeth was always quick to forgive any wrongdoing on your part."

"She also expected more of me than she did Emmett and Alice."

"Sometimes," he agreed with a nod. "She was from a different time, though, Edward. She believed that some of us are born with old souls and those lucky few are destined for great things. When she looked at you, she saw bits of your grandfather along with her own father and grandfather. Stoic men whose actions spoke much louder than their words. Men who could move mountains from sheer force of will."

I smiled at his words, thinking of an old Irish folktale my grandmother used to tell me to explain perseverance to me.

My father had obviously been thinking about the same story. "All the men slept except for Fionn who stuck his own forehead with his spear to stay awake. The pain would not let him sleep and when Aillen showed to burn down the palace for the twenty-third time in as many years, Fionn used that spear to kill him. By forcing himself to focus on the pain until it was time to act, Fionn saved the palace and all who dwelt there."

"I never realized before but I miss Grandma's stories."

"Then you should ask your mother to share them with you. I only remember a select few Elizabeth told again and again, but your mother remembers them all. In fact, I think she even wrote them down at one time."

"I've got a better idea," I said, smiling as I pictured my mother's reaction. "I'll ask Mom to share the stories with her grandbabies."

My dad laughed and clapped his hand onto my shoulder. "You always did know just how to suck up, Edward."

"Thanks," I said, putting as much sarcasm into the one word as I could. And then we stopped talking and walking, having reached our destination.

My grandmother had been many things and the chief one among them was talkative. People looked at my parents and never could figure out where Alice had gotten her gift of gab from; it was because they had never known my grandmother. To honor her love of sitting down to chat, my mother had chosen to have a bench placed in front of the grave marker. There was just enough room for both my dad and me to sit down.

He let me just sit there for a few minutes before gently prodding. "It's a beautiful day but I'm sure you don't want to spend all of it sitting here."

"I thought maybe coming here would make me feel close to her the way visiting Aaron does for Bella. But Grandma's spirit or whatever it is, it's not here."

"No, but it gives you a way to focus your attention on her, let out any thoughts or feelings you have bottled up."

I had thought I was going to respond to my dad but I ended up talking to my grandmother instead. "Bella thinks my promise to you was to get my heart surgery. She has no idea what you would have done to me if you'd known I was hiding from it. But I guarantee you she would have cheered you on, laughing as you dragged me off to the hospital by my ear.

"Bella is the one, Grandma. She's the one you told me about. The one who would hear me without me saying anything. The one who would look at me and know exactly how I felt. You said I would find someone deserving and that when I did, I had to love her with everything in me and not hold back. I'm doing that with Bella and every day with her … I wake up next to her and just having her right there makes the day perfect already. She doesn't have to do anything but smile and say she loves me and it's enough. It's perfect. I'm sorry to say I haven't always treated her like she's the center of my world but I'm making up for those mistakes.

"I picked it up today," I said as I held the object in question. "I almost picked it up once before but it turned out to be the wrong time. This time, I know without a doubt it's the right time. It'll be a long two weeks to hold on to this, but in the end it'll be worth it. Everything with Bella feels worth it to me."

I put the item in my pocket for safe keeping before continuing. "You probably won't think I'm old enough for this. Then again, you weren't much older when you had Mom. Plus, you were always a sucker for babies, Grandma. So I'm hoping you'll think it's a good thing that Bella and I are going to be parents. She's pregnant with twin boys and a girl. We don't have names picked out but we did buy the first piece of furniture today. A nice crib that Bella picked out.

"I never really believed one way or the other about Heaven and Hell but after hearing some of Bella's ideas on the subject, I hope she's right that you can see us and watch over us. I hope you'll watch over her and our babies. And I hope Mom was right too, that you looked out for me this summer. I can't promise that I'll visit more because I really don't feel like you're here in this place. But I think that's okay because you're always in my heart."

We sat there in silence for a while before my dad asked if I was done. "Elizabeth, it was lovely to see you again," he said as we stood. "I'll make sure to spoil the babies in your honor every so often."

I couldn't help but laugh at that. "She would have been so much worse than you and Charlie put together."

"Without a doubt. She would have prided herself on outdoing us."

I smiled at him and put my arm around his shoulders as we walked toward the exit. "Thank you for coming with me today."

"You're never too old to need your parents, Edward."

"I hope my kids will feel I'm as good at giving advice as you are."

"Do yourself a favor and focus on the here and now, Son. Once you become a parent, time starts to do funny things. One second, you're bringing home a newborn baby and the next you're getting ready to be a grandfather."

I didn't say anything in response, knowing he didn't want an answer—he wanted me to listen and learn from his own life. And I wanted nothing more than to be the kind of understanding and loving parent he had always been for me. But before I became a parent, there was something else I wanted to be, something only Bella could give to me.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

"I like it. I really like it," Edward said, nodding his head and looking at his finished work.

"The crib looks great. You did a great job, Babe. Even if it did take Carlisle pointing out that you were trying to put the frame together backwards."

He turned his head my way, showing me his narrowed green eyes. I wasn't intimidated at all since he had a big cheesy smile on his face. "Are you critiquing my work, Swan?"

"You bet your sexy ass, Cullen."

He reached for my hands and pulled me up from the bed, moving me to stand in front of him so he could hold me close without my stomach in the way. "Can you picture them?" he whispered into my ear. "Three little babies sleeping peacefully. Each one a mark of our love for each other."

"And a sign of your sister's meddling," I added, thinking of the hibiscus tea.

"I'm sure it helped but it wasn't all her. You were so relaxed and open to me that night. No worries or doubts in your head at all. It was just me and you in that room, nothing else and no one else existed outside of us and the love we felt for each other."

I turned so I could see his face and rubbed my hands over his stubble covered cheeks. "It'll be that way again."

"What's this?" he teased, smiling down at me. "Bella Swan being optimistic?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm trying something new."

"I like it." He pulled me over to the sofa and had me sit on his lap. For a while, he just sat there looking at me and rubbing his hand over my belly. His expression kept changing so much that I wasn't sure what he was feeling until he finally said something.

"I was afraid at first." His voice was low, almost as if he didn't really want to talk but couldn't stop either. "As confident as I was that I could fix things, I was also afraid I was wrong. I'd hurt you so much and I'd left so much room for you to doubt my sincerity. So to be here now, in this moment where you're so happy and excited for our future, it's everything to me. And knowing that it's only going to get better once the babies are here and the medical stuff is behind us … We have so many good days ahead, Bella."

"We do," I agreed. Sitting there with him, seeing how happy he was and how much he wanted me and our family, it didn't seem like there could be a better time for the thing I'd been thinking about lately. "Will you do me a favor?" I asked him.

"Anything, Angel. You know that."

"Close your eyes and stay right here."

He narrowed his gaze, looking as if he was trying to pick my plan right out of my brain. "Those are dangerous words coming from you."

I gave him the sweetest smile I could while petting his hair. "I'm pregnant, Edward. How much evil can I really be up to in my condition?"

He laughed and then eased back into the sofa, stretching his arms across the back of it before closing his eyes. "Do with me what you will."

I leaned in and brushed my lips against his. "Remember those words, Babe. I'm going to make you say them in a few months when I'm all healed from giving birth and ready for you."

"Promises, promises," he teased, grinning in that cocky way of his.

Before we ended up bantering until I forgot why I wanted him to close his eyes, I got up and went over to my dresser, pulling out the item I'd hidden in it earlier. I wasn't sure how he was going to react but I had a lot of hope he would like it—and Esme had seemed pretty sure he would.

Once I was sitting on his lap again, I took his left hand and pulled it to me. And then I slipped the purple lisianthus I'd turned into a ring onto his finger. His eyes flew open and darted between his hand and my face.

"For it was not in my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul. Judy Garland," I told him.

"Bella?" The wideness of his green eyes mixed with that line on his forehead told me he had no idea what I meant, what I was doing.

"Edward, I adore you. I adore the way you love me. I adore the way I feel when I'm with you. I adore the life we've been living together here with your parents. And I adore the future we've planned out together. So what better way to show you I adore you than to give you a lisianthus and ask you to marry me?"

He just sat there at first, barely breathing and not blinking. And then he darted forward and kissed me so hard I almost tumbled right off his lap even with all the baby weight that should have held me down.

When he pulled away, his green eyes were shining and his smile was that one that could light up a building. "We loved with a love that was more than love. Edgar Allan Poe."

"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. Emily Bronte," I said, trying to outdo his quote.

He grinned, knowing just what I was doing. He was also clearly prepared to make me concede. "A hundred hearts would be too few to carry all my love for you. Author Unknown."

My stock of movie quotes decided to take a turn, using a quote from _The Story Of Us._ "Lust fades, so you'd better be with someone who can stand you."

He snorted and then came back with, "_Meet Joe Black_. Take love, multiply it by infinity and take it to the depths of forever … and you still have only a glimpse of how I feel for you."

I was beat and I knew it so I went for the laugh. "I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine. He shall be my squishy! _Finding Nemo_."

Edward did laugh. He also kissed me again, mumbling "yes" between each soft meeting of our lips. I felt giddy and a little dizzy sitting there with him in that moment. All that had happened, all we'd been through, and he still wanted to marry me.

"But on one condition."

His words had me dumbfounded, just sitting there and looking at him, waiting for him to explain. He took the flower off his finger and gave it to me to hold while he dug in his left hand pocket for something. He managed to pull it out and palm it at the same time so I couldn't see what it was. He also got me onto me feet while still hiding whatever it was that he'd pulled out.

"Edward, you're freaking me out. What's your condition? Why did you make me get up?"

He dropped down to one knee in front of me and took hold of my left hand. "Please let me do this properly."

I must have managed to nod because his look of trepidation turned to unbridled happiness in a split second.

"Bella Swan, your heart is my heart and I promise to love you every day of forever. Will you please do me the exquisite honor of becoming my wife and wearing my grandmother's ring?"

My gasp flew out seconds before my hands clamped over my mouth and tears fell from my eyes. Through the watery haze I watched him stand and take my left hand once again, this time sliding his grandmother's ring onto my finger. It was a gorgeous white gold and diamond band with a square cut emerald in the middle. I knew how much she'd meant to him so for him to give me this ring … I was completely speechless.

"My grandparents didn't have a lot of money when they first got married so they had these really cheap and plain wedding bands," Edward confided. "Grandma couldn't even wear hers because it was always turning her finger green. The year before my grandfather died, he made a big deal out of their anniversary and took her to a jewelry store. He told her to pick out any ring she wanted. She chose this one, wanting a stone to match the color of his eyes on a sunny day. That's the story she told me anyway.

"Before she died, she told me she was leaving the ring to me. She said that I would need it one day when I met the woman meant for me. She made me promise not to be in a hurry, to wait for the right one. She said I would know when it was the right girl because I would feel understood in a way no one else could give to me. She said that when that time came, I had to love this girl with everything in me and not hold back. I didn't want to tell you about that promise because I didn't think I could do it without telling you how much I wanted you to be the right one. I didn't want to overwhelm you with how much I already loved you. And I knew I couldn't ask while I was still hiding my condition so I stayed quiet instead.

"But all that is behind us now and the future in front of us is all ours, Bella. There's nothing hiding between us, nothing to pull us apart. So when we say those words to each other and we pledge forever together in front of our family, we'll both know how true those words are."

"I want to marry you so much but are you sure you want me to have this ring? Shouldn't it go to Alice or something to stay in the family?"

He laughed lightly while adjusting the ring on my finger. "You've been a part of this family for a long time, Angel. This ring and us getting married just makes it official."

"When?" I asked, smiling despite there still being tears running down my cheeks. "When can we get married?"

"I guess that depends on how big of a wedding you want."

"I don't want big," I said as he used his shirt to dry my cheeks. "I want small. Just us and the people who love us most."

"Do you want something in the spring then? The babies will still be little so they might sleep through it. Unless you don't want that and then we could do it in the summer when they'll be more awake and aware."

"What about Thanksgiving? Two weeks from now. Everyone will be here for the holiday. Couldn't we do it the day before or after?"

Edward gave me a strange look and then had me sit with him on the sofa. "Bella, why the rush? I mean, don't get me wrong. I am beyond thrilled that you want to marry me but … It seems like such a huge leap to go from not wanting marriage to wanting it right now."

"Because I want this. I want _you_. And I don't want to wait. I want us married and I want the birth certificates to all have Cullen as the last name."

He shook his head but it was slow enough that I could see that bright light had left his green eyes. "Last names on a birth certificate … Bella, that's not what marriage is about."

"I know that," I cried, getting frustrated that this was all coming out wrong and turning bad. "Just listen, okay?"

I didn't give him a chance to answer before spewing out an explanation. "Because it's not about that. It's about us. It's about being tied to you in every way possible because you're it for me. I've had life with you and without you and I know that with you is the only one worth living. And I want our babies and our family to know I'm that committed to you, that I never want to spend a day without you. I thought if I was committed in my heart that was enough but it's not. It's not complete that way. And I know what I said before about marriage but I was wrong about it. I thought marriage changed people, made them complacent so that they just assumed the other person would always be there until that person one day wasn't. But it's not. It's not the marriage concept that's broken, it's the people who go into it thinking it solves some problem they're having. But we solved almost all of our problems. We worked on them and worked hard and we have a great relationship to show for it now. And marrying you is just part of loving you, not a possible way to lose you. You aren't going anywhere without me just like I'm not going away without you. So I want to marry you and wear your ring and have your last name because I'm proud of our love and our life together."

I'd been speaking so fast with hardly any pauses to breathe and by the time I was done I was panting for air. Edward made me promise to stay seated while he ran off to get me some water to help me cool down. Between the cold liquid and his hands rubbing against my back, I was calm and breathing normally pretty quickly.

"So what do you think about what I said?" I asked, peeking up at his face. He hadn't said much of anything other than cautioning me not to drink too fast. I was worried I still hadn't explained things right and he was going to say we couldn't get married until I could and who knew how the hell long that might take!

His blank expression faded into the softest, sweetest look he'd ever given me. "Do you think you'll want to wear white?"

I couldn't help the giddy, girly squeal I let out in that moment. And it was a good thing I'd drank all the water in my cup because in my excitement and hurry to hug him I dropped it to the carpeted floor.

"I love you, Edward."

"I can't believe you're going to be my wife."

"Oh jeebus. I'm going to have a _husband_. A husband and kids. How can something be so forkin scary and terrific at the same time?"

He laughed as he pried my arms from around his neck so he could look at me. "Because it's real life where nothing is ever perfect but sometimes it gets really damn close."

"I'd rather have an imperfect day with you than a perfect day without you."

"Now who's being cheesy, Swan?"

"Only for two more weeks," I said, wiggling two fingers at him. "Then I'll be a Cheesy Cullen just like you."

He must have really liked the sound of that because he started kissing me and didn't stop until we were naked under the sheets, both of us tired and happy and completely satisfied with each other and our life together.

"We didn't send pictures of the crib." It was more yawned than spoken since I was fighting sleep so badly but he heard me all the same.

"Tomorrow, Angel. We'll show them the crib and your ring." He slid his finger over that ring and then closed his fingers around mine, holding tight to my hand as he kissed the back of my neck and the little wings tattooed there. "Sleep tonight. You'll need all the rest you can get for tomorrow's excitement."

"Thank you for accepting my proposal," I said, smiling in the dark because I knew he would scoff about it.

Which he totally did before adding, "Figures you would do the unexpected and ruin my grand plan."

"You had a plan?"

"Why do you think I had the ring in my pocket?"

"I don't know. I was so excited I didn't think about it."

"I was planning to ask you to marry me during Thanksgiving weekend while everyone was home. But you asked before I could."

"Are you upset at all you didn't get to propose like you planned?"

"Oh, I still proposed like I planned. Just sooner and without the audience. And I like it better this way because I get to marry you in just two short weeks."

"So when anyone asks how you proposed?" I questioned, having a pretty good idea of what he would say.

"I got down on one knee and you happily said 'yes'. End of story."

I snorted and pinched his thigh since it was the only part of him I could reach lying with my back against his chest. "You're such a man, Edward Cullen."

"Your man, Bella _Cullen_. For the rest of our lives."

"I like the sound of that."

"I do too." He kissed the back of my neck once more and then whispered in my ear, "Sweet dreams, Angel."

I smiled as I closed my eyes, thinking that if my dreams were about him and our family and our wedding, then they would be very sweet indeed.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Esme's POV:**

"Bella, that's a packet of mayo. Don't you want ketchup instead?" Alice questioned.

Bella grinned in that way she called evil but which was really only mischievous. "No, I don't want ketchup for my fries, I want mayo. As you can see, I'm pregnant and want to be sure my ass and belly grow equally."

"Oh my jeebus! I can't believe you just said that," my daughter said while giggling.

"Pshh! Mayo on fries is the best thing _ever_!" Rosalie made sure all eyes were on her before she turned and looked down at her backside. "Yup. Best thing ever." Her comment had us all laughing.

Bree cleared his throat and with a serious expression asked, "Rose, is there something you want to share with the rest of us ladies?"

"Yes. An ass that looks perfect in jeans did not get that way without a little help."

"Halleluiah, Sister!" Bree cried as he and Rose gave each other a high-five.

"She shouldn't even be eating right now. She should be getting into her dress." My dear Alice was standing there with a pout on her lips and her arms crossed in front of her. She was beyond ready to get this wedding underway; she seemed to keep forgetting that today was about Edward and Bella and would go at their pace.

Before I could remind her of that yet again, Bree spoke up. "Pixie Pink, if you want to keep your hands and keep Sexy Momma from going all cannibal on your little ass, you better leave her fries alone."

Bella nodded her head while she happily chewed on her fries. She was in such high spirits today and had been ever since she had exchanged proposals with Edward. She had even taken the increase in her blood pressure medication this past weekend in stride, telling her doctor that it was a sign the babies were just as excited as she was about the impending nuptials.

I took my daughter by the shoulders and pulled her aside. "Alice, please calm down and let Bella enjoy her lunch. This is her big day and she should spend it as she wishes."

"I know but I'm so excited, Mom. My best friend and my big brother are getting married," she replied, nearly rushing her words together.

"I've got an idea. Why don't you and I go check on your brother while Bella eats? That way, you won't be standing around waiting and tempted to rush her."

"Do you think he's nervous?" she asked as we left the den Bella and Edward were using as their bedroom.

"I'm sure he is. All couples are nervous on their wedding day."

"I'm not going to be nervous," she stated confidently. "I'm going to be happy and excited."

I chuckled at how young and innocent she still was at times. She had always been my little dreamer, dressing up and pretending to have lavish weddings with her teddy bears.

"Alice, sweetheart, it's called the big day for a reason. Even the smallest of weddings has huge emotional ties to it. And even if you are completely sure about the man you want to marry, you'll still be nervous. You'll still question if he's as sure as you are about starting a brand new chapter in your lives together."

"Bella doesn't seem nervous."

"Bella has bigger things to be nervous about. Besides, you weren't with her this morning when she made your brother promise no less than eight separate times that he would meet her under the arch on the front lawn at exactly two this afternoon."

"The babies," Alice said softly I almost didn't hear her. "I heard about her medicine getting changed."

"It's more a precaution than anything, Sweetheart," I said, trying to reassure her. "Her blood pressure was slowly and steadily creeping up and Dr. Bennett wanted to cut it off to be safe."

"Oh, I hear Emmett," Alice trilled. Her earlier worries were forgotten in favor of running up the last few stairs to get to her brother's room. She didn't bother knocking so of course when she went straight in the disgruntled sounds of the men in the house floated out to me.

"What if I had been butt-ass naked?" Emmett asked as I entered the room.

"Then you'd have been in here alone," Jasper replied, making everyone in the room either smile or laugh.

"Oh, Lance. I've never seen you in a suit before. It completely becomes you," Alice complimented as she brushed a piece of lint from his jacket shoulder. "Has Bree seen you in a suit before?"

"As a matter of fact, he sees it almost every day since I have to wear them to work. He assures me he enjoys the view."

"Oh, I bet," Alice replied with a giggle.

"What are you doing up here, Ali?" Edward asked, looking at his sister's reflection in the mirror. He was attempting to get his tie straight and having very little luck from what I could see.

I went over to him and turned him enough so that I could take hold of his tie. "She wanted to see if there was anything she could do for you."

"Take care of Bella."

"She's already done that, Son. She brought your beautiful blushing bride fries and mayo."

He rolled his eyes and curled his upper lip. "Some of the cravings she has … I swear it's enough to make me want to eat in another room."

"I hope you don't say that to Bella."

"Hell no, Mom. I know better than that. I just smile and politely decline the fry with mayo or the bite of peanut butter and banana sandwich."

"Good. I don't want you upsetting my daughter-in-law."

Edward's grin stretched from one ear to the other. "This is really happening, Mom. I'm marrying her."

It was hard not to cry but I managed to keep together and keep from ruining my makeup. "I didn't see it at first because you are both different in so many ways. But now I look at you two and there's no doubt that you were meant for each other. You lift each other up and make each other better people and it's a beautiful thing to behold and be part of, Edward. I hope you and Bella will always keep in mind how lucky you are to have this kind of loving bond."

He pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly. And then he whispered into my ear words that made my heart soar and my eyes overflow with tears. "We love you and we know we wouldn't have made it here without you helping us. Bella wanted me to tell you that we picked our daughter's middle name. Elizabeth. Your middle name, grandma's first name, and Ali's middle name. Turns out, it's even Dr. Bennett's first name. We are blessed to know so many amazing women and you are the top of our list, Mom. We want to make sure our daughter never forgets how lucky she is to have you in her life so we want her to share part of your name."

I forced myself to take a calming breath and then stepped back, making sure I hadn't soiled his jacket with either tears or makeup. It took me two tries and a small sob to get the words past my tightened throat. "Thank you both. It means the world to me that you would honor me in my granddaughter's name."

He gave me that shy grin I saw less and less of these days. "Just don't tell anyone yet. Bella really wants the names to be a surprise for everyone."

A small laugh escaped me. "Considering I only have knowledge of a middle name, I think your secret is safe."

Alice's voice carried across the room to us. "Mom, Rose is yelling that we're needed."

"Guess that means my bride is ready to get dressed for the big event." My son's happiness and pride were audible.

"Two o'clock sharp, Edward. She's counting on you," I said as I quickly finished up with his tie.

"I know. I'll be there."

"See you soon, Sweetheart," I said as I kissed his cheek. I stayed long enough to say hello and goodbye to the other men in the room, spared a second and a kiss for my husband, and then headed back downstairs to help Bella finish getting ready.

I didn't mention anything about the name, knowing full well on a day like today it would end in Bella's tears. Though they would be happy ones, they would still take an emotional toll on her and she needed her energy and strength for the ceremony. The poor girl could hardly handle a walk around the grocery store with me before the weight and pressure on her feet and back required her to sit down. Yet she was determined to stand for the ceremony today. She wanted to stand at my son's side, pledge her love to him, wear his ring, and share in his last name. I had never been prouder to consider her one of my own and it had hardly anything to do with her marrying my son. I was proud because she'd open her heart and her life to someone else. My son liked to say that Bella looked good in everything she wore and while that was certainly true, she had never looked more amazing or more beautiful than she did now, completely in love and unafraid of her feelings.

Once we were back in the den with the other ladies and Bree, time seemed to speed by us. One moment we were struggling with the pins in Bella's hair and then we were helping her down the porch steps and out into the front yard.

Charlie was beaming with love and pride as he rushed over and took hold of his daughter's arm. "Bella, you look so grown up," he said as he smiled down at her.

"Is that a nice way of saying I'm a champagne colored blimp?" she asked, smiling too wide to mean it.

"I'm guessing that's the color of your dress?"

She nodded and laughed a little.

"It's the perfect dress for my little girl to become a married woman. You look beautiful, Bella. Most of all, you look happy."

As I watched the two of them hug, I couldn't help but tear up again. I'd watched her grow from a tortured teen to a soulful young woman. Today I would watch her marry my son and in a few more months I would see her become a mother.

Speaking of my son, he was already under the arch and talking animatedly with the Justice of the Peace who would be performing the marriage. He looked so grown up in his dark chocolate suit with the cream shirt and a flecked tie that matched Bella's dress. The empire waist of her dress made her roundness much more pronounced and the matching flats made it clear walking was not an easy thing for her to do these days. But from the smile on her face as she took her spot beside my son, I knew her feet where the last thing she was thinking about.

"Are we ready to start?" the Justice asked as I took my spot next to Carlisle, linking my arm with his.

Edward looked around at all of us and then to Bella before nodding. "I think so."

The Justice smiled at them before looking around at the crowd standing behind them in a semicircle so we could all have a clear view. Alice and Jasper were to their immediate left, standing as their witnesses for today. Carlisle and I were just behind those two with Charlie and Sue standing next to us. Jacob and his girlfriend Mariska were next, followed by Bree and Lance, Emmett and Rosalie, and Karen and Alisa. Rounding out the semicircle were a few of Bella's friends from Portland that I'd had the pleasure of meeting for the first time today: Kate and Garret, and Angela and Ben. They both seemed like lovely young couples and Bella had been very happy to see them arrive this morning.

"Edward and Bella have requested to say a few words before I start my part," the Justice announced.

The tip of Edward's ears turned red while Bella's cheeks darkened behind the blush Alice had expertly applied for her. "We thought at first we wanted to trade quotes to start, like we did when we first started dating. But then Bella felt music was a bigger part of our life together so we decided to use lyrics instead." He looked back at her and there was so much love and tenderness in his face as he spoke to her. "You are the strength that keeps me walking."

Bella giggled nervously before getting out her line. "You are the hope that keeps me trusting."

He lifted her hand and placed it over his heart; they were no longer smiling but that tenderness was still there. I suspected they were thinking of the dark time in their lives and all it had taken them to get here to this moment.

"You are the light to my soul," he told her.

Together they said one more lyric. "You are my purpose. You're everything."

The Justice of the Peace walked them through the normal wedding procedure with vows of love and devotion. And then he gave them a moment to share their own words—words that had us all laughing.

Edward had such a grin on his face as he spoke to her. "Bella, I promise to rub your feet and back whenever you're pregnant."

"And since that's only going to be for about three more months, I promise to only let you change the poopy diapers by yourself for three months," she replied, almost laughing too much to get the words out.

"I promise to let you have control of the radio, no matter if you're the driver or the passenger."

"I promise to watch the History Channel with you, no matter how boring the show ends up being."

Edward's expression grew serious then, as did his promise. "I promise to be honest."

"I promise to trust you."

Once again, he had her hand pressed to his heart. "Your heart is my heart."

"You stole that from me," she accused. And then she smiled so beautifully that I had to wipe my eyes. "I promise to love you with my whole heart for my whole life, Edward Cullen. And you better be ready for it because it's going to be a long life full of teasing and music and babies and everything we love in life and about each other."

Through watery eyes, I watched my son and my Bella exchange rings and make their final vows. I watched their first kiss and their first embrace as husband and wife. I watched them sign their marriage license with Alice and Jasper. And then I held them both in my arms and congratulated them.

They still faced a tough road with the final months of Bella's pregnancy ahead and then the first few months of raising newborns, but they were together and _solid_ in their love and commitment to each other. They were a family, for better or worse and forever.

"What are you thinking, my darling wife?" Carlisle asked as he wrapped his arms around me in a tight embrace.

I smiled and laid my head on his shoulder. "Seems like yesterday that he was only a tiny baby completely dependent on us. And now he's a married man expecting his own children in a few months. It's not the life I imagined for him at all and yet I couldn't be happier for him."

"It's because you know he's loved, Esme. You know that as deeply as you love and care for me, Bella feels that for him. And a love like ours is all we ever really wanted for our children."

"That and them moving out of the house someday," I said, joining in when he laughed.

"Yes, well, we got him out once before. I'm sure we can do it again. But only after we've had ample opportunity to spoil our grandchildren."

I laughed again and also noticed that Edward was helping Bella over to us. She held her arms open to me and I happily gave her the hug she wanted.

"Esme, I'm a Cullen now," she whispered with audible happiness.

I smiled into her hair as I hugged her just a little tighter. "Sweetheart, you always were."

* * *

**A/N: **They're married! And everything about it was pure WTB Edward and Bella. Love and silliness and unexpected gestures. And hormones. Our poor girl is full of hormones right now.

Thanks to my PIC for helping to pick out the perfect ring for Edward to pass on to Bella! You rock, Lady!

Thanks to my sis and MedusaInNY for teaching me about mayo on fries and its power to fill out a pair of jeanst.

We are winding down, folks! Just a couple chapters left as we give these two their HEA and leave them to live their life with their babies. Can't wait to share the names EA and I helped E&B pick out for the babies!


	64. The Name Game

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: ****The Name Game**

**Chapter Song: ****"All Yours" by Metric**

**Bella****'s POV:**

"So do you like the gift from Lance and me, Peaches?" Bree asked. He was sitting behind me on the sofa and letting me lean against his chest since Edward was busy at the moment.

I could only nod my head as an answer because I was still giggling. Bree and Lance had gotten a triple stroller for the babies and I was having the best time watching Edward and Lance try to figure out how to open and close the thing up properly.

We'd asked everyone to get something for the babies instead of getting anything for Edward and me but I'd never once expected Bree or anyone else to buy such a huge gift. I'd been thinking we'd get diapers and onesies, which we did get, but we also got a few large gifts too, like the triple stroller. Carlisle, Esme, my dad, and Sue had gotten together to buy three car seats. Alice and Jasper had given us three of those activity mats where the toys hung down for the babies to grab at, and Rose and Emmett had given us three baby swings.

Jacob had only recently started working after school at an auto shop but he hadn't let that stop him from spoiling the babies, getting each of them the cutest hooded towels—all frogs. Or as Jake put it, the three tadpoles.

Karen hadn't been able to come for Christmas but she had sent gifts a few days ago. She'd given Edward a book on caring for babies and he'd already started highlighting passages and marking pages in it. Watching him do things to prepare for the babies made me melt for him in a completely different and nearly indescribable way. There was no doubt in my mind that he was going to be a great dad.

For the babies, she'd sent them these really cute bouncy seats with a tropical fish theme. Apparently once they were old enough to move a little, they would be able to make the seat rock a little and it would help keep them soothed when we weren't able to hold them for whatever reason. And Karen's generosity didn't stop with Edward and the babies. She must have been talking to Edward about my trouble sleeping because she'd sent this huge u-shaped pillow that wrapped all around me and made it possible to find a comfortable sleeping position again. I'd probably thanked her a dozen times already through phone calls and text messages—and I was pretty sure Edward had thanked her too since he rarely slept when I couldn't.

Even Kate and Angela had sent gifts. They'd each sent a pack of diapers and wipes and then Angela had given us two bottles and two pacifiers for each baby. The other part of Kate's gift had been baby classical music CDs that Edward wasted no time in loading on my iPod. He'd put headphones against my stomach to try and lull the babies to sleep with the soothing sounds. With the music and the new pillow from Karen, I'd slept through the whole night for the first time in months.

"So I gotta know, Peaches. What's married life like with Daddyward over there? He is the ultimate HILF to go along with his DILF?"

I snorted at Bree's question. "You're ridiculous."

"Come on, Bells. Confess your sins and dirty my soul."

"Since the babies still have a couple months before they're here, he's technically not a DILF yet."

"Don't stall with semantics, woman. Give me the down and dirty details."

"All you need to know is he's being just as attentive as a husband as he was when he was just a boyfriend. He handles my mood swings with patience and calm, and he never complains when I end up craving the one thing that isn't in the house."

Bree smiled and placed a loud kiss on my cheek. "Good. Because I'd hate to have to smack that fine ass of his for neglecting his duties to you."

"You touch that ass and I _will_ break your fingers."

He snorted. "You'd have to catch me first."

"I'll tell Ali to catch you for me."

"No-oh, the pixie scratches," Bree whined, making me laugh.

"Time to talk about you," I demanded. "How are things going with Lance?"

His smile was ridiculously big as he answered. "It's going that kind of really great when you try to just enjoy it and not freak out and expect something shitty to happen. When we were talking about coming here for Christmas, I wanted him to feel like he really had a choice because he'd just come with me for Thanksgiving and to be here for your wedding. He told me that holidays are meant to be spent with family so wherever I was going to be, that's where he would be."

I totally stole a reaction from Alice and squealed while clapping. "Bree!"

"What in the world are these babies doing to you, Peaches?" he asked as he laughed at me.

I knew he'd been teasing but I gave him an honest answer anyway. "Making me happy."

"Got it!" Edward triumphantly announced, snagging my full attention. His face was flushed, his shirt was sticking to his chest, and his hair was damp and hanging over his eyes. He should have had a scowl to match the harassed look of his body but the smile he wore was wide and genuine.

"Look, Peaches! Your babies will be able to safely ride in style now that Daddyward has gotten that nasty stroller to submit to him. And he didn't even have to spank it." Bree's words had Edward blushing all the way up to the tips of his ears and me laughing so hard that I very nearly peed myself.

"I could have had that thing set up hours ago," Emmett boasted from his spot on the floor in front of me. He was surrounded by parts for the activity mats that he'd offered to put together.

"Really putting it together and forcing it into an unnatural working order through pure brute force are two very different things, Em," Edward told him.

"Yeah and you ain't exactly Handy Manny with those mats, Em," Jasper said, grinning at Emmett. "I've been watching you pick up and put down pieces for over an hour and you still don't have a finished mat to show for it while I'm almost done with all three swings."

"Hey, this takes finesse," Emmett defended. "The fish have to be placed for maximum fun."

"Yeah, okay," Jasper said with a snort. He spun the screwdriver in his hand once and then went back to working on a swing—a chore that Emmett had not volunteered for at all even though he'd been the one to give the swings to the babies.

"Esme, your house is starting to look like a baby store," I said as I looked over at her. She was sharing one of the chairs with Carlisle, just taking in the guys' antics and smiling.

"At least we have the room to spread it out here," she replied.

"You should have seen the mess of our first home with the boys," Carlisle said. "You could barely walk without running into or stepping on something baby related."

"Although it did make it easy to keep an eye on both boys at the same time," Esme added with a giggle.

Carlisle made a noise that was clearly intended to be a scoff at her words. "I think that's why I built this house so big. We have more than enough room to stretch out and not be underneath each other all the time."

"You two make it sound like it was so hard to have Ed and me around back then," Emmett said, sounding a little offended to my ears.

"It _was_ hard," Esme confirmed. "But that doesn't mean we would take any of it back. It was a hardship worth the struggle because it gave us two sons we love very much."

"But you love me more, right?" Emmett goaded, his eyes and smirk trained on Edward.

"Well sure, initially," Carlisle answered. "But then we had Alice and you boys didn't stand a chance."

Every person in the room—even Emmett—laughed at Carlisle's statement.

"So, Dad, how are you going to pick your favorite grandkid?" Emmett asked once the laugher ended.

"I prefer the eenie meanie miney moe method myself," my dad announced, getting a few snorts and chuckles.

"You will all love my babies equally or face my wrath," I told them.

"Yeah, I've seen her wrath. It's not pretty," Edward said as he lifted my feet so he could sit on the end of the sofa.

"But the babies are," Alice gushed. She had a 3D ultrasound of the triplets in her hands as she said it; we'd given everyone a copy as their Christmas gift. Our little girl had her thumb secured between her lips while our boys were all curled up with their little fists hiding their faces.

"So, Bells, when are you gonna tell me what to call my niece and nephews?" Jake asked.

I rolled my eyes at his question, but only because he'd asked me every single day during the month of December. "When the time is right, Jake."

"You're just doing that crap to tease because you can," he said, pouting like he was eight instead of eighteen.

"She's not," Edward said, coming to my defense. "We haven't completely agreed on the boys' names and we want to announce all three together."

Alice was suddenly leaning over the back of the sofa, practically in my face. "Bells, you can tell me my niece's name. I'm so great at keeping secrets! You can just whisper it into my ear and it will stay in the vault until you're ready to announce all the names."

Edward snorted, having heard every word. "Alice, we're not telling you a thing."

"And you _don't_ keep secrets," I added.

"I do to!" she cried, her hands flying to her little hips. "Name one thing I didn't keep a secret."

I lifted my hand and used my fingers to start ticking off things. "The luau picture. The extra cookie I had last night. The trip to the grocery store I took last month. Edward's Halloween costume."

"Yeah, but those were little things," she said with a wave of her hand. "I've never given up the big stuff like how Edward knew you were in his room that spring break he walked in on you."

"Alice!" Edward yelled. His eyes were so damn wide and his face was pale white as he stared at her.

For her part, Alice was bright red and repeating "sorry" like it was the only word she could speak.

"Um … care to explain?" I asked, looking only at Edward.

Color rushed into his face and ears as he held my gaze. "I knew you were in there but I never dreamed you'd be less than fully clothed." His eyes cut over to Alice for a second. "_Someone_ promised you were wide awake and had been looking for someone to watch a horror movie with."

I gave a fake gasp as I turned my head toward Alice. "And you wanted me to name my baby after you. What kind of miniature demon are you?"

Alice started twisting her fingers and spewing out words at record speed. "I didn't plan it. Well, not the you being topless part. But I just knew he liked you and I knew you would like him if you gave him a chance and I just wanted you both happy. And you're both so ridiculously stubborn when you want to be and you were never going to take the chance with each other if I didn't step in." She paused to take a breath and then the little sneak pulled out the puppy dog eyes and infamous pout. "I did it all for love, Bells."

Edward and I looked at each other and then just started laughing. We would never know for sure if we would have ended up together or missed out completely on the life we had now if it wasn't for Alice. We would also never be allowed to forget the hand she'd played both in getting us together and in becoming parents. And we wouldn't have it any other way even if we told her differently.

"Alice, sweetheart, why don't you come and help me get dinner on the table?" Esme suggested as she stood. "I don't think your brother can handle if you share any more tonight," she added, winking at Edward and then steering Alice out of the room.

"I love her," Jasper announced, getting everyone's full attention. He shook his head as he grinned. "I love her with my whole heart but damn if I don't want to duct tape her mouth every so often."

"I'll buy the roll," Edward offered.

"Oh, Peaches," Bree panted, wiping a tear from his cheek. He'd been having one of his quiet hysterical fits ever since Alice had let Edward's secret slip.

"What?" I asked as I ruffled his hair.

"I'm trying to imagine what those poor little babies are going to think of this craziness next year when they have their first Christmas with us."

I smiled, looking down at my hands moving back and forth across my giant stomach. "They're going to laugh and be happy. Just like we all are right now."

Edward's hand joined mine, our wedding rings glinting in the bright lighting of the room. "Happy, healthy, and home." No matter how bright the room was, it couldn't match his green eyes—not even a little.

We had no idea where we would be living this time next year or what life would look like. We only knew that as long as we were together, home would be wherever we were.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

"Angel, we need to get you dressed," I said as I finished putting my sneakers on.

"In a minute. Jim's about to propose to Pam."

"Bella, you've seen Jim propose to Pam more times than I can count. You could probably recite the entire scene if I challenged you."

"But it's so perfect, Edward."

"Perfect? He proposes in front of a convenience store."

"But see that's just it!" she cried, looking more animated than she had in days. She hadn't been sleeping well this week and instead of getting more talkative like she would have before the pregnancy, she grew really quiet these days.

"He couldn't wait," she continued. "He had been without her all summer, only stealing the occasional weekend visits with her. So he asked her to meet him halfway so they could have lunch together and the store was halfway and as soon as he saw her, he couldn't wait any longer. He was _that_ in love with her. And she totally got it because she said 'yes'."

I had been walking toward her while she talked and reached her just as she finished speaking. "Would you have preferred me to propose in front of a store, Bella?"

She grabbed my shirt and tugged me closer—closer to her lips curled up in a smile and those bright brown eyes of hers. "I loved your proposal just the way it was."

"I loved yours too." I watched her smile widen at my words and then I kissed her soundly on her soft lips. When I pulled back, it wasn't a soft smile that I saw on her face but her evil one. I shook my head at her even as I played along. "What?"

"You're no Jim Halpert but you'll do."

I laughed at her silliness and then attempted to get her back for her teasing. I patted her head as I quoted _Shrek_ to her since she'd made me watch it with her just last night. "That'll do, Donkey. That'll do."

She laughed and pushed her hand against my hip. "Take your silly self over there and find me something warm to wear." Before I could tease her about it, she added a "please" and "thank you". I didn't mind any of the things I did to help her at all but it was nice to know just how much she appreciated my help.

"What about a pair of sweat pants?" I asked, showing Bella the pants in question.

She rolled her eyes at me. "Have you lost your ever lovin' mind, Babe? Pants are a trip hazard and have been for about four weeks now."

"Then that leaves you with dresses, Momma. Do you want the green one, the red one, or the black one?"

"Black. At least I can pretend it slims my figure," she said with a snort. "Plus it's the longest so my legs won't completely freeze over."

I set the dress on the end of the bed before helping her to sit up and get her legs pointed toward the floor. She was around thirty-six weeks now and she could no longer get up on her own. Or walk. Or sit down. Honestly, there really wasn't anything she could do by herself. I had no idea how she could stand it but she never once complained. She let me know whenever she felt bad or needed a massage, but she never acted fed up with it all.

"This morning I feel like my skin is stretched so tight that if one of them kicks me hard enough, their foot is going to just pop right out," Bella confided as I helped her get her arms through the dress. "Do you think it's the cold weather making me feel that way?"

"It could be. I could put some lotion on it if you want. But just for the record, they can't kick their way out of you. Of course, if you're worried, I could always wrap your stomach in duct tape."

Her brown eyes narrowed into slits. "How about I wrap your peen in duct tape, Mister I'm So Funny?"

"You wouldn't dare. You like my boy parts," I joked, using the words she'd once said to Charlie.

"Not to mention I couldn't catch you if you decided to run." She sighed and then smiled up at me, but I could tell it was forced from the lines around her mouth. "So did you come up with any other names for consideration?"

"What about Tucker?"

"You mean Tuck-it-in-her? No thanks. Don't need my kid being called that on the playground."

"Jeebus, Bella. What the hell kind of school did you go to?"

"The kind with kids who had nothing better to do than harass other kids."

"Theo?"

She scrunched her face up. "Doesn't sound right."

"How about Tyler?"

Her first reaction was to stare at me with her mouth wide open. And then she put her hands on her belly and said, "Babies, cover your ears … Hell to the no, Edward. I am not naming one of my sons after the absolute worst co-worker I have ever come across in my life. Have you really forgotten the pickle juice incident?"

I had forgotten but rather than risk a rant on my forgetfulness, I tossed out another name. "What about Tad?"

"Alice will _love_ that," Bella replied with a giggle. "She'll have _Cujo_ nightmares for the rest of her life."

I tried to think up more names while searching through our pile of shoes between our dressers. "How about something historical? How about Tristan from King Arthur's court?"

"It's nice but … I don't know. I don't think it fits right with the other two names."

"I'm out for now then. What do you have?" I asked, finally having found a pair of flats to go with her dress.

"Toby?"

"Toby what?"

She didn't answer right away; instead she chewed on her lower lip and pretended she could see me putting her shoes on her. It wasn't until she was standing that she shared her idea with me. "I was thinking maybe Toby Charles."

"Toby Charles Cullen … It's not bad. But we'll have to pick this up again later unless you want to include my mom because it's time for breakfast. We've got a big day ahead and you need to eat so you have energy for it all."

"You have the flowers for Aaron, right?"

"Flowers? You didn't say anything about flowers. You had me put his gift in the car last night so we couldn't possibly forget it, but you didn't mention flowers."

"I did too. I told you the Camellia Rose. I even called the nursery to make sure they had some. I told you I wanted two of them since he's double digits today. I told you last night. I know I did."

I could see in her face and hear in her voice that she was quickly melting down on me and too upset to even realize it. I grabbed for the first idea I could come up with and hoped it would help at the same time that I wrapped her up in a hug. "I must have misunderstood you somehow but I can fix this. I can go right now and get the flowers. It won't take me long and you can eat your breakfast while I'm out so we can leave for the cemetery as soon as I get back."

"I promised him flowers. His mom's favorites." Her voice cracked on the last word and her shoulders shook as she started to cry. I held her tight while I stroked her back and promised I'd get the flowers. I'd been waiting all morning for something to push her past her emotional limit and here it was. In a couple of days, she'd look back on this and realize she had forgotten to tell me about the flowers and then she'd be apologetic for being upset and crying. I'd assure her she didn't need to apologize, she'd probably cry a little more, and then it would be one more issue solved and put away. But first she had to get past his birthday. It seemed February fifth had come flying at us out of nowhere.

There was a knock on our door and then it opened, revealing my mother with a worried look on her face. "Everything okay?"

I shook my head just enough for my mom to see it and Bella not to feel it. Using the most upbeat tone I could, I said, "Mom, I forgot to get flowers for Aaron. Do you think you could help Bella find something for breakfast while I run out and get them?"

"Oh, absolutely," my mom answered. She came over and ran her hand down the length of Bella's hair which stopped just below the middle of her back. "I was just on my way in here to see what sounded good to you, Sweetheart. Why don't we go into the kitchen together and see what we can pick out?"

I gently tilted Bella's head so I could see her face. "How does that sound, Angel? Breakfast with my mom while I run out?"

She nodded while trying to wipe at her face and get control of her breathing from the crying. "Sorry but I promised."

"You don't have anything to be sorry about. Totally my fault. I'll go right now and fix it. If you're sure you're okay for me to leave."

She nodded again and even managed half of a fake smile. "I'm okay."

"I'll be back as quick as I can," I promised her.

"If you think it's stupid, you don't have to go get them."

"Bella, anything that's important to you isn't stupid, okay? I'll go get them, I'll come right back, and then we'll go to the cemetery before your appointment, just like we planned."

My mom must have been able to tell Bella was spiraling back down because she spoke up while replacing my arms around Bella with her own. "It's going to be a great day, Sweetheart. We'll have breakfast, just you and me. Then all three of us will visit Aaron and wish him a happy birthday. And after that, you and I will get to 'ooh' and 'ah' over my grandbabies when you have your ultrasound." She looked over the top of Bella's head and mouthed "go" to me.

We'd had a couple of incidents like this before and I knew to listen and just go. As much as Bella loved me and wanted me around, sometimes she needed me to step away and let her be upset—something I wasn't good at doing if I stayed in the room. I couldn't help it, though. I'd always hated to see her unhappy and knowing how it could affect her blood pressure just made it impossible for me to stand there and not try to fix it. But as my mother had pointed out, sometimes the only fix was to let it break.

So that's what I did. I left Bella with my mother and ran out to get the flowers she wanted Aaron to have. Considering how things had been last year at this time and taking into account her major increase in hormones this year, this meltdown really wasn't that bad. Hopefully, it would be the only one.

I was lucky to have my mom around today, especially with that text Ali had sent this morning cautioning me to stay close to Bella today. Knowing how right my sister could be when she had one of her _feelings_, I planned to follow her instructions and was glad my mom would be with me to help.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

"Just a few more weeks of this," I said as Esme helped me shuffle my way to the kitchen. I'd soaked the shoulder of her shirt over some forgotten flowers and she hadn't seemed the least bit concerned. She had always been so loving and supportive to me but she had really been going above and beyond throughout this pregnancy. I made a mental note to talk to Edward about getting her something special to show my thanks.

"A few more and then you'll be resting in bed with your babies beside you and not in you," Esme assured me.

"I almost don't believe it'll happen."

She laughed. "I remember feeling that way myself toward the end of my pregnancy with the boys. By the way, you look lovely today. This dress really suits you."

I snorted. "Thanks, Esme. I needed a good dose of female spin this morning."

"Always happy to help, Sweetheart."

After she had me sitting at the table, she turned to leave to find breakfast, but I had other ideas. "Sit a minute, Esme."

"Alright," she said as she sat right next to me. "What's on your mind?"

"I want to let you into the circle of trust. I keep no name from you, you keep no name from me, we keep all names from Ali, and round and round we go. Oh, and I tell Edward later that I let you into it."

"That sounds familiar, Sweetheart. Is it a movie?"

"Slightly amended circle of trust speech between Jack and Greg in _Meet The Parents_."

"The one with the cat who flushes?"

"That's the one."

"Okay. Got the movie. Got the circle. Now let's talk turkey. Or in this case, names."

"Okay. I'm going to start with your granddaughter's name. I've never picked anyone's name before but I just loved it from the moment I thought of it. And Edward loves it so much he didn't even want to hear any other suggestions.

"So you already know Elizabeth is the middle name for you and Ali and Grandma Elizabeth. And Dr. Bennett too because she has gone above and beyond to help me with this pregnancy and even before now. I wanted my little girl's first name to be just as strong as her middle name and the women she's named after."

I took in a deep breath and then let it out slowly, knowing I really didn't have a reason to be so nervous and still feeling it anyway. "Our little girl will be Thea Elizabeth."

Esme's gasp sounded loud in the kitchen with it being just the two of us there. Just as quickly as she made the sound, she was squeezing my hand and smiling. "It's a gorgeous name, Bella."

I felt both relieved and excited to see how much she liked the name.

"Don't be nervous at all. It's beautiful, Sweetheart," she assured me while she patted my hand. "It's strong and feminine. It's a wonderful name and I can't wait to call her by it."

"It also means 'gift' and she's definitely that," I told her.

"And the boys? Have you chosen names for them?"

"Well that's where things get tricky. I'd like the babies to all have names that start with 'T' or have a 'T' nickname. The only one I absolutely want right now is Anthony Aaron. We could call him Tony and it's a family name. But Edward thinks Tony Cullen sounds like a mob hit man. How in the world he figures this when he doesn't know any mob hit men, he can't explain."

Esme chuckled and shook her head. "My son. But you are right about Anthony being a family name. Not only did it belong to Edward and my father, it was also part of Carlisle's great uncle's name. Of course, we didn't know this uncle. We just happened to come across his name while looking up our family trees years ago. If I'm not mistaken, it was a high school class project for Emmett."

"Oh, I can't wait to tell Edward that," I said, getting excited about the name all over again. "He'll have to let me have it now."

"Does he really not like it?"

"No, it's the total opposite. He suggested Anthony. But he says he only meant it as a middle name to compliment Aaron as a first name. I told him last year about how I'd wanted to name a son after Aaron and how upset it had made me that I couldn't have a baby at all. So now he thinks he's giving me what I want and that I'm just being polite or something when I say I want it as a middle name instead."

"Ah. He's hearing but not listening."

"Pretty much."

"Well don't you worry, Sweetheart. I'll help you bring him around. I'll point out that it's a good name to grow into. The baby will be Tony while he's young and then he can either stay Tony or be Anthony when he's older."

"So you like it? I can count you as an ally in my naming war with Edward?"

"Absolutely," she said, smiling and patting my hand. "But first, we will unite to find and eat breakfast. What sounds good?"

"Eggs," I practically shouted.

She chuckled as she stood up. "Eggs it is. Of course, with as many as you've eaten while pregnant, I have a feeling you'll steer clear of them after the babies are born."

"Three more weeks."

"They'll be the longest and shortest weeks of your life," she promised. And then she promised something that really had me smiling. "And your family will be right here with you through it all."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

I made it back to the house with the exact flowers Bella wanted in a little under twenty minutes. I would've driven faster but I didn't want word to get back to Charlie about me speeding and have him worry that I was being a reckless driver and adult. He was already worried enough about Bella because of how little she could move on her own, even though everyone assured him it was normal with her proportions.

"Got the flowers," I called out as I walked into the kitchen. I didn't find my wife or my mother but I did find a huge puddle on the floor right in front of the sink. I figured Bella had forgotten to make sure the sprayer attachment was secure and had ended up dousing herself and the floor. It had happened to her a few times before, including once just last week. She was probably busy apologizing to my mother since she wouldn't be able to clean up the mess herself.

I snorted as I continued to look at the water. A completely ridiculous and possibly annoying joke had popped into my head about where else the water could have come from.

Leaving the kitchen to go find them, I heard their voices coming from the den so I headed in there to share my stupid joke with Bella. I felt I had pretty good chances of making her laugh.

"What the hell happened in the kitchen? Looks like someone's water broke in there," I said as I walked into the room.

I was not prepared at all for Bella to look at me and deadpan, "Yeah, that would be my water all over the floor."

"So not funny, Cullen," I said, using her new last name to get a smile out of her.

"So not joking, Cullen," she retorted.

"It's true, Edward," my mother confirmed.

I looked between the two of them, patiently waiting for one or both of them to break into smiles and laugh over failing to trick me. Only they never laughed. And neither did I—no, I was too busy feeling my heart pounding in every extremity of my body. "What do you mean it's yours?" I practically yelled at Bella.

Bella spoke slowly to me as if I were a small child struggling to understand complex words, which I may have actually appeared to be in that moment. "I mean my water broke and as soon as you shut up and let your mom finish helping me into dry clothing, we are going to the hospital."

"You don't have time to change!" Apparently telling myself not to get excited and shout didn't work at all. "Your water broke. We have to go to the hospital. We have a birth plan."

"No fork, Babe. I've already called Dr. Bennett and she knows we're on our way in. But there's no way in hell I'm riding all the way to the hospital in wet clothing. Why don't you make yourself useful and go put my suitcase in the car?"

"Edward, do as she says," my mother instructed, giving me that look that said not to argue with her. "It's by the door. And make sure you put it in the trunk since you and Bella will be sitting in the back."

I nodded my head like I was going to do just what she'd told me but I ended up standing there and asking a question instead. "Why?"

"Because Bella needs to sit with her legs up and she can't do that from the front seat. And also, I would never trust you to drive in the state you're in. Now go handle the suitcase while Bella and I finish in here."

"Right," I said, nodding again. "And where is the suitcase?"

She laughed and lifted her chin toward me. "Right behind you, next to the door. It's purple and hard to miss."

I nodded for the third time and turned around, finding the purple suitcase right away. I grabbed it and hurried out of the room but not so quickly that I didn't catch part of their conversation as I left.

"Think this would be a good time to tell him you're on board with Anthony Aaron?" Bella asked.

"One shock to his system at a time, Sweetheart. Let's wait until we get to the hospital for another."

At first I smiled at what they'd said. And then I realized this was really happening. We were going to drive to the hospital with Bella thirty-six weeks pregnant and when we left, it would be Bella and me and our three babies. There was no pause button for this. No way to say "five more minutes" or "three more weeks". No one to tell that her water breaking like this wasn't listed on our birth plan.

As I closed the trunk lid, my mom and Bella came out of the house. For all of my wife's earlier bravado, I could see she was nervous. It was in the way her fingers twitched against my mother's hand on her hip and how she watched every single step she took even though it had been months since she'd been able to see her feet. Whatever anxiety I felt was miniscule compared to Bella's and I needed to be confident for her right now.

I ran over and helped Bella down the last two porch steps, getting a grateful smile from her in return. "Alright, Momma. Time to head to the hospital and welcome our babies into this world."

Her smile faded and revealed the anxiety in her eyes. "Stay with me, okay? The whole time."

I smiled and kissed her temple as I made her a promise. "Every step of the way, Angel. It's you and me together."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV:**

The door to Bella's hospital room opened and my sister poked her head in. "Can we come in?" she asked, managing what had to be the first real whisper of her life.

"Yeah. Just be quiet," I told her.

"Are you sure? We can wait."

"It's fine. Just keep your voice down."

Her face broke out into a huge smile and she came tip-toeing in, pulling Jasper behind her. He had his lips pressed together so hard they were white as he tried not to laugh at my sister's antics.

"We didn't want to wake Bella," she said when she was close enough to hug me.

"Please don't. She really needs to sleep." I made sure my sister was looking at me and saw how serious I was being.

She crossed her heart and then hugged me again.

"How are you?" Jasper asked as we shook hands.

"I'm tired but great. Bella got through her cesarean and her hysterectomy with no complications, and all three babies have ten fingers and ten toes and are breathing on their own."

"So exciting!" Alice half-squealed and half-whispered. She sounded like a cat that had just gotten its tail stepped on. At least she'd been mostly quiet while she'd done it.

"You want exciting?" I asked, grinning at her. "How about I introduce you?"

Alice shot out her questions so fast I nearly missed them. "They're here? Like in here in the room? Where?"

I shook my head at her exuberance while taking her hand and bringing her around the curtain I'd had to pull closed to block Bella's view of the babies. It had been the only way I could get her to close her eyes and go to sleep.

"Aunt Alice … Uncle Jasper … The little beauty wrapped in pink is Thea Elizabeth. The handsome baby boy next to her is Anthony Aaron, who will be known as Tony per his mother's strict instructions."

Alice grabbed my arm and interrupted me. "Is Bella going to be okay with you introducing us without her? I don't want her feelings to be hurt."

"She practically ordered me to share with you, Ali," I assured her. "She got to do the introductions for Charlie and Jake when she was awake earlier."

"Where are they now?" Jasper asked.

"Jake took Aaron his gift and flowers for Bella, promising to bring back photo proof on his phone. She told him it could wait but he knew she didn't really want it to. And Charlie went with my parents to grab some dinner." As soon as I finished answering, Alice was tugging on my arm again.

"Does Bella realize the babies are going to share Aaron's birthday?"

I smiled and hugged her tightly, having seen in her face how concerned she was for Bella—how much she loved Bella. "She thinks it's absolutely perfect. She's always wished it could be a day she celebrated more than mourned and she says there's no way in the world that won't happen now."

Jasper was busy leaning over to get a closer look at Thea but he spared me a glance as he said, "Our Bells is a smart girl."

"Yep," Alice agreed with a nod. She twirled herself out of my arms to get a peek at the babies with Jasper. "So Thea and Tony. What about my other cute little nephew right here? Oh! He opened his eyes."

I smiled as I walked over to my son's bassinet and carefully lifted him out of it. He gave a huge yawn and then promptly closed his eyes once more. "This little guy is Toby Charles. Bella wasn't sure about the Toby part but since I let her have Anthony as a first name instead of a middle name, she let me have Toby."

"Who picked this little darlin's name?" Jasper asked.

I looked over to find that my daughter had his finger clutched in her tiny fist. "Her mother chose it. I don't think I could have come up with anything more perfect if I'd tried. And once I'd heard it, I didn't want to hear any others."

"Thea, Tony, and Toby. I think they're all perfect." Alice said, smiling wide as she gently traced the side of Toby's face with her finger.

"Would you like to hold him?"

My sister's eyes lit up like Christmas tree bulbs. "I'd love it, Edward."

"Keep his head supported at all times," I warned as I carefully transferred my son into her arms.

"Jeebus, he's so little and light," she cooed, cradling him close to her body like she was a baby holding pro. I wasn't ashamed to admit to myself that I was jealous; it had taken two tries for my mom to teach me to hold the babies that way—and that was with me having taken a class with Bella on baby care.

Since my sister didn't need my help, I turned toward Jasper and my baby girl. She had her eyes open, staring up at him while he stared right back—his finger still clutched in her fist. "You can pick her up, Jazz."

"You sure?" he asked. Considering he had yet to take his eyes off of her, I felt pretty certain he'd be careful with her.

"Go ahead and hold your niece."

He was slow and exact with his movement, cupping her little head in his large hand first and then gently lifting her up and holding her close. "Aren't you a long one, little miss? Almost the whole length of my arm from palm to elbow."

"She's fourteen inches long," I told him. "She weighed in at six pounds and two ounces, and was the first to be born. Toby came next at fourteen-and-a-half inches, and six pounds and four ounces. Anthony was last and he's the same length as Toby and only an ounce shy of his brother's weight."

"You're not going to do that older-younger thing Emmett always did, are you?" My sister's eyebrows were lifted, like she was waiting for me to give the wrong answer so she could set me straight.

"No, we will not be doing that," I assured her. "Bella has already told them it's not allowed."

Jasper snorted. "I bet she did."

"Bella was so great," I said, smiling with pride as I thought about the delivery. "She was so strong and she was making jokes during the cesarean part. She was telling me not to faint over the blood because she'd never let me forget it."

"Is she still okay with everything else? The hysterectomy and the meds and the not breastfeeding?" Alice questioned.

"Yeah, she understands there's no other choice. She has to be healthy to make sure the babies are healthy and that requires her taking hormones and using formula."

"I can't believe my big brother and best friend are parents together," Alice said, once again smiling wide. "I knew something big was going to happen today but I had no idea it would be their birthday. Oh! Do Em and Rose know yet? What about Bree and Lance? Karen? And Kate and Angela?"

"They all know," I told her. "Emmett and Rose can't get away until next weekend. Bree is flying in tomorrow morning but Lance won't be able to come with him. Karen and Alisa, Kate and Garrett, and Angela and Ben can't come up any time soon but Bella has promised them pictures. But not until she can make sure I take the pictures correctly since she's not allowed out of bed yet."

"Hey, if we're holding babies, I want in," Jake said. He'd been so quiet coming into the room that none of us had heard him.

"Isn't there an age requirement?" Alice teased.

Jasper and I watched the two of them poke their tongues at each other and before I had the chance to tease them, he jumped in. "Ali, you might want to clarify that you're talking physical age and not mental, Darlin'."

"Do you hear that, Toby?" she cooed to my son. "Uncle Jazzy is being mean to your Aunt Ali."

"Stop lying to the kid and pass him over," Jacob ordered as he held his hands out.

"Don't break him," she warned as she passed Toby to him.

Jacob scowled at her. "I held him earlier for your information. And he liked it so much he went to sleep for me."

"Because you bored him," my sister retorted.

"You two are setting a stellar example right now," Jasper said, very clearly being sarcastic.

"We sure are. We're showing sibling rivalry and love," Ali replied. "Aren't we, Jake?"

"Yeah. You're super small and hugely annoying, but I still like you," he answered with a big grin.

"So, Jake, did everything go okay?" I asked, hoping to change the subject.

He didn't answer right away, too busy smiling and cooing at his nephew. "Found his stone right away and put his gift and flowers there. Even took the picture for proof like Bells wanted." He lifted his head and looked at me oddly. "But, Edward, I gotta know. Why did she give him a laminated picture of a bear in a crib?"

I smiled, remembering the exact day she's printed the picture and sent me off to have it laminated. "Because that's his bear in our babies' crib."

Jake grinned and it took years off his face, making him seem like the little kid Bella often treated him like. "She's gonna be a great mom, huh?"

"One of the best," I agreed.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

"I still can't believe it," I said, hardly speaking above a whisper. Toby had just fallen asleep in my arms and Thea was nodding off in Edward's. Tony had drifted off earlier—right along with his Poppa Charlie in the chair near the babies' bassinets.

"They're here and they're healthy."

"Yeah," I agreed, almost snorting the word. "I can't believe how fast they sucked those bottles dry. Now I see exactly what Dr. Bennett meant when she said there was no way I would have been able to keep up with them even if I hadn't had my issues."

"Are you regretting your choice to have the hysterectomy?" Edward asked as he set his hand on my leg.

"No because I know the chances of me having severe complications were a lot higher than the possibility of ever having another pregnancy. And I'm not greedy. I've got my husband and three gorgeous babies. I'm very happy and satisfied."

"Good," he said, smiling as he leaned in to kiss me.

Just as his lips pressed against mine, we heard a throat being cleared. We looked up to find Bree in the room with his hands holding out the edges of his shirt. It was a plain white v-neck shirt that he'd written on with purple marker and it said "I'm The Auntie".

"So do I look fabulous enough for meeting my niece and nephews?" he asked.

"I don't know," I said, faking a sigh. "Give me a twirl and let's see what we're working with."

He snorted and came right over to the bed, somehow managing to squeeze me in a hug without jostling the sleeping baby in my arms. "You look too amazing to have just given birth yesterday, Peaches," he said when he let me go.

"Motherhood agrees with me," I teased.

"It does," Edward confirmed, being completely serious.

"Don't you even think about arguing, Isabella," Bree warned. And then he went straight to cooing over the baby in my arms. "Look at you, little one. You are so damn cute I could just eat you up."

"So ridiculously silly," I told him. I was trying to tease him but I was having a hard time keeping a straight face with the way he was smiling.

"So who's who around here?" Bree asked, looking between my son and my daughter.

"I'm holding Toby and Edward has Thea. My dad has Tony in the corner behind you."

"I saw that when I came in. Charlie looks ridiculously sweet asleep with a baby on his chest."

"That's just because you haven't seen Bella that way yet," Edward told him.

"I've got time," Bree happily informed us. "I'm here for the next three days."

"Oh, look, Babe. More help with diaper changes." I had to laugh when Bree crinkled his nose at my comment.

"So where's everyone else?" Bree asked as he sat down in the chair next to my bed. "I expected to find this room packed."

"It was earlier but my parents went out for a late lunch with Alice and Jasper," Edward explained.

"And the asshat you call a brother?"

"He and Rose can't get away until next weekend. They can't get their plane tickets bumped up any further without paying a hefty fee for it."

"Rose is not happy the babies came early and ruined her plan to hold them before Alice," I added.

Bree snorted. "Too bad, so sad. And now Aunt Rose is going to be even further down the holding ladder because Aunt Bree gets next holding."

"No time like the present," Edward said as he got up from the end of my bed and walked over to Bree. "Aunt Bree, you're going to hold our little Thea for me while I step outside and call my job."

Bree's eyes got huge and he suddenly looked as if he'd seen a ghost. "Right now? So soon?"

I couldn't pass this up and I had to sing to him, "Hold up, wait a minute."

He rated my singing with a middle finger waved proudly.

"Oh, no, no, no, my friend," I told him. "You have been going on and on for months about how you are going to be the best aunt ever seen and you can't wait to hold the babies."

"That was before I realized how damn small they are. With the way your belly was protruding, I thought they'd be bigger."

I gasped while Edward choked down a laugh. Our very different reactions seemed to clue Bree in to his blunder because he quickly apologized.

"They're not as fragile as they look," Edward assured Bree as he carefully handed Thea over.

It took half a second for Bree to fall in love with my daughter and another half for him to decide the holding thing wasn't bad. After that, he was all about holding her close and cooing over how cute she looked with her pink hat on her head.

"You're jealous of her hat, aren't you?" I asked.

Bree nodded in agreement. "It's the perfect shade of cherry blossom."

"Oh sweet jeebus. You just had to go there and get specific about the type of pink, didn't you? Alice will be so proud to hear this."

"Someone has to teach your daughter the many glorious shades of pink, Peaches, because I know damn well it won't be you."

I just shook my head at him.

"So Daddyward looks sufficiently tired and harassed for a new parent. Did he stay all night here with you and the babies?"

"Yeah, he had to. I wasn't able to hold the babies yesterday unless I was sitting so he needed to be here to deal with feeding and changing them. I'm allowed to walk a little today, but not while holding a baby. Dr. Bennett wants to be extra careful, just like with everything about my pregnancy."

"Damn straight, Peaches. You listen to every word that woman says and heal yourself the right way."

"Trust me, Bree, I know exactly how serious and important it is to listen to her. And I have way too many things I want to do with my babies to take any risks."

He nodded his head. And then he looked up at me with a strange expression on his face. "You know how much Lance wanted to come, right?"

"Oh, of course. I know you all have lives and can't just drop everything whenever you want. I'm surprised you could get away so quickly."

He huffed. "Like any damn job in the world was going to keep me away from being here for you and these babies. Face it, Peaches, you are stuck with me for every important event in your life."

I huffed right back at him. "As if I would have it any other way."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV:**

"Come on, Bella."

I wasn't ready yet and I told Edward so. "Five more minutes."

He laughed in my ear and gently pulled me against his chest. "They're asleep. You aren't going to miss anything."

"You don't know that!"

"Angel, they're two weeks old. What can they possibly do?"

I tried not to laugh loud enough for him to hear. "Complex math problems? The River Dance? Sing a cappella?"

I could feel him grinning against the side of my neck as he started to pull me away from the crib. "Let them sleep and you come cuddle with me."

"What if I don't want to cuddle with you?"

He snorted and then he shut the door, blocking my view of the crib. "Like that's even possible." He turned me around and hugged me tighter than he'd dared so far since I'd gotten out of the hospital.

I smiled and did my best to hold him just as tightly. "I love you."

"Good because I love you too. Now come over here with me and put your feet up next to mine and just relax," he said as he towed me over to the sofa and had me lay down with him.

It didn't take long at all to realize how much I'd needed to lay down and I kissed his cheek in thanks.

"Hey, you missed," he complained, dramatically jutting his lower lip out.

"No, I didn't. It was a 'thanks' kiss, not an 'I want your sexy ass naked' kiss."

"So when do I get the later kiss?"

"When Dr. Bennett says it's safe. And I think you have six or seven more weeks before that happens."

"I was only teasing, Bella."

"I know, Babe. I was just giving you a time period to look forward to."

"But I already look forward to every day with you and the babies."

"Oh, Cheesy E, what will I do with you?"

He chuckled against my neck while somehow managing to pull me closer. And then he sang to me just barely louder than a whisper.

"_Love me tender,_

_Love me true,_

_All my dreams fulfilled._

_For my darlin', I love you,_

_And I always will._"

I moved my head so we could see each other, though it was kind of hard since we were practically nose-to-nose. "Does it ever seem unreal to you?" I asked. "How we finally got together and our time in Hawaii and the past few months of marriage and pregnancy?"

Edward took a few seconds before answering. "If you mean fantastic, then yes. But if you mean odd or weird, then no."

"It all happened so fast though."

"It really did," he agreed, lifting my hand up and straightening the emerald on my finger. "One minute, we're starting to date and then we're married with babies. It's nerve-wracking and scary and amazing all at once and sometimes I'm not really sure which emotion I'm feeling. I just know that under it all there's a constant—the love I feel for you."

I smiled and pressed my palm against his chest. "Because your heart is my heart and vice versa."

"Exactly, Angel. Now why don't you close these gorgeous brown eyes of yours and take a little nap with me? You didn't sleep nearly enough last night and you refused to nap when the babies slept this morning."

"Just a small one," I said, knowing full well it would probably end up being a long one. And I would be okay with that in the end because I knew Edward would take care of our babies. But it was hard not to want to help with every single thing and that was the only reason I ever turned down naps.

And Edward knew those things about me. "They're not going to have three months of growth in a day, Bella," he assured me. "It's okay to rest and focus on getting your strength back. You won't miss anything major, I promise. And I also promise that if you don't take a nap on your own, I'll get Dr. Bennett to prescribe something for you."

I chuckled at his attempt to threaten me and then kissed his cheek before closing my eyes. "I love you, Edward. I'm still not sure about you being bossy, but I definitely love you."

"I love you, too," he said as he pressed a kiss to my forehead. "Sweet dreams, Angel."

"But none sweeter than our reality."

He laughed and nuzzled my cheek with the tip of his nose. "Go to sleep, Cheesy Cullen."

I smiled and then did just as he said, letting my body relax fully and fall asleep next to his.

When I woke up, it was turning dark outside and I could hear the babies' cries coming from the den. It took a few tries, but I managed to get up from the sofa by myself. I could hear Edward talking to them but couldn't make out the words until I actually made it into the room.

"… fresh diapers and then warm bottles."

"Bribery isn't going to stop their cries," I told him.

He smiled and leaned toward me just enough to brush his lips against my cheek. "Sorry. I was trying to get them all quiet so they wouldn't wake you."

"Don't worry about it. My nap was a good one and I feel pretty energized."

"Good. You can use that energy to hold this little one," he said as he lifted Thea from the changing table and handed her to me.

"Hello, baby girl," I cooed. I gave her cheek a loud kiss and then cuddled her close with her head on my shoulder. Unlike her brothers, she had a head full of fine brunette hair that felt as silky as her daddy's bronze locks. Aunt Bree and Aunt Alice couldn't wait for me to allow them to put bows in Thea's hair, but I felt she was a little too small for that just yet. And considering she spent most of her time sleeping, bows in her hair seemed really silly.

"Don't do it," Edward warned. He was leaning over the changing table and face-to-face with Toby. "It wasn't funny yesterday and it won't be funny today."

I couldn't help the snort that came out, both at Edward's version of baby talk and his subject matter. "Planning to mark another of your shirts, huh?"

"He was definitely thinking about it."

Toby's response was to yawn and look bored.

"Aw, Daddy. You ruined his fun. Look at how bored you've left him," I teased.

"He can always try again later after he eats." Edward lifted Toby up and brought him over to our bed, carefully setting him in the carseat placed right in the middle of it. We'd figured out pretty quickly that the easiest way to handle two of the babies at once was to have them in their carseats or those bouncy seats Karen had sent for Christmas. The boys usually ended up in the seats because Thea was lighter than them and easier for me to carry.

While Edward changed Tony, I sat down next to Toby so Thea and I could keep him company while he waited for his brother. It was kind of neat how the three of them tended to do everything together. We had yet to have one of them wake without the other two following right along.

"Alright," Edward said as he brought Tony over. "Let's go see about getting dinner together for these three."

"I think we're going to have one little problem with that," I said, carefully standing with Thea in my arms. "I'm pretty sure we're out of clean bottles."

"So which do you want? Washing the bottles or prepping the formula?"

"I can't shake the container hard enough right now so I'll wash."

"Maybe we'll get lucky and there will be exactly three clean bottles when we get in the kitchen."

"What do you think, Thea?" I asked her as we headed for the kitchen. "Think Daddy's that lucky?"

"Let's hope so," Edward said from behind me.

Once we were in the kitchen, he set the carseats in the middle of the table and then put one of the bouncy seats next to them. I handed Thea to him since he was better at closing the little safety clasps and then went over to the sink to check for clean bottles.

"Babe, you are semi-lucky. There are two clean ones. I'll hurry and wash another while you get the formula ready."

"Alright. And after they're fed, I'll wash all the bottles while you burp."

I chuckled at how quickly he'd volunteered for washing over burping. "It's just spit up, Babe."

"Bella, it stinks and stains. I want no part of it if I can help it. And you've got no business laughing at me with how quickly you run from liquid poop diapers."

"It was so gross though! It was out of the diaper and all over Tony's back."

"I still say that was because Alice didn't close his diaper correctly."

"Doesn't really matter since she was long gone by the time we found the mess."

"Further proof in my opinion." He handed me a towel to dry my hands and the bottle and then stole a kiss.

"Hello?"

I knew that voice well and smiled as I answered it. "In the kitchen, Jake."

He came bounding in with a big smile on his face. "Look what I got for you," he said, holding something square wrapped in aluminum foil.

"No freakin way," I said as I snatched it from him. "Emily's banana bread?"

"She baked it this morning. And she said to give me a piece."

"Liar," I said with a snort. "She'd never make me promise that because she knows you would wolf down the whole thing."

He grinned at having been busted. "Yeah, she fed me my own loaf when I was there. She says as soon as she's sure she's totally over her cold, she's coming over to meet the babies."

"And bring more bread?" I asked hopefully. Emily was a master baker and it had been so long since I'd been able to visit her and her food.

"I'm sure she will." Jake's grin turned into an all out smile when he noticed the bottle in my hand. "Oh! Dinner time for the tadpoles! Who can I feed?"

"Wash your hands first," I told him, pointing at the sink with my bread loaf.

He practically launched himself at the sink, making Edward and me laugh. Jake had been over practically every day since the babies and I had come home and he really was a help. He wasn't afraid to burp them or change them and he seemed to really enjoy being around them. Even this past weekend when we'd had a house full of help—including Emmett and Rosalie—Jake had been the first volunteering for everything.

"You can feed either Tony or Toby," Edward told him. "Thea's been a little fussy for anyone but her Momma," he added, grinning at me.

I had a big smile on my face as I shrugged. "What can I say? I'm the fork."

Jake laughed. "The tadpoles are going to be so confused when it's time for solid foods and they find out there's a utensil called a fork."

"And being called tadpoles won't confuse them?" Edward challenged.

"Nope," Jake replied, sounding and looking pretty confident. "They'll love my term for them."

"If we don't get them fed pretty soon, they won't love any of us," I said, having heard Tony start to whimper.

We quickly put the bottles together and each took a baby. "So what are your big plans for tonight?" I asked Jake.

He grinned and nudged my knee with his. "Hang out with my sis and the tadpoles." He looked over at Edward and his smile widened. "And I guess my brother-in-law too."

"I love being an afterthought," Edward joked.

"You two are so forkin weird," I said, rolling my eyes at their antics. They liked to pretend to find each other annoying but most days Jake spent more time talking to Edward than he did to me. Knowing how things had been with them in the past and seeing that closeness between them now … My guys were friends and well on their way to becoming brothers.

"Don't let your Mommy fool you," Edward said as he leaned over and pressed a kiss to Thea's forehead. "She loves how we get along."

"I love you," I told him. He smiled and gave me a kiss of my own.

"So do you guys ever wonder what it would be like if you were living by yourselves with the babies and didn't have help around?" Jake asked.

Edward and I looked at each other, sharing grimaces and head shakes. "No and we don't want to," Edward said.

"We're masochists but we're not insane," I added.

"What's gonna happen next week when you go back to work?" Jake asked Edward.

"My mom is going to be home with Bella most days and Charlie will come over on his days off," Edward explained.

Jake's eyes were huge as he looked at me. "Seriously? Charlie's going to come here and be on baby duty instead of hunting or fishing or watching sports?"

"Poppa Charlie loves his grandbabies," I cooed, kissing Tony's hand since he was reaching for me.

Jake snorted. "Poppa Charlie."

"Yep," I said with a nod. "He picked it himself."

"I think becoming a grandpa has unhinged him, Bells. We should talk to Sue about getting him some therapy."

It was my turn to snort. "Oh, she's giving him some therapy alright."

Jake smiled and made his eyebrows move up and down. "Some bedroom boot knockin'. Seth and me heard 'em the other night."

"Ever wonder if he makes her call him Chief?"

Jake and I looked at each other for a few seconds before we both cringed. "Nope. And don't wanna know," he said.

"Me either," I agreed.

With Jake, Edward, and me working together, we had the babies fed, burped, and content in no time. We moved into the living room with them and by then Carlisle and Esme were home and begging for babies to hold. Thea still didn't want anyone but me, but our boys were more than happy to be spoiled by their grandparents.

Sitting there on Edward's lap with our daughter in my arms and our sons getting tons of attention from Jake, Esme, and Carlisle, I thought about how life had changed. Just a year ago being surrounded by family and my very own babies hadn't been possible at all and now it was already starting to seem routine.

Edward and I might not be living the life we'd imagined when we'd first talked about building a life together, but we definitely had a satisfying one. Sure we were sleep deprived and found ourselves overwhelmed at least twice a day, but we also had a ton of family support and two very understanding parents to go to for guidance. We also had the security of knowing that we were in this together, every step of the way. So while it wasn't what we'd imagined, it was just what we needed.

* * *

**A/N:** We have babies! Three beautiful, healthy babies that round out this loving family! Let us know what you think of the names!


	65. Perfect

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Chapter Title: ****Perfect**

**Chapter Song: ****"Perfect" by Pink**

**Bella****'s POV:**

At three months, the babies started to smile. I actually managed to fill up a sixteen gigabyte card with pictures of my babies. Edward felt my picture-taking was bordering on obsessive and hid my camera for two weeks—that's how long it took before I promised to stop photo documenting every second of the babies lives. After that, I only pulled out the camera once a day instead of pretty much the entire day. He made the comment that it was a good thing my laptop had a big hard drive or I'd be forced to delete some of the thousands of duplicate pictures he swore I had saved. He was right but I was too—our babies would only be babies once. We compromised and went through the pictures together, picking out the ones that were absolute keepers and deleting the rest. It had taken us a long time but we'd finally figured out how to communicate and compromise and each time we did it successfully thrilled us both.

At six-and-a-half months, Thea crawled. I'd always been a "small things make me happy" kind of girl but I was totally unprepared for just how proud and excited I was to see my baby girl taking her first independent movements from her daddy and me. I didn't even care that she had crawled for Daddy and not Mommy. Then again, Daddy had been sitting on the floor with a piece of chocolate in his hand. I'd have crawled for that chocolate too.

At seven months, my little babies all started teething at the same time _and_ the boys started crawling. That was the hardest and longest month Edward and I had ever been through. Crying, crawling babies seemed to be everywhere we turned at all hours of the day and night. Thankfully, we had Esme in our corner and she gave us tons of help and advice to minimize the teething effects and let us all get some much needed sleep.

A couple months after the babies' first birthday, we moved to a small rental house in Port Angeles so that Edward wouldn't have a long commute to work anymore. Those first few weeks of adjusting to handling the triplets all on my own during the day were so insane and tiring that Edward and I seriously considered moving back to Forks. But as our life together seemed to do so often, it provided us with the relief we needed in a form we never would have guessed—Bree and Lance moved back to Washington. In fact, they moved onto our street. They swore it was a career move for Lance and not a big deal at all but who really moves from San Diego to Port Angeles as a better career move?

For the next year, Bree worked part-time in the mornings at an office and worked as my back-up in the afternoon, helping me to do everything from grocery shop to teaching the babies "Wheels On The Bus". He took so much pride in being Aunt Bree and he was damn good at it too.

During that time, every weekend had us with house guests since no one liked to go more than a couple of weeks without seeing the kids. It helped to make the weekends a time for Edward and me to relax and spend some time together without being parents every second of it, even if we didn't leave the house. He was just as bad as I was about not wanting to chance missing anything while the babies learned to walk and talk and give the best hugs we'd ever received. We were lucky beyond our dreams.

And then life changed again. Bree and Lance moved to Seattle and a couple months later Jake moved there too for a job. He even spent a couple months living with Bree and Lance before finding a place of his own. We didn't see them nearly as much as we liked but they had their own lives they needed to live and we were happy for them.

Alice and Jasper were finally married but decided to remain in Portland for awhile longer. Emmett and Rosalie were still living in Boston; we heard more and more grumbling about how they missed home and we were all hopeful they might move back to Washington—and I was definitely part of that "we". Emmett had really grown up and we'd found our way to being friends again. And there was nothing quite like seeing the super gentle side of him that came out around my babies. There was something about my three tadpoles that brought out the best in all of us.

We'd spent this Sunday morning with Esme and Carlisle, letting them spoil their grandbabies with fresh blueberry pancakes. Edward and I decided it was only fair for us to be spoiled too, though we did do the dishes for Esme after breakfast while she cuddled up with her grandchildren and read them one of the stories her mother used to tell. Story time with Grammy Esme had quickly become tradition and not even the promise of airplane rides from Grampy Carlisle could lure my babies away from their special time with Grammy.

After breakfast and a story—and more than one airplane ride a piece—we had headed back to my dad's and then to the beach. The boys loved running and playing in the sand as much as I always had while Thea switched between wanting to run around and wanting to find seashells. She was much more into doing her own thing than her brothers and as much as I loved her independent streak I sometimes worried she'd end up feeling left out. Edward was constantly assuring me that was a silly idea; he felt Thea played with her brothers just as often as she played by herself.

Right now, my little girl was seashell hunting while my boys were playing nearby with their uncle. "Pop-pop, it dirty," Thea informed my dad, holding up a new shell for his inspection. She didn't like things to be dirty anymore than her daddy did, and she always wanted her hands cleaned first just the way Aaron had.

"Wash it in your bucket," he said, putting his own hand in there with hers to help with the cleanup.

"I still can't get over how much your dad enjoys being a grandfather," Edward whispered. He was sitting behind me with both of his arms snuggly fitted around my waist and his chin on the top of my head. Normally we would have been right there in the middle of the kids but when we were visiting like this we tended to sit back and let our family have all the kids' attention to themselves.

"I keep waiting for him to say he needs to head home to catch a game or that he has fishing plans but it hasn't happened once since the triplets were born."

"They've changed all of us in the best ways."

"Mommy, Daddy!" Toby and Tony called out together.

I had to laugh as soon as I saw them, covered in sand with Uncle Jake kneeling right next to them in front of sloped piles of sand that could only be their idea of sand castles. My boys _loved_ being dirty and I often found myself having to give them two baths to get them clean.

"Great job, Tony & Toby," Edward told them.

"Those are the best castles Mommy's ever seen," I assured them.

"My tadpoles are sand castle masters," Jake said, smiling just as wide as my little boys. He reveled in his role as uncle and he shined in it too. _Still the best brother ever_, I thought as I watched him with my sons.

"Sissy lookit!" Toby said, pointing at his castle while looking at his sister.

"Yeah, lookit," Tony echoed.

"I has shells," she told her brothers, holding one in each hand as proof. It was amazing how many words they knew at two-and-a-half. Edward figured it was because they spent so much time around adults and picked up words easily. As a proud mom, I liked to think they were just that forkin smart.

"Uh, Bells, I think it might be time to pack it in for the day," my dad announced.

"Why?" I asked, watching him hold my baby girl's hand and walk her toward us.

"'Cause the tadpole here says she's gotta do the duty," he replied.

"Just let her go behind that fallen log over there and bury it after," Jake suggested.

"I'm not treating my baby like a puppy, Jacob," I told him while scooping my girl into my arms. "If you guys want to stay longer, stay. I'm taking my girl back to Pop-pop's so she can use the bathroom."

"I coming," Toby yelled, already running toward me.

"I too," Tony yelled right after. He was trying to move too fast and ended up falling over in the sand. Before his first tear hit the ground, Edward had him in his arms, brushing sand from his little face and assuring him he was fine.

"Bruddy fall down," Toby informed me.

I smiled down at him while ruffling his blond hair. "I saw. He's okay, though. Daddy has him."

"Come on, Toby," my dad said as he lifted my little boy into his arms. "You can ride with Pop-pop."

"Dad, he'll get sand all over your cruiser."

My dad lifted both eyebrows up. "And?"

I laughed and pointed toward the Suburban. "Don't forget his carseat."

"Pop-pop, no leave me!" Tony wailed from his spot in Edward's arms.

"I'm not leaving you but I can't carry both you and your brother," my dad told him. "Your daddy's going to bring you for me."

"I go with Mommy and Daddy," Thea announced after wrapping her little arms around my neck.

"Big surprise there," Jacob said from right behind me.

I turned my head and found him holding all of the kids' beach toys in his arms. "Jealous much?" I asked, grinning because I already knew the answer.

"You watch, Bells. One day soon Princess Tadpole there will want her Uncle Jake over Mommy and Daddy."

I just smiled, feeling pretty secure that day wasn't anywhere near as soon as Jacob thought it would be. My babies were independent and they loved spending time with every member of the family but at the end of the day, _nobody_ beat out Mommy and Daddy.

We left the beach for my dad's house and after Thea had handled her little lady business, we gave each of the kids a quick bath and changed them into sand-free clothing. They spent about a half-hour longer soaking up the love from Pop-pop and Uncle Jake and then it was time for us to head home. We'd spent the entire weekend in Forks, splitting the time between my dad's house and Esme and Carlisle's home, and as much as we loved being here, we were also ready to get back to our own home.

Just before we were out of Forks, our babies took up a chant that could not be ignored or refused. "Meadow." Edward and I were constantly amazed by what they could remember and they knew the exact building that marked the turn off for the road that would lead to the meadow. We had been there practically every other weekend this entire summer.

Edward didn't even bother asking what I thought—he just turned the car and pointed it in the right direction. The meadow had started out as my quiet place to think and dream. After I'd started dating Edward, it had become a secluded haven to spend time alone together. And this summer it had become a family place where we played together and watched the fireflies come out together.

The meadow had also been the place where I'd finally put all the pieces together and figured out what my recurring dream meant. It had always started off with warm rays of sunshine glinting off of something silver colored, making me lift a hand to shield my eyes. Then there would be the sound of a small bell tinkling close enough to hear but not to see the source. It was followed by a laugh that was both high-pitched and small—a laugh that had always reminded me of Aaron. The next sensation was of something soft touching my cheek, followed by a smell like no other filling my nose. It had made my heart race and filled me with both an overwhelming happiness and a longing so deep I wanted to cry.

And now I knew what all of those things were. The sun had been glinting off of Edward's wedding ring the way it always did when we were here on the sunny days. The small bell tinkling had been the one in the silver rattles Edward had bought our babies. That small and high-pitched laugh had reminded me of Aaron because it was a baby's laugh—my babies laughing. The softness on my cheek had been their cheeks and the smell had been their scents. Before I'd ever known I was carrying them, I had been dreaming about them and the future I'd have with their daddy.

"Mommy, lookit," Thea said, shoving a flower toward my face and gaining my full attention.

I thanked her as I took it from her and then I scooped her into my arms and settled her into my lap. "Do you know why this is a special flower?"

"It purple?" My little girl was really into colors right now and knew every single family member's favorite color.

"Yes, it's purple and Mommy does like purple. But it's special for another reason. Daddy gave this flower to Mommy."

She leaned forward and looked to our left, watching her daddy and her brothers wrestle in the meadow. "Daddy silly."

"Daddy is _so_ silly," I agreed with a laugh. "But he loves us more than anything," I added, hugging her tightly.

She gave a little fake grunt—something she'd learned from her father—and wiggled her way out of my arms. Edward had started doing that fake grunt thing when the kids had started wrestling with him, a skill they had learned from Uncle Jake. The sound make the kids laugh, thinking they were really getting the upper-hand on their daddy.

Once Thea was standing, she twirled around and made her dress flair out a couple of times before stopping and offering me her hand. "Mommy, we dance?"

"Ooh, why don't you ask Daddy instead? He _loves_ to dance."

She wasted no time in running over to him and tossing herself onto the pile, squeezing in between her laughing brothers and taking hold of her father's chin. "Daddy, you dance wit me." My girl was not the least bit afraid to jump right in and say what she wanted; I loved that about her.

Toby shook his head at her. "Sissy, we winning. No dance."

Edward laughed, managing to sit up and keep hold of all three babies—toddlers. I had to keep reminding myself that at two-and-a-half, they were now toddlers. Honestly, though, if they weren't so opposed to being referred to as babies, I wouldn't bother at all with the whole toddler moniker.

"You boys already won," Edward told our sons. "Why don't you go tell Mommy all about it while I give Thea a twirl?"

My little blond haired angel-devil boys looked at each other and shared a couple of evil smiles before turning and running straight for me. I saw them coming so I wasn't bowled over like usual—they took pride in their stealth, something I was sure Jasper had taught them though I had no proof of it.

Since I had seen them coming I was able to keep a tight hold on them both and stay sitting up. "Gotcha!"

"Mommy, you is fall down," Tony said, holding my face and making sure I was looking into his green eyes.

"You not play right, Mommy," Toby added. He and his brother were not only identical twins, they were also mirror twins. Tony's hair parted on the right so Toby's did it on the left. Tony was right handed like me and Toby was left handed like his father. Tony had a tiny little birthmark on his left shoulder while Toby had the same one on his right. It was easily the eeriest and coolest thing Edward and I had ever come across.

"Mommy can't roll around in the flowers today," I told them. I'd managed to fall in Esme's kitchen last night and hurt my tail bone so lying on the hard ground was out. Edward had been mortified when I'd first fallen but after finding out the only things I'd damaged were my ego and my ass, he'd had plenty of jokes to share. I loved that he'd kept his teasing side no matter how often I was the butt of his jokes—literally and figuratively.

"Lookit her dress," Toby yelled out, pointing and giggling at his sister.

Tony stopped giggling long enough to share his opinion. "Sissy fly away."

I just sat there and smiled, watching Edward hold Thea in his arms and twirl her so that her pink frilly skirt fanned out around her little legs. She was laughing so hard her face was flushed almost the same shade of pink. Her daddy was laughing right along with her, his eyes locked on her soft brown ones the entire time. I was sure all parents thought their kids were amazing but mine were extra awesome. My little girl was a great mix of princess and tomboy while my boys easily switched from rough and tumble to sweet and cuddly.

Edward made a big show of dipping our little girl and her long brunette locks grazed over the ground for just a second. He righted her and set her on her little feet and she immediately tucked her hand into his. "Thank you for the dance, Thea," he said, grinning down at her.

She looked up and mirrored his lopsided grin with perfect accuracy. It was so incredible to see parts of him and parts of me in each one of our "tadpoles" as Jake had named them.

Edward held his hand out to me and once he was sure I had a tight grip on it, he pulled me up to my feet and into a sweet kiss. "Ready to head home?"

I nodded my agreement and then whispered into his ear. "I'm thinking we go straight to dinner, get them home and into the bath right after, and then an early bedtime so that Mommy and Daddy have some time to themselves."

"I think that's a perfect idea."

"I'd hoped you would."

"Daddy, potty," Toby demanded, pulling on my jeans even though he was speaking to his father.

"Me too," Tony announced.

Edward and I looked down at her boys, trying to decide if they really had to go or just wanted to go outdoors. Ever since we'd taken them on their first camping trip for Edward's birthday two months ago, they liked to say they had to potty whenever we were outside. Here in the meadow that wasn't such a big deal but right in the middle of a busy park was a whole other monster, especially when our boys seemed to forget how to talk softly when they were outside.

Edward squatted down so that he was almost eye-level with the boys. "You've got two choices. You can go here and if you don't really have to go, then you don't get a story at bedtime tonight. Or you wait until we get to the restaurant."

"Wait," both boys shouted out.

"That's what I thought." He slipped one arm around Thea since she hadn't left her post at his side and then put his other arm around Toby since he was closest. While he lifted both of them up, I grabbed Tony and we started our walk back to the Suburban—a vehicle we had become immensely grateful Edward had chosen over another Volvo or any other small car.

"So what sounds good for dinner?" I asked my family.

Predictably enough, the tadpoles all yelled out chicken. They'd been in a chicken phase for about four months now and Edward and I prayed daily that they would get out of it soon. There'd been so much chicken in our house that we were tired of looking at it, much less having to smell it and eat it.

"I was thinking that little Chinese place near the house," Edward suggested. "They have nuggets for the tadpoles and a variety for you and me."

"Unkie Jake!" Thea shouted.

"When he come?" Toby asked.

"Now," Tony demanded.

I smiled and gave his little cheek a big kiss. "Not now, Tony. You just saw him at the beach earlier and he has to get back to his own house. But he's coming to visit you next weekend at our house."

I'd expected him to complain but instead the conversation become a private one as the three of them slipped into their baby talk that made perfect sense to them and not a bit to Edward and me.

"If that keeps up when they get into their teen years, we are so forked," I said to Edward once we had the kids safely tucked away in their carseats.

"Angel, I hate to tell you but we're already forked. Two boys and a girl and all three will be teenagers at once."

I groaned and dropped my forehead against his chest. "It's going to be like the teething thing, isn't it?"

He laughed and then pressed his lips against my neck. "So much worse. But we'll get through it. You and me together."

I lifted my head and slipped my arms around his neck, drawing his lips closer to mine. "Promise?"

He smiled as he leaned in and kissed me, answering me the best way possible. Unfortunately, it wasn't a very long kiss because our tadpoles had decided to chant "chicken" loud enough for us to hear them outside of the car.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**BPOV:**

"Did he tell you?" I asked Jasper as I set the grocery bags down on the counter.

He finished his sip of beer and then shook his head. "Nope."

I let out a sigh and looked toward the back door, seeing the outline of my husband sitting outside in one of the chairs. "I didn't really think he would but I wanted to try anyway."

"My Jazzy, lookit," Thea called.

I turned to find my four-year-old holding her new dress up for her uncle's inspection. She was the only one who never called him "Uncle Jazzy"—it was always "My Jazzy" and Jasper ate that fork up with a spoon. He made sure to work it into every conversation he had with Emmett as well, making sure the big guy knew who was a favorite around here.

"Ooh wee, Darlin'. You are going to turn heads in that pretty pink dress," Jasper told her.

She nodded in agreement. "Mommy said it was too sparkles but Aunt Ali said it was just enough."

"Keep an eye on her?" I asked.

"You know it." He waved me off with one hand and took hold of my daughter with the other. "Come on, Thea. You can help your Jazzy put the groceries away for your mommy."

I went out the backdoor and over to Edward, slipping my arms around him and pressing my lips to his neck. I could tell he'd been sitting out here in the sun for a while from how warm his skin felt to my lips. Well that and his empty beer bottle next to him. I'd hoped a relaxing afternoon of beer and conversation with Jasper would get my husband to confess whatever was troubling him but that hadn't worked so it was time for my Plan B to be put in action.

Edward ran his hand over my arm and then kissed the crease of my elbow. "Did you and the kids have fun with Ali?"

"We did. Thea got a new dress and our sons got new soccer balls. Ali is helping them get them out of the boxes as we speak."

"She needs to stop spoiling them."

"Yeah, okay," I said with a snort. "What will this make it? Half a million times you've told her that?"

"Probably."

I could hear in his voice that he wasn't really into the conversation. That and the fact that he didn't rant at all about his sister buying the boys soccer stuff over baseball stuff. The boys liked both sports but of course Edward had huge hopes they would choose to play baseball over soccer when the summer started in a few weeks and they joined their first little league teams.

I let go of Edward so that I could come around the chair and sit in his lap. "What's wrong, Babe? And please don't say nothing because we both know it's something."

He let out a loud sigh before burying his face in my hair. "That something doesn't have a name, Bella."

"Then we need to give it one. I hate seeing you like this. It's like you don't enjoy anything anymore."

He lifted his head so fast that it made my hair fall into my face. "That's not true, Bella. I enjoy every moment I spend with you and the kids."

"But what about outside of that? We always said we would be like your parents, that we wouldn't lose who we are as individuals and as a couple. And lately, Edward, it's like you're just going through the motions."

"I'm sorry. I don't want it to be that way. I'm not trying to make it seem that way at all."

"I know," I said as I put my arms around his neck again. "You're just stressed and you don't know what's causing it. So I have an idea on how to deal with it."

"What?"

"Next weekend, we go away. Just you and me. Em and Rose have been dying for us to go to Boston and let them give us a tour of their city, especially since they're going to be moving home when August rolls around. You can take Friday off and we can leave Thursday night. We'll stay through Sunday morning so we have time to get back and you can rest before going into work Monday. Or if you prefer, take Monday off too and then we'll have an extra day in Boston."

"I don't know, Bella. Boston is pretty far away from the kids."

"They won't even notice. They'll split their time with Poppa Charlie and Grammy Sue, and Grammy Esme and Grampy Carlisle. I already talked to our parents and they're on board for it."

"I don't know. I mean if the point is to relax and figure out what's bugging me, how's that going to happen around Em? He's grown up and calmed down a lot but since we've never been to Boston he's going to want to have every day filled up with stuff."

I was not about to give up and I proved it by quickly coming up with a Plan C. "How about this then? You and I go stay at Bree's place in Seattle. We'll have a gorgeous view of the bay and we'll only be a couple hours away from home. Bree and Lance would love to come stay here with the kids."

"You really think they'd go for that?"

I couldn't help snorting at his question. "Like I ever need to say much to get Aunt Bree over here."

"It sounds okay but I hate to put them out for a weekend and have it not do anything."

"Even if you don't figure out how to tell me what's wrong, you still get a weekend with me. Think about it, Babe. A quiet condo on the bay. We can stay in and do nothing during the day and catch a live band or two at night. Just you and me. A couple in love and not parents for one weekend. You always said that's what you wanted for us and here's your chance to come through on it."

He smiled and for the first time in months it was a full smile that lit up his eyes. "I'd like that, Angel."

I squealed and then launched myself at his lips, kissing him hard. I let him go just as quickly and hopped up from the chair. "I'm gonna go call Bree right now."

I ran off before he could change his mind and I was nearly run over when I opened the backdoor. "Tony and Toby, how many times do I have to tell you guys not to run in the house?"

"We weren't running in the house," Tony said with his soccer ball tucked under his right arm.

"We were running out of it," Toby clarified. He had his ball tucked under his left arm.

"Out with you both," I said, playfully swatting each of them on their behinds. "Angel-devils," I muttered under my breath.

"Don't you mean 'mother's sons'?" Alice asked.

"That too," I said before we both started laughing. "Where has my daughter gone?"

"She convinced her Jazzy they needed to go up and find the perfect spot in her closet for her new dress." Everyone had waited for Alice to get annoyed with Thea's claim on Jasper but she seemed to find it just as cute and endearing as the rest of us.

"Her pink sparkly dress that looks like five other pink sparkly dresses she owns," I said, grinning at my best friend.

"A girl needs options, Bells." Her smile fell and she reached across the counter for my hand. "How's my brother?" Ali had been the second one to notice something was off with Edward, just days behind me. After that, each of our family members had commented on it. Although, when I'd first talked to my dad about it, he'd thought I was reading into things. And then a few weeks later he'd finally noticed what the rest of us had already seen—Edward was quiet and withdrawn, something he hadn't been since well before his surgery almost five years ago.

"He still isn't sure what's bothering him," I told her. "But I did get him to agree to a weekend in Seattle. I'm going to have Bree and Lance come stay with the kids and we're going to stay at their place."

"Why didn't you ask me to stay with them?"

"For one, you don't need someplace to go since I'm not taking over your home. For another, you're going to be in Texas with Jasper visiting Maria."

"Oh, that's right. I have to get started on the packing for that."

"You know, Edward's not the only husband acting unlike himself around here," I said, hoping she would take my bait.

She did. "I'm really hoping spending some time with his mother's friend will help him. I just don't know what else to say or do, Bells. It really was just one little spot of skin cancer on my calf and it's completely gone. You can barely even tell they cut a piece out anymore."

Alice had found an odd looking mole on her calf about two months ago and she'd gone to her dermatologist to have it checked out. They'd done a little scrape at first to see if it was cancerous or not and then two weeks after that, they'd had her in for outpatient surgery and cut out the mole and a little bit around it. It was sort at the side of her calf so you couldn't even really tell unless you were looking hard.

"Ali, I think that with Jazz cancer is cancer no matter where or how small. I mean, that's how he lost his mom."

"Yeah but she had intestinal cancer. This was a small spot of skin cancer."

"And you're his whole world, Ali."

"Well me and—"

"You and what?" I pressed, not liking the way she'd cut herself off and slammed her lips together.

"Nothing."

"You're full of bullshit and it stinks, Ali girl."

"You didn't say fork instead," she pointed out, very obviously trying to change the subject.

I folded my arms and did what always worked on my kids. "Alice Elizabeth Cullen Whitlock."

The verbal dam broke for my best friend. "So those tests they did at my pre-op the week before my surgery checked for everything under the sun. I can tell you my cholesterol level and if I had a good white blood cell count. They even checked for pregnancy." The way she was looking at me told me what her words hadn't.

"And you haven't told him yet? Do you have any idea how ballistic he's going to go when he finds out you have been sitting on this for going on three weeks?"

"I know, I know! But I can't," she cried. "Not until he stops."

"Stops what?"

She lifted her head fully and I could see tears standing in her green eyes while her lower lip quivered. "Stops looking at me like I'm going to disappear."

"Ali, I don't think he's looking at you that way. And even if he was, that's not a good reason. Trust me on this."

"I didn't get it. I didn't get why you weren't excited when you knew but now I do. And I don't want this knowledge, Bella. I want to go back and change something. Anything! Just to have it different."

"You don't need to go backwards to have it different. You just need to tell him."

"Tell who what?" Jasper asked, standing in the doorway with Thea in his arms.

I knew when to make an exit and this was definitely one of those times. "Come on, Thea," I said as I took her from her uncle. "Let's go see Daddy so you can tell him about your dress."

Just before I closed the backdoor I heard Jasper's voice. "What's going on, Alice Whitlock?"

"Is Aunt Ali in trouble?" Thea asked as I set her down.

"Big, big trouble," I said, tapping my daughter's nose.

"I thought so." With that, my little girl turned and ran off to join her brothers. She hadn't decided yet what she wanted to do during the summer but she had at least narrowed her choices down to soccer, ballet, and karate. She had been practically heartbroken when she'd found out there wasn't a summer program for space cowboys—a term she'd learned from overhearing her father singing Steve Miller's _Joker_ to me. Edward still didn't play or sing in public but for me and our kids he was always happy to serenade us.

"What's that about my sister?" Edward asked.

I went over to my husband and wrapped my arms around his waist, tucking myself against his side. "Your silly sister has been sitting on some news because she thinks Jasper is looking at her like she's going to disappear."

Edward snorted. "She _would_ read him all wrong. He knows she's alright. He just hasn't completely gotten used to his world view changing. He'd thought he was making the most of every day with her and then this scare came along and he realized there were a ton of things he'd never shared with her. He's been trying to explain that to her for weeks but you know how she is when she just knows she's right about something."

"She hears but doesn't listen. I wonder which of her brothers she has that in common with."

He snorted again. "Both of them." And then he cupped my chin and tilted my face up to his. "So what's she hiding?"

"You know how they both said they wanted a family right away?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Away."

Before Edward could ask what I meant, we had one of those rare moments of perfect timing in life and Jasper's voice was clearly heard coming from inside. "WOO HOO!"

Understanding washed over Edward and he let out a breath while running his hand through his hair. "Pregnant."

"Yep."

The backdoor opened and Jasper came out carrying Alice in his arms like he had on their wedding day. "Put me down," she said, giggling too much for anyone to take her seriously, especially her very excited husband.

"We're having a baby," he announced, looking the second happiest I'd ever seen him. The first had most definitely been the day he'd married Alice.

"What kind?" Thea asked as she skipped over to them.

"We don't know yet," he told her. "Ali, when are we gonna know?"

"I don't know. I don't know how far along I am just yet. I guess my doctor will tell us how long we have to wait to find out. I have an appointment Wednesday if you want to come with me."

"_If_," he scoffed. "Woman, I'll be there _before_ you."

"Yeah, that'll do you _so_ much good," I said, grinning at him. "The doctor's going to be able to tell so much about the baby from staring at your mug, Jazz."

"I didn't mean it that way, Bells."

"I know. It's still my job to give you fork. Just because you're going to be a daddy doesn't exempt you. Ask my husband here," I said, patting Edward's cheek softly.

Jasper finally set Alice down; his smile had become a worried expression. "Should you be flying? Do I need to cancel the trip to Texas?"

"Oh sweet jeebus," Alice cried, mostly laughing the words out. "Did you completely wipe Bella's pregnancy out of your mind? She flew to New Orleans and she was a lot more pregnant than I am."

"I didn't forget. But that was Bella and this is you, Darlin'."

"So sweet," she said as she leaned up on her toes to kiss him.

"If it's a girl, a good name is Thea," my daughter helpfully pointed out to them.

I'd learned how to make my kids' names sound like a warning from Esme Cullen herself and I used it right then. "Thea Elizabeth."

"What, Momma?" she asked, giving her best innocent look. "I'm just saying."

"_So_ her mother's daughter," Edward whispered into my ear.

"Yeah, well, we're all going to be in trouble if Alice's baby is her mother's daughter."

He gave a fake shiver and pulled me tighter against him. "Promise you'll protect me."

"Babe, I have never been able to completely protect you from your sister so what the fork makes you think I can start now?"

"Wishful thinking?" he suggested.

"Yeah, you keep on wishing," I said as I reluctantly pulled away from him. "I've gotta go make a call."

He pulled me back into his arms and gave me a soft kiss. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"For not getting frustrated with me and for wanting to spend a weekend alone with me."

"Of course I want to be alone with you. I love you, Edward. Whether you're being sweet or frustrating, your heart is still my heart."

He smiled and once again it lit up his eyes. "You're my everything, Bella. My wife, my lover, my friend. And you are most definitely my angel, saving me from myself."

"We'll see about that. First I've gotta go tell Bree he has Aunt duties to fulfill."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**BPOV:**

I snuck up behind the sofa where Edward was lounging and flipping channels on Bree's massive television. I had to keep biting my lip to keep from laughing, not wanting him to hear me coming. I was already picturing his reaction and knowing how happy I was about to make him had me feeling giddy.

When I was finally right behind him, I held my hand out over his head, dangling the tickets in front of his face. "Surprise."

"What's this?" he asked, plucking them from my fingers to read them. He turned his head with a bewildered look on his face. "How did you get these?"

"Bree and Lance. They said to call it your early birthday present."

"We're going to see Jack Johnson? Tonight?" he asked, looking like he was having trouble believing it.

I smiled as I leaned down, resting my arms on the back of the sofa and putting my lips inches from his. "Not only are we seeing him, but it's a small venue. That means dancing."

Moving way too fast for me to do anything, Edward vaulted over the back of the sofa and wrapped his arms tight around me, lifting my feet from the ground. I laughed right up until he silenced me by putting his lips on mine in one of those epic mind-melting kisses he was so damn good at giving.

"So I did good?" I asked once I figured out how to speak again.

"Angel, you did so much better than that. I love you so damn much."

I held his face in my hands, looking right into his green eyes and seeing nothing but happiness there—the exact thing I'd wanted for him. "Your heart is my heart and always will be."

He smiled and it was his cocky grin. "Prove it."

"Oh I plan to. But later. Right now, you need to get dressed because we are heading out to dinner before the concert."

He gave me another searing kiss and then carried me into the guest bedroom we were using, both of us laughing the entire time.

We didn't waste a lot of time getting ready. Edward threw on dark jeans and a black polo while I wore a white sleeveless dress covered in purple swirls—one of Alice's recent picks for me. As good as the dress looked on me, I had nothing on my gorgeous husband. If I didn't know just how much he really wanted to see the concert, I would have kept him right here and gotten rid of the clothes. I swore the man woke up more handsome than he went to bed.

But he did want to go to the concert so I behaved and took my husband to dinner. We went to a nearby outdoor café and our time together was full of good food and conversation. I was careful to keep the conversation focused on him, not letting him get sidetracked into talking about me and the kids. Esme had warned me he would unconsciously try that since he didn't know what was bothering him. She said the best way to help him figure out what was wrong was by keeping the conversation _about_ him.

Unfortunately, I didn't really learn anything new. I just had my suspicions confirmed. He was unhappy but couldn't pinpoint exactly why he felt that way. He said it wasn't even really unhappiness but more like something was missing. He did know it had nothing at all to do with me and the kids because we were still his main source of happiness and according to him always would be. I told him he was damn right about that and always would be as long as I had something to say about it.

Standing in line at the venue and waiting to enter, I got my first glimpse of just how excited Edward was for the concert and it reminded me of the night he'd taken me to see Linkin Park. That night I hadn't been able to keep still at all, bouncing around and tugging on his arm for most of the night. Tonight was Edward's turn to be the one so excited he couldn't keep still. He'd been singing snippets of Jack Johnson songs to me from the moment we'd arrived, not even caring that he was overheard a few times by the people around us. I loved seeing him this way, completely stress-free and basically being a big kid. He did so much all the time for me and our babies and our entire family—he deserved to get to have fun like this. Not that he didn't have fun at home but this was just different.

"Dance with me," Edward said, pulling my back against his chest and locking both arms around my waist.

I had no issues with dancing with him right here and now but I didn't want his stage fright to rear its ugly head and ruin his good time. "You're going to have one big audience in this line, Cullen."

"Don't care, Cullen."

"Just thought I'd warn you."

Instead of replying to my comment, he started to sing a few lyrics of Jack's "Better Together" song while swaying with me right there in the line.

"_There is no combination of words_

_I could put on the back of a postcard._

_No song that I could sing,_

_But I can try for your heart._

_Love is the answer_

_At least for most of the questions_

_In my heart._

_I'll tell you one thing,_

_It's always better when we're together._"

I turned in his arms and wrapped my own around his neck in a tight hug. "I wish I had a video camera to have caught all that on tape."

He smiled as he hugged me closer. "You liked that, huh?"

"What's not to love about a gorgeous husband who sings to me while holding me close?"

"I know I haven't been myself lately but I hope I haven't left you doubting us at all. I love you so much and I want you to always feel like you're the best thing in my world because you are, Bella."

I smiled at him while pressing my palms to his stubbly cheeks. "I never doubt you. Not even a little."

My answer made him smile and it also earned me one of those toe-curling, mind-melting kisses. And it earned Edward a few wolf-whistles and a "you da man" shout out. Our kiss dissolved into belly laughs but that was okay because it was finally time for the line to move and the concert to get underway.

From beginning to end, Edward enjoyed the concert completely. Jack Johnson seemed to sing all of his favorite songs and my husband sang right along with him. And he danced with me—the whole night! For those hours, we were just a couple in love enjoying a fun concert on a Friday night.

As if I had planned the set list myself, Edward's all-time favorite Jack Johnson song filled the air as the last song of the night. My husband had the biggest, cheesiest smile on his face as he sang along to "Angel", looking at me the entire time as if we were the only two people in the room.

_I've got an angel._

_She doesn't wear any wings._

_She wears a heart that can melt my own._

_She wears a smile that can make me wanna sing._

_She gives presents_

_With her presence alone._

_She gives me everything I could wish for._

_She gives me kisses on the lips just for coming home._

_She could make angels._

_I've seen it with my own eyes._

_You gotta be careful when you've got good love_

_Cause the angels will just keep on multiplying._

_But you're so busy changing the world._

_Just one smile __and you could change all of mine._

_We share the same soul._

_Oh oh oh oh oh ohhh_

_We share the same soul._

_Oh oh oh oh oh ohhh_

As far as perfect moments went, this night with Edward was damn sure going on the list!

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**BPOV:**

"Don't even think about it," Edward growled against my neck. We'd been lounging on the sofa together since getting back from the concert about a half hour ago, talking about our favorite moments.

I laughed and tried to wiggle out of his hold. "Babe, I was only going to change into something comfortable to sleep in. I'll be back before you miss me."

He held me tight against his chest with one arm and used his free hand to trace from my shoulder to wrist while nuzzling my neck with the tip of his nose. "Who said anything about there being sleeping tonight?"

I turned in his arms and slipped my fingers through his silky hair while brushing my lips over his. "Certainly not me. But do you think we've still got what it takes to stay up making love all night long? Are you sure we haven't gotten too old for that kind of thing?"

"I know it'll be fun finding out."

"And I know how thoroughly you like to conduct your research."

He shifted so that he was leaning over me just a little and then swept his eyes over my body. "I think I should take this in layers. What do you think?"

"Ooh," I replied, giving a fake wince. "Slow and steady. I don't _mind_ that route but I was really kind of hoping for hot and heavy. Still, I know how you just love to make me wait and this night is all about you so it's your choice."

He lowered his head, putting his lips just a breath away from mine. "I chose both."

_Sweet Jeebus and Le Sigh and Holy Mother all wrapped up into one steamy, sexy man that I love more than I could ever hope to quantify._ To him I only said, "Excellent choice, Cullen."

His cocky smile spread across his lips while the palm of his hand rested on top of my thigh and the tips of his fingers tickled the skin underneath. "You were so beautiful and sexy tonight. I almost couldn't help myself."

"Really? How close was the almost?"

His fingers moved higher, sliding under my dress and tickling the skin at my hip. "Close. I could clearly see myself going through with it."

"With what?"

He'd been watching his arm disappear beneath my dress but now he was looking right at me with eyes that were almost black with lust. "Lifting the back of your dress just enough to reach you, to slip inside of you and touch the parts of you that only I can."

I couldn't stand waiting another second for a kiss from him so I gripped his face between my hands and pulled his lips against mine. Edward had once told me he didn't like what he considered explicit talk in front of me but that he was more than willing to turn me on with his words in his own way. I hadn't been so sure that was possible until he had proven just how good he was at creating the burn with a few choice words, just like tonight. I'd wanted him before but now it was an all out need for him.

That same need must have been burning inside of him because we really did make love all night long and into the dawn of the next day. We were sore in all the best places and could barely keep our eyes open but we had no trouble at all smiling wide and holding each other close.

We slept the entire morning and half of the afternoon away before waking up and making ourselves a late lunch in Bree's kitchen. Once Edward had gotten a cup of coffee and some food inside of him, I started trying to get to the root of his troubles again.

"So now that we've had some fun and some time to relax, do you have any theories on what's been bugging you?" I asked.

His eyes brightened and his lips pulled up into my favorite crooked grin. "Fun is an understatement. Last night—and this morning because we definitely don't want to forget that last time—it was all amazing. In fact, if you want to repeat any of it, I'm up for it."

"Down, Cullen," I teased, reaching over and ruffling his already wild hair. "I want to talk a little first."

He caught my hand and kissed my wrist before saying, "Oh how the tables have turned."

"They've been turned for a long while and you know it. As soon as I learned _how_ to talk to you, I didn't mind it at all."

"I know that, Bella. I just … For the first time in a long time, _I_ don't know what to say."

"Try what used to work for me. Just open your mouth and see what comes out."

"I don't know."

"Just try. For me, Babe. Please."

"Alright." He let out a sigh and sat there poking at the remains of his late lunch for a few minutes before finally speaking. "I hate feeling this way, like something's missing. My life with you and our kids … It's everything I could ever want so for me to feel this way …"

"You can't beat yourself up for how you feel, Babe." I could tell from the way he was looking at his plate and not at me that he wasn't convinced. I got up from my chair to share his, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling his forehead against mine—I wanted to make absolute sure I had his full attention.

"Edward, you don't have a single reason to be upset with yourself. Even though I've been able to tell something is bothering you, you've never once made it feel like it's me or the kids causing it. You've never let us down, not one single time in the past five years. And you certainly aren't letting us down now. You just need our help and our understanding."

"I hate not knowing why I feel this way, Bella. Look at my life. I've got a beautiful wife who is so patient and understanding with me. Three great kids. A family who loves me and supports me in everything I do." He lifted his head and shook it while practically scowling at himself. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

He might not know but I had an idea. Looking at it now, I should have guessed it right away but it had been so long since either of us had brought it up that it just hadn't come to mind at all.

"Edward, what's if that's just it? The support thing. Maybe it's about having all of that support and not getting to use it. It's been a really long time since we talked about you starting your own business. Could that be what's bothering you?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

I put my hand on the back of his neck and gently pressed until he brought his eyes to mine. "Don't do that, Babe. Don't just answer without thinking about it."

He let out a deep sigh while shoving his hands into his hair. "I don't know, Bella. Now's not the time for it even if that is what's bugging me. The summer is almost here and we're going to have tons of things going on with the kids. My brother's moving home at the end of the summer. You plan to start work in the fall."

"Right. I'm going to work while the kids are in school. So the way I see it, now's the perfect time to take a chance."

"We don't have the money for something like that."

I wasn't sure how he was going to react when he found out but I hoped he wouldn't be too upset with me since I really had done it for him. "Babe, what if we did have the money?"

"If we did …" He tried to hide it but I saw that flash of excitement in his eyes.

"Edward, be honest."

He nodded and then he came clean. "If we had the money, then yeah I would go for it. I'm almost twenty-seven, Bella. I never imagined I would still be working for other people at this age. I know in the grand scheme it's not really that old but it feels old to me. I just … I don't know. I guess I feel like if I don't do it soon then I'm never going to do it."

"That's just not true. I know we haven't talked about it lately but that goal has never left our list, Edward. I've never doubted you would have your own business. I've just never known when it would happen."

"It's never been the right time."

"Yeah but that's just it, Babe. Right times don't really come around for you and me. It's just _time_. Here it is and run with it whether you're ready for it or not. Look at the start of our relationship and how my pregnancy happened."

"I can't do that," he said, shaking his head. "I can't risk our life like that. No business will ever come before you and our kids."

I opened my mouth to tell him what I'd been doing for the past four and a half years and ended up biting my lip instead. Always the observant one, he picked right up on it and lifted his eyebrows, questioning me without speaking.

"So I kind of have a confession and I hope you won't be mad at me."

His eyes narrowed and he put his arms out, gripping the edges of the table and locking me on his lap. "Bella Cullen, what did you do?"

"You know how you let me be in charge of balancing the checking account and keeping track of the savings so I could feel I was sharing in the responsibilities? And how I always handle the tax returns?"

"What about it?"

"Well I always knew that your business was in our future. I never questioned that. But I also know you and I know how you are about spoiling me and the kids."

"And I know you keep a tight leash on that and barely let me get you guys anything extra." He managed to both relax and look sullen at the same time. "Not that there's ever really extra with five of us."

"Yeah about that … All those times you wanted something for yourself but didn't get it because you'd rather get the kids something they wanted or something you felt I should have, I took whatever the cost of that item was and put it into a second savings account. I also put all the tax returns in there."

"But we never get anything back on our returns. You have my deductions set where we always break even."

My face flamed red with guilt. "Not quite even."

He didn't look mad—he looked shocked. "You've been putting money away all these years for my business?"

"Every penny I felt we could safely afford to do without. There's almost eight thousand dollars in the account. I know it's not a whole lot but it should help you get started. Plus, there's still the rest of your trust fund. You didn't completely wipe it out on the pregnancy costs and it's been accruing interest on what's left all this time. That should be another six or seven thousand there."

"So all this time, all the coupon clipping and waiting for sales before buying things, you weren't just allergic to spending. You were saving for my business?"

"Well I kind of considered it our business because I figured once it was off the ground and a paycheck from me wasn't needed, I'd come work for you."

His eyes were watery as he cupped my face in his hands, holding me like I was a piece of fine china that might break at any second. "You really are an angel. I don't know how you do it but you still manage to blow me away with just how amazing you are. I love you so much, Bella."

I held onto his wrists and just barely kept my own watery eyes from releasing tears. "I just want to make you as happy as you make me."

He let go of my face so he could put his arms around me in a tight hug. "Angel, you do that every day."

"So do you think it's enough money? Can we give our business a try? I'll do our website and all our marketing material again. And I'll talk with Rosalie to see what the latest PR tactics are in the business world. I'll even help you do whatever research you need to make a new business plan for a loan."

"Yes, we'll give it a try. But not until Monday. For the rest of this weekend, I just want to focus on how lucky I am to be married to you."

I smiled against his neck and then kissed it. "You're going to do great. I just know it."

"With you helping me, I have no doubt."

I smiled again as I said the words he'd shared with me every time I'd gotten nervous during my pregnancy. "You and me together, every step of the way."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**BPOV:**

The only thing more frustrating than a husband who doesn't know what he wants is one who is obsessive about every single detail. Over the past four months, I had watched Edward obsess over things as small as font style and as large as initial equipment purchases. I knew his behavior was a mix of nervousness about the business and guilt for wanting to take the risk at all but it was sometimes very, very, _very_ hard to be understanding and not ask him to go take a time-out.

This morning was one of those times and if not for the trip I had planned for him today, I might have finally broken and asked him to take that time-out. We were working on the brochure he planned to drop off at area schools to promote his business and he was being beyond obsessive. He'd ask me to make text bigger and then tell me it was better the first way. Then he'd change a color somewhere and two minutes later want the original color back. It was great to see him so passionate; I just wished he was also more confident.

"Maybe we should try a different font," he suggested.

"Edward, I love you, Babe, but no. This brochure is perfect. It's been perfect since we designed it together two months ago. If it wasn't perfect, then the bank wouldn't have given you the loan."

"I'm driving you crazy again, huh?"

"Slightly," I said, smiling and nodding.

He sighed and dumped himself into the chair beside my desk. "I'm sorry. It's not even the brochure that has me this way."

"It's that the new term starts next week and you'll still be home."

He nodded while frowning down at his bare feet.

"Edward, we're going to be okay. We've already found a new rental home in Seattle, Bree got me that great starting job at his company, and we've still got three weeks before the kids' school term will start there. Plus, Emmett and Rose will permanently be home next week and he'll be here next weekend to help us move. We've got this, Babe."

"We still don't have a building, though. All this work and the loan aren't going to be useful without a building to house the practice."

"We're working on that together and I have no doubt we'll find one soon."

In fact, we had found one. And by "we", I meant Alice and me. We'd gone to Seattle to look at a house together and we'd ended up getting lost. On one of the many wrong turns we took, we came across a great space for lease in a building that was pretty much smack in the middle of the Qwest Event Center and Seattle University. The rent wasn't exactly cheap but I knew this was one of those times in life when location was everything. In order to swing the rent, Ali and I had scaled back the type of rental we were looking for and had managed to find one that fit both the size of my family and our budget. One thing I never doubted about my Ali girl was her ability to shop until she found exactly what she needed.

"It's almost eleven-thirty," Edward said as he looked down at his watch. "We should get ready to go. You know how Bree hates for us to be late."

"Yes, it cuts into his Auntie time," I joked as I closed the lid on my laptop.

As soon as I stood up, Edward put his arms around me. "I'm sorry I'm being a pain to live with."

"You're just anxious. I understand that."

"I want you to know how much I appreciate you and all you've been doing to help make this a reality."

"We're a team, Babe."

He smiled and it went all the way up into his eyes, taking the tension lines away from the corners. "Always better together."

I gave him a quick kiss on the lips before sending him off to shower. He thought I was being nice by offering to get the kids ready and while that was true, I also needed him gone to make a call and ensure everything was ready. Edward thought we were going to Seattle to have lunch with Bree and Lance. And while we'd eventually get around to lunch at some point, our main purpose was to show Edward the building where he would be working.

Thea was easy to dress since she'd chosen her outfit two days ago—a sleeveless turquoise top with a ruffled bottom and her jean shorts. She had me put her hair up in pigtails and she looked so cute I couldn't resist grabbing the camera and taking a few pictures. Being the ham that she was, she posed for each one but it was her final pose that was my favorite—she was smiling her daddy's crooked grin with her hands over her heart. I couldn't remember who had started it—if it was Edward or me—but at some point we had started to say we loved each other silently by putting our hands over our heart. The kids had picked up on that and started doing it too and it was one of those little things I hoped we'd always share as a family.

My boys were a little tougher because most of their favorite clothes had stains from grass and dirt and even a little blood. Eventually I managed to convince them to wear a nice polo shirt and their cargo shorts. Toby picked his gray shorts and black shirt while Tony went for his dark blue shirt and khaki shorts. Had they had Edward's hair color, they would have looked exactly like mini-versions of him but they'd stayed blond like their grandfather.

Edward was out of the shower by then so I left him in charge of shoes while I quickly dressed. I'd showered last night since it took forever for my long hair to dry and I'd wanted to make sure I looked nice today for Edward. I picked one of his favorite dresses—a red one with spaghetti straps and a flowing skirt that stopped at my knees.

After making sure we had a bag of clothes for the kids for emergency purposes and a second bag of activities for the ride to Seattle, we were on our way. As was the usual when I drove, the activity bag was mostly forgotten in favor of playing "I Spy" with Daddy. Also as usual, someone always forgot the rule about not picking things outside of the vehicle so the game tended to end quickly. The kids never acted disappointed though because the end of the game meant the start of story-telling. Edward's love of history and reading had made him the ultimate tale spinner and our kids were always amazed by how much their daddy knew. I'd overheard them once telling their daycare teacher that their daddy knew way more than the she did. Thankfully the teacher had been understanding and hadn't taken it personally. In fact, she'd told me parent-hero worship was common for their age group. I could have told her she was wrong about the age group thing since I was a loyal worshipper too but it wouldn't have done any good since she didn't know Edward like we did.

I was fine all the way into Seattle but the minute I parked outside of the building, my nerves hit me like a ton of bricks and I could feel a line of sweat break out across my hairline.

"Are you sure this is the right address, Bella?" Edward asked as he looked out through the windshield. "This building doesn't look like it has a restaurant in it."

"I'm sure. Bree was very specific about his directions." I went ahead and got out of the Suburban, knowing Edward would follow without further questioning it.

While he unloaded the kids from their carseats, I sent Alice a quick text to make sure they were ready for us. She answered with a "yes" written in all caps followed by at least twenty exclamation points. _She's going to be in cracked out pixie mode_, I thought as I put away my phone and took my daughter's outstretched hand.

Once we were all on the elevator, Thea looked up at me and asked, "Mommy, can I have steak?"

"You don't like steak, Thea," I reminded her.

"That was last week. This week I think I like it."

"How about I order steak and let you try a piece?" Edward offered.

"But, Daddy, I'm a big girl now. I can have my own steak." She tried the pouty lip trick she'd learned from her aunt on him and probably would have gotten her way but I interrupted before he could answer.

"Hey, Edward, would you do me a favor, Babe?"

"Anything, Angel. Name it."

"Close your eyes for me."

Instead of closing them, he narrowed them in suspicion. "Those are trick words coming from you."

"Babe, would I really be up to something awful with our babies in tow?"

"We're not babies." It seriously sounded like it was in stereo since all three of them had spoken at the same time.

I put my hands up in surrender. "I'm sorry. I apologize. No offense intended."

Edward just stood there smirking. He thought it was hilarious when the kids called me out for my blunders.

"_You_," I said, pointing at him. "Close 'em. Or else."

"What if I like the 'or else'?"

"Daddy, Mommy's 'or else' is a time-out. You don't want that," Toby assured him.

"Nuh, uh," Tony agreed.

"Fine. I'll close them." Edward winked at me and then really closed them. And it was perfect timing too because just a moment after he did we reached the fourth floor and the elevator doors slid open.

I quickly put my finger to my lips to keep the kids from yelling out and ruining the surprise. They ran out of the elevator and into the arms of the family member they wanted to greet first. Thea picked her Jazzy while Toby went for his Poppa Charlie and Tony ran for his Aunt Bree.

I took Edward's hand and gently tugged. "Trust me and walk forward, Babe."

"What is this, Bella? What are you up to?"

"Just keep coming toward me and you'll find out." Once I had him positioned where he could see the banner Alice had ordered and his family standing under it, I told him to open his eyes.

Edward's jaw literally dropped. He just stood there staring, taking in the sight of the banner and our family beneath it. His parents were here and standing next to Alice and Jasper. Rose and Emmett had flown home early just to be here and were standing next to my dad and Sue. Jake had shown up, probably with Bree and Lance since he was between girlfriends at the moment. While Karen and Alisa hadn't been able to come, they had sent a congratulations card that I had in my purse to give to Edward later. And sprinkled through the line were our three beautiful children. They didn't really understand what this was all about but they knew it was something for their daddy and that was enough to make them excited for him.

"Yep. Still the goofy looking twin," Emmett announced, making everyone laugh.

It also got Edward talking. "What is this? How did you all get here? _Why_ are we here?"

I slid my arm around his back and smiled up at him while pointing at the banner. "This is 'Cullen Strength and Wellness' as the sign clearly states. As for the family, most drove but a couple flew home a little early."

"I can't believe this," he said, looking all around.

"You have to let me take you on a tour," Alice said as she pranced her pregnant self over and grabbed his hand. "Bella and I already picked out your office and where most of the equipment will go. And of course the daycare area."

"Daycare?" It shouldn't have been possible but Edward's eyes really did get wider.

Alice's face broke out into a huge smile. "Of course a daycare. I can't be your receptionist without a proper place for my son to rest his little head while I work."

"Oh, Carlisle, another grandson," Esme cried, making everyone laugh.

"We don't have a name yet 'cause Ali here has a list about a mile long but we're working through it," Jasper announced, putting his arm around his wife and smiling proudly.

"Not that I'm not happy for you two, because I most definitely am, but can we get back to what we're doing here?" Edward asked. He shifted his eyes to me. "Bella, is this floor really ours?"

"Sorry that I got it without you but I saw the lease sign and Alice and I took a tour and we just knew this was the perfect spot. We didn't want to wait and risk someone else finding it. We've only given a deposit so if you don't like it, it's not too big of a loss. We just thought the location was perfect since it's between the event center and the college."

Edward's face broke out into a huge smile and he wrapped his arms around me, lifting me off my feet. "Jeebus, you're amazing."

I laughed and tapped his shoulder until he put me on my feet. "It wasn't just me. It was all of us. We're all proud of you, Edward. We know you're going to make this business a success."

"But you better have some beer on hand if you expect me to do heavy lifting and help get this place equipped," Emmett interrupted.

Edward grinned at his brother. "First the work and then the beer."

Em sighed and shook his head. "You know me too well."

Edward's smile fell and his expression turned serious. "Thank you. I'm not going to let you down." He'd said the words loud enough for everyone to hear but he'd been looking only at me as he'd said them.

I had no doubt he meant every word but I didn't want him to think for a second it was all on him. "You and me together, Babe. Every step of the way."

He gave me my crooked grin and then he gave me a kiss.

As Linkin Park so eloquently put it, "In the end it doesn't even matter". Not my past or Edward's. Not my medical issues or his heart condition. Not even our lies and heartaches. Because in the end, it was only about Love. We loved each other in a way that made the burn worth it, always pulling us closer together no matter how much we had to struggle before things leveled out again. Our life together wasn't the dictionary version of perfect by any means but it was perfect for us. We had each other, we had our three amazing kids, and we had a large and loving family. Yeah, perfect was definitely the word for it.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Thank you to my PIC, Eternally Addicted. It was one hell of a ride and it would not have been nearly as fun without you. Your input and ideas shaped so much of this story in the best ways possible. I could not have done it without you.

Thank you to all the readers who stuck with this story. I know there were some dark chapters before the light and the happily ever after but that's how real life goes. Hope this epilogue gave you all a clear picture of just how happy Edward and Bella are with each other and their family.

Lastly, if there are any scenes that you'd like to read from an alternate point of view or a scene that wasn't written that you'd like to see, let EA & me know in your review and we'll kick your ideas around to see what we can come up with. We can already say for certain that the Babies' First Christmas will be an outtake done for Fandom 4 LLS. For more info, visit http:/ fandom4lls (dot) blogspot (dot) com/

Also, make sure you have me on author alert. EA and I are already plotting out our next story and it's going to be very different and we hope you all find it as fun as we have so far in our plotting/planning. We'll start to release details when we get closer to posting the first chapter, sometime in late August, but for a sneak peek of what's to come, visit EA's creation at http:/ masenmarineresearch (dot) blogspot (dot) com/

In the meantime, I posted the oneshot I wrote for Fandom 4 Tsunami. It's called "I Love A Rainy Twilight" and is just a cute, sweet moment for Edward and Bella, taking place between Eclipse and Breaking Dawn.

Thanks again for reading WTB and for all the reviews! You guys are the best!


	66. OT1: Es Halloween

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**Halloween Hook-Up from Edward's POV**

**E****POV:**

My phone began to vibrate in its spot on my chest and I turned down the music on my laptop to answer it. My sister's name was flashing on the screen and I thought about not answering but decided I had better before she ended up coming to my dorm room in person. This was my one night to relax and having my sister here was not part of my plan for calm and quiet.

"Hi, Alice."

"So listen, I know you told me 'no' earlier, but I just want to be absolute sure that it's your final answer. Em and Rose are dressing up as X-men, Jazz and I are going to totally slay in our Rocky Horror outfits, and Bella … well, let's just say that Bella is using her single status as a reason to go all out this year. So much so that words cannot do her outfit justice, and you know I know plenty of words."

I couldn't help but hone in on the part about Bella being single. As much as I wanted to ask about it, I knew had to phrase it just right so Alice wouldn't get suspicious and bombard me with questions. "I thought Bella was working this weekend. Did she change her mind because she's single now?"

"Oh, no. She was single before. A couple months now, actually. Though, I don't think she'll be single much longer. There's a guy in one of her classes who keeps asking her out. But about the working thing, she was going to work on some assignment but I made my party sound too irresistible to pass up. And I'm hoping to have the same results with you, Edward. It's been forever since you spent time with Jazz and me outside of the occasional lunch date. Please say you'll come home and join us. You know you love the ghost hunt!"

I couldn't help smiling at her pleading tone; it was good to know my little sister still enjoyed spending time with me now that she was practically an adult. And if I were perfectly honest, which I could be since I wasn't telling this to anyone but myself, I wanted to see Bella's outfit.

"Alright, Ali. I'll come home for the party, but only on two conditions."

"What are they?"

"I pick my own costume and I'm left alone to get my school stuff out of the way before the party."

"How about I just agree to that last one?"

"How about I stay here in Portland?"

She whined my name into the phone. "You're being a spoil-sport."

"These are my conditions, Ali. Take 'em or leave 'em."

"Oh, fine! You win. So do you want to ride home with Jazz and me tonight?"

I thought about riding with them—and then I thought about my sister's non-stop talking. "No, I'll come up on my own tomorrow morning."

"Thank you, Edward! I'm so excited that I'll have both my big brothers with me for Halloween. We're going to make this party epic!"

I snorted at her over-the-top level of exuberance for a party. "Good night, Alice. Love you."

"Love you too, Big Brother! See you tomorrow."

After hanging up with her, I scrolled through the pictures on my phone until I found the one I wanted. Alice had been taking pictures in the backyard and in an attempt to get her to stop, Bella had perched herself on the rock wall my mother had built in the yard. Instead of her odd pose getting my sister to stop, it had just made everyone laugh—and given me the opportunity to get her picture without anyone noticing. It was an old picture, taken the summer before her senior year of high school. It was one of my favorites though, showing her playful side with just a hint of the trouble she could cause when she was in the mood.

It was never real trouble, never anything that could get a person arrested. She just knew how to relax and have a good time, something I wasn't very good at it. Bella had so many qualities that I envied and although I wanted nothing more than to be close to her, I always seemed to find a way to annoy her and cause an argument. Of course, that had much more to do with Emmett egging things on than with any personality issues on my part.

I closed my phone and sat up in my bed as I thought about my options. Although I had told my sister I would come home tomorrow, I wasn't really sure that was the best idea. I could stay right here and get my work done without interruption and without Alice finding some way to stress me out. Or I could go home and end the curiosity that had spiked at her mention of Bella's costume and most likely end up with an Alice-induced headache.

Actually, my options were to sit here and keep wondering what it would be like to be close to Bella or go home and actually find out. I'd made so many excuses over the last few years that I was actually to the point where I was annoyed with myself over how flimsy some of them were. Then again, it was a short and busy weekend so chances were that Bella wouldn't even notice me. Maybe waiting until Thanksgiving would be better. We'd be home longer and I'd have more of a chance to get her alone to talk.

Alice's words from earlier rang through my mind, "_I don't think she'll be single much longer._"

I'd been waiting years for Bella and me to be single at the same time and there was a very real chance this could be the last chance. She was such an amazing person and I was certain I couldn't be the only one to see that about her. As scared as I was of her complete rejection, I was even more afraid to leave my question unanswered … _What if she feels the same?_

She wouldn't feel exactly the same. That just wasn't possible with as long as I'd been enthralled with her—every single thing about her. But if she could even come close to feeling this way, then I had to have that. I needed to be able to leave this world knowing someone had cared like that about me. My family loved me—even Emmett in his own weird way—but that wasn't the same kind of love. With all that had gone wrong the one time I'd thought I'd had that love I should probably have no plans at all to go home. But despite all of it, I still had that question that I needed answered.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

The room was already full of people I didn't know and Alice was giddy with excitement over the turnout. Thankfully she was showering Jasper with her jubilance and mostly leaving me alone since I was hanging out at the window near the front of door and not the middle of the "action" as she called it.

As far as I was concerned, there was nothing interesting about this party. Not yet anyway. Bella hadn't arrived yet. It was probably really stupid of me to be so excited to see someone who barely knew I existed but I couldn't help it. We hadn't always been estranged this way and I remembered clearly a time in our lives when we were so close that our relationship made my sister jealous. But that had been a long, long time ago; to this day I still wasn't completely sure about how we'd grown so far apart so fast.

My brother's loud laughter had me looking in his direction. He had part of the reason but not the whole one. He hadn't liked the idea of me being with Bella beyond friendship and I'd been afraid she wouldn't be interested in me as anything more than a friend. His threats and my cowardice had created a wedge that was so wide Bella didn't even remember us being friends. I wanted her to remember, or to at least be open to creating new memories with me. I wasn't even afraid anymore of it not lasting; well, I wasn't completely terrified of it at least.

Heavy footsteps on the porch had me pulling back the curtain to see who had arrived. All I could see was a burly guy in a dog costume with a bright red collar around his neck. He seemed familiar but I couldn't see enough of his face to know who he was. I headed for the door but didn't reach it before the guy started banging on it.

I could hear voices as I opened the door and was beyond surprised to find Bella standing there with Jacob. He had whiskers on his face and a leash attached to the collar around his neck, looking like the strangest and ugliest dog on the planet.

It took so much to keep from laughing that all I could do was nod and get her name out. "Bella."

"Edward." She actually didn't come off as annoyed to see me and it gave me hope that we could actually spend time near each other tonight.

I moved aside so they could get in and watched as she unwrapped the leash from around her wrist and threatened Jacob. "Don't even think about moving."

Again I was struggling not to laugh, this time at how scared he seemed of her. Bella's physical size had never been an indicator of her bravery and directness, or a hindrance in her getting what she wanted from people. While Alice tended to plead and pout to get her way, Bella just insisted.

Jacob starting scratching behind the ear on his dog suit and I wanted so badly to make a flea joke but I wasn't sure of his relationship with Bella and didn't want to risk annoying her. Instead, I only said, "Interesting costume, Jacob."

From his frown and the way he practically threw his coat at me it was clear he didn't find it funny. "Just take the damn jacket."

I didn't care what he thought because I'd heard Bella laugh. I took her coat too and then tried to find hangers for them. The closet was already at capacity so if any other people showed up, their coats would have to get tossed on a chair—that was for Alice to worry about though.

While putting away their coats, I started giving the speech required as part of the agreement I'd made with Alice for her to let me stay near the door. "Before you guys move, I have to give the welcoming speech Alice instructed me to give or she'll have yet another fit." I didn't tell them about the first fit when I didn't offer to take the coats of our guests—a major infraction of hospitality according to my little sister.

"Bells, I don't know how you stay friends with such an odd little freak," Jacob said from behind me.

I was about to tell him something for talking about my little sister that way when I heard Bella threaten him. "Shut it, Fido." I did my best to tone down the huge smile on my face before turning to face them.

"Welcome to—" That was all I could get out since I'd gotten my first real look at Bella's costume for the night and nearly swallowed my tongue in shock.

Her outfit was barely more than strategically placed cloth; she was every amazing goddess that had ever graced this world rolled into one gorgeous woman. As much as I wanted to be a gentleman by looking only at her face it was impossible not to notice and appreciate all of her perfect curves.

Bella made some death threat to Jake that I barely heard and walked past me tugging his leash while I struggled to remember how to breathe. How anyone could be near her and not see how amazing she was baffled me. It had to be only a matter of time before someone other than me saw it and scooped her up. I had to say something and it had to be tonight.

"Bella!"

My sister had spotted her best friend and I knew I'd missed my chance to say something nice before anyone else could. I always seemed to be missing my chance with Bella. This would normally be the part where I would go find something else to do but not tonight. My hands curled into fists at my sides and I made up my mind once and for all—things were going to be different tonight. I was going to find a way to speak to her no matter what.

I abandoned my post at the door and walked over to where they were standing, arriving in time to hear my brother asking about Bella's costume. "What exactly are you besides a really hot chic?"

"An Aztec sacrificial virgin. _Fido_ thought it was funny." From the way Bella was looking at Jacob and tugging at his leash, it was clear she didn't find his choice funny.

"Jakey!" My brother was laughing and scratching Jacob behind his fake floppy ear. "Wanna play fetch, boy? Wanna chase a stick? Because I don't see Bells letting you chase any ass after dressing her up this way."

While they all laughed, I forced myself to say exactly what I was thinking for once. "She looks beautiful."

I knew they were all staring at me but it was only Bella's reaction I was concerned with and as much as I wished I could claim her expression was easy to read, I had no idea what she was thinking.

"That's not in question. We just know Bells doesn't pick this sort of thing on her own," Jasper replied. "And it's fun to bust Jake's balls for it."

Jacob and I had never formally met each other and I decided it was time. I put my hand out and said, "We haven't officially met before. I'm Edward."

My brother predictably enough had to throw his two cents in. "He's the scrawny twin."

"Clearly," Jacob said as he sized me up.

It was hard not to smile as I felt his hand tighten around mine. I was sure he was trying to be intimidating but growing up with Emmett made every other guy around me seem like an easy challenge. So while Jacob continued to tighten his grip, I did the exact same.

It went on until Bella grabbed our hands. "Before you two cavemen end up with stumps instead of hands, let go."

"You heard, Bells," my brother said as he stepped in and pried our hands apart. "Play nice and behave or I'll put you both in the doghouse."

"We don't own a doghouse," I replied.

Emmett chuckled, put his arm around my shoulders, and then used his thumb to point to the sofa in the corner. "Over there with Mallory is the doghouse."

It was impossible not to shudder at the mention of the girl's name. Growing up in a small town meant everyone knew everyone in some way and we all knew her to be a miserable mix of vapid and clingy. I'd be friendly to pretty much anyone to avoid that girl; I looked over at Jacob and he seemed to be thinking the same things.

"Now that we've had the testosterone moment, let's have the alcoholic one," Rosalie suggested.

"Fido, you will fetch me a rum and coke and come right back," Bella ordered Jacob while untangling his leash from her hand.

"You could throw a 'please' in there, you know," he replied.

She either didn't hear or chose not to comment on his reply. "Failure to come back will result in you being neutered."

I moved closer to her to compliment her on her threat but my sister reached Bella before me, wrapping her arm around Bella's and leading her away from the group. "While he's busy with that, I have something to show you." They disappeared into the room that housed the piano I barely ever got to play anymore.

"So," Jasper said as he handed me a beer.

"Thanks."

"Bella's costume is pretty wild, huh?"

"It's definitely different for her. Not her usual t-shirts, jeans and boots."

He nodded his head a couple times and then lifted it, revealing a sly smile. "It damn sure grabbed your attention."

"I'm surprised you actually came, Eddie," Emmett said as he joined us. "Hell, I'm even more shocked you dressed up."

I shrugged. "It was for Alice. You know how hard our little sister is to deny."

Emmett snorted. "She's too damn good at getting her way. We've got to stop giving in to her."

"Yeah, you let me know how that works out for you," Jasper said with a snort of his own.

"Everyone got a drink?" Rose called from behind us.

I turned to make sure Jacob was getting Bella's drink but he was nowhere in sight. I saw this an opportunity and headed over to the drink table where Rose was standing. "Would you make Bella's rum and coke? I'll make sure she gets it."

"Look at you being sociable tonight," Rose replied, looking me up and down. "What did Alice threaten you with?"

"No threats tonight. I'm actually enjoying the party," I said as I watched her poor the drink.

"Sure." There was no doubt in my mind she was being sarcastic. She handed me the cup and smiled. "Make sure you're nice when you give it to her or you'll end up wearing that drink."

"I'm sure I'll be safe considering she assigned this task to Jacob. Where did he go anyway?"

"Pretty sure I just saw his furry tail disappear out the door with Jessica. We warned him about Mallory but forgot to mention her sleazy twin."

"Hope his collar is a flea collar."

Rose laughed. "Look at Edward getting a joke in. How many beers did it take to you loosen you up like this?"

I almost responded with some sarcasm of my own but Alice's voice had everyone in the room looking toward her. "Time to partner up for the spooky ghost hunt."

I headed straight for her—and Bella—and arrived in time to hear Bella was looking for her dog and drink. "Alice, I haven't had my drink and I seem to have lost my dog."

"Here's your drink," I said as I passed the cup to her. "As for Fido, he must not know Jessica's reputation because he left with her."

"Edward, you'll be Bella's partner then," Alice commanded, handing me a pad and a pencil.

While I wanted nothing more than to kiss my sister for giving me an excuse to be alone with Bella, I knew better than to assume Bella would feel the same. "Is that alright with you, Bella?" I asked her.

Again, it was impossible to read her expression. "It's fine."

"Great!" Alice squealed. Now that she'd gotten her way, she turned away from us and made sure everyone heard her. "Teams will go off in as many different directions as possible and we'll all meet back here in an hour. The team with the most sightings written on their pad will win a special prize."

The room quickly emptied, especially with Emmett and Rosalie leading the charge. Leave it to my sister to get a room full of college adults to act like high school kids all over again.

"So where should we start?" Bella asked.

"I saw her messing around in the weight room this morning. We could start there."

"Yeah, that'd be the only reason to catch her in that room. Alice Cullen doesn't do sweat."

"Or rain."

"Or snow."

I had to grin at that while holding the door open for Bella to enter first. "Actually, what does she do?"

"She orders people around, namely me. But I need the bossing most days, so it works out well."

Her answer surprised me and I hoped she would explain it further. "Why would _you_ need to be told what to do? You always seem so independent and in charge when I see you."

"Give me a project and I am all over it. Ask me to get out of bed without holding a cup of coffee in your hand and watch me come up with some pretty interesting and convincing reasons why leaving my bed would be a danger to the health of everyone around me. Emmett once hid the plug for the coffee machine just to see what I would do. It didn't end well for him or his favorite football jersey."

Her answer was so surprising and funny that it had me laughing.

"Not to sound rude or anything, but what are you doing home?" she asked. "Alice was in such a tizzy that you were staying at PSU and not doing the Halloween party this year."

I shrugged, hoping to sell my half-truth answer. "I had originally planned to stay and get ahead in a few classes, but things sort of changed."

"I know how that goes." She sat down on the weight bench and then looked up at me. "I got as far as having my books laid out in front of me before Jake showed up and conned me into this getup."

Since she'd brought him up, I figured this would be a good time to find out exactly what kind of relationship she had with him. "So what is Jake to you? I sort of thought boyfriend, but then he left with Stanley."

Bella stared at me for a second and then dissolved into snorts and loud laughter. "Jake? My boyfriend? Oh, Edward! That's the best joke I've heard in weeks."

"So what is he then?"

She shrugged. "He's part family friend, part giant pain in my ass, part little brother, part bodyguard, and major mechanical brain. He can fix anything on wheels, and I do mean anything."

"What about a 2005 Volvo? Rosalie couldn't even figure out what's up with it." The Volvo had gotten me all the way down here but when I'd tried to go to the grocery store earlier it wouldn't even light up the dash.

"I give Rose mad props for her skills, but Jake is one with the auto. It's scary how quickly he can get a completely dead car to roar back to life. We took Alice's Porsche to three different dealerships and no one could figure out why it was having intermittent periods of sluggish response. Jake spent one afternoon with the car and fiddled with some sensor or another and that baby has been purring like a spoiled kitten ever since."

"Alice told me about that, but I can't believe your Jake is _the_ Jake."

"With a truck as old as mine, it pays to have a good mechanic on speed-dial. I just wish I could get the lazy bum to promise to go to technical college next year."

"Wait! He's only a high school senior?" It just didn't seem possible with him being so smart—and big. He was pretty close to my brother's size.

"Don't let the age fool you, Cullen. The boy is brilliant. He lacks greatly in the maturity department at times, but he's a friggen genius all the same."

I couldn't think of anything to say to that just yet so I lifted up the pad in my hands to get this ghost hunting business going. "We should find at least one ghost to keep Alice from screaming at us."

"Screw that," Bella said, grinning as she stood up. "I'm in it to win it. What about you, Cullen?"

Her smile was completely infectious—so much so that I didn't care that I was grinning like an idiot. "I don't know, Swan. I've never teamed up with you before."

She sighed and shook her head and just when I thought she was about to change her mind about hunting with me, she lifted her head and smiled wide. "Oh, the joys you have missed. Being Alice's best friend gives me the unique ability to get inside of her crazy little head."

While Bella started looking around the room for clues, I just looked at her. One of the scariest things about being around her was how she always made me feel a variety of emotions no matter how hard I tried to be stoic around her. In just the little time we'd be in this room she'd made me laugh, surprised me with new information about Jacob, and left my head spinning and my heart racing with just her smile.

"If I was Alice and I had set up something in a room of mirrors, it would glow in the dark. Cullen, hit the lights," Bella ordered. I highly doubted she was right but I went ahead and turned the lights out anyway.

My eyes quickly adjusted and picked up the faint glow of the poorly drawn ghost on one of the mirrors.

Bella was standing close enough to the ghost that I could see her pointing at it while she laughed. "Shameful. I wonder if the others are going to be this easy to figure out."

"I wish you were this easy to decipher." I was glad for the darkness, knowing my face was turning red. I hadn't meant to say that out loud and I wasn't ready to explain it so I hoped she hadn't heard it either.

"What was that?" she asked.

"Nothing. Just wondering where we should go from here."

I wasn't sure if she believed me or not but she seemed to be letting it go because the next thing she said had to do with the ghost hunt. "I would say the library at the end of the hall. Ghosts like to haunt things with an old feeling so that room would be perfect."

We were halfway down the hall when a couple came flying out of the library and nearly ran right into Bella. It was only "nearly" because I had been able to grab her and pull her against the wall with me. We waited there for a moment just to make sure no one else came running out of the room. There really wasn't a need for me to keep holding on to her but since she didn't ask me to let I left my arm where it was around her waist.

Eventually she did pull away from me and said, "Nice save." She started toward the library and I followed right behind her.

"Wonder if that means this ghost is a dearly departed fashion designer of some sort," she said as we entered the room.

"That certainly sounds like something my sister would do."

Bella walked further into the room and at first I'd thought she'd already found the ghost but it quickly became clear she wasn't concerned with the hunt at all. Her fingers danced along the spines of the books on the shelf that she and my sister had laid claim to years ago before finally coming to a stop on one of the hardbacks.

I walked over to see what she'd grabbed and noticed she'd opened the book up to a page where the ink had bled. "Why is the page smudged?"

"Long story." It was all she said and she was quick to put the book away, making me think she wasn't comfortable telling me. I hated the thought of that; I hated that we had so much space between us.

"People usually say that when they don't want to answer a question."

"It's a girl thing anyway."

"So?"

She gave me a look and a smirk that I was pretty sure meant she'd liked my reply. "Yeah, you and Emmett are _nothing_ alike. When I bring out the 'girl thing' he covers his ears and practically runs away from me like my words will stunt his growth or something. It's really fun to do in the middle of the grocery store."

"Emmett and I are often complete opposites, but we have a few things we agree on."

"Like?"

Knowing it would most likely lead to questions, I still went ahead and told her the truth. "Like changing our plans to spend time with a beautiful woman is a worthwhile endeavor."

"Rosalie has had Emmett on a short leash since eighth grade when she grew boobs. By the way, do you have _any_ idea what that whole Stella thing is about?"

"He still does that?" I asked, unable to keep from laughing. While my brother looked grown up on the outside, he was so far from it on the inside.

"God, yes. The Chief is a little too amused that it's now relegated to my hallway and far away from his house."

"How is your dad?"

"He's doing good. Dating Sue Clearwater. Or trying to. Last I heard, Leah wasn't too approving. But Seth and Jacob are over the moon about it. Then again, those two are always excited about something."

"What about you? How do you feel about it?"

"I feel I was the teenage daughter from hell and my dad deserves to get to be happy for putting up with my crap."

"You weren't nearly as rebellious as you thought. It used to drive me insane the way Alice and you would talk like you'd done these amazingly horrid things and all that had really happened was a flunked test or a late paper."

Bella snorted and grinned in that way that made my heart skip a couple beats. "Obviously you weren't listening in close enough, mister failure as a spy guy. If you had been, you'd have known about the sneaking out, the underage drinking, the pot smoking, and the tattoo parlor hopping."

"You have a tattoo?" I blurted out, too shocked by her admission to phrase it any better.

She nodded and gave me that grin again. "Several."

"Can I see one?"

She sat there looking at me for so long that I was sure she was going to refuse, but then she said, "Make you a deal. For every ghost you find, I'll reveal a tattoo."

"How many are there?" I asked, wondering how she managed to hide them in such little clothing.

"You'll have to wait and see." The flirty smile she gave me stopped my heart and then restarted it with a rush.

I could do this; I could find the ghosts and get to see parts of Bella normally hidden to me. _Nothing_ was going to stop me.

It ended up taking me fifteen minutes to find that first ghost but it felt much longer, especially with me stopping to look over at Bella every so often. She had her attention focused on the book in her lap—a book I knew she'd read at least ten times already. I couldn't figure out if she was really reading it all over again or just pretending and rethinking her offer to let me see her tattoos. I knew the only way to find out was to go over there and let her know I'd found the ghost so that was just what I did.

While I did sort of hate interrupting her reading, I wasn't really that broken up about it—I was too concerned with seeing one of her tattoos. She laughed at the big smile I was sporting as I sat down next to her on the sofa and then she lifted her skirt and pulled one of her purple sneakers off.

"By the way, I think it's insane that you wore sneakers with that outfit," I said as I watched her fingers roll her sock down.

She shrugged her shoulder. "It pissed Jake off." And then she was setting her foot in my lap and I was leaning down to get a closer look at the beautiful black disk with the three silver swirls that joined in the middle.

At first, I could only get out a "wow" because of how badly I wanted to touch her and the amount of restraint it took to keep my fingers to myself. "What is it?"

"Celtic symbol for the triple Goddess. It represents the power of body, mind, and spirit. It also represents the whole cycle of life thing, but I specifically wanted it for the connected power symbolism."

I couldn't hold back anymore and my fingers gently touched the corner of the disk. "Why?" I asked, wanting to know everything about what had led her to choose this design.

I was highly disappointed at how quickly she took her foot away and even more so that she covered her tattoo back up, but I was more than satisfied with the answer she gave to my question.

"As a reminder that to be a whole person, you have to take care of each part of yourself. Sound mind, fit body, and positive spirit will get you where you want to go in life. I spent a few too many years doing the whole self-destructive thing. I was just lucky I had Alice to keep me from getting too insane with my plots against myself, but I still have plenty of things I would refrain from doing if I had a second chance."

Of all the reasons I'd ever heard given for permanently marking a body, hers was by far the best and most meaningful as far as I was concerned. I had a feeling every tattoo had a great meaning and I couldn't wait to discover them all—to discover _her_. "Where to next?" I asked, giving her a grin.

"Eager, huh?" She laughed as she stood up.

"I have a feeling that none of your tattoos will be mindless designs picked off a wall."

"I can guarantee you that," she said as we stepped into the hallway together.

I wanted so much to take her hand that I had to shove my own hands into my pockets. "So where to now?" I asked, trying to focus on the hunt and not the prize of seeing more of her.

"Garage. And it'll probably have something to do with Emmett's Jeep since she owes him some revenge. He flicked mud on the Porsche the other day."

I pulled a play from my sister's book and gave a fake gasp. "Blasphemy."

Bella laughed again and I felt like I really could become addicted to the sound. And then she scared me by imitating my brother. "That's what she said."

"Okay, that was the scariest thing I've witnessed tonight," I admitted. "You just sounded exactly like Emmett."

She shook her head and sighed. "I am officially spending too much time near him."

A wave of nervousness hit me so hard that I found myself tensing up and rubbing the back of my neck to try and dampen it. I wanted to make the offer and I certainly hoped she would accept, but I was also worried she would completely reject me. "Well, if you ever wanted someone different to have coffee with at the shop, I wouldn't mind showing up."

"Thanks, Edward." She seemed to really mean it and that had me smiling.

It also had me telling her the complete truth. "My pleasure, Bella."

She gave a small smile and then walked past me, leading the way to the garage. I found the ghost almost immediately and waited with bated breath to see another of Bella's tattoos. Her fingers slid through her hair and then twirled it up into a bun. She held it in place with both hands and leaned forward a little, letting the light hit the tattoo sitting at the nape of her neck.

I gently gripped her shoulders and turned her just a little to get a better look at the tiny angel wings surrounding an even tinier heart.

"This is my favorite," she said as she stood still, letting me trace the wings with my thumb. "Six years ago, I spent my afternoons babysitting for the sweetest little boy you could ever want to meet. His name was Aaron and around him I was always trying to be a better person. He was born with a lot of heart issues and nobody expected him to live for long but each day that he woke up was another day he proved the doctors wrong. He was only three when he died but in the time I knew him he taught me more about living in the moment than anyone else I've ever met.

My thumb was still tracing her wings when I leaned in and whispered into her ear. "I'm so sorry you lost your friend, Bella. He sounds like he was a special little boy."

I wasn't sure if it was my words or my touch that her suddenly acting uncomfortable around me; I only knew I wanted to fix it. She didn't give me the chance, though. She was moving so fast that I couldn't do anything but follow after her.

She led us into my mother's greenhouse and I took my time "finding" the ghost—I'd spotted it as we'd walked inside. I wanted to give Bella time to herself in hopes she would continue to share her tattoos with me because we weren't just sharing drawings on her body—we were sharing little pieces of her heart and soul.

When I finally told her that I'd found the ghost, she pulled back the lapel at the top of her costume and then brushed her hand over her chest a few times. When she moved her fingers out of the way, she revealed a symbol sitting over the true location of her heart.

She brushed her finger over the design once more as she explained its meaning to me. "One night in high school—junior year for me—I got this idea in my head that if I put the Japanese symbol for peace over my heart, then I would have peace _in_ my heart. It helped some but I still had some stuff to go through before I got all my crap together."

"Maybe I should try that myself." There was so much I wanted to say to her but I knew it was best to keep quiet for now. Just because we were getting along right now didn't mean that she would talk to me tomorrow. Not to mention that I had no idea if I could trust her not to share with my siblings.

Instead of saying anything, I asked her where we should look next and she picked the back patio deck of the house. My sister hadn't even tried to hide the ghost in this location so right away Bella was sliding her costume down her shoulder and showing me a Phoenix bird rising from flames and a small pile of ash.

"What's the meaning behind this one?" I asked, carefully tracing along the edges of the largest tattoo she'd shown me yet.

"This one reminds me that no matter how much life burns you, you can rise above it if you keeping fighting. There's always going to be the chance of another burn, another all consuming fire, but you can never fly if you're always too scared to spread your wings."

The soft intensity of her voice mixed with the feel of her smooth skin under my fingers had caused a momentary lapse in sanity—that was the only reason I could come up with for why I suddenly leaned in and pressed my lips against her shoulder.

Bella immediately pulled away and spun around, looking at me as if I'd grown a second head. I could see in her eyes that she wanted answers but I didn't know how to give them to her and not leave her thinking I'd lost my mind. She had no idea how I felt for her and was clearly confused by the intimacy we were suddenly sharing.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I don't know how to make this better. I can't explain it in a way that won't ruin this fragile truce between us and I'm not ready to let go of it yet. I know that just saying that could end with you being annoyed with me but I really don't know what else to say."

For some reason, she let me off the hook. "Knowing Alice, she put one in your room just because you've never really liked for anyone to go in there."

Now I was the one feeling completely confused and I admit I didn't take it very well and my words carried my disgruntlement. "Of course she would."

We headed into the house and after leaving our dirty shoes and socks near the backdoor, we climbed the stairs in silence. I opened the door and reached inside for the light switch while Bella slipped under my arm and into my room. "You are entirely too neat for a guy," she told me.

My brother's favorite accusation came to mind. "Emmett swears it means I'm un-masculine."

"Maybe the room on its own might seem that way, but not once you're in it."

Her words seemed truly honest so I returned the favor. "I'm sure it has nothing on how it looks with you standing there."

"Yeah, I probably take the place from modern majestic to boringly plain in this getup. I miss my own clothes. At least they have personality."

_Can she really not see?_ I wondered as I took her in. She was so breathtakingly beautiful—and I meant that literally. There were so many times that I'd completely forgotten to breathe around her, too struck by her beauty. It could be something as simple as watching her laugh with my sister or trade fake punches with my brother. It was seeing her hug my mother and knowing that it was done with an overwhelming amount of love and joy.

If she couldn't see it on her own, then I had to help her see it. I walked over to her, not quite touching her but more than close enough to feel her breath on my skin and send my heart racing. "Bella."

She had her head leaned back and was looking right at me. "Yeah?"

"You know what you said about your Phoenix? About trying again after getting burned?"

"What about it?"

"What do you do if you get burned again?"

"Try again and work really hard not to judge the next person I was interested in based on what the last person had done. And I would have faith. Faith in myself, faith that I deserved to be with someone, and faith in the person I wanted to be with. You can deal with a lot and do without a lot as long as you have faith."

"What if the person you want to be with doesn't know it? How can you have faith then?"

"You can't until you tell them and find out if they feel the same."

"And if you can't find the words?"

She shrugged. "If you can't say it, then you have to show it."

I nodded. And then I did just as she'd suggested and showed her. I wrapped my hand around the back of her neck and covered her lips with mine. That first taste of her was everything I'd ever imagined and infinitely better at the same time. And when I grabbed her hip and pulled her body flush with mine it was like magic and heaven all rolled together as each of her curves fit against me in the most perfect way.

Bella must not have felt the same because she pulled away. "Edward, what are you doing?"

I took my eyes off of her perfect mouth just long enough to make sure she wasn't angry with me for kissing her. I couldn't be completely sure but I was certain enough from her heavy breathing and flushed face that she had enjoyed it to slide my lips over hers a second time after saying "showing you" in response to her question. This time, I didn't hold back with my kiss and she didn't pull away. She parted her lips and when our tongues met I knew I never wanted to kiss another woman again. Only her. Only Bella.

It had always been Bella. I had tried hard to deny that simply because I'd never believed she could feel the same for me. But the way she was reacting to my kiss and my touch—she wanted this as much as I did.

Or at least I'd thought she did until she grabbed my wrist. I waited for her to yell at me or slap me or do both while I struggled not to throw up from how violently my stomach had turned at the surety she was about to reject me.

She didn't reject me, though. She smiled. I barely had time to register it because she pulled her robe aside and pressed my hand over her breast, squeezing it with both of our hands and showing me how she liked to be touched. There was nothing sexier than a woman who knew what she wanted and was willing to show a man how to give it to her, at least in my opinion.

This time when we kissed, the intensity of it came equally from both of us. As much as I was enjoying kissing her, I wanted more. Bella groaned, thinking I was pulling away since I'd taken my hands off her neck and breast and I couldn't help but enjoy her reaction. I also couldn't force myself to be patient and I ended up grabbing the sides of her robe and pulling the thing completely apart.

With the barely there robe gone, Bella was left standing in front of me in nothing but a white thong. But even that was too much clothing and I reached out to get rid of her underwear. She slapped my hands away and then pointed at me as she said, "You need to catch up first."

I couldn't believe she was going to make me do this now instead of letting me see all of her first. I also couldn't deny her what she wanted and started unbuttoning my baseball jersey.

As soon as I got my jersey off, she took hold of my shirt and yanked it off of me. I couldn't help laughing as I watched her eyes widen and her tongue slide across her lower lip. It seemed she was as affected by me as I was by her and that put us on even ground—and rid me of some of my nervousness.

She then rid me of the ability to think at all by putting her hands on my chest and speaking in a warm, sultry voice, sending my blood rushing downward. "The faster you get your pants off, the faster you can be inside of me."

As if her words weren't torturous enough, she decided to impede my efforts to get my jeans off by kissing and licking my chest. It was overwhelming and not enough at the very same time and I couldn't decide if I wanted her to keep going or to stop and let me get my pants off.

She made the decision for me, only letting me get my jeans open before diving right in and wrapping her hand around me. Everything she'd made me feel up to that point paled in comparison to having her touching me this way and I _knew_ I didn't want her stop.

"Edward, what did you want to show me with your kiss?"

_Is she serious? She really expects me to be able to answer right now?_

"I could stop if you want." She stilled her hand and my heart stilled right along with it.

I looked directly at her, needing her to see how much I meant my words and how much I needed her to keep touching me. "Don't stop, Bella. _Please_."

"Edward, what were you trying to show me?"

"I …" I really had planned to answer her but she'd tightened her grip and started moving her hand again and it was too much pleasure to do anything but stand there and feel it.

"Go on," she urged.

Once again, she made it impossible to answer her, this time by raking her teeth across my nipple. I'd never had that done to me before and it felt so shockingly good that I couldn't speak right away. And I was beginning to seriously doubt that she really wanted an answer with the way she was torturing me.

"I can't think when you do that," I warned her.

"I could stop if you want." From the way she was smiling, I was pretty sure she wouldn't really do that to me.

"Bella." I lost the barely there thought I'd had in my head, struck silent by how beautiful she looked with her cheeks flushed and her eyes bright—and her focus on me and me alone.

"Yes?" she questioned even as she tried to distract me again by tightening her hand. She was definitely playing a game.

Maybe I was too but that didn't mean I couldn't be completely honest at the same time. "I've wanted you since the first time I saw you."

"I know I look different tonight, but—"

"Not tonight. Since that first time you slept over in high school. You were up in the middle of the night, curled up on the library sofa with your hair falling all around you and you were crying over a book. I could tell right away that even though you were sad, you were feeling something else too. I'd never seen anyone look vulnerable and strong at the same time, but you did. You were so connected with that book and I wanted to be connected to you that way. I wanted to understand you and decipher your meaning."

"You have a funny way of showing it."

"I had a girlfriend. I couldn't show it. When we broke up a few months later, I went to your house to ask you out, but Jake opened the door and said something about _his_ girl being at the grocery store."

She leaned in and laughed against my chest, sending the vibration downward and making it so damn hard to concentrate on what she was saying. "That was Jake's 'homey' stage. He'd tried to get away with calling me 'my bitch' but I beat his ass and threatened his life if he did it again. So it became 'my girl'. But it was only a saying."

Her answer was the best piece of news I'd gotten in a long time and it had me smiling and wanting to kiss her. Before I could actually try to get that kiss, though, she distracted me by increasing the speed of her hand and the pleasure I felt.

Still, I managed to tell her some of what I was thinking. "It seemed every time you were single, I wasn't and when I was, you weren't. It seemed it wasn't meant to be."

"I can't believe _you_ were scared to say how you felt."

"It seemed I was always getting shot down by circumstances. So I tried to avoid dealing directly with you, figuring I would stop wanting to be with you."

"And did that work?"

I let her see how much I meant the one word I spoke to her. "No."

My answer changed her movements from playful to determined and between her kisses and the way she stroked me, I was soon riding the waves of an amazing climax.

I couldn't wait to reciprocate and I took her into the bathroom to clean us up so I could have my turn to pleasure her. She didn't say anything as I cleaned her hand up; she sat on the counter smiling and watching me.

She was only quiet until I dropped my pants, though. That's when she let out a loud whistle that had me blushing in front of her. Before I had time to recover from that shock, she was hitting me with another—by hitting me with her thong and then sashaying her naked body out of the bathroom. Besides having a perfect view of her back and shapely legs, I got a look at the tattoo adorning the base of her spine just above the swell of her buttocks.

I wasn't sure what it was and I found myself rushing after her and catching her at the edge of my bed. I gently bent over the mattress and then traced her tattoo. It was the most intricate of them all even though it was technically a simple design; it was a fleur-de-lis made to look like ironwork seen on a fence or decorative railing.

"What's the meaning of this one?" I asked as I traced the edges for the third time.

"Technically, it represents a lily flower. But it's often used to point north on a compass, directing lost souls home again."

I needed to be touching more of her so I turned her over and joined her in the bed, touching her in as many places as I could. "Where do you consider your home to be?"

"Wherever I'm comfortable?"

"Are you comfortable now?"

"Not really, but you could fix that." There was only one word for her smile—sinful. And there was no woman in the world I wanted to be sinful with more than her. I took her hips into my hands and pushed up at just the right angle to be inside of her. I'd been so wrong earlier—_this_ was heaven. She was right here with me, wrapped around me and moaning my name in a way that left no doubt this felt just as amazing to her. I couldn't get enough of her and all I wanted was more. I kissed her lips, her cheeks, her jaw, her neck … And then I found it. One little sensitive spot behind her ear that had her arching her back and pulling my hair.

"You liked that," I asked, leaning in to kiss the eyelids she had clenched shut.

"What was your first clue, genius?"

Her reaction had me feeling more confident than I could ever remember being and I found myself teasing her. I brought my lips to her ear as if I were going to kiss that spot again and when she stopped breathing in anticipation of my kiss, I breathed into her ear instead. "I love the way you pulse all around me, Bella. You're so tight already and to have you squeezing that way … It nearly ended that round because I have no plans to let you out of this room tonight."

"Has it really been that long since you had sex?" She was trying to act like she wasn't just as close to going over the edge but I could feel the truth. For some reason, she didn't want to be as into this as I was and I couldn't let that happen. I had to keep her open to more—to _me_.

"Yes, but that's not why I don't want you to leave. We're finally both single, Bella. But I want that to change. I want to take you out on dates. I want to sit with you over coffee and pick your brain, finding out everything I can about you. I want to feel you all around me like this as often as you'll allow. I want to spread my wings with you and pray to God I don't burn up from being so close to your fire."

It was amazing to watch the change that came over her; the lines in her face softened and her eyes brightened. It seemed I had said something she'd liked but the fact that she wasn't saying anything in response was starting to worry me.

I cleared away the loose hairs that had fallen across her face and gently prodded her to speak to me. "Bella?"

She remained silent with her words but she told me everything with her kiss and the motion of her hips, drawing me in so deep until she was all there was in the world. She was all I could see, hear, touch, taste, and feel—I never wanted it to be any other way.

The after was just as nice as the during because Bella didn't ask me to move away from her. My head was resting on her shoulder with my lips against her neck and her hands sliding back and forth through my hair. She wasn't trying to leave my bed or me and that was just as amazing as finally being able to show her how I felt about her.

I heard her mumbling something about her voice being hoarse and I couldn't resist teasing her. "I think the entire house may have heard you."

"You're not exactly quiet yourself, Edward."

As much as I wanted to keep things just as they were, with the mood light and the connection between us feeling so strong, I suddenly became convinced that I needed to honestly answer the question I'd avoided earlier … _What are you doing home?_

I moved us so that we were on our sides and able to see other clearly. "I have a confession to make."

Her smile was playful and her words teasing. "What? You were a virgin before tonight and I corrupted you?"

I snorted at the idea of Bella corrupting anyone. "I wish. No, I just … Alice told me you were going to come to the party and that's why I came home."

"But how could Alice know? I told her I was staying home at Charlie's to study. I turned her down like five times, but then Jake had asked and—" Bella let out a loud gasp. "That little witch!"

"What?" I asked, hoping Bella wasn't about to be angry with me and regret what we'd shared tonight.

"She _knew_. She planned this whole thing. You're sister got you the girl you wanted."

"She couldn't have," I said, shaking my head in denial. "I've never told anyone."

"You don't have to tell Alice for her to know. She just does."

I had come clean about why I was home tonight and now I hoped Bella would be honest about why she was here in my room with me. "Bella … We … Well, I know you aren't one to just sleep with a guy so … I guess I want to know if you've had feelings for me too."

There was no smile and no teasing from her this time, just honesty. Well, at least until she got to the end of what she was saying to me. "If I did, I wasn't aware of it. You were just a guy who ignored me for reasons I didn't know. But I wouldn't mind finding out if there's more between us than just some rocking sex."

Before I could say anything, there was a knock on my door and we were scrambling out of the bed to look for clothing. I managed to find a pair of shorts under my bed. "Who is it?" I asked as I pulled them on.

"It's Alice."

"Speak of the conniving devil and she shall appear," Bella whispered loud enough for me to hear her.

I smiled at her and then hurried over to my door. I only opened it enough to see my sister's face. "Yes, Alice?"

"You missed the end of the ghost hunt."

"That's okay. I didn't find enough to win the prize."

My sister's neutral expression morphed into that all-knowing one she had, complete with a huge self-satisfied smile. "You won the only prize you care about. Bella, don't forget to set his alarm. I want you up, dressed, and ready to shop by nine."

I was too dumbstruck to respond but Bella didn't have that problem. She yanked the door open and stood there facing my sister in nothing but the comforter from my bed.

"Since you set this all up and tricked me into coming here and wearing _your_ costume, I want an extra hour."

"Fine, but you're buying lunch to thank me for my good deed," Alice replied. She turned to leave but turned right back around and smiled at Bella. "Oh, just one more thing. Edward, you're taking Bella back to PSU tomorrow. I have a few things to handle after our shopping is done."

"I'll handle you, you little—"

I didn't let Bella finish because I couldn't; I needed to kiss her and it couldn't wait a second more. She could have just accused my sister of interfering in her life and been angry about the match-making my sister had so obviously been up to. Instead, she was only interested in getting an extra hour here with me in the morning. She wanted me and I needed to kiss her in thanks and praise and hope for more.

When breathing required us to break apart, Bella made a valiant attempt to give me an annoyed glare. The only reason it didn't work was because of the way she was gently toying with the hair at my neckline. "What the hell was that, Cullen? I had a really great leprechaun remark for her."

"I get to bring you back to school and have extra time with you. I can't be upset with Alice for that."

"I thought the Volvo wasn't working."

"It's not but I have the feeling that was Alice as well. We'll get Jake to look at it tomorrow morning."

"Fine," she relented, dropping her glare and letting her face soften. "I won't be mad at the pixie sprite for her meddling ways."

"No, we should thank her. A dress maybe." It was hard to come up with proper ideas for thank you gifts when you're busy kissing the one woman you always wanted to kiss and believed you never would. "Jewelry. Definitely jewelry. With diamonds."

Bella laughed and pushed my lips away from her soft skin. "What the hell are you going on about? Why would you get Alice diamond jewelry?"

I smiled as I leaned in and touched my forehead to hers, fully enjoying the opportunity to see her brown eyes up close and appreciate the depth of them, the emotion she carried in them. Looking into those eyes, I gave Bella the only answer I could … "Because she gave me something priceless and I'd like to return the favor."

"No jewelry. I'll find her a shirt or something. We don't want her constantly reminding us she was the reason for our getting together."

"I love those words," I admitted.

"What words?"

"We. Us. Our."

"_We_ will try to be an _us_ around _our_ schedules. I don't have the best track record for keeping guys around. They all act like they enjoy my sarcasm and wit at first, but then they decide it annoys them and we inevitably part ways." She seemed less sure now, less … I didn't know what it was but it just felt less than before so I made her a promise I knew I could uphold.

"Not with me." My words seemed to work because the tense lines on her forehead relaxed and she leaned her head up for a kiss. I could have kissed her and enjoyed the hell out of it but I had this strong feeling that she needed the mood lightened more than she needed that kiss. So I moved out of her reach and teased her, "I'll just tell you to shut up."

"Oh, you are so not going to be the boss of the relationship," she said as I let her push me onto my back. She was trying to get the upper hand and before I knew what hit me, she had me in the palm of her hand both literally and figuratively.

"You can be the boss sometimes," I relented. "But I'm spoiling you," I quickly added, not wanting her to think for a second that I only wanted sex from her.

"I'm defiling your car with you."

She made the words sound like a promise but as appealing as the thought was, I would never risk her reputation by having sex in public that way so I told her "no".

"Yes," she argued as she attempted to distract me with the feel of her body sliding over mine.

Somehow I managed to string together sensible words, "Too public."

"Not from the back seat with those tinted windows of yours."

I needed to get control of both this conversation and our connection before she tempted me into agreeing so I held tight to her and flipped us over. "Not enough room to worship you properly," I whispered into her ear because I was definitely worshipping her right now.

"You can worship me in bed, Edward. The car is for pure sexual gratification."

That might have been the best argument for risking car sex I'd ever heard. "Best prize ever," I said as I brought my lips to her cheek.

"We'll see if you feel that way in a week." She gripped my chin and pulled my face to hers, sealing my lips in a kiss and keeping me from responding to her comment.

One week with her would never be enough for me. Neither would two or ten or twenty. No, with Bella … With Bella I was pretty certain there would never be enough weeks with her. It might take her a few days to get used to the change in our relationship but I had no doubts or worries that she wouldn't like the change. I was willing to do whatever she asked whenever she asked to make this chance with her work and it wouldn't take her long at all to see that and trust it. Whatever time I had on this earth was all hers now, every second of it.

* * *

**A/N:** There you have it! The very first outtake! We hope you all enjoyed it. We are off to work on more ...


	67. OT2: Es First Date

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**First Date Insanity ****from Edward's POV**

**E****POV:**

"What's this shit I hear about you taking Bella out on a date?" Emmett asked as we walked onto the practice field with Jasper.

"Dating is what new couples do, Emmett. Just because you skipped a few hundred steps with Rosalie doesn't mean the concept should be foreign to you," I told him.

He slammed his hand against my shoulder blade and pushed me forward. "Watch it, smart ass."

"You do know you aren't really older than me, right?" I asked, moving so that Jasper was between us.

"Why now, Edward?" It was Jasper who asked and that was really the only reason I bothered to answer.

"Because we're finally unattached at the same time."

Emmett grunted. "Unattached … You hurt Bella in anyway and I'll show your ass unattached. You'll be picking up pieces of yourself all over town and hoping Dad can sew them back on your ass."

"Emmett, what is with the hostility today, man?" Jasper asked before I could. "Instead of giving your brother shit, why not help him out and give him some ideas for what Bella would consider a fun first date?"

"I already got ideas from her, I just haven't found the right locations yet," I told them. "I promised her pizza and pool. A night that's casual and fun."

"Then there's no question about it. You have to take her to Silver Dollar," Jasper replied.

"She loves that place," Emmett agreed with a nod. "But you can't dress like you normally do. You need to wear regular clothes. Jeans and a t-shirt."

"No, no," Jasper said as he gripped my shoulder and turned me to face him. He was smiling so much he reminded me of Alice whenever she spotted a "sale" sign in a window.

"Not just any t-shirt. A _band_ shirt," he continued. "Preferably a band she likes."

"We haven't had a chance to talk about music yet," I told him.

"What shirts you got? Name 'em and we'll tell you if we've heard her talk about the band," Emmett suggested, actually sounding and looking like he wanted to be helpful.

"Let's see … I've got a couple Linkin Parks, one from Disturbed, one from Taking Back Sunday, and one from Muse."

Emmett and Jasper picked the same band at the same time. "Taking Back Sunday."

My brother was laughing under his breath and shaking his head. "She loves that damn band. She's gonna shit herself when she sees you wearing their shirt."

"Whatever you do, don't ever tell her we helped you," Jasper warned. "She'll kick our asses and then we'll kick yours."

"This conversation never happened," I assured them.

"So …" Jasper let his one word hang in the air for a moment before continuing. "Are you two really abstaining until this date?"

"Yeah," I confirmed with a nod. "Bella wants to wait so we're waiting."

"You know there's a difference between treating a girl right and letting her walk all over you. Right?" Emmett asked.

I rolled my eyes at his asinine question. "I'm well aware there's a difference and what that difference is. What you don't know is that giving in to a woman's wishes on occasion is a good thing. It makes them feel like you care about what they want as much as you care about what you want."

"I think what Emmett actually meant was for you to be careful because Bella is used to calling all the shots," Jasper suggested. "She won't mean to do it, but she will run right over you if you aren't careful."

"And then she'll be all apologetic when she realizes so you make damn sure you forgive her," Emmett warned, shaking one of his large fingers at me.

"Jeebus, Em," Jasper said as he pushed my brother away. "Can you stop sounding like a damn drill instructor and be nice to your brother? He doesn't even have to talk about this at all with us so give him some respect for being willing to share."

"What the hell does it matter if he shares or not?" Emmett shot back, glaring at me as if I'd been the one to push him.

"It means he cares enough about Bella to listen to what her friends have to say," Jasper explained. "It means he respects the friendships we have with her. And it means he's really trying to give her a good first date. So either offer up something helpful or shut the fuck up."

Emmett snorted and his face relaxed. "Fine. Here's some help. Edward, if she asks if you know how to play pool, _lie_. Lie like the filthy, dirty dog you are, little brother. Tell her you have no damn clue and you always wanted to learn."

"Have you lost your mind? There's no way in the world I'm going to lie to her on our very first date. I never want to lie to her." The honest truth was that I hoped to someday be able to tell her things no one else knew about me.

"Edward, I know this is going to sound weird to you, but trust me on this … Listen to Emmett." Never would I have guessed Jasper would agree with my brother about deceiving a woman.

"Look, I can see the idea is unappealing to you," he continued. "But let me explain the reason first and then you can make a final decision. Women love to teach us stuff and they love to be the first to do any little thing with us. They know when they get us that we've been around and we've seen and done all kinds of things. And yet they still want to be the first, just like we feel when it comes to sex. We don't want to think about every guy they've been with before us anymore than they want to think about the women before them. So what you do is tell a little white lie. You give your woman the opportunity to be your first and to teach you something she knows about, and you have a woman with her complete attention focused only on you."

I had to admit the idea of Bella's full attention focused on me was something I definitely wanted. But lying to get it … Then again, it wasn't a real lie. It wasn't like I was a pro at pool or anything. I'd played a few times over the years but not with any real degree of success.

"He's coming around," Jasper said, clapping me on the back. "Edward, welcome to dating real women. With all the flaws, imperfections, and insanity it implies and inflicts. Just remember one thing … no matter how crazy they might seem at times, they're always worth it in the end."

"That right there is the wisest thing you have ever said, Jazzmeister," Emmett stated while bumping his fist into Jasper's.

I shook my head at the two of them, wondering once again what it was that Alice and Rosalie saw in them.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I had just stepped out of class when my phone started vibrating in my pocket. I pulled it out and smiled as soon as I saw the name on the screen. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Lunch invite. You, me, and a Subway sandwich to split. My treat."

"Hmmnn … excellent company and fine cuisine. I'd be a fool to pass that up."

Her laugh had me smiling. "You're already a fool, Edward."

"There's always room for improvement."

"So?"

"So where am I meeting you?"

"How about in front of the student union? Half-way point for us both?"

"But then we'd both have a long walk to my car. How about you stay by your technical writing class and I'll swing by and pick you up?"

"You know what class I just got out of?" She sounded both shocked and thrilled and it had me smiling.

"I know plenty of things about you, Bella."

"Guess I'll have to put that to the test tomorrow night during our date."

"Guess so."

"So I'll see you soon?"

"Yeah, I can already see my car in the parking lot."

"Okay, I'll let you go then."

"Hey, Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"Bye, Fool." She hung up laughing and the sound had me smiling once again. She'd laughed a lot with me this week, finding a lot of what I said and did to be funny. Actually, she called it 'cheesy', but I could tell from the way she smiled and laughed that she actually liked it.

We hadn't had a lot of time alone this week and most of our conversations had been over the phone with near constant interruptions from Alice and Rosalie. It seemed that this new relationship between Bella and I was going to be a novelty item for a while to come—and I knew that was my own fault. I should never have tried so hard to deny what I felt for Bella. In my defense though, it really had seemed like it was something never meant to be.

Despite the interruptions, I was already learning so much about Bella. She was serious about school and just as serious about her job at the coffeehouse. I hadn't been able to visit her there yet with my own schedule of school and football keeping me so busy, but I was definitely looking forward to seeing her in action.

One of the more confusing things I'd learned was that Bella could get defensive really quickly. I had mentioned a few things I'd noticed about her in the way she'd handled an ugly situation with my brother and she'd reacted as if it was a bad thing to put Alice's feelings before her own anger with Emmett. And just as quickly, she'd apologized for reacting so harshly. She wasn't afraid to speak her mind, no question about it.

"What I wouldn't give to bug out on the rest of my classes and enjoy a long nap and then an even longer drink at BOG," Bella said as she plopped down into the passenger seat. "But alas, the only thing in my future is more sitting in classrooms followed by a mountain of homework," she added while closing her door and putting on her seatbelt.

"I take it your day is turning out to be busier than expected."

"Not at all. I totally woke up this morning feeling the only thing missing from my life was more school assignments. What about you? What did you find missing upon waking, Cullen?"

I smiled at her as I gave her my answer. "You."

"Yes, yes. I know you miss all the wonderment that is my naked body but until you make good on this first date thing, I am totally off limits, Cullen."

"Does that mean if it's a good first date I'm guaranteed to have you in my bed?"

"There are no guarantees in life, Edward. Only chances and what you do with them."

"Then I guess I better bring my 'A' game tomorrow night."

She snorted and shook her head. "Yeah, I'm not really feeling the possibility of you having one of those so how about you just show up on time for our date?"

"That I can definitely do. And by the way, I meant that I missed _you_ lying there beside me."

My words had her blushing and lunging for the radio; I was pretty sure that was her way of avoiding continued conversation on the matter.

When we got to Subway, it was late enough in the day that we missed the worst of the lunchtime rush and we were able to get our lunch and a table with little hassle. We'd settled on the teriyaki chicken with banana peppers but that was where our sandwich likes stopped. Bella drenched her half in oil and vinegar while I added ranch to my half.

She let out a little moan after taking her first bite. "That is so damn good."

"Apparently," I replied, doing my best not to laugh at her. "So what did I do right to garner this lunch invitation? I want to make sure I do it again."

"You didn't do anything. Well, except for put up with constant interruptions all week long. Alice and Rose can't be contained when they're excited. Though I have yet to try actually sealing them up in one of those wooden crates with the air holes drilled into the side like they use for wild animals."

When I was finally able to stop laughing I said, "It's nice that they're excited for us."

"Yeah, it is." Her bright smile quickly turned into a half-hearted scowl. "But I bet you anything this is going to lead to them being in my room tomorrow night trying to tell me what I should wear."

"So tell them you don't need the help."

She snorted. "That's like telling Emmett not tell a dirty joke. Not going to happen."

"How much advice can they really offer up? It's just going to be pizza and pool so you won't need anything fancy."

She looked at me as if I'd grown a second head. "Have you met your sister? She lives for giving advice about clothing. Hell, if I left it up to her, she'd have me in a cocktail dress before I could even get out her full name."

"If you want, I can call her and assure her a cocktail dress would be highly inappropriate, for this date at least. I'm sure I can find a place for you to wear a dress like that for our second date."

"A second one, huh? That's pretty confident of you to be planning a second when we haven't had the first."

"I didn't say it was planned. But yes, I am confident that we'll have more than one date."

"I like a man with confidence." She winked and then she went off on a tangent about how few people knew the joy and wonderment of banana peppers. This not knowing what to expect from her was thrilling and something I hoped to get used to experiencing.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Standing there knocking on Bella's apartment door, I felt excited and nervous. I was ignoring the part where I felt tired. Tonight was a big night and I wasn't going to let anything get in the way of that, especially not my own self. I'd gotten in my own way too many times in the past with Bella.

The door opened and Rosalie stood there with her hand on her hip and a big smirk on her face. "Well, well, well. Aren't we looking casually perfect tonight?"

"Hello, Rosalie. Can I come inside?"

"Depends. You going to take care of Bells tonight and make sure she has a good time?"

"That's the plan."

"Then come on in." She moved out of the way to let me enter and I closed the door behind me.

"I'll tell Bella you're here." She turned her gaze toward Emmett and Jasper who were sitting on the floor playing video games. "You two better have that crap turned off when I get back," she warned.

"Sure thing, baby," Emmett assured her. From the way his eyes never moved from the television screen, I wasn't all sure that he was truly speaking to her and not just throwing out a random response.

Rosalie disappeared behind Bella's bedroom door and then Jasper did something in their game that had him laughing and Emmett groaning. They put away the controllers and turned everything off which left them free to mess with me.

"He took the bait, Jazz. Look at him in his band shirt and jeans."

"Damn, Edward. Without the dress clothes you look pretty bad ass. Bella's going to be impressed."

"Very funny," I replied. I wasn't going to let teasing get to me tonight, no matter how far Emmett took it. I had no idea why, but my brother loved to do his absolute best to annoy me until I couldn't take it anymore and left the room.

My brother rolled his eyes. "Don't even act like you aren't trying to impress her."

I watched his face for a moment to make sure he was being serious; he was. To say he had some odd ideas didn't even begin to cover it. "Emmett, I'm going to impress her with how well I treat her. My clothes are just clothes."

Jasper smiled and nudged Emmett with his elbow. "Well he's got the talk. But does he have the walk?"

"He better have it. All that noise coming from back there means Bells is excited about tonight," he said, jerking a thumb toward the hallway. "She better not come home disappointed at the end of it."

"Are you going to play parent tonight, Emmett?" I asked, nearly laughing at the thought of him in such a serious role. "Does Bella have a curfew I should know about?"

"Watch it, smart ass," he warned, poking me in the shoulder with one of his oversized fingers.

"Watch yourself, Emmett. I'm not a child you can boss around." I couldn't stand the way he thought everything he said to me was funny and perfectly okay but anytime I tried to tease back it was taken as a shot against him. If I didn't already know from past experiences that arguing with him was a waste of my energy, I'd tell him exactly where to stick his bossy comments.

"Yeah, well you aren't a man either."

No matter how hard I was trying not to let him get to me, it was really started to piss me off that he wasn't stopping. Arguing would do no good so maybe if I said it was for Bella he might back off. "I get that it's some kind of game for you to mess with me, but can you back off tonight? And not for me. For Bella. I want tonight to be great for her and that means not starting it off with her seeing you and me arguing."

"That sounds like a reasonable request, Em," Jasper said as he clapped his hand onto my brother's shoulder. "Besides, if you're standing here arguing with Edward, we can't drink the last two beers in the fridge."

Emmett didn't react to Jasper's words at all; he was still staring hard at me. "You really think she's going to like dating you?"

What I really wanted to tell my brother was that I wasn't a teenager anymore and I wasn't going to be influenced by his scare tactics like I had been in the past. What I said instead was something I hoped would make him back off while creating a bridge between us so that we could be around each other without constantly getting into discussions like this one.

"I can't know that for absolute sure but I certainly hope so," I told him. "I'm definitely going to do all I can to ensure she has a great time tonight and any other night she spends with me."

"Guess we'll find out how serious you are about that 'cause here comes Bells," Emmett replied.

I turned toward the hallway and very nearly swallowed my tongue. To say Bella was a vision was putting it so mildly. She was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt too but she made it look amazing. She even made her heavy boots look stylish. She looked dangerous and fun and beautiful all at the same time. And she was going to be spending tonight with me and me alone.

Bella stopped at the edge of the kitchen with Alice and Rosalie on either side of her. I couldn't hear what she and the girls were saying to each other but the smile on her face told me it wasn't anything innocent.

My brother decided it was time for him to remind us all of just how inappropriate he could be. He stepped in between Bella and me so that he was blocking me from her view and said, "Bells, if you want to stop eye-fucking my brother for a sec, I need to ask you a very important question."

"What?" she snapped. Knowing just how depraved and insensitive he could be, I was kind of secretly hoping she would use her boots to kick him and keep him from speaking.

I didn't hear what he initially said to her or what her response was, but we _all_ heard his reaction. "He won't even know what to do with that!"

"But I will," she told him.

Emmett turned and pointed at me. "You better fucking appreciate what's coming your way. If you waste it, I'll beat the shit out of you."

I had no idea what he was talking about but I knew the look on his face was his serious one and he wasn't just speaking for show. Bella didn't seem worried at all, not about him or me. She kissed the girls goodbye, bumped her fist against Jasper's, and then flipped my brother off and smiled at him. This was definitely an interesting start to the night.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

The ride to the parlor and the first twenty minutes of our date were comprised of one awkward silence after another. I didn't think it was completely because of my own nerves but at the same time I found it hard to imagine Bella was nervous. She always seemed to know exactly what she wanted and went right after it. I was starting to really worry this night might bomb and it was making it hard to stay cool and calm.

To my surprise and relief, Bella broke the silence. "We're playing True or False. The only rule is that you have to tell the truth. Explanations are not an obligation."

Wanting to give her my full attention, I put down my slice of pizza and wiped the grease from my hand. "So how does this work?" I asked her.

"I ask a question or make a statement and you answer true or false. Is it true you're attempting to break Emmett's Pre-Rose poonani record?"

The phrasing of her question more than the subject matter had me choking on my drink and having to wipe soda from my chin. Once I had cleaned myself up, I answered her question. "False. Emmett tries to turn everything into a competition between the two of us, even if it only exists in his head."

I could have given Bella a handful of examples right there on the spot but the last thing I wanted to discuss tonight was my brother and his irritating personality traits. I wanted to find out more about the amazing woman sitting next to me.

Bella let out a little laugh. "He's got to fill the empty space up there somehow."

While I nodded in agreement, I tried to come up with a good first question. As much as I was attempting to ignore the fact that I had such an annoying brother, I couldn't help asking her about something he had said to me. "You're going out with me on a dare."

She leaned forward in her chair and smiled in that teasing way she had about her. "So false, Cullen. I'm going out with you because you got my attention with your super kung-fu sexing Halloween night. Plus, I've liked all I've found out about you since."

I smiled right back while saying, "Same here, Swan."

We joked around with our questions for a bit before getting into real bits of our selves and the pasts that had shaped us. I'd asked Bella for us to share something with the other that no one else in our lives knew about. I'd also offered to go first.

I'd shared a story about my best friend Karen, explaining how I'd been a really shitty friend to her at one point in our lives and how she'd been able to forgive me for that. I'd wanted Bella to hear the story because my mistakes with Karen were part of the reason I'd been overly careful about my feelings for Bella, not wanting to say a word until I was absolutely sure we were both single.

Bella's response to my story had been that Karen was lucky to have me as a friend. She even said she'd like to meet her and talk with her on the phone since Karen didn't get out this way often.

Then it had been Bella's turn; I'd expected something funny or maybe mildly embarrassing. I was completely unprepared for her to share with me a story about her being in danger with my sister. These two women meant so much to me and to think that any man would harm them on purpose—It was good I hadn't known about it then because after giving them both a lecture, I would have made sure those guys had paid dearly for attempting to hurt them. I didn't share those thoughts with Bella though; it was obvious how much that night still haunted her. She couldn't meet my gaze or stop her hands and knees from shaking.

At the very same time, I was absolutely amazed at how hard Bella had worked to not repeat her mistakes. Maybe it was gullible of me to believe she'd turned herself around that quickly, but I knew firsthand that when a person had a good reason to change then they could do it quickly and permanently.

I also had a brand new appreciation for how deep the friendship between Alice and Bella really went. All the times Bella had gotten on to me or Emmett for making fun of Alice now made perfect sense. So did Bella's comments the other night when Alice had announced her engagement—she knew how much my sister loved Jasper and wanted a future with him and that was good enough for her. Honestly, it should have been good enough for my brother and me as well but it was still hard to grasp that Alice was really old enough for a life-long commitment like that.

I didn't share all of my thoughts with Bella, just the ones I felt she really needed to hear. I couldn't be completely sure since I was still getting to know her, but I had a feeling that she hadn't been expecting me to understand at all about that night and for me to judge her harshly for it. While her initial actions had been childish and dangerous, the way she had taken care of my little sister showed so much love and loyalty; I couldn't judge that as anything but a good thing.

"So what does this mean for you and me?" she asked.

I could see in her face she was still worried I was going to think badly of her so I kept rubbing the back of her hand while talking to her, hoping to reassure her that I had no intention of walking away from her. "It means we now have something between us that Alice doesn't know about."

She nodded and then she sat up straight and forced a smile. "Okay, we need a way to put the fun back into this night and shake off the seriousness. This is our first date and we should leave the heavy stuff for later. So with that in mind, I've got an offer for you, Cullen."

The way she'd said offer had me feeling pretty sure it was going to be one of those I found hard to refuse. "What?"

"If you can guess my secret favorite cheesy song, I'll take you for a ride when we go home for Thanksgiving if it's not snowing."

Earlier in the night I'd gotten Bella to admit she had a motorcycle and I'd also gotten her to agree to teach me to ride in the spring. But that was so far away and Thanksgiving was in just a few weeks. The chance to ride was definitely worth playing a guessing game with her.

"Am I allowed hints or questions?" I asked.

"Three questions and two guesses. I'm a fair woman, after all."

The way she was smiling had me laughing and feeling pretty positive she would twist things in her favor in a heartbeat. "Alright. First question, when do you listen to this song?"

"When I'm in a great mood and want to sing at the top of my lungs while driving."

"What genre is it?"

She shook her head in response. "I'm not answering on the grounds that it would make it too easy. You want to ride with me, you gotta earn it."

I took my time coming up with my next question, picking at my pizza toppings and debating on the most crucial piece of information to know. She wasn't going to give genre so I doubted she would give the first letter of the band name. She probably wasn't going to give me an exact year either. But maybe she would give me a cap-off for musical periods.

"Did the song come out before nineteen-ninety?"

"No. And much better question, by the way."

"Thanks, I think. Is the song by a single person or a group?"

"Great question, Cullen," she said, really looking and sounding impressed with me. I liked the way that made me feel and it made me want to guess her song even more.

But I couldn't do that if she wasn't going to answer my questions. "So?" I pressed.

She gave a little laugh before giving me an answer. "It's by a group."

I had two possibilities for this and since I didn't feel a particularly strong pull towards one over the other, I went for the one I knew I'd heard her singing with my sister on more than one occasion. "Hootie and the Blowfish singing 'Only Wanna be with You'."

I'd heard the expression 'fit of laughter' before but I had never experienced such a vibrant display as I did right then with Bella. She was laughing and clapping with her head thrown back and a huge smile on her face. She looked so beautiful and I just couldn't help thinking that being with her right here and now made me the luckiest guy in the world.

When she started to calm down I reminded her that she still had a question to answer. "So did I get it right?"

"Nope. But close."

From the way she was smiling and that little spark in her eyes, I was sure that guess had been really close. Probably in her top three if not the top two. That left me with one final guess and a phrase Emmett had enjoyed yelling at me for about three months straight just last semester … _Needs more cowbell_. If I got this right, I would get to ride on Bella's motorcycle with her. If I got it wrong, she would tease the hell out of me. If I didn't guess at all, I would never know if I had been right or not.

"Come on, Cullen. Don't be a chickenshit," she said as she smiled at me. "If you get it wrong, you lose nothing. If you get it right, you get the ride of your life."

I liked her outcomes a lot better than the ones I'd come up with so I went ahead and took the plunge. "Is it EMF singing 'Unbelievable'?"

Her brown eyes widened and her mouth fell open. "Holy shit! How'd you do that, Cullen?"

It felt amazing to have shocked her and I found myself laughing with both relief and pride. "I got it right _and_ shocked you. I like this game."

"Whatever," she said, rolling her eyes at me. "Tell me how you guessed."

"Well, you've mentioned a couple of times about guys only acting like they want to know you and that made me think of the lyrics 'you say to me I don't talk enough, but when I do I'm a fool'. You also said it was cheesy, and a song with cowbell in it definitely qualifies as that. Plus, Emmett told me about the quest you and he went on to make a list of songs with cowbell in them. So with those things in mind, it seemed like a good possibility."

"So what's yours? And don't even try to bullshit me and say you don't have one. Everyone does. So fess up and tell me yours."

All of that to impress her and now I was going to come off as a dork at best or a loser at worst. But I wasn't about to lie. "It's um … it's Extreme's 'More Than Words'."

"Shut the fuck up!"

Her stunned reaction had me feeling pretty damn sure she was about to call this date over. Being with a sensitive guy was one thing but being with someone lame was a complete other; I was smart enough to know the difference.

"No, don't do that." She put her hand on my arm and rubbed it while saying, "Edward, you gotta realize by now that I have word vomit issues. My mouth takes off a good thirty seconds before my brain engages."

"No, you're right. It's awful."

She shook my arm and smiled until I smiled back at her. "Of course it's awful. That's what makes it possible to love a song so cheesy. And honestly, there is no more perfect anthem for a guy unable to say what he feels."

"Was," I corrected, giving her fingers a squeeze. "I like you, Bella. And I care about you." While I might be worried she wasn't going to find me 'enough' to keep dating me, I was still going to tell her how I felt about her.

"Ditto. And now I kick your ass in pool for cheesing up the night." She wasn't ready to say if she felt one way or the other about me yet and I understood that. I could wait for her to figure it out; I'd waited this long just to get a date with her.

We finished off our pizza, paid for dinner after arguing over costs, and then headed to the back of Silver Dollar so we could play some pool. I still wasn't sure if I was going to take Jasper and Emmett's advice or not. I'd planned to make a decision while Bella racked up the balls but with the way she was bending over the table I wasn't able to concentrate on anything except her body. I was so distracted by her and by how much I wanted to be alone with her again that I dropped the pool sticks. Twice.

"So have you played before?" Bella asked.

If I told the truth, we would be on opposite ends of the table most of the night. If I told a small, white, barely even counts as a lie truth then I could have her close to me all night.

"No. Always wanted to learn, though." The words were shooting out of my mouth before I realized I'd even made a choice. Clearly the lower head was in charge right now and all I could do was hope the guys were right about this.

Bella smiled and then gripped my shoulders, moving to the left of her. "Stand right here at the side. Watch how I break."

I nodded while handing over her stick.

She bent forward over the table and asked, "Are you watching?"

_Watching. Wanting. Needing. She can pick one or all_, I thought as I stood there trying not to appear like a hormonal idiot.

Bella leaned even lower and it caused the gap between her shirt and skin to widen, revealing the edges of breasts almost spilling out of the cups of a black bra. I wanted to look away and do the gentlemanly thing but I just couldn't do it.

At least until Bella spoke and gave me something else to focus on. "You want to focus just to the left or right of the middle. It makes a wider break and sets you up for more shots if don't get your balls where they need to be," she explained. "Are you right handed or left handed, Edward?"

"Left."

"I'm a righty myself. With my right hand, I'm going to keep a firm grip on this end of the stick. The fingers on my left hand will stay loose and help guide the tip to where it needs to be. All the power in the shot will come from the back when the stick surges forward to its target. Is this making sense?"

I gave her some kind of response but I honestly didn't know what it had been. I was preoccupied with trying to figure out if she was really speaking in innuendos or if I was just hearing them because of how much I suddenly wanted to be alone with her.

I'd obviously missed something too because Bella was suddenly gripping my shoulder and asking if I was okay.

I really did attempt a coherent response but that wasn't what came out. "I … um … I had no idea pool could be so … technical."

Bella's smile more than her words told me that she was definitely lacing her words with innuendo. "We're just getting started, Cullen."

From that moment on, I tried to keep up with Bella's flirting and innuendos but I really wasn't a match for her. She hardly even seemed affected by me and yet I felt like I would burst if she decided to touch me, even in the smallest of ways.

When she finally did put her lips on me, it took everything in me not to respond by throwing her on the table and letting her feel what she'd done to me with all of her teasing.

And then she said the words I'd been waiting to hear for most of the night. "I think we should call this date over, consider it a success, and go to your empty dorm room to celebrate."

I made it to the dorm parking lot in record time and then realized a problem with our plan…Curfew. Bella had it all figured out, though. She knew one of the guys on the first floor and had him let her in through his window. I met her outside of the door and then we snuck into the elevator and up to my floor.

It took two tries to find the right key on my chain because of how hard and fast my heart was beating, distracting me with the sound of my blood pumping. Bella smiled up at me and entered the room first; I followed right after and made absolute sure to lock the door. No more waiting and no more interruptions.

Her lips on mine felt incredible and I couldn't wait to feel more of her on me. I was in such a rush that I nearly ripped her shirt getting it over her head but I didn't feel too bad since she'd practically done the same to me. She looked away from me long enough to see where my shirt had gone and then she was kissing me hard and trying to rip my jeans off.

We finally got everything off, took away every barrier between us, and made it to my bed with her on top. She was an absolute vision, a perfect goddess in a crazy, imperfect world. And for tonight, she was mine.

She made me feel like I was hers just as much with the way she had us connected in so many ways...fingers…palms…lips…chests…and the way she pulled me so deep inside of her. Mixed with her scent and her taste, it felt like she was overwhelming me in the best possible way and all I wanted was more.

Unfortunately, what I wanted and what I could handle was quickly growing further and further apart. I tried to ignore it, tried my best to focus solely on Bella and how much I wanted tonight to be perfect with her. Thankfully it wasn't long at all before she was climaxing and I was following right after.

I kept my eyes closed and my arms around her, hoping just having her close would help me calm down and relax enough to keep from feeling sick. I even went so far as to try and barter with my body, promising it could be sick all it wanted tomorrow if it just let me have tonight with Bella. But it wasn't interested and I was finding it harder and harder to focus and stay awake.

I must have completely drifted off because Bella was suddenly asking if I was okay. I tried to open my eyes to look at her and reassure her but my body refused to cooperate. I was able to speak, though it was only one word. "Tired."

Her hands felt so warm and good against my cheeks that I drifted off again. I must have scared her, though, because the next thing I felt was the sting of her slapping me.

I managed to get my eyes open and I hated to see that she looked so worried. "I'm fine. Just tired."

"No, this is more than tiredness."

I tried to smile for her to help reassure her but I wasn't sure I'd been successful; whenever I felt this tired, it was hard to force my body to listen. "Long week of school and all the teasing. I'm just tired."

"This isn't right, Edward. My week was long too but I'm not pale and clammy. Have you been feeling sick lately? Do you maybe have the flu?"

"Not sick. Just tired. Lay with me," I said, tugging her hand and hoping she would believe me and lay down.

"That's it. I'm calling Ali."

The mention of my sister combined with feeling Bella moving had me forcing my eyes open and grabbing onto her hips. "Bella, I'm just tired and the last thing I need is it getting out that you tired me out. Emmett will never let me live it down."

"But, Ed—"

"_Please_, Bella. Just let me get some sleep."

She nodded but she didn't seem very sure of her choice. She pulled the blanket over us and I started to drift off as soon as I felt her body against mine. It was hard to stay asleep, though, because I could feel every time Bella moved and put her hand against my forehead. It wasn't fair for her to worry like this or for me to feel so drained after such a great night together. Maybe I would be lucky this time and only need a couple hours of sleep to feel like myself again.

Just when I'd finally felt like I could really sleep, Bella moved again. When I opened my eyes to see what she was doing, I found her with one leg on the floor and one still on the bed. "Stay, Bella."

She leaned over me and brushed her fingers through my hair; it felt so good it made my eyes close. "You're sick, E. I'm just going to call Carlisle and ask him what to do for you."

"Lay with me. That's all I need," I promised her.

She must have believed me because she got back into bed. She lay on her side next to me and starting running her fingers through my hair. I wished I knew how to explain to her how good it felt to have her there and to have her wanting to make me feel better.

"Thank you," was all I could come up with.

"Go to sleep."

We were going to have to talk in the morning. I didn't know what I would say or how I would explain my sudden overwhelming need for sleep but I also couldn't let her worry for me. And I certainly couldn't let her get my sister or my mother worried for me. It wasn't really that big of a deal anyway. I'd had too much excitement and teasing in a single day and I was tired from it. People got tired all of the time. Especially when they had school and work on top of a major first date. I would just make sure to rest up before the next date we went on and then this wouldn't happen again.

By the time I'd sorted out what to say to Bella, I was half-asleep already. With her so close and warm and her fingers in my hair there just wasn't a reason not to let go and rest. So I did.

**XXXXXX**

A/N: EA has made a polyvore for their outfits from the First Date and it's up on the WTB page of my website ebarules (dot) webs (dot) com!


	68. OT3: Best Birthday

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. I am just lucky to dabble with them.**

**WARNING: This story contains drama, blush-worthy cursing, and lots of mature situations.**

**The Best Birthday**

**Bella****'s POV:**

_**Mid September,**__** triplets are seven months old**_

"I'm serious, Em. Not a peep out of you. You wake any of them and I'll kick your ass."

I smiled at Edward's warning, only half-awake and not really wanting to be fully up just yet. We'd had a late night and an early morning since the triplets had decided to have their first teething session all together. On top of that, no one could console Thea but me; she had loudly refused Daddy, Grammy and Grampy. It was why I'd ended up napping in the bed with all three of my little angels, surrounded by pillows in case they got the idea of rolling over and trying to crawl around into their little baby heads.

"Dude, I do know how to be quiet. And I just want a peek. You know, see them for real and not just in pictures."

Emmett's comment had me smiling again. He was always calling Edward to ask for updates and new pictures. And the one time he'd been home back in June, he'd spent the majority of his time getting to know his nephews and niece. Well, more like trying to bribe them to not cry when a big strange man picked them up. Jasper had been all too happy to show Emmett how happy the babies were when someone they knew—as in Uncle Jazzy—cuddled them close.

"Just please, please don't wake them. You don't know what it's like to be up all night with three teething babies to console. And Thea wouldn't let me hold her at all so Bella was up much later than me."

"For someone worried about noise, you're running your mouth a hell of a lot, Eddie."

Edward's heavy sigh came through the cracked door clearly. It was followed by the sound of shuffling feet and then Emmett's low laughter. "Damn, man. How the hell did you manage to have such pretty babies?"

"Okay, you saw them. Now get out," Edward replied. I was pretty sure that if I opened my eyes I'd find him shoving his brother out of the room. I smiled and then buried my face further into Edward's pillow, letting myself drift back into sleep.

When I woke up again, the babies were no longer in the bed with me and the bedside clock told me it was a little after one. Edward had let me sleep for three blissfully uninterrupted hours, bless his sweet soul.

After a quick stop in the bathroom to freshen up, I went in search of my husband and babies; I found them all in the kitchen. It was feeding time for the tadpoles and Thea looked pretty comfortable in Aunt Rosalie's arms, sucking away at her bottle. I was both shocked and pleased that she'd let someone other than me hold her; I also hoped it meant my babies weren't in pain like they had been last night. Toby was in Edward's arms and Tony was almost lost in Emmett's—they both looked content too. That could also have had a little something to do with the empty baby food jars on the table.

"Bella's up," Emmett said, suddenly looking panicked.

"Nope. Sleepwalking," I replied, giving him a smile. I figured he was probably worried I wouldn't want him holding my son. While Em and I weren't exactly talking just yet, I didn't have any problem with him spending time with my babies.

"Sleep enough?" Edward asked as I kissed his cheek.

"Yes. And thanks for that."

"No problem. If you're hungry, Emmett made lunch and your share is in the oven."

"_Emmett_ cooked?" I asked, looking to Rose for an honest answer.

She laughed and nodded. "We took a class together and he's been cooking most of our meals lately."

I looked toward Emmett and found him smiling wide. "I asked Edward what you liked and he suggested chicken enchiladas."

"Oh, Babe, you are so my hero," I told Edward while rubbing his shoulder. "First you let me sleep in and then you have enchiladas for me."

"Emmett made them from scratch all on his own," Edward replied.

I got the hint. "Thanks, Emmett."

"Go grab your plate and pull up a chair, Bells," Rose told me. "We were just talking about what a miracle Baby Orajel is for teething tadpoles."

_That explains __my content babies_, I thought as I headed toward the oven and the food inside.

Emmett snorted. "Tadpoles. Jake comes up with some weird sh—fork." He glanced around to see if anyone was going to say anything about his almost accident. Since he'd caught himself, no one did.

"Em, don't tell me you've forgotten already," Rose said.

"Forgotten what?"

"That your brother was a frog for Halloween just last year. And when a frog has a kid, it's called a tadpole."

"Huh. Didn't put that together. Guess Jake's not so weird after all."

"He's not weird at all," I said as I sat down with my food. "He's actually a huge help. He was coming over every day to lend a hand but he's been working more lately so it's every couple of days now."

"And the kids love their Uncle Jake," Edward added as he set Toby's empty bottle on the table.

Toby yelled out a "dah" and slapped his little hands against the arm Edward had wrapped around his little body.

"I see you," I said, leaning over and almost getting close enough for Toby to reach.

"You sit up and eat," Edward ordered. "You're not passing up the opportunity to eat a meal while it's warm without it being reheated."

"So bossy," I muttered as I sat up straight and picked up my fork.

Edward just sat there smirking.

"Sweet jeebus, Bella Swan just followed an order without question or rant," Rose teased, nudging my knee with hers.

"That's Bella Cullen to you," I said with a big smile on my face.

"Excuse me. Didn't realize you'd become so attached to being a married woman."

"Well when you're married to the right man," I said, smirking at Edward.

He smiled but was quickly distracted by Toby latching onto his knuckle. For some reason, Edward's knuckle had become prime teething material for the babies. He didn't particularly care for a slobbered covered knuckle but he wanted the babies to feel better so badly that he put up with it. He really was an amazing daddy and we were so very lucky to have him.

"So are they talking yet? Or is it still just sounds?" Emmett asked.

"Mostly sounds," Edward replied before I could. "Or at least it seems that way to me. Bella swears they're talking to each other, though."

"You just watch," I said. "You put the three of them next to each other and it really sounds like a conversation even if I can't understand what they're saying."

"Well I just can't get over how much hair Thea has. And how soft," Rose said as she ran her fingers through my daughter's brunette locks.

"She's got hair like her mom," Edward told her. "The difference is Thea seems to like all those bows Alice puts in her hair."

"She likes eating too because this bottle is done." Rose held up the empty bottle for us all to see before setting it on the table."

"So is this one," Emmett said as he set Tony's empty bottle next to Thea's. "How's the enchiladas treating you, Bella?"

Since I had a mouthful of food I just gave him a thumbs up.

"When are they going to start eating solid food?" Emmett asked as he stood Tony up on his legs. My little one giggled and held his hands out toward his brother. Toby immediately reached out right back while Thea continued to hang onto the chunk of Rosalie's hair she'd managed to grab.

"They eat a few solid things now like baby cookies and cheerios," Edward answered. "Until they get their teeth we don't want to give them anything that needs chewing. So it's pureed vegetables and fruits and milk."

"I can't believe they're seven months old already, Ed. Hell, I still can't believe you're a dad at all."

Edward smiled as he helped Toby to stand. "I wouldn't trade it for anything. Not even after a night of crying, teething madness."

I nodded in agreement while swallowing down the last bite of my food. "That was good, Em. Thanks again."

"My pleasure. Really," Emmett assured me. "Rose and I wish we could come around more to help out like everyone else does but it's not cheap to fly back and forth."

I shrugged to show it wasn't a big deal. "That's okay. We'll just make you work twice as hard when you are here. In fact, we're taking the tadpoles to the beach this afternoon so you can be in charge of carrying all the baby gear."

Edward lifted an eyebrow in question since we hadn't discussed inviting his brother along. He had never once made me feel pressured to talk to Emmett or spend time around him and he always asked me before inviting his brother to join in on things.

Emmett must have seemed just as speechless to Rosalie as he did to me because she was the one to respond to my invite. "We'd really love that, Bells. But can you help me get my hair back first?"

I couldn't help laughing. "She's quick and she really likes long hair," I said as I gently pried my baby girl's fingers from her aunt's blond tendrils. Once Thea realized I was free to take her, she practically dove out of Rosalie's arms and into mine.

I cuddled her close and whispered into her little ear. "Mommy loves you too, sweet baby girl."

With the babies and the adults fed, we set about getting everything ready to go to the beach. Edward distributed the duties, assigning Rose to packing water and fruit, giving Em the task of grabbing blankets and towels, and putting himself in charge of packing the diaper bags with everything we might need for a few hours in the outdoors. That left me in charge of changing and dressing our tadpoles, something Edward knew I had really wanted to do. Today was going to be the first trip to the beach for the tadpoles. We'd tried to take them numerous times before but something had always seemed to get in the way and I was not letting it happen today; it was the one thing I really wanted for my birthday.

Rose came in just as I fixed Thea's hat on her little head. "Look at her in that hat and outfit," Rose squealed. "She's ready for the beach and her photo shoot."

I nodded in agreement while passing my baby to her aunt. I'd put Thea in her pink onsie with the big green frog on the front and her matching pink hat with the ruffled edges. "I found the onsie online and Ali found the hat to match at a shop in Portland."

"How much stuff has she bought the babies already?"

I snorted. "Not nearly as much as she wants. Edward put his foot down and told her to stop it because she was buying so many things in the same size and there's no way the babies could ever wear it all."

"And I'm sure it was also because she was stressing you out with her spoiling."

"A tiny bit," I admitted as I leaned down and brushed my nose against Toby's. "You're gonna be a good boy for Mommy and save that spraying stuff for Daddy."

"Spraying?"

"Yeah, our baby boys like to try and wet whoever is changing their diaper. They've gotten Daddy way more times than Mommy," I explained while quickly changing my son into a fresh diaper.

"Oh my god! Is this what the boys are wearing?" Rose asked, having spied the matching gray onsie's laying on the bed.

"Yep," I said, excited for Edward to see the boys in their outfits. He didn't know anything about them since I'd had Bree get them as my birthday gift. They had "Dodgers" written in blue across the chest with a baseball just above. Bree had also sent matching bucket hats that were white with "Dodgers" and "LA" spread all around in blue.

"And I suppose Mommy is wearing her cap and Daddy his?" she asked, sitting next to Toby so I could see her smirk.

"Absolutely. I already planned to wear mine and Daddy will put his on as soon as he sees his boys. Bree sent me the outfits for my birthday."

Rose rolled her eyes at me. "Bells, your birthday gift is supposed to be for you."

I smiled as I lifted my Dodgers clad boy into my arms and kissed his little cheek. "Toby, tell Auntie Rose how much of a gift Daddy is to Mommy every day."

Rose's snort was bordering on obnoxious. "I can't believe this. Not only are you a mom but you've gone soft."

I ignored her comment until I'd made sure Toby was safely buckled into his carseat with his hat sitting on his head and I'd moved Tony into position on the bed. "I haven't gone soft. I've just grown up. Edward's not any more perfect than I am, but he loves me as much as I love him. And I might be a little biased here, but I think he's the best daddy I've ever met. Carlisle is so amazing, don't get me wrong at all. But Edward has so much patience, to the point where he calms me down in the middle of our baby storms."

"Bella." The way Rose had said my name had my head snapping up to hers. She was doing exactly what I'd thought—crying.

"What's wrong?"

"Absolutely nothing," she said, laughing and crying at the same time now. "Seeing you like this … It's all I ever wanted for you, Sweetie."

"What do you mean?" I asked, hating that I couldn't keep looking at her. My little Tony was diaper-less and I needed to get him covered before I got squirted.

"You're happy. Really, truly, and completely happy. You're not worried it's going to come to a crashing end. And you are so in love with Edward and these babies that it's all over your face even when you're doing something mundane like changing diapers."

"They're all I ever wanted," I said simply, mirroring the sweet smile on my little boy's face. "Yes, I'm talking about you. You and your brother and your sister and most especially your daddy."

Tony giggled and then lifted his hands and pressed his little fists over his eyes to hide them; he was a big fan of peek-a-boo. I laughed at his silliness and then leaned in to blow against his little tummy. That set him off into a big wave of baby giggles while he tried to push my face away with his little hands. I kissed each palm and then got back to business, slipping his onesie over his head.

"I am in awe," Rose said, sounding like she meant it completely. "I hope I'm at least half as good at this mom stuff as you are."

"Don't worry, Rosalie," I said, quickly looking up to let her see my evil smile. "If I can teach you to French, I can teach you to clean and dress a baby."

She snorted loudly and playfully slapped my thigh. "You're so stupid, Bells."

"Yeah, but it's why you love me." I snapped the last button closed on Tony's onesie, put his hat on, and then lifted my boy up for inspection. "What a handsome little devil you are. Just like your brother."

Deciding it was better to let Edward get a look at the outfit without carseat straps in the way, I called him into the room. As soon as he saw how Tony and Toby were dressed, he had that lighting-up-buildings smile plastered to his face—my real birthday gift.

After proudly showing off his boys to his brother, we buckled Tony into his seat and headed out to the Suburban. I took Thea from Rose and once my little girl was safely buckled in, we were ready for the beach. Emmett and Edward had already packed our supplies into the back. Since we didn't have enough room for everyone to ride in one vehicle, we decided that Emmett would ride with Edward and the babies to give Rose and me a chance to talk while following behind them in my car.

"Alright, now that we are out of earshot, how are _you_?" I asked, glancing at Rosalie quickly.

"I'm good. Feeling a little torn right now, but … I love Boston and I love my job but then when I come home I love it here too. And to be here with the babies and not just seeing them through pictures and Skype. They're so amazing, Bella. You and Edward are so lucky."

"We are," I agreed, smiling wide. "And we're extra lucky to have our parents and Jake around. We would not be able to handle all of this without their help."

"You would. You two would find a way. But I'm glad you don't have to struggle so much. You guys deserve a break from hardships for a real long time."

"What about you? How are things with Emmett?"

She laughed softly. "It's a whole new world, Bella. And a whole new Emmett. For the most part. He still has a juvenile sense of humor but it's not constant like before. It's appropriate for the moment and the setting now. He's just … He's all about me right now. What makes me happy, what my dreams are, what I want from him and life in general. He doesn't even leave a room without telling me he loves me and he always says 'thank you' when I do something for him, even if it's just kicking his shoes into the closet for him."

She laughed again and added, "The behavior changes have done nothing for him leaving his stuff where it lands. He's kind of imperfectly perfect, right now."

"Right now?" I asked, having picked up on her slight pause.

"I'm not going to lie. There's a part of me that's afraid this is all temporary. That when he's been out of counseling for a while he'll revert to old behaviors. And there's nothing I can do about it. Either he's going to stick with his new self or he's not. All I can do at this point is enjoy the new him as much and for as long as possible."

"It's just an opinion since I haven't really been around him lately, but what I have seen of him seems like a genuine change. His reaction when I first came into the kitchen and found him holding Tony. And then later when I invited you two to come along to the beach. Those reactions were genuine and definitely not Old Emmett."

"Old Emmett?" she questioned, snorting a little.

I shrugged. "It's nicer than Asshat Emmett."

Rose laughed and pushed on my shoulder. "What am I gonna do with you?"

"Love me forever."

"Like that was ever not gonna happen." She gave me a half-hug since I was still busy driving.

For the rest of the ride to the beach, we talked about Boston and the places Rose wanted me to see. She was determined to get Edward and me out there and give us the full-on experience. I just smiled and nodded, knowing neither Edward or me would be comfortable leaving our babies alone anytime soon.

"Where should we set up?" Emmett asked Edward, holding an armload of blankets and towels.

"About half-way up the beach. We don't want to be close to the water," Edward said while pointing toward a spot.

Emmett headed off in that direction and the rest of us got busy unbuckling babies. By the time we'd each grabbed a tadpole and a bag from the back, Emmett had the blanket ready for us to sit down on.

As soon as I put Thea on the blanket, she started crawling and went right over to her daddy and made herself at home in his lap. Edward had a huge smile on his face as he leaned down and kissed her chubby little cheek.

Toby and Tony were happy enough sitting in the middle of the blanket with their rubber cars piled up between them. They were talking animatedly to each other and I watched as they swapped the cars they'd been holding.

"I think you're right, Bells," Emmett said, lifting his chin toward the boys. "I think they're definitely talking."

"The baby books say that multiples are prone to having their own languages. Do you remember if you had a secret language with Edward?"

He made a grunting noise. "I can barely remember last week, much less twenty-four years ago." He was quiet for a moment before adding, "But you know, my mom has some pictures of Ed and me around the same age as the tadpoles are now and we really look like we're busy talking. I don't know. Maybe I just like the idea that I wasn't always a shit to my brother, you know?"

"You haven't been one to him in the last year or so. He's really happy that you two talk all the time now."

"What about you, Bells? Does it bother you at all?"

I figured Rose and Edward were keeping a close enough eye on the boys that I could safely turn my full attention to Emmett. "I am so happy that you and Edward get along now. He loves his relationship with you and the friendship you two have created together. I would _never_ have a problem with that."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out like that. I know you enough to know that Edward's happiness comes first and you would never begrudge him for having a relationship with me. What I was trying to ask is … Does it bother you that you and I still haven't fixed things yet?"

Instead of answering, I turned his question around on him. "Does it bother you?"

He nodded. "Every single day." He sighed and shook his head. "All that time we spent in Hawaii and only two days really stand out for me. The one with Rose when I gave her a ring and the one with you. It kills me to know that friendship we had is gone and I'm the one who took it away."

"I know you don't remember it, but … do you have any idea at all why you came after me?"

"I think just because you were there with him and I wasn't. Turns out I've spent most of my life being a hypocrite. I've been an ass to Edward more times than I could ever count but if anyone ever did him wrong, I was the first to go after that person."

"You didn't do that with Mary."

"That was different. That was … That was me thinking Edward had done the wrong. I thought he'd been with her as a replacement for you. I didn't know that she had been the one playing him the whole time. Just another thing I got wrong and have to make up for."

"You really don't know him at all if you think he could be mean like that."

"_Didn't_. I didn't know him. But I like to think I've gotten to know him. And from what I've learned, he's a stand-up guy. He's somebody I'm proud to call my friend."

"Look at you learning things and getting smart," I teased.

Emmett smiled for a second before shifting on the blanket and pulling a folded square of paper out of his pocket. His expression was completely serious and I was pretty sure a little nervous too. "My counselor gave me this. Says I earned it. I think it's something I'm going to have to earn everyday though."

He offered the paper to me. "I want you to have it."

I took it from him and unfolded it, finding it to be a certificate of completion for his anger management class. "Why are you giving this to me?"

"Promises usually aren't something you can touch but this one is. Bella, I promise you that everything I learned I'm going to put to use every day. I'm going to be the best boyfriend, son, brother, uncle, friend … I've got the most amazing family and I'm never going to let myself forget that for a second."

My eyes were wet and my heart—I wasn't sure if it was hurting or just too full. And I suddenly wanted nothing more than one of his patented too-tight bear hugs. I leaned over and hugged him by the neck and after getting over his initial shock, he gave me one of the tightest hugs he'd ever given me.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I never wanted to hurt you. I love you and I want so much to be your brother from another mother again."

I let him go and smiled at him. "It'll come with time and not all at once, Em. But I want it too, just so you know."

Before he could say anything, we were interrupted by a little visitor with a big crooked smile, just like her daddy's. I quickly refolded the certificate and put it into my own pocket.

"Hello, Princess Tadpole," I cooed, calling my daughter by Jake's nickname for her as I lifted her up and cuddled her close. "Come to visit Mommy and Uncle Em?"

"She's beautiful, Bella," Emmett said as he took hold of her outstretched hand. "She looks so much like you."

"Except when she smiles," I cooed, getting another big grin from my daughter. "When she smiles she looks just like her daddy."

I took a deep breath and then met Emmett's eyes. "We're going to be okay, you and me. I want that as much for myself as I do for anyone else." And to show him I meant it, I passed my daughter over to him.

Emmett's eyes were huge. "I don't want her to start crying."

I chuckled at his nervousness. "Just show her she's boss. Lie back and let her sit on your stomach so that she's Queen of the Giant."

He slowly let his back down on the blanket while keeping Thea steady on his chest. "Like this?"

"Yep. See that big smile on her face? She knows she's now boss."

"Now she's really like her mother," he joked, grinning at me.

"Hey, have you seen that commercial for the new ice cream bars they have out now?"

"Klondike making something new?"

I laughed, remembering the last thing I'd seen Emmett do for a Klondike—allowing Ali to use his face as a make-up dummy. "Nah, new company. It's an ice cream bar with vanilla ice cream covered in caramel and then dipped in chocolate. It's called the Magnum."

Emmett's head snapped my way. "No fu—" I had managed to get my hand over his big mouth before he finished that most foul of curse words.

"You good?" I waited for him to nod before taking my hand away. "It's a real ice cream with a most unfortunate name."

"Their marketing department should be fired."

"I don't know. I think I'd really like to meet the person who sold the directors on Magnum as an ice cream bar name. He or she seems like they'd be our kind of people."

Emmett chuckled. "Slightly unhinged and always looking to slip an innuendo in somewhere."

Thea made a bunch of noises and kicked her little heels against Emmett's chest. "Oh, Em. You've been commanded to pay attention to Princess Tadpole. You better get on it."

"What exactly do you do with them?" he asked, moving his hands from Thea's hips to let her grab onto his big fingers. "They don't walk, talk, or play video games."

"Well, we play peek-a-boo with them. We read to them. Oh and they love music. They love it best when Daddy does the singing but they also like the radio. And if you mix singing with clapping their hands, then you become the most amazing tall person ever."

"Clapping and singing, huh?" Emmett looked for a second like he didn't believe me and then he grinned. He turned his full attention on Thea and took her little hands into his big ones. He took in a big breath and then started to clap her hands together while singing.

_I went to a party and I brought my hat._

_I put it on a bed and along came a cat._

_Cat sat down and squashed it flat._

_Now I call it my pancake hat._

_Pancake hat, pancake hat, pancake hat, pancake hat._

_Use to be fine with a feather and that,_

_Now I call it my pancake hat._

Thea was a mess of giggles and I wasn't much better off while Emmett looked pretty damn pleased with himself.

"I remember that song," Edward said as he sat down next to me and put an arm around me. "Dad used to sing that to us."

Emmett's smile widened. "I can't believe you remember it. You never liked it."

"No, I liked the song. I didn't like you following me around after and pretty much yelling 'pancake hat' at me," Edward explained.

"Yeah, that was pretty obnoxious of me," Emmett said with a laugh.

"Oh my god! Look!" Rose cried. "Look quick!"

We all jerked our heads in her direction and found Toby and Tony crawling. My little boys were moving on their own! And heading right toward me and their daddy.

Edward grabbed Tony while I picked up Toby, both of us kissing them and telling them how proud we were of them. We even switched and kissed them all over again.

I was laughing and crying and being a huge girly mess; I was also making Edward, Emmett, and Rosalie laugh at me. "I'm just so happy. They finally crawled. And on my birthday no less!"

"Wait until Grammy and Grampy hear about this," Edward said, lifting Toby over his head and getting him to giggle. "Time to put away even more breakable objects."

"On the plus side, they can now crawl away from Aunt Ali when she tries to play dress up with them," Rose joked.

"We'll see her tomorrow for my birthday dinner Grammy Esme is giving me," I cooed to Tony.

"The big twenty-two," Emmett said, grinning at me as he set Thea down next to her brothers on the blanket. "What's the one gift you want this year above all others?"

I smiled as I leaned against Edward and watched my babies share their toys with each other. "I've already got all I want."

* * *

**A/N:** Hope you all enjoyed this little glimpse into Edward & Bella's life. The Tadpoles First Christmas is finished and has been send to Fandom for LLS to be in the compilation. It turned out so perfect with EA's help and I know you'll all enjoy it!

**NOTE FROM EA:**

Hello to all our wonderful readers. It's me, Eternally Addicted. For those of you who didn't already know who I was before, I really do exist. I'm not just a figment of My-Bella's imagination. Although I will admit that sometimes we think so alike that the lines between our brains are really blurred.

Any who, this is the outtake that I asked for and I thought a little explanation might be needed as to why. I know there was a lot of disdain and even hatred for Emmett over what he said to Bella in the hospital after the car accident. Don't get me wrong, what he did was completely and utterly wrong. But I do sympathize with why he did it. Again it doesn't make it right, but you have to think about where he was coming from. Emmett was the one who saw the mangled state of Edward's car, and despite the fact that they argued and Emmett may have treated his brother like crap at times, it doesn't change the fact that he loved his brother with his whole heart. So to see the mangled wreck of the Volvo and to see the near death state his brother was in in the hospital, Emmett freaked. He totally panicked and you could say that due to his distress over the situation he had a moment of temporary insanity. However regardless of those actions, Emmett still loved Bella and Edward fiercely, as they did him and that's why what happened was so painful for them all. In my head and in my heart I knew that time would heal the wounds between them. They were family and though it would take time, they would get back to where they were. In fact they would probably be better than before. So knowing it would happen I asked My-Bella to bring it to life for me through her amazing words. I asked her to write a scene between Em and Bella where they had the conversation about the future of their relationship and began the process of making up. I hope you love it as much as I do.

EA


	69. OT4: Tadpole Xmas

**Disclaimer: It all belongs to Stephenie M. No harm intended in any way. EternallyAddicted and I are just lucky to dabble with them.**

**Tadpoles' First Christmas – A Worth The Burn Outtake**

**Bree's POV:**

"Would you stop with the foot tapping?"

I turned my head away from the window and toward Lance. "I can't help it."

"Why? It's not like this is the first time you've ever been around Bella. Or the babies for that matter."

"I know, but it's been months. What if they forgot me?"

Lance leaned over and set his head on my shoulder. "You have nothing to worry about, Bree. You're unforgettable."

I sighed and set my head against his. "I hope you're right."

"Halloween wasn't that long ago. And besides that, you talk to them through Skype practically every evening."

"It's different though. Seeing them through the screen versus actually holding them are two different experiences."

"I'm sorry my job keeps us from visiting more often."

"I'm not complaining, Lance. I know you have limited vacation time and the fact that you're always willing to spend it in Forks means the world to me."

"I don't know them as well as you do, but I know they're your family and I care about them all."

"They care about you too. Bella's always asking how you are and how we are."

"And what do you tell her?"

"That I'm happy. I miss her like crazy, but I wouldn't trade life with you for anything. And she gets that because she feels that way about Edward."

"You know, those two seemed a little mismatched at first to me. He came off as her opposite in everything. But in the past year or so, they've kind of evened out."

I lifted my shoulder just enough to nudge his head. "Amazing what happens when you stop hiding and start talking."

He sat up, smiling and nodding as he said, "Okay, I deserved that jab."

I wasn't completely sure I wanted the answer, but I still found myself asking the question. "Do you ever think about what life would be like if you hadn't come back to Portland to talk to me?"

He pursed his lips for a few seconds before answering me. "Sometimes. I mostly think about what would have happened if you hadn't opened the door and let me in, let me explain."

"You _did_ show up with my favorite brand of beer so I figured whatever you had came there to say was pretty important to you."

"You could have held a grudge."

"I did hold a grudge. You just said things that made it not matter so much. And after a few months passed, after I trusted me being there was what you really wanted, I let the grudge go."

"Is that why my socks kept getting mysterious holes in them?"

I snorted. "No, that was that ridiculously old dryer in the apartment basement. If I were going to get at you through clothing, I would have bedazzled your J-brand jeans so I could take them all for myself."

Lance lifted his eyebrows. "Vicious, Babe."

"You love that I'm vicious."

"No, I tolerate your vicious side because I love _you_."

"I guess this would be the part where I say I love you back, huh?"

He shrugged as if he could care less if I said it back or not, but we both knew better. It was an extremely new dynamic to our relationship and we were still in the 'honeymoon phase' of enjoying it. "If you felt so inclined."

"I love you, Lance." And because I was so much like Bella in not being able to help myself I added, "I especially love your naked body in my bed at night."

Lance ignored my teasing. "So what do you want to do first when we get to Forks?"

I smiled, knowing exactly what I wanted. "I'm going to get my arms around Bella and hug her as hard and for as long as she'll let me."

He put his head on my shoulder again, grabbed my hand and laced our fingers together, and then put my arm around him. "Don't worry, Bree. If Bella doesn't want your hug, I'll gladly take it."

I smiled and used one of Bella's favorite words for Edward. "Cheesy."

We would be in Seattle in fifteen minutes and get to the Cullen home about three and a half hours after that. I wanted to already be there, getting my hug from Bella and seeing those beautiful babies with Edward—hottest DILF I knew. As sexy and sweet as he was though, he was no Lance. Being able to touch and not just being stuck looking turned the tables like you wouldn't believe.

"I don't even want to know what's making you laugh like that," Lance said as he squeezed my fingers. "In fact, I'm just going to start praying for you and Bella now because if you're laughing like that without her, there's no telling what kind of trouble the two of you will get in together."

"Oh, silly Lance. There's only one kind of trouble for Bells and me … The best kind."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV**

"Alright, I'm ready to admit you were right," Alice said as she curled up on the end of my bed with Toby in her arms.

I couldn't resist teasing her—well, I probably could have but I didn't want to pass up such a golden opportunity. "What's that, Little Bit? I didn't hear you clearly."

She huffed and rolled her eyes at me. "_I__said_ … you were right."

"Sweet, sweet words." I gave her my evil grin and said, "Now what, oh what, should your punishment be for doubting me?"

"You could let me dress the kids tomorrow for their pictures with Santa."

I snorted at her. "Yeah, no! That would be punishment for my tadpoles, not for you." My words had her pulling out the big, bad pout but I knew I had Edward to back me up on this so there was no way I was giving in.

"Hear that, Toby?" she asked. "Mommy is being mean to Auntie Ali."

"Auntie Ali is asking for things she has no hope of getting."

Toby didn't care about our conversation; he was busy trying to get hold of Alice's little hoop earrings.

Thea laughed, though, and even tried to clap which made it twice as difficult to zip her snowsuit closed.

"Thea, don't laugh, sweetheart. It only encourages your mommy and aunt to be sillier," Edward told her. He was standing beside me and struggling to get Tony's arm into his snowsuit.

When I'd originally ordered the suits, Edward and Alice had acted like I was insane for wanting them. Even having Carlisle, Esme, and Charlie on my side hadn't helped quell their doubts about the need for the suits. But I knew as soon as we got outside in all that snow, the babies were going to be glad to be all toasty warm and the adults would be glad for extra time outside with them. Besides, the snowsuits were freakin' adorable on the kids! Thea's was a soft green with pink trim; it also had koala bears, flowers, and polka dots stitched on. Toby's suit was dark blue with a light blue trim and red buttons. It had a brown wooly mammoth on the left hip and a fur-trimmed hood. Tony's had the wooly mammoth and light blue trim too, but his suit was red with dark blue buttons and his hood didn't have the fur.

Since Edward was still struggling, I decided to give him a helpful tip. "Babe, if you put a toy in the hand you already have in the suit, he'll let you mess with the other arm."

"You know, you and Alice might think these snowsuits are a good idea but I'm not sure they're worth all the trouble of getting them on. Especially when the kids are only going to get about fifteen minutes max in the snow."

"Hey, that's fourteen minutes more than they would get without them," I told him. "And seeing as this is their first Christmas, they are getting the full-on experience no matter how much hassle it causes you and me."

"Bella is so momma bear to her cubs," Alice said. Her giggling got Thea and Toby laughing but Tony ignored them in favor of continuing to gnaw on the head of his brontosaur from Uncle Emmett and Aunt Rosalie. Since Carlisle and Esme had given the tadpoles an early gift of a baby sled, Emmett had demanded to give them an early gift too. I was more concerned with the fact that everyone had gotten the tadpoles multiple gifts—whenever we moved we were going to need a section of house just for baby toys.

Rosalie poked her head into the room. "Em's got the sled ready."

As soon as I had Thea situated in my arms, I looked over at her aunt to see if she would be sticking with that statement.

Rose grinned. "Okay so technically I got the sled ready, but I'm letting Em have the credit for it."

"Tell her, Thea. Tell her we know better than to believe things like that about goofy Uncle Em."

"Those snowsuits are twice as adorable _on_ the kids," Rose said. She put her hands out and waited for Thea to decide if she wanted to go with her aunt or stay with her mommy. Surprisingly, Thea picked her aunt. Then again, the second she was in Rosalie's arms she wrapped her little fist around a huge chunk of blond curls.

"Her fascination with tugging my hair has to end soon, right?" Rose asked, pleading with her eyes for me to free her.

"Not if Bella's fascination with _Dr.__Who_ is any indication," Edward said.

While he and his sister laughed over the comment, I smoothed Rose's hair back and secured it with the holder from my wrist. "I was a hair puller too," I confided. "When she gets her own hair pulled the first time, she'll understand. Charlie says that's how I got broken out of the habit."

"Ooh," Rose cooed while snuggling Thea against her chest. "I don't want anyone pulling this little angel's hair ever."

"Sorry, she's got brothers. It's a package deal. Can't tell you the when or the why, but it's gonna happen."

Alice's comment had me looking over at my husband. "Babe, did you pull your sister's hair when she was little?"

He had Tony in his arms now so he could only put one hand into his mess of hair. "Kind of."

"What the hell is 'kind of', Cullen? Either you subjected your baby sister to the torturous pain of a hair pull or you didn't," I told him.

He shrugged and gave me that lopsided grin I loved. "It was her own fault. She kept stealing my ninja turtles."

"Oh, well then yeah, case closed."

"What?" Alice squealed, staring at me with wide eyes. "Bella, how can you side with him?"

I shrugged. "Easy … Turtles before siblings. Ask Jake and Bree what used to happen to them when they took my turtles without asking. You'll be glad all you got was a hair pull."

"As scary as you were as a child, it makes me want to pray for the future friends of your children."

I could only nod in agreement with Rosalie since I'd wondered a time or two about that kind of thing myself. For my kids' sakes, I hoped their behavior was based a lot more on environment than genetics.

"Come _on_," Emmett whined from the doorway. He was already fully dressed for the outdoors and had the new baby sled in his hand. "I wanna be the first to pull the kids around the yard."

"Not gonna happen," Edward told him. "I get first pull."

"Why?"

"Because I'm the dad."

Rose and I looked at each other and said at the same time, "Not the momma!"

Emmett let out a loud huff, clearly not having heard our reference to that short-lived but totally classic _Dinosaurs_ show. "You break one little condom and you think you're hot sh—" Em was stopped from finishing that curse word by a swift smack to the back of the head from Jasper.

"I swear on all that is holy, if the first word out of any one of these little angels' mouths is a curse word heard from you, I will shave you completely bald," Rosalie threatened.

"That would punish us more than him," Edward pointed out.

"I'll just take him out back and whip his butt if he's not careful," Jasper said. And then he grinned and added, "Again."

"No one steps foot outside of this room until I have a picture of my tadpoles in their suits," I ordered, already pulling my camera out of my back pocket.

"Two pictures max, Bella," Edward warned.

"Yeah, I remember our deal," I told him. He knew I could get carried away with snapping photos of the babies and he wanted to make sure I didn't spend all day behind the camera instead of joining in on the fun so we'd agreed on a two picture maximum for each activity we did with the babies during the holidays.

I took my two pictures and then we headed into the living room for the rest of us to put our coats, hats, and gloves on while Emmett kept an eye on the trio of crawling tadpoles. Once we were all dressed and ready, Jasper scooped up Thea, Edward picked up Tony, and Alice took hold of Toby again.

Since the boys were just about the same weight, we decided we would put them in the front and back with Thea in the middle. Edward settled Tony in and then Thea, but when he reached for Toby, my little boy started squalling and trying to climb Alice while calling for "mom-mom".

I tossed my camera to Rose and ran right over to rescue my little tadpole from that big, bad evil sled that had scared him so badly. As soon as I had him in my arms, he was clinging to me with both hands and hiding his face against my shoulder.

"What do you think scared him about it?" Edward asked while rubbing our little boy's back. He'd relinquished first pull of the sled to Emmett to help me calm down Toby.

"I wish I knew, Babe." I tried to shift Toby into a more comfortable position for holding him but he must have thought I was going to put him down or near that sled because he started screaming all over again. "Alright," I cooed as I held him tighter against me. "Let's take a walk. You and me and Daddy."

Edward grabbed my arm to help steady me in the snow and we walked up onto the porch, hoping it would be far enough away to appease Toby. It seemed to take forever to get him calm enough where I could turn him around so he could watch his siblings. By then, Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie had each taken a turn pulling the babies from one end of the yard to the other.

"Toby, look at how much fun Tony and Thea are having," Edward said, pointing toward the sled and our laughing tadpoles. "Don't you want a turn?"

Toby pulled his entire body as far away from his daddy as he could get it.

"I'd take that as a 'no', Babe."

"Maybe if you bring him and pull him," he suggested.

I turned Toby around and set his booted feet on the porch railing and hunkered down so we could be on eye level with each other. "As much as you love Daddy pushing you around in that toy dump truck of yours, I can't believe you would be scared of the sled. I was so sure you had Daddy's need for speed ingrained into your little body."

Toby just stared at me.

"Okay. What about this? What if I help you walk over to the sled and you check it out a bit, huh?"

He continued to stare and I took that as an "alright but if I start crying, it's on you". I lifted him back into my arms and headed down the steps with Edward following right behind.

"Hey, guys, stop for a minute and take the babies out of the sled," I said as I crossed the yard with Toby. I stopped when we were about a foot from the sled and set his feet on the ground. I held his arms just tight enough to keep him on his feet and let him approach the sled at his own speed. He stared at it for at least a minute before deciding to toddle on over to it.

When he was close enough to grab the sled, I let one of his arms go so he could touch it and figure it out. He squeezed the padding and touched the wooden side for a bit and then slapped a hand against it while looking up at me.

"Want to try it now?" I asked him.

He slapped it again so I took that as an "okay, mom" and slowly lifted him up and set him down in the sled. Edward and I both squatted down next to it and waited to see what Toby would do next.

After looking all around to see where everyone was, Toby held his hand out to his sister and brother and opened and closed his hand. That was their little sign that they wanted the other so I had Jasper and Emmett bring the kids over. We put Thea in first to see how Toby would handle her sitting behind him. When he smiled and seemed happy to have her with him, we put Tony in right behind her.

Moving very slowly, Edward started to pull the sled while I walked right beside it. Toby looked for a second like he was rethinking this whole sled business but then Thea and Tony started to laugh and he soon followed.

"Never a dull day with them, huh?" Emmett asked, walking on the other side of the sled.

"Never ever," I confirmed with a nod.

"That's cool how you and Edward like got him okay with the sled and didn't just have him miss out on the fun."

"Edward's read five or six baby books a week since the tadpoles were born so some of it stuck."

"Seriously?" Emmett asked, looking shocked.

I laughed. "No, I was just kidding. But we did just read the other night about how now that the kids are moving around really good on their own they're going to come into contact with things that frighten them. The book said the trick is to not force them or make a big deal out of it. Just pull them away from it and then gradually introduce them to it again after they've calmed down."

"Well that explains why you didn't just put him in the sled."

"Toby has a temper like his dad," I said, looking up and smiling at Edward. "He's very slow to get mad but once he is, you better watch your bee-hind."

"Oh, I'm so glad he's giving it a try," Alice said, popping up beside me. "Look at the smile on his little face."

Jasper had a huge grin on his face as he put his arm around her waist and pulled her closer. "Of course he's smiling. He just needed a moment to decide if he liked that sled or not."

"Look up, Bella!" Rose called out.

I did as she said and found her with my camera, taking a picture of all of us walking with the babies. "Edward, is there a limit if Rose is taking the pictures?" I asked, making everyone laugh.

Rose suddenly lowered the camera and looked toward the driveway. "I see a car coming. Looks like a rental."

"Might be Karen," I said to Edward. We knew she was coming home but not what day. Her original flight had been canceled so she'd been left waiting in the airport for the next available flight. Sadly, she was coming alone; she'd broken up with Alisa at the end of the summer. She said she'd enjoyed the relationship but she wanted to take some time to herself before dating again.

"Doubtful. She probably won't be here until tomorrow," Edward replied. "I bet it's Bree and Lance."

The car came up behind our SUV and before it had really even stopped, Bree was hopping out of the passenger side. "Peaches!"

I totally pulled an Alice—I squealed and charged full-speed-ahead at him. He somehow managed to catch me without dropping us both in the snow; we probably looked insane to the others, standing there laughing and hugging for so long. Technically it had only been a couple months since I'd seen him at Halloween but Skype sessions just couldn't compare to having Bree home in the flesh.

"Jeebus, I missed you," I told him while letting go and standing on my own two feet.

"I can guarantee you I missed you more," he said, slinging his arm around my shoulders. Our hugging moment must have gone on for awhile because Lance was crowded around the sled of tadpoles with everyone else and no one was paying any attention to Bree and me.

"They so big now! How much have they grown since Halloween?"

I laughed at that. "You saw them just yesterday during our chat."

"Not the same."

"No, it's not." I slipped out from under his arm and grabbed his hand, tugging him across the snow with me. "Come on, Aunt Bree. You've got tadpoles to spoil."

"Where is Jacob?"

"Working. He'll be here tonight for dinner with my dad and Sue and Seth."

"Ooh, full house."

"A full, happy house," I corrected, getting a laugh out of Bree.

"Look, babies," Edward said. He was squatting down next to the babies and pointing up at Bree. "Who's that?"

All three of them yelled "Bee" at the same time and started giggling. They all knew Aunt Bree was the one in the computer that made goofy faces at them and got them laughing.

Bree leaned over and gave each of them a kiss on the cheek, starting with Toby and ending with Tony. He also ended up with Tony refusing to let go of his jacket and forcing Bree to pick him up.

"You little schemer," I joked, tickling Tony under his chin. "Look at you getting Aunt Bree to pick you up."

He just giggled and tucked himself closer to Bree.

"As devious as his mom, I think," Lance said from beside me.

I smiled at him and gave him a big hug. "It's good to see you, Lance. We're glad you could come with Bree for Christmas."

"It's not like we could trust him to travel on his own. Remember all the trouble he got into when he came by himself to meet the babies for the first time?"

"That was _so_ not my fault," Bree argued. "That rental car had that ding when I picked it up at the rental office. They just didn't mark it on their little sheet. No way was I paying for damage I didn't cause."

Lance and I looked at each other and both said "right" as sarcastically as we could.

Toby and Thea's loud yell of "Dadda" had all eyes on them and had the added bonus of keeping Bree from responding.

"It's my turn to pull," Alice called out while jumping up and down and waving her arm around.

"Seriously, Peaches. What drug is it?" Bree whispered to me. "Crack? Smack? Speed? 'Cause that woman is _always_ on."

I smiled at Bree and took hold of Tony's offered hand. "That's just my Ali girl in all her glory."

He smiled back for a second before getting serious. "I really missed you."

I put my arm around him and kissed his cheek. "Ditto." I thought about adding a "welcome home" too but this really wasn't his home. His home was with Lance just like mine was with Edward and our beautiful babies. But while I had him here, I was going to enjoy every second I could with him and everyone else I loved.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Bella's POV**

Our giggle fest over Rosalie's latest revelation was interrupted by a throat being cleared very loudly and dramatically.

Bree had a self-satisfied smile on his face for having grabbed the attention so quickly. "No offense, Rosie, honey, because we certainly do enjoy a good make 'em beg story, but I have been _dying_ for Bella to show me the outfits for the kids' pictures today and I really will fall the hell over if I don't get to see them like _now_."

"Dramatic much?" I asked, snorting a little.

He was holding Thea and he stood her up on her little feet, hiding his head behind her while aiming her arm at me. "Mommy, I wanna see my outfit right now. I am too cute to deny so make with the clothing quick-like."

That had us all laughing again. After giving my baby girl a kiss that had her giggling, I grabbed the box I'd brought up to Esme's room with us. Edward and I had started planning for Christmas right after Thanksgiving, wanting to have everything planned well in advance to make life easier on ourselves. Last minute decisions were not a feasible option with three babies—or so we'd learned quickly.

While I pulled the lid off the box, Esme giggled beside me and took out the Santa hat she'd crocheted for Thea to wear in the pictures. "They are going to look so adorable," she whispered.

I nodded in agreement and pulled out the little red shirt and pants of the pajama outfit all three babies would wear today for their first Christmas photos and held them up against my chest for everyone to see. The babies would be dressed in these and sitting with little gift boxes and holding baseballs. Cute little outfits for me and baseballs for Daddy. Edward and I were pretty pleased with ourselves for coming up with the plan and finding the outfits together.

"As soon as Edward and I saw these, we loved them and knew these were perfect for the babies. And Esme totally made Thea's hat all on her own," I told them.

"Peaches, really?" Bree asked, lifting his eyebrows almost all the way up to his hairline.

"Bella, I know you sometimes forget there is an entire industry devoted to covering people in the most stylish way possible, but really!" Alice added. She had her hands on her hip and her lower lip jutting out so far I was seriously considering seeing if it would hold one of the baby's pacifiers like a shelf.

Before I could say anything, Rose stepped in and defended me. "If this is what Bella and Edward picked for the babies to wear, then that's what they picked. They're not even a year old yet for jeebus sake. Let them at least get into double digits before smothering them with fashion do's and don'ts."

"Personally, I think the outfits are just darling," Esme announced.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Mom, you're just saying that because you crocheted the hat they're going to have Thea wear."

"Listen here, Munchkin," I warned, shaking a finger at her. "Our babies, our rules. If you don't like that, buy a doll to dress-up or get Jazz to knock you up. Either way, the kids are wearing these totally cute Christmas pajamas for their pictures. If you don't like that, then you don't have to get a copy of the pictures."

"Down, girl," Rose said as she placed her hands on my shoulders.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to find that calm place that resided inside of me even though it tried its damndest to hide whenever I felt stressed. This was just such a big deal and Edward and I had been looking forward to it for weeks and for some stupid reason it always bothered the crap out of me when Alice hated the outfits I'd picked for the babies and I'd hardly slept last night because I was so excited and it had been almost two weeks since I'd had any time alone with Edward and—

"Open." I followed Bree's instructions and when my eyelids lifted I found him holding my daughter out to me. "Take this, take a deep breath, and then relax the cheeks, Peaches. And you know I'm not talking about the ones on your face."

Thea was more than happy to have me holding her; Bree had decided she was never too young to start enjoying women only time with us and although I'd thought it was silly before, I was glad to have my little girl with us now. The only thing in the world that centered me more than my babies was my husband.

"There we go, Peaches," he said with a big shit-eating grin on his face. "You listen to Doctor Bree and the world won't seem like such a scary place."

I snorted at that and then kissed his cheek in thanks.

"Bells, I really wasn't trying to take over," Alice said as I sat down next to her on Esme's bed.

"I know. I'm just … I'm stressed out and tired and for some insane reason I care what you think about their outfits and … I'm sorry, Ali girl."

"Nope! This one is totally on me. What I would dress a kid in is irrelevant because I'm not the one with the baby. And the pajamas really are cute. And they look comfy too. Babies need comfort more than style."

I smiled at her as I helped Thea stand on my legs. "It's killing you inside to say that, isn't it?"

"Jeebus, yes," she said with a sigh. And then she gave me a big, bright smile. "But totally worth it for you, Bells."

"Give your auntie a kiss," I cooed as I leaned Thea toward Alice. She giggled and then gave her aunt a big slobbery baby kiss on the cheek.

"Gross," Alice squealed, making Thea laugh even harder.

Before I could launch a full-on slobber kiss attack against Alice, there was a knock on the door followed by it opening and revealing Edward. "Bella, it's getting late. We should start getting the kids ready to go or we'll miss that appointment at the photo place in the mall."

"Ladies, that's our cue to depart," I said as I stood with Thea in my arms. "As always, lovely to chat with you all about dominating the male species but now I must go dress my babies."

"And for those planning to come with us to the mall, we're leaving in twenty minutes with or without you," Edward added.

We actually left thirty minutes later but only because Emmett misplaced Tony's brontosaur and the kid was already attached to the toy and … well if you've never been through the experience of a little one without their favorite item, there just are not words enough in the English language to explain how devastatingly heartbreaking it is for both child and parent. Luckily though, we'd gone to the mall in Seattle so there had been plenty of time for his little red eyes to dry and clear up—and mine too.

"Listen up, family," I said, standing by the open car door while Edward and Lance worked on setting up the stroller we'd gotten last Christmas. "The babies go in the stroller. The babies do not come out of the stroller. The reason for this is that if the baby comes out, the baby is not going to want to go back in and I can promise you that while they feel light to start with, those twenty pounds they're packing get heavy after awhile and they are not going to want to be put down just because you're suddenly tired. So for the sake of your arms and my babies, please leave them seated at all times."

"She knows what she's talking about," Jacob said, backing me up. He'd made the mistake of taking Toby out at the grocery store a couple weeks ago and the madness that had ensued had included a scratched neck, a bitten finger, and a whole lotta tears—not all of the tears were from the baby either.

Emmett huffed and smirked. "I could carry a kid in each arm for hours and not even break a sweat."

"Bells, let him try. Please let him try," Jasper begged. "We can bet him and when he loses we can have a nice chunk of change to split and your half can go in the kids' college funds."

It was Edward who answered Jasper. "While the idea of Emmett sobbing from the cramps that will most definitely be in his arms is incredibly appealing, I'm gonna have to say 'no'. We want everyone to have a good time today so the tadpoles are staying in the stroller."

"And here is the first one," I said as I handed Tony to Edward. Our little boy got a big kiss to the cheek from Daddy that made him giggle and then he was strapped into the stroller.

Once we had Thea and Toby in and the diaper bags piled into the back cargo area, we headed toward the mall entrance. We looked like a tour group with so many of us—Jacob, Alice and Jasper, Bree and Lance, Emmett and Rosalie, and Karen and her niece Melody. Jacob's girlfriend hadn't been able to get out of work to join us today but she would be with us tomorrow for lunch on Christmas Day.

"So, Eds, we have to talk about the severe lack of photos in my inbox," Karen said as she came up beside Edward and me.

"What are you talking about? I send you a new picture once a week."

"Yeah, I know. I need them _daily_."

His head swiveled in my direction and those green eyes burrowed right through me, making my mouth run off without my brain's consent and blurt out "sorry". He flashed me his cocky smile and then turned his attention back to Karen.

"Nice try. What'd she bribe you with?" he asked her.

"Oh, you know. A little of this, a little of that." Karen looked over at me and completely lost it, giggling so much she nearly tripped over her own feet.

I shook my head at her goofy behavior. "Karen, I love you, but you are so the worst accomplice ever. And that's saying a lot when you consider my best friend was born without a whisper setting."

Alice nodded in agreement. "It's true."

Karen was still giggling a little as she looped her arm around Edward's and smiled up at him. "Come on, Eds. You know you love me."

"Yeah, well, that was before you decided to join rank with my devious wife."

"Hey, she brought it up to me," I defended. "And for your information, Mr. Cullen, it didn't even include a bribe because she loves getting pictures of the babies so much."

Bree's head popped up in between Edward and me. "If we're taking turns walking on the arm of the DILF, I get nexties."

I put my hand over his face and pushed his head away. "Lance, control your other half."

Lance happily obliged, locking his arms around Bree's waist and pulling him back into his chest. I couldn't hear what he whispered into my friend's ear, but it damn sure had Bree smiling and staying right there at Lance's side. The sight of them together gave me that overflowing feeling in my heart and had my eyes stinging; Bree'd confessed just this morning that they'd recently started to say they loved each other.

Always quick to pick up on my moods, Edward tugged me against his side and asked if I was okay. I gave him a big smile and a completely honest answer, "Better than I've ever been. I love you."

"You better because you're stuck with me," he teased. He gave me a quick kiss since he needed to watch where he was pushing the stroller monstrosity that held our little angels, but he kept me at his side and did that thing where his thumb rubbed circles on my hip. It didn't take away my tiredness or all of my stress, but it did keep me focused on the right then and there with him and our family.

Even with our late start, we managed to get to the studio on time for our appointment and with so many extra hands, we got the babies out of their winter gear quickly. Alice ran a brush through Thea's hair for me while I just used my fingers on the blond wisps that covered my boys' beautiful heads. With all three looking presentable and perfect for their pictures, Edward, Alice, and I carried them over and set them down where the photographer directed.

Their initial reaction to Mommy, Daddy, and Aunt Ali stepping away from them was immediate whimpers and pouty lips that had us scrambling back over to keep the big, fat baby tears from rolling down their little cheeks. This time, we backed off one at a time, leaving Edward there last and showing the baseballs to the kids. Thea was only interesting in the top from Toby's box. Toby only wanted to look at the baseball he was holding and refused to look up for the camera no matter how many times we called his name and pleaded with him to look over at us. Tony wanted to play with Daddy and ended up launching the baseball toward Edward—with a pretty damn accurate aim in my opinion. We ended up selecting the picture where Tony's ball was still in flight and he had this really pleased look on his face, like he knew he'd just made his daddy the proudest man on the planet in that moment.

"Did you see my boy's arm?" Edward asked proudly as he carried Tony over to the guys.

"Dude, you totally should have seen your face," Emmett said as he clapped him on the shoulder. "You looked ready to climax and shit at the same time."

While all the adults were standing there in stunned silence that Emmett had completely forgotten to watch his mouth for the umpteenth time, little Melody chastised the big guy. "You're not supposed to say those kinds of words," she said, looking up at him and shaking a finger at him as if he was just a really tall kid. "Your mom is going to wash your mouth out with soap and it's not going to taste good at all," she promised him.

"Yeah, what she said," Edward finally managed as he turned away with Tony cradled against his chest, looking like he was protecting our son from something a lot more dangerous than his idiot brother's mouth.

"Sorry. I forgot," Emmett apologized. "It's still hard to remember since I don't get to see them that often."

I gave my son and my husband each a kiss on the cheek and then whispered into Edward's ear. "A little harsh, don't you think? I mean, it is the first time he's slipped in the three days he's been home."

"But he's had like fifty almost-slips in that time."

"True. But he's got a point. He's not around the babies all the time. He doesn't have to watch what he says every minute of every day like you and I do. Or a couple days a week like Ali and Jazz and Jake."

"That is true," he agreed. But from the way he was still keeping Tony against his chest and sweetly kissing our son's head, I knew Edward was still bothered. So I pulled out the big guns …

"Your son threw a baseball to you. Directly to you, Babe. You have a future baseball player on your hands."

Now Edward was all smiles. "Can I get him a little glove? Please? I know we agreed it was silly since they're still so little but he threw that ball so perfect. And overhand too, Bella. He already knows to throw over and not under."

His smile mixed with his excitement had me agreeing even though I still felt it was silly. "Yeah, sure. We'll pick one up while we're here in the mall."

"Do you think we should get them for Toby and Thea too?"

"Nah. Neither of them seemed interested. Toby held the ball but it was more like he was trying to figure out if it opened up to show him something else. And Thea just wanted to play with the box top."

"Yeah, that's true." Edward lifted Tony up so that they were looking right at each other. "We're getting you your first glove, big guy. How cool is that?"

I chuckled at my husband while taking our son from him. "Go on and get the glove. I know you're dying to buy it already."

His smile doubled in size and he dipped his head to peck me on the lips. "You are so the best wife ever."

"Get out of here, Cheesy. Go get your son's glove. And take your brother and let him know his slipup isn't the end of the world."

Edward mumbled "thanks" against my lips before sweetly kissing me. When he pulled back, he had that lighting-up-buildings smile I adored on his face. Before I could even begin to tease him about his excitement level and how it mimicked his sister's behavior, he had his arm around Emmett's shoulders and was towing him out of the studio. He stopped just long enough to invite the other guys along and then he was gone, along with Jasper and Jake. Lance wasn't really into sports so he stayed with the ladies and babies.

"Where are they off to? And why does my brother look like he's the cat that swallowed the canary?" Alice asked as she helped Rosalie to get Toby redressed.

"Edward really wanted to get Tony a baseball glove so even though I think it's a silly thing to buy for a ten-month-old baby, I told him to go ahead and get it," I explained. "Karen, would you help me with this little guy?" I asked since Bree was busy getting Thea redressed with Lance's help.

"I'll help too," Melody said as she skipped over to me with Tony's brontosaur in her hands. As soon as his little eyes landed on the toy, he had his hands opening and closing for it. She giggled as she gave it to him. "He really likes this dinosaur, huh?"

"Yeah, he got from his uncle."

"Which one?"

"The big one who's gonna get his mouth washed out with soap."

She covered her mouth with her hands and giggled behind them.

"You know, you just made Edward really happy by agreeing to let him get that glove," Karen said as she knelt in front of me and started to wiggle the sock onto Tony's foot. "I know it really is a silly thing for a baby, but sometimes the silly things make someone else so happy that it stops being silly."

"Sometimes it seems crazy to want so much to see him smile but then I think of how many times he's used that as the reason for the things he does for me and the babies and it's not so crazy anymore," I confided.

She smiled knowingly and nodded in agreement.

A half hour later, we were reunited with our guys and had three very hungry babies on our hands. We decided it would be easier to just grab lunch at the food court since we could get instant meals and push enough tables together to have us all at the same table. Since the guys all knew what they wanted and most of us ladies didn't, we left them with the babies and went to get food for everyone.

By the time we got back to the table, the babies had been freed from the strollers and were heartily enjoying their lunch of sweet potatoes and peas, with pears for desert. Edward had Tony laughing as much as eating since he was pretending to give the brontosaur clutched in our little boy's hands a bite of peas before actually giving them to our son. Jasper had folded his leg up with his right ankle resting on his left knee and had Thea nestled there while he fed her. He was talking so low I couldn't hear what he was saying but it must have been something really good because my little girl's brown eyes never moved from her uncle's face. As much fun as those two were having, Toby was most definitely having more. He was sitting on Uncle Lance's lap while Uncle Jacob made "vroom-vroom" car noises and had the spoon full of food zigzagging its way to my little boy's happy mouth. Each time the spoon made it in and Toby swallowed, he clapped and looked up at Lance and then Jacob, like he was saying "yeah, we did it" to them.

"Cuteness overload?" Bree asked as he nudged my shoulder with his and reminded me that I needed to actually set my tray down and sit down.

Since it looked like they were all engrossed in their activities and wouldn't notice me, I slipped my camera out of my pocket and started snapping pictures of the "cuteness overload". It wasn't until I got to Toby that anyone noticed and it was Jacob of all people.

"Bells, if you don't put that camera away and leave my tadpoles to eat lunch in peace," he warned.

"Dude, when you see the pictures, you will totally appreciate my efforts."

"Dude," he mocked, lifting his head and staring hard at me. "Don't make me get Edward involved."

"Why you little traitor," I huffed. "You would really sell me out like that?"

"For the tadpoles? Hells yes."

I could only nod in agreement with that since it was exactly how I wanted him to feel—protective of my babies. I put my camera away and then sat my butt down in my seat and ate my own lunch.

Once every adult and baby had eaten their fill, we packed up the stroller and headed to our last mall task of the day—pictures with Santa. Now, I had been doing some research on this particular tradition since I only vaguely remembered going to see Santa as a kid. There were pictures but I didn't appear too pleased with the situation in any of them. And after comparing pictures of Edward, Alice, and Emmett with my own, it didn't really seem like any kid under the age of three enjoyed sitting on Santa's lap. Edward tried his best to soothe my worries over this particular tradition but we both knew how much I hated for anything to make my babies cry so he barely even put a dent in that particular worry bin.

Standing there in the long line and watching kid after kid sit on Santa's lap and start to bawl was not helping matters. I was starting to get that twitchy, jittery feeling, like I'd had way too much coffee and had gotten trapped in an elevator with only my mind to entertain me for the countless hours it would take the fireman to come and rescue me—cue fantasy of Edward as a hot ass fireman. But even that drool-worthy image in my head did nothing to quell the panic rising up in me and I was suddenly turning and going back the way I'd come with Thea held protectively against my body.

"Hang on there, Cullen," Edward said, laughing under his breath as he used the belt loops on the back of my jeans to haul me back beside him.

"I can't do this," I told him, switching my weight from foot to foot in an effort to stand there and talk to him instead of hauling ass and running away.

"You can," he said simply. "Remember, this is all part of the full-on Christmas experience."

"What if they cry?" I asked, trying not to do that very thing myself while kissing the top of my little girl's head.

He shrugged. "What if they laugh?"

"What if they don't?"

Edward pulled me over and held my head to his shoulder. "Do you need to call my mom? Would hearing from another protective mother calm your panic? I've got her on speed-dial. Just one button and she'll be telling you how it's okay for you to worry but not for you to let that worry deprive the kids of experiencing things."

"I'm being a freak, aren't I?"

"No. You're being a new mom in a new situation."

"Okay. We'll do this. But I'm warning you now, if they cry, I'm gonna cry."

I could feel the smile on his lips when he pressed them against my forehead. "I've got a nice comfy sweater to soak up all the tears."

"You're perfect."

"So are you."

"Less than you."

"Even."

"Liar."

"I love you, Bella."

I closed my eyes and let those words settle over me and calm me for a moment before repeating them right back, meaning them just as much.

And then it was Edward's turn up with Tony and my little boy wasn't scared a bit, even letting Daddy hold his prized brontosaur while he sat on Santa's lap. He stared up at the man in the suit for a few seconds, decided he was cool with him, and then proceeded to giggle and tug on Santa's long white beard, making everyone in our group crack up laughing and I felt silly for being worried.

And then I was bringing Thea over and something about the way Santa held his hands out to her freaked her out and she started doing that thing where she was a mountain climber and I was the mountain and I wanted to haul ass and get her away from what frightened her. But then I remembered our book and how we were supposed to make it okay for them so that they would get past the fear and all I wanted was to be a good mom. So I held her close and told her how Santa was a really nice guy and then I offered to take the picture with her and I felt like a total spazz sitting on Santa's knee at my age but it was for the little girl in my arms who was now smiling and waving to her Daddy who was right behind the elf manning the camera.

A flash pop later and we were standing with Edward and Tony, watching Jasper bring Toby over to Santa. Toby cocked his little head to the side, gave Santa the once over and then looked up at Jasper and I swear the kid gave a nod. Jasper set my boy on Santa's lap and stepped away slowly, just in case of kid meltdown. Toby was absolutely fine though. Santa asked him what he wanted for Christmas and it was like my boy knew to think Santa was nuts for expecting an answer because he gave him that lopsided grin that made him look just like Edward and the elf captured the whole thing on film for all-time.

"So if you had to rate that by scariest moments in your life, what would you give it on a scale of one to ten?" Edward asked as we put the kids into the stroller.

"That? That was barely even a one," I joked, grinning because I knew he knew better.

Once we had the kids strapped in and the adults and Melody were busy cooing and telling the babies how great they did with Santa, Edward pulled me to the side and into his arms. "Seriously, are you feeling better?"

"I'm feeling equal parts better and stupid," I admitted. "I know why I got freaked out but now it seems like the stupidest thing ever."

"There's nothing stupid about wanting to protect them, Bella. I want that too. It would have hurt me just as much if they'd all cried and hated it. But we can't ever let our fears for them stop us from letting them try new things."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I feel like I should write this down. Because I'm not so sure you're going to be spouting this not holding them back business when Thea is old enough to date."

His cocky grin made an appearance as he leaned in closer, resting his forehead against mine. "Good thing I've got thirty years before that's a possibility, huh?"

"Jeebus, you are awful and amazing and I love you so much I don't remember anymore what it's like to not love you."

"Runaway mouth or you meant to do that?" he asked.

I smiled as I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him as close to me as he could get. "Totally meant it, Babe," I promised him. And then I kissed him, backing my words up with a little passionate action.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV**

My deep sleep abruptly ended and I rolled over, already knowing I would find Bella's side of the bed empty. It was also cold to my touch so she'd been out of it for a while already. I hoped she was just up with one of the kids and not up worrying. She was working so hard to be a good mom and to make the babies' first Christmas special that she'd started to stress out over all of it and I hadn't really been able to help her. First it was work getting in the way and then family started arriving home and then the babies went completely off their schedule.

None of those were really good enough excuses for me, though. I knew Bella would tell me right away I was being silly and not to feel bad about it, but it was just impossible for me to accept her being unhappy for any reason. Lying here certainly wasn't going to change anything so I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and then went in search of my missing wife.

I found her sleeping in the dimly lit living room, lying sideways in an armchair pulled right up to the window. She'd obviously been watching the snow fall with the little angel fast asleep on her chest with his mother's arms holding him protectively. I checked the part of his hair and then smiled as I leaned in and kissed Toby's temple.

Instead of lifting our son off of her and waking her up to get them both in their beds, I sat down right in front of them and just watched them. While Thea looked like Bella, it was Toby who shared the most in common with her. All I could really see of myself in him was his love of cars. When I compared him to Bella, I could see they both stood back and watched before participating in something new. They had a sense of adventure but it was also tempered with a healthy dose of caution. They both loved music and could just sit and listen for hours, perfectly content. He wasn't even a year old and he had three favorite songs already. The first was a kiddy classic, _Baby__Beluga_; he especially loved it if she sang it to him. The second and third were both Bella's favorite songs as well: _You__and__Me_ by Lifehouse and _All__My__Life_ by Foo Fighters. The first song never failed to get him down when he was fussy and the second always left them breathless from their dancing and giggling. Watching her hop around the room with our son wrapped so tight and secure in her arms … it always left me breathless, marveling at how lucky I was to have them both.

Toby also got anxious like Bella, the sled from yesterday being a perfect example. But he was also braver than he realized, just like his mother. Once he actually took a minute to stop and breathe, he figured out pretty quickly that whatever had bothered him wasn't that bad. And curious like her! I'd lost count of how many times I'd watched him inspect something, turning it over and over in his hands to make sure he had it all figured out. Where he differed from Bella was in that he was never afraid to let you know what he was feeling. If something scared him, you knew. If something made him happy, you knew that too. Just like you knew he trusted you to make it better. Just like I knew that part of his personality was the only thing that made the similarities bearable for Bella because she was always worried about our babies having an easier time growing up than she did.

Now Thea … I chuckled softly, making sure I wouldn't wake my sleeping wife and son while I laughed at the thought of my daughter and her vibrant personality. She had her Grandma Esme in her, through and through. She had that power to tell you everything on her little mind with just a look. And she had a smile that made any day better, no matter what had gone wrong. She loved to love, to be cuddled up in someone's arms and just enjoy the bliss of being with them.

The only times I saw Bella in Thea where those times where she was being mischievous, like pulling on Rosalie's hair or purposefully squirming around to keep you from dressing her while she giggled as if it was the funniest thing ever. More often than not, it _was_ the funniest thing and you found yourself laughing right along with her. As for seeing myself in my daughter, that came whenever she saw a book in your hand. Being read to her was her all-time favorite activity and she was always the last to fall asleep during reading time.

Tony was a good mix of Bella and me. He had my love of sports and her sense of humor and our love of family. He was sentimental like we both were, case in point that silly dinosaur from Emmett that he could not leave home without this morning. Then again, that might have been more of the stubborn streak he had in common with his parents than his sentimentality.

Tony was also the protector of the trio—Bella liked to say that side of him came from Charlie because of how protective her father had always been of her. If anyone was upsetting his sister or brother, Tony was quick to let you know that behavior wasn't going to fly with him. Earlier tonight, Emmett had annoyed Toby by taking his monkey slipper off his foot so Tony had picked up his mini basketball and tossed it right at Emmett. He had good aim too because the ball hit Emmett square in the shoulder. I knew I was supposed to tell my son not to hit but watching my brother apologize to two babies had been such a treat that I let it slip.

Bella groaned and her eyes fluttered open. She looked down at the sleeping baby on her chest and the smile that filled her face was nothing short of breathtaking.

"So what has you two in here all by yourselves?" I whispered as I reached over and put my hand on her arm.

She turned her eyes and smile my way. "What are you doing sitting there?"

"Watching my wife and my son sleep and thinking of how much I love my family. Your turn."

Her focus went back to the baby in her arms and she slowly ran her hand along his blanket-covered back. "I could hear him tossing and turning so I thought watching the snow fall with me would soothe him."

"Looks like you were right, Mommy. He looks pretty peaceful to me right now. I bet he'll even stay that way once he's in his own bed."

She grinned at me and I knew what was coming before she said it. "Five more minutes."

"We have to be up in less than five hours for their very first Christmas. You sure you really want the five minutes here and not when the alarm goes off?"

She looked down at our son again and her smile widened. "I'm sure."

I put my hand over hers on his back and felt her wedding ring pressing into my palm. Even though we'd already had our first anniversary as a married couple and our second Halloween anniversary, it still didn't seem completely real that this was our life. It wasn't perfect and it damn sure wasn't easy but we always knew where we stood with each other too—it was all worth it because we loved each other.

Bella sighed and I knew from the heaviness of it that it was something weighing on her and not just tiredness. "Wanna talk about what's bothering you?" I asked while rubbing my thumb against the back of her hand.

"I don't really know how to put it into words and you know how much that frustrates me."

"I do. Just like you know I'll listen to whatever words you do have and try my best to understand."

"It's just … How do you know? How do you ever know you're doing the right things as a parent and not screwing them up? And how do you stop yourself from analyzing everything you say and do or don't say or don't do? But if you don't analyze every little bit, how are you going to know if you're doing it right? With you I can tell because when I'm doing things right everything between us easy and effortless no matter how the rest of our life is going. Plus you can tell me if something is bothering you. But they can't talk and nothing is easy because they're so little and need so much and I don't mind giving them everything I have at all. I just have this need to know that it's enough, that it's right and good for them."

"Let's look at it from a checklist view. Are the babies healthy?"

"Yep. Perfect weight, perfect height, and right where they should be developmentally."

"Are the babies fed and clothed properly?"

"Well Alice would probably disagree on the clothing part but I know they get healthy meals and snacks every single day because I make them myself."

"Are they loved?"

She snorted. "Nope. Not at all. No aunts and uncles vying to hold them and kiss them or begging to babysit them."

"So I guess that means you saw Emmett, Jasper, and Bree doing rock-paper-scissors over reading to Thea?"

"Oh, hells yes. _And_ I saw their faces when they turned around and found that Esme had already swooped in and scooped up her granddaughter. Jeebus, I love her."

"So if you look at your checklist and all the things you marked as a 'yes', do you think we're doing right by our babies?"

She didn't take long to think about it before answering. "Yeah, we really are."

I got to my feet and then very carefully lifted Toby off of Bella. Once I had him resting against my shoulder and was sure he wasn't going to wake, I held my hand out to help Bella up. "Come on, Angel. Let's all go to bed."

She held tightly to my hand until we were right next to Toby's crib. He started squirming as soon as his back touched the mattress but after Bella hummed a few bars of _You__and__Me_ to him, he relaxed and stayed asleep.

Snuggled up in our bed with my arms wrapped tight around her, I felt like we were both finally relaxed and content together. But I needed to be absolutely sure she was completely over her worries so I whispered into her ear, "You're a wonderful mom, Bella. I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true."

She let out a little happy sigh. "Thank you. I really needed to hear that."

"Anything for you, Angel. Always." I kissed the wings on her neck and then tucked her head under my chin, determined to hold her close and tight until it was time to get up and spend Christmas with our big, loud, loving family.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV**

"Thea Elizabeth, you come back here," Alice ordered as my daughter continued to crawl away from her. My sister turned her head my way and stuck her lower lip out in a pout. "Edward, how am I going to show her all of her new clothes if she keeps crawling away?"

"You wait until she enjoys clothes," I told her, watching to see where Thea was going. She went over to her Uncle Jasper and used the sleeve of his sweater to pull herself up to stand beside him. He was helping my dad, Jake, and Lance put together the bouncy zebra ride-on things that Bree and Lance had given the babies. From the way she was standing there watching, I was pretty sure she was telling them she had first dibs on taking a ride.

"So what do you think, Bells?" Charlie asked. I looked up to find my wife trying her damndest not to laugh out loud at her dad and the gifts he'd bought the babies. It was really sweet of him and we loved that he was looking forward to future activities with the babies, but buying them fishing poles and tackle boxes when they weren't even a year old yet seemed silly. Then again, I was the one who couldn't wait to get Tony a baseball glove yesterday.

"They're perfect, Charlie," I told him. "The kids are going to love using those with you."

Charlie had a proud smile on his face as he turned the poles toward me. "I figured the boys would like these since they have those cars with faces on them and of course a princess for Thea."

"Of course," Bella said, just barely managing not to laugh. "It's really great, Dad. In fact, I'm going to go put these in a really special place so they're safe until the kids are old enough to use them."

She gathered up the poles and matching tackle boxes and headed toward our bedroom in the den.

"Eds! Paging Eds!" Karen called out, almost running toward me with Tony held out at arms length. From her panicked expression and his self-satisfied one, I knew exactly what she wanted.

"No way," I told her, crossing my arms and sticking my hands under them. "You begged to let him have the bacon bites for breakfast so you get to change the diaper."

"Come on, Eds. Take pity on your best friend."

I chuckled and shook my head. "You fed him, you change him."

Karen looked for a moment like I'd just told her to shoot herself and then she started smiling and walking away from me. "Bella! Help!"

"Think Bella will help her out?" Emmett asked as he sat down beside me on the couch.

I shrugged. "There's no predicting with Bella."

"You know, Ed, I might have to get around to marrying Rosie and having me one of those," he said, nodding toward Rosalie. She was standing near the tree with Toby in her arms, the two of them oohing and aahing over the decorations.

"You could always just move home and spend more time with my three," I suggested.

"We've been talking about it but it's just not the responsible thing to do right now. We've got a lot invested in Boston and my law school so until I finish that, we really should stay put."

"Then that's exactly what you need to do, Em. Your family with Rose comes before your family with us. You can't make everyone happy all the time, but you definitely have to make her as happy as possible as much as possible."

"It used to seem really hard to do that but now … I don't know, it's like I finally figured her out. I finally get what she's saying."

I gave his shoulder a playful punch as I said, "It's because you finally started listening, you goof."

He grinned. "Yeah, that too."

"Ooh wee, Daddy. Look at your girl go on her horsy." Jasper was laughing as he knelt right behind Thea with his arms out on either side in case she slipped off the toy.

"Bree, she loves it," Lance said, sounding and looking proud as he watched Thea bounce and giggle.

"Duh, her aunt picked it out," Bree retorted. His face was mostly hidden behind the camera he was using but you could definitely see his smile around the edges. "Thea, sweetie, look over here at Aunt Bree."

Thea either didn't hear or didn't care—she was busy riding that zebra.

"What do you think, Esme? Future cowgirl?" my dad asked my mom, making her laugh.

"Oh, we should get her a little pink cowgirl hat," Alice squealed.

"They don't need props for every toy they get," Rosalie said as she brought Toby over. She turned him around and held him out to me but just before I got my hands on him, she pulled him back and said "mine". I watched my little boy giggle in her arms and figured Bella had told his aunt about this game and how much Toby loved it.

"Dadda," he called, holding his arms out to me and opening and closing his hands.

Rosalie brought him close once more and pulled him away again. "Mine."

Toby's little giggles were so contagious that Emmett was guffawing next to me and shaking the loveseat. Toby tried to get "Dadda" out again but he was laughing too hard this time.

After two more times of "mine" and "Dadda", Rose handed me my breathless, red-faced son. I started rubbing his back to calm him as I whispered into his ear, "You are so much like your mom when you laugh, big guy."

"Damn, Ed, he's a mess. Looks just like Bella after she's had too much caffeine and lost it over something silly."

"I don't see the resemblance at all," I teased, turning my head to see the woman who had just put her arms around my neck.

"Cute, Cullen," she said, smiling as she kissed my cheek.

"So who changed Tony? You or Karen?"

"Team effort, Babe. She's left Team Edward for Team Cullen."

"You are so ridiculous with that."

"Hush it. _Eds_."

I pretended to be annoyed with her. "You're gonna pay for that later."

Her lips curled into her evil smile and came close enough to mine for a kiss. "Make me."

Instead of giving me a kiss, she gave it to Toby and then took him over to see what had his sister and brother giggling. Everyone except for Emmett and me were now crowded around the zebras with at least half of them taking pictures. They all knew about Bella's limit on picture taking so they'd all brought their own cameras to take more for her. It was just a little thing but it meant the world to Bella—and to me.

"Hey, Edward?"

"Yeah, Emmett?"

"You're a really lucky bastard, you know that?"

I knew the smile that Bella called cocky was on my face when I replied to my brother. "Hells yes."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Edward's POV**

"So how long is an appropriate waiting period before playing the video of Emmett and Tony?"

I snorted at Bella's question while fixing the blanket over our legs. Everyone else had gone to bed so we were sharing the chair next to the fireplace. "I'm not sure," I said as I took the mug of cocoa she offered me.

"I'm thinking a week tops. Having it up on the big screen for New Years seems like perfect timing."

"Really? You only want to give him a week to get over his traumatic experience?"

"Considering we both warned him and he still kept on, no. I feel no pity for the big guy."

My brother had decided to play airplane with the kids. Bella and I had both warned him it was a bad idea since they'd only finished eating about fifteen minutes earlier. But Emmett was positive he knew what he was doing so we stood back and watched him lie on his back and reach for Tony first. He lifted and lowered our son and turned him side to side. The whole time he spoke as if he was an air traffic controller talking down a plane while my son went from just giggling to that silent laugh that made his face redden.

It hadn't taken long at all for it to happen and my brother's timing couldn't have been worse. Just as Tony's face had gone from red to white, Emmett had brought him up directly over his head. Tony had barfed right onto his uncle's forehead and all through his hair.

"I bet Emmett's going to be saying he can still smell the throw-up in his hair tomorrow morning," Bella said, giggling a little as she poked at a marshmallow floating in her cup.

"Probably. At least he was smart enough to stay still until I took Tony away from him."

"I'm pretty sure it had nothing to do with being smart and everything to do with being shocked that you and I were right."

"Good point."

"So what did you say to him? I figure you two talked while I was upstairs with the girls giving the kids a bath."

"He was gone the entire time you were. I heard him telling Jazz that he took five showers."

"I bet it's six now," she said with a snort. "I heard him telling Rosalie he was going to take another shower before bed."

"Was she still laughing at him?"

"No, she had the laughter under control. But she was still smiling."

"Like you this morning when you saw those fishing poles."

"I never would have thought I would call my dad silly and sweet but he really is when it comes to the babies."

"I'm not sure what to call my parents with that giant sandbox they got the kids. Plus all the toys for playing in the sand."

"How about 'young at heart'? I can so see them getting into the sandbox to play with the kids."

"Maybe even while you and I are away for the day, just the two of us," I mentioned, watching Bella's face closely for her reaction. While I was used to being away from the babies for work Bella had never been away from them for more than an hour at a time. I completely understood her reasons and I rarely left their sides on the weekend, but I also wanted to start planning more alone time for the two of us. With three little tadpoles, we no longer had the luxury of being spontaneous with our time alone.

"Could we go to Pike's Market? We haven't been there together yet and the market is one of my favorite places in Seattle. Oh and we definitely have to go to Empire Espresso. They have this waffle that comes with raspberry jam and powdered sugar and it totally melts in your mouth."

She was much more excited about the idea than I'd expected and it made me wonder if she'd heard me right. "Bella, you do know it'll just be you and me? No tadpoles?"

She leaned across me to put her empty cup on the table. "I never would have suggested Empire otherwise, Babe. It's not a place you bring babies."

I set my own cup down and then took her hair into my hands, getting the thick locks off of her shoulders. "I just wanted to make sure. I was hoping you would like the idea but I wasn't sure."

"If it was a couple months ago, I probably wouldn't have liked it. The kids were just starting to crawl and they were so miserable with their teething that I would have felt guilty leaving them. But they're past that now. That's not to say I want to leave them every weekend or anything."

"I don't want to leave them that often either. I just want to have you all to myself every so often."

"All Cullen all the time?" she joked, showing off her evil grin.

I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and pulled her close so I could give her a soft, teasing kiss. "I just want to be able to take my time," I told her, knowing she would understand the full meaning of my words.

Her groan proved me right and she let her head drop to my chest. "Edward, you know I hate it when you say things like that and can't act on them."

"Who says I can't?"

She groaned again, shaking her head and rubbing it against my sweater. "The three babies sleeping in our room."

"Our room? I think you mean the room Alice and Jasper are borrowing for the night."

Bella's head quickly lifted and her brown eyes studied me closely. "They're in the den with the babies?"

"Yep."

"And they're spending the night in there?"

"Yep." I pulled my lips up into the smile she called cocky.

"So … Where are we sleeping?"

"We are staying in my room on the third floor."

"You said staying instead of sleeping? You promise we won't get upstairs just for you to say we're up there to catch up on sleep?"

I leaned in and brushed my lips against hers, refusing to turn it into a kiss no matter how she tilted her head. I waited for her to give a frustrated groan before smiling and answering her. "You might get some sleep at some point but I promise you aren't going to be saying you're rested in the morning."

"Not to sound—Screw it! I am greedy and needy. What are we waiting for?"

I couldn't help laughing at her blunt honesty and I kissed the lips that said so many unexpected things. "I love you."

"I love you too. And I really want to show you."

After leaning in and kissing that little spot on her neck that always made her shiver, I told her, "Later, Angel. After I've properly, and _very_ slowly, worshipped every inch of you."

"How the hell am I supposed to respond to that?"

"How about … Merry Christmas?"

She smiled as she slipped her arms around my neck. "Merry Christmas, Edward."

"Merry Christmas, Angel."

We shared a long, slow, sweet kiss before breaking apart so we could get out of the chair and head upstairs. We had one last gift to share with each other on this holiday and the best part of this gift was that it was one we could keep on giving each other.

* * *

******We hope you enjoyed it! We've got pictures to go with the chapter up on the Worth the Burn page at the ebarules site.** **Merry Christmas from My-Bella and EternallyAddicted. We hope you all have a wonderful holiday with your loved ones.**


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